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Brace, brace! I'm bracing.
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This program me contains strong
language and adult humour
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Hm.
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No, I10, I10, no, no!
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No!
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Ahh!
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What?!
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Hello! Here we go again.
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Welcome to Taskmaster.
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I'm Greg Davies and I love the smell
of a new series in the evening.
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Five fresh competitors
entering the arena,
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their hair clone all fancy,
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the light dancing off their
new outfits, just nice.
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But we all know that no amount
of cosmetic tinkering can disguise
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the fear that rips through
their naive bodies.
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"Ooh, maybe I won't be one
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"of those ones that humiliates
themselves on this program me."
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Grow up!
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It's this misplaced optimism
that wakes me up in the morning,
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sustains me throughout the clay and,
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I hope this is appropriate,
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is the source of my virility.
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So, let's meet five successful
comedians happy to put it all
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on the line to win a trophy that
remains to this clay truly worthless.
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Please welcome Frankie Boyle,
lvo Graham,
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jenny Eclair, KiellSmith-Bynoe,
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and Mae Martin.
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Ancl now it's over
to prick-tionary corner.
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It's the direct result of
a tryst between Postman Pat
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and Chewbacca, it's...
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HIGH-PITCHED: ..Little Alex Horne.
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Hi. Hi, Greg. You all right?
I'm just so ready for this.
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I've had my pre, well, my new
pre-show fuel.
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Yeah. Got a new system. OK.
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I have a quick, ah, Scotch Apple.
I've got one here if you...
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Yeah, yeah.
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There's a Scotch Apple. Yep.
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You want it? No. No?
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Have a little nibble on it.
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I'm going to have a little
nibble on it.
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Mm!
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That is awful.
Hm, mm, mm. Oh, lovely.
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Genuinely, it looks disgusting.
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Oh, it really is. Well clone.
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Hopefully you'll be physically
sick during the show.
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OK, it's time for Alex to reveal
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the first prize category
of this series.
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Yes, here it comes.
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You've asked them to bring in
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the most dependable thing that
weighs about 1 kg,
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so about the same as a ferret
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but much more trustworthy than
a ferret, please.
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Greg will give five points to the
most dependable thing that weighs
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about a kilogram, and at the end
of this episode, the overall winner
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will take home around 5kg
of dependable things.
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That's me done and it's
back to you, Greg.
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OK, as tradition dictates,
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we start on the left for
the first episode so
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Frankie, welcome to the show.
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What's your dependable thing that
weighs around a kilogram?
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I have brought in something that
reliably makes me smile
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and laugh which is
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a painting my children had made up
of me for my 50th birthday.
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Here it is.
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Are the two people by the horse
your children?
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Yeah, they are.
They've blurred their faces out,
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they weren't just moving while
the painter was...
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Frankie, it's a really
strong opener.
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I would like that in my house.
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That's creepy. Yep.
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Good. lvo, welcome to the show.
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Thanks for having me on the show.
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Obviously very hard
to follow Frankie's beautiful
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family-orientated art, but I would
argue.
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Are you all right?
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Are you playing a Radio 4 panel game
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where you can't say certain words?
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Even on Taskmaster I'm still
auditioning
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for Radio 4 panel.
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I've brought in the
most dependable thing there is,
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I've brought in a four pack
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of non-branded toilet roll.
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Yes, he has. Oh, reliable.
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There's his item. Yeah, very good.
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I would say the four pack,
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as well as weighing pretty much
exactly a kilogram,
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pretty much any bowels are
provided for.
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It's the sense of security that
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comes with bringing home
a sweet four.
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I'm a nine pack girl.
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Can I pull lvo up on this slightly?
If you look up loo rolls on
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Wikipedia, which I imagine you've
done,
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it says the average weight of
a loo roll is 227g. Yes.
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But that is completely wrong,
as is some of Wikipedia.
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They weigh about 100g each.
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So he's brought in less than half
a kilo of loo roll?
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Yeah, yeah. Is it, is it too late to
switch it up to a sweet nine?
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No, no.
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Not when you've been singing
the virtues of the sweet four.
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Jenny, welcome.
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I have brought in 21 eggs.
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You can't... You can't go
wrong with an egg.
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These are jenny's 21 eggs.
The 21 eggs come in at 1,022g.
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Are eggs dependable though?
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They go off, they break.
So reliable and dependable.
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They go off, they're fragile,
they can be gelatinous.
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Oh. If cooked incorrectly.
Oh, you're putting me off eggs now.
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Think of the people at home who've
lost loved ones
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to salmonella poisoning.
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Yeah, two. Yeah.
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OK. Kiell, welcome to the show.
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I'll smash this.
What have you brought us?
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I've brought a toaster.
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Here it is. Not just a, yeah, any
old toaster.
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Look at that. Ooh. That's a fine
toaster.
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It's a bit modern, it's a bit retro.
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It's a nice bit of kit that, innit?
Yeah. Ooh.
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Talk us through your love of
the toaster, Kiell.
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It... Every time you put it down it
burns the thing
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and POPS UP-
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Once bread has become toast it can
never be bread again.
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Because of that.
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That is poetic. Hello,
Mae. Welcome to the show.
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What have you brought in?
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OK, so there's been
a lot of breakfast content.
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I feel like if you're in
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a fragile state what's more
dependable go the
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whole hog than
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a kilogram worth of
a full English breakfast.
