- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[exotic instrumental music]
♪
both: ♪ Oh...
♪ Mama's little baby loves short'nin', short'nin' ♪
♪ Mama's little baby loves short'nin'... ♪
- ♪ Bread!
- Very nice, Clyde.
Clyde and I have a week
to start a successful business for class,
so we're gonna sell homemade chocolate pie!
- We've never baked before,
but how hard could it be?
Everybody loves chocolate pie.
My nana says that if they don't,
you can't trust them.
- What?
Empty wrappers.
I should have known.
- It wasn't me!
I was with you the whole time.
- I know, Clyde.
It was my sisters.
They're well-known chocoholics.
- Mmm. - Mmm.
[all sighing]
both: Mmm. [baby giggles]
- Well, what are we gonna do?
I all ready rolled out 84 pie crusts!
- We'll just replace the chocolate
with something equally delicious.
- Ugh! What the heck kind of pie is this?
both: Salt and vinegar.
- Gross!
- I don't get it.
It works on potato chips.
- Any other ideas?
- How about we sell hugs?
My dads say I'm a excellent hugger.
- Aw, dang bird poop!
Don't you featherbrains have somewhere else to hang out?
- Clyde, that's it!
- Bird poop?
- We can sell birdhouses!
- Oh! Great idea!
But wait.
We don't know anything about woodworking.
- Eh, how hard could it be?
[pounding and whirring]
- I cant' believe I doubted us.
- Ah! Our first resident!
[bird chirps]
[bird screams]
[bird caws]
- How about we sell smiles?
My dads say I have a million-dollar smile.
- Well... [door clicks and thuds]
- $98, $99...
- Whoa! Where'd you get all that money, Luan?
- Did you sell laughter?
- Ha! Laughter?
It's my pleasure to give that away for free.
This is from selling balloon animals.
Observe.
[whimsical piano music]
[blows]
♪
A dog!
Now, pick up the pace, Fido!
It's the leash you can do!
[laughing]
No charge.
both: We'll sell balloon animals!
How hard could it be?
[balloon pops] - Ah!
- Lincoln! Look professional!
We've got a customer!
- Uh, I'll take the, uh,
cheeseburger?
- It's a bunny rabbit.
- Even better!
It's for a girl I like.
- You know, Liam,
if it's for a girl,
you should get her chocolate.
All my sisters love it.
- Oh, cool!
Thanks, Lincoln.
- Lincoln, you just lost our only customer.
- Relax, Clyde.
With this sweet product,
there's gonna be plenty more.
[both snoring]
- Hey, Lincoln! [balloons popping]
- Ah, take cover!
- She loved the chocolate!
We have a date this Friday!
- Oh, great!
I guess with ten sisters,
I've learned a few things about girls.
- Oh, don't be so modest.
You're like a girl guru.
- Clyde, I think Liam--
I think Liam just gave us our next business idea.
both: How hard could it be?
- Step right up and ask the Girl Guru.
He's got the good on the gals,
the facts on the females,
the lowdown on the ladies.
[exotic instrumental music]
[all gasping]
[all speaking at once] - Me! Me!
- Oh, Girl Guru,
I'm hanging out with Jordan later,
and I really want it to go well.
What do girls think is fun?
- Hmm. ♪
- Hey, Lincoln,
what's more fun than a Canadian microwave?
A Dutch oven!
- [yells] [farting]
- [laughing] - [grunting]
♪
Dutch ovens. - Really?
- The Girl Guru has answered your question,
and as you can see,
many other boys await his wisdom.
You do know what you're doing, right?
- I don't know. Why don't you ask Liam?
- [smooches] - Hee-hee!
- And that's why you're wearing the robe
and I'm wearing the fanny pack.
Who's next?
- How do I get a girl to fall for me?
- Omm... ♪
- "And so the young knight returned Princess Taylor
"to her tower five minutes before curfew,
"and no one was punished,
"and everything worked out great.
The end."
Good night, sweetie.
- Hey, where do you think you're going?
More knight and horsey stories!
♪
- You're going to need a stallion and a suit of armor.
- Oh, thank you, Girl Guru.
Thank you. Thank you.
- Oh, Girl Guru,
I like this girl,
but she doesn't think I'm good enough for her.
How do I change her mind?
♪
- Dylan Cornheiser tried to hold my hand at recess.
I told him, "Learn basic chemistry,
and then we'll talk".
♪
- Simple. Learn basic chemistry.
- Oh, man, I stink at chemistry.
What about kickball?
- The Girl Guru has spoken.
- Nothing makes my sister Lana happier
than a frog in her pants.
Take her to a funeral.
My sister Lucy swears by it.
