- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Dinner's ready! Come and get it!
- Whoo-hoo! - Ha-ha-ha!
[all cheering and shouting]
- Yeah, so, this never happens.
Dad cooks all our dinners. And he's not a bad cook,
but his repertoire is kind of limited.
You've got Salisbury steak Sundays,
meatball Mondays, turkey loaf Tuesdays,
Wienerschnitzel Wednesdays,
goulash Thursdays, fish fry Fridays,
and succotash Saturdays.
Then it all repeats,
week after week after week.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go choke down some...
- Wienerschnitzel! Not to brag,
but this tastes exactly like last Wednesday's.
Man, I have got this recipe dialed in!
- What are you doing? - Self-hypnosis.
Maybe I can make myself believe
the Wienerschnitzel tastes like ice cream.
- Ooh, I want ice cream! Move!
- Come up with your own coping mechanism!
- No, no, no, no, no!
[heroic flourish] Whew! That was close.
I almost had to order us pizza. Ha-ha!
- You guys, I need an outfit for dinner tomorrow.
Does this print go with goulash?
- It doesn't matter,
'cause we're not having goulash tomorrow.
- Yes, we are, Lincoln. We have it every Thursday,
and there's literally nothing we can do about it.
- She's right. It's all in my poem:
"Dinner. The same seven meals.
"How do you cope? The only plan
"is to give up hope.
Dinner." - So true.
- Tell it, sister. - Wise words.
- Fine. I guess no one wants pizza.
[all gasp] - Did someone say "pizza"?
- When the schnitzel fell off the table,
Dad said he almost had to order pizza,
so if we sabotage tomorrow's dinner,
that's what we'll get.
Now, huddle up.
Lana, why don't you rinse offfirst?
- ♪ I just came back from the grocery store ♪
♪ Gonna get my goulash on
♪ Noodles, tomatoes, meat galore ♪
♪ Gonna get my goulash--
- Hey, Dad! There's something I've
always wondered about.
Why do you make goulash on Thursdays?
- [laughs] Oh, son. It's a funny story.
Thursdays are a bit of a conundrum.
Not many foods start with "TH".
There's Thai food, but coconut milk
really does a number on the old Lynn-testines,
if you know what I'm saying.
And three-bean salad--
well, that's just three times as bad, right?
Now, there is a Greek dish called Thessalonikian sheep dip,
but your mother finds it a little gamey.
- You're right. That is a funny story. Got to go!
- But, son, I didn't tell you
about threatened-species stir fry yet!
It's very rare. Get it?
[beeping]
- Good work, team. If my calculations are correct,
Dad should be ordering pizzain...
T minus 15 seconds.
- An orange? Where's all my goulash stuff?
I know I bought it, 'cause I was singing about it.
Dang it! [sighs] I guess I'll have to...
- Three, two, one.
- Go back to the store.
all: Aww!
- I knew I should've chloroformed him.
Unconscious people can't make goulash.
- Don't worry. Dad's not going anywhere.
- Gah! Well, my horoscope did say
Libras should expect the unexpected today.
Bad news, kids. I've got to put the kibosh on tonight's goulash.
all: Aww! - What a shame.
- Too bad. - I need to take a moment.
- But, fortunately, your old dad's got a backup plan.
- I'll get the phone, Daddy.
- I'm making tomorrow's dinnertonight.
Frank and beans Friday on Thursday.
In your face, horoscope!
- I'll get the chloroform.
- ♪ Franks and beans
♪ Doo-doo-doo
♪ Franks yeah, yeah ♪
♪ And beans and beans ♪
♪ And beans and beans, beans, beans ♪
- Big Cheese to toppings.
Target is in position. Move out.
- Be careful, guys. There's not mush-room for error.
[laughs]
- Luan, this line is not for jokes.
- My baked beans! What is happening?
I guess there's only one thing to do.
[phone speed dials]
Make franks and lima beans!
all: Ugh!
[upbeat music]
- Where the heck is our can opener?
[grunting]
Ahh, thank you, Geo.
Nothing like a little Lynn-genuity.
Where are the dang knives? I've got 20 hotdogs to slice!
♪ ♪
Aah! Pot raccoons!
No problem. We'll do a casserole.
[grunting]
Ugh!
I'll just heat 'er up in the old coffee pot.
That's using the old bean.
[electricity crackling]
Dang it.
- I'm proud of you guys.
It was touch-and-go for a while,
but we all hung in there, and--
- Dinner's served!
