1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,535 This program me contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:07,055 Good evening. 3 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:09,655 Agh! 4 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:11,735 Ah. 5 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:12,735 Ooh. 6 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,215 I trained at RADA. 7 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:16,335 What have I created? 8 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:18,295 Sorry. 9 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:20,975 How we laughed. 10 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:21,975 Ah. 11 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:25,815 Huh? 12 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:39,335 Hello, welcome to the show. I'm Greg Davies. 13 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:40,695 If Taskmaster is 14 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,615 the new Colosseum, then our contestants are lion fodder. 15 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,935 If Taskmaster is the Olympics, then these five 16 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,015 need to beef up on 'roids big-time. 17 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,415 If Taskmaster is the new religion, then I'm 18 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:52,895 the mother-flipping pope and I don't smoke dope 19 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,695 and I've never owned a soap on a rope. 20 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:58,415 Wow! Writing introductions is increasingly tough. 21 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,775 So, let's crack on and meet our colossal contenders, 22 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:07,255 they are Julian Clary, Lucy Beaumont, 23 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,735 Sam Campbell, 24 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,575 Sue Perkins and Susan Wokoma. 25 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,295 APPLAUSE 26 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,815 And next to me the answer to 27 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,535 the question, which well-known presenter does little plops in 28 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:23,815 the toilet like the ones you'd expect to see from a sheep? 29 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:28,695 It's little Alex Horne. 30 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:32,935 All right. 31 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:33,975 Hello. 32 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,295 Say again? 33 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:36,895 Go on, what are you preoccupied with? 34 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,175 Oh, was I? Sorry, no, yeah, no 35 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,295 not very professional. 36 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,255 It's just this new WhatsApp group. Yeah. 37 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,295 I love WhatsApp. Do you? 38 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:45,935 Just the groups, and anyway... OK. 39 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,895 Yes, no, I'm looking... looking forward to the show. 40 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,735 Let's have a look at your WhatsApp group. 41 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:53,775 Really? Yeah. It's sort of priv... It's sort of me and my friends. 42 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,335 Yeah. Let me see. 43 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,335 My actual friends. 44 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:01,575 "The Little Ones." 45 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,975 It's the name of the group, yeah. 46 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,695 Yeah. Who's in it? Lil Nas is in it, is he? Yeah. 47 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,655 What's he say? "Hey, guys." 48 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,055 Yeah. "You free Wednesday? Got some little plans." 49 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,335 He's so funny. So funny. 50 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,175 You say, "Nah, man, not Wednesday, 51 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:21,055 "swimming lesson. You know this." 52 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,175 Hmm, should do. 53 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,855 And Lil Nas says, "Lil Wayne, you around next Wednesday?" 54 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,215 “Like I say, I've got some little plans.” 55 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,215 Lil Wayne says, "Also not free Wednesday, 56 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,775 “I've got my climbing lesson." Climbing, always Wednesday. 57 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,535 "I thought you knew that, Lil Nas." Yeah. 58 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:38,095 And lots of exclamation marks. 59 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:39,695 And then, in comes Richard Little john. 60 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,375 He says, "Hi, guys, love the banter as always." Yeah. 61 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,575 “I'm now free on Wednesday as my javelin practice..." 62 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,455 "..My javelin practice..." It moved. 63 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,855 “..Has been moved to Sunday mornings. 8am, WTF." 64 00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,775 Yeah, so early. Isn't that early for javelin? 65 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:01,775 Yeah. Yeah. 66 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,055 I've messaged him back for you. What did you say? 67 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,255 Oh. 68 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,135 I don't think they've ever heard me using that word before. 69 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,495 OK, that's a shame, that's a shame. 70 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,415 Right, on with the prize task. 71 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:18,775 Yes. And you'll like this one, Greg, because 72 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,215 they've been asked to bring in 73 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,535 the bit of old crap that Greg likes the best. 74 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,135 Wow, you are getting lazy. 75 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,615 We all know Greg likes old crap 76 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,975 but what old crap does Greg like best? 77 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,855 Best old crap equals five points 78 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,415 and the winner today will take home five bits of old crap. Crappy days. 79 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,255 OK, Julian, what bit of crap have you brought in? 80 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,615 Oh, you're gonna love this. It's a ceramic soldier from a junk shop. 81 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,895 Here we go. It's a gentleman at arms. 82 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,655 I bought it to annoy my husband cos I thought he'd hate it. 83 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,415 But, actually, we've grown to love him. 84 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:51,775 We call him Bernard. 85 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,855 And he's everything you'd want in a soldier. 86 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,415 He's well-presented, he's very, very smart 87 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,935 and probably available for no-strings fun round 88 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,455 the back of the barracks. You get that vibe. 89 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,415 He's got that look in his eye, hasn't he? Yeah, I see that. 90 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,895 Why does it have to be no-strings? 91 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,255 That's how we like it. 92 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,575 I wonder where that tradition came from 93 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:19,935 of soldiers having big feathers on their head. Any idea? 94 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,335 Yeah, yeah, I know. OK. 95 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,095 Lucy, can you beat a ceramic soldier? 96 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,975 This is a mouse dropping. 97 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,855 Oh. Basically, where my mum lived, 98 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:34,615 when she was growing up, she lived next door to, 99 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,015 uh, an old couple and they couldn't have children. 100 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,175 So, the husband, he bought a monkey off a sailor. 101 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:44,815 Um, but the monkey bit her nose off. 102 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,455 And I was never allowed pets. 103 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,295 But my mum did eventually get me a hamster. 104 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:56,335 And one night, it ran across the settee, and so, 105 00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:00,015 because it scared her, she whacked it and killed it. 106 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:04,655 But because of that, my mum’s now got mice in her pantry. 107 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,975 And instead of getting rid of 'em, she's keeping 'em like pets. 108 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,855 And that's their dropping. 109 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,615 So, the feathers are just 110 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,775 a symbol of their collective identity, that's all it... 111 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,295 I just feel like I have...I've done what you've asked me to do. 112 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,655 You haven't done... You've just given me 113 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,015 an awful insight into your upbringing. 114 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,015 And then, you've brought me a plate full of shit, 115 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,495 that's what you've done. 116 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,255 Um, Sam, what have you brought? 117 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,015 It's my National Insurance number. 