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{\an2}This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
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{\an2}BELL RINGS
Good evening.
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{\an2}Argh!
SLURPS LOUDLY
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{\an2}Argh! Ah!
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{\an1}HE VOCALISES
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{\an2}I trained at RADA.
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{\an2}What have I created?!
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{\an2}So sorry.
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{\an2}How we laughed.
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{\an2}Ahh!
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{\an2}Huh?
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Hello, everybody, I'm Greg Davies,
and this is Taskmaster.
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{\an2}I hope you don't mind, but I thought
I'd take this opportunity to
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{\an2}quickly answer some of the questions
from members of the public.
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{\an2}Here we go.
Do I watch the show back?
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{\an2}No, my physical decline is
deeply upsetting to me.
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{\an2}Do I wear those socks by choice?
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{\an2}No, I don't, it's a novelty
format point forced upon me
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{\an2}by those more excited
by contrived broad eccentricity.
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{\an2}Three - is Alex actually tall?
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{\an2}No, he's just over five foot.
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{\an2}Four - why do I keep insulting him?
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{\an2}Because he's had a soft upbringing,
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{\an2}and it has made him weak.
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{\an2}Now, questions over,
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{\an2}let's ask some more pertinent ones.
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{\an2}Who are the five chosen ones
who will dance through
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{\an2}the fire of Olympic-level
endurance this week?
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{\an2}Ha, I'll tell you!
They are Julian Clary...
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Lucy Beaumont...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Sam Campbell...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Sue Perkins...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..and Susan Wokoma!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}And sitting next to me,
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{\an2}a man who once privately told me
that if it was up to him,
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{\an2}Scotland would be physically
sawn off from the UK
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{\an2}and floated into the North Sea -
to quote him,
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{\an2}"We'll soon find out how much
they want independence
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{\an2}"when all they've got to eat
is shortbread." It's...
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{\an2}HIGH-PITCHED: ..little Alex Horne!
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Well, I'm very busy at
the moment. Phew!
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{\an2}I got asked to, er, do the Christmas
lights in Chesham, where I live.
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{\an2}Oh, yeah? Yeah.
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{\an2}So, I put them up. Put them up.
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{\an2}Store them in my spare room...
Yeah. ..where I was sleeping,
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{\an2}so I'm now in the living room.
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{\an2}Yeah. And, er, Russell Grant's
turning them on.
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{\an2}Good. OK, let's move on
to the prize task.
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{\an2}Yes, please!
I'm on it, you big, bad boy.
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{\an2}And today, you've asked them
to bring in the best sign.
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{\an2}The best sign will get five points,
and the winner of the episode
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{\an2}will take home five signs -
and that's me signing off.
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{\an2}Susan, welcome back to the show.
Hello.
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{\an2}Have you got a great sign?
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{\an2}It's the sign of... Of?
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{\an2}..Cock Pond, Clapham Common.
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{\an2}Here it is.
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{\an2}Ooh!
AUDIENCE OOHS
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{\an2}A few years ago, I was like,
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{\an2}"Oh, I was born in London,
but I don't really know London."
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{\an2}Right. So then, I started going
on London walks -
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{\an2}which is when you wake up
really early on a Sunday,
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{\an2}and you follow normally a jaded
actor around bits of London,
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{\an2}and there is a walking tour where
you go and look at dirty signs,
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{\an2}erm, around London and, er,
this is one of my favourites,
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{\an2}because I'm a child, apparently.
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{\an2}Yeah.Erm, yeah.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I like Cock Pond. Thanks.
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{\an2}You can quote me on that. I will.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Sue, pond full of cocks -
can you beat it?
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{\an2}This is a sign from a well-known and
beloved broadcasting institution.
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{\an2}Here's Sue's sign.
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{\an2}Don't know if you remember
that the BBC sold
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{\an2}the BBC television studios.
I do remember.
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{\an2}Er, yeah, and it was a terrible,
dark day. Terrible decision, yeah.
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{\an2}And I filmed the last pilot
in there... OK.
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{\an2}..on the day that it was shut down.
Yeah.
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{\an2}When we came out,
it was like the end of days.
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{\an2}It was - it... People were just
pulling down signs,
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{\an2}pocketing treasures.
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{\an2}They were basically asset-stripping
the BBC from the inside out.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}And I thought, "This is awful,"
and I can't...
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{\an2}And I just saw the signs, and then,
Claudia Winkleman said,
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{\an2}"I'll give you a bunk up."
And so...
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}..she gave me a boost,
ripped 'em off the wall.
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{\an2}She took a stage door one.
Popped it down.
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{\an2}And off we trundled.
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{\an2}I mean, to be honest, Sue,
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{\an2}Winkleman's got "petty thief"
written all over her. Yeah.
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{\an2}It's a great prize.
It might get you a few points.
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{\an2}OK. Sam.
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{\an2}Let me take you away from
this, erm, studio.
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{\an2}We're at the British -
the Great British Library.
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{\an2}Wow.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Have you nicked that? Yeah.
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{\an2}I mean it's fairly irresponsible,
you could...
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{\an2}How good is it, though?
Oh, it's a great sign.
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{\an2}"Please take care, piazza slippery."
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{\an2}It sounds like a European spy.
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{\an2}"Be careful, Piazza Slippery!"
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{\an2}Yeah. "This is a very
slippery mission!"
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Lucy, what have you brought in?
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{\an2}I've brought, erm, a pub sign.
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{\an2}OK.
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{\an2}For, erm, a home pub.
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{\an2}Whose pub, was it?
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{\an2}Erm, ours, mine.
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{\an2}Your one, and your husband's?
And husband's, yeah.
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{\an2}Here's the pub sign.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I think it's a got
a warm feeling to it.
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{\an2}Is there a, erm, landlord or
a landlady at the Dog and Bastard?
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{\an2}Me. But it's nice,
cos if you do get drunk,
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{\an2}sometimes you forget
you're not in a real pub,
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{\an2}and then, like, there was one time
I went to ring a taxi,
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{\an2}and someone had to say,
"You're next to your house."
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{\an2}It's your pub.
"You don't need to." Yeah.
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{\an2}It's a good sign. OK. Julian.
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{\an2}Oh, I think you'll like this.
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{\an2}Erm, it's very endearing -
it's a sign that I saw in
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{\an2}the green room, when I was
at the Hull Literary Festival.
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{\an2}A high-brow sign. Hm.
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{\an2}You're in good company.
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{\an2}Here's Julian's sign.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}It's an unpretentious event.
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{\an2}Did you actually steal it?
Do you have it? No, I couldn't.
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{\an2}Cos the artists wouldn't have
known where to eat.
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{\an2}Jesus Christ, that is low-rent,
isn't it?
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{\an2}I'll do this based on which signs
I'd like to take home the most. OK.
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{\an2}I personally wouldn't want
two Post-it notes.
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{\an2}But I did laugh,
so it seems really cruel,
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{\an2}but I'm going to give Julian
1 point. Sorry, Julian.
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{\an2}OK, 1 point to Julian. Aww!
Oh, I understand.
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{\an2}I don't want to take your pub sign,
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{\an2}because I think it belongs
on your pub.
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{\an2}No, I've brought it!
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{\an2}Nah. 2 points. 2 points to Lucy.
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{\an2}Erm, 3 points to Sam.
Well done, Sam.
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{\an2}I genuinely want that BBC sign,
so I'm giving that 5 points.
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{\an2}And, unbelievably,
I'm giving Cock Pond 4 points.
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{\an2}There we are, that's it.
There we are, so 5 to Sue Perkins!
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{\an1}CHEERING
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{\an2}On we go!
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{\an2}Do you have something
special lined up?
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{\an2}Oh, I do. In fact, I'd go as far
as to say it's legendary.
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{\an2}Oh! Look at that.
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{\an2}How's it going? Yeah, pretty good.
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{\an2}What have you brought?
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{\an2}James Bond would never go
on a mission without
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{\an2}his favourite gadgets.
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{\an2}I've never seen him bringing
a tape measure to a mission.
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{\an2}You only measure twice.
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{\an2}Is this my Excalibur moment?
