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Brace, brace! I'm bracing.
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LOUD CRASH
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Hm.
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No, no, no, no, no!
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No!
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Ahh!
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What?!
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This program me contains strong
language and adult humour.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Hello, and welcome!
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I'm Greg Davies,
and this is Taskmaster.
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In my quest to ensure the tasks
we set are righteous challenges,
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I have attempted to consult with
many wise people of influence.
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Ursula von der Le yen's people said
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she was too busy to meet.
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I discovered, to my great dismay,
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that Nelson Mandela was
no longer with us.
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And the Dalai Lama was especially
insistent he would not
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grant me an audience.
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It was left to '90s film star
Steven Seagal to give me the advice
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that became the foundation
for the whole series.
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In @ 90-minute Zoom call,
he only said two words.
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"Break them."
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Let's meet those about to be broken.
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They are Frankie Boyle...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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...Ivo Graham...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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...Jenny Eclair...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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...Kiell Smith-Bynoe...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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...and Mae Martin!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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And next to me, a man who told me
he doesn't know much about politics,
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but he thinks that poor people
should "stop moaning and
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“pull their flipping fingers out."
It's...
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HIGH-PITCHED:. little Alex Horne!
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Did I...did I say that?
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Hello, everyone.
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So... So, here we are.
..what we chatting about?
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Well, I thought I might just answer
a couple of the viewer's emails,
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if that's all right? Yep.
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They keep flooding in,
these questions.
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Thanks for your message, Maxine.
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Yes, the iPad is real,
it controls the screen,
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and also the heating...
in Greg's throne.
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Er, Patricia, you win
this week's cash prize, £40,
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because you were the only one who
correctly located my third nipple.
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00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:06,015
Well, you can see it if you want.
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00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,295
There.
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And that's the end of my section.
Yes!
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APPLAUSE
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Let's crack on with a prize task.
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OK. Yes, please, on we go.
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I can't bloody wait.
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And for show three, they've each
brought in what they think is
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the most heroic thing. OK?
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Greg's going to judge them,
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and the most heroic thing
should get 5 points -
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as long as he doesn't go all
whacky with his scoring.
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9 points, no, 1 point.
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I dunno, everyone can
have 17 points.
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He's a wonderful boss.
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The winner of the episode will,
of course, take home
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all five heroic things.
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Yowzers.
LAUGHTER
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Ivo, how are you?
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I'm extremely well, and excited
about this prize, if I may?
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I've handcrafted a model of your
face out of Hero's chocolates.
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Yes. Looks like someone's got
himself 5 sweet points, 1'd say.
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Let's have a look, then.
I would have a look. Here it is.
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LAUGHTER
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APPLAUSE
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It's a pretty strong opener,
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to have my face made out
of chocolates.
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Heroic. Heroic.
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And you're my hero. Yeah.
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AUDIENCE AWWS
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Oh, no. Bit desperate, that.
But you've gotta...
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Gotta get everything you can,
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before he starts talking
to someone else.
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Hello, Jenny.
What have you brought in?
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OK, the biggest hero in my life was
my father, who's now dead,
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00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,535
so obviously, I get some
points for that.
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LAUGHTER
Erm, and I've got some of his DNA.
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I brought his DNA in.
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Here it is.
Jenny Eclair's father's DNA.
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It's his hair.
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Oh, God.
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How the hell can I score
a chocolate face above this?
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It's an incredible prize task.
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Thank you. Incredible.
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In the truest sense of the word.
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Kiell. OK, so...
LAUGHTER
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00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,935
Actually, before that,
if you do get a point
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for dead dad, count me in.
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LAUGHTER
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Erm...
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Is dead dad anything to do
with this heroic task?
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It can be, if it helps?
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00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,335
Do you want me to press the button?
Yeah, yeah.
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00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:17,935
Right, Kiell's brought in this.
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00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,815
It's a cape made out of a sheep,
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made out of Julio Iglesia's
son's face.
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And that's Enrique.
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LAUGHTER
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Unusual way of introducing
Enrique Iglesias.
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Talk about why this is heroic.
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Erm, cos he can be our hero, baby.
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Oh, it's quite a literal...
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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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Sometimes, the simple ideas
come through and win. Mm-hm.
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Sometimes. Sometimes.
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Not always.
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Who's next? Frankie, you all right?
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I have brought in
this superhero fan art.
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OK. Deep breath. Ready?
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It's Wolverine
and Captain America...
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LAUGHTER
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...being heroic.
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Fuckin' hell.
118
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Why, er, is this heroic?
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I know that they're
literally heroes.
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This is a huge step forward.
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00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:30,175
We've had a gay Superman
from DC last year,
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which I loved the idea of.
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It's just that things have to be
approached carefully
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00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,615
with a gay superhero. Yeah.
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Cos if you got a blow job
off Superman,
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00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,415
he might suck you inside out.
LAUGHTER
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I don't think Frankie wants to be
a part of this show any more.
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00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:48,615
I mean, there is a fair amount of
fan fiction in this show anyway,
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00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,295
about you and I, Greg.
Yeah, there is. Do you know that?
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00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,135
There's just lots of stories,
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00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,655
imagining Alex and I
as lovers online.
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Some of the titles are
"I Want To Ruin Our Friendship"...
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..."Filthy Little Ferret,”
"Tenderness,"
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00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,575
"Master of the Tasks"...
135
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,095
Hang on, let me just enjoy
"Filthy Little Ferret."
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LAUGHTER
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Hello, Mae. Let's go.
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00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:17,095
A hero is somebody that
looks out for the little guy,
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00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,655
you know what I mean? Yeah, I do.
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So, with that in mind,
I've created and designed
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00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,535
the Coward's Glasses.
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Phew. This one's safe.
143
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,775
These are the Coward's Glasses.
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00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,295
Oh, thank God. Yeah, OK, so...