118 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,575 I had to get a National Insurance number. Yeah, we all have to. 119 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,935 They rang me up. They said, "How do you want it? 120 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,535 "It gets sent in a letter or just email 121 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,815 "or you can get it on a cassette.” 122 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,135 A cassette? Yeah. 123 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,695 It's for blind people so they can hear the number instead. Oh. 124 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,295 Oh. Yeah, there's the prize. 125 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:51,415 Wow. 126 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,695 And this is what his National Insurance number is. 127 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:58,575 COMPUTER VOICE: From the Department for Work and Pensions your reference. 128 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,775 BLEEP, one, BLEEP, six, BLEEP, BLEEP. 129 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,375 Pretty good. 130 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,295 I sort of do want it. 131 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:08,895 Cos you have trouble with sleeping. 132 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,215 I do have trouble with sleeping, yeah. Chuck that on. 133 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,695 Chuck that on. 134 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,175 Hi, Sue. Hi, you. 135 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:20,255 Can you beat a plateful of shit, a taped security number, a soldier? 136 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,375 I've brought this in. 137 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:26,495 Atomic Energy Badge for Boy Scouts in 1960s America. 138 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,575 To get this badge, uh, 139 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:31,135 as a Boy Scout, you had to build an electroscope, 140 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,455 build a Geiger counter, 141 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,935 go to a place underground with radiation 142 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,255 and record the measurements. 143 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,895 That's genuinely fascinating. Yeah. 144 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,735 And I've gotta say, 145 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,215 I think it might have the edge over a plate full of shit. 146 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,535 Hello, Susan. 147 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:51,055 Um, the thing that I've brought in is my childhood pet. 148 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,975 So, here is Susan's bit of old crap. 149 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,695 Yeah. 150 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,095 I really wanted a dog. 151 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,975 But my mum, she's Nigerian, 152 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,455 so she doesn't really understand the concept of bringing 153 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,495 a wild, hostile animal like a puppy into your home. 154 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:04,655 Just doesn't translate. 155 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:08,575 So one day, I was with my childhood friend Aurora. 156 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,095 She's very arts-and-crafty. 157 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,895 She calls her parents by their first name. 158 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,655 Urgh. Really weird, really weird. 159 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,135 Pull yourself together, Aurora. 160 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,535 And so, we decided to walk along, uh, 161 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,575 the walworth Road 162 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:21,975 and each find 163 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:26,415 a leaf which we then covered in sticky back plastic and, 164 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,575 I decided to name my childhood pet Le Fleur 165 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,335 and that is a true story and I feel a bit sick. 166 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,935 I'm not surprised. It's genuinely heartbreaking that someone... 167 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,735 But it's a beloved. ..would have a pet that is a laminated leaf. 168 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:40,815 Yes. 169 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,535 Not easy for you this, Greg. 170 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:43,895 I mean, it's not that hard. 171 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,535 It'll come as little surprise that the thing I want to take home least 172 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,895 is a big pile of mouse shit. One point to Lucy. 173 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,695 One point. OK. What do you think I want to take home least the next? 174 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:58,295 I think it's the National Insurance number of an Australian comedian. 175 00:07:58,320 --> 00:07:59,335 It isn't. 176 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,575 Oh. It's a laminated leaf. 177 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,375 Two points to Susan, then, is it? Yeah. OK. 178 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,175 I sort of want that soldier. Wait, wait, is this getting three points? 179 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:12,135 Yeah. I can't explain why I want Sam's tape. 180 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,455 I almost want it the most. 181 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,215 But not quite. I want the atomic badge the most 182 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,415 so I'm gonna give four points to Sam's weird tape 183 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,335 and five points to the atomic badge. 184 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,815 There we go. Well done, Sue Perkins. Wins the task. 185 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,335 OK, let's get going. 186 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,615 Stop. 187 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:34,615 Go. 188 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:43,255 WHISTLE BLOWS 189 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:49,975 And stop. 190 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,655 This is already majestic. 191 00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:55,255 Standard sweeper. 192 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,055 I haven't got a driver's licence. 193 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:58,415 Do you have a driver's licence? 194 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,015 I do, it took a while to get. 195 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,655 I can't drive. I'm a Londoner. 196 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,655 We don't drive. You just get on the bus 197 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,015 or the DLR and go boop-boop at the front. 198 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,655 Can you drive, Sam? I can drive people crazy. 199 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,215 Do you have a licence? I not only have a licence, Alex, 200 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:16,775 I am a member of the Advanced Motorists association. 201 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,295 So, stick that in your pipe. 202 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,615 Drive, that's good, the first word. 203 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,855 Drive across the finish line. 204 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,855 You must obey all the rules of the road 205 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,935 and must only stop your vehicle at a traffic signal. 206 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,695 If you disobey a rule, 207 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,975 Alex will blow his whistle 208 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,935 and you must return to the start. 209 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,375 Back here? Back here. 210 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,335 For a ten-second driving lesson. 211 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,295 Fastest wins. 212 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:50,015 Your time starts when the traffic signals first change. 213 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,695 So I'm gonna teach you about this vehicle. 214 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:52,775 Right. 215 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,615 This is the horn. Alex... BEEPS HORN 216 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,535 Sorry. It's all right. 217 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:59,895 No, no, but not yet, not, not yet. Yeah, 218 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,615 the lesson hasn't quite finished or started. 219 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,175 It goes up to ten miles an hour. 220 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,055 Oh, I'm gonna push this bitch. 221 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:07,735 But why are you gonna push it? 222 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,415 I'm not entirely clear about these signals. No. 223 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,055 I'm assuming red means stop. No. 224 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,575 It doesn't? No. 225 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,935 You start when the traffic signals change. OK. 226 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,815 There were things that surprised me about the intro, 227 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,695 “I'm gonna push this bitch." 228 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:35,015 That's the reason it took 14 years to get the licence. 229 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,255 Um, Julian, you're an Advanced driver? 230 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,455 Well, my father was a traffic policeman, 231 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,775 so he knew about this organisation. 232 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:48,055 They teach you how to drive extra safely 233 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,015 and you get a sticker to put in your car. 234 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,215 But can you also do doughnuts in a car park and stuff? 