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{\an2}This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
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{\an2}BELL RINGS
Good evening.
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{\an2}Argh!
SLURPS LOUDLY
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{\an2}Argh! Ah!
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{\an1}HE VOCALISES
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{\an2}I trained at RADA.
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{\an2}What have I created?!
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{\an2}So sorry.
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{\an2}How we laughed.
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{\an2}Ahh!
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{\an2}Huh?
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{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!
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{\an2}Welcome to Taskmaster.
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{\an2}I'm Greg Davies, and I come from
a family of wise old owls.
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{\an2}As my grandmother always
used to say,
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{\an2}"If you keep coming round here
and eating my biscuits,
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{\an2}"there'll come a time when
you're not welcome any more."
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{\an2}To which I replied,
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{\an2}"Well, hide the barrel, old woman!
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{\an2}"I'm only flesh and blood,
and bourbons,
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{\an2}"they're kind of my thang!"
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{\an2}It's that kind of insight into
the human condition that makes me
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{\an2}uniquely qualified to
make judgments.
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{\an2}SULTRILY: And judge I shall,
lest I be judged.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Weirdest intro yet? Perhaps.
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{\an2}You try writing them every week!
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{\an2}Let's meet our contestants,
they are Julian Clary...
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Lucy Beaumont...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Sam Campbell...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Sue Perkins...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..and Susan Wokoma!
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}And next to me, a man who makes up
tasks in his jacuzzi
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{\an2}and says he knows when he's
come up with a good one because,
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{\an2}and I quote, his "bald ferret
breaks the surface for air."
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}HIGH-PITCHED: It's little
Alex Horne!
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Oh. Oh, what a rush.
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{\an2}Yeah, well, I'm having a big day.
Oh, are you?
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{\an2}I'm getting into Twitter.
Oh, right.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I'm following a singer in America
called Cher. Yeah.
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{\an2}It's incredible what she gets up to.
Really? Yeah.
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{\an2}True or false, Greg, she's got
some new Versace shoes.
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{\an2}Er, true. It is true!
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{\an2}New perfume out called "Cher"?
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{\an2}True. True!
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{\an2}I love Twitter. Great. Yeah.
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{\an2}Let's just wait for total silence,
then I'll start the comedy show.
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{\an2}Right, let's get on with the opening
task. What's the opening task?
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{\an2}Oh, back to business, is it? Boring!
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{\an2}And the category chosen
specifically for episode five is
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{\an2}the best thing that has
five things on it.
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{\an2}The best thing with five things
on it will get 5 points,
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{\an2}and at the end of the episode,
which is episode five,
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{\an2}one of our five contestants will win
five things with five things on them
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{\an2}and get a great, big high five!
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{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wow! They loved it.
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{\an2}Sue, what five-thinged thing
have you brought in?
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}My five-thinged thing is Terry
the triceratops.
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{\an2}Here, meet Terry.
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{\an1}AUDIENCE AWWS
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{\an2}This is a replica of something
I made for my little niece.
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{\an2}And then, my dog got hold of Terry
and ate the ass out of it.
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{\an2}And my niece was so distraught,
I had to rebuild Terry.
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{\an2}And I had to order
a new sound-effect thing.
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{\an2}So, I ordered it, popped it back in,
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{\an2}and then, my niece pulled the cord
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{\an2}and it made this noise.
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{\an1}CAT MEOWS
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}That can happen after bowel surgery.
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{\an2}Erm, my only slight criticism is
this is supposed to be the
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{\an2}best thing with five things on it.
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{\an2}The original had five spiky
things coming off it.
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{\an2}Hmm.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Just pause while I write
"spurious" down.
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{\an2}Julian, hello.
I think you're going to like this.
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{\an2}It's what I can only describe as
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{\an2}a miniature nudist beach with
five people on it.
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{\an2}Ah. Isn't it lovely?
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{\an2}Would you like to zoom in?
I really would. OK.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Oh, my God.
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{\an2}It's quite detailed. Yeah. It is.
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{\an2}And there's a story to be told
in the form of the man
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{\an2}in the middle in lederhosen.
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{\an2}It says "voyeurism prohibited".
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{\an2}But I don't know whether
he's hiding his voyeurism.
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{\an2}I'd say he's parading it.
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{\an2}No, he's looking out to sea,
averting his eyes.
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{\an2}Oh, I suppose he is.
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{\an2}Well, I'm relieved it's something
to do with genitals, Julian,
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{\an2}and I thank you. Erm, Sam.
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{\an2}I got a Plucka duck.
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{\an2}This is Plucka duck with
five things on him.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}This is a TV show called
Hey, Hey, It's Saturday.
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{\an2}Called Hey, Hey, It's Saturday.
Yeah. Hosted by Plucka duck?
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{\an2}By Daryl. And so, he would...
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}So, when the time came, they'd say,
"It's not a chicken, it's not a cow,
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{\an2}"it's Plucka duck right now."
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{\an2}And he'd come running out, and he
would just stress everyone out,
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{\an2}and Daryl would calm him down.
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{\an2}And then, you could win a car. OK.
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{\an2}He'd come out like this.
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{\an2}And I thought it was four things,
so I was like, "Oh, Pl-Plucka duck."
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{\an2}He come out like this?
Like this, yeah. OK.
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{\an2}So, that's $5 on there.
Five Australian dollars!
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Don't encourage this madness.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I presume I'm not the only one
in the room who thinks that
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{\an2}Sam's making all of this up.
He's definitely not.
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{\an2}Julian was on the show.
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{\an2}I do remember going on
that show, yes.
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{\an2}Not a career highlight.
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{\an2}Thanks, Sam, er, Susan?
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{\an2}So, this is an advent calendar.
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{\an2}And here it is.
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{\an2}Right.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an1}APPLAUSE
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{\an2}CHEERING
It's got five things on it.
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{\an2}It's the least-Christmassy
thing I've ever seen.
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{\an2}We like advent calendars.
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{\an2}So, this is one you can have at
any time of the year. OK.
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{\an2}And inside... Yeah.
..are five lovely things.
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{\an2}Number one is an IOU foot rub
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{\an2}by me personally.
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{\an2}I was told...
SUE: Ooh.
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{\an2}..by an ex that I have
the hands of a midwife.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}LAUGHING: It is the least sexy thing
that anyone's ever said to anyone.
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{\an2}Number two is a very cute
baby picture of me.
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{\an2}Ah. Er, number three is a tenner.
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{\an2}£10, as opposed to $5. Uh-oh.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}SAM: Figure in the
conversation rate, please.
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{\an2}$5 in Australia is £2.65 sterling.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
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{\an2}Number four is a £100 donation
to a charity of your choice, Greg.
