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This program me contains
strong language and adult humour

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BELL RINGS
Good evening.

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Argh!
SLURPS LOUDLY

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Argh! Ah!

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HE VOCALISES

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I trained at RADA.

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What have I created?!

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So sorry.

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How we laughed.

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Ahh!

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Huh?

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello! Welcome!

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I'm Greg Davies,
and welcome to Taskmaster.

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We are the Olympic level testers
of professional jesters.

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We're the World Cup
for those who do stand-up.

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We're the summit of Everest
for folks whose mouths never rest.

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We're the final of Wimbledons...

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STRUGGLING TO RHYME: ..for the
trying-to-be-funny-ones.

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LAUGHTER

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We're the Henley regatta for
those making "laughta".

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The US Open golf tournament
for people working in merriment.

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We're the World
Championships of sumo

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for individuals committed to
making you go "ho-ho".

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LAUGHTER

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You take my point.

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Please welcome Julian Clary...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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...Lucy Beaumont...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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...Sam Campbell...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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...Sue Perkins...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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...and Susan Wokoma!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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And next to me, a man whose hair
has gone so grey during the time

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we've been making this show that
his wife told me - in confidence -

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that she no longer desires him

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and, in fact, wonders if
she ever really did.

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LAUGHTER
It's... Wow.

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HIGH-PITCHED:. little Alex Horne!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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All right, chat time.

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Er, I'm not going to have
a chat tonight, actually.

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OK. I just - I have prepared
something, but I've, er,

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it's on a QR code,
so just scan that.

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LAUGHTER

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Is that a real QR code? Yeah.

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It does lead to something?
Something really good.

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What's the prize task category for
today's episode please, Alex?

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Well, listen up, guys,
and listen up good,

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because it's the greatest
thing that makes quite

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a loud noise when you shake it.

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There are five points for
the greatest thing that makes quite

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a loud noise when shaken, and
the winner of the episode will win

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the lot, which will be the first
time in television history

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that these very specific prizes
have ever been won, Greg.

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Hello, Susan.

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What is the thing that you've
brought in that makes quite

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a loud noise when you shake it?

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It is a water bed!

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LAUGHTER

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When I was a child, me and
my siblings would bring all

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our mattresses into the front room,

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and we'd all, like,
have a little sleepover.

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For Christmas one year,
my mum got a water bed, and then,

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we started playing with it,

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and it made a really shaky sound.

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Sorry, I got distracted
cos I thought I could hear

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a bird in the studio.

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IMITATES BIRD: "One point."

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Do you want to hear the quite loud
noise when you shake it?

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Yeah, this might save it.
Yeah! Yeah.

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WATER SLOSHING RHYTHMICALLY

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All right, Susan, thanks.

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Thanks for opening the batting.
LAUGHTER

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Sue? The magnificent thing that
I've brought that makes quite

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a loud noise when you shake it is my
great great great-aunt Margaret's

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glass swan collection.

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LAUGHTER AND GROANING

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These actually have a history,

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in that she was a survivor
of the Titanic,

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and those swans were also saved in
a lifeboat that she got into,

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and they were passed down
the generations.

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And it does make quite
a loud noise when you shake it.

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OK, here go the swans.

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BROKEN GLASS SHAKES

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AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

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That's what someone's going to win.

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She didn't really survive
the Titanic, did she?

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I mean, she was -
towards the end of her life,

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she was a fantasist,
so we don't know. It's... OK.

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LAUGHTER

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Lucy.

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Do you know what a cream horn is?

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Hmm.
LAUGHTER

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Here's Lucy's cream horn.

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Oh, you've got cream
attached to it.

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Yeah, when you shake the cream,
the noise comes out the horn.

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HORN BLARES

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My God, this is a new low.

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Can I just have some points, please?
Yeah.

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And I'll tell you now,
you're doing the best so far.

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And that's incredible,
bearing in mind you stuck

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an air horn onto a can of cream.

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LAUGHTER

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Sam. I've got a bucket...

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...li-lined with sandpaper... OK.

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...full to the brim of matches

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and fire alarms.

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LAUGHTER

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I mean, that is full to the brim.

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This is going to be a hell
of a noise, right? Here we go.

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SANDPAPER RUBBING RHYTHMICALLY

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FLAMES ERUPT

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FIRE ALARMS BLARES

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ALARMS STOP

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LAUGHTER

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"The worst round...

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LAUGHTER CONTINUES

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"..in Taskmaster history."

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Hey, listen my grandad gave me this,
and he was in the Hindenburg!

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LAUGHTER CONTINUES

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Julian, it's all for the taking.

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Ah, yes.

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Ahem, this is a drawer
full of cutlery.

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HE SIGHS DISAPPOINTEDLY

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Looks like someone's
back in the game.

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I mean, just generally from my home,
and, er, the cutlery is from

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the Isle of Wight ferry.

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OK, here's the drawer full of
cutlery from the Isle of Wight...

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From the Isle of Wight ferry.
Yeah. There we go.

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CUTLERY SHAKES RHYTHMICALLY

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It's the worst ever...

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It's the worst round in 16 series.

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LAUGHTER
It's incredible.

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So, who's getting
the solitary point, Greg?

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Well, Susan, of course she is.

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Next up... Yeah.

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...| don't care if they were
from the Isle of Wight.

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2 points to Julian.

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At least something got destroyed
with Sue's. 3 points.

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I'm going to give Lucy 4 points
for her cream horn. Lovely.

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And Sam Campbell takes home
the big 5. Really?!

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Well done, Sam Campbell!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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OK, what have you got for me. Alex?

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Mm-hm, well, now on Channel 4,
it's Robot Wars.

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ELECTRONIC DOG BARKING

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ELECTRONIC BARKING CONTINUES

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This is the most impressed
I've been.

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BARKING CONTINUES

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I've got knee pads on.

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Thank the lord. Promising. Yeah.

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It's fallen over, that dog.
Yeah, if you want to right the dog,

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that'd be great, thank you.

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There you go. Thank you, Sue.

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What even is that?
That's a weasel.

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Busy little shit, isn't it?