235 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,615 Ha, I have been known. 236 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,975 Um, things that didn't surprise me - 237 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,935 Sam and Lucy can't drive 238 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,975 and RADA sits on the front of trains 239 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,295 and pretends she's the driver. 240 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,455 I'm happy to see their attempts. 241 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,295 So, neither of these two have a licence 242 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,295 and neither of them should ever have a licence. 243 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,135 It's Lucy and it is also Sam. Here we go. 244 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,455 You can start when the traffic signals change. 245 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:22,455 Right. 246 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,975 WHISTLE BLOWS What's up? 247 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,295 WHISTLE BLOWS Please come back 248 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,615 for a driving lesson. 249 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:37,615 Oh. 250 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:41,335 Hello, Sam. How are you? Welcome to your first driving lesson. 251 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:49,095 Hello, Lucy. Sorry. 252 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,015 You clearly didn't obey the amber signal there. 253 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:52,215 I didn't know what it means. 254 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,175 Well, amber means to activate your brushes. 255 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,375 What does red mean? 256 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,655 You've got two seconds left. Red means go. Off you go. 257 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,295 WHISTLE BLOWS 258 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,375 You did very well with the brushes that time, but then, 259 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,095 you hit the purple one and, of course, at purple 260 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,495 you must get out of your vehicle, 261 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,815 walk round it and get back in it and carry on. 262 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:19,815 Yeah. Right, OK. 263 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,775 What's green mean? Green, wait for three seconds. Off you go. 264 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,455 Red is go, go, go, go go. 265 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,655 WHISTLE BLOWS 266 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,335 WHISTLE BLOWS Blue means you have to come back 267 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:34,375 to the previous signal 268 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:35,935 and then carry on. Oh, yeah, yeah. 269 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,895 What's yellow? Yellow means you've gotta beep your horn and carry on. 270 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,095 We're getting there. Yeah. 271 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,815 Oh, bye-bye. 272 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,175 WHISTLE BLOWS what the hell? 273 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,695 You failed to activate your brushes. 274 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:48,335 WHISTLING 275 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:49,575 Orange means go? 276 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,615 No. 277 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:51,695 Ah! 278 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,095 WHISTLE BLOWS Shall I come back on foot? 279 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,135 If you want. 280 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,775 Hello, Lucy. 281 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,615 Turn them on. Purple is spin. 282 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:01,735 Obviously, I would be able to do it if I had that with me. 283 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,535 You want my piece of paper? Yeah. 284 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,215 Lovely. 285 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,255 Very good. 286 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,455 BEEPING 287 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:26,735 I've stopped the clock! 288 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,095 WHISTLE BLOWS what? 289 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,815 You're not allowed to stop unless you're next to a traffic signal. 290 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,175 Can you come back for a driving lesson, please? 291 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,095 What the hell? That was good! WHISTLE BLOWS 292 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,655 Oh. What happens if this goes forever? 293 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,215 Don't you have other things to film? 294 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:58,695 Thank you, Sam. 295 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,255 You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed. 296 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:03,735 You should be ashamed. 297 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,135 Well, firstly, you enjoyed your flashing blue hat 298 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:10,815 and your authority too much, didn't you? 299 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,095 I enjoyed it a lot. You did. 300 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,575 Blowing his little whistle. 301 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,495 What a knob! Now, Lucy, 302 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,575 and I say this only in driving terms, 303 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,495 I think there's something wrong with you. 304 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,295 That's what the instructor said. 305 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,655 Sam, you seemed very annoyed when you were called back at one point. 306 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,215 Yes, I think I know the bit you mean. It's this bit. 307 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,215 WHISTLE BLOWS 308 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,535 He kept whistling and the authority figure, his hat... 309 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,575 Yeah, he loves... ..was pissing me off, man. 310 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,295 Yeah. And he was smirking and he was nasty. 311 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,655 He's a spiteful little shit, isn't he? 312 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,935 "Oh, hoo-hoo, they're not doing my task right." 313 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,975 He took 26 minutes and 22 seconds. 314 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,055 Is that good? 315 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:56,055 No... 316 00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,375 Lucy, 24 minutes and 30 seconds so they're similar times 317 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,895 but Lucy's in the lead at the moment. 318 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:02,975 Well done, Lucy. 319 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:06,495 Advert time, 320 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,295 and it's a real opportunity to practise mindfulness. 321 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,135 Close your eyes and breathe. 322 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,455 Then make a list of all the things you haven't done. 323 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,975 Jesus, you're behind, get up, panic, 324 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,255 no-one thinks you're up to the job. Argh! 325 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,815 Hello, hello again. Welcome 326 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,975 to part two of Taskmaster where our comedians are learning 327 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,295 the Taskmaster rules of the road. 328 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,775 Yes, Greg. It's our way or the Highway...Code. 329 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,135 We've seen Sam and Lucy. Now for Sue Perkins 330 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,775 and our resident Advanced Motorist Mr Julian Clary. 331 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:46,855 Off we go. 332 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,655 WHISTLE BLOWS Sorry, Julian, 333 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,535 would you mind coming back for a driving lesson? 334 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:58,375 Hello, Julian. 335 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,055 Hello, did I do something wrong? 336 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,455 So you failed to obey 337 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,015 the amber signal which is, of course, activate brushes. 338 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,335 And red means? Go. 339 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,775 Blue. Blue means return to the previous signal 340 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,015 and obey that signal, as well. OK. 341 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,935 WHISTLE BLOWS I'm returning. Yeah, I knew it. 342 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,295 Do you have a pen? 343 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,615 Father taught me to drive. Did he? 344 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,255 I passed on my 17th birthday. 345 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,295 Oh. Happy days. 346 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,415 Happy birthday. I, um... 347 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:25,935 Well, enough about you. Yeah, OK. 348 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:28,255 Red means go. 349 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,935 WHISTLE BLOWS Oh, dear. 350 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,375 I can't read my own hands. 351 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,375 WHISTLE BLOWS Oh, don't. 352 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,055 So annoying! 353 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,375 Bye-bye. Bye. 354 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:47,375 Activate brushes. 