1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,080 {\an2}This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,120 {\an2}Well, well, well. 3 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,280 {\an2}Ooh! Oh, no, no! 4 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:08,800 {\an2}Yes! SHE SCREAMS 5 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:09,840 {\an1}SHE HISSES 6 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,280 {\an2}Erm... 7 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:15,840 {\an2}Quite windy today. Yeah. 8 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,920 {\an2}Christ. Whoo! Wrong way. 9 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:20,760 {\an2}That's how you do it, baby. OK. 10 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,480 {\an2}Oh, my God! 11 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,640 {\an1}THEY EXCLAIM 12 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:39,320 {\an2}APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Hello! Hello again. 13 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,160 {\an2}Welcome to Taskmaster! 14 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,120 {\an2}Or, as it's referred to in North Korea, 15 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,000 {\an2}a correction facility for enemies of the state. 16 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,040 {\an2}Our five remain unbroken, 17 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,760 {\an2}but I'm yet to use my full body weight. 18 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,440 {\an2}Let the games continue, 19 00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:55,480 {\an2}and, for the penultimate time, please welcome 20 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,080 {\an2}Joanne McNally... APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 21 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,120 {\an2}..John Robins... APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 22 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,280 {\an2}..Nick Mohammed... APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 23 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,400 {\an2}..Sophie Willan... APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 24 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:08,480 {\an2}..and Steve Pemberton! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 25 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,960 {\an2}And next to me, a man who says that the mothers at 26 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,040 {\an2}the gate of his children's school 27 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,720 {\an2}are a duplicitous gaggle of witches... 28 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER 29 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,320 {\an2}MUMBLED, HIGH-PITCHED: ..it's little Alex Horne. 30 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:20,640 {\an1}APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 31 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,560 {\an2}I don't remember that. I don't... 32 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,160 {\an2}No, that doesn't sound like me. 33 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,320 {\an2}Task time, then, is it? 34 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,360 {\an2}Hmm, it's Prize Task time. Yes. 35 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,800 {\an2}Yes, and this week, they've brought in 36 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,680 {\an2}the most splendid spherical thing. 37 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:34,720 {\an2}ALL: Ooh! 38 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,280 {\an2}We're looking for a solid all-rounder, 39 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,800 {\an2}and Greg will give 5 points for 40 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,360 {\an2}the most splendid spherical thing. 41 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,960 {\an2}The winner of the episode will take home five splendid spheres, 42 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,600 {\an2}or a handful of brilliant balls, 43 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,120 {\an2}or just under half a dozen cracking orbs. 44 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,840 {\an2}Right, Steve, hello. 45 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,920 {\an2}What's your splendid spherical thing? 46 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:53,440 {\an2}The most splendid spherical thing I wanted to bring you 47 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,120 {\an2}was the moon. 48 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,240 {\an2}Obviously I couldn't do that, 49 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,000 {\an2}so I made you one. 50 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,080 {\an2}Made me the moon. I made a moon. 51 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,800 {\an2}This is Steve making the moon. 52 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,360 {\an2}I made it myself in my own back garden. 53 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,160 {\an2}And, er, then, over the course of a weekend, 54 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,280 {\an2}transformed it into this. 55 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,040 {\an2}Wonderful moon. 56 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,960 {\an1}LAUGHTER 57 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 58 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:22,600 {\an2}It's a bit of a blue moon. 59 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,800 {\an1}LAUGHTER 60 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,960 {\an2}It's spectacular, Steve. Yeah. 61 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,840 {\an2}And these craters were created obviously by gas erupting through... 62 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:34,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER Oh! He saw through the science. 63 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:37,240 {\an2}Yeah. I mean, Steve, I'm speechless. 