1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,560
{\an2}This programme contains
strong language and adult humour.
2
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,520
{\an2}Oh, no, no!
3
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{\an2}Yes! Ah!
4
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{\an1}SHE HISSES, BELL DINGS
5
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{\an2}Argh!
6
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{\an2}Erm...
7
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{\an2}Quite windy today. Yeah.
8
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{\an2}Christ. Ooh! Wrong way.
9
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{\an2}That's how you do it, baby.
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{\an2}OK.
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{\an2}Oh, my God!
12
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{\an2}Ah! Ah! Ah! Ooh!
13
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{\an1}SHE BABBLES
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Hello! Welcome!
16
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{\an2}Welcome to Taskmaster.
17
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{\an2}Some say this show is a wolf
in sheep's clothing.
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{\an2}Well, I'm a wolf all right, and this
suit is as Welsh as it gets.
19
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{\an2}It's woven from the shaven body hair
of Sir Tom Jones himself.
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{\an2}It's breathable, it's soft,
and it's been on the bedroom floor
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{\an2}of a thousand lovers.
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{\an2}I think I'd better dance now.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
24
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{\an2}So, without further ado,
let's get going with the games,
25
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{\an2}and watch as our five task-hungry
wolfhounds go feral with peril.
26
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{\an2}Please welcome Joanne McNally!
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{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
John Robins!
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{\an2}Nick Mohammed!
29
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{\an2}Sophie Willan!
30
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{\an2}And Steve Pemberton!
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{\an2}And next to me is a man who started
shoplifting in his 30s
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{\an2}to get the attention he was
starved of at home as a child,
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{\an2}and latterly, in a different home
with his wife.
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{\an2}It's little Alex Horne!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Yeah!
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{\an2}You'd better believe it.
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{\an2}Yes. It's a hobby...more than
anything.
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{\an2}Hello, Greg. Have you ever nicked
anything in real life?
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{\an2}From a...? From anywhere?
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{\an2}Yes. I don't want you to be funny,
just tell me what you've stolen.
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{\an2}Er, money from my...from Mother's
handbag.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Let's start with a prize task, Alex.
Oh, yawn.
44
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,680
{\an2}No, you're right.
It is the best time to do it,
45
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,920
{\an2}and this episode,
they've brought in...
46
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:14,680
{\an2}Ready? The greatest thing to give
to a granny.
47
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{\an2}Hmm. Five points will be given for
the greatest thing for a granny,
48
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{\an2}and five great things will go home
with tonight's winner,
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{\an2}which they can then give to a granny
50
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{\an2}or leave outside a nursing home,
et cetera.
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{\an2}Greg. Good.
52
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,240
{\an2}Hello, Nick. Hello.
53
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,000
{\an2}I won't ask whether you've got
a granny left, but I will ask, er,
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{\an2}if you had a granny, what granny
gift would you bring them?
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00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,480
{\an2}It's something that my son made,
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{\an2}erm, and it's a...a good-luck
potion.
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{\an2}I just sort of thought a
good-luck potion
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{\an2}sort of in those sort of
last few months to a year...
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00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,520
{\an1}LAUGHTER
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00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,720
{\an2}Because it feels like when you're
on the cusp, erm...
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00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,560
{\an2}..you need as much luck
as you can get
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00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:57,600
{\an2}in terms of having sort of a nice
peaceful kind of way out.
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{\an2}Wow.
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00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,200
{\an2}Hello, to all the grandmothers
watching. Yeah.
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{\an2}Thanks, Nick. Thanks for bringing
your magic potion in
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{\an2}to stop grandparents dying.
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00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,480
{\an2}Hello, Joanne. Hello. What do you
think a granny would like?
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{\an2}I'd like to give them some
oral pride.
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{\an2}Some oral pride?
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{\an2}I'd like to give them a grill.
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{\an2}Ugh. Ugh.
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{\an2}Why should they be all gappy
and vacant?
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{\an2}Why would a grandparent wanna
wear those?
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00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:28,640
{\an2}It's better than a blue rinse
and a Laura Ashley two piece.
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00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,320
{\an2}Give them some dignity.
This is dignity, is it?
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{\an2}Yeah! I loved it.
I'm very proud of it.
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{\an2}Oh, dear. Well, it's a shame
it's gonna score so badly.
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00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:38,600
{\an2}Oh!
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{\an2}Sophie.
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00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,240
{\an2}I've got an animal print onesie
for Grandma.
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00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,280
{\an2}Here it is.
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00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,240
{\an2}My grandma used to wear these a lot.
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00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,320
{\an2}With those teeth and that -
fabulous.
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00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,840
{\an2}Fab! Yeah. Why shouldn't you be
a sexual being?
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00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,600
{\an2}That's it. She was just...
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00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,680
{\an2}You know, she was fantastic.
Slut dropping, twerking.
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00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,320
{\an2}Fabulous. And then she had
a partial prolapse and there was...
88
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,360
{\an2}It was a bit of a disaster, but...
89
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:07,280
{\an2}Is anyone else just imagining
a really sweet granny for this task?
90
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,840
{\an2}Not some blinged-up sex maniac
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00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,120
{\an2}teetering on the verge of death.
92
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,680
{\an2}John, have you brought something
sweet in for a granny?
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00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,400
{\an2}Do you know? I sort of have.
94
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:22,000
{\an2}I moved to a house, er,
where I live alone,
95
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,800
{\an2}and my neighbour also lives alone.
96
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,840
{\an2}And she is my dear friend Thelma,
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00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,000
{\an2}she's my surrogate grandma.
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00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,440
{\an2}And in lockdown we, er,
became very close.
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00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:35,080
{\an2}And she would do my sort of mending
for me. Like, sewing.
100
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,280
{\an2}And I would do her shopping for her.
101
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:41,760
{\an2}And I've got what was always her
shopping order for a treat.
102
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,240
{\an2}Which is, er, a bottle of wine,
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00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,920
{\an2}a bar of chocolate,
and against my better judgment,
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00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,960
{\an2}20 cigarettes.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I mean, I guess that's kind of
sweeter, isn't it?
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00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,760
{\an2}It is. And that's how I wanna
be living,
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00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,000
{\an2}er, when I'm that age.
Slut dropping with that?
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00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,920
{\an2}She's having a great time.
Not slut dropping, no.
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00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,320
{\an2}What is slut dropping?Er...
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I would demonstrate,
but I can't slut drop.
111
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,840
{\an2}Of course I can't.
112
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,960
{\an2}Can any of you slut drop?
Well, there's several, isn't there?
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00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,920
{\an2}You've got your basic....
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00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,960
{\an2}Oh!
AUDIENCE WHOOP AND EXCLAIM
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00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,080
{\an2}You've got your...
And you've got your...
116
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,360
{\an1}WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE
117
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{\an2}Thank you, Sophie. You're welcome.
Thank you.
118
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,320
{\an2}Welcome to Taskmaster, this...
LAUGHTER
119
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,360
{\an2}..this section is about
grandmothers.
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00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,200
{\an2}John, at least there's a sweet story
behind yours.
121
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,560
{\an2}Steve. So, I've brought in a card
I made for my granny
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00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,880
{\an2}almost 50 years ago.
This was, erm, for my...
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00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,320
{\an2}AUDIENCE: Aw! ...my grandma Alice.
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00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:58,200
{\an2}Thank God.
AUDIENCE CHUCKLE
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{\an2}But inside it, I wrote her a poem.
126
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:03,120
{\an2}"My grandma's eyes are brown,
and she does never frown.
127
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:06,640
{\an2}"She is 62 today,
so she does shout hooray.
128
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,240
{\an2}"She gives us lots of toffees
and a very lot of sweets.
129
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,600
{\an2}"She takes us out to the park..."
"Pork."
130
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,200
{\an1}LAUGHTER
131
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,000
{\an2}Carry on, Steve.
"And all our lovely trea...ts.
132
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,520
{\an2}"She always brings us presents
every time she's here.
133
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:24,840
{\an2}"So I pray to God every night that
he will always stay near."
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00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,880
{\an2}AUDIENCE:Aw!
APPLAUSE
135
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,040
{\an2}It's a decent poem for an
eight-year-old.
136
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,400
{\an2}I'll tell what it is, Steve.
It's just a relief.