355 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:50,655 All right so far? 356 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,295 Really nice. Really nice. 357 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,935 BEEPING 358 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,255 BEEPING 359 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,695 I don't want it to end! 360 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,095 Don't take hands off. 361 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,335 I've stopped the clock! 362 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,055 What was yellow? 363 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,695 WHISTLE BLOWS Ten-second driving lesson, please. 364 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,175 WHISTLE BLOWS 365 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:30,775 WHISTLE BLOWING 366 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:36,055 WHISTLE BLOWS 367 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,655 I'm not sure, in the history of this show, we've ever had such 368 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,335 a chillingly calm meltdown. 369 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:47,375 Well, I...I just smelt freedom. 370 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:53,055 It was like a light bulb filament burnt out and then, "Nah, I'm out." 371 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,735 It's not for me. I mean... 372 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,255 All that blowing and I don't know how long I was there for, 373 00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,575 but it was a long time. 374 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,855 Well, it wasn't that long. 375 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,055 13 minutes. 376 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,455 You've got a shorter fuse than you thought, Julian. 377 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,375 Well, he was the only one there to talk to. 378 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,055 Oh, God. Awful. Um, 379 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,375 so Julian gets no points, 380 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,695 but, you know, what a glorious crash-and-burn. 381 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,015 Oh, it was all worth it. 382 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,015 Sue, I've just realised, whatever we've asked you to do 383 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,335 for this whole series, you look like it's your job. 384 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:25,055 I'm really biddable, that's the thing. 385 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,855 I'm told to do something I go, "Absolutely," and then, I'm just it. 386 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,735 You really did push that bitch. 387 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,015 I know! 388 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,495 She was an exhausted bitch by the time we finished. 389 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,655 She pushed the bitch 390 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,735 for a total of 11 minutes and 43 seconds. 391 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,015 AUDIENCE OOHS whoa. 392 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,215 Who's next? 393 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,015 Here is Susan on the sweeper. 394 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,655 WHISTLE BLOWS What do, what do, what do I do? 395 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,455 Please come back for a driving lesson. 396 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:57,895 Oh, my God! All right. Ooh. 397 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,335 SHE SCREAMS 398 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:02,935 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. 399 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,375 Need to press. Ah! Stop! 400 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,815 Wait, wait, wait, hang on. Wait, wait, I've got it. 401 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,095 Everyone, calm down. 402 00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:12,575 Good. Stop, stop, stop, stop! 403 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,135 I'm sorry, I nearly killed you. I'm so sorry. 404 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,295 Why does it keep doing that? Why does it do that? Stop, uh... 405 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,855 SUSAN SIGHS 406 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,175 Welcome to your first driving lesson. 407 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,535 Uh, unfortunately, you didn't obey the amber signal. 408 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,735 Amber, of course, means you have to activate your brushes. 409 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:39,735 Bye. 410 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,615 Please come back for a driving lesson. What? No, no way! 411 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,295 Well, I need to tell you what blue does. 412 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,015 Blue means wait. Blue means... Wait. 413 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,375 ...come back to the previous set of signals. Off you go. 414 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,135 What does yellow mean, now? 415 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,855 It means you have to come back for a driving lesson. 416 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:01,855 Careful. 417 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:06,975 Yellow is beep the horn and carry on. 418 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,335 Right, bye. Bye-bye. 419 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,335 And do I keep them off? 420 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,575 BEEPING 421 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,335 BEEPING 422 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,415 BEEPING I've already got it on 423 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,735 so I just carry on...I'm going. 424 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,215 I'm bloody going. 425 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,815 You can't stop me! 426 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,975 Da-da-da-da-da. 427 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:34,975 We got there. 428 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,775 Well, here's some things that 429 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,815 I never thought would be said out loud. 430 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,575 You're a worse driver than Lucy Beaumont. 431 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,215 Well, I don't have a driver's licence and... No way. 432 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:50,815 No, no, no. 433 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:52,735 I had so much fun. 434 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,175 Oh, good. Yeah. 435 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,535 Especially when I nearly killed someone. 436 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,415 Didn't I hit that thing twice? Twice. 437 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,015 The thing with the man behind? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 438 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,335 She did fulfil the task. She passed. She learnt, 439 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:04,455 she learnt really quickly. 440 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:05,935 So, at first you were turning left, 441 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,775 but not understanding why it went left. 442 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,495 But you managed to time it better than anyone else with the flags. 443 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,935 Thanks. So you did it in 13 minutes 50 seconds. 444 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,215 Amazing. Oh, God, that's... Oh, what? Yeah. 445 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,535 It's amazing. 446 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,055 But it means Sam gets two points, three for Lucy, 447 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,815 four for Susan, but Sue Perkins gets five points. There we are. 448 00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:30,055 And a score board, please. Maximum points at the moment goes 449 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,615 to Sue Perkins in the lead with ten. 450 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,175 Well done, Sue. May we have another task, please, Alex? 451 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,895 Yes, and it's another one that really is just for you, Greg. 452 00:21:58,440 --> 00:21:59,575 Hello. Oh, hi, Susan. 453 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:00,575 Oh, hi. 454 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,575 Hi, Sam. Oh, there's something in your pigeon hole. 455 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:09,615 That's proper 50. 456 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,535 Coin fever, hey! 457 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,855 "Make Greg the best gift." 458 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,375 "You have five minutes to order your items." 459 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,695 "Then 15 minutes to make your gift." 460 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:29,135 "Your items must cost no more than £50." 461 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,535 I will need that money. 462 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,455 So, I've got to pick these up like an animal? 463 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,295 OK, your time starts now. 464 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,615 Right, OK. 465 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,255 Have you thought of anything you want me to buy yet? 466 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,415 Yeah. OK. 467 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,695 Shall I tell you? Yes, please. Oh, right. 468 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,415 Can you get me a box? 469 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:53,775 Corrugated cardboard. 470 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,695 Something furry, fluffy. 471 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:56,695 A blanket. 472 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:00,895 What colour? 473 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:01,895 Brown. 