Roses are fine,
but squirting flowers will really make her day.
- "Squirting flowers...
make...her...day."
Thanks, Loud.
See you in gym.
[bell rings]
- Clyde, our business is killing it!
I think we're looking at an "A."
Worst-case scenario, "A" minus.
- Tell me about it.
I had to triple up on fanny packs
just to hold all the money we made.
[fart] - [screams]
[coughing]
You jerk!
- But the Girl Guru said you'd love a Dutch oven.
- Maybe you'd love an American wedgie!
- [screaming]
- Well, you can't expect advice to work 100% of the time.
[frog croaking] - Ew, ew, ew, ew!
Gross! Get it off!
- But the Girl Guru said--
- Get him, girls!
[all growling]
- Get him! [all yelling]
- That is not on us.
He must have picked a bad frog.
- Let's just get back to class before they come back.
- Hey, Mollie,
you want to go on a date with me?
- Um, yeah. - Great!
I'm gonna need you to wear this.
Ah, there's the hearse.
We're going to a funeral. How strong are you?
They might need an extra pallbearer.
- Ew! Yuck!
Get away from me, you morbid weirdo!
[both gulp]
- This is for you, Agnes.
- Daisies are my favorite!
Ah! You yokel!
I just had my hair done.
- But, Agnes, the Girl Guru said--
Hope you boys like push-ups!
- Uh, Mrs. Johnson,
can I have the boys' bathroom pass?
- And I'll take the girls'.
- [yelling] [explosion booms]
- I was just trying to impress you
with my basic chemistry skills.
- You burnt my braids, you doofus!
- He told me to do it!
- What?
[both laughing nervously]
- Lincoln, I'm starting to lose feeling in my toes.
I think it's a panic attack.
- It's okay. Just breathe into your paper bag.
- [gasps]
Mmm. Oops. [chuckles]
Wrong bag. That was my lunch.
[inhales sharply]
[inhaling and exhaling sharply]
[horse neighs]
- Whoa, White Lightning, stop!
Sadie, do you want to go to the movies?
- [screams] [horse neighs]
- Let me have the bag. [breathing heavily]
- Lincoln, we got to get out of here.
- The next time I see that Girl Guru,
I'll totally destroy him!
- Yeah, and his weird little friend too.
[quirky percussive music]
♪
[all groan]
- Um, excuse me.
That goes in the recycling.
- Clyde! Keep it down!
- Hey! It's them!
[both scream]
[all shouting indistinctly]
- Stop! - Give them their money back.
That'll stop them.
- Here! Take it, you wild animals!
[all yelling]
- Huh, didn't stop them.
- I know what to do.
Free hugs!
[all yelling]
Uh, on second thought,
there may not be enough of me to go around.
[all yelling]
[banging]
[both panting]
- Oh, boy. What did you two do now?
- L-L-L-Lori?
[breathing sharply]
[moaning]
- Uh, you wouldn't be interested.
- Oh, we're interested.
Spill!
- Well, Clyde and I had to start a business for school,
so we kind of, uh,
charged boys for my advice about girls.
[all laughing]
- Go ahead; get it out of your systems.
[all laughing]
Are you done now?
- Uh...no.
[all laughing]
Lincoln, what do you know about girls?
- Well, I just thought that since I had ten sisters--
- What's true for us
isn't gonna be true for every girl.
We're not all the same.
- I'm not like Lana!
- And thank goodness for that.
- Oh, man, you're right.
What have I done?
I've doled out terrible advice,
and now everybody at school hates us.
How am I going to fix this?
- Uh, we better figure something out.
I'm running out of paper bags.
- A kitchen full of pie?
I guess it's ole Dad's lucky day!
[laughs and gulps]
[stomach grumbles] Ooh, bad!
- We went a little overboard on the salt.
- I'll say.
It's an assault on my senses.
- [laughing]
Good one, Dad.
- Ah, sorry, Lincoln.
We're just gonna have to toss the whole batch.
- Toss them?
That's a great idea, dad.
Clyde, we're back in business.
How hard can it be to start a business?
Pretty hard, actually.
The key is to find something you're really good at,
and it turns out for me that thing is...
taking a pie in the face.
- Step right up
and get your revenge on the Girl Guru.
$2.00 a pie.
[all speaking at once]
- Great job, boys!
This is a fantastic business idea!
- Thanks, Mrs. Johnson.
- One pie, please.
- And two for me.
- You know, we're running a special.
Buy four and get the fifth free!
- Ah, even better.
Heck, I'll take them all!
[cackling] - Clyde!
- Business is business, Lincoln.
Let 'er rip!
- [gulps] [pies splatting]
[upbeat rock music]