1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:04,120 Brace! Brace! I'm bracing. 2 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:10,800 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,040 No, no, no! 4 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:20,240 No! 5 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:24,560 Agh! 6 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,520 Hello! 7 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,600 Whoo! Yes! 8 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,480 Welcome to Taskmaster with me, 9 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,040 your taskmaster Greg Davies. 10 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,000 Oh, you can feel it, can't you? 11 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,240 That end-of-series atmosphere. 12 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,560 Things are getting tense as we go into this penultimate episode 13 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:54,240 with several of our competitors jostling for the coveted top spot 14 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,920 that will lead them into the Taskmaster history books. 15 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,520 Also, Ivo Graham is here. 16 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,920 It's at testing times like this that our competitors might look 17 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,680 to the wisdom of those that have trodden life's rocky path before. 18 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:11,160 I remember only too well the wisdom my own grandmother 19 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,800 gave me the day before a big swimming contest. 20 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,520 I wrote it down immediately, 21 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:19,520 and I hope it will inspire our brave competitors tonight. She said, 22 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,880 "I can't feel my legs. 23 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:23,400 "Don't just stand there, boy. 24 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,720 "Call someone. Do something." 25 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,080 Worth thinking about, isn't it? 26 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:34,360 Please shout hello with your hands to Frankie Boyle... 27 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,440 Ivo Graham! 28 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,120 Jenny Eclair! 29 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,400 Kiell Smith-Bynoe! 30 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,160 And Mae Martin! 31 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:51,880 And next to me, a man who drunkenly confessed that, until the age of 14, 32 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,800 he thought that his penis was an 11th finger 33 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,120 to be used for putting stamps onto letters. 34 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,560 It's little Alex Horne! 35 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,760 I used to send a lot of letters as a child. 36 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,720 I'll bet you did! 37 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,000 May I ask for a prize task, please? 38 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,200 You may indeed, you mighty steed. 39 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,680 This time, they've all brought in what they believe 40 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,400 to be the sneakiest thing. 41 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:21,000 Greg will hand over five points to the thing he thinks is sneakiest, 42 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,240 and then the sneaky winner of the show will sneak home 43 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:24,920 with five sneaky things. 44 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,720 Hello, Jenny Eclair. Hello, Greg. Hello, Alex. 45 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,240 What sneaky thing have you snuck in? 46 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,880 To represent sneakiness, I have bought in a mask. 47 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:36,120 Well, this is the mask that Jenny has brought in. 48 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:37,840 Oh-oh. Yeah. 49 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:45,840 I mean, honestly, how you're going to sell this to me as sneaky 50 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,680 is a mystery to me. 51 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,440 What's behind the mask? 52 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,280 It's her own book. Yeah. 53 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,080 This came out and it didn't really get the publicity 54 00:02:58,120 --> 00:02:59,640 I felt it deserved. 55 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,120 So I thought if I could sneak it on a programme... 56 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:06,680 ..and they'll all buy it! 57 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,320 Jenny, I take it all back. 58 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,840 You are one sneaky snake. 59 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,520 Hey, Frankie, what have you brought in? I've brought in a book. 60 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:20,440 It's a children's book called Orlando The Marmalade Cat. 61 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,000 Here it is. It has a virtue 62 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,240 in that it would send my children, when they were little, 63 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,000 straight to sleep. 64 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,800 But what I found was they were quite resistant 65 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,320 to Orlando, the marmalade cat, being brought out. 66 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,800 They learned that it was essentially chloroform. 67 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:44,480 And thus, I got an artist friend to knock up a fake cover, 68 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:45,960 which was this... 69 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:57,000 And what I would do is I'd start to improvise some of Harry Potter 70 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,360 in The Kung Fu Death Cult, 71 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,080 and then I would gradually go into the soothing rhythms 72 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,240 of Orlando's Seaside Holiday. 73 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:08,280 Lovely work. Oh, God. Yeah. So far... Unusually good. 74 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:10,200 ..those are both great prizes. 75 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,320 Oh-oh, Ivo. 76 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,720 Oh, dear. I've got some great news for you. 77 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:19,040 It's another book, and it's the sneakiest book of them all. 78 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,240 It's the English dictionary. 79 00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:23,640 Here it is. Sneaky. 80 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,760 What a fickle mistress our language is. 81 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,720 What I'm interested in, Ivo, and I suspect you know this, 82 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,200 is how you define that book as sneaky. 83 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,440 Well, let's open it up and find out. 84 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,800 Oh, my goodness! 85 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,280 It's not a book. It's a box. 86 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,120 What's in the book? 87 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,560 Because I know that you're missing the dictionary, Greg. 88 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,320 So, just for you, I've chucked in... 89 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:51,800 Here we go. 90 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:54,800 ..the smallest dictionary in the world. 91 00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:59,320 Are you excited to have Pearson's Miniature Dictionary in your pocket? 92 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,120 Oh, God! I wouldn't say I'm in any way excited. 93 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:06,960 Hello, Mae! Hi. Can you beat a sneaky dictionary? 94 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,720 I hope so, yeah. 95 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:13,920 Yes, I think that the sneakiest thing is a knock-knock joke. 96 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,080 This is what Mae's brought in. 97 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:17,160 OK, so... 98 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,920 What if you didn't realise 99 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,520 but you already know the answer to the knock-knock joke? 100 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:28,000 Because part of it is currently in one of your breast pockets. 101 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,280 Have a look, Greg. Oh, dear. 102 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,600 It says "Mae". That's not the full answer. 103 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,160 What if, without knowing it, 104 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,840 Kiell also had part of the answer on his person? 105 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,080 Look in your pocket, Kiell. 