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{\an2}This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
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{\an2}BELL RINGS
Good evening.
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{\an2}Argh!
SLURPS LOUDLY
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{\an2}Argh! Ah!
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{\an1}HE VOCALISES
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{\an2}I trained at RADA.
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{\an2}What have I created?!
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{\an2}So sorry.
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{\an2}How we laughed.
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{\an2}Ahh!
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{\an2}Huh?
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{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, hello!
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{\an2}I'm Greg Davies,
welcome to Taskmaster,
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{\an2}a show for everyone.
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{\an2}Some enjoy the nerdy tasks,
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{\an2}some are just here for the laughs,
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{\an2}and some have simply come
for the eye candy.
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{\an2}Drink it in, sweet cheeks,
Papa's got back!
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Some are also here for
the most disparate gang on TV,
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{\an2}so please welcome Julian Clary...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Lucy Beaumont...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Sam Campbell...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Sue Perkins...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..and Susan Wokoma!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}And now, for a man sitting
next to me who confided in me
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{\an2}when he was drunk that when
his wife shouts at him,
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{\an2}he whispers "get lost"
under his breath. It's...
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{\an2}HIGH-PITCHED: ..little Alex Horne!
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Thank you, Greg.
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{\an2}Learnt a new skill for you,
I think you'll like it. Yes, please.
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{\an2}I've learnt the ancient art
of ventriloquism. Ventriloquism.
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{\an2}Would you like me to demonstrate?
I would. With my puppet?
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{\an2}Yes, please. Mr Hand?
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{\an2}Yeah?
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{\an2}So, I'm going to talk to him,
but you won't see my mouth moving.
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{\an2}Yeah. Ready? Do you want to say
hello to Greg, Mr Hand?
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{\an2}VOICE REMAINS UNCHAINGED:
"Ah, I don't want to though."
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{\an2}Whoa, why not?
What's wrong with you?
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{\an2}"Cos he's really mean.
He's so mean to you."
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{\an2}Whoa!
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{\an2}"Someone's got to stand up to him."
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{\an2}I don't think they do.
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{\an2}"They do, I hate him."
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{\an2}"But also, I love him."
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{\an2}"I love you, I love you, Greg!"
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{\an2}That's my...party trick.
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{\an2}It must be prize task time by now.
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{\an2}Oh, it surely is, and you've
asked them to bring in
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{\an2}the present you've been given
that raises the most questions.
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{\an2}ALL: Ooh!
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{\an2}I'd love to get a present.
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{\an2}As usual, 5 points will be awarded
for the present that raises
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{\an2}the most questions, and then,
the winner of the episode
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{\an2}will win all five presents.
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{\an2}Sam Campbell, what thing
have you brought in for me?
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{\an2}Er, it's a book.
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{\an2}And some - it raised
a lot of questions, yeah.
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{\an2}Has it? OK, this is the present
he was given. It's this.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}This is the thesaurus of English?
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{\an2}LAUGHTER
Sure!Yeah.
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{\an2}Yeah. And I've drawn that question
mark after every word.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}It's true, he's gone through the
book and, after every single word,
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{\an2}he's done a question mark.
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{\an2}Jesus Christ.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}How long did it take you
to put a question mark after
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{\an2}every word in the thesaurus?
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{\an2}I would say, erm, three days?
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Three days, five pens, brother.
Yeah.
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{\an2}Lucy, what have you brought in?
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{\an2}A quiche Lorraine.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Great. "Why has Lucy brought in
a quiche Lorraine?"
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{\an2}Is the question it's raised.
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{\an2}Because I don't think it was meant
to be called quiche Lorraine.
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{\an2}I think there's been
a misunderstanding.
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{\an2}I think what's happened
someone's had a quiche,
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{\an2}and then, they've asked Lorraine
if she wants some,
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{\an2}and they've said,
"Quiche, Lorraine?"
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{\an2}And then, someone's overheard,
and they've thought that the quiche
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{\an2}was called quiche Lorraine.
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{\an2}Oh, and there's been
a domino effect?
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{\an2}Yeah, like...
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{\an2}..steak, Diane.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}And, erm, rogan, Josh.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
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{\an2}Hello, Julian.
What thing have you brought in?
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{\an2}It's a beautiful collage
that was presented to me during
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{\an2}one of my performances of my lovely
show at the Bloomsbury Theatre.
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{\an2}Ah. Here it is.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Why did she give it to me,
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{\an2}and what am I supposed
to do with it?
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{\an2}It hangs inside the wardrobe door
in the spare bedroom...
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{\an2}..so that visitors are
taken by surprise.
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{\an2}It's very big, it's about four foot.
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{\an2}Wow! Four foot?! What?!
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{\an2}LUCY: Oh, my God.
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{\an2}It's quite big.
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{\an2}Hello, Susan.
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{\an2}SUSAN: I have a gift that
my brother gave me for Christmas.
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{\an2}Here it is.
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{\an2}Ah. Ooh.
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{\an2}Oh, God.
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{\an2}I didn't think anything could be
worse than the quiche.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}One Christmas, he was like,
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{\an2}"Ah, Sus, I forgot to buy
a Christmas present,"
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{\an2}and then, he went out and
he came back after ten minutes,
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{\an2}and he presented me with
a Snicker bar.
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{\an2}Yeah. Yeah, the...
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{\an2}Well, you haven't heard the last
one yet, it might not be. OK.
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{\an2}WHAT?!
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Sue?
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{\an2}Erm, my, my gift was
so unexpected and so disturbing,
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{\an2}I've actually got it...
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{\an2}JULIAN: Oh, my...
LUCY: Oh, gosh.
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{\an2}Oh, God.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I'm an ambassador for Battersea
Dogs and Cats Home. Yeah.
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{\an2}And sometimes, I foster
little dogs for them. Yeah.
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{\an2}Aww. And couple of weeks ago,
I fostered a tiny dog and,
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{\an2}in the car park, as I was taking
receipt of the little thing,
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{\an2}this was handed over, OK?
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{\an2}This is bigger than the dog
that I fostered.
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{\an2}LAUGHTER
It has raised a question.It does.
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{\an2}Wh-What questions has it
raised to you, Alex?
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{\an2}I suppose it's why...
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{\an2}Why does it look like
two penises put together?
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{\an2}It does.Someone had to say it.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Is it sex toy, Sue?
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{\an2}Well, this...
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
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{\an2}I mean, in many ways,
we've got to the nub, Lucy.
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{\an2}Scoring? Yes, from lowest
to highest, please.
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{\an2}All right, then. Erm, I'm going
to give Susan 1 point. Ah.
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{\an2}Oh, dear, 1 point to Susan.
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{\an2}Really Sue's only raises
two questions.
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{\an2}Why would a small dog
be given a chew,
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{\an2}and why does that chew
look like two dicks?
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}So, I'm going to give that 2 points.
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{\an2}Unbelievably, Lucy's quiche raised
more questions for me,
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{\an2}so I'm going to give it 3 points.
3 points.
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{\an2}Having seen Julian's shows
I'm not 100% surprised that there's
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{\an2}a wonderful four-foot silky phallus
hanging on his spare bedroom door.
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{\an2}So, I'll give him four points.
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{\an2}OK. But, you know, anyone who
sits for three days writing
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{\an2}question marks in a thesaurus
deserves some points, right?
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{\an2}5 points to Sam Campbell.
Sam takes 5 points.
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{\an2}Oh, thank you, thank you.
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{\an1}CHEERING
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{\an2}OK. Right, so let's crack on.
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{\an2}What task do you have lined up for
us first, please, little Alex Horne?
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{\an2}Well, Greg, we're off
to our location for a spot of
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{\an2}non-contact multi-sport.
