1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,840 {\an2}This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,200 {\an2}BELL RINGS Good evening. 3 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:10,640 {\an2}Ahh! SLURPS LOUDLY 4 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,240 {\an2}Argh! Ah! 5 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,680 {\an1}HE VOCALISES 6 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,120 {\an2}I trained at RADA. 7 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,120 {\an2}What have I created?! 8 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,240 {\an2}So sorry. 9 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,840 {\an2}How we laughed. 10 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:21,880 {\an2}Ah! 11 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:25,760 {\an2}Huh? 12 00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:36,200 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! 13 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,880 {\an2}Hello, everybody, and welcome to Taskmaster. 14 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:43,280 {\an2}It's a brand-new series, and I am a brand-new Greg Davies. 15 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,600 {\an2}"Why, what's that, Greg? Have you been working out?" 16 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:46,640 {\an2}Of course I haven't. 17 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,680 {\an2}I've just started the inevitable age-related slide towards 18 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,000 {\an2}more indefensible right-wing views. 19 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,000 {\an2}And selfishness. 20 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,960 {\an2}If this carries on, at this rate, this show will be run by 21 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,480 {\an2}a fat Jacob Rees-Mogg. 22 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,720 {\an2}As if things weren't sexy enough round here. 23 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,520 {\an2}LAUGHTER Mm! 24 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,600 {\an2}So, what of our latest crop of contestants? 25 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,320 {\an2}Well, I'm not one to judge people I don't know yet, 26 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:14,320 {\an2}but gut instinct and on-set gossip tell me that three of the five 27 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:17,000 {\an2}will be eye-wateringly bad at this. 28 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,880 {\an2}And with those sort of statistics to whet your appetite, 29 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:21,400 {\an2}let's not waste any more time. 30 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:25,320 {\an2}Please welcome Julian Clary... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 31 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,880 {\an2}..Lucy Beaumont... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 32 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,360 {\an2}..Sam Campbell... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 33 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,400 {\an2}..Sue Perkins... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 34 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,120 {\an2}..and Susan Wokoma! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 35 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,240 {\an2}We all know the following slogans - "just do it," 36 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,480 {\an2}"always the real thing," 37 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:42,600 {\an2}"I'm loving it." 38 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,560 {\an2}The most enduring brands all have one, 39 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:46,040 {\an2}so why shouldn't he? 40 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:48,960 {\an2}Please welcome friendless oddball... 41 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,040 {\an2}HIGH-PITCHED: ..little Alex Horne! 42 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:52,880 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 43 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,920 {\an2}Hello, Greg. Hello, there. 44 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,480 {\an2}Are you hungry? I'm really hungry. What have you bought for me? 45 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,080 {\an2}Hm, well, I think you like canapes, am I right? I love canapes. 46 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,160 {\an2}Oh, they're so small and delicious, aren't they? 47 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,040 {\an2}Oh, my God. Pop 'em in. Ah, well, here they are. 48 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,600 {\an2}Here we go. Canapes! 49 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,680 {\an2}Small and delicious. LAUGHTER 50 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,480 {\an2}Oh! 51 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES 52 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 53 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,040 {\an2}Right, onwards! 54 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,800 {\an2}What's the first prize task, Alex? 55 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,760 {\an2}Well, I think it's fair to say we're all in for a bit of laugh, 56 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,320 {\an2}because you asked them to bring in 57 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:29,520 {\an2}the most wonderful wooden thing that they've owned for a while. 58 00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:33,080 {\an2}Bonkers. 59 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,400 {\an2}The wooden thing Greg deems is the most wonderful will get 5 points 60 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,760 {\an2}to jump-start their series and, at the end of the episode, 61 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,280 {\an2}the winner will take home five wonderful wooden things 62 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,960 {\an2}to show all their friends and families, or burn. 63 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,560 {\an2}All right, Julian Clary, hello. 64 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,920 {\an2}Hello, there. How are you? 65 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,600 {\an2}I'm bearing up under the strain, thank you. Perfect! 66 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,720 {\an2}Erm, what wooden thing have you brought in for me, Julian? 67 00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,360 {\an2}I've brought in a wooden table that I once had commissioned. 68 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,960 {\an2}Here is his wooden table. 69 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 70 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,240 {\an2}And we're off. Yes. 71 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,000 {\an2}Start as we mean to go on. 72 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,400 {\an2}My friend was married to a furniture maker, 73 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,120 {\an2}and I suggested what I would like, 74 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:16,880 {\an2}and he made it. 75 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,520 {\an2}About 30 years ago, I think. 76 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,680 {\an2}And now, you think you've, what, outgrown it? 77 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,960 {\an2}Well, it was hard to part with. 78 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,160 {\an2}But I thought it might win me a point. 79 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER 80 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:30,360 {\an2}What have you brought us, Lucy Beaumont? 81 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,640 {\an2}It's a wooden picture of a boxer dog. 82 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,240 {\an1}AUDIENCE AWWS 83 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,240 {\an2}It's not a wooden picture of a boxer dog, 84 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,560 {\an2}it's a picture of a boxer dog in a wooden frame. 85 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,080 {\an2}Er, no, y-you're wrong, erm, 86 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,560 {\an2}because it's possessed. 87 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 88 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,720 {\an2}By - sorry, you obviously misheard me. 89 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,120 {\an2}Why is it possessed? 90 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:53,200 {\an2}Because, in the house we lived in, 91 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,560 {\an2}basically I got into bed, er, 92 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,120 {\an2}I was just about to fall asleep, 93 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:02,080 {\an2}and what felt like a boxer dog got in bed with me. 94 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:06,480 {\an2}And obviously, we don't have a dog, but I could... 95 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:07,960 {\an2}I felt, I could feel... 96 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,040 {\an2}It's a very specific feeling. 97 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,360 {\an2}Yeah, it is. Yeah. 98 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,360 {\an2}For you to the breed of dog. 99 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,360 {\an2}Because of its limbs, and then, 100 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:19,800 {\an2}when he converted the garage, we found that. 101 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER 102 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:25,520 {\an2}Are you genuinely claiming that you felt the spirit of a boxer dog 103 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:26,960 {\an2}climb into bed with you? When... 104 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,400 {\an2}And then, you found this picture? Yeah. 105 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,680 {\an2}Right. LAUGHTER 106 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:33,120 {\an2}Sam, what have you brought us? 107 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,920 {\an2}A Pinocchiooooo. 108 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,280 {\an2}LAUGHTER Would you...? 109 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,240 {\an2}Would you like to see Sam's Pinocchio? 110 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,080 {\an2}I'd like to enjoy his pronunciation one more time. 111 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,320 {\an2}It's a Pinocchiooo! 112 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,120 {\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS 113 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:56,280 {\an2}Oh! That is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. 114 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,640 {\an2}But everything is long, except the nose. 115 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,360 {\an2}Oh, I see. 116 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,160 {\an2}Wh-Why? Why? LAUGHTER 117 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,680 {\an2}He's never lied, this guy. 118 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,640 {\an2}It's when other people lie to him. 119 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:11,360 {\an2}It's a great tragedy, in a way. 120 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,720 {\an2}I've heard enough. You've heard enough? Yeah. 121 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,720 {\an2}I mean, it's insane, innit? It's insane. 122 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,240 {\an2}Hm. Sue, hello. 123 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:21,800 {\an2}I've bought, erm, an original piece of art painted by Henry, 124 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:23,520 {\an2}the liberated chimpanzee. 