[upbeat bluegrass music]
♪ ♪
Here we are kiddos, the Southwest State Fair.
Yee-haw!
[all gasping] - Whoa.
Rockin'.
Oh, hon, there's a spot.
[upbeat music]
Ah, perfect, like a glove.
Now, who's-- uh-oh.
Trapped, with no way out.
Incorrect. [phone beeps]
Huh, good thinking, Lisa.
I want to get there. Hurry up.
- Go, go, go, go. - Whoa, man.
This is so exciting. - Can I have a selfie?
- Sign this for me please. - Yay!
Wait, is that--
Can you sign this? I love you!
Huh, Rita? Is that you?
[gasps] Brad Plaid!
Hot diggity, it is you!
And I thought these glasses were monkeying with me.
What's a Michigander like you doing here?
I'm actually writing a column about life
on the road with a big family. - No kidding?
So you became a writer after all?
I always knew you would. - Hey, honey.
Howdy, sir. Would you like an autograph?
Oh. [laughs]
This is my husband, Lynn.
Everyone, this is Brad.
He and I knew each other from Camp Can Do when we were kids.
[laughs]
We were practically hogtied at the hip.
In fact, we were each other's camp crushes,
if I remember right.
[chuckles] How adorable.
So Brad, my man, what's with the crowd?
You, like, famous or something?
Well, I'm somewhat of a...
♪ Country singer ♪
all: Ooh.
I'm on tour cross-country with my horse.
They call me the Crooning Cowboy.
- That's so cool. - OK. Great.
But we better get going.
Lots to see and do, just me and my family
and Rita who is my wife. [chuckles]
Say, y'all should check out my show
after the rodeo tonight. How do front row seats sound?
- Yes! - Oh, wow!
So cool!
That is so sweet of you, Brad.
Yes. Yes, so, so sweet.
Oh, I just remembered.
We're a sing-along kind of family at concerts,
and we don't know any of your songs.
Guess we'll have to pass. Well, thanks anyway.
Take my "Greatest Hits" album.
Y'all will catch up in no time.
Now, you kids are gonna love the fair.
I'll be your personal guide.
Let's head 'em up and move 'em out!
[groans]
"Rita-'Round the World," "All I Need Is Rita,"
"Rita Likes Pita." [gasp]
All his songs are about Rita.
Brad is obviously obsessed with her.
And it looks like he's trying to rekindle
his Camp Can Do flame.
Well, not on my watch, buster.
Oh, you think you're such a big man?
Well, you're not so big.
A big Brad Plaid howdy to y'all.
Oh, come on!
- Yeah, whoa! - So cool!
[squeals] Look at those unicorns.
Eunice has been begging for a baby brother.
Well, I'd be happy to.
Yeah, I got it Bryson.
[quirky music]
[grunts]
♪ ♪
Hands are a little sweaty, just from the heat.
I'm not nervous or intimidated in any way.
[grunts]
[grumbles]
[grunting]
- Ow. - Sorry.
[panting]
[grunts]
- We have a winner. - Whew!
We'll take the unicorn, please.
Sorry, sir, but that prize
is for knocking down the whole pyramid.
[toy squeaks] - [grumbles]
Allow me, partner.
[upbeat country music]
[gasps]
♪ ♪
Yeah!
Thanks, Dad. I mean, Brad.
[growling]
[upbeat bluegrass music]
♪ ♪
Your kids are natural boot scooters, Rita.
Bet they learned it from you. Speaking of, care to dance?
Sorry, maybe next song, Brody.
Are you feeling OK, hon?
Because you've been acting a little--
Charming, debonair?
Like someone who isn't crumbling on the inside?
♪ ♪
Old Tootsie's gotcha now! Hang on.
Whoa, oh, whoa, whoa, oh! Ah!
- [laughs] - Whoo-hoo!
[growling]
Time for another fling, chicken wing.
No, no, no! Ah!
- This is so fun. - Brad's so cool.
- Can I get boots like Brad's? - [grumbling]
[gasps] Barbecue cookoff.
Hey, Brent, what do you say we put
our grill skills to the test?
Sounds like fun, partner.
[laughing maniacally]
Uh. [clears throat]
Excuse me.
[dramatic music]
[growls]
♪ ♪
And what do we have here?
It's my famous pulled chick-Lynn sandwich
with a side of Mac Lynn cheese. Enjoy.
- Mmm. - Room for seconds?
Or should I say sec-Lynns? Wha--huh?
[upbeat country music]
♪ ♪
Mmm, these are delicious. And what'd you call them?
Shish ke-Brad.
[laughter] - He's good.