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{\an2}Good morning!
Oh, hello, Sue. This way, please.
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{\an2}Hello, how are you?
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{\an2}I'm good, thank you, Julian.
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{\an1}SUSAN SIGHS
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Are they prescription?
Oh, these?
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{\an2}Nah.
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{\an2}Hi, Lucy. Hi, hi, Alex.
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{\an2}The task's in the welly.
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{\an2}Yeah. Yeah.
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{\an2}That came away with great ease.
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{\an2}"Get the ball in the hole."
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{\an2}Where's the hole?
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{\an2}Oh, it's a mystery hole, is it?
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{\an2}It's by a little red flag, the hole.
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{\an1}JULIAN SIGHS
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{\an2}Is it obvious where that is?
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{\an2}Over there?
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{\an2}LUCY: "Nothing may touch the ball.
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{\an2}"After you touch one tool,
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{\an2}"you may not touch another tool...
for one minute"? Yeah.
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{\an2}"If you decide to touch the welly,
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{\an2}"you must only do so
with your foot."
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{\an2}That's one welly. One big welly.
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{\an2}Oh, that's connected to the -
OK, I feel ya.
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{\an2}"Fastest wins,
your time starts now."
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{\an2}Wh-Where's the hole?
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{\an2}I've put a flag next to the hole.
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{\an2}There? Shall I go and investigate?
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{\an2}You do whatever you want, Susan.
Has the time started?
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{\an2}Yeah, when you said,
"Your time starts now." Oh, for...
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{\an2}Oh! Fine, well, I've got to...
wait, hang on.
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{\an2}This is a-a horn.
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{\an2}I think so. What's this?
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{\an2}That's a barbecue fan.
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{\an2}Bet you've got a barbecue,
have you?
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{\an2}Yes, yes I've got a barbecue.
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{\an2}I built it with my friend Ben.
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{\an2}You've got a friend?
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}"Touch the welly, do it with
your foot, fastest wins,
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{\an2}"your time starts now."
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{\an1}APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Julian has developed
an incredible technique
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{\an2}for saying things to Alex that
are seemingly innocent,
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{\an2}but then, yet are so damning.
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{\an2}"I'll bet you've got a barbecue."
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{\an2}LAUGHING: What does it even mean?
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{\an2}Yeah, I felt so ashamed
that I do have a barbecue.
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{\an2}Let's crack on. OK, so they couldn't
touch the ball - this is crucial -
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{\an2}only air could touch the ball.
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{\an2}And we'll begin with two mighty
fine men searching for a hole.
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{\an2}It's Julian and Sam.
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{\an8}What was it about touching
the welly?
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{\an2}You can't pick it up. You have to
put your foot in it, really.
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{\an2}Oh, I'm not doing that. No.
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{\an2}Oh.
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{\an2}This one is so hard.
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{\an2}Are you trying to suck it?
I tried to suck it.
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{\an2}So, I've now gotta wait a minute.
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{\an2}How long do you spend
practising these games...
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{\an2}..at home? Oh, we never test them.
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{\an2}Is it not working very well?
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{\an2}Well, er, it's not the most gripping
television anyone's ever seen.
225
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,360
{\an2}What else could I do?
226
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,480
{\an2}Can I use it to summon, like,
a mole or a rabbit?
227
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:35,240
{\an2}MUFFLED: Creatures of the forest!
228
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,800
{\an2}Help me with this game!
229
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,840
{\an1}ANIMALS SCREAMING
230
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:42,800
{\an2}Oh, we're going with the hose.
231
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,800
{\an2}This is more like it, isn't it?
232
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:49,920
{\an2}It's powering along.
233
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,280
{\an2}Now we're talking!
234
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,840
{\an2}Oh, great technique.
235
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:03,960
{\an2}Getting there.
236
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,520
{\an2}Why is the hole covered up?
237
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,120
{\an2}Oh. Oh, for God's sake.
238
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:15,840
{\an2}Oh!
239
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,440
{\an2}Some of the holes are covered.
240
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,800
{\an2}Is that the hole there, back there?
241
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:21,880
{\an2}Oh, maybe.
242
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,600
{\an2}Where were...
were you standing on that?
243
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,280
{\an2}No. Far out.
244
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:29,640
{\an2}That's the hole, isn't it?
245
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:30,880
{\an2}Oh, look at that.
246
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,640
{\an2}I'm going to step out of your way.
247
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,280
{\an2}Am I under par?
248
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,640
{\an2}If you get this in.
249
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,080
{\an2}I've stopped the clock.
250
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,640
{\an1}APPLAUSE
251
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,520
{\an2}Very good.
252
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:55,040
{\an2}Ah!
253
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,520
{\an2}How does it make you feel
about Alex Horne
254
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:10,880
{\an2}when you discover that he's
led you to puff your ball towards
255
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,760
{\an2}a nonexistent hole?
256
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,360
{\an2}Yeah, foul little snake, yeah.
257
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,760
{\an2}"Foul" - now we're getting there.
258
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,040
{\an2}Now we're getting there.
259
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,160
{\an2}Julian actually said
afterwards that I've got
260
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,800
{\an2}"the charisma of Matt Hancock."
261
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
262
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,520
{\an2}Well, I-I was roused by then.
263
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,080
{\an2}I can imagine.
264
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,640
{\an2}Give me some statistics.
265
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,120
{\an2}Very close times between
the two of them.
266
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,640
{\an2}Three minutes, 25 for Julian.
267
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:39,440
{\an2}Sam, three minutes...31.
268
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:40,760
{\an2}Ah. Yeah.
269
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,840
{\an2}Right! It's the end of part one,
I'm afraid.
270
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,440
{\an2}Don't be afraid, Greg.
271
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
272
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,960
{\an2}WHISPERS: Never let go.
273
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
274
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,720
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
275
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:02,800
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
276
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,920
{\an1}Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.
277
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,520
{\an2}Come on in out of the rain.
278
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,720
{\an2}The fire's on,
you must be freezing.
279
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,840
{\an2}Yes! Please take all of your wet
clothes off immediately!
280
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,840
{\an2}Oh, naughty boy.
LAUGHTER
281
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,280
{\an2}The competitors are busy playing
non-contact table tennis ball golf
282
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,480
{\an2}next to a cricket pitch.
283
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,360
{\an2}And now, here's how Sue, Susan,
and Luc-an got on.
284
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,560
{\an2}Oh, with your foot, please.
With your foot. Sorry.
285
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,600
{\an2}That's the welly.
286
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:32,720
{\an2}That's useless.
287
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,200
{\an1}PLAYS LOUD, FLAT NOTE
288
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,240
{\an2}I can't touch another tool
for a minute now, can I?
289
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,600
{\an2}No, so you can maybe play a little.
What an absolute berk.
290
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,920
{\an2}Right, get the ball in the hole.
Yeah.
291
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,440
{\an2}Where's the hole?
292
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,800
{\an2}There's a hole somewhere. Yeah.
293
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,720
{\an2}Right, so that's your minute up with
the horn. Right where's the hole?
294
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,680
{\an2}Alex, can you tell me where
the hole is?
295
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,280
{\an2}By the red flag.
296
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,560
{\an2}SHE SPUTTERS
Th-There's lots... Oh!
297
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,360
{\an2}Argh!
298
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,160
{\an2}SUSAN: That's not a hole.
299
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,800
{\an2}Ah. That's not a hole.
300
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,360
{\an2}That's not a hole.
301
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,200
{\an2}What hole is it?
302
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,000
{\an2}Oh, you'll know it when you see it.
303
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,400
{\an2}That's not a hole.
304
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,600
{\an2}Not a hole? No. Ah.