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Whoa!

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Is this part of it?

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Don't worry about the dog.
He's happy.

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LAUGHTER

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"Avoid the rubbish robots.

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"You may not remove your blindfold
at any point.

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"And at least one of your knees must
be touching the floor throughout.

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"Longest time untouched by
a rubbish robot wins.

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"Your time s...

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"Your...time starts when the
rubbish robots start."

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These are the rubbish robots.

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The rest are just animals.

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Oh, so they're not my enemies?

167
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No, they're your friends.

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Are you going to ask me to
kneel down in a masterful voice?

169
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Kneel, Julian.

170
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Right, is that your
starting position? It is.

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Times I've been asked that.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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CHEERING

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Well...quite formal to be asked.

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“Is that your starting position?
Then I'll begin."

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Sam hated everything about
this task, correct?

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Yeah, I, er, yeah,
I've loved some of the others,

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but this one I thought was a dud.

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LAUGHTER

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How do you feel?

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Well, I think we're all looking
forward to watching it now.

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First one, he came with hope -
will he leave with glory?

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It's Julian Clary.

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All right, Julian here we go.

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Ah - oh, it just hit your back foot.

187
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That's the end of the task.

188
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Is that it? Is it over now?
It's over.

189
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Oh, well, I... Did you enjoy it?

190
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It didn't last long, did it?
That sometimes happens.

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Thanks, Julian.
LAUGHTER

192
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APPLAUSE

193
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Sam was quite right.
It's not one of your best.

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LAUGHTER

195
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That was, for me,
two-and-a-half seconds of gold.

196
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LAUGHTER CONTINUES

197
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,095
Who's next?
OK, will they be jammy dodgers?

198
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It's Lucy and Susan to the rescue.

199
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,815
I'm quite close to them here.

200
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Right.

201
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,255
Right.

202
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,775
That's where you're going
to go, is it?

203
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OK.

204
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,375
OK, well, your time starts
when the robots start.

205
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Here we go. All right.

206
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I don't know what's going on!

207
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LAUGHING: I don't like it.

208
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SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

209
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SHE SCREECHES

210
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,455
Can I feel?
You want to avoid the robots.

211
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:04,695
Ahh!

212
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,415
AUDIENCE OOHS

213
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,055
I trained at RADA.

214
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,935
SHE SCREECHES

215
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:15,935
Ah!

216
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,175
Wahh!

217
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,735
Ah!

218
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:23,935
Ah!

219
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:27,015
This is the future, this is what
it'll be like, isn't it?

220
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Everyone trying
to hide from robots.

221
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,775
The whole point of, like,
blindfold play is that you keep...

222
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,335
Ooh. What?!

223
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,775
You've just been struck
by a rubbish robot. Have I?

224
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,095
I didn't - no, they didn't
strike me, look!

225
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,215
I saw it hit you.

226
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,535
It didn't hit me!

227
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,295
Look, that's nowhere near me, mate.

228
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,175
It struck your left... It didn't!

229
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,775
Do they know I'm here?

230
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,015
Oh, yeah.

231
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,535
Ah.
Did you just get grazed on your...?

232
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:08,375
Oh, yeah, and again. I think,
yeah, I think that one...

233
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,295
Yeah, I'm going to stop
the clock there.

234
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,775
Does that mean it's over now?
Are you saying it didn't -

235
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,575
well, carry on if you say
it didn't hit you.

236
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,935
I don't think it hit me.
I didn't feel it.

237
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,415
Who's controlling the rubbish robot?

238
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,695
God.
SUSAN LAUGHS

239
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,935
Now. Now it hit me, I felt that.

240
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,975
OK, well, I've stopped
the clock, then.

241
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,415
Shall I go now?
Yeah, and watch out for the robots.

242
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,495
Oh.

243
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,175
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

244
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,575
Do you think this is what
the future's going to be like?

245
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,495
Yeah. That is sort of like what
my day-to-day life is like.

246
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,535
LAUGHTER
That's my favourite task.

247
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,455
To be fair, there were some
genuine moments of jeopardy there.

248
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,575
Her tactic was, "I'm using my ears,"
which is quite clever -

249
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,535
she was listening for where
the robots were,

250
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:57,935
which is quite - it worked.

251
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,415
She avoided the robots
for three minutes and 42 seconds.

252
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,975
God, that's good. Is that good?
That's really good.

253
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,055
APPLAUSE

254
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,055
Susan had an interesting
technique to avoid the robots,

255
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,575
and that was go into
complete denial.

256
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,975
Complete denial that the robots
had got anywhere near her.

257
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,015
I thought that was something furry,
so I was like,

258
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,495
"That wasn't the robot."”
Yeah, I know, but the weird thing is

259
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,815
there was someone who was
looking who confirmed that

260
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,175
the robot did strike you.

261
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,015
No, by that point,
I don't trust that guy.

262
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,615
You were too deep in character,
right, as some nutter.

263
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:30,095
Well, the first robot may or may not
have struck her at one minute, 56.

264
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,495
And then, we finally stopped it
at three minutes, 03.

265
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,655
Are we taking the first one
as a strike? Obviously.

266
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,015
The one that did hit.
LAUGHTER

267
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:41,375
Maybe there was more jeopardy
than you thought there, Sam.

268
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,335
OK, if you are having a nice time,

269
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,335
please stop having a nice time!

270
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,015
Because I present to you
some adverts!

271
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,895
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

272
00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,255
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!

273
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:02,255
Welcome back to the
second part of Taskmaster.

274
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,895
Yes, it's great to have you back,

275
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,215
but I'm afraid there are still
some rubbish robots

276
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:07,535
causing absolute mayhem.

277
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,855
We're down to the last two -
it's Sam and Sue.

278
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,215
So, can I touch the robot
with something else?

279
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:16,415
<i>All the information's on the task.
Please put on your blindfold.</i>

280
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,495
Come on, my lit...

281
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,615
Ooh, they're absolutely
creepy AF to touch.

282
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,175
Can you see anything? No.

283
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:29,175
Can you see anything, Sue? Nope.

