1 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:04,215 Brace, brace. I'm bracing. 2 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:07,455 Hmm. 3 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:12,215 This program me contains strong language and adult humour 4 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,615 No, no, no. 5 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:19,815 No! 6 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,535 Argh! 7 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,135 What?! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 8 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,735 Hello, thank you. 9 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:40,615 I'm Greg Davies and I'm the captain of televisual flight number TM154. 10 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,935 There are only five passengers on this journey. 11 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,215 Their chairs don't recline 12 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,575 for comfort, there are no lights directing them towards 13 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,935 an escape route, for there is no escape. 14 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,895 They're flying by the seat of their pants 15 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,215 and the turbulence is 16 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,535 nasty. LAUGHTER 17 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,975 But it will end well 18 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:02,335 for one of them as, when they return home safely, they will win this 19 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,175 tasteless memento. 20 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:08,175 Thank you for flying TM Airlines and THAT, thank God, 21 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,015 is the end of a broadly unsuccessful analogy. 22 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,535 So please welcome our five rivals once more. 23 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,895 They are Frankie Boyle. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 24 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,855 Ivo Graham. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 25 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,215 Jenny Eclair. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 26 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,575 Kiell Smith-Bynoe. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 27 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,855 And Mae Martin. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 28 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,495 And to my left, the answer to the question 29 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,175 "what does a corpse look like after the hair continues 30 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,055 "to grow postmortem?” 31 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:41,615 It's...Little Alex Horne! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 32 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,455 Good evening. 33 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,855 Double thumbs. Double thumbs. I'm just on such a high at the moment. 34 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,455 How's that? Well, I spent the summer in Italy and I loved it. OK. 35 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,975 Well, there was one afternoon with the family, we went to 36 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,775 a field. 37 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,055 Whoa, it was amazing 38 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,375 and you won't believe it - we saw a horse... 39 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,095 fly. 40 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,695 No, we saw a horsefly. 41 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,655 We saw a horsefly. LAUGHTER 42 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,135 We went to a cafe in Verona and one of the waitresses watches 43 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,815 Taskmaster on YouTube. 44 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,335 Hello, Sylvia. 45 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,695 Let's get on with the prize task, Alex. Right you are. 46 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,455 And just as you wearily demanded, they've each brought in 47 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:26,935 the most fun thing to wear on your head 48 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,295 that you aren't supposed to wear on your head. 49 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,655 Greg will give five big ones to the most fun thing 50 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,095 to wear on your head that you shouldn't wear on your head and 51 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,415 the overall winner will take all five things home 52 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,015 and wish they had five heads, 53 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,015 like the love child of Cerberus 54 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,935 and Zaphod Beeblebrox. 55 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,015 Hello, Mae. Hi. Mae, what thing have you brought in 56 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,615 to pop on your head that you shouldn't be popping on your head? 57 00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:50,015 You're just gonna have to believe me this is a lot of fun 58 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,775 and I don't really want to introduce it any further than that. 59 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,095 Here's what Mae's brought in. Oh, God. 60 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,375 It's me on my own head. So... 61 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,935 LAUGHTER 62 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,575 KIELL: Which one's you? 63 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,295 No, uh-huh, no, exactly. 64 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:05,375 So basically, whoever wins this, you get 65 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,655 a blow-up doll - lots of fun... 66 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,015 Well, famously. 67 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,655 I can't think of any reason why it's good or bad. 68 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,735 Right. Well, it's a starter. That's a start, that's a start. 69 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,135 Yeah. Frankie. Hello, Greg. What have you brought in 70 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:19,735 that you shouldn't wear on your head but you ARE wearing on your head? 71 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:21,655 Well, I have brought in 72 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,575 a meticulously recreated scene 73 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,335 from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang... 74 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,535 LAUGHTER ..which I have built out of 75 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,375 the popular figurines, 76 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,695 Sylvanian Families. 77 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,775 This is what Frankie spent his time doing. Let's have a look. 78 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,455 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 79 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,695 I was hoping there'd be a sinister twist, 80 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,055 and I presume that's the Child Catcher? 81 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,815 It is the Child Catcher, but of all the movies where 82 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,935 children are abducted, this is the most light-hearted. 83 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,295 LAUGHTER Did you actually build it yourself? 84 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,135 No, I got an art therapist to do it. 85 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:04,295 Perfect. Ivo, can you beat the Child Catcher? 86 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,535 In a word, no. Um, but I do think this fits the brief 87 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,895 because it's been used as a joke in two of 88 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,895 the most popular comedy shows of all time. It's a... 89 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,415 Turkey. It's a turkey. GROANS FROM AUDIENCE 90 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,735 We've all had a good old laugh 91 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,415 at Mr Bean or Courteney Cox's Monica in Friends 92 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:21,895 wearing a turkey on their head. 93 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:25,535 Did Monica from Friends wear a turkey that was quite that moist? 94 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,895 LAUGHTER In an interview about 95 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,535 the experience, she described it as disgusting. 96 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,255 I don't want to be too pedantic here 97 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:35,015 but in a task where it is the most fun thing 98 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,615 to wear on your head, 99 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,135 and you've described 100 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,975 how a woman was deeply traumatised. 101 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,815 That's undeniably incisive stuff, Frankie. 102 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,055 And you can rest assured, Frankie, 103 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,695 it's gonna score VERY badly. 104 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,695 It's gonna score badly? Oh, God, yeah. 105 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,495 Worse than the Sylvanian Family?! 106 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:53,695 Yes, much worse. 107 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,775 Kiell is the only person who can do worse. Hello. 108 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,695 Obviously, a goldfish bowl. 109 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,255 Here it is. I should say it goes on your head, 110 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:06,455 your head does not go IN it cos the hole is not big enough. 111 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,015 It depends on your head. 112 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,535 Mae, maybe? Old Pinhead Martin. 113 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,935 You don't need to say MAY maybe, you just say maybe. 114 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,895 We'll pop it on Pinhead. 