125 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,960 {\an2}Here we go. Ah. Wow. 126 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,640 {\an2}That's mixed media. Erm... 127 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,760 {\an2}..acrylic, wood, banana puree. 128 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER 129 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,400 {\an2}So, I went to a chimp sanctuary... Yeah. ..where all the chimps 130 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:36,880 {\an2}had been sadly experimented on, 131 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,240 {\an2}but they'd been released into this beautiful, 132 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,120 {\an2}sort of, forest environment. 133 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:43,720 {\an2}And the boys had never met girls before. 134 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,280 {\an2}And there was an introduction day. 135 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,560 {\an2}And all I can describe is... 136 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:48,760 {\an2}..sex-gedden. 137 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:53,040 {\an2}So, the chimpanzees ran at each other with real, real need. 138 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,840 {\an2}Apart from Henry, who just climbed...top of a pole, 139 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,800 {\an2}and he stayed there, and later, when I'd left the sanctuary, 140 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,880 {\an2}they sent me this. It's signed at the back. 141 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:05,440 {\an2}So, if I've got this right, you observed a monkey orgy... 142 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:07,440 {\an2}Yes! A morgy, yes. 143 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,880 {\an2}A morgy.Yeah. LAUGHTER 144 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,680 {\an2}One of the monkeys wasn't interested in the morgy. 145 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,600 {\an2}Er, he climbed a stick, looked lonely, 146 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,480 {\an2}he painted you a picture. Yes, he did. 147 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,840 {\an2}Weirdly, ever since I've had it, 148 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,920 {\an2}every night when I get into bed, I feel... 149 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 150 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 151 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,000 {\an2}Well, incredibly, more believable 152 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,040 {\an2}than the spirit of a boxer dog. 153 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 154 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,400 {\an2}Susan, welcome. 155 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,720 {\an2}Hi. What wooden thing have you brought me? 156 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,200 {\an2}A wind chime. 157 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,480 {\an2}It's not haunted! 158 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:47,760 {\an2}There it is. 159 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,600 {\an2}It's not really wooden, though. Erm, yes. 160 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,400 {\an2}I mean, to be fair, it seems more shell-based. 161 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:54,760 {\an2}Talk us through your wind chime. 162 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,000 {\an2}I went to have a look at a volcano in Costa Rica. 163 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,640 {\an2}And when I saw the volcano, I thought it was really beautiful, 164 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,200 {\an2}and so I started crying. 165 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,560 {\an2}And then, this lovely lady came up to me, and she said, 166 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:05,760 {\an2}"Why are you crying?" 167 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,800 {\an2}And I said, "Because this is really beautiful." 168 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,640 {\an2}And she went, "Well, then, you can take something with you." 169 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,440 {\an2}And she pulled out this wind chime, and she gave it to me. 170 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,360 {\an2}Oh, God. And then, I looked in the gift shop, and she'd just 171 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,040 {\an2}basically bought it and was trying to palm it off. 172 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,880 {\an2}LAUGHTER Wow.Mm-hm. 173 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,120 {\an2}It's quite a sweet story. 174 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:27,840 {\an2}Unfortunately, it's an awful object. 175 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,920 {\an2}It's fairly easy to score this, isn't it? 176 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:33,560 {\an2}Sorry, Lucy, it was an enchanting story, but I don't want that. 177 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,960 {\an2}So, I'm only giving you 1 point. 178 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,800 {\an2}1 point to you. Yeah. Well done, Lucy. 179 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,280 {\an2}And you can get 2 points, and thank you me for them. 180 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:40,840 {\an2}OK. Thank you. 181 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,640 {\an2}What do I want? I'm quite frightened of yours, Sam. 182 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,880 {\an2}I'm giving it 3 points, and I think, just cos it's such a big, 183 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:51,120 {\an2}heavy bum table, it has to take the 5 points. OK. 184 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,920 {\an2}So, 4 to Sue, 5 to Julian, there it is. Well done, Julian. 185 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,520 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 186 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,960 {\an2}All right, let's see them in action. 187 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,920 {\an2}What's first, please, little Alex Horne? 188 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:07,160 {\an2}Well, Greg Davies, we start with a canny little task. 189 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,280 {\an2}Ooh! 190 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,040 {\an2}Hello? 191 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,640 {\an2}Oh, it's you. Hi. 192 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:30,680 {\an2}This is the living room, and that is Greg Davies. 193 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:33,560 {\an2}Don't look... Don't look him in the eye. Thank you. Yeah. 194 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,440 {\an2}Hi. Hi, Julian, I'm Alex. 195 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,120 {\an2}Sam Campbell. 196 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,720 {\an2}Do you think anyone's going to find the secret task? 197 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:46,920 {\an2}I don't know about that. 198 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,120 {\an2}I was just wondering, do you think anyone's going to 199 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,160 {\an2}find the secret task this series? 200 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,480 {\an2}I don't know. Yeah. 201 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,080 {\an2}Yeah? Yeah. 202 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,000 {\an2}Not me. No? No. 203 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,640 {\an8}They look lovely like that. 204 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,760 {\an8}Why do they bother putting labels on them? 205 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:04,880 {\an2}Ah. 206 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,520 {\an8}"Build a tower out of the cans in the lab. 207 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:11,880 {\an2}"You must" - oh, for g... oh, what? Ah! 208 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,560 {\an2}"You must put on your blindfold in this room, 209 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,880 {\an2}"and wear it properly for the rest of the task. 210 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,400 {\an2}"Tallest tower wins. 211 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,920 {\an2}"You have five minutes. 212 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,160 {\an2}"Your time starts now." 213 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:26,920 {\an2}Where's the blindfold? 214 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,160 {\an2}In the can. 215 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,680 {\an2}Can you get a can of blindfold? 216 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,600 {\an2}Yeah. 217 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,200 {\an2}LUCY: Is it in the can? Oh! 218 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,760 {\an2}Where do you buy blindfolds in cans from? 219 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,120 {\an8}So, the... What's this? 220 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,800 {\an7}LAUGHTER 221 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,720 {\an2}OK. Can you see anything, Sam? 222 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,160 {\an2}Nah. Sam? What's up? 223 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,720 {\an2}Great. 224 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,840 {\an2}You've now only got four-and-a-half minutes. 225 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:56,960 {\an2}What?! No! 226 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,160 {\an2}"Five minutes!" Oh, yeah, it did say five minutes. 227 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,080 {\an2}See you later. Bye! 228 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,600 {\an2}No, no, no, no. You've gotta put it on this room. 229 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,640 {\an2}Huh? 230 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,040 {\an2}Leave the room now? 231 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,120 {\an2}That's not a door. 232 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,400 {\an2}Well, the door was here. 233 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,920 {\an2}What is that? It's quite sharp. 234 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,920 {\an2}No, the door's there. Door's still there. What's that? 235 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,760 {\an2}Goes further... Ah! 236 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,760 {\an2}Yeah, that's a whole minute gone now. 237 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,440 {\an2}Here it is. And off we go. 238 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:38,760 {\an2}There's a little door. 239 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,240 {\an2}Erm, just a reminder to everyone, 240 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,200 {\an2}the task was not, "Get out of this room." 241 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,600 {\an2}Julian, you seemed to have a sizzling contempt for Alex 242 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,240 {\an2}I detected early on. Oh, really? 243 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,800 {\an2}Well, yes. Yeah. 244 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,320 {\an2}It sort of evolved, but I mean, he's ever so nice, really. 245 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,320 {\an2}But he does grate, you're right. Oh. 246 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,960 {\an2}Er, and Susan, I felt quite sorry for initially, 247 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,520 {\an2}because she seemed quite defeatist. 