- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪
♪ Loud house ♪
- Poo-poo.
♪ ♪
[overlapping chatter] - Whoo-hoo!
Come on, Lis. Put that stuff down
and watch "Double Dare" with us.
- Are you kidding? I'm about to
split an atom here.
- Okay, here's your first question.
Which element on the periodic table
is represented by the number one?
Is it hydrogen, helium, or first-dium?
- Hydrogen, duh.
Who in their right mind would guess first-dium?
- No talking if you're not watching.
- Hey, hold on, slime lovers.
"Double Dare" is hitting the road,
and we're coming to your town.
So get ready, Royal Woods, Michigan!
- Why? - Hot dog!
- Guys, we have to go on the show.
This is our chance to get slimed!
- I'll slime ya. - But there are only
two players on each team.
Who do we pick? - One of them has to be Lisa.
She always knows the smart junk.
- Pick it! Come on, pick it!
Oh! There you go.
- I have no interest in such childish buffoonery.
- Hey, did I mention we have some great new prizes?
Flash sneakers, deluxe vanity stations, and...
both: A Galactic Labs Space Capsule.
[explosion booms]
- I've changed my position. [coughs]
We must compete on the show! [all cheer]
- Well, the other spot should go to me.
I look the best on television.
- Spot should go to me! I squat 250.
- It should go to me! I'm a rock star!
all: How 'bout me? - Uh, uh, uh.
If we're gonna win this thing,
I'll need to pick the teammate with the best overall stats
relevant to "Double Dare."
Hmm. Time to devise some tests.
[all grunting]
- Stop squatting me! - Okay, okay, people!
Now thank you for participating in this exercise.
I've taken it upon myself to build a robot
to help me assess your "Double Dare" potential.
I give you Dare-bot.
[Dare-bot beeping]
Now first, we'll test your ability
to keep calm under pressure with an exercise
I call "Think or Swim."
Okay, participants, now I'm going to ask a series
of simple rapid-fire questions.
If you stumble or answer incorrectly,
it's into the dunk tank and out of the running.
- Cannon ball! [water splashes]
Bah! Did I win?
That splash was dope!
- [imitates negative buzzer] Disqualified.
Ability to follow instructions is paramount.
Okay, first question.
Luna, what's father's middle initial?
- Uh, um... - [imitates negative buzzer]
Too slow. [device beeps]
- [screams] - Lincoln, same question.
- Uh, L. - Correct.
Lucy, what is the 12th letter of the alphabet?
- A, B, C, D-- - Too late.
- [groans] - Lori, Roman numeral for 50.
- Uh, um... [screams]
- Lily, mass of Jupiter. - [gurgles, screams]
- Lola. - I'm bored.
[water splashes]
- Jeez. Tsk, tsk.
Only four left.
Dare-bot, you know what this means.
- Yes, I'll dispose of the losers.
[Dare-bot whirring] - No! No, no, no!
I meant, these four will move on to the next round!
[inhales sharply]Criminy.
We are now going to test an ability
crucial to "Double Dare" victory:
spotting hidden flags.
- Yeah, this coming from the gal who wears glasses.
How "eye-ronic."
- Insulting the team captain, instant disqualification.
Dare-bot. [Dare-bot whirring]
- It wasn't me! It was Mr. Coconuts!
No fair!
- All right, participants.
Now, I've buried a flag somewhere inside the couch.
You have 20 seconds to find it. And go!
- Out of my way! I'm gonna find it.
Found it!
- Lincoln, that's an old pizza slice.
- [chomps] Mmm, pepperoni and sock lint.
- Another disqualification,
for pure revulsion.
- Worth it. [belches]
- Keep looking, people!
- Uh, hmm, uh, hmm... - It's somewhere here.
I mean--ugh! - Uh...
- [groans] Geo for the win.
Let's move on.
Okay, participants.
As you know, physical challenges require
speed and agility.
So for the last test, it's simple.
