1
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:03,615
Brace, brace!
2
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:04,655
I'm bracing!
3
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:05,695
CLATTERING
4
00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:07,735
Hm!
5
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,615
This program me contains
strong language and adult humour
6
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:13,735
No, no, no, no!
7
00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:19,455
TRUMPET-LIKE HONKING
8
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,455
No!
9
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:24,615
Ahh!
10
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:26,935
What?!
11
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,495
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,975
Hello! I'm Greg Davies.
13
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,295
Welcome to Taskmaster,
and, spoiler alert,
14
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,015
I don't know everything.
15
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,335
I don't know how
the pyramids were built,
16
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:47,935
I can't explain nuclear fusion,
17
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,775
I don't know what butter is.
What is it?
18
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,255
No-one knows really. Off-milk?
19
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,615
Try spreading off-milk
on your kids' toast.
20
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,975
They'll be off school for
a fortnight, you idiot.
21
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,975
LAUGHTER
So, why would five comedians
22
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,575
risk everything to win a trophy
that doesn't look like anyone?
23
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,895
It's not me -
I've had a beard for five years.
24
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:04,935
It doesn't matter.
25
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:08,175
The point is, we don't need
to know the answer to everything.
26
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,575
Sometimes we just need to...
HE INHALES SHARPLY
27
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,135
.drink it in.
28
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,095
So, please raise your glasses...
29
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,575
...to Frankie Boyle...
30
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,095
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,935
...Ivo Graham...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,735
...Jenny Eclair...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,695
...Kiell Smith-Bynoe...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,615
...and Mae Martin.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:30,775
And next to me,
36
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,735
the chips to my fish,
the nut to my bolt,
37
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,495
the toilet bowl
to my heavy beef lunch...
38
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,855
LAUGHTER
.it is...
39
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,895
IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:
..Little Alex Horne!
40
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,215
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:47,215
Hello, Greg. You all right?
Yeah. Do you want a game of I Spy?
42
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,615
Yes, please. OK, well, let's play.
43
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,415
What sort of pie is this?
44
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,735
LAUGHTER
It's an ice pie.
45
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:56,975
It's an ice pie, isn't it?
46
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,935
You've got...
You've got the guess the filling.
47
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,655
That's the...the game.
That's the game.
48
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,335
And then, we crack it open
and find out if you're right.
49
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:04,735
It's really wet.
50
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,135
LAUGHTER
51
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,495
OK, I think it's a chicken pie.
52
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:08,975
It is a chicken pie. OK.
53
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,335
He's won "ice pie"!
54
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,055
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
55
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,655
On with the prize task.
56
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,215
For today's prize task,
57
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,815
you demanded the comedians
brought in the best thing
58
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,695
to play about with in your bathroom.
59
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,055
The winner of the episode
is guaranteed
60
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,015
some seriously top-level
bathroom fun.
61
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,415
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
62
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:27,815
Kiell, I'll start with you.
63
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,815
What do you like playing
with in your bathroom?
64
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,335
I like playing with a piano.
LAUGHTER
65
00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:34,895
Here it is.
66
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:37,455
LAUGHTER
67
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,175
Does it drown out
unfortunate sounds?
68
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,175
Um, it depends how high
you turn it up.
69
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:47,255
So, are you saying you could provide
the soundtrack to the moment?
70
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,615
Is that what you...?
You call it "the moment"?
71
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:51,015
Do you not call it "the moment"?
LAUGHTER
72
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,615
He's always called it "the moment".
73
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,215
What tunes could a man play
on this piece of tat?
74
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,335
Oh, we're talking
Three Blind Mice, um...
75
00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,695
LAUGHTER
76
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,575
End of sentence.
77
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,855
It's shit.
78
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,175
LAUGHTER
79
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,535
That is... That is
a disappointing start.
80
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:11,775
Mae.
81
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,975
... Well, I guess if people
stay around my house,
82
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,855
I want them to have
a very exciting and thrilling time,
83
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,215
and I like to live on
the edge dangerously.
84
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:24,615
So, I've made, uh,
a toothpaste Russian roulette.
85
00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,975
LAUGHTER
Here's a picture of it. Mm.
86
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,655
Toothpaste Russian roulette.
LAUGHTER
87
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,615
OK, so, there's different
things in each tube.
88
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,975
So, one has mayonnaise,
one has cream cheese,
89
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,935
one has face cream... Oh!
..and one has toothpaste.
90
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,975
I've never felt such danger
as brushing my teeth with cheese.
91
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,335
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
92
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,615
Quite fun, though, in a way.
93
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,615
It's fun, and you've made an effort.
94
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,255
Yeah. Yeah.
95
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,495
Yeah.
96
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:48,855
Frankie.
97
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,815
You know when you have a bath,
98
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,815
you set up a lot of candles,
you create an atmosphere?
99
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,295
Why not...? One does.
THEY LAUGH
100
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,815
Why not...?
101
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:02,295
Why not use that atmosphere
to contact the dead...
102
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,815
LAUGHTER
103
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:07,215
...with a laminated Ouija board
specifically designed
104
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,975
to contact the dead members
of the group the Bee Gees.
105
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,015
LAUGHTER
Wow.
106
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:17,015
So, here is Frankie's waterproof
Bee Gee Ouija board.
107
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,455
LAUGHTER
108
00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:22,815
APPLAUSE
109
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,615
I really like it, Frankie.
I probably shouldn't. I do, though.
110
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,295
And I'm a big fan of the Bee Gees.
111
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,735
RIP. RIP.
112
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,055
Hello, Barry!
113
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,535
LAUGHTER
114
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,215
Ivo.
115
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:41,575
Greg, I've brought in
a prize task that combines
116
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:45,135
a lovely bit of music,
a lovely bit of danger,
117
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,015
and even a little bit of death.
118
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,295
It's a scale model of the Titanic.
119
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:50,735
And here it is.
120
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,175
LAUGHTER
121
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,375
Come on, Greg. God...
122
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,335
Don't you want to bathe with her?
123
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,495
I don't want to, um,
124
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:05,495
recreate one of the worst
maritime disasters in history.
125
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,175
But you don't have to recreate it.
126
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:10,295
You can keep your scale model of
the Titanic afloat in the bath. Afloat.
127
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,215
That's the beauty of the prize task.
128
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,095
You can change history
for the better.
129
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,975
I don't think you can
change history.
130
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,495
LAUGHTER
131
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:21,215
Hello, Jenny. Hello, boys. Hello.
132
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,575
Hello, both.
