- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud House
♪ In the Loud House
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud House
- Poo-poo.
[rock music]
♪
- Come on, Lori. This is a lot of laundry!
I don't think it's worth it.
- Do you want a ride to the comic book store or not?
- [sighs] Fine.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where are you going?
Those are just my jeggings. Let me get the rest.
Wore this yesterday. Wore that Tuesday.
Whoops! That definitely needs to be washed.
- Lori's the only loud kid with a driver's license,
which means that, in this house...
there's no such thing as a free ride.
- In exchange for transporting me to the planetarium,
I've done your calculus homework.
Next time I would appreciate a challenge.
- Thanks for the ride to the cemetery.
I finished your poem for your ten week-iversary.
It's called "Bobby."
- Let's here it. - [clears throat]
"Bobby, I thought you were a stalker
"when you left brownies in my locker.
Bobby"-- - Hey, big sis!
I found your missing retainer in the garbage
and there was some perfectly good gum stuck to it.
- So where do you need a ride to?
- Ride? I just like digging in the trash.
- Thank you, thank you, and thank ew!
See, Lincoln? These guys respect
our arrangement.
Oh, and here are my dirty gym clothes too.
[boat horn blows]
And don't forget--I like the lavender-scented dryer sheets.
[crash] - Sorry, Leni!
[yelps]
What are you doing with all this stuff?
- I need a ride to the mall, so Lori told me to make her bed,
which is weird, 'cause I'm pretty sure
she already has one.
- Wait. Why are you doing chores for Lori?
Aren't you old enough to drive yourself to the mall?
- Yeah, but I failed the driving test 12 times.
Everyone's given up on teaching me.
Dad's still mad
about the "fire hydrant paperboy, nun" incident.
- [screaming]
- Should I leave a note?
- [sobs]
- What if I teach you to drive?
- Wow! You have your license?
- Well, no, but I do have a crazy high score
on "Total Turbo XXII,"
the world's "awesomest" racing video game.
- Fun!
Wait. Are there nuns in it?
- None that I know of. [giggles]
If I can help Leni get her license,
she'll drive us anywhere,
and Lori will have to wash her own jeggings.
- Wow! It's just like a real spinny thingy.
- Technically, it's called a "steering wheel."
So you ready to get started?
- Wait!
I need my special driving outfit!
[upbeat electronic music]
- Great. So can we get start--
- Wait!
I need my special driving smoothie!
[slurps]
It's a soy, pumpkin, cookie-crumble cream.
It's seasonal!
- Great. So now can we--
- Wait! - What is it now?
- Aren't you gonna open the door for me?
[slurps] - [sighs]
Click, creak.
- What a gentlemen.
[electronic music]
- Okay, all you have to do
is keep the steering wheel straight, and you'll--
- Like that? - Um, let's try again.
Just keep the wheel straight.
Okay, one more time.
The road is straight, so keep the wheel straight.
[tires screech]
Leni, you have to stay on the road!
- But what's the point?
We're not going anywhere fun!
- Sure we are! We're going to, uh, the mall!
- [gasps] Why didn't you say so?
- Game on!
[engine revving]
- Whoa! Go, Leni!
[beeping]
- Move it, slowpoke! Mama needs a new driving dress!
[electronic music]
- That was incredible!
- Out of my way, granny!
- Easy there, Fast and Furious.
- But I have to get to the mall!
- The mall can wait.
You've got a driving test to pass.
[rock music]
Go, Leni, go! Go, Leni, go!
Wait! The bus stop is that way!
Go, Leni, go! Go, Leni, go!
- Did you pass?
- No, she did not.
She did, however, refuse to obey the speed limit,
fail to use her turn signals, and she redirected
the test vehicle toward the mall,
where she proceeded to hip-check
and tackle Mrs. Jelinski!
- [muffled shouting]
- It's not fair!
When I did all that in the game, I won!
You guys need to get your rules straight!
[siren wailing]
- [sighs] - Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln.
That's your plan-- teaching Leni to drive?
She can't even drive a lawn mower.
- [screams] Make it stop!
[screams]
- Trust me, you're gonna fail-- you and Leni both.
Now, where's Lynn? She owes me a pedicure.
- This isn't over yet.
Hey, Leni. What are you doing?
- Going back to making Lori's bed.
- Nice craftsmanship!
But you can't give up on driving.
It was my fault you didn't pass the test.
- Maybe I'm just not meant to be behind the spinny thingy.
You know? - No!
See, my video-game approach was all wrong.
Let me try a different method.
Okay, lesson one-- preparing to drive.
- Ah, you're teaching Lenny to drive?
Score! Can I help?
I'm sick of sanding Lori's calluses.
Ugh, barf. - Thanks, Lynn!
