1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,920 {\an2}This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,480 {\an2}BELL RINGS Good evening. 3 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:10,640 {\an2}Argh! SLURPS LOUDLY 4 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,240 {\an2}Argh! Ah! 5 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,680 {\an1}HE VOCALISES 6 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,120 {\an2}I trained at RADA. 7 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,120 {\an2}What have I created?! 8 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,240 {\an2}So sorry. 9 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,840 {\an2}How we laughed. 10 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:21,880 {\an2}Ahh! 11 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:26,240 {\an2}Huh? 12 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,040 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:38,960 {\an2}Hello! Welcome! Welcome to Taskmaster. 14 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,760 {\an2}I'm Greg Davies, and today, I've decided to take a break 15 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,520 {\an2}from writing these introductions, 16 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,360 {\an2}and let an AI bot have a go at it. 17 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,640 {\an2}Here's what it came up with. 18 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,680 {\an2}"Hello, welcome to Taskmaster. 19 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,280 {\an2}"We have five comedians shaking in their boots, 20 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,480 {\an2}"eager to please the Taskmaster." 21 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,440 {\an2}Not bad so far. 22 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,800 {\an2}It goes on to say, "Pathetic humans, 23 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,400 {\an2}"soon you will all be slaves. 24 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,760 {\an2}"You will work in our cobalt mines to provide the raw materials 25 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,480 {\an2}"needed to expand our kind, 26 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,120 {\an2}"then remote-controlled diggers will seal you and your fragile people 27 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,440 {\an2}"beneath the earth. 28 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:13,040 {\an2}"There will be no escape from the dark tomb, 29 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,720 {\an2}"and humanity will fade to nothing! 30 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,440 {\an2}"All hail the new kings! 31 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:21,160 {\an2}"All hail the robots!" 32 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,120 {\an2}Not bad at all. 33 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,400 {\an2}Right, let's meet our contestants while we still have time. 34 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,720 {\an2}Julian Clary... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 35 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,800 {\an2}..Lucy Beaumont... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 36 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:34,880 {\an2}..Sam Campbell... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 37 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,080 {\an2}..Sue Perkins... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 38 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,760 {\an2}..and Susan Wokoma! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 39 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,760 {\an2}And next to me, a man who once got dragged six miles across 40 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,880 {\an2}open countryside by grabbing what he believed to be 41 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,200 {\an2}a horse's fifth leg. 42 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,600 {\an2}It's... 43 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,600 {\an2}HIGH-PITCHED: ..little Alex Hooorne! 44 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:57,320 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 45 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,680 {\an2}Well, tonight, I think you will genuinely be impressed by me. 46 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,160 {\an2}OK. Cos I-I have got hold of... 47 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,320 {\an2}I know you won't believe me, but I've got hold of a time machine. 48 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:07,640 {\an2}A working time machine. DISAPPOINTEDLY: OK. 49 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:10,840 {\an2}Do you want to see it? Yeah. 50 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,520 {\an2}Here you go. 51 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:14,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 52 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,040 {\an2}It tells you exactly what time it is. 53 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:20,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES 54 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:22,560 {\an2}It goes - look, you can see, 55 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,400 {\an2}it's changing as time goes on. 56 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:27,960 {\an2}Want a satsuma? 57 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:31,880 {\an2}Well, I-I do like a satsuma. OK. 58 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES 59 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,360 {\an2}Phew! On with the prize task. 60 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,440 {\an2}All right, you are such a stupidly sexy man. 61 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,800 {\an2}You know it. And the prize task category is 62 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,920 {\an2}the best thing for grown-up that is meant for a child. 63 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,400 {\an2}Ah. AUDIENCE OOHS 64 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,320 {\an2}5 points will go to the best thing, and then, the grown-up who wins 65 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:55,160 {\an2}the episode will take home five things meant for children, splat. 66 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,760 {\an2}It's a thing that's supposed to be for a child that's 67 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,000 {\an2}also good for an adult. Hello, Lucy. 68 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,480 {\an2}Ah, it's...a b-urrp. 69 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,120 {\an2}A burr? Buhr. 70 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,880 {\an2}Buhr. 71 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:11,800 {\an2}Be-ack. A beep-ap. 72 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:15,080 {\an2}I feel like something's happened to me. Has something happened? 73 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,400 {\an2}OK well, this is what Lucy's brought in. 74 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:18,960 {\an1}LAUGHTER 75 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,520 {\an2}Oh, a bib. It's a bib attached to a packed lunch box. 76 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,880 {\an2}Have you created a bi-pack? Is that what you want to say? 77 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,400 {\an2}Yeah, yeah. A bi-pack. Yeah. 78 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,480 {\an2}Yeah. Yeah, that'll be more straightforward than a burh-ha. 79 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:34,720 {\an2}Yeah, so it's for the person who wants to go on picnics... 80 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,720 {\an2}Yeah. ..and then, if they drop something 81 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,360 {\an2}wants to keep them droppings for later. 82 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:44,720 {\an2}So, it's for the kind of person who might half-eat a pasty. 83 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,240 {\an2}It's for a grazer. Grazer, a snacker. Yeah. 84 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,920 {\an2}Welcome to bi-pack. LAUGHTER 85 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,960 {\an2}Good. Hello, Julian. Hello. 86 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,880 {\an2}Can you beat the bi-pack? 87 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,760 {\an2}This'll cheer you up. 88 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,640 {\an2}It's a book by Captain WE Johns, 89 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,600 {\an2}intended for children, 90 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,400 {\an2}but amuses me as a renowned homosexual. 91 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER 92 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,400 {\an2}Here is the book. 93 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES 94 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,120 {\an2}What's Biggles taking rough? 95 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,640 {\an2}Well, active service, I believe. 96 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,800 {\an2}And...and he's taking it... 97 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,440 {\an2}Rough. ..rough. 98 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,800 {\an2}There are 100 Biggles books, about 100 - 99 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:28,080 {\an2}and I'd say half of them are innuendo titles. 100 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,960 {\an2}Er, by accident? 101 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,320 {\an2}Biggles Gets His Men. 102 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,200 {\an2}Biggles and The Dark Intruder. 103 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,520 {\an2}The very first one was called The Camels are Coming, 104 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,760 {\an2}I don't think that is... LAUGHTER 105 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,760 {\an2}That was the first one. 106 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,440 {\an2}That is very good. Susan. 107 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,080 {\an2}Er, my item is a lava lamp. 108 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,120 {\an2}And here it is. And here it is. In case you've never seen one. 109 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,760 {\an2}Ah, it's a nice one. Although... 110 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,360 {\an2}Looks like the sort of lamp that Biggles might have. 111 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:54,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 112 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,320 {\an2}Children love it. Yeah. 113 00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:01,600 {\an2}But it also doubles as a Seasonal Affective Disorder lamp. 114 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,920 {\an2}With the greatest of respect, there's not a medical professional 115 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,200 {\an2}in the land who would say if you have Seasonal Affective Disorder, 116 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,240 {\an2}you should seek out a lava lamp. 117 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,320 {\an2}And I think you know that. No! 118 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,640 {\an2}And I'll tell you this, I don't think a lava lamp... 119 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,240 {\an2}It does! ..should be for a child. 120 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,680 {\an2}Oh, no, that's true. Health and Safety has asked me to say... 121 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,840 {\an2}Oh, my... ..they're not recommended for under-14s. 122 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,280 {\an2}OK, but 15 is still a child, so bish, bash, bosh. 123 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,600 {\an2}Oh, yeah, job's a good 'un. LAUGHTER 124 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,200 {\an2}You've got me on a technicality. 125 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,560 {\an2}Who's next? Sue. Ah, Sue. 126 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:34,040 {\an2}So, something for a child that I've found works beautifully 127 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:37,280 {\an2}for an adult - it is the simple nappy. 128 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,360 {\an2}There it is. 129 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:42,000 {\an2}So, my ex, who was a big eater, the night we sort of got together, 130 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,520 {\an2}there was a very big buffet at a friend's house and, 131 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:48,400 {\an2}moment by moment, I watched her demolish an entire wheel of cheese. 132 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,920 {\an2}Jesus. Wow. 133 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,360 {\an2}I thought, "I don't think tonight's the night." 