133
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,455
I don't know whether either of you,
or any of my team-mates here,
134
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,295
are clenchers or grinders -
the world does divide.
135
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,135
Clencher or grinder? Grinder.
136
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:32,215
Grinder.
137
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:33,255
Grinder.
138
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:35,175
I'm a clencher. Terrible clencher.
139
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,335
And this is a charming
mouth brace I have to wear at night,
140
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,615
and I can put it in... OK.
141
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,175
Have you lost your mind?
142
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,575
LAUGHTER
143
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,095
I told you... OK, OK.
144
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,775
So, I start like that, right...
145
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,095
LAUGHTER
146
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:50,455
..and it's disgusting,
147
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,375
and you can never
get it properly clean.
148
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,935
Uh, so, on the market,
149
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:57,335
there's this digital brace cleaner
that you can get.
150
00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,895
In short, Jenny has brought
in a dental pod.
151
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,375
Yeah.
152
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,095
LAUGHTER
No...
153
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,455
To have some fun in the bathroom?
154
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,095
LAUGHTER
155
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,095
They also are quite expensive,
156
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,775
and I haven't
treated myself to one.
157
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:14,135
I thought, "If I ask them
to get me one on this,
158
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,495
"I'll go home with it..."
LAUGHTER
159
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,215
"..even if I don't win...
if I don't win."
160
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,135
Well, you're going to have
to judge this, Greg.
161
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,175
Jenny's definitely helped me out.
162
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,815
One point for Jenny Eclair.
163
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:28,455
Two points to Mae.
164
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,415
Three to lvo, I think. Right.
165
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,215
Four to Kiell.
166
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,975
So, Frankie Boyle takes
the five points.
167
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,295
With the Ouija board,
Frankie Boyle, five points.
168
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,095
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
169
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,935
OK, let's have a proper task.
170
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,055
Yes, I know.
171
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,535
I-] agree.
172
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,455
OK, here is the task right now.
173
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,015
LAUGHTER
174
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,615
DUCK QUACKS
175
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:57,775
COw MOOS
176
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:03,695
Hello.
177
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,295
Hello, everyone. All have a seat.
178
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,575
Hmm.
179
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,135
Two chairs. That's a bit ominous.
180
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,535
Ah, got a heart.
181
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,455
What's all this about?
182
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,575
LAUGHTER
183
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:26,375
"Invent an imaginary companion.”
184
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,295
I do that every day.
185
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:32,215
"Then complete a domestic task
with your imaginary companion.”
186
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,175
"Your imaginary companion
must either be much taller
187
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,775
"or much littler than you."
188
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:40,655
"Most poignant scene wins."
Interesting criteria.
189
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,335
"You have 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
190
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,935
Have you ever had
an imaginary friend?
191
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,535
Yep. We wore the same jacket.
192
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,655
It's really just
a dramatic scene with just myself.
193
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,455
Pretty much any story
of a 49-year-old man
194
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,135
with an imaginary friend is going
to have a certain poignancy.
195
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,535
What you thinking?
Washing up. That's poignant.
196
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:05,495
If I can get a tear out,
that's got to be worth a point.
197
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,815
I would have thought so. Yeah, OK.
198
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,535
Do I want
this fragile-headed tall bloke
199
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,855
or a tiny little...? In my pocket?
200
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,775
Got to keep him in my bra like a...
201
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,455
There we go. It's in there.
202
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:18,735
Ah.
203
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,775
So, we're off to the kitchen? Sure.
204
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,855
'I be in the kitchen.
205
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:25,735
Are you all right in there?
You're fine in there, aren't you?
206
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,295
You're all right.
207
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:29,615
We're going to go for a little walk
to the kitchen.
208
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,015
Come on. Let's do that.
209
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,575
LAUGHTER
210
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,855
Kiel}, tell me about your childhood
friend. What was his name?
211
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,135
Chicago.
212
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,575
LAUGHTER
213
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,695
What sort of stuff did you
and Chicago get up to?
214
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,015
Skateboarding, uh,
making up songs...
215
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,135
Remember any of them?
216
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,935
All of them started
with "I don't know how much".
217
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,855
LAUGHTER
Fucking hell.
218
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:56,935
Like...
219
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,615
# I don't know how much
you want to be with her... #
220
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,015
It's the most poignant task
we've ever had on the show.
221
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,775
Are you ready to see it?
Let's have a look.
222
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,095
All right, we're going to begin
with three real friends
223
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,015
called Frankie, Kiel|, and Mae,
224
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,535
and their unreal friends,
225
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,855
who are called Andy, Louis,
and Salvatore.
226
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:13,895
Here we go.
227
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,815
Just been cooking some cookies
my little friend Imaginary Andy.
228
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,415
It's his first day at school today,
imaginary friend school.
229
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,575
He loves cookies.
230
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,895
Andy would do absolutely anything
to get his hands on some cookies.
231
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:31,935
He's a bit late, actually.
232
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,255
Salvatore.
233
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:40,535
Mm! Yeah, here. It's good, right?
234
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,935
There you go, on there.
235
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,895
Look at us - best friends,
Kiell, Louis,
236
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,935
about to do the washing up.
237
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,935
Mm. I'm sorry about my family.
238
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,895
They don't...
understand what we have.
239
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,415
But since I found you
under a toadstool,
240
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,615
I've felt like
I finally make sense, you know?
241
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:05,015
So, tell me more
about your plans for life.
242
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:06,775
Really?
243
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,575
I've always wanted
to see New Zealand, too.
244
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,775
It's a long flight,
but I'd look after you.
245
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,655
You know I've always got you back.
Forever. Best friends.
246
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,855
PHONE RINGS
247
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,255
What's that?
Sorry, I can't talk just now.
248
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,775
Yeah. No, I'm waiting
for Andy to come back.
249
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,295
Yeah, he is a little bit late. Yeah.
250
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,215
I'm just going to put these away,
yeah? Don't you move.
251
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,015
I feel like that soup needs
a little more spice.
252
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,455
Salvatore?
253
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,055
Salvatore?
254
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,735
And if we...
255
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,135
Louis?
256
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,775
Louis? Where'd you...?
257
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,095
Louis?
258
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:04,495
HE GASPS
259
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,535
Oh, he's back.
260
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:08,535
Where is he?
261
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:13,455
Andy! Andy, no!
262
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:14,735
Andy!
263
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,255
No, Andy!
264
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,535
Oh, Jesus Christ!
265
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,135
HE SOBS, LAUGHTER
266
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,895
Oh, my God! Sal!
267
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,015
Babe! Oh, my God!