305
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,120
{\an2}LAUGHTER
No hole.
306
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,760
{\an2}No hole, no hole.
307
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,560
{\an2}Alex, where's the hole?
308
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,280
{\an2}Where's the hole?!
309
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:42,560
{\an2}Fastest wins, Susan.
310
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,560
{\an2}Listen, my friend,
I could go as fast as I like,
311
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,600
{\an2}but if I don't know where
the hole is...
312
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,120
{\an2}Oh, it's by the red flag.
313
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,320
{\an2}What do you mean?!
314
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:52,800
{\an2}There's no hole.
315
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,200
{\an2}There is a hole. Somewhere.
316
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:55,840
{\an2}Yeah, there is a hole somewhere.
317
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,840
{\an2}Can I use this as a hole?
It's a coffee cup.
318
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,160
{\an2}Coffee cup you say.
319
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,200
{\an8}Out of the two of us...
320
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,320
{\an8}You absolute anus!
321
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,920
{\an2}You prize anus!
322
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,960
{\an2}A hole? Yes. Right.
323
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:14,880
{\an2}So, where is the hole?
324
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,160
{\an2}By the red flag.
325
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,200
{\an2}Oh...
326
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,000
{\an2}Aha! Oh.
327
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,000
{\an2}Right, so I can use this
in any way I like?
328
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,840
{\an2}As long as it doesn't
touch the ball.
329
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,080
{\an8}I'd forgotten that bit.
330
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,320
{\an2}Yeah, like I thought,
that doesn't work.
331
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,960
{\an2}We'll have to go for full welly now.
332
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,720
{\an2}Right, but not for another minute.
333
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,320
{\an2}Ooh, that was close.
334
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:40,800
{\an2}Oh, nearly.
335
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,640
{\an2}Ooh!
336
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,760
{\an1}PLAYS PAN FLUTE
337
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:48,120
{\an2}Another 20 seconds.
338
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,080
{\an2}I've stopped the clock, well done!
Thank you.
339
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,040
{\an2}I've stopped the clock.
APPLAUSE
340
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,320
{\an2}Going to waft it.
341
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,120
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
342
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,080
{\an2}Well, that's gone the same way
as every other sporting achievement
343
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,120
{\an2}of mine's ever gone.
344
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,680
{\an7}PLAYS FLUTE TUNELESSLY
345
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,000
{\an2}LAUGHING: Yes!
346
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,200
{\an2}What a shot.
347
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,440
{\an1}APPLAUSE
348
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,760
{\an2}Susan, how did it make you feel
when you realised that
349
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,320
{\an2}the scumbag had hidden the hole?
350
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,280
{\an2}I mean, it's - like, quiet rage.
351
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,240
{\an2}Although I don't think it was
that quiet, but....
352
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,120
{\an2}Lucy. Hm?
I'll tell you what I wrote down.
353
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,840
{\an2}I wrote, "I could watch
Lucy Beaumont walk about with a
354
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,440
{\an2}"leaf blower attached to
her foot all day."
355
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,440
{\an2}Oh, that's one of the nicest
things anyone's ever said.
356
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,120
{\an1}LAUGHTER
357
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:42,560
{\an2}Did you enjoy that?
358
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,720
{\an2}Erm, yeah cos I like hoovering up...
359
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,600
{\an2}LAUGHTER
..and I like crazy golf.
360
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,880
{\an2}You've combined two things
that I like together.
361
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,880
{\an2}Sue, you stopped the entire
task at one point
362
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,840
{\an2}to just play the panpipes.
363
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,200
{\an2}I mean, I'd be interested
to see the end result.
364
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,240
{\an2}Well, the end result is not
many points. Yeah?
365
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:06,960
{\an2}Yeah, you are last. Yeah.
366
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,000
{\an2}Well, she had to take some time
to call you a berk,
367
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,560
{\an2}an anus, an absolute anus.
368
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,720
{\an2}Sue took nine minutes, 32.
So, it's 1 point to Sue,
369
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:17,400
{\an2}Susan, you took eight minutes, 24.
370
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,200
{\an2}Gorgeous. You get two points.
371
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,440
{\an2}Lucy, five minutes and two seconds,
372
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,760
{\an2}you get three points. 4 to Sam,
373
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,840
{\an2}but the winner is Julian Clary,
who gets 5 points.There we go!
374
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,600
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
375
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,680
{\an2}May I see the scores, please?
376
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,880
{\an2}Yes, that means they're
neck-and-neck at the bottom,
377
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,000
{\an2}Sue and Susan with 3,
and neck-and-neck at the top,
378
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,560
{\an2}Julian and Sam with 9.
379
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,080
{\an1}APPLAUSE
380
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,000
{\an2}What have we next?
381
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,360
{\an2}Ooh, we've got a task which
I think is beneath you.
382
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,960
{\an1}KNOCKING ON DOOR
383
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,200
{\an2}Hello?
384
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,960
{\an2}Ah, Lucy. Hi.
385
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,280
{\an2}Hello. Hello, I brought my tea
with me, if that's all right.
386
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:10,640
{\an2}Yes.
387
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,520
{\an2}Do you want some tea?
388
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:13,960
{\an2}No, I'm OK. OK.
389
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,480
{\an2}SUSAN: Hi.
390
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:17,840
{\an2}Lovely entrance.
391
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,720
{\an2}I do make a good entrance.
392
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,200
{\an2}Come in, have a seat,
open the task, off we go.
393
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,080
{\an2}That's very brusque.
394
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,240
{\an2}"Sit down, do it, leave."
395
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,080
{\an2}That's what television's made you.
396
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:30,120
{\an1}LAUGHTER
397
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,600
{\an2}Erm...I was just wondering
where the task is.
398
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:34,640
{\an2}Yes.
399
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,240
{\an2}Is that the task? To find the task?
400
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:40,680
{\an2}The task is to do the task.
401
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,720
{\an2}Bit of fun, Julian. Yes.
402
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:51,000
{\an2}I haven't had this much fun...
since I don't know when.
403
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,680
{\an2}Oh, OK, right.
404
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:53,840
{\an2}Oh, there it is.
405
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,600
{\an2}Oh, there it is. What a laugh.
406
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,840
{\an2}Yeah. It was, wasn't it?
407
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,040
{\an2}It's under the table. Yeah. OK.
408
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,240
{\an2}Gosh, how we laughed.
409
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,960
{\an1}LAUGHTER
410
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,080
{\an2}Why's it there?
411
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,600
{\an2}Oh, it's something where
I've gotta stay under there
412
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,720
{\an2}and do something under there,
hopefully.
413
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,760
{\an2}Have you found any of
the secret tasks?
414
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,160
{\an2}What are they?
415
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,760
{\an2}What, just, like in
my day-to-day life, or...?
416
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,320
{\an2}Yeah, or here.
417
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,360
{\an2}No, I haven't, no.
418
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,320
{\an2}"Get underneath
the most unique things."
419
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:33,400
{\an2}SAM: Oh, cool.
420
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:36,560
{\an2}"Alex will write down your
things when you shout,
421
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,320
{\an2}"'I am underneath it.'"
422
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:42,440
{\an2}"If you get underneath something
that someone else gets underneath...
423
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:46,040
{\an2}"..You both lose five things
from your total."
424
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,800
{\an2}SAM: Oh, yeah - I mean, I'm going
to do nice on this, I think.
425
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,920
{\an2}"You have ten minutes."
426
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,400
{\an2}Can you leave the room?
427
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,840
{\an2}I think I want you to say
the last line.
428
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,520
{\an2}"Your time starts now."
429
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER
430
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,240
{\an1}APPLAUSE
431
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:04,680
{\an2}Very good.
