- * Crashing through the crowded halls *
* Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls *
* Just to reach the bathroom on time *
* Leaping over laundry piles *
* Diapers you can smell for miles *
* Guy's got to do what he can to survive *
- * In the Loud house *
* In the Loud house *
- * Duck, dodge, push, and shove *
* Is how we show our love *
- * In the Loud house, in the Loud house *
- * One boy and ten girls *
* Wouldn't trade it for the world *
- * Loud Loud Loud *
* Loud house *
- Poo-poo.
[idyllic music]
* *
[kids yelling]
- Get back here! - Keep going.
- [laughs] Get it?
- Lynn, check this out. - Who has gout?
- No, I said look at this. - I'm not cooking fish!
[kids yelling]
[rock music blaring]
[both sigh]
- Wow, it gets loud--
in there. What's up?
- Remember when I said I needed a new writing challenge
now that my novel is done? - Yes.
- And that I was hoping I could make writing
my full-time career? - Yes.
- Ba-bam!
I-I heard Lynn Jr. say that. Anyway, look.
The "Royal Woods Gazette" is looking
for a writer to pen a weekly parenting column.
- Wow!
You're the perfect fit for this.
You'll totally slay.
I heard Leni say that.
Anyway, you should definitely go for it.
- Thanks, honey.
I'm gonna email my resume right away.
[kids yelling, rock music blaring]
Well, in a few minutes.
[both sigh]
* La da dee, la da da, la da dum *
[ringtone chimes] Hello?
- Rita Loud?
Jesse Hiller from the "Royal Woods Gazette."
Here's the headline:
I think you're a perfect candidate
for the columnist job.
Our readers would love to hear
how a mother of 11 keeps it together
in our new column Perfect Parenting.
- Hold on. Perfect Parenting?
- Stop the presses. Is there a problem?
[kids yelling]
- Poo-poo. [whistle blows]
- [sighs] No problem at all.
If you want perfect parenting advice,
you've come to the right place.
- Wonderful!
Then the last step is going on the record
with an in person interview. - Great.
Just tell me when it's convenient,
and I'll come by your office.
- Oh, no. I want to see you in action.
Like the "Gazette's" afternoon delivery,
I'll be on your doorstep at 3:00.
- Aah! I mean great.
See you then.
[sighs] No problem.
I've totally got this.
[explosion]
- I'm okay!
Do we have any industrial strength glue?
- I can't stress enough
how important this interview is, kids.
I really want this job,
so I need you all of you to be perfect.
[kids groaning] - Are you kidding me?
- Being good is hard enough.
I don't know if we can reach perfect.
- [imitates buzzer] Spoiler: we can't.
- Sigh. - Ga-ga.
- This is worrisome. - Highly impractical.
- Okay, okay. How about this?
If I get the job,
I'll take you to Jean-Juan's French Mex Buffet
for a celebration dinner.
[kids gasp] - You can count on us, Mom!
- Yeah, we are gonna impress the snot out of this lady!
- Yeah, uh, we don't need an illustration.
- Come on, guys, let's go get perfect!
- [laughs]
[animals groan]
- Yes, I know bribery isn't perfect parenting,
but I want this job.
[doorbell rings]
Why, Ms. Hiller, welcome to my home!
- Hello, Rita. Headline: you look lovely.
Sub head: your home is immaculate.
- [chuckles]
Would you care for a homemade blueberry muffin
or some fresh squeezed lemonade?
- Oh, you really do have it all together, don't you?
Mmm, mmm.
- [yowls]
- Mmm. - [sighs]
Would you like to meet my little angels?
Oh, children!
- I'm Laurie. - I'm Leni.
- Luna, at your service. - I'm Luan.
- Lynn Loud, Junior. - Lincoln.
- Hello, I'm Lucy.
- Lana. Nice to meet ya.
- Lola Loud. Charmed, I'm sure.