474 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,455 And if there's any Mr Sheen spray 475 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,775 and a duster if you can afford that, as well. 476 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:09,775 I'd like a hairdryer. 477 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,095 Nothing with nuts. 478 00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:13,135 The craziest straws that you can see. 479 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,655 So, that's up to about £8 now, do you think? 480 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,215 You've got 30 seconds and probably about £2 left to spend. 481 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,095 Let's put some little sweets in. Hmm. 482 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,575 Or maybe he's a cris... I think he might be a crisp man. 483 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,295 Ferrero Rocher. 484 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:25,935 You're going to spoil him. 485 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,975 Cheap crisps. Cheap crisps. Cos then, we can have a few. He'll like that. 486 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,615 WHISTLE BLOWS OK. Here you are. 487 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,495 Are you OK? Yeah, I'm going to the shop. 488 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,335 Whatever's left over, just buy yourself something. Right. 489 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:39,895 All right. 490 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,695 You've got 15 minutes to create your gift for Greg Davies. 491 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:43,695 Fabulous. 492 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,815 Um, is it appropriate to call him "sir"? Definitely. 493 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,895 It sort of looks like you know what you're doing. 494 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:53,975 I don't. 495 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,695 Wear this one. Yeah. And then, I'd like you to come out naked. 496 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:57,735 Look at that. 497 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,095 Is that snow? Yeah. 498 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:02,455 I'm sorry I started this now. Yeah. 499 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:04,975 And you've finished, have you? Yeah. Yeah. I'm done now. 500 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,695 This is really good, by the way. 501 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,655 You want me to pass that on? Yeah. 502 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,535 I've got a real feeling this is gonna be quite...quite wonderful. 503 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,895 You sort of set Sam up there a little bit by giving him coins... Yeah. 504 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,415 ...while everyone else had a note. 505 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,735 But I think we set him up because we always know he's 506 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,015 gonna say something amazing. 507 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,655 And I just loved, "Coin fever, eh!" 508 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,015 Why did you have an orange tie on? 509 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,055 I was under instructions to spend whatever money was left over, 510 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:33,375 uh, on something for myself. 511 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,775 I'm very excited by all of these 512 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,095 and well done for the "sir" thing. It puts me in mind of my teaching days. 513 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:41,615 I thought it might. 514 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:42,775 Advert time. 515 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:46,655 A wise man once said, never a borrower or a lender be. 516 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,135 And did that guy have an air fryer or a SodaStream? 517 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:50,455 No, what a loser. 518 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,255 Apply for a new credit card immediately. 519 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,855 The neighbours are talking about you! 520 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,655 Bye. 521 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,015 Hello. 522 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:11,775 Welcome back to Taskmaster where I've been 523 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,095 a very patient boy, haven't I, Alex? 524 00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:15,535 Such a patient boy, Greg, 525 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,335 but the waiting is about to pay off. Are you ready? 526 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,615 Yes! Let's go and get your presents. Come on. 527 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:27,655 Happy birthday, Greg. 528 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:28,695 Present time. 529 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,975 Yes, let's start this end. 530 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,895 This one is from Mr Julian Clary. 531 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,095 You remember the box he made. 532 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:35,175 Yes. Enjoy. 533 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:38,455 Ah, that is a lovely box 534 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,815 with pink spots on it. So lovely, Julian. 535 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,375 This could change your life. 536 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,015 Oh... 537 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,215 Oh, God. 538 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,135 Oh, God, that is... 539 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,415 There's more. Oh. 540 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:56,855 What's that, polish? 541 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,335 Oh. Julian's written "Have fun!" in the bottom. 542 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,735 This is what? The shorts. Oh, God... 543 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,895 I mean, you know, it's getting to the time 544 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,375 where I should consider retiring, 545 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,855 so why don't I go out with a bang and put this on. 546 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,855 Thank you for my... 547 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,175 ...gimp costume? 548 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,975 OK, second present. This is from Susan Wokoma. 549 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,135 Oh, I like that. Home-made. 550 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:27,615 Oh, that is nice. 551 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,895 I-I think you should put it on. 552 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,815 Pop that on. Get that on you. 553 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,335 A more cynical man would say that this was just 554 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,975 some crudely cut pieces of material... No. 555 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,695 ...that have been glued onto a fur coat. 556 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,575 No, no, you'd be mistaken. 557 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,935 If you wanna go up to the fr... Oh, look at that! 558 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,375 Give us a spin! AUDIENCE CHEERS 559 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,775 WHISTLING, APPLAUSE 560 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:50,815 Pop these on. 561 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:52,215 Yeah! Yeah! 562 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:54,975 There we are. Yeah. 563 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,535 Oh. They're nice presents so far, aren't they? 564 00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,775 Honestly, they do feel quite nice. 565 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,055 Lucy Beaumont's...den. 566 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,415 Ah. 567 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,815 That's quite clever though because I do like a den. 568 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,375 Well, you can hide in there waiting for your victims. 569 00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:15,695 There's a trail of crisps, you know, where someone might go, 570 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,015 "Oh, crisps!" and then, they'll come in the den, 571 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:19,135 and then, you can get them. 572 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:22,415 Can you fit in there OK? 573 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,415 GREG SIGHS 574 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:29,335 Let's see, shall we? 575 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,375 Oh, you're going in backwards. Yes. 576 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:36,375 You like the present, Greg? 577 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:38,775 MUFFLED: No. 578 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,655 Bit more delicate, this one. This is, uh, 579 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,215 from Sam Campbell. All for you. 580 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,015 Oh. 581 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,655 What is at the bottom of the bucket, there's snow? 582 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:56,055 I mean, I have to say, this is Sam's actual credit card. 583 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,575 So, that's incredible. Yeah, it's a gentleman's basket. 584 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,175 Oh, what I was thinking? 585 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,535 Well, I thought, when I saw you, you're so stylish. 586 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:06,815 I didn't know you were gonna start dressing Fagin at a disco. 587 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,815 Last one. 588 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,255 And now, you can enjoy a lovely bit of art. 589 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:17,815 Oh, wow. Is that you? That's you? 590 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,295 Yeah, we did that in the garden. 591 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,895 There's a version on the back where the artist's in the frame. 