1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:04,975 This program me contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,335 BELL RINGS Good evening. 3 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,735 Ahh! SLURPS LOUDLY 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,335 Argh! Ah! 5 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:13,775 HE VOCALISES 6 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,215 I trained at RADA. 7 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:17,215 What have I created?! 8 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:19,495 So sorry. 9 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,935 How we laughed. 10 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:21,935 Ah! 11 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:25,815 Huh? 12 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,335 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! 13 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:40,015 Hello, everybody, and welcome to Taskmaster. 14 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,415 It's a brand-new series, and I am a brand-new Greg Davies. 15 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,735 "Why, what's that, Greg? Have you been working out?" 16 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:46,775 Of course I haven't. 17 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:49,775 I've just started the inevitable age-related slide towards 18 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,095 more indefensible right-wing views. 19 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,135 And selfishness. 20 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,055 If this carries on, at this rate, this show will be run by 21 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,615 a fat Jacob Rees-Mogg. 22 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,975 As if things weren't sexy enough round here. 23 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,575 LAUGHTER Mm! 24 00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:07,735 So, what of our latest crop of contestants? 25 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,455 Well, I'm not one to judge people I don't know yet, 26 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,415 but gut instinct and on-set gossip tell me that three of the five 27 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:17,135 will be eye-wateringly bad at this. 28 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,975 And with those sort of statistics to whet your appetite, 29 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,535 let's not waste any more time. 30 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,455 Please welcome Julian Clary... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 31 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,015 ...Lucy Beaumont... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 32 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,495 ...Sam Campbell... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 33 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,535 ...Sue Perkins... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 34 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,175 ...and Susan Wokoma! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 35 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,335 We all know the following slogans - "just do it," 36 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,575 "always the real thing," 37 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:42,735 “I'm loving it." 38 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,655 The most enduring brands all have one, 39 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,135 so why shouldn't he? 40 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,055 Please welcome friendless oddball... 41 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,335 HIGH-PITCHED:. little Alex Horne! 42 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,935 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 43 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,055 Hello, Greg. Hello, there. 44 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,615 Are you hungry? I'm really hungry. What have you bought for me? 45 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:02,215 Hm, well, I think you like canapes, am I right? I love canapes. 46 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,575 Oh, they're so small and delicious, aren't they? 47 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,135 Oh, my God. Pop 'em in. Ah, well, here they are. 48 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,735 Here we go. Canapes! 49 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,015 Small and delicious. LAUGHTER 50 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,575 Oh! 51 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,135 LAUGHTER CONTINUES 52 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,175 APPLAUSE 53 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,135 Right, onwards! 54 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:21,935 What's the first prize task, Alex? 55 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,855 Well, I think it's fair to say we're all in for a bit of laugh, 56 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,455 because you asked them to bring in 57 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,575 the most wonderful wooden thing that they've owned for a while. 58 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,215 Bonkers. 59 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,535 The wooden thing Greg deems is the most wonderful will get 5 points 60 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:38,895 to jump-start their series and, at the end of the episode, 61 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:41,415 the winner will take home five wonderful wooden things 62 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:45,055 to show all their friends and families, or burn. 63 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,655 All right, Julian Clary, hello. 64 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,055 Hello, there. How are you? 65 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,655 I'm bearing up under the strain, thank you. Perfect! 66 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,855 Erm, what wooden thing have you brought in for me, Julian? 67 00:02:56,880 --> 00:03:00,455 I've brought in a wooden table that I once had commissioned. 68 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,015 Here is his wooden table. 69 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,455 LAUGHTER 70 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,335 And we're off. Yes. 71 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,135 Start as we mean to go on. 72 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,495 My friend was married to a furniture maker, 73 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,215 and I suggested what I would like, 74 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,975 and he made it. 75 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,655 About 30 years ago, I think. 76 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,975 And now, you think you've, what, outgrown it? 77 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,295 Well, it was hard to part with. 78 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,255 But I thought it might win me a point. 79 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,615 LAUGHTER 80 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:30,495 What have you brought us, Lucy Beaumont? 81 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,735 It's a wooden picture of a boxer dog. 82 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,375 AUDIENCE AWWS 83 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,375 It's not a wooden picture of a boxer dog, 84 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,695 it's a picture of a boxer dog in a wooden frame. 85 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,175 Er, no, y-you're wrong, erm, 86 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,655 because it's possessed. 87 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,175 LAUGHTER 88 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,815 By - sorry, you obviously misheard me. 89 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,215 Why is it possessed? 90 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,295 Because, in the house we lived in, 91 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,655 basically I got into bed, er, 92 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,255 I was just about to fall asleep, 93 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:02,215 and what felt like a boxer dog got in bed with me. 94 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:06,575 And obviously, we don't have a dog, but I could... 95 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,055 I felt, I could feel... 96 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,335 It's a very specific feeling. 97 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:11,455 Yeah, it is. Yeah. 98 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:14,455 For you to the breed of dog. 99 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,495 Because of its limbs, and then, 100 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,895 when he converted the garage, we found that. 101 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,455 LAUGHTER 102 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,615 Are you genuinely claiming that you felt the spirit of a boxer dog 103 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,095 climb into bed with you? When... 104 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,535 And then, you found this picture? Yeah. 105 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,855 Right. LAUGHTER 106 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,215 Sam, what have you brought us? 107 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,055 A Pinocchiooooo. 108 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,415 LAUGHTER Would you...? 109 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,375 Would you like to see Sam's Pinocchio? 110 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,175 I'd like to enjoy his pronunciation one more time. 111 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,415 It's a Pinocchiooo! 112 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,215 AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS 113 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:56,415 Oh! That is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. 114 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,735 But everything is long, except the nose. 115 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,495 Oh, I see. 116 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,255 Wh-Why? Why? LAUGHTER 117 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,775 He's never lied, this guy. 118 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,695 It's when other people lie to him. 119 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,495 It's a great tragedy, in a way. 120 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,855 I've heard enough. You've heard enough? Yeah. 121 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,815 I mean, it's insane, innit? It's insane. 122 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,375 Hm. Sue, hello. 