432
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:10,040
{\an2}Does make me laugh, how age affects
response to some of our tasks.
433
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:13,360
{\an2}And I would be like Julian,
if I were told that I had
434
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,280
{\an2}to do a task underneath something,
435
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,120
{\an2}I would find it quite wearisome and,
436
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,920
{\an2}er, irritating.
437
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,880
{\an2}What Sam said is, "Oh..."
438
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,120
{\an2}I'm not going to do the accent.
I almost did the accent.
439
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,760
{\an2}You can do it.
BAD AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: Oh, right.
440
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:27,920
{\an2}"I'm going to have to...
441
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,320
{\an2}"I think I'm going to have to do
the task under a table" -
442
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:31,960
{\an2}pause - "hopefully."
443
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,000
{\an1}LAUGHTER
444
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,360
{\an2}NORMAL VOICE: That's the
age gap right there.
445
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,360
{\an2}So, they had to get underneath
things but ideally, unique things.
446
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:42,320
{\an2}Things that the others didn't get
under and Julian and Sue-lian
447
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:43,920
{\an2}are up first. Here we go.
448
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,920
{\an2}All right, well,
the first port of call,
449
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,640
{\an2}I want to lie underneath a cactus.
450
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,040
{\an2}Ah, right. OK.
451
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,880
{\an2}I am underneath it! What do I have
to say? Yeah, that's it.
452
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,960
{\an2}"I'm underneath it."
I think it is, yeah.
453
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,360
{\an2}Right, the cameraman first.
454
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,040
{\an2}Do you want him to come out?
Yes, you come over here.
455
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,520
{\an2}You're going to have to lie
on top of me. Right.
456
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,960
{\an2}I'll keep my legs together,
if that's all right.
457
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,800
{\an2}CAMERAMAN: Er...
458
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,280
{\an1}LAUGHTER
459
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,400
{\an2}This takes me back.
460
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,920
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
461
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,360
{\an2}Happy? Sound man.
462
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,880
{\an2}Oh, sound man, er...
463
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,440
{\an2}Bring your equipment.
464
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:22,560
{\an2}What's going to be underneath?
Right, er, something really unusual.
465
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,760
{\an2}I'm underneath a part of a stand.
466
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,560
{\an2}Right. I'm underneath it!
467
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:27,640
{\an2}Saxophone stand.
468
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:30,840
{\an2}He's hardly champing at the bit.
469
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,400
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
470
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:39,480
{\an2}I'm underneath the, er, antique
starburst Art Deco, er, thing.
471
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,880
{\an8}Yeah. You just need to say,
"I'm underneath it."
472
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,360
{\an2}I thought somebody might
like the detail.
473
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:45,560
{\an2}Alex. Yes?
474
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,240
{\an2}I haven't been underneath you
since I don't know when.
475
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:51,280
{\an2}I thought you'd never ask Julian.
I wouldn't mind sitting down.
476
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:52,680
{\an2}I don't want you to sit on me.
477
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,240
{\an2}No, fine, OK, it was just an idea.
478
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,760
{\an2}Yes, why don't you squat and...
479
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,240
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
480
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,800
{\an2}I'm worried that he might
not include it if you don't say
481
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:05,040
{\an2}the phrase right, so it's up to you.
Oh. I'm underneath it.
482
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,080
{\an2}Thank you.
483
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,880
{\an2}Is this very expensive?
484
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:09,760
{\an8}I'm underneath it.
485
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,040
{\an2}Oh, can I leave the house?
486
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,440
{\an2}Do whatever you want to.
487
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:13,840
{\an2}I can leave the house.
488
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,320
{\an2}Shall we go outside?
489
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,280
{\an2}Do you want to take your tea,
or you...?
490
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,000
{\an2}No, time is of the essence.
491
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,760
{\an2}Absolutely. There you go.
492
00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:27,520
{\an2}I am underneath it!
I'm actually straddling it.
493
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:28,960
{\an2}Yes. But does that count?
494
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,880
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
495
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,520
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
496
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,080
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
497
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:35,480
{\an2}Yes, you are, Julian.
498
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,800
{\an2}Someone's definitely gone
underneath a cow, right?
499
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,640
{\an2}But have they gone on top of
the cow and underneath a tree?
500
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,120
{\an2}I'm underneath it. Yeah.
501
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,240
{\an2}Ah...I'm underneath it.
502
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,480
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
Yeah, two minutes.
503
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,160
{\an2}I'm underneath this leaf,
I'm underneath this leaf,
504
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,400
{\an2}I'm underneath this leaf,
I'm underneath this leaf.
505
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,640
{\an2}That's like 40 leaves, right?
506
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,240
{\an2}Well, er, you said it five times.
507
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,640
{\an2}20 seconds, Sue.
508
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,200
{\an2}Are you saying there's 20 seconds
for you to get on top of me?
509
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,400
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
510
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,120
{\an2}What are you underneath? Oh.
Pick Me Up magazine.
511
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,200
{\an2}I'm going down. I'm underneath it.
512
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:13,840
{\an8}WHISTLE BLOWS
Oh, not in the ear!
513
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,040
{\an8}That was rude! Oh...
514
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,240
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
WHISTLE BLOWS
515
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,520
{\an2}What a lovely ending.
516
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:21,640
{\an2}And you've ended up in your,
er, dressing room.
517
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,000
{\an2}Could you get my tea for me?
518
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,760
{\an2}Yes, I'll go and bring you your tea.
Thank you, Julian.
519
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:27,040
{\an2}That's your time up, Sue.
520
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,000
{\an2}I have rolled quite heavily
in fox poo.
521
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,560
{\an2}Ah, it's quite musky.
522
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,120
{\an2}Thank you. See you very soon.
523
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,480
{\an2}'Course. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
524
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:37,640
{\an1}APPLAUSE
525
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,960
{\an2}Was it a unique decision for you
to use this task as an opportunity
526
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,520
{\an2}to climb underneath a number of men?
527
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,000
{\an1}LAUGHTER
528
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,480
{\an2}Well, it staring me in the face,
wasn't it, really?
529
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:54,760
{\an2}I wrote down, "I sometimes think
that Julian is just killing time
530
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,480
{\an2}"until he can have
another cup of tea."
531
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,040
{\an2}I-I got under quite of things.
532
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,360
{\an2}Er, I just do it languidly.
533
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,400
{\an2}He does, I think you'd be surprised.
He got under more things than Sue.
534
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:06,760
{\an2}Oh, I'm not surprised. Ah.
535
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,200
{\an2}This is the woman who spent
15 minutes playing the panpipes
536
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,320
{\an2}during a timed challenge.
That is true.
537
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,320
{\an2}What things did Julian get under?
538
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,760
{\an2}Yeah, 4-5 men. Yeah. Baby's head.
539
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,760
{\an2}There were 25 in total.
540
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,760
{\an2}Er, Sue, you just got
under 20 things.
541
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,160
{\an2}So, that's including
five different leaves.
542
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,520
{\an2}Who's next?
Next up, it's lazy Susan -
543
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,960
{\an2}no, it's Lucy and Susan, here we go.
544
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,560
{\an2}I don't think people are going
to use stuff in this room.
545
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,600
{\an2}Because they'll think
other people use stuff,
546
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,440
{\an2}so I think they'll go all
over the place.
547
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:35,960
{\an2}Well, I'm not going to do that.
548
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,880
{\an2}I think that I should maybe start
in here. Is that all right?
549
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,200
{\an2}Yeah, yeah, of course.
550
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,720
{\an2}I'm underneath it. Yes, you are.
551
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,440
{\an8}I am underneath it!
552
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:47,480
{\an1}BUZZER
553
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,080
{\an2}I feel like there's so much
I could do, I could get literally
554
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,280
{\an2}every object and just go
underneath, it so I should.
