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{\an2}This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
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{\an2}Well, well, well.
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{\an2}Ooh! Oh, no, no.
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{\an2}Yes! Ah!
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{\an1}SHE HISSES, BELL RINGS
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{\an2}Ah!
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{\an2}Um...
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{\an2}Quite windy today. Yeah.
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{\an2}Christ.
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{\an2}Ooh! Wrong way.
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{\an2}That's how you do it, baby.
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{\an2}OK.
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{\an2}Oh, my God!
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{\an2}Ah! Ah! Ah! Ooh!
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{\an1}SHE BABBLES
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Hello! Hello, I'm Greg Davies.
Welcome to Taskmaster.
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{\an2}Give a man a fishing rod
and he'll eat for life,
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{\an2}give a comedian a task
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{\an2}and they'll damage their reputation,
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{\an2}career and if previous series are
anything to go by,
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{\an2}their marriages.
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{\an2}Sadly the contracts are dry
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{\an2}and there's no going back now.
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{\an2}So please welcome Joanne McNally...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..John Robins...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Nick Mohammed...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..Sophie Willan...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}..and Steve Pemberton!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}And to my left, a man who is adamant
that anyone who didn't go
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{\an2}to university should be forced
to live in a field.
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{\an2}"Bovine style", to quote him,
it's...
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{\an1}GREG LAUGHS
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{\an2}..Little Alex Horne.
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Adamant? Is that what I am? Adamant.
Adamant.
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{\an2}Um, what's the prize task?
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{\an2}You've asked them to bring in
the snazziest hollow thing.
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{\an2}Brilliant.
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{\an2}That means the snazziest hollow
thing will win five points
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{\an2}and at the end of the episode all
five snazziest hollow things
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{\an2}will go home with the winner.
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{\an2}Yes, that's right. It'll be
the ultimate hollow victory
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{\an2}but also it won't be a
hollow victory
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{\an2}because this is very important.
Over to you, Greg.
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{\an2}OK. Hi, Joanne. Hello, Greg.
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{\an2}Snazzy, hollow.
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{\an2}My strategy is literal now
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{\an2}so I'm just, literally, just
basic bitch instinct,
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{\an2}literal, answer the brief.
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{\an2}You keep referring
to yourself as a basic bitch.
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{\an2}I know.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I'm quite old and I don't know what
that means. It means...
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{\an2}Steve, Steve and I...
Why are you asking me?
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{\an2}I drink wine out of a
petrol station,
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{\an2}I shop in Zara, I'm a basic bitch.
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{\an2}So it's a straightforward,
simplistic woman? Exactly.
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{\an2}So, I'm not gonna overthink it.
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{\an2}Here it is.
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{\an2}It's a boot full of chips.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}It's a fairly snazzy boot. Yeah.
And it is hollow. Yeah.
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{\an2}What I'm intrigued by, is...
Yeah. ..is that you think
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{\an2}that the chips in some way make
the... Yeah.
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{\an2}..already snazzy boot, snazzier.
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{\an2}Because I was trying
to make it personal to you as...
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{\an2}Cos I'm a fat bloke,
and you think,
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{\an2}well, he'll look at the snazzy
thing... No!
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{\an2}..but maybe he'll be distracted by
the fact he wants to fill his face.
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{\an2}Sorry, it's only a small portion,
out of respect.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Thank you for bringing in a snazzy
boot and then putting chips in it.
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{\an2}No worries.
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{\an2}Hello, John. Hello, Greg.
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{\an2}Can you beat a boot full of chips?
Let me answer that for you. Yes.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Well, Greg, I'm gonna introduce you
to something
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{\an2}called the John Robins
price-to-value ratio.
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{\an2}It's the Robins PTVR, yeah?
It's the Robins PTVR. OK.
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{\an2}As I present to you a Faberge egg.
Ooh.
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{\an1}ALL GASP
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{\an2}I'll just prove it's hollow.
We'll, uh, open it up.
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{\an2}Uh, if we could just open the task
up. Yeah, I can open the task.
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{\an2}There we go.
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{\an2}Be snazzy! You have 20-40 years
depending on lifestyle choices!
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}They're really expensive,
aren't they?
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{\an2}Yes, the Rothschild Faberge egg sold
for 8.9 million. Genuinely true.
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{\an2}Is this like an eBay thing
for like a fiver, is it?
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{\an2}That's where the, uh, Robins PTVR...
PTVR, yeah. ..comes in.
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{\an2}Those looking to invest in one
should be looking between £13-18.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I don't think it's snazzy, I think
it's horrible.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}All right, Nick?
I'm all right, Greg.
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{\an2}You've had an absolute mare in
this round.
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{\an2}Oh, yeah, and I...
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{\an2}I'm gonna continue, so I have
gone for
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{\an2}the soundtrack to the 1999 film
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{\an2}Sleepy Hollow. Yes. Um...
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{\an2}We can't play any of it,
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{\an2}and I can't sing any of it
for licence issues.
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{\an2}But you have to understand, Greg,
that it is incredibly snazzy.
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{\an2}The way it's orchestrated
is snazzy.
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{\an2}I'll tell you what I'll do, I'm
prepared to look kindly on this...
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{\an2}Thank you. ..if you could just do a,
uh, sort of soundalike.
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{\an2}Oh, OK. Just to give me the vibe.
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{\an2}# AAAAA, MMMMM, AAAA... #
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{\an2}Come closer.
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{\an2}NICK CONTINUES TO VOCALISE
Do you really want me to?
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{\an1}LAUGHTER, HE HUMS
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Keep going. I can't remember it.
Keep going.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN...
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{\an2}Ah!
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{\an2}There you go.
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{\an2}Snazzy! Snazzy.
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{\an2}Very good. All right,
Sophie. What have you brought?
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{\an2}A conch.
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{\an1}HE VOCALISES
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{\an2}Little one. Exactly that. Ah.
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{\an2}Hand decorated. Yeah, I put glitter
on it to snazz it up.
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{\an2}And there we have it.
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{\an2}And there we have it.
A glittery conch.
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{\an2}OK. It sounds sexual, doesn't it?
Yeah.
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{\an2}Uh, it sounds like you
should see a doctor.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}"Ah, you've got a glittery conch,
I'm afraid."
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{\an2}Yeah.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}You can practically see it tonight,
actually.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I'm so sorry about that.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}I put this on, I thought, "Oh, I
feel fantastic."
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{\an2}I forgot about sitting down. Yeah.
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{\an2}And as shells go it's probably
the... Well, it's up there.
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{\an2}You've got oyster at the
bottom, limpet,
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{\an2}cockle, mussel, scallop,
conch, cowry, knobbed whelk.
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{\an2}I should've gone for a knobbed
whelk. Knobbed whelks are very...
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{\an2}..they're very snazzy. But it's
definitely one of
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{\an2}the top three snazzy shells. Yeah.
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{\an2}It's good, it's strong. Thank you.
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{\an2}Steve. Hello.
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{\an2}What have you brought in?
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{\an2}So I thought what could be snazzier
than a party?
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{\an2}And what could be more hollow than
a hollow promise?
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{\an2}Someone saying they're gonna
do something
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{\an2}that they have no intention
of doing.
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{\an2}So I brought in what I think is
a snazzy hollow promise.
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00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,440
{\an2}You wanna see it? I do.
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00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,640
{\an2}OK, well,
I'll show you this picture first.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Hmm. I feel like I've been tricked.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}This is what happens.