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00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:35,815
Let's say Ivo is on a date
with a brave woman.
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Your go-to coward. Yeah.
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00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,775
If ever you need a coward,
here I am. Yeah.
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00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,335
So...or let's say he's, like,
he's trying to impress his dad,
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00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:47,495
Frankie, by being tough in there,
like, watching a football game
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00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,495
and he's scared someone's going
to get injured,
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00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,135
and you want to close your eyes -
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00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,055
you flip down the glasses...
Like this.
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00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,055
LAUGHTER
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00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,575
Nobody can tell
that you're a coward.
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00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,375
Everyone can tell.
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00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,735
All right,
you have to judge now, Greg.
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00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:06,135
I'lLl go from the top to the bottom.
I think you should. Right.
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00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,055
HE LAUGHS
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Erm, obviously Jenny's father,
RIP, gets 5 points.
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5 points for Jenny Eclair. Yes!
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CHEERING
Good work.
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00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,855
Now, then.
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Let's put the hero sculpture
above the...
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00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,415
...above Wolverine.
165
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,735
Oh, right, so 4 points to Ivo,
3 to Frankie.
166
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,055
Yeah, that's correct.
167
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:33,655
Yep. Yeah.
APPLAUSE
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00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,135
So, it's just between
the glasses...
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00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:37,935
HE LAUGHS
170
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,615
...and that shit cape. Right.
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LAUGHTER
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I don't think mine's that shit.
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I don't think mine's that shit,
and I designed them myself.
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00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,655
You didn't make that cape.
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00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,295
I think you did make those glasses.
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I did.
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00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:52,175
2 points to Mae, 1 point to Kiell
178
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What?! It's done, there you go.
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APPLAUSE
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Let's have a task.
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00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,575
You did really well, Greg.
Thank you, good boy.
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00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,255
And if you maintain a herb garden,
this one's for you -
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because it involves some careful
and dedicated "thyme-keeping".
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Oh, get fucked, mate.
Cos it's a pun on "time".
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00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,255
Hi. Hello, Mae. Hello.
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Have fun in my house. Thank you.
187
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Kiell. All right?
188
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You may enter my fun palace.
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Sick.
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Oh-ho, it's damp in here,
innit, hey? Hey? Damp!
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Do you like it? It's very nice.
192
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:56,975
"Exit the caravan exactly 20 minutes
after you entered the caravan.
193
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,495
"Also, to complete the task,
194
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,935
"you must write down and
say 40 words.
195
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:05,935
"Each word must either be
the same length,
196
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,255
"or shorter than the previous word.
197
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,535
"Closest to exactly
20 minutes wins."
198
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,775
When do we go, when do we start?
199
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,695
It started when you entered
the damp caravan.
200
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,215
Oh, what?! It's started already?
201
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,815
Is this a minute? Are these minutes?
Oh, I don't know.
202
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:30,375
The problem is, while you're
working out your method,
203
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:34,015
time is passing in exactly.
204
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,415
It's doing its best.
205
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,215
APPLAUSE
206
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:47,215
I think it's pretty straightforward,
so I'm quite keen to crack on.
207
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,175
Shall we? Yes, and up first,
it's the two people
208
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,575
for whom time moves quickest,
209
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,135
because they are older than
the others. That's...
210
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,175
LAUGHTER
I knew that was coming.
211
00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:00,215
It's Jenny and Frankie, of course.
Here we go.
212
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:04,055
Well, having been a stand-up
comedian for a lot of years
213
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,695
where we worked in 20-minute sets,
214
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,175
maybe I know what 20 minutes is.
215
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,535
So, I'm going to trust
my internal clock for that,
216
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,495
and I'm going to find a pen.
217
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,895
Right, I'm going to concentrate
on the words. So, 40 words.
218
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:21,335
You're concentrating on that,
rather than the time? Yeah. Yeah.
219
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,695
I'm trying to think of
the 20-minute stand-up set.
220
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,575
Oh, that's a good idea.
221
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:30,895
"Progression.” I've gone for it
at the top, so that's...11.
222
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,775
What's your first word there, Jenny?
223
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,015
“Imagination." Lovely.
224
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,735
"Progressive" is also 11.
225
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,495
I just thought of something.
226
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,495
Where does it say
it can't be the same word?
227
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:47,335
It could be the same word
done 40 times.
228
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,655
How long have you been in
the caravan?
229
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,135
I reckon five minutes.
230
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,655
AUDIENCE OOHS
231
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,975
Which word are you going to
write down 40 times?
232
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,375
Well, I like "imagination"”.
233
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,695
It's slightly ironic, writing
imagination 40 times. Yeah, I know!
234
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,935
How many words have we done?
235
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,895
Nine. Nine, OK.
236
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,215
I suppose the real worry is
this is going to take
237
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,015
a lot longer than 20 minutes.
238
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,095
How much time have I got left?
239
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:19,295
How much time do you think
you've got left? About 12 minutes.
240
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,655
Can I check how long you've been
in the caravan for?
241
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,535
I reckon I've been here
about nine minutes.
242
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:24,975
AUDIENCE GASPS
243
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,295
The crowd are just starting
to turn ugly.
244
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,575
That'll be nine minutes, then, yeah.
245
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:30,895
How much time have I got left?
246
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,255
How much time have you got left?
You asking me again? Yeah.
247
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,815
Right, no, I still can't tell you.
248
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,495
I thought I might catch you
off guard.
249
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:37,855
Always on guard.
250
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,695
This isn't working, is it?
Well, it's indoors.
251
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,415
Oh, does that make any difference?
252
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,415
I'I do the 40 words now.
253
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,775
Imagination, imagination,
imagination.
254
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,295
- O
255
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,935
Jolly, lolly, sorry,
silly, welly...
256
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,295
I thought about not going
from "silly” to "willy".
257
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,615
I tried to stop myself,
but I circled back.