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{\an2}Maybe.
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{\an2}Ah!
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{\an2}I'm actually quite good
with a sword. Why?
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{\an2}Oh, cos I went to drama school.
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{\an2}I mean, no surprise,
it's the first line.
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{\an2}"Pull the sword from the stone.
Many have tried.
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{\an2}"You may not force the sword
or break the stone.
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{\an2}"The champion is the one
who releases the sword fastest.
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{\an2}"Your time starts...
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{\an2}"..now."
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{\an2}Can I have the sword, please?
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{\an2}Go on, give me the sword.
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{\an2}This is amazing.
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{\an2}Feel like I'm in Dubai.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}I'm sure the rulers of Dubai
would be thrilled...
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{\an2}LAUGHTER
..with that comparison.
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{\an2}Erm, Susan, you seem
a little apologetic about
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{\an2}the fact you went to drama school.
Yeah.
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{\an2}Is it a source of
embarrassment for you?
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{\an2}No, no, no, no, no,
I'm in enough debt because of it.
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00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,120
{\an2}No, it's absolutely fine.
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{\an2}Yeah. Well, it really paid off.
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{\an2}We could tell from your performance
of the Arthurian-sounding,
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{\an2}"Can I have the sword, please?"
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{\an2}Well, let's have a look. OK, then.
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{\an2}And we'll begin with
Luce B and Sue P. Here we go.
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{\an2}I mean, for form's sake.
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{\an2}Ahh!
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{\an2}It doesn't come out.
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{\an2}No. It's a magic sword.
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00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,720
{\an2}So, something releases the sword.
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00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,040
{\an2}Well, could it be "Lucy"?
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{\an8}No. Beaumont?
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00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,080
{\an2}So, clues. God, I love an old me...
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{\an2}Oh, my gosh. Yes!
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{\an8}That's just plain gibberish.
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00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,560
{\an2}None of it makes sense.
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00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,960
{\an2}I like it when I just get
to run around.
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{\an2}You can run around.
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{\an2}That won't do anything, will it?
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00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,160
{\an2}Can I ring somebody?
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{\an2}Could I ring the Women's Institute?
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{\an2}Let's hunt further.
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{\an2}ON PHONE: Thank you for
calling the NSWI.
207
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:03,760
{\an2}For constitution-related
enquiries...
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00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,880
{\an2}I think it's that one.
..press 3.
209
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,000
{\an2}I think it's a constitution inquiry.
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{\an1}PHONE RINGS
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{\an2}Welcome to the messaging...
Oh, God!
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{\an2}Alex, would you pull this
cracker for me?
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00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,320
{\an2}Oh, I'd love to. Thanks, darling.
One, two, three.
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00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,960
{\an2}Yay!
LUCY GASPS
215
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,280
{\an2}"Which comedian knows how to
216
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,920
{\an2}"make their hair smart?"
"..Their hair smart?"
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{\an2}None of them.
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{\an2}Is this relevant?
219
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,040
{\an2}Wow... OK, ooh!
220
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{\an2}There's a cross.
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00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,120
{\an2}I don't even know what part
of the world that is.
222
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,560
{\an2}Is that Africa? No.
223
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,120
{\an2}Is it Australia? No.
224
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,280
{\an2}America? No. Europe?
It's somewhere in Europe.
225
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,280
{\an2}I don't think I can tell you
much more than that.
226
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,800
{\an2}He's got an O.
227
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,440
{\an2}Wait a minute.
I see little letters.
228
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,920
{\an2}France? No. Netherlands?
229
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,240
{\an2}Uh-uh. Moldova? No. Croatia?
230
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,880
{\an2}Ah. No. Is it the UK?
231
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,440
{\an2}There's an E.
232
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:57,600
{\an2}There's an I.
233
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,680
{\an2}I feel like I'm in James Bond.
234
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:03,280
{\an2}Now we're doing counties, really?
Cornwall? Devon?
235
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:04,320
{\an2}Devon?
236
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:06,960
{\an2}Devon!
237
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,600
{\an2}You made me say
every country in Europe.
238
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,400
{\an2}I didn't make you say anything, Sue.
239
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:14,440
{\an2}I've got a D...
240
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:15,480
{\an2}So, a D, W...
241
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,480
{\an2}..O... ..I... ..E...
242
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,000
{\an2}..C, M, B. ..and an I.
243
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,440
{\an2}I'm just trying to make
a word with it.
244
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,560
{\an2}Woody. Woody?
245
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,960
{\an2}Bedwomebi.
246
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,520
{\an2}E...ewodi.
247
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,080
{\an2}Ewodi, ewodi...
248
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,560
{\an2}Bedweiwmbe.
249
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,240
{\an1}LAUGHTER
250
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,280
{\an1}LUCY GASPS
251
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,760
{\an2}That's got a D-D.
252
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,040
{\an2}That's got a W-I.
253
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,720
{\an2}Widd...e.
254
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:44,760
{\an2}Widdic...
255
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,080
{\an2}Have you had
Josh Widdicombe on this?
256
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,960
{\an2}Oh, dear, it's so stressful.
257
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,440
{\an2}Burw...bu...
258
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,040
{\an2}..buw...buwawim.
259
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,080
{\an2}I mean, I want to go Widdicombe.
260
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER
261
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,000
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
262
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,560
{\an2}Come on, Widdicombe?
Why would it be Widdicombe?
263
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:11,600
{\an2}Widdicombe.
264
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,280
{\an2}Widdicombe!
265
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,720
{\an1}SHE GASPS
266
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,760
{\an2}In the legend, what did he do
once he had the s-sword?
267
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,400
{\an2}He ended up throwing it in a lake.
268
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,880
{\an1}APPLAUSE
269
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,000
{\an2}I keep little quotes during
the show that I pop into
270
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:36,680
{\an2}the Taskmaster book of quotes.
271
00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:38,360
{\an2}And yours, halfway through the task,
272
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,720
{\an2}really made it straight in,
which was,
273
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,720
{\an2}"I just like it when I get
to run around."
274
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,120
{\an1}LAUGHTER
275
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,320
{\an2}I do, yeah. What tipped you
over into Widdicombe?
276
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,920
{\an2}Why was it...Anne Wittecombe?
277
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,560
{\an2}Wittecombe? It's Widdecombe.
278
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,840
{\an2}Honestly, I don't know
how I got to Witticombe.
279
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,400
{\an2}Widdicombe! Widdicombe.
280
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER
281
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,800
{\an2}Just so you know,
after 15 minutes, she said,
282
00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,320
{\an2}"I think these are all clues."
283
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,320
{\an2}At 24 minutes, she said Widdicombe,
284
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:07,320
{\an2}but she didn't pull
the sword out until 28 minutes.
285
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:11,200
{\an2}Wow. Sue, my favourite bit
of the whole thing is when
286
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,000
{\an1}you realise what the answer is...
THEY LAUGH
287
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:18,080
{\an2}..how long it took for your
brain to compute.
288
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,560
{\an2}Er, I could've just swam
in that time.
289
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,040
{\an2}Do you want to know how long
she took? How long did she take?
290
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,520
{\an2}Lucy did very badly, 28 minutes.
291
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:28,240
{\an2}Sue, 33 minutes and 21 seconds.
292
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,840
{\an2}Wow. Most of it was that reaction.
293
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,520
{\an2}I was going to say, that's ten.
294
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,760
{\an2}Time for a break now.
295
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,560
{\an2}Or, as my uncle Steve
used to call it,
296
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,400
{\an2}"Get on the pot,
it's plop o'clock."
297
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,600
{\an2}Hi, Steve! Hope the facility's OK.
298
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,120
{\an2}Sorry I've never visited.
299
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,360
{\an2}See you in a bit.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
300
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,360
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
301
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,960
{\an2}Hello! Yes, welcome back.
302
00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,280
{\an2}It's part two, and there's a sword
in a stone which needs removing.
303
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,480
{\an2}There is indeed, Greg, and only
one name will release the sword -
304
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,240
{\an2}the surname of a person Sue Perkins
305
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,920
{\an2}made four series of
a panel show with.