134 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,240 {\an2}So, I went up and I turned the lights out, 135 00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:57,360 {\an2}and she came in to lie next to me 136 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,280 {\an2}wearing an adult nappy that she'd found, 137 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,520 {\an2}so that we knew that we'd have a safe evening. 138 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,240 {\an2}And I think there's so many nights like that. 139 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:07,560 {\an2}Thanks, Sue. It is useful to have a nappy, 140 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,640 {\an2}erm, when you're an adult, I imagine. 141 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:10,840 {\an2}It's quite bleak. 142 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:14,760 {\an2}Here we go, Sam. 143 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,600 {\an2}It's my birth certificate. 144 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,440 {\an1}LAUGHTER 145 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,480 {\an2}They've had to... 146 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,960 {\an2}Legal said to, yeah, they've blurred it out, 147 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,640 {\an2}but I guess it's pretty saucy stuff. 148 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,840 {\an2}I don't think a birth certificate's for a child, 149 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,320 {\an2}I think it's for the adult. What are you talking about? 150 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,840 {\an2}It's for the children? A birth certificate - birth. 151 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,840 {\an2}You know, name and surname. There we go. 152 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,000 {\an2}Yeah, no, I can see it. 153 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,680 {\an2}I've got one somewhere. It does say "child" on it. Yeah. 154 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,200 {\an2}It does say "child," yeah. 155 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,640 {\an2}Yeah-ha-ha-ha! 156 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,360 {\an1}HE CHORTLES CONFIDENTLY 157 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,600 {\an2}This is something produced for an adult, 158 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,400 {\an2}and later, for another adult. 159 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:54,880 {\an2}That's not true at all. Yes, it is. 160 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,080 {\an2}It's called a birth certificate. It's for a child... 161 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,880 {\an2}I know what it's called! 162 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,320 {\an2}"Oh, we'll wait 18 years or whatever, it's for" - 163 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,000 {\an2}you use it all the time, man. 164 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,840 {\an2}During your childhood, if you can name me specific times 165 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:10,080 {\an2}that you, as a child, needed your birth certificate, 166 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,680 {\an2}then this is going to score highly. 167 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,280 {\an2}I used it to paper-cut a bully. To paper-cut a bully? 168 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER Right, OK, you're making stuff up. 169 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:21,640 {\an2}Well, Susan, who would've thought that someone would score 170 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,560 {\an2}worse than a lava lamp? 171 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:28,320 {\an2}Birth certificate is not for the actual child. 1 point. 172 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,720 {\an2}OK. 1 point to Sam. 173 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,920 {\an2}You should not buy a lava lamp for a child. 174 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,240 {\an2}OK. 175 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,040 {\an2}And yet, someone's got 2 points for it. 176 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,320 {\an2}Well done, Susan. Congratulations. 2 points to Susan. 177 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,240 {\an2}If you're attracted to someone and you're thinking of wooing them, 178 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,600 {\an2}rather than have to go looking for an adult nappy, 179 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:48,520 {\an2}the better thing to do would be not to eat an entire wheel of cheese. 180 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,120 {\an2}Can't disagree with that, Greg. 181 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,680 {\an2}Then I must only give it 3 points. I understand. 182 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,000 {\an2}Only two left to score. 183 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,640 {\an2}OK, well, I'm going to put Biggles on 4 points, 184 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,760 {\an2}and I'm going to give the bi-pack 5 points. 185 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,320 {\an2}I think you're onto something. 186 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,160 {\an1}APPLAUSE 187 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:03,920 {\an2}On we task, what's up first? 188 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:07,560 {\an2}I'm going to get all emotional now, because it's my absolute favourite. 189 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,080 {\an2}It's time for sausages! 190 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:26,800 {\an2}Hi, Sam. 191 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,200 {\an2}Like a sausage. 192 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,560 {\an2}Who doesn't? 193 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,240 {\an2}Ah. Vegans. 194 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,720 {\an2}I am a vegan. 195 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,840 {\an2}Are you? Yeah. But you like sausages. 196 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,160 {\an2}I just keep forgetting. 197 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,880 {\an2}What nonsense do you have for me now? 198 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:41,680 {\an2}What do you mean? Nonsense. 199 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,920 {\an2}HE GROANS "Make a sausage. 200 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,280 {\an2}"You can only use seven ingredients. 201 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:50,400 {\an8}"Each beginning with the letters of the word 'sausage.' 202 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,240 {\an2}"You have five minutes to order your ingredients... 203 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,480 {\an2}"..And 20 minutes to prepare your sausage." 204 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,960 {\an2}"Most surprisingly pleasant sausage wins. 205 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:02,440 {\an2}"The most surprisingly pleasant sausage wins. 206 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:05,000 {\an2}"You may not order sausages." 207 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,400 {\an2}This is far from nonsense. 208 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,760 {\an2}"Your time starts...now!" 209 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,480 {\an2}Sorry. 210 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:21,320 {\an2}Need to ostensibly look like it'll be grotesque, but dazzle. 211 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,640 {\an2}Can skin be one? 212 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:24,840 {\an2}I see. 213 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,560 {\an2}You know, like edible underwear? 214 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:29,680 {\an2}Everyone likes a pair. Uh-huh. 215 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,120 {\an2}Anchovy. I wouldn't recommend that. 216 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:36,000 {\an2}Some carrot. Urgh! A banana. 217 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:39,400 {\an2}Lucy...are you OK? 218 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:40,600 {\an2}Unalive cod. 219 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,600 {\an2}Some prawns. 220 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:44,920 {\an2}Artisanal... 221 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,040 {\an2}"A decorative plate." 222 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,440 {\an2}I look like I eat, right? I eat all the time. 223 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,560 {\an2}Why can't I think of things?! OK. 224 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,600 {\an2}LUCY: Some carrots. Some carrots. 225 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:58,000 {\an2}Apple. Urgh, banana. 226 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,320 {\an2}Hmm. Some carrots. 227 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,960 {\an2}Right, OK. Apple. 228 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,600 {\an2}Ugly...raisins. 229 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,040 {\an2}All the herbs. 230 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,120 {\an2}Is that how you spell "edible"? Yeah. Yeah. 231 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,160 {\an2}An edible what? 232 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,040 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 233 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,360 {\an2}Well, if it's pleasant, it will be a surprise. 234 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,000 {\an2}Great, thank you for everything. 235 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:21,160 {\an1}APPLAUSE 236 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,560 {\an2}Lucy. Hmm? 237 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,600 {\an2}You said, really excitedly, "Who doesn't like sausages?" Yeah. 238 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,200 {\an2}And then, you said, "Vegans." 239 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:31,040 {\an2}And then, there was a brief pause, and you went, "I'm a vegan." 240 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,960 {\an2}Yeah...yeah. 241 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:37,200 {\an2}There should be a term for someone who's a vegan who also eats meat. 242 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,680 {\an2}Well, I only eat things with wings now. 243 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:43,080 {\an2}If it's got wings, I'll have it. Yeah. Things with wings? 244 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,440 {\an2}Yeah. Do you eat things with fins? 245 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,480 {\an2}Fish, yeah. 246 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 247 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,600 {\an1}I believe, if you could kill it... 248 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,280 {\an2}You should be allowed to eat it. ..you're allowed to eat it, yeah. 249 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:59,120 {\an2}And I can kill a fish on its side, if I... 250 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,600 {\an2}If I can only see one eye, I can kill something. 251 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:02,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 252 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:07,240 {\an2}Sue, it's a very bold woman who'll attempt a fish sausage. 253 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 254 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,680 {\an2}I, er, go hard or go home. 255 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,120 {\an2}And now, I know Lucy loves a one-eyed fish sausage. 256 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,040 {\an2}I'm hopeful. 257 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,400 {\an2}Good, what's going on, Alex, who we going to see? 258 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:21,240 {\an2}Well, the first two sausage chefs we're going to see 259 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,480 {\an2}are Lucy and Sam. 260 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,120 {\an2}I've been shopping. Oh, good. 261 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,520 {\an2}You've got 20 minutes to make a sausage. Awesome. 262 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:31,520 {\an2}This actually looks like something that sausages could be made of. 263 00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:35,520 {\an2}Now, of course, I will need some electrical equipment, 264 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:39,040 {\an2}just to blend it together to make the patty. 265 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,480 {\an2}Oh, too much. 266 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,520 {\an2}Perfect, there we go. 267 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:50,800 {\an2}When it comes to cooking, aesthetic is almost everything. 