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00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,560
{\an2}Hello, Ben. This is Greg Davies.
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{\an2}I promise to come to your stag do
next week,
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{\an2}and I will be dressed as a minotaur.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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{\an2}Ben's stag do was last week.
Did you go dressed as a minotaur?
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{\an2}Of course not, I had no intention.
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{\an2}I have absolute contempt for
the general public.
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{\an2}Has someone bribed me into this?
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00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:30,800
{\an2}It was the director who was
contacted by Ben's mother,
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{\an2}uh, who sent him an email.
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{\an2}Ben's mother, Kat Zipser.
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{\an2}If you reveal you're Kat Zipser, you
Keyser Soze...
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{\an2}Well, 'Kat Zipser', of course,
is an anagram of 'prize task'.
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00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,760
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Ahhhhhhh!
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{\an2}It's a very clever idea.
It's brilliant.
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{\an2}OK, it's scoring time.
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{\an2}I don't like that egg.
LAUGHTER
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{\an2}One to John. Um...
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{\an2}Yeah. I don't want your
boot full of chips.
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{\an2}LAUGHTER
Yeah.
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{\an2}Two points. Thank you. Mainly
because of your beautiful rendition
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{\an2}in my ear, I'm gonna give you three
points. Thank you.
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00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,000
{\an2}I feel I've done really well
out of that.
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{\an2}I... Oh, God, you have. Yeah.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,800
{\an2}I sort of want that glittery conch,
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{\an2}and I think everybody else would,
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{\an2}so I'm gonna give Steve four
and Sophie five there. There we go.
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{\an2}Sophie gets five points for her
glittery conch.
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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{\an2}Hey, let's get going, Alex.
187
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,080
{\an2}And we begin by, once more,
stringing people along.
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{\an2}Hey, Alex.
189
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:40,880
{\an2}Good morning, Nick.
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{\an2}Aha-ha. What fresh hell is this?
LAUGHTER
191
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{\an2}Happy?
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{\an2}No.
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00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,480
{\an2}Why are you not happy, Joanne?
194
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:50,760
{\an2}I've no waist.
195
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,400
{\an2}You've got a waist.
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00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,240
{\an2}Ahem.
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00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,320
{\an2}What have you caught?
198
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,120
{\an2}Fastest correct answer wins.
199
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,320
{\an2}You may only give one answer.
200
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,520
{\an2}Your time starts now.
201
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,560
{\an2}So I've gotta go follow it,
haven't I? OK.
202
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,920
{\an2}Do you think? Yeah.
203
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,560
{\an2}I don't want to pull it,
but...you know.
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00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,560
{\an2}What do I have to do?
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00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,320
{\an2}Is that... Is that going in or out?
206
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,760
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Oh, that's wrong.
207
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,040
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
208
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,480
{\an2}I will say this, it's just a...
209
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,160
{\an2}..an observation. I hope you won't
be insulted by it, Sophie.
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00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,160
{\an2}I just think that sometimes on this
show you've looked like an old lady
211
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,800
{\an2}lost in a shopping centre.
LAUGHTER
212
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,240
{\an2}I felt like that.
213
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:40,920
{\an2}All right, the first two sleuths
of string are Joanne and Steve.
214
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:41,960
{\an2}Oh, God.
215
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,800
{\an2}So I'm following the line.
Do I take the...
216
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,600
{\an2}Up to you. Oh, God.
217
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:48,840
{\an2}Do...do you do a lot of fishing? No!
218
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,360
{\an2}Your pack's just caught on the back.
I've just paused the clock. OK.
219
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,680
{\an2}Am I doing it right?
220
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:57,280
{\an2}Oh, I've just got a problem
with your... Just hang on a sec.
221
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,760
{\an2}Sorry, Steve. Just paused
the clock. You're doing...
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00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,760
{\an2}..you're doing all the right things.
OK...
223
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:05,920
{\an2}Thanks, Neil.
224
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,240
{\an2}We're back on.
225
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,360
{\an2}We're back on. OK.
226
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,320
{\an2}Let me just explore what's happening
between Greg's legs.
227
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,440
{\an2}Oh, bloody hell. Who put
this net here?
228
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,520
{\an2}Oh, that's made it worse.
229
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,280
{\an2}So it could be in anything?
230
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,040
{\an2}Yeah, it could be any of them,
could be anywhere.
231
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,680
{\an2}Him! No.
232
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,680
{\an2}Is it... How will I know when
I've caught it?
233
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:30,880
{\an2}Well, you can only give one answer.
234
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,600
{\an2}So you'll know when you've
caught it. Oh, will I?
235
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,160
{\an2}You've just got to tell us
what it is.
236
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,400
{\an2}Is it a fish?
237
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:37,840
{\an2}Is it a fish?
238
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,800
{\an2}Why am I wearing these
bloody waders?
239
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,480
{\an2}In case you get wet, Steve.
240
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,800
{\an2}Oh, come on. Oh, hi, Steve.
241
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:44,960
{\an2}Oh, hi.
242
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,880
{\an2}Hi, there. You know all the nooks
and crannies, don't you?
243
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,880
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS
244
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,120
{\an2}I don't get it.
245
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,160
{\an2}This came off. Oh, no.
246
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,960
{\an2}And unless I've caught the bath
247
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,960
{\an2}because this leads back to the rod.
248
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,920
{\an2}Is there another thing that
I'm missing here?
249
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:11,960
{\an2}Uh...
250
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,320
{\an2}I'm not giving up. No.
251
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:17,680
{\an2}WHISPERS: Pineapple.
252
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,960
{\an2}There's a fish here.
Seems like a natural choice.
253
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,440
{\an2}Well, you can only give one answer.
254
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,480
{\an2}Is that your answer?
255
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:29,640
{\an2}Well, no not yet.
256
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:30,880
{\an2}OK.
257
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,200
{\an2}I'll give you my answer.
258
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,080
{\an2}I've caught this boot, which is
where I started.
259
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,720
{\an2}I've stopped the clock. Thank you.
260
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,560
{\an2}You've just gotta give us one
answer.
261
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:40,800
{\an2}OK, fish.
262
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,000
{\an2}I've written down fish.
263
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,600
{\an2}To me that's an impossible task.
264
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,320
{\an1}APPLAUSE
265
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,720
{\an2}I, I'm happy to give you both the
right to reply on Alex
266
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:50,880
{\an2}with this task.
267
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,360
{\an2}I can't believe I had
the same strategy as Steve.
268
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,960
{\an2}Usually, Steve's like MacGyver meets
Stephen Spielberg
269
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,880
{\an2}with these like productions.
270
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,640
{\an2}And you were just chasing the
string like the rest of us. I was,
271
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:01,320
{\an2}I was trying to follow
the string back. Yeah.
272
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,200
{\an2}But I kept noticing that when bits
came off it didn't seem to matter.
273
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,040
{\an2}It was definitely one of
the more boring tasks.
274
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER
275
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,040
{\an2}There was just one continuous line
of string about 200 metres long
276
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,280
{\an2}which eventually
landed somewhere. OK.
277
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,080
{\an2}And you'd think probably
the answer is fish
278
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,720
{\an2}cos you had fish on your backs
the whole time
279
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,600
{\an2}and Joanne you did say fish after
about three minutes
280
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,600
{\an2}but then you didn't give that as
your official answer
281
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,960
{\an2}for about another 15 minutes.
282
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,320
{\an2}Oh, grand.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
283
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:26,560
{\an2}Go with your gut.