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{\an2}Very clever. And then, er,
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{\an2}number five is a poem about
the most wonderful person. Ah.
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{\an2}DRAMATICALLY: It's you, Greg.
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{\an2}Of course it is, Gandhi's dead.
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{\an2}Susan, this could be a turnaround in
your fortunes, I think. Well done.
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{\an2}Lucy. Yeah. It must be difficult
to follow that.
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{\an2}But I know you can.
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{\an2}It's a Yorkshire melon.
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{\an2}Ready, Greg?
DISAPPOINTEDLY: Oh...yeah.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}What you'll need to do is
to talk this up, believe me.
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{\an2}Did you want to see
the other side of it?
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{\an2}If it helps.
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{\an2}OK, here's the other side of
the melon, as they say.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an1}APPLAUSE
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{\an8}The thing is,
about the Yorkshire puddings,
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{\an2}they're a bowl.
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{\an2}OK.
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{\an2}I like putting
Greek yoghurt in them.
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{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
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{\an2}It's like she doesn't want to win.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Greg we have to, er, move on now.
I know we do. Yes.
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{\an2}What's the duck called again?
Plucka!
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{\an2}Yeah, 1 point.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}No, Greg. You're going to get
a lot of letters.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I hope you like anthrax!
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{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
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{\an2}I have to judge this based on
whether I'd want to take
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{\an2}these prizes home.
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{\an2}And I don't want to take five
Yorkshire puddings
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{\an2}attached to a melon.
OK, so 2 points to Lucy.
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{\an2}I'm going to give 3 points to Sue.
3 to Perkins.
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{\an2}I want that terrarium,
I want it real bad,
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{\an2}so I'll give 4 points. OK.
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{\an2}But you know, advent calendar is
a work of great art.
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{\an2}Ah. And it takes 5 points on
this occasion. Well done.
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}What's task number one,
please, Alex?
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{\an2}Task number two, actually,
never mind.
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{\an2}Here it is anyway, pop!
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{\an2}Hey. Hey, Sam.
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{\an2}You should knock.
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{\an2}Really? Mm-hm. Oh.
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{\an2}Come in.
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{\an2}SAM CHUCKLES
You're in the hutch.
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{\an2}It's lovely, isn't it? Trendy.
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{\an2}Are you trendy? I thought I was
when I was younger.
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{\an2}I'm not, no. Ah, well.
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{\an2}Oh. Nearly dead now. Yeah.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}"Burst this balloon from
the furthest distance.
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{\an2}"You must not be looking at the
balloon when you burst the balloon.
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{\an2}It's standard practice.
Never look a balloon in the eye.
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{\an2}"When you burst the balloon,
you must not look at it.
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{\an2}"You've got 15 minutes.
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{\an2}"And your time starts...now."
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{\an2}Burst the balloon at a distance?
That's it? Yeah.
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{\an2}And all of these people are clever,
so they'll get really far, I think.
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{\an2}Shall we start with Lucy and Susan?
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{\an2}Here we go.
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{\an2}Going to go to the shed,
is that all right? OK.
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{\an2}Thanks.
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{\an2}Come on baby.
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{\an2}Oh, I'm connecting to it
like it's a baby.
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{\an2}Uh-oh. Yeah, you'll have
to burst that baby. Yeah.
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{\an2}I was hoping that you had, like...
a slingshot.
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{\an2}Thank you. Ooh-ho-ho.
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{\an2}Has he been good? Yes, and no.
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{\an2}So, can you see the balloon?
I can see it now.
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{\an2}Right, you're not allowed to see it.
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{\an2}That hit the bloody balloon,
didn't it?
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{\an2}My aim's not bad. OK.
223
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,240
{\an2}These are the wrong instruments.
I'll be back in a second. OK.
224
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:42,080
{\an1}LAUGHTER
225
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,280
{\an1}APPLAUSE
226
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:52,960
{\an2}Right.
227
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,400
{\an2}OK, I'm not looking at it.
228
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,640
{\an1}AUDIENCE OHHS
229
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,480
{\an2}The point is to keep that
in position.
230
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,720
{\an2}Ready?
231
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,440
{\an2}Ahh! Ah.
232
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,600
{\an2}You were quite close to it - oh.
233
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,640
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
234
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,760
{\an2}Come on, you bastard!
235
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,600
{\an1}APPLAUSE
236
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,760
{\an1}BREATHES HEAVILY
237
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:55,520
{\an1}APPLAUSE
238
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,280
{\an2}I'm not sure the arrogance
in that swagger away was earned.
239
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,440
{\an2}No, there was no arrogance,
I have a natural swagger.
240
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,080
{\an2}It can be confusing sometimes.
241
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,200
{\an2}I mean, how far away was Susan?
Do you want to tell me before we...?
242
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,000
{\an2}I can, I mean, I've measured it
in aspirins, cos it was so close.
243
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,880
{\an2}Yeah.71 aspirins away.
LAUGHTER
244
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,240
{\an2}I think that's a lot, man.
You wouldn't have a headache.
245
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,040
{\an2}It was bad, and there's only one
thing I think that can make you feel
246
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,760
{\an2}a bit better about your attempt.
I don't think there is, but shoot.
247
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,880
{\an2}Yes, there is, it's me
talking to Lucy. OK.
248
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,320
{\an2}I don't think it'd be possible
249
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,680
{\an2}for you to get closer
to that balloon.
250
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,240
{\an2}But what was - what was the task?
251
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:38,040
{\an2}To be as far away as you could be
when you popped it.
252
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,840
{\an2}Well, that's what I did!
253
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,040
{\an2}You can't get far away from it,
cos you wouldn't be able to pop it.
254
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:51,040
{\an2}I'm intrigued. Are you saying
someone was further away?
255
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,240
{\an2}Well, Susan was, for a start.
256
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,360
{\an2}And Susan was rubbish.
257
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:01,080
{\an2}15 aspirins.
LAUGHTER
258
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:02,360
{\an2}Advert time.
259
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,600
{\an2}Some say marketing people are
the scum of the earth.
260
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,440
{\an2}Bottom-feeders who spend their
working days dreaming up legal ways
261
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:08,880
{\an2}of conning you out of your money.
262
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,240
{\an2}And by some people, I mean me!
I say that!
263
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,000
{\an2}Regret rien, though! Bye!
264
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,480
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
265
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:22,920
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!
266
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,080
{\an2}Welcome back to
the second part of the show.
267
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,080
{\an2}Yes, I'm clean, I'm mean,
268
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,480
{\an2}and I thought Sean was
pronounced "Sheen."