123 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,895 I've bought, erm, an original piece of art painted by Henry, 124 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,615 the liberated chimpanzee. 125 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,055 Here we go. Ah. Wow. 126 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,735 That's mixed media. Erm... 127 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:31,015 ...acrylic, wood, banana puree. 128 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,655 LAUGHTER 129 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,495 So, I went to a chimp sanctuary... Yeah. ..where all the chimps 130 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,015 had been sadly experimented on, 131 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,335 but they'd been released into this beautiful, 132 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,255 sort of, forest environment. 133 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:43,815 And the boys had never met girls before. 134 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,375 And there was an introduction day. 135 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,655 And all I can describe is... 136 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,895 ...sex-gedden. 137 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:53,295 So, the chimpanzees ran at each other with real, real need. 138 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,975 Apart from Henry, who just climbed...top of a pole, 139 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,935 and he stayed there, and later, when 1'd left the sanctuary, 140 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,295 they sent me this. It's signed at the back. 141 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:05,655 So, if I've got this right, you observed a monkey orgy... 142 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,575 Yes! A morgy, yes. 143 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,015 A morgy. Yeah. LAUGHTER 144 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,815 One of the monkeys wasn't interested in the morgy. 145 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,735 Er, he climbed a stick, looked lonely, 146 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,535 he painted you a picture. Yes, he did. 147 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,975 Weirdly, ever since I've had it, 148 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,295 every night when I get into bed, I feel... 149 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,535 LAUGHTER 150 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,135 APPLAUSE 151 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,095 Well, incredibly, more believable 152 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,135 than the spirit of a boxer dog. 153 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,135 LAUGHTER 154 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,535 Susan, welcome. 155 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,855 Hi. What wooden thing have you brought me? 156 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:43,295 A wind chime. 157 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,535 It's not haunted! 158 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:47,895 There it is. 159 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,735 It's not really wooden, though. Erm, yes. 160 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,495 I mean, to be fair, it seems more shell-based. 161 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:54,895 Talk us through your wind chime. 162 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,135 I went to have a look at a volcano in Costa Rica. 163 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,735 And when I saw the volcano, I thought it was really beautiful, 164 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,335 and so I started crying. 165 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,655 And then, this lovely lady came up to me, and she said, 166 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:05,895 "Why are you crying?" 167 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,935 And I said, "Because this is really beautiful.” 168 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,775 And she went, "Well, then, you can take something with you." 169 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,575 And she pulled out this wind chime, and she gave it to me. 170 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,495 Oh, God. And then, I looked in the gift shop, and she'd just 171 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,175 basically bought it and was trying to palm it off. 172 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,975 LAUGHTER Wow. Mm-hm. 173 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,255 It's quite a sweet story. 174 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,975 Unfortunately, it's an awful object. 175 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,335 It's fairly easy to score this, isn't it? 176 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,655 Sorry, Lucy, it was an enchanting story, but I don't want that. 177 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,095 So, I'm only giving you 1 point. 178 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,935 1 point to you. Yeah. Well done, Lucy. 179 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,375 And you can get 2 points, and thank you me for them. 180 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,975 OK. Thank you. 181 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,775 What do I want? I'm quite frightened of yours, Sam. 182 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:47,015 I'm giving it 3 points, and I think, just cos it's such a big, 183 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:51,415 heavy bum table, it has to take the 5 points. OK. 184 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:54,015 So, 4 to Sue, 5 to Julian, there it is. Well done, Julian. 185 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,575 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 186 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,095 All right, let's see them in action. 187 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,055 What's first, please, little Alex Horne? 188 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:07,415 Well, Greg Davies, we start with a canny little task. 189 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:12,415 Ooh! 190 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,095 Hello? 191 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,815 Oh, it's you. Hi. 192 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,815 This is the living room, and that is Greg Davies. 193 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,655 Don't look... Don't look him in the eye. Thank you. Yeah. 194 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,495 Hi. Hi, Julian, I'm Alex. 195 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,255 Sam Campbell. 196 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,775 Do you think anyone's going to find the secret task? 197 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,055 I don't know about that. 198 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,375 I was just wondering, do you think anyone's going to 199 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,255 find the secret task this series? 200 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,575 I don't know. Yeah. 201 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,175 Yeah? Yeah. 202 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,095 Not me. No? No. 203 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,775 They look lovely like that. 204 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,055 Why do they bother putting labels on them? 205 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:04,935 Ah. 206 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,655 "Build a tower out of the cans in the lab. 207 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,015 "You must" - oh, for g... oh, what? Ah! 208 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,695 "You must put on your blindfold in this room, 209 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,975 "and wear it properly for the rest of the task. 210 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,495 "Tallest tower wins. 211 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,015 "You have five minutes. 212 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,215 "Your time starts now." 213 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:26,975 Where's the blindfold? 214 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,255 In the can. 215 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:32,735 Can you get a can of blindfold? 216 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,695 Yeah. 217 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,335 LUCY: Is it in the can? Oh! 218 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,815 Where do you buy blindfolds in cans from? 219 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,215 So, the... What's this? 220 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:47,895 LAUGHTER 221 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,815 OK. Can you see anything, Sam? 222 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,255 Nah. Sam? What's up? 223 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:53,855 Great. 224 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:56,175 You've now only got four-and-a-half minutes. 225 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,095 What?! No! 226 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,255 "Five minutes!" Oh, yeah, it did say five minutes. 227 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,215 See you later. Bye! 228 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,695 No, no, no, no. You've gotta put it on this room. 229 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:05,695 Huh? 230 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,095 Leave the room now? 231 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,215 That's not a door. 232 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,455 Well, the door was here. 233 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,135 What is that? It's quite sharp. 234 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,975 No, the door's there. Door's still there. What's that? 235 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,895 Goes further... Ah! 236 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,855 Yeah, that's a whole minute gone now. 237 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,535 Here it is. And off we go. 238 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:38,815 There's a little door. 239 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,375 Erm, just a reminder to everyone, 240 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,255 the task was not, "Get out of this room." 241 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,695 Julian, you seemed to have a sizzling contempt for Alex 242 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,335 I detected early on. Oh, really? 243 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:55,855 Well, yes. Yeah. 244 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,455 It sort of evolved, but I mean, he's ever so nice, really. 