1 00:00:02,531 --> 00:00:05,451 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:05,451 --> 00:00:08,171 Ooh! Oh, no, no. 3 00:00:08,171 --> 00:00:09,211 Yes! Ah! 4 00:00:09,211 --> 00:00:10,411 SHE HISSES, BELL RINGS 5 00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:13,211 Ah! 6 00:00:13,211 --> 00:00:14,811 Erm... 7 00:00:14,811 --> 00:00:16,491 Quite windy today. Yeah. 8 00:00:16,491 --> 00:00:17,531 Christ. 9 00:00:17,531 --> 00:00:19,811 Ooh! Wrong way. 10 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,011 That's how you do it, baby. 11 00:00:21,011 --> 00:00:22,451 OK. 12 00:00:22,451 --> 00:00:23,971 Oh, my God! 13 00:00:23,971 --> 00:00:25,531 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ooh! 14 00:00:25,531 --> 00:00:26,691 SHE BABBLES 15 00:00:26,691 --> 00:00:28,931 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 16 00:00:36,211 --> 00:00:40,131 Hello, and welcome to Taskmaster. 17 00:00:40,131 --> 00:00:43,051 Or as my nan calls it - blyahr. 18 00:00:43,051 --> 00:00:46,491 Being as she is long since dead. 19 00:00:46,491 --> 00:00:48,051 Our calamitous comedians are 20 00:00:48,051 --> 00:00:50,731 hurtling ever faster towards a total loss of credibility. 21 00:00:50,731 --> 00:00:53,051 So please give them an uplifting cheer 22 00:00:53,051 --> 00:00:55,931 as we welcome back Joanne McNally... 23 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:57,011 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 24 00:00:57,011 --> 00:00:58,771 ..John Robins... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 25 00:00:58,771 --> 00:01:01,131 ..Nick Mohammed... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 26 00:01:01,131 --> 00:01:03,771 ..Sophie Willan... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 27 00:01:03,771 --> 00:01:07,411 ..and Steve Pemberton! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 28 00:01:08,571 --> 00:01:12,131 And next to me, a man who confided in me that he 29 00:01:12,131 --> 00:01:15,971 finds his neighbour's wife "hot as hell and twice as spicy". 30 00:01:15,971 --> 00:01:18,371 S... LAUGHTER 31 00:01:18,371 --> 00:01:20,971 Specifically the neighbours to the left, 32 00:01:20,971 --> 00:01:23,331 if you're looking at the house from the road. 33 00:01:24,371 --> 00:01:26,011 HIGH-PITCHED: It's little Alex Horne! 34 00:01:26,011 --> 00:01:27,491 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 35 00:01:27,491 --> 00:01:29,971 That's the worst-ever one. 36 00:01:29,971 --> 00:01:30,971 No. 37 00:01:32,531 --> 00:01:35,131 She is nice, you said. They watch the show. Yep. 38 00:01:35,131 --> 00:01:37,771 You said you like it when she puts the washing out. 39 00:01:37,771 --> 00:01:39,251 LAUGHTER 40 00:01:40,291 --> 00:01:41,691 Hi, Greg. All right? 41 00:01:41,691 --> 00:01:44,011 Yeah, I'm great. I'm great, actually, now. 42 00:01:44,011 --> 00:01:45,051 You thinking about her? No. 43 00:01:45,051 --> 00:01:46,571 Pegging those... 44 00:01:46,571 --> 00:01:47,971 Pegging those sheets up. 45 00:01:49,531 --> 00:01:51,491 Anyway, I've got some statistics for you. Yeah. 46 00:01:51,491 --> 00:01:53,811 From the channel, about how people watch the show. 47 00:01:53,811 --> 00:01:55,051 So this is interesting. OK. 48 00:01:55,051 --> 00:01:57,651 20% of people apparently now watch it on a device... 49 00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,011 ..like a mobile or a juicer. Erm, we've got six... 50 00:02:01,131 --> 00:02:03,931 64% of people, most people, project it onto 51 00:02:03,931 --> 00:02:06,331 a sort of large bui...large building into...in a town. 52 00:02:06,331 --> 00:02:08,651 Erm, normally a big hall. And, 53 00:02:08,651 --> 00:02:11,451 uh, the other 16% - traditional flatscreen TV still. 54 00:02:11,451 --> 00:02:13,811 Right. Uh, but on the floor and looking down at it 55 00:02:13,811 --> 00:02:15,411 and dancing around it with some music on. 56 00:02:15,411 --> 00:02:18,171 That's, erm, some statistics about the show. OK. 57 00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:19,411 Ready? Yeah, that was my bit. 58 00:02:19,411 --> 00:02:22,411 All right, we're off to an absolute buzzing start. 59 00:02:22,411 --> 00:02:24,731 LAUGHTER 60 00:02:24,731 --> 00:02:27,691 Right, what's the prize category this week, Alex? 61 00:02:27,691 --> 00:02:32,291 It's the best thing for a person that is meant for an animal. OK? 62 00:02:32,291 --> 00:02:34,011 Greg will give the best thing five points 63 00:02:34,011 --> 00:02:35,891 and Greg will give the worst thing one point. 64 00:02:35,891 --> 00:02:37,411 John, I'm starting with you. 65 00:02:37,411 --> 00:02:39,731 Well, I wanted to get something that was fitting of 66 00:02:39,731 --> 00:02:42,131 a man of your standing and stature. 67 00:02:42,131 --> 00:02:43,171 Lovely. 68 00:02:43,171 --> 00:02:46,091 So I have brought an elephant chair. 69 00:02:46,091 --> 00:02:48,411 Yes, here it is. It's called a howdah. 70 00:02:48,411 --> 00:02:49,491 Ooh. 71 00:02:49,491 --> 00:02:51,771 ALL: Ooh. 72 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,411 I sort of actually like it, though. 73 00:02:53,411 --> 00:02:55,091 LAUGHTER 74 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,691 It's meant for an elephant's back 75 00:02:57,691 --> 00:03:00,611 and you would sit on it on long journeys in the past. 76 00:03:00,611 --> 00:03:03,131 However... Sorry... Yeah? Oh, I see! 77 00:03:03,131 --> 00:03:04,571 LAUGHTER 78 00:03:04,571 --> 00:03:07,331 God, I mean, I genuinely did imagine an elephant with 79 00:03:07,331 --> 00:03:08,651 a bad back sitting on it. 80 00:03:08,651 --> 00:03:11,691 LAUGHTER Genuinely. 81 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,451 However, they are, uh, 82 00:03:13,451 --> 00:03:15,771 quite cruel to be used on elephants. 83 00:03:15,771 --> 00:03:18,091 They're damaging to their skin and their back. 84 00:03:18,091 --> 00:03:19,851 Yes. So by taking one off 85 00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:23,371 the open market, I feel we're all doing a little bit of good today. 86 00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:26,251 Wow, so if I give this five points, I'm... 87 00:03:26,251 --> 00:03:28,171 ..I'm taking one for the elephant team? 88 00:03:28,171 --> 00:03:30,811 Big time, big time. You're sending out a message. 89 00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,931 You're welcome, big ears. LAUGHTER 90 00:03:33,931 --> 00:03:35,251 Nick, what have you brought in? 91 00:03:35,251 --> 00:03:36,851 You know when a pet is ill... Yes. 92 00:03:36,851 --> 00:03:38,571 ..and you give it one of those cones? 93 00:03:38,571 --> 00:03:39,771 To stop... One of those. 94 00:03:39,771 --> 00:03:42,811 I just think one of those for a human - if you had, like, 95 00:03:42,811 --> 00:03:46,771 an itch or something, you could wear one on your hand 96 00:03:46,771 --> 00:03:48,491 to prevent you from itching. 97 00:03:48,491 --> 00:03:50,891 Shall I show you his cone that he's brought in? Thank you. 98 00:03:50,891 --> 00:03:52,811 I mean, you can if you want but I already know... 99 00:03:52,811 --> 00:03:55,331 ..I already know how many points it's getting. Yeah. 100 00:03:55,331 --> 00:03:57,211 I already regret it, Greg. 101 00:03:57,211 --> 00:03:58,811 Here's the cone, quite a small one. 102 00:03:58,811 --> 00:04:01,171 Not going to be a surprise, but there you go. 103 00:04:01,171 --> 00:04:03,531 Wow, well, cheers, Nick. It's, uh... Thank you. 104 00:04:03,531 --> 00:04:05,811 It's pretty bad. LAUGHTER 105 00:04:06,771 --> 00:04:08,291 Steve. 106 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,571 It's, uh, a scratching brush. 107 00:04:10,571 --> 00:04:12,331 Here is your scratching brush. 108 00:04:12,331 --> 00:04:14,611 Now, this promotes skin health, 109 00:04:14,611 --> 00:04:17,171 uh, gets rid of parasites. 110 00:04:17,171 --> 00:04:20,651 And, erm, I was imagining you in the shower. 111 00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,931 Were you? Yes. 112 00:04:22,931 --> 00:04:25,931 Before the task was set? Yeah! 113 00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:28,891 You've got one of these attached to your towel rail. Yes. 114 00:04:28,891 --> 00:04:31,851 And, yeah, you go up and down on that and, uh... 115 00:04:31,851 --> 00:04:34,331 Y-You've... ..give yourself a good scratch. 116 00:04:34,331 --> 00:04:37,091 You've imagined that I have some 117 00:04:37,091 --> 00:04:39,931 difficult skin to slew off, have you? 118 00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:41,371 No, it's skin health. 119 00:04:41,371 --> 00:04:43,971 It's an impressive load of bullshit for a brush. 120 00:04:43,971 --> 00:04:45,411 LAUGHTER 121 00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:48,251 Joanne. Yes. Uh, can you beat a brush? Yes, you can. 122 00:04:48,251 --> 00:04:51,571 The present I've brought you this week, Greg, 123 00:04:51,571 --> 00:04:53,211 is a trough. 124 00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:55,531 LAUGHTER 125 00:04:55,531 --> 00:04:59,131 Here is...Here is Joanne's trough. Meant for an animal, 126 00:04:59,131 --> 00:05:01,491 but better for a human. LAUGHTER 127 00:05:01,491 --> 00:05:04,811 Yes. It's both insulting and yet appeals. 128 00:05:04,811 --> 00:05:07,171 LAUGHTER Keep talking. 