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{\an2}This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
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{\an2}BELL RINGS
Good evening.
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{\an2}Ahh!
SLURPS LOUDLY
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{\an2}Argh! Ah!
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{\an1}HE VOCALISES
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{\an2}I trained at RADA.
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{\an2}What have I created?!
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{\an2}So sorry.
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{\an2}How we laughed.
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{\an2}Ah!
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{\an2}Huh?
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{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!
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{\an2}Hello, everybody,
and welcome to Taskmaster.
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{\an2}It's a brand-new series,
and I am a brand-new Greg Davies.
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{\an2}"Why, what's that, Greg?
Have you been working out?"
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{\an2}Of course I haven't.
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{\an2}I've just started the inevitable
age-related slide towards
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{\an2}more indefensible right-wing views.
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{\an2}And selfishness.
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{\an2}If this carries on, at this rate,
this show will be run by
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{\an2}a fat Jacob Rees-Mogg.
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{\an2}As if things weren't sexy
enough round here.
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{\an2}LAUGHTER
Mm!
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{\an2}So, what of our latest crop
of contestants?
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{\an2}Well, I'm not one to judge
people I don't know yet,
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{\an2}but gut instinct and on-set gossip
tell me that three of the five
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{\an2}will be eye-wateringly bad at this.
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{\an2}And with those sort of statistics
to whet your appetite,
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{\an2}let's not waste any more time.
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{\an2}Please welcome Julian Clary...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Lucy Beaumont...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Sam Campbell...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Sue Perkins...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..and Susan Wokoma!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}We all know the following slogans -
"just do it,"
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{\an2}"always the real thing,"
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{\an2}"I'm loving it."
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{\an2}The most enduring brands
all have one,
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{\an2}so why shouldn't he?
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{\an2}Please welcome friendless oddball...
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{\an2}HIGH-PITCHED: ..little Alex Horne!
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Hello, Greg. Hello, there.
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{\an2}Are you hungry? I'm really hungry.
What have you bought for me?
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{\an2}Hm, well, I think you like canapes,
am I right? I love canapes.
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{\an2}Oh, they're so small
and delicious, aren't they?
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{\an2}Oh, my God. Pop 'em in.
Ah, well, here they are.
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{\an2}Here we go. Canapes!
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{\an2}Small and delicious.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Oh!
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{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
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{\an1}APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Right, onwards!
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{\an2}What's the first prize task, Alex?
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{\an2}Well, I think it's fair to say
we're all in for a bit of laugh,
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{\an2}because you asked them to bring in
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{\an2}the most wonderful wooden thing
that they've owned for a while.
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{\an2}Bonkers.
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{\an2}The wooden thing Greg deems is
the most wonderful will get 5 points
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{\an2}to jump-start their series and,
at the end of the episode,
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{\an2}the winner will take home
five wonderful wooden things
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{\an2}to show all their friends
and families, or burn.
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{\an2}All right, Julian Clary, hello.
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{\an2}Hello, there. How are you?
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{\an2}I'm bearing up under the strain,
thank you. Perfect!
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{\an2}Erm, what wooden thing have you
brought in for me, Julian?
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{\an2}I've brought in a wooden table
that I once had commissioned.
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{\an2}Here is his wooden table.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}And we're off. Yes.
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{\an2}Start as we mean to go on.
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{\an2}My friend was married to
a furniture maker,
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{\an2}and I suggested what I would like,
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{\an2}and he made it.
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{\an2}About 30 years ago, I think.
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{\an2}And now, you think you've,
what, outgrown it?
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{\an2}Well, it was hard to part with.
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{\an2}But I thought it
might win me a point.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}What have you brought us,
Lucy Beaumont?
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{\an2}It's a wooden picture of
a boxer dog.
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{\an1}AUDIENCE AWWS
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{\an2}It's not a wooden picture
of a boxer dog,
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{\an2}it's a picture of a boxer dog
in a wooden frame.
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{\an2}Er, no, y-you're wrong, erm,
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{\an2}because it's possessed.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}By - sorry, you obviously
misheard me.
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{\an2}Why is it possessed?
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{\an2}Because, in the house we lived in,
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{\an2}basically I got into bed, er,
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{\an2}I was just about to fall asleep,
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{\an2}and what felt like a boxer dog
got in bed with me.
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{\an2}And obviously, we don't have a dog,
but I could...
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{\an2}I felt, I could feel...
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{\an2}It's a very specific feeling.
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{\an2}Yeah, it is. Yeah.
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{\an2}For you to the breed of dog.
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{\an2}Because of its limbs, and then,
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{\an2}when he converted the garage,
we found that.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Are you genuinely claiming that you
felt the spirit of a boxer dog
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{\an2}climb into bed with you? When...
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{\an2}And then, you found this picture?
Yeah.
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{\an2}Right.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Sam, what have you brought us?
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{\an2}A Pinocchiooooo.
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{\an2}LAUGHTER
Would you...?
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{\an2}Would you like to see
Sam's Pinocchio?
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{\an2}I'd like to enjoy
his pronunciation one more time.
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{\an2}It's a Pinocchiooo!
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{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
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{\an2}Oh! That is the most disgusting
thing I've ever seen.
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{\an2}But everything is long,
except the nose.
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{\an2}Oh, I see.
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{\an2}Wh-Why? Why?
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}He's never lied, this guy.
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{\an2}It's when other people lie to him.
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{\an2}It's a great tragedy, in a way.
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{\an2}I've heard enough.
You've heard enough? Yeah.
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{\an2}I mean, it's insane, innit?
It's insane.
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{\an2}Hm. Sue, hello.
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{\an2}I've bought, erm, an original
piece of art painted by Henry,
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{\an2}the liberated chimpanzee.
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{\an2}Here we go. Ah. Wow.
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{\an2}That's mixed media. Erm...
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{\an2}..acrylic, wood, banana puree.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}So, I went to a chimp sanctuary...
Yeah. ..where all the chimps
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{\an2}had been sadly experimented on,
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{\an2}but they'd been released
into this beautiful,
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{\an2}sort of, forest environment.
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{\an2}And the boys had never
met girls before.
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{\an2}And there was an introduction day.
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{\an2}And all I can describe is...
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{\an2}..sex-gedden.
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{\an2}So, the chimpanzees ran at
each other with real, real need.
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{\an2}Apart from Henry, who just
climbed...top of a pole,
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{\an2}and he stayed there, and later,
when I'd left the sanctuary,
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{\an2}they sent me this.
It's signed at the back.
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{\an2}So, if I've got this right,
you observed a monkey orgy...
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{\an2}Yes! A morgy, yes.
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{\an2}A morgy.Yeah.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}One of the monkeys wasn't
interested in the morgy.
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{\an2}Er, he climbed a stick,
looked lonely,
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{\an2}he painted you a picture.
Yes, he did.
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{\an2}Weirdly, ever since I've had it,
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{\an2}every night when I get into bed,
I feel...
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an1}APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Well, incredibly, more believable
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{\an2}than the spirit of a boxer dog.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Susan, welcome.
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{\an2}Hi. What wooden thing have
you brought me?
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{\an2}A wind chime.
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{\an2}It's not haunted!
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{\an2}There it is.
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{\an2}It's not really wooden, though.
Erm, yes.
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{\an2}I mean, to be fair,
it seems more shell-based.