115 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,535 I guess it would be quite fun if we can get Pinhead's head in it. 116 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,655 Imagine having that on your head! Hway-yow! 117 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,215 Hang on... 118 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,495 May...may I? 119 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,775 Whey-hey-yow! And now try that 120 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,455 with a turkey on your head. 121 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:30,975 HE GOBBLES 122 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,055 Jenny, can you do worse than a turkey? 123 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,415 Oh, probably. Er, no, well, 124 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,815 there's two things you shouldn't put on your head. 125 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,255 Well, one, these are two cliche things. 126 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,855 Um, tea cosy - obvious. You know, everybody does it, puts it... 127 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:45,055 YAWNS 128 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,375 Oh, God! Uh, and the other thing is traffic cone. 129 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,775 YAWNS, GREG YAWNS 130 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,415 Ah, but combine the two - I had 131 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:55,135 a knitted traffic cone tea cosy made. Fun! 132 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:56,935 It is fun. It's quite good. 133 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,495 LAUGHTER That is good. 134 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,135 You CAN put your nose through that bit. 135 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,735 But it does fit on your head. 136 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:12,775 You look like quite a fun terrorist when you put that on. 137 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,375 Ready. Oh, have you decided already? Yep. Wow. 138 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,135 Uh, one point. To who? 139 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,495 Turkey boy. Well done, Ivo Graham. 140 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,055 I cannot believe that. 141 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,655 I think if I went around London with Mae Martin on my head 142 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,255 I don't think they'd think I was fun. I'm giving you two points. 143 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,055 Two points to Mae Martin. Oh, what?! 144 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,375 I do think your goldfish bowl's quite fun. 145 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,055 Come on. You're gonna die in it. 146 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,335 I'm not gonna be putting my head into it. 147 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,255 So, three points to Kiell. Yeah, three points to Kiel, yeah. 148 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:42,055 Crazy. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang recreated on my head. 149 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,375 Or the tea cosy in the shape of a traffic cone. 150 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,415 The shape of a traffic cone. 151 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:46,815 Four points to...? 152 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,215 Four points to Jenny, five points to Frankie Boyle. 153 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,135 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Well done, Frankie Boyle. Congratulations. 154 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,775 Let's get things moving with a task, please, young man. 155 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,575 OK, and this one is hard to beat. 156 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,495 Oh, here we go. Hello. Hi, Alex. 157 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,055 Oh! OH! JENNY CHUCKLES 158 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:28,095 How good are you at it? Really good. 159 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,455 DRUMMING 160 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:36,495 They work. 161 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:41,375 FRANKIE: Strike the most drum skins and cymbals... 162 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,375 With a single throw of a bouncy... 163 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:48,375 ...ball. Yes. You have a maximum of 20 minutes. 164 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:52,135 Your time starts... HE BEATBOXES 165 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:53,655 ...now. 166 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:57,335 Bouncy ball drum solo. A lot of balls. 167 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,655 I can't throw balls, I can't play drums. 168 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,975 Right. This might take some thought. 169 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,535 I'm gonna use my wits and my skills. 170 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,775 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Uh-huh. 171 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,015 Which one was it that you used just then? 172 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,295 Just then? The wit or the skills? wit. 173 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,375 Yeah. That was quite funny. Shall we see the task? 174 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,415 Let's do it. 175 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,295 They're next to each other in the alphabet on our seats 176 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,615 and now in a VT. What are the chances? It's Jenny and Kiell. 177 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,655 This is like a sort of combination of a nightmare, 178 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,655 but I think that being higher up would be good. Right. 179 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,975 DONK! 180 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,655 LAUGHTER Oh, oh, oh, look that one! 181 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:48,855 Hmm. This is very, very hard indeed. Hmm. 182 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,095 DONK! TAP! 183 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,815 You want a sort of circular action. 184 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,895 DONK! DONG! 185 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:58,575 That is a good angle. 186 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,935 Big balls, give me big balls. Right. 187 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,815 Back off, Alex, you could get hurt. Right. 188 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,415 Ha-ha-ha, did you hear?! Do it again. 189 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,375 Do it again? Yes. All right! 190 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:13,735 This needs to go. 191 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,255 HE PLAYS DRUMS 192 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:29,335 DONK! 193 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,735 It did it but it was too light to... Why are you smirking? 194 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,055 Well, you keep doing the same thing over and over again. 195 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,095 Push! 196 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:42,295 De-de da da-da da-da. 197 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,055 Seven. Yeah. 198 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,255 DONK! 199 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,615 Do you think there's any way of improving your system? 200 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,975 There's a way, then, there's a way. There's a logical way. 201 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,295 There would be a way. 202 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,215 There would be a fucking way and I haven't got it. 203 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,735 VARIOUS DRUMBEATS 204 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,215 That's good. 205 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,135 It's very frustrating doing the same thing over 206 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,615 and over again, just not getting any better. 207 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:02,975 OK, these are your last ones. 208 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,455 VARIOUS DRUMBEATS 209 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,095 I wasn't listening! Was someone else listening? 210 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,495 We were filming it. But were you LISTENING? 211 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,135 WHISTLE BLOWS, LAUGHTER 212 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,695 There's no other way! There's nothing else I could do! 213 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:19,015 People will be screaming at the television, "You silly cow." 214 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,735 Not SUCH a silly cow! 215 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,935 MANY DRUMBEATS 216 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,175 WHISTLE BLOWS, APPLAUSE 217 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:37,135 What do you think? Are you pleased with your performance, watching it back, Kiell? 218 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,775 There's some damn good beats. LAUGHTER 219 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,135 Jenny, you spent the vast majority of that task doing 220 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:45,015 the same thing, throwing one ball at one drum. Yes. 221 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,295 It is the definition of madness, isn't it? It is, and I like the idea 222 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,095 that you think everyone's gonna be at home collectively 223 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,495 shouting "silly cow" at you. Yes. 224 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,535 It's like the soundtrack to my life. 225 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:58,375 There is always someone behind me going, "Silly cow, silly old cow. 226 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,335 "Don't know what she's doing, silly old cow." 227 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,895 Weirdly, Jenny did better than Kiell. 228 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,615 What?! What?! NOT such a silly cow! 229 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:11,015 What do you mean? Well, you counted to seven but you did only hit five. 230 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,335 That cannot be true. 231 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,735 You included some of the strikes that weren't the drum skins. 