- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like ping pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's gotta do what he can to survive ♪
♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
♪ Duck, dodge, push and shove ♪
♪ This is how we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
♪ Loud! Loud! Loud!
♪ Loud House! - Boo boo.
- ♪
- [school bell ringing]
- [door opens] - Oh, here they come.
These ladies are definitely gonna ask us.
- Man, we're never gonna get dates.
- Aw, I can't believe we're going stag
to our first Sadie Hawkins Dance.
- LINCOLN: Don't give up hope, guys--
and come someone pass the ketchup?
- Why are you guys under the table?
- I'm hiding from Ronnie Anne
so she can't ask me to the dance.
- And I'm here for moral support.
- Lincoln, I thought you liked Ronnie Anne.
- I do, but there's a two-for- one deal at the arcade tonight,
and there's no way I'm missing it.
- [door opens] - Yikes! Here she comes.
Remember, I'm not down here.
- Hey, guys. Have you seen Lincoln?
- Lincoln, uh... - Uh...
- Nope. - Never done heard of him.
- He's definitely not under the table.
- [padding footsteps]
- [door thwacks] - LINCOLN: Oh!
[whistling]
[gasps]
- So, did Ronnie Anne ask you to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, um... Uh...uh...
- I bet she was so excited.
The Sadie Hawkins is literally
the most important dance in a girl's life.
- Well, actually, Ronnie Anne didn't even ask me.
- SISTERS: What?!
- Yeah, I waited around all day.
But it just never happened.
- Poor big brother. You must be devastated.
- Oh, you know, I'll get through it--somehow.
What? I...I would have told them the truth.
But, believe me, they wouldn't have understood.
Sometimes a little white lie
works out better for everyone.
- [crickets chirping]
- Mom, I'm going to the arcade with Clyde.
I'll see ya later.
- Hey, Lincoln, you got a sec?
- Hey, I need to talk to him, first.
- Dudes, urgent! Mine is more important.
Guess what, bro?
I hit ya up with a date for the dance.
- What? - Hey, so did I.
- So did I. - Me, too.
- W-W-Why?
- You were so bummed out when Ronnie Anne didn't ask you.
I just wanted to make you feel better.
- Me, too. - So did I.
- Me, too. - You guys...
I wasn't bummed out.
I didn't want her to ask me because I wanted to
go to the arcade tonight.
- Then why didn't you say so, ya yutz?
- 'Cause you made me feel so guilty--
all that stuff about
"the most important dance in a girl's life."
- Well, you're going to the dance now, dude,
'cause my friend'll be wicked bummed if you flake on her.
- Mine, too. - Ditto.
- Yeah, 'cause no one likes a flake.
[laughing]
But, seriously, you're going.
- But, you guys, how am I supposed to juggle four dates?
- That's not our problem, dude.
- You dug your own grave, Lincoln.
- Now you gotta lie in it. - Lucky.
- [heavy sigh]
- [dance music playing]
- And here's your raffle ticket.
- Oh, there's a raffle? - Yep.
The winner gets to have lunch with me
in the teachers' lounge.
- Good news, Lincoln-- I've checked the entire gym
and Ronnie Anne is nowhere to be found.
- Oh, that's a relief.
I can't let Ronnie Anne see me here
after I've avoided her all day.
It'll really hurt her feelings.
Besides, I have enough on my hands juggling four dates.
- Don't worry, I've got everything we need
to make the night go smoothly--
binoculars, stopwatch,
dossiers on each of the lovely ladies,
and, lastly, a hidden microphone and receiver.
I'll be your eyes in the sky.
Now, let's move out!
- Hey, guys, did you get dates?
- Nah, we're just here for the raffle.
I've always wanted to see the teachers' lounge.
- CLYDE [through earpiece]: Lincoln, I'm in position.
I forgot I'm afraid of heights, but I'll be okay.
- LINCOLN: [through headphones] You're a true pal, Clyde.
- Don't mention it.
Now, at your 11:00 o'clock, you'll see a girl
with purple streaks in her hair.
That's Luna's friend, Tabby.
She loves sweatin' to the oldies,
turning it up to 11,
and her ideal date is sound- proofing a wall with egg crates.
- Hi, Tabby, I'm Lincoln. - Good to meet ya!
Wanna jam? - Oh, uh, okay.
- Rockin' that piano. You got some chops.
- CLYDE: Sky Guy to the Ladies' Man, your time is up.
Move on to girl #2.
- Ooh, sorry, Tabby, my piano elbow's acting up.
Gonna grab an ice pack.
- CLYDE: Okay, at your 6:00 o'clock,
is Luan's friend from clown school, Giggles.
A Virgo with an infectious laugh,
Giggles' ideal date is trying to figure out
how many people she can cram into one car.
- Hey, Giggles, I'm Lincoln. - Pleased to meet ya.
- [buzzer zapping]
- I heard a lotta buzz about you.
[laughing] - Good one.
You got something on your shirt.
Boop! - [laughing]
Touché!
- CLYDE: Wrap it up, Ladies' Man.
Girl #3 is waiting.
Lucy's friend Haiku is an up-and-coming poet.
Her dislikes include kittens, sunlight,
and people who smile too much.