284
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:30,400
{\an2}OK, our next two tangled anglers are
John and Sophie.
285
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,120
{\an2}So I've got to go follow it,
haven't I?
286
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,360
{\an2}OK.
287
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,600
{\an2}I don't want to pull it,
but you know.
288
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,640
{\an2}Just, can I just adjust your...
289
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,560
{\an2}I've paused the clock.
Keep that still.
290
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:45,160
{\an2}Sorry, John. It's all right. There
you go. Thank you.
291
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,440
{\an2}That's good. Yeah. You're off.
292
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:47,480
{\an2}So I'm off.
293
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:52,760
{\an2}Woo, wrong way.
294
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,480
{\an2}Oh, no, it's just a red herring.
295
00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,960
{\an2}I'm guessing I don't need
to open that, do I?
296
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,040
{\an2}And I've not had any clue to a key,
297
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,360
{\an2}but it might be on the old rod.
298
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,360
{\an2}There's no key on the rod.
299
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,040
{\an2}Fastest one wins, isn't it?
300
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,080
{\an2}Yeah.
301
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,360
{\an2}Oh, you bastards.
302
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,080
{\an2}I could've got this ages ago.
303
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:19,920
{\an2}It's not helpful to open the box,
Alex.
304
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,120
{\an2}Something's helpful in there.
305
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,000
{\an2}An arrow pointing to a hole.
306
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,120
{\an2}There's an arrow.
307
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:29,560
{\an2}I'm just hoping everybody else
really struggles, you know.
308
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,400
{\an2}Oh, here we go.
309
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:32,560
{\an2}Are we're back on track, are we?
310
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:33,640
{\an2}Back on track.
311
00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,040
{\an2}A mannequin!
312
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,440
{\an2}Is that what you think you've
caught?
313
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,840
{\an2}I think so, yeah,
cos it's a dead end.
314
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,320
{\an2}Do you want me to stop the clock?
What do you think?
315
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,680
{\an2}Shall I go with that one or...?
316
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,640
{\an2}You need to be fully sure when you
give me your answer.
317
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,280
{\an2}Let me look into your eyes.
318
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,440
{\an2}Is it the mannequin?
319
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,640
{\an2}It's not.
LAUGHTER
320
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,600
{\an2}I'm flummoxed. But I know it's not,
321
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,240
{\an2}I've not got it because
322
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,000
{\an2}your eyes would
sparkle with delight if I'd got it.
323
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,040
{\an2}Thank you.
324
00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,720
{\an2}Oh, it's going through the bin.
325
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,800
{\an2}And back out again.
326
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,000
{\an2}I feel like a fly.
327
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,640
{\an2}Ho-ho.
328
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:16,640
{\an2}I've caught a fish.
329
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,600
{\an2}I've got a feeling about this.
330
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,160
{\an2}Oh, my goodness, I did it.
331
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,680
{\an2}Is that it? What have you caught?
332
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:25,720
{\an2}I've caught a big fish.
333
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:26,760
{\an2}Ah, a fish.
334
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,160
{\an2}I could've just said fish at
the start really, couldn't I?
335
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,680
{\an1}APPLAUSE
336
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,880
{\an2}Two very different ways
of approaching it.
337
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,480
{\an2}John always thinks there's some way
round it,
338
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,360
{\an2}so you were looking for
a key or something.
339
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,920
{\an2}It's not fair to assume that
I should've thought
340
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,760
{\an2}the sound guy was a liar.
341
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,000
{\an2}No.
342
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,040
{\an2}Well, you said yourself,
343
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,600
{\an2}we were looking for one person
to be brave enough
344
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,560
{\an2}to just go fish immediately
and that was your instinct.
345
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,360
{\an2}But why would I,
why would you do that?
346
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,880
{\an2}Well, everything was
a red herring as well
347
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:55,920
{\an2}which led you to fish.
348
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,280
{\an2}You were wearing fishing clothes
and you were holding a fishing rod.
349
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,080
{\an2}That's because we were fishing
for something.
350
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,400
{\an2}It was a fish.There was...
LAUGHTER
351
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,440
{\an2}Um, Sophie, tell me about
how you use people's eyes in life.
352
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,840
{\an2}Oh, yeah.
You can read eyes very easily.
353
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,320
{\an2}Yeah, you did... Yeah, I mean, like
I look into yours I see
354
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,480
{\an2}a lot of sadness.
LAUGHTER
355
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,040
{\an2}This, demonic. Ah.
356
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,200
{\an2}Naturally very demonic. Oh, OK.
Yeah.
357
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,120
{\an2}And you must be right as well cos
you knew straight away
358
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,000
{\an2}it wasn't the mannequin just...
Yeah, cos he gets this sparkle
359
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,720
{\an2}of delight when he knows you've got
it wrong.
360
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,880
{\an2}That's it. Yeah. That's when
he's getting excited.
361
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,280
{\an2}Yeah, I mean time-wise she,
362
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:29,480
{\an2}she took a good while.
363
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,840
{\an2}Did she? A good while,
yeah. John, nine minutes 16.
364
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,800
{\an2}Uh, Joanne took 18 minutes 20
and Sophie 38 minutes ten.
365
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,880
{\an2}WHISTLING
Blimey.
366
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,480
{\an2}Right, we need to stop for a break.
367
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,480
{\an2}Alex, run along to the
tuck shop for me
368
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:42,880
{\an2}and try not to get mugged this time.
369
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,320
{\an2}Silly boy. See you in a minute.
370
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,200
{\an2}Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster,
371
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,040
{\an2}where there's something fishy
going on.
372
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,240
{\an2}I've always wanted to say that,
373
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,840
{\an2}I really genuinely have.
374
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,920
{\an2}Yes, they're trying
to work out what they've caught.
375
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,120
{\an2}Three successes, one fail so far.
376
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,760
{\an2}Now for our final string fellow,
377
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,840
{\an2}it's Nick Mohammed.
378
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,240
{\an2}Your time starts now.
379
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,200
{\an2}OK, come on.
380
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:19,760
{\an2}You see that's connected...
381
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,240
{\an2}Where's that going?
382
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,960
{\an2}I think this... That...
383
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,920
{\an2}Now that goes... Ah, OK,
so that's going here.
384
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,360
{\an2}It's a fun one, Alex.
385
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,040
{\an2}Here we go.
386
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,720
{\an2}Why are we in waders?
387
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,080
{\an2}So your legs don't get wet.
388
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,960
{\an2}Oh, I caught a fish.
389
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,080
{\an2}I've stopped the clock.
390
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,480
{\an2}That was really good.
391
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,880
{\an2}Well done. Thank you.
392
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,360
{\an2}You managed to keep the thread.
393
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,040
{\an2}Uh, little fact about me,
I'm allergic to fish and seafood.
394
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,160
{\an2}You OK with that one?
395
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,520
{\an2}I'm fine with that one cos that,
396
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,640
{\an2}that's um,
397
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,680
{\an2}whatever they make duvets out of.
398
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,760
{\an2}Thank you very much, Nick.
Thank you.
399
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,840
{\an2}DOOR SLAMS
Ooh.
400
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,400
{\an1}APPLAUSE
401
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:07,240
{\an2}I was worried for a while
because for a lot of that task,
402
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,280
{\an2}this is the most dynamic we've
seen you be.
403
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,800
{\an2}Yes. You knew exactly
what you needed to do.
