♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove is how we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
♪ Loud! House! Loud!
♪ Loud house
Poo-poo.
[funky music]
[bell rings]
Lincoln Loud in the house.Oh, yeah.
L-Train pulling into the station.
Howdy, Loudy?Saved your seat, buddy.
[sighs] Fifth grade.
After half a decade with these guys,
I really feel like I'm part of the gang.
Yep, life is pretty good.
Attention, class.
I'd like to introduce our new student,
Lincoln's little sister,
Lisa Loud. [gasp]
Why don't you sit next to your brother?
Clyde, you don't mind moving,do you?
Of course not. [blubbers]
[line trills] Hello, Dr Lopez.
Do you have any openings this week?
I'm having trouble accepting change again.
Lisa, what the heck is going on?
I asked to be transferred here
because kindergarten is a complete waste of my time.
There are two boy monkeys and three girl monkeys.
How many are there total? Let's count together.
[all] One monkey, two monkeys--
Five.
[all] Three monkeys, four monkeys--
For the love of Pythagoras, it's five.
Lisa, you seem a little cranky.
How about we all take a nap?[all] Yay!
No time for that. I'm this close to synthesizing
an antidote for streptococcal pharyngitis,
street name: strep throat.
You can play more later, sweetie.
Okay, kindergarten's not challenging you,
but why do you have to come to my class?
I wanted to go straight to med school
but that dunderhead in the principal's office
said fifth grade was the best he could offer.
Fine, just try not to rock the boat, okay?
Okay, class, you should have read up to chapter 12
of your world history books.
Lisa, since you're new, I don't expect you to have--
Done. Interesting read,
if a bit light on indigenous cultures.
Wow. If a former kindergartener
can read the whole book this quickly,
I expect all of you to do the same...
by tomorrow.[all groan]
If you want us to retain the information,
I suggest a pop quiz.
Agreed![all groan]
Okay, class, time to present your robotics projects.
Lisa, it's okay if you wanna sit this out.
Give me a moment.
Say hello to Todd.
He's fluent in over 600 languages.
Hola, bonjour, guten tag, good-bye.
[laser blasts]
Oh, and he destroys anything inferior to him.
[all groan]
Hey, guys, make a little room?
It's me, L-Train. What's the problem?
The problem is your sister.
Look, I know Lisa's different, but she'll grow on you.
Now if I could just--
Sorry, you're sitting over there.
[Lincoln] The sticky table?
Lincoln, enter. I'm just drafting a proposal
to eliminate recess.
That's exactly what I need to talk to you about.
You're acting way too smart in class.
It's annoying everyone, and they're taking it out on me.
Could you please just try and act like an average kid?
That's like asking a sea cucumber
to act like a cephalopod.[crickets chirping]
I see someone didn't do his science homework.
Lisa, please. Thanks to you,
I've been banished to the sticky table.
Look at these pants.
I sympathise with your plight,Lincoln,
and I suppose that acting average
could be a fascinating sociological challenge.
Okay, I'll do it.
Thank you, you're the best.
Grab my saw, I'm stuck to your pants.
[bell rings]
Greetings, classmates! It's me, Lisa.
Whoa, you look so average.Thank you.
I created an algorithm based on the traits
of typical fifth graders, and reinvented myself accordingly.
Don't you need your glasses?
Pshaw. I took care of that.
[thrashing rock music]
♪♪
Physical appearance was the easy part.
Acting average is a far greater challenge,
so I invented this baby to keep me honest.
What does it do?
Okay, class,
who can recite the Gettysburg Address?
Four score and-- [collar buzzes]
[yells] I mean,
85 Elm Street. Get it?
[laughter]
Who knows the most common gas in the Earth's atmosphere?
Nitrogen. Gah!
I mean, methane!
[toots] Get it?
[laughter]
Time for a pop quiz, everyone.
[all groan][device beeps]
Pop quizzes stink.
[laser blast]
I reprogrammed Todd to be average too.
[all cheering]
Okay, moment of truth.
Hey, guys, mind if we sit down?
Lincoln and his super cool sister?
Sh'yeah. Slide down, guys.
This cafeteria fare has no nutritional value,
and so I would like to make a proposal.
Food fight!
Yes, Principal Huggins, it will not happen again, sir.
Or will it?
[all] Ooh!
Hilarious.Nice one, L-Dawg.
You sure burned his biscuits.
Lisa, I think you're officially part of the gang.
[woman] McBride, Principal Huggins will see you next.
He doesn't scare me.
[snaps fingers]
[sobs] I'm so sorry.
Please, don't put this on my record.
