- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[exotic instrumental music]
♪
both: ♪ Oh...
♪ Mama's little baby loves short'nin', short'nin' ♪
♪ Mama's little baby loves short'nin'... ♪
- ♪ Bread!
- Very nice, Clyde.
Clyde and I have a week
to start a successful business for class,
so we're gonna sell homemade chocolate pie!
- We've never baked before,
but how hard could it be?
Everybody loves chocolate pie.
My nana says that if they don't,
you can't trust them.
- What?
Empty wrappers.
I should have known.
- It wasn't me!
I was with you the whole time.
- I know, Clyde.
It was my sisters.
They're well-known chocoholics.
- Mmm. - Mmm.
[all sighing]
both: Mmm. [baby giggles]
- Well, what are we gonna do?
I all ready rolled out 84 pie crusts!
- We'll just replace the chocolate
with something equally delicious.
- Ugh! What the heck kind of pie is this?
both: Salt and vinegar.
- Gross!
- I don't get it.
It works on potato chips.
- Any other ideas?
- How about we sell hugs?
My dads say I'm a excellent hugger.
- Aw, dang bird poop!
Don't you featherbrains have somewhere else to hang out?
- Clyde, that's it!
- Bird poop?
- We can sell birdhouses!
- Oh! Great idea!
But wait.
We don't know anything about woodworking.
- Eh, how hard could it be?
[pounding and whirring]
- I cant' believe I doubted us.
- Ah! Our first resident!
[bird chirps]
[bird screams]
[bird caws]
- How about we sell smiles?
My dads say I have a million-dollar smile.
- Well... [door clicks and thuds]
- $98, $99...
- Whoa! Where'd you get all that money, Luan?
- Did you sell laughter?
- Ha! Laughter?
It's my pleasure to give that away for free.
This is from selling balloon animals.
Observe.
[whimsical piano music]
[blows]
♪
A dog!
Now, pick up the pace, Fido!
It's the leash you can do!
[laughing]
No charge.
both: We'll sell balloon animals!
How hard could it be?
[balloon pops] - Ah!
- Lincoln! Look professional!
We've got a customer!
- Uh, I'll take the, uh,
cheeseburger?
- It's a bunny rabbit.
- Even better!
It's for a girl I like.
- You know, Liam,
if it's for a girl,
you should get her chocolate.
All my sisters love it.
- Oh, cool!
Thanks, Lincoln.
- Lincoln, you just lost our only customer.
- Relax, Clyde.
With this sweet product,
there's gonna be plenty more.
[both snoring]
- Hey, Lincoln! [balloons popping]
- Ah, take cover!
- She loved the chocolate!
We have a date this Friday!
- Oh, great!
I guess with ten sisters,
I've learned a few things about girls.
- Oh, don't be so modest.
You're like a girl guru.
- Clyde, I think Liam--
I think Liam just gave us our next business idea.
both: How hard could it be?
- Step right up and ask the Girl Guru.
He's got the good on the gals,
the facts on the females,
the lowdown on the ladies.
[exotic instrumental music]
[all gasping]
[all speaking at once] - Me! Me!
- Oh, Girl Guru,
I'm hanging out with Jordan later,
and I really want it to go well.
What do girls think is fun?
- Hmm. ♪
- Hey, Lincoln,
what's more fun than a Canadian microwave?
A Dutch oven!
- [yells] [farting]
- [laughing] - [grunting]
♪
Dutch ovens. - Really?
- The Girl Guru has answered your question,
and as you can see,
many other boys await his wisdom.
You do know what you're doing, right?
- I don't know. Why don't you ask Liam?
- [smooches] - Hee-hee!
- And that's why you're wearing the robe
and I'm wearing the fanny pack.
Who's next?
- How do I get a girl to fall for me?
- Omm... ♪
- "And so the young knight returned Princess Taylor
"to her tower five minutes before curfew,
"and no one was punished,
"and everything worked out great.
The end."
Good night, sweetie.
- Hey, where do you think you're going?
More knight and horsey stories!
♪
- You're going to need a stallion and a suit of armor.
- Oh, thank you, Girl Guru.
Thank you. Thank you.
- Oh, Girl Guru,
I like this girl,
but she doesn't think I'm good enough for her.
How do I change her mind?
♪
- Dylan Cornheiser tried to hold my hand at recess.
I told him, "Learn basic chemistry,
and then we'll talk".
♪
- Simple. Learn basic chemistry.
- Oh, man, I stink at chemistry.
What about kickball?
- The Girl Guru has spoken.
- Nothing makes my sister Lana happier
than a frog in her pants.