555
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:53,760
{\an2}But what if somebody has...?
556
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,360
{\an2}I can't worry about that, cos
you're not telling me if they have.
557
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,280
{\an2}Again, the reason I'm doing this
is because it's too obvious,
558
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,360
{\an2}I don't think other people
will do it.
559
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,360
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
I am underneath it.
560
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:07,400
{\an1}BUZZER
561
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:08,680
{\an2}BOTH: I'm underneath it!
562
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,400
{\an1}BUZZER
563
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,680
{\an2}BOTH: I am underneath it.
564
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,400
{\an1}BUZZER
565
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:14,800
{\an2}BOTH: I am underneath it.
566
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:16,760
{\an1}BUZZER
567
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,040
{\an2}BOTH: I am underneath it!
568
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,880
{\an1}BUZZER
569
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:20,920
{\an2}Thanks, man.
570
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,160
{\an2}You fit underneath quite
a lot of things.
571
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,240
{\an2}Yeah, I'm five-foot-one-and-a-half.
572
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,440
{\an2}Do you know, I went to be
a Disney character,
573
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:32,560
{\an2}and I was an inch off
getting Mickey Mouse?
574
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,280
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
575
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:38,440
{\an2}They can't let you be too big for it
576
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,840
{\an2}because of overheating, you see?
577
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,280
{\an2}I am underneath it.
578
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:43,560
{\an1}BUZZER
579
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,320
{\an2}I am underneath it.
580
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,040
{\an7}LAUGHTER
581
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,760
{\an2}I am underneath it.
582
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:51,800
{\an1}BUZZER
583
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,440
{\an2}I should mix it up, cos I'm actually
getting bored of this room.
584
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,080
{\an2}You coming? Oh, yes, sorry, yes.
585
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,240
{\an2}I am underneath it.
586
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,560
{\an2}I am underneath it.
587
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,400
{\an2}Underneath the bowl, are you?
Yeah, I am underneath it.
588
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:09,720
{\an2}I am underneath it.
589
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,360
{\an2}Ah...I am underneath it!
590
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:14,400
{\an1}BUZZER
591
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,160
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
Yes, I've written down cow.
592
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,200
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
593
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:21,280
{\an2}Do you think anyone else has got
underneath any of those things?
594
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,000
{\an2}Not one of them. No? OK.
Not a single one. Thanks, Lucy.
595
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,760
{\an1}APPLAUSE
596
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,640
{\an2}Does that arrogant outline sting,
597
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,720
{\an2}now that you've seen the
horrible truth?
598
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,240
{\an2}It stings like a bitch.
599
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:38,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
600
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,440
{\an2}Did they cancel out loads
of things? Erm... Yeah?
601
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,160
{\an2}Well, it would be loads of things,
except Lucy did only get under
602
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,440
{\an2}a total of 12 things in
ten minutes.
603
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,080
{\an2}Wow. But the last three
were the only things
604
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:50,560
{\an2}that no-one else went under. Ah.
605
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,080
{\an2}The other nine,
lost you five each time.
606
00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:55,480
{\an2}Ah. Oh, well.
607
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,080
{\an1}LAUGHTER
608
00:26:58,120 --> 00:26:59,360
{\an2}Advert time!
609
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,520
{\an2}If any member of your family
has fallen asleep,
610
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,520
{\an2}here's a little game you can
play in the break.
611
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,320
{\an2}The rest of you all sneak upstairs,
pack a bag of basics,
612
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:08,320
{\an2}slip out the house,
and never come back.
613
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:11,000
{\an2}They'll spend the rest of their
life wondering. Fun!
614
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:12,960
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
615
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,440
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Oh, hello again!
616
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:24,920
{\an2}Welcome back to Taskmaster.
617
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,800
{\an2}Hello, I'm Alex Horne.
618
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:30,040
{\an2}Now it's time to see Sam take on
the underneath task.
619
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:32,040
{\an2}Or, should I say,
the down under task -
620
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:33,440
{\an2}cos he's an Australian guy!
621
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:40,040
{\an2}"Your time starts now!"
622
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:41,880
{\an2}All right, I'm underneath it!
623
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,080
{\an2}Tape measure.
624
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,960
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
I'm underneath it.
625
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,120
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
I'm underneath it.
626
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,640
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
What is that?
627
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,200
{\an2}I don't know!
628
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,680
{\an2}Oh! Can you go over the top of me?
629
00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:58,200
{\an2}I'm underneath it! It?
630
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:00,360
{\an2}I think you're a gent.
631
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,320
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
What is it? Lint!
632
00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:05,440
{\an2}I'm underneath it. What is it?
633
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,160
{\an2}This one!
634
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:08,680
{\an2}I'm underneath it. What is it?
635
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,960
{\an2}The sticker from some mandarins.
636
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,080
{\an2}Shoes, shoes, please. Mm-hm.
637
00:28:13,120 --> 00:28:15,200
{\an2}I'm underneath it. And the sock.
638
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,840
{\an2}Some viewers are about
to get very excited.
639
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:19,640
{\an2}Finally, look at those.
640
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:20,920
{\an2}Ooh, baby.
641
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:22,400
{\an2}Er, I'm underneath it.
642
00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:26,560
{\an2}Oh, fuck.
643
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:32,560
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
644
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:33,600
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
645
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:34,880
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
646
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:36,880
{\an2}I'm underneath it!
I'm underneath it!
647
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,760
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
I'm underneath it!
648
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,200
{\an2}What time have I got?
649
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,200
{\an2}You've still got
six-and-a-half minutes.
650
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:43,840
{\an2}I'm doing well! No, I'm not.
651
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:45,000
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
652
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:46,040
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
653
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,600
{\an2}I've got this from
someone's camera bag.
654
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:50,280
{\an2}I'm underneath it!
655
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:51,760
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
656
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,080
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
657
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,360
{\an2}These are all different coins.
I'm underneath it.
658
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:56,560
{\an2}30 seconds left.
659
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:58,960
{\an2}Camera facing down on me.
660
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,280
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
661
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,200
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
I'm underneath it.
662
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,160
{\an2}I'm underneath it.
I'm underneath it.
663
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:05,560
{\an2}How many...?
WHISTLE BLOWS
664
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:10,440
{\an2}Oof.
665
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,160
{\an2}OK, thanks, Sam.
666
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,200
{\an2}So, do you need,
do you need help with cl...?
667
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,080
{\an2}I do need help, but I won't ask you,
I'll ask someone...
668
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:22,160
{\an2}OK, sorry about that.
I'm sorry to that person.
669
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:24,360
{\an2}You looking for your sock?
670
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:25,400
{\an2}Yeah.
671
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:26,680
{\an2}Bl-bl-bl-bl!
672
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:29,600
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
673
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:37,160
{\an2}That's it, that was the energy of
a sugar-pumped toddler you employed.
674
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,120
{\an2}And I thoroughly
enjoyed watching it.
675
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,120
{\an2}You just wonder, like,
what is my purpose?
676
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,360
{\an2}What am I good at?
And then, suddenly, it's like...
677
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:44,920
{\an2}And then, bam, there it is.
678
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,400
{\an2}"Lint!" "This one!"
679
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,680
{\an2}He got one thing every
8.1 seconds.
680
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,040
{\an2}Wow. Wow.
681
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,600
{\an2}He got underneath 74 things.
682
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,160
{\an2}ALL: Wow!
683
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,120
{\an2}I'd like to point out how
heartbreakingly sweet it was that
684
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,720
{\an2}Sam offered to tidy up.
685
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,080
{\an1}LAUGHTER
686
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:06,000
{\an2}Sometimes I think I'd like
to wear you in a little papoose.
