- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud, Loud, Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[rock music]
♪
- Watch in awe as the Amazing Lincoln
displays his unbelievable yo-yo skills.
I shall now walk the dog.
Not you, Charles. I meant the yo-yo.
- [whining]
- I shall now go around the world.
Sorry, still talking about the yo-yo.
- [whining]
[banging]
[crashing]
- The Amazing Lincoln will now take a brief intermission.
Yikes.
I better go tell Lisa.
- You've completely destroyed my life's work!
I despise you, and you no longer exist to me!
- Yeah, I'm not telling Lisa.
- [whining]
- Oh, come on, Charles, when did you get a conscience?
I've seen you poop on the couch.
Besides, if I just walk away,
what's the worst thing that could happen?
I'll just remove the evidence, and they'll be none the wiser.
[suspenseful music]
[explosion]
- I don't understand what went wrong.
Science is a fickle mistress.
- Hi, Lori.
Have we always had a window in our closet?
- [sighs] It's not a window.
Lisa's experiment blew a hole in the wall.
What's this?
"To my bodacious babe"?
Leni, why is this picture of Bobby hidden
on your side of the closet?
- Oh, there it is.
That was a surprise present from Bobby
for your 88-day-a-versary.
He asked me to hide it for him, but I forgot where I put it.
- That anniversary was eight days ago.
And Bobby gave me socks.
I can't believe this.
You're literally seeing Bobby behind my back!
You are no longer my sister!
- Everything okay after that unexpected and totally random
explosion that I know nothing about?
- Argh! [slamming door]
[crashing]
- What happened?
- A shelf fell on your head.
- Of course.
Everyone knows that an object falling at a velocity
of 9.8 meters per second squared
will result in a temporary loss of consciousness.
- I knew that.
The question is, how did you?
- Hey, I saw this in a movie once.
I bet getting hit on the head altered Leni's brain
and made her smart.
- Lincoln, you seem unable to distinguish between
scientific fact and preposterous Hollywood schlock.
- I don't get it.
- See?
Same old Leni--
can't even understand simple English.
- No, I don't get why you multiplied
your Z-polynomials before solving your non-negative
integer exponents.
- [gasps]
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm off to disprove Newtonian physics.
Bye-bye!
- My world no longer makes sense.
- [growling]
- Don't you have a couch to poop on?
Charles, that was a rhetorical question.
- [whines]
- [screaming]
[smashing]
[panting] - What are you so upset about?
- I just got kicked off all my sports teams
because I'm failing school!
- How could you fail? Doesn't Lisa tutor you?
- She used to, until she dropped out and got a job
as a gas station attendant at Flip's Food N' Fuel.
- She what?
- Ugh!
Without sports, my life is meaningless!
- I present to you your new Miss Cute, and--
[smash]
Ow, my nose!
[gasps]
I am a hideous monster.
- It's not that bad, Lola.
- My pageant career is over!
[smashing, teeth crackling] Oh, my teeth!
[sobbing]
- [growling]
- Fine. I'll fix it.
[tires screeching]
Lisa, why are you doing this?
- Flip's the only guy who'll hire
four-year-olds with no experience.
- No, I mean, why are you doing any of this?
Come home. Lynn needs you.
- Why don't you get Miss Smarty-Pants to help her?
Speak of the devil...
Regular or unleaded? - Oh, I don't need gas.
I just won the Nobel Prize for inventing a car
that runs on apple juice.
- Of course you did.
- Fill her up, please.
- And then we'll all get in Leni's juice-mobile,
go home, and forget all this nonsense.
- Can't, I'm off to Harvard. Au revoir!
Adios! Auf Wiedersehen. And aloha.
- Aha! Aloha means "hello."
- It also means "good-bye."
- Dang it, I used to know that.
- Hey, Chatty Cathy, back to work!
[phone ringing]
- Hello? Charles?
- [barking] - She's what?
- [barking] - All right, I'm on my way.
- Look who it is-- Miss Soon-to-Heal.
- [grunting]
What do you want?
- [screaming]
I mean, you're looking better.
- Oh, nice try, Lincoln, But I am out of here.
I can't stay where I'm constantly reminded
of my former self--
my beautiful, beautiful self.
- But--but--
- [grunting]
[smack!]
I'll send for this.
- Lola, wait!
Oof!
- Careful, Lincoln, you get could seriously injured.
- Lana, what are you doing in there?
- I saw what happened to Lola.
Life is a fragile thing.
I don't want to take any risks.
- But you're the queen of risks.
- Was the queen of risks.
From now on, I'll stay in here where it's safe.
