1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,560 {\an2}This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,520 {\an2}Oh, no, no! 3 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:08,760 {\an2}Yes! Ah! 4 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,280 {\an1}SHE HISSES, BELL DINGS 5 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,760 {\an2}Argh! 6 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,280 {\an2}Erm... 7 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:15,920 {\an2}Quite windy today. Yeah. 8 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,920 {\an2}Christ. Ooh! Wrong way. 9 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,440 {\an2}That's how you do it, baby. 10 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:21,680 {\an2}OK. 11 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,160 {\an2}Oh, my God! 12 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,120 {\an2}Ah! Ah! Ah! Ooh! 13 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,160 {\an1}SHE BABBLES 14 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,520 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 15 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,720 {\an2}Hello! Welcome! 16 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,520 {\an2}Welcome to Taskmaster. 17 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,520 {\an2}Some say this show is a wolf in sheep's clothing. 18 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:48,240 {\an2}Well, I'm a wolf all right, and this suit is as Welsh as it gets. 19 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,480 {\an2}It's woven from the shaven body hair of Sir Tom Jones himself. 20 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,360 {\an2}It's breathable, it's soft, and it's been on the bedroom floor 21 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,760 {\an2}of a thousand lovers. 22 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,240 {\an2}I think I'd better dance now. 23 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 24 00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:08,840 {\an2}So, without further ado, let's get going with the games, 25 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:13,240 {\an2}and watch as our five task-hungry wolfhounds go feral with peril. 26 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,720 {\an2}Please welcome Joanne McNally! 27 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,200 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE John Robins! 28 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,560 {\an2}Nick Mohammed! 29 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,440 {\an2}Sophie Willan! 30 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,800 {\an2}And Steve Pemberton! 31 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,360 {\an2}And next to me is a man who started shoplifting in his 30s 32 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,680 {\an2}to get the attention he was starved of at home as a child, 33 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,480 {\an2}and latterly, in a different home with his wife. 34 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,920 {\an2}It's little Alex Horne! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 35 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,680 {\an2}Yeah! 36 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:43,920 {\an2}You'd better believe it. 37 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:49,040 {\an2}Yes. It's a hobby...more than anything. 38 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,800 {\an2}Hello, Greg. Have you ever nicked anything in real life? 39 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,000 {\an2}From a...? From anywhere? 40 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,320 {\an2}Yes. I don't want you to be funny, just tell me what you've stolen. 41 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,560 {\an2}Er, money from my...from Mother's handbag. 42 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,600 {\an1}LAUGHTER 43 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,840 {\an2}Let's start with a prize task, Alex. Oh, yawn. 44 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,680 {\an2}No, you're right. It is the best time to do it, 45 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,920 {\an2}and this episode, they've brought in... 46 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:14,680 {\an2}Ready? The greatest thing to give to a granny. 47 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,840 {\an2}Hmm. Five points will be given for the greatest thing for a granny, 48 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,960 {\an2}and five great things will go home with tonight's winner, 49 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,560 {\an2}which they can then give to a granny 50 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,600 {\an2}or leave outside a nursing home, et cetera. 51 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:25,600 {\an2}Greg. Good. 52 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,240 {\an2}Hello, Nick. Hello. 53 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,000 {\an2}I won't ask whether you've got a granny left, but I will ask, er, 54 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,480 {\an2}if you had a granny, what granny gift would you bring them? 55 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,480 {\an2}It's something that my son made, 56 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,480 {\an2}erm, and it's a...a good-luck potion. 57 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,320 {\an2}I just sort of thought a good-luck potion 58 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,480 {\an2}sort of in those sort of last few months to a year... 59 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER 60 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,720 {\an2}Because it feels like when you're on the cusp, erm... 61 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,560 {\an2}..you need as much luck as you can get 62 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:57,600 {\an2}in terms of having sort of a nice peaceful kind of way out. 63 00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,280 {\an2}Wow. 64 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,200 {\an2}Hello, to all the grandmothers watching. Yeah. 65 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,600 {\an2}Thanks, Nick. Thanks for bringing your magic potion in 66 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:08,200 {\an2}to stop grandparents dying. 67 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,480 {\an2}Hello, Joanne. Hello. What do you think a granny would like? 68 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,080 {\an2}I'd like to give them some oral pride. 69 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:16,200 {\an2}Some oral pride? 70 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,040 {\an2}I'd like to give them a grill. 71 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:20,040 {\an2}Ugh. Ugh. 72 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,360 {\an2}Why should they be all gappy and vacant? 73 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,640 {\an2}Why would a grandparent wanna wear those? 74 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:28,640 {\an2}It's better than a blue rinse and a Laura Ashley two piece. 75 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,320 {\an2}Give them some dignity. This is dignity, is it? 76 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,560 {\an2}Yeah! I loved it. I'm very proud of it. 77 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,080 {\an2}Oh, dear. Well, it's a shame it's gonna score so badly. 78 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:38,600 {\an2}Oh! 79 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,360 {\an2}Sophie. 80 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,240 {\an2}I've got an animal print onesie for Grandma. 81 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,280 {\an2}Here it is. 82 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,240 {\an2}My grandma used to wear these a lot. 83 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,320 {\an2}With those teeth and that - fabulous. 84 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,840 {\an2}Fab! Yeah. Why shouldn't you be a sexual being? 85 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,600 {\an2}That's it. She was just... 86 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,680 {\an2}You know, she was fantastic. Slut dropping, twerking. 87 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,320 {\an2}Fabulous. And then she had a partial prolapse and there was... 88 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,360 {\an2}It was a bit of a disaster, but... 89 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:07,280 {\an2}Is anyone else just imagining a really sweet granny for this task? 90 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,840 {\an2}Not some blinged-up sex maniac 91 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,120 {\an2}teetering on the verge of death. 92 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,680 {\an2}John, have you brought something sweet in for a granny? 93 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,400 {\an2}Do you know? I sort of have. 94 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:22,000 {\an2}I moved to a house, er, where I live alone, 95 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,800 {\an2}and my neighbour also lives alone. 96 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,840 {\an2}And she is my dear friend Thelma, 97 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,000 {\an2}she's my surrogate grandma. 98 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,440 {\an2}And in lockdown we, er, became very close. 99 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:35,080 {\an2}And she would do my sort of mending for me. Like, sewing. 100 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,280 {\an2}And I would do her shopping for her. 101 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:41,760 {\an2}And I've got what was always her shopping order for a treat. 102 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,240 {\an2}Which is, er, a bottle of wine, 103 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,920 {\an2}a bar of chocolate, and against my better judgment, 104 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,960 {\an2}20 cigarettes. LAUGHTER 105 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,280 {\an2}I mean, I guess that's kind of sweeter, isn't it? 106 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,760 {\an2}It is. And that's how I wanna be living, 107 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,000 {\an2}er, when I'm that age. Slut dropping with that? 108 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,920 {\an2}She's having a great time. Not slut dropping, no. 109 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,320 {\an2}What is slut dropping?Er... LAUGHTER 110 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,520 {\an2}I would demonstrate, but I can't slut drop. 111 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,840 {\an2}Of course I can't. 112 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,960 {\an2}Can any of you slut drop? Well, there's several, isn't there? 113 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,920 {\an2}You've got your basic.... 114 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,960 {\an2}Oh! AUDIENCE WHOOP AND EXCLAIM 115 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,080 {\an2}You've got your... And you've got your... 116 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,360 {\an1}WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE 117 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,600 {\an2}Thank you, Sophie. You're welcome. Thank you. 118 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,320 {\an2}Welcome to Taskmaster, this... LAUGHTER 119 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,360 {\an2}..this section is about grandmothers. 120 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,200 {\an2}John, at least there's a sweet story behind yours. 121 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,560 {\an2}Steve. So, I've brought in a card I made for my granny 122 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,880 {\an2}almost 50 years ago. This was, erm, for my... 123 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,320 {\an2}AUDIENCE: Aw! ...my grandma Alice. 