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That's what Mae's brought,
1 kg of breakfast.
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Mae is talking my language.
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Let's have a look.
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That's exactly a kilogram.
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It is exactly 1 kg.
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Gosh. Five sausages, three bacon
rashers, three hash browns,
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beans, mushrooms, scrambled eggs.
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I've never, never not been delighted
by the site of a full English.
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A full English includes toast.
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Sure and a full English will
ultimately be shat out.
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There are connections.
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Yeah. But it's a majestic sight.
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Right, let's give some points out,
shall we? OK. Oh, clear.
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Let's start with the one-pointer,
shall we?
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Which is the least dependable? Now,
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bear in mind that
Frankie's weighs 2kg,
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and |vo's not even half a kilo.
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You've just absolutely shafted
Frankie like.
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Are you including the frame?
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I think without
the frame it's barely 200g.
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You can have the frame.
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OK, it's nowhere near the weight
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and loo roll isn't that dependable
cos your fingers can go through
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it, one point to lvo.
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Oh, I feared that would happen.
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I just don't think eggs are
very dependable.
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Well, they don't think
you are either.
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No, I'm giving jenny two points.
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OK. Three points, weird that I
would give it three points
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when it's not even the right weight
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and it's a painting
of Frankie Boyle on a horse,
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but that's the intrinsic fairness
of this show.
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If you want to play like that.
Three points, there it is.
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Well done, Frankie. So it's between
the breakfast and the toaster.
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Toaster's one of the most boring
things anyone's ever brought in.
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It fits the criteria
but it's unforgivably dull,
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but I can't deny it takes
the four points.
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But who isn't made happier
by a fry-up?
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No, I10, no, no.
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No-one. Five points to Mae Martin.
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OK, let's go, what's first, Alex?
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Well, I've been proposed
to many times
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and I've had a good couple
of stag dos but now,
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finally, it's time for this.
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Ah. Hello, Mae. Hi.
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Oh, are we getting married?
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Hello, jenny. Hi, Frankie.
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Hello, lvo.
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Great speed.
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Hello. All right? Yes.
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Good. Can't wait for this? Yeah.
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This is a big day.
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Yeah, a huge clay for me.
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It looks nice, doesn't it?
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Well, it's hideous really
but, you know. Oh.
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No, it's lovely, it's really.
No, I'm writing down "hideous".
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Lovely. It's lovely,
they smell great. Hm.
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Have the best first dance at
a wedding with Alex.
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With Alex. You can choose whatever
music you want.
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But must be wearing these
headphones throughout.
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Your first dance must last no
more than a minute,
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thank God. No,
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not because of you. You have 20
minutes to prepare.
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Your time starts now.
Finally my chance to choreograph.
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00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,535
I'm not a good dancer. Oh, nor, am
I.
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I have no musical ability whatsoever
but god I can dance.
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00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,415
I have already have a vision.
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00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,695
OK. It's pretty acrobatic.
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00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,615
Acrobatic? Yeah. Dangerous.
199
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,855
It needs to start majestically.
200
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:30,775
There's nothing majestic about
a clipboard.
201
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,735
Oh, OK, you can get low. All right.
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00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,775
OK.
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00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,495
We've got quite
a long choreography to do,
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00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,535
but the first thing I need to get on
the stage is the cow.
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00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:49,575
Right, are we going for party,
disco or are we going for romance?
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00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,135
What about a bit of like Stormzy?
Yeah.
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00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,055
Be a dramatic first dance.
208
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,415
Let's do it by the tail. There we
go.
209
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,775
Yeah, it's a standard way of
carrying a cow, I think.
210
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,095
I might have to go somewhere dark
and cool to think.
211
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,415
OK. It's hot in there.
It's... It's dark and hot.
212
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,215
The caravan's quite dark and cool.
213
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,055
OK, I'm going in there.
That gives me trench vagina.
214
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,815
I'm sorry about that on our
wedding night
215
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,295
but you're going to get a dance.
216
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,215
I don't know why I said it out loud.
217
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,815
I was coming on
to trench vagina as well.
218
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,415
There's a lot we don't know about
WW1.
219
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,335
Oh, lest we forget.
220
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:35,735
OK, so we're going to begin
the dancing with Kiell Smith-Bynoe.
221
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,935
Ladies and gentlemen,
222
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,575
please be upstanding for
the bride and groom,
223
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:47,695
Mr and Mrs Alex Horne. Yeah. Whah.
224
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,535
It's the best wedding
I've ever been to.
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00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,935
H it it.
226
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,295
Christ almighty. It's very rare I've
got nothing negative to say.
227
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,575
That's the best thing you've
ever clone.
228
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,015
Well, feel free
to watch that at home with Earth,
229
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,415
Wind and Fire's Boogie Wonderland
playing. Is that what it was?
230
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,895
That's what it was. Could you not
tell? That was great, Kiell.
231
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,135
Thanks. That'll definitely win.
232
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,855
Or, is it? Or, is it?
233
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,455
It's his big chance to choreograph,
yet this is what he came up with.
234
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:14,175
It's Frankie Boyle dancing
to Today's Your Day,
235
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,735
in brackets, Whachagonedu,
by Fat Lip.
236
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,735
Oh, Fat Lip.
237
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,295
I found the dance to be rubbish.
238
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,615
Always nice when
a bride looks at their watch in
239
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,055
the middle of a wedding dance.
240
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,295
I wanted to get it bang-on time.
