- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪
♪ Loud house ♪
- Poo-poo.
♪ ♪
[thunder rumbling]
- You're watching Fright TV.
Up next, the season premiere of "Vampires of Melancholia."
- This is it, Edwin. A whole new season
of our favorite show.
Can't wait to watch it.
Just you and me.
- Hey, Luce! - Scoot over!
- Ah!
What are you doing here?
"The Dream Boat" is on Monday nights, remember?
both: Duh! We're here to watch "VOM"!
- First, please don't call it that.
Second, you guys have never been interested in my show.
Why are you--
both: [squealing] There he is!
- Whoa, this place looks sick.
both: [screaming] Blake Bradley!
- Who?
- Duh! Literally the cutest actor ever.
- Didn't you know he was gonna be a new character on "VOM"?
- Sigh. It's called--
- Yo, anybody home?
- [gasps] Why is he literally so dreamy?
- Yikes! Who's that creepy guy?
- That's Edwin, the main character.
- He-hey, Uncle Eddie! - Tristan, my great-great-
great-great grandnephew.
This is a surprise.
- Lookin' good. Are you sure you're really 300?
- What brings you to Melancholia?
- Just thought I'd crash at Casa Creepy for a while.
- Well, I must confess, I am not really accustomed
to sharing my castle with mortals.
- No worries, bro! I can hang with anyone.
Now bring it in. Bro hug!
- Ah, so gorge. - You can just tell
he'd be a great boyfriend.
- What is happening?
- Sigh. - Wait. Who's she?
- Griselda, the other main character.
She's on a quest to the underworld right now.
If you guys had watched the show
from the beginning, you'd-- - Why are her teeth all pointy?
Wait, his teeth are pointy, too.
- Because they're vampires.
- Tune in next week for more "Vampires of Melancholia."
- Ah, that was literally amazing.
- Totes! This is definitelygonna be
our new Friday night thing.
Lori, me, you and "VOM." - [grinding teeth]
It's "Vampires of Melancholia"!
[sighs] I have to put a stop to this.
- How excited are you for tonight's episode?
- So excited! According to rumors on social media,
Tristan's going to turn a dungeon into a gym.
Tristan working out? Can you even?
[both sigh]
- Ugh.
Let's hope this works, Edwin.
[takes deep breath]
Hey, guys, now that we're all, um, "VOM" heads,
you have to join me in all of the super fun pre-show rituals.
- Rituals? - Yeah, the stuff we fans do
to get into vampire mode.
You guys are going to love them.
[blade slices]
First, you have to look the part
with a full vampire makeover.
- Ew! Do we have to look so sickly?
- Well, it's a really important part of watching the show.
But if you're not into it and you'd rather
just go back to watching "The Dream Boat"--
- Don't be ridiculous. Come on, Leni,
it'll be good contouring practice.
Look how much their cheek bones pop.
- [gasps] Good point.
- [grumbles]
- Wait.
[door shuts]
- [screams] - [hisses]
[laughs] Halloween leftovers! - [laughs]
Look, I'm Tristan's weird, old uncle.
- Next, you have to see the world
from a vampire's perspective.
- Ugh, this is giving me a migraine.
- Yeah, and I'm getting a headache.
[gasps] Wait. Is that my missing jelly sandal
under the couch?
[grunts]
Whoo-hoo! - [gasps] And my missing ring!
- [gasps] And Lucy, I found your creepy dolls!
- Give me those.
- We should def do this every week.
We'll never lose anything again.
- Sigh.
Next, you have to watch the show as a vampire would,
in one of these.
- Uh, this provides zero lumbar support.
- It's also really hard on your back.
- I cannot spend a whole hour in this.
- Wait, I know.
Decorative throw pillows!
They'll add support and a little zhuzh.
- Ooh, and we can use the lid to make a fun TV tray.
- Wait, there's still one more ritual.
This is an absolute must.
Toasting every new episode with a refreshing glass
of homemade blood.
[screaming] - No!
I don't know if I can handle this. [retches]
- I totally get that.
It's not easy being a fan of this show.
I'll understand if you guys wanna bail.
- Wait.
[whirring]
Beet smoothies!
They look just like blood, but now they're delicious
and full of antioxidants.
Yay! - Cheers!
- Sigh.
- Ooh, ooh! It's starting.