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{\an2}Talk us through your wind chime.
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{\an2}I went to have a look at a
volcano in Costa Rica.
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{\an2}And when I saw the volcano,
I thought it was really beautiful,
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{\an2}and so I started crying.
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{\an2}And then, this lovely lady
came up to me, and she said,
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{\an2}"Why are you crying?"
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{\an2}And I said, "Because this is
really beautiful."
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{\an2}And she went, "Well, then,
you can take something with you."
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{\an2}And she pulled out this wind chime,
and she gave it to me.
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{\an2}Oh, God. And then, I looked in
the gift shop, and she'd just
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{\an2}basically bought it and was
trying to palm it off.
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{\an2}LAUGHTER
Wow.Mm-hm.
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{\an2}It's quite a sweet story.
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{\an2}Unfortunately, it's an awful object.
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{\an2}It's fairly easy to score
this, isn't it?
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{\an2}Sorry, Lucy, it was an enchanting
story, but I don't want that.
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{\an2}So, I'm only giving you 1 point.
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{\an2}1 point to you. Yeah.
Well done, Lucy.
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{\an2}And you can get 2 points,
and thank you me for them.
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{\an2}OK. Thank you.
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{\an2}What do I want?
I'm quite frightened of yours, Sam.
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{\an2}I'm giving it 3 points, and I think,
just cos it's such a big,
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{\an2}heavy bum table, it has to
take the 5 points. OK.
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{\an2}So, 4 to Sue, 5 to Julian,
there it is. Well done, Julian.
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}All right, let's see them in action.
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{\an2}What's first, please,
little Alex Horne?
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{\an2}Well, Greg Davies, we start with
a canny little task.
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{\an2}Ooh!
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{\an2}Hello?
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{\an2}Oh, it's you. Hi.
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{\an2}This is the living room,
and that is Greg Davies.
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{\an2}Don't look... Don't look him
in the eye. Thank you. Yeah.
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{\an2}Hi. Hi, Julian, I'm Alex.
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{\an2}Sam Campbell.
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{\an2}Do you think anyone's going
to find the secret task?
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{\an2}I don't know about that.
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{\an2}I was just wondering,
do you think anyone's going to
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{\an2}find the secret task this series?
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00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,480
{\an2}I don't know. Yeah.
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{\an2}Yeah? Yeah.
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{\an2}Not me. No? No.
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{\an8}They look lovely like that.
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{\an8}Why do they bother putting
labels on them?
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{\an2}Ah.
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00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,520
{\an8}"Build a tower out of the
cans in the lab.
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00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:11,880
{\an2}"You must" - oh, for g...
oh, what? Ah!
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{\an2}"You must put on your blindfold
in this room,
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{\an2}"and wear it properly for
the rest of the task.
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{\an2}"Tallest tower wins.
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{\an2}"You have five minutes.
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{\an2}"Your time starts now."
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{\an2}Where's the blindfold?
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{\an2}In the can.
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{\an2}Can you get a can of blindfold?
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{\an2}Yeah.
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{\an2}LUCY: Is it in the can? Oh!
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{\an2}Where do you buy
blindfolds in cans from?
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{\an8}So, the... What's this?
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{\an7}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}OK. Can you see anything, Sam?
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{\an2}Nah. Sam? What's up?
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{\an2}Great.
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{\an2}You've now only got
four-and-a-half minutes.
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00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:56,960
{\an2}What?! No!
226
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,160
{\an2}"Five minutes!"
Oh, yeah, it did say five minutes.
227
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,080
{\an2}See you later. Bye!
228
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,600
{\an2}No, no, no, no.
You've gotta put it on this room.
229
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,640
{\an2}Huh?
230
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,040
{\an2}Leave the room now?
231
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,120
{\an2}That's not a door.
232
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,400
{\an2}Well, the door was here.
233
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,920
{\an2}What is that? It's quite sharp.
234
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,920
{\an2}No, the door's there.
Door's still there. What's that?
235
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,760
{\an2}Goes further... Ah!
236
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,760
{\an2}Yeah, that's a whole
minute gone now.
237
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,440
{\an2}Here it is. And off we go.
238
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:38,760
{\an2}There's a little door.
239
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,240
{\an2}Erm, just a reminder to everyone,
240
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,200
{\an2}the task was not,
"Get out of this room."
241
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,600
{\an2}Julian, you seemed to have
a sizzling contempt for Alex
242
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,240
{\an2}I detected early on. Oh, really?
243
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,800
{\an2}Well, yes. Yeah.
244
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,320
{\an2}It sort of evolved, but I mean,
he's ever so nice, really.
245
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,320
{\an2}But he does grate, you're right.
Oh.
246
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,960
{\an2}Er, and Susan, I felt quite
sorry for initially,
247
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,520
{\an2}because she seemed quite defeatist.
248
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,600
{\an2}She went, "Who'll find the
secret task? Not me."
249
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,040
{\an2}And I thought, "Don't be
so negative. Be positive.
250
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,760
{\an2}"Talk yourself up" - and then,
I watched the rest of the video,
251
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,960
{\an1}I thought, "No, it won't be you."
LAUGHTER
252
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,280
{\an2}OK, we're going to start by
seeing these two people,
253
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,000
{\an2}Lucy Beaumont and Susan Wokoma!
254
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:32,280
{\an2}It's not something you want to do
fast, is it, really? Cos...
255
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,880
{\an2}..you don't want to be injured.
256
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,000
{\an2}Why does the corridor feel like
it's getting narrower?
257
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,320
{\an2}It's like a nightmare.
258
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,200
{\an2}Oh, Christ. Oh, yeah, here we are.
259
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,120
{\an2}Whoa, whoa, whoa!
260
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,520
{\an2}This is the door! The door.
261
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:47,440
{\an2}Oh, Christ. Oh, yeah, here we are.
262
00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,240
{\an2}What was that?
263
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,920
{\an2}Are you meant to be leading me - oh!
264
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,520
{\an2}Ahh!
265
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:36,240
{\an2}I think...I think there was
a tower there, you know?
266
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,880
{\an2}Fine! Fine, fine, fine.
267
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,000
{\an2}Still got two minutes.
268
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,560
{\an2}Alex. Yes? Where are you?
I'm just here.
269
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,680
{\an2}One minute left.
270
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,440
{\an2}Why...! These are not sufficient.
271
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:07,480
{\an2}Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
272
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,840
{\an2}Do I have to build these
from scratch?
273
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,160
{\an2}All the information's on the...
Oh, for Go...!
274
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,000
{\an2}I don't - well, I can't read it,
can I?
275
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,360
{\an2}That's fine.
276
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,800
{\an2}You've got 30 seconds. Yeah.
277
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,320
{\an2}Ten seconds, Lucy.
278
00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:31,320
{\an2}Do you know what I feel?
279
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,320
{\an2}Five seconds left.
Should stop there.
280
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,720
{\an2}Are you sure? Yeah, I feel like
I'm going to ruin it.
281
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,200
{\an2}Are you going to do it, or not?
282
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:38,240
{\an2}No.
283
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,280
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
284
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:43,920
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
285
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,000
{\an2}OK. I'll measure the tower.
286
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,000
{\an2}You can leave now.
287
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,520
{\an1}APPLAUSE
288
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,160
{\an2}Erm, Lucy, how did you feel
watching that?