♪ Franks, franks and beans they're lima ♪
♪ Franks and beans all: What?
- It's not exactly hot, but I'd rather eat cold beans
than a plate of failure.
Whoa!
[raccoons chittering]
Someone get me the phone.
- Yes! Pizza! - Pepperoni!
[all cheering]
- Dinner. Goulash again. That's a nope.
A bite of pizza. It tastes like hope.
Dinner.
- Wow. What a night.
Maybe next week we can get Dad to order Chinese.
- Why is there meat in my shoes?
- Dang it.
- Does anyone have anything to say?
- Leni, why would you hide the meat
in the slippers Dad wears every night?
- Because his pockets were full.
What? Is this pasta?
Someone please explain why I'm wearing my goulash.
- We did it, Dad.
We sabotaged dinner so you'd order us pizza.
[both gasp] We're really sorry.
But eating the same dinners over and over again
was driving us crazy.
- You guys have no idea how hard it is
to cook seven nutritious meals a week
for 13 different people, on a budget.
I'd say your dad does a pretty great job.
- Aw, that means a lot, honey.
- You'll understand someday
when you have to cook for your own family.
- Cook for your own family? That's it!
Let us make dinner tomorrow night.
We have tons of ideas.
Dad will get a break. We'll make something delicious
and show you it's not that hard to mix up the menu.
- Fine by me.
- Ooh, we could probably use this onion.
- Remember, guys, this is about more than just tonight's dinner.
These grilled cheeses really have to change hearts and minds.
- Grilled cheese? I want to make a cake!
- I can't eat cake for dinner. I'll literally break out.
- Let's make shepherd's pie.
It's Mick Swagger's favorite, dudes.
- You guys, I got it. Let's make goulash!
- We did all this so we wouldn't have to eat goulash.
- And now I miss it.
- Might I suggest something more sophisticated?
Perhaps a vichyssoise?
- [makes buzzer sound] We need body fuel.
I'll blend us up some protein shakes.
- Your brain's been blended
if you think I'm drinking that barf.
- Wait--we can drink barf?
- Grilled cheese beats all! - Protein shake!
- Cake! - Guys. Guys. Stop.
We'll do a potluck.
Everyone make your own dish.
- Great idea. Then we'll have nothing to fight about.
- It's mine! I need it for my scrambly eggs!
- Well, I need it for my devilled eggs.
- Mind if I poach that?
[laughs] Get it?
- [laughs]
- Aah! - Ugh!
- Aah!
Literally?
[smoke detector beeping]
- My vichyssoise!
- [grunts]
- [gasps] My cake!
Aah!
[all shouting at once]
- Guys? Everything okay in there?
[shouting stops]
- Like, awesome. - Super.
- Good. Your mom and I are getting hungry for dinner.
Hope you're almost ready to fork it over.
- You guys, we've got nothing!
- Failure is not an option.
We have to serve something,
or we'll be eating the same seven dinners forever!
[heroic music]
- [sighs] Wow. You made, uh--
- Potatoes. - Quinoa.
- Turkey. - Chicken.
- Meatloaf. - Bologna.
- Frosting. - Cereal.
- Goulash. - Barf.
- Well, bon appétit!
- [gags] Mmm. It's, uh-- [belches]
[all spewing]
[all shouting at once] - I can't get it off my tongue!
- Mom, Dad, we're sorry.
You guys were right. Cooking for this many people is a nightmare.
We'll never complain about your food again.
[overlapping agreement]
- We promise. - We didn't mean it.
- I'm not keeping that promise.
- Now that we totally learned our lesson,
can we order pizza? - Yeah!
- Pizza! - Indian!
- Sorry, kids. Our food budget for this week is shot.
- So we're not having any dinner?
- Nonsense! Necessity is the mother of Lynn-vention!
To the kitchen!
So, what have we got?
- I found a jar of olives.
- This spoon still has a little mustard on it.
- And I've got some chopped up sports bars.
- And I've got some jams. - Ooh! Where?
Oh, those kind of jams.
[rock music playing]
- Olives. Pepper.
Baking pan.
Other half of baking pan.
Tape. Stat, man, stat!
♪ ♪
- What are you making, Dad? - I'm not really sure,
but let's just call it Casa Loud Casserole.
- Ooh! I have the perfect outfit for that.
- Honey, that was delicious.
[all speaking at once] - Amazing!
- So good! - Thank you.
I think you kids were right.