♪ ♪ [slurping]
- My darling Griselda,
how I wish you were here
to help me endure this visit
from my boorish nephew.
He actually asked me if I was a boxers or briefs man.
[clattering]
Ahh!
- Uh! Oh, yeah!
Yo, Uncle Eddie. Wanna play some cornhole?
- What happened to my castle?!
- I redecorated, bro.
Put some boom in your gloom.
And look, got you a lid so we can match in the thatch!
Now how 'bout a selfie with your favorite nephew?
- I told you, I don't show up in these.
- Oh, right. My bad.
[both sighing] - [grumbling]
- Good times, Luce. Can't wait for next week!
- Ugh, as long as that fool Tristan is on the show,
Lori and Leni are gonna keep ruining it for me.
Hmm. But what if he weren't on the show?
[laughs]
This emergency meeting of the Young Morticians Club
is now called to order.
I have a favor to ask.
You guys watch "Vampires of Melancholia," right?
- Uh, not since Tristan's been on it.
- He's totally ruining it. - The worst.
- He's awful. - Gross.
- How would you like to help me get rid of him?
Hi, I'm collecting signatures to remove Blake Bradley
from "Vampires of Melancholia."
Would you sign?
Okay, pretty good, guys.
We got 45 signatures and 15 pieces of candy
from people who thought we were trick-or-treaters.
both: Goth perks.
- Okay, did everyone finish
their protest letters to the studio?
- Mine's a poem. Should we take these to the post office?
- No. That'll take too long.
I have a better idea.
You know what to do, Fangs.
And no biting.
This is it, Edwin. Time to see
if our protests were heard.
both: Who's ready for some "VOM"?
- Check out the shirts we made.
Team Tristan! - Don't worry,
we made Team Edwin shirts for you guys.
- Oh, uh, thanks.
- Great grub, Uncle Eddie,
but you got any garlic for these fries?
- Garlic? Are you serious?
- Guess that's a neg.
Hey, how about we burn off these carbs
with a post-meal workout?
- What?! Or, instead of a workout,
uh, how about we walk along the misty,
slippery cliffs of Melancholia?
- Mm, cardio. This should be fun.
- Yes, it should.
- Dude, this mist is like a built-in airbrush filter.
- Careful, Tristan, the cliffs.
- It's cool, Uncle Eddie.
Just gotta take this self-- ahh!
both: What?! Tristan! No!
- Oh, no. Not Tristan.
The horror.
- He was so young and so cute.
- How could "VOM" do this?
Ah, sorry, Lucy. I literally can't even deal right now!
[both sobbing]
We did it, Edwin.
Our voices were heard.
Should we celebrate with some early Halloween candy?
- And now, an all-new episode of "Vampires of Melancholia."
- Ah, blissful solitude at last.
[sighs]
- Why does something feel amiss?
No more selfies or protein shakes
or dreaded bro hugs.
And yet, sigh.
I feel a twinge of remorse.
Yes, Tristan could be a bit of a fool
and his home gym did ruin my marble floors.
But he meant well.
After all, he just wanted to spend time with...
family.
And I drove him to his demise.
- Gasp. And I am a cold, selfish sister.
- Tristan, I'm sorry.
Forgive me, Tristan!
- Oh, Edwin, I know it's too late to get Tristan back
But maybe it's not too late for my sisters.
Lori? Leni?
I guess it is too late. I blew it.
Sigh.
[door knob rattling]
- So Lisa wanted my used tissues and--
- Gasp. Lori, Leni,
will you please watch "Vampires of Melancholia" with me?
I know you probably don't want to,
now that Tristan's gone.
The truth is, I just wanna hang out with you guys.
- Of course we'll watch.
Tristan may have been the reason we got into the show
but the reason we stayed is because it's been so much fun
sharing it with you. - Yeah!
In fact, we were just at the store
getting vampire-themed snacks for tonight.
I got garlic bread. Is that right?
- Well, actually--never mind.
It's perfect. Come on.
[all munching]
[knock at door]
- Who could that be?
A wandering traveler?
A door-to-door salesman?
[dramatic music]
[all gasping]
- What's up, Uncle Eddie?
- Tristan? You're back!But how?
Griselda? You're back, too?
- We crossed paths in the underworld.
Bringing him back with me was a snap.
Well, more of a bite.
- Yes, whoo! - Yay, Tristan!