Whoever can catch Charles wins. - That's gonna be easy.
- Not if he's covered in nonstick vegetable shortening.
Laser, please. - Commencing puppy playtime.
[barks, panting]
- [panting] Ah, ah! - Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Get him! - Hmm.
[both whimpering, shriek]
- Ooh, ooh! How'd we do?
- I need to assess your scores.
[grunting] Oof.
And my bruises.
Ugh, who am I gonna pick? These rubes are hopeless.
They probably don't even know who discovered radium.
- Marie Curie, born 1867 in Warsaw, Poland.
Your dog is dry. [Charles growls]
- By Tesla's coils, I've got an idea!
Thank you all for trying out, and after reviewing the data,
I've decided the most agile, quick-thinking, personable,
qualified teammate is...Dare-bot!
all: What? - Why?
- Yeah, none of you mere humans hold a candle to
Dare-bot's knowledge and physical skills,
and I wanna win that spaceship.
- Winners high five. - Get scrapped, dumb-bot!
Ahh!
- Anybody else have something to say?
all: Nope.
- Take your places, please. Contestants, take your places.
- Oh, thank goodness for stepladders.
Well, this is a surprise.
I didn't expect you'd still wanna cheer me on
under the circumstances.
- Cheer you on? Ha!
We're here to beat you.
- And they're here to cheer us on.
[all cheer]
- [scoffs] You both performed passably
in tryouts, but quite frankly, you don't stand a chance
against myself and Dare-bot.
- Agreed. Your human brains are a joke.
- Oh, yeah? Well you would look terrible
in a crop top.
- Gasp. That stings.
- On your mark, get set...go!
Today on "Double Dare," it's Louds versus Louds.
Now remember, teams, whoever hooks more antlers
wins control of the round.
Blue team's not looking too good.
- Ow! Ah! - It's not that easy.
Red team's playing it real cool
and--oh!
Ring-a-ding-ding!
Red team wins control of round one.
- We got this! Go, Dare-bot!
- Oh, yeah!
Get used to seeing this.
- Okay, we're back.
Antlers are off and thinking caps on.
Red team, here we go.
Which of these is not part of an atom:
protons, neutrons, or jumbo-trons?
- Jumbo-trons, obviously.
And may I say your attempts at humor
are quite juvenile?
- Hey, I only ask the questions, man.
I don't write 'em. Okay, next question.
Which of these sports is not played with cleats:
baseball, soccer, or croquet?
- Ugh, sports, my Achilles' heel.
Good thing I have you, Dare-bot.
- You neglected to program me with sports trivia
in favor of sarcasm and sauciness.
I suggest we dare.
- [groans] Dare.
- Oh, dare it is. Blue team?
- A shoe question?
I know the answer. I know the answer!
- Wait, they don't know the answer.
Let's double dare them and put them on the spot.
both: Double dare!
- Ooh, the suspense!
Red team, will you take the question
or the physical challenge?
- It appears my hand's been forced.
We'll take the physical challenge.
- Okay, it's a physical challenge for Red team.
In the Hammerhead's challenge, contests must use their noggins
to break a dozen eggs. Sound simple?
Well, not with a vibrating table!
- [scoffs] Disposing of a few eggs
should be no problem for Dare-bot.
- On your mark, get set, go!
- No egg is safe from Dare-bot.
Dare-bot smash. - Ah! We got this.
[grunts]
Ah! Dare-bot, what's happening?
I programmed you better than this.
- You opted for wit over waterproofing,
and that's no "yolk."
- Well, I better rewire your--ah!
- Aww, looks like you're a few eggs short of an omelet,
which means the points go to the Blue team!
- [growls]
- After one heck of a round, Blue team's behind
by 200 points, but they do have control of the game.
Let's see if they can catch up.
Blue team, what famous export originated
from the town of Nîmes, France?
- Oh, that's easy.
It's denim, which derives from
the French, "sergé de Nîmes."
- Whoa! You got it.
