- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like ping pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's gotta do what he can to survive ♪
♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
♪ Duck, dodge, push and shove ♪
♪ This is how we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
♪ Loud! Loud! Loud!
♪ Loud House! ♪ - Boo boo.
- ♪
- Ah, nothing like reading comics on a peaceful summer--
- [horn honking] - [gasps]
- Uh, a little help?
- Back from another birthday party?
- Uh, my third gig this weekend.
I could really use an assistant.
Hey, what about you?
You're great with Gary.
- [Gary chomps] - Hey, stop that!
I thought Lucy was helping you.
- ♪
- And now, if my assistant will just hand me one more balloon,
we'll have a pterodactyl.
- [birds chirping]
- [balloons pop] - You killed the dinosaur!
- KIDS: [booing]
- [buzzer rings]
- [chicken squeaks] - Lucy didn't work out.
Neither did Lynn.
What do you say we add some melon?
- KIDS: [cheering]
- [watermelon thuds] - KIDS: [booing]
- [buzzer rings]
- Or Leni.
Why are clowns never bored?
'Cause we're good at keeping occu-pied.
[clears throat]
I said, good at keeping occu-pied.
- KIDS: [cheering]
- [buzzer rings]
- Or Lisa.
- [trumpet fanfare]
- Hey, birthday boy.
Why don't you take the seat of honor?
- [farting noise]
- KIDS: [laughing]
- No, no! No one eat that cake!
It clearly causes gastrointestinal distress.
- KIDS: [crying]
- [buzzer rings]
- Well, I am so honored to be your fifth choice.
- Come on, Lincoln. Please?
I really need your help.
- I don't know.
I'm not really the performing type.
I don't want to make a fool of myself on stage.
- Don't worry. That's my job.
All you have to do is help with the props.
- Uh, I don't think it's for--
What's that? - Ah, just birthday cake.
I always get sent home with leftovers.
- Oh... [drooling]
- Usually I share it with my assistant.
But since this job isn't for you--
- When did I say that?
- [bell ringing]
- LUAN: Why are clowns never bored?
'Cause we're good at keeping occu-pied!
- LINCOLN: [screams] - [loud crash]
- Sorry!
- KIDS: [laughing, cheering]
- That was awesome.
The part when I tripped,
and then the audience laughed, and then clapped?
Amazing!
- Glad you enjoyed it.
Now here, I need you to clean this.
Gary pooped in it. - [foghorn bellows]
- What do you say we add some melon?
- KIDS: [cheering]
- Whoa, nelly!
- KIDS: [laughing]
- Man, great crowd, huh? - Yeah, super.
So, what was that all about with the watermelon?
- Well, you know, audiences seem to love it
when I fall down, so--
- Let me worry about the audience.
You take care of deodorizing these clown shoes.
- Whoopsy-daisy!
- [loud crash] - LENI & LANA: [laughing]
- See? I do know what audiences like.
- And now, if my assistant will hand me one more balloon,
we'll have a pterodactyl.
- [high-pitched voice] I went a little overboard
with the helium.
Whoa, good gravy! - [loud crash]
- KIDS: [laughing, cheering]
- What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me. - KIDS: [laughing]
- Gadzooks! - KIDS: [laughing]
- I guess lunch is on me. - KIDS: [laughing]
- [laughs] He is hilarious.
- I know. LOL.
I just learned what that means.
- [trumpet fanfare]
- All right, birthday boy.
Why don't you take the seat of honor?
- [farting noise]
- Holy macaroni! - [loud crash]
- KIDS: [laughing]
[excited chatter]
- Boy, we are killing it.
But I've been thinking,
maybe you should do a little less of the talky stuff
and more of the pratfalls.
- Are you kidding me? - What?
- Look, Lincoln.
Just because you got a few laughs
does not make you an expert on clowning.
There's a lot more to it than just falling on your butt.
- Well, the audience sure seems to like my--
- Lincoln, enough! No more pratfalls.
I am the clown. You are the assistant.
Now go refill these whoopee cushions.
- But they're already inflated.
- [farting noises] - Not anymore.
- [door slams] - Oh, yeah?
Well, that would've been funnier if you'd fallen on your butt!
How dare she speak to me like that!
After everything I've done for this business?
You'd think she'd have a little more--
- [phone rings] - [gasps]
Funny Business, Inc. Your fun is our business.
Lincoln speaking.
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters] - Yes, we're available the 11th.
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters] - What?
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters] - Oh, really?
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters]
- Great. See you the 11th.
- Who did we just book?
- Actually, the correct question would be, who did I just book?