289
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:12,000
{\an2}I don't know what you give points
for, you know, you might...
290
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,400
{\an2}Oh, in this case, it's for how
high the stack of cans is.
291
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:19,640
{\an2}Just how high. Yeah. Yeah,
and you measure it, yeah, yeah.
292
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,960
{\an2}Do you remember what you said when
you were ineffectually putting
293
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,200
{\an2}one can on top of each other,
and they kept falling off?
294
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,760
{\an2}Cos I've written it down. Yeah.
295
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,960
{\an2}Erm, you said,
"These are not sufficient."
296
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,120
{\an2}She is the winner so far, she...
She is the winner so far.
297
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:36,600
{\an2}11 cans high, and I've given
Lucy a six-can tower.
298
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,040
{\an2}Is that cos there were six cans
left standing from the tower
299
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,920
{\an2}that she knocked down?
That she made.
300
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,920
{\an2}How did she make it?
By knocking it down.
301
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,680
{\an2}Right, now for a smidge
of Julian Clary,
302
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,280
{\an2}and a smudge of Sam Campbell.
303
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,800
{\an2}So, I take this can with me?
304
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:52,960
{\an2}Yes.
305
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,000
{\an2}Oh, am I...? Oh, shit.
306
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,960
{\an2}Oh...
AUDIENCE OOHS
307
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:20,600
{\an2}Oh, shit.
308
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,360
{\an2}This is bullshit, dude.
309
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,680
{\an2}Pardon? Nothing.
310
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,440
{\an2}I've never felt such high things.
311
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,240
{\an2}Whoa! What the heck...wait.
312
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:41,600
{\an2}OK.
313
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,000
{\an1}APPLAUSE
314
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,600
{\an2}Stop the clock.
315
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,920
{\an2}Well, it doesn't have that function,
we have to wait.
316
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,720
{\an2}OK. I'm just going to lie down.
317
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,640
{\an2}I'm tempted just to leave it...
318
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,120
{\an2}..cos I'm going to make it worse,
aren't I?
319
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,440
{\an2}Oh, going again?
320
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,320
{\an2}Oh.
321
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,320
{\an2}I expect you're enjoying this,
are you?
322
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,520
{\an2}HE CHUCKLES
Ten seconds.
323
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,560
{\an2}Five seconds left. Five seconds.
324
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,280
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
There we are.Oh.
325
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,640
{\an2}Wow, that was a roller-coaster.
326
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,280
{\an2}But the... The game's over?
327
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,240
{\an2}Do, er, you put -
do you want me to...?
328
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,480
{\an2}Yeah, thank you.
329
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:53,800
{\an2}Sorry.
330
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:54,920
{\an1}LAUGHTER
331
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,480
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
332
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,160
{\an2}Wow, things are starting
to hot up now. Ooh.
333
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,080
{\an2}What I found intriguing, Julian,
is that when some cans fell off,
334
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,720
{\an2}virtually no emotional
response from you.
335
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,360
{\an2}Ah, you'll find as
the series go along,
336
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,880
{\an2}there's very little
emotion from me.
337
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,760
{\an2}Zero emotional response from you.
338
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,240
{\an2}You curled up in
the foetal position.
339
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,280
{\an2}I thought if I got really low,
the tower would be even higher.
340
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
341
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,600
{\an2}If only that's the way
the world worked.
342
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,640
{\an2}Right, it's time to honour
the passing of part one.
343
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,120
{\an2}Alex, please. Mm-hm.
344
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,320
{\an1}PLAYS SINGLE NOTE
345
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,400
{\an1}PLAYS HIGHER NOTE
346
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:51,760
{\an1}PLAYS TRADITIONAL OUTRO
347
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:01,400
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
348
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,120
{\an2}Hello! And welcome back to
the first episode of
349
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,080
{\an2}this fresh new series.
350
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:09,000
{\an2}Mm, yes. I think this is
the freshest I've ever felt, Greg.
351
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,520
{\an2}And my secret -
wet wipes everywhere.
352
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,800
{\an2}Everywhere.
LAUGHTER
353
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:14,840
{\an2}But back to the task -
354
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,360
{\an2}they're trying to stack cans
whilst blindfolded.
355
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,680
{\an2}There have been some disasters
and some successes.
356
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,400
{\an2}Now finally, some Sue Perkinses.
357
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,000
{\an2}You went a little bit too far there.
358
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,760
{\an2}Yes, I could feel my buttocks
have made contact with something
359
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,320
{\an2}that possibly they shouldn't.
360
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,560
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS
361
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,920
{\an2}I'm advancing.
You're doing very well.
362
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,560
{\an2}You're not in any danger.
363
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,080
{\an2}You'll just bump into something...
364
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,320
{\an2}You've just bumped into something.
365
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,800
{\an2}Oh, it's OK. So, I'm just going to -
do I have to...?
366
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,640
{\an2}What an absolute shower
of shits you are.
367
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,560
{\an1}LAUGHTER
368
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,560
{\an1}APPLAUSE
369
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,360
{\an2}Is there an existing tower?
370
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,560
{\an2}I can't answer your question.
371
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:10,920
{\an2}SHE SIGHS
This is...
372
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:11,960
{\an2}Because if I...
373
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,800
{\an2}I've just answered that question.
Yes, you have. Yeah.
374
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,320
{\an2}Is there another tower?
375
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,080
{\an2}I can't answer your question.
376
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,040
{\an2}Once again, I've found the a...
377
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,560
{\an2}Is there a tower here?
You've got 32 seconds left.
378
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,360
{\an2}Is there a tower here?
WHISTLE BLOWS
379
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,720
{\an2}Sue. Yes? Sue, your time is up.
380
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:42,600
{\an2}Do you mind just holding steady,
so I can have a look at your tower?
381
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,280
{\an2}Oh, I see. Would you mind just...?
382
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,360
{\an2}I hope you counted it quickly,
cos it's just...
383
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,280
{\an2}Mm, is it a self-standing tower?
384
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,280
{\an2}Some of it's self-supporting. Yeah.
385
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,240
{\an2}Well, not self-supporting,
it's supporting by my groin.
386
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,600
{\an2}Which is structurally
unsound increasingly.
387
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,680
{\an2}I'm looking up at you,
but I don't know where you are.
388
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:10,040
{\an2}But just, in my mind's eye, you're
over there, just up here somewhere.
389
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,360
{\an2}Has he gone? He's gone, hasn't he?
390
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,400
{\an2}He's gone.
391
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,120
{\an2}OK.
APPLAUSE
392
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,880
{\an2}You started off with almost
military confidence, I felt.
393
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:27,160
{\an2}Yes. There was a lot of quite
cocky corridor energy.
394
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,920
{\an2}I really wanted to follow you
into battle at that point.
395
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,720
{\an2}Don't, is my advice...
No, I shan't. ..now you've seen.
396
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,040
{\an2}You also quoted the Bible. Erm...
Oh, I missed that.
397
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:38,240
{\an2}Er, "You absolute shower of shits,"
that's Book of Revelations.
398
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
399
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,240
{\an1}Did she make a tower in her lap?
400
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,840
{\an2}I think we have to say, it has to be
a free-standing tower, I think.
401
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,920
{\an2}So, it's one, then. One can tall.
Yeah.