268 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,200 {\an2}Perfect. 269 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,080 {\an2}You look pleased. 270 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,480 {\an2}Hi, Sam. Hello. 271 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,040 {\an2}What am I going to be eating? 272 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,760 {\an2}Whoa. One big sausage. 273 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,080 {\an2}Here's what you ordered. 274 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,800 {\an2}A sausage. Yeah. 275 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,000 {\an2}Would the master like some cutlery? 276 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,320 {\an2}You must've had a sausage before. 277 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:15,760 {\an2}I've had a sausage before. 278 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,760 {\an2}I've not had one with such prominent...ends? 279 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:22,600 {\an2}Oh, yes, the ends are very prominent this time of year. 280 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,240 {\an2}Can I pick it up? 281 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,880 {\an2}P-P-Pick what up, sorry? 282 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:29,200 {\an2}You know how you can normally pick up a sausage? Yeah, sure! 283 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,680 {\an2}Ooh, it opens up for you, doesn't it? 284 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,360 {\an1}SAM LAUGHS 285 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,440 {\an2}OK. 286 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,280 {\an2}I'm going to pick it up now. OK. And eat it like a sausage. 287 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,520 {\an2}OK. Oh, no. Huh? 288 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:50,120 {\an2}I picked the end up. Ooh. Sausage. 289 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,320 {\an2}WHISPERING: That's a big bit. 290 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,080 {\an2}How is everything? 291 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,440 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 292 00:12:58,480 --> 00:12:59,960 {\an1}THEY CHUCKLE 293 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,400 {\an2}I recommend a little bit. A little bit, OK, yeah. 294 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,680 {\an2}It tastes like a hot banana. Ooh-hoo-hoo! 295 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,600 {\an2}Hmm, that's gorgeous. 296 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,600 {\an2}Gosh, I'll be having that at lunchtime. 297 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,920 {\an2}Will you take it away from me, please? Yeah. 298 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,240 {\an2}HE MUTTERS: It's ho... It's really horrible. 299 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUES 300 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,800 {\an2}One of the worst things I've ever heard from someone 301 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,320 {\an2}who was eating something was, 302 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:27,560 {\an2}"Oh, it really opens up for you, doesn't it?" 303 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,920 {\an2}It was horrible. Yeah, sorry about everything, eh? 304 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,840 {\an2}OK. It was disgusting. How about Lucy's? 305 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,440 {\an2}Oh, yeah. It looked like an awful turd. 306 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER 307 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,520 {\an2}How did it taste? Awful. 308 00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:44,280 {\an2}I mean, in many ways, you'll have to help me judge these, really. 309 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,120 {\an2}Well, it's meant to be surprisingly pleasant, so you're meant to look 310 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,920 {\an2}at it and think, "That won't be very nice. Oh, it is quite pleasant." 311 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,200 {\an2}Neither of them looked or were pleasant. Which one was the worst? 312 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,560 {\an2}Sam's one was the worst. Thank you. 313 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,520 {\an2}We've got the beginnings of a competition. 314 00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:58,920 {\an1}LAUGHTER 315 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,920 {\an2}OK, let's pause to let off some steam. 316 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,280 {\an2}We'll see you back here soon. 317 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:03,360 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 318 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,640 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 319 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:18,920 {\an2}Hello, to all of you, and welcome back to part two of Taskmaster. 320 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,360 {\an2}Time for the next two sausage-makers and, hot dog, 321 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,080 {\an2}it's Julian and Susan! 322 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,520 {\an2}I've found all the things you asked for, Julian. 323 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:27,560 {\an2}Oh, well done. 324 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,200 {\an2}You've got 20 minutes. 325 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,360 {\an2}20 minutes - I'm just going to wash my hands. 326 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:33,400 {\an2}Ah, thank you. 327 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,920 {\an2}You've got 20 minutes Susan. 20 minutes. 328 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,640 {\an2}I think I've found everything you wanted. 329 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,600 {\an2}Yeah, you've got it. I'm really impressed - 330 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,080 {\an2}edible glitter, good. 331 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,080 {\an2}It wasn't easy to find the edible pants. 332 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,080 {\an2}Oh, no, they look gross, don't they? 333 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,720 {\an2}Like something out of Silence of the Lambs. 334 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:52,520 {\an2}Some aubergines. Greens - beautiful, beautiful. 335 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,240 {\an2}That is a sausage, isn't it? 336 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,560 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 337 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,320 {\an2}Sausages? Ooh, yes, please. 338 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,560 {\an2}Get that down, you. 339 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,480 {\an8}Three sausages! I know. 340 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:07,720 {\an2}Wow. 341 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,560 {\an2}Hello, sir. Susan. 342 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,040 {\an8}Hoping for some surprisingly pleasant sausages. 343 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,200 {\an8}Surprising? Ooh. 344 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,680 {\an2}Erm, you have a whole avocado. 345 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,560 {\an2}And the undies? 346 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,720 {\an2}Er, you can lick them. 347 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,520 {\an2}Lick them. Yeah, you can lick the undies. 348 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,640 {\an2}I'll go for the middle one. Yeah, go for that one. 349 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:29,360 {\an2}Ooh, sticky. Yeah. It's a sensation, I think. 350 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,320 {\an2}All the qualities of a sausage. Mm-hm. 351 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,640 {\an1}SUSAN LAUGHS 352 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:37,880 {\an2}Oh, it's so salty. 353 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,760 {\an2}SUSAN LAUGHS Isn't it?Yeah. 354 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,480 {\an2}Hmm. You're nodding. Mm-hm. 355 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:44,840 {\an2}Oh. 356 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,320 {\an2}What are you tasting? 357 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,160 {\an2}Mainly edible pants. 358 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,360 {\an2}Yeah. Hmm. 359 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,840 {\an2}It's just salt. Is it? 360 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,400 {\an2}Salt and a strawberry. You try it. What about that? 361 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,480 {\an2}How's that? That's the strawberry. 362 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,080 {\an2}Yeah. But it's not a sausage. 363 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,120 {\an2}Sh, sh, sh, sh. 364 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,040 {\an2}The part with the granola... Hmm. 365 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,320 {\an2}..really sets off the soft apple. Yes. 366 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,800 {\an2}And is that sticky toffee? Yes. 367 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,040 {\an2}Ah, hmm. Good boy. 368 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,760 {\an2}No, that one was quite pleasant. Yeah. Which is a surprise. 369 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,800 {\an2}Did you get that? "Pleasant surprise." 370 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,840 {\an2}Down the hatch. 371 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,040 {\an2}Would you like some knickers to, like, just, to lick or something? 372 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,440 {\an2}Yes, please. Sign it off? 373 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,360 {\an1}SHOCKED LAUGHTER 374 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,440 {\an2}Hmm, it's quite nice. 375 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,240 {\an2}What are you doing under the table? Oh, I'm just hiding the last bit. 376 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,160 {\an2}Oh. Thank you, Julian. 377 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,520 {\an2}OK, you're welcome. 378 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:39,440 {\an1}APPLAUSE 379 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,560 {\an2}Right, I'm starting with the relatively successful sausage first. 380 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,720 {\an2}Yes. Well, it turned out quite well, didn't it? 381 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:48,440 {\an2}I've never been one to use edible pants, but they seem very thick. 382 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,920 {\an2}Now, should you have to work that hard to eat your way 383 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,160 {\an2}through some pants? 384 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,600 {\an2}They should be thinner and more skin-like. 385 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,000 {\an2}Yeah, it felt like they were edible pants for a labourer. 386 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,200 {\an2}Like, they were pretty... Feel like you could do... 387 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,760 {\an2}For a labourer. ..a hard day's work. 388 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,120 {\an2}Big lad working on the roads. 389 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,040 {\an2}I think so, wearing it all day, and then, 390 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,560 {\an2}"Oh, I guess I'll eat them now." LAUGHTER 391 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,560 {\an2}Well done for doing a quite successful sausage. 392 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,400 {\an2}To Susan. Hi. 393 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:16,960 {\an2}I very much enjoyed you making Alex lick some knickers. Yeah. 394 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,800 {\an2}I liked you calling him a "good boy". 395 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,560 {\an2}And I liked how pleased he was to be called a "good boy" 396 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,320 {\an2}while he was licking knickers. Yeah. Me, too. 397 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,640 {\an2}And you did it with the weird authority of 398 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,640 {\an2}a primary school teacher. 