129 00:05:07,171 --> 00:05:09,531 People are going back to the earth, building their own 130 00:05:09,531 --> 00:05:11,851 vegetable patches. I feel the trough is next. Is it? 131 00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,451 You're imagining trough parties, are you? Yeah. 132 00:05:16,651 --> 00:05:19,891 It's all very Bear Grylls-survival stuff. Is it? Yeah! 133 00:05:19,891 --> 00:05:22,251 Yeah. It's very... LAUGHTER 134 00:05:22,251 --> 00:05:24,611 You know lads - they love making their own ham. 135 00:05:24,611 --> 00:05:26,611 This is, I feel like... LAUGHTER 136 00:05:26,611 --> 00:05:28,251 This is what's next. It'll be like... 137 00:05:28,251 --> 00:05:31,011 You quite often make your own ham. We're always making our own ham. 138 00:05:31,011 --> 00:05:33,771 It's all... They're all going back to the land with the moustaches 139 00:05:33,771 --> 00:05:36,371 and eating off the ham hock and all, and I feel like this is next. 140 00:05:36,371 --> 00:05:38,011 GREG WHEEZES 141 00:05:39,971 --> 00:05:41,171 Sophie, come on. 142 00:05:41,171 --> 00:05:42,811 I've gone in a different direction. 143 00:05:42,811 --> 00:05:44,251 Thank God. 144 00:05:44,251 --> 00:05:45,691 LAUGHTER 145 00:05:45,691 --> 00:05:48,691 Well, I've got a pet feeder. 146 00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:52,011 Yes, one of these timed cat feeders. Here it is. Timed cat feeder. 147 00:05:52,011 --> 00:05:54,571 I thought it could be quite good for you. For me? 148 00:05:54,571 --> 00:05:56,171 LAUGHTER 149 00:05:56,171 --> 00:05:58,851 Just a little bit of discipline and structure in your life. 150 00:05:58,851 --> 00:06:01,171 LAUGHTER 151 00:06:01,171 --> 00:06:03,531 I mean, basically, what you're saying in that prize is 152 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,891 you're saying, "I think you're fat." 153 00:06:05,891 --> 00:06:08,531 LAUGHTER I was worried about fat shaming. 154 00:06:08,531 --> 00:06:10,211 Yeah. I did ask the producer. 155 00:06:10,211 --> 00:06:12,891 They said, "No, no, it'll be fine. He needs to hear it." 156 00:06:16,971 --> 00:06:19,211 APPLAUSE 157 00:06:21,771 --> 00:06:24,531 Well, I'll hand out some...some, uh, points. 158 00:06:24,531 --> 00:06:27,051 OK. You're going to start with the... With Nick, correct. Right. 159 00:06:27,051 --> 00:06:28,091 LAUGHTER 160 00:06:28,091 --> 00:06:29,331 So Nick gets one point. 161 00:06:29,331 --> 00:06:31,251 Steve, sorry. Two points. 162 00:06:31,251 --> 00:06:33,251 There we go, OK. Aw. I don't want Sophie 163 00:06:33,251 --> 00:06:35,571 to be in control of when I can have a treat. 164 00:06:35,571 --> 00:06:36,611 LAUGHTER 165 00:06:36,611 --> 00:06:39,171 Are you sure? I'm pretty sure, so I'm giving her three points. 166 00:06:39,171 --> 00:06:40,651 OK. Three to you, Sophie. Right. 167 00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,451 There's something about these young lads 168 00:06:42,451 --> 00:06:44,011 munching on the ham hocks that got me. 169 00:06:45,251 --> 00:06:49,651 Joanne, four points. And, uh, I just want the elephant chair. So... 170 00:06:49,651 --> 00:06:51,371 Fair enough! Five points to John Robins! 171 00:06:51,371 --> 00:06:55,331 Get your straps ready. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 172 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:56,891 Let's have a task proper, shall we? 173 00:06:56,891 --> 00:06:58,251 I don't want to alarm you, Greg, 174 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,571 but there's something mysterious lurking in our tent. 175 00:07:00,571 --> 00:07:01,851 THEY GASP 176 00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:19,571 Hi, Joanne. 177 00:07:20,651 --> 00:07:23,011 Hi, John. Hello, Alex. LAUGHTER 178 00:07:23,011 --> 00:07:25,491 You're taking extreme measures to keep the sun off your face. 179 00:07:25,491 --> 00:07:28,171 Yeah, I feel like I should be in Gilead or something. 180 00:07:28,171 --> 00:07:30,971 Feel like I'm in Handmaiden's Tale. 181 00:07:32,211 --> 00:07:34,531 Hey, Alex. Hello, Nick. LAUGHTER 182 00:07:34,531 --> 00:07:36,251 How are ya? Wowsers. 183 00:07:37,531 --> 00:07:40,211 Work out who is following you. 184 00:07:40,211 --> 00:07:44,651 Oh! Oh, gosh. Work out who is following you. 185 00:07:44,651 --> 00:07:47,731 You must stare at the duck at all times. 186 00:07:47,731 --> 00:07:48,851 Yes. 187 00:07:48,851 --> 00:07:50,851 And take an average-length step 188 00:07:50,851 --> 00:07:53,211 towards the duck every time it quacks. 189 00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:55,931 If the person following you agrees with you, 190 00:07:55,931 --> 00:07:58,451 they will say the name of a mammal. 191 00:07:58,451 --> 00:08:01,451 If the person following you disagrees with you, 192 00:08:01,451 --> 00:08:03,811 they will say the name of a bird. 193 00:08:03,811 --> 00:08:05,731 If the person following you doesn't know 194 00:08:05,731 --> 00:08:07,771 if they agree or disagree with you, they will say 195 00:08:07,771 --> 00:08:10,091 the name of an amphibian, of course. 196 00:08:10,091 --> 00:08:12,771 I've very little animal experience. 197 00:08:12,771 --> 00:08:14,691 Why have you got so little animal experience? 198 00:08:14,691 --> 00:08:17,331 Cos I didn't study zoology. I don't know what an amphibian is. 199 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,731 Right. The correct answer furthest from the duck wins. 200 00:08:20,731 --> 00:08:23,731 Your time starts when the duck quacks. 201 00:08:23,731 --> 00:08:26,891 When I say "now", press the green button. OK. 202 00:08:26,891 --> 00:08:28,531 I'm going to release the follower. 203 00:08:28,531 --> 00:08:30,451 You need to keep looking at the duck. All right. 204 00:08:32,731 --> 00:08:35,571 OK, Steve. You may press the green button. 205 00:08:37,491 --> 00:08:40,171 Oh! I'm so sorry. LAUGHTER 206 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,851 Oh, my goodness. 207 00:08:41,851 --> 00:08:43,771 Argh! No, don't...don't start yet. 208 00:08:44,931 --> 00:08:47,731 Ow. Are you OK? Yes. 209 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,211 Joanne, tell me about your lack of experience with animals. 210 00:08:54,211 --> 00:08:56,691 Isn't that terrible? I don't know what an amphibian is. Yeah. 211 00:08:56,691 --> 00:08:58,971 What is it? Like a fishy... 212 00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:00,611 Like a... You don't know either! 213 00:09:00,611 --> 00:09:02,211 Is it like a lizard? An amphibian 214 00:09:02,211 --> 00:09:04,531 has an aquatic, gill-breathing larval stage, 215 00:09:04,531 --> 00:09:05,491 followed by, typically, 216 00:09:05,491 --> 00:09:07,371 a terrestrial lung-breathing adult stage. 217 00:09:07,371 --> 00:09:08,531 Huh! Yes, OK. 218 00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:12,131 Newts, salamanders and, obviously, caecilians. Love them. 219 00:09:14,051 --> 00:09:16,811 Let's go. We begin with keen golfer John Robins 220 00:09:16,811 --> 00:09:19,051 being chased by a keen golf trolley. 221 00:09:21,451 --> 00:09:22,771 Wait for the quack. 222 00:09:25,371 --> 00:09:27,371 QUACK Are you a man? 223 00:09:27,371 --> 00:09:29,891 Badger. Are you a sportsman? 224 00:09:29,891 --> 00:09:31,011 Crane. 225 00:09:31,011 --> 00:09:32,771 Are you a actor? 226 00:09:32,771 --> 00:09:34,211 Kiwi. 227 00:09:34,211 --> 00:09:36,571 Are you a politician? 228 00:09:36,571 --> 00:09:37,771 Turtle dove. 229 00:09:37,771 --> 00:09:38,971 Are you famous? 230 00:09:38,971 --> 00:09:40,371 Wildebeest. 231 00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,691 Are you a chef? 232 00:09:42,811 --> 00:09:43,931 Common ostrich. 233 00:09:44,971 --> 00:09:46,571 I don't know what... Are you a comedian? 234 00:09:47,691 --> 00:09:48,811 Ruddy duck. 235 00:09:48,811 --> 00:09:50,651 Are you...Are you human? 236 00:09:50,651 --> 00:09:51,731 Typical pigeon. 237 00:09:53,371 --> 00:09:55,691 Are you a male...? Are you an animal? 238 00:09:55,691 --> 00:09:56,611 Yellow hammer. 239 00:09:56,611 --> 00:09:57,811 Are you a robot? 240 00:09:57,811 --> 00:09:59,651 Gouldian finch. 241 00:09:59,651 --> 00:10:01,931 So you're... Ah, hang on. 242 00:10:01,931 --> 00:10:04,211 You're male, but you're not human. 243 00:10:04,211 --> 00:10:05,851 And you're not an animal. 244 00:10:05,851 --> 00:10:08,731 Are you some kind of connection for like a...? 245 00:10:08,731 --> 00:10:11,091 Are you a cable? LAUGHTER 246 00:10:11,091 --> 00:10:13,571 Short-toed treecreeper. 247 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,891 Uh... Does your name begin with A? 248 00:10:17,971 --> 00:10:19,011 Emu. 249 00:10:19,011 --> 00:10:20,211 Does your name begin with B? 250 00:10:20,211 --> 00:10:21,571 Olive baboon. 251 00:10:22,611 --> 00:10:24,171 And you're not hu... 252 00:10:24,171 --> 00:10:26,131 Are you a human? 253 00:10:26,131 --> 00:10:28,171 Californian condor. 254 00:10:28,171 --> 00:10:29,851 Do you have genitals? 255 00:10:29,851 --> 00:10:31,371 Holy cross frog. 256 00:10:31,371 --> 00:10:33,371 That's ambiguous. 257 00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:35,091 How is that ambiguous? 258 00:10:35,091 --> 00:10:36,251 Is the second letter 259 00:10:36,251 --> 00:10:37,291 of your name an R? 260 00:10:37,291 --> 00:10:38,331 Grey parrot. 261 00:10:38,331 --> 00:10:39,371 An L? 262 00:10:39,371 --> 00:10:40,491 Capybara. 263 00:10:40,491 --> 00:10:42,011 Uh... 264 00:10:42,011 --> 00:10:44,371 Is the third letter a vowel? 265 00:10:44,371 --> 00:10:46,651 Malayan tapir. 266 00:10:46,651 --> 00:10:47,571 Is it A? 267 00:10:47,571 --> 00:10:48,691 Golden pheasant. 