64 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:41,920 {\an2}If I'd have 1,000 guesses, I wouldn't have got to you 65 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,240 {\an2}doing an arse-laden moon. 66 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,480 {\an2}Yes, so do you recognise the specificity of 67 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,520 {\an2}the mooning in the crater? 68 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,400 {\an2}It is me. It was taken by Sam Campbell, there we are. 69 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 70 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,400 {\an2}Well done, Steve. 71 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,280 {\an2}That's going to take some beating, I tell you. 72 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,280 {\an2}And I'm not a betting man, 73 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:05,280 {\an2}but I know the woman least likely to beat it. 74 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:06,960 {\an2}Or am I wrong? 75 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,720 {\an2}I've got a mystic ball. 76 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,120 {\an2}You've got one of them, haven't you? Got two, two. Oh! 77 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,360 {\an2}I've just, in my head, said, "Will Nick win Taskmaster?" 78 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:18,880 {\an2}It says "very likely". 79 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,800 {\an2}So, it's broken. LAUGHTER 80 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,200 {\an2}"Will Greg find love?" 81 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,800 {\an2}Will Greg find love? "Cannot foretell - but no." 82 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,440 {\an2}"Cannot foretell - but no." 83 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:32,960 {\an2}You've added the "no," yeah? 84 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,080 {\an2}I added the "no," it felt more appropriate. 85 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,560 {\an2}My niece has got one of those. 86 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,520 {\an2}They're good, aren't they? Yeah. 87 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,000 {\an2}John. Greg, you and I are both childless men. 88 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,280 {\an2}And, er... Thank you. 89 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,000 {\an2}Nice to know I'll never find love... 90 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:56,000 {\an2}..and to be reminded that the line stops with me. 91 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:59,880 {\an2}I see that as a positive that affords us certain luxuries. 92 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,160 {\an2}Correct. 93 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,960 {\an2}So, I have brought you 94 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,720 {\an2}a giant honeycomb ball covered in chocolate. 95 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,080 {\an7}LAUGHTER 96 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,200 {\an8}I have a very specific technique 97 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,600 {\an2}with the honeycomb balls covered in chocolate. 98 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,240 {\an2}I'll pop some coffee in my mouth. 99 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,840 {\an2}Then I'll pop the sphere in. 100 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,400 {\an2}And I'll allow the coffee to melt through to the honeycomb. Ohh. 101 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,480 {\an2}And I've already thought, looking at that, 102 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,400 {\an2}I'll have to chuck a cup of coffee on there. 103 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:31,000 {\an2}You could slice the top off, pour the coffee in, and then... 104 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,520 {\an2}God. ..suck it out. 105 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 106 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,280 {\an2}Keep talking, you silver-tongued devil. 107 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,520 {\an2}Nick. Hi, Greg. 108 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,120 {\an2}I would say I'm somewhere between Sophie and John. 109 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:43,320 {\an2}In terms of quality. 110 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,200 {\an2}In terms of quality. OK. 111 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,680 {\an2}But, yeah, but I... LAUGHTER 112 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,480 {\an2}..I have bought in bath pearls. 113 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,240 {\an2}Ohh! 114 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:56,040 {\an2}Here they are. Absolutely wonderful. 115 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,120 {\an2}Very big in the '80s. 116 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,280 {\an2}I think peaked in the '90s. Pbbt! 117 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,840 {\an2}No, no, no, hang on. Hang on Greg. Honest to God, gut instinct? 118 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:09,160 {\an2}I think this is going to do worse than Sophie. Worse. 119 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,120 {\an2}Tell you the reason why I love them. 120 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,600 {\an2}It's a very specific memory from childhood, 121 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,080 {\an2}but in my mum and dad's house, 122 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:18,080 {\an2}there was a little room which was called the spare room. 123 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,960 {\an2}Ooh, that's an interesting name for it. 124 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,640 {\an2}And at Christmas-time, Mum and Dad would, like, kind of get ahead, 125 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,120 {\an2}and they'd wrap up some presents 126 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,600 {\an2}and it always used to smell of bath pearls that room. Ah. 127 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,480 {\an2}SOPHIE: Is that it? That's it. 128 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 129 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,080 {\an2}Joanne. I honestly don't think I can follow bath pearls. 