245 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,455 But he does grate, you're right. Oh. 246 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:08,055 Er, and Susan, I felt quite sorry for initially, 247 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,655 because she seemed quite defeatist. 248 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:12,015 She went, "who'll find the secret task? Not me." 249 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,375 And I thought, "Don't be so negative. Be positive. 250 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,895 "Talk yourself up" - and then, I watched the rest of the video, 251 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:20,095 I thought, "No, it won't be you." LAUGHTER 252 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,415 OK, we're going to start by seeing these two people, 253 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,055 Lucy Beaumont and Susan Wokoma! 254 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:32,375 It's not something you want to do fast, is it, really? Cos... 255 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,935 ...you don't want to be injured. 256 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,095 Why does the corridor feel like it's getting narrower? 257 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:39,415 It's like a nightmare. 258 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,295 Oh, Christ. Oh, yeah, here we are. 259 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,215 whoa, whoa, whoa! 260 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,615 This is the door! The door. 261 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:47,495 Oh, Christ. Oh, yeah, here we are. 262 00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,295 What was that? 263 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,975 Are you meant to be leading me - oh! 264 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:21,575 Ahh! 265 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:36,335 I think...I think there was a tower there, you know? 266 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,975 Fine! Fine, fine, fine. 267 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,055 Still got two minutes. 268 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,615 Alex. Yes? Where are you? I'm just here. 269 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,735 One minute left. 270 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,655 Why...! These are not sufficient. 271 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,615 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 272 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,975 Do I have to build these from scratch? 273 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,335 All the information’s on the... Oh, for Go...! 274 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,055 I don't - well, I can't read it, can I? 275 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,415 That's fine. 276 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,895 You've got 30 seconds. Yeah. 277 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,375 Ten seconds, Lucy. 278 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,455 Do you know what I feel? 279 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,455 Five seconds left. Should stop there. 280 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,815 Are you sure? Yeah, I feel like I'm going to ruin it. 281 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,295 Are you going to do it, or not? 282 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:38,335 No. 283 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,335 WHISTLE BLOWS 284 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:43,975 WHISTLE BLOWS 285 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,055 OK. I'll measure the tower. 286 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,055 You can leave now. 287 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,575 APPLAUSE 288 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,295 Erm, Lucy, how did you feel watching that? 289 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:12,135 I don't know what you give points for, you know, you might... 290 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,535 Oh, in this case, it's for how high the stack of cans is. 291 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:19,775 Just how high. Yeah. Yeah, and you measure it, yeah, yeah. 292 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,095 Do you remember what you said when you were ineffectually putting 293 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,415 one can on top of each other, and they kept falling off? 294 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,895 Cos I've written it down. Yeah. 295 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,175 Erm, you said, "These are not sufficient." 296 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,255 She is the winner so far, she... She is the winner so far. 297 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,735 11 cans high, and I've given Lucy a six-can tower. 298 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:39,175 Is that cos there were six cans left standing from the tower 299 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,055 that she knocked down? That she made. 300 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,975 How did she make it? By knocking it down. 301 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,775 Right, now for a smidge of Julian Clary, 302 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,375 and a smudge of Sam Campbell. 303 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,895 So, I take this can with me? 304 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,015 Yes. 305 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,055 Oh, am I...? Oh, shit. 306 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,015 Oh... AUDIENCE OOHS 307 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,655 Oh, shit. 308 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,455 This is bullshit, dude. 309 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:24,735 Pardon? Nothing. 310 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,655 I've never felt such high things. 311 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,295 whoa! what the heck...wait. 312 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,655 OK. 313 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,095 APPLAUSE 314 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,735 Stop the clock. 315 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,055 Well, it doesn't have that function, we have to wait. 316 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,775 OK. I'm just going to lie down. 317 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,695 I'm tempted just to leave it... 318 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,415 ...cos I'm going to make it worse, aren't 1? 319 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,495 Oh, going again? 320 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,375 Oh. 321 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,455 I expect you're enjoying this, are you? 322 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,735 HE CHUCKLES Ten seconds. 323 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,695 Five seconds left. Five seconds. 324 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,375 WHISTLE BLOWS There we are. Oh. 325 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,735 Wow, that was a roller-coaster. 326 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,415 But the... The game's over? 327 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,335 Do, er, you put - do you want me to...? 328 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,535 Yeah, thank you. 329 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:53,895 Sorry. 330 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,015 LAUGHTER 331 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:59,615 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 332 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,295 Wow, things are starting to hot up now. Ooh. 333 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:06,215 What I found intriguing, Julian, is that when some cans fell off, 334 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,855 virtually no emotional response from you. 335 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,495 Ah, you'll find as the series go along, 336 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,935 there's very little emotion from me. 337 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,935 Zero emotional response from you. 338 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,375 You curled up in the foetal position. 339 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,375 I thought if I got really low, the tower would be even higher. 340 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,615 LAUGHTER 341 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:31,735 If only that's the way the world worked. 342 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,735 Right, it's time to honour the passing of part one. 343 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,175 Alex, please. Mm-hm. 344 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,415 PLAYS SINGLE NOTE 345 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,655 PLAYS HIGHER NOTE 346 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:51,815 PLAYS TRADITIONAL OUTRO 347 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:01,535 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 348 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,215 Hello! And welcome back to the first episode of 349 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,215 this fresh new series. 350 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,135 Mm, yes. I think this is the freshest I've ever felt, Greg. 351 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,655 And my secret - wet wipes everywhere. 352 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,975 Everywhere. LAUGHTER 353 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:14,975 But back to the task - 354 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,495 they're trying to stack cans whilst blindfolded. 355 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,815 There have been some disasters and some successes. 356 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,455 Now finally, some Sue Perkinses. 357 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,135 You went a little bit too far there. 358 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,855 Yes, I could feel my buttocks have made contact with something 359 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,415 that possibly they shouldn't. 360 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,615 SHE LAUGHS 361 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,175 I'm advancing. You're doing very well. 362 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,655 You're not in any danger. 363 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,175 You'll just bump into something... 364 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,495 You've just bumped into something. 365 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,855 Oh, it's OK. So, I'm just going to - do I have to...? 366 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,735 What an absolute shower of shits you are. 367 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,655 LAUGHTER 368 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,615 APPLAUSE 369 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,455 Is there an existing tower? 