402
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,360
{\an2}Sue, er, gets 1 point.
403
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,960
{\an2}2 points to Lucy, with six cans.
404
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,240
{\an2}Susan gets 3 points. 4 to Julian.
405
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,320
{\an2}5 points to Sam Campbell!
406
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,400
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
407
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:58,720
{\an2}Well done.
408
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,440
{\an2}Well, hm, should we have a quick
look at a scoreboard, then?
409
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,120
{\an2}We can, Julian's in the lead,
with 9 points! Yay!
410
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:08,480
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done, Julian.
411
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,960
{\an2}Right, I believe the people
want more tasks, Alex.
412
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,640
{\an2}I also want more tasks,
413
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,200
{\an2}and world peace, and equal rights
for personal assistants,
414
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,960
{\an2}but for now, it's the first
team task of the series.
415
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,200
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
416
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,200
{\an2}Good morning. Good morning.
417
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:37,840
{\an2}Hello, Susan. You all right?
418
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,960
{\an2}Please, could you stand
behind the white box?
419
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,840
{\an2}I've put all your
favourite things in it.
420
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,880
{\an2}We're talking a carabiner.
421
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,040
{\an2}We're talking rubber bands.
422
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,680
{\an2}Heavy-duty clips.
423
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,080
{\an2}Zip ties.
424
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,640
{\an2}Harnesses.
425
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,160
{\an2}Jockey straps.
426
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,160
{\an2}Absolute smorgasbord
for a kidnapper.
427
00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,200
{\an2}"A smorgasbord for a kidnapper."
428
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,040
{\an2}Oh, my God.
429
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,080
{\an2}Hello.
430
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,280
{\an1}LAUGHTER
431
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,840
{\an2}Hello.
432
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,840
{\an2}SUSAN: Massive rope.
433
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,680
{\an2}We've got these things,
which is normally done in crime.
434
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,440
{\an2}I think you know
everything's here now. Yeah.
435
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:16,640
{\an2}OK, off you go.
436
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,240
{\an1}SHE MOUTHS
437
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,680
{\an2}Ahh!
THEY LAUGH
438
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,640
{\an2}You all right?
I'll come and give you a hu...
439
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,240
{\an2}Am I allowed, is that...? Yeah.
440
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,320
{\an2}Hey!
THEY GIGGLE
441
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,640
{\an2}JULIAN: Hello.
SAM: Nice to see you.
442
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,680
{\an2}You guys are part of a team.
443
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,360
{\an2}Oh, great.
444
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,480
{\an2}OK. No "hellos" or anything,
just straight on with it.
445
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:41,840
{\an2}Oh, yes.
446
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,320
{\an2}You are now a team.
447
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:44,920
{\an1}BOTH CHEER
448
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,360
{\an2}Yay! I'm really glad!
449
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,000
{\an2}You may open the task.
450
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,240
{\an2}Ooh. Oh, wow.
451
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,520
{\an2}Oh, hello, Lucy.
SHE MOUTHS
452
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,680
{\an2}This is Sam and Julian.
This is Lucy. Hiya.
453
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:58,720
{\an2}How's it going?
WHISPERS: You all right?
454
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,680
{\an2}Lucy's also in your team.
FLATLY: Oh, great.
455
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:02,880
{\an2}Come and join us.
456
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,600
{\an2}WHISPERS: I've not seen you before.
I know.
457
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,120
{\an2}All right? Yes, I'm so happy.
458
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,600
{\an2}OK. OK! Ahh!
459
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,800
{\an2}JULIAN: "Connect the most
individual parts of one person...
460
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:16,920
{\an2}.."To individual parts
of another person.
461
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,720
{\an2}"All members of your team
must be connected."
462
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,960
{\an2}What? Oh-ho-ho!
463
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,680
{\an2}Ooh, gone rather Marquis de Sade.
464
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:25,880
{\an2}This is, what...?
OK, "You've got ten minutes.
465
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,720
{\an2}JULIAN: "Your time starts now."
466
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,440
{\an2}Alex, there are bulldog clips here.
And we're ladies.
467
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:35,160
{\an2}Yeah, where's that going to go?
What's wrong with you?
468
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:36,560
{\an1}LAUGHTER
469
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,960
{\an1}APPLAUSE
470
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,600
{\an2}I found the arrival
of everyone individually, er,
471
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,680
{\an2}some of the most awkward television
I've ever seen in my life.
472
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,680
{\an2}At one point, Lucy said,
"I've not seen you before."
473
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,080
{\an2}And Julian replied, "I know."
474
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,560
{\an2}Look at the way these
two greeted each other, like -
475
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,480
{\an2}I hope this isn't offensive -
old-school village idiots.
476
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,000
{\an2}And then, the nipple
clamps came out.
477
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,880
{\an1}LAUGHTER
478
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,040
{\an2}OK, well, shall we start with
the two people with the same name?
479
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,360
{\an2}It's the team known as the Sues!
480
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:16,640
{\an2}Hang on, let's see how...
481
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,160
{\an2}I think you might, er, well...
482
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:19,960
{\an2}That's so painful! OK.
483
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,240
{\an2}You can use your clothes.
484
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,080
{\an2}So, it doesn't have to be skin?
It doesn't need to be skin-on-skin.
485
00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,880
{\an2}Cos that looks like that
would rip skin.
486
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,440
{\an2}First up, shall we have your
right arm, my left arm?
487
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,840
{\an2}Let's connect those to start.
Yeah. OK.
488
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,760
{\an2}Going to have to stand quite close.
489
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,000
{\an2}Wrap this round your right hand.
OK, my right.
490
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,640
{\an2}So, we'll be facing each other
in the end. All right, got it.
491
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,080
{\an2}Let's cut that. OK, right, like,
where do you want me to cut?
492
00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:46,080
{\an2}Just anywhere there. OK.
Just not through the hand.
493
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:48,920
{\an2}Feel like I've achieved something.
Oh, I think we cut...
494
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,520
{\an2}Oh. Aha! I did wonder!
495
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,720
{\an2}Right, you had one job.
That was like a magic trick. OK.
496
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,280
{\an2}You've got two minutes left.
497
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,000
{\an2}I've got a bit of give here.
498
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:57,560
{\an2}Is gut - is gut a body part?
499
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,240
{\an2}One of the best.
500
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,880
{\an2}Very nice to meet you, by the way.
501
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,200
{\an2}I mean, I don't meet people often
like this but... Yeah.
502
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,320
{\an2}..I mean, as an ice-breaker,
wonderful, isn't it?
503
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:08,600
{\an2}Ooh! If you just... Yeah.
504
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,480
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
505
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,560
{\an2}OK, just going to check
the connections.
506
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,240
{\an2}So, we've got neck, wrist...
507
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,680
{\an2}Yeah. Boobs.
508
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,880
{\an2}..other wrists, boobs, er, gut,
509
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,160
{\an8}ankle, foot. OK, I think
I've got all your connections.
510
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,760
{\an2}Er, that's just a...
511
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:24,880
{\an2}Just for you, as well.
512
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,120
{\an2}AUDIENCE OOHS
How are you going to open that?
513
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,360
{\an2}There's more? Oh, there's more.
514
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:31,920
{\an2}OK. Got it?
515
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:34,600
{\an2}Oh, for goodness' sake.
