- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[upbeat music]
♪♪
- Good, and turn and wave.
More teeth. Less teeth.
Excellent! Keep it up!
You might be wondering why I'm helping Lola practice
for a beauty contest.
Well, tomorrow is the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant,
and the winner gets the greatest prize ever--
two season passes to Dairyland Amoosement Park!
That's one for Lola and one for coach.
I've been working my butt off all week to make sure she wins.
- [sneezes]
[spits]
- Oh, oh, God!
It's been a long, hard road,
but once we get to Dairyland,
it'll all be worth it.
- Get back here, Hops!
- Lana, watch out!
Do you know how hard it is to steam-clean chiffon?
- Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
- Okay, Lola. Let's move on to your walk.
Remember what Gil DeLily says in his best-selling book,
"Unlocking Your Inner Pageant Queen"--
"To win the day, you must sashay!"
- I know how to walk, Lincoln.
- [slowed] No!
Okay, minor setback.
We can still win this thing.
- Wake up and smell the hairspray, Lincoln.
It's over!
- You can't just quit! We worked hard on this!
- There'll be other pageants, you know.
- But not with Dairyland tickets.
- Lincoln, I need my beauty rest.
As your pal Gil DeLily would say,
"I can't recover if you're going to hover."
- I can't believe I learned to French braid for nothing.
- Hey, Lincoln. You done with this?
I could use the scrap metal for welding.
- [gasps]
- ♪ Hallelujah
- Uh, why are you looking at me like that?
- Lana, how would you like a season pass to Dairyland?
- [gasps] - ♪ Hallelujah
- Don't toy with me, Lincoln!
- I'm not!
All you have to do is one teensy, tiny, little thing.
- What is it? I'll do anything!
- You just have to take Lola's place
in the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant and win.
- Are you kidding me? Agh!
Do you know who you're talking to?
- Some who's going to love Dairyland's newest ride--
the Milk Shaker.
It's so fast, you can barf,
fly around a loop, and get hit in the face
with said barf.
- Darn you, Lincoln!
I am in!
But wait. What if Lola finds out?
You know what she's capable of.
[dramatic music]
[both shuddering]
- She won't find out. I promise.
Agh! First off, we got to clean you up.
Dirt on your face gets you last place.
- [snoring]
What are you doing with that?
- Oh, this? [chuckles nervously]
Just, uh, getting it dry-cleaned.
You keep healing, sunshine.
- What is this weird sparkly towel?
- It's called a dress, Lana.
Now, hold still while I work my magic.
- Agh! It smells like princess farts!
- [sniffing]
[growls]
- Oh, hey, Lola!
Your hair spray makes a great deodorant.
It really covers up that musky man smell.
- Hmm...
- [sighs]
Help me get my arms unstuck?
- You're gonna feel some slight discomfort and...
- [screaming]
Time to work on what Gil DeLily calls the three Ws:
walk, wave, and work it.
Okay, we're walking, we're waving,
but we're just not working it.
Tools in your dress? Seriously?
- Handyman's code, Lincoln.
Always be prepared.
- You are not a handyman!
You are a pageant queen!
What? It's supposed to snow tonight.
- Lola, what can a six-year-old do
to make the world a better place?
- Um...
- Lana! You can't scratch your butt!
- What? It helps me think.
- Well, knock it off!
"Those who scratch lose the match."
Okay, talent portion.
What ya got?
[armpit farts]
- Impressive, but I'm gonna pass.
How about a ribbon dance?
It shows elegance and poise.
- Excuse me while I go barf.
- Lana, I'm busting my hump trying to turn you
into a pageant queen, and all I'm getting is lip.
Do you want those Dairyland tickets or not?
- Okay, okay. You're right.
- As Gil says, "She who gives 'tude"--
- I already agreed!
[pageant music]
♪♪
- Whoo-hoo! Lana, look at you!
You've done it! You're prim and perfect!
- I never thought I'd say it, but this feels pretty good.
I don't even mind the sparkly towel.
both: Dairyland, here we come!
- Whoa, look at those girls!
They're all so clean and sparkly.
- Well, so are you.
You're as good as any of them!
I didn't know this was going to be on TV.
Good thing we don't get the Princess Channel.
- Thanks for getting me the Princess Channel, daddy.
- No problem, sweetie.
It was either that or the sports channel.
And who needs that, huh? [crying]
- Welcome to the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant.
I'm your host, Donnie Dufresne.
Let's meet America's junior sweethearts.
Hailing from Royals Woods, Miss Lola Loud!
- [gasps] What is going on?
- I'd like to thank my coach and brother, Lincoln.
- Lincoln! I should have known!
- And I just want to say it is great to be here.
[burps] [all exclaiming]
Sorry you were downwind of that, Donnie.
- They're ruining me!
And they will pay!
[growls]
- Woot! Sports channel, here I come!
[cheers and applause]
- Lana, what were you thinking?
Remember what Gil says--
"If you belch onstage, the judges will rage."