106 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,840 Other one! 107 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,200 This one. 108 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,800 "Pinhead". 109 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,440 That's my nickname. 110 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:57,040 Ivo, have a look in your pocket as well. I get to be part of it! 111 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,440 Oh, I've got it. 112 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,320 OK? Martin. 113 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:07,640 So why Martin's there... Mae, Pinhead, Martin. 114 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,440 I didn't think hard about the joke itself. 115 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,840 It was more about, like, the delivery of the joke. 116 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,160 That was sneaky. 117 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,960 I also got Alex's wife to mail me two of his socks. 118 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,040 Double sneak! 119 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,720 That's very weird. 120 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,760 Kiell, the heat is on. 121 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,880 It is, isn't it? Yeah. 122 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,440 There's been a lot of literature, all written, 123 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,760 and they couldn't be written without this. 124 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,360 It's a pen. Do you recognise that pen? 125 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,680 I do not. 126 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,640 Do you recognise this? 127 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,040 Oh, yes. 128 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,960 Yeah, I signed that. You signed this? Yeah. 129 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:54,080 They told me that Tseikna had passed a test of some kind! Yeah. 130 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,720 Oh, that is good. 131 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:03,520 But that's not all. 132 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,400 Because when you signed this, you said... 133 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:12,880 Who's this character? Well done for your five points. 134 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,520 Yeah. 135 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,840 And that was recorded on that pen. 136 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,640 It's a spy pen. 137 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:24,080 God! All I'm thinking was, how long was it in the room? 138 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,000 But that's not all! 139 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,640 Because the name Tseikna Ensgith is an anagram 140 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,800 of "sneakiest thing". 141 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,360 Wow. 142 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,360 Wow! 143 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,920 This is impossible to judge. 144 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,560 And yet... 145 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,800 Ivo's is the best. We can agree on that, can't we? 146 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,320 Yes. 147 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:53,600 I think we should give him two points. OK. OK. 148 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,960 I can't differentiate between Mae, Jenny and Frankie 149 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,320 is the truth of it. So how many points for that? 150 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,440 I'm going to give them four points. 151 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:10,440 And anyone who does a three-tier sneak on me deserves the five. 152 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,880 There we go. Five points to Kiell! 153 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:15,760 Good stuff. 154 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,160 Please can we watch a nice little film, Alex? 155 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,240 Oh, go on, then, you big brute. 156 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,760 This is a nice, messy team one. 157 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,360 Hello. 158 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,520 Hello, team. Hi. Hello. 159 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,600 There are three spots. 160 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,440 You must each go to a spot, please. 161 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,560 Speedy of me. 162 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,920 I wanted to read the task. 163 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,640 I don't mind who goes where. 164 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,600 And how did you make that decision? 165 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,760 Frank started walking. It was too late. 166 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:02,400 Make these things the same colour as those things. 167 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,800 People on bottles must stay on their spots at all times. 168 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,440 You may perform ten bottle stamps... 169 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,680 ..and two bottles squeezes. 170 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,920 Best colour matches wins. 171 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,520 You have ten minutes. 172 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:18,720 Your time starts now. 173 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,880 What are we allowed to move? 174 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,520 I have this. 175 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,320 The easel's allowed to move. 176 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,800 Frisbee me the easel, old chap. 177 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,720 OK. This is quite key. 178 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,120 OK. 179 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,200 So you're aiming for this. 180 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,400 I'm really glad I didn't go over there. Yeah. 181 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,360 Well, it's...it's quite the sentence, 182 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,120 "Frisbee me the easel, old chap." 183 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,920 It's a palette. It's a palette. 184 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,000 If that's the worst thing about this task, I'm happy. 185 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:04,320 Just to be clear, the plan is to load it up with paint 186 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,200 and then to throw it back. 187 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:09,400 That is the plan. 188 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,040 We've got that carnage to look forward to, then. 189 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:16,120 Shall we crack on? OK. Well, here are the three-ers. 190 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,360 I can see the aubergine, potato at the back. And then mango's easy. 191 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,840 Red and green. Well, shall we not start with the potato? 192 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,800 We should start with the potato. OK. Cos that is white and yellow. 193 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,880 White and yellow. OK, Jenny, why don't you try the yellow first? 194 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,440 OK. How many minutes have we got for this? You've got eight left. 195 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,320 Oh, God, no. Go, go, go! OK. 196 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:43,760 That's white! 197 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,760 Oh, no, they have the wrong colour. 198 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,600 OK, they've screwed us over. You wanted some white. 199 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,600 You did want some white. That's rude. OK, there's blue in this. 200 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,520 This is yellow. OK, do yellow, Kiell. 201 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:55,360 Yellow. OK. You ready? Are you doing your stamp? Yeah. 202 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,080 Fucking brilliant. 203 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,440 OK, three, two, one. 204 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,440 Nice one. Nice one. You've got enough on the palate. 205 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,640 Great. That's potato. You're doing beautifully. 206 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,400 What's the middle one? It's mango. Which is red and green. 207 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,000 Red and green. This is black, I think. 208 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,000 Let's just get another colour going. 209 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,960 If I give you some blue, then you can make some green. Great. 210 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,960 I'm hoping this is blue. 211 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,160 Ready? 212 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,680 So sorry. 213 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,520 We've only got one squeeze left. This is it. 214 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:42,920 Yes. Great. 