370 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,775 I can't answer your question. 371 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,015 SHE SIGHS This is... 372 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,015 Because if I... 373 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,895 I've just answered that question. Yes, you have. Yeah. 374 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,415 Is there another tower? 375 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,135 I can't answer your question. 376 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,175 Once again, I've found the a... 377 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,615 Is there a tower here? You've got 32 seconds left. 378 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,455 Is there a tower here? WHISTLE BLOWS 379 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,775 Sue. Yes? Sue, your time is up. 380 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,655 Do you mind just holding steady, so I can have a look at your tower? 381 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,415 Oh, I see. Would you mind just...? 382 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,735 I hope you counted it quickly, cos it's just... 383 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,375 Mm, is it a self-standing tower? 384 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,415 Some of it's self-supporting. Yeah. 385 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,375 Well, not self-supporting, it's supporting by my groin. 386 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,655 Which is structurally unsound increasingly. 387 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,855 I'm looking up at you, but I don't know where you are. 388 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:10,135 But just, in my mind's eye, you're over there, just up here somewhere. 389 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,455 Has he gone? He's gone, hasn't he? 390 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:13,455 He's gone. 391 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,175 OK. APPLAUSE 392 00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:23,015 You started off with almost military confidence, I felt. 393 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:27,415 Yes. There was a lot of quite cocky corridor energy. 394 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,055 I really wanted to follow you into battle at that point. 395 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,855 Don't, is my advice... No, I shan't. ..now you've seen. 396 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,215 You also quoted the Bible. Erm... Oh, I missed that. 397 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,335 Er, "You absolute shower of shits," that's Book of Revelations. 398 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:39,695 LAUGHTER 399 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,375 Did she make a tower in her lap? 400 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,975 I think we have to say, it has to be a free-standing tower, I think. 401 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,295 So, it's one, then. One can tall. Yeah. 402 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:49,455 Sue, er, gets 1 point. 403 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,055 2 points to Lucy, with six cans. 404 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,335 Susan gets 3 points. 4 to Julian. 405 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:55,615 5 points to Sam Campbell! 406 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,495 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 407 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:58,855 Well done. 408 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,575 Well, hm, should we have a quick look at a scoreboard, then? 409 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,255 We can, Julian's in the lead, with 9 points! Yay! 410 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:08,655 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well done, Julian. 411 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:12,055 Right, I believe the people want more tasks, Alex. 412 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:13,775 I also want more tasks, 413 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,335 and world peace, and equal rights for personal assistants, 414 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:20,055 but for now, it's the first team task of the series. 415 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:21,255 AUDIENCE OOHS 416 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,255 Good morning. Good morning. 417 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:37,975 Hello, Susan. You all right? 418 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,095 Please, could you stand behind the white box? 419 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:42,935 I've put all your favourite things in it. 420 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,975 We're talking a carabiner. 421 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,255 We're talking rubber bands. 422 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:48,775 Heavy-duty clips. 423 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,135 Zip ties. 424 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:52,735 Harnesses. 425 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,295 Jockey straps. 426 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,215 Absolute smorgasbord for a kidnapper. 427 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,295 "A smorgasbord for a kidnapper.” 428 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,135 Oh, my God. 429 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,135 Hello. 430 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,375 LAUGHTER 431 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,935 Hello. 432 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,975 SUSAN: Massive rope. 433 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,815 We've got these things, which is normally done in crime. 434 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,535 I think you know everything's here now. Yeah. 435 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:16,695 OK, off you go. 436 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,295 SHE MOUTHS 437 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,935 Ahh! THEY LAUGH 438 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,735 You all right? I'll come and give you a hu... 439 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,375 Am I allowed, is that...? Yeah. 440 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,735 Hey! THEY GIGGLE 441 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,735 JULIAN: Hello. SAM: Nice to see you. 442 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,775 You guys are part of a team. 443 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,495 Oh, great. 444 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,575 OK. No "hellos" or anything, just straight on with it. 445 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:41,935 Oh, yes. 446 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,415 You are now a team. 447 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,015 BOTH CHEER 448 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,455 Yay! I'm really glad! 449 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,055 You may open the task. 450 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,375 Ooh. Oh, wow. 451 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,655 Oh, hello, Lucy. SHE MOUTHS 452 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,055 This is Sam and Julian. This is Lucy. Hiya. 453 00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:58,855 How's it going? WHISPERS: You all right? 454 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,775 Lucy's also in your team. FLATLY: Oh, great. 455 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,015 Come and join us. 456 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,695 WHISPERS: I've not seen you before. I know. 457 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,215 All right? Yes, I'm so happy. 458 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,735 OK. OK! Ahh! 459 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,935 JULIAN: "Connect the most individual parts of one person... 460 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:17,335 ..."To individual parts of another person. 461 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,815 "All members of your team must be connected." 462 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,095 What? Oh-ho-ho! 463 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,815 Ooh, gone rather Marquis de Sade. 464 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,135 This is, what...? OK, "You've got ten minutes. 465 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,855 JULIAN: "Your time starts now." 466 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,575 Alex, there are bulldog clips here. And we're ladies. 467 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,255 Yeah, where's that going to go? What's wrong with you? 468 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,655 LAUGHTER 469 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,015 APPLAUSE 470 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,735 I found the arrival of everyone individually, er, 471 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,815 some of the most awkward television I've ever seen in my life. 472 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,775 At one point, Lucy said, “I've not seen you before." 473 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,135 And Julian replied, "I know." 474 00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,935 Look at the way these two greeted each other, like - 475 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,535 I hope this isn't offensive - old-school village idiots. 476 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,095 And then, the nipple clamps came out. 477 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:10,015 LAUGHTER 478 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,135 OK, well, shall we start with the two people with the same name? 479 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,455 It's the team known as the Sues! 480 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:16,735 Hang on, let's see how... 481 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,255 I think you might, er, well... 482 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,055 That's so painful! OK. 483 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:21,375 You can use your clothes. 484 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,215 So, it doesn't have to be skin? It doesn't need to be skin-on-skin. 485 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,015 Cos that looks like that would rip skin. 486 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,575 First up, shall we have your right arm, my left arm? 487 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,935 Let's connect those to start. Yeah. OK. 488 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,895 Going to have to stand quite close. 489 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,255 Wrap this round your right hand. OK, my right. 