284
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,495
Oh, OK. Oh. Right.

285
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,175
OK, good luck, your time starts
when the robots start.

286
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:57,935
Back off!

287
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,775
Am I still on the mat? Yeah.

288
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,735
AUDIENCE OOHS
Ooh, did you get struck by

289
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,455
a rubbish robot? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

290
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,775
Go away!

291
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,095
Ooh!

292
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,495
AUDIENCE OOHS
Horrid! Ah.

293
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,815
I'm afraid one of
the rubbish robots just caught

294
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:30,935
your left and right foot.

295
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,295
That's finished.

296
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,895
That's nice that you let your
nephew come up with tasks

297
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,655
once every while.
SHOCKED LAUGHTER

298
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,935
It makes me appreciate
the really good ones.

299
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,375
APPLAUSE

300
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,695
You've really got it in
for this task.

301
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:55,495
As soon as saw shots from the
rubbish robots' perspectives - wow!

302
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,015
LAUGHTER
I mean, there should be a spin-off!

303
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,855
We're talking merchandise,
calendars!

304
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,855
Sue, your ferret-swiping
technique was... Ahh.

305
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,175
...pretty sweet.

306
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,535
I just needed
to grab them by the tail

307
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,335
and let them work for a living.
Yeah.

308
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:16,255
They both did good tactics
by starting behind the robots,

309
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,695
instead of immediately
in front of them.

310
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,575
But their times - it's such
an exciting task, this one.

311
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:22,775
Erm...
LAUGHTER

312
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,735
...Sam avoided them for one minute
and four seconds.

313
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,615
Sue, one minute and seven seconds.

314
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,375
Wow! Wow!
So, the final scores.

315
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,735
Susan actually came second
with her one minute, 56,

316
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:34,855
er, gets 4 points.

317
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,455
Sue, 3 points for one minute, 07.

318
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,015
Sam, 2 points, one minute, 04.

319
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,535
Julian, 1 point for
two-and-a-half seconds.

320
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,975
Lucy, three minutes and 42 seconds.
God, that's good.

321
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,655
So, it's a full 5 points
to Lucy Beaumont. Yes!

322
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,375
Yes, Lucy Beaumont!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

323
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,015
Hey, I'd love to see
a score board, please, Alex.

324
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,495
Well, she's actually in first place,

325
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,055
Lucy's got 9 points in the lead!

326
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,375
LOUD CHEERING

327
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,335
And what is next, pray tell?

328
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,535
OK, next, we have a team task
in two places at once.

329
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:22,575
Oh.

330
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,695
What do you suppose?

331
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,575
Pull it, do you think?

332
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,935
Oh, it's under - it's in here.

333
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,415
Oh, cool. Is it a guinea pig?

334
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,895
SUSAN: "Recreate your
team mate's garage scene.”

335
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,255
"You have 15 minutes.

336
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,095
"Your time stars when your
team mate calls.

337
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,255
Can I touch this?

338
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,095
Oh, shit. Oh, Christ.

339
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,775
LUCY OVER RADIO: Zero Oscar,
are you receiving? Over.

340
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,255
Hello, are you receiving me? Roger.

341
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,535
SUSAN: Sue, you all right?

342
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,135
SUE OVER RADIO: I'm all right,
sweets, listen, you'll have to do

343
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,495
some things for me,
if that's all right. Always.

344
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,015
LUCY: "Instruct your team mates
to create your garage scene."”

345
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,895
SUE: "You may not say any of
the words on any of the labels.

346
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,775
"You may not leave your location.

347
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:22,095
"The most accurate recreation wins.

348
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:26,455
"You had 15 minutes.
Your time has already started."

349
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,375
JULIAN SNEEZES

350
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,375
AUDIENCE LAUGHS

351
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,935
Also, Lucy, you've got
an extra instruction there.

352
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,255
You can read it, as long as
you don't press the button

353
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:36,935
on the walkie talkie.

354
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:40,135
"Also, you must try on all
the outfits in the basket

355
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,615
"one at a time, and not mention
anything about it

356
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,495
"to your team mates."

357
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:49,215
Yeah, just to make life
a bit more fun.

358
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,135
I'll just get 'em out my box
one at a time. Sure.

359
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,415
JULIAN OVER RADIO:
Awaiting instructions.

360
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,175
Do you think she's gone home?

361
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,695
She's done.
THEY CHUCKLE

362
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,735
APPLAUSE

363
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,615
Gut instinct tells me everyone's
going to be terrible at this.

364
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,015
We'll have to find out,
we'll see all of them at it

365
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,615
all at once in a montage.

366
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,615
LUCY OVER RADIO:
OK, roger, let's start.

367
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:21,495
The thing that goes on the floor
that keeps your feet warm,

368
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,455
can you put down first? Over.

369
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,775
It's a rug or a carpet,
or something.

370
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,495
Oh, I thought it was socks.

371
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,535
SUE: In the centre of the room,
I would like you to place

372
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,215
a floor covering.

373
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,855
If, in the middle of that,
you could also position

374
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,855
a piece of furniture used
for sitting in.

375
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,215
Right, if you're looking
at your rug,

376
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,015
can you put them on the
right-hand side?

377
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,895
Erm, at the front? Over.

378
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,855
Lucy, those are the words
that you're not allowed to say.

379
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,215
Oh, for fuck's sake.

380
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,495
LAUGHTER
Oh, Lucy! Sorry. Please.

381
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,895
SUE: Take a column of some
description and put,

382
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,695
on the top of the column,
some statue-ary.

383
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,935
SUSAN OVER RADIO: OK, over and out!

384
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,895
JULIAN: Is there anything else?
Yeah, there's loads of things.

385
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,335
Something that you have in your
house that's green,

386
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,975
and that you have to water.

387
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,655
Something that looks like
someone I once went out with.

388
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,495
Can you remember which hand
I write with? Oh, left hand!

389
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,095
That might be where you want
to put the plinth.

390
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,495
So, that was there.

391
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,775
The thing that they have in shops.

392
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,375
OVER RADIO: Er, th-the thing...