- Lisa Loud, PhD. - Wi-wee.
- Well, aren't you all a delight?
Now tell me,
what's it like having a mom like yours?
- Excellent question, dude-- uh, ma'am.
I think we can best answer it in song.
* Life in the Loud house is like no other *
- * And that's all thanks to our amazing mother *
* *
- * She takes me where I need to be *
- * She helps me with my poetry *
- * She's everybody's cup of tea *
kids: * She's our amazing mother *
* *
- [laughs nervously]
- * She helps us with our growing pains *
- * And nourishes our growing brains *
- * You should see her fly a plane *
kids: * She's our amazing mother *
- * She keeps us laughing, never solemn *
- * She really makes our lives the bomb *
kids: * That's why she should write your column *
* We think she's an amazing mom *
- Sensational!
This reviewer gives you five stars.
[laughs]
- Another flawless performance, children.
Now why don't you head upstairs and play quietly?
- Can we clean our rooms instead?
- [laughs] Of course.
- Well, Rita, this afternoon was absolutely perfect!
Breaking news: you're hired!
[cheering]
[light applause]
- Thank you, Jesse. [laughs]
I'm speechless.
- That's all right. Save you words for the column.
[humming tune]
[kids cheering]
- Hey, I'm ready for the song--
oh, no, I missed it!
[idyllic music]
- Dear Homework Harpy, remind your children
that they can have fun once their homework is done.
It's a simple rhyme that will increase their productivity.
Dear Manic at Mealtime, if your kids are picky eaters,
just arrange their veggies into a beautiful mosaic,
and invite them to eat a masterpiece.
Dear Bathtime Bungler--
Dear Mall Meltdown--
Dear Potty Training Patsy--
* *
- Excuse me.
Are you Rita Loud from the Perfect Parenting column?
- Why, yes, I am!
- I read your column every day!
[whispers] I'm Homework Harpy.
[kids yelling]
[loud crash]
Oh, look at those wild children.
Where are their parents?
- Well, I'll tell you where they're not.
At home reading my column
on how to control your kids in public.
- [laughs] That's for sure.
Well said, Perfect Parent.
- Come on, come on. Let's go. [door chimes]
- What about the groceries? - Leave 'em!
[kids yelling]
- [clears throat] Windshield cleaner's not free.
That'll be five cents a swipe.
- Ugh! Never mind, Flip.
- Excuse me, aren't you Rita Loud
from the Perfect Parenting column?
- Oh, uh--yup, I am. [chuckles]
- Can I get your autograph?
[car alarm and kids yelling]
- Actually, no, I'm not Rita Loud.
I'm, uh, Flip's sister, Flo.
I'll still sign your ding dang newspaper, chief,
but it'll cost you five bucks.
- [laughs uneasily]
- Aah!
- Whoo-hoo! Movie time.
[kids cheering] [phone buzzes]
- Guys, Mom texted.
She had to run to the "Gazette."
So I'll drive us instead.
[tense music]
- What?
I can't risk being seen with them right now.
[judgmental noises]
I saw that eye roll!
* *
[chatter] - I barely knew her!
[cheers] - Mom, hi!
- What up, stranger?
- Oh, well, this is a nice hello.
- We just haven't seen you for a couple of days.
- I know, I'm so sorry.
I've been really busy with the column.
- Well, at least we have our big night!
- Huh? - Last week you promised
that if we behaved perfectly for our new potential boss,
you'd take us to Jean Juan's.
[kids cheering] - Bring on the bloating!
- Yes! - The queso is to die for.
- Ooh, uh--oh kids, I'm sorry, I don't--
- Aw, you promised!
- [stammering]
Okay, I have an idea. Let's go right now.
- Really? It's 3:00.
Even Pop Pop doesn't eat this early.
- Jean Juan's is literally going to be empty.
- Let's hope!
[lively music]
* *
[sighs]
We'd love a table in the back,
or you know, in the kitchen.