268 00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:50,291 Is it E? Is it I? 269 00:10:50,291 --> 00:10:51,331 O? 270 00:10:51,331 --> 00:10:52,371 Pygmy hippopotamus. 271 00:10:52,371 --> 00:10:54,171 OK so B-L-O. 272 00:10:56,171 --> 00:10:58,011 Are you Mr Blobby? 273 00:10:58,011 --> 00:10:59,611 Bactrian camel. 274 00:10:59,611 --> 00:11:01,131 Yeah, so you're Mr Blobby. 275 00:11:01,131 --> 00:11:02,411 You may have a look. 276 00:11:08,531 --> 00:11:11,171 Fucking hell. Not bad! 277 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,211 APPLAUSE 278 00:11:13,211 --> 00:11:15,611 Come on, you. Let's get you home. 279 00:11:17,851 --> 00:11:19,451 Well done, John. 280 00:11:19,451 --> 00:11:21,891 Well, I guess we should briefly discuss, "Are you a cable?" 281 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:28,091 Cable is surely the only thing that's not human that has a gender. 282 00:11:28,091 --> 00:11:31,451 Oh. Like, male-to-female connections. Oh, I see! OK. Oh, wow. 283 00:11:31,451 --> 00:11:33,731 So I thought it might be a scart lead. 284 00:11:37,371 --> 00:11:40,531 Well, you got there. He was 19 paces from the duck. 285 00:11:40,531 --> 00:11:43,011 OK. Let's see how Steve and Joanne got on with, 286 00:11:43,011 --> 00:11:44,971 to quote Joanne from episode one, 287 00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:47,451 "The best physical comedian of our generation." 288 00:11:48,851 --> 00:11:51,131 QUACK Jesus Christ! 289 00:11:52,051 --> 00:11:54,131 QUACK 290 00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:56,451 Hey, it's good being a man, isn't it? 291 00:11:56,451 --> 00:11:57,371 Badger. 292 00:11:57,371 --> 00:11:58,651 Are you a human? 293 00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,691 Kiwi. 294 00:11:59,691 --> 00:12:00,731 Is a kiwi a mammal? 295 00:12:00,731 --> 00:12:02,011 What the fuck is a kiwi? 296 00:12:02,011 --> 00:12:04,331 LAUGHTER Keep stepping, Joanne. 297 00:12:04,331 --> 00:12:05,251 So reading the news, 298 00:12:05,251 --> 00:12:06,291 do you enjoy that? 299 00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:07,811 Vulturine guinea fowl. 300 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,051 Another step please, Steve. 301 00:12:09,051 --> 00:12:10,771 OK. Every quack. 302 00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:13,251 Are you...food? 303 00:12:13,251 --> 00:12:14,531 Glaucous gull. 304 00:12:14,531 --> 00:12:16,131 Are you a famous thing? 305 00:12:16,131 --> 00:12:17,251 Badger. 306 00:12:17,251 --> 00:12:20,091 Are you the Eiffel Tower, like, something like that? 307 00:12:20,091 --> 00:12:21,411 Tawny frogmouth. 308 00:12:23,171 --> 00:12:24,851 What else is there? 309 00:12:24,851 --> 00:12:27,851 Being operated by another human is tough, right? 310 00:12:27,851 --> 00:12:30,131 Hairy-eared dwarf lemur. 311 00:12:30,131 --> 00:12:32,411 Can I get inside you? 312 00:12:32,411 --> 00:12:34,691 LAUGHTER 313 00:12:34,691 --> 00:12:35,651 Aardvark. 314 00:12:38,171 --> 00:12:40,051 Are you a glove puppet? 315 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,131 Gouldian finch. 316 00:12:41,131 --> 00:12:42,491 Are you some kind of 317 00:12:42,491 --> 00:12:44,131 children's TV character? 318 00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,491 QUACK Pygmy jerboa. A jerboa! 319 00:12:46,491 --> 00:12:48,811 Please step. LAUGHTER 320 00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:50,091 Do you have a one-word name? 321 00:12:50,091 --> 00:12:51,251 Northern shoveler. 322 00:12:51,251 --> 00:12:53,531 Oh! Is it Mr something? 323 00:12:53,531 --> 00:12:55,331 Rondo dwarf bushbaby. 324 00:12:55,331 --> 00:12:56,851 OK, Mr something. 325 00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:59,131 Have I met you? Have I been in you? 326 00:12:59,131 --> 00:13:01,051 Common midwife toad. 327 00:13:01,051 --> 00:13:02,131 What's that? 328 00:13:02,131 --> 00:13:04,651 We don't know if you've met him or her. 329 00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:06,371 Has it been on telly? 330 00:13:06,371 --> 00:13:07,611 Olive baboon. 331 00:13:10,171 --> 00:13:11,771 Are you Mr Blobby? 332 00:13:11,771 --> 00:13:13,651 AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS Donkey. 333 00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:15,611 What's that? QUACK 334 00:13:15,611 --> 00:13:16,931 Amphibian? 335 00:13:16,931 --> 00:13:18,331 LAUGHTER Does that mean they don't know 336 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,411 if they're Mr Blobby? 337 00:13:20,971 --> 00:13:22,891 QUACK Sorry, her replies are more 338 00:13:22,891 --> 00:13:25,331 confusing than anything else. 339 00:13:25,331 --> 00:13:28,531 Is it B, C, D, F, G, H? 340 00:13:28,531 --> 00:13:29,851 Eurasian lynx. 341 00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:30,971 Is it B, C? 342 00:13:30,971 --> 00:13:32,211 Etruscan shrew. 343 00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:33,691 So it's... Is it B? 344 00:13:33,691 --> 00:13:34,931 Slender loris. 345 00:13:34,931 --> 00:13:37,211 Mr B. Mr Bojangles. 346 00:13:37,211 --> 00:13:38,531 Are you Mr Blobby? 347 00:13:38,531 --> 00:13:40,571 Bengal tiger. QUACK 348 00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:42,891 That's a tiger. QUACK 349 00:13:42,891 --> 00:13:44,491 Agrees. 350 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,331 Mr...Blobby! 351 00:13:47,331 --> 00:13:49,851 Exotic Shorthair cat. QUACK 352 00:13:51,651 --> 00:13:53,971 I'm stopping there cos I think I'm right. 353 00:13:53,971 --> 00:13:56,251 So you ARE Mr Blobby. Fuck off! 354 00:13:56,251 --> 00:13:57,691 Ah! Oh, my God! 355 00:14:00,051 --> 00:14:01,491 Come on, Blob. 356 00:14:06,091 --> 00:14:08,051 I don't want him. It's coming for you, baby. 357 00:14:12,011 --> 00:14:14,011 LAUGHTER 358 00:14:19,011 --> 00:14:20,411 Well, Steve. 359 00:14:20,411 --> 00:14:23,731 If someone said Mr B, I wouldn't have gone Bojangles. 360 00:14:23,731 --> 00:14:26,851 Hearing the quacks with the Handmaid's Tale bonnet on, 361 00:14:26,851 --> 00:14:30,491 thinking about statements that had to be not questions, 362 00:14:30,491 --> 00:14:33,811 being chased by Mr fucking Blobby... LAUGHTER 363 00:14:33,811 --> 00:14:36,171 That is his first name. ..who kept hitting you. 364 00:14:36,171 --> 00:14:39,211 So like John, I only came up with the sort of alphabet thing 365 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:42,411 when the duck was pretty close. 15 paces from the duck. 366 00:14:42,411 --> 00:14:44,891 Joanne. Yeah. It's quite the contrast to 367 00:14:44,891 --> 00:14:48,011 the forensic things we've seen so far. Uh-huh. 368 00:14:48,011 --> 00:14:50,971 Uh, "Is a kiwi a mammal?" 369 00:14:50,971 --> 00:14:53,731 Pause. "What's a fucking kiwi?" 370 00:14:53,731 --> 00:14:55,011 LAUGHTER 371 00:14:55,011 --> 00:14:57,891 And then you went, "If you're not human, 372 00:14:57,891 --> 00:15:01,211 "you must be the Eiffel Tower." The Eiffel Tower. 373 00:15:02,691 --> 00:15:04,971 Then your next question was, 374 00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:07,531 "Can I get inside you?" Yeah. 375 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:12,531 So I'm thinking, "Is it a building?" Ah! "Can I step inside you?" 376 00:15:12,531 --> 00:15:15,411 Not, "Can I, like, penetrate you?" Oh, right. Yeah. 377 00:15:15,411 --> 00:15:17,331 But you were kind of hurling out just objects. 378 00:15:17,331 --> 00:15:19,651 And then, suddenly - Blobby. Yeah. 379 00:15:19,651 --> 00:15:22,011 And that's because your go-to thing is Blob. 380 00:15:22,011 --> 00:15:24,371 I genuinely am a really big Mr Blobby fan. 381 00:15:24,371 --> 00:15:26,211 Think he's amazing. I tried to buy his outfit. 382 00:15:26,211 --> 00:15:27,851 Do you remember he went on sale? Yeah! 383 00:15:27,851 --> 00:15:30,371 I mean, the woman's Blobby-obsessed! 384 00:15:30,371 --> 00:15:32,691 And it really helped. She got to the correct answer 385 00:15:32,691 --> 00:15:34,011 much before the other two. 386 00:15:34,011 --> 00:15:36,331 She got 26 steps away from the duck, 387 00:15:36,331 --> 00:15:38,691 and that was after not believing it was Blobby. She carried on 388 00:15:38,691 --> 00:15:41,091 stepping for quite a while after getting the correct answer. 389 00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:43,771 And she was overjoyed when she turned around and saw her hero. 390 00:15:43,771 --> 00:15:46,891 Right. So, yeah, at the moment, it's Joanne, then John, then Steve. 391 00:15:46,891 --> 00:15:48,251 All right, advert time now. 392 00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:50,811 Hopefully, one of them will make health claims for 393 00:15:50,811 --> 00:15:54,051 a food that they know full well is pumped full of sugar. 394 00:15:54,051 --> 00:15:55,491 See you in a minute. 395 00:16:04,930 --> 00:16:08,050 Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster. 396 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,890 What were our contestants doing in a field, young man? 397 00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:13,250 Well, it's a fine question. They were trying to work out 398 00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:15,770 who's following them on an automatic golf trolley, Greg. 399 00:16:15,770 --> 00:16:17,530 They can ask questions or make statements. 400 00:16:17,530 --> 00:16:19,850 If the person agrees, they'll hear a mammal in response. 