- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Good, and turn and wave.
More teeth. Less teeth.
Excellent! Keep it up!
You might be wondering why I'm helping Lola practice
for a beauty contest.
Well, tomorrow is the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant,
and the winner gets the greatest prize ever--
two season passes to Dairyland Amoosement Park!
That's one for Lola and one for coach.
I've been working my butt off all week to make sure she wins.
- [sneezes]
[spits]
- Oh, oh, God!
It's been a long, hard road,
but once we get to Dairyland,
it'll all be worth it.
- Get back here, Hops!
- Lana, watch out!
Do you know how hard it is to steam-clean chiffon?
- Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
- Okay, Lola. Let's move on to your walk.
Remember what Gil DeLily says in his best-selling book,
"Unlocking Your Inner Pageant Queen"--
"To win the day, you must sashay!"
- I know how to walk, Lincoln.
- [slowed] No!
Okay, minor setback.
We can still win this thing.
- Wake up and smell the hairspray, Lincoln.
It's over!
- You can't just quit! We worked hard on this!
- There'll be other pageants, you know.
- But not with Dairyland tickets.
- Lincoln, I need my beauty rest.
As your pal Gil DeLily would say,
"I can't recover if you're going to hover."
- I can't believe I learned to French braid for nothing.
- Hey, Lincoln. You done with this?
I could use the scrap metal for welding.
- [gasps]
- ♪ Hallelujah
- Uh, why are you looking at me like that?
- Lana, how would you like a season pass to Dairyland?
- [gasps] - ♪ Hallelujah
- Don't toy with me, Lincoln!
- I'm not!
All you have to do is one teensy, tiny, little thing.
- What is it? I'll do anything!
- You just have to take Lola's place
in the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant and win.
- Are you kidding me? Agh!
Do you know who you're talking to?
- Some who's going to love Dairyland's newest ride--
the Milk Shaker.
It's so fast, you can barf,
fly around a loop, and get hit in the face
with said barf.
- Darn you, Lincoln!
I am in!
But wait. What if Lola finds out?
You know what she's capable of.
[dramatic music]
[both shuddering]
- She won't find out. I promise.
Agh! First off, we got to clean you up.
Dirt on your face gets you last place.
- [snoring]
What are you doing with that?
- Oh, this? [chuckles nervously]
Just, uh, getting it dry-cleaned.
You keep healing, sunshine.
- What is this weird sparkly towel?
- It's called a dress, Lana.
Now, hold still while I work my magic.
- Agh! It smells like princess farts!
- [sniffing]
[growls]
- Oh, hey, Lola!
Your hair spray makes a great deodorant.
It really covers up that musky man smell.
- Hmm...
- [sighs]
Help me get my arms unstuck?
- You're gonna feel some slight discomfort and...
- [screaming]
Time to work on what Gil DeLily calls the three Ws:
walk, wave, and work it.
Okay, we're walking, we're waving,
but we're just not working it.
Tools in your dress? Seriously?
- Handyman's code, Lincoln.
Always be prepared.
- You are not a handyman!
You are a pageant queen!
What? It's supposed to snow tonight.
- Lola, what can a six-year-old do
to make the world a better place?
- Um...
- Lana! You can't scratch your butt!
- What? It helps me think.
- Well, knock it off!
"Those who scratch lose the match."
Okay, talent portion.
What ya got?
[armpit farts]
- Impressive, but I'm gonna pass.
How about a ribbon dance?
It shows elegance and poise.
- Excuse me while I go barf.
- Lana, I'm busting my hump trying to turn you
into a pageant queen, and all I'm getting is lip.
Do you want those Dairyland tickets or not?
- Okay, okay. You're right.
- As Gil says, "She who gives 'tude"--
- I already agreed!
[pageant music]
♪ ♪
- Whoo-hoo! Lana, look at you!
You've done it! You're prim and perfect!
- I never thought I'd say it, but this feels pretty good.
I don't even mind the sparkly towel.
both: Dairyland, here we come!