490 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,775 So, we'll be facing each other in the end. All right, got it. 491 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,215 Let's cut that. OK, right, like, where do you want me to cut? 492 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,215 Just anywhere there. OK. Just not through the hand. 493 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,015 Feel like I've achieved something. Oh, I think we cut... 494 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,655 Oh. Aha! I did wonder! 495 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,975 Right, you had one job. That was like a magic trick. OK. 496 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,375 You've got two minutes left. 497 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,095 I've got a bit of give here. 498 00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:57,655 Is gut - is gut a body part? 499 00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,335 One of the best. 500 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:01,015 Very nice to meet you, by the way. 501 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,375 I mean, I don't meet people often like this but... Yeah. 502 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,415 ...I mean, as an ice-breaker, wonderful, isn't it? 503 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,695 Ooh! If you just... Yeah. 504 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,615 WHISTLE BLOWS 505 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,935 OK, just going to check the connections. 506 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,335 So, we've got neck, wrist... 507 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:15,775 Yeah. Boobs. 508 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,015 ...other wrists, boobs, er, gut, 509 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:22,255 ankle, foot. OK, I think I've got all your connections. 510 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:23,855 Er, that's just a... 511 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,015 Just for you, as well. 512 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,295 AUDIENCE OOHS How are you going to open that? 513 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,655 There's more? Oh, there's more. 514 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:31,975 OK. Got it? 515 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,695 Oh, for goodness' sake. 516 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:38,575 APPLAUSE 517 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,935 Was there much of a system, do you think? 518 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,975 I think it was mainly panic, rather than process-driven. 519 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,495 But you were gut-to-gut, boob-to-boob. Boob-to-boob. 520 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,855 You didn't like saying "boob," I noticed. Made me laugh. 521 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,335 No, but I thought it a lot that night. Yeah, I bet you did. 522 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:53,295 LAUGHTER 523 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,215 There were 12 connections altogether, 524 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,495 but that wasn't the task. 525 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,815 We don't know what the actual task is yet. No. 526 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,575 Show me the natural friends. 527 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,375 LAUGHTER OK. 528 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,775 When chemistry explodes. 529 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,695 Here come the natural friends, also known as JLS - 530 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,375 Julian, Lucy, and Sam! 531 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:13,575 Can I say my pitch? Mm-hm. 532 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,055 Chop off a little bit of everyone's hair, put it in, you know... 533 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:18,815 Mm-hm. I don't mind doing that, 534 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,455 because my daughter put a Fruitella, you know, in my hair. 535 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,615 And I can't get it out. Er, and I keep getting other thi... 536 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,015 I've got a bit of cotton wool stuck it in, as well. 537 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:31,455 So, I'm really happy to cut off all that, if you want. 538 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,815 We haven't got any scissors, though. They're in here. 539 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,695 We could use a saw. Oh, there is, yeah. 540 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,495 Are you happy to lose some strands? 541 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,295 Well, only a little bit. Yeah, yeah, same from the back. 542 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,655 Do you want to just cut it off, then? 543 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,335 You're totally sure? I think so. 544 00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:47,655 Definitely do this. Just as low down as you c... 545 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:48,975 Oh. 546 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,775 You're not having that much of my hair. Oh, gosh. 547 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:53,855 Can you take a tiny bit of mine? 548 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,655 Mine's, I'm not being funny, quite a nice cut? 549 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,655 If I do it sort of in the middle, then you won't, 550 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:00,975 you can cover it with the other bits. 551 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,495 OK, hang on... Ooh. 552 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:04,735 Oh, shriek. 553 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:08,935 Oh! 554 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,055 I'm going to cut Sam's hair. 555 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,695 Open sesame. 556 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,055 Shall all we hold it? 557 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,575 That's pretty good, I reckon. 558 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,135 WHISTLE BLOWS 559 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,975 Need to inspect the connections, and I'll give you...that. 560 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,215 Oh, this is a second part? Yeah. 561 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,495 "You're now ready for the actual task. 562 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:40,095 "Cross the finish line with all connections still connected. 563 00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:41,775 "Fastest wins. 564 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,575 "Your time starts when Alex 565 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,135 "blows...his...whistle." 566 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,255 WHISTLE BLOWS OK. 567 00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:00,415 Yay! 568 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,175 SLOW-MOTION DISTORTED: Yay! 569 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,415 APPLAUSE 570 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,495 Great, I'll go and count these, you can go inside. Thank you. 571 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,775 Thank you. Thank you. Thanks so much. Bye-bye. 572 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:14,935 HE SNIFFS 573 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,255 AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS 574 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,175 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Wow. 575 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,495 Well, there you go, that's what this show does, 576 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:21,815 it brings people together quickly. 577 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,815 First of all, I think the idea is brilliant. 578 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,255 It was Sam's idea, right? What have you got more of than hair? 579 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:27,775 Could've done it with blood. 580 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,095 Could've done it with bits of our blood. 581 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:31,495 Oh, well next time. 582 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,415 LAUGHTER 583 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,775 Cos you say all this stuff, you know, 584 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,575 "oh, the unnatural friendship," or whatever but, 585 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,335 I think it helped, like... 586 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,695 Do you know that boys that got stuck in the cave? Yeah. 587 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,295 Wow. The divers that saved them, they were like all people, like, 588 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,055 they were like, "Did you feel anything?" 589 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,415 They go, "Nothing." They're clinical guys. 590 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,295 But they're capable of just amazing things. 591 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:54,335 Did they swap hair? 592 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,735 They didn't swap hair, they just do this diving. 593 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,255 And they're not like bubbly personalities, no of fence. 594 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,575 But they... LAUGHTER 595 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,615 They saved those boys, man. They did. 596 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,495 LAUGHTER CONTINUES 597 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,935 Breaktime again. Bye-bye, bum-bums! 598 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:11,295 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 599 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,935 Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster! 600 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:25,935 Yes, there's a classic two-part team task in play. 601 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,375 They had to connect the most individual parts of one person 602 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:30,175 to the most individual parts of another, 603 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,575 but didn't know they'd then be asked to race across 604 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:34,495 the finishing line still connected. 