268
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,335
It's my best friend!
269
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,255
We'll never go to New Zealand!
270
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,695
No!
271
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,935
Oh! Oh, my God.
272
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,655
Ahh!
273
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,935
No!
274
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,415
HE WAILS
275
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,655
Andy!
276
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,975
I don't want anybody else.
SHE SOBS
277
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,335
Nobody rocks my body
or my world like Sal.
278
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:57,335
LAUGHTER
279
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,575
I love you, Sal.
280
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,135
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
281
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,575
Oh, my God. Mm.
LAUGHTER
282
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:09,975
I sort of found...
283
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,855
There were a couple
of genuinely harrowing moments.
284
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:16,735
Salvatore boiled to death.
285
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,095
In the soup. Louis was washed away.
286
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,935
He'll never get to go to New
Zealand.
287
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,415
LAUGHTER
288
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,935
And then Frankie, fucking hell...
289
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,775
.that...
290
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:28,975
HE LAUGHS
291
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:33,335
...that "Jesus Christ"
was genuinely too much. Yeah.
292
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,055
LAUGHTER
293
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,455
I might ask you why
at any point did you seek
294
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,775
to open the oven door,
295
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,335
choosing to let him carry on
burning.
296
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:44,415
LAUGHTER
297
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,095
Cheaper than a cremation.
298
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,775
LAUGHTER
299
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,175
Um, Mae, heart-breaking.
300
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:55,175
The only thing that slightly
brought me out of the narrative
301
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:59,015
and perhaps moved me away from
the great tragedy just for a beat
302
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,455
was the notion that Salvatore
used to, and I quote,
303
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,935
“rock your body...
304
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,135
I'd like more people at funerals
305
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,935
to give speeches about how
they were going to miss the sex.
306
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,695
LAUGHTER
307
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,855
OK, hold up,
that's the end of part one,
308
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,175
and my chance to find out what
it's like to sit on someone's lap.
309
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:19,415
See you soon.
310
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,175
No, no, no.
311
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,895
No!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
312
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,735
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
313
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,535
Hello!
314
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,575
Welcome back to Taskmaster
315
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,935
and the conclusion
of our imaginary friend task.
316
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,775
Did you have an imaginary friend,
Alex?
317
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,095
No, Greg.
318
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,815
They never wanted
to hang out with me,
319
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,415
but I didn't care,
because I had woodlice.
320
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:46,815
LAUGHTER
321
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,215
Well, yes, the current task
322
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,535
involves creating a poignant scene
323
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,895
with either a very small
or a very tall imaginary friend.
324
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,295
We've had three smalls,
325
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,015
but now it's time
for a biggie with Jenny Eclair.
326
00:13:58,640 --> 00:13:59,975
SHE LAUGHS
327
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,615
Oh, Ed, you're so funny.
You make me laugh all the time.
328
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,415
We have such fun together, don't we?
329
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,735
I mean, I know we don't
always see eye to eye.
330
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,695
That's not really possible, is it,
331
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:15,615
what with you being
really so tall, and all that.
332
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,575
This is quite hard and hot work.
333
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,295
Gosh, I could do with a cold drink,
334
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,175
or something like that.
ICE CREAM VAN MUSIC
335
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,575
Hold on. Ice cream!
336
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:25,935
SQUELCHING, FOLLOWED BY A THUD
337
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,175
Oh, Ed!
338
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,895
Your head!
LAUGHTER
339
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,575
SHE WHIMPERS
340
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,495
SHE SOBS
341
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,455
LAUGHTER
342
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,055
SHE CONTINUES SOBBING
343
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,015
Oh, Ed!
344
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,735
I'm sorry!
345
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:54,695
Ahh! I'm going to have to get
another imaginary friend now!
346
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,015
LAUGHTER
Ahh!
347
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,895
SHE CONTINUES SOBBING
348
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,495
I'm not sure
I've ever felt less moved.
349
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,455
LAUGHTER
350
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,095
... changed my mind.
351
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,695
I had my little bra friend,
352
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,895
and then |I...
I don't know what happened to them.
353
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,815
She suffocated. Well,
sheer hysteria seemed to set in.
354
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,495
There's not a court in the land
355
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,415
that wouldn't convict you
of murder there.
356
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,895
LAUGHTER
357
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:26,255
Next up, it's Ivo.
358
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,935
What could be nicer?
359
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:35,095
Hot summer's day,
couple of lads cleaning their cars.
360
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,015
Make sure you're thorough.
361
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,455
Look.
362
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,255
Really get every bit there,
you see?
363
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,375
Oh, it's looking great.
364
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,175
I'm so proud of you.
365
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,215
I'm so proud of us.
366
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,535
Most people wouldn't give
367
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,895
their imaginary friend
their own set of wheels,
368
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:57,015
and one day, we're going to go
on the sweetest road trip together.
369
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,655
ENGINE STARTS
370
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,255
Not in the same car,
371
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,255
but driving side by side
372
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,855
singing each other songs
through our windows.
373
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,295
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
374
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,535
And you'll be so...
375
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,615
Where...?
376
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,415
What about our road trip?
377
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,655
You teach them to wash their car
378
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,575
and they just drive off
into the sunset without you.
379
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:34,015
If you love something, set it free.
380
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,775
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
381
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,735
In many ways, more tragic,
382
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,215
because you're friend chose
to leave you.
383
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:48,215
LAUGHTER
384
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,815
Yes. I drew on some powerful
real experience.
385
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,295
LAUGHTER
386
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,415
Speaks to a certain level
of social status, though, doesn't it
387
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,975
when your imaginary friend
has a car?
388
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,295
LAUGHTER
389
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,655
Time to score them.
Who's in last place, Greg?
390
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:05,175
I'm going to give Jenny two points.
Oh, thank you. Thank you, yeah.
391
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,495
Because I did enjoy
the act of...of beheading.
392
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,055
Then I'm going to go up to Kiell.
393
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,375
It was a poignant set-up. I
didn't...
394
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,695
I wasn't as moved at the end,
395
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,335
and at the back of my head,
I think he might have lived.
396
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:18,975
LAUGHTER
397
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,535
OK, three points to Kiell.
398
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,695
Mae and Ivo, I would
probably give four points to,
399
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,455
because when Frankie shouted
"Jesus Christ",
400
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,735
I actually out loud went,
"Oh, my God!"
401
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,095
And therefore he must take
the five points.
402
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,415
There we go. Well done,
Frankie Boyle. Five points.
403
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,415
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
404
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,655
Let's see a scoreboard then.