215 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,400 OK. All right, red's coming. 216 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,920 Some red coming. 217 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,720 That's it. 218 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,000 Yeah. That's enough red for the mango. 219 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,400 Right. You've got one and a half minutes. 220 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:53,800 I need, like, black. 221 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,160 Black coming to you? Yeah. 222 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,680 We've got, like, 30 seconds. 223 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,080 You ready for this? 224 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,720 It's coming. It's there. 225 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,960 Why am I so shit at this? 226 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,760 Oh, shit. We got some yellow on the mango. 227 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,160 Well done, Mae. 228 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,840 Sometimes in Taskmaster, I find that you hear lines 229 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,480 that belong somewhere else. 230 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,960 And Jenny did a line that belonged in an action thriller film 231 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,120 when she realised it was the wrong colour and went, 232 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,480 "Huh! They screwed us over!" 233 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,800 Overall, I thought teamwork was genuinely touching. 234 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,320 It was good. Mae at one point said, 235 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,120 "Guys, we need to think about the potato." 236 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,400 That's the end of part one. 237 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,880 If you have a child under ten, you've just got time to go 238 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,120 and wake them up and say you've had a bad dream before screaming, 239 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,920 "There! How do you like it? 240 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:59,200 "Good luck concentrating at school tomorrow! 241 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,160 "PS, I've wet myself." 242 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:12,600 Hello! 243 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,880 No, it can't be. It is. 244 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,240 It's the start of part two, 245 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,080 and the current team task involves matching colours with paints 246 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,240 and vegetables and fruits and things like that. 247 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,800 They're trying to match the colours of an aubergine, a potato 248 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,320 and a mango by mixing paints, 249 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,720 only the paints have to travel to the painter first. 250 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,160 Just the team of two to go. Let's see how they got on. 251 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,040 Frankie? Yes? 252 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:38,280 Are you sure there's nothing we're...like...? 253 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,960 No. 254 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,680 Ooh! 255 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,360 Paint them white! 256 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:46,880 It says the same colours. 257 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,200 Do you really think if we paint those white, 258 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,080 that will be not a colour? Have you see the show? 259 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,000 It's a show about pedantry. 260 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,800 So you could just put two colours on there. 261 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,840 We'll paint that and those. Brilliant. 262 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,280 A compromise between our two methods. Right. 263 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,200 So one long squeeze of yellow. 264 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:06,920 One squeeze of red. 265 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,360 It's white. 266 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,040 That's one squeeze. 267 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:12,560 It's white. 268 00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:14,960 Duh... 269 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,680 That's... 270 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,640 It's the same absence of colour. 271 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,560 Well, you're stamping now. Stamp me a couple of colours. 272 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,240 But that's... Not white. It's not colour. 273 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,160 That's one stamp. 274 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,920 We need a lot more. Just stamp right on it. 275 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,440 Stamp on it. 276 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,720 That's an absence of a colour as well. 277 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:44,880 No, don't do that. We can use the blue. 278 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,640 Yeah. So I'm starting again on this side. 279 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:50,840 Right. 280 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,680 You happy with that? 281 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,200 I'm pretty happy. 282 00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:59,880 Right, wing it to me, baby. 283 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:03,040 Don't mess this because I can't get off this thing. 284 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,200 I think I'm near the end of my stamps. 285 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,480 You've got two left. Ah, OK. 286 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,360 Where was the mask when I was stamping into my own face? 287 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,520 Just leap. Leap with your heels. 288 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:24,800 Leap? 289 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,560 You've still got one more stamp. 290 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,400 Just do it better. 291 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,120 I don't think that helped. 292 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,560 That's the end of your time. 293 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,360 So, you probably wouldn't describe yourself as a natural stamper? 294 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,480 No. I thought you got better at it. 295 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,800 I thought that you learnt the art of stamping during this task. 296 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,880 Can I just say, I think his stamp improved after I said, 297 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,760 "Pretend it's your father." 298 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,560 The task was just make these things the same colour as those things. 299 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,760 So to make them all the same colour is very clever... 300 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,120 Very clever. ..if they could pull it off. Yeah. 301 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,240 Shall we have a look at them, then? I cannot wait. OK. 302 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,120 So the team of three tried to make the white items 303 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,200 look like the original items, and that's what they did. 304 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:33,880 That is so good. 305 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,360 This is the team of 2's attempt. 306 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,080 Oh! Oh... 307 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,200 But again, both quite good. 308 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,720 Really good. 309 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,280 Smaller team, wetter conditions. 310 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,400 Better outside-the-box thinking. 311 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,840 Give us some fucking points. 312 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,040 Didn't Ivo come off his circle? 313 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,760 Didn't Jenny take more than two squeezes? 314 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,520 I don't think so. 315 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,000 Yeah, there were one too many squeezes. 316 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,000 And Ivo did step off the spot. 317 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,040 Right, so I could disqualify them both 318 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,120 and there'll be no points all round. 319 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,920 Or because there was a mistake on both teams, we can overlook it. 320 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,080 I'm happy that they cancel each other out. 321 00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:25,080 I think that's fair enough. 322 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,720 It's not up to me. 323 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:29,800 That's right, Jenny. 