404
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,600
{\an2}Yeah. And I thought, oh,
my God, Nick's changed.
405
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,840
{\an2}Yeah. And thankfully you ended
the task by being
406
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:18,160
{\an1}frightened by a door slamming and...
LAUGHTER
407
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,960
{\an2}..and apologising and I thought...
Well, it...
408
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,200
{\an2}Ah, all is well.
409
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,760
{\an2}He's back. Yeah.
410
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,960
{\an2}It seemed to me he was,
I mean he just did it beautifully.
411
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,240
{\an2}Just a nimble little mouse.
412
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,480
{\an2}He didn't overthink it.
He was a nimble little mouse.
413
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,520
{\an2}His words.
414
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,360
{\an2}Let that be a lesson to all of you.
Yeah.
415
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,720
{\an2}Stop thinking.
416
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,000
{\an2}Tell me some stuff.
417
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,120
{\an2}It's quite straightforward.
418
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,720
{\an2}Unfortunately, Steve
didn't find the fish,
419
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,120
{\an2}so he doesn't get any points at all.
420
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,440
{\an2}Sophie, you get two.
421
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,040
{\an2}Three for Joanne, four for John,
422
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,280
{\an2}Nick got it in three minutes
and he gets five points.
423
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,320
{\an2}Whoa!
AUDIENCE CHEERS
424
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,320
{\an2}Wow. Shall we see some scores, then?
425
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,800
{\an2}Yes, well, you won't believe it,
426
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,800
{\an2}the nimble mouse is in
the lead with eight points,
427
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:53,840
{\an2}it's Nick Mohammed.
428
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,120
{\an2}Right, I would like another task
please, Alex.
429
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,360
{\an2}Sure thing and this one will be
music to your ears.
430
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,320
{\an2}Hi. You're in the right place.
431
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,320
{\an2}Uh, just to let you know there's
a strange person out there
432
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:21,480
{\an2}who comes up... Ah!
433
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,440
{\an2}Well, hello.
434
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,760
{\an2}I get nervous when there's
no props.
435
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,160
{\an2}Well. Well.
436
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,720
{\an2}I'll open it.
437
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,760
{\an2}Ah.
438
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,000
{\an2}"Perform a recognisable piece
439
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:42,640
{\an2}"of classical music without using
any musical instrument."
440
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,520
{\an2}Right, OK, that's fine.
441
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:48,680
{\an2}"You may not hum, sing,
whistle or that sort of thing.
442
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,680
{\an2}"Most accomplished performance wins.
443
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:54,600
{\an2}"You have a maximum of 30 minutes?"
444
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,400
{\an2}Are you musical, John?
445
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,920
{\an2}I go through a sort of five-yearly
bass flirtation
446
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,200
{\an2}that lasts a couple of days,
pop it back on eBay.
447
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,520
{\an2}Your time starts now. All right.
448
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:06,840
{\an2}Are you musical, Sophie?
449
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,200
{\an2}No. No.
450
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:09,320
{\an2}No, I'm not.
451
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:12,120
{\an2}No.
452
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,640
{\an2}I thought that might be a bit like
a kind of
453
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:16,880
{\an2}an accordion or something.
454
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,560
{\an2}No, it's a camera. It's not.
455
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,840
{\an2}JOHN: I'm not allowed to use
a musical instrument,
456
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:21,880
{\an2}I'm gonna have to make one.
457
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,240
{\an1}BLOWS
458
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,280
{\an1}GURGLING
459
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,520
{\an1}BOTTLES HUM, HE HUMS
460
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,400
{\an1}GLASS RESONATES
461
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:38,080
{\an1}HE TUNES
462
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,440
{\an1}TAPPING
463
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:47,400
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS
464
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,000
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS
465
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,320
{\an2}So sorry.
466
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,560
{\an1}APPLAUSE
467
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,520
{\an2}All going to plan, Sophie,
excellent.
468
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,760
{\an2}My initial observation is it
seems like everybody
469
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,520
{\an2}has gone with the logic
470
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,040
{\an2}of creating a piece
of classical music by
471
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,360
{\an2}inventing their own musical
instrument
472
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,480
{\an2}with the exception of Joanne who,
I've written this down,
473
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,440
{\an2}appears to be performing
classical music by
474
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,120
{\an2}doing big steps around the room.
475
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,120
{\an2}They were big steps.
They were lovely big steps.
476
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,040
{\an2}I was watching that going
I don't remember making
477
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,160
{\an2}an instrument on Ta...
478
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,680
{\an2}I was like, "Oh, no, what did I do?"
I forgot I...
479
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,040
{\an2}..I turned it into interpretative
dance and just... Yes.
480
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,120
{\an2}It never, never crossed her mind
to make any noise at all.
481
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:45,800
{\an2}Well, they had to be recognisable
482
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,160
{\an2}so let's see if you can recognise
483
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,120
{\an2}the pieces of John, Sophie and
Steve.
484
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,600
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS
485
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:53,360
{\an2}ALEX CLAPS
Yeah, more improv towards the end.
486
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,840
{\an2}Ah, are you OK?
487
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,080
{\an2}I'm knackered actually.
488
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,400
{\an2}Oh, shit.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
489
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,720
{\an2}APPLAUSE
Thank you.
490
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,360
{\an2}There we go, all three pieces.
491
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,160
{\an2}I mean, my favourite bit
of Steve's performance is how
492
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,200
{\an2}genuinely irritated he is when he
spills that water at the end.
493
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,720
{\an2}I know, cos it was
so graceful up to that point.
494
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,040
{\an2}John, what I've written down,
in a slightly creepy way,
495
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,520
{\an2}is I felt like a proud father
watching you. Ah.
496
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,600
{\an2}Because you were trying so hard.
497
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,920
{\an2}I spent a lot of time tuning the
guitar in order that
498
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,560
{\an2}I could then tune the harp from
the guitar.
499
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,400
{\an2}You said the notes will
reveal themselves.
500
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,760
{\an2}Yes.
LAUGHTER
501
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,560
{\an2}Sophie, what I felt was as
an overall thing
502
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,880
{\an2}was that your VT is something
that normally
503
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,200
{\an2}would be followed by someone saying,
504
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,640
{\an2}"Ah, bless her."
505
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,000
{\an2}I, I think what happened for me is
I got so into it,
506
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,320
{\an2}I got really excited
507
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,560
{\an2}and then when I threw my drumsticks
I was fucked.
508
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,360
{\an2}I think I,
I think I know what Sophie's was.
509
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:18,640
{\an2}Thank you. Yeah.
What do you think it is?
510
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,480
{\an2}Yeah. It was the one that they use
for the Dulux ad
511
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,040
{\an2}and all the waves turned into
horses.
512
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,120
{\an2}Thank you. Boom. Can I do?
513
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:25,880
{\an2}Well, no, I was gonna ask if
514
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,960
{\an2}Joanne would mind stepping it out
for us.
515
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,000
{\an2}OK, we're gonna see them with
an instrumental version
516
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,560
{\an2}laid over the top just to show
how close they were to the original.
517
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:36,600
{\an2}Here we go.
518
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,120
{\an2}Oh, shit.
519
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,280
{\an2}That music was not what
I was playing.
520
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,320
{\an2}We thought Symphony No. 9
by Beethoven.
521
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:06,600
{\an2}No. Greensleeves?
522
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:07,640
{\an2}Yes.
523
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:08,720
{\an2}Can we just play it isolated again
524
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,280
{\an2}with Greensleeves going
through our heads?