Or the back works. [nervous laugh]
[slurping]
- Careful, Mr. Coconuts!
You've got a chip on your shoulder!
[laughs]
[as Coconuts] Hey! Less jokes, more salsa!
[gurgling]
- Duck, duck, duck, goose! [shrieks]
- This goose came to play!
- Ayo! Lincoln, go long!
- I got it!
- What a fun idea having our editorial meeting here!
- Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
- I hear the guac is newsworthy.
- [whispering] Kids. Psst!
We need to go.
Waiter, check please!
- [humming] Whoops.
[shrieking] - Oh, my!
- Ghost, ghost, vampire. - Oh, me?
Oh, wait, I wasn't-- - Gasp.
- Aah! [all shout]
- [grunts] What in the name of
the funny pages is going on here?
- Oh! Hi Mom's boss!
- [groans]
- The Loud family?
- Uh, you got us confused with someone else.
We're Flip's kids.
- Flossie. What's it to ya, chief?
- I'm Flannery, champ.
- Yeah, and I'm, uh, literally, uh, Flora.
- Wait, what? - Oh.
That's okay, kids. [grunts]
You don't have to lie for me.
Hi, Jesse. - What's going on, Rita?
Have your children been bitten by rabid raccoons or something?
- [sighs] If only.
- No, this is how we really are.
What you saw at my house was an act.
- But the muffins, the song, the matching outfits?
- All fake.
I knew you wanted a perfect parent,
and I wanted the job so-- [sighs]
I'm not a perfect parent.
I try to do my best, and some days are great,
but some days are more than I can handle.
Parenting is my favorite job,
but it's also the hardest.
I'm sorry I misled you.
- I'm sorry too.
Clearly, you are not right for the column.
This just in: you're fired.
- Now, hold on, Jesse. I-I love what she just said.
- Yeah, parenting is hard. I wish that was in the column.
- Really? You relate to this?
- Yeah, the other day it took 40 minutes
to get my kids in the car.
- Hmm, well, I guess you both would know better than me.
I don't even have kids. [laughs]
- Does that mean our mom isn't fired?
- This just in: your mom can keep her job!
kids: Yes! Go Mom!
- Rita, forget being perfect. From now on, just be authentic.
- Thank you, Jesse. I can do that.
- Whoo! Burrito spike!
Yeah! - Congratulations.
Now would you mind celebrating somewhere else?
[gasping]
- It's okay. We get this a lot.
[upbeat rock music]
* *
- Luna love!
Am I gonna see you at my concert this weekend?
- Aw, I hope so.
I just need to figure out
how to get enough money for a VIP pass.
- Well, you never know when opportunity comes a-knockin'.
[knocking on door]
- [heavy breathing]
- Ah, hey, McBs! How goes it?
- It's like a waking nightmare! [heavy breathing]
- Deep breaths, Howie.
- Dude, what's going on?
- We were about to leave to pick up Nana Gayle
for the annual McBride Family Reunion.
Nana and I are the reigning sack race champs
four years running.
This one time, Nana started hopping an--
- Clyde, honey, short version.
I've got 20 pounds of Amish potato salad out in the trunk,
and it's threatening to turn on me.
- Oh, right. So in a nutshell,
our cat sitter canceled at the last minute.
- Luna, is there any chance someone here
could come and watch Cleopawtra and Nepurrtiti for the day?
- We pay $40.
- I don't know. Lori's gone.
She hit the golf course early, and Leni's already at work,
so she can't help. - [screams]
Aah!
- Psst, Luna, love. You should take the gig.
You still need some more cash
for that VIP pass to my concert.
I heard Sam's already got hers.
- Come on, Luna! It'll be rockin'!
- * [squeals] * [rock music]
- McBs! I could catsit for you!
- [sighs] Oh, Luna, you're a lifesaver.
Here's our house key.