All right.
405
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,335
Well, he's not won an episode yet,
406
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,015
but currently a maximum score
of ten,
407
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,375
it's Frankie Boyle in the lead.
408
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,015
Wow.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
409
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:52,615
What's next, Alex?
410
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,215
It's time for breakfast. Mm!
411
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,975
Hello.
412
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,575
Oh, my favourites. Eggs.
413
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:15,735
Good morning.
414
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,575
Hi. Good...
SHE LAUGHS
415
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,215
Hi. There's something funny
about an egg.
416
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:21,375
LAUGHTER
417
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,255
May |7 You may.
418
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,015
"Efficiently shell an egg."
419
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,535
"You may not touch
any part of any egg..."
420
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,135
"..With your hands."”
421
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,975
I thought this was going
to be pretty simple for a while.
422
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,255
Yeah.
423
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:40,615
"..And you may only break
the shell of one of the eggs.”
424
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:41,615
What does that mean?
425
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,815
Why have I got all these eggs
if I'm only doing one egg?
426
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,535
That's a great question.
427
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,095
LAUGHTER
428
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,775
"Fewest pieces
of egg-less shell wins."
429
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,335
Why is this so confusing?
430
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:55,095
"Fewest pieces of egg-less shell...”
431
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,095
I'm going to go
into full crisis here.
432
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,415
I just don't understand
what's been asked of me. Right.
433
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,215
I'm not thick... OK. ..OK?
434
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,015
I'll write that down.
435
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:05,575
So, do you understand the task?
436
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,375
Not really, Alex, no. No.
437
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,295
So, you've got to get
the shell off an eqgqg.
438
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:10,495
That's about right.
439
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,055
You have a maximum of ten minutes.
440
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,615
Your time starts now.
441
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,255
APPLAUSE
442
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,735
There seemed to be some
collective confusion
443
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,095
over this task there.
444
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,295
Yes, all five of them.
445
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,695
We're you surprised that they didn't
understand the task? Completely. Yeah.
446
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,015
They couldn't use their hands
so they had to peel the egg
447
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,255
in as few pieces as possible.
448
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:31,575
We gave them a choice of eggs
449
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,175
because that might be important,
it might not. Write that then!
450
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:35,735
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
451
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:41,735
Here we go.
452
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,255
Some of these eggs aren't going
to break, are they?
453
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,455
Some of them are not real eggs. OK.
454
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,135
Just sort of test the weight.
455
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,695
That's quite a sensible thing
to do, isn't it?
456
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,695
They all sound real to me.
457
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:57,855
How, were they?
458
00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,295
All roughly the same weight.
459
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,615
That's a relief.
460
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,255
"Fewest pieces of egg-less shell...”
461
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,815
Egg-less shell.
462
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,055
You've taken a shoe off.
463
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,495
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
464
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,775
Well, what about
if I had a tea towel
465
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,735
and an egg in it,
466
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,055
and then I wouldn't be touching it
with my hands.
467
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,335
I'd be touching it with the...
468
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,495
LAUGHTER
469
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,055
LAUGHTER
470
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:25,455
Right OK.
471
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,135
Were you aiming
for the middle of the egg?
472
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,655
Yes, I was.
LAUGHTER
473
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,295
Can I use a practice egg?
474
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,295
Well, all I can say, Ivo,
475
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,855
is that all the information
is on the task.
476
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,255
So, if I get that egg out...
477
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,215
Ah. Right.
478
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,415
Egg-less shell. Yep.
479
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:44,535
How we doing for time?
480
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,055
Three minutes 44 left.
481
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:47,535
Seriously? Mm-hm.
482
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,855
Let's get the rest of this out.
483
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,095
It's just going to be three pieces.
484
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:59,415
Are you sure? Yeah.
485
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:00,735
Uh...
486
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,815
We're definitely keen
that you shell an egg at some point.
487
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,495
Yeah, you...
LAUGHTER
488
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:08,855
CRUNCHING
489
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,215
Oh, that's quite a crunchy
bit of egg you're eating.
490
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:12,855
Oh, stop it. Shut up.
LAUGHTER
491
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:16,375
Hmm.
492
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,095
Doesn't feel good, does it,
putting it in my mouth?
493
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,855
Or just a knife.
494
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,295
LAUGHTER
495
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:23,735
A nice tiny sliver of shell.
496
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:28,215
LAUGHTER
497
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,335
That's turning into
so many bits of small shell.
498
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:32,775
CRACKLING
I can hear them.
499
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,055
Ooh!
500
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:35,575
That's a nice big bit.
501
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,095
Now what are you doing?
502
00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,655
Nothing. JUST finishing off my egg.
503
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:41,975
LAUGHTER
504
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,175
CRUNCHING
505
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,055
Another crunchy bit?
LAUGHTER
506
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:49,855
WHISTLE BLOWS
507
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,535
Thanks, Jenny.
Right. I'm a bit egged out now.
508
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,095
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
509
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,055
Well, first things first, Jenny.
Why did you take your shoe off?
510
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,735
I just wondered whether
511
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,095
I could do something
with the shoelace.
512
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:07,455
I don't know why.
LAUGHTER
513
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,055
I mean, normally, Ivo,
I see you as, you know,
514
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,455
quite a person of action.
515
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,815
You normally think,
"Right, I'll have a go at this."
516
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,175
But you just seemed lost
for a long time with it.
517
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,655
I think the only good thing
I did in that ten minutes
518
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,135
was keep both of my shoes on.
519
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,495
LAUGHTER
520
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,855
Why did you try
to work out the weight of the eggs?
521
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,615
What did you think was going on
with the eggs?
522
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:30,215
Um, well, I don't think even
the successful shellers amongst us
523
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:34,575
will have provided any answer
as to why there were five eggs.
524
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,015
Oh, one of them has. Well, several.
525
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,535
LAUGHTER
526
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:43,215
Me and Jenny over in thicko corner.
527
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,095
"Jenny and I".
528
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:47,735
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
529
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:51,535
"Thicko corner"?
530
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:53,895
Oh, God, Ivo.
531
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,455
I can't believe
I'm being told off by Jenny
532
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,735
for ruining our friendship
533
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,095
and told off my Alex
for using bad grammar
534
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:01,095
at the same time.
LAUGHTER
535
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:02,815
It's really gone badly, hasn't it?
536
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,175
Well, look,
I had the slightly sad job
537
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,135
of having to count
the pieces afterwards.
538
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,495
Uh, Ivo, 13 pieces of eggshell.
Yes!