516
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,440
{\an1}APPLAUSE
517
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,640
{\an2}Was there much of a system,
do you think?
518
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,840
{\an2}I think it was mainly panic,
rather than process-driven.
519
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,360
{\an2}But you were gut-to-gut,
boob-to-boob. Boob-to-boob.
520
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,680
{\an2}You didn't like saying "boob,"
I noticed. Made me laugh.
521
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,240
{\an2}No, but I thought it a lot
that night. Yeah, I bet you did.
522
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
523
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,120
{\an2}There were 12 connections
altogether,
524
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,360
{\an2}but that wasn't the task.
525
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,600
{\an2}We don't know what
the actual task is yet. No.
526
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,440
{\an2}Show me the natural friends.
527
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,280
{\an2}LAUGHTER
OK.
528
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,720
{\an2}When chemistry explodes.
529
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,600
{\an2}Here come the natural friends,
also known as JLS -
530
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,320
{\an2}Julian, Lucy, and Sam!
531
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,440
{\an2}Can I say my pitch? Mm-hm.
532
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,960
{\an2}Chop off a little bit of everyone's
hair, put it in, you know...
533
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,680
{\an2}Mm-hm. I don't mind doing that,
534
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:22,320
{\an2}because my daughter put a Fruitella,
you know, in my hair.
535
00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:25,480
{\an2}And I can't get it out.
Er, and I keep getting other thi...
536
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,880
{\an2}I've got a bit of cotton wool
stuck it in, as well.
537
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:31,320
{\an2}So, I'm really happy to cut off
all that, if you want.
538
00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:33,600
{\an2}We haven't got any scissors, though.
They're in here.
539
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,600
{\an2}We could use a saw.
Oh, there is, yeah.
540
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,360
{\an2}Are you happy to lose some strands?
541
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,160
{\an2}Well, only a little bit.
Yeah, yeah, same from the back.
542
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,560
{\an2}Do you want to just
cut it off, then?
543
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,200
{\an2}You're totally sure? I think so.
544
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,560
{\an2}Definitely do this.
Just as low down as you c...
545
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:48,840
{\an2}Oh.
546
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,680
{\an2}You're not having that much
of my hair. Oh, gosh.
547
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,720
{\an2}Can you take a tiny bit of mine?
548
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,520
{\an2}Mine's, I'm not being funny,
quite a nice cut?
549
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,520
{\an2}If I do it sort of in the middle,
then you won't,
550
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,880
{\an2}you can cover it with
the other bits.
551
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,400
{\an2}OK, hang on... Ooh.
552
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:04,680
{\an2}Oh, shriek.
553
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:08,880
{\an2}Oh!
554
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,000
{\an2}I'm going to cut Sam's hair.
555
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,520
{\an2}Open sesame.
556
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,960
{\an2}Shall all we hold it?
557
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,480
{\an2}That's pretty good, I reckon.
558
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,000
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
559
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:28,880
{\an2}Need to inspect the connections,
and I'll give you...that.
560
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,000
{\an2}Oh, this is a second part? Yeah.
561
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,200
{\an2}"You're now ready for
the actual task.
562
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,000
{\an2}"Cross the finish line with all
connections still connected.
563
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,680
{\an8}"Fastest wins.
564
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:43,480
{\an8}"Your time starts when Alex
565
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,080
{\an2}"blows...his...whistle."
566
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,200
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
OK.
567
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:00,320
{\an2}Yay!
568
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,080
{\an8}SLOW-MOTION DISTORTED: Yay!
569
00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,240
{\an7}APPLAUSE
570
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,360
{\an2}Great, I'll go and count these,
you can go inside. Thank you.
571
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,720
{\an2}Thank you. Thank you.
Thanks so much. Bye-bye.
572
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:14,840
{\an1}HE SNIFFS
573
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,120
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
574
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,040
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wow.
575
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,200
{\an2}Well, there you go,
that's what this show does,
576
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:21,680
{\an2}it brings people together quickly.
577
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,680
{\an2}First of all, I think the
idea is brilliant.
578
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,160
{\an2}It was Sam's idea, right?
What have you got more of than hair?
579
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:27,640
{\an2}Could've done it with blood.
580
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,960
{\an2}Could've done it with bits
of our blood.
581
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,400
{\an2}Oh, well next time.
582
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,280
{\an1}LAUGHTER
583
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,360
{\an2}Cos you say all this stuff,
you know,
584
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,480
{\an2}"oh, the unnatural friendship,"
or whatever but,
585
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,200
{\an2}I think it helped, like...
586
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,360
{\an2}Do you know that boys
that got stuck in the cave? Yeah.
587
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,160
{\an2}Wow. The divers that saved them,
they were like all people, like,
588
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:45,920
{\an2}they were like,
"Did you feel anything?"
589
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,000
{\an2}They go, "Nothing."
They're clinical guys.
590
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,240
{\an2}But they're capable of just
amazing things.
591
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,200
{\an2}Did they swap hair?
592
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,600
{\an2}They didn't swap hair,
they just do this diving.
593
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,120
{\an2}And they're not like
bubbly personalities, no offence.
594
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,520
{\an2}But they...
LAUGHTER
595
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,520
{\an2}They saved those boys, man.
They did.
596
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
597
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,840
{\an2}Breaktime again.
Bye-bye, bum-bums!
598
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,240
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
599
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,800
{\an2}Hello, and welcome back
to Taskmaster!
600
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:25,800
{\an2}Yes, there's a classic
two-part team task in play.
601
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,240
{\an2}They had to connect the most
individual parts of one person
602
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,040
{\an2}to the most individual
parts of another,
603
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,480
{\an2}but didn't know they'd then
be asked to race across
604
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:34,360
{\an2}the finishing line still connected.
605
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,160
{\an2}That didn't matter for
the team of three,
606
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:37,640
{\an2}with their cunning hair play.
607
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,200
{\an2}But what about the team of Sues?
608
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,480
{\an2}Well...good luck, here we go.
THEY LAUGH
609
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,760
{\an2}"You are now ready for
the actual task."
610
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,080
{\an2}You shit giblet.
LAUGHTER
611
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,120
{\an2}OK, well, good luck.
612
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,080
{\an2}I'm going to... OK.
Shall we move the inside...?
613
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:52,360
{\an2}Here we go!
WHISTLE BLOWS
614
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:53,840
{\an2}..or the outside legs? Yeah.
615
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:55,240
{\an1}THEY LAUGH
616
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,040
{\an2}Oh, dear. That step's going
to be interesting. Yeah.
617
00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,560
{\an2}One, two, three. Three.
618
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,040
{\an2}Ooh, hello! Oh, my knee's gone!
619
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,720
{\an2}Oh, yeah.
620
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,560
{\an2}I'm dragging the box.
The box is coming with us.
621
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:07,400
{\an2}Let's go. Come on, boxy!
622
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,880
{\an2}Right, I'm going inside leg,
outside leg. OK, OK.
623
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:13,400
{\an2}Ah! Inside... Ah! ..outside.
624
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,880
{\an2}Inside... Ooh! ..outside.
625
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,840
{\an2}That's pulling quite heavily
on the groin. It is - on the groin?
626
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:20,400
{\an2}It's all good. OK.
627
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:26,880
{\an2}The box is still attached!