401 00:16:19,850 --> 00:16:20,890 If they disagree, it's a bird. 402 00:16:20,890 --> 00:16:22,930 And if it's ambiguous, they'll hear an amphibian 403 00:16:22,930 --> 00:16:25,330 because it sounds a little bit like ambiguous. LAUGHTER 404 00:16:25,330 --> 00:16:27,850 Finally, how long will it take Nick and Sophie to work out that 405 00:16:27,850 --> 00:16:30,730 Mr Blobby's following them? Here we go. 406 00:16:30,730 --> 00:16:33,290 QUACK Erm... 407 00:16:33,290 --> 00:16:34,930 Have you got blonde hair? 408 00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:37,370 Kiwi. Kiwi?! 409 00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:39,890 That's a fruit! LAUGHTER 410 00:16:39,890 --> 00:16:43,250 Are you, uh, human? 411 00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:44,730 Kiwi. 412 00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:47,410 Are you smaller than a large tree? 413 00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:48,530 Donkey. 414 00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:49,930 Are we friends from school? 415 00:16:49,930 --> 00:16:52,810 LAUGHTER No, no, no, cos it's... 416 00:16:52,810 --> 00:16:55,130 Did I meet you in the last five years? 417 00:16:55,130 --> 00:16:57,050 Common midwife toad. 418 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,330 Ugh! Do you have four legs? 419 00:16:59,330 --> 00:17:01,290 Californian condor. 420 00:17:01,290 --> 00:17:02,650 Do you have two legs? 421 00:17:02,650 --> 00:17:04,010 Bengal tiger. 422 00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:05,730 Are you over 30? 423 00:17:05,730 --> 00:17:08,170 Donkey. OK. 424 00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:10,690 Have you used an Excel sheet? 425 00:17:10,690 --> 00:17:12,730 LAUGHTER 426 00:17:12,730 --> 00:17:14,130 Glaucous gull. 427 00:17:14,130 --> 00:17:15,850 Are you on TV? 428 00:17:15,850 --> 00:17:17,330 Pygmy jerboa. 429 00:17:17,330 --> 00:17:19,210 Are you on BBC? 430 00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:20,650 Capybara. 431 00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:22,690 Oh, no. This duck's approaching. 432 00:17:22,690 --> 00:17:26,250 Have we ever been drunk together? LAUGHTER 433 00:17:26,250 --> 00:17:28,130 Common mudpuppy. 434 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:31,090 That means, yeah, I think. Doesn't it? 435 00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:32,970 Oh, I can't wait... If you get to the duck, 436 00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:34,930 you can just keep sort of pacing at the duck 437 00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:36,610 and we'll just do it on time instead. 438 00:17:36,610 --> 00:17:37,650 Uh, British? 439 00:17:37,650 --> 00:17:39,130 Pygmy hippopotamus. 440 00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:40,410 Oh, you ARE British. 441 00:17:40,410 --> 00:17:41,650 Are you an athlete? 442 00:17:41,650 --> 00:17:42,730 Northern shoveler. 443 00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:44,250 Are you a cartoon character? 444 00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:45,650 Are you a big grasshopper? 445 00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:47,530 Are you a mascot of some kind? 446 00:17:47,530 --> 00:17:50,770 Are you on the box of any kind of food-related stuff? 447 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,130 Is it Alex? 448 00:17:52,130 --> 00:17:54,210 LAUGHTER All right. Erm, yeah. 449 00:17:54,210 --> 00:17:57,530 I think you're just going to stay here with the duck. Am I? Oh, right. OK. 450 00:17:57,530 --> 00:18:00,170 Are you on a particular time of day? Mid-afternoon? 451 00:18:00,170 --> 00:18:01,330 Crane. 452 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,370 Early evening? 453 00:18:02,370 --> 00:18:04,450 Possum. 454 00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:05,850 QUACK OK. 455 00:18:05,850 --> 00:18:08,530 Right. So I can take the duck where I want? 456 00:18:08,530 --> 00:18:10,250 If you want, yeah. Oh! Oh! 457 00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,570 I'm so sorry, I saw him. LAUGHTER 458 00:18:12,570 --> 00:18:14,050 I saw him! 459 00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:16,370 QUACK It's Mr Blobby! 460 00:18:16,370 --> 00:18:17,970 Pygmy jerboa. 461 00:18:17,970 --> 00:18:19,650 You're welcome to say hello to Mr Blobby. 462 00:18:19,650 --> 00:18:21,970 Yeah, thank you. God! 463 00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:23,970 BBC, larger than a human 464 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,490 but smaller than a large tree, 465 00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:28,770 walks on two legs. DUCK QUACKS 466 00:18:31,570 --> 00:18:34,290 On BBC One? LAUGHTER 467 00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:37,450 Pangolin. 468 00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:43,850 OK. 469 00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:46,130 What's on at that time? 470 00:18:46,130 --> 00:18:47,450 Mr Blobby? 471 00:18:47,450 --> 00:18:48,730 CHEERING 472 00:18:48,730 --> 00:18:51,730 Pink fairy armadillo. 473 00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:54,650 Yaaaaaay! 474 00:18:59,210 --> 00:19:02,250 I mean, the question I've got, Nick, is that you asked every 475 00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:06,290 question about every subject ever... Yes. ..before you arrived at Blobby. 476 00:19:06,290 --> 00:19:08,890 Yeah, that was, I mean, just to do it by process of elimination. 477 00:19:08,890 --> 00:19:10,170 I guess that's what that was. 478 00:19:10,170 --> 00:19:11,850 By eliminating everything in the world? 479 00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:14,410 In the world. In the universe. Yeah, yeah. 480 00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:16,130 I like the question, 481 00:19:16,130 --> 00:19:18,690 "Are you smaller than a large tree?" 482 00:19:21,170 --> 00:19:23,650 Cos how tall's a tree? A tree can be various sizes. Wow. 483 00:19:23,650 --> 00:19:27,490 I mean, one of the great philosophical questions of our time. 484 00:19:27,490 --> 00:19:30,370 How large is large? How large IS large? 485 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,970 This is large. You're larger than me, yeah. LAUGHTER 486 00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:34,410 Small. Yeah. 487 00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:38,290 Was there a logic to Sophie's questions? 488 00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:42,570 I've written some down. 489 00:19:42,570 --> 00:19:44,250 "Have I met you in the last five years?" 490 00:19:46,090 --> 00:19:48,010 "Have I got drunk with you?" 491 00:19:48,010 --> 00:19:51,250 "Have you used an Excel sheet?" 492 00:19:52,370 --> 00:19:55,250 I mean, you literally sound like a dropped Alexa. 493 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,450 I just thought you were going to do something 494 00:19:59,450 --> 00:20:02,170 a bit like Surprise Surprise. I thought you were going to... 495 00:20:02,170 --> 00:20:05,730 I thought it could've been my mate Amy, to be honest. Right. 496 00:20:05,730 --> 00:20:08,130 I was really thinking she was going to pop out. Yeah. 497 00:20:08,130 --> 00:20:11,010 And that we'd mounted her on a golf trolley? Yeah. LAUGHTER 498 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:13,010 Obviously, Sophie can't have a point, can she? 499 00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:14,970 Cos she saw Blobby. AUDIENCE: Aw! 500 00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:16,210 I know. Terrible, actually. 501 00:20:16,210 --> 00:20:18,530 Tough shit. LAUGHTER 502 00:20:18,530 --> 00:20:19,890 Shall we give out the points? Yes. 503 00:20:19,890 --> 00:20:22,250 Well, it's Sophie, unfortunately, zero. 504 00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:23,930 Two points to Nick, three to Steve, four to John. 505 00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:25,490 But the winner, the future Mrs Blobby, 506 00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,250 is Joanne McNally! Whoa! 507 00:20:27,250 --> 00:20:28,250 CHEERING 508 00:20:30,690 --> 00:20:32,490 May I see a scoreboard, please? 509 00:20:32,490 --> 00:20:34,850 At the bottom, and it's been typical of the series so far, 510 00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,690 we've got Sophie and Nick with three points. 511 00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:38,970 At the top, it's John and Joanne, both with nine points. 512 00:20:43,930 --> 00:20:45,370 Good. What's next? 513 00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:46,930 Ooh! Oh, no. 514 00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:49,570 It's childcare. AUDIENCE: Ooh! 515 00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:54,330 BABY CRIES 516 00:20:59,890 --> 00:21:03,330 Hi. Hi, and congratulations. 517 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:05,770 Thank you. This takes me back. 518 00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:08,570 Have you worn one of them before? 519 00:21:08,570 --> 00:21:11,410 Well, in my head it's a bulletproof vest. 520 00:21:11,410 --> 00:21:14,170 And I am Detective Robins, homicide. 521 00:21:14,170 --> 00:21:16,850 Oh, hi, Joanne. What's going on? 522 00:21:16,850 --> 00:21:18,250 You've got to look after a baby. 523 00:21:20,250 --> 00:21:21,410 What is it? 524 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:24,490 I'll pop her or him in. I can't remember the gender. 