- Gil actually has a rhyme for that?
- That's why he's a pageant powerhouse.
Now, the evening gown competition is next.
If we want to win those tickets,
we cannot afford any more slip-ups.
[applause]
- Oh! Hang on, everybody!
Loose floorboard!
That'll hold. Carry on!
[girls laughing]
- Lana! What was that?
We talked about the tools!
- I couldn't help it!
Fixing stuff is what I do!
- You're supposed to be prim and perfect!
Now, do you want to go to Dairyland
and get hit in the face with your own barf or not?
I know you can do this.
The interview is next. Go out there and nail it!
Not with that.
- Lola, what can six-year-olds do
to eliminate the national debt?
- Um...
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Plenty, Donnie.
Just because we're six doesn't mean we can't make a difference.
[applauding]
[frog croaks] Oh! Hops!
[all screaming]
- [grunting]
- Lana, what is the problem?
We went over everything in Gil's book
and the companion DVD and the podcast!
How are you still not getting it?
- I'm sorry, Lincoln.
No matter what I do,
I can't be prim and perfect like these girls.
Maybe there's something wrong with me.
[frog croaks]
- Lana! Wait! There's nothing wrong with you!
I'm the one who messed up.
I got so caught up in winning those tickets,
I turned into Gil DeLily...
who, when you stop to think about it,
probably needs to get a life.
- Yeah, but still, why can't I be like them?
- Because you're you.
You're messy and muddy and keep a lot of reptiles in your pants.
But that's what makes you awesome.
And I was crazy to try and change you.
- Aw, thanks, Lincoln.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Lola Loud and her fabulous ribbon dance!
- Well, that's me.
I'll do my best.
- Forget the ribbon dance.
Why don't you go do your own talent?
- Really?
Okay, but you can kiss those Dairyland tickets good-bye.
- I don't care about them anymore.
Go be yourself.
- [growls]
- Yo, Hops! Give me a bassline.
- [croaking]
- [snapping fingers] [armpit farts]
[scratching]
- [blows raspberry] - [croaking]
♪
- Whoo-hoo! That's my sister!
- And this is your other sister!
- Wait! It's my fault, not Lana's.
It was all my idea.
♪
[cheers and applause]
- I have worked for years
to build my pageant reputation,
and you just ruined it!
- Lola! Listen!
- And the winner is...
Lola Loud!
[cheers and applause] - Whoo-hoo!
- [gasps] Lola!
I'm so sorry I pretended to be you.
Please don't be mad at me.
- I don't like what you did, but you did win.
And I respect a winner.
- I think this belongs to you.
- No, you earned it...
you both did
and the Dairyland tickets.
- ♪ Hallelujah
♪ Hallelujah ♪
both: We're going to Dairyland!
- Welp, I've learned two very valuable lessons--
one, you should never try to turn someone
into something they're not.
And, two, If you ever ride the Milk Shaker,
keep your mouth closed.
[vomits] - Awesome!
- My mouth was open!
[upbeat music]
♪♪
- [yawns] Ah, Sunday mornings.
My homework's done, my chores are complete,
and I'm looking forward to a whole day of freedom!
[upbeat music]
- Rise and shine, kids!
We're going to Aunt Ruth's today!
[music stops, record scratches] - Yay!
- Aunt Ruth's? Today?
No!
Visits to Mom's aunt are torture.
She makes us look at a million pictures of her cats.
- Here's Mittens in Egypt.
We were going to visit the Pyramids,
but Mittens hates the heat, don't you, baby?
- She feeds us gross food.
- Ew, when was this pudding made?
- Seeing as this flag on the label only has 48 stars...
- And she always singles me out to do special chores.
- And when you're done scooping,
you can start rubbing these bunions.
Don't forget my extra toe!
- Ugh.
- Lucky.
- The only Louds who get to skip out on Aunt Ruth's
are Lily and Dad.
Aunt Ruth doesn't trust Lily around her cats,
so Dad stays home and babysits her.
Lucky.
Wait. Maybe I could be lucky too!
So I thought, this time,
why don't I babysit Lily
so dad can see Aunt Ruth for a change?
- [coughing] Well, now, son,
I couldn't deprive you of your time with your aunt.
And--and I'm not sure you're really ready
to take care of Lily, right? Right?
- But I've learned a ton about babysitting from Lori and Leni,
not to mention the real pros-- you guys.
- Well, he's got a point, honey.
And talk about a win-win!
You'll get to spend the whole day with Ruthie!
[mug breaks]
- Now, all you'll need to do is feed her, change her,
and then put her down for a nap.
- If I have to see that extra toe, so help me.
[sad music]
- Lucky.
- It's not luck. It's strategy.
Have a great day.
- [sighs]
- [giggling]
- Come in, Lincoln. It's Clyde.
Are we hanging out today?
- I'd love to, buddy, but I'm babysitting Lily,
and you probably don't want to--
- Are you kidding?
I'm great with babies.
I'll be right over...
and out.
Over and out.