687
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,440
{\an2}Really? Carry you around.
688
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:12,000
{\an2}Sometimes I'd like to cover you in
oil and, er, hoover up the house
689
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,840
{\an2}and empty it on your, erm,
your writhing, oily body.
690
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,760
{\an2}Oh, yeah?
LAUGHTER
691
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,440
{\an2}And then, shout, "Lint!"
692
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,400
{\an2}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
Lint!Lint!
693
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,720
{\an2}So, Sam is unassailable,
49 points, with a 74 minus 25.
694
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,640
{\an2}Er, Sue only had five duplicates
695
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,040
{\an2}so that's 20, minus 25, is -5.
696
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:38,200
{\an2}Julian, 25 things -
six of them are duplicates
697
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,400
{\an2}so you also get -5 points.
698
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,440
{\an2}So, the scores are,
Sam gets 5 points,
699
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,560
{\an2}Julian and Sue both get 4 points.
700
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,400
{\an2}We skip down to Lucy gets 2 points,
701
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:47,960
{\an2}and Susan, I'm afraid, just the 1.
702
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,920
{\an2}But the winner, by miles,
was Sam Campbell!
703
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,120
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
704
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:58,080
{\an2}One more task for your
favourite taskmaster.
705
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:02,600
{\an2}Oh, yes, and it's a classic
nomenclature task.
706
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,680
{\an1}SHE WHISTLES
707
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,480
{\an2}Hello. Hm.
708
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,240
{\an2}Hm! Hm.
709
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:31,240
{\an2}Hm.
710
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,280
{\an1}TIMER BEEPS
711
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,000
{\an2}Has it started already?
712
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,400
{\an2}Mm-hm. OK.
713
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:40,680
{\an2}Well, normally I'd do some niceties,
but clock's ticking.
714
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:42,680
{\an2}Well, you made it start.
715
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,080
{\an2}What, by saying good morning?
716
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,880
{\an2}By indulging in a pleasantry?
Sort of.
717
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,040
{\an2}You suit a caravan.
718
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:52,000
{\an2}I can imagine you
sitting in a lay-by
719
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,880
{\an2}opening a tin of spaghetti hoops.
720
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:56,120
{\an2}Very me.
721
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:00,880
{\an1}TIMER BEEPS
722
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:04,640
{\an2}Who's she? She sounds great.
723
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:06,760
{\an2}TIMER BEEPS
Er, OK.
724
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,760
{\an2}Are they your children?
725
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,880
{\an2}No, these are little
knitted characters.
726
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:14,400
{\an2}Do they want to come out?
727
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,240
{\an2}They look like they want
to come out.
728
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,640
{\an2}They don't want to come out.
729
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,440
{\an2}We have to start the task now. Yes.
730
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,280
{\an1}TIMER BEEPS
731
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:24,680
{\an2}Hello.
732
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:26,400
{\an2}Are you smiling? Yes.
733
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,560
{\an2}Oh, good. Start the clock.
TIMER BEEPS
734
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:30,120
{\an2}"Choose a new nickname based on
735
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:33,360
{\an2}"something you do in the
next 20 minutes.
736
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:35,160
{\an2}"Best nickname wins.
737
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,680
{\an2}"Your time started when you smiled."
738
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,280
{\an2}Oh. Mm.
739
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,360
{\an2}I smiled at you,
and you smiled back.
740
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:43,120
{\an2}Oh, so that was...
741
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:45,360
{\an2}That wasn't real.
742
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,480
{\an2}Have you had many nicknames before?
743
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:50,680
{\an2}"Fuck Pig," I used to be called.
744
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:52,240
{\an2}OK, and was that mummy?
745
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:53,600
{\an1}HE CHUCKLES
746
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,840
{\an2}I had a teacher that called me
"Trouble".
747
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,360
{\an2}But I wasn't trouble
that's why it was sweet.
748
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,880
{\an2}Ah. They called me "Nice Guy" -
cos I wasn't.
749
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:05,800
{\an2}I believe that.
750
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,560
{\an2}Er, maybe I should use the
20 minutes to learn a new skill
751
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,320
{\an2}and get a amazing nickname
based on that.
752
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,720
{\an2}Yeah, 20 minutes is enough,
that's what they say, isn't it?
753
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:14,760
{\an2}20 minutes and you'll be an expert.
I think it is.
754
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:16,680
{\an2}I could hop round and you
could call me "Hoppy".
755
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,320
{\an2}That sort of thing you're
thinking of? That sorta thing, yeah.
756
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:22,360
{\an2}Oh, and is there clues around here?
Is that why we're in here?
757
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,520
{\an2}There's no clues.
I mean, you can look at everything.
758
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:26,760
{\an2}But I'm not allowed to touch stuff?
You can touch stuff.
759
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:28,480
{\an2}Maybe that could be the nickname,
Touchy!
760
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:30,320
{\an2}I don't think
that's a good nickname.
761
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,640
{\an2}Could wink, you could call me Winky?
762
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:36,280
{\an2}Could slap you...
you'd call me Slappy?
763
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:38,560
{\an2}LUCY: Oh, my God.
764
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,160
{\an2}Oh, my gosh.
765
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:47,120
{\an2}I think I want to be a prodigy.
766
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,960
{\an2}Are you looking for a cool nickname,
or a dangerous nickname, or...?
767
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,720
{\an2}Er, I want to be dangerous. OK.
768
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:54,560
{\an2}Er, I think I have
the soul of a murderer!
769
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:55,600
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS
770
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,440
{\an2}Right. OK, cool, I'll be
with you in a sec.
771
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,400
{\an2}Right, let's go and have
a little look.
772
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,920
{\an1}APPLAUSE
773
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:06,840
{\an2}Erm, I was worried, Julian,
774
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,160
{\an2}that this one wasn't
firing up your imagination.
775
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:11,960
{\an2}And then, out of nowhere,
"Oh, hello, Fuck Pig."
776
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,760
{\an2}Your legal department won't
thank me for going into details.
777
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
778
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,160
{\an2}Right, then. We going to start?
You betcha. All right,
779
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:25,000
{\an2}we're going to start with
two contestants formerly known
780
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:26,280
{\an2}as Lucy and Sue.
781
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,560
{\an1}AGGRESSIVE ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYS
782
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,160
{\an2}Anarchy!
783
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:15,360
{\an1}STRUMS TUNELESSLY
784
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,280
{\an2}Ahh!
785
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,240
{\an2}Anarchyyyy!
786
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:25,440
{\an2}Anarchy!
787
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:27,280
{\an2}Anarchy!
788
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,400
{\an1}SHE GROWLS
789
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,880
{\an2}Well, no wonder they call her
Lucyfer, the Rock God.
790
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:37,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
791
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,040
{\an1}APPLAUSE
792
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,760
{\an2}I like someone who commits a
lot of time and effort
793
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,560
{\an2}for a bit of basic wordplay. Yeah.
794
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,440
{\an2}I thoroughly enjoyed it, high drama.
795
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:13,920
{\an2}I'm glad that you spelled out
Lucy's nickname so clearly,
796
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:15,600
{\an2}because I presumed it was
going to be
797
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,120
{\an2}"Institutionalised
For Her Own Safety."
798
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:19,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
799
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:21,680
{\an1}And what symbolises anarchy better
800
00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:23,960
{\an1}than the biting of a fir tree?
801
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:29,520
{\an2}Have you had much of a period of
genuine anarchy in your life ever?
802
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:31,800
{\an2}No, never, no.
You've never really let loose?
803
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,000
{\an2}I've tried to just do what
I'm told, you know?
804
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:36,360
{\an2}Yeah? What's the most rebellious
thing you've ever done?