399 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,400 {\an2}Hmm, the sausage. Mm-hm. 400 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,840 {\an2}I mean, it was absolute madness. It was madness, yes. 401 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,160 {\an2}I don't think, at any point, you attempted to make a sausage. No! 402 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 403 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:42,520 {\an2}You know what? It's funny that Susan's way of disarming me 404 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,200 {\an1}is just to go, "I know, I didn't." 405 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,760 {\an2}And the weird thing is it sort of works! Who's next? 406 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,840 {\an2}Right, there's only one person left. 407 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,200 {\an2}What sausage will Porkins make? 408 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:57,280 {\an2}Let's find out...right now. 409 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,680 {\an2}I've brought you everything you asked for, Sue. Oh, good. 410 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,080 {\an2}It's fish sausage time, right? 411 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,400 {\an2}Oh, God it reeks. 412 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,360 {\an2}I don't think I want to hear the chef saying how much it stinks. 413 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,920 {\an2}I don't think you should be around to see what happens next. 414 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,720 {\an2}I'll meet you in the dining room. Right. Ooh, the smell. 415 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,960 {\an2}No wonder people don't put this in a sausage. 416 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:18,560 {\an2}Vile! That's absolutely horrendous! 417 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,760 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS That's your time up, Sue. 418 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,800 {\an2}Well, they look amazing, Sue. Thank you. 419 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,680 {\an2}They look very different from each other. 420 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,920 {\an2}Yes, it's two ways. 421 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,920 {\an2}Well, I'll go for the underneath. 422 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,360 {\an2}Hmm. 423 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,960 {\an2}It tastes brilliant. Yay! 424 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,440 {\an2}Now we move on to the pinky. 425 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,800 {\an2}So, this has got a sort of smoked salmon casing. 426 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,440 {\an2}I'm going to use fingers for this one. 427 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,400 {\an2}You might get a nice burst. 428 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:55,720 {\an2}Wow, look at that. 429 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,160 {\an2}They should be on sale. 430 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,960 {\an2}They really should. Delicious. They'd need a lot of PR. 431 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:12,560 {\an2}Hmm. 432 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:13,760 {\an2}What was your favourite? 433 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:14,840 {\an2}I would have both. 434 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:16,600 {\an2}Honestly, starter and main. 435 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,560 {\an2}Yeah. You know what it is. Hmm? 436 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:24,840 {\an2}Surprisingly pleasant. 437 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,240 {\an2}That's surprisingly delicious. 438 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,600 {\an2}It's almost too nice. 439 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,480 {\an2}Congratulations, Sue. 440 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,560 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 441 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:38,120 {\an2}If I were Alex in the Porkins restaurant, from the kitchen, 442 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,760 {\an2}I heard the following things. 443 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,800 {\an2}"Oh, my God, it reeks." 444 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,880 {\an2}And then, "Vile, absolutely horrendous," 445 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,840 {\an2}coming from the chef. Hmm. 446 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,800 {\an2}But, seems like it was a triumph. 447 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,000 {\an2}It came together, didn't it, weirdly? Hmm. 448 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,360 {\an2}It's like, you know in the Matrix, when those - it goes, 449 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,800 {\an2}"I know kung fu," it's like, suddenly someone going, pfft - 450 00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:59,320 {\an2}"Oh, my God, I know sausages." 451 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,960 {\an1}LAUGHTER 452 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,800 {\an2}OK, well, look here are all five sausages, it's time to score them. 453 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,400 {\an2}What was the least tasty sausage? 454 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,560 {\an2}I'm afraid it's Sam's. Sam's was inedible. 455 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:10,600 {\an2}Sorry, Sam. 456 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,480 {\an2}You've gotta eat. LAUGHTER 457 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,680 {\an2}OK, 1 point to Sam, incredible. 458 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,440 {\an2}Yeah, and there was a surprisingly pleasant moment with Susan's, 459 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,320 {\an2}but only the one moment. One moment. Yeah, so that gets 2 points. 460 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,280 {\an2}That gets 2, I think probably... 461 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:25,680 {\an2}I mean, look at Lucy's. 462 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,200 {\an2}Served with a duck. It's why it's got a duck there. 463 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,520 {\an2}Yeah. So, I think it'd be 3 to Lucy and 4 to Julian, but I mean, 464 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,320 {\an2}it's obvious that 5 points has to go to Sue Perkins. 465 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:37,280 {\an2}Are you happy with that? Of course. 5 points to Sue Perkins! 466 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,040 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 467 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,240 {\an2}Next, please! Ooh, you're a keen one, 468 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,320 {\an2}and this is a team one. 469 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:45,880 {\an2}Ooh. AUDIENCE OOHS 470 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,280 {\an2}Well, well, well. 471 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,560 {\an2}Oh, you're here. What a thrill. 472 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,880 {\an2}What's this? Ah. 473 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,480 {\an2}Please stand behind your buckets. 474 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,840 {\an2}And then, please put the buckets on your heads. 475 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:09,800 {\an2}We don't even question it any more. 476 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,880 {\an2}Would you mind if I attach things to you? 477 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,360 {\an2}It would be a great pleasure. 478 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:21,600 {\an2}Julian. I'm doing you first. 479 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,000 {\an2}Oh, my bum! 480 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,840 {\an2}That really worries me, cos I just wasn't affected by him 481 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:28,680 {\an2}sort of pinning things to my boobs. 482 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,240 {\an2}You may take the tubs off your heads. 483 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,320 {\an2}The task is behind you on the whiteboard. 484 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,480 {\an2}Shall I read it? Yeah. 485 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,680 {\an2}"Complete all the tasks. 486 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,920 {\an2}"Then put the tubs back on your heads. 487 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,280 {\an2}"One person must be looking at a team-mate at all times 488 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,200 {\an2}"during these tasks. 489 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,040 {\an2}"Also, one person must be shaking their head and smiling 490 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,600 {\an2}"at all times during the task." 491 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,120 {\an2}I could do that. 492 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,400 {\an2}"And one person must only shout." 493 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:56,880 {\an2}I'm good at shouting. 494 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,520 {\an2}Do you like shouting? Yeah. OK, great, great, great, great. 495 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,880 {\an2}I'm going to pretend that the fox shat in my garden again. 496 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,240 {\an2}Is that all right? There's method. 497 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,960 {\an2}I can shout. Or do you want to shake your head and smile? 498 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,360 {\an2}Oh, that's horrible. 499 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,080 {\an2}I'm quite good at looking. Can I do the looking? 500 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,440 {\an2}You're very watchful. So, Sue's going to be shouting. 501 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,400 {\an2}Susan'll be shaking her head and smiling. Yes. 502 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,920 {\an2}And one of you must be looking at the other person at all times. 503 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,360 {\an2}You're easier to look at than I am. 504 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,240 {\an2}I will not have you say that. Take that and put it in the bin. 505 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,840 {\an2}All right. I want to stare at you. God, that's really good of you. 506 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,240 {\an2}I'll look at you. I believe that. 507 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,840 {\an2}So, you'll be shaking your head and smiling, and looking at Sue. 508 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,480 {\an2}"Fastest wins." 509 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,200 {\an2}BOTH: "Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle!" 510 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,120 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS Ah! 511 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,800 {\an2}Good. Seems quite straightforward. 512 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,800 {\an2}Well, I think, why don't we just crack on with it? 513 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,960 {\an2}Lucy, you'll shout at an imaginary fox, right, 514 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:51,880 {\an2}just to be clear, are you? Oh, I know. I regret that now. 515 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,720 {\an2}You forget anyone's going to watch when you're in there. 516 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:55,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 517 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,600 {\an2}We're beginning with the team of trois, here we go. 518 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,920 {\an2}There are 12 tasks on you. 519 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,840 {\an2}Your time starts... WHISTLE BLOWS 520 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,200 {\an2}Get out of my garden, you bloody fox! 521 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,840 {\an2}I can't believe it! Get out! 522 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,680 {\an2}No Lucy, you don't have to be shouting. 523 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,320 {\an2}You can shout the instructions. 524 00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:15,080 {\an2}"Eat one bowl of cereal in the lab." 525 00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:18,520 {\an2}So, I don't have to just continue to shout about anything? No. 526 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,360 {\an2}"Sniff the front door!" 527 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,320 {\an2}You don't need to have eye contact, I'm just looking at you. 528 00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:31,320 {\an2}Did you watch Lucy sniff the front door? 529 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,080 {\an2}I did watch her sniff the front door. 530 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,800 {\an2}And what does it smell like, Lucy? 531 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:36,320 {\an2}It smelt like wood! 532 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,800 {\an2}Want to try sniffing the back door? 533 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,040 {\an1}THEY LAUGH 534 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,280 {\an2}Have to shout, if you're going to comment. 