130 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,440 {\an2}You can. 131 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,440 {\an2}So, my present this week, it's a globe bar. 132 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,720 {\an2}I mean, I know you like a drink. I like a drink. 133 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,040 {\an2}Why not get pissed on top of the world? 134 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,840 {\an2}And then, vomit on Wales, or whatever you like to do. 135 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,120 {\an2}We're talking about me here, yeah? Well, yeah whatever. 136 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,440 {\an2}OK, yeah, yeah. We could put a woman in it, if you like. 137 00:05:58,480 --> 00:05:59,840 {\an2}That'd be interesting. 138 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:00,880 {\an2}Nick in a wig. 139 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,840 {\an1}LAUGHTER 140 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,920 {\an2}I'll do that. 141 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,280 {\an2}He'll pop out for your birthday. Yeah, I mean it... 142 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,000 {\an2}..it does make the prize more exciting to me... Does it? 143 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:13,560 {\an2}..if I opened it to get myself a drink, and Nick was in there. Yeah! 144 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,400 {\an2}With some bath pearls. With some bath pearls. 145 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,760 {\an2}OK. You ready? Five splendid spheres. 146 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,680 {\an2}Yes, oh, pointing already. Yeah. 147 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,240 {\an2}I'm sorry Nick, 1 point for your rubbish bath pearls. 148 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:26,040 {\an2}That's all right. Er, you'll take 2 points, and thank me for it. 149 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,560 {\an2}2 to Sophie. 3, incredible - 150 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,920 {\an2}I mean, you can't have thought you'd get 3 for that tat. What?! 151 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,560 {\an2}I thought it was going to win it. 152 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,680 {\an2}I was so confident with that. 153 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,880 {\an2}I've brought a bar, like, what do you want?! 154 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 155 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,200 {\an2}JOHN: He wants the moon. He wants the moon! 156 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,800 {\an2}I do want the moon. 157 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:43,920 {\an1}APPLAUSE 158 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,880 {\an2}Obviously, John's mega chocolate-covered honeycomb ball 159 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,320 {\an2}will take 4 points. Lovely, well done, John. 160 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,840 {\an2}And, you know, who could deny him 5 points? 161 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,920 {\an2}Well done, Steve Pemberton. There it is. 162 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,400 {\an1}APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 163 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,880 {\an2}Right, what's first Alex? 164 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,680 {\an2}Well, I just can't believe it's that time of year again. 165 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,600 {\an2}It's the greatest day in the Gregorian Davies calendar. 166 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,600 {\an2}This one's for the little guys. 167 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,360 {\an2}NICK: Right. 168 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:28,080 {\an2}Hello. Hi, hi. Welcome to my flexible work space. 169 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,120 {\an2}Oh, right. 170 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,560 {\an2}Oh, smells nice in here. 171 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,000 {\an2}Sort of smells like a National Trust...something. 172 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,440 {\an2}This is where I stay. 173 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,680 {\an2}This is where the magic doesn't happen. 174 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,640 {\an2}Sometimes happens. 175 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:41,680 {\an2}Sure. 176 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,360 {\an2}Is this is where you live? 177 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,240 {\an2}And this is me. That's very sweet. 178 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,200 {\an2}You've got a calendar out. Hmm. 179 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,000 {\an2}Oh, that's sad, isn't it? Asleep. 180 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,320 {\an2}Asleep by a tree. Yeah. 181 00:07:55,360 --> 00:08:01,000 {\an2}"Create a new tradition to celebrate Assistant's...Day. 182 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,920 {\an2}"Most notable new tradition wins. 183 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,920 {\an2}"You must demonstrate your tradition in the next 30 minutes. 184 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,200 {\an2}"Your time starts now." 185 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,280 {\an2}Guy Fawkes has his fireworks, doesn't he? He does. 186 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,200 {\an2}People like me don't have anything at the moment. 