258
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:00,975
Imagination, imagination...
259
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,255
Lamp, rams, ram, no...
260
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,535
Imagination, imagination,
261
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,655
broken.
262
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:10,815
Powerful.
263
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:16,855
Right, that's either 20-ish,
or I've...panicked at 17.
264
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:19,615
I reckon I've done 20 minutes.
265
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:25,375
OK. I think that that's a 20-minute
set at the Bear Cat Club, 1993.
266
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,535
"Thank you very much!
Let's hear it, Jenny Eclair! Yeah!"
267
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,295
I think I might've done
half an hour.
268
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,135
I've always outstayed my welcome.
269
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,575
I disagree. I'm very sorry.
270
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,055
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
271
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,935
APPLAUSE
272
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,375
It's quite a big thing in
the world of stand-up,
273
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,855
getting the 20 minutes right.
274
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,455
And it would appear at least
one person's internal clock
275
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,615
is bang-on still.
276
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,055
Yeah, neither of them used any of
the time-keeping devices that we...
277
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,975
I didn't even notice
that there were any there.
278
00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,855
No, you didn't, no.
You didn't need them.
279
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,175
It's sort of terrifying,
how accurate you are.
280
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,255
He walked out on 23 minutes, 21.
281
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:06,695
It's not bad.
282
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,935
APPLAUSE
283
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:13,655
What about Jenny Eclair at
the Bear Cat, circa 1993?
284
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,935
Yes, well, she feared the worst -
she feared she'd done half an hour.
285
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,975
In fact, it was ten minutes 57.
286
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,335
LAUGHTER
No!
287
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:25,135
No, is that all?! Ten minutes.
Is that all I did?
288
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:28,215
Just over.
I got bored of myself, didn't I?
289
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,455
Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh.
290
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,695
At last, time for a little breather.
291
00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:36,975
Lovely. Bye!
292
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,295
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
293
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,935
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
294
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,935
Hello, everybody!
295
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,095
Welcome to the second part of the
show, where the cast are trying
296
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,975
to leave the caravan after exactly
20 minutes, with no obvious way
297
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,735
to keep track of the passing time.
298
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,095
They also need to write down
and say 40 words,
299
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,615
and that each word must either be
the same length or shorter
300
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,975
than the previous word.
301
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,695
It's time for Mae and Kiell.
302
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,015
No idea how to use one of them.
303
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,255
Ooh. That's interesting.
304
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,975
That leads me to believe
there may be a...
305
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,215
...clock hidden somewhere.
306
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,935
Oh!
307
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,535
What have you got there?
Little mirror.
308
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,055
Maybe I can see something from here.
309
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,695
Uh-huh. What're you looking at?
310
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,015
Not much. You?
311
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:40,415
Can I step in the sink?
Yeah, you can step in the sink.
312
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,015
Oh, yeah!
313
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:45,015
So, right now, it's 1.31. Right.
314
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:49,655
So, when that long hand
is about here.
315
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:50,895
Is that how clocks work?
316
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,175
"Same length or shorter.”
317
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,455
What, in letters or syllables?
318
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,935
Oh, it's up to you I suppose.
319
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,935
You know what I could do?
Look in a book.
320
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,815
I could look in a -
if there's a book around.
321
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,215
Yeah, there are books around.
They're full of words.
322
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,255
Licentiousness...licentiousness.
323
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,495
How many letters has
the word "balloon" got?
324
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:12,735
Is this a joke?
325
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,775
"Misanthropic."
326
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,495
"Profiteroles."
327
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,375
19, 20 - I have to pick it up,
but I'm going to check on the time.
328
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,735
We're going up, are we? Yep.
329
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,615
Uh-oh.
330
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,975
It's not moving.
331
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,455
The clock's not moving.
332
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,135
Clock's not moving? No!
333
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:32,615
Right.
334
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,375
Really annoyed that cameraman
just took his watch off.
335
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,255
That's going to cause some problems.
336
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,015
Did you spot a cameraman's watch?
337
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,335
Yeah.
338
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,655
It's gone now.
339
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,575
Don't come now!
340
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:45,775
You've ruined it.
341
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,535
Great.
342
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:50,935
What happens now?
343
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,255
I think I've been in here about
20 minutes, I really do think so.
344
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,735
I've got to write some more words
down fast, and then,
345
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,695
I'll get out of here, I think.
346
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,575
"Outrageous" - I'm writing.
347
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:01,975
Oh, right.
348
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,095
"Humiliate."
349
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,175
40 words.
350
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,135
"Vile." Oh, this is taking too long.
351
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,615
Crest, cross, point, course, badge.
352
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,135
Stop the clock, please.
353
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,375
Get me out of here!
354
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,135
Thank you, Kiell.
355
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:25,375
Thank you.
356
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,455
APPLAUSE
357
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,815
How does it make you feel
that Alex would mount a clock that
358
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,655
doesn't work on the roof
of the caravan?
359
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,255
Ah, now I need to point out here
the clock was working,
360
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,095
but it rained during May 10th,
and then, stopped working.
361
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,135
Oh! I thought it was one of your
sneaky things that makes you go
362
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,495
all fizzy under your duvet.
363
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,335
I-I was outraged. Yeah.
364
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,695
Shall I tell you how long they
spent in the caravan?
365
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,055
Tell me how long
they spent in the caravan.
366
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:02,415
OK, well, remember that Frankie
was just over 23 minutes. Yeah.
367
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,775
Kiell, 24 minutes, 20. Mm!
368
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:09,615
Mae left the caravan
in 19 minutes and 48 seconds.
369
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,295
APPLAUSE
370
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,175
That is a tight set.
371
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,455
Next, it's Ivo.
372
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:23,375
So, let's say we've had 80 seconds.
373
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,575
Probably had two minutes now.
374
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,055
Broken the skull.