628
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,720
{\an1}STRAINING LOUDLY
629
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:34,600
{\an2}Glory photo finish! Yay!
630
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:38,080
{\an2}SLOW-MOTION DISTORTED! Yay!
631
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:39,600
{\an2}You made it!
632
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,520
{\an1}APPLAUSE
633
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,000
{\an2}I mean, it looked painful,
and you did at some point, Sue,
634
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,600
{\an2}say, "This is pulling quite
heavily on the groin." Yeah.
635
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,240
{\an2}I enjoyed you calling him a
"shit giblet," though. Very nice.
636
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,200
{\an2}That's actually from King Lear.
Cordelia said that. Yeah.
637
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:57,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
638
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,400
{\an2}But you did make it across the line,
and that's to be celebrated.
639
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,280
{\an2}They did make it across the line.
We don't know who's won yet, Greg.
640
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,960
{\an2}We do. We do. We do. We do.
641
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,800
{\an2}We know some by margin,
but you know,
642
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,320
{\an2}if you want to build it up...
Yeah. "Ooh, who has won?"
643
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,960
{\an2}Oh, it was these guys, easily,
by miles. Yeah.
644
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,360
{\an2}Yeah, the team of three crossed
the line in 11.5 seconds.
645
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,800
{\an2}Team of two, just over 90 seconds.
646
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,080
{\an2}OK. OK.
647
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,720
{\an2}So, I'll give 5 points to these
three, and I'll give 2 points...
648
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,400
{\an2}WHISPERS: Five points!
..to these two. Fair enough.
649
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:27,320
{\an2}Thank you very much. So, it's
5 points to the team of three!
650
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,600
{\an1}There we are. They're the winners.
APPLAUSE
651
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,520
{\an2}And I would like to have another
fine task, if you please.
652
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,280
{\an2}And, to really spoil you,
here's our first location task.
653
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,240
{\an2}Oh, hello. Hello.
654
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,080
{\an2}Hello, Sam. Come through.
655
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:12,800
{\an2}Watch out, watch out for the duck.
656
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,640
{\an2}It's the only sport I'm good at.
657
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,040
{\an2}What do you mean? Hook a duck.
658
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,560
{\an2}A sport? Well, you know.
659
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,560
{\an2}It's the only thing
I was good at as a kid.
660
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:22,760
{\an2}How good were you at it?
661
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,840
{\an2}I used to be able
to hoo-hoo-hook the ducks.
662
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,240
{\an2}Oh, well that is good. Yeah.
663
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:28,920
{\an2}"Get the duck into the lake."
664
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,120
{\an2}JULIAN: "Get the duck
into the lake."
665
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:33,680
{\an1}EERIE MUSIC
666
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,880
{\an2}"Get this duck into the lake.
667
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,280
{\an2}"You must not touch the beak.
668
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,160
{\an2}SUSAN: "If the duck leaves
the course, it must re-enter at
669
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,280
{\an2}"the point it left the course.
670
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:49,880
{\an2}"If your duck touches
the boundary...
671
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:51,760
{\an2}SAM: .."Or a flamingo...
672
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:53,480
{\an2}SUE: .."Or a pineapple...
673
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,880
{\an2}JULIAN: .."One minute will be
added to your time.
674
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,440
{\an2}"Or a flamingo?" Bloody hell.
675
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,120
{\an2}It's all go, innit?
676
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:01,520
{\an2}SUE: "Fastest wins.
677
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,920
{\an2}"Your time starts now."
678
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:06,920
{\an2}Thank you very much.
Pleasure, good luck.
679
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,240
{\an2}OK thanks.
680
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,960
{\an1}APPLAUSE
681
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:12,600
{\an1}Lucy, tell me about the hook-a-duck?
682
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:14,520
{\an2}It was something you were
genuinely good at.
683
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,000
{\an2}Yeah, I wasn't very sporty,
you know, cos I did...
684
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,400
{\an2}I wasn't either.
But you've got legs, haven't you?
685
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,400
{\an2}I've got legs.
And I have, but they're...
686
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,000
{\an2}I've got legs for miles, baby.
687
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:24,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
688
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:28,000
{\an2}I think my legs are actually
arms without fingers.
689
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:31,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
690
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,680
{\an2}They fold up, you know,
they fold, like,
691
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,440
{\an2}I can cross my legs really well.
692
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,560
{\an2}You think you've got
four sets of arms?
693
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,480
{\an2}Yeah.
694
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER
695
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,000
{\an2}I've not had it proven but...
696
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,000
{\an2}What do you mean - I'm sorry...
697
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
698
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:51,440
{\an2}What do you mean you can really
fold them well, your legs?
699
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,240
{\an2}Mine fold like arms.
700
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:56,200
{\an2}With feet, I've got feet. Yeah.
701
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,400
{\an2}I'm not complaining. No.
702
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,600
{\an2}We have to carry on with
the show, Greg. I don't...
703
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:03,720
{\an2}We do have to.
704
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:08,560
{\an2}The first names on the bill
are Sue, Sam, and Lucy.
705
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,400
{\an2}Well, you can't touch the flamingo.
706
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:11,480
{\an2}Yeah, or the beak.
707
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,000
{\an2}Don't touch the beak.
708
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,840
{\an2}Yeah, so watch out for
the flamingos and, yeah.
709
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:25,680
{\an8}Oh-ho! It's touched that one.
710
00:34:25,720 --> 00:34:27,840
{\an8}Yeah, it's sort of left.
Is that all right?
711
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,080
{\an8}Yeah, you're meant to stay on
the course ideally, yeah.
712
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:31,560
{\an8}Yeah.
713
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:32,840
{\an2}I mean, if I don't do this,
714
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,160
{\an2}it's going to constantly
touch the boundary.
715
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,160
{\an2}Make this as wide as possible.
716
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:45,240
{\an2}Oh, I'm so sorry.
717
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,200
{\an2}So sorry, I've cut you
in half, love.
718
00:34:47,240 --> 00:34:48,520
{\an2}Argh!
719
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,960
{\an2}I'm just thinking, is there
another way to do it, but...?
720
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,360
{\an2}Come on, little ducky.
721
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:11,600
{\an2}It's actually quite relaxing.
722
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:17,840
{\an2}Has it touched anything yet?
723
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,440
{\an2}SAM: It's touched everything!
724
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:43,320
{\an2}Right darling. Let's get you
into your natural habitat.
725
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:52,360
{\an2}I've stopped the clock.
726
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,600
{\an2}Did it touch the boundary?
727
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:11,480
{\an2}Yeah. How many times?
728
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,360
{\an2}About 12?
LAUGHTER
729
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:16,800
{\an2}Thank you very much.
730
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,600
{\an1}APPLAUSE
731
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,120
{\an2}Sue moved the boundary. Hm.
732
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:23,360
{\an2}Lateral thinking. Yes.
733
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,120
{\an2}She moved the obstacles
out of the way.
734
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:26,760
{\an2}Mm-hm, lateral thinking, yeah.
735
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,680
{\an2}Lateral thinking was allowed,
was allowed.
736
00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:30,120
{\an2}How does that make you two feel?
737
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,080
{\an2}Angry. Then disappointed,
738
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:36,600
{\an2}because, no offence to you, Sue,
cos I like you a lot, actually,
739
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:38,760
{\an2}But it doesn't say you can do that.