306
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,360
{\an2}Will Sam and Susan work out
his name any quicker?
307
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:11,560
{\an2}Let's find out.
308
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,320
{\an2}Congratulations. Thank you.
309
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,320
{\an2}It's a little shoe that
says "Greg" on it.
310
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,320
{\an2}It's a little foot, yeah.
311
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:22,040
{\an2}BOTH: "Which comedian knows how
to make their hair smart?"
312
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,360
{\an2}So, that is absolutely not useful.
313
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,360
{\an2}A lot of them are well-groomed.
314
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:27,840
{\an2}Is that related to anything?
315
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,080
{\an2}"With diamonds come bears" -
that is gobbledegook,
316
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,320
{\an2}I don't know what that is.
317
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:33,960
{\an2}"With diamonds come bears."
318
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,240
{\an2}We all know that.
319
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,680
{\an2}Is there a bear around?
320
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:39,440
{\an2}All right, look at this.
321
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,360
{\an2}Catherine Knollys, 1983.
322
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:43,400
{\an2}What?
323
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,360
{\an2}Katherine Ryan -
that's not got to do with hair.
324
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,600
{\an2}Bob Mortimer? Bob, that's hair.
325
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,880
{\an2}People who've won. Taskmaster.
326
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,120
{\an2}Is who I'm looking for
related to Catherine?
327
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,960
{\an2}How am I meant to know that?
328
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,200
{\an2}Ed Gamble?
329
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,120
{\an2}Sophie Duker?
330
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:03,280
{\an2}Bob Mortimer?
331
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,320
{\an2}Still no.
332
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:05,360
{\an2}Rob Beckett?
333
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,400
{\an2}Richard Herring?
334
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:07,760
{\an2}Katherine Ryan?
335
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,040
{\an2}Noel Fielding?
336
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,680
{\an2}Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
337
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,680
{\an2}Is there a champion who's missing
from there that has won this show?
338
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,520
{\an2}That just seems too inside baseball.
339
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:18,520
{\an2}Do you have to watch
everything to know?
340
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:24,320
{\an2}"Comedian related to...
Catherine Knollys."
341
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:25,640
{\an2}Is that it? Yeah.
342
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,800
{\an2}Alex Horne... At last.
343
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:28,920
{\an2}..sucks.
344
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,200
{\an2}Sorry, don't take that...
edit, bleep that.
345
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,800
{\an2}Which bit are we bleeping?
346
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,160
{\an2}Bleep me, just blur me out.
347
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,040
{\an2}Blur me out,
I don't deserve to exist.
348
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:39,960
{\an2}Josh Widdicombe.
349
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,440
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS
350
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,800
{\an2}Ah!
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
351
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,200
{\an2}I've stopped the clock.
352
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,040
{\an2}"..Fastest. Your time starts now."
353
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,320
{\an2}"Now" has got a capital W.
354
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:52,600
{\an2}Oh, WI....
355
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:53,920
{\an8}Oh, it's a word!
356
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,720
{\an8}That's a MBE.
357
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,520
{\an8}Can I have that as some of
my letters?
358
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,000
{\an8}Member of the British Empire.
359
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,840
{\an8}Oh, I know what it is!
360
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,640
{\an2}Josh Widdicombe. Widdicombe?
361
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,000
{\an2}I've stopped the clock.
362
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,960
{\an2}Now that was a drama school
performance at the end,
363
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,400
{\an2}the holding aloft of the sword.
364
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,280
{\an2}Mm-hm. That was worth all
that money, surely.
365
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,240
{\an2}It was worth every single penny...
Fantastic.
366
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,480
{\an1}..and three years of my life, yeah.
LAUGHTER
367
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,960
{\an2}Er, what was your system to try
and get to Widdicombe, Sam?
368
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,040
{\an2}Ah, you just have to -
just have to grab life.
369
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:28,120
{\an2}Yeah, you, er, listed all of
the names of the people
370
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,280
{\an2}in those pictures. Yeah.
371
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,560
{\an2}And he actually worked out it was
a winner of Taskmaster
372
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,720
{\an2}who wasn't amongst those pictures,
so he cracked it.
373
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,520
{\an2}Can I just say, I love weapons?
374
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,560
{\an1}LAUGHTER
375
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,960
{\an2}Next up, we've seen four of
our five competitors,
376
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,760
{\an2}but somehow, there's still two left.
377
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,120
{\an2}That's right,
it's Julie and Clary.
378
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,720
{\an2}WHISPERS: I'm so sorry.
Oh, God.
379
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,960
{\an2}Can I open the cracker? Yes.
380
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:57,000
{\an2}I've found a little foot,
and it says "Greg".
381
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,240
{\an2}Greg!
382
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:01,720
{\an2}No such luck.
383
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,240
{\an2}"Join the Women's Institute,
darling daughter."
384
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,360
{\an2}"With diamonds come bears."
385
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,280
{\an2}Plymouth Argyle Football Club.
386
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:13,520
{\an2}W.
387
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,880
{\an2}D.
388
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,360
{\an2}WD40?
389
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,680
{\an2}Who are all these people
in pictures?
390
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:20,920
{\an2}That's a good question.
391
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,120
{\an2}Giles...someone.
392
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,160
{\an2}Someone Giles. Nearly.
393
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,800
{\an2}That man with the teeth.
394
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,760
{\an2}Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett.
395
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,520
{\an2}They're all comedians. Yes.
396
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:31,880
{\an2}Well, Adrian Giles isn't.
397
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,280
{\an2}Aha!
398
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:38,560
{\an2}Another comedian.
399
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,520
{\an1}LAUGHTER
400
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,200
{\an2}Am I supposed to know his name?
401
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,000
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
402
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,120
{\an2}Do you recognise him?
403
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,840
{\an2}I do, yes, no, he's very funny.
Yeah.
404
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,320
{\an2}That face - what is his name?
405
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,000
{\an2}He's sort of small and nasally.
406
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,200
{\an2}He is small.
That's exactly right, yeah.
407
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,760
{\an2}I've always liked him.
408
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,360
{\an2}I won't hear a word against him.
409
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,720
{\an2}Josh - is it a Josh?
410
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,040
{\an2}Josh.
411
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,080
{\an1}HE SIGHS
412
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,400
{\an2}Widdicombe.
413
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:11,440
{\an2}Widdicombe?
414
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:13,800
{\an2}That was it!
415
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,520
{\an2}Fancy that coming back to me.
416
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,760
{\an2}I've stopped the clock. Hoo!
417
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,200
{\an2}Oh, dear.
APPLAUSE
418
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,640
{\an2}Thank goodness his name came to me.
419
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,240
{\an2}I've always liked his work.
420
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,440
{\an1}LAUGHTER
421
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,320
{\an1}APPLAUSE
422
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:34,520
{\an2}Would it be fair to say you've not
necessarily kept abreast with
423
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,280
{\an2}some of the more recent comedians?
424
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,040
{\an2}I don't really watch any
other comedians.
425
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,320
{\an2}I don't know why.
426
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,680
{\an2}Oh, not even
"that man with the teeth"?
427
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,000
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Has he been on this show?
428
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,080
{\an2}He has. And we've had
"small and nasally" on.
429
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,000
{\an1}LAUGHTER
430
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,920
{\an2}But you got there, it came to you.
431
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,240
{\an2}It did come out from nowhere.
432
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,400
{\an2}We were all quite relieved,
cos it could've got quite awkward.
433
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,960
{\an2}But did I take any longer
than the others?
434
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,880
{\an2}Well, I can tell you now.
435
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,000
{\an2}Seemed fast. Yeah. Hmm.
436
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,760
{\an2}Sue took 33 minutes.
437
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:08,360
{\an2}Sam, 32. Lucy, 28, and Susan, 14.
438
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,400
{\an2}Ooh.
439
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,560
{\an2}Julian, ten minutes and 23 seconds.
440
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,640
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
441
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,760
{\an2}Wow, lovely.
Scoreboard then, please.
442
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,920
{\an2}Scoreboard, yes,
it's tight at the bottom.