525
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,360
{\an2}I'll hum it for you.
526
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,040
{\an2}Ah, why not, OK.
527
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,760
{\an1}HE HUMS GREENSLEEVES
528
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,880
{\an2}Are you sure you don't wanna go
with Beethoven?
529
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,680
{\an2}I sort of think we should've stuck
with the original, Steve.
530
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:40,960
{\an2}Sophie's was Vivaldi, is that right?
531
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,120
{\an2}Yeah, Four Seasons.
532
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,960
{\an2}Wasn't bad, was it? No.
533
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,400
{\an2}I mean, it was closer than
Greensleeves for sure.
534
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,760
{\an2}And then John, it was Rachmaninov's
third concerto.
535
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,440
{\an2}You looked like
the proudest boy in the land.
536
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,200
{\an2}The boy who didn't get his harp
for Christmas.
537
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,800
{\an2}OK, more classical renditions coming
up right after these adverts
538
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,480
{\an2}for nice cars and holidays.
539
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,440
{\an2}Don't wanna be a downer,
but you can't afford them
540
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,320
{\an2}and the planet is teetering on
the edge of apocalypse.
541
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:09,600
{\an2}Talk to your children!
542
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:23,840
{\an2}Hello, welcome to the third part
of today's classy show
543
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,880
{\an2}where the comedians are recreating
some classical music.
544
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,400
{\an2}Oh, yes, they're certainly
giving it a go.
545
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,520
{\an2}But without the use
of any instruments. What?
546
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,960
{\an2}What? I know. The key adjectives in
the task are "recognisable"
547
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,680
{\an2}and "accomplished".
548
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,680
{\an2}So here, at last, is Joanne
549
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,960
{\an2}performing her recognisable
piece of classical music
550
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,000
{\an2}in the most accomplished way.
551
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,200
{\an2}This is my representation of
552
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:52,400
{\an2}the only classical piece
553
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,920
{\an2}of music I know through
interpretative dance.
554
00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,040
{\an2}And charades.
555
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,520
{\an2}It's a piece of music.
556
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:03,560
{\an2}It's one word.
557
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:06,960
{\an2}Hold on.
558
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:20,240
{\an8}And some sort of dancing
with some sort of shoes.
559
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,280
{\an2}One word, three syllables.
560
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:24,520
{\an2}First syllable.
561
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:25,560
{\an2}Sounds like.
562
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,640
{\an1}SHE GROWLS
563
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,120
{\an2}Tiger. No.
564
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:30,400
{\an2}OK.
565
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:31,440
{\an2}Sounds like.
566
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,480
{\an2}Drink. Lads, lads, lads.
567
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,320
{\an2}Booze? Beer?
568
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:41,160
{\an2}Thank you.
569
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,200
{\an2}Sounds like again.
570
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,880
{\an2}Um, an ice cream?
571
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,280
{\an2}Sounds like an ice cream.
572
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,160
{\an2}Third syllable, sounds like.
573
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:51,600
{\an2}Oh. Third syllable sounds like "oh".
574
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,800
{\an2}Yeah. Come on, put it together.
575
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:57,920
{\an2}Beer, it sounds like an ice cream,
oh.
576
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:00,440
{\an2}Not a rose in sight.
577
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,400
{\an2}I've got a Biro.
578
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:03,440
{\an2}Yeah, throw it at me.
579
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,360
{\an2}You're welcome.
580
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,960
{\an1}APPLAUSE
581
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:16,200
{\an2}Well, I'm sure I speak for everyone
when I say how disappointed I am.
582
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,520
{\an2}It's charades. Come on,
it's Christmas.
583
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,680
{\an2}Oh, five points then.
584
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,680
{\an2}Do you recognise
the piece of classical music?
585
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,880
{\an2}Well, I do, I think I do, b...
SHE GASPS
586
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,240
{\an2}..because I like an ice lolly.
587
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:29,960
{\an2}Which is? A Solero.
588
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,640
{\an2}And the musical piece is?
589
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,120
{\an2}Then, it would be Bolero.
590
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,440
{\an2}Yes, cos the first syllable
is "beer".
591
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,480
{\an2}Well, you got it, you guessed it.
592
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:40,920
{\an2}It was recognisable apparently.
593
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,200
{\an2}Was that you taking skates off
594
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,600
{\an2}and putting them on like Torvill and
Dean? Yes, that was, yes! Yeah.
595
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,840
{\an2}Yeah, it was like being in Sarajevo
in 1984,
596
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:48,360
{\an2}sixes all round.
597
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:49,760
{\an2}Well done. Thank you, Alex.
598
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,720
{\an2}Last up, it's Nick Mohammed.
599
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,600
{\an2}Thank you.
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
600
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,560
{\an1}HE PLAYS EINE KLEINE NACHTMUSIK
BY MOZART ON THE BOTTLES
601
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,400
{\an1}APPLAUSE
602
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,200
{\an2}It does feel a bit...a bit smug,
though, doesn't it?
603
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,200
{\an2}But the conductors are smug,
aren't they?
604
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,200
{\an2}And a lot of the time, not needed.
605
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,280
{\an2}When are they ever needed?
606
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,760
{\an2}I've watched orchestras - they're
never looking up at that dickhead.
607
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:41,000
{\an2}What's the title, Eine Kleine...
608
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,200
{\an2}Nachtmusik. Nachtmusik.
A little bit of night music.
609
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,440
{\an2}Yeah. Bloody good, wasn't it?
Mozart. It was used in, uh,
610
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:46,960
{\an2}Penguins Of Madagascar, of course.
611
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,520
{\an2}OK, well, it's up to you.
612
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,320
{\an2}The one that I think didn't sound
like either piece of music...
613
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
614
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:56,560
{\an2}..was Steve.
615
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:58,160
{\an2}So, I think we can safely give
Steve one point.
616
00:28:58,200 --> 00:28:59,360
{\an2}Worse than Joanne?
617
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,320
{\an2}Well, I guessed her piece.
618
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:05,320
{\an2}I could've just gone...
# Greensleeves, Greensleeves. #
619
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,960
{\an2}That would've really helped.
You could.
620
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,840
{\an2}The question is, is Joanne's
better than Sophie's?
621
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,200
{\an2}Yes. No.
622
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:17,920
{\an1}APPLAUSE
623
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:21,000
{\an2}I'm...I am gonna do it,
yeah, I'll give,
624
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:24,200
{\an2}uh, Sophie two points,
and that madness can have three
625
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,480
{\an2}because I guessed it via Solero.
Woohoo.
626
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,920
{\an2}OK. Um, and then, you know,
my darling boy.
627
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,440
{\an2}Four points to John.
Yeah, four points to John.
628
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:37,840
{\an2}And then, obviously,
629
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:41,720
{\an2}the bottle-blowing genius that is
Nick Mohammed, five points.
630
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:42,760
{\an2}Well done, Nick.
631
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,040
{\an2}Well done, Mozart.
632
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,000
{\an2}Let's have another task.
633
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,560
{\an2}OK, you've got it, Greg,
634
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,720
{\an2}and this one is just
a little bit fruity.
635
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:51,760
{\an2}Hmm.
636
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,040
{\an2}Oh, hey, Joanne.
637
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:09,080
{\an2}Hi, Alex.
638
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:12,320
{\an2}What's the craic?
639
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:13,800
{\an2}Now I never know how to answer that.
640
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:16,440
{\an2}Right, here we go, are you ready?