187 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,040 {\an2}No, you don't, no, no, no, no, no, no. 188 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,640 {\an2}What day is Assistant's Day? 189 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,760 {\an2}Look in the calendar. 190 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,040 {\an2}Ah! April the 20th. 191 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,400 {\an2}There is an Assistant's Day, 192 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,640 {\an2}an official Professional Administrative's Day. 193 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,240 {\an2}Right, well, this is going to help us a little bit. Yeah. 194 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,680 {\an2}Oh! Christ. It's my fault. 195 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,080 {\an2}Yeah, it's OK. 196 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:38,800 {\an2}I feel like Assistant's Day is for one day you are the assisted. 197 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,120 {\an2}So, you'll help me. 198 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:41,160 {\an1}HE LAUGHS 199 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,360 {\an2}There was a man called Butch... Yeah. ..who broke this table. 200 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,520 {\an2}Really? Yeah. OK. 201 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,600 {\an2}Big guy. 202 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:50,880 {\an2}Trying to think about you - you've got your beard. 203 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,280 {\an2}You've got your clipboard. 204 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,000 {\an2}Personality. 205 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,960 {\an2}You've got a great personality. 206 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,320 {\an2}Erm... LAUGHTER 207 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,240 {\an2}Might have a little walk and a little think. Mm-hm. 208 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:11,000 {\an2}Everybody who comes on the show and who meets Alex 209 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,400 {\an2}says what a nice guy he is, 210 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,920 {\an2}but I hope this task that he's set, 211 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,920 {\an2}once and for all, reveals what a disgusting egomaniac, 212 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,360 {\an2}and what an absolute narcissist he is. Hmm. 213 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,520 {\an2}Erm, but I'm happy to let you have your moment. 214 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,080 {\an2}Assistant's Day it is. Thanks, Greg. 215 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,000 {\an2}Let's crack on. OK. 216 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,880 {\an2}First to celebrate Assistant's Day are Soph' and Stev'. 217 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,600 {\an2}Here we go. 218 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:39,480 {\an2}SOPHIE: Right. So, what I've got is like a-a song that, 219 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,680 {\an2}on Assistant Day, people sing. 220 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:42,960 {\an2}So, nobody's got a choice. 221 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,240 {\an2}You could even start, and Greg'd have to join in. Anybody. 222 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,160 {\an1}STEVE GROANS 223 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,960 {\an2}Steve! Hey! How are you? 224 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,560 {\an2}Not bad. Good seeing you. 225 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,120 {\an2}April the 20th, innit? 226 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,760 {\an2}April 20th today, yeah. 227 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,200 {\an2}One, two, three, go. 228 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,600 {\an2}BOTH: # Tick that box, cross off the list. 229 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,600 {\an2}# Doo-de-lu-do, Doo-de-lu-do 230 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,120 {\an2}# Assistant's Day! # 231 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,440 {\an2}Oh...oh, no. 232 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,880 {\an2}Happy Assistant's Day. Hey, speaking of which, 233 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,840 {\an2}you know what we've got to do on 20th of April, don't you? 234 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,160 {\an2}The tradition. Right, you ready for it, then? 235 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,480 {\an2}I'm ready, I love it. You got it? I've got it. 236 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,080 {\an1}BOTH GROAN 237 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:30,400 {\an2}BOTH: # On Assistant's Day, we shout hooray! 238 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,520 {\an2}# We drink a toast to helping folk... # 239 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,360 {\an2}Ah! 240 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,160 {\an2}Hey! Ah! 241 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,160 {\an2}See you next year? Yeah, I'll see you at Assistantbury. 242 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,320 {\an2}Bye-bye. Take care. 243 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:58,480 {\an2}Thanks, Sophie. Thanks for the song. 244 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,640 {\an2}# Doo-de-lu-do, doo-de-lu-do 245 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,000 {\an2}BOTH: # Assistant's Day! # 246 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 247 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,440 {\an2}I mean, I imagine there are PAs across the land 248 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,160 {\an2}screaming into their hands. 