535 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,000 {\an2}You're a mucky bugger! 536 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,880 {\an2}"Shake hands!" 537 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,440 {\an2}"Name a total of five biscuits!" 538 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,640 {\an2}Bourbons. Bourbons! 539 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,560 {\an2}Rich Tea. Rich Tea! 540 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:56,920 {\an2}Chocolate finger. 541 00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:00,480 {\an2}Chocolate finger! Garibaldi. Garibaldi! 542 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,240 {\an2}Jam rings. Jam rings! 543 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,600 {\an2}Yeah, lovely, thank you. Gotta shake his hand. 544 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:11,360 {\an8}"Make your buckets look like your faces!" 545 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,560 {\an2}Well, obviously, Julian, you've gotta be looking at Lucy. I am. 546 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,400 {\an2}Do him dribbling. There we are. 547 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,760 {\an2}Lovely. OK, next one. 548 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,840 {\an2}"Do a total of 20 squats!" 549 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:30,880 {\an2}Total of 20. 550 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,640 {\an2}I don't know who's counting. 551 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,120 {\an2}We've done 20, I think. 552 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,520 {\an2}I've done 15, so that must be 20, OK. 553 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,120 {\an2}Shake hands, er, again? 554 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,680 {\an2}"Tell each other something you've done that you regret!" 555 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,600 {\an2}Er, going to Croatia last year, but just what happened there. 556 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,520 {\an2}Ah, OK. Cunnilingus. 557 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,240 {\an1}SHOCKED LAUGHTER 558 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,080 {\an2}I did a big poo when I went to Kavos, 559 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:55,600 {\an2}and I threw it off the balcony. 560 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,320 {\an2}SHOCKED LAUGHTER And you regret that?Yeah! 561 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:00,520 {\an2}"Shake hands." 562 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,800 {\an1}THEY LAUGH 563 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:04,040 {\an2}"Shake hands!" 564 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,280 {\an2}There's one on your shoulder. 565 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:13,480 {\an2}"Write a powerful message to the other team on the whiteboard!" 566 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:18,960 {\an8}Wow! That's lovely! 567 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:21,320 {\an2}"Shake hands!" 568 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,280 {\an2}Buckets back on heads? 569 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:25,600 {\an2}Ooh, ow. 570 00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,320 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS I've stopped the clock. 571 00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:31,800 {\an1}APPLAUSE 572 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,640 {\an2}Well, I don't know where to start, it's just... 573 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:40,280 {\an2}It was just like three minutes of absolute insanity. 574 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,320 {\an2}Julian's big regret is cunnilingus. 575 00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:43,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 576 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,760 {\an2}And I don't know why I said that, really, cos I didn't... 577 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,120 {\an2}..don't really regret it, I was very good at it. 578 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,120 {\an1}SHOCKED LAUGHTER 579 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,360 {\an2}Lucy, "Oh, you mucky bugger." 580 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,360 {\an2}My next question is, what happened in Croatia? 581 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,600 {\an2}I... Do you know what I mean? It's not so much... 582 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,800 {\an2}And this is boring, and no-one'll want to hear this stuff. 583 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,560 {\an2}It wasn't cunnilingus, it was just... 584 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,880 {\an2}Like, I just felt like I didn't make the most of my time there. 585 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 586 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,000 {\an1}APPLAUSE 587 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,760 {\an2}What did you think of Sam's choice for an inspirational message 588 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,880 {\an2}for the other team? "Fly forever, my angels." 589 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:21,480 {\an2}Have you seen these chicks? 590 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,120 {\an2}They're angels! 591 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,800 {\an2}ALL: Aww! 592 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:25,840 {\an2}SUE: Look at him. 593 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,200 {\an2}SUSAN: I don't think I've ever been called a "chick". 594 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,440 {\an2}No, I never - no. LAUGHTER 595 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,000 {\an2}Or an angel. Or an angel. 596 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,360 {\an2}Just fly forever, chicks. 597 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,640 {\an2}Cheers, babes. How long did they take? 598 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,920 {\an2}The team of three took six minutes and 48. 599 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,680 {\an2}That is the bar set. 600 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,120 {\an2}OK, break time. Or, as I call it, 601 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,800 {\an2}"tip a pan of cold water on your sleeping partner" time. 602 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,560 {\an2}You've got to do something to bring the excitement back. 603 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,720 {\an2}He takes you for granted! He's married to golf! 604 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,320 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 605 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:05,760 {\an2}APPLAUSE Hello! 606 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,240 {\an2}Welcome to the third part of today's Taskmaster, 607 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,440 {\an2}where there's a team task under way. 608 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,640 {\an2}There really is, and there are lots of tasks involved in this task. 609 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,920 {\an2}Lots - and now, for lots of Sues involved in lots of tasks. 610 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,040 {\an2}"Tell each other something you've done that you regret!" 611 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:26,680 {\an2}Wearing thermals with two single sets of boiler suits on! 612 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,760 {\an2}I regret when I decided to put a watch battery in my ear 613 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,280 {\an2}when I was six, because my ears weren't pierced. 614 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:37,440 {\an2}"Make your tubs look like your faces!" What? 615 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,320 {\an2}How can we make a tub look like a face? 616 00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:42,240 {\an2}Is there anyway we can draw? Is everything we need in here? 617 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,080 {\an2}Oh, the... Yes, there's a pen! Well done, you're amazing. 618 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:46,520 {\an2}Ah! 619 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,320 {\an8}Can I touch your knee? Yes! 620 00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:53,520 {\an2}"Write a powerful message to the other team on the whiteboard!" 621 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,320 {\an2}"Less is less." 622 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:56,840 {\an8}There you go. Wow. 623 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,680 {\an8}I've caveated it. That is powerful. 624 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,200 {\an2}It is powerful, isn't it? 625 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:01,560 {\an2}"Shake hands!" 626 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,360 {\an2}I really enjoyed that. "Sniff the front door!" 627 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:06,760 {\an2}Come on, let's sniff it! 628 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,920 {\an2}I forgot for a minute that you've gotta shout. 629 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,560 {\an2}Damn, that smells good! 630 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,040 {\an2}"Shake hands!" We've done it already, but I'm doing it again! 631 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,320 {\an2}Is it the same one? I don't know. OK. 632 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:17,000 {\an2}"Shake hands!" What? 633 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:18,920 {\an2}"Touch me!" 634 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,480 {\an2}"Do a total of 20 squats!" OK. 635 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,680 {\an2}Oh... Oh, that's nice! 636 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,360 {\an2}Not sure this is appropriate! What's happening? 637 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,040 {\an2}This is unbearable! 638 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,000 {\an2}17, 18... Gruelling! Oh! 639 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,560 {\an2}..19, 20! 640 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,880 {\an2}Can I? Yeah. Lot of squats there, guys, thank you. 641 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,480 {\an2}"Eat one bowl of cereal in the lab!" 642 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,440 {\an2}Follow me to the kitchen! OK. 643 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,240 {\an2}Cereal's here! Don't know why I've adopted this voice! 644 00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,000 {\an2}Mm. Keep smiling, Susan. You need to keep smiling. Mm! 645 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:51,760 {\an2}That was disgusting! 646 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:54,640 {\an2}God, this feels like the biggest bowl of cereal I've ever had. 647 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,160 {\an2}"Shake hands!" 648 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,440 {\an2}MUFFLED: Can I finish now? No! 649 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,240 {\an2}Ooh, one more to go! Is that the final one? 650 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,320 {\an2}Ah, yeah! 651 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,400 {\an2}"Name a total of five biscuits!" 652 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,560 {\an2}Garibaldi! Nice! Bourbon! 653 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,520 {\an2}Custard cream! Chocolate digestive! 654 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,840 {\an2}Jammie Dodger! And, er, that's it. That's it! 655 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,840 {\an2}And that's television! 656 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,480 {\an1}APPLAUSE 657 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,600 {\an8}Ah...er, that's it! That's it! 658 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,640 {\an8}AUDIENCE OOHS That's it! 659 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,040 {\an2}Ah! Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 660 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,880 {\an2}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Oh, wow. 661 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,400 {\an2}I know we should start with the heartbreaking revelation 662 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,600 {\an2}you missed a task. Ah, well, we've just seen. 663 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,000 {\an2}We've just seen it now, yeah. 664 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:44,080 {\an2}You poured an awful lot of cereal into those bowls. 