539
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,375
Jenny, 20 pieces, and that's
not including the pieces you ate.
540
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,335
Yeah. Which were many.
541
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:17,815
All right, then,
it's time for Kiell and Frankie.
542
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,135
I've got to somehow
select the hardest egg.
543
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,095
You're looking for a hard egg?
544
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:25,735
I'm looking for
the hardest possible egg.
545
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:34,815
What about that...? Whoa...
546
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,895
I think...
I think this one is up for it.
547
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,295
I had an idea.
548
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,135
Maybe the hard-boiled egg
will sink furthest to the bottom.
549
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,055
What's your method, Kiell?
550
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:53,775
Uh, pick it up and drop it.
551
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,815
That one had a bit of
a slower trajectory.
552
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,015
What are we learning?
553
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,935
What do people normally use?
To do this?
554
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,095
Yeah. A spoon?
555
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:05,175
OK.
556
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,095
Or this. And this.
557
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:11,455
Ah.
LAUGHTER
558
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,015
What have you found?
I don't know what that is.
559
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:19,415
Ooh.
560
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,055
That to me seemed quite hard.
561
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:23,815
Go on, get in.
562
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,335
Right.
563
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,615
I don't really understand
how that's happened.
564
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:37,815
So, that's the egg you've chosen,
is it? Yeah. This is the moment.
565
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,655
LAUGHTER
566
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,455
It's going be, like,
a thousand pieces of eggshell.
567
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,415
LAUGHTER
568
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,095
There we go. All right.
569
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,375
AUDIENCE GROANS
570
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:55,695
Bit of a mess.
571
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,375
I mean, I don't think I've seen
anyone peel an egg this badly.
572
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:01,735
LAUGHTER
573
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,695
I think I'm smashing this.
574
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,215
Is that a pun?
575
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:06,335
Oh, you.
576
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,935
LAUGHTER
577
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,615
Oh, that's better.
578
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:14,455
Well, you know, it kind of
came together at the end there.
579
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,415
Finished? Yeah. Soz about that.
580
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,095
Bye-bye.
581
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:23,695
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
582
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,655
Frankie, did your "drop an egg
in the water" system help much?
583
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,335
No.
LAUGHTER
584
00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:36,455
Uh, I think I hadn't entirely
understood the task,
585
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,695
and also I stopped caring...
586
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,575
That was very much true.
..halfway through, and...
587
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,935
Welcome to thicko corner. Yeah.
LAUGHTER
588
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,615
You are welcome.
LAUGHTER
589
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,255
Kiell accidentally found the solution,
590
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:50,815
which is you're looking
for a raw eqg,
591
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,615
cos then you can get the egg out
in one.
592
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,015
You can make a little hole
and blow the egg out in one.
593
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,935
I'm not going to be blowing the egg
out. But you nearly did blow the egg out.
594
00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,975
You did a good job
using some drawing implements.
595
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,655
I did have to count
all the little bits.
596
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,015
There were six little bits,
597
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,775
but that's a lot fewer
than Frankie, who had 83.
598
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,055
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
599
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,535
Right, and that is
the end of part two.
600
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,095
"All good things must come
to an end," my auntie always says.
601
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,815
She remains to this day
one of the most boring human beings
602
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,175
I've had the misfortune
to spend time with.
603
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:21,975
LAUGHTER
See you in a bit.
604
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,495
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
605
00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:30,335
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
606
00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:31,655
Hello! We're back.
607
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,375
It's the third part
of tonight's show,
608
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,815
and once again, we find ourselves
in the company of eggs.
609
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,575
MAE'S VOICE: Hi. There's
something funny about an egg.
610
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:39,815
LAUGHTER
Yes.
611
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:42,815
The current task involves
efficient shelling.
612
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:44,335
They can't use their hands.
613
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:50,215
Only one egg can be touched,
and fewest pieces of eggshell wins.
614
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,535
Here's Mae's attempt.
615
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,135
OK, I'm just going to take
my shoes and socks off.
616
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,855
LAUGHTER
Yes. Yeah. Me, too.
617
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,175
OK. Are you allowed
to put them on the floor for me?
618
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,375
Yeah, OK.
619
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,335
It looks like I'm wanking off
an egg with my foot.
620
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:09,495
Does a bit.
621
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,055
Oh, God, it really does.
622
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:12,215
No, fuck this. OK.
623
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:13,375
OK.
624
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,375
And now I'm going to put my mouth
on them.
625
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,055
AUDIENCE GROANS
626
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,095
Hmm. Uh-huh.
627
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:27,455
Would you prefer to work with
a boiled egg or an unboiled egg?
628
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:28,495
Mm.
629
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,255
I'm going to get a pin
630
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,775
and then I'm going to hope
it's a raw eqg,
631
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,335
and I'm going to make
a pin-sized hole.
632
00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:38,775
Right?
633
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,815
Not sure this is the way.
LAUGHTER
634
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,135
AUDIENCE EXCLAIM
Ah.
635
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:46,855
Well, that was the way.
636
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,535
You pretty much finished the task.
LAUGHTER
637
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,655
OK, I'm going to get
the rest of the egg out.
638
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,175
I mean, I don't know
why I had my feet
639
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,335
and my mouth involved
when I could have used any utensil.
640
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:02,895
LAUGHTER
641
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,935
Fewest pieces of egg-less shell.
642
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,535
If I'm being completely honest,
there's three.
643
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,415
Yes, should be.
644
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,015
I'm done. Yep.
645
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,255
Three. Three.
646
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,935
What does it say?
647
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,335
"Frankie, Frankie, Jenny,
Frankie, Frankie."
648
00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:27,615
What does that mean?
649
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:30,815
Well, I presume Jenny's boiled.
650
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:32,615
No, Jenny was the raw one.
651
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,495
Yeah, cos Frankie...
652
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:37,575
Frankie and Benny. No, what?
LAUGHTER
653
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,735
Frankie "Boyle".
Yeah, that's infuriating.
654
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,535
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
655
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,695
What was the plan
when your shoes and socks came off?
656
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:56,415
Oh, I was going to use my feet
to...to expertly shell it.
657
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,175
I don't know.
LAUGHTER
658
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,015
You were going to peel
the egg with your toes?
659
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,535
I feel nauseous from watching that.
Like that was... I...
660
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:04,895
We've all been quite traumatised.
Yeah.
661
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:06,695
I don't know if you can tell.
Like...
662
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,335
Yeah. But the pin idea was amazing.
663
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,255
Oh, the pin idea was amazing.
Yeah, yeah.
664
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,615
Dropped the egg.