It's time I started mixing up the menu.
all: Really? - Yep!
In fact, I'm going to the store right now
to get some new Lynn-gredients.
[all cheering]
[car crashing]
- Oops. Heh.
Forgot to put the brake pads back on.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[bell rings]
- Happy Monday, class! It's the moment you've been waiting for.
- Lunch? - No, Rusty.
The fifth grade Egg Baby Challenge!
[all cheering] - Aw, man.
- You'll work in pairs to look after an egg baby for a week.
Now class, if your egg cracks or breaks, you fail.
But if you can keep your egg safe for the whole week,
you pass and get a special waffle breakfast!
[cow mooing]
Whoops. Heh, heh. Wrong picture.
all: Ooh!
[together] Clincoln McCloud, reporting for parenting duty.
- And waffles.
- No, no, no. I'll be choosing the pairs.
The whole point is to work with someone you don't know
so you can learn about each other
through caring for the egg.
So, Clyde, you'll be working with...
Penelope.
- Hey, Penelope. - Hey, Clyde.
- I promise to be the best egg dad I can.
- And Lincoln, you'll be working with...
Ronnie Anne.
- Oh, no. Not Ronnie Anne.
I can't be paired with Ronnie Anne.
She's, well, Ronnie Anne,
and she's not exactly the careful, nurturing type.
[rock music]
Aah! - [laughs]
- I'll set you up. - Ugh!
- Ha! - [grunts]
both: Ugh!
- [teeth chattering] - You ready to do this, partner?
[crashing]
- Why don't I just take that?
- Mrs. Johnson, question!
Do you recommend hard or soft boiling?
- So, what should we call her?
Any family names you'd like to honor?
- I was thinking we could combine our names.
Clyde and Penelope make...
- Calliope! - [gasps] Perfect.
- Ro-shell? You want our egg baby's name to be a joke?
- How is "Toby" any better?
This egg doesn't look like a Toby.
- Well, if you'd let me see it,
maybe I'd know what it does look like.
- Okay, everyone. Time for gym.
- Ooh, I'll watch Toby.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- No way. I mean, I don't mind keeping an eye on her.
[bell rings]
- Lunch, finally.
- Hey, partner. - Aah!
- Maybe I should take care of Toby during lunch
since I haven't gotten toall day.
♪ ♪
Food fight!
- Sorry, but I, uh...
promised Aunt Lisa I'd bring her niece by for a visit.
You know how relatives are.
- Ugh!
[tray slams] - [gasps] Aww!
Did the loud girl wake you?
Shh. It's okay.
- Okay, Calliope.
You've got your choice of organic beet mash,
stewed apricots, or gluten-free rice meal.
Organic beet mash. Good choice.
- Did you know Clyde spent a summer at chef camp?
- Here comes the airplane! - [sighs]
- So, let me get this straight, Lincoln.
Your plan for keeping the egg safe from Ronnie Anne is
to surround it with a pack of half-savage five-year-olds?
- Whoa! Back, you animals! Aah! Aah!
- Oh, you're gonna make a great dad.
- Smocks on, everyone.
- See, Rochelle, your mom loves you.
It's just safer if she loves you from a distance.
- At least you have a mom.
My partner took one look at me and decided to take an F.
Her loss.
- Aah!
- Has anyone seen Lincoln?
I wanted to take our egg to shop class.
♪ ♪
- Phew! - Well, if anybody does see him,
tell him I'm taking Toby home with me after school.
No more excuses.
- [gulps]
- Oh, sorry, Lincoln.
We were just looking for a quiet place
to put Calliope down for a nap.
- A little rubber cement and some paint...
And voila!
Now you've got yourself an unbreakable rubber twin.
[boing]
[bell rings]
Ronnie Anne, there you are.
Rochelle really needs some quality time with her mom.
- Really? But I thought--
Well, thanks.
- It's not right to lie
unless it's to protect someone you love.
Lisa's right. I am a great dad.
[whistling]
There you go, Rochelle.
[crashing]
- Lola, watch out! The floor is lava!
- [grunts] And she sticks the landing!
[crashing]
No!
[boing] What the--
oh, it's just the fake egg.
[gasps] Which means I gave the real one to Ronnie Anne!
♪ ♪
No!
- We warned him the floor was lava.
- Come in, Clyde. I've got a code beige.
- You made a fake egg to give to Ronnie Anne,
but accidentally gave her the real one instead?
- Wow. Way to stay up to date on the codes.
Anyway, I need your help.