- Huh. Guess my protest didn't affect the show after all.
I'm glad.
- Am I crazy or is Tristan even cuter as a vampire?
- Well, the fangs do help.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
[alarm beeping]
- [snoring] - [yawns]
Okay, Lincoln needs his permission slip signed.
Lynn has soccer practice, Luan's pig juggling seminar
is moved to next week, right.
Gotta feed the pets and the humans
and get everyone out the door.
Come on, guys. I need to hear feet on the floor!
[thudding] You too, Lincoln.
[thud] - Honey, can you proof this?
Sergei is letting me create the menu this week
and I need to make a good impression.
- Uh, "menu" doesn't have a Y in it.
- Mm, are you sure?
Remember, it's a French word.
- Mom, I don't feel so good!
Blech! Ah.
- Oh, honey. Are you getting sick?
- Nope, I just had one too many earthworms. [laughs]
- Ahh! Oh!
- Aw, sweet. You found my other skate.
Thanks, Mom. - No problem.
[panting] Okay.
[explosion booms]
Lisa! What did you do?
- [coughing] Apologies.
Turns out my flea powder is more potent than I realized.
- We have fleas? Oh, great!
- Mommy, my hose are bunching!
Ahh! - No, I literally
need the hairspray.
Look at these cowlicks!
- But my bump is going flat!
- Girls, if you can't share it, I get it.
[both gasp] - Whoops. [chuckles]
I guess that was hair dye, not hairspray,
which you totes pull off. - [screams]
[tires screech] Okay, high schoolers,
got everything you need?
Great, have a good day. Bye.
- Wait, I can't find my whoopee cushion.
- I don't have time for-- [farting sound]
- Thanks, Mom! Toot-a-loo!
[laughs] - Uh.
- [gasps] Oh, Mom, I forgot it's my turn
to bring the team snack for practice.
- Uh... [rooting in purse]
here's a half-eaten banana.
Just, you know, cut out the brown parts.
♪ ♪
[bus horn honking]
[gasps]
Oh, no, I'm here. Officer-- - Ma'am, are you aware
that you're parked in the bus zone?
- Oh. [chuckles] I didn't even see that.
- Well, apparently, there's a lot you don't see.
This is your 50th parking violation.
- Oh, it can't be that many. I mean, I know
I've gotten a few, but--
Oh, wow. I'm so sorry.
You know, I'm shuttling 11 kids around
and sometimes I don't see the parking signs.
Hey, isn't this the time of year
you sell those police fund-raising calendars?
- Yes, it is. But I'm not sure
you can afford one because you now owe the city
$2,000 in parking tickets.
- What? I can't possibly pay that.
- Well, there is another option.
- Giving me community service?
Just see what happens next time
when you call trying to sell those calendars.
[chirping]
[upbeat, playful music]
♪ ♪
Maybe this won't be so bad.
♪ ♪
Huh, well, that didn't take long.
Guess I have time to relax.
[sniffs] Ahh.
♪ ♪
[snoring]
Oh, is it already over?
[laughs] Too bad I only got one day of community service.
[gasps]
[crashing] - You really need to
watch where you're parking, ma'am.
All right, that's gonna be-- - I'll just take
the community service.
Come on, guys I need to hear feet on the floor.
[thudding]
You too, Lincoln. [thud]
- Ugh, Mom, that vest is a no.
- Honey, I have to wear this for community service.
- Bogus! You're doing that again?
- I'm sorry, kids. I've got another ding dang ticket.
Believe me, I don't like this any more than you do.
- Ohh, but I need you to wash my uniform.
- And I can't find my blue notebook.
- Who's gonna French braid my hair?
- I need you to help me steam clean my coffin
for show-and-tell. - Poo-poo! Poo-poo!
- Guys, it's just one more day.
I'm sure between yourselves and your father,
you can handle everything.
- Wait, what's that now? - Bye! Have a good day!
♪ ♪
Uh, one chocolate and one acorn.
Ah, another wonderful day.
Well, little guy, this has been a nice break,
but I'm ready to go back home.
[smoke alarm blaring]
[overlapping chattering]
I'm not ready.
[thrilling music]
♪ ♪
[explosion booms]
Yep, made the right choice.
[slurping]
Ahh. Really, I'm doing my family a favor.
I mean, another little break and I'll be able
to handle anything they throw my way.