232 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,255 They were just the drums. I'm so sorry. GROANING 233 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,615 I mean, honestly, Kiell, you are having 234 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:22,175 a fucking nightmare on this show. LAUGHTER 235 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,535 It's the end of part one and it's time for Alex 236 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,215 and I to do some intense yoga while you watch the adverts. 237 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,855 First pose, my favourite, the dolphin. 238 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,175 Both of us? Yep. OK. 239 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,855 Oh... LAUGHTER 240 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,055 See you after the break. 241 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,295 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 242 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,735 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 243 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,735 Welcome back to Taskmaster. It's part two 244 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,735 and I'm Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster. 245 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,335 Uh-oh, he's finally lost it. 246 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:53,935 HE GOBBLES LIKE A TURKEY 247 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,655 Before the break, our cast were trying to strike 248 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:59,855 the most drum skins and cymbals with a single throw of a bouncy ball. 249 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,295 Jenny and Kiell have been 250 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,295 but I wonder if the next two can do better? 251 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:07,975 And it's a big "IF", as in it's I-vo and F-rankie. Here we go. 252 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,735 I think it'd be quite nice if Greg was playing the drums. 253 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,015 Are we going to him or is he coming to us? 254 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,695 We're going to him. 255 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:19,855 It makes such 256 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:22,175 a satisfying sound even just being kicked along the ground. 257 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,375 That's the worst bit so far. 258 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,335 FRANKIE CHUCKLES GLEEFULLY 259 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,935 It's a bouncier statue than I'd anticipated. 260 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,575 Very calm, Frankie. 261 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,855 I feel very calm, it's quite a soothing task. 262 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:03,615 All I've done is I've moved the drums. That's all I've done. 263 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,615 Oh, pretty good. 264 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,615 Two. 265 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,135 - O 266 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,895 One, one. 267 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,775 FRANKIE GIGGLES 268 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,335 Greg's just there mocking me. 269 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:25,535 Still on three. 270 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,815 Still on three. My first attempt, I think. 271 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,015 The first thing I did was 272 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,695 the best thing I did. 273 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,495 Sort of murky four. 274 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,335 Yeah, I'm happy with that. WHISTLE BLOWS 275 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,335 That can't be the last thing I do. 276 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,735 LAUGHTER 277 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,495 I don't think a single one of those got more than one. 278 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,415 WHISTLE BLOWS, APPLAUSE 279 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,255 Nice to see Kiell's smile come back. 280 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,815 It was the first task we did 281 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,335 and after it was finished, I retired to a little room 282 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:17,215 and I sent some very angry texts to some close family. 283 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,255 LAUGHTER 284 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,175 And then I thought about doing what Frankie did for about a week. 285 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,815 Frankie. 286 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,295 I enjoyed it, it was very much like art therapy. 287 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,615 That little giggle after you did 288 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,655 the first run really made my heart sing, Frankie. 289 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,135 It would be a sad man who didn't take joy in throwing 290 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,335 a bouncy ball at a cymbal. 291 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,975 This is the Channel 4 special, 292 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,735 Frankie Boyle's Moments Of Glee. 293 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:45,375 GLEEFUL GIGGLING 294 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,215 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 295 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,095 But, Frankie, in the end you got eight in a row. 296 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:53,935 Ivo, three or a murky four 297 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,935 but, either way, in last place at the moment. 298 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,735 Shall we see murky number five? 299 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,535 Murky number five and I apologise, you won't enjoy this introduction. 300 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,135 Time for a drum march, 301 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,615 sorry, a drum April, 302 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,495 no, I mean a drum Mae. 303 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:06,975 JENNY: Wey! 304 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,055 Here we go. 305 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:12,935 A single throw, eh? 306 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,695 Wait a second, do you have the string? 307 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,975 Yeah, I've got string. 308 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,375 Ah. Yeah. 309 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,135 Why did you bring a hat? 310 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,615 To look good for this drum solo. 311 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,935 Isn't that what...is his name Slash? 312 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,695 Greg. LAUGHTER 313 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,055 Single throw. 314 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,975 This is the solo bit. Right, lovely. 315 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,135 MAE WHISTLES 316 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,455 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING You finished? Yep. 317 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:14,895 Thanks, Mae. Thank you. 318 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:15,975 Bye-bye. Bye-bye. 319 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,935 I thought it was meant to be just percussion, 320 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,415 not STRINGS and percussion. 321 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,735 AUDIENCE: Oooh! GROANING 322 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,735 Hoo-hoo-hoo! It's kicking off. 323 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,855 I felt for you there, Mae, 324 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,975 because uh, you expected, I think rightly, everybody 325 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,495 to cheer you from the rafters, 326 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,455 but the whole audience sat there like this. 327 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,895 Yeah, but this is like... Because they don't like clever people. 328 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,735 Am I coming across smug? What's going on? 329 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,095 I think people were confused - is it a single throw? 330 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,455 It left my hand only one time and the momentum continued 331 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,775 and it was travelling. 332 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,095 Can I just say purely for the sake of argument, 333 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,695 if you went to a fairground 334 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,535 and they said, "You've got a single throw 335 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:02,015 "to knock over this coconut," and you went, "Thanks very much, mate," 336 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,655 tied a string to the ball, 337 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,015 threw it once, and then started swinging 338 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,975 the string around until you'd knocked 339 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,415 the coconut over, 340 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,935 you might get a beating. LAUGHTER 341 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,815 They're famously not that lenient, 342 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,455 the old coconut-shy guys. 343 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,255 I'm a little more forgiving probably. 344 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:19,455 What was the score? 345 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,135 Zero! 346 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:22,735 It's GOT to be zero! 347 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,055 It was one throw. 348 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,735 What I'll need is the definition of a throw, I guess, but I... 349 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,615 I thought you would KNOW what that word means. 350 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,175 But, I can...I can look it up. 351 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,415 Right, throw definition. Here we go. 352 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,375 To propel something with force through the air by 353 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,375 a movement of the arm and hand. 354 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,215 Was there a throw at all? There was definitely... There would have to be 355 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,175 an initial throw, otherwise I would disqualify. 