How dare he?
Food-based puns are my thing!
Can you guys believe this? Huh? What?
- Mm-hmm. - Mmm, mmm.
[growling] Huh?
Oh, come on!
Here, Dad. I got you a clean shirt.
I--Ugh! You!
You may have won the first three rounds,
Brad Bleh! But I'm not out yet.
You hear me? - Um, Dad, you feeling OK?
You're yelling at a t-shirt. - What? Everything's fine.
You know, apart from Brad trying to steal your mom away.
What? Dad, you're losing it.
Brad's not trying to--
Hoo-wee, do I got a big surprise for Rita.
You're gonna love this, Chuck.
I've got a seat for her on my private jet.
After the concert tonight, I want her to fly away with me.
[both gasp]
Uh, I'm over here, sir.
I knew that.
Whoa, you're right.
Brad's totally trying to steal Mom away.
Lincoln, what am I gonna do?
Leave it to me.
Brad's not the only man with a plan round these parts.
[laughter]
Nothing to see here.
Just two rodeo clowns heading to work.
Hey!
Now for phase two.
I'll sneak into Brad's dressing room
and swipe his glasses, and you'll switch
Brad's horse with a wild bull.
Don't you think he'll notice?
You've seen him without his glasses.
He can't tell a person from a cactus.
Before he can figure it out, he'll be bucked
all the way to Timbuktu. - Nice thinking, son.
[soft dramatic music]
I'll be right there, just got to grab something
out of my dressing room.
Where did I put those dang glasses?
Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to welcome
the Crooning Cowboy? - [gasps]
- Phew. - Hold up a minute.
At least I got my ten-gallon.
Oh, that was close.
Hey, Stomper, we're just gonna go for a little walk,
OK, buddy? - [snorts]
♪ ♪
[cowbell ringing]
That's right, Stomper. Follow me.
Eeeeh!
[panting] - [screams]
Oh! [screaming]
Come on, come on, quickly.
♪ ♪
[grunts]
♪ ♪
Nice going, Dad.
[groans]
Now, let's go watch Brad completely beef it.
Pun intended. Ha ha!
[groans]
Whoa, steady girl.
Everyone, put your hands together
for the Crooning Cowboy
and his pita-loving noble steed, Rita!
[together] Rita is a horse.
That means Brad is obsessed with Rita the horse,
not Rita the wife.
[gasps] What have I done?
- [groans] - Howdy, folks.
How about I play a little song for you?
[cheers and applause]
♪ Well, she don't eat oats ♪ Whoa!
Ah! What's gotten into you?
I put Brad in danger. I've got to save him.
- Whoa! - Brad, listen to me.
You're sitting on a bull! - [roars]
I'm sitting on a what now?
- [grunts] - Ah!
Oof.
[snorts]
[clanging cowbell]
[screams]
- Yeah, Dad! Do it! - You can do it!
[screams]
[all gasp]
[screaming]
[grunts]
Oh, Brad. Thanks for breaking my fall.
Lynn, oh, my gosh! Are you OK?
What is going on?
Oh, sorry, Rita.
I really panicked when I thought
you were gonna get on that plane,
but then I realized you're not a horse.
- Uh, OK. - Let me rephrase.
I was so afraid that you were gonna run off with Brad
that I--I sabotaged the show.
Honey, there is nothing between me and Brad.
Why would you think that? - I know that now.
But it is weird that he named his horse after you.
No, I didn't.
I named her after my Granny, Margarita.
Why, she'd eat an apple right out your hand.
Granny, not the horse.
I'm sorry, honey. And I'm sorry, Brian--
Brad. - Oh, there you are.
I might have gotten a teensy bit carried away.
I'm sorry too. Here, these are yours.
No harm done, partner.
If nothing else, you helped me put on one wild show.
And boy, you gotta teach me your cowbell technique.
That's the one thing I could never master.
Well, you know, it is an art form.
Say, I still gotta finish the show
before Rita, the horse Rita, and I jet off on my plane.
And I sure could use a little more cowbell
in the big finale.
♪ Well, she don't eat oats ♪
♪ And she don't eat hay ♪
♪ There's just one thing she'll nosh ♪
♪ At the end of the day ♪
♪ Is that unleavened bread that tickles her hide ♪
♪ And she'll eat it when it's plain ♪
♪ Or with some lettuce on the side ♪
♪ Rita likes pita ♪
♪ It's the only thing I feed her ♪
♪ And there ain't no nothing sweeter ♪
♪ Rita likes pita ♪
♪ And she makes my life complete-a ♪
♪ So I always feed her pita ♪
Come on!
[cheers and applause]