443
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,040
{\an2}We have last week's winner,
Sam, on 5 points.
444
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,920
{\an2}At the top, it's Susan Wokoma
with 8 points.
445
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,520
{\an2}APPLAUSE
Lovely.
446
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,320
{\an2}Hey, let's have another one, then.
447
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:29,680
{\an2}You've got it, mega mumma.
448
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,560
{\an2}and I think they're going
to nail this one.
449
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,840
{\an2}Ooh.
450
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,040
{\an2}Welcome... Welcome.
451
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,280
{\an2}..to the lab. To the lab.
452
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,600
{\an2}Are you going to repeat
everything I say? No. OK.
453
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:57,920
{\an8}Oh, they're already going.
454
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,640
{\an8}Uh-oh. Oh! Erm, OK.
455
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,880
{\an2}No time for "hello" and
"how are you" today.
456
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,880
{\an2}No niceties.
457
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,280
{\an2}It doesn't say anything.
458
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,880
{\an2}Nah, I'm just playing.
459
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,200
{\an2}Oh, "Make a cheeky picture on
this piece of wood."
460
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:12,440
{\an2}There.
461
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:16,680
{\an2}"..Using nails and one
continuous piece of wire."
462
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,920
{\an2}So, a cheeky picture.
463
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,080
{\an2}Yes, please.
464
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:22,680
{\an2}"Also, if any egg timers stop,
465
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,840
{\an2}"you must stare at the camera
466
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:28,000
{\an2}"shaking your head for
ten seconds."
467
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,960
{\an2}Yeah, that one did stop, so, yeah.
468
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,240
{\an2}"The best cheeky picture wins.
469
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,000
{\an2}"You have 20 minutes."
470
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,360
{\an2}Sorry, Sam, the blue one's
just run out of sand.
471
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:41,960
{\an2}Wait, what? The sand's run out.
472
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,080
{\an2}"Best cheeky picture wins.
473
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:51,960
{\an2}"You have 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
474
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:57,200
{\an2}Hang on a minute, so I need to do
a cheeky picture with wire...
475
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,760
{\an2}..and be looking at these guys?
476
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,400
{\an2}I know. I said it was a nightmare,
477
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,120
{\an2}but Greg wanted it done.
OK, fair enough.
478
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,920
{\an1}APPLAUSE
479
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,480
{\an2}Feels pretty straightforward,
shall we just crack on? OK.
480
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,680
{\an1}ALARM BEEPS
Oh, I'm so sorry about my alarm.
481
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,480
{\an2}Do you know what time it is?
Yes, it's time for a montage!
482
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
483
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,080
{\an2}OK, cheeky picture with nails.
484
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,840
{\an2}I mean, we all know what
it's going to be.
485
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,200
{\an2}Can you draw a...penis?
486
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,880
{\an2}Can I draw a penis?
Like, cos that's cheeky, isn't it?
487
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:29,160
{\an2}Oh, yeah, that's cheeky.
488
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,560
{\an2}Oh, you're drawing with the nail?
489
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,160
{\an2}SAM: What else would you do
to make a cheeky picture?
490
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,880
{\an2}Ah, that's not shaking.
491
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:49,120
{\an2}That's shaking.
492
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:54,800
{\an2}What sort of people enjoy
this programme? Is it students?
493
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,760
{\an2}Why is it always you?
494
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,520
{\an2}The blue sand has run out again.
495
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,240
{\an2}Oh, no. Oh, no.
496
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,480
{\an2}That's nodding.
497
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,960
{\an2}Any regrets about doing this series?
498
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,240
{\an2}Well, you're interesting,
aren't you?
499
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,360
{\an2}Would you call yourself
a charismatic man?
500
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,400
{\an8}Doesn't say I can't do that...
501
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:22,680
{\an2}Ah, well, the sand has now stopped
so, yeah, you have to do it again.
502
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,440
{\an2}You're an absolute piglet,
Alex Horne.
503
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,160
{\an2}I just want to get to
the boobs now. 'Course.
504
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,240
{\an2}I don't want it to be too phallic.
505
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,200
{\an2}So, instead of testicles,
I'm going to do wings?
506
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,240
{\an2}That's cheeky.
507
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:35,960
{\an2}So, you've got the sexy dog -
508
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,400
{\an2}cos we're subverting stereotypes.
509
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,880
{\an2}JULIAN: My art teacher would not
be impressed with this.
510
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,440
{\an2}Fortunately, he's dead.
511
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
512
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,320
{\an1}APPLAUSE
513
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:53,240
{\an2}Well, cheeky is an
interesting debate, I think.
514
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,440
{\an2}What the go-to cheeky is.
515
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,680
{\an2}Well, you said, Sue, "We all know
what's getting drawn here."
516
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,320
{\an2}Go-to, well, route one cheek.
517
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,560
{\an2}What is "route one cheek"?
518
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,120
{\an2}Cock and balls. It's a classic C&B.
519
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:05,840
{\an2}Erm, Susan, you did say,
520
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,120
{\an2}"I just want to get to
the boobs now." Yes.
521
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,560
{\an2}But then, you threw in a
curveball by saying,
522
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,920
{\an2}"We've got a sexy dog..."
LAUGHTER
523
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,040
{\an2}"..because we're
subverting stereotypes."
524
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,160
{\an2}Am I going to see a dog with
a pair of boobs? No, no!
525
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,040
{\an2}No? The boobs are separate
to the dog.
526
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,880
{\an2}Oh, what do you think cheeky is?
527
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,920
{\an2}Erm, I think it's when you
have your boobs out
528
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,800
{\an2}as you're feeding your dog.
529
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,800
{\an1}SHOCKED LAUGHTER
530
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,520
{\an2}It's cheeky.
It's cheeky, and it's weird.
531
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,520
{\an2}Time for a break now.
532
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
533
00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:41,120
{\an2}An opportunity to reflect,
534
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,880
{\an2}to consider one's mortality,
535
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,360
{\an2}and, crucially, exercise gratitude.
536
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,840
{\an2}Or you could chug on a
fruit-flavoured vape
537
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,320
{\an2}and phone for a pizza.
538
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,480
{\an2}Both things are fun, it's up to you!
539
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,600
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
540
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,280
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
541
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:07,320
{\an2}Welcome back to the
third quarter of the show.
542
00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:09,560
{\an2}I'd like to see some cheeky art,
please, Alex.
543
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:10,720
{\an2}Of course you do, Greg,
544
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:12,680
{\an2}it's your sort of thing you,
randy sod.
545
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,960
{\an2}Er, the first piece of art
we're going to see is Julian's.
546
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,880
{\an2}Julian, can you explain this?
547
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,400
{\an2}Well, it was going to be a face,
548
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:25,040
{\an2}and in the end, it became a sperm.
549
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,280
{\an2}Do you like it?
550
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:34,200
{\an2}I don't know, is a solitary,
deformed sperm cheeky?
551
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,600
{\an2}Well, there was something about
that laboratory place,
552
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:40,640
{\an2}I felt like I had gone there
to make a deposit or something.
553
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,800
{\an2}It's "best cheeky picture," so,
do you think that's a good picture
554
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,280
{\an2}of a sperm, I suppose, is...?
555
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:46,520
{\an2}I do not.
556
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
557
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,680
{\an2}Well, I'm sorry if
I haven't pleased you.
558
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,040
{\an2}Let's have a look at Sam's.
559
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,160
{\an2}It's more recognisable
as a picture.
560
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,240
{\an2}I think this is
a really interesting piece.
561
00:23:58,280 --> 00:23:59,840
{\an2}It just oozes with cheek.
562
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:03,320
{\an2}This is having this beautiful
golden hair, and what a mane!
563
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:05,320
{\an2}Wasn't it just, just wow!
564
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:08,280
{\an2}Yeah. And yet, this person
keeps their hair secret
565
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,800
{\an2}with a giant hat,
and the community have no idea.
566
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,200
{\an2}Yeah. No-one has seen this hair.
567
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,400
{\an2}Yeah. And that is cheekiness...
568
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
569
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,120
{\an2}It's so convincing -
what's clever is,
570
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,560
{\an2}it's kind of cheeky for you
to suggest that's cheeky.