248 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,600 {\an2}She went, "Who'll find the secret task? Not me." 249 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,040 {\an2}And I thought, "Don't be so negative. Be positive. 250 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,760 {\an2}"Talk yourself up" - and then, I watched the rest of the video, 251 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,960 {\an1}I thought, "No, it won't be you." LAUGHTER 252 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,280 {\an2}OK, we're going to start by seeing these two people, 253 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,000 {\an2}Lucy Beaumont and Susan Wokoma! 254 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:32,280 {\an2}It's not something you want to do fast, is it, really? Cos... 255 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,880 {\an2}..you don't want to be injured. 256 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,000 {\an2}Why does the corridor feel like it's getting narrower? 257 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,320 {\an2}It's like a nightmare. 258 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,200 {\an2}Oh, Christ. Oh, yeah, here we are. 259 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,120 {\an2}Whoa, whoa, whoa! 260 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,520 {\an2}This is the door! The door. 261 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:47,440 {\an2}Oh, Christ. Oh, yeah, here we are. 262 00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,240 {\an2}What was that? 263 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,920 {\an2}Are you meant to be leading me - oh! 264 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,520 {\an2}Ahh! 265 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:36,240 {\an2}I think...I think there was a tower there, you know? 266 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,880 {\an2}Fine! Fine, fine, fine. 267 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,000 {\an2}Still got two minutes. 268 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,560 {\an2}Alex. Yes? Where are you? I'm just here. 269 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,680 {\an2}One minute left. 270 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,440 {\an2}Why...! These are not sufficient. 271 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:07,480 {\an2}Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 272 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,840 {\an2}Do I have to build these from scratch? 273 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,160 {\an2}All the information's on the... Oh, for Go...! 274 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,000 {\an2}I don't - well, I can't read it, can I? 275 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,360 {\an2}That's fine. 276 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,800 {\an2}You've got 30 seconds. Yeah. 277 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,320 {\an2}Ten seconds, Lucy. 278 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:31,320 {\an2}Do you know what I feel? 279 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,320 {\an2}Five seconds left. Should stop there. 280 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,720 {\an2}Are you sure? Yeah, I feel like I'm going to ruin it. 281 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,200 {\an2}Are you going to do it, or not? 282 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:38,240 {\an2}No. 283 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,280 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 284 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:43,920 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 285 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,000 {\an2}OK. I'll measure the tower. 286 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,000 {\an2}You can leave now. 287 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,520 {\an1}APPLAUSE 288 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,160 {\an2}Erm, Lucy, how did you feel watching that? 289 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:12,000 {\an2}I don't know what you give points for, you know, you might... 290 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,400 {\an2}Oh, in this case, it's for how high the stack of cans is. 291 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:19,640 {\an2}Just how high. Yeah. Yeah, and you measure it, yeah, yeah. 292 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,960 {\an2}Do you remember what you said when you were ineffectually putting 293 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,200 {\an2}one can on top of each other, and they kept falling off? 294 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,760 {\an2}Cos I've written it down. Yeah. 295 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,960 {\an2}Erm, you said, "These are not sufficient." 296 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,120 {\an2}She is the winner so far, she... She is the winner so far. 297 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:36,600 {\an2}11 cans high, and I've given Lucy a six-can tower. 298 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,040 {\an2}Is that cos there were six cans left standing from the tower 299 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,920 {\an2}that she knocked down? That she made. 300 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,920 {\an2}How did she make it? By knocking it down. 301 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,680 {\an2}Right, now for a smidge of Julian Clary, 302 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,280 {\an2}and a smudge of Sam Campbell. 303 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,800 {\an2}So, I take this can with me? 304 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:52,960 {\an2}Yes. 305 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,000 {\an2}Oh, am I...? Oh, shit. 306 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,960 {\an2}Oh... AUDIENCE OOHS 307 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:20,600 {\an2}Oh, shit. 308 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,360 {\an2}This is bullshit, dude. 309 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,680 {\an2}Pardon? Nothing. 310 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,440 {\an2}I've never felt such high things. 311 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,240 {\an2}Whoa! What the heck...wait. 312 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:41,600 {\an2}OK. 313 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,000 {\an1}APPLAUSE 314 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,600 {\an2}Stop the clock. 315 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,920 {\an2}Well, it doesn't have that function, we have to wait. 316 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,720 {\an2}OK. I'm just going to lie down. 317 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,640 {\an2}I'm tempted just to leave it... 318 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,120 {\an2}..cos I'm going to make it worse, aren't I? 319 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,440 {\an2}Oh, going again? 320 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,320 {\an2}Oh. 321 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,320 {\an2}I expect you're enjoying this, are you? 322 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,520 {\an2}HE CHUCKLES Ten seconds. 323 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,560 {\an2}Five seconds left. Five seconds. 324 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,280 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS There we are.Oh. 325 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,640 {\an2}Wow, that was a roller-coaster. 326 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,280 {\an2}But the... The game's over? 327 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,240 {\an2}Do, er, you put - do you want me to...? 328 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,480 {\an2}Yeah, thank you. 329 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:53,800 {\an2}Sorry. 330 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:54,920 {\an1}LAUGHTER 331 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,480 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 332 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,160 {\an2}Wow, things are starting to hot up now. Ooh. 333 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,080 {\an2}What I found intriguing, Julian, is that when some cans fell off, 334 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,720 {\an2}virtually no emotional response from you. 335 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,360 {\an2}Ah, you'll find as the series go along, 336 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,880 {\an2}there's very little emotion from me. 337 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,760 {\an2}Zero emotional response from you. 338 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,240 {\an2}You curled up in the foetal position. 339 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,280 {\an2}I thought if I got really low, the tower would be even higher. 340 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER 341 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,600 {\an2}If only that's the way the world worked. 342 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,640 {\an2}Right, it's time to honour the passing of part one. 343 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,120 {\an2}Alex, please. Mm-hm. 344 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,320 {\an1}PLAYS SINGLE NOTE 345 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,400 {\an1}PLAYS HIGHER NOTE 346 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:51,760 {\an1}PLAYS TRADITIONAL OUTRO 347 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:01,400 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 348 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,120 {\an2}Hello! And welcome back to the first episode of 349 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,080 {\an2}this fresh new series. 350 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:09,000 {\an2}Mm, yes. I think this is the freshest I've ever felt, Greg. 351 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,520 {\an2}And my secret - wet wipes everywhere. 352 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,800 {\an2}Everywhere. LAUGHTER 353 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:14,840 {\an2}But back to the task - 354 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,360 {\an2}they're trying to stack cans whilst blindfolded. 355 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,680 {\an2}There have been some disasters and some successes. 356 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,400 {\an2}Now finally, some Sue Perkinses. 357 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,000 {\an2}You went a little bit too far there. 358 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,760 {\an2}Yes, I could feel my buttocks have made contact with something 359 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,320 {\an2}that possibly they shouldn't. 360 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,560 {\an1}SHE LAUGHS 361 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,920 {\an2}I'm advancing. You're doing very well. 362 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,560 {\an2}You're not in any danger. 363 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,080 {\an2}You'll just bump into something... 364 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,320 {\an2}You've just bumped into something. 365 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,800 {\an2}Oh, it's OK. So, I'm just going to - do I have to...? 366 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,640 {\an2}What an absolute shower of shits you are. 367 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 368 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 369 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,360 {\an2}Is there an existing tower? 370 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,560 {\an2}I can't answer your question. 