- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[light music]
♪
- [yawns]
- Hey, Lincoln. Want some punch?
- Sure! [screams]
- [laughs]
If that joke knocked you out,
don't miss my performance in the Junior Comedian's Contest
this Saturday at the Chortle Portal.
It's sure to generate a lot of--
- Ah! - Buzz!
Ha, ha, ha!
Did you guys hear that the lipstick
and the eyeliner got into a fight?
Don't worry. They'll make up.
Ha, ha, ha!
Get it?
both: [sigh]
- Come see me perform
in the Junior Comedian's Contest this Saturday.
It'll definitely leave you feeling flush!
- [screams]
- Hey, Lisa. What's 3.14159?
- Pfft, don't waste my time. That's pi.
- Did you say pie? [laughs]
I'll be serving up a big slice of comedy at the Chortle Portal,
Saturday night!
Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Ivan. - Ivan who?
- Ivan to suck your blood! - [hisses]
Please don't touch Edwin.
- Oh, sorry.
I didn't mean to be a pain in the neck!
Ha, ha, ha!
Hey, come see my act at the Chortle Portal.
I promise it won't bite!
Ha, ha, ha!
[whoopee cushion farts]
Gas what? You're invited too!
- Thank you all for coming to my tea party.
Who would like a finger sandwich?
- Finger sandwich?
I was hoping for toe-fu.
Har, har! Get it, toots?
Don't be a dummy. Come to my show!
♪
- I got punched! - I got flushed!
- I got pie'd! - Toe-fu? Really?
- [sighs]
- Let me guess: Luan.
- Ugh, she said she had a "yoke" that would "crack me up."
P.S. It didn't.
- I can't wait for her Chortle Portal thing to be over.
She's been driving me nuts!
- Tell me about it.
It's not even funny. It's just obnoxious!
- She's so annoying.
- I wish she would just stop.
- Yeah! - Totes!
- So not cool!
♪
- [yawns]
Oh, boy. Is that punch?
- Yep. Want some?
- Not this time.
[liquid pours]
Oh.
Thanks?
- Hey, guys.
Do you know what happened to my hairbrush?
- I don't know, Luan.
What did happen to your hairbrush?
- Oh, never mind. There it is.
- That was totally weird, dudes.
- I know! She didn't even do this.
- [screams]
- Ch-yeah! I solved it!
I do not know why Pythagoras couldn't hack this one.
It's a piece of cake!
- Did you just say piece of cake?
- Oh, boy.
Here comes the dessert projectile!
- 'Cause it looks really hard to me.
Congratulations.
- Felicitations instead of frosting?
I don't understand.
- Knock, knock.
both: Who's there?
- Me. I need to borrow a dollar.
both: "Me, I need to borrow a dollar" who?
- Fine, if you're not gonna help me,
I'll just go ask Lola.
Hey, Lola. Can I borrow a dollar?
- Oh, ha-ha. I get it.
Doll-ar.
Very funny.
Oh. You actually want a dollar.
- Thanks.
- Okay, you guys. Luan's been acting really weird.
She just asked me for money
but didn't make any joke or pun about it.
- Oh? She didn't pull out any cheddar?
Or lettuce? Or bread?
Whoa, that is weird.
- Come to think of it,
she missed the perfect opportunity
to cake me.
- She knocked on my coffin
just to ask for a dollar.
- Maybe we should see if she's okay.
- Or... maybe we should just be grateful for the break.
I say we celebrate.
- Agreed.
We can finally enjoy pie
without having it propelled into our faces.
Let's seize this opportunity.
all: [cheering]
- Trash call!
I'm coming in!
♪
Oh, Luan, you accidentally put your flyers in the trash.
- No accident.
I'm not entering the contest.
In fact, I'm out of the comedy game.
- What? Why would you give up the thing you love most?
- Because I heard what you all said about me the other day.
- Look, we didn't mean that stuff.
We were just venting.
See, you've been so in our faces lately.
I'm sure it's just because
you're getting ready for your show.
- You don't have to make excuses, Lincoln.
I get it. I'm not funny.
I'm annoying.
In fact, while you've got that trash bag...
joke notebooks, trash.
- No, Luan, you are funny!
We didn't mean--
- Whoopee cushions, trash.
It's okay, Lincoln.
You did me a favor.
If I'm annoying to my own family,
think how annoying I'd be
to an audience full of strangers.
- Wha?
- Thanks for taking out the trash.
- Guys, put down the pie.
- Why? Is it going to explode?
- No, and it never will again.