525 00:21:24,490 --> 00:21:25,690 Oh, God. 526 00:21:25,690 --> 00:21:27,450 Ah! 527 00:21:27,450 --> 00:21:30,290 There we go. Nothing to be frightened of. 528 00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:32,610 This is actually quite comfortable. Good. 529 00:21:32,610 --> 00:21:34,050 Nice on the shoulders. 530 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:38,170 Complete the jobstacle course. 531 00:21:38,170 --> 00:21:42,210 Each job must completed to a satisfactory-quality level. 532 00:21:42,210 --> 00:21:44,770 The baby must remain in the baby carrier at all times 533 00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:47,610 except during nappy change. Yes. Yes. 534 00:21:47,610 --> 00:21:49,610 You must complete the jobstacle course 535 00:21:49,610 --> 00:21:51,170 within eight minutes. 536 00:21:51,170 --> 00:21:53,650 The least baby spilled wins. 537 00:21:53,650 --> 00:21:55,490 I'd actually like to spill a bit of it. 538 00:21:56,890 --> 00:22:01,930 LAUGHTER We want a wet baby and a dry Steve. 539 00:22:01,930 --> 00:22:03,810 Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle. 540 00:22:03,810 --> 00:22:05,770 WHISTLE BLOWS Oh, God. 541 00:22:08,010 --> 00:22:10,050 Nick looks terrified of the baby. 542 00:22:10,050 --> 00:22:12,410 I've got three kids! Have you really got three kids? 543 00:22:12,410 --> 00:22:15,770 Yeah, genuinely. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, I have, yeah. It is! 544 00:22:15,770 --> 00:22:17,530 Sorry, kids. 545 00:22:19,010 --> 00:22:21,930 Let's crack on. All right, then. The first to look after 546 00:22:21,930 --> 00:22:24,210 the big wet baby are Joanne and Sophie. 547 00:22:25,170 --> 00:22:28,570 I think my approach is going to be to glide. 548 00:22:28,570 --> 00:22:32,930 Swift, fast and smooth, like a swan. Do the dishes. 549 00:22:32,930 --> 00:22:34,930 They're in the caravan. 550 00:22:34,930 --> 00:22:37,530 I am curious about motherhood, so I think this'll be good for me. 551 00:22:37,530 --> 00:22:38,730 Yeah, this'll be a good test. 552 00:22:39,730 --> 00:22:41,050 Like a swan. 553 00:22:42,730 --> 00:22:45,850 Daddy Horne hanging around outside doing fuck all. 554 00:22:45,850 --> 00:22:48,090 LAUGHTER 555 00:22:50,050 --> 00:22:51,370 That's it. Done. 556 00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:54,610 Oh! That was unfortunate. 557 00:22:56,290 --> 00:22:57,770 Ah, now. 558 00:22:57,770 --> 00:22:59,730 Alex, pick up the basket. 559 00:22:59,730 --> 00:23:00,890 I'll pick up the basket. 560 00:23:01,930 --> 00:23:03,650 And the thing... I can't pick up the thing. 561 00:23:05,930 --> 00:23:07,250 Bend from the knees. 562 00:23:08,650 --> 00:23:09,850 Now. 563 00:23:13,370 --> 00:23:14,410 Oh, no. 564 00:23:15,930 --> 00:23:17,810 His shoes need cleaning now. 565 00:23:19,730 --> 00:23:21,610 Argh. 566 00:23:21,610 --> 00:23:23,650 The state of your shoes, Greg. 567 00:23:23,650 --> 00:23:26,650 I'm trying to raise a jug of water here. LAUGHTER 568 00:23:27,730 --> 00:23:32,130 There's a suffragette turning in her grave somewhere. LAUGHTER 569 00:23:32,130 --> 00:23:33,410 Oh, fabulous. Done. 570 00:23:34,570 --> 00:23:37,370 OK. Does your big wet baby have a name? 571 00:23:37,370 --> 00:23:39,330 Juicy. LAUGHTER 572 00:23:41,010 --> 00:23:42,130 Get in. Get in. 573 00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:43,610 This is why women breast-feed, 574 00:23:43,610 --> 00:23:45,050 cos this is a pain in the hole. 575 00:23:46,290 --> 00:23:48,610 Watch your own baby, yeah. 576 00:23:48,610 --> 00:23:51,130 Is the last one done? Yeah. WHISTLE BLOWS 577 00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:53,890 Whack it in, whack it in. WHISTLE BLOWS 578 00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:55,010 Thank you. 579 00:23:59,050 --> 00:24:02,090 I think it's very impressive, Joanne, for you to make points about 580 00:24:02,090 --> 00:24:05,090 the patriarchy when you've got a bucket of water strapped to you. 581 00:24:05,090 --> 00:24:06,370 Any excuse. 582 00:24:06,370 --> 00:24:09,410 Can you tell me statistics about who was the most effective parent? 583 00:24:09,410 --> 00:24:11,930 Sophie spilt a fifth of her baby, 584 00:24:11,930 --> 00:24:14,530 used some of the baby to clean the shoes with. Ah! 585 00:24:15,570 --> 00:24:18,010 I spilt some out at the start. Yeah. Cos I was like, 586 00:24:18,010 --> 00:24:20,450 "That's going to go anyway. I might as well get rid of it." 587 00:24:20,450 --> 00:24:23,290 Not stress it. Speed up. Yeah, you only spilt a sixth of your baby, 588 00:24:23,290 --> 00:24:25,130 so you are currently in the lead, Joanne. 589 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:30,290 Next up, it's two dads of three - it's Nick and it's Steve. 590 00:24:30,290 --> 00:24:32,770 OK, let's do the shoes first. 591 00:24:32,770 --> 00:24:35,250 Oh, God. Right, here we go. 592 00:24:35,250 --> 00:24:37,130 For... Oh, what am I going to clean them with? 593 00:24:37,130 --> 00:24:39,450 Oh, I can't use the baby! 594 00:24:39,450 --> 00:24:40,770 Sorry, baby. 595 00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:42,770 Just... I'm patting the baby's head. 596 00:24:42,770 --> 00:24:45,490 Baby's fine, though. Argh! Baby's fine. 597 00:24:45,490 --> 00:24:47,970 You're not cleaning with the baby at all, are you? 598 00:24:47,970 --> 00:24:50,770 A little bit of her went in the...in the soapy water. 599 00:24:50,770 --> 00:24:53,450 # With rings on her fingers 600 00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:56,010 # And bells on her toes... # 601 00:24:57,490 --> 00:25:00,050 Ooh. LAUGHTER 602 00:25:00,050 --> 00:25:01,410 I think your baby's been sick. 603 00:25:01,410 --> 00:25:04,930 Hang the laundry twixt the cow and the caravan. 604 00:25:04,930 --> 00:25:07,410 Bit of baby spilt on your knee, then. Yeah, but that... 605 00:25:07,410 --> 00:25:09,730 A lot of... Oh. That's handy. 606 00:25:09,730 --> 00:25:12,770 I'm assuming I have to create my own line, yeah? 607 00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:16,730 To hang the... Sure, yeah. ..laundry. 608 00:25:18,210 --> 00:25:20,090 # Ta-da-da-da. # 609 00:25:20,090 --> 00:25:23,170 There we go. Is that... Are you satisfied with that? Well, yeah. 610 00:25:23,170 --> 00:25:26,330 Yeah? So, hang the laundry, dust the carpet. 611 00:25:26,330 --> 00:25:30,090 Oh, was that dusting the carpet? CACKLES 612 00:25:30,090 --> 00:25:32,650 OK, best way to dust a carpet... 613 00:25:34,970 --> 00:25:37,210 LAUGHTER 614 00:25:39,250 --> 00:25:40,650 Satisfied? 615 00:25:40,650 --> 00:25:41,650 No. 616 00:25:42,730 --> 00:25:44,970 Oh, baby's not happy with this. 617 00:25:46,210 --> 00:25:48,490 Are you...thirsty? 618 00:25:48,490 --> 00:25:51,250 Oh, there we go. 619 00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:53,530 Now let's get that nap-nap changed. 620 00:25:53,530 --> 00:25:54,410 Ugh. 621 00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:58,010 She loves that. 622 00:25:58,010 --> 00:26:00,010 WHISTLE BLOWS There you go. That's not bad. 623 00:26:00,010 --> 00:26:01,410 You've got three seconds left. 624 00:26:01,410 --> 00:26:04,090 Uh... Love you. WHISTLE BLOWS 625 00:26:09,450 --> 00:26:15,370 Two actual fathers. And with very contrasting approaches. 626 00:26:15,370 --> 00:26:19,730 Nick, you seemed a very cautious and caring parent, I thought. Yeah. 627 00:26:19,730 --> 00:26:21,330 Did Nick spill a lot of baby? 628 00:26:21,330 --> 00:26:23,690 Yes, Nick spilt a quarter of his baby, 629 00:26:23,690 --> 00:26:26,170 whereas Steve, in the end, only 7% of baby spilt. 630 00:26:26,170 --> 00:26:29,490 Who would've thought that you would come across in this competition as 631 00:26:29,490 --> 00:26:31,930 a more effective parent by force-feeding your baby? 632 00:26:33,010 --> 00:26:35,490 I feel like I have to apologise to my own children now, 633 00:26:35,490 --> 00:26:37,810 if that was anything like the upbringing they had. 634 00:26:37,810 --> 00:26:38,770 Yeah. 635 00:26:38,770 --> 00:26:41,690 Time for a break now. I say that, it doesn't seem to matter 636 00:26:41,690 --> 00:26:46,050 how much pressure I apply to Alex's pelvis, it just won't snap. 637 00:26:46,050 --> 00:26:48,290 LAUGHTER 638 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:05,080 Hello. Yes, you're back with us on Taskmaster. Mm-mm. 639 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,000 Comedy entertainment at its finest. Am I right, guys? 640 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,400 The current task... LAUGHTER 641 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,520 ..sees our comedians busy trying to complete a jobstacle course 642 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,960 of household chores whilst looking after their water bottle in 643 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,800 a baby carrier. Least baby spilled wins. 644 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,320 Last up - Rohn Jobins. LAUGHTER 645 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,440 What are you going to do first, John? 646 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,320 Well, I'm going to take the baby out of this. 647 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,320 It must stay in the baby carrier. 