371 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:10,920 {\an2}SHE SIGHS This is... 372 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:11,960 {\an2}Because if I... 373 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,800 {\an2}I've just answered that question. Yes, you have. Yeah. 374 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,320 {\an2}Is there another tower? 375 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,080 {\an2}I can't answer your question. 376 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,040 {\an2}Once again, I've found the a... 377 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,560 {\an2}Is there a tower here? You've got 32 seconds left. 378 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,360 {\an2}Is there a tower here? WHISTLE BLOWS 379 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,720 {\an2}Sue. Yes? Sue, your time is up. 380 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:42,600 {\an2}Do you mind just holding steady, so I can have a look at your tower? 381 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,280 {\an2}Oh, I see. Would you mind just...? 382 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,360 {\an2}I hope you counted it quickly, cos it's just... 383 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,280 {\an2}Mm, is it a self-standing tower? 384 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,280 {\an2}Some of it's self-supporting. Yeah. 385 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,240 {\an2}Well, not self-supporting, it's supporting by my groin. 386 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,600 {\an2}Which is structurally unsound increasingly. 387 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,680 {\an2}I'm looking up at you, but I don't know where you are. 388 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:10,040 {\an2}But just, in my mind's eye, you're over there, just up here somewhere. 389 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,360 {\an2}Has he gone? He's gone, hasn't he? 390 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,400 {\an2}He's gone. 391 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,120 {\an2}OK. APPLAUSE 392 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,880 {\an2}You started off with almost military confidence, I felt. 393 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:27,160 {\an2}Yes. There was a lot of quite cocky corridor energy. 394 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,920 {\an2}I really wanted to follow you into battle at that point. 395 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,720 {\an2}Don't, is my advice... No, I shan't. ..now you've seen. 396 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,040 {\an2}You also quoted the Bible. Erm... Oh, I missed that. 397 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:38,240 {\an2}Er, "You absolute shower of shits," that's Book of Revelations. 398 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,600 {\an1}LAUGHTER 399 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,240 {\an1}Did she make a tower in her lap? 400 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,840 {\an2}I think we have to say, it has to be a free-standing tower, I think. 401 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,920 {\an2}So, it's one, then. One can tall. Yeah. 402 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,360 {\an2}Sue, er, gets 1 point. 403 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,960 {\an2}2 points to Lucy, with six cans. 404 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,240 {\an2}Susan gets 3 points. 4 to Julian. 405 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,320 {\an2}5 points to Sam Campbell! 406 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,400 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 407 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:58,720 {\an2}Well done. 408 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,440 {\an2}Well, hm, should we have a quick look at a scoreboard, then? 409 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,120 {\an2}We can, Julian's in the lead, with 9 points! Yay! 410 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:08,480 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well done, Julian. 411 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,960 {\an2}Right, I believe the people want more tasks, Alex. 412 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,640 {\an2}I also want more tasks, 413 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,200 {\an2}and world peace, and equal rights for personal assistants, 414 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,960 {\an2}but for now, it's the first team task of the series. 415 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,200 {\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS 416 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,200 {\an2}Good morning. Good morning. 417 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:37,840 {\an2}Hello, Susan. You all right? 418 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,960 {\an2}Please, could you stand behind the white box? 419 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,840 {\an2}I've put all your favourite things in it. 420 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,880 {\an2}We're talking a carabiner. 421 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,040 {\an2}We're talking rubber bands. 422 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,680 {\an2}Heavy-duty clips. 423 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,080 {\an2}Zip ties. 424 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,640 {\an2}Harnesses. 425 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,160 {\an2}Jockey straps. 426 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,160 {\an2}Absolute smorgasbord for a kidnapper. 427 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,200 {\an2}"A smorgasbord for a kidnapper." 428 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,040 {\an2}Oh, my God. 429 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,080 {\an2}Hello. 430 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 431 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,840 {\an2}Hello. 432 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,840 {\an2}SUSAN: Massive rope. 433 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,680 {\an2}We've got these things, which is normally done in crime. 434 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,440 {\an2}I think you know everything's here now. Yeah. 435 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:16,640 {\an2}OK, off you go. 436 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,240 {\an1}SHE MOUTHS 437 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,680 {\an2}Ahh! THEY LAUGH 438 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,640 {\an2}You all right? I'll come and give you a hu... 439 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,240 {\an2}Am I allowed, is that...? Yeah. 440 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,320 {\an2}Hey! THEY GIGGLE 441 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,640 {\an2}JULIAN: Hello. SAM: Nice to see you. 442 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,680 {\an2}You guys are part of a team. 443 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,360 {\an2}Oh, great. 444 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,480 {\an2}OK. No "hellos" or anything, just straight on with it. 445 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:41,840 {\an2}Oh, yes. 446 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,320 {\an2}You are now a team. 447 00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:44,920 {\an1}BOTH CHEER 448 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,360 {\an2}Yay! I'm really glad! 449 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,000 {\an2}You may open the task. 450 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,240 {\an2}Ooh. Oh, wow. 451 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,520 {\an2}Oh, hello, Lucy. SHE MOUTHS 452 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,680 {\an2}This is Sam and Julian. This is Lucy. Hiya. 453 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:58,720 {\an2}How's it going? WHISPERS: You all right? 454 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,680 {\an2}Lucy's also in your team. FLATLY: Oh, great. 455 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:02,880 {\an2}Come and join us. 456 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,600 {\an2}WHISPERS: I've not seen you before. I know. 457 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,120 {\an2}All right? Yes, I'm so happy. 458 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,600 {\an2}OK. OK! Ahh! 459 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,800 {\an2}JULIAN: "Connect the most individual parts of one person... 460 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:16,920 {\an2}.."To individual parts of another person. 461 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,720 {\an2}"All members of your team must be connected." 462 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,960 {\an2}What? Oh-ho-ho! 463 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,680 {\an2}Ooh, gone rather Marquis de Sade. 464 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:25,880 {\an2}This is, what...? OK, "You've got ten minutes. 465 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,720 {\an2}JULIAN: "Your time starts now." 466 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,440 {\an2}Alex, there are bulldog clips here. And we're ladies. 467 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:35,160 {\an2}Yeah, where's that going to go? What's wrong with you? 468 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:36,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 469 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,960 {\an1}APPLAUSE 470 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,600 {\an2}I found the arrival of everyone individually, er, 471 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,680 {\an2}some of the most awkward television I've ever seen in my life. 472 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,680 {\an2}At one point, Lucy said, "I've not seen you before." 473 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,080 {\an2}And Julian replied, "I know." 474 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,560 {\an2}Look at the way these two greeted each other, like - 475 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,480 {\an2}I hope this isn't offensive - old-school village idiots. 476 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,000 {\an2}And then, the nipple clamps came out. 477 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER 478 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,040 {\an2}OK, well, shall we start with the two people with the same name? 479 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,360 {\an2}It's the team known as the Sues! 480 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:16,640 {\an2}Hang on, let's see how... 481 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,160 {\an2}I think you might, er, well... 482 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:19,960 {\an2}That's so painful! OK. 483 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,240 {\an2}You can use your clothes. 484 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,080 {\an2}So, it doesn't have to be skin? It doesn't need to be skin-on-skin. 485 00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,880 {\an2}Cos that looks like that would rip skin. 486 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,440 {\an2}First up, shall we have your right arm, my left arm? 487 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,840 {\an2}Let's connect those to start. Yeah. OK. 488 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,760 {\an2}Going to have to stand quite close. 489 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,000 {\an2}Wrap this round your right hand. OK, my right. 