- LISA: You're both wrong. It's "whom."
- [door slams] - They only wanted me.
- Yeah, right. - It's true.
You may not recognize my talent,
but apparently the birthday party community does.
- So, what are you gonna do for your act?
Fall on your butt for an hour?
- That's exactly what I'm going to do,
'cause the audiences love it.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go put on my padded underwear.
- [glass shatters]
- [chomps]
- So, how old is the birthday girl?
Four? Five?
- Thirteen.
- ♪
- Oh.
A little older than my usual crowd, but no problem.
My comedy is ageless.
Hey, guys! Who's ready to laugh?
Whoopsy-doodle! Now who put this here?
- Um, you did, obviously.
- Maybe these glasses will help me see better.
- [eyeballs boing]
- Eye-a-watha! - [loud crash]
- [eyeballs boing]
- I really gotta get my prescription checked.
- Mom, look what that loser clown did to my poster.
- TWEENS: [texting]
- Oh, look at that! I have a message, too.
Mom, didn't I tell you not to text me at--whoa!
- [cake splats]
- Remember, guys, never walk and text.
- Ugh, now he's gonna lecture us?
- He ruined my cake.
Mom, why did you hire him?
I swear, if I had a door around me,
I would slam it so hard right now.
- Um, excuse me, everyone.
There will now be a brief unscheduled intermission.
Text amongst yourselves.
- Where are you going?
I paid you to perform for an hour.
- But I'm doing my best material and they hate me.
- Well, try something else.
You're a professional clown, aren't you?
- Remind me not to book Funny Business, Inc.
for my kid's birthday. - Me, neither.
- Oh, me neither. I don't want my kid to hate me.
- Heh-heh-heh.
Sorry, gotta run to the little clown's room.
- [dialing phone] - [phone rings]
- Funny Business, Inc. Your fun is our business.
- Luan! - Ugh!
[static noises] I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
[static noises]
My clown car's going through a tunnel.
- [phone rings] - Luan, it's me.
- I know. That's why I hung up.
- [phone rings]
- This is a business line, Lincoln.
What do you want?
- Luan, I'm bombing out here.
You gotta help me. Please!
- Oh, how could I possibly help you?
You're the clowning expert.
- No, I'm not. You are.
You told me there's a lot more to clowning
than just falling on your butt, and you were right.
Will you please come help me?
- I don't know, Lincoln.
Maybe bombing would be a good learning experience for you.
- Well, there's one other thing.
I think I'm ruining the reputation
of Funny Business, Inc.
These parents are brutal.
- Don't move. I'll be right there.
- [hat squishes]
- [foghorn bellows] - Aah! Gary!
- [teeth chattering]
Luan! Wait, how did you know I was in here?
- Well, this was a pretty good clue.
- Oh. So, what's the plan?
- Okay. Let's see what we got here.
Hm, emo tweens. Notoriously tough crowd.
But don't worry. This isn't my first mopefest.
- [accordion music] - [cane tapping]
- ♪
- Oh, I get it.
She's, like, trapped in a box.
That's exactly how I felt when my mom said
I couldn't dye my hair purple.
- ♪
- Wow.
It's, like, the soul-crushing pointlessness of seventh grade.
- You ready to do this?
- I don't know.
- You'll be fine. Just follow my lead.
- ♪
- Wow. It's about how we're all just, like, clones.
- That's what I was gonna say.
- Exactly.
- [slow applause]
- I have to get their business card.
- [excited chatter]
- Well, I call the weekend of the 22nd.
- [cheering and applause]
- Thanks for saving my butt.
You were amazing out there.
And I'm sorry for the way I was acting.
- It's okay.
I remember how great it was to get my first big laugh.
I shouldn't have been so harsh.
Still my assistant?
- Still your assistant.
Let me get those for ya.
Whoa! - [farting noises]
- [laughs]
You know, that actually was kinda funny.
Here, let me help--whoa! Good gravy!
- [farting noise] - BOTH: [laughing]
- Eye-a-watha! - [farting noise]
- ♪
- FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: Good evening, everybody.
Stay warm and stay tuned,
because we'll have tonight's weather right after this.
- Oh, spirit in the sky, grant my wish.
- Fingers crossed.
- Everything crossed.
- [burps] [giggles]
- I got my lucky rabbit's foot.
- I got my lucky booger.
This baby got me through preschool.
- And I got my lucky jock. - [jockstrap snaps]
- [groans]
You may be wondering what the heck is going on here.
I'll show you.
See that? Snow. Beautiful snow.
And if it keeps coming down,
we could be in for a snow day tomorrow.