[mumbling playfully] - [cooing]
- Mom says first thing, we got to feed her.
Here, you put her in the highchair,
and I'll get her food.
Open up the hangar, Lily.
Here comes the airplane.
Okay, a little turbulence.
- Here, let me try.
It looks like she doesn't want to eat.
- She's just a baby, Clyde.
We can make her eat.
I mean, how hard could it be?
- [giggling]
- You know, I read in this book called "Food for Tot"
that if you show the baby you like the food,
she'll like it too.
- Why were you reading a baby book?
- I was waiting to see my therapist.
Her lobby has a great reading selection.
- Well, it's worth a try.
Mmm, Lily, chicken and gravy.
Doesn't that sound good?
both: Mmm... yum, yummy!
[stomach rumbling]
- Lincoln, why is there a dog on the label?
[both screaming]
[vomits]
[Lily giggling]
[laughing]
- Well, that was disgusting.
But at least I'm not scooping poop at Aunt Ruth's.
[farting]
- Speaking of poop...
- [babbling]
- This shouldn't be too bad.
I've seen Mom do it a million times.
- [farts] - Oh, g--
- Lincoln! Speak to me!
- My whole life just flashed before my eyes!
- Let me try.
I've read all about this
in "Oopsie, My Baby Made a Poopsie."
- [farts] - [gasps]
That was weird. Your life just flashed before my eyes.
- [farts]
[alarm blaring, both gasping]
- It's practically radioactive!
- Huh, radioactive, you say.
It pays to have a sister whose hobby is nuclear physics.
both: Ew! - [laughing]
both: [slowed] No!
[grunting]
- Oh, God! Watch out!
- [laughing]
- Well, that was disgusting.
- True, but at least I'm not buffing bunions at Aunt Ruth's.
Let's never speak of this.
- [yawns]
- Uh-oh, I think it's somebody's nap time.
- Not now, Clyde.
We're supposed to be babysitting.
Oh, you meant Lily.
- "And so the beautiful Princess Lori
"and the brave Sir Clyde lived happily ever after,
"while the dim-witted Sir Bobby
was eaten alive by a"--
- Okay, Clyde. Let's not give her nightmares.
both: Yea--
both: [whispering] Yeah.
- What should we do now?
- Zombie marathon?
[both screaming]
- [crying] - It's okay, Lily.
Go back to sleep.
You ever read any books about getting babies to sleep?
- Of course!
"NapQuest: The Impossible Journey!"
It says babies like white noise.
It reminds them of the womb!
- [continues crying]
[cell phone ringing]
- Crud, it's Mom!
I can't let her hear all this!
Hey, Mom.
- Hi, sweetie. How is everything going?
- Great. Smooth sailing.
- Do I hear Lily crying?
- Oh, that, yeah, we're just having
a teeny bit of a problem getting her to nap.
- [crying]
- You know what always works for me?
Taking her to the park. That'll wear her out.
- Uh, thanks for the tip, Mom. Bye!
Clyde! What happened?
- Sorry, Lincoln.
I couldn't turn off all the faucets in time!
- I'll go get the mops.
- [crying]
[giggling] - Wow!
Your mom knows her stuff.
I wonder if she read "Take a Walk on the Child Side."
- Okay, Lily.
Have fun with your little friends.
We'll be right over there watching you.
[both snoring]
Clyde! Lily's on the loose!
- [screaming]
[children chattering happily]
[screaming]
- [screaming]
- [laughs, blows raspberry]
- Hey, kids. Wait your turn.
- Got ya!
- This is not polite, kids.
[both screaming]
- Lily! Lets get you home, Lily.
Well, that was a nightmare,
but it still beats eating moldy pudding at Aunt Ruth's.
- [crying]
- It's okay. Don't cry.
- Shh...
- Hey, is there something different about Lily?
both: Because that's not Lily!
[screaming]
We took the wrong baby!
[cell phone chimes]
- It's my mom. They're on their way home!
[both screaming]
- There was probably a better way to do that.
- Where is she? - I don't know.
- Sorry. - Sorry, my bad.
- Cute kid. There!
That must be her!
- [giggling]
both: Wait! Stop!
- [screams] - Excuse me, sir.
I believe this belongs to you.
- [babbles]
- Darn! I always do this!
- [babbling]
- Whew! What a day!
That did not go as I expected.
But you know what?
I still win, 'cause I got out of going to Aunt Ruth's.
Strategy!
[car horn honks]
- Mmm.
- Why aren't they coming in?
[cell phone ringing]
- Mom? - Hi, sweetie.
I just got a call from Billy's dad--
Billy, from the playground.
Billy just came down with chicken pox,
which means you and Clyde and Lily
might have been exposed.
I'm afraid all three of you will have to be quarantined.
But luckily,
Aunt Ruth has already had the chicken pox, so...
- [giggling] [cats screeching]
- Lincoln, let Clyde watch Lily.
My bunions are aching something fierce!
- Well, so much for strategy.
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house - ♪ Loud house
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house