490 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,640 {\an2}So, we'll be facing each other in the end. All right, got it. 491 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,080 {\an2}Let's cut that. OK, right, like, where do you want me to cut? 492 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:46,080 {\an2}Just anywhere there. OK. Just not through the hand. 493 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:48,920 {\an2}Feel like I've achieved something. Oh, I think we cut... 494 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,520 {\an2}Oh. Aha! I did wonder! 495 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,720 {\an2}Right, you had one job. That was like a magic trick. OK. 496 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,280 {\an2}You've got two minutes left. 497 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,000 {\an2}I've got a bit of give here. 498 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:57,560 {\an2}Is gut - is gut a body part? 499 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,240 {\an2}One of the best. 500 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,880 {\an2}Very nice to meet you, by the way. 501 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,200 {\an2}I mean, I don't meet people often like this but... Yeah. 502 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,320 {\an2}..I mean, as an ice-breaker, wonderful, isn't it? 503 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:08,600 {\an2}Ooh! If you just... Yeah. 504 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,480 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 505 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,560 {\an2}OK, just going to check the connections. 506 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,240 {\an2}So, we've got neck, wrist... 507 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,680 {\an2}Yeah. Boobs. 508 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,880 {\an2}..other wrists, boobs, er, gut, 509 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,160 {\an8}ankle, foot. OK, I think I've got all your connections. 510 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,760 {\an2}Er, that's just a... 511 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:24,880 {\an2}Just for you, as well. 512 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,120 {\an2}AUDIENCE OOHS How are you going to open that? 513 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,360 {\an2}There's more? Oh, there's more. 514 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:31,920 {\an2}OK. Got it? 515 00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:34,600 {\an2}Oh, for goodness' sake. 516 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,440 {\an1}APPLAUSE 517 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,640 {\an2}Was there much of a system, do you think? 518 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,840 {\an2}I think it was mainly panic, rather than process-driven. 519 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,360 {\an2}But you were gut-to-gut, boob-to-boob. Boob-to-boob. 520 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,680 {\an2}You didn't like saying "boob," I noticed. Made me laugh. 521 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,240 {\an2}No, but I thought it a lot that night. Yeah, I bet you did. 522 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 523 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,120 {\an2}There were 12 connections altogether, 524 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,360 {\an2}but that wasn't the task. 525 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,600 {\an2}We don't know what the actual task is yet. No. 526 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,440 {\an2}Show me the natural friends. 527 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,280 {\an2}LAUGHTER OK. 528 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,720 {\an2}When chemistry explodes. 529 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,600 {\an2}Here come the natural friends, also known as JLS - 530 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,320 {\an2}Julian, Lucy, and Sam! 531 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,440 {\an2}Can I say my pitch? Mm-hm. 532 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,960 {\an2}Chop off a little bit of everyone's hair, put it in, you know... 533 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,680 {\an2}Mm-hm. I don't mind doing that, 534 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:22,320 {\an2}because my daughter put a Fruitella, you know, in my hair. 535 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:25,480 {\an2}And I can't get it out. Er, and I keep getting other thi... 536 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,880 {\an2}I've got a bit of cotton wool stuck it in, as well. 537 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:31,320 {\an2}So, I'm really happy to cut off all that, if you want. 538 00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:33,600 {\an2}We haven't got any scissors, though. They're in here. 539 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,600 {\an2}We could use a saw. Oh, there is, yeah. 540 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,360 {\an2}Are you happy to lose some strands? 541 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,160 {\an2}Well, only a little bit. Yeah, yeah, same from the back. 542 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,560 {\an2}Do you want to just cut it off, then? 543 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,200 {\an2}You're totally sure? I think so. 544 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,560 {\an2}Definitely do this. Just as low down as you c... 545 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:48,840 {\an2}Oh. 546 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,680 {\an2}You're not having that much of my hair. Oh, gosh. 547 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,720 {\an2}Can you take a tiny bit of mine? 548 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,520 {\an2}Mine's, I'm not being funny, quite a nice cut? 549 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,520 {\an2}If I do it sort of in the middle, then you won't, 550 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,880 {\an2}you can cover it with the other bits. 551 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,400 {\an2}OK, hang on... Ooh. 552 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:04,680 {\an2}Oh, shriek. 553 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:08,880 {\an2}Oh! 554 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,000 {\an2}I'm going to cut Sam's hair. 555 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,520 {\an2}Open sesame. 556 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,960 {\an2}Shall all we hold it? 557 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,480 {\an2}That's pretty good, I reckon. 558 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,000 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 559 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:28,880 {\an2}Need to inspect the connections, and I'll give you...that. 560 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,000 {\an2}Oh, this is a second part? Yeah. 561 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,200 {\an2}"You're now ready for the actual task. 562 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,000 {\an2}"Cross the finish line with all connections still connected. 563 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,680 {\an8}"Fastest wins. 564 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:43,480 {\an8}"Your time starts when Alex 565 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,080 {\an2}"blows...his...whistle." 566 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,200 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS OK. 567 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:00,320 {\an2}Yay! 568 00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,080 {\an8}SLOW-MOTION DISTORTED: Yay! 569 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,240 {\an7}APPLAUSE 570 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,360 {\an2}Great, I'll go and count these, you can go inside. Thank you. 571 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,720 {\an2}Thank you. Thank you. Thanks so much. Bye-bye. 572 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:14,840 {\an1}HE SNIFFS 573 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,120 {\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS 574 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,040 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Wow. 575 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,200 {\an2}Well, there you go, that's what this show does, 576 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:21,680 {\an2}it brings people together quickly. 577 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,680 {\an2}First of all, I think the idea is brilliant. 578 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,160 {\an2}It was Sam's idea, right? What have you got more of than hair? 579 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:27,640 {\an2}Could've done it with blood. 580 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,960 {\an2}Could've done it with bits of our blood. 581 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,400 {\an2}Oh, well next time. 582 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 583 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,360 {\an2}Cos you say all this stuff, you know, 584 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,480 {\an2}"oh, the unnatural friendship," or whatever but, 585 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,200 {\an2}I think it helped, like... 586 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,360 {\an2}Do you know that boys that got stuck in the cave? Yeah. 587 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,160 {\an2}Wow. The divers that saved them, they were like all people, like, 588 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:45,920 {\an2}they were like, "Did you feel anything?" 589 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,000 {\an2}They go, "Nothing." They're clinical guys. 590 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,240 {\an2}But they're capable of just amazing things. 591 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,200 {\an2}Did they swap hair? 592 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,600 {\an2}They didn't swap hair, they just do this diving. 593 00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,120 {\an2}And they're not like bubbly personalities, no offence. 594 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,520 {\an2}But they... LAUGHTER 595 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,520 {\an2}They saved those boys, man. They did. 596 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES 597 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,840 {\an2}Breaktime again. Bye-bye, bum-bums! 598 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,240 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 599 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,800 {\an2}Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster! 600 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:25,800 {\an2}Yes, there's a classic two-part team task in play. 601 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,240 {\an2}They had to connect the most individual parts of one person 602 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,040 {\an2}to the most individual parts of another, 603 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,480 {\an2}but didn't know they'd then be asked to race across 604 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:34,360 {\an2}the finishing line still connected. 605 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,160 {\an2}That didn't matter for the team of three, 606 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:37,640 {\an2}with their cunning hair play. 607 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,200 {\an2}But what about the team of Sues? 608 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,480 {\an2}Well...good luck, here we go. THEY LAUGH 609 00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,760 {\an2}"You are now ready for the actual task." 610 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,080 {\an2}You shit giblet. LAUGHTER 611 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,120 {\an2}OK, well, good luck. 612 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,080 {\an2}I'm going to... OK. Shall we move the inside...? 