356 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,495 Would you like to see the initial throw? Yes. Course we would. 357 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:47,935 We'll litigate this for hours. 358 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:50,495 Let's just check. Single throw. 359 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,375 See? There's then a jerk. 360 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,375 No-one said anything about a jerk! If you're going from the momentum 361 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,975 of the throw... A drop is not a throw. 362 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,335 Are you saying it's a drop? You can't call a drop a throw. 363 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:03,015 There was definite wrist. 364 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,415 There's definite wrist, Greg, but I don't throw 365 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,815 my penis across the room every morning, do 1? 366 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,255 LAUGHTER 367 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,095 Do you use string? 368 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,295 If you throw something on a string 369 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:18,895 and then jerk it backwards, it's a cast. 370 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:20,135 Whoa! 371 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,815 Do you want me to look up cast? 372 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,135 Definition of cast. 373 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,655 Yeah. 374 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,335 This is my favourite thing ever. 375 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,575 I've been wrong too many times. 376 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,855 It is exciting, isn't it? 377 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,055 And do you know 378 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,455 the thing that's swinging it in your favour the most? 379 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,175 Is it swinging it or throwing it? LAUGHTER 380 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,535 Very nice. Yeah, well, 381 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,055 to cast means to move or send forth by throwing. 382 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,615 So, we're back to where we started. GASPING 383 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,975 Oh! That's clearly where I've gone wrong with fishing 384 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,975 because I've been doing this when I should be throwing 385 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,815 the fucking rod. 386 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,135 That's it. I'm letting them get away with it! 387 00:18:58,160 --> 00:18:59,735 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 388 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:03,735 Which means, shall I sum up the scores for you, Greg? 389 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,775 Let me just drink Kiell's face in. 390 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,335 GREG SLURPS Mmmm! 391 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,255 Well, in that case, it's one point to Ivo, two to Kiell, 392 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:15,135 three to Jenny, four to Frankie and five to Mae Martin. 393 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,495 APPLAUSE There it is. 394 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,455 Let's have a look at the scoreboard. 395 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:21,655 OK, well, the winner of 396 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,815 the past two episodes, Ivo, is in last place with two, 397 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,735 but Frankie's in the lead with nine. 398 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,975 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 399 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,935 Despite arguably a terrible injustice, 400 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,615 can we have another task, please? 401 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,335 Yes, and it's time to test 402 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,215 the five on their nautical construction skills. 403 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:52,135 Hello. 404 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,775 Ah, goldfish bowl. Yep. 405 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,455 It's all wet. 406 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:57,815 LAUGHTER 407 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,455 Make the fastest egg boat. 408 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:06,535 Your egg boat must look like a boat and transport an egg. 409 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,535 If your egg boat sinks or loses its egg, you're disqualified. 410 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,375 That's a bit strong. 411 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,815 You have three minutes to order five materials. 412 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:19,455 Oh. And then 15 minutes to make your egg boat. 413 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,895 Also, all your materials must start with the same letter. 414 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,535 And you can't order anything 415 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:27,895 boaty. 416 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,295 MAE: OK, your time starts now. 417 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,735 Certainly people make paper things, don't they? Paper. 418 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:34,815 Polystyrene. 419 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:35,895 Plasticine. 420 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,375 But now I have to think about other Ps. Yes. 421 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:42,855 A ball, like a tiny ball, like a golf ball. Ball, ball for golf. 422 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,895 Balls - brackets - ping-pong. 423 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,295 Plastic, by which I mean like clingfilm. 424 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,655 Plastic inflatable water wings. 425 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,975 Armbands. They begin with P, do they? 426 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,895 Plastic inflatable water wings. OK. 427 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,575 Gaffer tape, gaffer...baffer, baffer tape. 428 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,095 Could you get some baffer tape? I don't know what baffer tape is. 429 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,015 It's like gaffer tape but it's better. 430 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,535 I don't think I can get you baffer tape. 431 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:04,575 Balloons. 432 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:05,815 A balloon. 433 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,855 Bras, umpteen bras. 434 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,175 I'lLl get you umpteen bras. 435 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,495 Banana. Bread. P...Plant. 436 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,335 Uh...bacon? 437 00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:15,855 WHISTLE BLOWS, APPLAUSE 438 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,015 Baffer tape and umpteen bras? 439 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,455 Great band. LAUGHTER 440 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,095 Baffer tape's the lead singer, is he? 441 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,455 Do you want to see them build? 442 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,175 I'd like to see their boat builds, please. 443 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,455 Let's show them the boat builds. Here's how they got on making their egg boats. 444 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,095 Hello. You've got 15 minutes. 445 00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:40,495 15 minutes from now? 446 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,535 What am I making again? 447 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,895 I was hoping for a larger loaf of bread 448 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:50,375 so that I could put the bucket in the plastic bag. 449 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,695 If it fits a golf ball, it will fit an egg. 450 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,615 So, that's number one, that's done. 451 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,295 Oh, I don't get the egg? 452 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,055 Oh, I've got an egg on me if you want. 453 00:21:58,080 --> 00:21:59,935 Yes, I think it'd be quite good to have the egg. 454 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,135 Thank you very much. 455 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:06,775 Great. I'd like it to be really structurally sound, 456 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,135 you know fortified, yeah, yeah, yeah. 457 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,655 Well, I'm gonna try and remember origami boats, 458 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,855 which I last did maybe age seven. 459 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,975 Quite a lot of drugs and alcohol have taken place since then. 460 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,255 You know these, the foamy tit cups? 461 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,695 They'll act as a buoyancy aid. 462 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,655 AUDIENCE: Awww! 463 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,175 I'm gonna need another balloon. 464 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,215 I'll take two if they're going. 465 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:44,855 It doesn't look like a boat yet. No. 466 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,735 Great. In you go. 467 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:53,855 Ah, it's looking like a boat now. 468 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,775 Why's it doing that? LAUGHTER 469 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:01,015 Egg's gonna be in there with a little hat on. 470 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:05,335 Mm-hm. You put the basket in the water like this. 471 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:08,895 How heavy's the water? 