137
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,680
{\an2}Yeah.
LAUGHTER
138
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,880
{\an2}Should I stop now, or should I show
you the card I made her
139
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,680
{\an2}when I was a little bit older?
140
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,080
{\an2}Oh, God!
141
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,800
{\an2}This is the difference between
eight years old
142
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,560
{\an2}and maybe 13, 14 years old.
Here we go.
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00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,360
{\an2}I know it's a bit sinister now
when you look at it.
144
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,440
{\an2}A bit?! But my grandma absolutely
loved it.
145
00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,360
{\an2}She cried laughing when she saw...
Did she?
146
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,440
{\an2}Yes! When she saw that picture.
And what's inside?
147
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,760
{\an2}It looks almost like it's
a kidnapper's ransom note.
148
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,920
{\an2}"Beware..."
AUDIENCE EXCLAIM AND LAUGH
149
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,800
{\an2}What the hell is going on?
APPLAUSE
150
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,840
{\an2}Right, OK, you're all absolutely
weird.
151
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:19,520
{\an2}You're all weird. I mean,
it's the first time in 17 series
152
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,280
{\an2}I don't know what to do.
153
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,720
{\an2}I-I don't know what to say
about any of this.
154
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,440
{\an2}I don't think there's any
grandparents out there
155
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,400
{\an2}who want grills.
156
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,880
{\an2}So I'm giving Joanne one point. OK.
157
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,200
{\an2}Erm, I don't think many grandmas
want that outfit,
158
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,960
{\an2}I could be wrong. You are.
159
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,840
{\an2}Two points.
160
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,920
{\an2}I suppose that giving them
a magic potion
161
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,560
{\an2}that might stop them from dying
is a bit kind.
162
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,160
{\an2}I'll give him three points. OK.
163
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,920
{\an2}I'm ignoring Steve's second card
164
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,640
{\an2}and I'm focusing on the first one,
165
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,200
{\an2}which was genuinely
heartbreakingly sweet.
166
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,160
{\an2}And makes me think of children
and their grandparents.
167
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,840
{\an2}And... Mm-hm. ..for providing for
his neighbour, Thelma,
168
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,640
{\an2}five points for John!
Well done, John Robins.
169
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,880
{\an1}APPLAUSE
170
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,160
{\an2}Let's get on with the show.
OK, then. Right, ready?
171
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,000
{\an2}Yeah! Here we go.
172
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,240
{\an2}NICK: Hello, Alex.
Ooh, look at this.
173
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,480
{\an2}Nice to meet you.
174
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,400
{\an2}Hey! Steve. How are you?
175
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,120
{\an2}Lovely to meet you.
Lovely to meet you too. Again.
176
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,280
{\an2}They're all yours.
177
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:41,560
{\an2}Ah! Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha!
178
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,440
{\an2}That's well creepy now. Is it? Yeah.
179
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,680
{\an2}"Work out who you are
shaking hands with."
180
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,320
{\an2}Well, I've just shook hands
with you.
181
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,800
{\an2}"You must only shake hands
with the hands,
182
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,360
{\an2}"and you may not handle the hands
in any other why..."
183
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,200
{\an2}Why? "Any other way."
184
00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:02,120
{\an2}"You may chop off a total of
three fingers and one thumb
185
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,280
{\an2}"but if you set off the
health and safety emergency alarm,
186
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,520
{\an2}"you are disqualified."
187
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:12,400
{\an2}"Also, you may not look around,
over, under or through the fence."
188
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,760
{\an2}Oh, God, I'm scared, actually.
189
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,080
{\an2}"Best hand identification wins."
190
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,720
{\an2}How am I gonna who they are?
Do I know them? Oh, yeah.
191
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:24,040
{\an2}"You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
192
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,080
{\an1}APPLAUSE
193
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,960
{\an2}I've noticed a trend starting
to develop, Joanne,
194
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,960
{\an2}every now and again, of you suddenly
maniacally laughing.
195
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,720
{\an2}I don't know what got you there.
Was it the gloves? I don't know.
196
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,520
{\an2}I just do it, I'm a really
cheap laugh.
197
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:40,280
{\an2}It just catches me unaware
sometimes. Yeah. "Ha-ha, ha-ha!"
198
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,840
{\an2}It is, it's mad.
199
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,240
{\an2}Shall we crack on? Yes, OK.
200
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,920
{\an2}It's time for our first three
handshakers.
201
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,840
{\an2}It's the insurance brokers -
Willan, Robins and Pemberton.
202
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,840
{\an2}Hello, to you, sir.
203
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,840
{\an2}ALEX: Forgot that's how you
shake hands.
204
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,800
{\an2}Oh, God. Ooh, squishy.
205
00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,400
{\an2}Some people do have squishy hands.
Oh, dear, yes.
206
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,200
{\an2}Oh, that's nice.
207
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,400
{\an2}Why is it nice, Steve? Warm.
208
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,120
{\an2}That's unusual. We don't know about
that. We'll come back.
209
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,920
{\an2}That's weird, isn't it?
I've no idea what you are.
210
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,600
{\an2}It's a pleasure to see you, mate.
211
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,880
{\an2}Hello to you. And hello to you
as well, of course.
212
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,640
{\an2}Problem I'm facing here, Alex,
213
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,120
{\an2}is a lot of them are just sort of
smooth and hot.
214
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,320
{\an2}What if I used my more vigorous
handshake?
215
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,040
{\an2}Hi! Hi! Hi.
216
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,760
{\an2}I'm just going in for this one.
You're going straight in. Right.
217
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,600
{\an2}Acorn. Acorns!
218
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,800
{\an2}Acorns! Of course.
219
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,040
{\an2}It says "who". So I'm gonna give
them characters.
220
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:39,160
{\an2}Gone with Aileen A. Corns,
for hand number one.
221
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,800
{\an2}Hi.
222
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,400
{\an2}Ah.
223
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:45,840
{\an2}Can you put,
"Question mark - lipsticks"?
224
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,280
{\an2}Number three...
225
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,720
{\an2}Oatmeal.
226
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,480
{\an2}Do you know what I really wanna say?
Tom...
227
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,840
{\an2}..A'tosoup.
228
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,200
{\an2}OK.
229
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,040
{\an2}Yeah, rulers. Hello.
230
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,920
{\an2}OK, it's like a xylophone.
231
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,680
{\an2}Toy glockenspiel or xylophone.
232
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,320
{\an2}Should be hyphenated. Zy Lofone.
233
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,880
{\an2}Argh!
234
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,320
{\an2}Fuck me, man! What's in that one?
235
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,440
{\an2}It's got something in it, mate.
Got something in all of them.
236
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,760
{\an2}Yeah, but there's something moving
in that one.
237
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,760
{\an2}Oh, God! That's a real hand.
238
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,200
{\an2}Is it?
239
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,280
{\an2}Oh.
HE GASPS
240
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,040
{\an2}Can I cut one of these fingers off?
241
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,200
{\an2}I think that might be a person's
hand. OK.
242
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:31,000
{\an2}It's bloody Greg Davies, isn't it?
Look how tall it is.
243
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,400
{\an2}Greg Davies.
244
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,760
{\an2}Why do I feel quite scared?
245
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,040
{\an2}Hey! I think that might be water.
246
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,080
{\an2}Oh, water. Water.
247
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,360
{\an2}I'm getting nature. Something you'd
line a gerbil's cage with.
248
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,760
{\an2}Or straw.
249
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,040
{\an2}That one was definitely a person,
but this isn't.
250
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,480
{\an2}Ooh. Oh, shredded fake nails.
251
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,960
{\an2}Oh, fake na... Yeah, that's gross.
252
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,320
{\an2}What the hell? These are like
little lychees.
253
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,040
{\an2}What are they called,
picked onions?
254
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,120
{\an2}You've got no more cuts, but you...
Pickled onions. Oh.
255
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,600
{\an2}I'm gonna cut nine. Let's see what's
inside number nine.
256
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,320
{\an2}Yeah... Oh!
257
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,720
{\an2}It's horrible, innit? Yeah, eggs.
258
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,680
{\an2}Ah, I knew it was eggs.
259
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,760
{\an2}Steve, who were you shaking hands
with?
260
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,560
{\an2}Sof't Boi'ledeggs. Yeah.