648 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,160 It must remain in the baby carrier. 649 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,160 But the baby carrier doesn't have to remain on me. 650 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,080 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 651 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,120 There we go. Right. 652 00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:44,120 LAUGHTER Do the dishes. Caravan. 653 00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:49,360 Dishes...done! 654 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:53,000 Thank you, Greg. 655 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,640 Dust the carpet! 656 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:55,800 Four minutes left. 657 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:56,800 Four minutes! 658 00:27:58,080 --> 00:27:59,600 Never done this before. 659 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,440 The way my life's going, I'll probably never do it again. 660 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,800 LAUGHTER Ugh! 661 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,440 A lot easier without a baby on your front. 662 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:08,880 Oh, it's so much easier, 663 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,200 and honestly that baby's been 664 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,960 driving me crazy. LAUGHTER 665 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,120 One minute left, John. 666 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:18,760 Just taking a bit of care with this, Alex. 667 00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:20,440 How much more time have I got? 668 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,640 Five, four, 669 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:28,000 three, two... WHISTLE BLOWS 670 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,800 Thank you. 671 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,640 If anything, he was tad smug. 672 00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:41,400 But, you know. Fast, wasn't it? Yeah, and it wasn't even about that. 673 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,680 There was zero percentage of the baby spilt. 674 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:49,160 Oh, don't leave a silence where there's a "but" coming and you... 675 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,480 No? There's no "but". I'm just allowing you to enjoy it. 676 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:52,720 Oh, that's sweet. 677 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:55,040 How long do you want to give him to enjoy it? 678 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:56,880 LAUGHTER 679 00:28:57,920 --> 00:28:59,800 We'll give him ten more seconds, shall we? 680 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,120 LAUGHTER 681 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,120 No, I unfortunately don't have another VT. 682 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,480 He has genuinely nailed it. 683 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,240 I know he has, yeah. Which is very frustrating. 684 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:13,520 APPLAUSE 685 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:16,560 So the points are - Nick gets one, 686 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,920 Sophie two, Joanne three, Steve four, 687 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:20,600 five points to John Robins! Well done, John. 688 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:26,720 OK, what's next please, Alex? 689 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,240 You're going to like this, Greg. We started off in a tent 690 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:33,680 and now we're going to be IN TENTS. Intense. Do you...? Yeah? 691 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:37,240 AUDIENCE CHUCKLES 692 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,160 Oh, hello. 693 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,880 Hello, Alex. 694 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:02,880 You all right? 695 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:05,520 Oh, no. 696 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,000 What now? 697 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:14,960 Is this right? 698 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,160 Hello, you OK? 699 00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,800 Have you seen something bad? 700 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:25,920 Have you had an accident? 701 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,120 ALEX GRUMBLES 702 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,080 AUDIENCE: Aw. 703 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,480 Hmm. 704 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:38,480 Oh, thank you. 705 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:46,280 Create tension and you've just given me a masterclass. 706 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,200 Create tension. Oh, 707 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:52,480 you were acting. And you did it well. 708 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,800 Most tension created wins. 709 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,440 You have 20 minutes - your time starts now. 710 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:01,680 Have you started the attempt? 711 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,600 I've started. This is tension. Yeah. 712 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,080 So, like, just make it really awkward? 713 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,400 What did you think of my tension that I created? 714 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:13,640 Didn't feel tense. 715 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:14,760 No, no. Oh, well. 716 00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,560 I'd give it a two out of ten... Right. 717 00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:17,600 ..for tension. 718 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:18,600 Sexual tension? 719 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:25,960 Hmm, I'm going to need some kind of elasticated roping. 720 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:32,440 I would like to challenge you to a duel of... 721 00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:33,480 ..hangman. 722 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,680 Isn't quite working, that, is it? 723 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,280 Got a tablecloth? Mm-hm. Yeah. 724 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,600 I'm going to get some bits and bobs. 725 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,240 APPLAUSE 726 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:56,720 This will be interesting cos I know how to make you tense. 727 00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:58,800 Yes, you do. 728 00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,520 And I'm not going to be the only one, I suspect. Let's go. 729 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,400 First of all, we're going to see three lots of tension-makers - 730 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,240 Sophie, John and Joanne. 731 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:11,120 Tension. What is tension? 732 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:12,400 Tension is 733 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:16,120 the apprehension that something bad's going to happen, innit? 734 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:17,560 It's tense, we're worried. 735 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:19,800 Alex, sit with me. 736 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,240 Sit down beside me. Yeah. 737 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:25,680 Actually, no. Actually hop up here, hop up. 738 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,360 Facing you? Like this? 739 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,640 This is perfect, yeah. Look at me. 740 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:30,800 Do I relax? No, don't relax. 741 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,080 No? I want you on edge. 742 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,200 In order to actually measure the tension, 743 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:40,520 we've got both analogue and digital tension scales. 744 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:48,000 Like, so like...tightrope walking, but on a chair? 745 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,000 Yeah. 746 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,400 What's your salary? AUDIENCE LAUGHS 747 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:55,960 Don't lie, don't lie to your mother. 748 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:05,080 LAUGHTER 749 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,280 Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. 