472 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,215 Pardon? How heavy will the water be? 473 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:13,495 You're asking me how heavy the water will be? 474 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:18,375 Yes. What is the weight of the water? 475 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,855 LAUGHTER What do you want me to tell you? 476 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,695 I want to know how heavy the water is. 477 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,095 Right, well, we're gonna use standard water. 478 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:27,615 Still? Still, yes, still. Mmm. 479 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,055 Yeah, I'm quite happy with that. 480 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,335 I haven't really needed Plasticine 481 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:32,615 or a plant. 482 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,535 There's only one thing for this, then - 483 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:35,975 decorate the fuck out of it. 484 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,255 HMS Boat. 485 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,135 I think I've slightly neglected the egg, actually. 486 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:44,855 GROANING 487 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,975 It's a bad omen. 488 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,255 You going to eat your banana? LAUGHTER 489 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,255 Right, first things first. 490 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,855 I mean, Jenny's boat is an act of madness, isn't it? 491 00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:00,095 I don't think it was ANY of our finest hours. 492 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:01,775 Although I did write down the quote, 493 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,615 "These foaming tit cups will act as a buoyancy aid." 494 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:06,375 I find the idea of 495 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,775 a seven-year-old Frankie Boyle doing origami to be adorable. 496 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,095 There's been a lot of arts and crafts in this episode, 497 00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:13,895 hasn't there? Yeah, there has. 498 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,615 In that little video, you said, 499 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,175 but quickly you moved onto drugs and alcohol. 500 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,135 So in this sort of biographical line, 501 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,375 origami was very much a gateway. 502 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,535 I just wish I'd kept it up during the drug years. 503 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,375 Who knows what I might have created? 504 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:35,575 When Kiell asked for two balloons, he did the cheekiest face. 505 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:36,975 It was THIS cheeky face. 506 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,855 I'll take two if they're going. 507 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,295 LAUGHTER 508 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,815 Mae's boat looked like 509 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,655 the most buoyant object ever created, 510 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,015 but it is "one shit boat", is what I wrote down. 511 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,695 Ivo, I haven't mentioned your lovely boat. Were you pleased with it? 512 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,415 I don't mind it, Greg. 513 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,975 It's been a terrible show, and that's far from my low point. 514 00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,775 LAUGHTER 515 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,135 If you want to see the egg boat race of the century, 516 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:03,975 you're gonna have to sit on your hands for 517 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,295 a few minutes and be patient, thank you. Bye. 518 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:07,975 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 519 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:21,615 Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster, where our egg boats 520 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,495 are under starter's orders. Race, Alex? 521 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,415 Caucasian, Greg. But, let's... 522 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,895 LAUGHTER ..not dwell on that. 523 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,775 It's not a bad joke, fair play to the boy. 524 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,895 It is now time for the great egg boat race. 525 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,135 CHEERING 526 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,015 On your marks. 527 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:57,695 EGG set. 528 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:00,455 Boat! 529 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:04,975 "80s-STYLE POP ROCK MUSIC 530 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,095 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 531 00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,375 AUDIENCE: Aww! 532 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,215 MELANCHOLIC PIANO PLAYS 533 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,415 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 534 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,815 I don't think anyone was excited by the race at all. Do you? 535 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,175 Not even them. 536 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,535 I was excited. Were you? Yeah, loved it. 537 00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,015 Where did you come, fourth? Yeah. 538 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:01,455 First in fun. 539 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:04,375 First in fun. First in fun. 540 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:06,655 Yeah, the timings were Mae 3:25, 541 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,295 Ivo 2:04, Jenny 1:46, 542 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,575 Kiell 1:45. So close but, Frankie, 1:33. 543 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,255 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Let's watch the beginning again. 544 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,615 That's the most exciting bit when they jump out. 545 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,295 I love the beginning. This is the beginning of the race. Here we go. 546 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:22,655 On your marks. 547 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,895 EGG set. Boat! 548 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,255 AUDIENCE GROANS 549 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,255 Egg off? Egg off. Egg off. 550 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,095 Egg overboard! 551 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:47,335 I had essentially just wrapped 552 00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:48,775 an egg in some paper. 553 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,655 LAUGHTER I can have few complaints. 554 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,375 Don't you put seven-year-old 555 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,695 Frankie Boyle's origami skills down like that. 556 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,575 So, because Frankie is disqualified, 557 00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:00,735 the egg was released, he gets zero points. 558 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,815 Well, I don't know, I'm thinking it still counts, 559 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,615 and I'm gonna give him the five. 560 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,215 Huh? I just said that 561 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,055 to have a look at Kiell's face. 562 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,055 LAUGHTER 563 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,615 It is zero to Frankie. Zero to Frankie, I'm afraid. 564 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,615 It's two to Mae, it's three to Ivo, 565 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:19,935 it's four to Jenny, 566 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,575 it's five points to Kiell Smith-Bynoe. 567 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,255 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 568 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,615 I'm hungry for another task, please, Alex. 569 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:30,695 Well, let me satiate that monstrous appetite of yours 570 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:34,255 with a multitude of tasks all wrapped in one. 571 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,095 Welcome to the hall. Oh, hi. 572 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,695 Bingo. Bingo. Bingo, it is. 573 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,015 There's nine tasks on the board behind you 574 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:57,895 and one on the plinth. 575 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,215 Yes. If you could open the one on the plinth, please. 576 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:01,615 I'll open the one on the plinth. 577 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,775 Always check on the back. 578 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:08,535 First to complete a line or four corners wins. 579 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,375 The time starts when someone shouts "bingo". 580 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,735 So I'll be pulling numbers out of this. OK. 581 00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,215 A ball will come out, you've got to then open 582 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,615 the task that corresponds with that number. 583 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,335 Once you've read it out, I'll shout "bingo" and we're off. OK. 584 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,015 Let's play bingo. Love to. 585 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,095 Oh, no! My gate was open. LAUGHTER 586 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,495 I wanna play bingo, I don't want to mess around. 587 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:34,295 You're not alone. 588 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,775 5.5 million people play it at least twice a week in this country. 589 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,095 Is that right? 8% of the country. All of Finland. 590 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:40,415 Really? Go on, then. 591 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:44,775 All right, first to play bingo, it's Kiell and Mae. 592 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,415 Let's play bingo. 