592 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,735 I just wanted you to see Alex in a more aesthetic, 593 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,135 romantic - perhaps, even sexual - way. 594 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,695 Yeah, it's absolutely beautiful. 595 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,055 Which is your least favourite gift, Greg? 596 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,455 I don't wanna give any of them one point. Right. 597 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:38,695 I'm gonna give, uh, 598 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,055 two points to Sam's gentleman's basket. 599 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,455 Ah. Because I think, well, it's insane. 600 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:44,535 Lovely stuff. 601 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,335 And I think I'm gonna give, three points 602 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:50,615 to Susan's coat. Do you know why? 603 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:51,735 I can imagine. 604 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,495 It's rubbish. 605 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:54,775 Three to Susan. 606 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,375 I'm gonna give four points to Lucy's crisp den. 607 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:02,415 And I'm gonna give four points also to Julian's, uh, rubber outfit 608 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,815 because it's just something I've never considered before. 609 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,095 And I'm gonna give five points 610 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:10,895 to this beautiful painting of my favourite man in the world. Oh. 611 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,815 Well, there we go. Sue Perkins wins the task! 612 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:15,055 Let's go back down. 613 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:20,655 Shall we try for another? Hmm, yes, please. 614 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,615 OK, Greg, here is some more clowning about. 615 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,735 Hello. Hello, there. 616 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,055 Ah. That's a creepy clown. 617 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,655 Don't go any closer to the clown that's... 618 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:52,575 I don't want to. It's a clown. Good. 619 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:53,775 OK, here we go. 620 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:57,335 "Feed the clown the most cards." 621 00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,095 “No part of you must cross the threshold of the stage." 622 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:05,095 This is the stage. Don't go any closer than that. 623 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,535 No, uh, no... Exactly. Even if a hair goes over it. 624 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,935 "You have ten minutes, your time starts now." 625 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:15,175 Pretty straightforward. 626 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,495 Get the cards into the clown's mouth. Mm-hm. 627 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,775 Do not cross the threshold 628 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,495 and I will be ruthless on this. 629 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,175 I think we should just get on with it. OK, well, let's begin, 630 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,935 as we so often have, with Lucy and Susan. 631 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,895 I'm gonna just try and see what my aim's saying. 632 00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:35,055 Cool. 633 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,175 Have you got a fishing rod and a magnet? 634 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:39,375 All I've got is a shed. 635 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,095 I'll try it again just so that we're all aware that this is not 636 00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:43,375 how we're gonna do this. 637 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,135 Useless. 638 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:48,495 Hello, Lucy. Hiya. 639 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:49,535 You got a plan? 640 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:50,815 Yeah. Yeah. 641 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:54,895 All right, so we've done that. 642 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:55,895 Yeah, done that. 643 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:08,375 That was about six. 644 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,175 Do you mind telling me your plan? 645 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:13,495 I want to see if you'll, um, if you'll sit on there. 646 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:14,855 I don't mind sitting on a sledge. 647 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,095 I can't cross the threshold. 648 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:22,735 Can you cross the threshold? 649 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,695 Yeah, I can do what I want. Can you get me all the cards, please? 650 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:28,015 No, thank you... No, thank you. What?! 651 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:29,055 I don't really like clowns. 652 00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,415 No, nobody does, do they? 653 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,375 I'm just gonna give you this card. 654 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,335 You might need to just shuffle forward a bit. 655 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,855 Uh, I won't be putting them in the clown's mouth. 656 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:40,255 You won't be? I don't think so. 657 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:43,735 Right, hmm. 658 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,055 May I go in the shed, please? Thanks. 659 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:49,975 Ah. 660 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:51,935 I mean, there's nothing in here. 661 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,215 Well, no, that's cos that's not the shed. 662 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,495 Why am I sitting on a sledge? I don't know, 663 00:31:57,520 --> 00:31:59,855 I was gonna push you if you needed me to. 664 00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:00,935 OK. 665 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:03,775 No. 666 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:05,215 You were fine, just... Was 1? 667 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:06,815 Ah, yeah. I'm over it. 668 00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,535 I've got a feeling this isn't the best way, 669 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,095 but I don't know... I've sort of committed to it, 670 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:15,775 I don't know any other way now. 671 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:24,255 WHISTLE BLOWS 672 00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:26,975 Well, there are SOME cards in the clown's mouth. 673 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:35,095 What's great about Taskmaster is that people sometimes try a method, 674 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:37,655 but then, they evolve as the task goes on. 675 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,415 Not in Susan's case. 676 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:40,495 No, no, no. 677 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,335 It was just the throw the cards, route one. Yeah. 678 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,255 Throw the cards into the clown's mouth. Yeah. 679 00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,175 How many did you get in? Uh, was it three? 680 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:48,215 How many'd she get in? 681 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,775 Actually 12. Oh, was it 12?7 682 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,415 Wow. Yeah, 12 in the end. For, for insanity, that's pretty good. 683 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,535 Well, that's a disappointing start. 684 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,255 Well, you would've thought no-one could be worse than that. 685 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:00,055 You would've thought. 686 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,015 Hello, Lucy. Hi. 687 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:03,855 Why were you wearing two hats? 688 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,375 I think just cos, they were, they were in there. 689 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,295 Yeah, pop 'em on. Fine perfect answer. Is that all right? 690 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,815 Probably the same reason that when Susan failed, she maniacally laughed. 691 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,935 Lucy, did you really think you could use a leaf blower 692 00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:19,255 to blow that card into the clown's mouth? 693 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:20,135 Yeah. Yeah, she did. 694 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,735 Cos when I blow leaves at home I mean... Into a clown's mouth. 695 00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:25,895 Well, I mean they go...they go really far. They go miles. Yeah. 696 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:29,895 So, it's 12 and zero to beat. 697 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:30,975 Who's next? 698 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:34,215 We're gonna see Sam Clownball and Julian Clowny, fine? 699 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:35,215 Yes. Here we go. 700 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:44,935 I've got an idea. OK. 701 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,695 I need some string, am I allowed to go back into the house? 702 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,975 Oh, all the information's on the task, Sam. 703 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,015 If I look in the shed might I find some elastic bands? 704 00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:56,175 It's a really nice shed. 705 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,255 Do you come with me or not? Do I go on my own? That's up to you. 706 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:00,615 You come with me. Great! 