805
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:38,600
{\an2}Once threw a poo out of a window.
806
00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:47,200
{\an2}Yeah, I was in Kavos.
Off the balcony.
807
00:36:47,240 --> 00:36:48,640
{\an2}Why did you throw a poo off the...?
808
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,160
{\an2}Put it in a bag. Yeah, why?
809
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,240
{\an2}Cos I couldn't flush it, and
I didn't want people to pick on me.
810
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:55,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER
811
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:58,560
{\an2}Let's crack on, then. All right.
812
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:01,520
{\an2}It's time to look for
the last time at Julian Clary,
813
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:05,040
{\an2}before he goes by another
name altogether.
814
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:06,800
{\an2}Shall I do what I'm going to do,
815
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,400
{\an2}and you can guess my nickname?
816
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:10,760
{\an2}Ready?
817
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:11,800
{\an2}I'm ready.
818
00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:16,000
{\an2}Oh!
819
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,000
{\an1}LAUGHTER
820
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,080
{\an2}I'm so sorry.
I've broken the whole table.
821
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,760
{\an2}Yeah, well, I guess...
This is all part of my nickname.
822
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:26,480
{\an2}Well, er...
823
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,000
{\an2}Ooh. Look at this,
it's come right off.
824
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,080
{\an2}This is my caravan.
825
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,240
{\an2}Right, well, er...
826
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,760
{\an2}Well, I'm sorry about that.
I can only apologise.
827
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,520
{\an2}Hm. Look at your name.
828
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:39,880
{\an2}What's your new name?
829
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:40,920
{\an2}Butch.
830
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,760
{\an1}THEY LAUGH
831
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,040
{\an2}And I think I've proven
my point, don't you?
832
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:48,040
{\an2}I think you have, Butch.
833
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,160
{\an2}Lovely. Thank you.
834
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,040
{\an2}Oh, I do apologise.
Sorry about that.
835
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:54,680
{\an2}Take it you can't help it, really.
836
00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:57,800
{\an2}Can't. When you're butch,
these things happen.
837
00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,120
{\an2}Bye, Butch.
838
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,240
{\an2}I mean, when you look at
the production values in the two
839
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:12,400
{\an2}we've seen so far, you must feel
some degree of shame with that?
840
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,960
{\an2}I didn't know - no-one offered me
a film crew and...
841
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,440
{\an2}I think your nickname should be
Minimal Effort.
842
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:20,680
{\an2}It's break time again!
843
00:38:20,720 --> 00:38:22,200
{\an2}Will Butch win a quiche?
844
00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:24,480
{\an2}Will Lassue Perkins gain
a chocolate bar?
845
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:27,320
{\an2}Might Lucyfer, the Rock God
take home a thesaurus full of
846
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:28,880
{\an2}little question marks?
847
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,680
{\an2}The answer - none of this matters!
848
00:38:31,720 --> 00:38:34,120
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
849
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,040
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hi, hello!
850
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,080
{\an2}Welcome back to
the last part of the show.
851
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:46,760
{\an1}The current task involves nicknames.
852
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:50,000
{\an2}Now it's time for Susan and Samson.
853
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,080
{\an2}Here we go.
854
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:55,920
{\an2}I'd like you to take a seat.
Thank you.
855
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,640
{\an2}And if you could just make sure
that you rest your hands there...
856
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:01,200
{\an2}..and there. Thank you very much.
857
00:39:01,240 --> 00:39:02,920
{\an2}And I'm not really allowed
to leave here?
858
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:04,960
{\an2}Y-You're allowed...
Are you going to leave here?
859
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,360
{\an2}I'll go where you go. Really?
860
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:07,440
{\an2}It's every task.
861
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:09,040
{\an2}We can go out on the road.
862
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,840
{\an2}No...w-well, yes, OK.
863
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,920
{\an2}Is that allowed?
It's not encouraged.
864
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:17,240
{\an2}Just going to pop these over,
like this. Hm.
865
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:20,560
{\an2}OK, I'm now going to stop talking
to you in the Susan manner.
866
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:22,160
{\an2}Cos she's gone.
867
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:23,320
{\an2}Who's here now?
868
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:27,280
{\an2}Chain Bastard.
869
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:34,320
{\an2}Do you know him?
Well, he's driving a car.
870
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,480
{\an2}Why are you called Chain Bastard?
871
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,280
{\an2}You're about to find out.
872
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:43,600
{\an2}Excuse me, madam,
873
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,800
{\an2}do you have time to quickly
coin a nickname?
874
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:47,640
{\an2}This is for a huge
television programme.
875
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,360
{\an2}No, I'm sorry, I'm... Apologies.
876
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:50,400
{\an2}Damn it!
877
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,160
{\an2}11-and-a-half minutes left.
I know!
878
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:54,880
{\an2}Ah!
879
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:56,760
{\an2}What's my name? Chain Bastard.
880
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,120
{\an2}Good. Who's the boss?
881
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:00,800
{\an2}Greg Davies. No. No?
882
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,360
{\an2}Who's the boss here right now?
Ah. Is it Chain Bastard?
883
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:05,080
{\an2}It is Chain Bastard.
884
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,360
{\an2}Excuse me, madam, can I ask you
a question really quickly?
885
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,440
{\an2}I need to coin a new nickname.
886
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:12,080
{\an1}SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY
887
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:15,760
{\an2}You've gotta go have lunch. Yeah.
Yeah, good idea. Bye-bye.
888
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:16,800
{\an2}Damn it!
889
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:22,000
{\an2}Hm.
890
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,000
{\an2}What's my name? Chain Bastard.
891
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:28,680
{\an2}Mm-hm.
892
00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:30,320
{\an2}Excuse me, just one-one second.
893
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:32,800
{\an2}One second. Hey, how's it going?
894
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,320
{\an2}Yeah. Erm, I just need to
coin a new nickname,
895
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:37,680
{\an2}so if you could just, erm,
give me a nickname.
896
00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:40,440
{\an2}I'll tell,
I'll whisper it to you.
897
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:43,280
{\an2}Er, if you could give me
any nickname, what would it be?
898
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:44,720
{\an2}Doctor Cigarettes.
899
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,080
{\an2}Doctor Cigarettes! What?!
900
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:50,880
{\an2}Thanks, man. No worries.
Stay safe. Bye-bye.
901
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:52,040
{\an2}Thank you. Bye-bye.
902
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,800
{\an2}Why did he come up with
Doctor Cigarettes?
903
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:57,720
{\an2}Hm, I guess he just liked my vibe.
904
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,160
{\an2}Still going - oh, all right. Yeah.
905
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:05,320
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
Thank you, Sam.
906
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,080
{\an2}You enjoy that, Sam?
907
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:10,120
{\an2}Sam?
908
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:13,800
{\an2}Doctor Cigarettes,
did you enjoy that?
909
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:16,520
{\an2}RASPY VOICE: Alex.
I had the time of my life.
910
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:19,360
{\an2}Great.
911
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:21,640
{\an1}APPLAUSE
912
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:31,120
{\an2}It strikes me, Susan, that even
when you essentially hold someone
913
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:36,240
{\an2}against their will and give yourself
the name Chain Bastard... Hm.
914
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,640
{\an2}..that you just still seem
really fun and friendly.
915
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:42,320
{\an2}All the suggestions that
I were coming up with
916
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:45,080
{\an2}were dangerous,
and involved, like, weapons.
917
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:48,200
{\an2}So, in the end, the chains stayed...
918
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:50,600
{\an2}Yeah. ..and then, feathers arrived.
919
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,760
{\an2}I was surprised that Chain Bastard
was applying feathers.