- Me too. [both scream]
- I can't write another poem for Bobby.
I've run out of words that rhyme with "babe."
- [chuckles nervously] Thanks, Lucy.
- I can help! I can help!
- Me, me, me, me!
- I can be of assistance.
- All right, guys. We need to set it up
like a real car.
[indistinct chatter]
Thanks, guys!
Luna's bass drum is the brake.
And Luan's whoopee cushion is the accelerator.
[imitated flatulence]
- "Accelerator"? Don't you mean "gas"?
[giggles] Get it?
- This golf club's the gear shift.
The wreath is the steering wheel.
Car horn, turn signal...
and, oh, these keys
are, well, the keys.
Got all that?
- Sure. all: Great!
- Okay, first, fasten your seat belt.
- That was easy.
- Next, check your mirrors.
- Why? Do I look bad?
- No, no, no, no. I meant--
- Stop the car!
I can't drive in this hideous condition!
[all groan]
That's better!
- [sighs] Lesson 12--
avoiding road hazards.
There's a squirrel in the road. What do you do?
- [imitates squirrel chattering]
- [screams]
- Use your turn signal. [beats drum]
No, that's the brake. [imitated flatulence]
No, that's the gas. [slap lands]
No, that's my face! This, this is the turn signal!
- Oh, you mean the blinky-blink?
- The blinky-blink?
- Yeah, it's right by the spinny thingy.
- The spinny--
[gasps] That's the problem!
I haven't been speaking Leni.
- There's a country named after me?
- No, I mean I haven't been using words you understand.
Let me try again.
Use the blinky-blink.
Good! Now turn left.
I mean turn to your good side.
Now we're getting somewhere!
Hey, crew, we're gonna need some new car parts.
- [squeals]
- This is brake pedal.
What does the brake pedal do?
White shoes after Labor Day! - Ew, stop!
- Exactly.
- I "gas" you won't be needing this.
[imitated flatulence] [giggles]
- [growls] - This is the gas pedal.
What does the gas pedal do?
Boots from the '60s.
- Go-go! - Yes!
Leni, I think you're ready for the next level.
Remember what we practiced, Leni.
- Go-go boot! [engine revs]
White shoe! [squirrel chips]
[sighs] Go-go boot!
- Whoa! - Watch out!
- Good side!
- She's doing it! Yeah, nice job, Leni!
- I'm doing it!
- Ugh! Stupid jeggings.
[gasps, yelps]
Where is everybody?
Lynn? I'm still waiting on that pedicure!
[kids cheering in the distance]
I'm not giving up the car keys that easily.
- Night, Leni!
You're gonna do great tomorrow!
- Night, Lincoln!
Night, Lori!
- [snoring]
- Click. - Got it!
- Never check your mirrors.
Always comment on your driving instructor's weight.
In America, we drive on the left side
of the road.
- Ah! There you are.
Don't you need a ride to the comic book store?
And lavender sheets-- don't forget.
- No, thanks.
I'll think I'll wait for Leni to get back
from taking her driving test, with her new license.
- [scoffs] She's not gonna pass!
Now, get to washing.
- Actually, I'm pretty sure she will pass.
- No, she won't, because I made sure of it.
- Wait. What? - Nothing!
- Uh, no, you don't!
So help me, Lori, I will shrink your favorite
Bobby sweater in the dryer if you don't tell me what you--
- Stop! Fine.
[sighs] I might have sabotaged Leni
by giving her bad driving instructions
while she slept, but it's just because
if Leni can drive, my room will never be clean,
and no one will ever need me for anything ever again.
- Are you crazy, woman?
What if your bad driving instructions make Leni crash?
What if she gets hurt?
- I didn't think of that.
We got to get to the DMV!
[tires screech]
- Oh, thank goodness she's okay.
- And maybe she passed!
- No, she did not!
She did, however, drive on the wrong side of the road,
neglected to check her mirrors,
and commented on the driving instructor's weight!
- Well, that makes 14.
Guess I'll have to drive a lawn mower forever.
- Look, Leni, it wasn't your fault.
- Yes, it was.
You worked so hard to help me pass.
You even learned to speak Leni...
which I still can't believe
there's a country named after me.
[sighs] I blew it.
I was just thinking about all the fun places
I would drive us to--
the mall, the comic book store, the mall.
I'm sorry I let you down.
- I can't take it anymore!
It was my fault! I sabotaged your test.
- Sabo-tage?
- It's like she went and bought the dress she knew you wanted.
- [gasps] How could you?
- I'm really sorry, Leni.
But I know how to make it up to you!
- You'll buy me the dress!
- It was really nice of you to help Leni practice
for her next test.
- It's the least I could do.
- Is this the car-pool lane?
[epic music]