[glass breaking]
Lisa, what's going on?
Meh, just getting rid of
all this stupid old science stuff.
You don't have to go that far.
Oh, I do. Lincoln,
you have opened my surgically-corrected eyes.
Being part of the gang is way more fun than being smart.
Say hello to the new Lisa Loud.
Street name: L-Dawg.
Have you heard of Boys Will Be Boys?
[pop music]
They're not quite Stravinsky, but--
Gah! I mean, they're so cute.
Dude, you gotta help me cram for my test tomorrow.
Sorry, I'm out of the tutoring game.
Bogus, since when?
Since Lincoln showed me the joys of being average.
[growls]
[all gagging and spitting]
[indistinct clamouring]This is so disgusting.
It's not my fault! The recipe is in metric,
and Lisa usually helps me with the conversions.
Thanks to Lincoln, I'm out of the conversion game,
except for converting beans to methane.
[toots]
[all growling]
[gulps]
[DJ] I've got free passes to the Royal Woods Day Spa
for the first caller who can name all three
classifications of rocks.
Eee!
Lisa, tell him the answer!
Hard rock, soft rock, and indie.
Uh...no.
You lose, baby.
What? Thanks to Lincoln,
I'm out of the geology game.
[phone rings, receiver picks up]
Oh, hi, Dad. You've been waiting
at the train station for an hour?
Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry.
Just stay put, I'll be right there.
Aww, poor Pop-Pop. What happened?
Well, usually when Pop-Pop's on a train
headed east going 80 miles an hour,
and he has 230 miles to his destination,
Lisa can tell me exactly when he'll arrive.
What can I say? I'm out of the algebra game.
Right, Lincoln?
[gulps]
Oh, Lisa, thank goodness you're here.
We need the antidote you were working on.
Sorry, Ms. S, I'm out of the disease control game.
My big brother here showed me how lame and annoying it is
to be an egghead.
And I am out of here.
Way to go, buster.
Now all my kids have strep throat.
I'm sorry, but I didn't have a choice.
If she kept acting like a brain, I was gonna be out of the gang.
Well, as long as it's for a good reason.
I was gonna have to sit at the stinky table.
[all cheering]
Lisa, you have to go back to being smart.
What? And give up all this?
[all] Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!
Not likely.
Thanks, L-Dawg.Ay!
Lisa, listen to me.
Any half-wit can be a part of the gang.
No offense, Zach.
But no one else I know can heal sick people
and save Dad's cooking, and figure out
what time Pop-pop's train is arriving.
What I'm trying to say is, the world needs smart Lisa.
Flattering words, big brother,
but I already bought this leather jacket.
I'll pay you back for it.
Just go finish the antidote, please.
What about the gang, and being part of it?
I'd rather be the one to suffer
than a classroom full of kids with strep throat.
Man, I can't have that on my conscience.
Okay, but if I go back to being smart Lisa,
you're getting the whole package,
i.e. unabashed superiority
and zero tolerance for ignoramuses.
It'll probably be back to the sticky table for you.
That's a chance I'm willing to take.
You're a good man, Lincoln Loud.
As Socrates once quipped... [collar buzzes]
Yak! Ugh, to heck with this thing.
[alarm beeping]
[all whining]
Line up. No pushing.
There's plenty for everyone.
So how'd it go this morning?
We lost one.
I'm kidding, it went fine. All cured.
Good job.
Lunch for two at the sticky table?
[snoring]
L-Train and L-Dawg! Park it!
Really?I must give you fair warning,
I have reverted to my previous incarnation.
[crickets chirping]
Smart Lisa's back.
Smart Lisa's fine by me.
My little sissy's in that there kindergarten class.
Yeah, and that virus could've spread to all of us.
I can't get strep. I've got a date on Friday.
We're sorry we treated you badly before.
Our class sure is lucky
to have someone with smarts like yours.
Thanks for your support, guys, but you don't have to worry.
I'm going back to kindergarten.
So I can have my seat back? Hello? Dr Lopez?
I don't need that appointment after all.
What about wanting a challenge?
Meh, kindergarten, fifth grade,
it's all a snooze fest to me.
I'm gonna pursue my own studies either way,
and kindergarten does have one major advantage.
Okay, boys and girls, naptime.
Now. Lisa, I know you're not gonna want a nap, but--
Are you kidding?
After the day I've had, I am bushed.
Oh, and by the way, Ms. S, if you attempt to wake me up
before my required 45 minutes of REM sleep,
you'll have to answer to Todd.
Namaste, Ms Shrinivas.
[upbeat rock music]
Okay, kids, steady as she goes.