Can you be a decoy while I rescue Rochelle?
- Sorry, Lincoln, but I'm watching Calliope
while Penelope's at her banjo lesson.
I can't get a sitter on such short notice.
- Boy, this fatherhood thing is tough, huh?
- Tough, but rewarding.
- [takes deep breath]
- Lincoln? What are you doing here?
- I, uh, missed Rochelle,
so I thought I'd stop by and say hi.
- But you had her-- I mean him all day.
- I know. We bonded. That's probably why I miss him--
Ugh! I mean her so much.
- [sighs]
You coming?
- Whew. - All right, you've got
ten minutes with the egg.
I have some stuff to do, anyway.
- I'm so glad you're okay. Don't worry. Daddy's here.
- Lincoln!
Bobby and my mom are coming home soon, so wrap it up.
- Aah! Aah! Emergency!
Sis, you home?
[dramatic music]
Workplace injury! Workplace injury!
Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!
- I'm here. I'm here. Let me take a look.
Oh, it's just a little splinter.
See? I got it. All better.
- Aw, thanks, Nie Nie. I can always count on you.
- Okay, okay, okay. You better get ready for work.
You're gonna be late! I did a load of your work shirts.
There was some pretzel cheese on your mall cop one,
but I got it out.
- You're like some kind of wizard.
- Now, hurry, Bobby. You're gonna be late.
- Ronalda! Roberto! I'm home!
Oh, hi, Lincoln. Nice to see you.
- You, too, Mrs. Santiago.
- Hey, Mom. Wash up. Dinner's in five.
- You made dinner? - Yeah.
I figured after two shifts,
it would be the last thing you wanted to do.
- Oh! [laughs] How did I get so lucky with you?
- Mom! You're embarrassing me.
- [laughs]
- Off to save some lives!
- Bobby, the pool closed in September!
You're delivering pizzas tonight.
- You know what, Rochelle?
I think I had your mom all wrong.
Why don't you stay here tonight?
[grunts]
- Toby!
Uh, why is he bouncing?
- Uh, because he's a bouncing baby boy?
- Wait. What's this?
Lincoln, what's going on here?
- I can explain. See, I gave you a fake egg.
- Why would you do that? - Because you're, well,
Ronnie Anne. - What's that supposed to mean?
- Well, I thought you couldn't be trusted with the real one
because you're not exactly the most careful
and nurturing type, but--
- So that's what you think of me?
That I'm such a monster that I can't be left alone with an egg?
- No, no, no. When I saw you with your family,
I realized I had you all wrong, and--oof!
[dramatic music]
[smashes] [Lincoln gasps]
- I guess none of that matters anymore.
Thanks a lot, Lincoln. Now we're gonna fail.
- Ronnie Anne, I--I--
- Just get out of my house!
- Hey Lincoln, Penelope and I wanted
to arrange a play date for our eggs.
- It's important to socialize at an early age.
- Well, I'm afraid Rochelle is--
[whistles, makes cracking sound]
[both gasp]
- Lincoln, please! - I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm sure it wasn't easy working with Ronnie Anne.
- Actually, I think it wasn't easy for her to work with me.
That gives me an idea! Got to run!
- I know he's your best friend, Clyde,
but I don't want him as Calliope's godfather.
[doorbell rings]
- "Please take care of me."
Signed "Toby Rochelle II."
I know you're there, weirdo.
- Oh, uh, hi.
- What's with the egg? We're done. We failed.
- Well, after I left your house yesterday,
I went to talk to Mrs. Johnson.
So it was my fault the egg broke.
I thought I knew who Ronnie Anne was,
but it turns out I didn't know anything about her.
She's really responsible and caring,
and she deserves a second chance.
- All right, Lincoln. I'll give her another shot.
- That's awesome! Thanks, Mrs. Johnson.
- And you, too. - Really?
- I think you just figured out
what this assignment is all about.
- She didn't let me off the hook completely.
I don't get the waffle breakfast,
but that's okay, because all I care about now is
putting our family back together.
- Thanks, Lincoln. I appreciate it.
But don't get too mushy on me.
Hey, I can make you waffles.
Bobby and I were just about to have breakfast.
- Hey, little Loud.
- I'm glad you brought this,
'cause I needed an extra egg.
- Ronnie Anne, no!
[egg smashes]
Got you! You're not the only one
who can pull an egg swap, partner.
[both laugh]
- [laughs]
Whew.
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house - ♪ Loud house
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house