241
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,535
It was bang-on time. Bang-on time.
242
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,615
There was no choreography.
243
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,855
It was just a man heavy breathing
in a dress
244
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:19,415
and then the most stomach-churning
kiss that's ever been televised.
245
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,895
He just said to me, "Watch it and
feel it."
246
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:26,655
I watched it and I felt it as well.
I felt it was shit.
247
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,175
Break time for you, break time for
me,
248
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,775
break time for Alex. See you in
three.
249
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:43,935
Hello.
250
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,615
Welcome back to the first
part two of the series.
251
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,095
Yes, only nine to go.
252
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,095
The part two welcome back
countdown begins.
253
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,535
Before the break,
I had two first dances.
254
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:55,575
I did the worm with Kiell,
obviously,
255
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,655
and I finally got off with Frankie
Boyle.
256
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,695
Now it's time for me to dance
with jenny Eclair.
257
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,535
Whoo, lucky.
258
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,775
Well. Did you guess the music?
259
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,455
Wuthering Heights? Is it Ride of the
Valkyries but they're...
260
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,895
I was calling it Bride of the
Valkyries. Yes, you were, yeah.
261
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,415
The first thing I wrote down is,
262
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,815
"This looks like a scene from
a Victorian insane asylum." Yes.
263
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,615
But then, I thought
a narrative did emerge,
264
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,935
I thought there was some kind of
courting ritual going on.
265
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:11,975
Yes, there was.
266
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,055
Involving an asthmatic bride. Yes.
267
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,415
Trying to get the attention
of her husband only
268
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,735
to scare him off with
an aggressive sexual advance.
269
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,135
Yes. Ancl that was the intention.
270
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,055
All right. You want to see
who's next? Yep.
271
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:27,055
Next to dance with me for
the fourth first time is lvo Graham.
272
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,855
See if you can guess what song we're
listening to.
273
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,055
It's one of your favourite
bands, Greg.
274
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,375
Oh, is it? Yeah. I worked backwards
from the song.
275
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,775
It was Dizzy by the Wonder Stuff.
276
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,135
It was Dizzy by the Wonder Stuff.
Ahh.
277
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,655
Whose other songs include?
Size of a Cow.
278
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,895
There was a cow at that wedding.
279
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,815
Sometimes Wikipedia does come good.
280
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,335
That's the reason for the cow.
Yeah. Throughout the series,
281
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,255
|vo's trying to ingratiate
himself with you.
282
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,615
Oh, but it's really worked.
283
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:38,815
I'm so ashamed of myself cos
the dance is rubbish
284
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,295
but I'm thinking
of giving him more points.
285
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:47,175
Next. Next. just one person left
and before the dance I said,
286
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,775
"May I?" And they said, "I may."
287
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,535
"You may?" I said, and they said,
"Aye, I Mae."
288
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,495
And there'll be lots more fun bits
like that throughout the series.
289
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,735
It's Mae Martin and Zorba the Greek.
290
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,375
That was... I feel emotional.
291
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,695
Yeah. Quite tired.
292
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,735
Hm, this is what our lives
together would be like.
293
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,135
Ancl I'm alone again.
294
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,615
That's such a genuinely
great dance. Hm.
295
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,495
Thank you. It...
It's like mathematical almost.
296
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,975
You've got far more skills than
I thought when you're in
297
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,415
the hands of the right
choreographer. Hm.
298
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,135
Did you find it emotional?
299
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,815
That's place you lost me when you
started crying at the end,
300
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,695
cos I thought, "OK, well, Mae's
lost their fucking mind here."
301
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:06,975
I was engaged once.
302
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,255
Ancl it triggered you?
303
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,615
Yeah, our dance wasn't going to
be Zorba but...
304
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,135
Doing a sort of Cossack clock
dance with this goon?
305
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,975
Yeah, I suddenly thought,
"This'd be nice."
306
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,575
Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I've really
been on an emotional journey.
307
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,095
Yeah. It's made me feel sick.
308
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,455
Ah. Yeah. Do you want some points
then?
309
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,455
Yeah, OK. Do you want me
to go bottom or top first?
310
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,255
Or middle. Start with the middle
if you want. OK.
311
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:30,855
Who was the most average?
312
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,295
I don't think it was average,
I thought it was really good.
313
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,815
I just think there were two dances
better than it. Jenny's.
314
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:36,975
Ah. Three points.
315
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,655
Average. Thanks.
316
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,095
No, I'm happy. I'm happy with that,
thank you very much.
317
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:46,335
Where would you like me to go next?
I'd like to go down by one, please.
318
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:50,735
OK, |vo's, even though he'd
successfully sucked up to me,
319
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,135
all he did was jump over a cow
and spin round in circles.
320
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:56,055
OK. lvo, you get two points.
Well done, lvo.
321
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,375
Um.
322
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,255
I feel like I know
the one-pointer, so... Correct.
323
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,215
Yeah. It is Kiell.
324
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,655
I'm joking, it's Frankie.
325
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,935
Frankie Boyle you have one point.
Yeah.
326
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:14,335
So it's between Kiell
and Mae for the five points.
327
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:16,735
I very much enjoyed
the emotional content of Mae's,
328
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:20,615
I really did, but the dance I wanted
to be part of was Kiell's.
329
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,055
OK, Kiell gets five points.
330
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,535
Let's see how that all looks on
a scoreboard.
