- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like ping pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's gotta do what he can to survive ♪
♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
♪ Duck, dodge, push and shove ♪
♪ This is how we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
♪ Loud! Loud! Loud!
♪ Loud House! ♪ - Boo boo.
- ♪
- [school bell ringing]
- [door opens] - Oh, here they come.
These ladies are definitely gonna ask us.
- Man, we're never gonna get dates.
- Aw, I can't believe we're going stag
to our first Sadie Hawkins Dance.
- LINCOLN: Don't give up hope, guys--
and come someone pass the ketchup?
- Why are you guys under the table?
- I'm hiding from Ronnie Anne
so she can't ask me to the dance.
- And I'm here for moral support.
- Lincoln, I thought you liked Ronnie Anne.
- I do, but there's a two-for- one deal at the arcade tonight,
and there's no way I'm missing it.
- [door opens] - Yikes! Here she comes.
Remember, I'm not down here.
- Hey, guys. Have you seen Lincoln?
- Lincoln, uh... - Uh...
- Nope. - Never done heard of him.
- He's definitely not under the table.
- [padding footsteps]
- [door thwacks] - LINCOLN: Oh!
[whistling]
[gasps]
- So, did Ronnie Anne ask you to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, um... Uh...uh...
- I bet she was so excited.
The Sadie Hawkins is literally
the most important dance in a girl's life.
- Well, actually, Ronnie Anne didn't even ask me.
- SISTERS: What?!
- Yeah, I waited around all day.
But it just never happened.
- Poor big brother. You must be devastated.
- Oh, you know, I'll get through it--somehow.
What? I...I would have told them the truth.
But, believe me, they wouldn't have understood.
Sometimes a little white lie
works out better for everyone.
- [crickets chirping]
- Mom, I'm going to the arcade with Clyde.
I'll see ya later.
- Hey, Lincoln, you got a sec?
- Hey, I need to talk to him, first.
- Dudes, urgent! Mine is more important.
Guess what, bro?
I hit ya up with a date for the dance.
- What? - Hey, so did I.
- So did I. - Me, too.
- W-W-Why?
- You were so bummed out when Ronnie Anne didn't ask you.
I just wanted to make you feel better.
- Me, too. - So did I.
- Me, too. - You guys...
I wasn't bummed out.
I didn't want her to ask me because I wanted to
go to the arcade tonight.
- Then why didn't you say so, ya yutz?
- 'Cause you made me feel so guilty--
all that stuff about
"the most important dance in a girl's life."
- Well, you're going to the dance now, dude,
'cause my friend'll be wicked bummed if you flake on her.
- Mine, too. - Ditto.
- Yeah, 'cause no one likes a flake.
[laughing]
But, seriously, you're going.
- But, you guys, how am I supposed to juggle four dates?
- That's not our problem, dude.
- You dug your own grave, Lincoln.
- Now you gotta lie in it. - Lucky.
- [heavy sigh]
- [dance music playing]
- And here's your raffle ticket.
- Oh, there's a raffle? - Yep.
The winner gets to have lunch with me
in the teachers' lounge.
- Good news, Lincoln-- I've checked the entire gym
and Ronnie Anne is nowhere to be found.
- Oh, that's a relief.
I can't let Ronnie Anne see me here
after I've avoided her all day.
It'll really hurt her feelings.
Besides, I have enough on my hands juggling four dates.
- Don't worry, I've got everything we need
to make the night go smoothly--
binoculars, stopwatch,
dossiers on each of the lovely ladies,
and, lastly, a hidden microphone and receiver.
I'll be your eyes in the sky.
Now, let's move out!
- Hey, guys, did you get dates?
- Nah, we're just here for the raffle.
I've always wanted to see the teachers' lounge.
- CLYDE [through earpiece]: Lincoln, I'm in position.
I forgot I'm afraid of heights, but I'll be okay.
- LINCOLN: [through headphones] You're a true pal, Clyde.
- Don't mention it.
Now, at your 11:00 o'clock, you'll see a girl
with purple streaks in her hair.