641
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:17,720
{\an2}Mm-hm.
642
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,400
{\an2}OK, oh, nice colour.
643
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,160
{\an2}Red ink, is that relevant?
644
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:26,120
{\an2}Is it red?
645
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,720
{\an2}Uh, it's sort of orange.
646
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,840
{\an2}"Take Alex to one side.
647
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,680
{\an2}"And do the following things to him.
648
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:34,760
{\an2}"Confess your favourite piece
of kitchen equipment..."
649
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,600
{\an2}Oh, it's not as sexy as we thought.
650
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:40,480
{\an2}"Scream a body part
of your choice in his face.
651
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,240
{\an2}"Declare a gardening tool
in a silly voice.
652
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:47,680
{\an2}"You've three minutes,
your time starts now."
653
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,240
{\an8}Confess my favourite piece
of kitchen equipment.
654
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:51,400
{\an8}It's a spatula.
655
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,200
{\an8}Spatula.
656
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,480
{\an2}Spatula? Yeah. OK.
657
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,880
{\an2}Forgive me, Alex, for I have sinned.
658
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,200
{\an2}Sounds bad.
659
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,000
{\an8}Ah, it's a cheese grater.
660
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,360
{\an2}What's it called,
a garlic crusher? Garlic press?
661
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:06,720
{\an8}Either will do.
662
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:10,760
{\an8}Forgive me, Father, for I have
a balti pan.
663
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,320
{\an8}"Scream a body part
of your choice in his face."
664
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:14,640
{\an8}Little toe!
665
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:15,680
{\an8}Ear!
666
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,560
{\an8}Armpit!
667
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,000
{\an8}Boob, boob, boob, boob.
668
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:23,400
{\an8}Forearm!
669
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:27,120
{\an2}"Declare a gardening tool
in a silly voice."
670
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:28,440
{\an8}Hose.
671
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:30,000
{\an8}IN A HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Hosepipe.
672
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,480
{\an8}Hosepipe.
673
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,520
{\an8}Shears, shears. Shears.
674
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:41,840
{\an8}Rrrrrrrrrrrrake!
675
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,360
{\an8}IN A LOW VOICE: Rake.
676
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:46,800
{\an8}Garlic crusher, little toe, rake.
677
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,280
{\an2}Yeah.Interesting.
WHISTLE BLOWS
678
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:52,320
{\an2}Ooh.
679
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:02,240
{\an2}I mean, even if you've done scant
research into this show,
680
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:03,760
{\an2}I think you would guess that
681
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,840
{\an2}if you're asked at random
to pick a body part,
682
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:11,080
{\an2}that you're gonna have to use that
body part in some way in the task.
683
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,880
{\an2}I don't think that's
a...a spoiler alert.
684
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,800
{\an2}And that's why I'm so intrigued
by the repeated shouting of boob.
685
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,080
{\an2}Something I know you enjoyed
very much, didn't you?
686
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:24,000
{\an2}I, uh...luckily, she said it a few
times cos the first time I recoiled.
687
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:25,320
{\an2}Yeah. And then I sort of
got into it,
688
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,280
{\an2}got confident and got...
And by the end, I was
689
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,320
{\an2}just like... Then you really nestled
into the boob.
690
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,560
{\an2}It was a form of sexual therapy,
really, wasn't it?
691
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:33,760
{\an2}It...yeah. Yeah, brief but, yeah.
692
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:37,880
{\an2}Ready? Yes.
693
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,520
{\an2}Let's see what that was all about
then, here we go. Let's play.
694
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:44,800
{\an2}Ha-ha! Joanne.
695
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,360
{\an2}Alex, we meet again.
696
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,280
{\an2}Knew I'd be in a bit
of trouble here.
697
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,880
{\an2}Oh, my God. What did I say?
698
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:52,920
{\an2}I've got a hosepipe,
I've got a cheese grater,
699
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:54,800
{\an2}I've got a vase, I've got a task.
700
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,480
{\an8}Do you remember what
the other object was?
701
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:57,520
{\an8}Armpit.
702
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:00,120
{\an2}Brought the old forearms with me.
703
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,800
{\an2}"Get the most orange juice
in the vase.
704
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,880
{\an2}"Only your chosen items may touch
the oranges."
705
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:15,000
{\an2}"Only your chosen items may touch
oranges. You have five minutes."
706
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:17,800
{\an2}Only your spatula, shears and boobs
can touch the oranges.
707
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:18,920
{\an2}Right, OK.
708
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:21,640
{\an2}Oh, crikey.
709
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:27,120
{\an2}Funny, isn't it?
710
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,440
{\an2}Even though there's some very funny
body parts been chosen
711
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:33,000
{\an2}it's...it's, um, oranges being
squeezed with the ear
712
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,240
{\an2}I'm looking forward to the most.
I know.
713
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,720
{\an2}I didn't think, I didn't think.
714
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,720
{\an2}Let's begin with two powerful men,
Nick and Steve.
715
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,640
{\an2}So I need to break the skin.
716
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:47,360
{\an2}Ta-da.
717
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:50,880
{\an2}OK.
718
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,280
{\an2}Ah, my lovely James Bond top is
being chafed.
719
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:57,280
{\an2}Let's see.
720
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,200
{\an2}Is anything coming?
721
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:01,480
{\an2}Oh, yes, yes.
722
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:04,880
{\an2}Can I put this on the floor? Mm-hm.
723
00:34:08,240 --> 00:34:09,600
{\an2}Oh, my God.
724
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:12,640
{\an2}Yes, OK.
725
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,600
{\an1}HE GRUNTS
726
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,080
{\an2}Do that, sort of
using my little toe, innit?
727
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:31,960
{\an2}What's it doing, your toe?
728
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,160
{\an2}It's having a good time.
729
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,080
{\an2}Oh, my God.
AUDIENCE EXCLAIM
730
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,000
{\an2}You don't have a smaller grater,
do you?
731
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,920
{\an2}It would just save me from
destroying my nipples.
732
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:48,280
{\an2}Look at all this juice.
733
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,640
{\an2}This is doubling my tally.
734
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,480
{\an2}Am I allowed to do that?
You are allowed to do it,
735
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,320
{\an2}but it looks like you're
milking yourself.
736
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,120
{\an2}I feel like I've done all right,
you know?
737
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:02,400
{\an2}Ten seconds.
738
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,280
{\an2}Ah. Uh, four seconds.
739
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,960
{\an2}Just blow the whistle.
WHISTLE BLOWS
740
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,360
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
Yeah, that's not bad.
741
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,920
{\an2}I sense that everyone was as
horrified as me in the room
742
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,120
{\an2}at the sight of Steve
grating his armpit.
743
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,880
{\an2}It felt like a Saw movie to me.
744
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:28,840
{\an2}I had a lot of orange juice in
my top.
745
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:30,440
{\an2}You did. Which I tried to
get into the vase.
746
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,120
{\an2}And you were using a lot of effort.
747
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,680
{\an2}Oh, yeah. I mean, it looked like
you were an Olympic weightlifter.
748
00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:36,160
{\an2}Yes! Yes, he looked like this.
749
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,880
{\an2}Look at the face.
750
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,520
{\an2}I really tried, I was really,
751
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,440
{\an2}really trying, and I didn't cheat.
752
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,400
{\an2}Yeah, nothing was helping.
753
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,240
{\an2}Little Mickey, the nimble mouse.