375
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,335
LOUD CLATTERING
376
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:34,815
What are you doing?
377
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,255
I'm looking for something that
measures time in the caravan.
378
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:38,535
Oh, OK.
379
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,335
I reckon I've had three minutes now.
380
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,895
Oh, I can just work out
what unit of time one of these is.
381
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,775
Of course. One Mississippi.
382
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,455
Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi.
383
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,055
Eight Mississippi.
384
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,655
40 Mississippi.
385
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,015
21 Mississippi.
386
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,375
25 Mississippi.
387
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,695
48 Mississippi.
It looks like it's a minute.
388
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:00,735
Right, so that's a minute.
389
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:05,935
I could check it again.
390
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,015
Let's see if it's a set of
multicoloured, er,
391
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,575
one-minute egg timers.
392
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,255
One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
393
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:18,575
30 Mississippi.
394
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:19,895
40 Mississippi.
395
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,015
35 Mississippi.
396
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,655
39 Mississippi.
397
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:26,535
Er...40 Mississippi.
398
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,055
Erm, 41 Mississippi.
399
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:30,575
42 Mississippi.
400
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,135
That's only 45 seconds.
401
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:33,415
These one's are still going.
402
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,535
There are ways of working this out.
403
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,055
Maybe that is a minute.
404
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,335
I can't put you through
the Mississippi again.
405
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,415
I-I've lost count.
406
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,695
I was doing a silent round
of Mississippis.
407
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,375
There's a clock on the roof!
408
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,775
It's not making it easier.
409
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,695
We're getting quite close
to exiting the caravan.
410
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:12,215
Excuse me! What's the time?
411
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,055
DISTANT: 25 past!
412
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,735
25 past five! Thank you!
413
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,295
So, at 13 minutes into the task,
it was 5.25.
414
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,335
So, the task will finish at 5.32.
415
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,655
Better get on with
these words, though.
416
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:27,815
"Establishment.”
417
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:29,455
"Establishing."
418
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,455
That's a minute.
419
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,415
"Task. Top. Sit."
420
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,255
That's another minute.
421
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,535
"Pest. Post.”
422
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:38,775
Argh!
423
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,015
That's 40.
424
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,935
Excuse me! What's
the exact time, please?
425
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,855
5.30! Thank you.
426
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:52,215
We'll just have one more
of those, I think.
427
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:53,655
Nearly there.
428
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,575
It's now 5.32. It's been 20 minutes.
429
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:03,575
I think it went brilliantly.
430
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,295
LAUGHTER
431
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,895
APPLAUSE
432
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,815
Sometimes, confidence is all
it takes, isn't it?
433
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,895
Erm, with the wisdom of hindsight,
434
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,855
do you regret
the Mississippi system?
435
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:25,295
Yes. Obviously quite galling
to watch four videos of
436
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:29,695
the other contestants not using
the egg timers at all...
437
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,575
...knowing quite how emotionally
dependant on them I became.
438
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:33,815
LAUGHTER
439
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:37,095
But then, you very cleverly opted
for screaming at golfers?
440
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,015
Screaming at golfers.
441
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,295
He thinks it went brilliantly.
442
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,055
He does. You know what? I agree.
443
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,015
What? It did go pretty brilliantly.
444
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,535
Mae, of course, 19.48
445
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,495
Frankie, 23.21.
446
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,575
Ivo, 23.17.
447
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,095
AUDIENCE GASPS
It's not bad. Oh!
448
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,535
But you lead him
to believe he'd won.
449
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:02,055
I did but, that's partly because
there's a little bit of extra admin.
450
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,335
I looked at the word length again
for some of the contestants. Yeah.
451
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,255
I've gotta show you this.
452
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:11,775
Each word had to be the same length
or shorter than the previous.
453
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:12,855
I don't need this.
454
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,495
Egg, wet, cat, dog, hat...
455
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:31,975
AUDIENCE OOHS
456
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,535
Also, Kiell only did 39 words.
457
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,855
So...
LAUGHTER
458
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,415
On a number of counts, Kiell is out.
459
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,375
Mae, interestingly, went for
the length of word
460
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,975
by syllable, not letters. Yes.
461
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,175
"Humiliate" is definitely longer
than "outrageous".
462
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,575
I can't believe that's the word,
too. Yeah.
463
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,895
You guys don't know how you
pronounce that word in Canada.
464
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,215
Ah. How do you pronounce it
in Canada?
465
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,775
With a letter missing?
466
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:00,575
Is it like aluminium?
467
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,175
It's like hoom-liate.
468
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,295
Is Kiell going to defend his
39 words, including "mice"
469
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,655
being shorter than "vet"?
HE SIGHS
470
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,095
Well, it is in height.
471
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:14,455
LAUGHTER
472
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,775
What it does incredibly
mean is that Jenny,
473
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,215
with ten minutes, gets 3 points.
474
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,575
0 to Mae, 0 to Kiell.
Frankie gets 4,
475
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,175
but Ivo wins the task,
and 5 points!
476
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,175
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
477
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,855
Erm, I'd like a scoreboard, please,
Alex. 'Course you would.
478
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:37,495
Er, Kiell is weirdly on just
1 point after two tasks.
479
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,535
Ivo on 9! He's in the lead.
There we go. Wow.
480
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,575
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
481
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,175
More tasks, please!
482
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,935
Right. Belt up, Greg, here we go.
483
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:12,975
Hello, Alex.
484
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,495
Hello, Ivo.
485
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,255
Hello, Frankie. Hiya.
486
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,975
Hello, Mae. Please stand in
the dangerous hole.
487
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,015
Lovely.
488
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,255
Whoa! Got ya.
489
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:26,815
JENNY: Oh, this is very exciting.
490
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,575
It's, sort of, industrial chic,
isn't it?
491
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,335
Yes, it's very dangerous. Oh, wow.