707 00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:06,215 Is this your stage persona or is this what you're like? 708 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:07,375 I don't know what you mean. 709 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:14,095 OK. 710 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:15,135 Why did you do that? 711 00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,015 Just to test my thrust. 712 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,015 How was your thrust? 713 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:20,895 Yeah. 714 00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,855 Have you done this before? 715 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,815 Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. 716 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:39,415 What I want to do is just shove the whole thing in. Oh, I see. 717 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:44,295 Oh. Oh. No. Oh, I could still get it now, then. 718 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:57,095 That's in the clown. 719 00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:58,215 That's what you wanted. 720 00:34:58,240 --> 00:35:00,575 There's still one card not in. 721 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,695 Um, have I got time to go and get a broom or something? 722 00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:05,135 You've got two minutes. 723 00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:06,895 'I go on my own this time. 724 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:08,735 OK. Thank you. 725 00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:12,735 How lucky did I get with that little bit? The lip. Really lucky, Sam. 726 00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,895 Are you giving me some sort of countdown? 727 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:20,735 Do you want it to be dramatic? 728 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,095 Well, let's see how dramatic you are. 729 00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:24,655 You've got 45 seconds left, Julian. 730 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,255 Oh, now, I've done it. 731 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:29,655 Oh, well, I give up. I don't... 732 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:33,455 Never mind about the last card. 733 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:42,615 Thanks, Sam. 734 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,295 That's the end of your time. Thank you. Thank you. 735 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,455 It was nice to go to the shed with you. You're not the first. 736 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:55,455 Sam, my feeling was that probably when you did that successful 737 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:57,935 power throw of the cards that you ran off 738 00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,695 and you just kept running for days. 739 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,415 Um, incredible. Must have been quite a rush. 740 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,335 This woman came to my school. 741 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,375 She died, but she came back to life, 742 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:10,375 and she came in to tell us about it cos she said she saw God 743 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,055 and he was a giant pink crystal. And that's how that felt. 744 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,215 Cheers, Sam. 745 00:36:19,240 --> 00:36:20,975 Julian, your system worked really well. 746 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,335 The only question I've got really is why did you make 747 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,055 the cards like two feet from the top of the rod? 748 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,415 Well, I think there was something wrong with that rod. 749 00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,655 It wasn't quite as euphoric an experience for me as... 750 00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:34,655 ...as your brush with God. 751 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,375 To me, it was just a packet of playing cards 752 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,135 and a rusty old clown's mouth. 753 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:45,055 Yes. Yeah, it didn't make you think of a rebirth and crystals, no? 754 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:46,335 Not at any point. 755 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:49,575 No...no. So, Julian still had time to get that last card. 756 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,615 He didn't get it which meant he got 51 in whereas Sam... Yeah. 757 00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,975 ...got 52 cards in. The full 52 cards. 758 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,815 Wow. That one card was the difference. 759 00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,175 We've reached the end of part three once more. 760 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,535 The prizes today include a Sellotaped leaf, 761 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,095 a cassette tape of a National Insurance number 762 00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,375 and some mouse droppings, 763 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,775 and yet, you will still watch. 764 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,575 You will still watch. 765 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:26,335 Hello. Welcome back 766 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,975 to the final part of the show where there's 767 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,815 a big old clown head that still needs feeding. 768 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:33,615 Oh, dear. Hungry, are you? 769 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:41,375 No, I suppose you mean the clown head in the current task. 770 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,655 The last person to launch is Sue Perkins. 771 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,695 These are the most funnelly things I could find 772 00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:49,135 but I think they might mean I have to cross the threshold. 773 00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:51,855 Right, OK. 774 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,215 That's not gonna wor... Let's try and just... 775 00:37:54,240 --> 00:37:56,175 I'm gonna go for plan B and just throw some things. 776 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,175 Yeah, I'm running out of cards. So. 777 00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:03,975 So, we're on to plan C, is it now? 778 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,655 Can I bring the clown nearer me? 779 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,015 As long as you don't cross that threshold. Right. 780 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,575 How's it going, Sue? Is there any gaffer tape in the shed? 781 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:13,335 Yes, would you like me to get it for you? Oh, thanks so much. 782 00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,935 Also, if you find anything longer than this, that'd be great. 783 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,215 You've got five minutes left. No! 784 00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:26,015 Ah. 785 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,215 Take that, you hungry clown. 786 00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:44,575 Are there more cards? Ah! 787 00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,255 Hello, Sue. 788 00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:52,775 Hello, how long have I got? 789 00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:54,015 You've got 30 seconds. Oh. 790 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:57,895 So there's another whole packet? 791 00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:00,415 Yeah, the classic 72. 792 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:01,695 The classic 72. 793 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:03,895 Is it 727 794 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:07,815 Thanks, Sue. 795 00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:09,255 Classic 72, mate. 796 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:10,815 It's a classic 72. 797 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,655 Add it to the 87 that were there, we're talking big numbers. 798 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,855 What did you think the classic 72 was, one pack or two? 799 00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,335 Uh, I thought it was one pack 800 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,695 and it's just the way I said, "The classic 72," 801 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:26,615 and Alex just went, "72!" And then, I just thought, 802 00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,935 "I have just become the biggest cock on Earth." 803 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:31,135 The plan worked a treat. 804 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:32,215 You got the classic 72. 805 00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:34,975 Well done, you. Thank you. I do need to show you some more stuff. 806 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:38,135 Oh, there's a but, isn't there? Ah. I think we all felt there might be. 807 00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,575 It was actually birthday cards. Hmm. 808 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:44,135 He's excited because he's gonna crush me again. 809 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,855 Let's see what the Dream Crusher's got in store. 810 00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,695 That's what my children call me. OK, here we go. 811 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:52,695 I'm gonna go for plan B and just throw some things. 812 00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:54,335 Yeah, watch that hand. 813 00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:57,015 I'm gonna just try and see what my aim's saying. 814 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:01,255 Cool. Hmm. 815 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,815 The Dream Crusher! 816 00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:18,855 Wow. 817 00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:20,935 That's fingertip cruel, mate. 818 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,495 He's right. It's fingertip cruel, mate. 819 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,655 You look so nice, but underneath it all, you're just a shit. 820 00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:28,815 Oh, that is... 821 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,415 Oh, that's awful, but rules are rules, unfortunately. Oh. 822 00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:34,335 Yeah, it means Julian Clary was the only one who completed the task. 823 00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:35,895 Wow. Wow, really? 