754
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:53,120
{\an2}When you were ineffectually patting
oranges with a grass rake... Yes.
755
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:54,320
{\an2}..I thought you were in trouble.
756
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:57,440
{\an2}Yes. But then, uh,
it all got quite macho.
757
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,560
{\an2}Yeah, it did a bit, didn't it?
I was quite lucky with
758
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,200
{\an2}the choice of garlic crusher,
I think.
759
00:36:01,240 --> 00:36:02,280
{\an2}Do you wanna give us some stats?
760
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,400
{\an2}Sure. Steve's was...I mean, the good
thing about it was it was 13ml
761
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:07,440
{\an2}so you can take it on as
hand luggage.
762
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:15,520
{\an2}Um, 109ml for you,
two-and-a-half Petit Filous.
763
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,760
{\an2}Good. If you wanna see one
of our five competitors
764
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,440
{\an2}waving a boot full of
chips about in victory,
765
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,520
{\an2}then you come straight back here,
do you understand me?
766
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,440
{\an2}Yeah, we'll see you
after these adverts.
767
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:36,880
{\an2}Hello.
768
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,560
{\an2}Yes, welcome back to the show,
it's the last part
769
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,280
{\an2}and we've got a lab task
770
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,440
{\an2}to finish which involves
squeezing oranges.
771
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,440
{\an2}Here's Alex with some of his humour
and then more information.
772
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:49,760
{\an2}Hi, everyone. That's right, Greg,
773
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,160
{\an2}a warm welcome back
to Celebrities Juice.
774
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,280
{\an2}Our contestants had to choose
a piece of kitchen equipment,
775
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,080
{\an2}a body part and a gardening tool
776
00:36:58,120 --> 00:36:59,960
{\an2}and now have to squeeze
as much juice as possible
777
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,320
{\an2}out of some oranges
using only those items.
778
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:06,680
{\an2}Next up, the juicy John, a Sophie
smoothie and a Joanne the Juice.
779
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,840
{\an2}I should've specified
I like a metal spatula.
780
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,200
{\an2}Ah.
781
00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:19,120
{\an2}That's not a good enough spatula,
actually. It's too bendy.
782
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:23,600
{\an2}OK, well it's gonna obviously be
a forearm-dependent task.
783
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:24,640
{\an2}Ah, son of a...
784
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,000
{\an2}AUDIENCE EXCLAIM
That really hurt.
785
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,560
{\an2}Ah. Please don't break your arm.
786
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:39,720
{\an2}Ah.
787
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,200
{\an2}You've used your spatula
and your shears.
788
00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:43,240
{\an2}Yeah.
789
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:44,840
{\an2}Are you gonna be using
anything else?
790
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:45,880
{\an2}Yes.
791
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,000
{\an2}Actually that works really well.
792
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,440
{\an2}OK, it does actually work.
793
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:53,840
{\an2}It's not a bad system.
794
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,160
{\an2}Ah. Come on.
795
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,480
{\an2}I don't think it's gonna replace
the juicer at any point.
796
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,320
{\an2}I enter with the hose.
797
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:11,640
{\an2}And then I attack with the spatula.
That's the system.
798
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,440
{\an2}It's like a scene from
a very sexual film.
799
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,120
{\an1}ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS
800
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:20,320
{\an2}That's the money shot.
801
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:23,280
{\an2}Ah.
802
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:24,360
{\an2}God.
803
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,720
{\an2}Come on. Ah, fuck's sake.
804
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,120
{\an2}You little bastard.
Come on, come on.
805
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,960
{\an2}Final 45 seconds now, Joanne.
806
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:37,360
{\an2}Mess this up now.
807
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,840
{\an2}20 seconds.
808
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:42,680
{\an2}Ten seconds.
809
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:45,560
{\an2}Five, four, three,
810
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,600
{\an2}two, one.
WHISTLE BLOWS
811
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:49,640
{\an2}Oh, God.
812
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,880
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
Knackered.
813
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:55,960
{\an2}Thanks, Joanne. No worries.
814
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,080
{\an2}You didn't use your ear much.
815
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,400
{\an2}They're not pointy enough
to play any part in this.
816
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,880
{\an2}Not for the first time,
Joanne, you looked like, um...
817
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,520
{\an2}I've written "sociopath" here.
818
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:12,360
{\an2}You looked like
a serial killer at times.
819
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,800
{\an2}Yeah. There was a bit of mania
there, in the eyes.
820
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,320
{\an2}Nice serial killer's diary entry
from you as well.
821
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,880
{\an2}"I enter with the hose
and I attack with the spatula."
822
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:23,960
{\an2}You said that you thought it
was sexy, John,
823
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,560
{\an2}the, uh, forearm.
824
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,360
{\an2}I mean, I think it's the
least sexy thing
825
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,600
{\an2}I've ever seen in my life,
watching you squeeze oranges
826
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:31,720
{\an2}with your forearms.
827
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:35,120
{\an2}In sexual...it was as sexual as
orange juice can be.
828
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,360
{\an2}It...
LAUGHTER
829
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,680
{\an2}..it...it wasn't.
830
00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:41,680
{\an2}Well, I had to...I knew
I had to use them both
831
00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:43,600
{\an2}as a sort of a hammer
and a squeezer.
832
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,080
{\an2}Yes. You didn't have to use them
to pick up the balti pan
833
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,000
{\an2}at the end,
I don't know why you did that.
834
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:49,760
{\an2}Did I not?
835
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,440
{\an2}No. You can touch your items,
like everyone else was doing.
836
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,680
{\an2}Are you aiming toward a life
where you only use your forearm?
837
00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:01,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
838
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,000
{\an2}I don't wanna dwell on your boobs,
Sophie,
839
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,720
{\an2}but they did come into play
at one point. Once,
840
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:09,200
{\an2}yeah. In a stabilising way.
841
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:10,640
{\an2}It was helpful, actually,
to have that.
842
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:12,840
{\an2}Only, uh... Yeah, he reminded you,
didn't you?
843
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:15,720
{\an2}"You haven't used your boobs."
844
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:21,560
{\an2}Um, but the rest of the system
worked, seemed to work all right?
845
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:22,760
{\an2}I think I did very well.
846
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:24,000
{\an2}Well. Hmm.
847
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:25,760
{\an2}We know Steve's got the
tiniest amount
848
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,640
{\an2}of orange juice ever squeezed ever.
849
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,240
{\an2}Three teaspoons, yes.
850
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:31,240
{\an2}NICK: Three teaspoons?
851
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,800
{\an2}STEVE: I'm happy with that.
I'm happy with that.
852
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:34,880
{\an2}Then. Who's next?
853
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,080
{\an2}Sophie, you got 107ml.
854
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,040
{\an2}Nick 109, Joanne 116.
855
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:40,520
{\an2}So it's four points to Joanne,
three to Nick,
856
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,480
{\an2}two to Sophie, but John got 199ml
857
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:45,080
{\an2}and five points. There it is!
858
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:49,520
{\an2}Shall we glance at
the scores, young man?
859
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,400
{\an2}Yes, I might update you on
the series scores briefly. Hmm.
860
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:54,880
{\an2}Because each of them is in
a different decade.
861
00:40:54,920 --> 00:41:01,280
{\an2}Nick 88, Sophie 94,
Steve 104, Joanne 117, John 127.
862
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,640
{\an2}Right. In this episode,
he's not won one yet,
863
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,080
{\an2}but Nick is in the lead
with 16 points!