324 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,200 That's right. 325 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,040 Five points to everyone. 326 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,560 They all win! 327 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,560 I've got the scores for you. It's so exciting. 328 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,400 Ivo's on 7, and then three people on 9, and Kiell on 10 points. 329 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,920 Ooh! 330 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,680 Ooh! Ooh! 331 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,800 OK. What have we got next? 332 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,280 Well, we've got another team task. 333 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,600 Not really, no. It's prize task time. 334 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,480 No, it isn't. Twice there, I was having a big laugh 335 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,760 about what's next in the show. 336 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:08,400 But it's actually time for us all to learn some valuable lessons. 337 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,080 Who's that? 338 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,680 It's me. 339 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,440 Oh, two envelopes. Mm-hm. 340 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,000 A little theatre, perhaps. 341 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,560 Markers. Chalks. Felt tips. 342 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,680 Oh, a sudden rush of blood to my groin at the sight of those. 343 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,040 Lovely. 344 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,320 Shall I read them both? No. 345 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,360 Oh, just pick one? No. 346 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,160 No. 347 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,160 Which one do you want to read? 348 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,440 That one. Correct. Yeah. 349 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:47,200 Put three single-digit numbers in the slots, 350 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:51,000 then open the second task. 351 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,360 A two going in there. Lovely, mm-hm. 352 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,240 Can I read this? Mm-hm. OK. 353 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:03,480 Deliver a one-minute lecture about the year you selected. 354 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,560 Hmm. 355 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:09,520 Your lecture must start in 15 minutes from now. 356 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,200 Most informative lecture wins. 357 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,560 You may not leave the lab. 358 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:19,120 Ivo, you selected the year...1125. 359 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,000 1123. 360 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,640 Oh, it's the year 1500. 361 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,560 Of course there was a one in front of it! 362 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,880 Shit! 363 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,240 Fuck! Why did I do that? 364 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,800 1417 - what was going on then? 365 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:34,880 Presumably Hastings is recovering from a big war. 366 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,400 It's 500 years after the Battle of Hastings. 367 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:40,280 Ish! 368 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,240 Oh, God. Oh, now I'm going into foetal position now 369 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,800 because this is so awful. 1642. 370 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,880 It's not...Pangea? 371 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,520 Pardon? You know, when all the Earth was just one chunk. 372 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,720 Oh, I see. Right. Yeah. No, no, no. No. 373 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,480 You've written "germs". 374 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,800 Yeah. I'm trying to write down a list of things 375 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,760 that people didn't know in 1417. 376 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,920 Right. 377 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,840 So... 378 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,720 Witches. When were witches? 379 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,080 I just need to go to the loo. Can I just go to the loo? 380 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,320 Not allowed to go to the loo. Can't I go to the loo? 381 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:14,960 I've started a period. 382 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,520 I've started a period, Alex. 383 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:20,280 Jesus died...we think ground zero. 384 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,920 Was Huw Edwards about then? 385 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,400 The Sword in the stone. Excalibur! Merlin. 386 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,720 It seems to me at this stage that the only historical event 387 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,400 that anyone here is aware of is 1066. 388 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,600 Can I just point out that Ivo and I have a really similar year? 389 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,560 And Ivo went to Eton, and I spent high school on acid. 390 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,000 I didn't go to high school! 391 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,680 Odd to look at our two outfits and think that you're the acid one! 392 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,120 Yeah. 393 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:58,840 OK. First up to the lectern are Dr Graham and Doc Martin. 394 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,920 Your minute starts on the whistle. 395 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,280 1123. The year is not 1124 or 1122. 396 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,120 Rome has fallen. 397 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:09,480 "This is medieval!" 398 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,280 Something you could shout at literally any point in 1125. 399 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,080 Who? William I, the Conqueror - dead. 400 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,520 But his son or relative, William II, 401 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,240 William Rufus, I think is king. 402 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,640 Christianity sweeps Europe. 403 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,400 We're talking monotheism, baby. 404 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,120 When? 1145. What? fighting illness. 405 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:31,160 Why? Life hard. Death frequent. Tension constant. 406 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,520 We're very far from the Renaissance. 407 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,400 Monks - some are bald. 408 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,360 The UK... I didn't include Ireland 409 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,360 because I was mainly focused on this. I'm sorry. 410 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,120 The main threat was from France. Constant threat. 411 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:47,560 1123 - numerically - 1 + 1 + 2 + 3 = 7. 412 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,560 Seventh letter the alphabet - G. 413 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,600 G - God, aka, what I said before, 414 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,960 Christianity sweeping Europe 415 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,040 because Rome has fallen. 416 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:02,040 I've also done on my own family tree to put myself into the story. 417 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,560 I'm one of three. 418 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,920 My parents. Ran slightly out of time. 419 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,080 Oh, no, I'm inbred. 420 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,800 There's some stuff in there. 421 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:13,400 Yeah, there's some stuff in there. 422 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,360 I wonder if any of it's true. 423 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,960 Thanks for having me again. Thanks, Ivo. 424 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,880 Well done. Well done. 425 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,920 When I was a kid, the BBC would play Open University films, 426 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:35,240 and it was always some eccentric professor sort of rabbiting on 427 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,480 about something that, as a child, you didn't understand, 428 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,880 and I was taken right back there, Ivo. Yes. 429 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:45,160 We had a historian called Dan Jones to verify your facts. 430 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,320 Right up to whether he's inbred? 