124 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:58,200 {\an2}Thank God. AUDIENCE CHUCKLE 125 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,240 {\an2}But inside it, I wrote her a poem. 126 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:03,120 {\an2}"My grandma's eyes are brown, and she does never frown. 127 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:06,640 {\an2}"She is 62 today, so she does shout hooray. 128 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,240 {\an2}"She gives us lots of toffees and a very lot of sweets. 129 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,600 {\an2}"She takes us out to the park..." "Pork." 130 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 131 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,000 {\an2}Carry on, Steve. "And all our lovely trea...ts. 132 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,520 {\an2}"She always brings us presents every time she's here. 133 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:24,840 {\an2}"So I pray to God every night that he will always stay near." 134 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,880 {\an2}AUDIENCE:Aw! APPLAUSE 135 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,040 {\an2}It's a decent poem for an eight-year-old. 136 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,400 {\an2}I'll tell what it is, Steve. It's just a relief. 137 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,680 {\an2}Yeah. LAUGHTER 138 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,880 {\an2}Should I stop now, or should I show you the card I made her 139 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,680 {\an2}when I was a little bit older? 140 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,080 {\an2}Oh, God! 141 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,800 {\an2}This is the difference between eight years old 142 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,560 {\an2}and maybe 13, 14 years old. Here we go. 143 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,360 {\an2}I know it's a bit sinister now when you look at it. 144 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,440 {\an2}A bit?! But my grandma absolutely loved it. 145 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,360 {\an2}She cried laughing when she saw... Did she? 146 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,440 {\an2}Yes! When she saw that picture. And what's inside? 147 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,760 {\an2}It looks almost like it's a kidnapper's ransom note. 148 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,920 {\an2}"Beware..." AUDIENCE EXCLAIM AND LAUGH 149 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,800 {\an2}What the hell is going on? APPLAUSE 150 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,840 {\an2}Right, OK, you're all absolutely weird. 151 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:19,520 {\an2}You're all weird. I mean, it's the first time in 17 series 152 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,280 {\an2}I don't know what to do. 153 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,720 {\an2}I-I don't know what to say about any of this. 154 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,440 {\an2}I don't think there's any grandparents out there 155 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,400 {\an2}who want grills. 156 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,880 {\an2}So I'm giving Joanne one point. OK. 157 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,200 {\an2}Erm, I don't think many grandmas want that outfit, 158 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,960 {\an2}I could be wrong. You are. 159 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,840 {\an2}Two points. 160 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,920 {\an2}I suppose that giving them a magic potion 161 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,560 {\an2}that might stop them from dying is a bit kind. 162 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,160 {\an2}I'll give him three points. OK. 163 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,920 {\an2}I'm ignoring Steve's second card 164 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,640 {\an2}and I'm focusing on the first one, 165 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,200 {\an2}which was genuinely heartbreakingly sweet. 166 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,160 {\an2}And makes me think of children and their grandparents. 167 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,840 {\an2}And... Mm-hm. ..for providing for his neighbour, Thelma, 168 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,640 {\an2}five points for John! Well done, John Robins. 169 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,880 {\an1}APPLAUSE 170 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,160 {\an2}Let's get on with the show. OK, then. Right, ready? 171 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,000 {\an2}Yeah! Here we go. 172 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,240 {\an2}NICK: Hello, Alex. Ooh, look at this. 173 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,480 {\an2}Nice to meet you. 174 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,400 {\an2}Hey! Steve. How are you? 175 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,120 {\an2}Lovely to meet you. Lovely to meet you too. Again. 176 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,280 {\an2}They're all yours. 177 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:41,560 {\an2}Ah! Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha! 178 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,440 {\an2}That's well creepy now. Is it? Yeah. 179 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,680 {\an2}"Work out who you are shaking hands with." 180 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,320 {\an2}Well, I've just shook hands with you. 181 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,800 {\an2}"You must only shake hands with the hands, 182 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,360 {\an2}"and you may not handle the hands in any other why..." 183 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,200 {\an2}Why? "Any other way." 184 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:02,120 {\an2}"You may chop off a total of three fingers and one thumb 185 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,280 {\an2}"but if you set off the health and safety emergency alarm, 186 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,520 {\an2}"you are disqualified." 187 00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:12,400 {\an2}"Also, you may not look around, over, under or through the fence." 188 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,760 {\an2}Oh, God, I'm scared, actually. 189 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,080 {\an2}"Best hand identification wins." 190 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,720 {\an2}How am I gonna who they are? Do I know them? Oh, yeah. 191 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:24,040 {\an2}"You have a maximum of 20 minutes. Your time starts now." 192 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 193 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,960 {\an2}I've noticed a trend starting to develop, Joanne, 194 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,960 {\an2}every now and again, of you suddenly maniacally laughing. 195 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,720 {\an2}I don't know what got you there. Was it the gloves? I don't know. 196 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,520 {\an2}I just do it, I'm a really cheap laugh. 197 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:40,280 {\an2}It just catches me unaware sometimes. Yeah. "Ha-ha, ha-ha!" 198 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,840 {\an2}It is, it's mad. 199 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,240 {\an2}Shall we crack on? Yes, OK. 200 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,920 {\an2}It's time for our first three handshakers. 201 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,840 {\an2}It's the insurance brokers - Willan, Robins and Pemberton. 202 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,840 {\an2}Hello, to you, sir. 203 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,840 {\an2}ALEX: Forgot that's how you shake hands. 204 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,800 {\an2}Oh, God. Ooh, squishy. 205 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,400 {\an2}Some people do have squishy hands. Oh, dear, yes. 206 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,200 {\an2}Oh, that's nice. 207 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,400 {\an2}Why is it nice, Steve? Warm. 208 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,120 {\an2}That's unusual. We don't know about that. We'll come back. 209 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,920 {\an2}That's weird, isn't it? I've no idea what you are. 210 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,600 {\an2}It's a pleasure to see you, mate. 211 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,880 {\an2}Hello to you. And hello to you as well, of course. 212 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,640 {\an2}Problem I'm facing here, Alex, 213 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,120 {\an2}is a lot of them are just sort of smooth and hot. 214 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,320 {\an2}What if I used my more vigorous handshake? 215 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,040 {\an2}Hi! Hi! Hi. 216 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,760 {\an2}I'm just going in for this one. You're going straight in. Right. 217 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,600 {\an2}Acorn. Acorns! 218 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,800 {\an2}Acorns! Of course. 219 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,040 {\an2}It says "who". So I'm gonna give them characters. 220 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:39,160 {\an2}Gone with Aileen A. Corns, for hand number one. 221 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,800 {\an2}Hi. 222 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,400 {\an2}Ah. 223 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:45,840 {\an2}Can you put, "Question mark - lipsticks"? 224 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,280 {\an2}Number three... 225 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,720 {\an2}Oatmeal. 226 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,480 {\an2}Do you know what I really wanna say? Tom... 227 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,840 {\an2}..A'tosoup. 228 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,200 {\an2}OK. 229 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,040 {\an2}Yeah, rulers. Hello. 230 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,920 {\an2}OK, it's like a xylophone. 231 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,680 {\an2}Toy glockenspiel or xylophone. 232 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,320 {\an2}Should be hyphenated. Zy Lofone. 233 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,880 {\an2}Argh! 234 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,320 {\an2}Fuck me, man! What's in that one? 235 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,440 {\an2}It's got something in it, mate. Got something in all of them. 236 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,760 {\an2}Yeah, but there's something moving in that one. 237 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,760 {\an2}Oh, God! That's a real hand. 238 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,200 {\an2}Is it? 239 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,280 {\an2}Oh. HE GASPS 240 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,040 {\an2}Can I cut one of these fingers off? 241 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,200 {\an2}I think that might be a person's hand. OK. 242 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:31,000 {\an2}It's bloody Greg Davies, isn't it? Look how tall it is. 243 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,400 {\an2}Greg Davies. 244 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,760 {\an2}Why do I feel quite scared? 245 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,040 {\an2}Hey! I think that might be water. 246 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,080 {\an2}Oh, water. Water. 247 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,360 {\an2}I'm getting nature. Something you'd line a gerbil's cage with. 248 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,760 {\an2}Or straw. 