613 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:52,360 {\an2}Here we go! WHISTLE BLOWS 614 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:53,840 {\an2}..or the outside legs? Yeah. 615 00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:55,240 {\an1}THEY LAUGH 616 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,040 {\an2}Oh, dear. That step's going to be interesting. Yeah. 617 00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,560 {\an2}One, two, three. Three. 618 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,040 {\an2}Ooh, hello! Oh, my knee's gone! 619 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,720 {\an2}Oh, yeah. 620 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,560 {\an2}I'm dragging the box. The box is coming with us. 621 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:07,400 {\an2}Let's go. Come on, boxy! 622 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,880 {\an2}Right, I'm going inside leg, outside leg. OK, OK. 623 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:13,400 {\an2}Ah! Inside... Ah! ..outside. 624 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,880 {\an2}Inside... Ooh! ..outside. 625 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,840 {\an2}That's pulling quite heavily on the groin. It is - on the groin? 626 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:20,400 {\an2}It's all good. OK. 627 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:26,880 {\an2}The box is still attached! 628 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,720 {\an1}STRAINING LOUDLY 629 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:34,600 {\an2}Glory photo finish! Yay! 630 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:38,080 {\an2}SLOW-MOTION DISTORTED! Yay! 631 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:39,600 {\an2}You made it! 632 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,520 {\an1}APPLAUSE 633 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,000 {\an2}I mean, it looked painful, and you did at some point, Sue, 634 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,600 {\an2}say, "This is pulling quite heavily on the groin." Yeah. 635 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,240 {\an2}I enjoyed you calling him a "shit giblet," though. Very nice. 636 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,200 {\an2}That's actually from King Lear. Cordelia said that. Yeah. 637 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:57,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER 638 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,400 {\an2}But you did make it across the line, and that's to be celebrated. 639 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,280 {\an2}They did make it across the line. We don't know who's won yet, Greg. 640 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,960 {\an2}We do. We do. We do. We do. 641 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,800 {\an2}We know some by margin, but you know, 642 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,320 {\an2}if you want to build it up... Yeah. "Ooh, who has won?" 643 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,960 {\an2}Oh, it was these guys, easily, by miles. Yeah. 644 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,360 {\an2}Yeah, the team of three crossed the line in 11.5 seconds. 645 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,800 {\an2}Team of two, just over 90 seconds. 646 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,080 {\an2}OK. OK. 647 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,720 {\an2}So, I'll give 5 points to these three, and I'll give 2 points... 648 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,400 {\an2}WHISPERS: Five points! ..to these two. Fair enough. 649 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:27,320 {\an2}Thank you very much. So, it's 5 points to the team of three! 650 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,600 {\an1}There we are. They're the winners. APPLAUSE 651 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,520 {\an2}And I would like to have another fine task, if you please. 652 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,280 {\an2}And, to really spoil you, here's our first location task. 653 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,240 {\an2}Oh, hello. Hello. 654 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,080 {\an2}Hello, Sam. Come through. 655 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:12,800 {\an2}Watch out, watch out for the duck. 656 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,640 {\an2}It's the only sport I'm good at. 657 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,040 {\an2}What do you mean? Hook a duck. 658 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,560 {\an2}A sport? Well, you know. 659 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,560 {\an2}It's the only thing I was good at as a kid. 660 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:22,760 {\an2}How good were you at it? 661 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,840 {\an2}I used to be able to hoo-hoo-hook the ducks. 662 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,240 {\an2}Oh, well that is good. Yeah. 663 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:28,920 {\an2}"Get the duck into the lake." 664 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,120 {\an2}JULIAN: "Get the duck into the lake." 665 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:33,680 {\an1}EERIE MUSIC 666 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,880 {\an2}"Get this duck into the lake. 667 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,280 {\an2}"You must not touch the beak. 668 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,160 {\an2}SUSAN: "If the duck leaves the course, it must re-enter at 669 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,280 {\an2}"the point it left the course. 670 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:49,880 {\an2}"If your duck touches the boundary... 671 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:51,760 {\an2}SAM: .."Or a flamingo... 672 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:53,480 {\an2}SUE: .."Or a pineapple... 673 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,880 {\an2}JULIAN: .."One minute will be added to your time. 674 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,440 {\an2}"Or a flamingo?" Bloody hell. 675 00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,120 {\an2}It's all go, innit? 676 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:01,520 {\an2}SUE: "Fastest wins. 677 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,920 {\an2}"Your time starts now." 678 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:06,920 {\an2}Thank you very much. Pleasure, good luck. 679 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,240 {\an2}OK thanks. 680 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,960 {\an1}APPLAUSE 681 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:12,600 {\an1}Lucy, tell me about the hook-a-duck? 682 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:14,520 {\an2}It was something you were genuinely good at. 683 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,000 {\an2}Yeah, I wasn't very sporty, you know, cos I did... 684 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,400 {\an2}I wasn't either. But you've got legs, haven't you? 685 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,400 {\an2}I've got legs. And I have, but they're... 686 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,000 {\an2}I've got legs for miles, baby. 687 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:24,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 688 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:28,000 {\an2}I think my legs are actually arms without fingers. 689 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:31,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES 690 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,680 {\an2}They fold up, you know, they fold, like, 691 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,440 {\an2}I can cross my legs really well. 692 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,560 {\an2}You think you've got four sets of arms? 693 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,480 {\an2}Yeah. 694 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 695 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,000 {\an2}I've not had it proven but... 696 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,000 {\an2}What do you mean - I'm sorry... 697 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES 698 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:51,440 {\an2}What do you mean you can really fold them well, your legs? 699 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,240 {\an2}Mine fold like arms. 700 00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:56,200 {\an2}With feet, I've got feet. Yeah. 701 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,400 {\an2}I'm not complaining. No. 702 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,600 {\an2}We have to carry on with the show, Greg. I don't... 703 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:03,720 {\an2}We do have to. 704 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:08,560 {\an2}The first names on the bill are Sue, Sam, and Lucy. 705 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,400 {\an2}Well, you can't touch the flamingo. 706 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:11,480 {\an2}Yeah, or the beak. 707 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,000 {\an2}Don't touch the beak. 708 00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,840 {\an2}Yeah, so watch out for the flamingos and, yeah. 709 00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:25,680 {\an8}Oh-ho! It's touched that one. 710 00:34:25,720 --> 00:34:27,840 {\an8}Yeah, it's sort of left. Is that all right? 711 00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,080 {\an8}Yeah, you're meant to stay on the course ideally, yeah. 712 00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:31,560 {\an8}Yeah. 713 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:32,840 {\an2}I mean, if I don't do this, 714 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,160 {\an2}it's going to constantly touch the boundary. 715 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,160 {\an2}Make this as wide as possible. 716 00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:45,240 {\an2}Oh, I'm so sorry. 717 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,200 {\an2}So sorry, I've cut you in half, love. 718 00:34:47,240 --> 00:34:48,520 {\an2}Argh! 719 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,960 {\an2}I'm just thinking, is there another way to do it, but...? 720 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,360 {\an2}Come on, little ducky. 721 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:11,600 {\an2}It's actually quite relaxing. 722 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:17,840 {\an2}Has it touched anything yet? 723 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,440 {\an2}SAM: It's touched everything! 724 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:43,320 {\an2}Right darling. Let's get you into your natural habitat. 725 00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:52,360 {\an2}I've stopped the clock. 726 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,600 {\an2}Did it touch the boundary? 727 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:11,480 {\an2}Yeah. How many times? 728 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,360 {\an2}About 12? LAUGHTER 729 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:16,800 {\an2}Thank you very much. 730 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,600 {\an1}APPLAUSE 731 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,120 {\an2}Sue moved the boundary. Hm. 732 00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:23,360 {\an2}Lateral thinking. Yes. 733 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,120 {\an2}She moved the obstacles out of the way. 734 00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:26,760 {\an2}Mm-hm, lateral thinking, yeah. 735 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,680 {\an2}Lateral thinking was allowed, was allowed. 