393
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,255
SHE COUGHS

394
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,415
Are you OK? Is there smoke?
Is there gas in the shed?

395
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:34,975
And you know wh-what hand you
write with, so that side.

396
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,615
Erm, I'd like another plinth.

397
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,895
And what I would like on that

398
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,775
is something that goes quack.

399
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,135
Is that making sense?

400
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,615
Erm, you know those two things
that they have in zoos?

401
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:49,175
They're very brightly-coloured?
Flamingos.

402
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,575
SUSAN: Will that do? Yeah.
So many ducks!

403
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,695
JULIAN: Tell us where to put
the things that we've got, then.

404
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,335
OK, brilliant. Right.

405
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,175
OK. So, you...

406
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,615
SILENCE

407
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,055
Toward... So...so, to looking...

408
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:04,335
SILENCE

409
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,335
And I'm facing the back wall
of the garage.

410
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,655
JULIAN OVER RADIO:
Waiting for you to respond.

411
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,655
Roger.

412
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,855
LUCY OVER RADIO: Right.

413
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,375
SUE: A rubbish receptacle
with the face of

414
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,335
a red-nosed entertainer.

415
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:21,935
I can just think of
Father Christmas,

416
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,895
but I don't think he's
a red-nosed entertainer.

417
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:25,735
He's just a red-nosed man.

418
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,295
SAM: Chuck that.

419
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,615
Where was the mannequin?

420
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,935
SUE OVER RADIO: I'm going to
through all the positions.

421
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,335
In front of you, plinth.

422
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,615
On the other, plinth.

423
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:36,935
Argh! Column!

424
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,495
Column, column!

425
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:39,575
Don't panic.

426
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,175
LUCY OVER RADIO:
The middle along the back,

427
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,015
but the thing at the circus
that kids are afraid of.

428
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,855
Opposite ends to the thing
that goes in the bath,

429
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,135
you put the things that they have
on churches that's evil.

430
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,095
Crucifix. That's evil?

431
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,575
Or gargoyles.

432
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,335
Oh, we'll get this owl, I reckon.

433
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:57,735
20 seconds.

434
00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,695
SUSAN OVER RADIO:
How long have we got?

435
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,255
WHISTLE BLOWS
Tits!

436
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:02,775
You've got ten seconds.

437
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,375
We've got ten minutes, Julian.
No. Ten seconds.

438
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,895
Ten minutes?
Ten seconds! Roger, over.

439
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,575
Right, our task is complete,
I think you'll be very pleased.

440
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,895
LUCY SQUEALS DELIGHTEDLY

441
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,215
WHISTLE BLOWS
Over!

442
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,575
Sorry about your cough.

443
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,215
You want to suck
a fisherman's friend.

444
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,695
LAUGHING: Oh, Julian.

445
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,735
APPLAUSE

446
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,815
Lucy, I sometimes think
that you're doing some

447
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,055
of these tasks deliberately badly.

448
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:37,095
For a large section of it,
you didn't even press

449
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:40,535
the walkie talkie so
that people could hear you.

450
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,855
But you did press the walkie talkie
when you had a coughing fit.

451
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,495
Sam, I don't know how
the hell you got to flamingos,

452
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,895
given the description you
were given, which was

453
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,375
"those two brightly-coloured
things they have in zoos."

454
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:56,775
And you went, "Flamingos!"

455
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:59,415
LAUGHTER

456
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,335
That is, yeah, the mind is so,
like, fascinating.

457
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,975
Isn't it?
LAUGHTER

458
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,415
OK, thank you.
LAUGHTER CONTINUES

459
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:13,055
I do think that, when Sue goes into
action mode, she sounds like

460
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,375
a Second World War fighter pilot.

461
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,415
It's Biggles. It's pure Biggles.
Er, yes, it's so in control -

462
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:23,935
except there was one moment
that I just loved where panic set in

463
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,535
and caused Susan to go,
"Don't panic."

464
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,815
It's funny, when I'm making
notes watching these,

465
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:34,255
sometimes I forget why I've written
them, and I've written down,

466
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,575
"Can I have a clip
of Susan shouting 'tits'?"

467
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:38,815
How long have we got?

468
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,055
WHISTLE BLOWS

469
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,215
Tits!

470
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,455
LAUGHTER

471
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,295
It was definitely worth
hearing again.

472
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,135
GREG LAUGHS HEARTILY

473
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,215
So, how many words did
they get wrong?

474
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,135
Yes, the team of two,
nine words wrong.

475
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,575
The team of three, 27.

476
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,375
Why? Why? No!

477
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,735
Yes, you said "left" once,
"front" four times,

478
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,415
"back" three times, "duck" once,
"right" twice. No! That's the-the...

479
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,855
"Right" again eight more times.

480
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,895
"Back” five times,
"middle"” once, "rug" twice.

481
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,415
They weren't on the board!
They were all on the board.

482
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,495
LAUGHTER

483
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,855
Those "left" and "right" - they were
instructions I was giving them.

484
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,015
Yes, exactly.

485
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,295
LAUGHTER CONTINUES

486
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,695
This is the list of things you
weren't allowed to say, Lucy.

487
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,575
LAUGHTER

488
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,255
Look at it.
LAUGHTER CONTINUES

489
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,455
I looked at it.

490
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,855
So, just bear that in mind, Greg.
I'm bearing it in mind. Good.

491
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,055
Er, so we'll see what they did,
the real garage in the middle.

492
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,135
SUSAN LAUGHS

493
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,015
So, you can see the mannequin
represented in the bottom left.

494
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:48,975
They're all right.
They both did the pineapple.

495
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,495
I think they genuinely did
pretty well. They're pretty good.

496
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,935
I've got it as, the team of two,
six things pretty much right,

497
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,375
the team of three getting
seven things pretty much right.

498
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,095
But they did keep saying all the
words they weren't supposed to say.

499
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,455
So, if I penalise Lucy for
saying all of those words,

500
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,255
if I took a point off them,
it would make that this was a tie.

501
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:07,295
So, let's say 3 points each.
3 points each!