492
00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:33,935
Oh, my goodness.
493
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,575
Yep, it's so dangerous,
you have to wear this potato hat.
494
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,935
OK, OK. Right.
495
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,375
Based on my knowledge of my head,
this isn't going to fit.
496
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,695
How's it look?
Oh, it looks tremendous.
497
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:45,615
Thank you.
498
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,455
Look, there's spuds
and little animals.
499
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,815
I don't think I've seen you
this excited before.
500
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,655
I find this terribly thrilling,
I really do.
501
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,575
Would you like me to read this?
Yes.
502
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,975
"Catch the potatoes in
the potato hat.
503
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,935
"You must be sitting on the catching
stool wearing your potato hat,
504
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,735
"and you must not touch anything
at any point."
505
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:15,295
Not touch anything?
506
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,775
"And you must not touch
anything at any point."
507
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,775
"Anything in your hat that is not
a potato will be subtracted
508
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,015
"from your potato total.
509
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,895
"Anything in your hat that is not
a potato will be subtracted
510
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:29,495
"from your potato total.
511
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,255
"Highest potato total..."
512
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,295
Potat-otal.
513
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:33,335
Potat-otal.
514
00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:35,295
"Highest pot at-otal wins.
515
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:40,895
"The conveyor belt will start moving
in three minutes from now."
516
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:42,495
OK. Fuck!
517
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,415
Oh, this sounds brilliant.
518
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:45,775
I'I be so bad at this.
519
00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:57,055
Who, of our five, do you think
would most likely wear
520
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,775
the potato hat anyway?
In free time?
521
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,495
Er, after three? One, two, three.
522
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,135
BOTH: Jenny Eclair.
523
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,375
LAUGHTER
524
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,175
It was one of the best moments
of my life, this next task.
525
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,495
I]I just thought it was great.
526
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:11,695
I can't recommend it enough.
527
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,735
Set one up at home.
God, what a laugh.
528
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,415
Come on, then, let's see these
potato-hatted goons.
529
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:21,815
All right. First of the goons,
it's Jenny, Frankie, and Kiell.
530
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:26,175
Now, then, I've got three minutes
to, sort of, think about this.
531
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,575
I see, I should memorise the order.
532
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,855
Not potato, two potato, not...oh.
533
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,415
Not, hot, hot, not, not, not, hot.
534
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,215
Potato, potato...
535
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,855
Miss three.
536
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:46,855
And then, I go not, pot, pot,
not, not, pot, not.
537
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,495
Would I be allowed a piece
of paper and a pencil?
538
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,095
If you'd like that.
539
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:53,375
I got a pen, or something.
540
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,255
Not, pot, pot, not, not, pot, pot.
541
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,215
Potato, potato, not, not, not.
542
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,295
Turning it on in 30 seconds.
543
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:03,735
Okey doke.
544
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:05,775
This is terribly exciting.
545
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,135
I want to miss the first one,
so I'm leaning out.
546
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:11,255
Once that goes,
I'll spring into action. OK.
547
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,775
I'm going to turn on the machine
in five seconds, Kiell.
548
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,015
Yep. Pot, pot...
549
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,295
Good luck. Thank you.
550
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,575
And here we go.
551
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,975
Ah!
552
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,255
Here comes the one to miss.
Where is it?
553
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:26,335
He's hit me.
554
00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:28,615
First one's not!
555
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,375
Pot. Pot.
556
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:31,895
Oh, I fucking...
557
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,695
They're not going in
the fucking hat!
558
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:40,415
Ah, God!
559
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:41,735
Ahh!
560
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:46,015
SHE LAUGHS
561
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,295
Pretty much the potatoes are the
only thing that don't go in the hat.
562
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,575
Not! Argh, that is!
563
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,855
That's a not, and now,
these two are.
564
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:05,855
Where are we in your sequence?
565
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:07,335
I might wet myself!
566
00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:10,375
I don't think I've had so
much fun in years.
567
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,655
Pot. Oh, another one?
568
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,095
Oh, shit!
569
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:16,975
Ah, gosh! What's all that?
570
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,735
Do you still remember
the pattern, Kiell?
571
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,055
Yeah, but, like, it's finished now.
572
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,695
It might repeat.
573
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,335
Repeat?!
574
00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:26,415
There's a lot of stuff there.
575
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,295
Does it keep going even after
what I saw? I see.
576
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:30,975
No, I didn't want that one!
577
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,935
Oh, God. There! That felt potatoey.
578
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,255
I don't want to catch the last two.
579
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,055
I'm just happy to have some stuff
in the hat, at this stage.
580
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:41,415
How's the system?
581
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,415
The system is that.
582
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:44,695
Oh, that hurt.
583
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,135
Oh, no, that was light!
I don't want that.
584
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:49,495
Shake it out, shake it out.
585
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:50,935
Oh-ho!
586
00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:54,495
And that was the last one. Hm.
587
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,215
Finished! Thank you very much,
Kiell. Thank you.
588
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,495
Would you mind giving me your
potato hat back?
589
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:03,095
Slightly disappointing tally.
590
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:05,735
Oh, man.
591
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:08,135
I mean, you could pretty much
eat that. That's gone well.
592
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,415
Cheeky, that.
593
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,495
Very cheeky.
594
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,215
LAUGHTER
595
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:17,935
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
596
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,055
I mean, I honestly don't know
where to start, really.
597
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:26,535
I mean, it was a
collective disaster.
598
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:30,255
Erm, Kiel|, how confident were you
at the not-pot-pot system?
599
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:31,975
I was like, "I've smashed this,"
600
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,495
and I was confident that no-one else
would've thought of that process.
601
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,455
And indeed, they didn't.
602
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,095
And before I sat down,
I was like, "I've won."
603
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,215
LAUGHTER
604
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,255
None of them banked
on the pattern repeating.