571
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,320
{\an2}Yeah. Which I like.
572
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:28,800
{\an2}You're a switched-on guy. Yeah.
573
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,840
{\an2}Well, Susan - I will have
to explain a few elements of it,
574
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:33,520
{\an2}but this is how it ended up.
575
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,920
{\an1}LAUGHTER
576
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:39,760
{\an2}So, on the left is a lady with -
and I hate to say this phrase -
577
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,720
{\an2}boobs, pulling along a...
Yeah. ..dog? Yeah.
578
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:47,840
{\an2}And the dog, to use her phrase,
is "going a bit kink".
579
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,960
{\an2}And then, she's done
a cheeky bit of ocean,
580
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,960
{\an2}and a cheeky bit of hell.
581
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,440
{\an2}The red represents...
582
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,960
{\an2}Did I do that?
LAUGHTER
583
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,720
{\an2}So, I see cheeky lady. Yes.
584
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,640
{\an2}That's a cheeky tick.
Erm, why is hell there?
585
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,920
{\an2}Well, hell is here.
586
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:09,320
{\an2}Yeah. Yeah. "Cheeky devil" -
that's actually a phrase.
587
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:12,720
{\an2}Thank God you can see the boobs,
is all I can say.
588
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,240
{\an2}Shall we move on to a penis
with wings?
589
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,560
{\an2}I thought you'd never ask.
590
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,280
{\an2}Yeah, this is what Lucy did.
591
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
592
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,080
{\an2}I mean, the sperm now is
looking pretty good.
593
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:33,560
{\an2}Ah, like you say, now looking back,
I'm disgusted with myself.
594
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,640
{\an2}You know, and I don't think
I've got the wings at all.
595
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,600
{\an2}And finally, Sue Perkins -
and this is more recognisable.
596
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,760
{\an2}Here we go. Cheeky!
597
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,240
{\an2}That's good! Yeah. That is...
598
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:50,160
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
599
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,720
{\an2}If you were to take a bet
beforehand, who would be the person
600
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,960
{\an2}least likely to anatomically
correctly...
601
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,640
{\an2}No-one's more shocked than I am.
602
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,320
{\an2}It's a lovely attention to detail.
Yeah.
603
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:05,120
{\an2}And, I hope this is appropriate,
a lovely girth.
604
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:06,880
{\an1}LAUGHTER
605
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:11,560
{\an2}I wanted to make it aspirational,
but attainable. Yeah.
606
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,240
{\an2}So, here's all five of them.
607
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,000
{\an2}Oh, God.
608
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,200
{\an2}I mean, it's fairly easy to
score this, isn't it?
609
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,320
{\an2}Lucy, by her own admission,
hasn't done anything, really.
610
00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:25,000
{\an2}Has just put a...
a meaningless shape on a board?
611
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,320
{\an2}Yeah. 1 point to Lucy,
well done, Lucy.
612
00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,520
{\an2}Er, 2 points,
and he can thank me for it,
613
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,200
{\an2}to Julian's square, single sperm.
614
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:34,440
{\an2}2 to Julian.
615
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:39,880
{\an2}3 points to Susan's floating
big-boobed woman and madness below.
616
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,560
{\an2}Uh-huh. Now, then...
617
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,080
{\an2}I don't know whether I,
on this occasion, can separate
618
00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:50,440
{\an2}a blue penis and a lady
saying, "Sh!
619
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,280
{\an2}"I've hidden my hair from you."
620
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,280
{\an1}LAUGHTER
621
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,280
{\an2}I'll give them both 5 points.
622
00:26:56,320 --> 00:27:00,240
{\an1}OK, done, 5 points to Sam and Sue.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
623
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:01,920
{\an2}Let's have one more task, please.
624
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,000
{\an2}OK, Greg, and I'm afraid
the naughtiness continues.
625
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,040
{\an2}Ooh!
626
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,440
{\an2}Hello. Julian, how's it going?
627
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:19,920
{\an2}It's going well.
628
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,680
{\an2}Have you come across any sort of
secret tasks hidden around
629
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,600
{\an2}the house at all so far?
630
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:26,680
{\an2}Should I be looking out
for those things?
631
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:27,880
{\an2}It's just what I would do.
632
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,080
{\an2}There it is. Yes.
633
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:31,040
{\an2}Secret one could be anywhere,
I suppose. Argh!
634
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,120
{\an2}Pardon? What?
635
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,160
{\an2}Is that the task,
to look for secret tasks?
636
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,760
{\an2}You can open the obvious task,
if you want.
637
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,840
{\an2}That's just really
passive aggressive.
638
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:43,920
{\an2}SAM: "Make mischief."
639
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:45,800
{\an2}"Make mischief."
640
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,280
{\an2}Secret task, secret task,
secret task.
641
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,680
{\an2}"Most mischievous wins."
642
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,920
{\an2}SAM: "You have a maximum of
half an hour."
643
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:54,560
{\an2}"Your time starts now."
644
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,760
{\an2}Oh, what does it mean?
645
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,880
{\an2}I have unintentionally been
making mischief all of my life.
646
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,800
{\an2}Have you got an immediate instinct?
Yeah.
647
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,480
{\an2}Well, there's victim-based mischief.
648
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,120
{\an2}Which I do like.
649
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,680
{\an2}Wouldn't it be mischievous to say
things that I'm not supposed to say?
650
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,360
{\an2}Do you think you can?
Is that crazy? Like, "I love KFC!"
651
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,840
{\an2}Like, cos you can't use that,
so that's mischief.
652
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:19,000
{\an2}I think we can use that.
653
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:22,320
{\an2}And then, there's kind of,
like, mischief that annoys
654
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:24,440
{\an2}a collective of people.
655
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,880
{\an2}Like running out into the road,
or something like that -
656
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:30,440
{\an2}not in a sad way, but in a,
like, "aha" way.
657
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,400
{\an2}I'm going to steal things
off people.
658
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,000
{\an2}Car keys. Socks.
659
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,160
{\an2}Pacemaker - not pacemaker.
660
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,200
{\an2}They're hard.
661
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,760
{\an2}I don't know why, but the first
thing that came into my mind
662
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:41,800
{\an2}was a portcullis.
663
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:43,880
{\an2}It's very hard to create
in a living room.
664
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,600
{\an2}Do I have to think in here?
You can think in private, Julian.
665
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:49,080
{\an2}I will see you when I've thought.
OK.
666
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:50,920
{\an2}Can I use your phone for
a prank call?
667
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:54,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
668
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:58,080
{\an2}I think everyone should know
what "mischief" means.
669
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:01,160
{\an2}But I am going to ask Sue why,
when you think of mischief,
670
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:02,520
{\an2}you think of a portcullis?
671
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:07,640
{\an2}I always think,
"Just lean into your first idea."
672
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,800
{\an2}And that was the word that
came into my head.
673
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:11,640
{\an2}"I'm going to create a portcullis."
674
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,040
{\an2}Fine. Susan, the sentence -
675
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:15,440
{\an2}HE WHISPERS: which I do like -
676
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,520
{\an2}NORMAL VOICE: made you look like
a serial killer just...
677
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:21,240
{\an2}Your second idea was,
"Running into the road,
678
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:22,600
{\an2}"but not in a sad way"?
679
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,640
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Yeah.
680
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:28,080
{\an2}As in, like, a "wahey" way,
rather than a "ohh" way.
681
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:29,120
{\an2}Do you know what I mean?
682
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,600
{\an2}If we watch you run into
the road now into traffic...
683
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,760
{\an2}Yeah. ..we'll see drivers going,
"Mischief!"
684
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
685
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,800
{\an2}I look forward
to seeing the mischief.
686
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,040
{\an2}OK, will Sue Perkins find
the secret task,
687
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,760
{\an2}instead of doing the actual task?
688
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,840
{\an2}Will Lucy Beaumont steal
a pacemaker?
689
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:46,440
{\an2}Let's find out right now.
690
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,240
{\an1}CRACKS KNUCKLES
691
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:57,960
{\an2}Hello. Hi.