That's Luna's friend, Tabby.
She loves sweatin' to the oldies,
turning it up to 11,
and her ideal date is sound- proofing a wall with egg crates.
- Hi, Tabby, I'm Lincoln. - Good to meet ya!
Wanna jam? - Oh, uh, okay.
- Rockin' that piano. You got some chops.
- CLYDE: Sky Guy to the Ladies' Man, your time is up.
Move on to girl #2.
- Ooh, sorry, Tabby, my piano elbow's acting up.
Gonna grab an ice pack.
- CLYDE: Okay, at your 6:00 o'clock,
is Luan's friend from clown school, Giggles.
A Virgo with an infectious laugh,
Giggles' ideal date is trying to figure out
how many people she can cram into one car.
- Hey, Giggles, I'm Lincoln. - Pleased to meet ya.
- [buzzer zapping]
- I heard a lotta buzz about you.
[laughing] - Good one.
You got something on your shirt.
Boop! - [laughing]
Touché!
- CLYDE: Wrap it up, Ladies' Man.
Girl #3 is waiting.
Lucy's friend Haiku is an up-and-coming poet.
Her dislikes include kittens, sunlight,
and people who smile too much.
- Hi, I'm Lincoln. - Hi, Lincoln.
Wanna hear my poem?
"Empty. Lonely. Dark.
"The universe is weeping.
I have no tissues."
Okay, your turn.
- Uh, "Jack and Jill went up a hill
to fetch a pail of water."
- Oh, yes, the futility of teamwork.
Deep stuff.
- CLYDE: Time's up, Ladies' Man.
Girl #4 is Lynn's roller derby teammate, Polly Pain.
I think she's over by the-- - [heavy thud]
- I found her, Clyde.
- Nailed ya, bro. In roller derby,
that's a move I like to call "The Booty Block."
And this is the "Helicopter"! - Whoa! Oh! Oh!
- [heavy thud] - Wow!
You didn't even barf. I'm impressed.
- Thanks.
- CLYDE: That's time, Ladies' Man.
Get ready for round two.
- [dance music playing]
- So...high...up.
- [dance music continues]
♪
- [wheezy breathing]
- LINCOLN: Ahhh! - [loud crash]
- [barfing]
- How ya feeling, Sky Guy? - Better.
I think I'm ready to go back up.
- No way, Clyde. You've done enough.
Thanks to your help, I've got everything under control.
- [dance music continues]
- Ah! Ronnie Anne!
Clyde, what am I gonna do? Ronnie Anne is here.
- Well, you can't stay under here.
You're already 30 seconds late for air harmonica with Tabby.
- I've got an idea.
Pssst! Guys!
- [head bonks] Hey, what the heck, Lincoln?
- LINCOLN: Get over here.
- You two sure like to hide under tables, don't you?
- How would you guys like someone to dance with?
- Sorry, Lincoln, you're not my type.
- Not with me--with girls!
- ALL: Girls?! - [gasping]
- On second thought, I think I'd rather dance with you.
- Come on, guys, it's not that big of a deal.
Pop a breath mint, look 'em in the eye,
make sure your fly's up, and you're golden.
- ALL: [zipping flies]
- Clyde, I need you to go, too.
- [zips fly] - Thanks, guys. You're the best.
- [dance music continues]
- ALL: [taking deep breath]
- LINCOLN: Problem solved.
I'll just hide under here until the dance is over.
- RUSTY: Whoa! - [heavy crash]
- Dang it.
- Gee, that Polly is quite a handful.
And I like it!
- [dance music continues]
- [butt thwacks] - LINCOLN: Ahhh!
[sighs]
- [dance music continues]
- [gasps]
- [balls thudding]
- Whoa! Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
- [laughing] Bravo!
Ever thought about clowning?
- ♪
- [feet padding]
- Lincoln?
- [gasps]
- ♪
- [electronic voice] All right, party people,
I wanna see you on the dance floor.
- [dance music] - Hot diggity dang!