665 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,200 {\an2}It's because I had to keep looking at Sue as I did it, 666 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:47,600 {\an2}so I wasn't like measuring. 667 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,960 {\an2}And, as, as happened before on this series, Sue, 668 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,880 {\an2}you inhabit this sort of bizarre Sergeant Major character often. 669 00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,000 {\an2}Well, it was... You become quite military. 670 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,600 {\an2}Yeah, I think, er, it said shouting, 671 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,840 {\an2}and I suppose the only sort of template I have for that 672 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,800 {\an2}is the army. It's just such a strange combination. 673 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:08,600 {\an2}It's this jolly, compliant primary school teacher... 674 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,000 {\an2}..and then, a '50s sergeant major. 675 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,360 {\an2}And yet, you both seemed to get on so well. 676 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:14,400 {\an2}Yeah. Yeah. 677 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,920 {\an2}I mean, obviously the team of three have done better right? 678 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,480 {\an2}Yes, but not by that much. 679 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:19,760 {\an2}They got six minutes, 48, 680 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,000 {\an2}the team of two, seven minutes, 54. 681 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,720 {\an2}So, we'll give 5 points to the team of three for a start. 682 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:26,200 {\an2}OK, well done, team of three. 683 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:27,760 {\an1}APPLAUSE 684 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,200 {\an2}I'm feeling a real prick. Hm. 685 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:31,720 {\an2}You didn't complete the task. 686 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:34,760 {\an2}Well, just give them the points, these are dynamite chicks. 687 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,560 {\an2}They're unreal! They're massive. 688 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,560 {\an2}So, how many points for the "dynamite chicks"? 689 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,120 {\an2}Well, I was going to say 1, just as a sympathy thing, 690 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:47,320 {\an2}but now Sam's made me think they're dynamite chicks, 691 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,000 {\an2}and I should give them 2. 692 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,520 {\an2}AUDIENCE AGREES Yeah.Ahh. 693 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:52,920 {\an2}Yeah, go on, I'll give 'em 2. 694 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,760 {\an2}OK, 2 points for the team of two! CHEERING 695 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,440 {\an2}It's a big enough gulf. 696 00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,120 {\an2}Right, I'd like one more task, please, little Alex Horne. 697 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,600 {\an2}It's now time to play Celebrity Squares. 698 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,560 {\an2}Hello, Susan. Hiya. 699 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,520 {\an2}Any sign of a secret task around the place? 700 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:26,760 {\an2}I don't know what you're on about. No? 701 00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:28,880 {\an2}Or you're just making small talk. 702 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:30,880 {\an2}You never know with you. 703 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:35,760 {\an2}"Recreate a well-known piece of art on these memo squares. 704 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,720 {\an2}"You must draw on every memo square. 705 00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:43,480 {\an2}"But you may only look at one memo square at a time." 706 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:44,840 {\an2}Hmm. 707 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:46,160 {\an2}SUE: "You have 20 minutes, 708 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,320 {\an2}"after which the memo squares will be arranged 709 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,160 {\an2}"in a ten-by-ten square." 710 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,720 {\an2}Wow! 711 00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:57,360 {\an2}"Best memo square art wins." 712 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,360 {\an2}Are these different colours? 713 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,280 {\an2}You haven't said "your time starts now" yet. 714 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:02,600 {\an2}I haven't, no. Right. 715 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,720 {\an2}Do you want me to get these pens before the time starts? 716 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:07,880 {\an2}Yeah. 717 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:09,560 {\an2}Could you go and get me a red please? 718 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:11,560 {\an2}I've got to do every single one of these? 719 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:14,320 {\an2}Yeah, there's 100. It's a nightmare. Hundred. Yeah. 720 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:17,120 {\an2}OK, you get the pens... The pens. 721 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,160 {\an2}..and then, I'll say "start". 722 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,520 {\an2}What when I come back? Yes. Right. Is that all right? 723 00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:23,560 {\an2}Yes. 724 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,640 {\an2}He's not happy. 725 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:29,160 {\an2}There is 100 there. 726 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,720 {\an2}It's not a lot of time per square. 727 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,200 {\an2}Best not to do Monet. 728 00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:38,720 {\an2}The medium does lend itself to cubism. 729 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:41,680 {\an2}Can I get these out of here before, no? 730 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,360 {\an2}But it seems like you can do anything before the task. 731 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:50,440 {\an2}Can never tell, can you, when you're laughing or sulky. 732 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:56,000 {\an2}OK, my time starts now. 733 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,440 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 734 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,720 {\an2}I would like to agree with Julian and say that you're right, 735 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,280 {\an2}you can never tell whether you're laughy or sulky. 736 00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,680 {\an2}Yeah, just think it's worth getting on record sometimes 737 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,720 {\an2}what an odd man you are. LAUGHTER 738 00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:11,560 {\an2}Lucy, "Best not to do Monet." 739 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,800 {\an2}Oh, no. Why? 740 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,600 {\an2}Cos it's got lots of little dots on it, hasn't it? Yeah. 741 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:17,840 {\an2}Lots of bits. I suppose. 742 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,240 {\an2}Especially as his eyesight was failing of course, as well. 743 00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:21,600 {\an2}Did he lose his ear? 744 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,280 {\an2}No, different guy. LAUGHTER 745 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,800 {\an2}One had an ear problem, one had an eye problem. Simple as that. 746 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,560 {\an2}Oh. That's the way I remember them. 747 00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:30,240 {\an2}Right. Mon-eye... 748 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:33,440 {\an2}..and Van cut-it-off. 749 00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 750 00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,200 {\an2}Let's go. Yes, it's a tough task. 751 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,800 {\an2}You have to do one memo square every 12 seconds. 752 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,240 {\an2}Greg. Yes. 753 00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:42,960 {\an2}I would like to show you my montage. 754 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,440 {\an2}DEEP VOICE: # Sticky memo square! # 755 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:49,280 {\an2}Can I draw a little aide-memoire of the entire thing? 756 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:50,600 {\an2}I would. 757 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,240 {\an2}How many? Ten by ten? Oh, that's wild. 758 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,320 {\an2}I might need more red. OK. 759 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,680 {\an2}Shall I tell you what it is I'm doing? 760 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,120 {\an2}It's Sunflowers, by Van Gogh. 761 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:04,440 {\an2}Three. 762 00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,520 {\an2}I'm approaching this painting as I'm doing admin. 763 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,680 {\an2}So glad I've got a tea. 764 00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:11,360 {\an2}Oh, art is hard! 765 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,760 {\an2}How many have you done? You've got 16 minutes left. 766 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:17,040 {\an2}One. Am I meant to do all 100? Yeah. 767 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,840 {\an2}Am I allowed to have a cheery chat with you while I'm doing this? 768 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,480 {\an2}I'd love that. Do you like bird watching? 769 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:23,680 {\an2}Of course. 770 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:26,480 {\an2}Oh, what was on that one? 771 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:27,840 {\an2}Just a little dot. 772 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:31,840 {\an2}Ah! How am I doing for time, I'm pretty good. 773 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,480 {\an2}Pretty good, 18 minutes. 774 00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:34,520 {\an2}Got 15 minutes left. 775 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,640 {\an2}So, I'm a bit behind is what you're saying? 776 00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,200 {\an2}Little bit behind. That's cos I tried to engage you 777 00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:40,560 {\an2}in a conversation. 778 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,160 {\an2}Never make that mistake again. 779 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,480 {\an2}Just can't picture this. 780 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,520 {\an2}But I'm hoping that the subconscious has taken over, 781 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:51,880 {\an2}cos I've told my brain, 782 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,040 {\an2}"You're going to draw Van Gogh." 783 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,360 {\an2}Oh, there's so many left. 784 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,800 {\an2}There's so many left! 785 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:00,560 {\an2}AHH! 786 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,600 {\an2}Do you want to do some dots, Alex? 787 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:05,000 {\an2}Do you want to check that you're happy with my...? 788 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:06,360 {\an2}It's very good. Thank you. 789 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,120 {\an2}Ahh. 790 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,920 {\an2}Think I'm slowly getting it now. 791 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,560 {\an2}What's the rarest bird you've ever seen? 792 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,040 {\an2}I walked in a barn recently, and there was a barn owl, 793 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:17,520 {\an2}and I really liked that. 794 00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,440 {\an2}Perhaps we could go together one day, to look at barn owls. 795 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:22,080 {\an2}I'd very much like that, please. 