[all grunting]
Lola, you are not in a parade.
Get down here and help us push.
Mom, this is the third time
Vanzilla's broken down this week.
Don't you think it might be time for a new car?
I would love a new car, guys.
It's your dad who won't go for it.
Vanzilla was his father's van, and his grandfather's.
Someday, he hopes to pass it on to you, Lincoln.
[scattered laughter] You're stuck with it.
[all grunting]
Thanks for the assist, kids.
Uh, after dinner, uh,
I'll need a push to ceramics class.
[all groan]
There's got to be some way
we can convince Dad to get a new car.
You heard Mom.
All our arguments are just going to stall.
[laughs] Get it?
Unless we try the subliminal approach.
[all] Mm-hmm.
Wait, where's Lola?
I got knocked off by a tree branch
three blocks back!
Thanks for noticing!
Here you go, Dad.
We made you blueberry brand-new-van cakes.
[gasps] [chomping]
Is that a new shirt, Dad? You look van-tastic in it.
Yeah, Dad, you da van!
Thanks, girls. Whoops,
got a little hood ornament on your face.
[whistling]
Dad, can you help me with this math problem?
If Mr Cloud's van stalls out ten miles from his office,
how late will Mr Cloud be for his important meeting?
Well, based on my experience from last Tuesday,
I'd say about three hours, and boy is he gonna stink.
Thanks, Dad.No problem, sweetie.
[resumes whistling]
[sniffing]
Whoa Nelly! What is that glorious smell?
It's like warm bread, roses, and puppies all rolled into one.
Just my latest experiment.
I've recreated the intoxicating new car smell.
Wait, new cars smell like this?
I had no idea.
I don't know what's come over me,
but I suddenly think it's time the Louds get a new minivan!
[all cheering]
Lola and I've been working on a new song.
It's called "Happiness Is A New Van."
Can it. He already said yes.
We've been practicing for four hours!
Sit down!
And a one, a two, a one, two, three, four!
[car honks]
[all] Whoa!
Ain't she a beaut?
I fell in love the minute I took her for a test drive.
Check this out.
[beeps]
[all] Yay! Oh!
Da-da-da-da-da-da, not so fast.
This van is brand new and I wanna keep it that way.
Shoes off! From now on you'll wear these booties.
Now, line up for inspection.
Uh-huh, so no history of flaking skin,
projectile vomiting, or leaky bowel syndrome.
You may enter.
Okay, gang, let's take her for a ride.
[engine turns over]
[gear shifts]
Everybody out. Don't smudge the door handles.
[all clamouring]
Now, guys, we don't wanna rack up the mileage on Veronica.
Who?Oh, that's the name
I gave my little baby.
Now everybody out.
Dad, can I borrow, um, Veronica tomorrow?
[laughs] Oh, wait, you're serious.
Oh, sorry, honey, nobody drives her but me.
And me, of course.
[laughs]
Oh, wait, you're serious too?
I can't believe Dad won't let you drive the new van.
How are we supposed to get to the mall and junk?
I have a plan.
[piped music playing]
Hello, ladies, I'm Steve.
You interested in this beauty?
Very interested, Steve.
But we'll need to take it for a test drive.
Sure.
[pop music]
Wait, did you say "test"?
Lori, I didn't study.
♪♪
Dad, what are you wearing?
It's a beaded vest!
I got his and hers for me and Veronica.
Uh, wow, that's---uh, wow.
Listen, can I get a ride?No can do, son.
Veronica and I have a very special outing planned.
[bird chirping]
Don't even think about it, pal.
Hi, I'll take three double bacon cheeseburgers
and three drinks.
Girls, getting fast food
is not usually part of the test drive.
Duh, we gotta test the cup holders.
And we got you a double bacon cheeseburger.
Oh.
I'm vegan, but what the heck. [chomps]
Get this, my wife actually wanted to take Veronica
grocery shopping.
I mean, what if her dang protein shakes spilled, huh?
I'd never forgive myself.
Ah, I never let my family in Sophia.
Gotta protect her fine Italian leather.
Isn't that right, bellissima?
[car honks] Whoa, check out Kotaro.
What's he driving?
Gentlemen of the Royal Woods minivan society,
allow me to present Marilyn.
Va-va-voo!
[Lincoln] Okay, we all know why we're here.
Dad is out of control with the new van.
Yeah, it's almost enough to make you miss Vanzilla.
She was a hunk of junk,
but at least we could be ourselves.
That's it, then. We gotta convince Dad
to trade in Veronica, and get Vanzilla back.
Easier said than done.