750 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,200 Increase the tension. Oh! 751 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,920 Alex, stand firm. Let's take a reading. 752 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,760 Alex, that's ten kilos of tension. 753 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,280 Our genitals are not touching, just to be clear. 754 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:32,440 Sadly. 755 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,160 Can I say something? 756 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:41,800 I don't feel the need to say anything. 757 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:48,720 Two minutes left. 758 00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,840 SHE HISSES 759 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:54,880 That WAS tense. 760 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,120 SHE HISSES 761 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:02,400 Feels so good. 762 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,960 It's like my father's alive again. 763 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,800 Uh... It's my father's anniversary today - dead 21 years. 764 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,600 Oh, is it? You smell just like him. 765 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,560 SNIFFS DEEPLY 766 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:14,720 Hmm. 767 00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:17,080 What am I doing with the net, John? What are you doing? 768 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,400 You're catching the Marble of Certain Death. Oh, I see. 769 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:20,880 OK. OK. 770 00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:22,680 Three, two, 771 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:23,760 one. 772 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:27,920 And there you go, 773 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,680 the Marble of Certain Death caught by Alex 774 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:33,240 under pretty extreme tension here. That's ten kilos of tension. 775 00:34:33,240 --> 00:34:35,560 WHISTLE BLOWS That's your time up, John. Thank you. 776 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:36,320 Phew. 777 00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,680 Ten seconds, Joanne. My whistle's right down here though. 778 00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:41,760 Excuse me? 779 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,600 Ignore the whistle - it's just me and you now. 780 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:44,800 I've got to get the whistle. 781 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,200 I've asked the cameramen to leave. 782 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:49,240 SNIFFS DEEPLY Stop it. 783 00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:52,120 WHISTLE BLOWS Oh, thank God. 784 00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:54,040 Don't even look me in the eye ever again. 785 00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:55,040 Thanks, Joanne. 786 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,200 AUDIENCE LAUGHS 787 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:03,960 I told you someone would crack the code. 788 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,120 Consent at every point - every point, there was consent. 789 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,000 There was. What the audience didn't hear is 790 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,200 what you said as you, uh, 791 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,720 walked out which was, "Never look at me again." 792 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,800 Sophie, watching you 793 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:22,960 standing on one leg with a cup on your head 794 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,560 hissing like a fucking snake... 795 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,440 ..is the least tense I've ever felt. 796 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:28,440 Oh, really? 797 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,280 You've never been in that position 798 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,760 cos you're always taller, aren't you? But... Yeah. 799 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,040 ..actually having somebody... 800 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,360 HISSES 801 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:40,360 Well, let me... Let me, yeah, go on. 802 00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:42,240 If you sit on the floor. 803 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:48,000 AUDIENCE MEMBER: Woo! 804 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:49,840 HISSES FORCEFULLY 805 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,640 No. Nothing? Right. 806 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:55,840 Well, that's fine. 807 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,360 What about John, who took a very literal version of tension? 808 00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,040 Did he create much tension? 809 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,800 Well, yes 1kg on Earth 810 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:09,760 is 9.8 Newtons of tension, we know this. "We know this." 811 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,320 And you had ten kilos. So it was, yeah, it was 98 Newtons 812 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,640 of tension, he created. Which is about the same as 813 00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:16,480 a small monkey swinging on a tree. 814 00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,320 How heavy is the monkey? 815 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,400 It said a small monkey. 816 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,560 How many pounds of tension did he create? 817 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,600 But te...tension's not measured in 818 00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:32,000 stones or pounds. It's not measured in monkeys, mate. 819 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,320 It's measured in... LAUGHTER 820 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,200 APPLAUSE 821 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:40,840 Who's left? 822 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,200 Next up, time to vamp up the tension 823 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,880 with Nick Mohammed. Ooh. 824 00:36:57,240 --> 00:36:58,880 How long, Alex? 825 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:00,000 Got one minute, Nick. 826 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:10,080 OPERATIC MUSIC BUILDS 827 00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:20,440 APPLAUSE 828 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:25,120 That's what I intended. 829 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,000 Then that then goes over that. 830 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:28,680 We'll do that. And this little... 831 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:31,280 ..little finish. 832 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,160 Thanks, Alex. See you later. 833 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,440 The old egg-misses-the-glass trick, eh? 834 00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:57,480 That was genuinely stressful just rewatching that. 835 00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:58,920 Yeah, there was tension there. 836 00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,880 And I've gotta say, it's not looking bad for you on this one. Oh, great. 837 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,920 Yeah, and bear in mind who you're sitting next to. 838 00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:09,920 Right, we're nearly at the end of the show, 839 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,400 when one of the comedians will scream with delight 840 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:14,920 as they head home with their very own trough, 841 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:18,000 but first, have some badverts. 842 00:38:28,021 --> 00:38:30,381 Hello, welcome back to the final part of the show, 843 00:38:30,381 --> 00:38:32,301 where things have been pretty damn tense. 844 00:38:32,301 --> 00:38:34,261 Oh, you've been pretty, I've been tense 845 00:38:34,261 --> 00:38:37,581 and that's because we've come to the end of our create-tension task, 846 00:38:37,581 --> 00:38:41,101 and it ends with me versus Steve at hangman. 847 00:38:57,621 --> 00:38:58,781 No vowels. 848 00:39:04,581 --> 00:39:05,661 P. 849 00:39:07,461 --> 00:39:09,701 BELL DINGS 850 00:39:13,341 --> 00:39:14,421 T. 851 00:39:21,141 --> 00:39:22,781 R. 852 00:39:22,781 --> 00:39:25,021 BELL DINGS 853 00:39:28,381 --> 00:39:30,261 L. 854 00:39:30,261 --> 00:39:32,541 BELL DINGS 855 00:39:32,541 --> 00:39:35,021 D. 856 00:39:35,021 --> 00:39:37,061 H. BELL DINGS 857 00:39:37,061 --> 00:39:39,821 M. BELL DINGS 858 00:39:39,821 --> 00:39:41,621 S. 859 00:39:41,621 --> 00:39:42,741 N. 860 00:39:50,661 --> 00:39:52,981 P. BELL DINGS 861 00:39:52,981 --> 00:39:54,341 C. 862 00:39:56,581 --> 00:39:57,701 B. 863 00:39:59,741 --> 00:40:01,021 H. 864 00:40:03,781 --> 00:40:04,781 C? 865 00:40:06,221 --> 00:40:07,221 G. 866 00:40:10,581 --> 00:40:13,021 V. LAUGHTER 867 00:40:13,021 --> 00:40:15,021 BELL DINGS 868 00:40:17,861 --> 00:40:18,861 Nightclub. 