605 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:36,255 That didn't matter for the team of three, 606 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:37,735 with their cunning hair play. 607 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:39,335 But what about the team of Sues? 608 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,615 Well...good luck, here we go. THEY LAUGH 609 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,895 "You are now ready for the actual task.” 610 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,215 You shit giblet. LAUGHTER 611 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:49,255 OK, well, good luck. 612 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,215 I'm going to... OK. Shall we move the inside...? 613 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:52,455 Here we go! WHISTLE BLOWS 614 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:53,935 ...or the outside legs? Yeah. 615 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,375 THEY LAUGH 616 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,135 Oh, dear. That step's going to be interesting. Yeah. 617 00:29:58,160 --> 00:29:59,655 One, two, three. Three. 618 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,135 Ooh, hello! Oh, my knee's gone! 619 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:02,855 Oh, yeah. 620 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,655 I'm dragging the box. The box is coming with us. 621 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,535 Let's go. Come on, boxy! 622 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,975 Right, I'm going inside leg, outside leg. OK, OK. 623 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,495 Ah! Inside... Ah! ..outside. 624 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,015 Inside... Ooh! ..outside. 625 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,935 That's pulling quite heavily on the groin. It is - on the groin? 626 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:20,455 It's all good. OK. 627 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:26,975 The box is still attached! 628 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,775 STRAINING LOUDLY 629 00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:34,695 Glory photo finish! Yay! 630 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:38,175 SLOW-MOTION DISTORTED! Yay! 631 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:39,695 You made it! 632 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:41,575 APPLAUSE 633 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,135 I mean, it looked painful, and you did at some point, Sue, 634 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,735 say, "This is pulling quite heavily on the groin." Yeah. 635 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,375 I enjoyed you calling him a "shit giblet," though. Very nice. 636 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,295 That's actually from King Lear. Cordelia said that. Yeah. 637 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:57,535 LAUGHTER 638 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,535 But you did make it across the line, and that's to be celebrated. 639 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:03,375 They did make it across the line. We don't know who's won yet, Greg. 640 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,095 We do. We do. We do. We do. 641 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:06,935 We know some by margin, but you know, 642 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,455 if you want to build it up... Yeah. "Ooh, who has won?" 643 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,095 Oh, it was these guys, easily, by miles. Yeah. 644 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:15,455 Yeah, the team of three crossed the line in 11.5 seconds. 645 00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,895 Team of two, just over 90 seconds. 646 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,215 OK. OK. 647 00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,855 So, I'll give 5 points to these three, and I'll give 2 points... 648 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,535 WHISPERS: Five points! ..to these two. Fair enough. 649 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,455 Thank you very much. So, it's 5 points to the team of three! 650 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,815 There we are. They're the winners. APPLAUSE 651 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,655 And I would like to have another fine task, if you please. 652 00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:36,335 And, to really spoil you, here's our first location task. 653 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,335 Oh, hello. Hello. 654 00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,175 Hello, Sam. Come through. 655 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:12,855 Watch out, watch out for the duck. 656 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,735 It's the only sport I'm good at. 657 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,135 What do you mean? Hook a duck. 658 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:19,695 A sport? Well, you know. 659 00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,655 It's the only thing I was good at as a kid. 660 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:22,895 How good were you at it? 661 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,215 I used to be able to hoo-hoo-hook the ducks. 662 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:26,295 Oh, well that is good. Yeah. 663 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:28,975 "Get the duck into the lake." 664 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,215 JULIAN: "Get the duck into the lake." 665 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:33,735 EERIE MUSIC 666 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,975 "Get this duck into the lake. 667 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,415 "You must not touch the beak. 668 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,255 SUSAN: "If the duck leaves the course, it must re-enter at 669 00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,575 "the point it left the course. 670 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:49,975 "If your duck touches the boundary... 671 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:51,855 SAM: .."Or a flamingo... 672 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:53,615 SUE: .."Or a pineapple... 673 00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,975 JULIAN: .."One minute will be added to your time. 674 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,535 "Or a flamingo?" Bloody hell. 675 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,215 It's all go, innit? 676 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:01,615 SUE: "Fastest wins. 677 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,975 "Your time starts now." 678 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,015 Thank you very much. Pleasure, good luck. 679 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,335 OK thanks. 680 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:11,055 APPLAUSE 681 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:12,735 Lucy, tell me about the hook-a-duck? 682 00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:14,655 It was something you were genuinely good at. 683 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,135 Yeah, I wasn't very sporty, you know, cos I did... 684 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,535 I wasn't either. But you've got legs, haven't you? 685 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,495 I've got legs. And I have, but they're... 686 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:23,095 I've got legs for miles, baby. 687 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:24,895 LAUGHTER 688 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:28,095 I think my legs are actually arms without fingers. 689 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,455 LAUGHTER CONTINUES 690 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,775 They fold up, you know, they fold, like, 691 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,575 I can cross my legs really well. 692 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,895 You think you've got four sets of arms? 693 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:39,575 Yeah. 694 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,135 LAUGHTER 695 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,055 I've not had it proven but... 696 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,095 What do you mean - I'm sorry... 697 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,175 LAUGHTER CONTINUES 698 00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,535 What do you mean you can really fold them well, your legs? 699 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,335 Mine fold like arms. 700 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,295 With feet, I've got feet. Yeah. 701 00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,535 I'm not complaining. No. 702 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,695 We have to carry on with the show, Greg. I don't... 703 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:03,855 We do have to. 704 00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:08,655 The first names on the bill are Sue, Sam, and Lucy. 705 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,495 Well, you can't touch the flamingo. 706 00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:11,575 Yeah, or the beak. 707 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,055 Don't touch the beak. 708 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:18,895 Yeah, so watch out for the flamingos and, yeah. 709 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:25,815 Oh-ho! It's touched that one. 710 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:28,175 Yeah, it's sort of left. Is that all right? 711 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,175 Yeah, you're meant to stay on the course ideally, yeah. 712 00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:31,655 Yeah. 713 00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:32,975 I mean, if I don't do this, 714 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,255 it's going to constantly touch the boundary. 715 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,215 Make this as wide as possible. 716 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:45,375 Oh, I'm so sorry. 717 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,295 So sorry, I've cut you in half, love. 718 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:48,575 Argh! 719 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:55,015 I'm just thinking, is there another way to do it, but...? 720 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:02,415 Come on, little ducky. 721 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,655 It's actually quite relaxing. 722 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:17,935 Has it touched anything yet? 723 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,495 SAM: It's touched everything! 724 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,375 Right darling. Let's get you into your natural habitat. 725 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:52,415 I've stopped the clock. 726 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,695 Did it touch the boundary? 727 00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:11,535 Yeah. How many times? 