249 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,040 {\an2}That one was definitely a person, but this isn't. 250 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,480 {\an2}Ooh. Oh, shredded fake nails. 251 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,960 {\an2}Oh, fake na... Yeah, that's gross. 252 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,320 {\an2}What the hell? These are like little lychees. 253 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,040 {\an2}What are they called, picked onions? 254 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,120 {\an2}You've got no more cuts, but you... Pickled onions. Oh. 255 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,600 {\an2}I'm gonna cut nine. Let's see what's inside number nine. 256 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,320 {\an2}Yeah... Oh! 257 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,720 {\an2}It's horrible, innit? Yeah, eggs. 258 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,680 {\an2}Ah, I knew it was eggs. 259 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,760 {\an2}Steve, who were you shaking hands with? 260 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,560 {\an2}Sof't Boi'ledeggs. Yeah. 261 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,400 {\an2}WA Ter. 262 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,760 {\an2}Lye Cheese OBE. 263 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,320 {\an2}Greg Davies Taskmaster. 264 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,480 {\an2}Who was I shaking hands with? 265 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,680 {\an2}The king? 266 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,000 {\an2}Should it spell something? I don't know. 267 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,240 {\an2}"Apopawatapo." "Apoppo", something like that. 268 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,640 {\an2}Right. I'll write down "Apoppo." Yeah. 269 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,200 {\an2}What a lovely time you've had. But I've not done something, have I? 270 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,440 {\an2}Because you've got that look. WHISTLE BLOWS 271 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,240 {\an2}See you, Greg. 272 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,280 {\an2}Love your work. AUDIENCE LAUGHS 273 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,800 {\an1}APPLAUSE 274 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,560 {\an2}You had to use all of your guesses collectively 275 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,120 {\an2}to work out the name of someone. We didn't say. We just said, 276 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,480 {\an2}"Who did you shake hands with?" So it might've been nine people, 277 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,040 {\an2}it might've been one person. Ah, I see. 278 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,800 {\an2}This is what drove me insane. 279 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,280 {\an2}Yes. 280 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,320 {\an2}Is there any chance that the answer to what's behind the fence 281 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,040 {\an2}is "Apoppo"? LAUGHTER 282 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,120 {\an2}It's a lovely name. Apoppo. Apoppo. 283 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,480 {\an2}She also said, "Apocalypse, apostrophe or apropos." 284 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:19,640 {\an2}Apropos.Apropos.Of Apoppo. LAUGHTER 285 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,600 {\an2}Steve, I think it's an indication 286 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,640 {\an2}that you've been living a refined life that you thought 287 00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:25,760 {\an2}pickled onions were mini lychees. 288 00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,400 {\an2}Should've done the smell test, shouldn't I? Yeah. 289 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,560 {\an2}John got them just from feeling them, which was amazing. 290 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,160 {\an2}That was amazing. I eat a lot of pickled onions. 291 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,760 {\an2}Break time. When I was a little boy, my dad sat me on his knee 292 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,800 {\an2}and said, "With every year that passes, son, 293 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,280 {\an2}"I meet a new collection of arseholes that want my money." 294 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,760 {\an2}And that is genuinely true. He was right. 295 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,080 {\an2}Here are some of them. APPLAUSE 296 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,840 {\an2}Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster! 297 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,320 {\an2}Our competitors are currently trying to work out 298 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,000 {\an2}the contents of some rubber gloves by shaking hands with them. 299 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:11,320 {\an2}The ultimate goal is to work out with whom they are shaking hands. 300 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,280 {\an2}Apoppo? Apoppo. 301 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,920 {\an2}Well, there goes my recap. Thanks a lot, mate. 302 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,640 {\an2}Anyway, here is Joanne McNally and Nick McHammed. 303 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,840 {\an2}ALEX: Are you shaking hands with it? That's how I shake hands. 304 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,920 {\an2}It's an Irish thing, you don't understand. 305 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,200 {\an2}It's nice shaking hands as always. Yeah, there's your... 306 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,760 {\an2}It's an Irish greeting. 307 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,560 {\an2}Because I wonder if... 308 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,520 {\an2}..like, they're filled with things that are connected. 309 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,040 {\an2}Can I smell it? Do what you want with it. 310 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,120 {\an2}It's...acorns. OK. 311 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,880 {\an1}AUDIENCE GROANS 312 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,160 {\an2}Is it egg? Urgh! 313 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,120 {\an2}I've no idea what that is. What's it feel like? 314 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,760 {\an2}It feels like a human hand. Right. So I'm hoping it's not, 315 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,480 {\an2}because I've if it is, I've completely fractured it. 316 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,640 {\an2}Normal handshake. I think that's someone real. 317 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,560 {\an2}Someone real. 318 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,960 {\an2}If that was an actual hand, I'd assume it was contagious. 319 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,480 {\an2}It feels lumpy. Herpes. Write down "herpes." 320 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,040 {\an2}Doing a...doing, like, a wee on me. 321 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,080 {\an2}It does look like it's doing a wee on you. 322 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,520 {\an2}Oh, it's rum. 323 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,120 {\an2}This is some sort of crustacean. 324 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:33,040 {\an2}Like, I'm not happy to meet this hand at all. 325 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,160 {\an2}Oh, for fuck's sake. It just exploded. 326 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,400 {\an2}It's egg! It's, er... Oh, sorry. Urgh! 327 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,880 {\an2}Oh, God. It's more egg. 328 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,160 {\an2}This is my thumb. Oh, dear. 329 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,320 {\an2}It's, like, fingernails. Nails. 330 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,360 {\an2}What'll I do with this? Oh, e-eat them. I don't know. 331 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,280 {\an2}Whatever you want. Yeah, put them in your pocket. 332 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,320 {\an2}I didn't...I didn't actually chop that finger off, 333 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:57,160 {\an2}there's just a little slit in that, so I think I can... 334 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,920 {\an2}That's fine. Right. Right. 335 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,880 {\an2}Gonna go for the first letter. 336 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,200 {\an2}Oh, acorns. 337 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,680 {\an2}Who am I shaking hands with? 338 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,040 {\an2}Oh, so it's the first letter of each thing. 339 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,600 {\an2}Ah. 340 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,600 {\an2}I think this might spell out your name. 341 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,960 {\an2}Is this you trying to teach me your surname? 342 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,320 {\an2}What my surname, Joanne? Taskmaster. 343 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,840 {\an2}Oh, Horne, Horne, Horne... HE GASPS 344 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,120 {\an2}Alex Horne! You've got 35 seconds. 345 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,960 {\an2}Oh, no, that's an X. 346 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,720 {\an2}Are you trying to make a point here? Is it "Alex Horns"? 347 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,960 {\an2}X, X... Erm, an X...Xbox. 348 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,160 {\an2}It's an Xbox. WHISTLE BLOWS 349 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,120 {\an2}Six is olives, seven is Ribena. 350 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,880 {\an2}Eight's nails and nine is eggs again. 351 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,640 {\an2}And your name is Alex Horne. 352 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,680 {\an2}I'm shaking hands with Alex Horne. HE GASPS 353 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,920 {\an2}And I shook your hand at the start. 354 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,320 {\an2}That was nice. 355 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,720 {\an2}Good one. APPLAUSE 356 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,560 {\an2}I don't why you're high-fiving, Apoppo. 357 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,120 {\an2}Well, we're normally low together, and he's... We're usually very low. 358 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,800 {\an2}And he's up, so I feel it's a win for me. Yeah. 359 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,080 {\an2}It seemed very quickly off the back of, erm, 360 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,960 {\an2}"The glove's doing a wee on me", that you immediately drank it. 361 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:16,160 {\an2}Well, yeah. Greg, I have one slight concern. 362 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:20,960 {\an2}Let's go. When I cut off the finger of R, 363 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,640 {\an2}I asked four times before testing it 364 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,040 {\an2}if it was alcohol, because I don't drink, and Alex said no. 365 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,800 {\an2}So I'm slightly concerned, having watched it back, 366 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,600 {\an2}that my R stood for "relapse". 367 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,600 {\an1}LAUGHTER 368 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,480 {\an1}APPLAUSE 369 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,800 {\an2}It's a valid point, and that was very tense. 