- Hi, I'm Lincoln. - Hi, Lincoln.
Wanna hear my poem?
"Empty. Lonely. Dark.
"The universe is weeping.
I have no tissues."
Okay, your turn.
- Uh, "Jack and Jill went up a hill
to fetch a pail of water."
- Oh, yes, the futility of teamwork.
Deep stuff.
- CLYDE: Time's up, Ladies' Man.
Girl #4 is Lynn's roller derby teammate, Polly Pain.
I think she's over by the-- - [heavy thud]
- I found her, Clyde.
- Nailed ya, bro. In roller derby,
that's a move I like to call "The Booty Block."
And this is the "Helicopter"! - Whoa! Oh! Oh!
- [heavy thud] - Wow!
You didn't even barf. I'm impressed.
- Thanks.
- CLYDE: That's time, Ladies' Man.
Get ready for round two.
- [dance music playing]
- So...high...up.
- [dance music continues]
♪
- [wheezy breathing]
- LINCOLN: Ahhh! - [loud crash]
- [barfing]
- How ya feeling, Sky Guy? - Better.
I think I'm ready to go back up.
- No way, Clyde. You've done enough.
Thanks to your help, I've got everything under control.
- [dance music continues]
- Ah! Ronnie Anne!
Clyde, what am I gonna do? Ronnie Anne is here.
- Well, you can't stay under here.
You're already 30 seconds late for air harmonica with Tabby.
- I've got an idea.
Pssst! Guys!
- [head bonks] Hey, what the heck, Lincoln?
- LINCOLN: Get over here.
- You two sure like to hide under tables, don't you?
- How would you guys like someone to dance with?
- Sorry, Lincoln, you're not my type.
- Not with me--with girls!
- ALL: Girls?! - [gasping]
- On second thought, I think I'd rather dance with you.
- Come on, guys, it's not that big of a deal.
Pop a breath mint, look 'em in the eye,
make sure your fly's up, and you're golden.
- ALL: [zipping flies]
- Clyde, I need you to go, too.
- [zips fly] - Thanks, guys. You're the best.
- [dance music continues]
- ALL: [taking deep breath]
- LINCOLN: Problem solved.
I'll just hide under here until the dance is over.
- RUSTY: Whoa! - [heavy crash]
- Dang it.
- Gee, that Polly is quite a handful.
And I like it!
- [dance music continues]
- [butt thwacks] - LINCOLN: Ahhh!
[sighs]
- [dance music continues]
- [gasps]
- [balls thudding]
- Whoa! Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
- [laughing] Bravo!
Ever thought about clowning?
- ♪
- [feet padding]
- Lincoln?
- [gasps]
- ♪
- [electronic voice] All right, party people,
I wanna see you on the dance floor.
- [dance music] - Hot diggity dang!
Turn it on up to 11. - I love turning it up to 11!
- [dance music continues]
- Haiku, I have to be honest.
My heart belongs to an older woman.
- That's okay, my heart belongs to an older man.
He just turned 200.
- Unrequited love, am I right?
- [scratching record]
- Hey, kid, what are ya doing?
- [screams]
- Attention, everyone.
The lucky student who gets to have lunch with me
in the teachers' lounge is...
Lincoln Loud! - STUDENTS: [applauding]
- Uh, Lincoln? Oh, where are you?
- LINCOLN: [screams]
- Lincoln? Where have you been, mate?
You left me standing out there.
- You? He's here with me.
- Wrong. He's here with me.
- Actually, he's here with me.
- You guys, I'm sorry. I can explain.
- Wait, let me go first.
I'm sorry to say this, Lincoln,
but would you mind if I hung out with somebody else
for the rest of the night?
I really hit it off with that guy, Liam.
- Yeah, and I'm having a really great time with Beck.
- Yes, and I enjoy Clyde. We share the same pain.
- Same with me and Rusty--
though the pain is mostly his.
- Sure, no problem.
I'm glad you're all having fun.
How about that?
I guess tonight worked out for everyone.
- Hey, Lincoln. - [screams]
Well, except for me.
Guess it's time to come clean.
Ronnie Anne, I'm really sorry.
I know I hurt your feelings.
I should have just let you ask me to the dance.
- What are you talking about?
- Isn't that why you were looking for me today?
- [laughing] To ask you to a lame dance?
No. I wanted to invite you to the arcade.
There's a two-for-one deal tonight.
Since I couldn't find you, I just came here.
- [smacks forehead]
- Wait. So, you knew I was looking for you?
- Yeah, I was kinda ducking you. Sorry.
- Not cool, Lincoln, but, to be honest,
if I thought you were gonna ask me to the dance tonight,
I would have ducked you, too.
- So, we're cool? - We're cool.
- We're gonna close out Sadie Hawkins with a slow song,
and if you liked what you heard tonight,
I'll be spinnin' at the Finestein bar mitzvah
this Saturday--peace!
- [slow dance music]
♪
- [rollers clanking]
- ♪
- RUSTY: Whoa! - [loud crash]
- Should we do this?
- I'm game if you are.
- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Dance Battle starts!
- LINCOLN: Oh, watch this.
- RONNIE ANNE: Oh, I'm much better.
- ♪