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Here we are kiddos,
the Southwest State Fair.
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Yee-haw!
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Whoa.
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Rockin'.
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Oh, hon,
there's a spot.
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Ah, perfect, like a glove.
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Now, who's--
uh-oh.
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Trapped, with no way out.
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Incorrect.
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Huh, good thinking, Lisa.
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I want to get there.
Hurry up.
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- Go, go, go, go.
- Whoa, man.
13
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This is so exciting.
- Can I have a selfie?
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- Sign this for me please.
- Yay!
15
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Wait, is that--
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Can you sign this?
I love you!
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Huh, Rita?
Is that you?
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Brad Plaid!
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Hot diggity, it is you!
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And I thought these glasses
were monkeying with me.
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What's a Michigander
like you doing here?
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I'm actually
writing a column about life
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on the road with a big family.
- No kidding?
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So you became
a writer after all?
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I always knew you would.
- Hey, honey.
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Howdy, sir.
Would you like an autograph?
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Oh.
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This is my husband, Lynn.
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Everyone, this is Brad.
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He and I knew each other from
Camp Can Do when we were kids.
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We were practically
hogtied at the hip.
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In fact, we were
each other's camp crushes,
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if I remember right.
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How adorable.
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So Brad, my man,
what's with the crowd?
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You, like, famous or something?
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Well, I'm somewhat of a...
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♪ Country singer ♪
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all: Ooh.
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I'm on tour cross-country
with my horse.
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They call me
the Crooning Cowboy.
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- That's so cool.
- OK. Great.
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But we better get going.
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Lots to see and do,
just me and my family
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and Rita who is my wife.
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Say, y'all should check out
my show
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after the rodeo tonight.
How do front row seats sound?
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- Yes!
- Oh, wow!
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So cool!
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That is so sweet
of you, Brad.
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Yes.
Yes, so, so sweet.
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Oh, I just remembered.
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We're a sing-along
kind of family at concerts,
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and we don't know
any of your songs.
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Guess we'll have to pass.
Well, thanks anyway.
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Take my
"Greatest Hits" album.
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Y'all will catch up in no time.
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Now, you kids
are gonna love the fair.
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I'll be your personal guide.
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Let's head 'em up
and move 'em out!
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"Rita-'Round the World,"
"All I Need Is Rita,"
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"Rita Likes Pita."
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All his songs
are about Rita.
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Brad is obviously
obsessed with her.
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And it looks like
he's trying to rekindle
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his Camp Can Do flame.
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Well, not on my watch, buster.
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Oh, you think
you're such a big man?
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Well, you're not so big.
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A big Brad Plaid howdy
to y'all.
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Oh, come on!
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- Yeah, whoa!
- So cool!
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Look at those unicorns.
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Eunice has been begging
for a baby brother.
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Well, I'd be happy to.
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Yeah, I got it Bryson.
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Hands are a little sweaty,
just from the heat.
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I'm not nervous
or intimidated in any way.
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- Ow.
- Sorry.
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- We have a winner.
- Whew!
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We'll take the unicorn, please.
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Sorry, sir, but that prize
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is for knocking down
the whole pyramid.
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Allow me, partner.
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Yeah!
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Thanks, Dad.
I mean, Brad.
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Your kids are natural
boot scooters, Rita.
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Bet they learned it from you.
Speaking of, care to dance?
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Sorry,
maybe next song, Brody.
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Are you feeling OK, hon?
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Because you've been
acting a little--
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Charming, debonair?
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Like someone who isn't
crumbling on the inside?
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Old Tootsie's gotcha now!
Hang on.
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Whoa, oh, whoa, whoa, oh!
Ah!
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Whoo-hoo!
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Time for another fling,
chicken wing.
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No, no, no!
Ah!
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- This is so fun.
- Brad's so cool.
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Can I get boots like Brad's?
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Barbecue cookoff.
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Hey, Brent,
what do you say we put
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our grill skills to the test?
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Sounds like fun, partner.
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Uh.
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Excuse me.
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And what do we have here?
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It's my famous pulled
chick-Lynn sandwich
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with a side of Mac Lynn cheese. Enjoy.
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- Mmm.
- Room for seconds?
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Or should I say sec-Lynns?
Wha--huh?
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Mmm, these are delicious.
And what'd you call them?
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Shish ke-Brad.
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He's good.
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How dare he?
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Food-based puns are my thing!
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Can you guys believe this?
Huh? What?
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- Mm-hmm.
- Mmm, mmm.
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Huh?
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Oh, come on!
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Here, Dad.
I got you a clean shirt.
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I--Ugh!
You!
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You may have won
the first three rounds,
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Brad Bleh!
But I'm not out yet.
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You hear me?
- Um, Dad, you feeling OK?
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You're yelling at a t-shirt.
- What? Everything's fine.
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You know, apart from Brad
trying to steal your mom away.
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What?
Dad, you're losing it.
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Brad's not trying to--
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Hoo-wee, do I got
a big surprise for Rita.
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You're gonna love this, Chuck.
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I've got a seat for her
on my private jet.
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After the concert tonight,
I want her to fly away with me.
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Uh, I'm over here, sir.
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I knew that.
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Whoa, you're right.
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Brad's totally trying
to steal Mom away.
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Lincoln,
what am I gonna do?
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Leave it to me.
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Brad's not the only man
with a plan round these parts.
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Nothing to see here.
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Just two rodeo clowns
heading to work.
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Hey!
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Now for phase two.
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I'll sneak into Brad's
dressing room
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and swipe his glasses,
and you'll switch
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Brad's horse
with a wild bull.
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Don't you think he'll notice?
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00:06:47,670 --> 00:06:48,946
You've seen him
without his glasses.
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He can't tell
a person from a cactus.