370 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,760 {\an2}It was non-alcoholic rum. Good. 371 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,960 {\an2}Joanne, I've been to Ireland and no-one has ever 372 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,360 {\an2}double handshaked me while sniffing my fingers. 373 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,560 {\an2}When were you last there? Things have moved on. 374 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,440 {\an2}Tell me about herpes of the hands. Well, was that a rea... 375 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,480 {\an2}I don't think I got a real hand in mine. 376 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,400 {\an2}Yeah, you did. That was Clarence. Fuck! Mm. 377 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,800 {\an2}I really bent that. You did really bend that. Yeah. 378 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,840 {\an2}In terms of the cutting, I should say, Nick... 379 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,040 {\an2}Well, you're only allowed to cut a certain number. 380 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,240 {\an2}He snipped one and then put a plaster on it 381 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,480 {\an2}and so argued that he could then cut another one off. 382 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,120 {\an2}Ah, is that...? Oh... That was his little...little tactic. 383 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,520 {\an2}Are you happy with that? You see, watching it, I just thought 384 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,080 {\an2}that's classic Nick. He's just such a lovely boy. 385 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:24,000 {\an2}Are you allowing it? I sort of think I am gonna allow it. Yeah. 386 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,720 {\an2}Steve only identified three of the things correctly in the end. 387 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,160 {\an2}The next up was Sophie who got five things right. 388 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,840 {\an2}John got six things right. 389 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,080 {\an2}Joanne only got five, but she also discovered "Alex Horne" on the top 390 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:38,160 {\an2}and got my name right. So would you say she was above John? 391 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,480 {\an2}Yeah. The five points goes to Nick Mohammed 392 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,680 {\an2}who got eight of them right, and got my name. 393 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,120 {\an2}Well done, Nick Mohammed. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 394 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,680 {\an2}Have a look at the scores. Well, Nick is back in the game. 395 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:54,480 {\an2}Oh, at last. Joint first with John, again, on eight points. 396 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,800 {\an2}Wow. APPLAUSE 397 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,240 {\an2}Alex, do you have a task with a bit of scale? 398 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,120 {\an2}Ooh, I do. A nice bit of scale, 399 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,320 {\an2}and a nice bit of horses. Ooh. 400 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,880 {\an2}Hi, Alex. Hi, Nick. 401 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,520 {\an2}Very dramatic scene. 402 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,000 {\an2}You look fabulous. Really? 403 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,200 {\an2}Get off my land! 404 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,800 {\an2}Oh, funny looking farmer. I'm not a scary farmer. 405 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,920 {\an2}Hello, Alex. Morning, John. 406 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,840 {\an2}Here we are in nature. Yeah, I know. It's gorgeous, isn't it? 407 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,040 {\an2}Is it? Yeah. Erm, fish out of water. 408 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,080 {\an2}I'm a sort of city...city person. 409 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,880 {\an2}I think you're just a fish out of water wherever you are. Right. 410 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,200 {\an2}Oh, God. 411 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,080 {\an2}There's a...there's a lot of stuff in there. 412 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,840 {\an2}"Create the biggest and best..." 413 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,520 {\an2}"..dot-to-dot picture." 414 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,440 {\an2}"Biggest and best dot-to-dot picture wins. 415 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:04,400 {\an2}"You have 20 minutes, your time starts now." 416 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,920 {\an2}Oh, you have different numbers for different... 417 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,320 {\an2}Right, then, of course. 418 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,160 {\an2}OK, so, there's my dots. 419 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,320 {\an2}This is obviously my canvas. 420 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,680 {\an2}It has to be a continuous line, does it? 421 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,800 {\an2}That's how dot-to-dots work. Oh, OK. 422 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,960 {\an2}But if you wanna have a break in a line, you can turn a number over 423 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,120 {\an2}and we'll carry on, if you see what I mean. Right. 424 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,960 {\an2}Make sense? So biggest and best. Biggest and best, OK. 425 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,520 {\an2}So, I'm not arty now, at all. Well, you've got other skills. 426 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,400 {\an2}I do. Yeah. 427 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,720 {\an2}What are they? I-I don't know yet. 428 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,360 {\an2}OK, let's go. APPLAUSE 429 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,560 {\an2}I'm looking at you, Steve, because I imagine 430 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,600 {\an2}it's only you and I here whose childhood would've been dominated 431 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,200 {\an2}by such entertainment. All the time. Sitting next to granny. 432 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,320 {\an2}Yeah. Doing the dot-to-dots. That's right. 433 00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:53,400 {\an2}Taking the potion. But I always found in dot-to-dot magazines 434 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,320 {\an2}that they would show, like, some hooves. Hmm. Yeah. 435 00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:59,280 {\an2}And a nose and a tail, so you go, "Well, I mean this is a... 436 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,040 {\an2}"..this is a fucking horse, obviously. 437 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:03,640 {\an2}"But I'll go through the motions." 438 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,880 {\an2}Anyway, my point is, I'm very much looking forward 439 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:07,840 {\an2}to their dot-to-dot pictures. OK, ready? 440 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:12,680 {\an2}Yep. Well, just for you, here is a montage for my mighty man. 441 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,480 {\an2}I mean how...how friendly are these horses? 442 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,640 {\an2}I'm gonna stay away from the horses, 443 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,240 {\an2}because I'm a little bit, er, apprehensive about horses. 444 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,160 {\an2}Yeah, here they come, so I'm gonna get out of here. They don't look... 445 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:30,680 {\an2}I mean, will they go for me more because I'm dressed as Dracula? 446 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,160 {\an2}I only could draw one thing at school. 447 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,280 {\an2}HORSE NEIGHS Hello, guys, are you all right? 448 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,840 {\an2}Oh, no, no, sorry. Hang on. 449 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,920 {\an2}Where are you going? Well, I'm gonna go big. OK. 450 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,520 {\an2}Don't do a cock and balls, don't do a cock and balls. 451 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,600 {\an2}That's so obvious. 452 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,600 {\an2}One, two... 453 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,760 {\an2}..three. 454 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,520 {\an2}This is gonna have art lovers everywhere 455 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,680 {\an2}creaming over their easels. 456 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,520 {\an2}Nine. 457 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,880 {\an2}No, thank you. It's... 458 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,520 {\an2}Oh, no, no. No. 459 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,760 {\an2}Need to go through these horses. 460 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,840 {\an2}I don't really wanna go behind them. 461 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,720 {\an2}Hey, horsey. 462 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,320 {\an2}You OK? 463 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,840 {\an2}..14, 16, 17... 464 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,120 {\an2}STEVE: They think I've gone mad, but they can't see what I see. 465 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,640 {\an2}HORSES NEIGH SOPHIE:Oh, God. Oh, bloody hell. 466 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,680 {\an2}Kicking off over there. 467 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,840 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGH 468 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,800 {\an2}Jesus Christ! 469 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,640 {\an2}81. 470 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,600 {\an2}HORSE FARTS Oh, excuse me.Oh, Sophie! 471 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,440 {\an2}That's horrific. 472 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,000 {\an2}I think she was making a statement, weren't she, really? 473 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,640 {\an2}I think I'm done. Ah. 474 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,840 {\an2}Right, well, we'll join the dots and, er, see what Greg thinks. 475 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,680 {\an2}Thanks, man. 476 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,440 {\an2}See ya! 477 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:20,080 {\an8}And when I come back, I hope there's a red dot in the bottom corner. 478 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:21,960 {\an8}Think about that. 479 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,000 {\an2}SQUELCH Oh, shit! Oh, you're kidding! 480 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 481 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,080 {\an2}Never has anyone been so swiftly punished for being cocky. 482 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,840 {\an2}LAUGHTER Yeah. 483 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,240 {\an2}You got on well with the horses, though, didn't you, Sophie? 484 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,560 {\an2}You were having quite the chat with them until Fartgate. 485 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,760 {\an2}Yeah, that was...it was very upsetting. Very close. 486 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,000 {\an2}Very close. She waited till she got right close. 487 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,320 {\an2}But you didn't jump back. You just went, "I'm here now." 488 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:52,440 {\an2}I had to commit to the dot-to-dot. Didn't wanna lose my focus. 