824 00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:37,295 51 cards and you would've won 825 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,175 the task if you hadn't done anything at all. 826 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,295 Well done. Let's have a look at the scores. 827 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:44,575 The winner so far is Sue with 15 points. 828 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:52,615 Oh, can you please stay where you are 829 00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:55,095 while Alex and I make our way to the stage... 830 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,895 What? ..for the final task of the show! 831 00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:06,975 Hello, there. Who will be reading the task out? 832 00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,575 It's me. OK. 833 00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:10,895 A-hem. 834 00:41:12,240 --> 00:41:14,535 Watch Alex's parade. 835 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:15,775 Oh. 836 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:18,055 Then answer the questions. 837 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:21,735 Most correct answers wins. 838 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:25,335 You may not make any notes during the parade. 839 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,975 Let the parade commence. 840 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,895 And here he comes. 841 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,695 The furry Wotsit. Oh, 842 00:41:32,720 --> 00:41:35,855 he's wearing a lollipop person's outfit. 843 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:39,015 I remember my lollipop lady when I was a boy. 844 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:43,335 Mandy. She was an angry lady who hated children. 845 00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,535 Ooh, here he comes again. 846 00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:51,295 Born in 1972 847 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:54,575 and found as a baby in a car park in Nantwich, 848 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:56,935 Alex is now dressed as a doctor. 849 00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,735 Which is ironic because he's currently suffering 850 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,535 from ugly haemorrhoids. 851 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:07,135 Ooh. Who's Alex, here's Alex the handyman. 852 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,575 He could fix your immersion heater 853 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:15,095 or do a very workman-like strip at a hen-do. 854 00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:18,255 But in real life, he couldn't do anything like that. 855 00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:22,135 Because he's had a soft upbringing and he's incompetent. 856 00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:23,975 Oh, who could this be? 857 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:27,935 Who ordered the limp, white meat, 858 00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,215 the limp, white meat. 859 00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:33,295 No, that's just Alex the chef. 860 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:34,855 He's always unappetising 861 00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,375 and when he eats he has to shut his eyes 862 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,335 cos he can only open one orifice at a time. 863 00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:45,775 There he is again as a magician. 864 00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,615 Alakazam! Wow, 865 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,975 he can literally turn any situation into 866 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,295 a lifeless vacuum. 867 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,175 What's his magician's name? 868 00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:59,135 Why it's the Mysterious Bacteriosis. 869 00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:07,735 No, he's got legs. 870 00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,695 Look at his legs. Look at it. 871 00:43:10,720 --> 00:43:13,175 Right, it's time for the, uh, parade test. 872 00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,455 You may now pick up your blackboards and pens. 873 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,855 Question one... 874 00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:28,935 Julian. 875 00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,295 Limp white meat. Lucy. 876 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,535 Swollen meat man. 877 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,335 Don't remember telling you my stage name. 878 00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:40,495 Sam. A good bloke. 879 00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:47,295 Sue. Uh, I've got the wrong character so I said kill any vacuum. 880 00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:50,735 Yeah. Susan. 881 00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:52,575 Um, my mind was sort of nearly there. 882 00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:54,055 Soft white meat, I got. 883 00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:58,415 I don't know. Very close... Yeah. ..but no cigar. No. 884 00:43:58,440 --> 00:43:59,615 Question two. 885 00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:08,415 Julian. 1972. 886 00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,935 Lucy. He was born in 2015 or 1800s. 887 00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,855 Absolutely incredible. Sam. 888 00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:18,255 Uh, 1984. 889 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:19,295 Sue. 890 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:20,335 1972. 891 00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:23,255 Susan? 1972. 892 00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:24,295 Well done. 893 00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:25,455 Question three. 894 00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:32,295 Julian. 895 00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:33,775 Alakabaz. 896 00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,055 Ah. Lucy. 897 00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:37,295 Cheesecake tits. 898 00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:40,615 Sam. 899 00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:41,775 Alakazam. 900 00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,295 Sue. Alakazam. 901 00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:45,135 Susan. Alakazam. 902 00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,095 Very close, Julian, very close. 903 00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:49,695 Question four. 904 00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:56,735 Julian. Big end. 905 00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:00,975 Lucy. His tripod. 906 00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:05,575 Sam. His personal life. 907 00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:07,055 Incisive. Sue? 908 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:08,175 Immersion heaters. 909 00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:09,855 Susan. Immersion heater. 910 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:10,855 Wow. 911 00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:15,095 And, finally, question five... 912 00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:22,695 Julian. Rubber duck. 913 00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:26,335 Lucy. A penis brackets cock ring or cheese triangle. 914 00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,735 Sam. The Holy Bible. 915 00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,415 Sue. Yeah, I guessed a duck, as well. 916 00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:38,735 Susan. Yeah, duck, as well, yeah, yeah. 917 00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:40,135 Seriously? Yeah. 918 00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:43,215 It was a delicious satsuma. Oh, magic. 919 00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:45,455 I didn't take any of it in at all. 920 00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:48,055 We know. 921 00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:50,695 So, we'll add all of those 922 00:45:50,720 --> 00:45:52,615 and we'll put 'em onto the final scores. 923 00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:54,135 We'll come down there and join you. 924 00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:04,615 That's put the cat amongst the pigeons, hasn't it? 925 00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:06,215 Yes, I changed my clothes really fast 926 00:46:06,240 --> 00:46:08,575 and you produced a satsuma secretly. 927 00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,415 Yeah. Scores-wise, Lucy didn't get any right, 928 00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:14,095 but still gets one point for coming fifth, so well done. Ah, thanks. 929 00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:15,455 And that feels like charity. 930 00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,215 Yes. Uh, Sam, you got one right, 931 00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:19,095 so you get two points for coming fourth. 932 00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,055 Oh, great. Julian, you come third, 933 00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:22,535 so you get three points. 934 00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:23,655 Uh, Sue and Susan, 935 00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:26,655 with suspiciously similar answers you, 936 00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:28,575 you both win the task and get five points each. 937 00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,455 And so... The winner of the episode, 938 00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:36,135 with 20 points, is Sue Perkins! 939 00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:40,375 Sue Perkins wins. 940 00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,095 Please go and collect your bits of crap. 941 00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,735 Just one sweet final to go 942 00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:51,055 and one sweet winner tonight. 943 00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:52,175 Sue Perkins! 944 00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:57,175 Subtitles By Red Bee Media