249 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,520 {\an2}That's just the song. 250 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,520 {\an2}Er, assistants get to sing that song? 251 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,240 {\an2}# Tick that box, check off the list 252 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,360 {\an2}# Doo-de-lu-do... # Yeah, yeah, we saw it. 253 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER 254 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,600 {\an2}It's a reminder of how busy they are. 255 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,720 {\an2}Right. Is it something you'd enjoy doing? 256 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,920 {\an2}I did enjoy doing it. On once a year? Yeah. 257 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,600 {\an2}For ten seconds? 258 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,480 {\an2}Both of those things made me very happy. 259 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:33,960 {\an2}I think great minds think alike. 260 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,720 {\an2}Yeah? I think it's what kicks off Assistant's Day. 261 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,040 {\an2}Hmm. What, a forward roll with a glass of water 262 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,880 {\an2}in your fucking hand?Yes! LAUGHTER 263 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,760 {\an2}You did promise me you knew the trick where you could do a roly poly 264 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,600 {\an2}and keep the glass of water full. Yes, I did. 265 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:47,600 {\an2}Neither of us could do that. No, no. 266 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,040 {\an2}My God. What a terrible start. 267 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,240 {\an2}Right, well, that's the end of part one... 268 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,640 {\an2}And there'll be more Assistant's Day celebrations coming up in part two. 269 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,400 {\an2}Thanks, guys. Lovely to... 270 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:03,600 {\an2}Ahh! 271 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 272 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,120 {\an2}Hello! And welcome to Taskmaster, 273 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,520 {\an2}where, for some grim, vain reason, 274 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,360 {\an2}we're celebrating the man next to me. 275 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,800 {\an2}Not satisfied with flogging the format around the world, are you?! 276 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,880 {\an2}# Doo-de-lu-do, doo-de-lu-do, Assistant's Day! # 277 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:29,480 {\an2}Now it's time for some more admin adulation with John and Joanne. 278 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:32,840 {\an2}What an assistant loves more than anything else on earth is paper. 279 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,600 {\an2}It's your photocopier, it's your printer, 280 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,120 {\an2}it's your to-do list. 281 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,680 {\an2}So, come with me, Alex, we're going to make you your 282 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,920 {\an2}Assistant's Day paper suit. Great. 283 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,240 {\an2}So, you're going to just going to chill out today, 284 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,280 {\an2}and enjoy your Assistant's Day. 285 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,680 {\an2}Just make sure you don't try and assist, 286 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,480 {\an2}cos that is your natural way. OK. 287 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,200 {\an2}We're going to go and say "no" to the bad man. 288 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:57,600 {\an2}R...Right. 289 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,320 {\an2}Shoulder to elbow, please. 290 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,480 {\an2}33 centimetres, wasn't it? Mm-hm. 291 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,320 {\an2}Just need to sew these together. 292 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:07,880 {\an2}There we go. 293 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,360 {\an2}Here he is, OK. 294 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,240 {\an2}Repeat after me. "No!" 295 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,280 {\an2}No! 296 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,200 {\an2}"I'm my own man today." 297 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,920 {\an2}I'm a m... I am a... 298 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,040 {\an2}"Own man." 299 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,160 {\an2}I am my own man today. 300 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,160 {\an2}"Not today, Satan." 301 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,760 {\an2}Come on, it's your day. 302 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,640 {\an2}Not today, Satan! 303 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,680 {\an2}Good boy. Yeah? You're doing so well today. 304 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,160 {\an2}Er, and we'll do this every... 305 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,440 {\an2}Once a year. ..once a year. 306 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,040 {\an2}Now, you'll have to assist me a bit while you're in the pram, 307 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,840 {\an2}cos it's - you're heavy. Is it a pram? 308 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,880 {\an2}Yes, of course it's a pram. What else is it? 309 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,840 {\an2}I thought it was a regal trolley. 310 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,840 {\an2}To-may-to, tom-ah-ato. 311 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,600 {\an1}DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS 312 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,760 {\an1}APPLAUSE 313 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:03,840 {\an2}No! 314 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,280 {\an2}"No!" No! 315 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,680 {\an2}"No assisting today, it's my day!" 316 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,880 {\an2}No! But you are going to have to get me my lunch though. 