1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,000 {\an2}This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,040 {\an2}Well, well, well. 3 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,640 {\an2}Ooh! Oh, no, no. 4 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:08,680 {\an2}Yes! Ah! 5 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:09,920 {\an1}SHE HISSES, BELL RINGS 6 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:12,680 {\an2}Ah! 7 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,280 {\an2}Um... 8 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:15,960 {\an2}Quite windy today. Yeah. 9 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,000 {\an2}Christ. 10 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,160 {\an2}Ooh! Wrong way. 11 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,480 {\an2}That's how you do it, baby. 12 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,920 {\an2}OK. 13 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,440 {\an2}Oh, my God! 14 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,080 {\an2}Ah! Ah! Ah! Ooh! 15 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,160 {\an1}SHE BABBLES 16 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,400 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 17 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:40,560 {\an2}Hello! Hello, I'm Greg Davies. Welcome to Taskmaster. 18 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,240 {\an2}Give a man a fishing rod and he'll eat for life, 19 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,600 {\an2}give a comedian a task 20 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,000 {\an2}and they'll damage their reputation, 21 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,880 {\an2}career and if previous series are anything to go by, 22 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,840 {\an2}their marriages. 23 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,160 {\an2}Sadly the contracts are dry 24 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,600 {\an2}and there's no going back now. 25 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:58,240 {\an2}So please welcome Joanne McNally... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 26 00:00:58,280 --> 00:00:59,960 {\an2}..John Robins... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 27 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,160 {\an2}..Nick Mohammed... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 28 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,800 {\an2}..Sophie Willan... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 29 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,960 {\an2}..and Steve Pemberton! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 30 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,240 {\an2}And to my left, a man who is adamant that anyone who didn't go 31 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,320 {\an2}to university should be forced to live in a field. 32 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,920 {\an2}"Bovine style", to quote him, it's... 33 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,920 {\an1}GREG LAUGHS 34 00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,840 {\an2}..Little Alex Horne. 35 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:24,240 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 36 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,720 {\an2}Adamant? Is that what I am? Adamant. Adamant. 37 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,200 {\an2}Um, what's the prize task? 38 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,680 {\an2}You've asked them to bring in the snazziest hollow thing. 39 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:34,760 {\an2}Brilliant. 40 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,320 {\an2}That means the snazziest hollow thing will win five points 41 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,120 {\an2}and at the end of the episode all five snazziest hollow things 42 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,440 {\an2}will go home with the winner. 43 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,080 {\an2}Yes, that's right. It'll be the ultimate hollow victory 44 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:45,280 {\an2}but also it won't be a hollow victory 45 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,600 {\an2}because this is very important. Over to you, Greg. 46 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,680 {\an2}OK. Hi, Joanne. Hello, Greg. 47 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:51,720 {\an2}Snazzy, hollow. 48 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,080 {\an2}My strategy is literal now 49 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:56,080 {\an2}so I'm just, literally, just basic bitch instinct, 50 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,240 {\an2}literal, answer the brief. 51 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,680 {\an2}You keep referring to yourself as a basic bitch. 52 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,200 {\an2}I know. LAUGHTER 53 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,280 {\an2}I'm quite old and I don't know what that means. It means... 54 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,120 {\an2}Steve, Steve and I... Why are you asking me? 55 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,640 {\an2}I drink wine out of a petrol station, 56 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,480 {\an2}I shop in Zara, I'm a basic bitch. 57 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:14,040 {\an2}So it's a straightforward, simplistic woman? Exactly. 58 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,600 {\an2}So, I'm not gonna overthink it. 59 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,160 {\an2}Here it is. 60 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,480 {\an2}It's a boot full of chips. 61 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,840 {\an1}LAUGHTER 62 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,920 {\an2}It's a fairly snazzy boot. Yeah. And it is hollow. Yeah. 63 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:28,080 {\an2}What I'm intrigued by, is... Yeah. ..is that you think 64 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,280 {\an2}that the chips in some way make the... Yeah. 65 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,120 {\an2}..already snazzy boot, snazzier. 66 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,400 {\an2}Because I was trying to make it personal to you as... 67 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,440 {\an2}Cos I'm a fat bloke, and you think, 68 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,120 {\an2}well, he'll look at the snazzy thing... No! 69 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,400 {\an2}..but maybe he'll be distracted by the fact he wants to fill his face. 70 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,240 {\an2}Sorry, it's only a small portion, out of respect. 71 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,800 {\an1}LAUGHTER 72 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,440 {\an2}Thank you for bringing in a snazzy boot and then putting chips in it. 73 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:48,680 {\an2}No worries. 74 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,560 {\an2}Hello, John. Hello, Greg. 75 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,760 {\an2}Can you beat a boot full of chips? Let me answer that for you. Yes. 76 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER 77 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,560 {\an2}Well, Greg, I'm gonna introduce you to something 78 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,920 {\an2}called the John Robins price-to-value ratio. 79 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:05,480 {\an2}It's the Robins PTVR, yeah? It's the Robins PTVR. OK. 80 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,760 {\an2}As I present to you a Faberge egg. Ooh. 81 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:09,800 {\an1}ALL GASP 82 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,280 {\an2}I'll just prove it's hollow. We'll, uh, open it up. 83 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,400 {\an2}Uh, if we could just open the task up. Yeah, I can open the task. 84 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:17,440 {\an2}There we go. 85 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:21,120 {\an2}Be snazzy! You have 20-40 years depending on lifestyle choices! 86 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,680 {\an1}LAUGHTER 87 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,240 {\an2}They're really expensive, aren't they? 88 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,440 {\an2}Yes, the Rothschild Faberge egg sold for 8.9 million. Genuinely true. 89 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,600 {\an2}Is this like an eBay thing for like a fiver, is it? 90 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:35,440 {\an2}That's where the, uh, Robins PTVR... PTVR, yeah. ..comes in. 91 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:39,600 {\an2}Those looking to invest in one should be looking between £13-18. 92 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 93 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,680 {\an2}I don't think it's snazzy, I think it's horrible. 94 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:47,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 95 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,760 {\an2}All right, Nick? I'm all right, Greg. 96 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,600 {\an2}You've had an absolute mare in this round. 97 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:51,920 {\an2}Oh, yeah, and I... 98 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,200 {\an2}I'm gonna continue, so I have gone for 99 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:59,120 {\an2}the soundtrack to the 1999 film 100 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,040 {\an2}Sleepy Hollow. Yes. Um... 101 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,320 {\an2}We can't play any of it, 102 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,640 {\an2}and I can't sing any of it for licence issues. 103 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:10,080 {\an2}But you have to understand, Greg, that it is incredibly snazzy. 104 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,000 {\an2}The way it's orchestrated is snazzy. 105 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,120 {\an2}I'll tell you what I'll do, I'm prepared to look kindly on this... 106 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,680 {\an2}Thank you. ..if you could just do a, uh, sort of soundalike. 107 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,480 {\an2}Oh, OK. Just to give me the vibe. 108 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,400 {\an2}# AAAAA, MMMMM, AAAA... # 109 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:24,800 {\an2}Come closer. 110 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,040 {\an2}NICK CONTINUES TO VOCALISE Do you really want me to? 111 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER, HE HUMS 112 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 113 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,760 {\an2}Keep going. I can't remember it. Keep going. 114 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 115 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,640 {\an2}DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN... 116 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,520 {\an2}Ah! 117 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,160 {\an2}There you go. 118 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,480 {\an2}Snazzy! Snazzy. 119 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,440 {\an2}Very good. All right, Sophie. What have you brought? 120 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,360 {\an2}A conch. 