593 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:50,215 Is there a number? 594 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,975 Heinz varieties, 57. 595 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,215 Two little ducks, 22. 596 00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:57,935 OK. 597 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,255 Throw each of your shoes onto a different roof. 598 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:01,895 Sit in the shed for three minutes 599 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,175 and think about what you have done. Bingo! 600 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:07,695 Roof of the caravan. 601 00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:09,935 Roof of the panel...house. 602 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:12,775 I did it! 603 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,535 All right, let's carry on playing bingo. 604 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,295 Oh, we've got knock on the door, 4. 605 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:20,255 Tickle me, 63. 606 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:22,255 All right. 607 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,975 Make the bingo bin go out of the main gates. 608 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,695 Get fully into the sleeping bag then get out of the sleeping bag 609 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:32,055 and put the sleeping bag fully into the sleeping bag bag. 610 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:33,615 I haven't got any shoes on! 611 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:37,895 Z1-1-1P! OK? You're fully in. Get fully out. 612 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,695 Oh, man! 613 00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,975 KIELL GRUNTS I got no shoes on! 614 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:47,495 I got no shoes on. 615 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:51,215 Right, two down, 616 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,095 Mae, you might get 60 here, and that'll be a line. 617 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:55,495 It's not 60, 618 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,935 we've got Christmas cake, 38. 619 00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:01,175 Put exactly four pints of water in the pot. 620 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,575 I've got no shoes on! LAUGHTER 621 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,375 Wait, the water's coming out the bottom. 622 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,295 I might as well just put it on the floor! 623 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,495 IN GRUFF VOICE: Yeah! Get out of it! 624 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,575 Five pints, three pints. 625 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:22,975 2,000 divided by five is 600, 600 x 4... 626 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:24,295 Come on, give me 38. 627 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:26,695 No, we've got rise and shine 29. 628 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,535 Scream "I have been in all four rooms of the house," 629 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,055 in all four rooms of the house. 630 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:32,975 I have been in all four rooms of the house! 631 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,535 38, please. 632 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:37,215 It's not 38. 633 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,095 53. Get a banana down from the tree. Bingo! 634 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,175 That sounds like an outside job. I don't have any shoes on! 635 00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:44,975 That's 2,400. 636 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,615 Thank you. Dirty Gerty, 30. 637 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,255 Pop all but one bubble on the bubble wrap. 638 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,215 Speak to John. Bingo! 639 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:55,655 Who's John? 640 00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:58,215 This could be your line. 641 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:00,815 It's not great. 642 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:04,975 John? Argh! 643 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,255 I don't have any shoes on! 644 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,535 John? 645 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:11,015 Alex, who's John? 646 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:13,495 Oh, I don't know anyone called John. 647 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:17,175 Ah, now, then. Are we close? Oh, yeah. 648 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,455 Stop the clock? Yep. 649 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,055 RINGING TONE 650 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,615 Thanks for calling John Lewis. 651 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:27,535 Is this, uh, is this John Hm-mh? 652 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:29,415 John Lewis. Yeah? 653 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:30,855 Customer services, yeah. 654 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:32,815 Great, all right, thank you. 655 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:34,455 I'll stop the clock. 656 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:38,295 Line. Thank you, Mae. Congratulations, Kiell, bye-bye. 657 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,655 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 658 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,975 Not bad. Did Kiell have any shoes on during that task? 659 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,295 It's very hard to tell. 660 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:47,975 Mae, meticulous as ever. 661 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,415 Yes, took their time on the bubble wrap. 662 00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:54,095 Lot of time, yeah, yeah. 20 minutes on the bubble wrap alone. 663 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,415 When will we get to meet this character more, 664 00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:57,975 the "get out of it" guy? 665 00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,735 Get out of it! 666 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,495 Get aht of it! I liked him. 667 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,415 I saw him as a farmer, mid 60s? 668 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:07,495 Yeah. What sort of other stuff does he put out, this farmer? 669 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,175 Rapscallions. 670 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:11,775 Is he married? 671 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,295 He was. 672 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,855 And what did he say when he got divorced? 673 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,735 I can't wait to get aht of it! 674 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,615 So, yes, Mae 26:13. 675 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:24,535 Kiell, considerably quicker, 20:30. Current leader. 676 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:26,775 APPLAUSE 677 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:32,175 Now, for the two you're most likely to find in a bingo hall. 678 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,855 Oh, I'm not standing for this. 679 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,655 I'm not standing for this shit. 680 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,495 It's Frankie and Jenny. Here we go, Frankie and Jenny. 681 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,175 Together as well. 682 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,055 Let's go, Jenny. Let's play bingo. 683 00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:45,895 Well, we've got one. 684 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,415 We've got one. Sitting in the tree, 53. 685 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,935 53. Get the banana down from the tree. 686 00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:55,295 Right I need a stick. Sticky stick stick. 687 00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,655 No. Banana. Wow. 688 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:06,175 It's not fair to penalise the short arse. 689 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:07,815 Come to me. 690 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:09,175 Yes. 691 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,335 Throw each of your shoes... Onto a different roof. 692 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:14,055 Bingo! No problem. 693 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,455 Bugger. 694 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:25,855 Poor show. 695 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:29,855 Make the bingo bin go out of the main gates. 696 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:37,215 Two shoes, two roofs. 697 00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,655 LAUGHTER 698 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,975 Rise and shine, 29. 699 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,655 We're going all over the place now. It's like a cruelty. 700 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,815 CHEERING AND WHOOPING 701 00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:58,335 Achieved, Alex, 702 00:34:58,360 --> 00:34:59,815 but at what cost? 703 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:09,960 I have been in all four rooms of the house! 704 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:13,295 Lovely screaming, Jenny. 705 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,815 Thank you. It's one of my skills. 706 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:17,695 FRANKIE AND JENNY: Speak to John. 707 00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:19,695 Who's John? Bingo! 708 00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:21,655 John, John, can you help me? 709 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:23,095 I do know a John. 710 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:27,055 How you doing, John, you all right? 711 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:28,695 I'm not bad, mate. What's happening? 712 00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:30,255 John? John? 713 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,615 Right, Frankie, there's five numbers left. 714 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,255 Three of them would give you a line. 715 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,215 What have we got? 716 00:35:37,240 --> 00:35:38,935 Grandma's getting frisky, 60. 