261
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,400
{\an2}WA Ter.
262
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,760
{\an2}Lye Cheese OBE.
263
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,320
{\an2}Greg Davies Taskmaster.
264
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,480
{\an2}Who was I shaking hands with?
265
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,680
{\an2}The king?
266
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,000
{\an2}Should it spell something?
I don't know.
267
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,240
{\an2}"Apopawatapo."
"Apoppo", something like that.
268
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,640
{\an2}Right. I'll write down "Apoppo."
Yeah.
269
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,200
{\an2}What a lovely time you've had.
But I've not done something, have I?
270
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,440
{\an2}Because you've got that look.
WHISTLE BLOWS
271
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,240
{\an2}See you, Greg.
272
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,280
{\an2}Love your work.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
273
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,800
{\an1}APPLAUSE
274
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,560
{\an2}You had to use all of your guesses
collectively
275
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,120
{\an2}to work out the name of someone.
We didn't say. We just said,
276
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,480
{\an2}"Who did you shake hands with?"
So it might've been nine people,
277
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,040
{\an2}it might've been one person.
Ah, I see.
278
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,800
{\an2}This is what drove me insane.
279
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,280
{\an2}Yes.
280
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,320
{\an2}Is there any chance that the answer
to what's behind the fence
281
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,040
{\an2}is "Apoppo"?
LAUGHTER
282
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,120
{\an2}It's a lovely name. Apoppo. Apoppo.
283
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,480
{\an2}She also said, "Apocalypse,
apostrophe or apropos."
284
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:19,640
{\an2}Apropos.Apropos.Of Apoppo.
LAUGHTER
285
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,600
{\an2}Steve, I think it's an indication
286
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,640
{\an2}that you've been living a
refined life that you thought
287
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:25,760
{\an2}pickled onions were mini lychees.
288
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,400
{\an2}Should've done the smell test,
shouldn't I? Yeah.
289
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,560
{\an2}John got them just from feeling
them, which was amazing.
290
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,160
{\an2}That was amazing.
I eat a lot of pickled onions.
291
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,760
{\an2}Break time. When I was a little boy,
my dad sat me on his knee
292
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,800
{\an2}and said, "With every year
that passes, son,
293
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,280
{\an2}"I meet a new collection of
arseholes that want my money."
294
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,760
{\an2}And that is genuinely true.
He was right.
295
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,080
{\an2}Here are some of them.
APPLAUSE
296
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,840
{\an2}Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster!
297
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,320
{\an2}Our competitors are currently trying
to work out
298
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,000
{\an2}the contents of some rubber gloves
by shaking hands with them.
299
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:11,320
{\an2}The ultimate goal is to work out
with whom they are shaking hands.
300
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,280
{\an2}Apoppo? Apoppo.
301
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,920
{\an2}Well, there goes my recap.
Thanks a lot, mate.
302
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,640
{\an2}Anyway, here is Joanne McNally
and Nick McHammed.
303
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,840
{\an2}ALEX: Are you shaking hands with it?
That's how I shake hands.
304
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,920
{\an2}It's an Irish thing,
you don't understand.
305
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,200
{\an2}It's nice shaking hands as always.
Yeah, there's your...
306
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,760
{\an2}It's an Irish greeting.
307
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,560
{\an2}Because I wonder if...
308
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,520
{\an2}..like, they're filled with things
that are connected.
309
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,040
{\an2}Can I smell it?
Do what you want with it.
310
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,120
{\an2}It's...acorns. OK.
311
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,880
{\an1}AUDIENCE GROANS
312
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,160
{\an2}Is it egg? Urgh!
313
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,120
{\an2}I've no idea what that is.
What's it feel like?
314
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,760
{\an2}It feels like a human hand. Right.
So I'm hoping it's not,
315
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,480
{\an2}because I've if it is,
I've completely fractured it.
316
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,640
{\an2}Normal handshake.
I think that's someone real.
317
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,560
{\an2}Someone real.
318
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,960
{\an2}If that was an actual hand,
I'd assume it was contagious.
319
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,480
{\an2}It feels lumpy. Herpes.
Write down "herpes."
320
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,040
{\an2}Doing a...doing, like, a wee on me.
321
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,080
{\an2}It does look like it's doing a wee
on you.
322
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,520
{\an2}Oh, it's rum.
323
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,120
{\an2}This is some sort of crustacean.
324
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:33,040
{\an2}Like, I'm not happy to meet
this hand at all.
325
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,160
{\an2}Oh, for fuck's sake.
It just exploded.
326
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,400
{\an2}It's egg! It's, er... Oh, sorry.
Urgh!
327
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,880
{\an2}Oh, God. It's more egg.
328
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,160
{\an2}This is my thumb. Oh, dear.
329
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,320
{\an2}It's, like, fingernails. Nails.
330
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,360
{\an2}What'll I do with this?
Oh, e-eat them. I don't know.
331
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,280
{\an2}Whatever you want.
Yeah, put them in your pocket.
332
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,320
{\an2}I didn't...I didn't actually
chop that finger off,
333
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:57,160
{\an2}there's just a little slit in that,
so I think I can...
334
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,920
{\an2}That's fine. Right. Right.
335
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,880
{\an2}Gonna go for the first letter.
336
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,200
{\an2}Oh, acorns.
337
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,680
{\an2}Who am I shaking hands with?
338
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,040
{\an2}Oh, so it's the first letter
of each thing.
339
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,600
{\an2}Ah.
340
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,600
{\an2}I think this might spell out
your name.
341
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,960
{\an2}Is this you trying to teach me
your surname?
342
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,320
{\an2}What my surname, Joanne? Taskmaster.
343
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,840
{\an2}Oh, Horne, Horne, Horne...
HE GASPS
344
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,120
{\an2}Alex Horne! You've got 35 seconds.
345
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,960
{\an2}Oh, no, that's an X.
346
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,720
{\an2}Are you trying to make a point here?
Is it "Alex Horns"?
347
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,960
{\an2}X, X... Erm, an X...Xbox.
348
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,160
{\an2}It's an Xbox.
WHISTLE BLOWS
349
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,120
{\an2}Six is olives, seven is Ribena.
350
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,880
{\an2}Eight's nails and nine is eggs
again.
351
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,640
{\an2}And your name is Alex Horne.
352
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,680
{\an2}I'm shaking hands with Alex Horne.
HE GASPS
353
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,920
{\an2}And I shook your hand at the start.
354
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,320
{\an2}That was nice.
355
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,720
{\an2}Good one.
APPLAUSE
356
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,560
{\an2}I don't why you're high-fiving,
Apoppo.
357
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,120
{\an2}Well, we're normally low together,
and he's... We're usually very low.
358
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,800
{\an2}And he's up, so I feel it's a win
for me. Yeah.
359
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,080
{\an2}It seemed very quickly
off the back of, erm,
360
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,960
{\an2}"The glove's doing a wee on me",
that you immediately drank it.
361
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:16,160
{\an2}Well, yeah.
Greg, I have one slight concern.
362
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:20,960
{\an2}Let's go. When I cut off the finger
of R,
363
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,640
{\an2}I asked four times before testing it
364
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,040
{\an2}if it was alcohol, because I don't
drink, and Alex said no.
365
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,800
{\an2}So I'm slightly concerned,
having watched it back,
366
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,600
{\an2}that my R stood for "relapse".
367
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
368
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,480
{\an1}APPLAUSE
369
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,800
{\an2}It's a valid point, and that was
very tense.
370
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,760
{\an2}It was non-alcoholic rum. Good.
371
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,960
{\an2}Joanne, I've been to Ireland
and no-one has ever
372
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,360
{\an2}double handshaked me while
sniffing my fingers.
373
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,560
{\an2}When were you last there?
Things have moved on.
374
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,440
{\an2}Tell me about herpes of the hands.
Well, was that a rea...
375
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,480
{\an2}I don't think I got a real hand
in mine.
376
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,400
{\an2}Yeah, you did. That was Clarence.
Fuck! Mm.
377
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,800
{\an2}I really bent that. You did really
bend that. Yeah.
378
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,840
{\an2}In terms of the cutting,
I should say, Nick...
379
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,040
{\an2}Well, you're only allowed to cut
a certain number.