692
00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,880
{\an2}Come in, take a seat.
693
00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:01,680
{\an2}Put your blindfold on.
694
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,360
{\an2}SPOOKY VOICE: Are you ready
for the seance?
695
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,920
{\an2}NORMAL VOICE: Who's going
to come through?
696
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,880
{\an2}It's a man.
697
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,440
{\an2}He's called Simon.
698
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,440
{\an2}Simon was in marketing.
699
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:34,480
{\an2}"Hello, Alex.
700
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,400
{\an2}"I have reversed roles and
set you a task.
701
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:38,560
{\an2}"Mischief!
702
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,280
{\an2}"Please follow the trail
of lollipops.
703
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:46,200
{\an2}"You must unwrap and put each lolly
in your mouth as you go.
704
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,480
{\an2}"Follow the lollies to
the final destination for
705
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:51,040
{\an2}"the ultimate mischievous surprise."
706
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,440
{\an2}Can you hear me, Simon?
707
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,360
{\an2}DEEP SCOTTISH VOICE: "Hello, Lucy."
708
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,120
{\an2}NORMAL VOICE: Hello.
709
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:58,920
{\an2}How is it in Heaven?
SHE BLOWS
710
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,720
{\an2}"It's a lot like Earth.
711
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:02,560
{\an2}"We've got a DFS."
712
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:03,800
{\an2}Have you, Simon?
713
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,160
{\an2}I think this is dangerous.
714
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:10,680
{\an1}LAUGHTER
715
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:17,760
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
716
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:23,920
{\an2}Simon, can you tell us
anything else interesting?
717
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:25,280
{\an2}"No, that's about it."
718
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,040
{\an2}Oh, OK, then, Simon,
719
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,640
{\an2}I'm afraid it's time to go.
720
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:30,920
{\an2}One...
721
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:35,160
{\an2}VOICE ON SPEAKER:
..two, three, four, five,
722
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:40,680
{\an2}six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
723
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:44,400
{\an2}11, 12, 13.
724
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,880
{\an2}You may remove your blindfolds now.
725
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:48,920
{\an2}Bye!
726
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,080
{\an2}MUFFLED: Oh, hello!
727
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,080
{\an1}LAUGHTER
728
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:04,960
{\an1}APPLAUSE
729
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,440
{\an2}Portcullis!
730
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:09,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
731
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:13,920
{\an2}Wow, and I mocked you.
732
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:17,320
{\an2}I mocked you for saying you think
that portcullis made you think
733
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,320
{\an2}of mischief - how wrong I was.
734
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,440
{\an2}What do you think was
my favourite part of your task?
735
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,680
{\an2}Well, Alex's suffering
is important to you.
736
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:25,960
{\an2}I know that. Very important!
737
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,480
{\an2}And that was my second-favourite
thing about your response.
738
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,680
{\an2}My favourite thing was you shouting
"portcullis" like a child.
739
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,800
{\an2}Fantastic. Lucy.
740
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,040
{\an2}I think you were hampered
by bad actors.
741
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:39,800
{\an2}They all looked bored shitless...
742
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:41,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
743
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,200
{\an2}..when I think that Lucy's idea
was very creative.
744
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:46,480
{\an2}Yeah, cos that's what they
used to do, didn't they?
745
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,640
{\an2}Used to do that, and then,
nick the stuff off them.
746
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,040
{\an2}Oh, this is a
historical-based response.
747
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:52,240
{\an2}I think so, yeah.
748
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:53,880
{\an2}I really enjoyed it. Who's next?
749
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,520
{\an2}Ah, OK, well,
now it's Susan's attempt -
750
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,920
{\an2}but we're not going to actually
see Susan, are we, Susan?
751
00:32:58,960 --> 00:32:59,960
{\an2}No.
752
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:01,560
{\an2}Mischief! Ooh.
753
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,120
{\an2}Here we go.
SUSAN CHUCKLES
754
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,000
{\an2}Do you want to pop in there
and shut the door?
755
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,720
{\an2}SAM: In the toilet?
Yeah, and probably lock it.
756
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,480
{\an2}CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
What are you playing at?
757
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:26,200
{\an2}Oh.
758
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:31,520
{\an2}"Stand up and shout 'mice'
whenever you see or hear mice.
759
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:36,520
{\an2}"Sit down and whisper 'fish'
whenever you see or hear a fish."
760
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,000
{\an2}What?
761
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:42,440
{\an2}Ah, "You've got 20 minutes
and must stay in this room.
762
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:45,080
{\an2}"Your time starts now."
763
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,000
{\an2}What the heck is going on with that?
764
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:49,560
{\an2}SINGLE SQUEAK
Mice.
765
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,000
{\an2}Fish.
766
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:54,480
{\an1}SQUEAKING
767
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:55,760
{\an2}Mice!
768
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,400
{\an1}CAT MEOWS
769
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:58,600
{\an2}Mice!
770
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:00,800
{\an2}Fish.
771
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:03,640
{\an2}Oh, mice!
772
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:05,880
{\an2}Fish.
773
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:07,680
{\an2}Ah! Mice!
774
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:09,520
{\an2}Er, mice!
775
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,440
{\an2}Oh, my God.
776
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,120
{\an2}That's a seal.
777
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:15,080
{\an8}Fish. Mice! Fish. Fish.
778
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,720
{\an8}Mice! Fish.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
779
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,280
{\an2}What are you doing,
what are you doing?
780
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:23,920
{\an2}Are you drawing some fish? Yeah.
781
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,040
{\an2}Fish. Fish.
782
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:29,960
{\an2}Fish. Fish.
783
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:33,960
{\an2}Fish.
784
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,040
{\an8}Fish.
WHISTLE BLOWS
785
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:37,600
{\an2}I reckon I did really well
on this one.
786
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,800
{\an2}But did you have any idea
that I would smash that
787
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:41,280
{\an2}and start creating my own beasts?
788
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,120
{\an2}No, I didn't expect that at all.
789
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,360
{\an2}That was very mischievous. Yeah.
790
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:46,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
791
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:48,560
{\an1}APPLAUSE
792
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,520
{\an2}Are you just finding this out now?
793
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:55,000
{\an2}This lady's a nutjob.
794
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:58,840
{\an2}And you invented the game?
795
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:02,440
{\an2}I wanted it to be, like I said,
like, victim-based...
796
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,360
{\an2}Yeah. Yeah.
797
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,560
{\an2}..and you were the victim.
So sorry!
798
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:09,520
{\an2}It was - that was amazing
799
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,800
{\an2}but it was so just, like,
you know, lock her up!
800
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,800
{\an2}You never spotted that mice, fish
is an anagram of mischief.
801
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:20,280
{\an2}Ohh!
802
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,680
{\an2}How deep does this go, Wokoma?!
803
00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:25,200
{\an2}Right! Advert time.
804
00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:27,440
{\an2}Turn your TV off, kick the kids out,
805
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,440
{\an2}and make love to your partner now.
806
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,560
{\an2}Hey, if there's grandparents
in the room,
807
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:33,120
{\an2}chuck a towel over their face.
808
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:36,360
{\an2}Enjoy!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
809
00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:48,680
{\an2}Hello! Welcome back to
the last part of the show,
810
00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:50,840
{\an2}where mischief is being made.
811
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,680
{\an2}As per bloody usual.
812
00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:56,440
{\an2}Before the break, we saw Sam doing
Susan's mischievous task for Susan,
813
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,360
{\an2}and now, here's Sam doing
Sam's mischievous task
814
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,120
{\an2}for Sam. Hm.
815
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:05,640
{\an2}OK! Time for the big prank...
816
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:07,120
{\an8}Ahh, no!
817
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:08,480
{\an8}Ahh, no!
818
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,280
{\an8}DISTORTED: Ahh, no!
819
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:16,520
{\an8}Oh, my God! Oh, no! No!
820
00:36:19,240 --> 00:36:21,480
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS
821
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:35,200
{\an2}Pretty mischievous stuff.
822
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:38,520
{\an1}APPLAUSE
823
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:43,200
{\an2}So, two things to analyse -
where the mischief is,
824
00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:45,640
{\an2}and what the narrative
of your performance was.