But then, a happy accident, right?
665
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,415
It was a very happy accident,
like Kiell, really, and it worked.
666
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,735
Just the three pieces.
They've definitely won.
667
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:19,015
Shall we just score it and move on?
668
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,855
Let's just agree it's been
the worst... LAUGHTER
669
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:26,215
...task and the worse response
to a task in 15 series,
670
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:27,295
and let's move on.
671
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,615
By some distance. By some distance.
LAUGHTER
672
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:31,215
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
673
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,095
And yet, Frankie gets a point,
Jenny two, Ivo three,
674
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,655
Kiell four,
but Mae Martin, five points.
675
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,295
Do I dare ask for another?
676
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,175
Thankfully, we do have another one,
677
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,335
and I've been busy doing
a spot of landscaping.
678
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:05,615
Ooh!
679
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,055
Ha!
680
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,415
This looks great.
Yeah, it's an improvement.
681
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:16,455
Yeah. Bowling ball. Uh-huh.
682
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:19,095
Right. Oh, do... Open the task.
683
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,015
Yep, that's the first task.
LAUGHTER
684
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,615
"Bash the big bell
with the bowling ball.”
685
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:26,295
"Fastest gets five points."
686
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,095
"Slowest gets four points.”
687
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,735
"Nobody else gets any points.”
688
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:32,415
Interesting.
689
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:37,655
"You are to stay off the grass
unless you're wearing gold shoes."
690
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,015
"If anything other than
the bowling ball or gold shoes
691
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:42,455
"touches the grass,
you are disqualified.”
692
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,015
"You have a maximum of 20 minutes."
693
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,615
"Your time starts...now."
694
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:49,335
APPLAUSE
695
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:52,695
Pretty straightforward.
696
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,055
I'm looking forward to just
getting on with it. Crack on.
697
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,655
All right, first up to give it
a bash are Jenny and Mae.
698
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,055
Oh, no.
699
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:00,935
I'm not going
to be able to do that.
700
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,455
Well, it might hit.
LAUGHTER
701
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:04,775
No, and now you can't reach it.
702
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,375
No. I've got to find
some golden shoes.
703
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:08,495
Gold shoes.
704
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,095
Well, just going to have a look
705
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:11,535
for some gold shoes quickly.
706
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:12,855
OK.
707
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:17,695
I found one. Oh, well done.
708
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:19,975
Yeah. That didn't take long.
709
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:21,895
That pineapple is calling to me.
710
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:27,935
SHE CACKLES
711
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,455
LAUGHTER
It's a golden shoe!
712
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,215
Is there another one?
713
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:33,655
They normally come in pairs.
714
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,295
They do, normally.
715
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,615
There's no gold shoe
in here, is there?
716
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:40,535
Well, where's the other golden shoe?
717
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,535
Found the golden spray.
718
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:44,415
They lent me a kicking shoe.
719
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,175
I'm going to gold spray it.
720
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:47,535
Yeah.
721
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:50,255
LAUGHTER
722
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,655
No! No!
LAUGHTER
723
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:54,015
What's wrong?
724
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:55,615
Why would they do that?!
725
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,895
LAUGHTER
726
00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:59,655
I only have one.
727
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,135
So, what's the plan?
728
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:02,455
Go on one foot.
729
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,255
Can you do that? Yeah.
730
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,415
I think I can.
731
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:12,455
They're so golden.
732
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:14,055
That's more like it.
733
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,815
Golden shoes!
734
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,575
OK.
LAUGHTER
735
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,535
How does it feel? Scary.
736
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,295
Yep.
737
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:35,055
I'm allowed on the grass
in my golden shoes.
738
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:39,415
Kicking the ball
with my golden shoes.
739
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:40,775
Oh, bloody hell!
740
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,295
I've stopped the clock.
741
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:48,615
Come on! Come on! Yeah.
742
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:50,335
I've stopped the clock.
743
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,735
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
744
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,135
I think if you ever decide
you want to do pantomime,
745
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,055
that would serve as
a very good audition tape,
746
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,375
because you were literally
cackling like a lunatic.
747
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:06,615
LAUGHTER
748
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,935
I'm not very good
with children en mass.
749
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,335
LAUGHTER
750
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:13,615
Why didn't you pick up
the ball at any point?
751
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,175
LAUGHTER
752
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,775
Why would you say that now?!
LAUGHTER
753
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:24,375
You both did really well.
754
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,455
Uh, Jenny bashed the bell
in three minutes 40.
755
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:28,655
Three minutes 40.
756
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:30,655
If you'd got the right paint
first time around,
757
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,015
you would have beaten Mae,
who got two minutes 57.
758
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,615
So, you both did extremely well.
759
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,575
Good start. Well done.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
760
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:37,735
Good start.
761
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,495
Two big bell bangers now.
762
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,455
It's Kiell and Frankie.
763
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,055
LAUGHTER
764
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:53,295
AUDIENCE: Aw!
765
00:33:58,120 --> 00:33:59,335
LAUGHTER
766
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,175
HE WHISTLES CHEERFULLY
767
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,135
I should try to hit it
before I do this, shouldn't I?
768
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:11,175
Oh!
769
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,455
May I have your shoes?
770
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:14,655
You want my shoes?
771
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:16,015
Yeah.
772
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,575
Alex will give you his shoes
if you do one of the following -
773
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,575
deposit £100 in his bank account,
774
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:29,935
give him a perfect dippy
boiled egg with buttered soldiers
775
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:31,815
and a glass of milk,
776
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:33,215
physically remove them.
777
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:37,615
How's it going, Frankie?
778
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:41,375
Well, I took an assessment
of my bowling ability,
779
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,495
and I thought, "Time
to make me some gold shoes."
780
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,175
LAUGHTER
781
00:34:58,240 --> 00:34:59,895
You know, it's not terrible.
782
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,175
HE PANTS
783
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:12,935
HE SIGHS
784
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,455
AUDIENCE: Oh!
785
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:24,775
Come on!
786
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:27,655
Argh!
AUDIENCE EXCLAIM
787
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:32,735
APPLAUSE
788
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,095
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
789
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,455
You bashed the bell. Yeah!
790
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,055
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
791
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:49,135
What was your...plan when
you were rolling up the green?
792
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:53,695
You were sort of pawing at Alex
like a cartoon cat in a...
793
00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:56,295
I thought I could wrestle him
to the ground and take his shoes.
794
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,735
LAUGHTER
795
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,255
I didn't expect to see Frankie Boyle
796
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,815
creeping across a green
with two swing-ball bats.