740
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:42,160
{\an2}I mean, if you went through life
just always moving the boundaries,
741
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:47,040
{\an2}you know, like a 70mph,
it doesn't say don't go at 90mph.
742
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,560
{\an2}LAUGHTER
It does.It literally does.
743
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:50,920
{\an2}Feel it's a difference between
744
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,920
{\an2}a light entertainment comedy
format and the law.
745
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:55,840
{\an2}And a well-established British law.
746
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,480
{\an2}So, do you mean for, like,
all these, you can just
747
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,400
{\an2}change the rules?
748
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,960
{\an2}I haven't changed the rules
on any of these things!
749
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:08,880
{\an2}My feeling is, in terms of avoiding
the things that would penalise you,
750
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:10,560
{\an2}you did it very badly. Hm.
751
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,880
{\an2}And the size of the duck
also affected play. Yeah.
752
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:14,880
{\an2}It was a big duck.
753
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,960
{\an2}Well, look, Sam did it
in two minutes, 20.
754
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,320
{\an2}Lucy, two minutes, 44 -
which is great, but then,
755
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,760
{\an2}she only hit ten things,
but that's an extra ten minutes.
756
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,200
{\an2}And Sam hit nine things,
so it's an extra nine minutes.
757
00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:25,840
{\an2}Sue, nine minutes, 45 -
758
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,120
{\an2}so seven-and-a-half minutes
slower than Sam.
759
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:29,440
{\an2}But she didn't touch anything,
760
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,480
{\an2}so she actually beat him by
a minute-and-a-half.
761
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:32,720
{\an2}Good, OK. Break time.
762
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,480
{\an2}Who will take home Julian's
old wooden bum table,
763
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,000
{\an2}and Sam's horrific Pinocchiooo?
764
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:39,560
{\an1}APPLAUSE
765
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,840
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, welcome back!
766
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:50,960
{\an2}You join us for
the final part of the show.
767
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,480
{\an2}Yes, it's nearly bedtime,
but we still need to see two people
768
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,360
{\an2}pushing giant ducks towards a pond.
769
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,520
{\an2}So, finally, let's gander
at Julian and Susan.
770
00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:03,120
{\an2}Right, then.
I mustn't touch the beak.
771
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,560
{\an2}Oh, definitely not.
772
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,280
{\an2}There's not really any other bits.
773
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:08,840
{\an2}Oh, actually, hang on.
774
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,760
{\an2}If the beak's facing me,
I know I'm going to touch it.
775
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,160
{\an2}That's a big girl, innit?
776
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:26,800
{\an2}Come on.
777
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,600
{\an2}Come on, girl! Ah!
778
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:37,840
{\an2}Ooh.
779
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:43,680
{\an1}JULIAN EXHALES
780
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,720
{\an2}I think you clipped one flamingo.
781
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:55,240
{\an2}I think it was the wind.
782
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,640
{\an2}Oh, was it?
Right, OK, I'll put that down.
783
00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,800
{\an2}Come on, girl!
784
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,040
{\an2}I'm nearly there.
785
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,760
{\an2}It'd be lovely if it goes in
on his bottom.
786
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:06,960
{\an2}Well, there was nothing in
the rules about that.
787
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,160
{\an2}No, that's true.
788
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,960
{\an2}Ahh! This is going to be
so satisfying!
789
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,080
{\an2}Yeah!
SHE LAUGHS
790
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:22,640
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
791
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:24,040
{\an2}Bye!
792
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,080
{\an2}Why's he doing that?
793
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:35,600
{\an2}I think he's getting excited.
794
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:42,400
{\an2}I've stopped the clock.
795
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,040
{\an2}Sorry he's on his side,
796
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:45,680
{\an2}but that's how it happens.
797
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:54,600
{\an1}APPLAUSE
798
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,600
{\an2}Well, Julian's was quite
a haphazard technique, wasn't it?
799
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:06,440
{\an2}Well, it was quite hard work for,
you know, an ageing homosexual.
800
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
801
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,720
{\an2}Julian slid and bounced it there
in four minutes, 15,
802
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,600
{\an2}with just a two-minute penalty,
so 6:15 - he's in the lead.
803
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,160
{\an2}Susan. Hi.
804
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:17,600
{\an2}You said, and I quote,
805
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,840
{\an2}"If the beak faces me,
I know I'm going to touch it."
806
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,360
{\an2}Is that a compulsive disorder
of some kind?
807
00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:29,560
{\an2}That's just me being absolutely
aware of my limitations.
808
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:31,280
{\an2}And beak-touching is one of them?
809
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:34,080
{\an2}Honestly, just keep
a beak away from me.
810
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
811
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,000
{\an2}Halfway along the duck drag,
812
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:41,040
{\an2}you turned into a character
from EastEnders.
813
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:45,000
{\an2}And started repeatedly saying,
"Come on, girl."
814
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:48,120
{\an2}I mean my impression is that
Susan did brilliantly there and...
815
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:49,720
{\an2}She did.
..is going to be the victor.
816
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:51,720
{\an2}No punishments at all.
Three minutes, 20.
817
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:52,800
{\an2}Absolutely smashed it.
818
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,960
{\an2}However... Uh-oh. Oh.
819
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:56,600
{\an2}Oh, come on, girl!
820
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:58,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
821
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:02,560
{\an2}You've done me up like
a kipper, you slag.
822
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,120
{\an2}Remember the rule about
the not touching the beak?
823
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,160
{\an2}I have to show you this extra
little video, here we go.
824
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:09,440
{\an2}Ohh.
825
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,760
{\an2}I mustn't touch the beak.
Oh, definitely not.
826
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:16,120
{\an1}BUZZER
827
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,960
{\an2}I might've touched the beak.
828
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,520
{\an2}Erm, yeah Lucy you've just
exited the course, I'm afraid.
829
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:26,960
{\an2}Don't touch the beak.
Don't touch the beak?
830
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,000
{\an1}BUZZER
831
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:29,800
{\an2}Ah, shit.
832
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:33,000
{\an2}Which means that, because of that,
Sam actually gets 3 points.
833
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,560
{\an2}It's 4 points to Sue, but it's
5 points to Susan Wokoma!
834
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:39,160
{\an2}There it is!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
835
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,440
{\an2}May I see the scores before
the studio task, please?
836
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:44,160
{\an2}The leader is Sam at the moment,
with 16 points.
837
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,480
{\an2}Wow!
APPLAUSE
838
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,720
{\an2}Right, for the first time
this series,
839
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,000
{\an2}would you please make your way
to the stage for
840
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:53,680
{\an2}the final task of the show!
841
00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:54,840
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
842
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,080
{\an2}Hello, young fellow m'lad.
843
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,160
{\an2}Who will be reading
the final task out?
844
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:08,120
{\an2}Susan Wokoma, please.
845
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:12,200
{\an2}"Say whether you think the next item
is heavier or lighter
846
00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:14,360
{\an2}"than the previous item.
847
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,480
{\an2}"If you are wrong,
you are eliminated.
848
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,960
{\an2}"Last person standing wins."
849
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,760
{\an2}So, I'll go over to the other end.
Goodbye.
850
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,600
{\an2}Julian, eight loo rolls.
851
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,080
{\an2}Heavier or lighter than
one large duck?
852
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:35,000
{\an2}Oh, we could play this at home,
couldn't we? I know.