Take her to a funeral.
My sister Lucy swears by it.
Roses are fine,
but squirting flowers will really make her day.
- "Squirting flowers...
make...her...day."
Thanks, Loud.
See you in gym.
[bell rings]
- Clyde, our business is killing it!
I think we're looking at an "A."
Worst-case scenario, "A" minus.
- Tell me about it.
I had to triple up on fanny packs
just to hold all the money we made.
[fart] - [screams]
[coughing]
You jerk!
- But the Girl Guru said you'd love a Dutch oven.
- Maybe you'd love an American wedgie!
- [screaming]
- Well, you can't expect advice to work 100% of the time.
[frog croaking] - Ew, ew, ew, ew!
Gross! Get it off!
- But the Girl Guru said--
- Get him, girls!
[all growling]
- Get him! [all yelling]
- That is not on us.
He must have picked a bad frog.
- Let's just get back to class before they come back.
- Hey, Mollie,
you want to go on a date with me?
- Um, yeah. - Great!
I'm gonna need you to wear this.
Ah, there's the hearse.
We're going to a funeral. How strong are you?
They might need an extra pallbearer.
- Ew! Yuck!
Get away from me, you morbid weirdo!
[both gulp]
- This is for you, Agnes.
- Daisies are my favorite!
Ah! You yokel!
I just had my hair done.
- But, Agnes, the Girl Guru said--
Hope you boys like push-ups!
- Uh, Mrs. Johnson,
can I have the boys' bathroom pass?
- And I'll take the girls'.
- [yelling] [explosion booms]
- I was just trying to impress you
with my basic chemistry skills.
- You burnt my braids, you doofus!
- He told me to do it!
- What?
[both laughing nervously]
- Lincoln, I'm starting to lose feeling in my toes.
I think it's a panic attack.
- It's okay. Just breathe into your paper bag.
- [gasps]
Mmm. Oops. [chuckles]
Wrong bag. That was my lunch.
[inhales sharply]
[inhaling and exhaling sharply]
[horse neighs]
- Whoa, White Lightning, stop!
Sadie, do you want to go to the movies?
- [screams] [horse neighs]
- Let me have the bag. [breathing heavily]
- Lincoln, we got to get out of here.
- The next time I see that Girl Guru,
I'll totally destroy him!
- Yeah, and his weird little friend too.
[quirky percussive music]
♪
[all groan]
- Um, excuse me.
That goes in the recycling.
- Clyde! Keep it down!
- Hey! It's them!
[both scream]
[all shouting indistinctly]
- Stop! - Give them their money back.
That'll stop them.
- Here! Take it, you wild animals!
[all yelling]
- Huh, didn't stop them.
- I know what to do.
Free hugs!
[all yelling]
Uh, on second thought,
there may not be enough of me to go around.
[all yelling]
[banging]
[both panting]
- Oh, boy. What did you two do now?
- L-L-L-Lori?
[breathing sharply]
[moaning]
- Uh, you wouldn't be interested.
- Oh, we're interested.
Spill!
- Well, Clyde and I had to start a business for school,
so we kind of, uh,
charged boys for my advice about girls.
[all laughing]
- Go ahead; get it out of your systems.
[all laughing]
Are you done now?
- Uh...no.
[all laughing]
Lincoln, what do you know about girls?
- Well, I just thought that since I had ten sisters--
- What's true for us
isn't gonna be true for every girl.
We're not all the same.
- I'm not like Lana!
- And thank goodness for that.
- Oh, man, you're right.
What have I done?
I've doled out terrible advice,
and now everybody at school hates us.
How am I going to fix this?
- Uh, we better figure something out.
I'm running out of paper bags.
- A kitchen full of pie?
I guess it's ole Dad's lucky day!
[laughs and gulps]
[stomach grumbles] Ooh, bad!
- We went a little overboard on the salt.
- I'll say.
It's an assault on my senses.
- [laughing]
Good one, Dad.
- Ah, sorry, Lincoln.
We're just gonna have to toss the whole batch.
- Toss them?
That's a great idea, dad.
Clyde, we're back in business.
How hard can it be to start a business?
Pretty hard, actually.
The key is to find something you're really good at,
and it turns out for me that thing is...
taking a pie in the face.
- Step right up
and get your revenge on the Girl Guru.
$2.00 a pie.
[all speaking at once]
- Great job, boys!
This is a fantastic business idea!
- Thanks, Mrs. Johnson.
- One pie, please.
- And two for me.
- You know, we're running a special.
Buy four and get the fifth free!
- Ah, even better.