269
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,480
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Next up, Sam and Julian.
270
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,120
{\an2}Oh, no.
271
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:41,400
{\an2}Is this something that would excite
a heterosexual, do you think?
272
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,280
{\an2}Apparently so. Hmm.
273
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,520
{\an2}Do we still have nails?
274
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,120
{\an2}Strong ones?
275
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,920
{\an2}I'd like something really hot.
276
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,880
{\an2}Hot nails. Yeah.
277
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,040
{\an2}All right, I'm coming out.
278
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:59,600
{\an2}Right, you've come out.
279
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,520
{\an2}Hmm?
280
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:04,640
{\an2}So, you're attaching nails to
a golf ball. Yeah. Yeah.
281
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,360
{\an2}Just like in the old country.
282
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,000
{\an2}What about that, man?
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
283
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,960
{\an2}Underarm, or overarm?
That's the only question.
284
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,200
{\an2}Ooh.
285
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:21,920
{\an2}So, you're not looking
at the balloon.
286
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,320
{\an2}I'm just going to close my eyes. OK.
287
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,200
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS
288
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,720
{\an2}My God! How much time?
289
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,120
{\an2}A minute-and-a-half.
Oh, I'm going to throw.
290
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER
291
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:55,080
{\an2}I was hoping to get it up near
the end of the house. Yeah.
292
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,600
{\an2}No, it's just there in the end.
293
00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,720
{\an2}Hopefully it'll land on the ball.
294
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:12,880
{\an2}Er...
295
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:16,840
{\an2}Fuck, that sucked.
296
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:20,720
{\an1}APPLAUSE
297
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,480
{\an2}I think this might come across quite
judgmental of me, Julian. Mm-hm.
298
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,480
{\an2}But when I heard that your plan,
such as it was,
299
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,520
{\an2}was to throw the balloon,
my gut instinct told me,
300
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,480
{\an2}"This man is not a natural thrower."
LAUGHTER
301
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,960
{\an2}I mean, to be honest,
it was very, very cold that day,
302
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,760
{\an2}and I wanted to get it over with.
303
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,200
{\an2}When I saw you throw it, I thought,
304
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,880
{\an2}"No-one could throw a balloon a
shorter distance than that."
305
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,240
{\an1}LAUGHTER
306
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:56,360
{\an2}You put all that power into it,
and you threw it largely up.
307
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,320
{\an2}But then, I ran.
And everyone saw it.
308
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,280
{\an2}The running away helped, though.
It really did. Oh, it did?
309
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:06,720
{\an2}By the time it landed,
he was 564 aspirins away.
310
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,920
{\an2}Er, Julian, 292 aspirins. Wow!
311
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,360
{\an2}OK, there's one person left to see.
312
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,560
{\an2}Just a minute, it's Sue Perkins!
313
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:19,680
{\an2}So, what I'm going to try and do
is truss it up like a haggis,
314
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,960
{\an2}and then, pull it off.
315
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,960
{\an2}I wasn't expecting a
haggis reference.
316
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,720
{\an2}No, but it's very haggae-like.
317
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,120
{\an2}I'll pop that round there.
318
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,560
{\an2}Would you - can I just give
that to you one second?
319
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,440
{\an2}Only a few minutes left, Sue.
320
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,720
{\an2}Well, I mean...it's win-win.
321
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,520
{\an2}I mean, either it works or,
you know...
322
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:43,880
{\an2}Or you lose.
323
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,920
{\an2}Right, is it looking taut
from your end?
324
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,480
{\an2}It's very taut, Sue.
325
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,120
{\an2}Very taut? Oh, yeah.
326
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,000
{\an2}I'm trying to work out
what level yank I go for.
327
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,920
{\an2}That's up to you.
328
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,040
{\an2}I think mid-yank.
329
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,320
{\an2}Good luck.
330
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,040
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
331
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,920
{\an2}Did it work?
332
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,320
{\an2}You can come and have a look.
333
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,640
{\an2}It worked. It teetered,
it wobbled, and then, it burst.
334
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,720
{\an2}If I do nothing else in this life,
that was worth it.
335
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,040
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Back to base.
336
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,120
{\an2}It really was joyous.
You must be thrilled.
337
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,600
{\an2}I was so elated.
I was buzzing after that.
338
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,560
{\an2}We could see, because you ran
like a five-year-old
339
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,640
{\an2}to see that balloon.
340
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,920
{\an2}So many aspirins, I bet you'll have
to shift your system, won't you?
341
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:58,440
{\an2}Er, I don't have to, no, but it is
a lot, it's 2,459 aspirins.
342
00:17:58,480 --> 00:17:59,920
{\an2}Imagine that. A lot of aspirins.
343
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:03,800
{\an2}Yeah, you're not allowed
to buy that much in one go. No.
344
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,840
{\an2}Incredible. Points-wise,
it's 1 to you, Lucy, 2 to Susan,
345
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,520
{\an2}3 to Julian, 4 to Sam,
5 points, though, to Sue Perkins!
346
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,840
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
347
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,160
{\an2}Should I have a little look
at the scoreboard?
348
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,560
{\an2}Unfortunately, Lucy, you're still
rock-bottom with 3 points. Oh.
349
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,760
{\an2}At the top, it is
Sue Perkins with 8 points.
350
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,440
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Very good.
351
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,920
{\an2}Very good. I'd like another task,
please.Well, in that case,
352
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,840
{\an2}here is a fun task based on
organised groups of criminals.
353
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,160
{\an1}KNOCKING ON DOOR
354
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,320
{\an2}Come in.
355
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,400
{\an2}Hiya.
356
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,160
{\an2}Wow.
357
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,680
{\an2}What is this?
358
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,360
{\an2}It's actually making me feel
a bit itchy.
359
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:02,320
{\an2}Aren't they sweet?
Took me a while, that.
360
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,440
{\an2}You know how to enjoy yourself,
don't you?
361
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:05,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
362
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,400
{\an2}Any sign of any, er,
secret tasks around the house?
363
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,280
{\an2}Oh, well, I couldn't tell you,
I mean, you know that, right?
364
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,280
{\an2}I just heard a rumour that
sometimes Greg hides secret tasks
365
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,360
{\an2}around the house.
Yeah, there is that rumour.
366
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,760
{\an2}Yeah, well, I've got a lot of
little googlies to look at,
367
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,920
{\an2}so I don't have time for...
368
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,080
{\an2}HE WHISPERS: ..secret...
369
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,560
{\an2}tasks.
370
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:32,320
{\an2}JULIAN: "Make the most cool,
but scary gang using these eyes.
371
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,520
{\an2}"You have 15 minutes.