331
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,895
Of course. Yes,
well, |vo's in last place with three
332
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,695
but we have joint leaders
with nine, Kielland Mae.
333
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:40,495
Hm. Another task, please, my little
toy. Of course.
334
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,175
And this one involves
the patron saint of ring,
335
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,695
Saint Ring,
336
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,375
often known now as String.
Here we go.
337
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,975
Well, hell... Ooh. Hello, jenny.
338
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,815
On a red cushion. Hello, Alex.
339
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,095
Clock started already.
340
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,575
Yes. Hello, Alex.
341
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,055
Hello, lvo. Oh, straight off.
342
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,655
Nice to see you.
343
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,615
Nice to see you too, Mae.
344
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:20,015
Ball of string, cushion, task.
Mm-hm.
345
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,455
Completely unwind this ball
of string.
346
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,575
Your time started when you
said Alex's name. Oh.
347
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,895
Your time started when you
said Alex's name.
348
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,655
Damn and blast you!
349
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,375
Your time started when you said...
350
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,975
"Alex's name. Oh, phew.
351
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,015
Hello. Hello, Frankie.
352
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,015
Oh, twine. Twine, yep.
353
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:55,175
Yo. Hello, Kiell.
Are you all right, Kiell?
354
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,335
Yeah, man. You? Yes, great.
355
00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:02,055
Hm. Feels like velvet.
356
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,655
Completely unwind
this ball of string.
357
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,895
Your time started when you said...
358
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:13,015
Hm. Name. I said your name.
359
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,855
I didn't think I said yours.
360
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,255
I was hoping you were going to say,
"Hello, Alex."
361
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,815
You hadn't bargained with
Scottish rudeness.
362
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,335
Time started when you said...
363
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:31,335
Hm. I kept saying, "Hello, Kiell."
364
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,735
What did I say? Yo.
365
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,495
Yeah.
366
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,415
I really like it when people
guess your system. Hm.
367
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,255
They break your system
straight away.
368
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:51,095
That's one of your favourite things.
It's one of my favourite things.
369
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:53,375
It was Frankie and Kiell
who were the problems.
370
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,895
Let's see how they and the rest of
the problem children did.
371
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,255
OK. Well, the rude Scotsman
is up first.
372
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,215
His words, not mine.
It's Frankie Boyle.
373
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:02,855
Don't suppose there's a quicker way
374
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,135
to do it than simply throwing
it about.
375
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:12,335
Oh, you can see what cats get out of
this really. Fun entertainment.
376
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:15,215
Are you going to say my name at
all? I am, yeah. Right.
377
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,015
Oh, yeah, don't worry about that.
378
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,295
There we go.
379
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,615
Alex. Right.
380
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,215
Definitely done everything on
the task?
381
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,535
Completely unwind this ball
of string,
382
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,975
your time starts when you said
Alex's name. Yes.
383
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,935
Yeah, you happy? Thanks.
Bye, Frankie.
384
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,615
Bye, Alex.
385
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,975
You can't just hide bits of
the task.
386
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,015
I set you a task, some of it's
written under the chair.
387
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:04,895
Listen, I couldn't agree more.
388
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,295
Do you think that would stand up
in court?
389
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,655
We've never had
a litigation on this show but I...
390
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:10,975
I would welcome it, Frankie.
391
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,255
Nay, financially support
you doing it.
392
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:15,815
I never put it on the cushion,
393
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:20,215
so my clock is essentially
still going. Six months.
394
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,335
172 days,
nearly a whole school year.
395
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:28,415
I've said it before, I'll say it
again, Frankie, the guy's a prick.
396
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:31,175
BLOWS WHISTLE
397
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,815
That's half-time -
for the show, yes.
398
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,575
But also, for a lot of you,
you're halfway through your lives.
399
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,215
Sobering thought, isn't it?
400
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,455
Use the time to really stare at
your partner in this break.
401
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:45,815
Are you really going to spend the
second half of your life with that?
402
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,335
Bye!
403
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,375
Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.
404
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,575
It's part three, and we're in the
midst of a task involving string.
405
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,855
Correct. Ultimately, they just had
to put a neat ball of string on
406
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,775
the cushion, but that part of
the task wording was placed on
407
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,375
the back of the task where I
genuinely
408
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:11,935
thought everyone would look.
409
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:16,455
Frankie didn't and is currently over
4,000 hours into the task.
410
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,095
Did the next two competitors look?
411
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:21,895
Well, we've only just met them
but I doubt it. It's Kielland lvo.
412
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,975
Do you know what my name is? Yeah.
413
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,015
Mr Horne.
414
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:33,935
The curse of politeness.
415
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,855
And it is a curse.
416
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,535
This is fun though. Ooh.
417
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:44,255
If I'm going by what most people,
like, know you as then I'd guess...
418
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,455
Hm, I'd love you to say it. Alex.
419
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,495
Right, I've started the clock. Done.
420
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,895
Have you? Yeah.
It's completely unwound.
421
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,215
It's completely unwinded.
Have you done everything?
422
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,935
Yeah. What? Ahh.
423
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,575
No.
424
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,255
Put a neat ball. Hm.
425
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,775
Put a neat ball of string on
the cushion. Fastest wins.
426
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,295
You do not have to unwind
the ball of string.
427
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:13,775
Why didn't you put that on
the front?
428
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,295
It's optimistic to think there's
another one in the house.