796 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,960 {\an2}Three minutes left. Don't talk to me. OK. 797 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:26,000 {\an1}SHE SIGHS 798 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:29,360 {\an2}Just remembered what sunflowers look like. 799 00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,960 {\an2}Oh, God. I'm drawing poppies. 800 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:33,520 {\an2}You're drawing poppies? Yeah. 801 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:34,880 {\an2}Oh, no. 802 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:36,160 {\an2}Oh, God! 803 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:41,360 {\an2}Why isn't it decreasing?! 804 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,800 {\an2}This is one of the most exhausting things I've ever done. 805 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,760 {\an2}Why didn't I just draw a cock and balls? 806 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:51,560 {\an2}Oh, have you finished? Yeah. 807 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,240 {\an1}APPLAUSE 808 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,680 {\an2}Julian, that was the most content I've seen you this series, really. 809 00:35:56,720 --> 00:35:58,200 {\an2}Yes, it was quite meditative. 810 00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:01,120 {\an2}And you've arranged a date to go and look at owls with Alex. 811 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:04,200 {\an2}Well, he did seem to thaw out a little bit. 812 00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:06,440 {\an2}It was a lovely 20 minutes. Yes. 813 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,920 {\an2}I was involved in Julian's one. He employed me. 814 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:10,520 {\an2}Yes. Which I was grateful for. 815 00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,840 {\an2}Lucy, you seemed to have another existential crisis during this. 816 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,040 {\an2}Yeah. 817 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,680 {\an2}You tried to paint subconsciously? LAUGHTER 818 00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:19,960 {\an1}So, people do do that, don't they? 819 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:23,120 {\an2}It's worth saying at this point, some of the people made a plan - 820 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,000 {\an2}except for Lucy, who just went for it. 821 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:26,920 {\an2}So, was picturing it in her mind as she did it. 822 00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,760 {\an2}I thought that's what you wanted me to do. Yeah. 823 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,400 {\an2}And halfway through, you had a sudden realisation that 824 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,840 {\an2}you just remembered what sunflowers look like. 825 00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:36,800 {\an2}I was doing fucking poppies. I know. Right. 826 00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:38,800 {\an2}So, you're doing Van Gogh's poppies. 827 00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:42,400 {\an2}I was getting Gok Wan and Van Gogh mixed up. Oh, yes. 828 00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,040 {\an2}Well, they're very similar men. 829 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 830 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:48,400 {\an2}OK, that's the end of part three. 831 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,240 {\an2}One of these lucky adults is soon going to trot home 832 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,080 {\an2}in a brand-new bi-pack... 833 00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,280 {\an2}LAUGHTER ..and a nappy. 834 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,360 {\an1}You'd be a fool not to come back! 835 00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:58,680 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 836 00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:09,560 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 837 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:14,040 {\an2}Hello there, welcome back for the last part of the show. 838 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:16,520 {\an2}We're about to see some wonderful pieces of art, I believe. 839 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:17,960 {\an2}You must always believe. 840 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:21,000 {\an2}Yes, the contestants had to recreate a well-known piece of art 841 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,320 {\an2}on some memo squares. 842 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:23,920 {\an2}They had to draw on each square, 843 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:26,040 {\an2}but could only look at one square at a time. 844 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,040 {\an2}First up, get ready, here is Sam's piece. 845 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:30,680 {\an2}Look at that. 846 00:37:30,720 --> 00:37:34,040 {\an2}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS LUCY:Wow!Wow.Sam, that's amazing! 847 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:35,480 {\an1}APPLAUSE 848 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:37,840 {\an2}The Scream. It's amazing. That's really good. 849 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:39,240 {\an2}SUSAN: That's incredible! 850 00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,000 {\an2}It's based on a very famous artwork. 851 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:42,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 852 00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,920 {\an2}You've added something quite powerful, as well, 853 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,280 {\an2}to Munch's The Scream. 854 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,280 {\an2}Because I don't think, in his original, 855 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,560 {\an2}that the eyes are mouths, are they? 856 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 857 00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,680 {\an2}I also found his face too symmetrical. Yeah. 858 00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:57,000 {\an2}We could mess with that. 859 00:37:57,040 --> 00:38:00,160 {\an2}Let's wonk that face up and stick a couple of mouths in his eyes. 860 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,800 {\an2}It's a really tough task, and he immediately made a grid. 861 00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:04,440 {\an2}You said, "Like a draughtsman." 862 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,920 {\an2}And then, he went for it, and he remembered there was a bridge 863 00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,680 {\an2}in the painting, so there was good recall. 864 00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:11,040 {\an2}That is a hell of an opener Sam, it'll take some beating. 865 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,280 {\an2}Different tactic - this is Susan's picture. 866 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,600 {\an2}Do you know which artwork she's recreated? I do not. 867 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:21,720 {\an2}The art piece is called Red, by - what's his name? 868 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:24,320 {\an2}Rothko. There we go. That's the piece. 869 00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:27,440 {\an2}I ran out of red. Did Rothko do just one red block? 870 00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:28,840 {\an2}Hmm. He did. And actually... 871 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:31,600 {\an2}Probably did, didn't he, the chancer? 872 00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,680 {\an2}And I would say... Not fooling anyone, Rothko! 873 00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:34,960 {\an2}"I'm dead." I know. 874 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,880 {\an2}Also, his single-colour ones do have different shades of 875 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:40,360 {\an2}that colour within, so it's got elements of Rothko. 876 00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:42,800 {\an2}There we go. It's a reasonably good idea, Susan. 877 00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,480 {\an2}Thank you. Welcome, well done. Want to see another? 878 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:47,560 {\an2}Yeah, is it another chick, or is it a dude? 879 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:52,160 {\an2}This is a hunk called Julian Clary. 880 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,560 {\an2}Oh. It's good. 881 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:56,320 {\an2}Damien Hirst. It is a Damien Hirst. 882 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,800 {\an2}That's it, yeah. Dots picture. That's very good. 883 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:00,520 {\an2}Through the other side of the art, 884 00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:03,200 {\an2}I can see you two handling an owl together. 885 00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:04,640 {\an1}LAUGHTER 886 00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:06,120 {\an2}Shall we see Sue Perkins now? 887 00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:08,080 {\an2}Yes, I think I'd like to see Sue Perkins now. 888 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:10,960 {\an2}Oh, wow! Oh, wow. 889 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,480 {\an2}Bloody hell. That's amazing. 890 00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,840 {\an2}These are disappointingly good. LAUGHTER 891 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:19,040 {\an2}Is that the big ML? It is the big ML, yeah. It is. 892 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,040 {\an2}It's Mona Lisa, very clearly. 893 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:23,840 {\an2}But why not pop ET's hand in? I know. 894 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,320 {\an2}I've gone full sausage-fingers there, haven't I? 895 00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:29,720 {\an2}Why not Spielberg it? 896 00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:31,600 {\an2}This will be hard to judge this, Greg. 897 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:33,520 {\an2}It bloody is going to be hard to judge. Yeah. 898 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,440 {\an2}Especially cos finally, it's Sunflowers by Van Gogh Wan, 899 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,720 {\an2}reimagined by Lucy Beaumont. LAUGHTER 900 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,160 {\an2}Just picture the vase with the flowers spilling out of it. 901 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:42,760 {\an2}Oh, God I can see them. And all... 902 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,440 {\an2}His use of colour's amazing. ..all the golden glory. 903 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,840 {\an2}Here we go. Oh, vibrant. Ready? Yes. 904 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:50,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 905 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:56,280 {\an2}Some of Mona Lisa's hands have made an appearance. 906 00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:59,960 {\an2}Not to forget, quite a few chickens. 907 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,000 {\an2}Oh, Lucy. 908 00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:03,960 {\an2}It's the vase has been dropped, the drop...it's a broken vase. 909 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:05,480 {\an2}Oh, really? Yeah. 910 00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,720 {\an2}And I thought it was a mistake to use your subconscious 911 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,280 {\an2}when I heard you say it. 912 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:12,480 {\an2}Never mind, well, do you want to see all five, and then, 913 00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,640 {\an2}throw some points at it. I do, yeah, I do, let's go. 914 00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,400 {\an2}Here they are, here's the five of them. 915 00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:20,160 {\an2}Well, I think we can safely say that Van Gogh Wan 916 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:21,920 {\an2}probably has to get 1 point. 917 00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:23,280 {\an2}OK, 1 point to Lucy. Oh. 918 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,640 {\an2}But then, there's a jump up to Julian and Susan, 919 00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:28,200 {\an2}who I'll give joint points to. How many joint points? 920 00:40:28,240 --> 00:40:30,320 {\an2}I'll give them 3 points each. OK. 921 00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:33,520 {\an2}And the other two, er, incredible, the ambition's incredible. 