372
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,280
{\an2}"Your time starts now."
373
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,880
{\an2}So, once I've got my gang,
what do we, like, how do we,
374
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,560
{\an2}do we like, do we have to get
someone or something?
375
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,520
{\an2}Maybe you'll be
the person who we get.
376
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,720
{\an8}So, you can use the big ones,
the small ones.
377
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,800
{\an2}Yes, I've gathered that. Yeah.
378
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,840
{\an2}Thanks very much.
379
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:57,480
{\an2}So, every scary gang needs...
a tall one.
380
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,800
{\an2}I think I can make myself cool.
381
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,040
{\an2}Uh-huh. What sort of cool things
do you want?
382
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,320
{\an2}Erm, do you have a skateboard?
383
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:07,720
{\an2}I think we do. A big reefer?
384
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,560
{\an2}I don't think we have that.
385
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:13,000
{\an1}APPLAUSE
386
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,080
{\an2}Sam, when you said
"Do we have to get someone?" Yeah.
387
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,960
{\an2}I believe it was
a genuine question.
388
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,680
{\an2}Well, just in my gang,
that's what we'd often do.
389
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
390
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,920
{\an2}You don't want to find out
more about his gang?
391
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,960
{\an2}What gang were you in?
Hell's Angels.
392
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,280
{\an2}Did you have a hog?
Er, skateboard division.
393
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,080
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
394
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:39,640
{\an2}The first gang-makers we're going
to see are Julian and Sue.
395
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,320
{\an2}SUE: Right, every...
396
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,400
{\an2}Don't mind me.
397
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,760
{\an2}Ah. Every gang needs
a leader, right?
398
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,920
{\an2}It's going to be a gang of teapots,
399
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:57,080
{\an2}which has a sort of...
gay undercurrent,
400
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:58,480
{\an2}do you know what I'm saying?
401
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,800
{\an2}Oh, dear, I might need to
nail-gun that on.
402
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,280
{\an2}I used to be called
a teapot at school.
403
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,440
{\an2}Don't know if you know
I'm a homosexual.
404
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:08,600
{\an2}Oh, congratulations.
405
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:15,920
{\an2}Once you start looking...
this is a mob, not a gang, isn't it?
406
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,120
{\an2}Get a loving embrace on that.
407
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,000
{\an2}There, just...
408
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,000
{\an2}Flamingo, brains of the operation.
409
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,600
{\an2}Don't do very much,
and certainly no good in a chase.
410
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,560
{\an2}This one has massive eye-bollock.
411
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:34,880
{\an2}It's just massive.
412
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,200
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Listen, listen to the noise of that.
413
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,840
{\an1}RAPID CLICKING
414
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:44,720
{\an2}It's not helpful.
415
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,440
{\an2}That's funny.
416
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,240
{\an1}APPLAUSE
417
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,000
{\an2}Right, why is a flamingo
no good in a chase?
418
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,680
{\an2}They often, er, one-legged when
they stand, when they're at rest,
419
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:12,720
{\an2}they're on one leg, so they don't
have the best start in a chase.
420
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,240
{\an2}The cool thing about the gang
that I created...
421
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:16,800
{\an2}Here we go, this'll be interesting.
422
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,560
{\an2}..is that wherever you are,
there's somebody on, watching you.
423
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:24,680
{\an2}So, if you're low-down, the beaver's
eye-bollock will see you. Yeah.
424
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:30,000
{\an2}To the side, old one-legged flamingo
got you in his scope. OK.
425
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,640
{\an2}What do you think of Sue's gang?
One word. Oh.
426
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,840
{\an2}I nearly said it was...
a sw-swear word.
427
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,480
{\an2}Do you think it's that bad?
428
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:39,680
{\an2}I think it's poor.
429
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
430
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,560
{\an2}I've just realised how
out of sync I am with reality.
431
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
432
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,920
{\an2}So, if you look at that, and then,
we'll compare it to Julian's,
433
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,800
{\an2}who just used teapots.
434
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
435
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,920
{\an2}It's cool, but scary. Come on.
436
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,760
{\an2}I've got a beaver with
an eye-bollock!
437
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINEUS
438
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,840
{\an2}Julian, are you pleased
with your gang?
439
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:09,400
{\an2}Yes, they're cool because they're
an oppressed minority who've found
440
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,040
{\an2}their voice and their strength.
441
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:12,880
{\an1}LAUGHTER
442
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,320
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
443
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,640
{\an2}I do think that your oppressed
minority are really cool.
444
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,120
{\an2}Are they scary?
445
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:26,760
{\an2}Yes, cos there's so
many of them and,
446
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,680
{\an2}now they've got strength in numbers,
447
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,600
{\an2}they could pour you to death.
448
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,480
{\an2}Is that a pun on "pour"?
449
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,400
{\an2}Yes, it was a pun -
you like a pun, don't you?
450
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:36,960
{\an2}Lovely, yeah, I really like them.
451
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,840
{\an2}I put that in for you,
whoever you are.
452
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:42,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
453
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,320
{\an2}Very good. Who's next?
454
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,760
{\an2}OK, next to gang up is Lucy.
455
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,680
{\an1}SWANKY MUSIC PLAYS
456
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,680
{\an1}CHEERING
457
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,480
{\an2}Well, I'm certainly scared.
458
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:22,000
{\an2}Exactly! I was underneath that.
459
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,480
{\an2}That's true. That was me.
460
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:25,880
{\an2}FLATLY: No way.
461
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,120
{\an2}I guess I'll ask
some basic questions, Lucy,
462
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:29,600
{\an2}do you know what a gang is?
463
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,880
{\an2}Yeah. Well, I was in a gang,
464
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,160
{\an2}but they couldn't come out
to play that night.
465
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,000
{\an2}To play? Yeah.
466
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,720
{\an2}So, I'm left with
the terrifying gang leader.
467
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,280
{\an2}Oh, I'm not the gang leader.
468
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:43,680
{\an2}So, who was that character?
469
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,760
{\an2}Big Billy Big Bollocks.
470
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:49,800
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Big Billy Big Bollocks.Yeah.
471
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,960
{\an2}Now we've got a fight on our hands.
LAUGHTER
472
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,360
{\an2}Jesus Christ.
473
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,720
{\an2}OK probably bedtime for the
kids now, isn't it?
474
00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:58,840
{\an2}Why are they still up?
475
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,320
{\an2}Oh, you think this
programme's educational?
476
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:02,800
{\an2}Pull yourself together!
477
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,880
{\an2}They're falling behind in school,
and it's your fault!
478
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:07,880
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
479
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,040
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!