Luan heard everything we said about her,
and now she's giving up comedy!
- Wow, then her show at the Chortle Portal
is gonna be really bad.
- No, she's not doing the Chortle Portal!
all: [gasp]
- But that was a big deal for her!
She wrote about it in her diary!
Probably!
- We have to convince her to do the show!
- We've got until tomorrow night.
We can come up with something.
- Already did.
Guys, huddle up.
- [whistling]
Uh-oh! I dropped my banana peel.
I wouldn't want anyone to slip on it!
- Maybe then pick it up.
- Hey, Luan!
I just made six cream pies,
but I can't think of what to do with them.
- I don't know.
You could eat two, I guess,
and then give the rest to charity.
- Man, I've been practicing my rim shots all day!
If only I had a reason to bust one out.
- Well, good luck with that.
- Gee, Leni. It sure is wet outside.
- How wet is it?
- I don't know. Luan, how wet is it?
- Pretty wet, but I think it's clearing up.
- Okay, everyone.
Clearly, the joke setups are not working.
- I know! I'm pitching her the sweetest meatballs,
and she's not even swinging!
- Don't worry. I have another plan.
We're gonna skip the jokes and go straight to the laughs.
- What does that mean?
- All homers and no pitches.
- I like it.
all: [cheering]
- That looks gross.
- [spits, laughs]
Oh, my gosh, Luan!
Zing! [laughs]
- Hey. What're you watching?
- [spits]
Oh, my gosh, Luan!
Oh, wow. You are hilarious.
♪
- Are you gonna be done in here soon?
- [spits, laughs] Dude!
Done in here soon!
Too much, man!
♪
- All right. Everyone out here.
Now.
I see what you guys are doing,
and it's not going to work.
I'm done with comedy.
- [spits] Done with comedy!
Ha! Classic Luan.
- Leni, knock it off!
- Who's there?
- [growls]
- We can't give up!
- [spits] Can't give up!
Too funny!
You guys, this is so much fun.
[foreheads slap]
- Guys! I think I've got the answer.
- No need, Lisa beat you to it.
- I've calibrated my time machine
to send us back two minutes
before Luan overheard us criticizing her.
- That is pretty good.
- Small disclaimer:
the journey may result
in our butts being in front.
- Lincoln, what's your plan?
- Well, we can't convince Luan she's funny, right?
But what if an audience can?
- How's that gonna happen, dude?
- Leave it to me.
You just make sure
she's at the Chortle Portal
at 8:00.
- Can you still put my butt in front?
- Thanks for coming with us, Luan.
- Sure. Just because I'm not funny
doesn't mean I can't enjoy someone else's comedy.
Wait, does it?
- Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Junior Comedian's Night!
Please give a hearty Chortle Portal welcome
to our first comedian, Lincoln Loud!
[cheers and applause] - Lincoln?
And what's he doing with my joke notebooks?
- [clears throat]
Hello, Royal Woods.
So, did you hear that the lipstick
and the eyeliner got into a fight?
Because seven ate nine!
- [gasps] That's the wrong punch line!
- Never mind, here's one I know you're gonna love.
Why did the chickpea cross the road?
Wait, that doesn't make sense.
Oh! Chicken!
This writing is really hard to read.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because their teacher said it would be a piece of pie!
♪
- No, no, no!
The punch line is "piece of cake"!
[laughter]
Oh. [chuckles]
His delivery was a little crummy.
[laughter]
But don't worry, things are about to get batter.
[laughter]
Did you hear about the race
between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was a head,
but the tomato was trying to ketchup!
[laughter]
Why couldn't Timmy ride a bicycle?
Because Timmy was a goldfish!
- There she is!
The winner of the Junior Comedian's Contest!
- Oh, I owe it all to you guys.
Lincoln, thanks for stinking on purpose so I'd get up on stage.
- Uh... yes. On purpose.
Of course.
- We think you're really funny,
and we're proud of you.
We're sorry we said
that harsh stuff about you.
- Thanks. That means a lot.
And I know I can be a little bit much sometimes.
I'll try to tone it down.
- Whoops!
- Mm...
- Go ahead, you can say it.
- Your breakfast is toast!
And that's no yoking matter.
If you scramble, you can make another!
- It's good to have you back.
- Hey, why are you heading for the egg-sit?
I'm bacon you to come back!
[laughs]
I crack myself up. [laughs]
[rock music]
♪
[eyes tinkling]
- [gasps] O-M-Gosh!
What does that mean?
- Okay, Leni should be occupied for a while.