[both gasp] Blue team gets the points.
- A geographical question
with an international economic twist.
I didn't know she had it in her.
- And the game is tied!
And you know what that means?
It all comes down to the obstacle course!
And we're back.
The first team to complete
the obstacle course with the most flags
is our winner and gets to pick
from our incredible grand prizes!
Teams, on your mark, get set, go!
[all clamoring] [exciting music]
- [grunts]
- Based on statistical probability of
past episodes, the flag is most likely
under the--under the-- - Come on! Under the what?
- The second pancake. - [grunts]
It's not here, Dare-bot.
- Does not compute pancakes.
Marie Curie. Poland! Poland! Poland!
- Got it! - Blue team is on the move!
- Look alive, Dare-bot.
[Dare-bot whirring]
- I can't find the flag! - Pick it! Whoo!
- Dare-bot, come on! This a-way.
- Come on, guys, get the flag. Get that flag!
[all cheering] - Flag! Flag! Flag! Flag!
- Success. - Thatta boy, Dare-bot.
Victory is still within our grasp.
- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
- Red team is in the lead, and they lost it.
Next up is a scenic ride through Lake Gelatin.
Oh, you missed it by that much, Red team!
- Well, there's more than one way
to cross a lake o' gelatin. [grunting]
Come on, baby!
- That is some inventive thinking!
- I was not built for this. - Red team is catching up.
- The flag. I got it! - There's the flag.
I got it! [both grunt]
- The teams are still tied!
Whoever reaches the flag on top of
Mount St. Double Dare first wins!
- Wha--whoa! - Be careful. Watch your step.
[both grunting]
- [shrieks]
- Ahh!
- I love this game.
- [grunting]
[screams excitedly]
all: Leni! Leni! Leni!
[cheers and applause]
- [groans]
Siblings, congrats on your win.
I realize now that I underestimated
your abilities.
I'm sorry. - No worries.
We know you really wanted that space capsule.
- Yeah, but I should have stuck by my family.
[all swoon]
- You know, I hate to break this up,
but Lincoln and Leni, it's time to pick out
your prize from our incredible list
of flashy new prizes.
- No need, Marv, I know what we should pick.
[beeping] - Gads.
Don't tell me you two have a budding interest
in rocket science.
- No, silly, it's for you.
- But I was so-- - It's okay.
I just wanted to meet Marc Summers.
- And I'm using the show to improve my brand
as a preteen influencer.
- [laughs] Aww.
You guys are the best.
[upbeat music] - Yeah!
[laughs] Mmm.
[mysterious music]
♪ ♪
[beeping]
- Ah. - Sorry, Lincoln.
- Come on. - Sorry, Lincoln.
- Um, can I help you, Leni?
- I'm supposed to read a novel for English,
but Lily's using them all to build a fort.
- [giggling]
- Ooh, found one! Also, a green bagel.
- I'll be taking that. [chomps]
- Cool.
The main character's named Luna,
and she's got a sister named Luan
and a brother named Lincoln.
- Wait, what? Let me see that.
[gasps] This isn't a book.
It's a diary--Luna's diary. You can't read this.
- O-M-gosh, of course not.
I'd never invade her privacy like that.
Though, I do kind of wonder what big secret
she was referring to.
- Big secret? - Mm-hmm.
"But I know I can never tell my fam my big secret that I--"
- ♪ Back from band practice, where'd I put my key? ♪
[both gasp] - Ah. Ah! Uh.
Scatter. - [panting]
- [grunts, shrieks]
[grunts] - [humming]
[suspenseful music]
- Phew. That was close.
- I know.
Can you imagine how upset Luna would be
if she knew we read her diary?
- Well, technically, you're the one who found it.
- Hey! - Okay, okay.
So we both read it, but that was an accident,
and as long as we don't read any more of it, we're good.
- No matter what big secret
she's keeping from the whole family.
- Right.
- Uh...
- Gonna go jam with Sam. Be home soon!