380
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,240
{\an2}He snipped one and then put
a plaster on it
381
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,480
{\an2}and so argued that he could then
cut another one off.
382
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,120
{\an2}Ah, is that...? Oh...
That was his little...little tactic.
383
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,520
{\an2}Are you happy with that?
You see, watching it, I just thought
384
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,080
{\an2}that's classic Nick.
He's just such a lovely boy.
385
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:24,000
{\an2}Are you allowing it? I sort of think
I am gonna allow it. Yeah.
386
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,720
{\an2}Steve only identified three of the
things correctly in the end.
387
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,160
{\an2}The next up was Sophie
who got five things right.
388
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,840
{\an2}John got six things right.
389
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,080
{\an2}Joanne only got five, but she also
discovered "Alex Horne" on the top
390
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:38,160
{\an2}and got my name right. So would you
say she was above John?
391
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,480
{\an2}Yeah. The five points goes to
Nick Mohammed
392
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,680
{\an2}who got eight of them right,
and got my name.
393
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,120
{\an2}Well done, Nick Mohammed.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
394
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,680
{\an2}Have a look at the scores.
Well, Nick is back in the game.
395
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:54,480
{\an2}Oh, at last. Joint first with John,
again, on eight points.
396
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,800
{\an2}Wow.
APPLAUSE
397
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,240
{\an2}Alex, do you have a task
with a bit of scale?
398
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,120
{\an2}Ooh, I do. A nice bit of scale,
399
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,320
{\an2}and a nice bit of horses. Ooh.
400
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,880
{\an2}Hi, Alex. Hi, Nick.
401
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,520
{\an2}Very dramatic scene.
402
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,000
{\an2}You look fabulous. Really?
403
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,200
{\an2}Get off my land!
404
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,800
{\an2}Oh, funny looking farmer.
I'm not a scary farmer.
405
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,920
{\an2}Hello, Alex. Morning, John.
406
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,840
{\an2}Here we are in nature. Yeah, I know.
It's gorgeous, isn't it?
407
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,040
{\an2}Is it? Yeah. Erm, fish out of water.
408
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,080
{\an2}I'm a sort of city...city person.
409
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,880
{\an2}I think you're just a fish out of
water wherever you are. Right.
410
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,200
{\an2}Oh, God.
411
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,080
{\an2}There's a...there's a lot of stuff
in there.
412
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,840
{\an2}"Create the biggest and best..."
413
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,520
{\an2}"..dot-to-dot picture."
414
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,440
{\an2}"Biggest and best dot-to-dot picture
wins.
415
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:04,400
{\an2}"You have 20 minutes,
your time starts now."
416
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,920
{\an2}Oh, you have different numbers
for different...
417
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,320
{\an2}Right, then, of course.
418
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,160
{\an2}OK, so, there's my dots.
419
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,320
{\an2}This is obviously my canvas.
420
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,680
{\an2}It has to be a continuous line,
does it?
421
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,800
{\an2}That's how dot-to-dots work. Oh, OK.
422
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,960
{\an2}But if you wanna have a break in
a line, you can turn a number over
423
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,120
{\an2}and we'll carry on, if you see what
I mean. Right.
424
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,960
{\an2}Make sense? So biggest and best.
Biggest and best, OK.
425
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,520
{\an2}So, I'm not arty now, at all.
Well, you've got other skills.
426
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,400
{\an2}I do. Yeah.
427
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,720
{\an2}What are they? I-I don't know yet.
428
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,360
{\an2}OK, let's go.
APPLAUSE
429
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,560
{\an2}I'm looking at you, Steve,
because I imagine
430
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,600
{\an2}it's only you and I here whose
childhood would've been dominated
431
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,200
{\an2}by such entertainment. All the time.
Sitting next to granny.
432
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,320
{\an2}Yeah. Doing the dot-to-dots.
That's right.
433
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:53,400
{\an2}Taking the potion. But I always
found in dot-to-dot magazines
434
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,320
{\an2}that they would show, like, some
hooves. Hmm. Yeah.
435
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:59,280
{\an2}And a nose and a tail, so you go,
"Well, I mean this is a...
436
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,040
{\an2}"..this is a fucking horse,
obviously.
437
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:03,640
{\an2}"But I'll go through the motions."
438
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,880
{\an2}Anyway, my point is, I'm very much
looking forward
439
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:07,840
{\an2}to their dot-to-dot pictures.
OK, ready?
440
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:12,680
{\an2}Yep. Well, just for you, here is a
montage for my mighty man.
441
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,480
{\an2}I mean how...how friendly are these
horses?
442
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,640
{\an2}I'm gonna stay away from the horses,
443
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,240
{\an2}because I'm a little bit, er,
apprehensive about horses.
444
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,160
{\an2}Yeah, here they come, so I'm gonna
get out of here. They don't look...
445
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:30,680
{\an2}I mean, will they go for me more
because I'm dressed as Dracula?
446
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,160
{\an2}I only could draw one thing
at school.
447
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,280
{\an2}HORSE NEIGHS
Hello, guys, are you all right?
448
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,840
{\an2}Oh, no, no, sorry. Hang on.
449
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,920
{\an2}Where are you going?
Well, I'm gonna go big. OK.
450
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,520
{\an2}Don't do a cock and balls,
don't do a cock and balls.
451
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,600
{\an2}That's so obvious.
452
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,600
{\an2}One, two...
453
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,760
{\an2}..three.
454
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,520
{\an2}This is gonna have art lovers
everywhere
455
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,680
{\an2}creaming over their easels.
456
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,520
{\an2}Nine.
457
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,880
{\an2}No, thank you. It's...
458
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,520
{\an2}Oh, no, no. No.
459
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,760
{\an2}Need to go through these horses.
460
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,840
{\an2}I don't really wanna go behind them.
461
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,720
{\an2}Hey, horsey.
462
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,320
{\an2}You OK?
463
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,840
{\an2}..14, 16, 17...
464
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,120
{\an2}STEVE: They think I've gone mad,
but they can't see what I see.
465
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,640
{\an2}HORSES NEIGH
SOPHIE:Oh, God. Oh, bloody hell.
466
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,680
{\an2}Kicking off over there.
467
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,840
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGH
468
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,800
{\an2}Jesus Christ!
469
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,640
{\an2}81.
470
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,600
{\an2}HORSE FARTS
Oh, excuse me.Oh, Sophie!
471
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,440
{\an2}That's horrific.
472
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,000
{\an2}I think she was making a statement,
weren't she, really?
473
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,640
{\an2}I think I'm done. Ah.
474
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,840
{\an2}Right, well, we'll join the dots
and, er, see what Greg thinks.
475
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,680
{\an2}Thanks, man.
476
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,440
{\an2}See ya!
477
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:20,080
{\an8}And when I come back, I hope there's
a red dot in the bottom corner.
478
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:21,960
{\an8}Think about that.
479
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,000
{\an2}SQUELCH
Oh, shit! Oh, you're kidding!
480
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
481
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,080
{\an2}Never has anyone been so
swiftly punished for being cocky.
482
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,840
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Yeah.
483
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,240
{\an2}You got on well with the horses,
though, didn't you, Sophie?
484
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,560
{\an2}You were having quite the chat
with them until Fartgate.
485
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,760
{\an2}Yeah, that was...it was very
upsetting. Very close.
486
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,000
{\an2}Very close. She waited till she got
right close.
487
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,320
{\an2}But you didn't jump back.
You just went, "I'm here now."
488
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:52,440
{\an2}I had to commit to the dot-to-dot.
Didn't wanna lose my focus.
489
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,880
{\an2}Joanne, did you enjoy this task?
Not really, no.
490
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,160
{\an2}I wouldn't... Again, I struggle...
I'm not big into the art or numbers,
491
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,600
{\an2}so it was a challenge for me.
492
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,320
{\an2}Nick. Hmm. The highlight for me
so far with you in this task
493
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:09,480
{\an2}is you just really sweetly turning
to a horse and going, "You OK?"
494
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,280
{\an2}I-I too was getting a little bit,
erm, a bit nervous,
495
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,040
{\an2}because they did...they did
follow you around.
496
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,600
{\an2}I think they thought that there was
food in that trolley little thing.
497
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,880
{\an2}I mean, they did look like
wild horses to me.