431 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:51,000 You said that everyone could shout "medieval". 432 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,040 That was your opening gambit. Yeah. 433 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,760 Yes. 1125 was medieval, from our perspective. 434 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,560 But could you shout it in 1125? 435 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,040 No, because the concept is a product of the Reformation. 436 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,080 Oh, come on Dan Jones, give me a break! 437 00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:05,320 You will not speak over the historian's words. 438 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,120 Dan Jones is a piece of shit. 439 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,880 Can you get money back from Eton? 440 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,880 I didn't know you'd been on my dad's search history. 441 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:27,920 Mae did all right. 442 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:31,320 Monotheism was the name of the game everywhere. It was. 443 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:35,440 But that was the very broad point that Mae made. 444 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,320 Rome is dead, Christianity swept the world 445 00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:40,360 are the only two facts I ticked off. 446 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,760 And then you did some spurious maths equation. 447 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,800 I have a beautiful mind. 448 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:52,480 OK. Now to experts on the classic years 1417 and 1500. 449 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,320 It's Frankie and Kiell. 450 00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:01,200 Welcome to my lecture on Britain in 14...17! 451 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:06,080 1500...or so. 452 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,240 What do we know about Britain then? 453 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,640 We don't know who the king was. 454 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,040 All we know is that he was some sort of brutal English bastard. 455 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:13,720 Things they didn't know about then 456 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,160 include germs, atomic theory, radio waves, central heating, 457 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,480 the rapture and tobacco. 458 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,600 It was a good year for farmers. 459 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:25,240 Britain, as a concept, didn't fully exist yet 460 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,840 and we didn't have a sense of British identity. 461 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,000 Water... 462 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:34,200 ..wasn't invented in 1500s but used in the 1500s. 463 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,280 Yes! 464 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:40,680 That is what happened in 1417! 465 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,760 10 seconds left. Is that real? What? 466 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,400 That's like... Um... 1500 - 467 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,640 there was a lot going on, there was witches...they came later. 468 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,560 What they do have in the 1500s 469 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,680 that they still have now is, like, dogs and people and huts. 470 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,440 That's a minute. 471 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:57,640 Was that a real minute?! 472 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,360 I had so much prepared. 473 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:02,840 I think it was pretty informative. 474 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,440 Some of it was true. 475 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,240 Fine, Frankie. Thank you. 476 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:16,480 Yeah. Did Frankie tell us anything that happened in 1417? 477 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,960 I mean, the man forgot his year as he started. 478 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,520 Dan Jones might think differently. 479 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,160 Dan agrees there was no fully formed sense of British identity 480 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:29,920 at the time. Yep. 481 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,760 And Frankie's summary list of stuff we didn't know about in Britain 482 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,880 is largely correct. Largely correct! Yes. 483 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,800 Kiell, I think you're going to clean up on this. Yeah, same. 484 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,960 We don't even need to ask Dan whether there were dogs, 485 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,960 people and huts. 486 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:51,240 Let's zoom in on - water hadn't been invented yet, 487 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,200 but it was being used. 488 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,840 Dan says the water thing is unarguable. 489 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:59,000 I've never heard it put like that before, though. 490 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,120 OK, it's the end of part two. While we pause and reflect, 491 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,280 pour your partner another glass of wine. 492 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,280 The drunker you get them, the less chance they'll make it to bed, 493 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:14,400 and you can star-fish in a snore-free environment at last! 494 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,400 My God, that wedding day is a blip in your rear-view mirror, isn't it? 495 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:30,040 Hello again! It's part three of Taskmaster 496 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,240 and it's about time we continued our education. 497 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,560 There's only one person left to deliver their one-minute lesson. 498 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:41,240 One minute on the year 1642. 499 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,640 Here is Jenny's minute. 500 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,280 Hello. Hello. Hello, everybody. 501 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:51,040 It's a joy to be at the campus this afternoon to spend some time 502 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:58,080 with you all. So I'd like to begin the lecture today by writing 1642. 503 00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,840 Now, does anybody in the audience 504 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:07,440 know what the significance of this date 1642 is? 505 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,320 It's a time of turmoil. 506 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:13,360 It's a time of conflict, it's a time of weather 507 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,960 and it's a time of women 508 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,200 really not having the kind of underwear that we have today. 509 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,560 We have little pants, don't we? 510 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,840 And bras. I think men might have been wearing the codpiece, 511 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:30,000 but we're not concentrating on them at the moment. 512 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,960 You see, this is what they didn't have. 513 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,600 Women didn't have that. They didn't have the pill either. 514 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:36,480 And they didn't have Ryvita. 515 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:41,160 Quite often, you know, depending on your budget and stuff like that, 516 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,960 people liked to have swans in 1642. 517 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,720 That's a swan now. 518 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,520 But in 1642, they were slightly different. 519 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,000 They were more like that. 520 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,880 So, does anybody have any questions? 521 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:57,160 Was that a minute? Roughly, yeah. 522 00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,640 Do you want me to blow my whistle? Yes, please. 523 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:02,920 Thanks, Jenny. Thank you very much. Great work. 524 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,200 Five minutes, 29 seconds. 525 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,240 I tried to stop you, but it was not possible. 526 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:21,600 What did Dan have to say about Jenny's long, LONG lecture? 527 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,400 Well, Dan says, "I'm not an expert on women's underwear, 528 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,400 "but I did a quick google." 529 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,960 Yeah. She's about right on the women's underwear. 