- Whoa, look at those girls!
They're all so clean and sparkly.
- Well, so are you.
You're as good as any of them!
I didn't know this was going to be on TV.
Good thing we don't get the Princess Channel.
- Thanks for getting me the Princess Channel, daddy.
- No problem, sweetie.
It was either that or the sports channel.
And who needs that, huh? [crying]
- Welcome to the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant.
I'm your host, Donnie Dufresne.
Let's meet America's junior sweethearts.
Hailing from Royals Woods, Miss Lola Loud!
- [gasps] What is going on?
- I'd like to thank my coach and brother, Lincoln.
- Lincoln! I should have known!
- And I just want to say it is great to be here.
[burps] [all exclaiming]
Sorry you were downwind of that, Donnie.
- They're ruining me!
And they will pay!
[growls]
- Woot! Sports channel, here I come!
[cheers and applause]
- Lana, what were you thinking?
Remember what Gil says--
"If you belch onstage, the judges will rage."
- Gil actually has a rhyme for that?
- That's why he's a pageant powerhouse.
Now, the evening gown competition is next.
If we want to win those tickets,
we cannot afford any more slip-ups.
[applause]
- Oh! Hang on, everybody!
Loose floorboard!
That'll hold. Carry on!
[girls laughing]
- Lana! What was that?
We talked about the tools!
- I couldn't help it!
Fixing stuff is what I do!
- You're supposed to be prim and perfect!
Now, do you want to go to Dairyland
and get hit in the face with your own barf or not?
I know you can do this.
The interview is next. Go out there and nail it!
Not with that.
- Lola, what can six-year-olds do
to eliminate the national debt?
- Um...
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Plenty, Donnie.
Just because we're six doesn't mean we can't make a difference.
[applauding]
[frog croaks] Oh! Hops!
[all screaming]
- [grunting]
- Lana, what is the problem?
We went over everything in Gil's book
and the companion DVD and the podcast!
How are you still not getting it?
- I'm sorry, Lincoln.
No matter what I do,
I can't be prim and perfect like these girls.
Maybe there's something wrong with me.
[frog croaks]
- Lana! Wait! There's nothing wrong with you!
I'm the one who messed up.
I got so caught up in winning those tickets,
I turned into Gil DeLily...
who, when you stop to think about it,
probably needs to get a life.
- Yeah, but still, why can't I be like them?
- Because you're you.
You're messy and muddy and keep a lot of reptiles in your pants.
But that's what makes you awesome.
And I was crazy to try and change you.
- Aw, thanks, Lincoln.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Lola Loud and her fabulous ribbon dance!
- Well, that's me.
I'll do my best.
- Forget the ribbon dance.
Why don't you go do your own talent?
- Really?
Okay, but you can kiss those Dairyland tickets good-bye.
- I don't care about them anymore.
Go be yourself.
- [growls]
- Yo, Hops! Give me a bassline.
- [croaking]
- [snapping fingers] [armpit farts]
[scratching]
- [blows raspberry] - [croaking]
♪
- Whoo-hoo! That's my sister!
- And this is your other sister!
- Wait! It's my fault, not Lana's.
It was all my idea.
♪
[cheers and applause]
- I have worked for years
to build my pageant reputation,
and you just ruined it!
- Lola! Listen!
- And the winner is...
Lola Loud!
[cheers and applause] - Whoo-hoo!
- [gasps] Lola!
I'm so sorry I pretended to be you.
Please don't be mad at me.
- I don't like what you did, but you did win.
And I respect a winner.
- I think this belongs to you.
- No, you earned it...
you both did
and the Dairyland tickets.
- ♪ Hallelujah
♪ Hallelujah ♪
both: We're going to Dairyland!
- Welp, I've learned two very valuable lessons--
one, you should never try to turn someone
into something they're not.
And, two, If you ever ride the Milk Shaker,
keep your mouth closed.
[vomits] - Awesome!
- My mouth was open!
[upbeat music]