So tonight, we're doing everything
in our power to make it happen.
- LANA: Dudes, the weather's on.
- Patchy Drizzle here taking on the weather, myself.
Rolling up my sleeves, taking it on.
Better put on the old snowshoes, folks,
'cause we could be getting up to 24 inches
of Mother Nature's dandruff.
I regret saying that.
[clears throat]
The following schools will be closed tomorrow.
- ALL: Royal Woods! Royal Woods! Royal Woods!
- Beaverton, Hazletacky, Huntington Oaks, and...
that's it! - ALL: Aw...
- Why you lousy-- - I'm just kidding.
You, too, Royal Woods.
- LOUD KIDS: [cheering]
[chanting] Snow day! Snow day! Snow day!
- Snow day! - This just in.
There will not be a snow day tomorrow.
Once I spread my super-strength salt across the city's roadways,
we shall have no trouble accessing school.
- ALL: [booing]
- Why would you ruin our snow day?
- [clears throat] For every school day you miss,
your brain functionality
decreases by approximately 0.006%.
- But Lisa, snow days are f-o-n, fun!
- I rest my case.
Besides, I fail to see how frolicking in frigid
temperatures like a bunch of nincompoops is fun.
- What if we could show you how fun snow days can be?
Then would you call off the salt?
- That's a great idea, bro! - [excited chatter]
- Yeah! [chanting] F-o-n! F-o-n!
- ALL: [chanting] F-o-n! F-o-n!
- Fine!
But only because I can't stand to hear you spell erroneously.
- ALL: [cheering]
- Wait, I thought we were spelling "fun."
- [wind gusting]
- [excited chatter]
- Okay, you've got four hours.
Dazzle me or it's back to school for you truants.
- [wind gusting]
- Woo-hoo, sledding!
What do you think, Lise?
- I think my buttocks are cold.
Whoa!
And now bruised.
- [wind gusting]
- Here's another snow day classic.
Snow fort! Come on in.
You gotta check out the built-in cup holders.
- Hm...
lacks crossbeams, load-bearing walls,
a solid foundation.
- LINCOLN: All choices I made.
- Hardly up to code.
- LINCOLN: It's collapsible, too.
- How about lettin' old Lans take the reins?
- Knock yourself out.
My buttocks are cold and bruised.
- [wind gusting]
- Say hello to Mr. Twig Arms.
- Huh. So, what does Mr. Twig Arms do?
- Uh, nothing.
But he's awful jolly.
- Perhaps if you valued your education,
you could build something with more pizazz.
- [motor starts]
- [electronic signal vibrating]
- Say hello to Mr. Reinforced Titanium Alloy Arms.
- [scanner beeping]
- [lasers zapping]
- [explosion]
- Sorry. I forgot he has jolly-seeking lasers.
- [wind gusting]
- Here's the returning champion, Lola Loud,
about to execute a triple salchow.
Come on, Lisa! It's your turn.
- Mm, based on water density, air temp,
and the weight of a small human,
that ice should give way in three, two--
- [ice cracks] - [water splashes]
- Dang it. - Dang it's right.
I was one second off.
- [wind gusting]
- What exactly are we doing?
- Playing corpsesicle.
It's my favorite snow game.
- How do you win? By getting hypothermia?
- Yes.
- [wind gusting]
- Watch this, Lise. You're gonna love snow pranks.
Ice butt! - [screams]
Cold, cold, cold, cold! - LUAN: [laughing]
Oh, man, classic Luan.
- Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!
- Uh, as the famous Shackleton Expedition has shown us,
losing a buttock to frostbite is no laughing matter.
- Eesh! I'd really like to make a crack right now,
but it's snow time to be cheeky!
[laughs] Get it?
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!
- [wind gusting]
- Representing Royal Woods in the world bobsled finals,
it's Lynn and Lisa Loud!
Oh, yeah!
- Whoa! Oh! Oh! Stop!
- [grunts] Uh-oh!
- I can't see this ending well.
- [bobsled zooming]
- LISA: [screams]
[groans]
- Um, snow angels?
- It's over, guys.
Snow days are both pointless and a health hazard.
Ergo, I shall unleash the salt.
- ALL: No!
- [wind gusting]
- Aw, come on. Seriously?
- My decision is final. You cannot talk me out of it.
- [snowball thwacks] - What was that?
All right, who did that?
- Aw, you finks!
- You've poked a bear, my friend.
- [laughs] What are you gonna do?
- [snowball thwacks]
- Ha! That was actually quite satisfying.
- Here, Lana. - Let's help you up.
- [snowball thwacks] - Oh!