530 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,920 Codpiece - you're wrong. The heyday of the codpiece had finished 531 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,920 about 50 years previously. Oh, my God. 532 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,120 That's one of your only facts. 533 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,120 I can't speak to the history of Ryvita, 534 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:44,800 but Jenny's point does feel plausible. 535 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:46,960 Shall I give some points out? 536 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,200 I'm awarding points according to how many actual facts there were. 537 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,720 In Jenny's, there were two facts, 538 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,840 but you spoke for one week. 539 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,240 Kiell had minus one fact. 540 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,280 But because I enjoyed both your lectures, 541 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,280 despite them being clearly horse shit, 542 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:06,600 I'm going to give you two points each. Congratulations. 543 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,360 Two to Jenny, two to Kiell. 544 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,920 We think it Mae actually said one fact. Great. 545 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:17,880 Three points to Mae. OK? 546 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,320 Frankie had two facts. 547 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,280 So he gets four points! 548 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,080 Look how happy he is! 549 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,480 And at the top of the tree, 550 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:33,880 it's Professor Graham with five sweet points. 551 00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,800 Well done, Ivo Graham. 552 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,080 OK, task me rotten, Alex. 553 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:44,400 Ooh. I will. Right now, 554 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,760 get ready for some serious perforation, Greg. 555 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,040 Hi, Frankie. Wotcher. 556 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,400 There's quite a lot of bird shit. 557 00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,440 Hello. All right? 558 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,000 OK. 559 00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:13,040 Make exactly 99 holes in this piece of paper. 560 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:18,040 Your holes must have a...diameter of at least three millimetres. 561 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:22,000 And form a recognisable picture or pattern. 562 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:26,400 If you make more or fewer than 99 holes, you are disqualified. 563 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:27,600 Hmm. 564 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:31,680 Also, if you look at Alex or speak to Alex at any point, 565 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,360 you are disqualified. 566 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:34,800 Fastest wins. 567 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,720 Your time starts now. 568 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,880 That's a sneaky little trick of yours - no speaking to you, 569 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,120 no looking at you. Hmm. Cos it's quite a simple task. 570 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,240 Just make 99 holes as fast as possible. Of course. 571 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,280 But they're used to speaking and looking at you. 572 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,360 So people are going to fall at that hurdle, even sneaky little boy. 573 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,440 Well, maybe they won't. Maybe they will. 574 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:57,840 Do you want to see? Yeah. OK. 575 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,200 I know someone who's been looking forward to seeing this one, 576 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:01,760 and it's you, Mae Martin. 577 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:06,280 I can't look at you or speak to you. 578 00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,000 Ah-ha. 579 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:10,680 What's going on here? 580 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,480 I shouldn't use brute force on... 581 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:18,040 I looked at you. 582 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,360 Well, you're still looking at me, in a way. 583 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,240 Well, what do you want to do? 584 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,320 I don't know. I'm disqualified. 585 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:33,160 I'm so sorry to my parents. 586 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:37,160 Goodbye. 587 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,800 Goodbye. 588 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,040 It's so sweet that you can feel that sympathetic 589 00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:46,440 but, as my auntie used to say, Mae shat in the milk. 590 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,240 Within seconds they looked at me, 591 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,200 and we looked at each other and I was happy, and you were sad. 592 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:55,560 Yeah. 593 00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,720 It's happening now. I'm lost in your eyes right now. 594 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,080 I can't look away. 595 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,800 Maybe every single one of these people have made the same mistake. 596 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,120 Wouldn't that be great? Oh, that would amazing. 597 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,840 What if there's worst mistakes? 598 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,600 Did you actually shit in some milk? 599 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:19,440 Who are we going to see now, Alex? OK, well, I'm very excited 600 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,240 to announce an incredibly special guest. 601 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,640 It's one of the biggest reality stars in the world. 602 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,480 It's Kylie Jenner... 603 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,440 No, sorry, it's Kiell and Jenny. 604 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,320 Now... 605 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:37,360 Are you OK? 606 00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:40,840 Kiell? 607 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,520 Do you understand all the rules? I understand all the rules... 608 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,120 What? What? 609 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,320 That's not fair. 610 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,080 Oh, no, no, no. 611 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,480 I was being polite. 612 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:54,440 I'm not stopping. I'm doing this. 613 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:55,720 I don't care. 614 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:00,880 Oh, this is mean. 615 00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,320 That was the meanest thing I've ever heard anybody do. 616 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,320 Nasty, nasty trickery. 617 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:08,120 Why are you taking your shoe off? 618 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,000 I'm going to use my...this. 619 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:11,560 I've got weak hands. 620 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,040 Right. 621 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:14,560 10. 622 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:16,080 40. Hang on. 623 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:17,960 80. 16. 624 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,360 96. 625 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:20,520 You all right? 626 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:21,880 20... 627 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,960 Am I allowed to use anything that's in this area? Absolutely. 628 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:38,800 What's this paper made out of? 629 00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:40,720 Who are you asking that to? 630 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:44,840 Better than a shoelace? Yeah. Good. 631 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,560 This piece of paper? 632 00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:54,240 I'm just going to write shit. 633 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:56,560 Right. About me? 634 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,720 Yeah. 635 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,760 Shall I stop the clock? 636 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:08,440 I've stopped the clock. 637 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,520 You can look at me if you want. 638 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:12,800 I'm not really talking to you. 639 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:15,440 There - 99. 640 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,960 Right, I've stopped the clock. 