480
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,960
{\an2}You join us for part three
of Taskmaster, where we're in
481
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,120
{\an2}the intimidating presence of
the googly-eyed gangs.
482
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,640
{\an2}We're basically a pair
of Ross Kemps.
483
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,320
{\an2}Next up...
LAUGHTER
484
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,720
{\an2}..it's Susan Wokoma's gang!
485
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,160
{\an1}CHILDISH MUSIC PLAYS
486
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,960
{\an2}JOLLY VOICE: Hello, pleased
to meet ya,
487
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,360
{\an2}I'm Satan!
488
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:35,680
{\an1}DUCK SOBS QUIETLY
489
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,760
{\an2}GRUFF VOICE: Alison!
490
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,720
{\an8}SULTRY ITALIAN VOICE:
Ciao bella, I'm Helmet.
491
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,000
{\an8}ABRASIVE VOICE: I'm Tim,
and I will kill you!
492
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:45,720
{\an1}SOBBING CONTINUES
493
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:46,920
{\an2}Iain!
494
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,120
{\an2}Finish him!
495
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,600
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
496
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,200
{\an2}Now we're getting somewhere.
497
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:06,240
{\an2}I like the gang.
498
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,680
{\an2}Well, she's a classically-trained
actor, as well, and...
499
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,720
{\an2}I did all the voices.
You used your acting skills.
500
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,640
{\an2}Yeah, and I did like
the cinematography.
501
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,080
{\an2}I didn't want to step on toes,
because it's a collaboration,
502
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,520
{\an2}but I knew what I was doing.
503
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,680
{\an2}You didn't think at any point
to make it really scary of getting
504
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,320
{\an2}a skateboard and a saxophone,
and just going...
505
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:25,120
{\an1}LAUGHTER
506
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,320
{\an2}It didn't cross my mind, no, no.
507
00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:32,080
{\an2}Who's next? OK, well, finally,
it's Sam Gangball.
508
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,280
{\an1}CREEPY MUSIC PLAYS
509
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,400
{\an2}AUDIENCE OOHS
Oi!
510
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:44,080
{\an2}Oh. Ah. Lookie here, fellas.
511
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:46,560
{\an2}A two-eyed bastard.
512
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,520
{\an2}Us two-eyed blokes are
sick of you gangs.
513
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,560
{\an2}I'm going to alert
the police about you.
514
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,160
{\an2}Yeah, good luck.
515
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,920
{\an2}Excuse me, officer,
I'd like to report a gang.
516
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,880
{\an2}Ahh!
517
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,200
{\an2}That's right. Our gang have
infiltrated the police.
518
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,520
{\an2}And soon, we will infiltrate
the government.
519
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,800
{\an1}APPLAUSE
520
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,520
{\an1}CHEERING
521
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,880
{\an2}I mean, the three-eyed boot boys
were genuinely creepy, I thought.
522
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,120
{\an2}Yeah. Hmm.
That was good, that, Sam.
523
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:22,480
{\an2}Genuinely creepy.
524
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,280
{\an2}Talk me through the genesis
of the gang, Sam.
525
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,720
{\an2}So, basically,
we had so many eyes. Yeah.
526
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,520
{\an2}I'm thinking,
"Let's definitely incorporate them."
527
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,920
{\an1}LAUGHTER
528
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,920
{\an2}Good thinking. Have you seen this,
529
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,760
{\an2}the Planet of the Apes
sort of thing?
530
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,360
{\an2}Yeah, that sort of thing, yeah.
531
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:44,160
{\an2}Basically, the apes are number one
in that world. Yeah.
532
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,040
{\an2}And the human is...
533
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,000
{\an2}In the minority. Yeah. Yeah.
534
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,560
{\an2}So, that's kind of similar to
what I was up to.
535
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
536
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,280
{\an2}Well, I shall start from the bottom,
shouldn't I? OK. Worst gang.
537
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,520
{\an2}Well, you say that, Sue.
538
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:01,760
{\an2}LUCY: Oh, God!
539
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:03,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
540
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,480
{\an2}As an act of entertainment,
I thoroughly enjoyed it,
541
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:08,680
{\an2}but it wasn't a gang,
wasn't scary - 1 point.
542
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,600
{\an2}Oh, right. It goes without saying
that Sue Perkins can thank me
543
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:15,160
{\an2}for her 2 points.
Right. 2 to Sue.
544
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,960
{\an2}Julian, 3 points.
Susan, 4 points, but really,
545
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,080
{\an2}because it genuinely creeped me out,
546
00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:23,640
{\an2}Sam takes the 5 points.
There we go, well done, Sam.
547
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,120
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
548
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,920
{\an2}One more, please!
OK, here we go.
549
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,320
{\an2}Yes!
550
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,640
{\an2}Yes. What an entrance.
551
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,440
{\an2}I know.
552
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,360
{\an2}Yo. You're very welcome.
553
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,040
{\an2}Ooh. Ooh.
554
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:54,360
{\an2}The weird bloody jelly. Flowers.
555
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,880
{\an2}Pardon? Unset blood jelly.
556
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,680
{\an2}Name of my first band.
557
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,440
{\an2}Didn't go anywhere.
558
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:01,680
{\an2}It's red water.
559
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,680
{\an2}You do know that's, like,
not a thing?
560
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:05,960
{\an2}No, that's like a...
561
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,320
{\an2}Anyway, I mean,
I'm not going to fight you.
562
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,880
{\an2}Any sign of any secret tasks
anywhere, Julian?
563
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,640
{\an2}You're being a bit cryptic.
564
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,800
{\an2}Shall I go for it?
I think you'd better.
565
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:21,880
{\an2}Sorry. Sorry.
566
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,880
{\an2}"Get all the water in the vase."
567
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,600
{\an2}"If you spill any water from
the plate, you are disqualified.
568
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:31,440
{\an2}"You may not leave the lab.
569
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:32,840
{\an2}"Fastest wins."
570
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,120
{\an2}"Your time starts now."
571
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,000
{\an2}You just have to get that in there?
572
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,320
{\an2}All of it, and if you spill
a single drop, Lucy,
573
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,400
{\an2}you'll be disqualified. OK.
574
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,400
{\an2}WHISPERS: But what are
the matches for?
575
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,400
{\an2}Amazing, Julian, how you can just
say the word "yes" to Alex,
576
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,720
{\an2}and it feels like you're
insulting him.
577
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,320
{\an2}He brings it out of me.
578
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,960
{\an2}Yeah, people say I'm a bully,
but I'm not - it's him, isn't it?
579
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,040
{\an2}It is him.
LAUGHTER
580
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,720
{\an2}Let's have a look.