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Before he can figure it out,
he'll be bucked
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all the way to Timbuktu.
- Nice thinking, son.
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I'll be right there,
just got to grab something
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00:07:01,739 --> 00:07:02,981
out of my dressing room.
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Where did I put
those dang glasses?
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Ladies and gentlemen,
are you ready to welcome
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00:07:08,981 --> 00:07:11,291
the Crooning Cowboy?
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- Phew.
- Hold up a minute.
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00:07:13,739 --> 00:07:16,532
At least I got my ten-gallon.
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Oh, that was close.
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Hey, Stomper, we're just
gonna go for a little walk,
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OK, buddy?
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That's right, Stomper.
Follow me.
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Eeeeh!
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Oh!
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Come on, come on, quickly.
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Nice going, Dad.
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Now, let's go watch Brad
completely beef it.
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Pun intended.
Ha ha!
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Whoa, steady girl.
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Everyone,
put your hands together
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for the Crooning Cowboy
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and his pita-loving
noble steed, Rita!
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Rita is a horse.
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00:08:14,395 --> 00:08:16,429
That means Brad is obsessed
with Rita the horse,
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not Rita the wife.
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What have I done?
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Howdy, folks.
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How about I play
a little song for you?
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♪ Well, she don't eat oats ♪
Whoa!
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Ah!
What's gotten into you?
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00:08:30,981 --> 00:08:33,532
I put Brad in danger.
I've got to save him.
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00:08:33,532 --> 00:08:36,050
- Whoa!
- Brad, listen to me.
184
00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:38,257
You're sitting on a bull!
185
00:08:38,257 --> 00:08:39,877
I'm sitting on a what now?
186
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Ah!
187
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Oof.
188
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,153
- Yeah, Dad! Do it!
- You can do it!
189
00:08:58,981 --> 00:09:01,153
Oh, Brad.
Thanks for breaking my fall.
190
00:09:01,153 --> 00:09:03,291
Lynn, oh, my gosh!
Are you OK?
191
00:09:03,291 --> 00:09:05,498
What is going on?
192
00:09:05,498 --> 00:09:07,084
Oh, sorry, Rita.
193
00:09:07,084 --> 00:09:08,670
I really panicked
when I thought
194
00:09:08,670 --> 00:09:10,119
you were gonna get
on that plane,
195
00:09:10,119 --> 00:09:11,705
but then I realized
you're not a horse.
196
00:09:11,705 --> 00:09:14,532
- Uh, OK.
- Let me rephrase.
197
00:09:14,532 --> 00:09:16,912
I was so afraid that you were
gonna run off with Brad
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00:09:16,912 --> 00:09:19,360
that I--I sabotaged the show.
199
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,946
Honey, there is nothing
between me and Brad.
200
00:09:22,946 --> 00:09:25,981
Why would you think that?
- I know that now.
201
00:09:25,981 --> 00:09:28,291
But it is weird that he named
his horse after you.
202
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:29,808
No, I didn't.
203
00:09:29,808 --> 00:09:31,395
I named her
after my Granny, Margarita.
204
00:09:31,395 --> 00:09:33,946
Why, she'd eat an apple
right out your hand.
205
00:09:33,946 --> 00:09:36,739
Granny, not the horse.
206
00:09:36,739 --> 00:09:38,981
I'm sorry, honey.
And I'm sorry, Brian--
207
00:09:38,981 --> 00:09:41,084
Brad.
- Oh, there you are.
208
00:09:41,084 --> 00:09:43,015
I might have gotten
a teensy bit carried away.
209
00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:45,739
I'm sorry too.
Here, these are yours.
210
00:09:45,739 --> 00:09:47,498
No harm done, partner.
211
00:09:47,498 --> 00:09:50,395
If nothing else, you helped me
put on one wild show.
212
00:09:50,395 --> 00:09:53,291
And boy, you gotta teach me
your cowbell technique.
213
00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:55,464
That's the one thing
I could never master.
214
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:57,636
Well, you know,
it is an art form.
215
00:09:57,636 --> 00:10:00,188
Say, I still gotta
finish the show
216
00:10:00,188 --> 00:10:04,188
before Rita, the horse Rita,
and I jet off on my plane.
217
00:10:04,188 --> 00:10:06,567
And I sure could
use a little more cowbell
218
00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:08,705
in the big finale.
219
00:10:08,705 --> 00:10:10,601
♪ Well, she don't eat oats ♪
220
00:10:10,601 --> 00:10:12,360
♪ And she don't eat hay ♪
221
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,257
♪ There's just one thing
she'll nosh ♪
222
00:10:14,257 --> 00:10:16,291
♪ At the end of the day ♪
223
00:10:16,291 --> 00:10:20,429
♪ Is that unleavened bread
that tickles her hide ♪
224
00:10:20,429 --> 00:10:22,326
♪ And she'll eat it
when it's plain ♪
225
00:10:22,326 --> 00:10:24,395
♪ Or with some lettuce
on the side ♪
226
00:10:24,395 --> 00:10:26,222
♪ Rita likes pita ♪
227
00:10:26,222 --> 00:10:28,257
♪ Rita
likes pita ♪
228
00:10:28,257 --> 00:10:30,015
♪ It's the only thing
I feed her ♪
229
00:10:30,015 --> 00:10:31,946
♪ And there ain't no
nothing sweeter ♪
230
00:10:31,946 --> 00:10:33,981
♪ Rita likes pita ♪
231
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:35,429
♪ Rita
likes pita ♪
232
00:10:35,429 --> 00:10:37,084
♪ And she makes
my life complete-a ♪
233
00:10:37,084 --> 00:10:39,326
♪ So I always feed her pita ♪
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00:10:39,326 --> 00:10:40,670
Come on!