605
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,935
We didn't warn them of that,
and that was a sneaky trick.
606
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,335
But it did repeat exactly,
so if you'd stuck to your
607
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,895
pot-pot-not-pot-pot system,
608
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:54,535
you could've reclaimed glory.
609
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,455
Yeah, now you tell me. Right.
610
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:01,815
OK, well, Frankie, who just ended up
loading his hat full of everything,
611
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:04,895
21 potatoes and 23 animals.
612
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:06,495
HE LAUGHS
613
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,095
Potat-otal of -2.
614
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,295
APPLAUSE
Ohh, well done, Frankie.
615
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,535
Positive pot at-otals for
the other two.
616
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,615
Er, Kiell, 22 potatoes,
19 not-a toes.
617
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,415
Jenny, ten potatoes, six not-a toes
618
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:26,815
so Jenny, 4, Kiell, 3,
Frankie, -2 at this stage.
619
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:30,095
Oh, God, it's tense. Well-played!
Well-played. It's very tense.
620
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,535
APPLAUSE
621
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:33,815
Serious stuff.
622
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:35,295
Right, break time.
623
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:38,015
You - get off that sofa, drop to
the floor, and give me ten.
624
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,695
You've let yourself go, look at
the state of that dressing gown.
625
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:43,055
Is it any wonder she
suggested separate rooms?
626
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,775
It's got nothing to do
with your snoring!
627
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,015
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
628
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,455
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
629
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,855
Hello! Welcome back again.
630
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,455
I guess it's the start
of part three, then.
631
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,615
You guess right!
Congratulations, Greg.
632
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,215
Before the break, they were
trying to catch as many potatoes
633
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:08,775
as possible in their potato hat.
634
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,175
Any non-potato counts against
the pot at-otal.
635
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,895
Three have been, and sure,
they gave it a go,
636
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,855
but now for two top-hat
tato-titans, hopefully.
637
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:18,295
It's Mae and Ivo.
638
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:22,615
No, yes, yes...no, no, no, yes.
639
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:24,895
No, yes, yes, no, no, no.
640
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:26,815
No. Yes, yes.
641
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:28,535
No, no, no, yes.
642
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:29,895
No, no, no, yes.
643
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:31,455
No, yes, yes...
644
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,095
I just can't learn it in time.
645
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,895
One minute. Have you got a pen?
646
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:36,455
Do you want a pen? Yes, please.
647
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,815
Oh, no, I can't touch anything
at any point!
648
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:41,095
Now you'll be sitting there,
facing forwards.
649
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:44,335
Hey, wh-what are those?
650
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,215
No, yes, yes, no, no, no, yes.
651
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:50,055
APPLAUSE
There they are! Yes!
652
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,935
Davies is the potato.
653
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:53,095
No, hang on.
654
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,815
Davies, yep.
655
00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:58,935
Here it goes.
656
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,055
No, no.
657
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:09,095
Fuck!
658
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,015
There's Greg - the potato.
659
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:12,415
There's not a potato.
660
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,415
Two potatoes, please?
661
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:16,135
Argh, I've lost it.
662
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,935
Yep, yes. Yes. No.
663
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,335
No, that was yes. Oh!
664
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:25,295
Back on the no-potato.
665
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,655
Argh! I mean, I've got no idea
now, obviously.
666
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:31,175
So, that's a potato, that's a
potato, that's not a potato,
667
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,415
so we've just had double potato.
668
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,375
Waste of time the three minutes
before this were.
669
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,695
Like, what a complete waste of time.
670
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,815
Yes, yes,
671
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,375
no, no,
672
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,335
yes, no,
673
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,975
yes, yes.
674
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:52,815
I can't recover this now.
675
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:58,855
No, yes, yes.
676
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:00,935
Oh, look, it's there, as well.
677
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,295
Maybe follow the pattern.
Yeah, but...
678
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,095
So, that's a potato,
s-so that means...
679
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,895
...there's probably more. Argh!
680
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,375
No, no,
681
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:15,695
fuck, I lost it. Yes.
682
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,055
I think this might be
my least favourite task.
683
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,495
The whole thing, like, just,
what, what, what...
684
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,095
and we should all be ashamed.
685
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:24,135
And that's your lot.
686
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:27,975
I think I've done pretty well.
687
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,695
So, did anything you planned work?
688
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:31,895
No. No.
689
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:36,255
But I don't care...
because it's so stupid.
690
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:37,975
LAUGHTER
691
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,215
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
692
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,135
So promising, though, Ivo.
693
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:46,855
You cracked the system.
694
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,295
Yeah, I love to squander promise.
695
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:55,015
So, Ivo refused the pen because he
thought if he touched a pen,
696
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,455
he'd be disqualified.
You're not meant to touch anything.
697
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,775
Obviously, Frankie and Jenny
did touch a pen.
698
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:01,135
How do you feel about that?
699
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,455
Oh, God in Heaven,
I can't bare this!
700
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,975
LAUGHTER
701
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,295
I-I don't want to know.
702
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:11,775
Oh, no! It was one of
the happiest days of my life,
703
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,535
and now he wants to spoil it.
704
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,975
And her dad's dead! Yeah!
705
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,895
Well, shall I tell you how
Ivo and Mae did first?
706
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,815
Yeah, yeah, and I'll make a call
on it afterwards. OK.
707
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:26,815
Mae - they cracked the system
and stuck to it,
708
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,655
and didn't get fazed by the
pattern repeating, like Ivo did.
709
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:30,935
There was no panic.
710
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,615
Seven animals in the hat,
but 22 potatoes!
711
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,535
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
712
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,695
Ivo, on the other hand... Yeah.
713
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,695
...11 potatoes, ten animals.
Potat-otal, 1.
714
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,095
Positive. It's a positive score.