Ugh, where is that cop already?
[overlapping arguing] - Come on, buddy!
You're taking up two spots! - Sorry,
I don't want to do this.
[sighs] Well, I can't wait here all night.
There's more than one way to get a ticket.
[seedy jazz music]
[siren chirps]
- So did you not see the sign?
You know, the one right above that says no loitering!
- Oh, I thought it said "no littering."
My bad.
- [sighs]
♪ ♪
Good boy, Charles!
[blows whistle]
[laughs]
♪ ♪
[blows whistle]
- Ma'am, ma'am, what are you doing?
- Oh, no, Officer. You got me. [laughs]
Just destroying this old radio in public,
which I know is a crime.
[sighs] So I guess you'll have to give me a ticket.
- That's not a crime. - Oh, but it is.
Section 415 bylaw W:
"Willfully destroying an old radio."
See?
I know I've said it before, but this time I really mean it.
I'm finally ready to go home.
Oh, now come on, buddy.
I can't really take you home with me.
But I promise I'll come visit, okay?
Hey, now. Where does that go?
[cat screeches] [crashing]
[screaming] - Lana, stop!
You have to take a flea bath! - No! These little guys
are my friends! [dog barking]
- Hey, everyone. I'm back.
[overlapping chatter]
It's fine. [doorbell dings]
[dramatic music]
- [gasps] Who called the po-po?
- Officer. What are you doing here?
- I was filing my paperwork and I realized
that you have had 12 violations in a week.
Which, according to bylaw 1227,
qualifies as a crime spree.
You're gonna have to do some jail time.
all: Jail?!
- Well, now, now, hang on a second, Officer.
I mean, you can't send someone to jail for just
a few parking tickets.
- Oh, it's not just parking tickets.
Public loitering, failure to pick up
canine fecal matter, willfully destroying a radio--
oh, I can go on.
[dramatic music]
I'll see you bright and early tomorrow at the courthouse.
Don't make me come after you.
- Uh, honey, you wanna tell us what's going on?
- Yeah, why didn't you pick up Charles' poop?
That's the best part of walking him.
- I'm sorry. Being at the park was such a nice break,
I started getting tickets on purpose.
- Aw, hon, if you needed a break, you should've
just said something.
- Yeah, my teacher needs a break all the time.
He just goes in the hallway and screams
into an open locker, then comes back.
It's no big deal. - You guys are right.
I should've just been honest with you.
I'm sorry I'm gonna be spending more time away from you.
But don't worry,
I'll still find a way to be your mom.
- Mom, can you help me with my homework?
♪ ♪
- Uh, missing a comma before "too".
- I wanna play with the handcuffs!
- I saw them first! - Hey, you two!
Knock it off! - Hey, Mom!
Why is the prisoner's favorite punctuation mark a period?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
[laughs] Get it?
[both laughing]
- Mom, you gotta check out my new batting stance.
Boom! Guaranteed homer.
- [laughs] It looks great, Lynn.
- Mom, check out my newest flea.
I call him Brad because he lives in my pit. [laughs]
- Imagine this dress, but in mauve.
- Uh, quick Q about the water bill.
- Look how fast he is. [overlapping chatter]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, kids. One at a time.
- [chuckles] Oh, it's fine, honey.
Actually, it's great.
I'm just so happy to see all of you.
- We're glad to see you too, Mom.
Even if it is through glass.
[overlapping chatter]
- Ahh!
[blows whistle]
[tires screech] - Can you all just
keep it down, please?!
Ohh. [sighs]
Ma'am, you can go. - What? Really?
- Yeah. Now I understand why you needed a break.
If you ever need some more time off,
just meet me in the tow zone.
- I'll just save this cake I baked for later. [chuckles]
- [yawns] What time is it?
Nine already?!
- Hi hon! Enjoy your morning.
The kids and I got ourselves up and ready today.
We're going to try to do this more often.
Don't want my honey going on the lam again.
[laughs] Ohh! Honey on lamb!
We should have that for dinner tonight.
Can you pick up some lamb?
Oh, no wait, I'll get it.
Love, Lynn.
- [sighs] I am one lucky gal.
[chittering] Oh, hi!
I'll meet you outside for coffee and acorn muffins.
[chittering] ♪ ♪
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy ♪
♪ Chaos with 11 kids ♪
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