429
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,735
You think we've only got one ball
of string?
430
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:20,695
I don't know.
431
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,495
Why's there so much string
left? Ahh.
432
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,615
Yes, look how purple my fingertips
are going.
433
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,055
I can't unwind it to release my
fingers.
434
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,695
On the dog's head.
435
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,775
Damn, that's neat.
436
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,975
Stop the clock? Stop the clock.
437
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,615
I think that can just all go in one
big... Yep.
438
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,855
That's... That's actually great.
439
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,175
It did slip smoothly off
the dog's face.
440
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,855
That was a really good bit of
an otherwise terrible experience.
441
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,935
Um, very similar systems initially.
442
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,975
Mm-hm. Although lvo was
443
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,415
a little more enthusiastic about
casting his string.
444
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,375
He was the quickest to unwind.
445
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,935
Kiell was spending
a lot of time congratulating himself
446
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,495
for not saying your name.
447
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,055
We, ah,
448
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,415
seven minutes 24 to put
a ball of string on a cushion.
449
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,735
It's actually ages, isn't it?
This is ages.
450
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,655
Yeah. This is ongoing ages.
451
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:28,135
Well, what I took from that is that
English people know not
452
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,375
to trust other English people.
453
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:33,695
We've got a Canadian next.
454
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,495
Do you think the Canadian will trust
an Englishman? Shouldn't do.
455
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,815
Well, there are only two people left
and there's still
456
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,655
a chance they might be
the smart ones. It's Mae and jenny.
457
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,975
Is this your normal technique?
458
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,335
Yeah, I think.
There's no other way than this.
459
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,815
No tricks? I mean, the awful
trick would be if at
460
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:55,135
the end of all this you said,
"Now wind it all back up,"
461
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,655
and I say, "Fuck off, you sod."
462
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:58,855
Ah.
463
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:00,815
Oh, bloody hell.
464
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,695
I feel like I've achieved something
which is pathetic.
465
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,175
Done. I've finished it. I've clone
it, Alex. I've clone it.
466
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:12,735
Have you? You sure?
467
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,575
Ah. Oh, no.
468
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,895
Put a neat ball of string on
the cushion. Fastest wins.
469
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:24,775
Why did you do that to me?
Why would anybody do that?
470
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,495
You didn't say look at
the other side.
471
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,855
You should always look at
the back of the tasks.
472
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,855
Oh, God in Heaven,
I don't believe...
473
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,775
It's not going to get neat.
474
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,055
Could I? ls there another
ball of string?
475
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:38,335
Doesn't say how big
476
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,575
the ball of string has to be.
477
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:43,935
Sod that.
478
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,295
Stop the clock,
that is a neat ball of string.
479
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:50,575
That's a neat ball of string.
480
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:55,615
Oh... Oh.
481
00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:58,975
I've stopped the clock.
482
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,855
Why did I look right there first?
Yes.
483
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,215
You didn't know there was
a secret drawer there? Yeah.
484
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,815
Well, basically there's only two
that have handles that stick out.
485
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,655
Well done, Mae. Thanks. Bye.
486
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,095
Bye, Mae.
487
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:15,815
I really loved the quote,
488
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,735
"Why would anyone want to do that
to someone?"
489
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:20,415
I felt really picked on.
490
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,375
I thought she was good.
I put that, ah,
491
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,175
Mae lost their Goddamn mind,
492
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,135
is what I wrote down initially
493
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,815
but then that's how this game can
turn on a sixpence.
494
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,135
It was a real sixth sense from Mae.
495
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:34,615
I genuinely felt like
the Lord was involved.
496
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:39,295
Like... Like I had a flash of...
I just knew it was.
497
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:41,575
I, I... It was. It came from the
Lord.
498
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,295
Wow. It's good that he's sparing
499
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:48,095
the time from all these people who
are dying in natural disasters
500
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:52,455
and whatnot to look in on the show.
501
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,735
Hey, he's gotta have a hobby.
502
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:57,295
He's... He's a fan.
503
00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:00,255
We know that lvo took seven
minutes 24,
504
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,055
Kiell five minutes
and seven seconds,
505
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,775
Frankie currently 247,680 minutes.
506
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,295
Mae Martin placed
507
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,975
a ball of string on the cushion in
two minutes 35.
508
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,135
Oh, God.
509
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,535
Jenny, one minute 19 slower
than Mae.
510
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,895
Slower than Mae. Slower than Mae.
511
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:22,735
Three minutes 54...54 seconds.
512
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:26,455
That's cruel.
Why would you do that to me?
513
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,295
Why would anybody do that to me?
514
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,495
Which means that lvo gets
two points,
515
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:34,295
Kiell three, jenny four,
516
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,975
Frankie does get one point
but Mae Martin gets five points.
517
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,135
Send another task my way, please.
518
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,375
Well, let's see if this one floats
your boat, because we're about
519
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,655
to see our first location task
of the series.
520
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,535
Aye, aye, Captain. Ahoy.
521
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,455
What are you wearing on your head?
A safety hat.
522
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,335
Right, yes.
523
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,735
Ahoy. This real?
524
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:10,255
Yeah.
525
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,695
Get all the rubber rings on
your bargepole.
526
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,655
Get all the rubber rings on
your bargepole.
527
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,855
It's like a narwhal thing.
528
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:23,055
You may not touch
529
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:27,655
the bargepole or rubber rings at any
point. With my hands.
