- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like ping pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's gotta do what he can to survive ♪
♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
♪ Duck, dodge, push and shove ♪
♪ This is how we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
♪ Loud! Loud! Loud!
♪ Loud House! - Boo boo.
- ♪
- Ah, nothing like reading comics on a peaceful summer--
- [horn honking] - [gasps]
- Uh, a little help?
- Back from another birthday party?
- Uh, my third gig this weekend.
I could really use an assistant.
Hey, what about you?
You're great with Gary.
- [Gary chomps] - Hey, stop that!
I thought Lucy was helping you.
- ♪
- And now, if my assistant will just hand me one more balloon,
we'll have a pterodactyl.
- [birds chirping]
- [balloons pop] - You killed the dinosaur!
- KIDS: [booing]
- [buzzer rings]
- [chicken squeaks] - Lucy didn't work out.
Neither did Lynn.
What do you say we add some melon?
- KIDS: [cheering]
- [watermelon thuds] - KIDS: [booing]
- [buzzer rings]
- Or Leni.
Why are clowns never bored?
'Cause we're good at keeping occu-pied.
[clears throat]
I said, good at keeping occu-pied.
- KIDS: [cheering]
- [buzzer rings]
- Or Lisa.
- [trumpet fanfare]
- Hey, birthday boy.
Why don't you take the seat of honor?
- [farting noise]
- KIDS: [laughing]
- No, no! No one eat that cake!
It clearly causes gastrointestinal distress.
- KIDS: [crying]
- [buzzer rings]
- Well, I am so honored to be your fifth choice.
- Come on, Lincoln. Please?
I really need your help.
- I don't know.
I'm not really the performing type.
I don't want to make a fool of myself on stage.
- Don't worry. That's my job.
All you have to do is help with the props.
- Uh, I don't think it's for--
What's that? - Ah, just birthday cake.
I always get sent home with leftovers.
- Oh... [drooling]
- Usually I share it with my assistant.
But since this job isn't for you--
- When did I say that?
- [bell ringing]
- LUAN: Why are clowns never bored?
'Cause we're good at keeping occu-pied!
- LINCOLN: [screams] - [loud crash]
- Sorry!
- KIDS: [laughing, cheering]
- That was awesome.
The part when I tripped,
and then the audience laughed, and then clapped?
Amazing!
- Glad you enjoyed it.
Now here, I need you to clean this.
Gary pooped in it. - [foghorn bellows]
- What do you say we add some melon?
- KIDS: [cheering]
- Whoa, nelly!
- KIDS: [laughing]
- Man, great crowd, huh? - Yeah, super.
So, what was that all about with the watermelon?
- Well, you know, audiences seem to love it
when I fall down, so--
- Let me worry about the audience.
You take care of deodorizing these clown shoes.
- Whoopsy-daisy!
- [loud crash] - LENI & LANA: [laughing]
- See? I do know what audiences like.
- And now, if my assistant will hand me one more balloon,
we'll have a pterodactyl.
- [high-pitched voice] I went a little overboard
with the helium.
Whoa, good gravy! - [loud crash]
- KIDS: [laughing, cheering]
- What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me. - KIDS: [laughing]
- Gadzooks! - KIDS: [laughing]
- I guess lunch is on me. - KIDS: [laughing]
- [laughs] He is hilarious.
- I know. LOL.
I just learned what that means.
- [trumpet fanfare]
- All right, birthday boy.
Why don't you take the seat of honor?
- [farting noise]
- Holy macaroni! - [loud crash]
- KIDS: [laughing]
[excited chatter]
- Boy, we are killing it.
But I've been thinking,
maybe you should do a little less of the talky stuff
and more of the pratfalls.
- Are you kidding me? - What?
- Look, Lincoln.
Just because you got a few laughs
does not make you an expert on clowning.
There's a lot more to it than just falling on your butt.
- Well, the audience sure seems to like my--
- Lincoln, enough! No more pratfalls.
I am the clown. You are the assistant.
Now go refill these whoopee cushions.
- But they're already inflated.
- [farting noises] - Not anymore.
- [door slams] - Oh, yeah?
Well, that would've been funnier if you'd fallen on your butt!
How dare she speak to me like that!
After everything I've done for this business?
You'd think she'd have a little more--
- [phone rings] - [gasps]
Funny Business, Inc. Your fun is our business.