121 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,280 {\an1}HE VOCALISES 122 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,400 {\an2}Little one. Exactly that. Ah. 123 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,440 {\an2}Hand decorated. Yeah, I put glitter on it to snazz it up. 124 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,000 {\an2}And there we have it. 125 00:04:58,040 --> 00:04:59,520 {\an2}And there we have it. A glittery conch. 126 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:03,680 {\an2}OK. It sounds sexual, doesn't it? Yeah. 127 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,200 {\an2}Uh, it sounds like you should see a doctor. 128 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,800 {\an1}LAUGHTER 129 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,160 {\an2}"Ah, you've got a glittery conch, I'm afraid." 130 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:10,360 {\an2}Yeah. LAUGHTER 131 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,520 {\an2}You can practically see it tonight, actually. 132 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,960 {\an1}LAUGHTER 133 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:17,080 {\an2}I'm so sorry about that. LAUGHTER 134 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,640 {\an2}I put this on, I thought, "Oh, I feel fantastic." 135 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,160 {\an2}I forgot about sitting down. Yeah. 136 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,240 {\an2}And as shells go it's probably the... Well, it's up there. 137 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,120 {\an2}You've got oyster at the bottom, limpet, 138 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,160 {\an2}cockle, mussel, scallop, conch, cowry, knobbed whelk. 139 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,600 {\an2}I should've gone for a knobbed whelk. Knobbed whelks are very... 140 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,080 {\an2}..they're very snazzy. But it's definitely one of 141 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,200 {\an2}the top three snazzy shells. Yeah. 142 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,080 {\an2}It's good, it's strong. Thank you. 143 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,320 {\an2}Steve. Hello. 144 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:40,360 {\an2}What have you brought in? 145 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,880 {\an2}So I thought what could be snazzier than a party? 146 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,920 {\an2}And what could be more hollow than a hollow promise? 147 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,360 {\an2}Someone saying they're gonna do something 148 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,040 {\an2}that they have no intention of doing. 149 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:56,400 {\an2}So I brought in what I think is a snazzy hollow promise. 150 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,440 {\an2}You wanna see it? I do. 151 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,640 {\an2}OK, well, I'll show you this picture first. 152 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 153 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,880 {\an2}Hmm. I feel like I've been tricked. 154 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER 155 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:06,480 {\an2}This is what happens. 156 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,560 {\an2}Hello, Ben. This is Greg Davies. 157 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,000 {\an2}I promise to come to your stag do next week, 158 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,360 {\an2}and I will be dressed as a minotaur. 159 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 160 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:19,560 {\an2}Ben's stag do was last week. Did you go dressed as a minotaur? 161 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,120 {\an2}Of course not, I had no intention. 162 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,480 {\an2}I have absolute contempt for the general public. 163 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,440 {\an2}Has someone bribed me into this? 164 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:30,800 {\an2}It was the director who was contacted by Ben's mother, 165 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,920 {\an2}uh, who sent him an email. 166 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,600 {\an2}Ben's mother, Kat Zipser. 167 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:39,320 {\an2}If you reveal you're Kat Zipser, you Keyser Soze... 168 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:43,480 {\an2}Well, 'Kat Zipser', of course, is an anagram of 'prize task'. 169 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,760 {\an2}LAUGHTER Ahhhhhhh! 170 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,280 {\an2}It's a very clever idea. It's brilliant. 171 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,840 {\an2}OK, it's scoring time. 172 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,600 {\an2}I don't like that egg. LAUGHTER 173 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,680 {\an2}One to John. Um... 174 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,680 {\an2}Yeah. I don't want your boot full of chips. 175 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,680 {\an2}LAUGHTER Yeah. 176 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,040 {\an2}Two points. Thank you. Mainly because of your beautiful rendition 177 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,720 {\an2}in my ear, I'm gonna give you three points. Thank you. 178 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,000 {\an2}I feel I've done really well out of that. 179 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,480 {\an2}I... Oh, God, you have. Yeah. 180 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 181 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,800 {\an2}I sort of want that glittery conch, 182 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,200 {\an2}and I think everybody else would, 183 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,760 {\an2}so I'm gonna give Steve four and Sophie five there. There we go. 184 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,200 {\an2}Sophie gets five points for her glittery conch. 185 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:17,360 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 186 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,920 {\an2}Hey, let's get going, Alex. 187 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,080 {\an2}And we begin by, once more, stringing people along. 188 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,600 {\an2}Hey, Alex. 189 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:40,880 {\an2}Good morning, Nick. 190 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:45,560 {\an2}Aha-ha. What fresh hell is this? LAUGHTER 191 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,040 {\an2}Happy? 192 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,120 {\an2}No. 193 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,480 {\an2}Why are you not happy, Joanne? 194 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:50,760 {\an2}I've no waist. 195 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,400 {\an2}You've got a waist. 196 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,240 {\an2}Ahem. 197 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,320 {\an2}What have you caught? 198 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,120 {\an2}Fastest correct answer wins. 199 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,320 {\an2}You may only give one answer. 200 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,520 {\an2}Your time starts now. 201 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,560 {\an2}So I've gotta go follow it, haven't I? OK. 202 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,920 {\an2}Do you think? Yeah. 203 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,560 {\an2}I don't want to pull it, but...you know. 204 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,560 {\an2}What do I have to do? 205 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,320 {\an2}Is that... Is that going in or out? 206 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,760 {\an2}LAUGHTER Oh, that's wrong. 207 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,040 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 208 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,480 {\an2}I will say this, it's just a... 209 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,160 {\an2}..an observation. I hope you won't be insulted by it, Sophie. 210 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,160 {\an2}I just think that sometimes on this show you've looked like an old lady 211 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,800 {\an2}lost in a shopping centre. LAUGHTER 212 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,240 {\an2}I felt like that. 213 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:40,920 {\an2}All right, the first two sleuths of string are Joanne and Steve. 214 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:41,960 {\an2}Oh, God. 215 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,800 {\an2}So I'm following the line. Do I take the... 216 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,600 {\an2}Up to you. Oh, God. 217 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:48,840 {\an2}Do...do you do a lot of fishing? No! 218 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,360 {\an2}Your pack's just caught on the back. I've just paused the clock. OK. 219 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,680 {\an2}Am I doing it right? 220 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:57,280 {\an2}Oh, I've just got a problem with your... Just hang on a sec. 221 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,760 {\an2}Sorry, Steve. Just paused the clock. You're doing... 222 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,760 {\an2}..you're doing all the right things. OK... 223 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:05,920 {\an2}Thanks, Neil. 224 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,240 {\an2}We're back on. 225 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,360 {\an2}We're back on. OK. 226 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,320 {\an2}Let me just explore what's happening between Greg's legs. 227 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,440 {\an2}Oh, bloody hell. Who put this net here? 228 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,520 {\an2}Oh, that's made it worse. 229 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,280 {\an2}So it could be in anything? 230 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,040 {\an2}Yeah, it could be any of them, could be anywhere. 231 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,680 {\an2}Him! No. 232 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,680 {\an2}Is it... How will I know when I've caught it? 233 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:30,880 {\an2}Well, you can only give one answer. 234 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,600 {\an2}So you'll know when you've caught it. Oh, will I? 235 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,160 {\an2}You've just got to tell us what it is. 236 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,400 {\an2}Is it a fish? 237 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:37,840 {\an2}Is it a fish? 238 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,800 {\an2}Why am I wearing these bloody waders? 239 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,480 {\an2}In case you get wet, Steve. 240 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,800 {\an2}Oh, come on. Oh, hi, Steve. 