489 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,880 {\an2}Joanne, did you enjoy this task? Not really, no. 490 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,160 {\an2}I wouldn't... Again, I struggle... I'm not big into the art or numbers, 491 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,600 {\an2}so it was a challenge for me. 492 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,320 {\an2}Nick. Hmm. The highlight for me so far with you in this task 493 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:09,480 {\an2}is you just really sweetly turning to a horse and going, "You OK?" 494 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,280 {\an2}I-I too was getting a little bit, erm, a bit nervous, 495 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,040 {\an2}because they did...they did follow you around. 496 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,600 {\an2}I think they thought that there was food in that trolley little thing. 497 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,880 {\an2}I mean, they did look like wild horses to me. 498 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,240 {\an2}We were very worried. We didn't know they were gonna be there. 499 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,280 {\an2}LAUGHTER And, er, they were big. 500 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,200 {\an2}Considering the amount of health and safety discussions 501 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,800 {\an2}I've had over the course of this series... 502 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,680 {\an2}Yeah. ..not one mention of the fact I was doing an enormous 503 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,600 {\an2}dot-to-dot around wild horses. 504 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,400 {\an2}No, and there were land mines. 505 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,480 {\an2}Right, let's see their dot-to-dots 506 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,720 {\an2}after these companies raid your money pots. Ooh! 507 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,760 {\an1}APPLAUSE 508 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,280 {\an2}Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster! 509 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,440 {\an2}It's part three, and we have some dots to join. 510 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,680 {\an2}Mm-mm. Yes, we do. Dots to join and Is to cross. 511 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,600 {\an2}They've made what they hope to be the biggest and best 512 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,240 {\an2}dot-to-dot pictures of their lives. 513 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,760 {\an2}First up, here is Nick's pic. 514 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 515 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,640 {\an2}Yeah. Is it an umbrella that won't open? 516 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,480 {\an2}No. Well, look, does anyone know what it is? 517 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,360 {\an2}AUDIENCE MEMBERS: A balloon. Oboe. 518 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,960 {\an2}A balloon, an oboe. Is it a balloon or an oboe? 519 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,880 {\an2}No. The scope of guesses tells you how shit it is. 520 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:42,040 {\an2}Is it a balloon... LAUGHTER 521 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,760 {\an2}..or is it an oboe? 522 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,520 {\an2}I feel it might be one...I feel it might be one of those things 523 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,720 {\an2}that when I tell you, you'll be like, "Oh, I'm kicking myself." 524 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,720 {\an2}When can he tell me? It's just a very happy snake. 525 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,920 {\an2}So... LAUGHTER 526 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,040 {\an2}So, it's sort of coiled about a bit and it...it's... 527 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,840 {\an2}That's part of its body, and then... And that top bit is its head 528 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,280 {\an2}and it's smiling. 529 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,120 {\an2}Look at the size of those horses, they're tiny. 530 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,560 {\an2}Must have taken you ages to walk up there. It did. 531 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,440 {\an2}What were you thinking all the way up there? 532 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,080 {\an2}I don't know what I was thinking about, 533 00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,640 {\an2}I wasn't think about the task, but I... 534 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,360 {\an2}I mean so far, so bad. Who's next? 535 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,520 {\an2}Would you like to look at John Robins' dot-to-dot picture? 536 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:23,960 {\an2}Yes, please. 537 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,560 {\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIM 538 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,600 {\an1}APPLAUSE 539 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,120 {\an2}Thank you. 540 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,600 {\an2}GREG AND ALEX: Balloon oboe! 541 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,400 {\an2}That is your classic dot-to-dot. It's just dot-to-dot 101 542 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,200 {\an2}on an enormous scale 543 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:51,960 {\an2}with horses, in a heatwave, in a Freddie Mercury jacket 544 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,840 {\an2}almost having a cardiac arrest. 545 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,920 {\an2}Have we found the number one and the number five? 546 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,120 {\an2}Well, let's find out. Let's see Sophie's dot-to-dot now. Here we go. 547 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,960 {\an2}Oh, hang on! JOHN: Wow. Hang on a minute. 548 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,360 {\an2}SOPHIE: Oh, my God, I did all right. 549 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,680 {\an2}JOANNE: Wow. Yes! Ah! NICK: Oh, my God. 550 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,760 {\an1}APPLAUSE 551 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:22,280 {\an2}Oh, I thought I'd really effed that up, to be honest. I'm chuffed. 552 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:25,560 {\an2}Was there any moment, er, that inspired that picture? 553 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,480 {\an2}I always know I can draw a cow. 554 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,880 {\an2}Er, I've been able to do it from a really young age. 555 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,120 {\an2}Say...everyone in the industry says that about you. 556 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,120 {\an2}I think it's the first time I'm able to say this to you, Sophie. 557 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,240 {\an2}Well done, that's good. Thank you! 558 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,320 {\an1}APPLAUSE 559 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,600 {\an2}We're gonna see Steve Pemberton's dot-to-dot next. 560 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,520 {\an2}Here we go. Cock and balls. 561 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,040 {\an2}Oh, my God. He's framed it. 562 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,800 {\an1}AUDIENCE GASP AND EXCLAIM 563 00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,840 {\an1}APPLAUSE 564 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,560 {\an2}I mean, you framed and signed it, such showboating. 565 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,960 {\an2}It's not sold, though. No, someone's put on offer in it. 566 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,840 {\an2}Someone's put an offer in. And it'll be held for the next 24 hours. 567 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,720 {\an2}Am I 100% sure I know what that is? 568 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,440 {\an2}Think "art." It's not The Scream, is it? 569 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,800 {\an2}I think, if you squint... I am squinting. 570 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,000 {\an2}..and then think of a different picture. 571 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,040 {\an2}The eyes follow you round the room. Mona Lisa. 572 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,160 {\an2}I thought that before. It is the Mona Lisa. 573 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,360 {\an1}APPLAUSE 574 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,880 {\an2}Well, not to be overly vulgar, but how the fuck is that the Mona Lisa? 575 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,760 {\an2}Once you've bought it, it can be whatever you want it to be. 576 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,200 {\an2}Who's next? Joanne, here is your dot-to-dot. 577 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,200 {\an2}Ooh. 578 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,080 {\an2}JOANNE: Oh, actually, it's not that bad. 579 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,680 {\an2}I thought it was gonna be a lot worse than that. 580 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,320 {\an2}It's not an anchor, is it? 581 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,480 {\an2}You can't really change what it is, because it looks like... 582 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,960 {\an2}It looks like fallopian tubes now. Yeah, it does. 583 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,640 {\an2}And can I...can I say, it genuinely is gonna be my second guess. 584 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,640 {\an2}It was supposed to be... Do you know the moustaches 585 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,200 {\an2}that the lads wear on the penny farthings? 586 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,560 {\an2}The, like, Movember-style moustaches. Ah, right. 587 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,880 {\an2}The really twirly ones. OK. Now we're getting... 588 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,440 {\an2}It's not that bad! Jesus Christ. 589 00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,840 {\an2}Oh-oh, it is. It's... 590 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,440 {\an2}Yeah, she's done a moustache. 591 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,440 {\an2}I don't know what the bit down the middle is. 592 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,080 {\an2}Hmm, you said it was a moustache with a labial fold. 593 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,000 {\an2}It's a moustache atop a vagina. 594 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,160 {\an2}No! Oh, no! 595 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,800 {\an2}These things. Are they called labial folds? 596 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:33,080 {\an2}Those dents that go down from...around your mouth. 597 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,080 {\an2}Yeah. Oh, what, just beneath my big clitoris here? 598 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 599 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,560 {\an2}I thought they were...I thought that was called your labial fold. 600 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,880 {\an2}Are there any doctors...? It might be. My labial folds, 601 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,240 {\an2}that's what I thought it was so that's what I was drawing. 602 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,280 {\an2}Oh, we've got... It's called... Go on. 603 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,720 {\an2}It's called a nasolabial fold. Yes! 604 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:51,880 {\an1}APPLAUSE 605 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,680 {\an2}Nasolabial fold. I mean, it still doesn't look like one, 606 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,200 {\an2}but I did try. Oh, no. I mean the picture's still shit, 607 00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,400 {\an2}but that's an...that's an interesting fact. 608 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,560 {\an2}There you go. Yeah. OK, I can show you all five of them in one go 609 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,560 {\an2}so you can judge them. Yeah, I've already judged them, 610 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,280 {\an2}but let's have a look. Ah, yeah. 611 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,320 {\an2}There's something to like in all of them. OK, which is worst? 