498
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,240
{\an2}We were very worried. We didn't know
they were gonna be there.
499
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,280
{\an2}LAUGHTER
And, er, they were big.
500
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,200
{\an2}Considering the amount of
health and safety discussions
501
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,800
{\an2}I've had over the course of this
series...
502
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,680
{\an2}Yeah. ..not one mention of the fact
I was doing an enormous
503
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,600
{\an2}dot-to-dot around wild horses.
504
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,400
{\an2}No, and there were land mines.
505
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,480
{\an2}Right, let's see their dot-to-dots
506
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,720
{\an2}after these companies raid your
money pots. Ooh!
507
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,760
{\an1}APPLAUSE
508
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,280
{\an2}Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster!
509
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,440
{\an2}It's part three, and we have some
dots to join.
510
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,680
{\an2}Mm-mm. Yes, we do.
Dots to join and Is to cross.
511
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,600
{\an2}They've made what they hope to be
the biggest and best
512
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,240
{\an2}dot-to-dot pictures of their lives.
513
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,760
{\an2}First up, here is Nick's pic.
514
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
515
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,640
{\an2}Yeah. Is it an umbrella that won't
open?
516
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,480
{\an2}No. Well, look, does anyone know
what it is?
517
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,360
{\an2}AUDIENCE MEMBERS: A balloon. Oboe.
518
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,960
{\an2}A balloon, an oboe.
Is it a balloon or an oboe?
519
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,880
{\an2}No. The scope of guesses tells you
how shit it is.
520
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:42,040
{\an2}Is it a balloon...
LAUGHTER
521
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,760
{\an2}..or is it an oboe?
522
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,520
{\an2}I feel it might be one...I feel it
might be one of those things
523
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,720
{\an2}that when I tell you, you'll be
like, "Oh, I'm kicking myself."
524
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,720
{\an2}When can he tell me?
It's just a very happy snake.
525
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,920
{\an2}So...
LAUGHTER
526
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,040
{\an2}So, it's sort of coiled about a bit
and it...it's...
527
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,840
{\an2}That's part of its body, and then...
And that top bit is its head
528
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,280
{\an2}and it's smiling.
529
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,120
{\an2}Look at the size of those horses,
they're tiny.
530
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,560
{\an2}Must have taken you ages
to walk up there. It did.
531
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,440
{\an2}What were you thinking all the way
up there?
532
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,080
{\an2}I don't know what I was thinking
about,
533
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,640
{\an2}I wasn't think about the task,
but I...
534
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,360
{\an2}I mean so far, so bad. Who's next?
535
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,520
{\an2}Would you like to look at
John Robins' dot-to-dot picture?
536
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:23,960
{\an2}Yes, please.
537
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,560
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIM
538
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,600
{\an1}APPLAUSE
539
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,120
{\an2}Thank you.
540
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,600
{\an2}GREG AND ALEX: Balloon oboe!
541
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,400
{\an2}That is your classic dot-to-dot.
It's just dot-to-dot 101
542
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,200
{\an2}on an enormous scale
543
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:51,960
{\an2}with horses, in a heatwave,
in a Freddie Mercury jacket
544
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,840
{\an2}almost having a cardiac arrest.
545
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,920
{\an2}Have we found the number one
and the number five?
546
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,120
{\an2}Well, let's find out. Let's see
Sophie's dot-to-dot now. Here we go.
547
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,960
{\an2}Oh, hang on! JOHN: Wow.
Hang on a minute.
548
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,360
{\an2}SOPHIE: Oh, my God, I did all right.
549
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,680
{\an2}JOANNE: Wow. Yes! Ah!
NICK: Oh, my God.
550
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,760
{\an1}APPLAUSE
551
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:22,280
{\an2}Oh, I thought I'd really effed
that up, to be honest. I'm chuffed.
552
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:25,560
{\an2}Was there any moment, er,
that inspired that picture?
553
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,480
{\an2}I always know I can draw a cow.
554
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,880
{\an2}Er, I've been able to do it from
a really young age.
555
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,120
{\an2}Say...everyone in the industry
says that about you.
556
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,120
{\an2}I think it's the first time I'm able
to say this to you, Sophie.
557
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,240
{\an2}Well done, that's good. Thank you!
558
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,320
{\an1}APPLAUSE
559
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,600
{\an2}We're gonna see Steve Pemberton's
dot-to-dot next.
560
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,520
{\an2}Here we go. Cock and balls.
561
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,040
{\an2}Oh, my God. He's framed it.
562
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,800
{\an1}AUDIENCE GASP AND EXCLAIM
563
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,840
{\an1}APPLAUSE
564
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,560
{\an2}I mean, you framed and signed it,
such showboating.
565
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,960
{\an2}It's not sold, though.
No, someone's put on offer in it.
566
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,840
{\an2}Someone's put an offer in. And it'll
be held for the next 24 hours.
567
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,720
{\an2}Am I 100% sure I know what that is?
568
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,440
{\an2}Think "art." It's not The Scream,
is it?
569
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,800
{\an2}I think, if you squint...
I am squinting.
570
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,000
{\an2}..and then think of a different
picture.
571
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,040
{\an2}The eyes follow you round the room.
Mona Lisa.
572
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,160
{\an2}I thought that before.
It is the Mona Lisa.
573
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,360
{\an1}APPLAUSE
574
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,880
{\an2}Well, not to be overly vulgar, but
how the fuck is that the Mona Lisa?
575
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,760
{\an2}Once you've bought it, it can be
whatever you want it to be.
576
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,200
{\an2}Who's next?
Joanne, here is your dot-to-dot.
577
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,200
{\an2}Ooh.
578
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,080
{\an2}JOANNE: Oh, actually,
it's not that bad.
579
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,680
{\an2}I thought it was gonna be
a lot worse than that.
580
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,320
{\an2}It's not an anchor, is it?
581
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,480
{\an2}You can't really change what it is,
because it looks like...
582
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,960
{\an2}It looks like fallopian tubes now.
Yeah, it does.
583
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,640
{\an2}And can I...can I say, it genuinely
is gonna be my second guess.
584
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,640
{\an2}It was supposed to be...
Do you know the moustaches
585
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,200
{\an2}that the lads wear on the
penny farthings?
586
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,560
{\an2}The, like, Movember-style
moustaches. Ah, right.
587
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,880
{\an2}The really twirly ones.
OK. Now we're getting...
588
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,440
{\an2}It's not that bad! Jesus Christ.
589
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,840
{\an2}Oh-oh, it is. It's...
590
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,440
{\an2}Yeah, she's done a moustache.
591
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,440
{\an2}I don't know what the bit down
the middle is.
592
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,080
{\an2}Hmm, you said it was a moustache
with a labial fold.
593
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,000
{\an2}It's a moustache atop a vagina.
594
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,160
{\an2}No! Oh, no!
595
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,800
{\an2}These things.
Are they called labial folds?
596
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:33,080
{\an2}Those dents that go
down from...around your mouth.
597
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,080
{\an2}Yeah. Oh, what, just beneath my
big clitoris here?
598
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,120
{\an1}LAUGHTER
599
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,560
{\an2}I thought they were...I thought that
was called your labial fold.
600
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,880
{\an2}Are there any doctors...?
It might be. My labial folds,
601
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,240
{\an2}that's what I thought it was
so that's what I was drawing.
602
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,280
{\an2}Oh, we've got... It's called...
Go on.
603
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,720
{\an2}It's called a nasolabial fold. Yes!
604
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:51,880
{\an1}APPLAUSE
605
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,680
{\an2}Nasolabial fold. I mean, it still
doesn't look like one,
606
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,200
{\an2}but I did try. Oh, no. I mean the
picture's still shit,
607
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,400
{\an2}but that's an...that's an
interesting fact.
608
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,560
{\an2}There you go. Yeah. OK, I can show
you all five of them in one go
609
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,560
{\an2}so you can judge them.
Yeah, I've already judged them,
610
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,280
{\an2}but let's have a look. Ah, yeah.
611
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,320
{\an2}There's something to like in all
of them. OK, which is worst?
612
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,000
{\an2}Er, Nick's. Yes, correct.
613
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,960
{\an2}Joanne's was educational,
but is the second worst.
614
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,400
{\an2}Yes, fair. OK, the nasolabial fold
gets two points.