825
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,000
{\an2}So, he thinks I'm going to do
a prank call. Yeah.
826
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:49,560
{\an2}Suddenly, it's gone in the water.
827
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,000
{\an2}He goes, "Well, surely he's not
going to smash this thing
828
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,680
{\an2}"to bits with a hammer."
829
00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:55,800
{\an2}But, to be an effective
act of mischief,
830
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:58,320
{\an2}you would've wanted Alex to think,
"Oh, God that's my phone."
831
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,040
{\an2}Yeah, I did smash his phone cover.
832
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,080
{\an2}Did you think it was your phone
that went into...?
833
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,360
{\an2}Not once. Not for a second.
834
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:08,000
{\an2}Finally, it's the chief
of mischief, it's Julian Clary.
835
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:09,520
{\an2}"Dear Stephen,
836
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:11,200
{\an2}"I think you're great.
837
00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:13,000
{\an2}"Always happy and smiling.
838
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,120
{\an2}"I love all your shows.
839
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,080
{\an2}"Especially the one you do
in car parks
840
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,400
{\an2}"where you give strangers money.
841
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:22,360
{\an2}"Congratulations on Deal Or No Deal.
842
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:23,960
{\an2}"It'll be the best.
843
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,000
{\an2}"Please, can I have a signed photo?
844
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:27,680
{\an2}"Thank you, Peter McDonald."
845
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:31,360
{\an2}That's that one.
846
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,800
{\an2}"Dear Jacob...
847
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,520
{\an2}"..Rees-Mogg.
848
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,080
{\an2}"I think you're great.
849
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,160
{\an2}"And I hope you get
to be Prime Minister."
850
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:41,480
{\an2}You'll be the best...
851
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,600
{\an2}"You'll be the best since
Thatcher."
852
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:44,640
{\an2}..Thatcher.
853
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:48,360
{\an2}"I'm only young, but one day,
I want to be a politician, too.
854
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,400
{\an2}"Please, may I have a signed photo?
855
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,400
{\an2}"Thank you" -
oh, I've said thank you.
856
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:53,640
{\an2}Best wishes?
857
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,880
{\an2}"Best wishes, Peter McDonald."
858
00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:00,640
{\an2}Mischief.
859
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
860
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:09,320
{\an2}Your mischief is to falsely
encourage two individuals
861
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,640
{\an2}by sending a fan letter to...
862
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,360
{\an2}..Jacob Rees-Mogg and
Stephen Mulhern.
863
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:15,640
{\an2}Yes.
864
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:20,080
{\an2}Why those two men?
865
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,280
{\an2}I was amused by the idea that
they'd write back.
866
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:23,600
{\an2}That's where the mischief is.
867
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,240
{\an2}Jacob Rees-Mogg did write back.
868
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:26,400
{\an2}Are you joking?
869
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,360
{\an2}He genuinely did write back.
Mm-hm.
870
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,360
{\an1}WHEEZING LAUGHTER
871
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:32,080
{\an1}APPLAUSE
872
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:33,120
{\an2}Oh, wow.
873
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,600
{\an2}Erm, Stephen Mulhern didn't
874
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:36,880
{\an2}because we didn't put enough
postage on the envelope,
875
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:38,600
{\an2}so your letter got sent back to us.
876
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,720
{\an2}And that was the end of that trail.
877
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:42,680
{\an2}Ah. Will you write back to him?
878
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:44,640
{\an2}Well, I'll wait for the
next full moon.
879
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:50,160
{\an2}Something unspeakable may happen.
880
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,000
{\an2}That's really mischievous.
881
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:53,040
{\an2}It's brilliant.
882
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,040
{\an2}OK, look, I'll give out some points.
OK.
883
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:58,520
{\an2}I'm only going to give Sam 1 point
because of his phone nonsense.
884
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,680
{\an2}Fair enough, 1 point to you,
Sam. Yeah.
885
00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:03,680
{\an2}Lucy - I mean, I don't think
it was necessarily her fault.
886
00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:06,320
{\an2}I think the whole production
was a problem. Right, OK.
887
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:08,480
{\an2}But I'll give her 2 points.
OK, well done, Lucy.
888
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:11,440
{\an2}I don't think there's any
serious intent to upset
889
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:14,000
{\an2}Jacob Rees-Mogg or Stephen Mulhern,
890
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:17,560
{\an2}and therefore, 3 points to Julian.
OK.
891
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:21,080
{\an2}There was great innocence and
mischief in making you eat
892
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:24,400
{\an2}a load of lollies, and then,
trapping you with a portcullis.
893
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:28,680
{\an2}Let's never forget
the cry of "portcullis!"
894
00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:30,840
{\an2}from five-year-old Sue.
895
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:32,960
{\an2}4 points. OK, well done, Sue.
896
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,920
{\an2}The most mischievous was Susan's.
897
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:36,360
{\an2}So, 5 points to Susan.
898
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:38,720
{\an2}5 points to Susan!
Well done, Susan.
899
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,080
{\an2}Let's have a quick look at
the scores. We can.
900
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:43,560
{\an2}With a massive 16 points,
the leader at the moment
901
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:44,840
{\an2}is Susan Wokoma!
902
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,680
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
903
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,440
{\an2}Right, will you all please
head to the stage for
904
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,080
{\an2}the final task of the show!
905
00:39:58,240 --> 00:40:01,520
{\an2}Hello there, sonny Jim,
who will be reading this task out?
906
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:04,360
{\an2}This time, Sue Perkins shall
read the task out.
907
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,520
{\an2}Sue Perkins, take it away.
908
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,520
{\an2}"Write down one thing you like
909
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:12,360
{\an2}"and one thing you don't like.
910
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,360
{\an2}"You have 30 seconds."
911
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:18,720
{\an2}So, you have a little whiteboard
to your left and a pen on the floor.
912
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,080
{\an2}Something you like,
something you don't like.
913
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,040
{\an2}30 seconds, starts now.
BLOWS WHISTLE
914
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:28,000
{\an2}Nice and big, nice and clear.
915
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:29,040
{\an1}BLOWS WHISTLE
916
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:32,800
{\an2}Oh. That's the first part
of the task done.
917
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:34,880
{\an2}Oh, no! Now, Sue.
918
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:36,160
{\an2}Please don't say draw it.
919
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:39,040
{\an2}Oh.
920
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:42,200
{\an2}Oh, no.
921
00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:45,920
{\an2}"Draw your two things...
LAUGHTER
922
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:47,600
{\an2}"..at the same time.
923
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:49,520
{\an2}"You must be drawing with both hands
924
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:54,080
{\an2}"and stare at the
Taskmaster throughout.
925
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:59,560
{\an2}"Best pair of pictures wins!" Ahh.
926
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,080
{\an2}If we could have the thing you do
like on your right-hand side,
927
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,400
{\an2}and the thing you don't like on
the left, that'd be nice.
928
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,560
{\an2}Greg, it's your job
to keep them looking at you.
929
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,080
{\an2}Good luck. Your time starts...
930
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:10,120
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
931
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,560
{\an2}Don't glance, don't you glance.
932
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:19,520
{\an2}Ideally, you're drawing at
the same time. Both your hands.
933
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,840
{\an2}Both at the same time, Julian.
934
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:24,680
{\an2}It's impossible. No.
935
00:41:24,720 --> 00:41:26,080
{\an2}What is it?
936
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:27,120
{\an2}Sam, Sam.
937
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:28,880
{\an2}SAM: How are you?
Eyes on the prize.
938
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:30,640
{\an2}Yes, sir. I see you.
939
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:32,640
{\an2}Both hands drawing, please.
Oh, shit.
940
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:34,280
{\an2}Sounded like - ah-ba-ba-ba-ba!
941
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,120
{\an2}SUE: I don't think that
can be bettered.
942
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:37,600
{\an2}Five seconds!
943
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:41,440
{\an2}Four, three, two, one.
Three, two, one.
944
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:43,840
{\an2}No.And stop!