869 00:40:36,981 --> 00:40:38,181 It means assistant. 870 00:40:40,981 --> 00:40:43,861 APPLAUSE 871 00:40:47,701 --> 00:40:49,501 What an impressive production. 872 00:40:49,501 --> 00:40:51,821 Hmm. Amazing. 873 00:40:51,821 --> 00:40:55,541 The tension in that room between Alex and I, 874 00:40:55,541 --> 00:40:58,101 and the no-vowels hangman rule, 875 00:40:58,101 --> 00:41:00,381 that really upped it 50%. 876 00:41:00,381 --> 00:41:01,821 It did. 877 00:41:01,821 --> 00:41:02,981 It was electric. 878 00:41:04,421 --> 00:41:07,661 If I were to pick perhaps a small criticism - 879 00:41:07,661 --> 00:41:09,981 yoghurt, cheese and hot sauce sounds quite nice. 880 00:41:09,981 --> 00:41:11,861 LAUGHTER 881 00:41:11,861 --> 00:41:13,541 Right, Sophie's getting one point 882 00:41:13,541 --> 00:41:15,541 then there's a gulf between Sophie 883 00:41:15,541 --> 00:41:16,581 and the others. 884 00:41:16,581 --> 00:41:19,381 So we jump up to three points. 885 00:41:19,381 --> 00:41:21,741 Right. Who's getting three points? John is. 886 00:41:21,741 --> 00:41:24,821 I felt tense with Nick and with Steve. 887 00:41:24,821 --> 00:41:27,661 Steve, I felt deliberately tense. 888 00:41:27,661 --> 00:41:30,821 And with Nick, I felt his gross incompetence was... 889 00:41:30,821 --> 00:41:33,181 LAUGHTER ..as a magician, was going to result 890 00:41:33,181 --> 00:41:34,941 in someone being hurt. 891 00:41:34,941 --> 00:41:37,501 So I can draw a parallel there and say four points for both. 892 00:41:37,501 --> 00:41:40,261 But we all know where the most tension was in the room. Yeah. 893 00:41:40,261 --> 00:41:43,141 And it was a grown woman sniffing your beard. 894 00:41:44,501 --> 00:41:46,781 So five points to Joanne, and that's the end of it. 895 00:41:50,581 --> 00:41:52,141 Scoreboard, boy. 896 00:41:52,141 --> 00:41:53,861 Right, OK. Well, unfortunately, Sophie, 897 00:41:53,861 --> 00:41:56,221 that means you've only got six points, whereas John 898 00:41:56,221 --> 00:41:58,581 and Joanne are in the lead with 17 points. Ooh. 899 00:41:58,581 --> 00:42:00,021 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 900 00:42:00,021 --> 00:42:02,461 APPLAUSE 901 00:42:02,461 --> 00:42:04,181 All right, then. 902 00:42:04,181 --> 00:42:05,861 Please can you vacate your chairs, 903 00:42:05,861 --> 00:42:08,301 head to the stage for the final task of the show! 904 00:42:18,381 --> 00:42:19,741 Who's going to read the task out? 905 00:42:19,741 --> 00:42:21,341 Joanne McNally, my friend. 906 00:42:22,741 --> 00:42:24,181 Don't look at me, Alex. LAUGHTER 907 00:42:24,181 --> 00:42:25,381 Don't look at me. 908 00:42:25,381 --> 00:42:27,861 Catch the most monsters in your boxes. 909 00:42:27,861 --> 00:42:30,581 The monsters must propel themselves from the table. 910 00:42:30,581 --> 00:42:34,381 Most monsters in boxes after two minutes wins. 911 00:42:34,381 --> 00:42:36,781 And I should also say - if you catch one in your arm, 912 00:42:36,781 --> 00:42:38,421 that's worth one monster. 913 00:42:38,421 --> 00:42:40,741 In your hat, that's worth two monsters. 914 00:42:40,741 --> 00:42:43,021 It's three on the leg, 915 00:42:43,021 --> 00:42:44,861 four on the back bucket, 916 00:42:44,861 --> 00:42:46,541 five on the shoulder. 917 00:42:46,541 --> 00:42:48,301 Isn't the leg one a bit unfair? 918 00:42:48,301 --> 00:42:50,661 Someone's got an advantage. HISSES 919 00:42:54,581 --> 00:42:56,861 OK, so it's two minutes, Greg. 920 00:42:56,861 --> 00:42:59,421 Let's dance. And they're off. 921 00:42:59,421 --> 00:43:01,021 Whoa! 922 00:43:02,101 --> 00:43:04,501 It's hard to even get the... Oh! 923 00:43:04,501 --> 00:43:06,781 How'd you do it? They're not bouncing. 924 00:43:07,781 --> 00:43:08,781 Oh! 925 00:43:11,501 --> 00:43:13,421 AUDIENCE: Oh! 926 00:43:15,501 --> 00:43:16,901 NOW I'm tense, Sophie. 927 00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:31,021 Yes, yes! 928 00:43:31,021 --> 00:43:33,261 CHEERING 929 00:43:34,341 --> 00:43:36,301 Nick is pulling away here. 930 00:43:38,581 --> 00:43:39,621 Ah! 931 00:43:39,621 --> 00:43:41,261 24 seconds left now. 932 00:43:41,261 --> 00:43:42,381 How are you over there? 933 00:43:42,381 --> 00:43:43,381 Yes. 934 00:43:44,621 --> 00:43:46,901 Oh, Steve, that was so close. 935 00:43:46,901 --> 00:43:48,381 Tip the table, tip that table. 936 00:43:50,381 --> 00:43:51,701 Oh. 937 00:43:51,701 --> 00:43:54,061 WHISTLE BLOWS Stop. 938 00:43:54,061 --> 00:43:58,021 APPLAUSE Oh! 939 00:43:58,021 --> 00:43:59,941 Can I clarify one thing? It did say in the task 940 00:43:59,941 --> 00:44:02,301 the monsters must propel themselves from the table. 941 00:44:02,301 --> 00:44:05,541 Are we happy that the stage is a table for Sophie? 942 00:44:05,541 --> 00:44:07,341 I mean, as an act of charity, I think... 943 00:44:07,341 --> 00:44:09,421 LAUGHTER 944 00:44:09,421 --> 00:44:11,781 OK, I'm going to quickly count the monsters. 945 00:44:11,781 --> 00:44:15,021 We have one in the top - that's two monsters for Joanne. 946 00:44:15,021 --> 00:44:16,941 Lovely. Not bad. 947 00:44:16,941 --> 00:44:18,021 We have one in the top, 948 00:44:18,021 --> 00:44:19,661 we also have two bucket monsters, 949 00:44:19,661 --> 00:44:22,261 so that's a total of ten monsters. Ooh. Wow. 950 00:44:22,261 --> 00:44:23,501 That's a lot of monsters. 951 00:44:24,541 --> 00:44:25,821 You have two in the leg - 952 00:44:25,821 --> 00:44:27,101 that's six monsters. 953 00:44:27,101 --> 00:44:30,781 Right. Unfortunately, the arm is the lowest scoring. 954 00:44:30,781 --> 00:44:33,621 There are six in there, which is also a total of six monsters. 955 00:44:37,181 --> 00:44:39,701 There is one in the hat and there are two in the bucket, 956 00:44:39,701 --> 00:44:41,941 so that's a total of ten monsters. 957 00:44:44,421 --> 00:44:46,261 So why don't you all come down here 958 00:44:46,261 --> 00:44:48,581 and we'll see what that's done to the final scores? 959 00:44:48,581 --> 00:44:50,381 APPLAUSE 960 00:44:55,301 --> 00:44:57,221 Greg, I need to show you a couple of things. 961 00:44:57,221 --> 00:44:58,941 Oh, good - is it related to the show? 962 00:44:58,941 --> 00:45:01,261 LAUGHTER 963 00:45:01,261 --> 00:45:03,941 Unfortunately, yes. I need to, uh, get your judgment on 964 00:45:03,941 --> 00:45:06,261 a couple of little bits I caught during the task. 965 00:45:06,261 --> 00:45:08,781 AUDIENCE OOHS 966 00:45:08,781 --> 00:45:10,381 Some impropriety? 967 00:45:10,381 --> 00:45:12,701 LAUGHTER 968 00:45:12,701 --> 00:45:16,021 You need them - otherwise, you can't see. Oh, yeah. 969 00:45:16,021 --> 00:45:19,101 OK, have a look up here. The first thing I was saw this. 970 00:45:21,341 --> 00:45:23,741 ALL: Ooh! 971 00:45:23,741 --> 00:45:25,221 Outrageous. 972 00:45:25,221 --> 00:45:27,981 Yeah, so do you want to dock him one monster or more? 973 00:45:27,981 --> 00:45:30,341 Oh, I mean he's disqualified from the whole... 974 00:45:30,341 --> 00:45:33,141 GASPS I'm joking. I'm joking. 975 00:45:33,141 --> 00:45:35,701 Yeah, just dock him one point, yeah. One monster's gone. 976 00:45:35,701 --> 00:45:38,181 And then it's whether or not Steve's final hat monster 977 00:45:38,181 --> 00:45:39,701 was before or after the whistle. 978 00:45:41,581 --> 00:45:43,861 WHISTLE BLOWS Stop. 979 00:45:45,661 --> 00:45:48,101 Well, it was about three years after the whistle. 980 00:45:49,341 --> 00:45:52,661 So there's not a lot of tension in that decision, is there? 981 00:45:52,661 --> 00:45:53,861 So that means Joanne, uh, 982 00:45:53,861 --> 00:45:56,341 is last with the two monsters, then it's Nick with five, 983 00:45:56,341 --> 00:45:58,661 Sophie with six, Steve with eight 984 00:45:58,661 --> 00:46:01,221 and John takes all five points with the ten monsters. 985 00:46:01,221 --> 00:46:02,621 There it is. 986 00:46:05,381 --> 00:46:07,741 Exciting what that's done to the final scoreboard. 987 00:46:07,741 --> 00:46:09,621 Because so far only Steve has won, of course. 988 00:46:09,621 --> 00:46:13,221 Correct. In this episode, Joanne was pipped to the post. 989 00:46:13,221 --> 00:46:15,501 She got 18 points and John got 22 points. 990 00:46:17,781 --> 00:46:20,621 John Robins is the winner of episode three! 991 00:46:20,621 --> 00:46:23,181 Go and gather your alternative animal accessories. 992 00:46:23,181 --> 00:46:25,741 APPLAUSE 993 00:46:27,421 --> 00:46:29,981 So what have we learnt from today's show? 994 00:46:29,981 --> 00:46:31,581 Well, we've learnt that everyone 995 00:46:31,581 --> 00:46:34,101 finds themselves in tense situations. 996 00:46:34,101 --> 00:46:36,941 A difficult negotiation, perhaps, a feud with a neighbour, 997 00:46:36,941 --> 00:46:38,741 an argument with a partner. 998 00:46:38,741 --> 00:46:43,101 But remember, there's always a way to defuse that awful tension. 999 00:46:43,101 --> 00:46:44,101 And this is it. 1000 00:46:45,061 --> 00:46:47,421 HISSES 1001 00:46:50,901 --> 00:46:53,461 But there's only one real winner tonight, ladies and gentlemen - 1002 00:46:53,461 --> 00:46:55,341 that is John Robins! 1003 00:47:17,781 --> 00:47:21,541 Subtitles by Red Bee Media