OK, well, first up in the lab,
581
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,440
{\an2}it's Julian Clary
and Lucy Ann Beaumont.
582
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:09,760
{\an2}and fun fact -
Lucy's initials spell out "lab,"
583
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,320
{\an2}but Julian's don't, so here we go.
584
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,400
{\an2}Any spillage it's all over.
585
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,960
{\an2}Yes, I understood the brief,
thank you.
586
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
587
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:24,080
{\an2}There isn't time to reduce that
by heating it up, is there.
588
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,080
{\an2}Is it a red herring?
589
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,680
{\an2}Oh.
LAUGHTER
590
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,400
{\an2}Oh, no, it's stuck. Oh, no.
591
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:37,760
{\an2}Oh, God.
592
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:41,440
{\an2}Oh...oh, here we go.
593
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,480
{\an2}You can't get it up.
594
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:44,680
{\an2}Pardon?
595
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,560
{\an2}Oh, it's coming unstuck.
596
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:56,680
{\an1}HE GASPS
597
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:58,080
{\an1}AUDIENCE GASPS
598
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:02,080
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Right, OK.
599
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:12,720
{\an8}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
Oh. There's a spillage.
600
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:14,000
{\an2}What a shame.
601
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,480
{\an2}Soiled your floor, Alex.
602
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:17,840
{\an2}It's seen worse.
603
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:20,760
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS
604
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:35,840
{\an1}LUCY LAUGHS DESPERATELY
605
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:42,600
{\an2}None of it's gone in.
606
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:49,080
{\an1}APPLAUSE
607
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:52,200
{\an2}Well, I mean, neither of you just
tried to pour it straight into
608
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,400
{\an2}the vase, so that's encouraging.
Yeah.
609
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,800
{\an2}Can I say anything else positive?
610
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:58,880
{\an2}No.
LAUGHTER
611
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,400
{\an2}I mainly want to know
how the others did it, you know,
612
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:02,960
{\an2}to learn from them.
613
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:07,760
{\an2}I will say, it is fastest wins,
so... Yeah. Did I do it?
614
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,480
{\an2}No!
LAUGHTER
615
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:13,200
{\an2}Have you lost your mind?
616
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,640
{\an2}I'll just say you both quite quick,
but it's irrelevant unfortunately.
617
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,480
{\an2}Right, we're off to
a crushingly poor start. OK.
618
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,960
{\an2}Who's next? Next up, it's Susan.
619
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,760
{\an2}I was thinking I'd drink that
and spit it in there.
620
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:32,040
{\an2}Er, the only reason why I'm not
doing that immediately... Mm-hm?
621
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:35,120
{\an2}..is because there's an effing
candle. What is that?
622
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:36,680
{\an2}Yeah, yeah.
623
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:38,960
{\an2}I'd say we have provided
everything you need.
624
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,560
{\an2}I would argue that you haven't.
625
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,160
{\an2}Fine.
626
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:45,320
{\an2}Shit.
627
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,960
{\an8}Why has that got...what's that?
What's that bit?
628
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,200
{\an1}AUDIENCE GASPS
629
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,360
{\an1}SHE SLURPS
630
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:00,920
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS
631
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,960
{\an2}Mm! Mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm.
632
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:13,880
{\an2}Mm-mm-mm-mm!
633
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:14,920
{\an2}Mm-mm.
634
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,480
{\an1}SHE CHOKES
635
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:24,640
{\an2}Don't spill any.
636
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,120
{\an2}How am I going to get
the last bit in?
637
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,280
{\an2}Is that where the bloody candle
starts growing a fucking mouth
638
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:35,000
{\an2}and starts doing it for me?!
639
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:36,040
{\an2}Sorry.
640
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,480
{\an2}Sorry, I just didn't...
I've had an outburst.
641
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:46,880
{\an1}SHE STRAINS
642
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:48,240
{\an2}Be careful with the end.
643
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,200
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
644
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,080
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS
645
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,680
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
646
00:33:58,320 --> 00:33:59,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
647
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,520
{\an2}LAUGHTER CONTINUES
Bye-bye.
648
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:06,480
{\an1}APPLAUSE
649
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:11,880
{\an1}Incredible. I've got some questions.
650
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,040
{\an2}Why did you light a match,
and then, throw it into the water?
651
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,720
{\an2}It's just one of those things
where if there's something there
652
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:20,640
{\an2}and you've got no clue how
to use it, just have an experiment,
653
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,120
{\an2}if it fails, that's all right.
654
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,360
{\an2}And then, yeah, and then,
I discovered the straw,
655
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,760
{\an2}which made so much more sense.
It did make sense. Yes.
656
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,160
{\an2}And it was fairly effective
initially, until you made
657
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,640
{\an2}yourself laugh.Yeah.
LAUGHTER
658
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:33,520
{\an2}That was your downfall, hubris.
Yes.
659
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,920
{\an2}We were in that lab for
a long time. We was.
660
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:39,040
{\an2}You were sucking the rose
for 14 minutes. All right, mate.
661
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,280
{\an2}You absolute monster.
662
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:45,920
{\an2}Susan failed, correct?
663
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,000
{\an2}Yeah, there were drips, you couldn't
do that. There were drips.
664
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,800
{\an2}Right, three total failures,
then into break.
665
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER
666
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,800
{\an2}In the final part of the show,
one lucky winner will head home
667
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,040
{\an2}with five tiny nudists.
668
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,880
{\an2}We're a modern show, guys,
get over it!
669
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,080
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
670
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:11,280
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
671
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:12,680
{\an2}Hello, welcome back.
672
00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:15,200
{\an2}And, would you believe it,
it's the final part of the show.
673
00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:17,680
{\an2}It certainly is.
And you, sir, are my dream partner.
674
00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:20,040
{\an2}The current task sees them
trying to fill a vase
675
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:21,800
{\an2}full of water from a plate.
676
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:23,760
{\an2}We're down to the final two
to try and fill,
677
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,000
{\an2}but not spill - it's Sam and Sue.
678
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,080
{\an2}Initial thoughts.
679
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,440
{\an2}Could I drink this,
and then, stand on that?
680
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,680
{\an2}I don't think it's what we've
asked you to do.
681
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:43,120
{\an2}Hey, we seem to have some
sort of straw.
682
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:46,120
{\an2}I don't understand why
this is part of it. I know.
683
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:48,320
{\an2}Oh, is paper? Has it got
invisible ink on it?
684
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,760
{\an2}OK, can I light this up?
685
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,800
{\an2}SHE STRAINS
Ah. Right.
686
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:54,560
{\an2}What's this little badger?
687
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,080
{\an8}I see something. Ooh.