502
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,015
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

503
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,735
Break time! Quick!
Hop on to Twitter and tell your

504
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,695
followers that you're watching
something on television.

505
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,015
Feels like a good use of life,
right? Wrong!

506
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,335
Do something else! Live!

507
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,175
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

508
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,535
APPLAUSE
Ohh, yeah!

509
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,775
Hello again!
It's part three of Taskmaster.

510
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:38,815
And there's a bozo next to me
who's just desperate

511
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,815
to say something trite
before introducing the next task.

512
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,575
Cripes. Er, now on to the next task,

513
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,055
which really is head and shoulders
above the rest.

514
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,375
Susan. Hi.

515
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,575
Ah, there you are.

516
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,855
Radiating your usual charisma.

517
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,335
LAUGHTER

518
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,375
SATISFIED SIGH

519
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:24,375
"Present a piece called
Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."

520
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,375
Knees and toes.

521
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,335
Hmm?

522
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:31,695
"Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."

523
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,015
Knees and toes.

524
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:34,935
What'd I say? No, you said it.

525
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:40,175
"Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
Knees and toes.

526
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,015
"..Knees and Toes."
Knees and toes.

527
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,695
"..Knees and Toes."
Knees and toes.

528
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,655
"Most powerful pieces wins."

529
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,975
SHE GIGGLES
"You have 20 minutes.

530
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,015
"Time starts now."

531
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,735
You could do a very powerful piece.
Well, that's what we're hoping.

532
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,575
Or someone could. Probably not me.

533
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,935
But don't, er, no. I could.

534
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,735
Don't tell yourself that.

535
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,055
When I was in Vietnam,
I had to do, er, an English class.

536
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,935
The only thing I could think of was
to teach them like a nursery rhyme.

537
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,295
"Heads and shoulders,
knees and toes." Knees and toes.

538
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,935
But what I didn't realise is
there was two kids at the back and,

539
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,535
every time they bent down to do
knees and toes... Knees and toes.

540
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,215
...when they got up again
to do heads,

541
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,695
they slammed their heads
really hard on the desk.

542
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:21,895
So, part of me wants to do
a powerful piece around

543
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,735
how nursery rhymes can go
very badly wrong.

544
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:30,295
Erm, I would like A4 sheet of
paper, A5 sheet of paper.

545
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:31,935
Do you know which one A5 is?

546
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,655
It's bigger than A4, isn't it?

547
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:35,815
No.

548
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,215
I think that we
can incorporate some drama.

549
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:43,935
I went to drama school, so we should
make use of that money that I spent.

550
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,575
She doesn't have any shoulders.

551
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,455
No. She's got a head, though.

552
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:52,375
Is there going to be a script?
We'll play it fast and loose.

553
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:53,935
Mike Leigh-style.

554
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:03,215
So, I just need a knee and
a shoulder, and some toes. Yeah.

555
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:04,335
LAUGHTER

556
00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:08,175
APPLAUSE

557
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,255
So, some great inspirational
material that's going

558
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,535
to lead to these performances.

559
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,855
Three years in RADA? Whole three.

560
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:19,655
How much did RADA cost you
for three years?

561
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:20,935
30 grand's worth, yeah.

562
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,295
30 grand for what we're about
to see, yeah? Yeah.

563
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,175
Just you wait. Can't wait.
LAUGHTER

564
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:27,935
Lovely that you've got
the experience,

565
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,415
and you'll put on the best show. No.

566
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,935
Lovely that Sue's show
will be based on having hurt

567
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:33,335
some children in Vietnam.

568
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:36,495
Yeah, admittedly unwittingly
but, yeah, it's cultural

569
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,975
that you don't confront your senior,
so they just kept doing it

570
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,975
and hurting themselves, because
it would've been too rude to say,

571
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,415
“I'm walloping my head really badly

572
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,535
"with your weird
English nursery rhyme."

573
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,855
So, the first piece we're going to
see is presented by Sam Campbell.

574
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,575
MOODY SAXOPHONE WAILS

575
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:03,255
Inspector.

576
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,455
WHISPERS: A ghastly business.

577
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,375
I can't believe it.

578
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,135
Some kind of insane maniac...

579
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,535
...has killed my parents.

580
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,575
They've decapitated them!

581
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,295
And hacked them apart!

582
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,335
They've chopped off their heads...

583
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:24,535
...their shoulders,
their knees and toes!

584
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,135
Knees and toes.
LAUGHTER

585
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:31,655
The security here is re-really good
but somehow, they've...

586
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:36,255
Some maniac, some fruitcake has
come in, and my beloved parents!

587
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,615
They've chopped off their heads...

588
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,975
...their shoulders,
their knees and toes!

589
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,295
Knees and toes.

590
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,375
Will you cut that out?

591
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:51,855
Can't you see that I'm in
the throes of despair?

592
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,135
Look, look at what they've done!

593
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,415
They have chopped off their heads,

594
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,175
their shoulders,

595
00:28:58,200 --> 00:28:59,735
their knees and toes!

596
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:01,015
Knees and toes.

597
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,935
LAUGHTER

598
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:08,895
Where'd you get that?

599
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,735
Bit late for a banana.

600
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,135
It's midnight.

601
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,375
DRAMATIC MUSIC STING

602
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,295
I didn't think that would be
the punch line.

603
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:30,895
It's great, cos if you saw someone
eating a banana you at midnight...

604
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:33,575
Yeah. ..you'd ring the police.
But he IS the police!

605
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,215
LAUGHTER

606
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,935
Off to a strong start.

607
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,335
Right, next up,
two presentations in one.

608
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,055
It's Julian and Susan.

609
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:47,775
Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.

610
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,495
DRUMS RHYTHMICALLY

611
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,735
DRUMMING CONTINUES

612
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:55,255
Hello, Julian. Oh, hello.

613
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,255
This is the best paper I could find.

614
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,575
So, it's going to be powerful,
is it? I think so.

615
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,975
I'm quite confident that it will.

616
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:06,095
Heads, shoulders, knees and toes!

617
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:10,575
Heads, neigh, shoulders,
knees and toes.