Heck, I'll take them all!
[cackling] - Clyde!
- Business is business, Lincoln.
Let 'er rip!
- [gulps] [pies splatting]
[upbeat rock music]
♪
- You've been with us a while,
and it really doesn't need to be said,
but in a family as big as mine,
everything turns into a competition.
- Okay, kids. Time for bed!
- I can make it up the stairs first!
[all yelling]
- Uh-huh, work it!
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Kids, come bring in the groceries!
- I bet I can literally carry the most bags.
[all yelling]
- Yeah!
Go, Luna! Most bags!
What? Bags! What?
- [gulping]
[belching]
- [belching]
Go, Lola! Biggest burp!
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!
- I haven't had a win in forever,
but that changes today.
It's our annual garage sale,
and at 5:00 p.m. today when the markets close,
the victory dance shall be mine.
- [crying]
- Oh, what's the matter, Lily?
You need your blankie? - [crying]
- It's okay, Lily. Your blankie's right here.
[sucking]
[toy squeaks]
[jazzy music]
Hate to break it to you, ladies,
but I'm outselling all of you.
- That's amusing from someone who couldn't sell
a negative charge to an electron.
- Yeah? Well, you couldn't sell a rattle to a snake.
- Well, you couldn't sell a dress if it was 50% off!
Not even if it was half off!
- Build up those appetites, sales people!
We're having goulash tonight!
- Which will be served on our refinished dining table!
Have fun out there, kids!
- Yeah, have fun...
watching this rump do the bump.
[clattering]
Dang it.
Check it out, folks.
Low prices, high quality.
Clyde, time to put Operation
Pretend-you've-never-met-me- and-are-really-interested-
in-my-stuff-so-other-people- will-buy-it-and-also-
think-of-a-shorter-name- for-this-operation
into action! - Sorry.
My walkie cut out. Can you repeat that?
- [sighs] Just get over here.
Excellent choice, sir.
Not only is that
some state-of-the-art head protection;
it also doubles as a soup bowl.
- Whoa!
Is this a genuine bowl-met?
I've searched every garage sale in the state for one of these!
How much do you want for it?
- Mm, 5 bucks.
- Well, I'll give you 10!
- Actually, I was about to buy that.
- Nice!
[bell tinkling]
Excellent work, Clyde.
- Thanks, Lincoln.
For your next customer,
I'd thought I'd break out the ole English accent.
'Ello, luv! - Sweet!
No way my sisters are gonna be able to compete with me.
- I wouldn't be so sure.
Looks like they've got some game too.
- Exotic reptiles for sale!
[chomp] - Ah-ah-ah!
- Snakebite kits for sale!
- Sold!
- Candles, cobwebs, cauldrons.
- Rubbish!
- Free psychic reading with every purchase.
- Free?
Well, now you're speaking my language, little psychic girl.
What's your cheapest item?
- And now I'll look into your future.
Hmm.
Business will be booming.
- [chortling]
- Expired chemicals!
Buy one, get one free!
- Ooh, did I hear "free"?
- [babbling]
- New paint job, space galore,
and it comes with its own clicky thingy.
- You're really selling this?
- Hello! It's a garage sale.
- Eh, so they made some sales.
My victory dance and I aren't worried.
- Wow, you're handling being in last place
better than I thought.
- Last place?
How has Lily sold $20 worth of stuff?
What am I doing wrong?
[toy squeaks] - Please be my...
[distorted] Friend.
- [screams]
- Uh, maybe I need to upgrade the merchandise.
[upbeat rock music]
♪
- And one, and two, and three...
Come on now, girls!
♪
- [grunts]
♪
Your mom's wedding dress?
- Eh, she never wears it.
Let's make some sales.
Can I see $60? I see $60.
Sold to the mustachioed man in the bandana.
Start the bidding at $300.
We got $300, $400. We got $500!
Sold to the man in the blue jean tuxedo!
- Lincoln! What are you doing?
This stuff isn't even yours.
- So?
[all chattering indistinctly]
[upbeat rock music]
♪
[all chattering indistinctly]
♪
- Lincoln, you only have one minute until 5:00 p.m.,
and you're $4 out of first place.
♪
[cash register clangs]
- That's a wrap, kids!
Goulash is served in ten!
- Yes! My losing streak is over!
Now feast your eyes on my caboose,
'cause it's leaving the station!
[baby crying]
- Someone give Lily her blankie!
- I don't know where it is!
- Oh, no, where could it be?
[all chattering indistinctly]
- Oh, no! We must have sold it!
- Yeah, yeah, very sad.