615
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:22,560
{\an2}Yes, and I think this is very mean
of me
616
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,720
{\an2}given the effort that went into it,
but Steve's
617
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,160
{\an2}does not look like the Mona Lisa.
618
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,280
{\an2}Three points. OK, three points
to Steve.
619
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,600
{\an2}Which way do you think I'm gonna go?
620
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,640
{\an2}Mine is massive.
LAUGHTER
621
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:40,680
{\an2}I'll say for balance, Sophie's looks
a nicer piece of art than mine.
622
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,160
{\an2}It is... That's fair. Oh, thank you,
John. ..without question, better,
623
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,800
{\an2}but I should reward scale, so I'm
gonna give them both five points.
624
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:48,840
{\an2}Joint winners.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
625
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:50,920
{\an2}John and Sophie, five points each.
626
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,080
{\an2}All right, hit me up with another
task, young fellow m'lad.
627
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,000
{\an2}OK, well, here's a portion of a task
for you.
628
00:30:58,040 --> 00:30:59,680
{\an2}Oh?
629
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,480
{\an2}Good day. ALEX: Smiley. Yes, always.
630
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,160
{\an2}Hello. Hi, team. Hello.
631
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,920
{\an2}Are you two getting on well?
Getting on very well. Famously.
632
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,200
{\an2}Like a house on fire. Yeah.
No, we are.
633
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:28,320
{\an2}It's just honestly wonderful
to hang out.
634
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,920
{\an2}Always look on the back of the task.
Oh, yeah.
635
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:39,200
{\an2}"Five, six, seven, half nine,
half 11, five, half four."
636
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,880
{\an2}I'm numerically dyslexic,
so I'm gonna tap out now.
637
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:43,760
{\an2}Right. You're out, are you, Joanne?
I'm out.
638
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,280
{\an2}Right.
639
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,760
{\an2}Fine, I'll look under the table,
because that's often...
640
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,840
{\an2}It's often the... ..something you
have to do.
641
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,760
{\an2}Usually, there's something on
the ceiling or under the table. OK.
642
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,160
{\an2}"Fastest team to discover
the other half of this tasks wins.
643
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,880
{\an2}"You must always hold hands.
Your time starts now.
644
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,440
{\an2}Hold each other's hands? Let's have
a look, can we read it again?
645
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:05,680
{\an2}"Fastest team to discover
the other half of this task wins."
646
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,680
{\an2}"Time starts now." Right.
647
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,080
{\an2}"Five..." "Five, six, seven."
648
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,400
{\an2}"Five, six, seven." I'm gonna adjust
the way I'm holding your hand.
649
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,560
{\an2}There we go. OK.
You went very tight there, Steve.
650
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,080
{\an2}I did! I didn't wanna let him go!
651
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,640
{\an2}APPLAUSE
Aw.
652
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:25,360
{\an2}"Numerically dyslexic"?
653
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,280
{\an2}Once I see numbers, the brain...
I just mentally just tap out.
654
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:31,240
{\an2}I love the idea that you can just
tap out of things you don't like.
655
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,200
{\an2}That's it. I mean, I can't wait
to see them.
656
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,480
{\an2}There's not much to say other than
Steve holds hands
657
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,880
{\an2}like he's taking a prisoner.
658
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,440
{\an2}Well, let's begin with those two,
shall we? Yes. The team of two.
659
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,280
{\an2}Let's have a look.
Here is how Steve and Nick got on.
660
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,920
{\an2}Numbers, is there numbers
on these over here?
661
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:48,840
{\an2}Maybe. No.
662
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,640
{\an2}Put it to five, see what happens.
663
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,280
{\an2}I'd love it if something...
664
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:54,920
{\an2}No, nothing.
665
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:56,840
{\an2}Oh, hang on, there's a key here.
666
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,560
{\an2}"Sam's clock key."
"Sam's clock key." OK. OK.
667
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,600
{\an2}Open, open, open, open, open.
All right, who's Sam?
668
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,320
{\an2}I don't know.
669
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,000
{\an2}Oh, look. Sam? Is Sam there?
670
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,520
{\an2}There's something at the bottom.
671
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,840
{\an2}Can you see it? Put your hand in.
672
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,200
{\an2}I'm lifting it.
673
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,920
{\an2}Can you get it?
674
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:15,680
{\an2}Yeah, got it. Yeah.
675
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,680
{\an2}It's the pendulum.
676
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,600
{\an2}Oh, it's just the pendulum.
677
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,920
{\an2}There you go. Stop the clock?
Well, you have stopped the clock.
678
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,160
{\an2}I think we'd better get out of here.
679
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,000
{\an2}OK, I think I've got an inspiration.
Go on.
680
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,000
{\an2}There's a clock in here.
681
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:33,600
{\an2}Is there? Do you have to set
all the clocks?
682
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:36,000
{\an2}OK, er, keep going.
683
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:39,240
{\an2}No, it's not doing anything.
That's not doing anything.
684
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,280
{\an2}"Five, six, seven, half..."
CHIMING
685
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:44,760
{\an2}Oh. That was half... What was that?
Half...
686
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,240
{\an2}No, that was half five.
NICK GASPS
687
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,600
{\an2}CHIMING
There is no half five.
688
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:54,560
{\an2}No... Oh, my God. I feel like we're
on to something.
689
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,080
{\an2}Why are you so convinced it's
to do with time?
690
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:01,120
{\an2}Because half five... Look - "Half
five, six, half nine, half 11..."
691
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,880
{\an2}I feel like we're missing something.
692
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,120
{\an2}Are you enjoying holding hands?
I am, actually. It's very, er...
693
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,040
{\an2}It's quite sweet, isn't it?
Sort of very...
694
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:11,080
{\an2}Wow. Ah, OK. That's a CD.
Is something in it?
695
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,440
{\an2}Would it be track numbers?
No, there isn't.
696
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:15,200
{\an2}So that's just a prop.
697
00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:17,520
{\an2}It's not that. No.
698
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,560
{\an2}Shall we...shall we look everywhere?
699
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,920
{\an2}Oh. Hello. Oh.
700
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,800
{\an2}Oh. Two, three...
701
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:29,480
{\an2}No. No.
702
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,840
{\an2}Oh! Oh!
703
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:39,360
{\an2}"14 steps forward, nine steps left,
six steps left, five steps left.
704
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,200
{\an2}From where? I think from here,
right?
705
00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:44,280
{\an2}Let's try it.
706
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:47,720
{\an2}BOTH: One, two, three, four.
707
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:52,880
{\an2}One... Mm-hm.
..two, three, four, five, six,
708
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,080
{\an2}seven, eight.
709
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:58,720
{\an2}One, two, three, four, five, six.
710
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:02,480
{\an2}Yes. Yes. One, two, three,
four, five.
711
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,800
{\an2}Yeah. Erm...
712
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:06,520
{\an2}Ah! What?
713
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,440
{\an2}Oh, it's there, it's there!
Well done.
714
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,160
{\an2}I've got jammy hands. Yeah, me too.
715
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:16,440
{\an2}OK. Oh, God. OK, let's see what we
have to do.
716
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,000
{\an2}"Fastest team to go to the lab,
discover the cake, eat one half,
717
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,160
{\an2}"put the other half in the post box,
put a flower on top of this task
718
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,800
{\an2}"and then sit on top of this task
wins five points.
719
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,640
{\an2}"You must not necessarily always
hold hands, that's up to you.
720
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,920
{\an2}"Your time started when you said,
'Your time starts now.'"
721
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,360
{\an2}Ah! Right, let's quickly go and do
all the stuff to the cake. Yeah.
722
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,080
{\an2}OK, go, go, go, go.
Love it, love cake.
723
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,880
{\an2}NICK WITH MOUTH FULL:
Half in the post box.
724
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:46,800
{\an2}Where's the post box? Oh.
725
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,720
{\an2}Right. There's some flowers here.
726
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,960
{\an2}How was the cake? Mm.
It was delicious, actually.
727
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,480
{\an2}Really nice. It was really nice.
728
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,920
{\an2}I'm just cleaning my hands. OK.
729
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,400
{\an2}There we go.
730
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:01,200
{\an2}Ah! I've stopped the clock.
731
00:36:01,240 --> 00:36:03,560
{\an2}I actually don't think we did
too bad then. No.