728 00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,575 About 127 LAUGHTER 729 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:16,895 Thank you very much. 730 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:18,655 APPLAUSE 731 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,215 Sue moved the boundary. Hm. 732 00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:23,495 Lateral thinking. Yes. 733 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,215 She moved the obstacles out of the way. 734 00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:26,895 Mm-hm, lateral thinking, yeah. 735 00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:28,775 Lateral thinking was allowed, was allowed. 736 00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,215 How does that make you two feel? 737 00:36:30,240 --> 00:36:32,215 Angry. Then disappointed, 738 00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:36,695 because, no of fence to you, Sue, cos I like you a lot, actually, 739 00:36:36,720 --> 00:36:39,015 But it doesn't say you can do that. 740 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:42,295 I mean, if you went through life just always moving the boundaries, 741 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:47,175 you know, like a 70mph, it doesn't say don't go at 90mph. 742 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,655 LAUGHTER It does. It literally does. 743 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,055 Feel it's a difference between 744 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:54,015 a light entertainment comedy format and the law. 745 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:55,975 And a well-established British law. 746 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,575 So, do you mean for, like, all these, you can just 747 00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:00,535 change the rules? 748 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:03,015 I haven't changed the rules on any of these things! 749 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:08,975 My feeling is, in terms of avoiding the things that would penalise you, 750 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:10,695 you did it very badly. Hm. 751 00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:13,015 And the size of the duck also affected play. Yeah. 752 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,015 It was a big duck. 753 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,375 Well, look, Sam did it in two minutes, 20. 754 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,735 Lucy, two minutes, 44 - which is great, but then, 755 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,095 she only hit ten things, but that's an extra ten minutes. 756 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,415 And Sam hit nine things, so it's an extra nine minutes. 757 00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:25,975 Sue, nine minutes, 45 - 758 00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,295 so seven-and-a-half minutes slower than Sam. 759 00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:29,575 But she didn't touch anything, 760 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,575 so she actually beat him by a minute-and-a-half. 761 00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:32,855 Good, OK. Break time. 762 00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,575 Who will take home Julian's old wooden bum table, 763 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:38,095 and Sam's horrific Pinocchiooo? 764 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:39,615 APPLAUSE 765 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,975 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, welcome back! 766 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,335 You join us for the final part of the show. 767 00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:53,655 Yes, it's nearly bedtime, but we still need to see two people 768 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,495 pushing giant ducks towards a pond. 769 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,575 So, finally, let's gander at Julian and Susan. 770 00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:03,215 Right, then. I mustn't touch the beak. 771 00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:04,655 Oh, definitely not. 772 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,375 There's not really any other bits. 773 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:08,895 Oh, actually, hang on. 774 00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,815 If the beak's facing me, I know I'm going to touch it. 775 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:17,215 That's a big girl, innit? 776 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:26,855 Come on. 777 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,655 Come on, girl! Ah! 778 00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:37,895 Ooh. 779 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:43,735 JULIAN EXHALES 780 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,815 I think you clipped one flamingo. 781 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:55,375 I think it was the wind. 782 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,735 Oh, was it? Right, OK, I'll put that down. 783 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,015 Come on, girl! 784 00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,335 I'm nearly there. 785 00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,895 It'd be lovely if it goes in on his bottom. 786 00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,215 Well, there was nothing in the rules about that. 787 00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:08,215 No, that's true. 788 00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:13,015 Ahh! This is going to be so satisfying! 789 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,455 Yeah! SHE LAUGHS 790 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:22,735 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 791 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,095 Bye! 792 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,175 Why's he doing that? 793 00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:35,655 I think he's getting excited. 794 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:42,495 I've stopped the clock. 795 00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:44,135 Sorry he's on his side, 796 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:45,735 but that's how it happens. 797 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,655 APPLAUSE 798 00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:02,735 Well, Julian's was quite a haphazard technique, wasn't it? 799 00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:06,535 Well, it was quite hard work for, you know, an ageing homosexual. 800 00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,855 LAUGHTER 801 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,855 Julian slid and bounced it there in four minutes, 15, 802 00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:14,695 with just a two-minute penalty, so 6:15 - he's in the lead. 803 00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:16,255 Susan. Hi. 804 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:17,735 You said, and I quote, 805 00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,975 "If the beak faces me, I know I'm going to touch it." 806 00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:23,415 Is that a compulsive disorder of some kind? 807 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:29,655 That's just me being absolutely aware of my limitations. 808 00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,415 And beak-touching is one of them? 809 00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:34,175 Honestly, just keep a beak away from me. 810 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,455 LAUGHTER 811 00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:38,135 Halfway along the duck drag, 812 00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:41,175 you turned into a character from EastEnders. 813 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:45,135 And started repeatedly saying, "Come on, girl." 814 00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:48,255 I mean my impression is that Susan did brilliantly there and... 815 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:49,855 She did. ..Is going to be the victor. 816 00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,815 No punishments at all. Three minutes, 20. 817 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:52,895 Absolutely smashed it. 818 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:55,175 However... Uh-oh. Oh. 819 00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:56,695 Oh, come on, girl! 820 00:40:56,720 --> 00:40:59,015 LAUGHTER 821 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:02,695 You've done me up like a kipper, you slag. 822 00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:05,255 Remember the rule about the not touching the beak? 823 00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:08,255 I have to show you this extra little video, here we go. 824 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:09,575 Ohh. 825 00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:11,855 I mustn't touch the beak. Oh, definitely not. 826 00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:16,175 BUZZER 827 00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,175 I might've touched the beak. 828 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,655 Erm, yeah Lucy you've just exited the course, I'm afraid. 829 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:27,055 Don't touch the beak. Don't touch the beak? 830 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:28,095 BUZZER 831 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:29,935 Ah, shit. 832 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:33,135 Which means that, because of that, Sam actually gets 3 points. 833 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,695 It's 4 points to Sue, but it's 5 points to Susan Wokoma! 834 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:39,295 There it is! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 835 00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:41,655 May I see the scores before the studio task, please? 836 00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:44,295 The leader is Sam at the moment, with 16 points. 837 00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:47,615 Wow! APPLAUSE 838 00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,975 Right, for the first time this series, 839 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,295 would you please make your way to the stage for 840 00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:53,775 the final task of the show! 841 00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:54,895 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 842 00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,215 Hello, young fellow m'lad. 843 00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:06,535 Who will be reading the final task out? 844 00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,255 Susan Wokoma, please. 845 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:12,295 "Say whether you think the next item is heavier or lighter 846 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,615 "than the previous item. 847 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,575 "If you are wrong, you are eliminated. 848 00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,095 "Last person standing wins." 849 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:23,855 So, I'll go over to the other end. Goodbye. 