241 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:44,960 {\an2}Oh, hi. 242 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,880 {\an2}Hi, there. You know all the nooks and crannies, don't you? 243 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,880 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 244 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,120 {\an2}I don't get it. 245 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,160 {\an2}This came off. Oh, no. 246 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,960 {\an2}And unless I've caught the bath 247 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,960 {\an2}because this leads back to the rod. 248 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,920 {\an2}Is there another thing that I'm missing here? 249 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:11,960 {\an2}Uh... 250 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,320 {\an2}I'm not giving up. No. 251 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:17,680 {\an2}WHISPERS: Pineapple. 252 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,960 {\an2}There's a fish here. Seems like a natural choice. 253 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,440 {\an2}Well, you can only give one answer. 254 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,480 {\an2}Is that your answer? 255 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:29,640 {\an2}Well, no not yet. 256 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:30,880 {\an2}OK. 257 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,200 {\an2}I'll give you my answer. 258 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,080 {\an2}I've caught this boot, which is where I started. 259 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,720 {\an2}I've stopped the clock. Thank you. 260 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,560 {\an2}You've just gotta give us one answer. 261 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:40,800 {\an2}OK, fish. 262 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,000 {\an2}I've written down fish. 263 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,600 {\an2}To me that's an impossible task. 264 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,320 {\an1}APPLAUSE 265 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,720 {\an2}I, I'm happy to give you both the right to reply on Alex 266 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:50,880 {\an2}with this task. 267 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,360 {\an2}I can't believe I had the same strategy as Steve. 268 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,960 {\an2}Usually, Steve's like MacGyver meets Stephen Spielberg 269 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,880 {\an2}with these like productions. 270 00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,640 {\an2}And you were just chasing the string like the rest of us. I was, 271 00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:01,320 {\an2}I was trying to follow the string back. Yeah. 272 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,200 {\an2}But I kept noticing that when bits came off it didn't seem to matter. 273 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,040 {\an2}It was definitely one of the more boring tasks. 274 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER 275 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,040 {\an2}There was just one continuous line of string about 200 metres long 276 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,280 {\an2}which eventually landed somewhere. OK. 277 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,080 {\an2}And you'd think probably the answer is fish 278 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,720 {\an2}cos you had fish on your backs the whole time 279 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,600 {\an2}and Joanne you did say fish after about three minutes 280 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,600 {\an2}but then you didn't give that as your official answer 281 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,960 {\an2}for about another 15 minutes. 282 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,320 {\an2}Oh, grand. AUDIENCE LAUGHS 283 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:26,560 {\an2}Go with your gut. 284 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:30,400 {\an2}OK, our next two tangled anglers are John and Sophie. 285 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,120 {\an2}So I've got to go follow it, haven't I? 286 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,360 {\an2}OK. 287 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,600 {\an2}I don't want to pull it, but you know. 288 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,640 {\an2}Just, can I just adjust your... 289 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,560 {\an2}I've paused the clock. Keep that still. 290 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:45,160 {\an2}Sorry, John. It's all right. There you go. Thank you. 291 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,440 {\an2}That's good. Yeah. You're off. 292 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:47,480 {\an2}So I'm off. 293 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:52,760 {\an2}Woo, wrong way. 294 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,480 {\an2}Oh, no, it's just a red herring. 295 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,960 {\an2}I'm guessing I don't need to open that, do I? 296 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,040 {\an2}And I've not had any clue to a key, 297 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,360 {\an2}but it might be on the old rod. 298 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,360 {\an2}There's no key on the rod. 299 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,040 {\an2}Fastest one wins, isn't it? 300 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,080 {\an2}Yeah. 301 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,360 {\an2}Oh, you bastards. 302 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,080 {\an2}I could've got this ages ago. 303 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:19,920 {\an2}It's not helpful to open the box, Alex. 304 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,120 {\an2}Something's helpful in there. 305 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,000 {\an2}An arrow pointing to a hole. 306 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,120 {\an2}There's an arrow. 307 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:29,560 {\an2}I'm just hoping everybody else really struggles, you know. 308 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,400 {\an2}Oh, here we go. 309 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:32,560 {\an2}Are we're back on track, are we? 310 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:33,640 {\an2}Back on track. 311 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,040 {\an2}A mannequin! 312 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,440 {\an2}Is that what you think you've caught? 313 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,840 {\an2}I think so, yeah, cos it's a dead end. 314 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,320 {\an2}Do you want me to stop the clock? What do you think? 315 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,680 {\an2}Shall I go with that one or...? 316 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,640 {\an2}You need to be fully sure when you give me your answer. 317 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,280 {\an2}Let me look into your eyes. 318 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,440 {\an2}Is it the mannequin? 319 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,640 {\an2}It's not. LAUGHTER 320 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,600 {\an2}I'm flummoxed. But I know it's not, 321 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,240 {\an2}I've not got it because 322 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,000 {\an2}your eyes would sparkle with delight if I'd got it. 323 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,040 {\an2}Thank you. 324 00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,720 {\an2}Oh, it's going through the bin. 325 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,800 {\an2}And back out again. 326 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,000 {\an2}I feel like a fly. 327 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,640 {\an2}Ho-ho. 328 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:16,640 {\an2}I've caught a fish. 329 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,600 {\an2}I've got a feeling about this. 330 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,160 {\an2}Oh, my goodness, I did it. 331 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,680 {\an2}Is that it? What have you caught? 332 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:25,720 {\an2}I've caught a big fish. 333 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:26,760 {\an2}Ah, a fish. 334 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,160 {\an2}I could've just said fish at the start really, couldn't I? 335 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,680 {\an1}APPLAUSE 336 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,880 {\an2}Two very different ways of approaching it. 337 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,480 {\an2}John always thinks there's some way round it, 338 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,360 {\an2}so you were looking for a key or something. 339 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,920 {\an2}It's not fair to assume that I should've thought 340 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,760 {\an2}the sound guy was a liar. 341 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,000 {\an2}No. 342 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,040 {\an2}Well, you said yourself, 343 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,600 {\an2}we were looking for one person to be brave enough 344 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,560 {\an2}to just go fish immediately and that was your instinct. 345 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,360 {\an2}But why would I, why would you do that? 346 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,880 {\an2}Well, everything was a red herring as well 347 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:55,920 {\an2}which led you to fish. 348 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,280 {\an2}You were wearing fishing clothes and you were holding a fishing rod. 349 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,080 {\an2}That's because we were fishing for something. 350 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,400 {\an2}It was a fish.There was... LAUGHTER 351 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,440 {\an2}Um, Sophie, tell me about how you use people's eyes in life. 352 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,840 {\an2}Oh, yeah. You can read eyes very easily. 353 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,320 {\an2}Yeah, you did... Yeah, I mean, like I look into yours I see 354 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,480 {\an2}a lot of sadness. LAUGHTER 355 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,040 {\an2}This, demonic. Ah. 356 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,200 {\an2}Naturally very demonic. Oh, OK. Yeah. 357 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,120 {\an2}And you must be right as well cos you knew straight away 358 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,000 {\an2}it wasn't the mannequin just... Yeah, cos he gets this sparkle 359 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,720 {\an2}of delight when he knows you've got it wrong. 360 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,880 {\an2}That's it. Yeah. That's when he's getting excited. 361 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,280 {\an2}Yeah, I mean time-wise she, 362 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:29,480 {\an2}she took a good while. 363 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,840 {\an2}Did she? A good while, yeah. John, nine minutes 16. 364 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,800 {\an2}Uh, Joanne took 18 minutes 20 and Sophie 38 minutes ten. 365 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,880 {\an2}WHISTLING Blimey. 366 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,480 {\an2}Right, we need to stop for a break. 367 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,480 {\an2}Alex, run along to the tuck shop for me 368 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:42,880 {\an2}and try not to get mugged this time. 369 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,320 {\an2}Silly boy. See you in a minute. 