688
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,640
{\an8}It says, "Candle, candle."
689
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:12,040
{\an2}Well, this is going to
take seven days.
690
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:15,120
{\an2}Ah! I'm just going to start doing
stuff with the water and the thing,
691
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,000
{\an2}I can't really be bothered
with that.
692
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,600
{\an2}Rah-lah - OK, let's keep going.
693
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,200
{\an2}What could these be for?
694
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:26,600
{\an2}Right, OK, there's a diagram here.
695
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:29,360
{\an2}There's a diagram of a vase
and a plate.
696
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:30,640
{\an2}Can you show it to me?
697
00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:35,120
{\an2}"Candle o...candle on..."
698
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:37,080
{\an2}Oh, it's something over candle.
699
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:38,680
{\an2}Can I put the plate on the vase?
700
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:43,560
{\an2}Oh, there is like a weird trap door.
701
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:45,040
{\an2}Oh. Ah.
702
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:50,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
703
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:51,680
{\an2}Is that good?
704
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:57,080
{\an1}SHE STRAINS
705
00:37:01,240 --> 00:37:03,640
{\an2}Well, but nothing happened!
706
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,960
{\an8}Now you've made me look like
a proper fool.
707
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:08,880
{\an1}SHE SIGHS
708
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,120
{\an2}That's useless -
that's worse than useless!
709
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:14,440
{\an2}Unless it goes like that.
710
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:15,960
{\an1}LAUGHTER
711
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:22,880
{\an2}"Candle on plate, vase on candle."
712
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:24,280
{\an2}There's something yellow.
713
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:25,880
{\an2}Oh, "Light the candle."
714
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:27,440
{\an2}Really?
715
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,960
{\an8}And then, put that on there.
716
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,960
{\an2}How's that going to make
the water go up?
717
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,040
{\an8}What?!
718
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:39,560
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS EXCITEDLY
719
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,480
{\an2}How does that work?!
APPLAUSE
720
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,040
{\an2}Whoa! Wow!
721
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:51,120
{\an2}It actually w...
722
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,040
{\an2}How the hell does that ha...?
723
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,040
{\an2}Wh-What have I created?!
724
00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,440
{\an8}Awesome.
725
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:00,720
{\an8}Bye-bye.
726
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,640
{\an2}Is there anything about me not being
able to lick around the corners?
727
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,280
{\an2}You can lick around the corners.
728
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:13,840
{\an2}Urgh.
729
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,240
{\an1}SLURPS LOUDLY
730
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:18,720
{\an2}Ahh.
731
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,560
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
732
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:34,320
{\an2}You know you've got good studio
audience when they start cheering
733
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:36,160
{\an2}a rudimentary science experiment.
734
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:40,720
{\an2}Really, all I ever want to discuss
ever again is Sue's decision
735
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:42,960
{\an2}to lick around the corners.
736
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,640
{\an2}Circles don't have corners.
737
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:47,400
{\an2}No that's true. Yeah, but, yeah.
But round the parameter.
738
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,160
{\an2}I hate myself, I hate myself. Yeah.
739
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:50,440
{\an2}No, you're right to be...
740
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,960
{\an2}You're right to hate yourself.
LAUGHTER
741
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:54,960
{\an2}But incredibly, incredibly thorough.
742
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:58,040
{\an2}Sam, your instinct was
to ask whether you could drink
743
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,520
{\an2}the liquid and stand on the vase.
744
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,000
{\an2}Yeah, I think that...
745
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,720
{\an2}I kind of wish I'd gone
with that approach.
746
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,680
{\an2}Anyway, I did it right and I got
the points, so let's move on.
747
00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:09,560
{\an2}No, no, nothing...
No need for chatting.
748
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,920
{\an2}Nothing else went down.
Sam's very keen that we move on.
749
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:14,880
{\an2}Yeah, that was a hell of a task,
man, that was fantastic.
750
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,560
{\an2}Why are you being like this?
No reason.
751
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,320
{\an2}We can watch him again, if you want?
752
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,520
{\an2}ALL: Ohh.
Let's have a look, then.
753
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,120
{\an2}I've got some on the table!
754
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:31,160
{\an2}I think that's disqualified.
755
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:32,760
{\an2}So you're disqualifying yourself.
756
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,040
{\an1}HE SIGHS
757
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,160
{\an8}If I put it like this...
Remember.
758
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:37,760
{\an7}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
759
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,680
{\an2}Well, I'm going to hope that
wasn't seen, OK.
760
00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,520
{\an2}Can I keep going, just
to look at what it said?
761
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:46,480
{\an2}Do whatever you want.
762
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,840
{\an8}Like that? And that'll do something?
763
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:50,080
{\an8}How would that do the...
764
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:51,640
{\an8}Oh.
765
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,320
{\an2}Ah!
766
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:58,520
{\an2}They both bravely carried on,
but we did spot the spillages.
767
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,080
{\an2}Did anyone manage this task? No.
768
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,440
{\an2}If, in the Olympics, there was
a sport and they were like,
769
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,080
{\an2}"Yeah, no-one can do it,"
770
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:07,800
{\an2}don't have it in the Olympics.
771
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
772
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,120
{\an1}APPLAUSE
773
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:16,440
{\an2}OK, no points.
774
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,280
{\an1}THEY LAUGH
775
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:19,920
{\an2}Can we have a look at the scores?
776
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,600
{\an2}I can tell you the
series scores at this point.
777
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,480
{\an2}It's quite spicy,
we have Susan on 61,
778
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:27,800
{\an2}Lucy on 62, little jump up
to Sue on 70,
779
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:29,400
{\an2}another jump up to Julian on 81,
780
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,160
{\an2}and Sam on 84 at this point.
781
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,360
{\an1}CHEERING
782
00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:37,520
{\an2}However, despite losing in
the series at the moment,
783
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:40,400
{\an2}she's winning this episode,
Susan's in the lead with 11 points!
784
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:41,640
{\an2}Hey!
785
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:44,760
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
786
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,680
{\an2}Right, please, can you all
make your way to the stage for
787
00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:51,280
{\an2}the final task of the show!
788
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:03,440
{\an2}Hello, my love.
789
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:04,920
{\an2}Watcha, mate.
790
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,160
{\an2}Who will be reading
the task out, Alex?
791
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:10,960
{\an2}Sam Campbell will be reading
the task out. Ah, Samuel.
792
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,760
{\an2}"Sip your drink.
793
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:14,440
{\an2}"You may only touch the loo roll,
794
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:18,200
{\an2}"and you may not reach over
the line. Fastest wins."
795
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:20,960
{\an2}So, you have one loo roll each.