732
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,680
{\an2}What about those times?
CHIMING
733
00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:07,640
{\an2}Oh, that was a low point,
wasn't it?
734
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,680
{\an1}APPLAUSE
735
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:16,520
{\an2}My overriding feeling watching them
is that what I'm watching is a
736
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,880
{\an2}perfectly happy couple on
Bargain Hunt.
737
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,280
{\an2}Yes. It was one of the happiest days
of my life. It was wonderful. Yeah.
738
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,680
{\an2}Just ferreting around in shops. Yes!
739
00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:27,320
{\an2}Yeah, it was very sweet to watch.
740
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,160
{\an2}It was genuinely just very nice.
It was.
741
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,520
{\an2}We had a good time,
we got cake in the park. Yeah.
742
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,160
{\an2}They did very well.
They noticed some clues,
743
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:34,800
{\an2}they missed some clues.
There was a discman,
744
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:36,560
{\an2}there was a few things pointing you
to discs,
745
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,320
{\an2}and that was disc was where it was
hidden. Ah. But they found it
746
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,400
{\an2}and completed the task in
11 minutes 12 seconds.
747
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:44,520
{\an2}Right, one part to go.
748
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,080
{\an2}These guys are gunning for some
gifts for granny.
749
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,240
{\an2}And if you wanted to buy my granny
a gift,
750
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,840
{\an2}you'll have to wrench her out of the
cryogenic chamber
751
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:53,840
{\an2}we popped her in back in '93.
752
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:55,720
{\an2}See you after the break.
753
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:57,720
{\an1}APPLAUSE
754
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,720
{\an1}APPLAUSE
755
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:09,120
{\an2}Hello! Come in, come in.
756
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:11,520
{\an2}Come on. Come, one and all.
757
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:14,920
{\an2}It's the final part of the show,
and there's a team task under way.
758
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,560
{\an2}Yes, indeed. They're trying
to complete the task
759
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,840
{\an2}but only received half of it
to begin with.
760
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,320
{\an2}It's the team of three's turn now.
Here's how they got on.
761
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,640
{\an2}So I wonder... It's a clock face,
maybe? Clock.
762
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,480
{\an2}Five. Five! Yes, very good.
763
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,040
{\an2}Oh. "Sam's clock keys."
764
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:37,920
{\an2}Does it work for this door? Oh!
Oh, he's got in.
765
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,560
{\an2}Don't think there's anything.
I think the clock is a ruse.
766
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,960
{\an2}A red herring. OK, what could it be
apart from clocks? Half four.
767
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,040
{\an2}I think we should go and see
other clocks.
768
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,600
{\an2}He's got a clock, I think you're
right. Does he?
769
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,400
{\an2}No, I don't think it is a clock.
No, it's not. It's a cap.
770
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,320
{\an2}Ooh, there's a clock.
771
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:58,360
{\an2}No, that's not a clock.
That's a...that's a bee hotel.
772
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,000
{\an2}Right.
773
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:01,760
{\an2}In here? Yeah.
774
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,840
{\an2}Ooh! Ah! We've got it.
775
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:08,800
{\an2}Oh, well done! No way!
776
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:10,640
{\an2}It's there. Oh, hold on.
777
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,440
{\an2}Yeah, there it is, look.
778
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:17,240
{\an2}Ready? "Fastest team to go to
the lab,
779
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,560
{\an2}"discover the cake, eat one half,
780
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,920
{\an2}"put the other half in the..."
Right, so go to the lab.
781
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,760
{\an2}E-Eat the other half and put it in
where?
782
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,840
{\an2}Get to the lab!
783
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,360
{\an2}Right. "Fastest team to go to
the lab, discover the cake,
784
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:32,520
{\an2}"eat one half, put the other half
in the post box,
785
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,680
{\an2}"put a flower on top of this task
and then sit on top of this task
786
00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:38,560
{\an2}"wins five points. You must not
necessarily always hold hands.
787
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:42,080
{\an2}"That's up to you.
Your time started when you said,
'Your time starts now.'"
788
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,480
{\an2}I don't wanna eat the cake,
you eat the cake. Yeah.
789
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:46,400
{\an2}Why am I using my hand?
790
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:49,680
{\an2}Oh. Oh, there's a something in it.
"Close the other one.
Eat one half."
791
00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:53,720
{\an2}Bloody hell. "14 steps forward,
nine steps left.
792
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,400
{\an2}"Six steps left."
That'll be where the post box is.
793
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,800
{\an2}And you need to sit on that now.
Hang on a sec.
794
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:02,280
{\an2}Oh, we don't have to hold hands. OK.
One, two, three.
795
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:04,560
{\an2}Does she have to count the steps?
796
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,600
{\an1}TALKS INCOMPREHENSIBLY
797
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:08,440
{\an2}That's loads. You've eaten half,
come on.
798
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,040
{\an2}Six. One, two, three,
799
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,280
{\an2}four, five, six.
800
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,240
{\an2}"Five steps left."
801
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,240
{\an2}There's no post box here.
802
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,000
{\an2}Put the other half in the post box.
Did we find the post box?
803
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:26,760
{\an2}I've not found it, no.
804
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,320
{\an2}The post box?
805
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:33,480
{\an2}Oh, there we go. Ah!
Oh, great, well done.
806
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:35,120
{\an2}Beautiful.
807
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,280
{\an2}Put a flower on top and then sit
on the flower.
808
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,360
{\an2}Can we all sit on it maybe?
On top, yeah.
809
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,240
{\an2}Ah! Sorry. Oh, God.
810
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,160
{\an2}ALEX: I've stopped the clock.
Whoo! Great.
811
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,560
{\an2}Can I check what all the numbers
meant on the back? Nothing.
812
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:48,120
{\an2}They're non... They were there to
throw us off. We skipped the deets,
813
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,040
{\an2}we just go straight to the end.
Straight in, we go gut instinct.
814
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,080
{\an2}Yeah.
APPLAUSE
815
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:59,760
{\an2}You're not all going to get invited
on Bargain Hunt, I'll tell you that.
816
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,280
{\an2}Chaos, weren't it? We didn't know
what we were doing.
817
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:03,760
{\an2}No way?!
818
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,600
{\an2}Yeah, just wandering around, and
then...
819
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,440
{\an2}I-I felt that John was in charge for
the first section of it,
820
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,040
{\an2}and then someone gave him cake.
821
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,840
{\an2}It was all over. I was done.
822
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:16,800
{\an2}Shall I...? Before I tell you how
quick they were,
823
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,160
{\an2}those numbers, the pesky numbers.
Do you wanna know what they meant?
824
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,120
{\an2}I want pesky numbers and I want them
big time.
825
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:23,440
{\an2}Basically, the numbers referred to
the words
826
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:25,680
{\an2}on the half of the task that you
had.
827
00:40:25,720 --> 00:40:29,840
{\an2}So the task looked like this, and
if you look at words number five,
828
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,520
{\an8}six, seven, half of nine,
half of 11,
829
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:35,320
{\an2}five again and half of four,
it says,
830
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:37,360
{\an2}"The other half is in the disc." Ah!
831
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:40,280
{\an2}So it's simple and obvious.Hmm.
LAUGHTER
832
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:45,160
{\an2}Well, it's 11 minutes and 12 seconds
to beat.
833
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,160
{\an2}They were faster.
Yes, they were faster.
834
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:49,640
{\an2}Yeah, of course. They didn't stop
to have
835
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,600
{\an2}a lovely wander around the garden.
836
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,200
{\an2}They were slightly faster. They did
it in ten minutes and five seconds.
837
00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:56,400
{\an2}Yes.Well done, team.
APPLAUSE
838
00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,320
{\an2}It was close. Just one minute
and seven seconds in it,
839
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,880
{\an2}so it's up to you how you distribute
the points. Five and four.
840
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,120
{\an2}The team of three get five points!
841
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,800
{\an2}So, shall we see some scores
before the final task?
842
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:13,400
{\an2}Yes, of course. At the top, it's
Sophie with 14 and John with 18.
843
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,760
{\an2}Ah.
APPLAUSE
844
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:21,240
{\an2}Please make your way to the stage
for the final task of the show!
845
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:28,760
{\an2}Hello, there, my old friend.