370 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,200 {\an2}Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster, 371 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,040 {\an2}where there's something fishy going on. 372 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,240 {\an2}I've always wanted to say that, 373 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,840 {\an2}I really genuinely have. 374 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,920 {\an2}Yes, they're trying to work out what they've caught. 375 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,120 {\an2}Three successes, one fail so far. 376 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,760 {\an2}Now for our final string fellow, 377 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,840 {\an2}it's Nick Mohammed. 378 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,240 {\an2}Your time starts now. 379 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,200 {\an2}OK, come on. 380 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:19,760 {\an2}You see that's connected... 381 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,240 {\an2}Where's that going? 382 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,960 {\an2}I think this... That... 383 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,920 {\an2}Now that goes... Ah, OK, so that's going here. 384 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,360 {\an2}It's a fun one, Alex. 385 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,040 {\an2}Here we go. 386 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,720 {\an2}Why are we in waders? 387 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,080 {\an2}So your legs don't get wet. 388 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,960 {\an2}Oh, I caught a fish. 389 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,080 {\an2}I've stopped the clock. 390 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,480 {\an2}That was really good. 391 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,880 {\an2}Well done. Thank you. 392 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,360 {\an2}You managed to keep the thread. 393 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,040 {\an2}Uh, little fact about me, I'm allergic to fish and seafood. 394 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,160 {\an2}You OK with that one? 395 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,520 {\an2}I'm fine with that one cos that, 396 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,640 {\an2}that's um, 397 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,680 {\an2}whatever they make duvets out of. 398 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,760 {\an2}Thank you very much, Nick. Thank you. 399 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,840 {\an2}DOOR SLAMS Ooh. 400 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,400 {\an1}APPLAUSE 401 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:07,240 {\an2}I was worried for a while because for a lot of that task, 402 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,280 {\an2}this is the most dynamic we've seen you be. 403 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,800 {\an2}Yes. You knew exactly what you needed to do. 404 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,600 {\an2}Yeah. And I thought, oh, my God, Nick's changed. 405 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,840 {\an2}Yeah. And thankfully you ended the task by being 406 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:18,160 {\an1}frightened by a door slamming and... LAUGHTER 407 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,960 {\an2}..and apologising and I thought... Well, it... 408 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,200 {\an2}Ah, all is well. 409 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,760 {\an2}He's back. Yeah. 410 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,960 {\an2}It seemed to me he was, I mean he just did it beautifully. 411 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,240 {\an2}Just a nimble little mouse. 412 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,480 {\an2}He didn't overthink it. He was a nimble little mouse. 413 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,520 {\an2}His words. 414 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,360 {\an2}Let that be a lesson to all of you. Yeah. 415 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,720 {\an2}Stop thinking. 416 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,000 {\an2}Tell me some stuff. 417 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,120 {\an2}It's quite straightforward. 418 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,720 {\an2}Unfortunately, Steve didn't find the fish, 419 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,120 {\an2}so he doesn't get any points at all. 420 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,440 {\an2}Sophie, you get two. 421 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,040 {\an2}Three for Joanne, four for John, 422 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,280 {\an2}Nick got it in three minutes and he gets five points. 423 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,320 {\an2}Whoa! AUDIENCE CHEERS 424 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,320 {\an2}Wow. Shall we see some scores, then? 425 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,800 {\an2}Yes, well, you won't believe it, 426 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,800 {\an2}the nimble mouse is in the lead with eight points, 427 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:53,840 {\an2}it's Nick Mohammed. 428 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,120 {\an2}Right, I would like another task please, Alex. 429 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,360 {\an2}Sure thing and this one will be music to your ears. 430 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,320 {\an2}Hi. You're in the right place. 431 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,320 {\an2}Uh, just to let you know there's a strange person out there 432 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:21,480 {\an2}who comes up... Ah! 433 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,440 {\an2}Well, hello. 434 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,760 {\an2}I get nervous when there's no props. 435 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,160 {\an2}Well. Well. 436 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,720 {\an2}I'll open it. 437 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,760 {\an2}Ah. 438 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,000 {\an2}"Perform a recognisable piece 439 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:42,640 {\an2}"of classical music without using any musical instrument." 440 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,520 {\an2}Right, OK, that's fine. 441 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:48,680 {\an2}"You may not hum, sing, whistle or that sort of thing. 442 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,680 {\an2}"Most accomplished performance wins. 443 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:54,600 {\an2}"You have a maximum of 30 minutes?" 444 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,400 {\an2}Are you musical, John? 445 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,920 {\an2}I go through a sort of five-yearly bass flirtation 446 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,200 {\an2}that lasts a couple of days, pop it back on eBay. 447 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,520 {\an2}Your time starts now. All right. 448 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:06,840 {\an2}Are you musical, Sophie? 449 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,200 {\an2}No. No. 450 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:09,320 {\an2}No, I'm not. 451 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:12,120 {\an2}No. 452 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,640 {\an2}I thought that might be a bit like a kind of 453 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:16,880 {\an2}an accordion or something. 454 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,560 {\an2}No, it's a camera. It's not. 455 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,840 {\an2}JOHN: I'm not allowed to use a musical instrument, 456 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:21,880 {\an2}I'm gonna have to make one. 457 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,240 {\an1}BLOWS 458 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,280 {\an1}GURGLING 459 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,520 {\an1}BOTTLES HUM, HE HUMS 460 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,400 {\an1}GLASS RESONATES 461 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:38,080 {\an1}HE TUNES 462 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,440 {\an1}TAPPING 463 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:47,400 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 464 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,000 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 465 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,320 {\an2}So sorry. 466 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 467 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,520 {\an2}All going to plan, Sophie, excellent. 468 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,760 {\an2}My initial observation is it seems like everybody 469 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,520 {\an2}has gone with the logic 470 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,040 {\an2}of creating a piece of classical music by 471 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,360 {\an2}inventing their own musical instrument 472 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,480 {\an2}with the exception of Joanne who, I've written this down, 473 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,440 {\an2}appears to be performing classical music by 474 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,120 {\an2}doing big steps around the room. 475 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,120 {\an2}They were big steps. They were lovely big steps. 476 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,040 {\an2}I was watching that going I don't remember making 477 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,160 {\an2}an instrument on Ta... 478 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,680 {\an2}I was like, "Oh, no, what did I do?" I forgot I... 479 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,040 {\an2}..I turned it into interpretative dance and just... Yes. 480 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,120 {\an2}It never, never crossed her mind to make any noise at all. 481 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:45,800 {\an2}Well, they had to be recognisable 482 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,160 {\an2}so let's see if you can recognise 483 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,120 {\an2}the pieces of John, Sophie and Steve. 484 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,600 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 485 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:53,360 {\an2}ALEX CLAPS Yeah, more improv towards the end. 486 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,840 {\an2}Ah, are you OK? 487 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,080 {\an2}I'm knackered actually. 488 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,400 {\an2}Oh, shit. AUDIENCE LAUGHS 489 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,720 {\an2}APPLAUSE Thank you. 490 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,360 {\an2}There we go, all three pieces. 491 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,160 {\an2}I mean, my favourite bit of Steve's performance is how 492 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,200 {\an2}genuinely irritated he is when he spills that water at the end. 493 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,720 {\an2}I know, cos it was so graceful up to that point. 