[exhales deeply]
Veronica, will you accept this key ring
as a symbol of my love?
Oh, for Pete's sake.
Looks like we're gonna have to go subliminal again.
[all] Mm-hmm.
Um, I don't understand
how shopping is part of the test drive.
Duh, we need to see how many bags the trunk can hold.
But--And look what I found on sale.
It really brings out your eyes.
Hey, Dad, we made pizz-zilla,
pizza shaped like Vanzilla.
Brings back some memories, doesn't it?
It sure does.
Everything's fallen off of it just like Vanzilla.
[laughs]
Glad that heap's gone.
I'm off to work, dear.
I know you don't trust me to drive Veronica.
So from now on I'll be carpooling
with my co-worker, Brandon.
You know, the one who just won
the Mr Hunky Royal Woods contest?
[tyres screech, car honks]
[lively music playing]
Uh-huh, sure, honey.
Smile, Veronica. This is going on our blog!
[camera shutter clicks]
Ugh.
♪
You can put your shirt back on now, Brandon.
We're going to have to up our game.
[drill whirring]
Okay, maybe we could do a tour around the block,
and then-- [gasps]
My baby! She's been mugged!
Wow, sorry, Dad.
But maybe there's a lesson here.
We just can't have a car this nice in our driveway.
You're right, son. Everybody clean out the garage.
You'll be safe in there, lambkins.
Chop-chop! We need to get Veronica in a safe place
before sundown.
[all groan]
Well, that bit it hard. Let's face it, dudes,
we're never gonna trick daddy-o into getting Vanzilla back.
[gasps] Get Vanzilla back?
What are you talking about? Don't you like Veronica?
She's fine.
The problem is, well, you.
Yeah, you've turned into a total meanie,
and frankly, a bit of a weirdo.
That is unfair.No, it's not, Dad.
You made me walk all the way home from school.
I was very clear about the no-sneezing policy.
And I do not appreciate being singled out
to wear this saliva shield.
I see what's happening here.
You can't stand to see how happy Veronica and I are together,
so you wanna rip us apart!
For shame, family, for shame!
And they called me a meanie and a weirdo.
Meanie? Check. I have heard that one too.
Yep. Hm, weirdo? Been there.
You gotta shrug it off, Lynn. Families just don't get it.
Yeah, stand firm on that sneeze policy.
Hey, kids, who's up for some Burpin' Burger?
I'll take five burpin' burgers with all the stuffings,
and make sure that sauce is dripping.
You're the best, Dad!We love you!
[sighs]
I remember when my kids loved me.
Me too. In my old van,
the kids used to have squirt gun fights,
and I'd just laugh.
Yeah. In my old heap,
the dog gave birth right there in the backseat.
It was the cutest.
Ah, to heck with it.
I'm going to trade in Olivia and get my old van back.
Me too.[car doors closing]
Me too. Farewell, Marilyn.
We'll always have that first oil change.
You guys are nuts. You're gonna regret this.
[girl] Daddy, who's that sad, lonely man in the beaded vest?
[father] Stay away from him, kids.
[sombre music]
[sighs]
[horn honking]
Family? I'm sorry!
You were right. Who wants to get Vanzilla back?
[all cheering]
But we don't have our booties.
No, I don't care anymore.
Just get your beautiful muddy feet in here.
[all cheering]
[exciting music]
Hi, I wanna return this van.
It just didn't work out. All right, sir.
And now I'd like to buy back my old van.
No can do. Just sold it for scrap
to the junkyard.[gasps]
[all] ♪ Ooh, girl, if I could
♪ Ooh, girl, give you the ♪
♪ Ooh, girl, we're all girls ♪
We need to take this car out for a test drive right now.
Dad, I think Steve may have had enough
test driving for one day.
Are you kidding? This was amazing!
My nail beds have literally never looked this good.
What ever you guys wanna do, I'm in.
[all] Whoo!
♪♪
[all calling for Vanzilla]
Honk if you can hear me!
[all calling for Vanzilla]Come on, baby, where are ya?
There she is.
♪♪
[all] No!
[alarm beeping]
Dad, bead me.
♪♪
[electricity sparking]
I wanna buy this van.
Seriously, this hunk of junk?
She's not a hunk of junk. She's family.
[thud]
Thanks for giving up Veronica, dear.
I know it was a big sacrifice.
[scoffs] Veronica who?
Aww.[both laugh]
I'm just glad we can all be together in Vanzilla again.
We are too!
Even if we're not actually in Vanzilla.
[all grunting]
♪ Ooh, girl, if I could
♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪ Loud house
♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
♪ Loud house
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house