715
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,975
So, without the pen problem,
716
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,415
it would be 1 point to Frankie,
717
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,015
2 to lvo, 3 to Kiell, 4 to Jenny,
718
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,335
and 5 - it's definitely
5 points to Mae Martin.
719
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,815
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
720
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:04,895
Are we changing the numbers?
721
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:06,735
On this occasion,
we'll let it slide.
722
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:08,815
What?!
723
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:11,255
Has he let it slide?
Did you let it slide?
724
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,695
Yes? He's let it slide.
He's let it slide?
725
00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:15,975
He has! He's let it slide!
SHE CACKLES
726
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,215
Can I have a task featuring
727
00:34:20,240 --> 00:34:22,135
my favourite type of thing,
please, Alex?
728
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,455
Oh, do you mean unreasonable
and prolonged violence?
729
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:25,855
Yes, please. All yours!
730
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:41,735
JENNY: One for all...
Ow! I've hit my head. Oh, dear.
731
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,335
It's a shame you got hit.
Hello, Mae. Hello.
732
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,055
Hello, Jenny. Hello.
733
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,055
Hello, Kiell. Yo. Hi.
734
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,335
Hello, Ivo. Hello, Alex.
735
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,055
This is Frankie. Hello.
736
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:54,095
Are you all ready?
737
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:55,695
Yeah. Ish.
738
00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:57,135
Are you ready?
739
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,895
Very ready.
740
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:00,055
Here it comes.
741
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:04,575
THEY SCREAM
742
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:08,375
whoa!
743
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,095
Right at nut height. Yeah.
744
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:12,935
Back to you?
745
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:14,895
Watch out!
BLOW LANDS
746
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:19,255
"Choreograph the most elaborate
and enthralling fight scene,
747
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:21,935
"then perform it in slow motion.
748
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:24,295
"Your fight scene must
take five minutes,
749
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,975
"and will then be sped up
so that it lasts one minute.
750
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,935
"You have a total of 30 minutes.
Your time starts now."
751
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:34,735
How about you fight both of us?
752
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:39,775
What, you come at me together?
Yeah. OK...OK. Right.
753
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:41,415
How's your fighting?
754
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:45,255
Er, I am weak...and cowardly.
755
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,415
So, I'm very happy
to take the role of victim.
756
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,015
JENNY: OK. Whoo-ah-ha!
757
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:53,455
Wow. That's pretty good.
That's one I can do.
758
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,015
My initial thought is we
start hand-to-hand,
759
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:57,375
then move to weapons.
760
00:35:58,480 --> 00:35:59,495
Erm, yeah.
761
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:00,935
You say that every task.
762
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,215
LAUGHTER
763
00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:05,015
APPLAUSE
764
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,735
Well, I'm very much
looking forward to this.
765
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,295
I thought that the introduction
from lvo and Frankie
766
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,255
looked like the world's
most sinister children's show.
767
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:18,695
LAUGHTER
768
00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:20,175
"Welcome to the caravan."”
769
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:24,655
"Hello, children."
770
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:27,695
"We're going to be making some stuff
with gaffer tape today."
771
00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:30,495
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
772
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:31,775
Is it time to fight?
773
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,855
Yes, I'm very much looking forward
to seeing hand-to-hand,
774
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:36,815
followed by weapons.
775
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,535
The first fight of the night
sees Kiell and Mae
776
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,775
bravely taking on Jenny Eclair.
777
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:47,095
LOUD SNORING
778
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:25,735
SPED-UP: This'lL do it.
779
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:28,175
Oh, no!
780
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,215
Ahh! Ahh!
781
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,535
This was a bad idea.
782
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,255
Oh! Ow! Oww!
783
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:03,375
I had plans for this evening.
784
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,375
LAUGHTER
785
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,335
APPLAUSE
786
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,695
I'm very interested to drill down
into the narrative of your fight,
787
00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:13,535
if that's OK? Who were you?
788
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:15,575
You were just a lady? I was a baddy.
789
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,935
You were the baddy? Super-villain.
790
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:19,615
Oh, yes! A super-villain, yeah.
791
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:22,655
You snuck up on the super-villain
in the shed, but she came out
792
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,935
of her snooze, she opened the door,
793
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,655
and knocked you both out briefly.
794
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:28,615
She hoom-liated us. Yeah.
795
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,895
LAUGHTER
796
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:32,735
APPLAUSE
797
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,095
Right! That's the end of part three.
798
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,975
But a world of wonder awaits us
in part four - by which I mean,
799
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:42,295
one of these do of uses is going to
have to try and celebrate onstage
800
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,415
with an Enrique Iglesias cape,
and some of Jenny's dad's hair!
801
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:47,655
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
802
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:56,055
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
803
00:38:58,040 --> 00:38:59,775
Hello! Here we go, then, part four.
804
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:01,775
And we're in the middle
of a melee, Alex.
805
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,695
Yes, we saw Jenny clobber
team-mates Mae and Kiell
806
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:08,415
into submission, but now it's
Frankie Boyle versus Ivo Graham.
807
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:15,815
Oh, hello.
808
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:20,775
No.
809
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:23,215
HARD ROCK PLAYS
810
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,095
WHISTLE BLOWS WEAKLY
811
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,495
ALARM BLARES
812
00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:15,935
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
813
00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:20,655
I mean, it was powerful.
814
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:25,295
Frankie was the Taskmaster in
a different universe, is that right?
815
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,855
I was a bailiff coming to evict Ivo,
816
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:32,455
and then, Ivo seemed to call on
some kind of clone army.
817
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:35,975
A couple of him were my
actual children.
818
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,615
Your actual children?
My actual children who,
819
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:41,535
let's be honest, put the boot in.
820
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,295
It was such a lovely moment when
Frankie Boyle's children agreed
821
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:45,655
to help beat him up.
822
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,375
LAUGHTER
823
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:51,015
The criteria were the most elaborate
and enthralling fight scene wins.