717 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:44,495 Where's John? My feet hurt. Oh, John. 718 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,775 Pop all but one bubble. 719 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:47,975 Where's the bubble wrap? 720 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:49,375 Has fucking John got it? 721 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,415 This is terrible because this is not even someone I know. 722 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,215 This could be a line here, Jenny. 723 00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:56,775 I'm gonna try and remove a bit of bubble wrap. 724 00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,135 RINGING TONE Hello? 725 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:00,615 Oh, hi, sorry, John, I'm really sorry, 726 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:02,175 I've just picked up Jeff's phone 727 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,135 and I've dialled you by accident, I do apologise. 728 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,055 Bye-bye. 729 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:09,335 I got a John. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 730 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,415 Line. Bingo. 731 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,695 Just need some of these, man. 732 00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:16,215 The tasks? Yeah. 733 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:26,735 It's gone surprisingly well. 734 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:29,255 That is bingo, mate. 735 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:30,615 I'll stop the clock. 736 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:32,935 APPLAUSE 737 00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,295 I think we got a hint of the destruction that was 738 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,735 to come with you, when you were asked to throw your shoes onto 739 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,015 the roof and you went, "No problem." 740 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,015 Yes. In the middle of that task, 741 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,255 I decided to go back to therapy. 742 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,495 Was it when you were throwing a bin 743 00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,215 over the top of an open able gate? 744 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:52,575 Jenny, uh, seemingly lost in 745 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,615 the garden shouting, "John, John, 746 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:56,055 "my feet hurt, John. 747 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,735 Normally a scene that would be followed by, "Come back inside." 748 00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,015 Oh, don't. 749 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,095 I just had a glimpse into my future, and it's awful. 750 00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:10,455 So neither of them brought back a banana, 751 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,055 but they did both bring back the word banana. Banana sign, yes. 752 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,375 Are you happy with them bringing back a "banana"? 753 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,175 No, it doesn't count as a banana. 754 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:18,775 Yes, thank you. 755 00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:20,375 Even though it was a "banana". 756 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,855 Was there a banana up that tree? There was a banana in the tree. 757 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,815 Then, they should have brought back a banana. 758 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,175 Are you saying the word banana isn't banana? 759 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:30,055 I'm saying the word banana written on a sign is not a banana. 760 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,055 It quite clearly is a banana. 761 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:33,615 It's the word banana. 762 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,415 I would say also it said to THROW your shoes onto 763 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,855 the roof, and Jenny placed a shoe on top of the, uh... 764 00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,255 I think she propelled it with her arm and hand. 765 00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:43,935 LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE 766 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,135 Please, let's not get into throwing. 767 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:48,815 Yeah, I mean, I hate myself. 768 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:50,615 You do have a problem with this banana 769 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:52,415 so what do we do? Because they were quick. 770 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:54,735 Jenny was 8:12, Frankie 14:38. 771 00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:57,095 So first and second at the moment, but what about this banana? 772 00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,415 I might have to think about it over the break. Ooh! 773 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:00,775 You've never done that before. No. 774 00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,175 You normally go for a wee. 775 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,895 Remember, though, just cos something's got 776 00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:08,215 the word toilet written on it 777 00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:09,695 doesn't mean it's a toilet. 778 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:11,975 I won't be pissing against the door. 779 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,535 I wasn't gonna eat the sign! 780 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:16,615 We're off again for a break. 781 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:19,535 We just don't have the stamina we once did, it's sobering stuff. 782 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,095 When you come back, someone will win a raw turkey 783 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,255 and consequently salmonella. LAUGHTER 784 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,575 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 785 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,215 Hello, you sweet, sweet people, you join us for 786 00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:38,895 the final part of tonight's show 787 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:40,855 and the conclusion to our bingo gala. 788 00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:43,215 Yes, I can't wait to see what happens, even though 789 00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:45,575 I know exactly what happens, which is just weird, isn't it? 790 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,575 One person left to see, and it's all his own doing. 791 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,415 It's Ivo Graham. 792 00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:52,855 Knock on the door, four. 793 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:56,375 Get fully into the sleeping bag then get out of the sleeping bag 794 00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,655 and put the sleeping bag fully into the sleeping bag bag. 795 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:00,735 Bingo! 796 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:01,855 There it is. 797 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:09,495 What? 798 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:13,775 That's in. 799 00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:18,215 All right. Play again. 800 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,655 30. Speak to John. 801 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:23,975 RINGING TONE 802 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,455 Hello, Angie, is John there by any chance? 803 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,015 No worries, I'lLl speak to him later. 804 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,295 Thanks very much, Angie. Bye. 805 00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:32,615 Let's go, let's go again. 806 00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:37,135 Sit in the shed for three minutes. Um, let's go again, bingo again. 807 00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,535 60. Oh, no. 808 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,255 This is arduous. Let's go, let's go again. 809 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,575 53.38. 22. 810 00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,855 Actually, I might leave that. Tickle me, 63. 811 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:50,415 Make the bingo bin go out of the main gate. 812 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,215 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 813 00:39:56,240 --> 00:39:57,935 Get a banana down from the tree. 814 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:01,855 LAUGHTER 815 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,015 It's shoe time. 816 00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:07,775 Shall we see the last ball? Yeah. 817 00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,455 I wonder what it's gonna be? 818 00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,735 I'm having a bad time. 29. 819 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,775 I have been in all four rooms of the house! 820 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:19,135 So, 63 will complete a line. 821 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:20,575 Every number will complete a line. 822 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,015 I'll sit in the shed. 823 00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:23,455 It's gone terribly. 824 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:27,575 ROARING LAUGHTER 825 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:34,495 I think that was three minutes 826 00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:36,455 but I didn't have a way of measuring it. 827 00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,295 So you sat in the shed for three minutes? Yep. You're sure? 828 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,655 Oh, my God. 829 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,335 I sat in the caravan. 830 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,695 I'm calling my dad's friend and my former doctor. 831 00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:51,215 Oh, hello, Jonathan, 832 00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:53,895 I'm so sorry I've rung you by accident, I do apologise. 833 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,975 Well, it's lovely to hear you too. I'd... 834 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:01,855 Oh, terrific. 835 00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:06,055 Oh, right. 