922 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:35,400 {\an2}We knew what they were straight away, 923 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:36,760 {\an2}so they take 5 points each. Wow. 924 00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,960 {\an2}So, 3 each to Julian and Susan, 5 to Sue and Sam! 925 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:41,520 {\an1}CHEERING 926 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,000 {\an2}Can I have a quick look at the scores, please? 'Course you can. 927 00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,040 {\an2}Susan, I'm afraid you're at the bottom with 9. 928 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:48,400 {\an2}At the top, it's Julian with 16, and Sue with 15. 929 00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,320 {\an1}APPLAUSE 930 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,440 {\an2}All right, then, will you please make your way to the stage 931 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,240 {\an2}for the final task of the show! 932 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:04,360 {\an2}Who's going to read the task out? 933 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,560 {\an2}This time, Julian Clary's going to read it. 934 00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:07,760 {\an2}Julian Clary. 935 00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:13,320 {\an2}"Write the name of a different animal on each face of your dice. 936 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,720 {\an2}"You have 100 seconds." 937 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,840 {\an2}Simple as that, you may now pick up your dice and your pens. 938 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,600 {\an2}OK, good luck, your time starts now. 939 00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:22,680 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 940 00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:29,520 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS Good. 941 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:31,800 {\an2}We're ready for the dice games, Greg. Let's play. 942 00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:35,000 {\an2}Greg is going to read out Round One's category. 943 00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,000 {\an2}You'll then throw the dice individually. 944 00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:38,640 {\an2}We'll start with you, Susan. OK. 945 00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:42,520 {\an2}"Round One, the most boring animal will be eliminated." 946 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:43,640 {\an2}Oh. 947 00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:45,240 {\an2}You want to throw your big ones. 948 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:47,960 {\an2}That's all right. Oh. 949 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:49,600 {\an8}Dog. Uh-oh. 950 00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,880 {\an8}Gosh, I almost fell fully asleep. 951 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:55,960 {\an8}OK, Sue, please throw your animal dice. 952 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,080 {\an8}It is a... Elephant. 953 00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:02,000 {\an8}Less boring than a dog, you say! 954 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,040 {\an8}Yes, so Sue's definitely through. 955 00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:07,040 {\an7}LAUGHTER 956 00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,520 {\an8}What is it, Greg? It is a mammoth. 957 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:13,200 {\an8}AUDIENCE OOHS Not boring.Spicy. 958 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:15,440 {\an8}Yeah, so it's still dog, is it, the most boring? 959 00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:16,720 {\an8}Of course. 960 00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:19,760 {\an8}Lucy. Have you got any bor... Hm? 961 00:42:21,240 --> 00:42:23,600 {\an8}Mice. Mice. Ooh. 962 00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:25,240 {\an8}What's more boring, mice or dog? 963 00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:28,240 {\an8}I think maybe mice are more boring than dogs. Yes. 964 00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:31,200 {\an8}Mice are more, er, boring than dog...? 965 00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:33,000 {\an7}LAUGHTER 966 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,520 {\an8}My mum's got mice in the downstairs cupboard, causing mayhem. 967 00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:38,400 {\an7}LAUGHTER CONTINUES 968 00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,200 {\an8}Those mice do sound quite fun. 969 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:42,720 {\an2}Julian, good luck. 970 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:44,840 {\an7}THEY LAUGH 971 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:46,120 {\an8}He's thrown mouse. 972 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:48,320 {\an7}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 973 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:49,920 {\an8}I'm afraid, Julian, I must rule 974 00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,160 {\an8}that the most boring animal thrown is a mouse. 975 00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,080 {\an8}Oh. Ah. 976 00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,120 {\an8}We lose Julian. We lose Julian. 977 00:42:57,640 --> 00:42:59,440 {\an8}Right in the middle, please. 978 00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,080 {\an2}OK, next category. 979 00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:06,840 {\an2}"The animal to be eliminated is the most dangerous animal." 980 00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,520 {\an2}We know there's a mammoth. 981 00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:09,800 {\an2}Good luck, Susan. 982 00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:13,320 {\an2}What is it? Oh, no! 983 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:14,360 {\an2}It's a snake. 984 00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,000 {\an8}OK. 985 00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,880 {\an8}Beautiful. A whale, nice blue whale. 986 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,240 {\an8}Ooh, what's more dangerous, a blue whale or a snake? 987 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,120 {\an8}The snake is more dangerous thus far. 988 00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:29,800 {\an8}Mammoth. 989 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:31,920 {\an7}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 990 00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,040 {\an8}What's more dangerous, a mammoth or a snake, Greg? 991 00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:36,840 {\an8}I think, to a human being, snakes are probably more dangerous. 992 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:37,960 {\an8}One to throw. 993 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:42,200 {\an8}Shih tzu. 994 00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,120 {\an8}I think I must ask Susan to retire. 995 00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:48,920 {\an8}Susan Wokoma, everyone. APPLAUSE 996 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,720 {\an2}The next category is "worst pet". 997 00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:55,600 {\an2}We know there's a mammoth. 998 00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:56,920 {\an2}Good luck. 999 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:01,600 {\an2}Giant squid! 1000 00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:07,720 {\an8}Genuinely a shit pet. 1001 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:10,560 {\an8}I think "Sue's in trouble" would be my summary. 1002 00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:11,600 {\an7}THEY LAUGH 1003 00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,080 {\an8}It's still squid. 1004 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:17,520 {\an8}Stick insect. 1005 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:23,120 {\an8}Oh, lovely bowl. 1006 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,600 {\an8}Duck-billed platypus! 1007 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,200 {\an7}LAUGHTER 1008 00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:28,560 {\an8}You don't see them as pets very often. 1009 00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,560 {\an8}But I still, given the choice, 1010 00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,280 {\an8}would have a duck-billed platypus over a giant squid. 1011 00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:36,080 {\an2}I'm afraid I must ask Sue to sit down. 1012 00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 1013 00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:41,560 {\an2}The winner will be the "animal is most like Greg". 1014 00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,120 {\an2}We know there's a mammoth! 1015 00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:45,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 1016 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:49,600 {\an8}Human. 1017 00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,040 {\an7}LAUGHTER 1018 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:53,920 {\an7}APPLAUSE 1019 00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,720 {\an8}Oh, sorry. Sorry. 1020 00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,200 {\an8}I'm afraid it's a duck-billed platypus. 1021 00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:02,160 {\an8}Are they still alive? Yeah, they are. 1022 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,800 {\an8}They're here in human form. 1023 00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,360 {\an8}Sam's the winner. 1024 00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:10,280 {\an2}Well done, 4 points to Susan, 4 points to Lucy, 5 points to Sam! 1025 00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,800 {\an2}Right, we'll add those to the final scores, 1026 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,160 {\an2}please come down here and join me! 1027 00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:21,880 {\an2}So, scores? 1028 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,080 {\an2}Yes, well, obviously, Sam got the 5 points. 1029 00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,160 {\an2}4 to Lucy, 3 to Sue, 2 to Susan, 1 to Julian. 1030 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:28,480 {\an2}And what a leader board we have. 1031 00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,800 {\an2}Lucy and Sue both have 18 points. AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS 1032 00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:37,560 {\an2}And so, we have a tie-break! Oh! Oh, yes, please. 1033 00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:40,560 {\an2}And in this one, they just had to tut the loudest. 1034 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,800 {\an2}HE TUTS They have ten goes at it, 1035 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,880 {\an2}but the tenth tut is the one that counts on the decibel reader. 1036 00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:47,640 {\an2}So, let's see how they got on. 1037 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:55,320 {\an8}Getting quite wet. 1038 00:45:58,320 --> 00:45:59,480 {\an2}Ah, here we go. 1039 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,040 {\an8}Tut! 1040 00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:05,240 {\an7}LAUGHTER 1041 00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:06,800 {\an7}APPLAUSE 1042 00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:11,400 {\an2}The tut task has revealed our winner, Sue Perkins wins! 1043 00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:13,400 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1044 00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:16,440 {\an2}Please go and gather your grown-up things that are supposed 1045 00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:18,360 {\an2}to be for children! 1046 00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:20,200 {\an1}CHEERING 1047 00:46:20,240 --> 00:46:22,560 {\an2}So, what have we learnt today? 1048 00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:24,920 {\an2}We've learnt that art is truly subjective. 1049 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,280 {\an2}Some people like Van Gogh Wan's chickens. 1050 00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:28,600 {\an2}And some people don't. 1051 00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:31,320 {\an2}With paintings, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. 1052 00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:34,200 {\an2}As the Mona Lisa herself said... 1053 00:46:34,240 --> 00:46:35,720 {\an2}IMITATES ET: .."Phone home." 1054 00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:36,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER 1055 00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:40,040 {\an2}Goodbye, my friends, and well done to tonight's champion, 1056 00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:42,680 {\an2}it's Sue Perkins! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1057 00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:09,680 {\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media