- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[rousing orchestral music]
♪
- [grunting]
- Lincoln, why don't you go outside?
It's not healthy to sit around playing video games all day.
- Actually, Mom, some studies show--
- Out.
- Right.
[birds chirping]
- [grunts]
- That's not what I meant.
You need to get some exercise, and I have just the thing.
- [panting] Good workout, huh, son?
- Feeling the burn, Dad.
- Last one to the food court buys the soft pretzels!
- [gasps]
[video games chime and buzz]
- A-hem.
- Oh. Hey, Dad.
Guess I'm paying for the pretzels.
- [panting] See?
Exercise can be fun! Whee!
- I read you loud and clear, Mom.
- Lincoln! I see I'm going to have to take other measures.
- What kind of measures?
[whistle blowing]
Football?
Come on, Mom. You know sports aren't my thing.
[rousing orchestral music]
♪
Ow!
- Ugh, I know, honey, but you left me no choice.
One way or another, you have to get some exercise.
- Mom, wait!
Look, I'm exercising right now. Ow, ow, Charley horse.
- [sighs]
- Clearly I cannot play football.
Fortunately, in a big family there's always someone
who can help you out of a jam.
- An injury to get out of sports?
That can be arranged.
- Just not the face.
- We'll see.
- Go easy, okay?
- We'll see.
[engine whirs]
[tires squeal]
[crash]
[horn blares, groaning]
You want an injury? I'll give you one!
- Ow, ow, Charley horse.
[grunting]
- Oh, we're wrestling? Cool.
[blows whistle]
Lola, that's unnecessary roughness.
- Well, he deserves it.
I was trying to help him get out of playing football,
and he made me total my car!
And I just put in the cupcake air freshener!
- Wait. Get out of playing football?
Why would you wanna do that? Football rules.
- Maybe for you. I don't even know how to play.
Plus, I'm gonna get my butt kicked.
- You got that right.
- That's enough. Hit the showers.
[groaning]
- You forget that you've got a secret weapon: Me.
I'll teach you everything you need to know about football.
- Um...
- Good. Now drop and give me 20.
- I've only got a five.
[exciting music]
♪
[retching]
♪
Oh.
♪
- [panting]
[horn honking]
♪
["Peanuts"-style music]
- [yelling]
♪
- Hike!
[kids laughing]
- If you clowns are done, we need the field.
We gotta practice for junior football league.
- You guys are playing junior football too?
What team are you on?
- The Hazeltuckey Hockers!
- What team are you on? - The Royal Woods Roosters.
both: Cock-a-doodle-do!
- Nice cheer. When we play you, you're cock-a-doodle-doomed!
- Yeah. I'm gonna pluck me a few feathers.
[laughing]
- You chumps are lucky I'm not playing,
'cause I'd whoop all your butts!
- Sure you would, ponytail.
[both laughing]
- Lynn. That's a brilliant idea.
You could pretend to be me, and play in my place.
- Yeah, right.
- Why not? There's no girls' league around here, right?
This would give you a chance to play,
and me a chance to live out my full life.
- Hmm, I could use another sport right now.
I've only got four.
- So what do you say? Cock-a-doodle-do?
[rousing orchestral music]
♪
I can't believe we pulled this off.
Only one more game to go.
- [sighing] I'm gonna miss this.
- I'm not gonna miss that.
- So you thought you could get away with this, huh?
- But I, uh--
- Not telling your family you're a big football star!
"Crowds Love Loud."
Haven't seen that headline since my break-dancing days.
We're so proud of you, son!
We're all gonna be at your game tomorrow.
- All of you?
- You betcha! And if you need some new moves
for your touchdown dance...
[scatting]
♪ I'm on fire, on fire, on fire ♪
[scatting]
- [whistling]
- Lynn, you were just supposed to play, not become a big star.
- Sorry, Linc. I only know how to give 110%.
- Well, now we got a problem, because I'm so good,
the whole family wants to watch me play tomorrow.
- Don't worry, we fooled everyone all season.
There's no reason we can't do it for one more game.
[rousing orchestral music]
♪
- I literally don't see Lincoln anywhere.
[screams] - Hey, guys.
- [gasps] There's my little football star!
- Lincoln! Sign my hat!
- [nervous chuckle] Saving it for the game.
- Number one, Lincoln Loud! - That's me!
- I think we're gonna pull this off.
Ugh.
- [babbles] - Shh!
- [laughs]
- All right, let's beat these chumps.
- Ladies and gentlemen, as a special treat,
Luna Loud will be performing the National Anthem.
Please remove all hats and helmets.
["The Star-Spangled Banner" begins]
- Uh, I gotta pee.
♪
- Let's play ball, dudes!
- Loud, where are you going?
- Bathroom. - Again?
- Hey, aren't you that twerp from the park?
We're gonna knock you on your tail feathers.
- [growls]
[whistle blows]
[rousing orchestral music]
- Touchdown, Roosters!
[crowd cheering]
- [scatting]
[whistle blowing] - Tackle made by Loud.
[crowd cheering]
Ball carried by Loud.
[crowd cheering]
Touchdown, Lincoln Loud!
[crowd cheering] - Ha.
Ow!
- Half time!
- Hey, Loud, over here.
They wanna interview you for TV. Take off your helmet.
- I-I gotta...
- Let me guess. Go to the bathroom.
You guys want an action shot of me and my whistle?
[blowing whistle]
- That last play was sensational.
What can you tell us about it?
- That last play?
Uh, the thing is... that was in the past,
and I'm all about the future.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to pee.
- Guys, how about this one?
[whistle blowing]
- Set, hut, hut, hike!
[all yelling] all: Oh!
[whistle blowing]
[both laugh]
- Back off! Give him some air!
Mom and Dad: Lynn?
- Who's Lynn? I thought you were Lincoln.
- No. I'm Lincoln.
Lynn, are you okay?
- I'm fine. I think I just sprained my ankle.
- Would somebody mind telling me what the heck is going on?
- Yes, I'd like to know too.
- This is all my fault, Mom.
I didn't wanna play football, so I convinced Lynn
to play for me.
- Bogus, guys! I mean, unacceptable!
- Take care of that ankle. I want you on my team next year.
- Coach, get your team on the field or you forfeit.
- I got a problem, ref. I'm one man short.
- No, you're not.
Mom, I'm sorry I lied, and now I'm gonna do
what you asked me to: Get some exercise.
- We're up by one, with a minute to go.
Just don't blow it.
- Cock-a-doodle-do, Coach!
[whistle blowing]
- You can do this, you can do this.
- Back for more, Loud? Bad choice.
- You can't do this.
- Set, hut, hut, hike!
- I caught it!
[both grunting]
[rousing orchestral music]
♪
Yes! [laughs]
I don't know what I was so afraid of.
Sports can be pretty awesome.
And it turns out, I'm a natural.
[whistle blows] - Yeah!
- Loud, you ran the wrong way
and scored a safety for the other team.
We lost!
[all cheering]
- Uh-oh. [all screaming]
[bell ringing]
A correction to my previous statement:
I am not a natural, but, on the plus side,
at least I'm getting some exercise.
Ah! Charley horse.
[spooky music]