Turn it on up to 11. - I love turning it up to 11!
- [dance music continues]
- Haiku, I have to be honest.
My heart belongs to an older woman.
- That's okay, my heart belongs to an older man.
He just turned 200.
- Unrequited love, am I right?
- [scratching record]
- Hey, kid, what are ya doing?
- [screams]
- Attention, everyone.
The lucky student who gets to have lunch with me
in the teachers' lounge is...
Lincoln Loud! - STUDENTS: [applauding]
- Uh, Lincoln? Oh, where are you?
- LINCOLN: [screams]
- Lincoln? Where have you been, mate?
You left me standing out there.
- You? He's here with me.
- Wrong. He's here with me.
- Actually, he's here with me.
- You guys, I'm sorry. I can explain.
- Wait, let me go first.
I'm sorry to say this, Lincoln,
but would you mind if I hung out with somebody else
for the rest of the night?
I really hit it off with that guy, Liam.
- Yeah, and I'm having a really great time with Beck.
- Yes, and I enjoy Clyde. We share the same pain.
- Same with me and Rusty--
though the pain is mostly his.
- Sure, no problem.
I'm glad you're all having fun.
How about that?
I guess tonight worked out for everyone.
- Hey, Lincoln. - [screams]
Well, except for me.
Guess it's time to come clean.
Ronnie Anne, I'm really sorry.
I know I hurt your feelings.
I should have just let you ask me to the dance.
- What are you talking about?
- Isn't that why you were looking for me today?
- [laughing] To ask you to a lame dance?
No. I wanted to invite you to the arcade.
There's a two-for-one deal tonight.
Since I couldn't find you, I just came here.
- [smacks forehead]
- Wait. So, you knew I was looking for you?
- Yeah, I was kinda ducking you. Sorry.
- Not cool, Lincoln, but, to be honest,
if I thought you were gonna ask me to the dance tonight,
I would have ducked you, too.
- So, we're cool? - We're cool.
- We're gonna close out Sadie Hawkins with a slow song,
and if you liked what you heard tonight,
I'll be spinnin' at the Finestein bar mitzvah
this Saturday--peace!
- [slow dance music]
♪
- [rollers clanking]
- ♪
- RUSTY: Whoa! - [loud crash]
- Should we do this?
- I'm game if you are.
- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Dance Battle starts!
- LINCOLN: Oh, watch this.
- RONNIE ANNE: Oh, I'm much better.
- ♪
- LORI: Bobby, Boo-Boo Bear!
- Hey, babe, ready for an epic date?
- [gasps] "A-truck-alypse Now."
This does not sound like a romantic comedy.
- It's better--
an arena show where mutant trucks crush each other!
- Yeah, I'm literally not going to that.
Why don't you take Lincoln?
- LINCOLN & BOBBY: What? What'll we even talk about?
- Come on, guys, you'll have fun together.
I know it.
- LINCOLN & BOBBY: Wahoo!
- That was an awesome celebration
of senseless destruction. - Right?
Bro handshake.
- I told you you guys would hit it off.
- How do we end this?
- I have no idea.
- Boo-Boo Bear, would you get my back, please?
- I can't right now, babe, Lincoln just got here.
- LINCOLN: Hey, Bobby!
- Lincoln? - Yeah.
We had so much fun yesterday
that I invited him to hang with us.
Wooooo!
'Sup, bro? - Hey, bro.
- Last one in the water is a loser!
- Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
- Lincoln? - No worries, bro.
We wouldn't start without ya.
I challenge you to a duel, Monsieur Lincoln.
- Oh, it is on, Señor Roberto.
- [bread thwacking]
- [cell phone music] - Boo-Boo Bear!
I haven't heard from you all day.
You're where? With Lincoln?
Stay right there. I'm coming over.
[screams] - [cell phone crashes]
- It was bad enough when they treated me like a third wheel.
But now they're hanging out without me?
I don't think so. - [door slams]
- Oh, Edwin, I'm so glad you're not like mortal men.