I told her she can communicate with Cliff by blinking.
- I call this meeting to order!
- We've tried throwing a few surprise parties in this family,
but it's always gone wrong.
And we all know why.
Or should I say, who.
- Okay, she's coming.
Everyone hide.
- Leni, what are you doing?
- Shh! I'm hiding for your surprise party.
all: [groaning]
- Siblings, I am perplexed
as to why have I just received an invitation
to my own surprise birthday party?
- Oh! I sent that.
I wanted to make sure you'd be there.
all: [groan]
- Luna, should I wear the pink or blue dress
to your surprise party?
- Dude. - What?
- I pink you just blue the surprise!
Ha, ha, ha! Get it?
But seriously, you ruined it.
- Well, this year, we want to throw a surprise party for Mom,
which means, as much as we love her,
we have to keep Leni out of it.
- Okay, guys. Let me break it down for you.
I'll do the cleaning. Lola and Lynn are on food.
Lana and Lucy will do the decorations.
Luan and Luna will handle entertainment.
Lisa will be in charge of the guest list.
And Dad will get Mom out of the house.
- What about me? What's my job?
- You have the most important job of all.
You have to keep Leni distracted till Mom comes home.
If she's coming our way, just yell a code word.
Let's make it daffodil.
- Uh, can't it be something cooler?
Like serpent or quasar or--
all: [scream]
- [screams]
Is this how we're saying hello now?
I like it! Don't mind me.
Just getting my polish.
Cliff blinked that he wants me
to do his nails.
Oh, by the way.
While I have you guys, it's Mom's birthday today!
I was thinking we should throw her
one of our famous Loud family surprise parties.
If everyone agrees, I'll go tell her right now!
- Uh, actually, I don't think Mom wants a party this year.
Let's just keep it low-key.
- Yeah, totes. - Definitely.
- Uh, hey, Leni, while you're here,
I have some urgent fashion questions for you.
- Lincoln, all fashion questions are urgent.
- Okay, kids! We're leaving now.
I'm taking your mother shopping because I love to shop!
[whoosh]
- We should stop including Dad
in the surprise party planning too.
- And this is plaid.
- So, um, is there a difference between plaid and checkers?
- Huge difference!
But to really help you understand,
I should go get some samples from downstairs.
- No! I mean, I have a more important question.
Is it ever okay to wear jorts?
- O-M-Gosh, Lincoln!
We need to go back to square one.
- [sighs] Ah!
- I need to hydrate before we start.
- Tulip! I mean daisy!
The heck was that word?
♪
- Ah! [alarm rings]
- Ooh, sorry, guys.
Must've been something I ate.
Hey, guys! both: [scream]
- Oh, right. I forgot our new greeting.
[screams]
Ooh, Lola, your cake chair just gave me an idea.
Even if we're not throwing Mom a party,
maybe we should make her favorite cake.
- You heard what Lori said.
We're keeping it low-key.
- Daffodil! [breathes heavily]
- You're not ready for floral prints, Lincoln.
Well, that covers everything.
- Literally.
- I'm gonna go gossip with Cliff.
- Wait!
Uh, hey, you're always looking for a dress model.
Well, I'm your guy!
- [gasps]
- My sisters owe me big time. - What was that?
- Uh, I said, I think we need to redo the hemline.
- Keep it down, guys.
Leni will hear.
[toes tinkling]
- Ah! Oof! [cymbal crashes]
- What was that? - Nothing.
I didn't hear Luna drop her cymbals.
I mean, uh--[gasps]
Daffodil! Daffodil!
♪
Luna, you gotta-- oof--
[yelling]
Oof! Oof! Oof!
Daffodil...
- Lincoln, you need to get your proverbial act together.
- Yeah, we'll never get this done
if we have to keep starting over.
- Are you okay, Lincoln?
If you want to jump down the stairs,
I have just the thing: parachute pants!
Oh, Lana, those popped balloons on your hat
just gave me an idea.
I know we're not having a party,
but shouldn't we at least do
a little decorating for Mom's birthday?
- To repeat, keeping it low-key.
- But you know what we could use?
A great card!
Maybe one with a camel...
in a space suit... that's also scratch-and-sniff...
and that says,
"Happy birthday from your 11 kids!"
- Adorbs!
But where would I find one?
- The Hazeltucky Party Outlet!
- Hmm, that's, like, three bus rides away.
But it's for Mom, and she's totes worth it.
Bye!
- Nice thinking, big brother!
- Can someone help me with the streamers?
all: [gasp] - Ah.