612 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,000 {\an2}Er, Nick's. Yes, correct. 613 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,960 {\an2}Joanne's was educational, but is the second worst. 614 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,400 {\an2}Yes, fair. OK, the nasolabial fold gets two points. 615 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:22,560 {\an2}Yes, and I think this is very mean of me 616 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,720 {\an2}given the effort that went into it, but Steve's 617 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,160 {\an2}does not look like the Mona Lisa. 618 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,280 {\an2}Three points. OK, three points to Steve. 619 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,600 {\an2}Which way do you think I'm gonna go? 620 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,640 {\an2}Mine is massive. LAUGHTER 621 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:40,680 {\an2}I'll say for balance, Sophie's looks a nicer piece of art than mine. 622 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,160 {\an2}It is... That's fair. Oh, thank you, John. ..without question, better, 623 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,800 {\an2}but I should reward scale, so I'm gonna give them both five points. 624 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:48,840 {\an2}Joint winners. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 625 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:50,920 {\an2}John and Sophie, five points each. 626 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,080 {\an2}All right, hit me up with another task, young fellow m'lad. 627 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,000 {\an2}OK, well, here's a portion of a task for you. 628 00:30:58,040 --> 00:30:59,680 {\an2}Oh? 629 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,480 {\an2}Good day. ALEX: Smiley. Yes, always. 630 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,160 {\an2}Hello. Hi, team. Hello. 631 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,920 {\an2}Are you two getting on well? Getting on very well. Famously. 632 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,200 {\an2}Like a house on fire. Yeah. No, we are. 633 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:28,320 {\an2}It's just honestly wonderful to hang out. 634 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,920 {\an2}Always look on the back of the task. Oh, yeah. 635 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:39,200 {\an2}"Five, six, seven, half nine, half 11, five, half four." 636 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,880 {\an2}I'm numerically dyslexic, so I'm gonna tap out now. 637 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:43,760 {\an2}Right. You're out, are you, Joanne? I'm out. 638 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,280 {\an2}Right. 639 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,760 {\an2}Fine, I'll look under the table, because that's often... 640 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,840 {\an2}It's often the... ..something you have to do. 641 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,760 {\an2}Usually, there's something on the ceiling or under the table. OK. 642 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,160 {\an2}"Fastest team to discover the other half of this tasks wins. 643 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,880 {\an2}"You must always hold hands. Your time starts now. 644 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,440 {\an2}Hold each other's hands? Let's have a look, can we read it again? 645 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:05,680 {\an2}"Fastest team to discover the other half of this task wins." 646 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,680 {\an2}"Time starts now." Right. 647 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,080 {\an2}"Five..." "Five, six, seven." 648 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,400 {\an2}"Five, six, seven." I'm gonna adjust the way I'm holding your hand. 649 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,560 {\an2}There we go. OK. You went very tight there, Steve. 650 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,080 {\an2}I did! I didn't wanna let him go! 651 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,640 {\an2}APPLAUSE Aw. 652 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:25,360 {\an2}"Numerically dyslexic"? 653 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,280 {\an2}Once I see numbers, the brain... I just mentally just tap out. 654 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:31,240 {\an2}I love the idea that you can just tap out of things you don't like. 655 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,200 {\an2}That's it. I mean, I can't wait to see them. 656 00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,480 {\an2}There's not much to say other than Steve holds hands 657 00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,880 {\an2}like he's taking a prisoner. 658 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,440 {\an2}Well, let's begin with those two, shall we? Yes. The team of two. 659 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,280 {\an2}Let's have a look. Here is how Steve and Nick got on. 660 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,920 {\an2}Numbers, is there numbers on these over here? 661 00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:48,840 {\an2}Maybe. No. 662 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,640 {\an2}Put it to five, see what happens. 663 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,280 {\an2}I'd love it if something... 664 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:54,920 {\an2}No, nothing. 665 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:56,840 {\an2}Oh, hang on, there's a key here. 666 00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,560 {\an2}"Sam's clock key." "Sam's clock key." OK. OK. 667 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,600 {\an2}Open, open, open, open, open. All right, who's Sam? 668 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,320 {\an2}I don't know. 669 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,000 {\an2}Oh, look. Sam? Is Sam there? 670 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,520 {\an2}There's something at the bottom. 671 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,840 {\an2}Can you see it? Put your hand in. 672 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,200 {\an2}I'm lifting it. 673 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,920 {\an2}Can you get it? 674 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:15,680 {\an2}Yeah, got it. Yeah. 675 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,680 {\an2}It's the pendulum. 676 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,600 {\an2}Oh, it's just the pendulum. 677 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,920 {\an2}There you go. Stop the clock? Well, you have stopped the clock. 678 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,160 {\an2}I think we'd better get out of here. 679 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,000 {\an2}OK, I think I've got an inspiration. Go on. 680 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,000 {\an2}There's a clock in here. 681 00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:33,600 {\an2}Is there? Do you have to set all the clocks? 682 00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:36,000 {\an2}OK, er, keep going. 683 00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:39,240 {\an2}No, it's not doing anything. That's not doing anything. 684 00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,280 {\an2}"Five, six, seven, half..." CHIMING 685 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:44,760 {\an2}Oh. That was half... What was that? Half... 686 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,240 {\an2}No, that was half five. NICK GASPS 687 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,600 {\an2}CHIMING There is no half five. 688 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:54,560 {\an2}No... Oh, my God. I feel like we're on to something. 689 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,080 {\an2}Why are you so convinced it's to do with time? 690 00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:01,120 {\an2}Because half five... Look - "Half five, six, half nine, half 11..." 691 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,880 {\an2}I feel like we're missing something. 692 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,120 {\an2}Are you enjoying holding hands? I am, actually. It's very, er... 693 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,040 {\an2}It's quite sweet, isn't it? Sort of very... 694 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:11,080 {\an2}Wow. Ah, OK. That's a CD. Is something in it? 695 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,440 {\an2}Would it be track numbers? No, there isn't. 696 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:15,200 {\an2}So that's just a prop. 697 00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:17,520 {\an2}It's not that. No. 698 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,560 {\an2}Shall we...shall we look everywhere? 699 00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,920 {\an2}Oh. Hello. Oh. 700 00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,800 {\an2}Oh. Two, three... 701 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:29,480 {\an2}No. No. 702 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,840 {\an2}Oh! Oh! 703 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:39,360 {\an2}"14 steps forward, nine steps left, six steps left, five steps left. 704 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,200 {\an2}From where? I think from here, right? 705 00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:44,280 {\an2}Let's try it. 706 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:47,720 {\an2}BOTH: One, two, three, four. 707 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:52,880 {\an2}One... Mm-hm. ..two, three, four, five, six, 708 00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,080 {\an2}seven, eight. 709 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:58,720 {\an2}One, two, three, four, five, six. 710 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:02,480 {\an2}Yes. Yes. One, two, three, four, five. 711 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,800 {\an2}Yeah. Erm... 712 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:06,520 {\an2}Ah! What? 713 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,440 {\an2}Oh, it's there, it's there! Well done. 714 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,160 {\an2}I've got jammy hands. Yeah, me too. 715 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:16,440 {\an2}OK. Oh, God. OK, let's see what we have to do. 716 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,000 {\an2}"Fastest team to go to the lab, discover the cake, eat one half, 717 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,160 {\an2}"put the other half in the post box, put a flower on top of this task 718 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,800 {\an2}"and then sit on top of this task wins five points. 719 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,640 {\an2}"You must not necessarily always hold hands, that's up to you. 720 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,920 {\an2}"Your time started when you said, 'Your time starts now.'" 721 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,360 {\an2}Ah! Right, let's quickly go and do all the stuff to the cake. Yeah. 722 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,080 {\an2}OK, go, go, go, go. Love it, love cake. 723 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,880 {\an2}NICK WITH MOUTH FULL: Half in the post box. 724 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:46,800 {\an2}Where's the post box? Oh. 725 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,720 {\an2}Right. There's some flowers here. 726 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,960 {\an2}How was the cake? Mm. It was delicious, actually. 