846
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,880
{\an2}Wow, let's do this! Whoo!
847
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:35,360
{\an2}Who's reading the task out?
The current leader - John Robins.
848
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:41,760
{\an2}"Pass all your loo roll through your
loo roll inner tube.
849
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,080
{\an2}"If your loo roll breaks at any
point,
850
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:47,400
{\an2}"you must put down your loo roll
and put both your hands in the air
851
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,480
{\an2}"for ten seconds before carrying on.
852
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,520
{\an2}"Fastest wins."
853
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:55,120
{\an2}OK, so it's one of our highbrow
tasks.
854
00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:58,760
{\an2}Good luck. Start!
WHISTLE BLOWS
855
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:00,400
{\an2}And they're off. Oh!
856
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,560
{\an1}Steve looks like the end of Platoon.
WHISTLE BLOWS
857
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,360
{\an2}No, just Nick, just Nick.
Sorry, Steve,
858
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,360
{\an2}you've got another two seconds.
859
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,160
{\an2}What?! Oh...
860
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,040
{\an2}Oh, I see. Oh, my word.
861
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,280
{\an2}No, not yet, please!
I've got the clock!
862
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:23,720
{\an2}John, you're back in.
863
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:25,480
{\an2}It's a bad ply.
864
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,720
{\an2}You're back in as well.
Not you, Nick!
865
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,640
{\an2}Yes, you're back in.
866
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:35,000
{\an2}All the loo roll has to go through,
all the...
867
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,160
{\an2}OK, I've started the clock.
I've started the clock for you.
868
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,880
{\an2}Oh, right. Yes, Steve.
Not you, Nick.
869
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:43,440
{\an2}Yes, Nick.
870
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,840
{\an2}Shit. MAN: Go on, Nick! Thank you.
871
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:47,600
{\an2}That's still attached.
872
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,760
{\an2}Yes, that's still attached.
It won't be for long.
873
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:51,320
{\an2}How you getting on, Sophie?
874
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,920
{\an2}Fantastic. Do you know which bits
of loo roll are yours?
875
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:55,880
{\an2}It all has to go through.
Yeah, this bit's mine.
876
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,240
{\an2}What about the bits at the front?
What bit at the front?
877
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,080
{\an2}Doesn't matter. Oh, sh...
878
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,120
{\an2}Yeah, OK, Sophie. Loo roll down.
879
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,480
{\an2}Put your loo roll down please,
Sophie. Loo roll. Yeah.
880
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:07,520
{\an2}Or half the loo roll, that's fine.
881
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:09,160
{\an2}You're back in, you're back,
you're back in.
882
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,920
{\an2}John's broken it, but he got a lot
through. Has it all gone through?
883
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:15,040
{\an2}No. Oh, you're doing that?
I didn't notice. Sorry.
884
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,840
{\an2}Am I done? Can I go?
I thought you were celebrating. No.
885
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,960
{\an2}Not yet! Well, you aren't timing it!
I am timing it!
886
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,000
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
You're back in. I'm sorry.
887
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:24,400
{\an2}I literally thought he'd won
the task.
888
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:26,760
{\an2}Alex, I don't think you've ever been
this stressed.
889
00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:33,320
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
890
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,160
{\an2}Lovely. Lovely stuff. Lovely.
891
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:40,680
{\an2}I've got a problem with mine.
What's the problem with yours, Nick?
892
00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:42,200
{\an2}It's blocked.
893
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,200
{\an2}I'm making a picture of the
Mona Lisa.
894
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,000
{\an2}Steve you could help me, actually.
Yeah, course I will.
895
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:53,160
{\an2}Nick, you're back in.
If you can find my end. Yeah.
896
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,360
{\an2}Steve's allowed to help, we didn't
say they couldn't help, right?
897
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:58,040
{\an2}It's better when we're tighter.
Always.
898
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,240
{\an2}JOHN: Done it! Oh, well done.
899
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:04,640
{\an2}So...
900
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,280
{\an2}Alex? Alex, does that count?
901
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,600
{\an2}I basically removed the tube
902
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,000
{\an2}and then sort of wrapped
the tube around the...
903
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,840
{\an2}If you would like to say you've done
it, we will analyse the footage.
904
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,080
{\an2}OK. OK. Nick has done it in theory.
905
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:19,960
{\an2}Yeah.
906
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:21,600
{\an2}Oh. Oh, I saw a break.
907
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:23,320
{\an2}I saw a break.
908
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,360
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
You're back in, Sophie.
909
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:27,600
{\an2}I'm back in? Ah!
No, not... You're not back in.
910
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:30,320
{\an2}You've come fourth, and there we
are, Sophie.
911
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:35,120
{\an2}We're finished! Finished.
912
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,560
{\an2}Come down and we'll add that to your
final scores!
913
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:46,960
{\an2}Can I show you all their final
inner tubes?
914
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,440
{\an2}You'd better. You'll notice
there's only one bald inner tube.
915
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,480
{\an2}Some of the inner tubes had
loo roll on, and I think...
916
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:57,760
{\an2}But they do adhese to the card. The
last bit. Well, I thought that too.
917
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,480
{\an2}But then look at Joanne's
inner tube. Ah!
918
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,560
{\an2}It's so bald.
JOANNE GASPS
919
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,200
{\an2}If there was any tissue left
on those rolls, I'm not allowing it.
920
00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:07,520
{\an2}These three didn't get quite all
their loo rolls
921
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:08,840
{\an2}through their loo roll inner tube.
922
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,960
{\an2}Well, then they have failed
the tasks.
923
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,000
{\an1}AUDIENCE GROANS
924
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:14,240
{\an2}Ah!
925
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:17,920
{\an2}I had about 20 minutes standing
there making pictures of Mona Lisa.
926
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,320
{\an2}I could've done it.
You really helped me.
927
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:26,120
{\an2}Nick's inner tube, on the other
hand... Yeah.
928
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:29,760
{\an2}There is no loo roll on it,
but also it's not a tube any more.
929
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,760
{\an2}He managed to widen it.
930
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:33,720
{\an2}But it is the inner tube still.
931
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:36,960
{\an2}Yeah, as long as the tissue passes
through it and not over it.
932
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:38,520
{\an2}Can we have a look?
933
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:43,600
{\an2}I think it's...I think it's fine.
934
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:45,640
{\an2}I think.
LAUGHTER
935
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,760
{\an2}He's not passed the tissues
through the tube.
936
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:51,080
{\an2}He's ripped the tube open and he's
wrapped it round some of the tissue.
937
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:55,120
{\an2}It's madness. Are we saying that
only Joanne McNally
completed the task?
938
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,280
{\an2}Yes. In which case it goes
zero, zero, zero, zero,
939
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:00,400
{\an2}Joanne McNally gets five points.
Correct.
940
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:02,720
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yes!
941
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,600
{\an2}Can I have the scores, please?
Yes, well, it has changed things.
942
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:08,680
{\an2}Er, Nick didn't get any points
there,
943
00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:12,040
{\an2}so he is rock bottom of the series
with 47. One behind Sophie on 48.
944
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:13,680
{\an2}Don't laugh!
945
00:46:13,720 --> 00:46:16,120
{\an2}Steve's on 68, Joanne, with those
five points,
946
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,240
{\an2}has leaped above him to 73.
John's on 75.
947
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,680
{\an2}In this episode, Joanne, you got
17 points!
948
00:46:22,720 --> 00:46:25,440
{\an2}John, you got 18 points
and wins the episode!
949
00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:27,600
{\an1}APPLAUSE
950
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:31,480
{\an2}John Robins wins! Please go and
gather your gifts for Granny!
951
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,560
{\an1}CHEERING
952
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:36,640
{\an2}So, what have we learnt on today's
show?
953
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,480
{\an2}We've learnt that in this dark world
of grill-wearing,
954
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:41,120
{\an2}slut-dropping grannies,
955
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,800
{\an2}it's good to know that you can still
turn on your television
956
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,040
{\an2}and watch a wholesome couple just
pottering around together.
957
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:49,560
{\an2}And we'll see you next time
on Bargain Hunt.
958
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,040
{\an2}Yes? BOTH: Yes!
959
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:57,840
{\an2}And now here's tonight's mighty
winner, it's John Robins!
960
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,360
{\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media