864
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,040
{\an2}Right, well, it's that time again.
Please make your way to
865
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:14,000
{\an2}the stage for the final task of
the show!
866
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:22,680
{\an2}Hi, Greg.
Who's going to read the task out?
867
00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:24,040
{\an2}Nick is gonna read it out.
868
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,480
{\an2}Read it out, you nimble mouse.
869
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,800
{\an2}Thank you, thank you. Here we go.
870
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,120
{\an2}"Paint a face on your ball.
871
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,960
{\an2}"You may not touch your balls
872
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,920
{\an2}"with anything other
than your tools.
873
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:36,160
{\an2}"The most attractive face wins.
874
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:40,240
{\an2}"Also you may not remove
your helmet. You have 200 seconds."
875
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,400
{\an2}Seems to be quite a lot
of innuendo in that.
876
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:45,400
{\an2}Greg, what are you looking for in
an attractive face?
877
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:46,920
{\an2}Really lovely lips.
878
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:49,160
{\an2}Pretty eyes.
879
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,000
{\an2}And lovely hair.
880
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:53,120
{\an2}200 seconds.
881
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,280
{\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS
We're off.
882
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:57,840
{\an2}All right, rosy red lips.
883
00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:59,640
{\an2}The crowd have gone wild.
884
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:01,680
{\an1}LAUGHTER
885
00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:03,120
{\an2}AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Go on, Sophie.
Go on, Nick.
886
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:04,160
{\an2}Thank you.
887
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:08,680
{\an2}AUDIENCE MEMBER: Come on, John!
888
00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:13,400
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIM
889
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:19,960
{\an2}Quick. It's covered in paint.
890
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,440
{\an2}NICK: Thanks, Alex. Thank you.
891
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,720
{\an2}Is it OK for me to give Nick
a little tip?
892
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,720
{\an2}Yes. If you raise your head,
the ball moves away from you.
893
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:34,120
{\an2}Surely...
894
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:38,400
{\an2}..surely it's the same.
That's the same distance, Greg.
895
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,280
{\an2}Shit! Fucking tit wank!
896
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,400
{\an2}Ah, clever, Joanne.
That's it, that's it. Shh!
897
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:51,960
{\an1}LAUGHTER
898
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,840
{\an2}John has been entirely
focused throughout.
899
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,480
{\an2}Shit. Yes, Joanne's a real worry.
900
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,040
{\an1}CHEERING
901
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,200
{\an2}Five... I'm doing my
own interpretation of her. ..four,
902
00:43:16,240 --> 00:43:18,720
{\an2}three, two, one.
903
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,720
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
904
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,400
{\an1}APPLAUSE
905
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:24,760
{\an2}Why don't you all come down here,
906
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:26,760
{\an2}and we'll see what that's done
to the final scores?
907
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:36,320
{\an2}Hey, Greg, do you wanna see these
attractive faces?
908
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,040
{\an2}Yeah, I'm contractually obliged to.
909
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,560
{\an2}You are. I'm gonna put them up
in a random order
910
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,160
{\an2}so you can just give me
your reactions
911
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:43,960
{\an2}and you can judge them all
at the end. Here we go.
912
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,080
{\an2}Wow.
LAUGHTER
913
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:47,360
{\an2}God.
914
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,280
{\an2}I blushed like I was
on a first date.
915
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,000
{\an2}Well, I mean, it's got features.
916
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:53,080
{\an2}You said you like big lips.
917
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:55,520
{\an2}It's a person.
It's certainly got some big lips.
918
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:58,320
{\an2}I think those lips may have been
involved in an accident.
919
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:02,960
{\an2}OK, well, compare that
to face number two.
920
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,920
{\an2}Wow.
921
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,080
{\an2}Wow, I thought I'd never find her.
922
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:15,680
{\an2}Third face. OK.
923
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:18,400
{\an2}Oh, my God.
924
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:22,800
{\an2}It's the end of the night,
that one, isn't it?
925
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,360
{\an2}OK, here's the fourth. Ah.
926
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:28,760
{\an2}Now who's this lady?
927
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:32,800
{\an2}I'm transported back to the 1920s.
Ah.
928
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,560
{\an2}She is a very attractive lady.
Sad though.
929
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:37,200
{\an2}That's because we haven't met yet.
930
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:41,760
{\an2}OK, the final face.
931
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,240
{\an2}Do you know what's really
strange though?
932
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,520
{\an2}I do find that lady more
attractive than
933
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,400
{\an2}the lady who's not got much hair.
934
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:57,760
{\an2}Greg, how about I show you all five
at once?
935
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,840
{\an2}Yes, please. That'd be lovely.
OK, here are all five of the faces.
936
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,080
{\an2}Oh, my God.
937
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:06,240
{\an2}Obviously, the least attractive
face,
938
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,360
{\an2}to me, is bottom right.
939
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,480
{\an2}OK, so one point to bottom right.
Yes.
940
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:13,120
{\an2}I find top right so disturbing...
941
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:14,920
{\an1}LAUGHTER
942
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:20,120
{\an2}..that I simply can't give her any
more than two points.
943
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,720
{\an2}I'm gonna give whatever that
madness, bottom left, three.
944
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:25,680
{\an2}Now we're into dream-date territory.
945
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:31,960
{\an2}Top left I'll give four points.
946
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,840
{\an2}Right. The mysterious girl
from the 1920s gets five.
947
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:37,320
{\an2}OK, well, there we go.
APPLAUSE
948
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:40,040
{\an2}Would you like to know
who did what? Yes.
949
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:41,720
{\an2}Bottom right, one point to Joanne.
950
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:43,200
{\an2}Oh, congratulations.
951
00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:46,240
{\an2}Two points,
top right, Steve Pemberton.
952
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:48,200
{\an8}Bottom left is obviously
Nick Mohammed.
953
00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:49,520
{\an2}Three points.
954
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,400
{\an2}And then, top left, that's four
points to Mr John Robins.
955
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:53,960
{\an2}Ah. Well done, John.
956
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,960
{\an8}But five points, the self-portrait,
957
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,880
{\an2}it is Sophie Willan.
Well done, Sophie.
958
00:45:57,920 --> 00:45:59,000
{\an2}Well done, 1920s girl.
959
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:02,240
{\an2}Give me the scores, please.
960
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:05,040
{\an2}Sophie got 16, John got 18, but the
winner with 19 points...
961
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:06,320
{\an1}GASPING
962
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:09,080
{\an2}..is Mr Nick Mohammed. No!
963
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,600
{\an2}Nick Mohammed wins!
964
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:17,240
{\an2}Please go and hold your haul
of hollow snazziness!
965
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,040
{\an2}All right? Yeah, I'm all right. I'm
OK. Good. Thanks, Greg.
966
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:24,880
{\an2}So what have we learnt
in today's show?
967
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,600
{\an2}Well, when Alex is putting
together tasks for me,
968
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:29,680
{\an2}sometimes I think he's just
setting people up
969
00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:30,880
{\an2}to humiliate them.
970
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:35,480
{\an2}And what we've learnt today
is what goes around comes around.
971
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,640
{\an2}You haven't? Oh,
you haven't put anything on the...
972
00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:42,880
{\an2}..you've put something...oh. Oh, no,
oh.
973
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:47,800
{\an2}Oh.
974
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:52,760
{\an2}And of course we've learnt
tonight's winner was
975
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:54,400
{\an2}the incredible Nick Mohammed!
976
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,520
{\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media