494 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,040 {\an2}John, what I've written down, in a slightly creepy way, 495 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,520 {\an2}is I felt like a proud father watching you. Ah. 496 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,600 {\an2}Because you were trying so hard. 497 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,920 {\an2}I spent a lot of time tuning the guitar in order that 498 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,560 {\an2}I could then tune the harp from the guitar. 499 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,400 {\an2}You said the notes will reveal themselves. 500 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,760 {\an2}Yes. LAUGHTER 501 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,560 {\an2}Sophie, what I felt was as an overall thing 502 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,880 {\an2}was that your VT is something that normally 503 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,200 {\an2}would be followed by someone saying, 504 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,640 {\an2}"Ah, bless her." 505 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,000 {\an2}I, I think what happened for me is I got so into it, 506 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,320 {\an2}I got really excited 507 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,560 {\an2}and then when I threw my drumsticks I was fucked. 508 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,360 {\an2}I think I, I think I know what Sophie's was. 509 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:18,640 {\an2}Thank you. Yeah. What do you think it is? 510 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,480 {\an2}Yeah. It was the one that they use for the Dulux ad 511 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,040 {\an2}and all the waves turned into horses. 512 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,120 {\an2}Thank you. Boom. Can I do? 513 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:25,880 {\an2}Well, no, I was gonna ask if 514 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,960 {\an2}Joanne would mind stepping it out for us. 515 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,000 {\an2}OK, we're gonna see them with an instrumental version 516 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,560 {\an2}laid over the top just to show how close they were to the original. 517 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:36,600 {\an2}Here we go. 518 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,120 {\an2}Oh, shit. 519 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,280 {\an2}That music was not what I was playing. 520 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,320 {\an2}We thought Symphony No. 9 by Beethoven. 521 00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:06,600 {\an2}No. Greensleeves? 522 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:07,640 {\an2}Yes. 523 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:08,720 {\an2}Can we just play it isolated again 524 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,280 {\an2}with Greensleeves going through our heads? 525 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,360 {\an2}I'll hum it for you. 526 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,040 {\an2}Ah, why not, OK. 527 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,760 {\an1}HE HUMS GREENSLEEVES 528 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,880 {\an2}Are you sure you don't wanna go with Beethoven? 529 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,680 {\an2}I sort of think we should've stuck with the original, Steve. 530 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:40,960 {\an2}Sophie's was Vivaldi, is that right? 531 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,120 {\an2}Yeah, Four Seasons. 532 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,960 {\an2}Wasn't bad, was it? No. 533 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,400 {\an2}I mean, it was closer than Greensleeves for sure. 534 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,760 {\an2}And then John, it was Rachmaninov's third concerto. 535 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,440 {\an2}You looked like the proudest boy in the land. 536 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,200 {\an2}The boy who didn't get his harp for Christmas. 537 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,800 {\an2}OK, more classical renditions coming up right after these adverts 538 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,480 {\an2}for nice cars and holidays. 539 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,440 {\an2}Don't wanna be a downer, but you can't afford them 540 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,320 {\an2}and the planet is teetering on the edge of apocalypse. 541 00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:09,600 {\an2}Talk to your children! 542 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:23,840 {\an2}Hello, welcome to the third part of today's classy show 543 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,880 {\an2}where the comedians are recreating some classical music. 544 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,400 {\an2}Oh, yes, they're certainly giving it a go. 545 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,520 {\an2}But without the use of any instruments. What? 546 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,960 {\an2}What? I know. The key adjectives in the task are "recognisable" 547 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,680 {\an2}and "accomplished". 548 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,680 {\an2}So here, at last, is Joanne 549 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,960 {\an2}performing her recognisable piece of classical music 550 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,000 {\an2}in the most accomplished way. 551 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,200 {\an2}This is my representation of 552 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:52,400 {\an2}the only classical piece 553 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,920 {\an2}of music I know through interpretative dance. 554 00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,040 {\an2}And charades. 555 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,520 {\an2}It's a piece of music. 556 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:03,560 {\an2}It's one word. 557 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:06,960 {\an2}Hold on. 558 00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:20,240 {\an8}And some sort of dancing with some sort of shoes. 559 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,280 {\an2}One word, three syllables. 560 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:24,520 {\an2}First syllable. 561 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:25,560 {\an2}Sounds like. 562 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,640 {\an1}SHE GROWLS 563 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,120 {\an2}Tiger. No. 564 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:30,400 {\an2}OK. 565 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:31,440 {\an2}Sounds like. 566 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,480 {\an2}Drink. Lads, lads, lads. 567 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,320 {\an2}Booze? Beer? 568 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:41,160 {\an2}Thank you. 569 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,200 {\an2}Sounds like again. 570 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,880 {\an2}Um, an ice cream? 571 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,280 {\an2}Sounds like an ice cream. 572 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,160 {\an2}Third syllable, sounds like. 573 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:51,600 {\an2}Oh. Third syllable sounds like "oh". 574 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,800 {\an2}Yeah. Come on, put it together. 575 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:57,920 {\an2}Beer, it sounds like an ice cream, oh. 576 00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:00,440 {\an2}Not a rose in sight. 577 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,400 {\an2}I've got a Biro. 578 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:03,440 {\an2}Yeah, throw it at me. 579 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,360 {\an2}You're welcome. 580 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,960 {\an1}APPLAUSE 581 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:16,200 {\an2}Well, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say how disappointed I am. 582 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,520 {\an2}It's charades. Come on, it's Christmas. 583 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,680 {\an2}Oh, five points then. 584 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,680 {\an2}Do you recognise the piece of classical music? 585 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,880 {\an2}Well, I do, I think I do, b... SHE GASPS 586 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,240 {\an2}..because I like an ice lolly. 587 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:29,960 {\an2}Which is? A Solero. 588 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,640 {\an2}And the musical piece is? 589 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,120 {\an2}Then, it would be Bolero. 590 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,440 {\an2}Yes, cos the first syllable is "beer". 591 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,480 {\an2}Well, you got it, you guessed it. 592 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:40,920 {\an2}It was recognisable apparently. 593 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,200 {\an2}Was that you taking skates off 594 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,600 {\an2}and putting them on like Torvill and Dean? Yes, that was, yes! Yeah. 595 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,840 {\an2}Yeah, it was like being in Sarajevo in 1984, 596 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:48,360 {\an2}sixes all round. 597 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:49,760 {\an2}Well done. Thank you, Alex. 598 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,720 {\an2}Last up, it's Nick Mohammed. 599 00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,600 {\an2}Thank you. HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 600 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,560 {\an1}HE PLAYS EINE KLEINE NACHTMUSIK BY MOZART ON THE BOTTLES 601 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,400 {\an1}APPLAUSE 602 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,200 {\an2}It does feel a bit...a bit smug, though, doesn't it? 603 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,200 {\an2}But the conductors are smug, aren't they? 604 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,200 {\an2}And a lot of the time, not needed. 605 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,280 {\an2}When are they ever needed? 606 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,760 {\an2}I've watched orchestras - they're never looking up at that dickhead. 607 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:41,000 {\an2}What's the title, Eine Kleine... 608 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,200 {\an2}Nachtmusik. Nachtmusik. A little bit of night music. 609 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,440 {\an2}Yeah. Bloody good, wasn't it? Mozart. It was used in, uh, 610 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:46,960 {\an2}Penguins Of Madagascar, of course. 611 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,520 {\an2}OK, well, it's up to you. 612 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,320 {\an2}The one that I think didn't sound like either piece of music... 613 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER 614 00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:56,560 {\an2}..was Steve. 