317 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,520 {\an2}Oh, really? Yeah. 318 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,680 {\an2}You want it now? Yeah. 319 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,240 {\an2}Would you...? You wait there, I'll get the menus. 320 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,800 {\an2}W-Will you help me out? 321 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:19,840 {\an2}No. 322 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,560 {\an2}Take a load off your boxes. Cheers, John. Cheers. 323 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:26,600 {\an2}Thank you so much. 324 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,320 {\an2}I love Assistant's Day. 325 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,520 {\an1}APPLAUSE 326 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,560 {\an2}"Not today, Satan," yeah? 327 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,400 {\an2}I mean, I sort of get - I get the logic. 328 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,400 {\an2}Why should they have to walk on that special day? 329 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,400 {\an2}Exactly, and Alex is, 330 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,800 {\an2}he-he assists, he's assist... he's assistable... 331 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,360 {\an2}Ah? He-He's assisting by nature. 332 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,800 {\an2}Is this a remix? 333 00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,680 {\an1}SHE MIMICKS 334 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,240 {\an2}His natural way is to assist and help. 335 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:05,880 {\an2}Love it, yeah. So, the only way to stop him assisting is to... 336 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,160 {\an2}..put him in a pram. I like the empowerment. 337 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,160 {\an2}You were getting him to shouting... Yeah. ..sort of... 338 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,280 {\an2}He was asserting himself. Hmm. Yeah. 339 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,280 {\an2}I did enjoy it. I felt quite emboldened. 340 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,880 {\an2}Did you? He did. "No!" 341 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,000 {\an2}You looked like a helpless adult in a trolley. 342 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:24,840 {\an2}John, I would like to celebrate your tailoring skills. 343 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,480 {\an2}It's an amazing paper suit. 344 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,160 {\an2}My question is, have I missed a metaphor? 345 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,560 {\an2}Er, outside of, it's an assistant who's covered in paper? 346 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,480 {\an2}For Assistant's Day... Yeah. 347 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:40,040 {\an2}..assistants get to dress in their favourite thing, which is paper. 348 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,720 {\an2}Is it?Yes. LAUGHTER 349 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,560 {\an2}Because they love paper. 350 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,400 {\an2}Also, I didn't want to... But, yeah... 351 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,800 {\an2}I think the basis of your celebration is that 352 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,880 {\an2}all assistants love paper. 353 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,120 {\an2}Yeah, big time. 354 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,120 {\an2}Have you seen this guy's dressing room? 355 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,600 {\an2}It's like a hamster's cage. 356 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 357 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,920 {\an2}I just think it's going to depress assistants. # Doo-de-lu-do. # 358 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,200 {\an2}Who's next? It's Nick Mohammed. 359 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,000 {\an2}How are you? Well, I'm great, cos it's Assistant's Day. 360 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,560 {\an2}It is, it's Assistant's Day so here we go. 361 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:15,720 {\an2}Well, this is sort of specifically for you, but also, 362 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,000 {\an2}for assistants sort of everywhere. 363 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,280 {\an2}You ready? 364 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:20,880 {\an2}Ha-ha! OK. 365 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:24,080 {\an1}HE PLAYS A GENTLE BALLAD NICK HUMS ALONG 366 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,040 {\an2}# He assists us and helps us 367 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,160 {\an2}# He's persistent and selfless 368 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,360 {\an2}# He's Alex Horne 369 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,800 {\an2}# He is quite tall 370 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,560 {\an2}# A welcome thorn in all our sides 371 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:40,240 {\an2}# Not just there for the ride, he is there by your side 372 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,800 {\an2}# When things get tough, when things get weird 373 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,800 {\an2}# He's always there with his nice beard 374 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:50,440 {\an2}# But this is a song for assistants worldwide 375 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:55,000 {\an2}# For their endless assistance to all humankind 376 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:59,920 {\an2}# An assistant's existence should not be downplayed 377 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:03,720 {\an2}# So on this day, let's celebrate and appreciate 378 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,440 {\an2}# and ruminate on Assistant's Day, Assistant's Day, 379 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,000 {\an2}# Assistant's Day 380 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,480 {\an2}# And specifical-lay Alex Horne... # 381 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,280 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 382 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,760 {\an2}Thank you. 383 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,520 {\an2}I feel like I took it too seriously. 