836 00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,375 You must shout "line" when you've finished. 837 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:13,775 Um, have a lovely weekend. Give my best to the boys. Bye. 838 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:16,135 Line! 839 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:17,735 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 840 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:22,575 Sometimes, rather than 841 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:25,855 a lot of chit-chat, you can just sum things up with an image. 842 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,695 Yes, let's do that. 843 00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:29,935 LAUGHTER 844 00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,855 Right, let's give some points out, shall we? OK. 845 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:40,055 We're gonna drop the banana sign people by one point. OK. 846 00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:41,655 I can tell you what the scores are. 847 00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:44,695 Mae 26:13, just the one point. 848 00:41:44,720 --> 00:41:46,655 Ivo was 25:27, 849 00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:50,095 so still faster than Mae, somehow. Two points. 850 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,735 Kiell, three points with his 20 minutes 851 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,255 then Frankie and Jenny were meant to get four and five 852 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,895 but Jenny gets four, Frankie gets three, the same as Kiell. 853 00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:00,255 That's it, Jenny wins the task but only four points. 854 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:01,855 APPLAUSE Oh, my God! Argh! 855 00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:05,335 OK, well, I've done the calculations. 856 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,655 Ready for the scoreboards? Oh, God, am I?! 857 00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:09,455 Rock-bottom, Ivo Graham with seven. 858 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:11,975 Rock top, Jenny Eclair with 15 points. 859 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,215 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 860 00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,415 It's that time again, please head to the stage for 861 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,375 the final task of the show. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 862 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,855 Hello, Corporal Good Boy. Good evening, Captain. 863 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:33,895 Who's gonna read out the task? 864 00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:36,455 This time Jenny Eclair's gonna read it out. 865 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:39,495 Excuse me. 866 00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,175 Pour your sand into the other bottle. 867 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:46,175 Slowest to pour their sand into the other bottle wins. 868 00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:47,895 You must pour your sand 869 00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:51,175 from at least a foot above your other bottle. 870 00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:56,095 If there is a break in your sand stream, you are disqualified. 871 00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,895 Would you like to discard the task, Jenny? 872 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,255 Oh! 873 00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,015 So, at all times your bottle must be above that blackboard. 874 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:04,815 Are we trying to pour it the slowest? 875 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:06,375 Yes, so slowest wins. 876 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,135 If there's any break in your sand stream, you are out. 877 00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,135 You must start your pouring within two seconds 878 00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:13,615 of me blowing the whistle cos it'll take a while to come out. 879 00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:15,295 This is electric television. 880 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:18,055 It's gonna get...it's gonna get even more electric. 881 00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,375 Oh, God, he's got no shoes on! 882 00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:21,615 Oh, he's got no shoes on. 883 00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:23,575 I don't wanna get this shit in my trainers. 884 00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,495 Why would you get shit in your trainers? 885 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:26,895 Because I'm gonna miss the bottle. 886 00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:32,375 OK, is everyone ready? Last person still pouring wins. 887 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:34,255 WHISTLE BLOWS 888 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:39,175 AUDIENCE: Ohh! 889 00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,935 Has anyone broken a stream yet? KIELL: Nope. 890 00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:43,775 LAUGHTER 891 00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,335 Ivo, it's got to be a foot, Ivo, it must be a foot. 892 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,695 It's like having a really worryingly long piss. 893 00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:51,375 Being our age, this sort of stream's quite common 894 00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:53,015 for Frankie and I. 895 00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,055 Do you know what? I thought this was gonna be 896 00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,335 shit telly but I'm actually quite enjoying this. 897 00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,215 It's like an art therapy themed episode. 898 00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:04,695 Mae has completed the task. 899 00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:08,575 Frankie's completed it. 900 00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,095 Kiell has also completed it. 901 00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,855 Don't go any lower than that, Jenny. 902 00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:13,775 Oh, I see. Oh, you... 903 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:19,215 WHISTLE BLOWS We're done. 904 00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:21,615 We'll work all that out and then work out the points. 905 00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:24,775 Come back down and join me for a while. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 906 00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:29,335 As someone who was just observing it, 907 00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:31,295 I'd say there's some hearts gonna be broken. 908 00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:32,655 Obviously, as we made clear, 909 00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:36,095 if the sand stream was broken, instant disqualification. 910 00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,775 You're out. We've analysed the footage 911 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,095 and there was an early disqualification. 912 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:42,335 So, I'm gonna show you the moment 913 00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:44,695 the first disqualification happened three seconds after 914 00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:46,495 I blew my whistle. 915 00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,295 Kiell there. Fuck off. 916 00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:52,295 Well, Kiell, there was no sand between either bottle. 917 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,135 I don't see any blue sand either, if I'm being totally honest. 918 00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:58,775 Mae, exactly that, so I'm sorry to say we have lost Kiell and Mae. 919 00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:01,375 Seven frames later, there's no red sand. 920 00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:05,535 Frankie. Frankie, there was a break in the sand stream. 921 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,135 To be honest, the whole episode has been such 922 00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,415 a thrilling journey through language and meaning. 923 00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:16,255 Two seconds after Frankie broke his stream... Yep. 924 00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:17,455 GROANING 925 00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,135 ...Ivo Graham broke his stream. 926 00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:22,655 I emotionally processed that about half an hour ago. It's all right. 927 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,295 Just Jenny left, but six seconds after, this happened. 928 00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:28,455 They're all disqualified, 929 00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:30,015 Zero, zero, zero, zero, zero. 930 00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,295 That's the end of the task. wWhoo! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 931 00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:37,375 What a rush to finish on. And...? 932 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,295 And we need to apologise to the viewers. Sorry. 933 00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:44,695 LAUGHTER It does mean we have a brand-new winner of Taskmaster. 934 00:45:44,720 --> 00:45:47,575 Ivo came last, but with 15 points, 935 00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,455 Jenny Eclair wins an episode! Oh! 936 00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:54,055 Jenny Eclair is tonight's winner. 937 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:57,255 Please head up to have some fun with your things on your head! 938 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,495 So, what have we learnt today? 939 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:04,855 We've learnt that in the unlikely event that Morrissey sees sense 940 00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:09,255 and reforms the seminal '80s band The Smiths, they need look no further 941 00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:12,135 for their album cover than this. 942 00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:14,135 LAUGHTER 943 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,375 But, at the end of the fourth episode, there is just one winner, 944 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,055 and that winner is Jenny Eclair. See you next time! 945 00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:25,135 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 946 00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,455 Subtitles by Red Bee Media