- Hey, guys, I'm just gathering clothes for the wash.
Got anything? [grunting]
- [gasps] Okay, we're in.
Let's find that diary.
- Freeze, ya bozos! [both yell]
What are you guys doing in here?
- Um, uh, collecting laundry. - Laundry day was Tuesday.
Spill it! - Okay, fine!
We were looking for Luna's diary.
She wrote about a big secret,
and we have to find out what it is.
- Guys, that is so wrong. - [groans]
- I can't even joke about it. Oh, come on, toots.
Drop the saint routine.
I know you're itching to find out
what dear old sis is hiding.
It's gotta be juicy if she's yakking about it in a diary.
- Hmm. Okay, fine.
I'll help you guys look.
I know all the good hiding places.
Lincoln, try that desk drawer. - [grunts]
Luan! - [laughs]
Sorry. I couldn't resist.
[curious music]
♪ ♪
- Eee! I think I found it.
Okay, okay. Let me see where I left off.
"But I know I can never tell my fam my big secret that
"I skipped school last Friday
to see a slasher flick at the mall."
[all gasp]
- Precalc's been a major snooze...
- You got an ID? [snores]
- So Roxy had the great idea to ditch.
Breaking the rules was such a rush!
[laughs] - I can't believe this.
Luna's been skipping school?
- And who's this Roxy girl?
She sounds like a bad influence.
We should go talk to Luna right now.
[all grunt] - We can't do that.
Then she'll know that we've been reading her diary.
- Which, as we've agreed, is wrong,
but I guess what Luna's doing isn't the end of the world.
So let's put the diary back
and pretend this never happened.
- Right. - Boo, you're no fun.
[all grunt] - Hey.
Heard you're doing laundry. Thanks.
[flies buzzing] Might wanna run these twice.
[beeping]
- [moaning] [scratching]
[whistles]
[scratching] [grunts]
- Um, everything okay, Luna?
- Ah. Yeah.
Uh, must have gotten bit by a, uh, bug or something.
[Charles barks] - Don't look at us.
We just got our flea baths.
[peculiar music]
[door closes] - Hmm.
♪ ♪
[grunts]
- "Dear, diary, dude, I finally did it.
I got a tattoo!"
[rock music]
[both laugh]
- [gasps]
[owl hoots] [insects chirp]
- [snoring] [window creaks]
Huh?
Ooh! Oh.
- [groaning]
[mischievous music]
"Tonight was killer.
"Instead of studying for finals,
I snuck out to this underground club with Roxy!"
Bring it, dudes!
[both grunt, cheer]
- [gasps] Oh.
- Pfft.
Look at her, clearly putting on
the goody-two-shoes act to throw off Mom and Dad.
- I don't know. Maybe she's turning over
a new leaf. - Guys!
Luna's turning into a monster!
Look at her latest diary entry.
- It's a little blurry. - I only had five seconds.
Luna and Roxy are planning
a night of mayhem in Royal Woods.
- First, we fill the town fountain
with nacho choose, then we free all the goats
from the petting zoo, start some fights
at the biker hangout, then swipe the big letter R
from the sign on town hall, baby.
- Trespassing? - Stealing?
Vandalizing a town landmark? Scandalous!
- This night could ruin Luna's whole future.
We have to tell Mom and Dad!
- But Luna's gonna hate us for snitching
and for reading her diary.
- Hmm. You both make good points.
Maybe there's a way to stop Luna
without all of that messiness.
[insects chirping]
Okay, so we know Luna's exact itinerary
for tonight's "mayhem."
If we can stay one step ahead of her and Roxy,
we can thwart all of their plans
without Luna ever finding out we're onto her.
- Awesome! - Sweet.
Hey, how am I supposed to relieve myself in this thing?
There's no zipper.
- I still don't know why Mr. C was crucial to the mission,
but come on.
Flip, my good man.
I'd like to buy your nacho cheese.
All of it.
Pretty smart, huh?