There's a red line here.
796
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,240
{\an2}I'm keeping an eye on that.
No part of you may cross that line.
797
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,240
{\an2}OK. We'll have three rounds of this.
798
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:27,800
{\an2}All of you will do all three rounds,
799
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,600
{\an2}and we'll work out who's the best
at sipping the drink quickest.
800
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,440
{\an2}You may now approach your loo rolls,
801
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:35,640
{\an2}and it's up to you if you're going
to squat, kneel, sit, or stand.
802
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:38,880
{\an2}OK, good luck, everyone,
on the whistle.
803
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,360
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
804
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,360
{\an8}LUCY: I've got different
toilet paper.
805
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:50,360
{\an7}SHOUTS FROM AUDIENCE
806
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,760
{\an8}You-You're rolling it
the wrong way.
807
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:53,800
{\an8}Uh-oh.
808
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:55,640
{\an8}Oh, we've lost Sue!
809
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,160
{\an8}We've lost Sue!
810
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,240
{\an8}Julian's looking good.
811
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:00,480
{\an8}Go on, Julian.
812
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:04,520
{\an8}Oh, Julian lovely.
813
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,640
{\an1}CHEERING
814
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:14,760
{\an2}Oh, that's it! That's it, that's it.
815
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:17,960
{\an2}Round 1 was won by Julian,
and Lucy came in second place,
816
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,960
{\an2}the others failed
to complete the task.
817
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:21,480
{\an8}Lovely. Round 1 over.
818
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,200
{\an2}Reset the drinks board!
819
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:28,200
{\an2}We have reset.
820
00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:30,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
821
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:31,480
{\an2}Yes, we have, Greg.
822
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,680
{\an2}Competitors, please
take your positions.
823
00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:35,560
{\an2}Got a slightly bigger drink
this time -
824
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:38,200
{\an2}and there's Lucy standing up.
LAUGHTER
825
00:42:38,240 --> 00:42:40,160
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
826
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:41,440
{\an2}And they're off.
827
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:46,640
{\an2}Oh, a steady start,
a very steady start.
828
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,240
{\an8}Ah, yeah they've got
their favourites.
829
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,240
{\an8}Oh! Lovely, Lucy.
830
00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:02,920
{\an1}CHEERING
831
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,920
{\an1}THEY SCREAM
LAUGHTER
832
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,760
{\an1}CHEERING CONTINUES
833
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:11,760
{\an2}LUCY: Thank you.
834
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,640
{\an2}I'm so sorry, Greg,
we've analysed the footage. Yes.
835
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,160
{\an2}Unfortunately, Lucy's fingertips
did cross the line,
836
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,760
{\an2}and we said no part of your body.
837
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:20,280
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
838
00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:22,120
{\an1}LAUGHTER
839
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:25,960
{\an1}APPLAUSE
840
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:34,080
{\an2}I'm sorry I did that.
I just got really angry.
841
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:36,200
{\an2}SAM: It was good.
Sorry.
842
00:43:36,240 --> 00:43:38,440
{\an2}So, Sam won that one,
and Julian came second.
843
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,360
{\an2}Again, the Sues failed
to do the task.
844
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:41,400
{\an2}SUSAN: All right!
845
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:45,200
{\an8}It's the final round,
it's non-alcoholic champagne round.
846
00:43:45,240 --> 00:43:46,480
{\an2}Again, it's just a sip to win.
847
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,840
{\an2}Is it sham-pagne?
It is sham-champagne.
848
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,560
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
849
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:54,960
{\an2}You may take your positions,
contestants.
850
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:56,240
{\an2}LUCY: So nervous.
851
00:43:58,240 --> 00:43:59,680
{\an2}Good luck, on the whistle.
852
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:04,040
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
And they're off.
853
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,440
{\an8}This is the one to win!
854
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,120
{\an8}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
We've lost Susan!
855
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:16,760
{\an2}LUCY: Fuck's sake!
856
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:24,920
{\an1}CHEERING
857
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,080
{\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS
858
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:31,880
{\an2}SAM: You can do something there.
859
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,840
{\an2}You've just gotta not
cross that line.
860
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:36,720
{\an2}SUE: Lasso. Lasso it.
861
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,560
{\an2}AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Someone else does it?
862
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:40,960
{\an8}Someone else who's already
been disqualified...!
863
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,520
{\an7}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
864
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:45,280
{\an2}JULIAN: Sabotage.
865
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,880
{\an2}SUSAN: Ohh! So close!
866
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,720
{\an2}Well done, Julian.
867
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,240
{\an2}That might be one of
the most heroic acts...
868
00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:59,920
{\an7}LAUGHTER
..that have lost a person points.
869
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:04,000
{\an2}Please come and join me!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
870
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:16,080
{\an2}What? Oh, God.
LAUGHTER
871
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:18,320
{\an2}"Oh, that."
872
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:21,600
{\an2}Poignant and emotional at the end
there, cos Sue completed the task,
873
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,880
{\an2}but then, put her hand
over to help Julian
874
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:25,480
{\an2}before the task was over, so...
875
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,760
{\an2}She's out. Yeah.
ALL: Ohh!
876
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:30,680
{\an2}I know, she threw herself in front
of a bullet for a friend.
877
00:45:30,720 --> 00:45:33,880
{\an2}That's the LGBT community for you.
Yeah.
878
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:36,560
{\an1}CHEERING
879
00:45:41,240 --> 00:45:43,320
{\an2}It meant Julian gets 5 points.
880
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,760
{\an2}Yes. Sam 4, Lucy 3,
and joint fourth-place,
881
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,520
{\an2}the Sues get 2 points each.
882
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:50,600
{\an2}And so, we've got 12, 13, 14, 15 -
883
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:53,400
{\an2}and the man with 15 points,
at the top of the leader board,
884
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:54,440
{\an2}it's Julian!
885
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:57,080
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
886
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:00,120
{\an2}Julian Clary wins!
887
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:03,200
{\an2}Please go and fetch your five
things that each of which
888
00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:04,800
{\an2}have five things on them!
889
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:07,320
{\an1}CHEERING
890
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:11,080
{\an2}So, what have we learnt today?
891
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:14,120
{\an2}We've learnt that a new
Olympics sport has been born,
892
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:18,200
{\an2}and won't it be exciting at
Paris '24 when we see our very own
893
00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:22,000
{\an2}Sue Perkins awarded the gold medal
for being the best in the world
894
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:25,160
{\an2}at licking around the corners
of a circle.
895
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:29,440
{\an2}And at the halfway point,
the champion of the night
896
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:32,000
{\an2}is Julian Clary!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
897
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:59,000
{\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media