853
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:36,280
{\an2}Lighter.
854
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,520
{\an2}You're saying the duck is heavier
than the loo rolls.
855
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:41,400
{\an2}Oh, I'm going to get the audience
to go "whoo". Oh, yes.
856
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:43,640
{\an2}AUDIENCE: Ooh!
857
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:45,120
{\an2}OK. Let's find out.
858
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,240
{\an2}Remember, if it's heavier,
the duck will go down.
859
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
860
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,720
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
861
00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:59,960
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Correct! Julian survives.
862
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,040
{\an2}We now move on to Lucy Beaumont.
Oh, God.
863
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,440
{\an2}Pineapple - heavier or
lighter than duck?
864
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:09,520
{\an2}Well, that's heavier, isn't it?
Oh, yes, it is.
865
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,960
{\an2}Heavier than a duck, you say.
866
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:13,840
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
867
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:17,880
{\an1}CHEERING
868
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,360
{\an2}Hello, Sam. Welly? Oh.
869
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,920
{\an2}Heavier or lighter than a pineapple?
Oh, that's a tricky one.
870
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:27,880
{\an2}Can I ask questions?
You can ask me one.
871
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:30,840
{\an2}Are you a child of divorce?
872
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
873
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,960
{\an1}APPLAUSE
874
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:40,880
{\an2}He's used up his question.
875
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:43,160
{\an2}So, heavier or lighter?
876
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,120
{\an2}I think wellington,
heavier than a pine...apple.
877
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,160
{\an2}He says it's heavier.
Let's find out.
878
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:49,880
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
879
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,680
{\an1}CHEERING
880
00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:56,200
{\an2}Heavy wellies.
Sue, welly...or flour?
881
00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:57,880
{\an2}Flour. Flour heavier.
882
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,440
{\an2}Can I just say, before you
pull that out obviously?
883
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:05,120
{\an2}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
Ohh!
884
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:08,320
{\an2}One wellington, more than 1.5kg?
885
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,840
{\an2}You have to now hold the one
to indicate that you're out.
886
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:12,840
{\an2}It's quite heavy. Oh, it is very...
887
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:14,480
{\an2}You utter shit.
888
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:15,960
{\an1}LAUGHTER
889
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,840
{\an2}No thank you.
890
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:20,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
891
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,360
{\an2}So, it's your turn, Susan.
892
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:25,120
{\an2}Is the bell heavier than the flour?
893
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:28,040
{\an2}Erm...Sue, I'll give you permission
to put that down, if you like.
894
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:29,400
{\an1}LOUD THUD
895
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,480
{\an2}OK. I'm going to say the bell.
896
00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:35,800
{\an2}The bell's heavier
than the flour, let's see.
897
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:36,840
{\an2}Audience noise.
898
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,920
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
899
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:41,640
{\an2}Shit. Susan's out.
900
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:43,880
{\an2}So, we're back to you, Julian. OK.
901
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:45,320
{\an2}It's candlestick time.
902
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:47,200
{\an2}Heavier or lighter than the bell?
903
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:48,440
{\an2}Lighter.
904
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:49,760
{\an2}It was a quick answer.
905
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,280
{\an2}Hm, mercifully quick,
some would say. Yeah.
906
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,520
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
907
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,680
{\an2}What do I have to do now?
I-I'm out? Yeah, you're out.
908
00:44:57,720 --> 00:45:00,080
{\an2}You're out, yeah.
But you get the bell. Oh, well.
909
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,760
{\an2}Be still, my beating heart.
910
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER
911
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:05,640
{\an2}It's Lucy versus Sam.
912
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:07,720
{\an2}I guess.
And we're moving on to the teddy.
913
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:10,160
{\an2}Heavier or lighter than
the candlestick?
914
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:11,840
{\an2}Think that's heavier.
915
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,320
{\an2}The candle's heavier?
Pull the stick. Yeah.
916
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,560
{\an2}Oh, sh... No!
You can see it's not.
917
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,560
{\an2}Oh, bastard.
AUDIENCE OOHS
918
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:22,320
{\an2}We've lost Lucy.
919
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:25,360
{\an2}However, Sam still has to get
one right to win the task,
920
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,480
{\an2}cos so far, he's only got one.
921
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:29,200
{\an2}So, this is a big moment.
922
00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:30,520
{\an2}Good luck, Sam.
923
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:34,120
{\an2}It's teddy versus leaf blower.
Oh! Oh, my God.
924
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:35,520
{\an2}You know it's a heavy teddy.
925
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,120
{\an2}You're going to say
I'm crazy for this one,
926
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:39,880
{\an2}but I think they have equal weight.
927
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:42,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
928
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:45,640
{\an1}APPLAUSE
929
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:48,200
{\an2}You can change your mind,
930
00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:50,160
{\an2}if you want to make
everything easier.
931
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:53,800
{\an2}Teddy, teddy, teddy, teddy.
932
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:55,000
{\an2}The teddy's heavier?
933
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,480
{\an2}Yeah, yeah, it's heavy.
It's really heavy, yeah.
934
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:58,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER
935
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,920
{\an2}If the leaf blower
is lighter than the teddy,
936
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,200
{\an2}then Sam Campbell will win
the task outright.
937
00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:04,760
{\an2}Oh, my God.
938
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,000
{\an2}Come on. Oh, my God.
939
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:09,520
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
940
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:12,720
{\an1}ECSTATIC CHEERING
941
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:14,400
{\an2}YOU MADE ME CHANGE IT!
942
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:16,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
943
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,440
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
944
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:24,320
{\an2}That was so good.
That was... That's good.
945
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:26,160
{\an2}Much, much heavier in the end.
946
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:27,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
947
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,160
{\an2}We'll add it to the final scores,
please come and join me.
948
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:31,760
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
949
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,040
{\an2}Well, that was exciting, wasn't it?
950
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,160
{\an2}Yes, it meant Sue and Susan
didn't get any right.
951
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:42,360
{\an2}They came joint fourth,
so they get 2 points each,
952
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,920
{\an2}and we have three people who won
the task, even though they only
953
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:46,720
{\an2}got one thing right,
they get 5 points each.
954
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:49,400
{\an2}So, that's Julian and Lucy, and Sam.
All won the task!
955
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:51,440
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
956
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:55,440
{\an2}And the winner of the first show
of the series, with 21 points,
957
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:56,760
{\an2}it's Sam Campbell!
958
00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:58,360
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
959
00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:01,000
{\an2}Sam Campbell wins!
960
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,840
{\an2}Please, wander up to worship your
wonderful wooden winnings!
961
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:06,760
{\an1}CHEERING
962
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:11,480
{\an2}What have we learnt today?
963
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:14,680
{\an2}We've learnt that if you put
a human being in a tricky situation,
964
00:47:14,720 --> 00:47:18,840
{\an2}they can be thoughtful, resourceful,
and sometimes ingenious.
965
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:21,280
{\an2}We've also learnt that some people
think they've got arms
966
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,400
{\an2}instead of legs.
It's a funny old world, isn't it?
967
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:26,680
{\an2}See you soon. But for now,
please applaud the first winner
968
00:47:26,720 --> 00:47:30,040
{\an2}of the series, Sam Campbell!
969
00:47:53,720 --> 00:47:57,000
{\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media