530
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,335
You have a maximum of half an hour.
531
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,855
Time starts now.
532
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,615
Have you ever driven a barge before?
533
00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,935
Yeah, barge. Have I driven a barge?
534
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,415
Have you driven a barge?
535
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:43,775
Nope.
536
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,415
Have you driven one of these before?
537
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:46,735
No.
538
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:48,135
I've never driven a car.
539
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,575
Are you ready to go?
I'm sort of ready to go
540
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,135
but I know this isn't
a very good idea.
541
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,055
It looked like lvo was interpreting
for Frankie.
542
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:04,815
Get all the rubber rings on
a bargepole and then...
543
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:08,135
Get all the rubber rings on
a bargepole.
544
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:11,895
Ready? Ready.
545
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:15,015
Here we go. just to explain,
this was a supervised barge trip
546
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,855
in a safe, private area,
and we begin with everyone's
547
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,695
favourite chain of modest
celebration restaurants,
548
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,135
it's Frankie and jenny's.
549
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:24,015
The clock has started.
550
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,175
I'm full steaming ahead.
551
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,055
You are.
552
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,255
One rubber ring.
553
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:45,935
I'm so sorry. Are you all right,
Alex?
554
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,255
Yeah, it was quite a heavy crash.
555
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,055
I might've broken the boat.
OK, we're going for number two.
556
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,215
I'm going to come back for that
one.
557
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,775
No, wrong way. Wrong way.
558
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,695
Oh, yeah,
we're lining up with this bad boy.
559
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,575
Just hid in that tree, I think.
560
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,815
Think I might back up a little.
561
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:20,615
Ah, here we are again.
Watch that tree.
562
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,535
Yes. Oh, clear. Oh, clear. Watch your
head, Alex.
563
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,535
Watch your head.
I'm very, very sorry.
564
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,335
Very sorry about this.
Very, very sorry.
565
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,135
I think we'll get more on
the way back.
566
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:36,295
It's not fair.
567
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,535
I can't see you missing this one.
568
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:53,055
Why? No. No.
569
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,095
Oh, my God.
570
00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:59,975
One. Your final minute, jenny.
571
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,215
OK, OK, you bastard.
572
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:12,095
We're going quite... We're going
quite fast towards the wall.
573
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,695
So close. Erm, we're going to
hit the wall quite fast.
574
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,735
Brace, brace. Brace.
575
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:18,375
I'm bracing.
576
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,335
Uh, ooh.
577
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,415
I'm so sorry. No, that's all right.
578
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:28,375
I'm not sure this was
a very good idea.
579
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,695
Oh, there we go.
I don't think you're a natural.
580
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,135
I've maybe discovered
a new way of doing it.
581
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:38,735
There were three crashes, right?
582
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:42,175
We showed three, yeah.
Unfortunately, yeah.
583
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,375
The most spectacular
of which involved you knowing
584
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:46,935
you were going to crash,
585
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,335
not attempting to stop or steer
away,
586
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,095
you just simply shouted, "Brace."
587
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:57,495
Ah, at that point I forgot what you
could do entirely.
588
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:01,295
Like the worst pilot of all time.
Brace.
589
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,175
We're going down.
590
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:06,895
Some of the other things she
said was,
591
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,295
"Back, back, come on, pony,
calm the flip down, jenny,
592
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:10,895
"spin, bitch, spin."
593
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:15,935
Yes, they both got one.
594
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,695
They had a maximum of half an hour.
We thought, "That'll be plenty."
595
00:34:18,720 --> 00:34:22,055
Good. Both awful.
OK, one watermelon each.
596
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,535
Yep. Next up it's one man on his own
597
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:26,095
and I'm going to use his full name
598
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,455
to introduce him this time,
it's Kiell Smith-By-Noculars.
599
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,615
How you feeling?
600
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,935
Like a sailor. Wait,
what am I doing? Collecting it?
601
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,495
On the pole.
602
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,615
Come on, come on. Nah.
603
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,935
Ah, man. OK. That's OK.
604
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:45,575
We'll just go into reverse,
won't we?
605
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:50,935
Beep, beep, bBBP. 566D.
beep, beep, beep,
606
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,735
beep, beep. OK, here we go.
607
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:54,935
This is it.
608
00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,135
Yeah.
609
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:02,535
SINGING: One on a bargepole for me.
610
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,535
That took three minutes. Not bad.
611
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:12,655
SINGING: Two on a bargepole for me.
612
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:16,655
How many have I gotta get?
613
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:19,935
Five. Oh. So I don't need this one
at all.
614
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,255
Why not? Cos I can get that one
down there.
615
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:23,415
OK.
616
00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:26,735
Yeah.
617
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:30,455
SINGING: Four on a bargepole for me.
618
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,175
Nine minutes gone.
619
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,255
Right, this one, one take.
I'm not messing about.
620
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:39,615
It's like bloody Popeye. Popeye's
a sailor, right?
621
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:42,935
Yeah. Let's go baby.
622
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,415
Four. Four? Is that not five?
623
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:51,575
One, two, three. Yeah, four.
624
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,855
It's reversal time.
625
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:56,655
Look at that. Watch him go.
626
00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,575
Oh, can feel the wind in your hair.
627
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,855
Whoo, yeah.
628
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:03,415
You've got seven minutes.
629
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,415
I don't think you're counting
in real minutes.
630
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,055
I can see the ring.
