- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like ping pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey
- ♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's gotta do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the loud house in the loud house ♪
♪ Dodge, dodge push and shove That's how we show our love ♪
- ♪ In the loud house in the loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy Ten girls ♪
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud! House! ♪
- ♪ Loud! Loud house! ♪
- Poo poo.
[hard rock music]
♪
Join me, Hunter Spector, spectre hunter,
leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters,
or ARGGH!
as I descend into the scariest place
in any home: the basement!
- [evil laugh]
- Don't miss it or you'll be left in the dark.
- It's finally here, the live season finale
of the greatest show ever!
All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself,
Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way
you're going to get to watch your favorite show.
And you'd be right.
Every Sunday at 8:00, it's the same thing.
- I was here first!
[girls arguing]
- But tonight, I have a plan.
Cadet Lincoln calling Cadet Clyde, do you read me?
- This is Cadet Clyde, I read you loud and clear.
I'm so excited!
We finally get to watch "ARGGH!" together,
and by "together," I mean you at your house
and me at mine, right?
- For such a landmark event, we decided
it'd be best for us to watch it separately.
Clyde's got a huge crush on my sister, Lori.
It gets awkward.
- Hubba hubba.
- Clyde? Clyde, do you read me?
- Uh, you'd better hurry, Lincoln, it's almost 8:00.
- It's time to put Operation Distract My Sisters
So That I Can Get to the TV First
and Watch the Special Live Season Finale of "ARGGH!"
and Think of a Shorter Name for This Operation...
into action.
[door opening] both: Cartoons!
Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons!
- Did someone say, "Tea party"?
- [squeals] Thank you, Lincoln.
- Hey, I don't wanna be part of some dumb old tea party.
I'm going to watch TV!
- Not even if these guys are invited?
[frog croaks]
- [squeals] Thanks, Lincoln!
[door opening] - Hey, Luan.
- I was just heading downstairs to watch TV.
- You might want to grab your video camera instead.
The twins are at it again.
[dishes breaking] - You can't! You can't!
VIP only!
- This is totally gonna go viral!
- Ow! Ow! - Thanks, Linc.
[door opening]
- Hey, Lisa, I saved you a trip downstairs
and got that stuff you needed.
- The lactose, triticum protein, sodium chloride crystals,
sucrose, and galus galus ovum?
- Uh, you mean, milk, flour, salt, sugar, and eggs?
You say tomato, I say Solanum Lycopersicum.
Thank you.
- Yeah! Two minutes to game time. Whoo!
- Hey, Lynn, check it out. I filled it with helium
for the extreme player who demands more.
- I demand more.
- Uh, go long!
- [whistles] [baby laughs]
- [grunts] Get over here, you!
- Oh, my gosh, Leni!
- What? Is there a spider on me?
Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!
[screams] [baby laughs]
- Worse, there's a zit on the end of your nose.
- I'm a hideous monster. [baby laughs]
- Hey, bro. TV tonight
is gonna be rockin'! Yeah!
- Or you could have your very own
flashlight rock show in your bedroom.
- That is sweet. Thanks, Linc.
- Has anyone seen my phone? I need to live-tweet my show.
- Hey, Lori.
Hey, hey, Lori, I found your phone.
- Give me that! How many times
do I have to tell you to keep your hands
off of my stuff? - Three, two, one.
[phone ringing] - Hello?
Oh, hi, Bobby. [giggles]
No, I didn't text you to call me,
but I'm glad you did.
Thanks for nothing, twerp.
[baby snores]
- And that makes ten.
[rock music]
Like I said, I might not be the fastest
and I might not be the strongest,
but to get all of my sisters out of the way,
it pays to have a plan.
- You forgot me. - Ahh!
- Lucy! I always forget about Lucy!
- Story of my life.
- What are you doing here?
- It's the season premiere of my favorite show,
"Vampires of Melancholia."
- This is the episode of "ARGGH!" that everyone's
going to be talking about at school tomorrow.
Please let me watch it.
Pretty please with a black cherry on top?
- I'm sorry, Lincoln, but you know the rule.
I was here...
[slowed down voice] First.
- No!
Ha!
- That's the old remote that Lily threw into the toilet.
- Ugh!
[coughs and spits]
[sobs]
- Sorry, Lincoln, I can't miss my vampires.
Edwin is so cold and tormented and mysterious.
Sigh.
If only he wasn't from another century.
- Another century.
That's okay, Lucy,
you watch your show on the big color TV.
I'll just go watch my show
on Dad's crummy old black and white TV.
- Black and white are my favorite colors.
- Yeah, it'll make watching my show
a little bit more spooky.
- Spooky is also my favorite color.
- Well, enjoy your vampires.
- Wait. I'll take the old TV.
- [grunts]
How can only two colors be so heavy?
Here you are.
Now to plug it in,
so you can be happy or sad or whatever that emotion is.
And I won't be left in the dark.
Dang it.
[all talking over each other] - All right, all right,
everybody just calm down.
- [screams] Guys, I can't see anything!
I think I've gone blind.
- No, you didn't go blind. What the heck happened?
- I was just plugging in the old TV for Lucy
and it must have made the lights go out.
- Of course it was your fault, Lincoln.