This way, there's no cheese left
for Luna to pour into the town fountain.
- Yay! But, um, what do we
do with it now?
I didn't bring any chips.
- Let's just dump it. - No.
You never dump good cheese.
[sneaky music]
- [screams]Oh, yum.
That's delish! You don't even need chips.
- Okay, same idea with the goats.
If there aren't any for Luna to set loose,
she can't make trouble.
- I don't think we have enough bike helmets
to take the goats with us.
- Actually, I was thinking we'd just relocate them
to that barn.
Okay, little buddies, let's mosey ov--ahh!
[goats bleating]
- Hey, slow down!
My legs are made of wood! - Aww, come here, you.
- Get back here! [grunts]
[rousing music] [cell phone dials]
Liam! I need some emergency--
- Goat-herding tips?[laughs]
Sounds like you're in a heap of trouble.
Just gotta find something tasty to lure 'em in with.
You got any more questions, just give me a jingle.
♪ ♪
[hooves thudding] [slurping]
- Oh! There you guys are.
- Come on, Leni. I think I hear Luna.
[grunts]
- Dude, where are all the goats?
[stealthy music]
- Yes! Another plan thwarted.
♪ ♪
- Wow, Linc. How do you know
where the town biker hangout is?
- "Open for badness"?
Oh, clever yet scary.
[overlapping shouting, clamoring]
- [yelps]
[rock music]
- This place looks a little rough.
Do we have to go in? - Heck no.
I thought we could keep Luna away
by making it look like it's closed,
starting with unplugging that sign.
♪ ♪
- There, all done.
- Hey, you little punks! all: Huh?
- Nobody touches our sign!
[knuckles crack] - [spits]
- [sniffing] Ooh.
Smells like nobody touches a bar of soap
around here either.
- What did you say, puppet?
- [sniffs] Ooh.
all: Hmm.
- Those guys insulted our personal hygiene.
Let's get 'em!
[overlapping shouting] - Yeah, come on!
Let's get 'em!
- Well, on the upside, there's no bikers left
for Luna to rumble with.
Quiet, Mr. C. You are in a time-out.
- Last stop: town hall.
We gotta get there before Luna can steal the big R.
- Too late!
[suspenseful music]
- Oh, no, the five-0!
Let's split before we get busted for trespassing!
- No, we have to save Luna.
- Oh, but then she'll know we read her diary!
- We have no choice.
Stop! - Don't throw your life away!
- Huh? What are you guys doing here?
all: We read your diary!
- You what?
- We're really sorry for invading your privacy,
and we totes get it if you hate us forever,
but we couldn't let you ruin your life.
- [laughing] Duh!
I knew you dudes were snooping in my diary.
That's why I made up this whole rebellious act.
all: What? - It all started the other day
after band practice.
[humming]
[curious music]
- Phew. That was close.
- I know.
Can you imagine how upset Luna would be
if she knew we read her diary?
- So I erased what was really in my last entry
and made up the story about skipping school instead.
- And the tattoo?
- Well, what about sneaking out to clubs?
- I never snuck out. I just faked sneaking back in.
I had to make the window creak, like, six times
till you woke up.
- Well, what about this Roxy girl?
all: Sam? - Sorry, guys.
I had to help her out.
- You know I'd never actually do
any of that bad stuff, right?
I was just trying to get you to fess up
to reading my diary.
- Sorry we doubted you.
- It's cool, dudes.
I'm sorry for messing with you to teach you a lesson.
- You really went all out.
This security guard is so believable,
except he doesn't even look that scary.
- [growls]
- Oh, now he does.
- Dudes, I didn't hire him! Run!
- [giggles nervously]
- [grunts] - [screams]
[exciting music]
- So, Lunes, what was the big secret?
I gotta know! A bad grade?
Secret piercing?
You owe money to some hooligans,
so you're--[chokes]
[yelps]
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy ♪
♪ Chaos with 11 kids ♪
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