736 00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:30,120 {\an2}How does that make you two feel? 737 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,080 {\an2}Angry. Then disappointed, 738 00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:36,600 {\an2}because, no offence to you, Sue, cos I like you a lot, actually, 739 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:38,760 {\an2}But it doesn't say you can do that. 740 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:42,160 {\an2}I mean, if you went through life just always moving the boundaries, 741 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:47,040 {\an2}you know, like a 70mph, it doesn't say don't go at 90mph. 742 00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,560 {\an2}LAUGHTER It does.It literally does. 743 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:50,920 {\an2}Feel it's a difference between 744 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,920 {\an2}a light entertainment comedy format and the law. 745 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:55,840 {\an2}And a well-established British law. 746 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,480 {\an2}So, do you mean for, like, all these, you can just 747 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,400 {\an2}change the rules? 748 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,960 {\an2}I haven't changed the rules on any of these things! 749 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:08,880 {\an2}My feeling is, in terms of avoiding the things that would penalise you, 750 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:10,560 {\an2}you did it very badly. Hm. 751 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,880 {\an2}And the size of the duck also affected play. Yeah. 752 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:14,880 {\an2}It was a big duck. 753 00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,960 {\an2}Well, look, Sam did it in two minutes, 20. 754 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,320 {\an2}Lucy, two minutes, 44 - which is great, but then, 755 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,760 {\an2}she only hit ten things, but that's an extra ten minutes. 756 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,200 {\an2}And Sam hit nine things, so it's an extra nine minutes. 757 00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:25,840 {\an2}Sue, nine minutes, 45 - 758 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,120 {\an2}so seven-and-a-half minutes slower than Sam. 759 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:29,440 {\an2}But she didn't touch anything, 760 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,480 {\an2}so she actually beat him by a minute-and-a-half. 761 00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:32,720 {\an2}Good, OK. Break time. 762 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,480 {\an2}Who will take home Julian's old wooden bum table, 763 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,000 {\an2}and Sam's horrific Pinocchiooo? 764 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:39,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 765 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,840 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, welcome back! 766 00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:50,960 {\an2}You join us for the final part of the show. 767 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,480 {\an2}Yes, it's nearly bedtime, but we still need to see two people 768 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,360 {\an2}pushing giant ducks towards a pond. 769 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,520 {\an2}So, finally, let's gander at Julian and Susan. 770 00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:03,120 {\an2}Right, then. I mustn't touch the beak. 771 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,560 {\an2}Oh, definitely not. 772 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,280 {\an2}There's not really any other bits. 773 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:08,840 {\an2}Oh, actually, hang on. 774 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,760 {\an2}If the beak's facing me, I know I'm going to touch it. 775 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,160 {\an2}That's a big girl, innit? 776 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:26,800 {\an2}Come on. 777 00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,600 {\an2}Come on, girl! Ah! 778 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:37,840 {\an2}Ooh. 779 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:43,680 {\an1}JULIAN EXHALES 780 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,720 {\an2}I think you clipped one flamingo. 781 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:55,240 {\an2}I think it was the wind. 782 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,640 {\an2}Oh, was it? Right, OK, I'll put that down. 783 00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,800 {\an2}Come on, girl! 784 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,040 {\an2}I'm nearly there. 785 00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,760 {\an2}It'd be lovely if it goes in on his bottom. 786 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:06,960 {\an2}Well, there was nothing in the rules about that. 787 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,160 {\an2}No, that's true. 788 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,960 {\an2}Ahh! This is going to be so satisfying! 789 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,080 {\an2}Yeah! SHE LAUGHS 790 00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:22,640 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 791 00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:24,040 {\an2}Bye! 792 00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,080 {\an2}Why's he doing that? 793 00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:35,600 {\an2}I think he's getting excited. 794 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:42,400 {\an2}I've stopped the clock. 795 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,040 {\an2}Sorry he's on his side, 796 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:45,680 {\an2}but that's how it happens. 797 00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:54,600 {\an1}APPLAUSE 798 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,600 {\an2}Well, Julian's was quite a haphazard technique, wasn't it? 799 00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:06,440 {\an2}Well, it was quite hard work for, you know, an ageing homosexual. 800 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,720 {\an1}LAUGHTER 801 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,720 {\an2}Julian slid and bounced it there in four minutes, 15, 802 00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,600 {\an2}with just a two-minute penalty, so 6:15 - he's in the lead. 803 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,160 {\an2}Susan. Hi. 804 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:17,600 {\an2}You said, and I quote, 805 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,840 {\an2}"If the beak faces me, I know I'm going to touch it." 806 00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,360 {\an2}Is that a compulsive disorder of some kind? 807 00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:29,560 {\an2}That's just me being absolutely aware of my limitations. 808 00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:31,280 {\an2}And beak-touching is one of them? 809 00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:34,080 {\an2}Honestly, just keep a beak away from me. 810 00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER 811 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,000 {\an2}Halfway along the duck drag, 812 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:41,040 {\an2}you turned into a character from EastEnders. 813 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:45,000 {\an2}And started repeatedly saying, "Come on, girl." 814 00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:48,120 {\an2}I mean my impression is that Susan did brilliantly there and... 815 00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:49,720 {\an2}She did. ..is going to be the victor. 816 00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:51,720 {\an2}No punishments at all. Three minutes, 20. 817 00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:52,800 {\an2}Absolutely smashed it. 818 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,960 {\an2}However... Uh-oh. Oh. 819 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:56,600 {\an2}Oh, come on, girl! 820 00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:58,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 821 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:02,560 {\an2}You've done me up like a kipper, you slag. 822 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,120 {\an2}Remember the rule about the not touching the beak? 823 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,160 {\an2}I have to show you this extra little video, here we go. 824 00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:09,440 {\an2}Ohh. 825 00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,760 {\an2}I mustn't touch the beak. Oh, definitely not. 826 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:16,120 {\an1}BUZZER 827 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,960 {\an2}I might've touched the beak. 828 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,520 {\an2}Erm, yeah Lucy you've just exited the course, I'm afraid. 829 00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:26,960 {\an2}Don't touch the beak. Don't touch the beak? 830 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,000 {\an1}BUZZER 831 00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:29,800 {\an2}Ah, shit. 832 00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:33,000 {\an2}Which means that, because of that, Sam actually gets 3 points. 833 00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,560 {\an2}It's 4 points to Sue, but it's 5 points to Susan Wokoma! 834 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:39,160 {\an2}There it is! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 835 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,440 {\an2}May I see the scores before the studio task, please? 836 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:44,160 {\an2}The leader is Sam at the moment, with 16 points. 837 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,480 {\an2}Wow! APPLAUSE 838 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,720 {\an2}Right, for the first time this series, 839 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,000 {\an2}would you please make your way to the stage for 840 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:53,680 {\an2}the final task of the show! 841 00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:54,840 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 842 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,080 {\an2}Hello, young fellow m'lad. 843 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,160 {\an2}Who will be reading the final task out? 844 00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:08,120 {\an2}Susan Wokoma, please. 845 00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:12,200 {\an2}"Say whether you think the next item is heavier or lighter 846 00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:14,360 {\an2}"than the previous item. 847 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,480 {\an2}"If you are wrong, you are eliminated. 848 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,960 {\an2}"Last person standing wins." 849 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,760 {\an2}So, I'll go over to the other end. Goodbye. 850 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,600 {\an2}Julian, eight loo rolls. 