- LORI: Bobby, this has got to--
- Hey, babe. Look, I won you these.
Thanks for being so cool about me hanging with Lincoln.
You know, all my life,
I've always wished I had a brother,
and now I feel like I've got one.
It's like Lincoln completes me.
Sorry, what were you gonna say?
- Uh...nothing. I mean...
Go finish your game, Boo-Boo Bear.
- Thanks, babe.
We're still on for the county fair tomorrow, right?
- You bet. We're totes riding the Tunnel of Love together.
- Sweet! Lincoln and I will meet you there at 5:00.
- What do I do? I'm sick of Lincoln crashing our dates.
But it makes Bobby so happy.
He says Lincoln's like the brother he never had.
- I know. Why don't you hang out with
Bobby's little sister Ronnie Anne.
She could be like the sister you never had.
- You know, this happens in my book.
Griselda thinks she's losing Edwin,
so she makes him jealous,
and he totally comes crawling back.
Well, flying, actually.
- Ooh, that's perfect.
But how do I make Bobby jealous?
- [doorbell ringing]
- Hi, Lucy, is Lincoln around?
- Clyde, am I glad to see you.
- L-L-Lori? [groans, thuds]
- Clyde, how would you like-- - L-L-L-Lori?
[groans, thuds]
- Clyde? - L-L-L...Lucy?
- I come with a message from--
the sister-who- cannot-be-named.
Said sister would like you to join her
at the county fair tomorrow.
- I would love to accompany the lovely L-L...
unnamed sister to the county fair.
- Yay! - CLYDE: [groans]
- How are you going to make Bobby jealous
with someone who's lifeless and covered in blood?
Oh, wait, that's exactly what Griselda did.
- [carnival music]
- Hey, it's my fair maiden. [laughing]
Get it? Ready to have fun? - Totes.
But, since three is an odd number,
I invited someone to join us--Clyde.
- That's cool. I love the Clydesdale.
Hey, I'm gonna grab us all some mini-donuts.
- Great, donuts for bros, or as I like to call them--
bronuts.
- BOBBY: [giggling] Bronuts.
- What are you up to?
- Whatever do you mean, Lincoln?
- I mean this-- he's not even conscious.
Oh, wait a minute. I get it.
You're trying to make Bobby jealous
by dragging poor Clyde around.
- No, I'm not. - Well, it won't work.
- Yes, it will! I mean-- [groans]
I wouldn't have to do anything if you'd stop
hogging my boyfriend and give him back to me.
- He's not just your boyfriend.
He's also the big brother I've always wanted.
- Let me guess. He completes you.
- What? I would never say that.
My point is there's plenty of Bobby for everyone
and you'd better get used to sharing him.
- Check it. I got chocolate for Lori,
powdered for Lincoln, matches the hair, bro,
and sprinkles for the Clydesdale.
Here you go, dude.
- [groans]
- He'll eat it later.
- Come on, bro, let's hit the Whirly Gig.
- Right behind you, bro.
Babe, you coming with? - Totes.
Clyde and I will be right behind you.
[straining, groaning] - [heavy thud]
- You know what? We'll meet you there.
- This is gonna be awesome.
I tipped the guy to make it go faster,
so we get super-dizzy.
- Oh, what's that Clyde?
You want me to ride to make you dizzy?
[laughing] I do that to you?
[laughing] Oh, you're so sweet, Clyde.
- Babe? - Oh, hey, Bobby, check it out.
Some left a perfectly good corndog in here.
- Sweet! Splitsies?
- [ride bell rings]
- BOTH: [laughing, screaming]
- [loud thudding] - LORI: Oh!
- [milk bottles clatter] - A winner!
- Heya, babe.
- Oh, Clyde, thanks for winning this for me.
You have such a good arm. Do you work out?
- What's going on here? - Uh, hey, Bobby?
Look, Tic Tac Toe, or as I like to call it--
Tic Tac Bro.
- A winner!
- For you. - Whoa!
I've always wanted a remote-controlled airplane.