- Lincoln! [all complaining]
- What? All I did was
plug in some dumb old TV.
- Hey, I know why the lights went out,
'cause they liked each other.
[laughs] Get it? Get it?
[all groan] - That one was so good,
it deserves a cookie.
- Oh, thanks. So anyway,
what did one light bulb say to the other?
[all gasp] - You're glowing.
- Oh, I already told you that one?
- No, dude, you are glowing.
- Hey, wow.
- Everyone back away from Luan.
Lisa, Mom and Dad said you're not allowed to use
your siblings as experimental guinea pigs anymore.
- Yeah, not after what you did to me.
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
- My face feels funny.
- Classic.
All I did was infuse the bioluminescent DNA
of the Aequorea Victoria Jellyfish into a cookie.
I call them "Gloweos." Besides, now we can see.
- Okay, everyone huddle around Luan.
- I always knew I was the light of your life.
[laughs] [all groan]
- Okay, so how about we get that power back on?
- Hey, when Mom and Dad are out, I'm in charge,
so first, we need to get a head count
to make sure we're all here.
- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
And me. That's 11. Yep, that's all of us.
We are all here and accounted for.
- You forgot me. - Ahh!
Can I go flip the circuit breaker
and get the lights back on
before Lucy gives me a heart attack?
- Again, in charge. I'll do it.
Where is this circuit breaker thingy?
- In the basement.
[scary music]
- Why am I the one who has to do this?
all: Because you're in charge.
- All right, all right. Come on, Luan, light the way.
- That's the brightest idea you've had all day.
[laughs]
[all gasp] - Ooh.
I thought I was staying in tonight,
but I guess I'm going out. [laughs]
[all groan]
- Lisa, give her another one of those cookies.
We won't tell.
- Negative. That was the only one.
Prototype.
- Just great. [wood creaking]
[gasps] There's something in the basement.
I'm not going down there.
- Ooh! You're scared of the dark.
- I am not. You're the one who's scared.
- I'm not afraid of anything.
- Boo. - Ahh!
[all talking over each other]
both: There's a ghost in the basement!
[both sobbing]
- Guys! I'm running out of time!
It's really important that I-I-I--
[sighs] Fix this.
Okay, quiet!
Come here, you two. It's okay.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Your big brother will protect you.
In fact, I will protect all of you!
For I am Cadet Lincoln, highly trained student
of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, or...
"ARGGH!"
[rock music]
Cadet Clyde, this is Cadet Lincoln.
Forget the plan. I'm going to need back up.
♪
- Cadet Clyde, reporting for duty.
L-L-L-Lori?
Red alert, red alert. does not compute.
Circuit overload. Must abort mission.
- I told you it gets awkward.
I will now descend into the scariest place
in the house: the basement.
But fear not. With my official
"ARGGH!" branded night-vision goggles,
I can see in the dark.
Ahh!
- Lincoln? Are you okay?
- The bad news is, my goggles are just a toy,
and do not really see in the dark.
The good news is, they cushioned my face
from the hard basement floor.
- Hey, I think my video camera has a night vision setting.
- Sweet!
It's just like the cameras they use on "ARGGH!"
I'm going in.
- Wait! You're not leaving us up here all alone are you?
I mean, we couldn't possibly let you go down there all alone,
we should all go down together, as a group.
- Very well. I'll lead the way.
You may want to stay close. There's no telling
what could be lurking down here in the dark.
- There's nothing funny about this situation,
although I do like dark humor.
- Is someone touching my hand?
- You're touching your own hand.
- I hate basements.
[groaning effect] - Ahh! What's that moaning?
[all gasp]
- Don't freak out. It's just the pipes settling.
[scratching effect] - What's that scratching?
[all gasp]
- Don't be scared. It's just Cliff the cat.
[cat meows]
- What is that smell? [all gasp]
- It's just Lily with a full diaper.
[farting effect] - Poo poo.
- See, guys? I told you
there's nothing to be afraid of.
[gasps] - What is it?
- Lincoln. Lincoln!
- It's a ghost, and it knows my name!
[all screaming]
I'll save you, sisters.
Hiya-a-a!
Hiya! Take that, evil spirit!
- Cool it, Lincoln, it's not a ghost.
It's just our laundry.
- Lincoln, Lincoln, do you read me?
- Clyde?
- I was just callin' to say sorry
for not being such a good "ARGGH!" cadet,
and is your sister ready to date younger men?
- Never gonna happen.
- Was that your sister? Red alert. Red alert.
Overload. Overload.
- Guys, I still can't see!
- Open your eyes.
- It's a miracle!
- First one to the TV is couch commando.
- I can still get there first!
[adventure music]
♪
- Wow! That was by far
the best episode of "ARGGH!" ever.
I'd hate to be you if you missed it.
- No-o-o!
[sobbing] I can't believe I missed my show.
[sobs]
- Sorry you missed your show, Lincoln.
- But you just lived it. Check it out.
- It's a ghost and it knows my name!
[all screaming]
[laughter]
- I wasn't scared at all.
- You know, I may have missed my show,
but sometimes, it's not about being there first.
Sometimes, it's about being there together,
all of us.
- You forgot me. [all scream]
[spy music]