- I forgot my shoes!
Oh, wait, no, I didn't.
Kay, bye!
all: [exhale]
- Okay, we lost some valuable time,
but we can still do this.
Everyone back to work!
♪
- Dang it. I'm out of balloons.
Ooh! I know! My emergency stash of ABC gum!
[gum snaps]
[light music]
♪
- [screams]
Still not hot enough.
- [hyperventilating]
Mm, still not sweet enough.
♪
[doorbell rings]
- The guests have arrived.
[lips smacking] - How do!
Flip has a policy of never showing up
empty-handed, so here!
- Expired milk?
Gee, how thoughtful.
- You're welcome![burps]
Uh, where's the grub?
- Eh, someone turn on the boob tube.
Ooh! Color. Fancy.
- Dr. Feinstein, greetings.
- How in the world did you come up
with this abysmal guest list?
- According to my algorithm,
the people Mother encounters most are:
her employer, our cantankerous neighbor,
and the owner of our local convenience store.
- Just because she encounters them
doesn't mean she likes them.
- Well, just because she uses toilet paper
doesn't mean she'll find it a suitable party decoration.
- Ugh, I told you we should've just stuck
with my brown balloons.
- Yeah, because everyone wants their party to look
like Cliff's litter box.
- Hey, guys, I got some great jokes for the party!
[clears throat] Boy, Mom is so old,
her social security number is 1!
I would have invited guests from Mom's first birthday party,
but they're all extinct.
- I don't think Mom wants to hear jokes
about how old she is.
- Boss man's got a point, dude.
Why don't we just stick to my jams
for the entertainment?
[screams indistinctly]
♪
[cord unplugs]
- Um, Mom is going to hate that!
It'll make her ears bleed!
- Right after her teeth fall out from eating your cake!
- [screams]
[gurgling]
[spits]
- Lynn, what did you put in that sub?
You're going to burn off Mom's taste buds!
- Don't criticize my job when you could barely do yours.
[all shouting indistinctly]
- [whistles]
Guys, stop arguing!
You're missing the bigger picture.
This party literally stinks.
- You're right. - Look at this mess.
[indistinct muttering]
- I don't get it. Where did we go wrong?
We've never thrown a bad party before.
- Are we missing something?
- Yeah, a decent sports package!
- [gasps] It's Leni!
She may spoil all the surprises,
but she's the only one who knows how to throw a good party.
- Lincoln's right.
Leni actually thinks about what people like.
- We need to call her and get her back here right now.
[cell phone chirping] - Ooh! A musical card.
[chirping continues]
Eh, I don't think Mom would be into that.
I like it, though. I should make it my ringtone.
- She's not answering.
- We have to go get her.
- [snoring]
- Sorry, gentlemen. The soiree has concluded.
- Hold up there, four-eyes!
Flip also has a policy of never leaving a party empty-handed.
Heh, heh, heh! Okay, let's go.
Come on, move it or lose it.
- I guess we really blew it.
We couldn't find Leni,
and now we can't give Mom a decent--
- Surprise! [cheesy brass music plays]
Oh, it's you guys.
Hurry up and hide.
Mom will be home any minute.
- Leni, what's going on?
- Don't be mad.
I know you wanted to go low-key,
but I found all this great stuff at the store,
and I decided maybe we should go high-key.
Doesn't Mom totally deserve it?
Plus, I found that card you wanted me to get.
It is totes cute.
And it's a scratch-and-sniff too!
- [sniffs] Ugh. Camel!
- Give me that![sniffs]
Ah! Camel...
- I guess I'll put my key in and open the front door now!
- [gasps] Mom's here!
♪
all: Surprise!
- [gasps] Oh, my goodness!
- Happy birthday, Mom!
- Oh, kids, you've really outdone yourselves.
Look at these decorations!
You remembered violet is my favorite color.
And do I smell pad thai?
- Yep, and German chocolate cake for dessert.
- Thank you so much, kids.
This is the perfect party.
- Actually, you should thank Leni.
We tried to do this without her,
but it was a disaster.
- What do you mean, you tried to do it without me?
- Uh, yeah.
We're sorry, Leni.
We were afraid you'd spoil the surprise.
We didn't realize you're the only one of us
thoughtful enough to make a party really special.
- In fact, from now on,
how would you like to be our official party planner?
- Yay! Thanks, you guys.
You hear that, Dad?
I'm planning your surprise party next.
But don't worry, I'll send an invitation.
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house - ♪ Loud house
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house