631
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,775
You've got four minutes to get
the last ring.
632
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,495
I only need one.
633
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,015
Yeah. I'll stop the clock.
634
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,255
You know how you hear, like,
635
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:30,215
an earworm song like Saturday Night
by Whigfield
636
00:36:30,240 --> 00:36:32,135
and you hear it a few times
637
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,135
and after, sort of,
the eighth time, ninth,
638
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,735
you've heard it on the radio it
starts to irritate you. Hm.
639
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,415
I was irritated on
640
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:42,895
the first verse of One on
a Bargepole For Me.
641
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,055
SINGING: For me. For me.
642
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:49,535
However, an exemplary performance.
643
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,495
Well, the thing was,
644
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:53,455
I thought that I'd already got
all five.
645
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,255
One, two, four, five.
That was the problem.
646
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,695
Some hotels don't have the number
13, so maybe you don't have
647
00:36:57,720 --> 00:37:00,535
the number three in your vocabulary.
Is that a thing? I'd say so, yeah.
648
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,575
Try counting to five now. Now? Yeah.
649
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,855
One, two, four, five.
650
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:06,295
SINGING: For me.
651
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,375
So you did eventually get all five
within the time frame.
652
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:14,175
26 minutes and 30 is the time
to beat.
653
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,015
Hot dang, it's the end of part
three.
654
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:17,535
Return to us for part four
655
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,575
and the answer to the age-old
question,
656
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:21,855
"Who's going to win
a load of jenny Eclair's eggs?"
657
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,375
Hello, again. It's the final part
of this first episode,
658
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,615
and our new cast are enjoying
themselves on a barge.
659
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,415
Yes, that's right, Greg. But they're
not the only ones here who enjoy
660
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,335
a long, flat-bottomed vessel.
661
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:46,535
Just two people left to see
662
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,095
and their surnames sound like
two reliable friends,
663
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:51,335
it's Graham and Martin.
664
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,775
Oh. No. Ahh.
665
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:59,575
Ooh. He's done it.
666
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,295
I feel so alive.
667
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:08,335
Yes. One rubber ring -
and that took one minute.
668
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,255
Two rubber rings, Mae,
in two minutes.
669
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:14,455
I'm reversing.
670
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:17,175
I'm on a boat.
671
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,455
Yes, you're on a boat.
672
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,095
Yes. Two rings.
673
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:22,895
Two rings. Now we reverse.
674
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,135
It's been quite serene so far, Mae.
675
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:31,415
That's three.
676
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,215
Yes.
677
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:40,175
Whoa. Yes. Piece of piss.
678
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:43,735
Yes.
679
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,415
He has taken to the task.
680
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:48,655
Right, photo finish.
681
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:56,855
OK, this is bad.
682
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:00,775
Here we go. No, no, no, yes.
683
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,095
NO! No!
684
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:06,815
Um, this... This has come off.
This has...
685
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:08,575
I've... I've broken the steering
wheel.
686
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:11,655
Right.
687
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:17,455
I've never been so focused.
688
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,495
No, nor have I.
689
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:27,575
Yes.
690
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:28,855
I've stopped the clock.
691
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:30,295
Yeah.
692
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:32,615
You've done it, Mae.
You made it look really easy.
693
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:33,895
Yeah, I loved that.
694
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:39,095
Ivo? Hello.
695
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,415
You've got 11 minutes left.
696
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,215
Well, hang on. I thought I'd used
four minutes.
697
00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:47,295
We back in?
You're back in. Hop back on.
698
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,135
Yes!
699
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,255
I've stopped the clock. Put it in
reverse. Put it in reverse.
700
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,935
Oh, no.
BOAT THUDS
701
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:05,895
A lot happened. My hat came off.
I've broken the boat.
702
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:07,215
Won the task.
703
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:12,935
It's very early for me
to be saying this
704
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:17,335
but it seems to me that anything
Mae takes on is clone with poise.
705
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,935
I don't... I've never said
"piece of piss," that's so English.
706
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,455
I don't know why I said that.
707
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,095
Even piece of piss felt dignified.
708
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:28,815
How am I ranking on
the old poise front, Greg?
709
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,135
There's a reason I led with Mae.
710
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,495
I mean, it was just carnage, wasn't
it?
711
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,815
It was great up to the...
Broken the boat, won the task.
712
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,335
I doubt it.
713
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,695
Broken the boat, lost my hat,
won the task,
714
00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:43,455
and in the words of Meat Loaf,
two out of three ain't bad.
715
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:49,175
Do we include the whole time in his
time or do we stop
716
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:50,895
the clock when he broke the barge?
717
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,255
Ivo had the barge after
Frankie and me.
718
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,495
He shouldn't be punished because
I think we'd broken it already.
719
00:40:56,520 --> 00:41:00,535
That's exactly...
That's exactly what happened.
720
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:03,215
I think it was cracked.
721
00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:06,575
I think it's exactly that sort of
gesture that will see me punish him.
722
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,855
The tiller was loose.
We can't punish him for that.
723
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:12,535
OK, so we will pause the clock...
Yeah.
724
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:14,895
...when it broke, and then,
restart it when it was mended.
725
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,935
Because the tiller was loose.
In which case, both Mae and lvo
726
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:21,055
pierced all five watermelons
in under eight minutes.
727
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:22,975
Mae, seven minutes and
seven seconds.
728
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:27,295
Ivo, seven minutes and 41 seconds.