618
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,855
No-one wants yellow, do they,
in an artwork?

619
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,615
Really?
LAUGHTER

620
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:18,255
There are some nice pictures
with yellow in.

621
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:19,855
It's a matter of opinion. OK.

622
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,775
Head, shoulders, knees and toes!

623
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,535
ECHOING: Silence!

624
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:28,495
Neigh-eigh-eigh!

625
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,095
So, do you do comedy?

626
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,375
I-I've tried, yeah.

627
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,935
Sometimes sing in a band, Julian.

628
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,815
Do you? Mmm.

629
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:39,335
What sort of music?

630
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:40,735
Sometimes it's jazz.

631
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,055
Jazz brings me out in hives.
I know, me too.

632
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,415
DISTORTED: Heads, shoulders,
knees and toes!

633
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,055
Head...shoulders...
..knees and toes!

634
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,535
...shoulders, knees and...
..knees and toes!

635
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,815
VOICES OVERLAPPING

636
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:56,335
Heads!

637
00:30:58,240 --> 00:30:59,655
Shoulders!

638
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:04,775
ECHOING: Knees!

639
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:07,735
LAUGHTER

640
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,535
Toes!

641
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:14,815
MENACING CHOIR SINGS

642
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,495
Bleeehhhh!

643
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:20,935
Ahh, my toes, ehhhh!

644
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,255
DISTORTED: He's cut off my toes!

645
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,855
CHOIR STOPS
Ehhh...

646
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,335
LAUGHTER

647
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,095
Right, I'm thrilled. Me too.

648
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:35,655
Good luck with your career...

649
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,015
LAUGHTER
..such as it.

650
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:45,335
APPLAUSE

651
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,295
It was 30 grand, yeah? Yeah.

652
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,015
LAUGHTER

653
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:55,015
No, come on. It was avant-garde.

654
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:56,975
It was French cinema.

655
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,535
It was. It was, you know...

656
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:00,855
It was imagery galore.

657
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:02,895
Loads! It was a comment on
the death penalty.

658
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,295
Was it? Yeah. And you thought the
most powerful way of representing

659
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,215
that would be with a duck?
LAUGHTER

660
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:09,975
We're not going literal.

661
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,495
And what is the comment on
the death penalty?

662
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,135
Er, that it's bad.

663
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,095
LAUGHTER

664
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:17,735
Thank you! OK.

665
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,935
So, Julian,
as far as I can work out,

666
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:25,575
sat making withering comments toward
you about your lack of talent,

667
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:27,975
and then, drew something -
but I didn't see what he drew.

668
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:32,975
So, this is Julian's powerful piece,
Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.

669
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:34,815
LAUGHTER

670
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,895
Erm, what is it Julian?

671
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,295
I just bothered with
the bits in question -

672
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,095
heads, shoulders,
knees and toes, so...

673
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,695
You bothered with them
in what sense?

674
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:48,535
In that you labelled them?

675
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,015
Well, I didn't bother with arms,

676
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:54,575
because they weren't in
the task brief. ..Brief.

677
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:57,295
No, it wasn't Head, Shoulders,
Knees, Arms, and Toes, right. Yeah.

678
00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,855
LUCY: We've all known someone
who looks like that.

679
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:02,775
Yeah? Who's the person that
you know that looks like that?

680
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,735
Erm, my Nana.
LAUGHTER

681
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,975
When she didn't have her teeth in.

682
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:14,055
And this piece is powerful
because...?

683
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:15,095
Well, it's...

684
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:16,415
Is it anti-death penalty?

685
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,215
It's anti- a lot of things.

686
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:20,655
LAUGHTER

687
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:23,295
I'm just struggling for
where the power is.

688
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,575
I like it, I like it.

689
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:26,815
That's the power.

690
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:33,215
OK, do you want to see a
health and safety presentation?

691
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:36,975
Oh, at last! Good, well here's one.
Let's go! ..via Sue Perkins.

692
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,815
Nursery rhymes are a dangerous
source of head trauma.

693
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:44,175
Just ask Jack and Jill,
Humpty Dumpty,

694
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,175
and the old man who went to bed
and bumped his head,

695
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:47,695
and couldn't get up in the morning.

696
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:50,015
This, this guy...

697
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:53,615
That's what happens when you
recklessly attend a nursery rhyme.

698
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:55,895
But there's another way.

699
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:57,535
Here at Perkins & Perkins,

700
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,255
we supply ready-prepared
safety equipment

701
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:03,215
for all eventualities like this guy.

702
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,975
Be less this guy,
and more this guy.

703
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:11,015
Be better!

704
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:12,535
Be Perkins & Perkins.

705
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,815
And don't let a rhyme stop you
in your prime.

706
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,335
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

707
00:34:22,240 --> 00:34:24,255
Full confirmation, er,

708
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,615
as if we needed it,
you were born in the wrong era.

709
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,095
So '50s, isn't it?
Erm, I really liked it.

710
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:32,855
It sort of belonged in
the cinema when we were kids.

711
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,255
Remember the guy dressed as death?
It was terrifying.

712
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,695
Donald Pleasance going,
"Don't swim here, you'll drown."

713
00:34:38,720 --> 00:34:41,495
Oh, no. And then, just children
falling to their death.

714
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:44,135
LAUGHTER
Wah! Absolutely traumatising.

715
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,855
It was awful! You kids don't know
how lucky you've got it these days,

716
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:48,855
with adverts. Oh, buy a train.

717
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,135
LAUGHTER

718
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:56,215
Right, join us after the break
for today's final chapter

719
00:34:56,240 --> 00:34:59,855
where the winner will stand alone on
the stage celebrating their victory

720
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,775
with some squirty cream and a horn.

721
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,575
And some broken glass!

722
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,855
Woohoo! It's prime time!

723
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:07,535
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

724
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,295
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Hello, again!

725
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:19,255
It's part four of four,
and we're in the thick of a task

726
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:21,615
based on heads, shoulders,
knees and toes.

727
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,495
Knees and toes.
We've had a painting,

728
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,215
two theatrical pieces, and
a health and safety demonstration.