615 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:58,160 {\an2}So, I think we can safely give Steve one point. 616 00:28:58,200 --> 00:28:59,360 {\an2}Worse than Joanne? 617 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,320 {\an2}Well, I guessed her piece. 618 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:05,320 {\an2}I could've just gone... # Greensleeves, Greensleeves. # 619 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,960 {\an2}That would've really helped. You could. 620 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,840 {\an2}The question is, is Joanne's better than Sophie's? 621 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,200 {\an2}Yes. No. 622 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:17,920 {\an1}APPLAUSE 623 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:21,000 {\an2}I'm...I am gonna do it, yeah, I'll give, 624 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:24,200 {\an2}uh, Sophie two points, and that madness can have three 625 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,480 {\an2}because I guessed it via Solero. Woohoo. 626 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,920 {\an2}OK. Um, and then, you know, my darling boy. 627 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,440 {\an2}Four points to John. Yeah, four points to John. 628 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:37,840 {\an2}And then, obviously, 629 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:41,720 {\an2}the bottle-blowing genius that is Nick Mohammed, five points. 630 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:42,760 {\an2}Well done, Nick. 631 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,040 {\an2}Well done, Mozart. 632 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,000 {\an2}Let's have another task. 633 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,560 {\an2}OK, you've got it, Greg, 634 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,720 {\an2}and this one is just a little bit fruity. 635 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:51,760 {\an2}Hmm. 636 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,040 {\an2}Oh, hey, Joanne. 637 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:09,080 {\an2}Hi, Alex. 638 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:12,320 {\an2}What's the craic? 639 00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:13,800 {\an2}Now I never know how to answer that. 640 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:16,440 {\an2}Right, here we go, are you ready? 641 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:17,720 {\an2}Mm-hm. 642 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,400 {\an2}OK, oh, nice colour. 643 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,160 {\an2}Red ink, is that relevant? 644 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:26,120 {\an2}Is it red? 645 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,720 {\an2}Uh, it's sort of orange. 646 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,840 {\an2}"Take Alex to one side. 647 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,680 {\an2}"And do the following things to him. 648 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:34,760 {\an2}"Confess your favourite piece of kitchen equipment..." 649 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,600 {\an2}Oh, it's not as sexy as we thought. 650 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:40,480 {\an2}"Scream a body part of your choice in his face. 651 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,240 {\an2}"Declare a gardening tool in a silly voice. 652 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:47,680 {\an2}"You've three minutes, your time starts now." 653 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,240 {\an8}Confess my favourite piece of kitchen equipment. 654 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:51,400 {\an8}It's a spatula. 655 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,200 {\an8}Spatula. 656 00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,480 {\an2}Spatula? Yeah. OK. 657 00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,880 {\an2}Forgive me, Alex, for I have sinned. 658 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,200 {\an2}Sounds bad. 659 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,000 {\an8}Ah, it's a cheese grater. 660 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,360 {\an2}What's it called, a garlic crusher? Garlic press? 661 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:06,720 {\an8}Either will do. 662 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:10,760 {\an8}Forgive me, Father, for I have a balti pan. 663 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,320 {\an8}"Scream a body part of your choice in his face." 664 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:14,640 {\an8}Little toe! 665 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:15,680 {\an8}Ear! 666 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,560 {\an8}Armpit! 667 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,000 {\an8}Boob, boob, boob, boob. 668 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:23,400 {\an8}Forearm! 669 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:27,120 {\an2}"Declare a gardening tool in a silly voice." 670 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:28,440 {\an8}Hose. 671 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:30,000 {\an8}IN A HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Hosepipe. 672 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,480 {\an8}Hosepipe. 673 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,520 {\an8}Shears, shears. Shears. 674 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:41,840 {\an8}Rrrrrrrrrrrrake! 675 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,360 {\an8}IN A LOW VOICE: Rake. 676 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:46,800 {\an8}Garlic crusher, little toe, rake. 677 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,280 {\an2}Yeah.Interesting. WHISTLE BLOWS 678 00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:52,320 {\an2}Ooh. 679 00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:02,240 {\an2}I mean, even if you've done scant research into this show, 680 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:03,760 {\an2}I think you would guess that 681 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,840 {\an2}if you're asked at random to pick a body part, 682 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:11,080 {\an2}that you're gonna have to use that body part in some way in the task. 683 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,880 {\an2}I don't think that's a...a spoiler alert. 684 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,800 {\an2}And that's why I'm so intrigued by the repeated shouting of boob. 685 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,080 {\an2}Something I know you enjoyed very much, didn't you? 686 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:24,000 {\an2}I, uh...luckily, she said it a few times cos the first time I recoiled. 687 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:25,320 {\an2}Yeah. And then I sort of got into it, 688 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,280 {\an2}got confident and got... And by the end, I was 689 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,320 {\an2}just like... Then you really nestled into the boob. 690 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,560 {\an2}It was a form of sexual therapy, really, wasn't it? 691 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:33,760 {\an2}It...yeah. Yeah, brief but, yeah. 692 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:37,880 {\an2}Ready? Yes. 693 00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,520 {\an2}Let's see what that was all about then, here we go. Let's play. 694 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:44,800 {\an2}Ha-ha! Joanne. 695 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,360 {\an2}Alex, we meet again. 696 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,280 {\an2}Knew I'd be in a bit of trouble here. 697 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,880 {\an2}Oh, my God. What did I say? 698 00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:52,920 {\an2}I've got a hosepipe, I've got a cheese grater, 699 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:54,800 {\an2}I've got a vase, I've got a task. 700 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,480 {\an8}Do you remember what the other object was? 701 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:57,520 {\an8}Armpit. 702 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:00,120 {\an2}Brought the old forearms with me. 703 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,800 {\an2}"Get the most orange juice in the vase. 704 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,880 {\an2}"Only your chosen items may touch the oranges." 705 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:15,000 {\an2}"Only your chosen items may touch oranges. You have five minutes." 706 00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:17,800 {\an2}Only your spatula, shears and boobs can touch the oranges. 707 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:18,920 {\an2}Right, OK. 708 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:21,640 {\an2}Oh, crikey. 709 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:27,120 {\an2}Funny, isn't it? 710 00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,440 {\an2}Even though there's some very funny body parts been chosen 711 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:33,000 {\an2}it's...it's, um, oranges being squeezed with the ear 712 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,240 {\an2}I'm looking forward to the most. I know. 713 00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,720 {\an2}I didn't think, I didn't think. 714 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,720 {\an2}Let's begin with two powerful men, Nick and Steve. 715 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,640 {\an2}So I need to break the skin. 716 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:47,360 {\an2}Ta-da. 717 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:50,880 {\an2}OK. 718 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,280 {\an2}Ah, my lovely James Bond top is being chafed. 719 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:57,280 {\an2}Let's see. 720 00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,200 {\an2}Is anything coming? 721 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:01,480 {\an2}Oh, yes, yes. 722 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:04,880 {\an2}Can I put this on the floor? Mm-hm. 723 00:34:08,240 --> 00:34:09,600 {\an2}Oh, my God. 724 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:12,640 {\an2}Yes, OK. 725 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,600 {\an1}HE GRUNTS 726 00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,080 {\an2}Do that, sort of using my little toe, innit? 727 00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:31,960 {\an2}What's it doing, your toe? 728 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,160 {\an2}It's having a good time. 729 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,080 {\an2}Oh, my God. AUDIENCE EXCLAIM 730 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,000 {\an2}You don't have a smaller grater, do you? 731 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,920 {\an2}It would just save me from destroying my nipples. 732 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:48,280 {\an2}Look at all this juice. 733 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,640 {\an2}This is doubling my tally. 734 00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,480 {\an2}Am I allowed to do that? You are allowed to do it, 735 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,320 {\an2}but it looks like you're milking yourself. 736 00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,120 {\an2}I feel like I've done all right, you know? 737 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:02,400 {\an2}Ten seconds. 738 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,280 {\an2}Ah. Uh, four seconds. 