- [snowballs thwacking] - LINCOLN: Ow!
- Hey, this is kind of-- - LINCOLN: Fun?
- Yes, f-o-n. Fun.
- ALL: [laughing, cheering]
- [blowing air]
- Hey, Lincoln. Thanks for today.
You've made a snow day convert out of me.
- Well, I'm glad you had fun, especially since Patchy
says we're going back to school tomorrow.
- [gasps] Hm...
- Lincoln, wake up. It's a snow day miracle.
- Lynn, what are you talking about?
- [giggles] Look outside.
- What in the wide-- How is this even possible?
- Oh, my lucky booger worked again.
- LISA: [imitates buzzer] Incorrect.
I called some friends at NASA. They pulled a few strings.
And a little cloud- seeding later,
we have ourselves another snow day.
- That is awesome! Thanks, Lisa.
- Aw, I still think it was you, lucky B.
[smooches]
- [wind gusting]
- ♪
- Yeah!
- [snowballs thwacking]
- [snow thuds]
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
There's nothing like another whole day
of lobbing frozen projectiles.
Woo-hoo! Snow day!
- [wind gusting]
- Ah, even better.
- [snowballs thwacking]
- [gasps] Mr. Twig Arms Junior!
- LISA: Ho, ho, ho! Look alive, Lana!
Mr. Twig Arms sure doesn't.
Ha ha!
- [wind gusting]
- Hey, Lynn.
Say hello to my not-so-little friend.
- [snowballs thwacking] - Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Snow day!
- Dang it. - [wind gusting]
- Hey, guys, I wanna show you my latest invention:
the ultra snowzooka-- patent pending.
Guys?
Where'd they go?
- Sheesh, we've created a monster.
- At least we're safe in here.
- Yeah, it's not like she can bring snow inside the house.
- [snowballs thwacking]
- LISA: Behold, my latest latest invention:
indoor snow-- patent pending.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! - OTHERS: [screaming]
- Boo-Boo Bear, Lisa is literally out of control.
[panting]
- On the contrary, I've never felt more in control...
or more alive.
She'll have to call you back, Boo-Boo Bear.
- I love you. - [snowballs thwacking]
- LANA: [screams] - [snowballs thwacking]
- Is nothing sacred?
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
- I think we're safe in here.
- I brought chestnuts for roasting.
- LISA: Yoo-hoo?
Here's Jack Frost nipping at your nose.
- Oh, shoot. - [snow splats]
- LUCY: That maniac will never find me here.
- Ah, mind if I join you?
- It's pretty crowded up here with me and the spirits.
But I think there's room next to Great Grandma Harriet.
- Whew! Oh, safe at last.
- [heavy rumbling]
- BOTH: [scream]
- LUCY: Help me, Grandma! - [snowball thuds]
- Oh, spirit in the sky, end this madness.
- Please, please, no more snow.
- Yeah. I can't take another day of this.
- [burps] [giggles]
- How do you reverse a rabbit's foot?
- Lucky B, you've gone too far!
- Dudes, it's on!
- Well, no one saw this coming,
but it looks like we're in for another foot of snow tonight.
And that's gonna mean--
- ALL: [gasping] - --school closings!
- ALL: [groaning]
- Yes-s-s-s!
Thank you, NASA.
Are you punks ready for tomorrow?
'Cause my snow-powered tank sure is.
- [remote beeps]
- LOUD KIDS: No!
- Lisa, please! Enough!
You have to call off the snow day.
- Sorry, Bub.
Cloud-seeding isn't exactly reversible.
- Then use your special salt.
- But I'm really looking forward to another snow day.
You guys convinced me they are f-o-n, fun.
- I think we've had enough fun.
- Please! - We've gotta go back to school.
- Bring on the learnin'.
- Well, I'm quite crestfallen.
But if that is the consensus,
I'll submit to the will of the majority.
- So...going back to school?
S-k-o-o-l! S-k-o-o-l! - ALL: [cheering]
- Thanks, Lise.
- No problem, Lincoln.
Best get ready for bed.
School day tomorrow.
Well, Houston, mission accomplished.
My master plan was a major success.
I'm pretty sure my siblings
won't be wanting any more snow days.
And now that I've repurposed my snow tank to a salt-spraying,
snow-melting de-icer, it's time for some real f-u-n--
spelled correctly, I might add.
- [tank rumbling]
- ALL: [chanting] School day! School day!
School day! - Wait, what just happened?
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad, but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud House
♪ Loud House
♪ Duck and dodge
♪ And push and shove
♪ That's the way we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House, Loud House ♪
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud House ♪