641 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:19,960 That's a lovely pattern. 642 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,480 These don't count, and that should not be counted. 643 00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,480 Thank you very much indeed. 644 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,600 You're joking! 645 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:44,480 You delight me, Kiell, you have across the whole series 646 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:48,600 by how angry Alex's little nerdy little traps make you. 647 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:52,920 You cannot write on this paper on a piece of paper. 648 00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,840 I don't think that was a sneaky trick. 649 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,400 There was an enormous piece of green paper. 650 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:02,320 You're joking?! 651 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:07,080 Jenny, why did you carry on when you knew that you'd been disqualified? 652 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:10,040 I thought I might enjoy the task. 653 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:11,920 She did the holes very well. 654 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,080 She doubled up the paper, which is very clever, quite quick. 655 00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:16,680 Yeah. And she did 109 holes. 656 00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:18,640 What was Kiell's hole count? 657 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,480 99. 658 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:27,120 Yeah, he definitely never looked at me. 659 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:30,320 And, well, he barely spoke to me during the whole process, so...yeah. 660 00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,160 Yeah, I mean, let's put it out there. 661 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,080 Kiell does not like Alex! 662 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:39,840 It's the end of part three. 663 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:43,120 Join us again for the last part of the show, when one lucky winner 664 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:47,280 will take home a knock-knock joke and a pen. Whoo! 665 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,080 Hello! 666 00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:00,920 Welcome back to Taskmaster, it's the last part of show nine. 667 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,400 There is still a task to finish, though, and in it 668 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,880 they have to puncture 99 holes in a piece of paper 669 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:08,920 in a recognisable picture or pattern 670 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,840 and, most importantly, they can't look at or speak to me. 671 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,120 Two left - Frankie and Ivo. 672 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,560 This golf tee seems an early fave. 673 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,400 Ah. 674 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,440 Do be careful. 675 00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:36,200 This hole punch - certainly not to be sniffed at. 676 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,240 What number are we on? 677 00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:45,120 And what does that first hole represent? 678 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,000 I am focusing on my job. 679 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,200 Happy with the tools? 680 00:36:50,240 --> 00:36:51,920 Frankie? 681 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:55,600 18...19... Positively demonic. 682 00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:57,960 20, 21. 683 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:01,520 That must be about, what, 65? 84? 684 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,520 26, 27. I've lost count. One, two, three, four... 685 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:07,280 72? 38? 64? 686 00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:19,920 Shall I stop the clock? 687 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:31,480 Check it again. Exactly 99? Yes. And that's my face. 688 00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:32,880 I've stopped the clock. 689 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:42,600 But I sensed that Ivo's way of dissipating 690 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:46,200 the irritation and stress that Alex was trying to cause 691 00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:47,720 was just to keep talking. 692 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:50,840 Block him out with my own miserable internal monologue. 693 00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:52,360 And it was very effective. 694 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,520 Frankie's was different, and it was to absorb it all 695 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:58,480 to the point where I genuinely thought 696 00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,240 that you might throw those scissors at him. 697 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:05,240 But both men did a lovely drawing. Lovely drawings, 698 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:09,600 consisting of 99 holes exactly, each of them. Whoa. Yeah. 699 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,280 And fast. Kiell was 11 minutes 47, 700 00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,760 cos he didn't see the enormous piece of paper. 701 00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:21,720 No, they're the bad ones. They're not the good ones. 702 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,560 Frankie - five minutes 51. 703 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:27,880 Oh. Much, much quicker. 704 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:30,520 Ivo - five minutes and nine seconds. 705 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,840 Impressive stuff. Wow. 706 00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,480 How did I do? 707 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,480 You were very, very quick - 15 seconds. 708 00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,800 There's only one question, I think, with one of them, 709 00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,840 which I want to play a clip to get your judgment on. 710 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:47,160 Oh, yeah, sure. Have a look at this and see if anyone's broken a rule. 711 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,480 22. 23. 712 00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:52,840 It's got to be a recognisable picture. 24. You'll recognize... 713 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,480 You, plural, 714 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,240 will recognise it at home. 715 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,560 25, 26, 27. I've lost count. 716 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:02,760 It's cruel as it is undeniable. 717 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:10,080 You just couldn't shut the fuck up, could you, Ivo? 718 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:17,080 Which means it zero points to Ivo, as well as Mae and Jenny. 719 00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:20,120 Four to Kiell, but five to Frankie Boyle. 720 00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:25,480 A last look at the scores before I launch them one by one 721 00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,440 onto the stage. Quite right, too. 722 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,480 Yes, it's turned it into a bit of a two-horse race, 723 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:33,200 which is between Kiell and Frankie, who's in the lead with 18 points. 724 00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:41,360 OK. Please head up to the stage for the final task of the show! 725 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:48,960 Hello, young fellow, my lad. 726 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,360 Hello, mate. 727 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:54,080 Who will be reading the task out? 728 00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:56,640 My favourite one, Kiell. 729 00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:00,960 Whoa! Ohh. I'm trying to win him back. 730 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:02,720 No chance, mate. No? 731 00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:05,720 Combine two of your things 732 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,760 to equal the height of the thing said by Greg. 733 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:11,520 You may not use any of your things twice. 734 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:15,120 Worst guess each round is eliminated. 735 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,520 So they've got 30 seconds to combine two things 736 00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:19,800 to equal the height of what, Greg, in round one? 737 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,120 Reese Witherspoon! Have a look at your paddles. 738 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,760 Combine two things to be the height of Reese Witherspoon. 739 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,680 Remember, you don't need to show us or squat. 740 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:33,520 No changing. Thank you. 741 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:36,520 So you may now exchange your paddles for the objects. 