You know what I'm talking about, huh, Geo?
- Lana, you can't be serious.
Lana?
- ♪ Things have gotten drastic ♪
♪ Now my sister lives in plastic ♪
♪ Where did it all go wrong?
- Luna? - Check it, bro.
I uploaded a song I wrote about our family
going down the highway to-- hello!
I just got 50 more hits!
[crashing]
- [gasps] Mick Swagger?
- Your singing is amazing. You got to join my tour!
- Luna is in!
- Don't you leave too! The family's falling apart!
- Sorry, dude!
[suspenseful music]
- Clyde, this is Lincoln. Come in.
I've got a code blue!
- Code blue?
You did something wrong and lied about it
and now everything is all messed up?
- Affirmative. Can you come over?
- Negative. I've got a code green.
- You showed up to school in your underwear?
- No, that's code orange.
Hang on.
[camera shutter clicks]
- Sweet mother of--
What are you doing with Lori?
- I've been trying to tell you.
A code green: Lori broke up with Bobby, and I'm the rebound guy!
- Happy eight-minute-a-versary, shnookie boo-boo sugar bear.
- Bleh! What is happening to my family?
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there? - This is not a joke, Lincoln.
Do you know what's going on in the world?
Here, take Mr. Coconuts.
He just reminds me of all the trees being cut down
in the rainforest.
- Wait, Luan-- what brought this on?
- Well, ever since Luna left,
I've had no one to try my jokes out on,
so I've been watching a lot of cable news.
And what I've seen is horrific.
So I've decided to become...
an activist!
- Don't be ridiculous.
You're a comedian.
[pie splatters]
See? Funny, right?
[rumbling]
[animals howling]
What the heck was that?
- They're just Lana's pets. I liberated them.
And now I'm off to heal this ticking time bomb we call Earth.
- Wait, Luan. You can't be serious.
[monkey screams]
Argh!
[monkey chattering]
Get back here, Izzy!
- [rattling]
Izzy, come to Uncle Lincoln!
- And now for tonight's top stories:
Former rising star Luna Loud
was kicked off the Mick Swagger tour
for destroying a hotel room.
- [in British accent] All I wanted
was a bleeding pillow mint!
- Luna?
- In a "related" story,
former comedian turned activist Luan Loud
has chained herself to a giant redwood.
- Hey, hey, ho, ho!
Keep your hands off! Let it grow!
- Luan?
- I'm being told we have breaking news.
- Please don't be one of my sisters.
- Tucker, I'm here at Flip's Food N' Fuel,
where two unknown bandits have just made off
with a carload of beef jerky and a cotton candy machine.
- They're not unknown; they're my sisters.
[slurping]
Their betrayal hurts more than this brain freeze.
- I'm getting word that the bandits
are currently leading police on a slow-speed chase.
[sirens wailing]
[helicopters whirring]
- Where did it all go wrong?
- One has to wonder:
where did it all go wrong for these girls?
And why is a four-year-old working at a gas station?
- Interview over!
Wait--don't forget to come down to Flip's Food N' Fuel,
home of the Flippee!
Now the interview's over.
- I was watching that.
- Argh!
Lucy, at least you're still normal.
- [hissing]
- Argh! Not normal!
- I was bitten by Lana's liberated vampire bat.
Greatest day ever.
[smoke poofs]
- Nine sisters lost, but there's still one I can save.
[dramatic music]
Lily?
[crashing]
- [giggling]
- Lily!
Oh, no! Lisa's chemicals!
What have I done?
- Mmm. Yum, yum.
♪
- Don't eat me, Lily! [screaming]
So that's the worst thing that could happen.
- [barking]
- I totally agree. I'm going to tell Lisa.
- Tell Lisa what? [gasping]
- I was playing with my yo-yo, and it got out of control
and wrecked your experiment, and I'm really, really sorry!
Go ahead and disown me, 'cause I deserve it!
I'm confused. You're not mad?
- Mad? I'm ecstatic!
You proved my hypothesis.
Your recklessness was the one variable
my rigidly controlled experiment sorely needed.
- I'm still confused.
- I'm saying thank you for being a clumsy doofus.
And thanks for admitting what you did.
- I didn't have a choice.
I didn't want you to work at a gas station,
or Lynn and Lola to turn to a life of crime,
or Lana to live in a bubble, or--or--or--
- Fascinating.
Exposure to my chemicals seems to have damaged
his cerebral cortex.
- [sighs]
Boy, am I glad that nightmare's over.
[bell jingles]
[joyful wedding music]
[screaming]
[rock music]