920
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:59,080
{\an2}Er, Sam. I-I mean,
I put to you that,
921
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:02,080
{\an2}before you spoke to one member of
the public, that you'd already
922
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:04,480
{\an2}decided you wanted to be known
as Doctor Cigarettes.
923
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,360
{\an2}Greg, Greg, Greg,
what can I tell you?
924
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,160
{\an2}Smoking kills...
925
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:10,440
{\an2}..weaklings!
926
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:16,760
{\an2}Taskmaster does not support smoking.
927
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,880
{\an2}LAUGHTER
It's very dangerous.
928
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,440
{\an2}Right, Greg, who, in your opinion,
has the worst nickname?
929
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,480
{\an2}Well, Julian. Oh, Butch?
930
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:25,200
{\an2}Yeah, 1 point to Butch.
931
00:42:25,240 --> 00:42:27,560
{\an2}Chain Bastard gets 2 points.
2 to Chain.
932
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:30,160
{\an2}Lassue Perkins,
big production value.
933
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:31,640
{\an2}Hm. 3 points.
934
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,160
{\an2}Now, we're into Lucyfer,
the Rock God,
935
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:36,320
{\an2}and Doctor Cigarettes.
936
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,400
{\an2}Pack a day keeps the doctor away.
937
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
938
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:42,360
{\an2}I'm going to give Lucy 4 points,
939
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:45,440
{\an2}because I think the nickname
really suits you.
940
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,640
{\an2}And, I don't even know why,
941
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,600
{\an2}but 5 points goes
to Doctor Cigarettes.
942
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:52,000
{\an2}Sam Campbell wins the task!
943
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:55,040
{\an1}CHEERING
944
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,640
{\an2}Right, please, can you all make
your way to the stage
945
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,480
{\an2}for the final task of the show!
946
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:08,200
{\an2}Who's going to read the task out?
947
00:43:08,240 --> 00:43:10,840
{\an2}Lucy Beaumont's going
to read this one.
948
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,640
{\an2}"One member of your team must lie
on three of the squares
949
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:14,680
{\an2}"and go to sleep.
950
00:43:14,720 --> 00:43:16,680
{\an2}"After they have taken
their position,
951
00:43:16,720 --> 00:43:19,640
{\an2}"they must not move until
the task is over.
952
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,280
{\an2}"Taking it in turn,
the other team members must
953
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:27,880
{\an2}"try to land their cushion in
each of the three sleep squares.
954
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,680
{\an2}"First team to strike out
the sleeper wins."
955
00:43:31,720 --> 00:43:33,280
{\an2}Hm. Ooh.
956
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:37,760
{\an2}So, one of your team must lie
in three squares.
957
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:40,520
{\an2}The team will then throw this
cushion back and forth,
958
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:43,080
{\an2}trying to land it in
the squares that they're in.
959
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:44,680
{\an2}I'll tick off the misses on this.
960
00:43:44,720 --> 00:43:46,200
{\an2}There's a game similar.
961
00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:48,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
962
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,440
{\an2}Does it sound like "cattle tips"?
963
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,040
{\an2}A little bit like cattle tips, yeah.
964
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,920
{\an2}First of all, you've got to decide
who on your team'll be the sleeper,
965
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:57,080
{\an2}and where they'll lie.
966
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,440
{\an2}Oh, this is like Battleships! Yes.
967
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:00,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
968
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:02,920
{\an1}APPLAUSE
969
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,280
{\an2}All right, Greg who do you
want to throw first?
970
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,200
{\an2}I want...Susan to throw first.
971
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,920
{\an2}Oh, that's a miss, it's D3.
972
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,160
{\an8}C3, a miss.
973
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,440
{\an2}I've got no idea what's going on.
974
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:19,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER
975
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:21,440
{\an2}It's like you said,
it's like Battleships.
976
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:23,480
{\an2}I'm getting it confused with
a different game.
977
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:25,080
{\an1}It's Guess Who I'm thinking of.
978
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:28,880
{\an2}Miss. Right.
979
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:32,520
{\an2}It's a miss.
980
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:34,240
{\an2}Ooh! Miss.
981
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:37,040
{\an2}OK. I'm going to try to just
chip it in over there.
982
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,240
{\an2}What do you reckon?
It's up to you.
983
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:40,960
{\an2}Hit!
984
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,920
{\an2}Ahh!
985
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:44,800
{\an2}It was a miss. OK.
986
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,840
{\an2}Miss!
LUCY: Oh, I'm sorry.
987
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:54,600
{\an2}Ooh. Hit!
988
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:58,840
{\an2}Oi. Miss. Ahh.
989
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,200
{\an2}SAM: This changes everything!
990
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:05,400
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
991
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,960
{\an2}I-I'm going to have to ask VAR
where that landed.
992
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,200
{\an2}I can tell you.
993
00:45:09,240 --> 00:45:11,200
{\an1}LAUGHTER
994
00:45:12,240 --> 00:45:14,400
{\an2}It is a strike,
but you've already done that...
995
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,880
{\an2}But it was nice to hear
from Julian, cos I...
996
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:19,800
{\an2}..I did fear for a while
he might be dead.
997
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:21,280
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
998
00:45:23,240 --> 00:45:25,520
{\an2}Ooh. Hit! Ooh!
999
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:27,000
{\an2}That was amazing.
1000
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:30,320
{\an2}You're really up against it now,
Chain Bastard.
1001
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:34,080
{\an8}D4! Hit. Hit, hit!
1002
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:35,920
{\an8}Both have two strikes, Greg.
1003
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:37,400
{\an2}It's next strike wins.
1004
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:38,920
{\an2}I'm just going to go like that.
1005
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,200
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
1006
00:45:41,240 --> 00:45:44,160
{\an2}Hit! It's all over! It's all over.
1007
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,760
{\an1}APPLAUSE
1008
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:49,400
{\an2}Right we'll add that to
the final scores.
1009
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:51,680
{\an2}Come down and join me!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1010
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:00,800
{\an2}So, the team of three won,
so they get 5 points each.
1011
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:04,440
{\an2}Sadly, the team of two again failed.
1012
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:05,960
{\an2}Aww. I'm so sorry.
1013
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,640
{\an2}We tried really hard,
and we had so much fun.
1014
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:10,240
{\an2}Aw! No points.
1015
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:11,840
{\an2}Ah, no points.
1016
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:15,000
{\an2}Er, I can tell you where
the series scores lie at this point,
1017
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:17,040
{\an2}would you like that. Oh, God.
I would like that.
1018
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:18,800
{\an2}Susan, you've got 39 points.
Thank you.
1019
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:20,040
{\an2}Lucy, you've got 40. Ah.
1020
00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:21,600
{\an2}Sue, 42.
1021
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:24,760
{\an2}Then, just a slight
12-point jump up...
1022
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:27,440
{\an2}..Julian on 54, Sam on 57.
1023
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:29,240
{\an2}Wow. So the current leader.
1024
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:32,040
{\an2}Wow!
APPLAUSE
1025
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,720
{\an2}This particular episode,
there's a slight gulf between
1026
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:36,200
{\an1}leader and loser - Susan got 6,
1027
00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:38,880
{\an2}Sam wins the episode
with 24 points!
1028
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:41,320
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1029
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,080
{\an2}Sam Campbell wins the show!
1030
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,720
{\an2}Please come up to the stage and
pick up your questionable presents.
1031
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:50,240
{\an1}CHEERING
1032
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:54,800
{\an2}Episode three is done,
and you know who the winner was?
1033
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:56,000
{\an2}Yeah, that's right,
1034
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:57,720
{\an2}it was Sam Campbell!
1035
00:46:57,760 --> 00:46:59,000
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1036
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:26,000
{\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media