824
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,335
All right, well,
they were both elaborate,
825
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:54,255
and they were both -
826
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:57,895
both of them enthralled me,
one slightly more than the other.
827
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:00,455
But I'm going to give them both
high marks for this. Oh?
828
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,055
I'm going to give Frankie
and Ivo 5... Congratulations.
829
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:06,015
...but I really loved theirs,
as well, so I'll give them 4.
830
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,335
I can cope with that.
5 points and 4 points!
831
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,815
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
832
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:17,135
Let's have a quick look at
the scores. Of course.
833
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:18,695
Oh, you won't believe it.
834
00:41:18,720 --> 00:41:21,015
Two people have got twice as
many points as Kiel,
835
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:22,335
they're joint leaders,
836
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,255
Ivo and Jenny both have 16 points!
837
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,575
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
838
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:28,575
Here we go, then,
please head to the stage for
839
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:29,895
the final task of the show!
840
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:39,975
It's like a scene from
a modern-day Oliver.
841
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:42,295
Who's going to read the task out?
842
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,575
Kiell Smith-Bynoe is going
to read the task out, please.
843
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,455
"Know the most facts
about sausages.”
844
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,335
"You have 100 seconds to learn
some facts about sausages.
845
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,815
"Best score in
the sausage exam wins."
846
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:00,775
Inside their desks,
they've got a sausage fact sheet.
847
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:03,575
They've got 100 seconds
to look at it and learn it,
848
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,015
and then, Greg Davies will host
the sausage exam.
849
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,335
LAUGHTER
850
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:09,695
Hello, Frankie.
851
00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:12,935
If we already know quite
a lot about sausages,
852
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:14,775
do we have to recuse ourselves?
853
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:17,135
The more pre-knowledge you have,
the better, Frankie.
854
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:20,495
OK, so 100 seconds
to learn your sausage facts,
855
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:22,215
and those seconds start...
856
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:23,775
WHISTLE BLOWS
Sausage!
857
00:42:33,240 --> 00:42:34,615
What's Frankie writing down?
858
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,135
I think this is his preparation.
859
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:38,175
Oh!
860
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,415
LAUGHTER
861
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:50,455
WHISTLE BLOWS
862
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,455
Put your facts away,
please put your facts away.
863
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,975
Back in the box please.
Back in the box. Back they go.
864
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,935
No more writing. Right.
865
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,655
It's time for the sausage exam.
Ding-ding!
866
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:02,535
LAUGHTER
867
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,295
OK, here we go. Question one.
868
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:11,895
What was the first name of
the Sausage Queen of 19557
869
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,375
If you know the answer,
please keep it to yourself.
870
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:18,895
Question number two.
871
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:22,455
How did Queen Victoria like
the meat in her sausage?
872
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,015
Question three.
873
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,055
What is the minimum meat content
of a pork sausage
874
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:33,975
in the United Kingdom?
875
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:37,415
So, we're looking for
a percentage there.
876
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:38,855
Question four.
877
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,935
What nationality is a
democracy sausage?
878
00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:48,255
And finally, question five.
879
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:52,575
What is the casing of a sausage
traditionally made from?
880
00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:57,975
Ding-ding!
WHISTLE BLOWS
881
00:43:58,000 --> 00:43:59,735
Boards down, please, boards down.
882
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:01,295
APPLAUSE
883
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:03,855
Display the boards on
the front of the desk, please.
884
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:05,295
They hang on the front.
885
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,295
Yeah, lovely stuff.
886
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:11,735
Well, I'm going to ask Ivo, er,
to give me the correct answers.
887
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,375
Would you mind handing me
the correct answers, Ivo?
888
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:16,655
I think you know where they are.
889
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,135
Swot?
890
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,495
You know what you did.
I-I know what I did.
891
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:23,055
And it was pretty swotty.
892
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,055
Here's the sausage facts,
893
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,055
and here is a sentence saying,
894
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,175
"Gene chopped 42
Australian intestines."
895
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,455
Ohh, my God!
896
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,175
APPLAUSE
897
00:44:36,720 --> 00:44:38,495
OK. Here are the scores.
898
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:42,655
APPLAUSE
899
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:46,855
A small observation -
Kiell looks genuinely furious.
900
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:48,655
LAUGHTER
901
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:53,495
So, we'll add all those up,
we'll add them to your final scores.
902
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:54,975
Please come down and join me!
903
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,575
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
904
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:05,455
How did the sausage exam go?
905
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,575
Yes, Ivo was the only one
who turned the exam paper over.
906
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:10,375
You should always do that. Always.
907
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,855
Well, that's not true.
I also turned the exam paper over.
908
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,615
I thought...
909
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,255
I thought it was going to be
a secret question,
910
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:20,015
and that was going to be
the answer to the last question.
911
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:21,135
ALEX SNORTS
912
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,375
LAUGHTER
913
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:28,615
Well, I can tell you that in
the series, because of all this,
914
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:30,895
Kiell is now last by quite
some distance.
915
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:34,935
This episode, well, well, well.
916
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:36,375
For the second show in a row,
917
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,895
Ivo Graham is the winner
with 21 points!
918
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:41,575
What?!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
919
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:43,855
Ivo Graham wins the show!
920
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,095
Your heroic haul awaits you!
921
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:53,495
So, what have we learnt today?
922
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:56,575
If you get wrapped up in
the stresses and strains of life,
923
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:59,735
perhaps you've been hoom-lated
at work, take a moment,
924
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:01,815
breathe, re-visit this show,
925
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,495
and enjoy this beautiful
moment all over again.
926
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:07,175
SHE LAUGHS
927
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:15,815
APPLAUSE
928
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:17,495
But we can't go yet!
929
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:20,495
Not until we've celebrated
tonight's winner one more time,
930
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:22,775
it's Ivo Graham!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
931
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:49,495
Subtitles by Red Bee Media