Lincoln speaking.
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters] - Yes, we're available the 11th.
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters] - What?
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters] - Oh, really?
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters]
- Great. See you the 11th.
- Who did we just book?
- Actually, the correct question would be, who did I just book?
- LISA: You're both wrong. It's "whom."
- [door slams] - They only wanted me.
- Yeah, right. - It's true.
You may not recognize my talent,
but apparently the birthday party community does.
- So, what are you gonna do for your act?
Fall on your butt for an hour?
- That's exactly what I'm going to do,
'cause the audiences love it.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go put on my padded underwear.
- [glass shatters]
- [chomps]
- So, how old is the birthday girl?
Four? Five?
- Thirteen.
- ♪
- Oh.
A little older than my usual crowd, but no problem.
My comedy is ageless.
Hey, guys! Who's ready to laugh?
Whoopsy-doodle! Now who put this here?
- Um, you did, obviously.
- Maybe these glasses will help me see better.
- [eyeballs boing]
- Eye-a-watha! - [loud crash]
- [eyeballs boing]
- I really gotta get my prescription checked.
- Mom, look what that loser clown did to my poster.
- TWEENS: [texting]
- Oh, look at that! I have a message, too.
Mom, didn't I tell you not to text me at--whoa!
- [cake splats]
- Remember, guys, never walk and text.
- Ugh, now he's gonna lecture us?
- He ruined my cake.
Mom, why did you hire him?
I swear, if I had a door around me,
I would slam it so hard right now.
- Um, excuse me, everyone.
There will now be a brief unscheduled intermission.
Text amongst yourselves.
- Where are you going?
I paid you to perform for an hour.
- But I'm doing my best material and they hate me.
- Well, try something else.
You're a professional clown, aren't you?
- Remind me not to book Funny Business, Inc.
for my kid's birthday. - Me, neither.
- Oh, me neither. I don't want my kid to hate me.
- Heh-heh-heh.
Sorry, gotta run to the little clown's room.
- [dialing phone] - [phone rings]
- Funny Business, Inc. Your fun is our business.
- Luan! - Ugh!
[static noises] I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
[static noises]
My clown car's going through a tunnel.
- [phone rings] - Luan, it's me.
- I know. That's why I hung up.
- [phone rings]
- This is a business line, Lincoln.
What do you want?
- Luan, I'm bombing out here.
You gotta help me. Please!
- Oh, how could I possibly help you?
You're the clowning expert.
- No, I'm not. You are.
You told me there's a lot more to clowning
than just falling on your butt, and you were right.
Will you please come help me?
- I don't know, Lincoln.
Maybe bombing would be a good learning experience for you.
- Well, there's one other thing.
I think I'm ruining the reputation
of Funny Business, Inc.
These parents are brutal.
- Don't move. I'll be right there.
- [hat squishes]
- [foghorn bellows] - Aah! Gary!
- [teeth chattering]
Luan! Wait, how did you know I was in here?
- Well, this was a pretty good clue.
- Oh. So, what's the plan?
- Okay. Let's see what we got here.
Hm, emo tweens. Notoriously tough crowd.
But don't worry. This isn't my first mopefest.
- [accordion music] - [cane tapping]
- ♪
- Oh, I get it.
She's, like, trapped in a box.
That's exactly how I felt when my mom said
I couldn't dye my hair purple.
- ♪
- Wow.
It's, like, the soul-crushing pointlessness of seventh grade.
- You ready to do this?
- I don't know.
- You'll be fine. Just follow my lead.
- ♪
- Wow. It's about how we're all just, like, clones.
- That's what I was gonna say.
- Exactly.
- [slow applause]
- I have to get their business card.
- [excited chatter]
- Well, I call the weekend of the 22nd.
- [cheering and applause]
- Thanks for saving my butt.
You were amazing out there.
And I'm sorry for the way I was acting.
- It's okay.
I remember how great it was to get my first big laugh.
I shouldn't have been so harsh.
Still my assistant?
- Still your assistant.
Let me get those for ya.
Whoa! - [farting noises]
- [laughs]
You know, that actually was kinda funny.
Here, let me help--whoa! Good gravy!
- [farting noise] - BOTH: [laughing]
- Eye-a-watha! - [farting noise]
- ♪