727 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,480 {\an2}Really nice. It was really nice. 728 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,920 {\an2}I'm just cleaning my hands. OK. 729 00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,400 {\an2}There we go. 730 00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:01,200 {\an2}Ah! I've stopped the clock. 731 00:36:01,240 --> 00:36:03,560 {\an2}I actually don't think we did too bad then. No. 732 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,680 {\an2}What about those times? CHIMING 733 00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:07,640 {\an2}Oh, that was a low point, wasn't it? 734 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,680 {\an1}APPLAUSE 735 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:16,520 {\an2}My overriding feeling watching them is that what I'm watching is a 736 00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,880 {\an2}perfectly happy couple on Bargain Hunt. 737 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,280 {\an2}Yes. It was one of the happiest days of my life. It was wonderful. Yeah. 738 00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,680 {\an2}Just ferreting around in shops. Yes! 739 00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:27,320 {\an2}Yeah, it was very sweet to watch. 740 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,160 {\an2}It was genuinely just very nice. It was. 741 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,520 {\an2}We had a good time, we got cake in the park. Yeah. 742 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,160 {\an2}They did very well. They noticed some clues, 743 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:34,800 {\an2}they missed some clues. There was a discman, 744 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:36,560 {\an2}there was a few things pointing you to discs, 745 00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,320 {\an2}and that was disc was where it was hidden. Ah. But they found it 746 00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,400 {\an2}and completed the task in 11 minutes 12 seconds. 747 00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:44,520 {\an2}Right, one part to go. 748 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,080 {\an2}These guys are gunning for some gifts for granny. 749 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,240 {\an2}And if you wanted to buy my granny a gift, 750 00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,840 {\an2}you'll have to wrench her out of the cryogenic chamber 751 00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:53,840 {\an2}we popped her in back in '93. 752 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:55,720 {\an2}See you after the break. 753 00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:57,720 {\an1}APPLAUSE 754 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,720 {\an1}APPLAUSE 755 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:09,120 {\an2}Hello! Come in, come in. 756 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:11,520 {\an2}Come on. Come, one and all. 757 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:14,920 {\an2}It's the final part of the show, and there's a team task under way. 758 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,560 {\an2}Yes, indeed. They're trying to complete the task 759 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,840 {\an2}but only received half of it to begin with. 760 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,320 {\an2}It's the team of three's turn now. Here's how they got on. 761 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,640 {\an2}So I wonder... It's a clock face, maybe? Clock. 762 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,480 {\an2}Five. Five! Yes, very good. 763 00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,040 {\an2}Oh. "Sam's clock keys." 764 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:37,920 {\an2}Does it work for this door? Oh! Oh, he's got in. 765 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,560 {\an2}Don't think there's anything. I think the clock is a ruse. 766 00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,960 {\an2}A red herring. OK, what could it be apart from clocks? Half four. 767 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,040 {\an2}I think we should go and see other clocks. 768 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,600 {\an2}He's got a clock, I think you're right. Does he? 769 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,400 {\an2}No, I don't think it is a clock. No, it's not. It's a cap. 770 00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,320 {\an2}Ooh, there's a clock. 771 00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:58,360 {\an2}No, that's not a clock. That's a...that's a bee hotel. 772 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,000 {\an2}Right. 773 00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:01,760 {\an2}In here? Yeah. 774 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,840 {\an2}Ooh! Ah! We've got it. 775 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:08,800 {\an2}Oh, well done! No way! 776 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:10,640 {\an2}It's there. Oh, hold on. 777 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,440 {\an2}Yeah, there it is, look. 778 00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:17,240 {\an2}Ready? "Fastest team to go to the lab, 779 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,560 {\an2}"discover the cake, eat one half, 780 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,920 {\an2}"put the other half in the..." Right, so go to the lab. 781 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,760 {\an2}E-Eat the other half and put it in where? 782 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,840 {\an2}Get to the lab! 783 00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,360 {\an2}Right. "Fastest team to go to the lab, discover the cake, 784 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:32,520 {\an2}"eat one half, put the other half in the post box, 785 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,680 {\an2}"put a flower on top of this task and then sit on top of this task 786 00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:38,560 {\an2}"wins five points. You must not necessarily always hold hands. 787 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:42,080 {\an2}"That's up to you. Your time started when you said, 'Your time starts now.'" 788 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,480 {\an2}I don't wanna eat the cake, you eat the cake. Yeah. 789 00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:46,400 {\an2}Why am I using my hand? 790 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:49,680 {\an2}Oh. Oh, there's a something in it. "Close the other one. Eat one half." 791 00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:53,720 {\an2}Bloody hell. "14 steps forward, nine steps left. 792 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,400 {\an2}"Six steps left." That'll be where the post box is. 793 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,800 {\an2}And you need to sit on that now. Hang on a sec. 794 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:02,280 {\an2}Oh, we don't have to hold hands. OK. One, two, three. 795 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:04,560 {\an2}Does she have to count the steps? 796 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,600 {\an1}TALKS INCOMPREHENSIBLY 797 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:08,440 {\an2}That's loads. You've eaten half, come on. 798 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,040 {\an2}Six. One, two, three, 799 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,280 {\an2}four, five, six. 800 00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,240 {\an2}"Five steps left." 801 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,240 {\an2}There's no post box here. 802 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,000 {\an2}Put the other half in the post box. Did we find the post box? 803 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:26,760 {\an2}I've not found it, no. 804 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,320 {\an2}The post box? 805 00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:33,480 {\an2}Oh, there we go. Ah! Oh, great, well done. 806 00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:35,120 {\an2}Beautiful. 807 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,280 {\an2}Put a flower on top and then sit on the flower. 808 00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,360 {\an2}Can we all sit on it maybe? On top, yeah. 809 00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,240 {\an2}Ah! Sorry. Oh, God. 810 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,160 {\an2}ALEX: I've stopped the clock. Whoo! Great. 811 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,560 {\an2}Can I check what all the numbers meant on the back? Nothing. 812 00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:48,120 {\an2}They're non... They were there to throw us off. We skipped the deets, 813 00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,040 {\an2}we just go straight to the end. Straight in, we go gut instinct. 814 00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,080 {\an2}Yeah. APPLAUSE 815 00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:59,760 {\an2}You're not all going to get invited on Bargain Hunt, I'll tell you that. 816 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,280 {\an2}Chaos, weren't it? We didn't know what we were doing. 817 00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:03,760 {\an2}No way?! 818 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,600 {\an2}Yeah, just wandering around, and then... 819 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,440 {\an2}I-I felt that John was in charge for the first section of it, 820 00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,040 {\an2}and then someone gave him cake. 821 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,840 {\an2}It was all over. I was done. 822 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:16,800 {\an2}Shall I...? Before I tell you how quick they were, 823 00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,160 {\an2}those numbers, the pesky numbers. Do you wanna know what they meant? 824 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,120 {\an2}I want pesky numbers and I want them big time. 825 00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:23,440 {\an2}Basically, the numbers referred to the words 826 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:25,680 {\an2}on the half of the task that you had. 827 00:40:25,720 --> 00:40:29,840 {\an2}So the task looked like this, and if you look at words number five, 828 00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,520 {\an8}six, seven, half of nine, half of 11, 829 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:35,320 {\an2}five again and half of four, it says, 830 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:37,360 {\an2}"The other half is in the disc." Ah! 831 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:40,280 {\an2}So it's simple and obvious.Hmm. LAUGHTER 832 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:45,160 {\an2}Well, it's 11 minutes and 12 seconds to beat. 833 00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,160 {\an2}They were faster. Yes, they were faster. 834 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:49,640 {\an2}Yeah, of course. They didn't stop to have 835 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,600 {\an2}a lovely wander around the garden. 836 00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,200 {\an2}They were slightly faster. They did it in ten minutes and five seconds. 837 00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:56,400 {\an2}Yes.Well done, team. APPLAUSE 838 00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,320 {\an2}It was close. Just one minute and seven seconds in it, 839 00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,880 {\an2}so it's up to you how you distribute the points. Five and four. 840 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,120 {\an2}The team of three get five points! 841 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,800 {\an2}So, shall we see some scores before the final task? 842 00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:13,400 {\an2}Yes, of course. At the top, it's Sophie with 14 and John with 18. 843 00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,760 {\an2}Ah. APPLAUSE 844 00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:21,240 {\an2}Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show! 845 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:28,760 {\an2}Hello, there, my old friend. 