797
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:05,055
LAUGHTER
798
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,375
Swing-ball bats
or golden snow shoes?
799
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,455
LAUGHTER
800
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:13,015
Yellow. Yellow.
We all know it's not gold.
801
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:14,855
It's yellow. Yellow.
802
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:16,615
Well, what is gold?
803
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:20,135
"Gold is a deep lustrous yellow
or yellow-brown colour.”
804
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,535
That was neither.
805
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,455
Only the fastest and the slowest
get the points here,
806
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,055
and it's interesting.
807
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:29,495
Mae, of course, two minutes 57.
Jenny, three minutes 40.
808
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,015
That's not relevant now, Jenny,
809
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,295
because Frankie,
six minutes 50 is the slowest,
810
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,815
Kiell, three minutes 45,
so also not relevant.
811
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:38,815
Oh! Frankie one end, Mae the other,
812
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,415
if we allow the gorgeous
golden shoes on Frankie's feet.
813
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:42,615
LAUGHTER
814
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,615
We'll carry on the gold/yellow
debate after the break.
815
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,455
Right. Nearly there.
Only one part to go.
816
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:50,535
A task to be finished,
the studio task, and then a winner -
817
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,535
a winner of nanny's dental pod.
LAUGHTER
818
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,135
That's Taskmaster.
819
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,855
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
820
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:04,695
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
821
00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:06,695
Hello!
822
00:37:06,720 --> 00:37:09,175
Welcome back to the last part
of tonight's show.
823
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:10,695
Forgive me if I'm wrong, Alex,
824
00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:13,895
but isn't there still a big bell
to be bashed will a bowling ball?
825
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:15,695
Ooh, bang-on, big boy.
LAUGHTER
826
00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:20,255
But they can't walk on the grass
unless they're wearing golden shoes.
827
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:24,615
We've isolated one player...
or should I say Ivo-lated?
828
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,255
It's Mr Graham again. Here we go.
829
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:31,055
What if it doesn't come back?
830
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:32,135
LAUGHTER
831
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,935
You can't live your life like that.
832
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:35,335
LAUGHTER
833
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:39,975
AUDIENCE: Oh!
834
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:44,895
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
835
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,015
What now, Ivo?
836
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:49,975
I've got to leave
the complex, really.
837
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,375
No, I've got to get the gold shoes.
Ah, OK.
838
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,135
Can I wear those gold shoes?
839
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,135
Thank you very much. Pleasure.
840
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,815
"Alex will give you his shoes
if you do one of the following -
841
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,255
"deposit £100 in his bank account,
842
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,695
"give him a perfect dippy boiled egg
843
00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:06,015
"with buttered soldiers
and a glass of milk,
844
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:07,415
"physically remove them."
845
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:13,615
LAUGHTER
846
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,335
Yes, the egg isn't
totally submerged.
847
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:20,575
LAUGHTER
848
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,055
He's not got long. Seven minutes.
849
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,855
Oh, this is disgusting.
850
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:30,495
What I'm doing is disgusting.
851
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:32,215
LAUGHTER
852
00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:36,975
Good...for an omelette.
It's cost another four minutes.
853
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,815
The stench of failure hangs
over this task.
854
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,095
Failure and egg.
855
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:45,455
Two minutes left.
856
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,215
Another big moment now.
857
00:38:47,240 --> 00:38:50,095
Yes, beautiful.
858
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,375
Ivo.
859
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:52,615
Hello, Alex.
860
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:55,935
Oh, lovely.
861
00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:58,775
LAUGHTER
862
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,855
30 seconds.
I've lured you with a bad egg.
863
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:04,735
LAUGHTER
864
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:10,415
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
865
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:18,855
That was my milk.
866
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:20,815
It's my milk now.
LAUGHTER
867
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:23,175
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
868
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,975
Was that always your plan, just
to attack him when he came near?
869
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,895
My... I didn't really have a plan.
870
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,255
I did want to commit
some sort of physical assault,
871
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:36,215
but I was also seduced
by the romance of trying
872
00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:37,935
to cook the perfect dippy egg.
LAUGHTER
873
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,535
It did take him
about 17 minutes to boil an eqg,
874
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:41,735
but that's in your favour,
875
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,615
cos if you're the last person,
you get four points. Slowest. Yeah.
876
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,175
And you did complete
the task with 16 seconds to go.
877
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,695
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
878
00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:51,975
Pretty neat stuff, actually.
LAUGHTER
879
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,255
Well, then.
880
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:54,975
Well, then. Well, then.
881
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:58,815
So, it looks like Mae gets
the five and Ivo gets the four.
882
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,375
Right. But it is worth doing
one last check.
883
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,175
Remember,
if anything touches the grass
884
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,695
other than golden shoes,
you're disqualified.
885
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:10,735
"Your time starts now."
886
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:17,095
Can I have a look in the bath?
887
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,415
Well, you're not allowed
to stand on the grass.
888
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:22,735
AUDIENCE: Oh!
889
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,415
Don't step on the...
890
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:26,815
Ah!
891
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:28,135
What's happened?
892
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:29,335
Nothing.
893
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:30,815
LAUGHTER
894
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:31,935
Don't go on the grass!
895
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:33,095
Ah!
896
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:34,655
LAUGHTER
897
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:36,095
SHE LAUGHS
898
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:37,535
So close.
899
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,815
So close. So close.
900
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:42,975
HE LAUGHS
901
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,575
Ivo, you also put
the podium on the grass.
902
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:49,015
Please don't take my four points
903
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,455
with three other people
getting zero away from me.
904
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:52,815
LAUGHTER
905
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,895
The only things that went on
the grass that were golden
906
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,215
were the shoe over here...
907
00:40:58,240 --> 00:41:00,815
...and the shoes over here.
LAUGHTER
908
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:04,815
I...I'm really throwing myself fully
behind "yellow isn't gold" now.
909
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:07,455
LAUGHTER
910
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,055
What I would say is that
if we disqualified Frankie,
911
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,015
then Mae is then both the fastest
and the slowest
912
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:13,615
and will get nine points.
913
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,415
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
914
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:17,735
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
915
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,215
Frankie, I loved your gold shoes.
LAUGHTER
916
00:41:20,240 --> 00:41:21,495
Beautiful.
917
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,535
So, everyone's perfectly happy
with the golden bats now, I presume?
918
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:26,855
Yeah, I love 'em. Love them.
I'm not.
919
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:28,175
LAUGHTER
920
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,495
Sorry, Mae. I'm going to allow it.