739 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,960 {\an2}Just blow the whistle. WHISTLE BLOWS 740 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,360 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS Yeah, that's not bad. 741 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,920 {\an2}I sense that everyone was as horrified as me in the room 742 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,120 {\an2}at the sight of Steve grating his armpit. 743 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,880 {\an2}It felt like a Saw movie to me. 744 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:28,840 {\an2}I had a lot of orange juice in my top. 745 00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:30,440 {\an2}You did. Which I tried to get into the vase. 746 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,120 {\an2}And you were using a lot of effort. 747 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,680 {\an2}Oh, yeah. I mean, it looked like you were an Olympic weightlifter. 748 00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:36,160 {\an2}Yes! Yes, he looked like this. 749 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,880 {\an2}Look at the face. 750 00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,520 {\an2}I really tried, I was really, 751 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,440 {\an2}really trying, and I didn't cheat. 752 00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,400 {\an2}Yeah, nothing was helping. 753 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,240 {\an2}Little Mickey, the nimble mouse. 754 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:53,120 {\an2}When you were ineffectually patting oranges with a grass rake... Yes. 755 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:54,320 {\an2}..I thought you were in trouble. 756 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:57,440 {\an2}Yes. But then, uh, it all got quite macho. 757 00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,560 {\an2}Yeah, it did a bit, didn't it? I was quite lucky with 758 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,200 {\an2}the choice of garlic crusher, I think. 759 00:36:01,240 --> 00:36:02,280 {\an2}Do you wanna give us some stats? 760 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,400 {\an2}Sure. Steve's was...I mean, the good thing about it was it was 13ml 761 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:07,440 {\an2}so you can take it on as hand luggage. 762 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:15,520 {\an2}Um, 109ml for you, two-and-a-half Petit Filous. 763 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,760 {\an2}Good. If you wanna see one of our five competitors 764 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,440 {\an2}waving a boot full of chips about in victory, 765 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,520 {\an2}then you come straight back here, do you understand me? 766 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,440 {\an2}Yeah, we'll see you after these adverts. 767 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:36,880 {\an2}Hello. 768 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,560 {\an2}Yes, welcome back to the show, it's the last part 769 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,280 {\an2}and we've got a lab task 770 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,440 {\an2}to finish which involves squeezing oranges. 771 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,440 {\an2}Here's Alex with some of his humour and then more information. 772 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:49,760 {\an2}Hi, everyone. That's right, Greg, 773 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,160 {\an2}a warm welcome back to Celebrities Juice. 774 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,280 {\an2}Our contestants had to choose a piece of kitchen equipment, 775 00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,080 {\an2}a body part and a gardening tool 776 00:36:58,120 --> 00:36:59,960 {\an2}and now have to squeeze as much juice as possible 777 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,320 {\an2}out of some oranges using only those items. 778 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:06,680 {\an2}Next up, the juicy John, a Sophie smoothie and a Joanne the Juice. 779 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,840 {\an2}I should've specified I like a metal spatula. 780 00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,200 {\an2}Ah. 781 00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:19,120 {\an2}That's not a good enough spatula, actually. It's too bendy. 782 00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:23,600 {\an2}OK, well it's gonna obviously be a forearm-dependent task. 783 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:24,640 {\an2}Ah, son of a... 784 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,000 {\an2}AUDIENCE EXCLAIM That really hurt. 785 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,560 {\an2}Ah. Please don't break your arm. 786 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:39,720 {\an2}Ah. 787 00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,200 {\an2}You've used your spatula and your shears. 788 00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:43,240 {\an2}Yeah. 789 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:44,840 {\an2}Are you gonna be using anything else? 790 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:45,880 {\an2}Yes. 791 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,000 {\an2}Actually that works really well. 792 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,440 {\an2}OK, it does actually work. 793 00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:53,840 {\an2}It's not a bad system. 794 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,160 {\an2}Ah. Come on. 795 00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,480 {\an2}I don't think it's gonna replace the juicer at any point. 796 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,320 {\an2}I enter with the hose. 797 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:11,640 {\an2}And then I attack with the spatula. That's the system. 798 00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,440 {\an2}It's like a scene from a very sexual film. 799 00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,120 {\an1}ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS 800 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:20,320 {\an2}That's the money shot. 801 00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:23,280 {\an2}Ah. 802 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:24,360 {\an2}God. 803 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,720 {\an2}Come on. Ah, fuck's sake. 804 00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,120 {\an2}You little bastard. Come on, come on. 805 00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,960 {\an2}Final 45 seconds now, Joanne. 806 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:37,360 {\an2}Mess this up now. 807 00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,840 {\an2}20 seconds. 808 00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:42,680 {\an2}Ten seconds. 809 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:45,560 {\an2}Five, four, three, 810 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,600 {\an2}two, one. WHISTLE BLOWS 811 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:49,640 {\an2}Oh, God. 812 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,880 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS Knackered. 813 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:55,960 {\an2}Thanks, Joanne. No worries. 814 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,080 {\an2}You didn't use your ear much. 815 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,400 {\an2}They're not pointy enough to play any part in this. 816 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,880 {\an2}Not for the first time, Joanne, you looked like, um... 817 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,520 {\an2}I've written "sociopath" here. 818 00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:12,360 {\an2}You looked like a serial killer at times. 819 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,800 {\an2}Yeah. There was a bit of mania there, in the eyes. 820 00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,320 {\an2}Nice serial killer's diary entry from you as well. 821 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,880 {\an2}"I enter with the hose and I attack with the spatula." 822 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:23,960 {\an2}You said that you thought it was sexy, John, 823 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,560 {\an2}the, uh, forearm. 824 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,360 {\an2}I mean, I think it's the least sexy thing 825 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,600 {\an2}I've ever seen in my life, watching you squeeze oranges 826 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:31,720 {\an2}with your forearms. 827 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:35,120 {\an2}In sexual...it was as sexual as orange juice can be. 828 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,360 {\an2}It... LAUGHTER 829 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,680 {\an2}..it...it wasn't. 830 00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:41,680 {\an2}Well, I had to...I knew I had to use them both 831 00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:43,600 {\an2}as a sort of a hammer and a squeezer. 832 00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,080 {\an2}Yes. You didn't have to use them to pick up the balti pan 833 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,000 {\an2}at the end, I don't know why you did that. 834 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:49,760 {\an2}Did I not? 835 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,440 {\an2}No. You can touch your items, like everyone else was doing. 836 00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,680 {\an2}Are you aiming toward a life where you only use your forearm? 837 00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:01,800 {\an1}LAUGHTER 838 00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,000 {\an2}I don't wanna dwell on your boobs, Sophie, 839 00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,720 {\an2}but they did come into play at one point. Once, 840 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:09,200 {\an2}yeah. In a stabilising way. 841 00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:10,640 {\an2}It was helpful, actually, to have that. 842 00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:12,840 {\an2}Only, uh... Yeah, he reminded you, didn't you? 843 00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:15,720 {\an2}"You haven't used your boobs." 844 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:21,560 {\an2}Um, but the rest of the system worked, seemed to work all right? 845 00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:22,760 {\an2}I think I did very well. 846 00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:24,000 {\an2}Well. Hmm. 847 00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:25,760 {\an2}We know Steve's got the tiniest amount 848 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,640 {\an2}of orange juice ever squeezed ever. 849 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,240 {\an2}Three teaspoons, yes. 850 00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:31,240 {\an2}NICK: Three teaspoons? 851 00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,800 {\an2}STEVE: I'm happy with that. I'm happy with that. 852 00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:34,880 {\an2}Then. Who's next? 853 00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,080 {\an2}Sophie, you got 107ml. 854 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,040 {\an2}Nick 109, Joanne 116. 855 00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:40,520 {\an2}So it's four points to Joanne, three to Nick, 856 00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,480 {\an2}two to Sophie, but John got 199ml 857 00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:45,080 {\an2}and five points. There it is! 858 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:49,520 {\an2}Shall we glance at the scores, young man? 859 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,400 {\an2}Yes, I might update you on the series scores briefly. Hmm. 860 00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:54,880 {\an2}Because each of them is in a different decade. 