846 00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,880 {\an2}Wow, let's do this! Whoo! 847 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:35,360 {\an2}Who's reading the task out? The current leader - John Robins. 848 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:41,760 {\an2}"Pass all your loo roll through your loo roll inner tube. 849 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,080 {\an2}"If your loo roll breaks at any point, 850 00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:47,400 {\an2}"you must put down your loo roll and put both your hands in the air 851 00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,480 {\an2}"for ten seconds before carrying on. 852 00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,520 {\an2}"Fastest wins." 853 00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:55,120 {\an2}OK, so it's one of our highbrow tasks. 854 00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:58,760 {\an2}Good luck. Start! WHISTLE BLOWS 855 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:00,400 {\an2}And they're off. Oh! 856 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,560 {\an1}Steve looks like the end of Platoon. WHISTLE BLOWS 857 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,360 {\an2}No, just Nick, just Nick. Sorry, Steve, 858 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,360 {\an2}you've got another two seconds. 859 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,160 {\an2}What?! Oh... 860 00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,040 {\an2}Oh, I see. Oh, my word. 861 00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,280 {\an2}No, not yet, please! I've got the clock! 862 00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:23,720 {\an2}John, you're back in. 863 00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:25,480 {\an2}It's a bad ply. 864 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,720 {\an2}You're back in as well. Not you, Nick! 865 00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,640 {\an2}Yes, you're back in. 866 00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:35,000 {\an2}All the loo roll has to go through, all the... 867 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,160 {\an2}OK, I've started the clock. I've started the clock for you. 868 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,880 {\an2}Oh, right. Yes, Steve. Not you, Nick. 869 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:43,440 {\an2}Yes, Nick. 870 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,840 {\an2}Shit. MAN: Go on, Nick! Thank you. 871 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:47,600 {\an2}That's still attached. 872 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,760 {\an2}Yes, that's still attached. It won't be for long. 873 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:51,320 {\an2}How you getting on, Sophie? 874 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,920 {\an2}Fantastic. Do you know which bits of loo roll are yours? 875 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:55,880 {\an2}It all has to go through. Yeah, this bit's mine. 876 00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,240 {\an2}What about the bits at the front? What bit at the front? 877 00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,080 {\an2}Doesn't matter. Oh, sh... 878 00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,120 {\an2}Yeah, OK, Sophie. Loo roll down. 879 00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,480 {\an2}Put your loo roll down please, Sophie. Loo roll. Yeah. 880 00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:07,520 {\an2}Or half the loo roll, that's fine. 881 00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:09,160 {\an2}You're back in, you're back, you're back in. 882 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,920 {\an2}John's broken it, but he got a lot through. Has it all gone through? 883 00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:15,040 {\an2}No. Oh, you're doing that? I didn't notice. Sorry. 884 00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,840 {\an2}Am I done? Can I go? I thought you were celebrating. No. 885 00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,960 {\an2}Not yet! Well, you aren't timing it! I am timing it! 886 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,000 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS You're back in. I'm sorry. 887 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:24,400 {\an2}I literally thought he'd won the task. 888 00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:26,760 {\an2}Alex, I don't think you've ever been this stressed. 889 00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:33,320 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 890 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,160 {\an2}Lovely. Lovely stuff. Lovely. 891 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:40,680 {\an2}I've got a problem with mine. What's the problem with yours, Nick? 892 00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:42,200 {\an2}It's blocked. 893 00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,200 {\an2}I'm making a picture of the Mona Lisa. 894 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,000 {\an2}Steve you could help me, actually. Yeah, course I will. 895 00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:53,160 {\an2}Nick, you're back in. If you can find my end. Yeah. 896 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,360 {\an2}Steve's allowed to help, we didn't say they couldn't help, right? 897 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:58,040 {\an2}It's better when we're tighter. Always. 898 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,240 {\an2}JOHN: Done it! Oh, well done. 899 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:04,640 {\an2}So... 900 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,280 {\an2}Alex? Alex, does that count? 901 00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,600 {\an2}I basically removed the tube 902 00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,000 {\an2}and then sort of wrapped the tube around the... 903 00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,840 {\an2}If you would like to say you've done it, we will analyse the footage. 904 00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,080 {\an2}OK. OK. Nick has done it in theory. 905 00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:19,960 {\an2}Yeah. 906 00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:21,600 {\an2}Oh. Oh, I saw a break. 907 00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:23,320 {\an2}I saw a break. 908 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,360 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS You're back in, Sophie. 909 00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:27,600 {\an2}I'm back in? Ah! No, not... You're not back in. 910 00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:30,320 {\an2}You've come fourth, and there we are, Sophie. 911 00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:35,120 {\an2}We're finished! Finished. 912 00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,560 {\an2}Come down and we'll add that to your final scores! 913 00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:46,960 {\an2}Can I show you all their final inner tubes? 914 00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,440 {\an2}You'd better. You'll notice there's only one bald inner tube. 915 00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,480 {\an2}Some of the inner tubes had loo roll on, and I think... 916 00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:57,760 {\an2}But they do adhese to the card. The last bit. Well, I thought that too. 917 00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,480 {\an2}But then look at Joanne's inner tube. Ah! 918 00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,560 {\an2}It's so bald. JOANNE GASPS 919 00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,200 {\an2}If there was any tissue left on those rolls, I'm not allowing it. 920 00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:07,520 {\an2}These three didn't get quite all their loo rolls 921 00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:08,840 {\an2}through their loo roll inner tube. 922 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,960 {\an2}Well, then they have failed the tasks. 923 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,000 {\an1}AUDIENCE GROANS 924 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:14,240 {\an2}Ah! 925 00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:17,920 {\an2}I had about 20 minutes standing there making pictures of Mona Lisa. 926 00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,320 {\an2}I could've done it. You really helped me. 927 00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:26,120 {\an2}Nick's inner tube, on the other hand... Yeah. 928 00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:29,760 {\an2}There is no loo roll on it, but also it's not a tube any more. 929 00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,760 {\an2}He managed to widen it. 930 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:33,720 {\an2}But it is the inner tube still. 931 00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:36,960 {\an2}Yeah, as long as the tissue passes through it and not over it. 932 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:38,520 {\an2}Can we have a look? 933 00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:43,600 {\an2}I think it's...I think it's fine. 934 00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:45,640 {\an2}I think. LAUGHTER 935 00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,760 {\an2}He's not passed the tissues through the tube. 936 00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:51,080 {\an2}He's ripped the tube open and he's wrapped it round some of the tissue. 937 00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:55,120 {\an2}It's madness. Are we saying that only Joanne McNally completed the task? 938 00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,280 {\an2}Yes. In which case it goes zero, zero, zero, zero, 939 00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:00,400 {\an2}Joanne McNally gets five points. Correct. 940 00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:02,720 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yes! 941 00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,600 {\an2}Can I have the scores, please? Yes, well, it has changed things. 942 00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:08,680 {\an2}Er, Nick didn't get any points there, 943 00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:12,040 {\an2}so he is rock bottom of the series with 47. One behind Sophie on 48. 944 00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:13,680 {\an2}Don't laugh! 945 00:46:13,720 --> 00:46:16,120 {\an2}Steve's on 68, Joanne, with those five points, 946 00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,240 {\an2}has leaped above him to 73. John's on 75. 947 00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,680 {\an2}In this episode, Joanne, you got 17 points! 948 00:46:22,720 --> 00:46:25,440 {\an2}John, you got 18 points and wins the episode! 949 00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:27,600 {\an1}APPLAUSE 950 00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:31,480 {\an2}John Robins wins! Please go and gather your gifts for Granny! 951 00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,560 {\an1}CHEERING 952 00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:36,640 {\an2}So, what have we learnt on today's show? 953 00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,480 {\an2}We've learnt that in this dark world of grill-wearing, 954 00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:41,120 {\an2}slut-dropping grannies, 955 00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,800 {\an2}it's good to know that you can still turn on your television 956 00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,040 {\an2}and watch a wholesome couple just pottering around together. 957 00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:49,560 {\an2}And we'll see you next time on Bargain Hunt. 958 00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,040 {\an2}Yes? BOTH: Yes! 959 00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:57,840 {\an2}And now here's tonight's mighty winner, it's John Robins! 960 00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,360 {\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media