729
00:35:26,240 --> 00:35:30,135
Finally, here is something macabre
from Lucy Beaumont.

730
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:31,175
GREG WHISTLES

731
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,975
EERIE MUSIC PLAYS

732
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,855
CHILD-LIKE: Brother Alex,
I am bored.

733
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,095
Can we play a little game?

734
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:50,775
Head...

735
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,015
...shoulder...

736
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,175
Ooh, there's a lizard!

737
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,615
Oh, that's a funny tattoo.

738
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,975
Little tattoos from the 1990s.

739
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,495
GUTTURAL MUNCHING SOUNDS

740
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:05,815
Oh, hungry lizard!

741
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:07,015
Yum-num-num-num!

742
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,815
Head, shoulders...

743
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:17,655
...knees - little poorly!

744
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:19,455
Need a plaster on that.

745
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,015
Knees and, ah...

746
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:24,775
...toes!

747
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,735
ALEX SCREAMS

748
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,255
Sorry! Oop!

749
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:40,215
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

750
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,535
Clearly an audience favourite.

751
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:46,975
But the first thing I...

752
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:50,015
I absolutely loved the aside of
pointing out that Alex has had

753
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,655
a tattoo done in the 1990s!

754
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,855
I was so shocked to see it.

755
00:36:56,880 --> 00:37:00,015
It was genuinely creepy.

756
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,335
Who were you?

757
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:05,095
I was a lady who used to look
after me when I was a child.

758
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,695
That's a worry.
LAUGHTER

759
00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:11,735
If you were to sum up the whole
story, from start to finish...

760
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,175
Mm-hm.
..as succinctly as you can...

761
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:18,535
Mm-hm. ..what was the story
that you just presented to us?

762
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:19,695
Er...

763
00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:21,135
...Harry Potter.

764
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,375
LAUGHTER

765
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,055
It was about...

766
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,095
The duck represented?

767
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:31,855
Erm, er, the RSPB.

768
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,935
Sometimes you shouldn't
talk to the creators.

769
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:45,095
Sometimes you should just see it
and judge it on face value,

770
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:46,695
cos now I think it's shit.

771
00:37:48,720 --> 00:37:50,655
Right, let me just say,
first of all,

772
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:54,575
I enjoyed all of them
more than 1 point.

773
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,055
OK, then.

774
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,855
So, this is a roundabout way of me

775
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:02,095
giving Julian's picture 2 points.
2 points.

776
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:05,695
There was a lot of enjoyment
in both Susan and Sue's,

777
00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:08,735
cos they were powerful pieces,
I'm going to give both of them -

778
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,055
and you're not going to like this -

779
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,575
4 points.
4 points, I saw that coming.

780
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,535
And I'm going to give
the weird police people...

781
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:22,255
...and I'm going to ignore everything
Lucy said about her own piece

782
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:24,215
I'm going to give them
5 points each.

783
00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:26,575
LUCY GASPS
There you go, 5 to Lucy, 5 to Sam!

784
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,495
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
well, well, well!

785
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,015
Quick look at the scores?

786
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,335
Yes, well, they're all
on double figures,

787
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:34,815
except for Julian this time.

788
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,815
At the top of the table,
it's Lucy still with 17!

789
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,135
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

790
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:42,575
I mean, I can't believe it.

791
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:45,215
Can you please vacate your seats
and head to the stage

792
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:46,975
for the final task of the show!

793
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,615
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

794
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:57,375
Alex, who's going
to read your task out?

795
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,055
The leader, Lucy Beaumont.

796
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,095
THEY LAUGH

797
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:07,055
"Pass the pineapples amongst
you for 15 seconds

798
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:11,575
"whilst the Taskmaster shuts
his eyes and has a little think.

799
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,975
"When the Taskmaster opens his eyes,
he will say if he thinks you are

800
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,175
"holding a pineapple
behind your back or not.

801
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,375
"If he accuses you wrongly,
you get a point.

802
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:25,775
"Most points after three
rounds wins."

803
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,975
It's a simple game of
hide the pineapple. Yes, it is.

804
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,615
I don't need to close my eyes,
because I have this.

805
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:33,935
LAUGHTER

806
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,815
Can you pass these down for now?
The time hasn't started yet.

807
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:38,255
I think all of you are perfectly

808
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:40,975
capable of hiding
a pineapple from me.

809
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,655
Well, I don't know,
I've only got a small torso.

810
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,375
LAUGHTER

811
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:51,015
So, close your eyes, Taskmaster.

812
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,015
15 seconds of passing
the pineapple begins now.

813
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:56,335
WHISTLE BLOWS

814
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,575
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

815
00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:08,175
OK...

816
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:09,495
WHISTLE BLOWS

817
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,135
OK, so Taskmaster,
you may open your eyes.

818
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,495
Julian, have you got
a pineapple behind your back?

819
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:17,735
No, on my life.

820
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,575
Well, I'll tell you now,
I do think Julian Clary's got

821
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:26,535
a pineapple behind his back.

822
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:28,975
Lucy's pretending her knees
are giving way.

823
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,695
I think that that bit
of overacting suggests to me

824
00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:37,615
that she isn't concealing
a pineapple behind her torso.

825
00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:42,895
Talk of overacting,
look at Perkins, for God's sake.

826
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:44,575
Stick two pineapples on the Sues.

827
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:47,815
Will people watch this?

828
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,055
LAUGHTER

829
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:55,215
APPLAUSE
I think I might be wrong.

830
00:40:55,240 --> 00:40:56,935
Take it off Perkins...

831
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,935
SINISTERLY: ..put it on Beaumont.

832
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,215
Fuck you.

833
00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:04,895
LAUGHTER
Poker face, poker face, remember.

834
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:08,615
OK, well, let's see how
you've done. Julian?

835
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,615
Oh-ho-ho, he's good!
The man is good.

836
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,495
You're talking about yourself?
Yeah!

837
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:16,055
Lucy, do you have a pineapple?

838
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:17,415
PINEAPPLE SLAMS
Aha!

839
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,215
Sam, do you have a pineapple?