Now if you don't mind,
I'm about to do my victory dance.
- [wailing]
[babbling shrilly]
- [sighs] Oh, never mind.
I'm sorry, Lily.
I guess we all got a little too caught up in our competition.
all: We're sorry, Lily.
- Sorry.
- So your big brother is going to put the competition aside
and go find your blanket.
- Oh, no!
You're not going to be the hero.
I'm going to find that blankie!
- Not if I find it first!
- I am finding that blanket.
[all chattering indistinctly]
- The victory dance shall be mine!
[knocks]
- Hello, ma'am. [grunts]
- Did you buy a blanket--ah!
- From a garage sale today?
- I didn't buy a blanket,
but I did buy this hunk of junk.
[vacuum whirs and booms]
I want my money back.
both: Uh, she sold it to you.
- I'm getting that blankie first!
Sir, sir!
Weren't you at our garage sale today?
- If you want to win,
you need a can-do attitude.
[laughing]
- Beat it, Lynn. This is my house!
- No way! That blanket is mine!
[both pound]
[upbeat rock music]
[dog growling] - Whoops. Wrong house.
[dog barking, both yelling]
- Hmm, I think I did buy a blanket.
Why don't you come in?
- First to spot the blanket
gets the blanket.
- It's so nice to have visitors.
Would you like to see my collection of bingo ribbons?
- I win!
I found the blanket in that house right there!
- That's not a house. That's a restaurant.
- Order number six!
- And you're holding a napkin.
- Dang it.
- B-14.
Anybody? B-14.
- This woman does not have the blanket.
Let's get out of here.
- Are you kidding?
One more number, and I've got a bingo!
Spin it, sister!
♪
- Excuse me, ma'am. Have you seen this blanket?
How about you?
Aha! Where did you get this?
- [crying]
[smack] - [yelling]
[clattering]
Lily's blankie!
Hey, Flip,
you were at our garage sale today, weren't you?
- I don't know, chief. Maybe.
I go to a lot of garage sales.
- I need to buy that blanket back from you.
- No can do.
This blanket's working for me.
Really gets the bird poop off.
- Please! It's important!
- Maybe we can do business,
but it's gonna cost ya!
- [crying] - Be right there, sweetie!
- Good news, Lily. I found your blanket!
- No, you didn't, 'cause I have it!
- Please. I've got it right here.
- I've got it! - No, I do!
- This is Lily's blanket.
- You guys,
I'm pretty sure this is the right one.
I had to give Flip all my garage sale money for it.
- I gave Flip all my money for this one!
- Me too! - So did I!
- And me!
- I even game him my bingo ribbon.
- I bought a blanket from Flip too!
- Uh, that's a welcome mat, dude.
- Dang it.
- I can't believe this.
Flip fooled us all.
- Ugh, that gasoline-selling swindler!
- Here you go, sweetie.
Still hot from the dryer. - [cooing]
- Are you literally joking right now?
It's been here all along?
- What happened to our furniture?
- Uh, see...
we kind of got caught up in a competition.
- Yeah, and we kind of sold everything.
- Well, you're all kind of grounded.
- We deserve it.
And believe me.
We've learned our lesson.
No more competing. - Yeah, seriously.
- Done and done! - So over it!
- It's too bad, 'cause I had a victory dance
that would put all of you to shame.
- Psh. I doubt that!
- The chances are slim.
- Oh, yeah?
All aboard! Woot! Woot!
This caboose is leaving the station!
Go, Lincoln! Best butt shake!
Choo-choo! Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah!
Best butt shake!
- You call that a victory dance?
Go, Lana! Go, Lana! Uh, uh, uh.
- Mine's better! [grunting]
- Why do you even have a butt,
if that's all you're gonna do with it?
all: Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
- Oh, yeah! - Oh, yeah!
[all chattering indistinctly]
- Kids! Please!
This is how you do a victory dance!
Uh-huh! Go, Mom! Shake that booty!
- Ha! Give me a break!
Get a load of the goulash shakedown!
Go, Dad! - Go, Mom!
- Shake it down now! - Mm-hmm, oh, yeah!
- Well, now you know where we get it from.
As they say,
the nuts don't fall too far from the tree.
Oh! Uh-hmm, mm-hmm.
Go, Lincoln!
[all chattering indistinctly]
[upbeat rock music]
[liquid plops]
- I'm loving these two-for-one chemicals.
I'm going to make a fortune
selling them as windshield wiper fluid!
[chortles] Suckers!
[plop, explosion booms]
Well, the little psychic girl was right.
Business is booming.
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house - ♪ Loud house
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house