OK. There you go.
921
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:31,495
Congratulations.
922
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,375
Frankie, you get four points.
Mae Martin, another five points.
923
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:35,735
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
924
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:39,575
Let's have a look at the scores.
925
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,135
Mae's on 16 and Frankie's on 15.
926
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:42,215
Hey!
927
00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:43,455
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
928
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:48,175
Well, will you please make
your way to the stage
929
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,015
for the final task of the show?!
930
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:51,855
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
931
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,295
Who's going to read the task out,
Alex?
932
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,615
Ivo Graham is going
to read the task out.
933
00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:06,615
"Walk around the chairs
listening to Greg's story.
934
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:11,375
"Then sit on a chair when you hear
a word containing two letter Ls."
935
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:12,495
KIELL EXHALES SHARPLY
936
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,495
“If you stop walking or touch
a chair incorrectly,
937
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:17,815
"you are disqualified.
938
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,295
"If you fail to sit on a chair
when you hear a word
939
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:23,855
"containing two letter Ls,
you are disqualified.
940
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:25,775
"Best listener wins."
941
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,135
So, it's basically going
to be like musical chairs,
942
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:29,375
but instead of music,
943
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,255
it's going to be Greg
reading a story to you.
944
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:32,455
There are four stories,
945
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,175
and each story will have
a different rule.
946
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,815
So, it's two Ls in the first story.
947
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:37,135
Aw, man.
948
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:38,495
LAUGHTER
949
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,895
Please read the first story
and walk when he talks.
950
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:44,735
"The sun was setting.
951
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,455
"The light was magical
952
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:51,175
"and the water lapped
at the shore of the lake.
953
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:53,135
"'Right,' said Greg.
954
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:56,375
"'Get your clothes off.
You're going in.'
955
00:42:56,400 --> 00:43:00,935
"'I don't want to,' said the
scrawny, sausage-shaped man.
956
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:04,415
"I need you to retrieve
the stone I just threw in,'
957
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:06,735
"whispered Greg, noisily.
958
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:10,655
“It's one of my favourite stones,
I think.'
959
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,575
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
960
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:14,295
"And so..."
961
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:15,855
LAUGHTER
962
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:17,895
" little Alex Horne.
963
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:19,175
Oh!
964
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:22,215
LAUGHTER
965
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,695
You did that very badly.
Very, very badly.
966
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:36,215
LAUGHTER
967
00:43:36,240 --> 00:43:39,415
Kiell first struck a chair,
so was pretty much disqualified,
968
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:41,415
and then just walked over to me.
LAUGHTER
969
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:43,775
Greg, what's the rule
for the next story?
970
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,575
The next story, you should sit down
when you hear a word
971
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:48,095
with a U in it.
972
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:50,575
Off we go. Story two.
973
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:54,455
“In the morning,
I like to have a pot of coffee
974
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:57,775
"and a slice of cake.
975
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:02,215
“Little Alex Horne brings them in
when I ring my little bell.
976
00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:07,975
"I let him wear his yellow cape
if he is a very lucky boy."
977
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,175
AUDIENCE: Oh!
978
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:13,575
LAUGHTER
979
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:19,815
Frankie Boyle
shoulder-barging Jenny Eclair.
980
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:21,695
LAUGHTER
981
00:44:21,720 --> 00:44:23,215
Are you OK, Jenny?
982
00:44:23,240 --> 00:44:25,135
I can't believe that happened.
983
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:26,735
Can we remove a chair?
984
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:28,295
Yeah, fuck this.
985
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:29,935
LAUGHTER
986
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,335
This time, you should sit down
987
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:35,895
when you hear a word
that starts and ends
988
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:37,295
with the same letter.
989
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,655
"These are the closing rules
990
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:43,495
"the Taskmaster expects
those around him to adhere to
991
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,215
"at all times.
992
00:44:45,240 --> 00:44:47,815
"One, the shirt should be tucked in
993
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:49,135
“really tucked in.
994
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:52,095
"Right in! Two..."
995
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,095
LAUGHTER
996
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:55,935
I mean, Ivo was following,
997
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,455
but there was no words there
that started and ended
998
00:44:58,480 --> 00:44:59,655
with the same letter.
999
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:00,815
We've lost Frankie Boyle.
1000
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,855
Frankie, you've lost it.
APPLAUSE
1001
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:06,695
As soon as the Boyle bottom went,
mine was swiftly following.
1002
00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:08,975
LAUGHTER
1003
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,055
This is the final, Greg.
1004
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:12,855
Right, this time,
you should sit down
1005
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:15,135
when you hear a six-letter word.
1006
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:16,895
Are you ready? Yeah. OK.
1007
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:20,215
"I don't remember much
about that fateful night.
1008
00:45:20,240 --> 00:45:21,775
"It was cold.
1009
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:23,535
"The moon was full, I know that.
1010
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:25,215
"I'm not an idiot.
1011
00:45:25,240 --> 00:45:28,015
"And I can't be held responsible
for the terrible accident
1012
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,895
"that happened to little
Alex Horne."
1013
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:32,695
AUDIENCE: Oh!
1014
00:45:32,720 --> 00:45:34,775
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1015
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:37,055
We have a winner.
"Little" has got six letters.
1016
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:42,335
Do you want to come down here
1017
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:44,655
and we'll see how
that's affected the final scores?
1018
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:46,055
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1019
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:49,455
LAUGHTER
1020
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,175
Ah! Very good.
1021
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:55,055
Well, that was exciting, I thought.
1022
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,655
Yes. Kiell was the worst listener.
1023
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:00,015
But the best was Mae Martin,
with five points,
1024
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:03,095
and that does mean this episode
has been won by Mae Martin!
1025
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,015
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1026
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,695
Again! 21 points.
1027
00:46:07,720 --> 00:46:10,015
There we go.
1028
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:14,695
Mae Martin wins.
1029
00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:17,735
Please go and bag your
bathroom bootie.
1030
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:19,975
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1031
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:23,135
What have we learned today?
1032
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,615
If you ever find yourself
lying in bed alone
1033
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:28,015
and you get a pleasant feeling
that you maybe haven't felt
1034
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:29,935
for a long time, relax.
1035
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:31,295
It's good news.
1036
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:32,775
Salvatore lived,
1037
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,095
and you're about
to get your body rocked.
1038
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:36,775
LAUGHTER
1039
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:39,495
Please clap once again
for the winner of tonight's show.
1040
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:40,895
It's Mae Martin!
1041
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:42,735
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1042
00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:07,215
Subtitles by Red Bee Media