861 00:40:54,920 --> 00:41:01,280 {\an2}Nick 88, Sophie 94, Steve 104, Joanne 117, John 127. 862 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,640 {\an2}Right. In this episode, he's not won one yet, 863 00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,080 {\an2}but Nick is in the lead with 16 points! 864 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,040 {\an2}Right, well, it's that time again. Please make your way to 865 00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:14,000 {\an2}the stage for the final task of the show! 866 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:22,680 {\an2}Hi, Greg. Who's going to read the task out? 867 00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:24,040 {\an2}Nick is gonna read it out. 868 00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,480 {\an2}Read it out, you nimble mouse. 869 00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,800 {\an2}Thank you, thank you. Here we go. 870 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,120 {\an2}"Paint a face on your ball. 871 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,960 {\an2}"You may not touch your balls 872 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,920 {\an2}"with anything other than your tools. 873 00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:36,160 {\an2}"The most attractive face wins. 874 00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:40,240 {\an2}"Also you may not remove your helmet. You have 200 seconds." 875 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,400 {\an2}Seems to be quite a lot of innuendo in that. 876 00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:45,400 {\an2}Greg, what are you looking for in an attractive face? 877 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:46,920 {\an2}Really lovely lips. 878 00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:49,160 {\an2}Pretty eyes. 879 00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,000 {\an2}And lovely hair. 880 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:53,120 {\an2}200 seconds. 881 00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,280 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS We're off. 882 00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:57,840 {\an2}All right, rosy red lips. 883 00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:59,640 {\an2}The crowd have gone wild. 884 00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:01,680 {\an1}LAUGHTER 885 00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:03,120 {\an2}AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Go on, Sophie. Go on, Nick. 886 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:04,160 {\an2}Thank you. 887 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:08,680 {\an2}AUDIENCE MEMBER: Come on, John! 888 00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:13,400 {\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIM 889 00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:19,960 {\an2}Quick. It's covered in paint. 890 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,440 {\an2}NICK: Thanks, Alex. Thank you. 891 00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,720 {\an2}Is it OK for me to give Nick a little tip? 892 00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,720 {\an2}Yes. If you raise your head, the ball moves away from you. 893 00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:34,120 {\an2}Surely... 894 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:38,400 {\an2}..surely it's the same. That's the same distance, Greg. 895 00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,280 {\an2}Shit! Fucking tit wank! 896 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,400 {\an2}Ah, clever, Joanne. That's it, that's it. Shh! 897 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:51,960 {\an1}LAUGHTER 898 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,840 {\an2}John has been entirely focused throughout. 899 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,480 {\an2}Shit. Yes, Joanne's a real worry. 900 00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,040 {\an1}CHEERING 901 00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,200 {\an2}Five... I'm doing my own interpretation of her. ..four, 902 00:43:16,240 --> 00:43:18,720 {\an2}three, two, one. 903 00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,720 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 904 00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,400 {\an1}APPLAUSE 905 00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:24,760 {\an2}Why don't you all come down here, 906 00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:26,760 {\an2}and we'll see what that's done to the final scores? 907 00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:36,320 {\an2}Hey, Greg, do you wanna see these attractive faces? 908 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,040 {\an2}Yeah, I'm contractually obliged to. 909 00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,560 {\an2}You are. I'm gonna put them up in a random order 910 00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,160 {\an2}so you can just give me your reactions 911 00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:43,960 {\an2}and you can judge them all at the end. Here we go. 912 00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,080 {\an2}Wow. LAUGHTER 913 00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:47,360 {\an2}God. 914 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,280 {\an2}I blushed like I was on a first date. 915 00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,000 {\an2}Well, I mean, it's got features. 916 00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:53,080 {\an2}You said you like big lips. 917 00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:55,520 {\an2}It's a person. It's certainly got some big lips. 918 00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:58,320 {\an2}I think those lips may have been involved in an accident. 919 00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:02,960 {\an2}OK, well, compare that to face number two. 920 00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,920 {\an2}Wow. 921 00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,080 {\an2}Wow, I thought I'd never find her. 922 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:15,680 {\an2}Third face. OK. 923 00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:18,400 {\an2}Oh, my God. 924 00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:22,800 {\an2}It's the end of the night, that one, isn't it? 925 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,360 {\an2}OK, here's the fourth. Ah. 926 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:28,760 {\an2}Now who's this lady? 927 00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:32,800 {\an2}I'm transported back to the 1920s. Ah. 928 00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,560 {\an2}She is a very attractive lady. Sad though. 929 00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:37,200 {\an2}That's because we haven't met yet. 930 00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:41,760 {\an2}OK, the final face. 931 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,240 {\an2}Do you know what's really strange though? 932 00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,520 {\an2}I do find that lady more attractive than 933 00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,400 {\an2}the lady who's not got much hair. 934 00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:57,760 {\an2}Greg, how about I show you all five at once? 935 00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,840 {\an2}Yes, please. That'd be lovely. OK, here are all five of the faces. 936 00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,080 {\an2}Oh, my God. 937 00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:06,240 {\an2}Obviously, the least attractive face, 938 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,360 {\an2}to me, is bottom right. 939 00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,480 {\an2}OK, so one point to bottom right. Yes. 940 00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:13,120 {\an2}I find top right so disturbing... 941 00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:14,920 {\an1}LAUGHTER 942 00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:20,120 {\an2}..that I simply can't give her any more than two points. 943 00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,720 {\an2}I'm gonna give whatever that madness, bottom left, three. 944 00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:25,680 {\an2}Now we're into dream-date territory. 945 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:31,960 {\an2}Top left I'll give four points. 946 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,840 {\an2}Right. The mysterious girl from the 1920s gets five. 947 00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:37,320 {\an2}OK, well, there we go. APPLAUSE 948 00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:40,040 {\an2}Would you like to know who did what? Yes. 949 00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:41,720 {\an2}Bottom right, one point to Joanne. 950 00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:43,200 {\an2}Oh, congratulations. 951 00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:46,240 {\an2}Two points, top right, Steve Pemberton. 952 00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:48,200 {\an8}Bottom left is obviously Nick Mohammed. 953 00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:49,520 {\an2}Three points. 954 00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,400 {\an2}And then, top left, that's four points to Mr John Robins. 955 00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:53,960 {\an2}Ah. Well done, John. 956 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,960 {\an8}But five points, the self-portrait, 957 00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,880 {\an2}it is Sophie Willan. Well done, Sophie. 958 00:45:57,920 --> 00:45:59,000 {\an2}Well done, 1920s girl. 959 00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:02,240 {\an2}Give me the scores, please. 960 00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:05,040 {\an2}Sophie got 16, John got 18, but the winner with 19 points... 961 00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:06,320 {\an1}GASPING 962 00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:09,080 {\an2}..is Mr Nick Mohammed. No! 963 00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,600 {\an2}Nick Mohammed wins! 964 00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:17,240 {\an2}Please go and hold your haul of hollow snazziness! 965 00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,040 {\an2}All right? Yeah, I'm all right. I'm OK. Good. Thanks, Greg. 966 00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:24,880 {\an2}So what have we learnt in today's show? 967 00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,600 {\an2}Well, when Alex is putting together tasks for me, 968 00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:29,680 {\an2}sometimes I think he's just setting people up 969 00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:30,880 {\an2}to humiliate them. 970 00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:35,480 {\an2}And what we've learnt today is what goes around comes around. 971 00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,640 {\an2}You haven't? Oh, you haven't put anything on the... 972 00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:42,880 {\an2}..you've put something...oh. Oh, no, oh. 973 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:47,800 {\an2}Oh. 974 00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:52,760 {\an2}And of course we've learnt tonight's winner was 975 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:54,400 {\an2}the incredible Nick Mohammed! 976 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,520 {\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media