- [buzzing airplane thuds] - LORI: [gasps]
- BOBBY: Come on, bro! - Later, sis.
- [buzzing airplane thuds]
- [bell clangs] - MAN: A winner!
- LORI: [sighing]
One cotton candy, please.
- [machine whirring]
- [Clyde's head thudding]
- Hey, babe, you never eat cotton candy off my head.
- Here, Bobby, I got us snow cones,
or as I like to call them--bro cones.
- Sweet!
Let's see who can get a brain freeze first.
- BOTH: [gasping]
- Yeah! - Wahoo!
- Ew...
- [water squirting]
- CLYDE: [thuds] - LORI: Oh, Clyde...
[laughing] Here, snuggle in closer.
Oh? Hi, guys.
- Wait, babe, are you snuggling with the Clydesdale?
- Bobby, check it out-- cowboys on dinosaurs.
Wanna take a broto? - Good call, my man.
- [sighing]
Hey, guys!
- Babe, the Tunnel of Love is our ride.
- I know, but you were off with Lincoln, so...
- Bobby, look at that ride--the Toilet Bowl.
Or as I like to call it-- the Toilet Browl.
- No way! Let's go get flushed, bro!
- Bobby, wait!
- Join hands, you lovebirds. - [ride bell rings]
- LORI: [groans] - What an adorable couple.
- Oh, shut it.
This stinks.
This was supposed to be a romantic date with Bobby--
and now look where I am.
No offense, Clyde.
It's just I should be on this ride with my boyfriend.
Maybe I don't even have a boyfriend anymore.
Bobby doesn't seem to care about being with me at all.
Clyde?
- CLYDE: [plunks] - Clyde!
- [alarm blaring] - Got him!
We are five for five this week.
- BOBBY & LINCOLN: Toilet Browl!
- That was awesome! Up for number two?
- You read my mind, dude. Be right back.
- I was talking about the ride, but that's cool.
- [sobbing]
- Miss, your boyfriend's okay.
He's in the medical tent drying off.
- He's not my boyfriend.
I literally don't think I have a boyfriend anymore!
[sobbing] - All right, dude.
Ready to hit the broller-coaster?
- Listen, Bobby, we need to talk.
I don't think we should hang out anymore.
- What? No! What did I do wrong?
- It's not you. You're awesome.
But we're not being fair to Lori.
She misses you.
- [whimpering] - Be strong.
We can still do bro stuff once in a while.
But, for now, maybe you should find Lori
and take her on the Tunnel of Love.
- Good idea.
The way you look out for others--
it's what makes you such a great bro.
I can't right now.
- Thank you for riding the Tunnel of Love.
Watch your step, lovebirds.
- Hey, Linc, Bobby told me what you did.
Thank you. - No problem.
I'm sorry I was hogging him.
Besides, I was running out of bro puns.
- Bobby was right. You're literally a great bro.
- You'd better get back to your boyfriend.
- But what are you gonna do?
- Don't worry about me.
Now that I think about it, I've already got a bro--Clyde.
Where is he anyway?
- MAN ANNOUNCING: Would the parents of a soggy boy
with cotton candy in his nose please come to the medical tent.
- There's my answer.
Clyde, I hope you didn't feel left out
while I was hanging with Bobby.
- Are you kidding? I got to have a date with Lori.
I just wish I could remember it. - [knock at door]
- Hey, is Lori here? - Yeah, come on in.
So, are we cool? - Totally, dude.
- I appreciate you being so mature--
especially after the very romantic date
I'm told I just had with your lady.
- ALL: Broshake!
- Clyde? - ALL: [gasping]
- The sister-who- cannot-be-named
would like to thank you
for hanging out with her at the fair.
Further, she would like you to have this gift
as a remembrance of your time together.
- For me? L-L-Lori?
[thuds, groans]
- That's my bro. - OTHERS: [laughing]
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad, but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud House
♪ Loud House
♪ Duck and dodge
♪ And push and shove
♪ That's the way we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House, Loud House ♪
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud House ♪