729
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:29,615
So Mae gets five points, lvo four,
730
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,495
Kiell, three, and jenny
and Frankie share two points each.
731
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,535
Let's have a quick look at
the scores.
732
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,855
Frankie, I'm afraid you're at
the bottom of the table
733
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:40,775
with seven points.
734
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,055
A long way above you is Mae
with 19 points.
735
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:48,175
They can be caught.
736
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,535
OK, everyone, please make your way
to
737
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,175
the stage for the final task of
the show.
738
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,975
SINGING: Five pots on a stick.
739
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,495
SINGING: For me.
740
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:08,735
Anyway, let's dance.
741
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,815
I'd like Mae Martin to read
the task please.
742
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,095
All right.
743
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:15,975
Throw your items into your bucket.
744
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,015
You must select one item when
Alex blows his whistle.
745
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,775
You must then throw that item when
746
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:22,615
Alex blows his whistle again.
747
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:25,095
If your bucket falls, you're
disqualified.
748
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:26,695
You must stay on your spot
749
00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:28,335
and you must not move your spot.
750
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:31,615
Most items in a standing
bucket wins.
751
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:34,255
Yeah, so you will end up throwing
all your items.
752
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:37,415
I'm going to blow the whistle,
so please hold up your first item.
753
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:39,495
BLOWS WHISTLE
754
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:43,135
Right, we've gone baby, baby,
brick, book, book.
755
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,415
# Baby, baby, brick,
book, book. #
756
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,255
And...
BLOWS WHISTLE
757
00:42:50,240 --> 00:42:52,215
Oh.
758
00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:53,895
Ahh.
759
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:57,215
Wow.
760
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:01,695
That made me want to hump a barge.
761
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:05,735
So lvo one nil up with his baby.
762
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,095
You can now select your next item on
the whistle.
763
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,975
BLOWS WHISTLE
You cannot change now.
764
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:14,295
So it's brick, book, baby, brick,
brick this time.
765
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:16,735
Nowhere near as catchy.
766
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,375
BLOWS WHISTLE
No.
767
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,695
Yes. Yes.
768
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:30,095
Who did you throw that brick into
that bucket for?
769
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:31,895
SINGING: For me.
770
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:37,175
Please select your next item now.
BLOWS WHISTLE
771
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:39,615
Whoa, it's first balls.
772
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:42,295
Ball, brush, ball, baby, baby.
773
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,935
Ready to witness the next round?
Here we go. And throw.
774
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,255
BLOWS WHISTLE
775
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,175
Ooh.
776
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:53,935
Yes. Yes.
777
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:56,695
Me too, yes.
778
00:43:56,720 --> 00:43:59,095
I'm just going to say yeah.
779
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:01,695
All the buckets are still standing.
Yeah.
780
00:44:01,720 --> 00:44:04,575
It's me versus you, Kiell.
No, it's you versus everyone still.
781
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,935
Please select your penultimate item.
782
00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:12,255
Ooh.
783
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,335
We have three balls in play.
It's book, ball, brush, ball, ball.
784
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:20,895
You say it like
a malfunctioning robot.
785
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:23,535
Let's play. OK, good luck everyone.
786
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,095
BLOWS WHISTLE
787
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:27,695
Oh!
788
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:36,735
Oh, my God. Wow.
789
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:41,095
I've never seen game play like that
as long as in 15 series.
790
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,015
I resign.
791
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:46,375
Yeah. So lvo killed Kiell,
Kiell killed lvo,
792
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:48,695
Mae killed themselves, I think,
is that...
793
00:44:48,720 --> 00:44:49,895
Oh, my God.
794
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,295
Somehow, jenny and Frankie are
going to take away the points.
795
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:57,015
It was like Reservoir Dogs.
796
00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:00,415
This is the most excited
I've ever been.
797
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:02,175
There's just jenny
and Frankie to throw.
798
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,735
It's a brush for Frankie,
it's a book for jenny.
799
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:06,575
If you get it in
and the other doesn't,
800
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,415
you take away five points
and four points.
801
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,415
Ancl if this isn't an anti-climax,
I'll eat this trophy.
802
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:19,695
On my whistle, please throw.
803
00:45:19,720 --> 00:45:21,935
BLOWS WHISTLE
804
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:25,295
Sensible from jenny,
805
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,615
but it means they share
the five points. We're done.
806
00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:30,655
Yeah. Yay.
807
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,815
Come back down, we'll see how
that's affected the final score.
808
00:45:39,720 --> 00:45:41,135
They were such naughty boys.
809
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:44,175
I was thrilled by
the instinct of lvo and by the
810
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,775
lightning-quick response of Kiell.
811
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:49,495
It does mean lvo is now in
last place for the episode.
812
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:51,415
I've been referred to as
a bad boy for
813
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:54,895
the first time in my life.
I don't care where I come.
814
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:57,975
It's not all about winning, it's
just glory, isn't it, sometimes?
815
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,215
The curse of politeness has lifted.
816
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:05,055
So lvo in last place in the end.
jenny, you're in second place,
817
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:07,655
but the winner of the first episode
is Mae Martin with 19 points.
818
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:15,055
Mae Martin wins. Please go
collect your dependable kilo.
819
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:19,975
Week one complete,
see you all next time.
820
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:23,655
But for now, let's applaud once more
our winner, Mae Martin!
821
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:51,255
Subtitles by Red Bee Media