850 00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:26,735 Julian, eight loo rolls. 851 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:30,135 Heavier or lighter than one large duck? 852 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:35,095 Oh, we could play this at home, couldn't we? I know. 853 00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:36,415 Lighter. 854 00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:38,775 You're saying the duck is heavier than the loo rolls. 855 00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,495 Oh, I'm going to get the audience to go "whoo". Oh, yes. 856 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:43,775 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 857 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,175 OK. Let's find out. 858 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:49,335 Remember, if it's heavier, the duck will go down. 859 00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:51,815 LAUGHTER 860 00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:54,775 AUDIENCE OOHS 861 00:42:56,360 --> 00:43:00,095 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Correct! Julian survives. 862 00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:03,175 We now move on to Lucy Beaumont. Oh, God. 863 00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,575 Pineapple - heavier or lighter than duck? 864 00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:09,615 Well, that's heavier, isn't it? Oh, yes, it is. 865 00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:12,055 Heavier than a duck, you say. 866 00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:13,895 AUDIENCE OOHS 867 00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:17,935 CHEERING 868 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,495 Hello, Sam. Welly? Oh. 869 00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,055 Heavier or lighter than a pineapple? Oh, that's a tricky one. 870 00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:27,935 Can I ask questions? You can ask me one. 871 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:30,935 Are you a child of divorce? 872 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,495 LAUGHTER 873 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:36,015 APPLAUSE 874 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:41,015 He's used up his question. 875 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,335 So, heavier or lighter? 876 00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,255 I think wellington, heavier than a pine...apple. 877 00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:48,255 He says it's heavier. Let's find out. 878 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:49,975 AUDIENCE OOHS 879 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:51,815 CHEERING 880 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:56,295 Heavy wellies. Sue, welly...or flour? 881 00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,015 Flour. Flour heavier. 882 00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,495 Can I just say, before you pull that out obviously? 883 00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:05,215 AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS Ohh! 884 00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:08,455 One wellington, more than 1.5kg? 885 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,935 You have to now hold the one to indicate that you're out. 886 00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:12,935 It's quite heavy. Oh, it is very... 887 00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:14,575 You utter shit. 888 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,055 LAUGHTER 889 00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:17,935 No thank you. 890 00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,455 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 891 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:23,455 So, it's your turn, Susan. 892 00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,255 Is the bell heavier than the flour? 893 00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:28,135 Erm... Sue, I'll give you permission to put that down, if you like. 894 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:29,455 LOUD THUD 895 00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:33,615 OK. I'm going to say the bell. 896 00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:35,935 The bell's heavier than the flour, let's see. 897 00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:36,935 Audience noise. 898 00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:40,015 AUDIENCE OOHS 899 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:41,735 Shit. Susan's out. 900 00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,015 So, we're back to you, Julian. OK. 901 00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:45,415 It's candlestick time. 902 00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,295 Heavier or lighter than the bell? 903 00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:48,535 Lighter. 904 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:49,895 It was a quick answer. 905 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,375 Hm, mercifully quick, some would say. Yeah. 906 00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,655 AUDIENCE OOHS 907 00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:58,015 What do I have to do now? I-I'm out? Yeah, you're out. 908 00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,335 You're out, yeah. But you get the bell. Oh, well. 909 00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:01,855 Be still, my beating heart. 910 00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:04,135 LAUGHTER 911 00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:05,775 It's Lucy versus Sam. 912 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,135 I guess. And we're moving on to the teddy. 913 00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:10,455 Heavier or lighter than the candlestick? 914 00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:11,975 Think that's heavier. 915 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,455 The candle's heavier? Pull the stick. Yeah. 916 00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,815 Oh, sh... No! You can see it's not. 917 00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:19,615 Oh, bastard. AUDIENCE OOHS 918 00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:22,455 We've lost Lucy. 919 00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:25,455 However, Sam still has to get one right to win the task, 920 00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:27,735 cos so far, he's only got one. 921 00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:29,295 So, this is a big moment. 922 00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:30,655 Good luck, Sam. 923 00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:34,215 It's teddy versus leaf blower. Oh! Oh, my God. 924 00:45:34,240 --> 00:45:35,655 You know it's a heavy teddy. 925 00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:38,215 You're going to say I'm crazy for this one, 926 00:45:38,240 --> 00:45:39,975 but I think they have equal weight. 927 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,455 LAUGHTER 928 00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:45,695 APPLAUSE 929 00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:48,335 You can change your mind, 930 00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:50,215 if you want to make everything easier. 931 00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:53,895 Teddy, teddy, teddy, teddy. 932 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:55,135 The teddy's heavier? 933 00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:57,575 Yeah, yeah, it's heavy. It's really heavy, yeah. 934 00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:58,975 LAUGHTER 935 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,335 If the leaf blower is lighter than the teddy, 936 00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,295 then Sam Campbell will win the task outright. 937 00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:04,855 Oh, my God. 938 00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:07,135 Come on. Oh, my God. 939 00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:09,615 AUDIENCE OOHS 940 00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:12,815 ECSTATIC CHEERING 941 00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:14,495 YOU MADE ME CHANGE IT! 942 00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:16,415 LAUGHTER 943 00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,575 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 944 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,415 That was so good. That was... That's good. 945 00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:26,255 Much, much heavier in the end. 946 00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:27,455 LAUGHTER 947 00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,255 We'll add it to the final scores, please come and join me. 948 00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:31,815 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 949 00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:38,175 Well, that was exciting, wasn't it? 950 00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:40,535 Yes, it meant Sue and Susan didn't get any right. 951 00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:42,495 They came joint fourth, so they get 2 points each, 952 00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,055 and we have three people who won the task, even though they only 953 00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:46,855 got one thing right, they get 5 points each. 954 00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:49,495 So, that's Julian and Lucy, and Sam. All won the task! 955 00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:51,575 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 956 00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:55,535 And the winner of the first show of the series, with 21 points, 957 00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:56,855 it's Sam Campbell! 958 00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:58,415 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 959 00:46:59,920 --> 00:47:01,135 Sam Campbell wins! 960 00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:04,935 Please, wander up to worship your wonderful wooden winnings! 961 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:06,815 CHEERING 962 00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:11,615 What have we learnt today? 963 00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:14,815 We've learnt that if you put a human being in a tricky situation, 964 00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:19,215 they can be thoughtful, resourceful, and sometimes ingenious. 965 00:47:19,240 --> 00:47:21,575 We've also learnt that some people think they've got arms 966 00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:23,535 instead of legs. It's a funny old world, isn't it? 967 00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:26,775 See you soon. But for now, please applaud the first winner 968 00:47:26,800 --> 00:47:30,095 of the series, Sam Campbell! 969 00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,055 Subtitles by Red Bee Media