WHISTLE BLOWS
945
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,080
{\an1}APPLAUSE
946
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:48,240
{\an2}Are you expecting great
works of art, Greg?
947
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:49,920
{\an2}I really am not.
948
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:54,640
{\an2}So, please, Julian, show Greg
both your pictures at once.
949
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:58,840
{\an2}What do you think he's drawn, Greg?
950
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,160
{\an2}Ah, I'm sort of a bit disturbed
that the one on the right
951
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:02,880
{\an2}looks a bit like me.
952
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:04,480
{\an2}Oh, hang on a minute.
953
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,360
{\an2}Is it Jacob Rees-Mogg
and Stephen Mulhern?
954
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,520
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
955
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,760
{\an2}Lucy, would you like
to reveal your drawings.
956
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,320
{\an2}Both at the same time, if you can.
Or not, it's fine.
957
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,200
{\an2}Well, that's a strong opener.
958
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,280
{\an2}You can tell what they are,
though, can't ya?
959
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:25,600
{\an2}I can't even tell if they're
a creature or a plant.
960
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:27,880
{\an2}Lucy, do you want to show us
on your board what you wrote?
961
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:29,960
{\an2}Sorry, I've not got very
good writing...
962
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,000
{\an8}..writing.
963
00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:32,760
{\an8}Peas and cauliflower.
964
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,920
{\an7}LAUGHTER
965
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:38,400
{\an2}Peas aren't bad!
OK, Sam Campbell.
966
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,760
{\an2}Hi, Sam. Reveal your drawings
at once, please.
967
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:46,120
{\an2}Oh, wow. It looks like keys.
968
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,120
{\an2}So, wow, they're falling.
That's just, yeah.
969
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:50,720
{\an2}Like, er, meteorites?
970
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:52,720
{\an2}Oh.
971
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:53,960
{\an2}Not so much.
972
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:57,720
{\an2}Tell me, and I'll decide if
they're better than Lucy's peas.
973
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:02,440
{\an2}"World cinema and negative gearing."
974
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,960
{\an1}LAUGHTER
975
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,240
{\an2}I don't know what
negative gearing is.
976
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,520
{\an2}It's to do with people,
like, flipping houses.
977
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,480
{\an2}Yeah, it's a situation where
expenses associated with an asset
978
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,360
{\an2}including interest expenses are
greater than the income earned from
979
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,360
{\an2}the asset, and he's tried
to represent that with
980
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:18,400
{\an2}his picture there.
981
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,680
{\an2}These are gears,
and they're falling, yeah.
982
00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:22,680
{\an2}But how the hell am I
going to score that?
983
00:43:22,720 --> 00:43:23,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER
984
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,280
{\an2}Do you want to move on to
Sue Perkins? Yeah.
985
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:29,920
{\an2}Oh, wow.
986
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,400
{\an2}Right, now they're good in that
I can see they're people.
987
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,160
{\an2}Are they people?
988
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:37,120
{\an2}That does look a bit like
Jacob Rees-Mogg, but it isn't him.
989
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:38,520
{\an2}Tell me.
990
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,480
{\an2}Erm...
991
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:42,720
{\an2}..it's Stephen Mulhern
and Jacob Rees-Mogg.
992
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:44,080
{\an1}LAUGHTER
993
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:45,720
{\an1}APPLAUSE
994
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:47,720
{\an2}I said Jacob Rees-Mogg!
995
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:52,120
{\an2}Very clever. Susan, reveal
your drawings, please.
996
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:55,160
{\an2}Whoa! There we go.
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
997
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:58,120
{\an2}Is that the big-boobed woman
and the sexy dog again?
998
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:00,600
{\an2}No. That's a person.
That's a tick? Yes.
999
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:02,000
{\an2}Do you want to give me any clues?
1000
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:04,280
{\an2}One person is doing something,
1001
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:07,680
{\an2}and the other person has
an attribute that I don't like.
1002
00:44:07,720 --> 00:44:09,120
{\an2}This one's walking a dog.
1003
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:10,560
{\an2}No.
1004
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:14,840
{\an2}Just tell me. OK, so that's dancing,
cos that's a music sign.
1005
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,360
{\an2}Yes. And then this is, er,
sweaty backs.
1006
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:23,320
{\an2}So, that was like the back...
and that was the sweat.
1007
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,480
{\an2}But I-I didn't get it outside
the circumference of the person,
1008
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,040
{\an2}cos I couldn't see. Yeah.
1009
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,520
{\an2}All right, Greg, you've got
ten beautiful pictures. Yeah.
1010
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:33,760
{\an2}Whilst I admire the creativity,
1011
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:37,200
{\an2}I didn't recognise either thing
in Sam's drawing,
1012
00:44:37,240 --> 00:44:39,480
{\an2}so I can only give Sam 1 point.
No problem.
1013
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,040
{\an2}Lucy, I give 2 points to,
1014
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,040
{\an2}because I recognised that
those were peas.
1015
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,480
{\an2}And she's very pleased with
the points. Yeah. Thank you.
1016
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,240
{\an2}Who's next? Susan, because
I recognised they were people,
1017
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:51,960
{\an2}but I didn't know that there was
a sweaty-backed person there.
1018
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,760
{\an2}Or any dancing going on. 3 points.
1019
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:55,280
{\an2}3 points to Susan, OK, lovely.
1020
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,600
{\an2}Er, I guessed only one of
Sue's Jacob Rees-Mogg
1021
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:00,280
{\an2}and Stephen Mulhern's tribute,
1022
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:01,960
{\an2}so she must have 4 points.
Mm-hm.
1023
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,480
{\an2}And the winner, cos I guessed
both of them, is Julian Clary...
1024
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:07,960
{\an2}Congratulations,
Julian Clary, 5 points!
1025
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,160
{\an2}Please, we will add that
to the final score,
1026
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:11,520
{\an2}come back down and join me!
1027
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,720
{\an1}CHEERING
1028
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,360
{\an2}Well, that was pretty
high-octane drawing.
1029
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,800
{\an2}They did well. Julian did
the best, so well done, Julian,
1030
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:22,840
{\an2}5 points to you.
1031
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:27,720
{\an2}But the other scores means that the
final league table looks like this.
1032
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:29,920
{\an2}Sue and Susan both have 19 points!
1033
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:31,720
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
1034
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,040
{\an2}We're going to have to do
a tie-break Greg. Oh, God.
1035
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:35,560
{\an2}Oh, whoa, whoa. I don't like these.
1036
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:37,720
{\an2}And this tie-break is
a numbers tie-break... Oh.
1037
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:41,000
{\an2}..where they simply have to learn
Pi to the most decimal places.
1038
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,800
{\an2}They had two minutes, so here
they are doing the Pi break.
1039
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:47,560
{\an2}Here it is. Oh, f... What?
1040
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,560
{\an2}That's Pi.
So, you want me to learn that?
1041
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,280
{\an2}I'm terrible at things like this.
1042
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:52,400
{\an2}Hmm.
1043
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:53,960
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
Ooh!
1044
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,440
{\an2}Please, can I have my Pi back?
1045
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:56,600
{\an2}Thank you, Sue.
1046
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:58,480
{\an2}Please, can you tell me
the number Pi?
1047
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:14,120
{\an8}The end.
1048
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:17,000
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1049
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:22,360
{\an2}And so, Sue Perkins wins
the episode!
1050
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:26,480
{\an2}Please shoot up to celebrate
with your silly signage!
1051
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,120
{\an1}CHEERING
1052
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:33,000
{\an2}So, what have we learnt today?
1053
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,320
{\an2}We've learnt that the meaning
of words can change.
1054
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,040
{\an2}Who knew a big, square sperm
could mean cheeky?
1055
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:41,840
{\an2}Who knew that it could also mean
concealing your hair under a hat?
1056
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:45,760
{\an2}Mischief, on the other hand,
has only one clear definition.
1057
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:50,880
{\an2}Mischief - a grown woman excitedly
shouting the word "portcullis".
1058
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:53,960
{\an2}Please give one more round
of applause for tonight's winner,
1059
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,080
{\an2}she is Sue Perkins!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1060
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:24,040
{\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media