840
00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:25,495
No. No way has Sue Perkins got
a pineapple behind that back.

841
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:29,295
Ahh! 1 point to Perkins.
APPLAUSE

842
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,615
Which, of course,
means that Susan Wokoma...

843
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:32,775
30 grand, baby!

844
00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:40,095
The Sues are in the lead
with a point each.

845
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:41,535
Round 2!

846
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:43,815
Taskmaster, please shut your eyes.

847
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:45,775
WHISTLE BLOWS

848
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,295
Julian says what if, like,
one of us has two?

849
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:52,975
LAUGHTER

850
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:56,535
SUSAN: Or do three. I mean...

851
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:57,815
...do you want all three?

852
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,335
WHISTLE BLOWS
OK, please stop passing pineapples.

853
00:42:06,720 --> 00:42:10,735
Is it possible that one of them
might have three pineapples?

854
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,175
Anything's possible.

855
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:15,415
Julian has got a pineapple.

856
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,295
Lucy Beaumont hasn't got
a pineapple.

857
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:20,895
Sam has got a pineapple.

858
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,695
I really want to foil RADA
at the end, though.

859
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,855
Sue Perkins hasn't got a pineapple.

860
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:30,255
RADA, this time, has a pineapple.

861
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:32,015
HE WHISPERS: I'll get you, RADA.

862
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:36,535
Susan. 30 grand, baby!

863
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:38,455
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

864
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,735
Sue Perkins, do you have
a pineapple? I don't.

865
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,735
There's no pineapple.
OK, so Sue remains on 1.

866
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,095
Sam definitely has a pineapple.
I'm not a crook.

867
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:52,335
Lucy.

868
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:54,735
PINEAPPLE SLAMS
Ohh!

869
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:57,095
CHEERING
She gets a point!

870
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:59,655
However, we've only seen
one pineapple.

871
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:01,535
Oh, I wonder where the
others could be?

872
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:04,255
Bam.

873
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,095
APPLAUSE

874
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:08,935
So, it's the final round of pass
the pineapple. Susan's in the lead.

875
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,815
15 seconds of passing
the pineapple begins...

876
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:11,815
WHISTLE BLOWS

877
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:14,775
Damn you, RADA.

878
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:18,335
Six seconds left.

879
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,335
LAUGHTER

880
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:23,415
APPLAUSE

881
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:25,055
WHISTLE BLOWS
OK.

882
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:29,135
You may open your eyes.

883
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:32,775
AUDIENCE LAUGHS

884
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,535
EVERYONE LAUGHS

885
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:37,215
Who you going to start with, Greg?

886
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:44,615
I think Julian, for the first time,

887
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,055
has no pineapples.

888
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:51,295
Lucy Beaumont - don't think
she's got a pineapple.

889
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,575
Perkins has a pineapple.

890
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:54,855
Damn you, RADA.

891
00:43:57,240 --> 00:43:59,015
She's got a bloody
pineapple this time,

892
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:00,815
and this clown's got a pineapple.
OK.

893
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,495
If this Australian has three
pineapples on him...

894
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,055
LAUGHTER

895
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,495
...I am going to lose
my fucking mind.

896
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,815
OK, Julian, he didn't think
you've got a pineapple. I do not.

897
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:14,895
I don't.

898
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:17,215
Every time, you've seen
through Julian Clary.

899
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:20,055
Yes. Funny. Yes.

900
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:21,615
Lucy has got it right once.

901
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:23,215
You don't think she's got
a pineapple?

902
00:44:23,240 --> 00:44:24,615
She hasn't, I'm sure of it.

903
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:27,895
And you were right!
I was right. Sue Perkins.

904
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:29,495
No pineapple. Yeah!

905
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,375
LAUGHTER

906
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:39,575
HE SIGHS HEAVILY
Would you like to see RADA?

907
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:41,495
If you've got three pineapples,
Sam...

908
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:46,775
Let's see RADA now, because I know
this time, I've foiled RADA.

909
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,975
You said she's got a pineapple.
Susan, do you have a pineapple?

910
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:51,815
30 grand, baby!

911
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:54,055
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

912
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,015
Sam, do you want to show
the Taskmaster if you have

913
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:03,295
a pineapple or not?

914
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:04,775
He's got a pineapple.

915
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:06,615
LAUGHTER

916
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:09,695
Where are the other two pineapples?

917
00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:11,535
They're just over there.
..Over there.

918
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:14,335
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

919
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:17,935
Well done, you pineapple-hiders.

920
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,895
We'll add that to the final scores.
Please, come and join me!

921
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:25,815
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

922
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:31,095
So, Julian unfortunately
came last there,

923
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,455
cos he didn't fool you at all.
He gets the 1 point.

924
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:37,815
Lucy and Sam both get 3 points,
cos they came joint third. Hello.

925
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:39,415
Sue came second, get 4 points,

926
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,615
but the actor, Susan Wokoma,
gets the full 5 points!

927
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:45,255
CHEERING

928
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:48,135
Fair play, RADA.

929
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:52,895
OK, and that means in terms of
the series, Susan, you are now, er,

930
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:55,215
still last on 80 points.

931
00:45:55,240 --> 00:45:57,175
Lucy, you have 85,

932
00:45:57,200 --> 00:46:00,455
Sue, you are on 89, Julian, 95,

933
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,095
Sam in the lead -
triple figures now, 106!

934
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,895
CHEERING

935
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:10,095
And so?
And so, it's been a tight episode.

936
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:14,935
3 points separating the top four,
but the winner, with 20 points...

937
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:16,295
...it's Lucy Beaumont!

938
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:18,295
LOUD CHEERING

939
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:23,695
Lucy Beaumont wins!

940
00:46:23,720 --> 00:46:28,135
Please skip up to the stage
and shake your noisy prizes!

941
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,655
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

942
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:37,895
LAUGHTER

943
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:42,815
Six down, four to go,
see you next time.

944
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:46,135
But for now, here's tonight's
winner, celebrating on a stage,

945
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:48,975
it is Lucy Beaumont!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

946
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:15,975
Subtitles by Red Bee Media