We left all the kitty care instructions
on the kitchen table, and--
Oh! And just one rule:
we ask that you please don't have anyone else over.
Our babies get anxious
when they're faced with more than one stranger at a time.
- Dr. Lopez is working with them on their trust issues.
- No prob, dudes.
- Okay, Clyde. You know the drill.
- [grunting] - [dazed sighing]
[both grunting]
- [sighs]
Thanks again, Luna. We'll be home at 6:00 sharp.
- Sounds good!
And don't worry, your fur babies are in good hands!
* *
[whistling]
Cleo, Nep! Auntie Luna's here!
Okay, let's find those kitty care instruct--
[shrieks] Eee--ooh!
"McBride Guide to Feline Care with Index and Annotations.
Revised Sixth Edition."
[gulps] Yikes.
This looks like a lotta--
[rock music]
But it's worth it! Wh-wh--whoa!
Okay, let's see.
"The girls' mid-morning snack is in the refrigerator.
"Warning: they're on a strict feeding schedule.
Food must be served promptly at 10:00 or they get cranky."
Oh, 10:02! I better get on that.
[humming]
Hang tight, kitties. I just gotta open this--
[cats growling]
[hissing] Oof!
[groans] I guess dinner's on me.
[laughs uneasily]
"Attach leashes to harnesses and keep a firm grip.
The cats may pull!"
Yah! - Ah?
- Make way, brah! No kitty brakes!
- Huh?
Oh--wah--eee! Whew.
[grunts]
[birds chirping]
- Meal portions, medical-- messes!
Bingo!
"If the cats get messy, prepare a warm, soothing bath."
["bath" echoes]
No, no, no, no, no! Come back!
[heavy breathing] Ooh!
[sighs]
[heavy breathing]
Aw, come on, dudettes!
Aha!
Aw.
- [hissing] - [gasps]
[exhales] Here we go.
[screaming] [yowling]
Here! Ugh!
No! Oof.
[frantic music]
* *
- [grunting] - [hissing]
- [gurgling]
- Hey, poppet, how goes the gig?
- Bad! I am so overwhelmed, Mick!
I haven't made a dent in everything I'm supposed to do,
and the McBs'll be back in a few hours.
- Well, you better get crackin'
if you wanna catch my show with Sam!
- [gasps] Sam!
She's great with cats! Thanks, Mick.
- Wait, love, let's not do anything too hasty.
[shrieks]
[knocking on door]
- Sam, you're the best!
How'd you get here so fast?
- I was around the corner picking up Simon
from his gamers club meeting, so we came right over.
[purring] - We?
[knocking]
[gaming beeps] - Hi, Luna!
[anxious music]
- Hey! That's harsh.
- Sorry, I didn't mention it on the phone,
but I'm not supposed to have anyone else over.
The cats get anxious.
I mean, I figured you'd be okay,
'cause animals love you and all--
[knocking]
- Well, we can't leave my little brother out there.
- It is nice weather. - Luna!
- Right, right. Okay.
We just need to make sure the cats don't see him.
[sneaky music]
- [meows]
- Cool.
What is this place?
- The McBride's entertainment room.
You can hang out here while Sam and I take care of the cats.
- No way!
A Dream Walker 3 virtual reality system!
- Uh, well, just promise you'll be careful, okay?
That's Clyde's. - Promise.
[laser whooshes]
- All right, let's take care of those cats.
[rock music]
* *
- Ready or not, here I come!
* *
- Gotcha! - [meows]
[laughs]
[beeping]
* *
[shriek]
- * Sleep, furry babies, in kitty dream land *
- * With visions of yarn balls and tuna fish cans *
- * For when you're awake, the day dawns anew *
both: * And morning shall greet you *
* With a bright and happy "mew!" *
[cats purring]
- Phew. Sam, I owe you big time.
- Psh. Please.
I'm just psyched we're gonna get to see Mick together.