851 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,080 {\an2}Heavier or lighter than one large duck? 852 00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:35,000 {\an2}Oh, we could play this at home, couldn't we? I know. 853 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:36,280 {\an2}Lighter. 854 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,520 {\an2}You're saying the duck is heavier than the loo rolls. 855 00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:41,400 {\an2}Oh, I'm going to get the audience to go "whoo". Oh, yes. 856 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:43,640 {\an2}AUDIENCE: Ooh! 857 00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:45,120 {\an2}OK. Let's find out. 858 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,240 {\an2}Remember, if it's heavier, the duck will go down. 859 00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,720 {\an1}LAUGHTER 860 00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,720 {\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS 861 00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:59,960 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Correct! Julian survives. 862 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,040 {\an2}We now move on to Lucy Beaumont. Oh, God. 863 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,440 {\an2}Pineapple - heavier or lighter than duck? 864 00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:09,520 {\an2}Well, that's heavier, isn't it? Oh, yes, it is. 865 00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,960 {\an2}Heavier than a duck, you say. 866 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:13,840 {\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS 867 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:17,880 {\an1}CHEERING 868 00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,360 {\an2}Hello, Sam. Welly? Oh. 869 00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,920 {\an2}Heavier or lighter than a pineapple? Oh, that's a tricky one. 870 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:27,880 {\an2}Can I ask questions? You can ask me one. 871 00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:30,840 {\an2}Are you a child of divorce? 872 00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER 873 00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,960 {\an1}APPLAUSE 874 00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:40,880 {\an2}He's used up his question. 875 00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:43,160 {\an2}So, heavier or lighter? 876 00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,120 {\an2}I think wellington, heavier than a pine...apple. 877 00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,160 {\an2}He says it's heavier. Let's find out. 878 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:49,880 {\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS 879 00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,680 {\an1}CHEERING 880 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:56,200 {\an2}Heavy wellies. Sue, welly...or flour? 881 00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:57,880 {\an2}Flour. Flour heavier. 882 00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,440 {\an2}Can I just say, before you pull that out obviously? 883 00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:05,120 {\an2}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS Ohh! 884 00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:08,320 {\an2}One wellington, more than 1.5kg? 885 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,840 {\an2}You have to now hold the one to indicate that you're out. 886 00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:12,840 {\an2}It's quite heavy. Oh, it is very... 887 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:14,480 {\an2}You utter shit. 888 00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:15,960 {\an1}LAUGHTER 889 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,840 {\an2}No thank you. 890 00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:20,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 891 00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,360 {\an2}So, it's your turn, Susan. 892 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:25,120 {\an2}Is the bell heavier than the flour? 893 00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:28,040 {\an2}Erm...Sue, I'll give you permission to put that down, if you like. 894 00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:29,400 {\an1}LOUD THUD 895 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,480 {\an2}OK. I'm going to say the bell. 896 00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:35,800 {\an2}The bell's heavier than the flour, let's see. 897 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:36,840 {\an2}Audience noise. 898 00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,920 {\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS 899 00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:41,640 {\an2}Shit. Susan's out. 900 00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:43,880 {\an2}So, we're back to you, Julian. OK. 901 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:45,320 {\an2}It's candlestick time. 902 00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:47,200 {\an2}Heavier or lighter than the bell? 903 00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:48,440 {\an2}Lighter. 904 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:49,760 {\an2}It was a quick answer. 905 00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,280 {\an2}Hm, mercifully quick, some would say. Yeah. 906 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,520 {\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS 907 00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,680 {\an2}What do I have to do now? I-I'm out? Yeah, you're out. 908 00:44:57,720 --> 00:45:00,080 {\an2}You're out, yeah. But you get the bell. Oh, well. 909 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,760 {\an2}Be still, my beating heart. 910 00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,840 {\an1}LAUGHTER 911 00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:05,640 {\an2}It's Lucy versus Sam. 912 00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:07,720 {\an2}I guess. And we're moving on to the teddy. 913 00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:10,160 {\an2}Heavier or lighter than the candlestick? 914 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:11,840 {\an2}Think that's heavier. 915 00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,320 {\an2}The candle's heavier? Pull the stick. Yeah. 916 00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,560 {\an2}Oh, sh... No! You can see it's not. 917 00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,560 {\an2}Oh, bastard. AUDIENCE OOHS 918 00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:22,320 {\an2}We've lost Lucy. 919 00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:25,360 {\an2}However, Sam still has to get one right to win the task, 920 00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,480 {\an2}cos so far, he's only got one. 921 00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:29,200 {\an2}So, this is a big moment. 922 00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:30,520 {\an2}Good luck, Sam. 923 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:34,120 {\an2}It's teddy versus leaf blower. Oh! Oh, my God. 924 00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:35,520 {\an2}You know it's a heavy teddy. 925 00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,120 {\an2}You're going to say I'm crazy for this one, 926 00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:39,880 {\an2}but I think they have equal weight. 927 00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:42,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 928 00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:45,640 {\an1}APPLAUSE 929 00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:48,200 {\an2}You can change your mind, 930 00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:50,160 {\an2}if you want to make everything easier. 931 00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:53,800 {\an2}Teddy, teddy, teddy, teddy. 932 00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:55,000 {\an2}The teddy's heavier? 933 00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,480 {\an2}Yeah, yeah, it's heavy. It's really heavy, yeah. 934 00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:58,840 {\an1}LAUGHTER 935 00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,920 {\an2}If the leaf blower is lighter than the teddy, 936 00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,200 {\an2}then Sam Campbell will win the task outright. 937 00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:04,760 {\an2}Oh, my God. 938 00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,000 {\an2}Come on. Oh, my God. 939 00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:09,520 {\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS 940 00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:12,720 {\an1}ECSTATIC CHEERING 941 00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:14,400 {\an2}YOU MADE ME CHANGE IT! 942 00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:16,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 943 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,440 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 944 00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:24,320 {\an2}That was so good. That was... That's good. 945 00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:26,160 {\an2}Much, much heavier in the end. 946 00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:27,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER 947 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,160 {\an2}We'll add it to the final scores, please come and join me. 948 00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:31,760 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 949 00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,040 {\an2}Well, that was exciting, wasn't it? 950 00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,160 {\an2}Yes, it meant Sue and Susan didn't get any right. 951 00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:42,360 {\an2}They came joint fourth, so they get 2 points each, 952 00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,920 {\an2}and we have three people who won the task, even though they only 953 00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:46,720 {\an2}got one thing right, they get 5 points each. 954 00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:49,400 {\an2}So, that's Julian and Lucy, and Sam. All won the task! 955 00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:51,440 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 956 00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:55,440 {\an2}And the winner of the first show of the series, with 21 points, 957 00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:56,760 {\an2}it's Sam Campbell! 958 00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:58,360 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 959 00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:01,000 {\an2}Sam Campbell wins! 960 00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,840 {\an2}Please, wander up to worship your wonderful wooden winnings! 961 00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:06,760 {\an1}CHEERING 962 00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:11,480 {\an2}What have we learnt today? 963 00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:14,680 {\an2}We've learnt that if you put a human being in a tricky situation, 964 00:47:14,720 --> 00:47:18,840 {\an2}they can be thoughtful, resourceful, and sometimes ingenious. 965 00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:21,280 {\an2}We've also learnt that some people think they've got arms 966 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,400 {\an2}instead of legs. It's a funny old world, isn't it? 967 00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:26,680 {\an2}See you soon. But for now, please applaud the first winner 968 00:47:26,720 --> 00:47:30,040 {\an2}of the series, Sam Campbell! 969 00:47:53,720 --> 00:47:57,000 {\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media