742 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:39,160 Over or through the gaps. Fine. 743 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,160 She's ever so tall! 744 00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:50,160 Would you like me to get Reese Witherspoon out? I really would. 745 00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:54,200 I think Jenny's going to be disappointed. 746 00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:56,360 Here she comes. Right. Ohh! 747 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,240 So how tall is Reese Witherspoon? 748 00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:01,080 Reese is a little bit smaller than a chicken standing on a cello. 749 00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,480 She's about the same as the chicken sitting on a cello. 750 00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,200 So I'm going to compare it to the... 751 00:41:05,240 --> 00:41:08,320 What is that? ..a traffic cone on a cello. Let's have a look. 752 00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,000 The difference in centimetres is... 753 00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:12,600 ..49cm! All right. 754 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:14,960 I thought she might be wearing heels! 755 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,160 49cm to beat. 756 00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:20,120 Great game. She's 27cm taller than 757 00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:22,440 a chicken standing on a space hopper. 758 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,360 We've lost Jenny Eclair! 759 00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:32,280 Is that my present? An old lady chair? 760 00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:33,680 Yes. 761 00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:35,520 Like in the chemist. 762 00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,240 Next up, Greg is...? 763 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,920 The Taskmaster's inside leg. 764 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,200 Off you go. 765 00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:51,920 Three, two, one. 766 00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:53,400 Yes. 767 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,240 I had have gone for that. 768 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:56,880 Oh, dear. 769 00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,080 OK... 770 00:42:05,720 --> 00:42:08,240 That's an interesting association. 771 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:11,480 What we were looking for, of course, is a meerkat on a space hopper. 772 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,400 We haven't got that. We've got four warthogs. 773 00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:20,880 Well, here is the inner leg. 774 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,920 The slit goes all the way to the right there. 775 00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,000 That's where he is compared to me. 776 00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,800 No, I think we've found our loser. Yeah. 777 00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:31,360 That means we have lost Frankie Boyle. 778 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,760 Unlucky, Frankie. So sorry, Frankie. 779 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,080 What's round three, Greg? 780 00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:41,800 Alpaca. 781 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,480 It is an adult male alpaca, please. 782 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,360 OK. Swap away. 783 00:42:58,120 --> 00:42:59,560 Ohh! 784 00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:01,200 Interesting. Oh-oh-oh! 785 00:43:01,240 --> 00:43:03,920 They look taller in the advert. 786 00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:10,400 Let's get out an alpaca and see how he compares to that. 787 00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,160 Out you pop! Here he is. 788 00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:13,480 Oh! 789 00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,080 Oh, he's big. He's big. He's a big one. 790 00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,680 Oh, what a big lad. I think we know who's safe. 791 00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:21,000 Congratulations, Ivo. You've made it to the final. 792 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:22,440 Yes. Well done. 793 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:27,120 So it's a tie-break to see who gets through to the final. 794 00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:28,760 All you've got to do in the tie-break 795 00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:30,600 is write on the back of your meerkat 796 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,120 how tall do you think a meerkat and a traffic cone is, 797 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,680 combined, in centimetres. Closest guess wins. 798 00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:37,320 You've got ten seconds. 799 00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:42,080 Have you finished? 800 00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:43,880 Kiell, what is your answer? 801 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:45,120 90. 802 00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:46,760 OK. What's your answer, Mae? 803 00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:48,720 I put 84. 804 00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,640 The correct answer is 108 centimetres. 805 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,120 Kiell's in the final. Well done, Kiell! 806 00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,040 All right. So it's the final. 807 00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:05,960 Looking forward to the final, guys? 808 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,760 Well, I've only got one paddle left, 809 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:10,040 so I assume there's a thrilling twist. 810 00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:11,880 The last item is, Greg? 811 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:13,280 Yoda. 812 00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:15,600 Exchange your paddle for the thing you think 813 00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:17,280 is the same height as Yoda. 814 00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:22,800 Ah, I dunno. 815 00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:26,680 Is Yoda the same height as a space hopper or a standing-up chicken? 816 00:44:26,720 --> 00:44:28,720 I genuinely don't know. 817 00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:31,920 He's not tall. No, he's little. We know that. 818 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,280 Short... 819 00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:36,560 Here he is. 820 00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:37,960 It's still... 821 00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,400 It's still close. I can't tell. 822 00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:43,960 Oh, it is close. 823 00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:45,440 Or this. 824 00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:51,800 We have a 9cm difference and an 11cm difference. 825 00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:54,040 We have a winner! 826 00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,000 Right, we'll add those up and add them to your final scores. 827 00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:00,840 Come and join me. 828 00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,200 Well, now. Well, now, Greg. 829 00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:12,520 So in the task, Jenny, of course, one point, 830 00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:13,960 two to Frankie, three to Mae, 831 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,080 four to Ivo, five to Kiell Smith-Bynoe. 832 00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,640 Well done. 833 00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:19,520 Yeah. 834 00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:20,920 Very good. Very good. 835 00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:25,080 And with one episode to go, it's tightened things up. 836 00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,520 It's a two-horse race for the overall winner. 837 00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,440 There is now seven points separating Mae and Kiell. 838 00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:32,160 It's exciting. 839 00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:35,720 And this episode, it's his third win in a row. 840 00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,920 Once more, the winner is Kiell Smith-Bynoe! 841 00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:43,480 Kiell Smith-Bynoe wins! 842 00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:47,800 Please sneak up to slip away with your sneaky win! 843 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:53,800 So...what have we learned today? 844 00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:57,040 You may think you know someone, your friends, your family, 845 00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,920 but everyone is capable of being sneaky. 846 00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:01,240 Even me. 847 00:46:02,720 --> 00:46:04,200 Open your mouth. 848 00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:13,440 Jenny Eclair's new book is out now. 849 00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:20,280 Just one sweet final to go, 850 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,440 but just one sweet winner tonight, 851 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:25,240 and that person was Kiell Smith-Bynoe! 852 00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:49,440 Subtitles by Red Bee Media