I better duck out before the McBrides get back.
- All righty. See you, Sam.
- [humming] [electronic whooshing]
[gasps] Simon!
[panting]
Uh? Ah!
- Well, I thought your potato salad was delicious.
- Then why did everyone go for Aunt Brenda's, hmm?
A-and she wasn't even supposed to bring any.
She signed up for dessert.
- Hey, McBs. Welcome home!
- Luna, how did it go with our precious fluff angels?
- Flawless.
They had snacks, they went for a run--
[stammers] I mean, walk.
We even played--Simon!
Says. We played Simon Says!
- Well, we're so grateful you could help us out in a pinch.
- Thanks so much, Luna. - [groans]
Wait! - Is everything okay?
- Hey, did you want to take some potato salad for the road?
- Shoot!
I just realized I lost...
a guitar pick somewhere in the house.
- Oh, well, we'll keep an eye out for it,
and we'll have Clyde bring it over.
- No, no, no, no, no. It's my lucky one.
I can't jam without it. [laughs nervously]
I bet we'll find it in no time if you dudes just help look.
Why don't you check in the bathroom?
And I'll just look out here.
[beeping]
- Luna, did they see Simon? - Not yet.
If you can sneak around the house to the back door,
I'll find him and hand him off to you.
- On it. [beeps]
[groans] Ow!
- Huh? Eh.
[suspenseful music]
[electronic whooshing] - [heavy breathing]
- Whoa! - Hey, what the--
both: Did you say something? Wasn't me.
Are you sure? What?
Never mind.
- Aw, come on, Luna.
I was about to defeat the final boss.
- Shh! Sorry, brah, you gotta bail.
* *
- Dads! Have you seen my VR gear?
- Try the kitchen, honey.
- Whoa! - [heavy breathing]
- Hey, Luna. Oh, here it is.
[knocking]
[knocks] Just, uh,
checkin' for termites.
It comes complimentary with my, um, cat sitting services.
- Nice.
[suspenseful sting]
- Pwuh. - Sorry, bro, you gotta go.
Right now! [grunting]
The window is stuck!
[both grunting]
- Luna, where are you? I found your guitar pick!
- She's in the kitchen, Dad!
- Oh, never mind, it's just a tiny tortilla chip.
[gasps] - [yells]
- [shrieks]
[both imitating laser whooshes]
[remorseful music]
- So that's why Sam and her brother are here.
I'm so sorry for breaking your rule.
Here. I don't deserve this.
- We appreciate your honesty.
- But we do have to say,
when we checked in on our fur babies just now,
we have never seen them sleeping so soundly.
- That was all Sam.
She's a total cat whisperer.
- Wait, Lunes.
It was your idea to sing them a super-sweet lullaby.
That's what got them to fall asleep so peacefully.
- Well, Hair-Bear, I don't know about you, but I'm impressed.
- More like mee-wowed! [laughs]
It sounds like you girls made a great cat sitting team,
so-- - Why don't you split the $40?
- Well, I already know what I'm doing with my half.
- [gasps] - What are you waiting for?
Hurry up and get that VIP pass. - Are you sure?
- Mm-hmm. - Wahoo!
[cats moaning]
Whoops. My bad.
- Don't worry, Mr. and Mr. McBride.
We'll get 'em back to sleep.
- * Sleep, furry babies, in kitty dream land *
- * For when you awake, the day dawns anew *
both: * And morning shall greet you *
* With a bright and happy "mew!" *
- [snoring]
- * Cramped inside this tiny space *
* May sound bad but ain't the case *
* In the Loud house * - * Loud house *
- * Duck and dodge and push and shove *
* That's the way we show our love in the Loud house *
- * Loud house *
* Laundry piles stacked up high *
* Hand-me-downs that make me cry *
* Stand in line to take a pee *
* Never any privacy *
* Chaos with 11 kids *
* That's the way it always is *
* In the Loud house *