384 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,080 {\an2}I think maybe I'm having a breakdown, but I felt... 385 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,680 {\an2}I-I felt quite emotional. 386 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 387 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,040 {\an2}..cos I was just like this. 388 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,680 {\an2}"Sing to me, Nick." 389 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,640 {\an2}I thought it was really lovely, Nick. Thanks, Greg. 390 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,200 {\an2}And where do you imagine it being played - at the beginning 391 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,560 {\an2}of Assistant's Day, or is there an event of some kind? 392 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,120 {\an2}Ah, I think it's that kind of thing, almost like in - at Christmas, 393 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,920 {\an2}there's carols, so I think you can sing it maybe up to the lead-up 394 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,320 {\an2}to Assistant's Day. Ooh, really? 395 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,720 {\an2}And then, on the day itself. 396 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,160 {\an2}And then, maybe the day after, but not much after that. Oh, OK. 397 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:58,040 {\an2}I-I guess on the day after, it might start to grate. Yes. 398 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,080 {\an2}I'll give some points out. OK. 399 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,520 {\an2}We're saying Sophie 1 point - and deservedly so, aren't we? Right. 400 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:07,160 {\an2}I celebrated the assistant, didn't humiliate the assistant. 401 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,880 {\an2}Yeah, fine, you can have 2 points. LAUGHTER 402 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,440 {\an2}And you'll thank me for them. 403 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,520 {\an2}Think I'm going to give the paper suit 3 points. 404 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,720 {\an2}I'm going to give Joanne 4, but you know, I've been horrible 405 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,560 {\an2}to him over the years, so... Yeah. ..he should have one day off. 406 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,880 {\an2}Thank you, Joanne. It's not today, you prick. 407 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:22,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 408 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,800 {\an2}Ah, and you know what? What a hauntingly beautiful way 409 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,440 {\an2}to start Assistant's Day, listening to Nick's lovely, uplifting song. 410 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:31,640 {\an2}5 points to Nick. There you go. Congratulations, Nick Mohammed! 411 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,560 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 412 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,440 {\an2}Can I have a scoreboard, please, Alex? 413 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,120 {\an2}Yes, and once again, it's 7, 7, 7 at the top. 414 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,520 {\an2}Joanne, John, and Steve joint leaders. 415 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,800 {\an1}APPLAUSE 416 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,920 {\an2}Right! What have we got next, then, Alex? 417 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,320 {\an2}Well, this is a task where they all participated in our progressive 418 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,560 {\an2}aerobic cardiovascular endurance run - and I'm not even joking. 419 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,000 {\an2}Stop it, here we go! 420 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,000 {\an2}Joanne McNally. 421 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,800 {\an2}Alex...whatever. 422 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,240 {\an2}Alex Horne. 423 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,600 {\an2}Lovely to see you. 424 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,560 {\an2}Absolutely love to see you, too. 425 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,960 {\an2}John. Alex. 426 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,440 {\an2}Right, ooh! Oh, it jumped off, Sophie. 427 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,560 {\an2}I know it's ready for me, that's what it is. 428 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:26,960 {\an2}Have you been up to much? 429 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,160 {\an2}Erm, no, I've just been preparing every possible outcome 430 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,760 {\an2}for this task, so whatever it is, 431 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,840 {\an2}I'm pretty sure I've already thought of it. 432 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,240 {\an2}NICK:Oh, here we go. HE LAUGHS 433 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:38,560 {\an2}"Peg a BLEEP sock. 434 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,360 {\an2}"Bin a BLEEP sock. 435 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,240 {\an2}"Then BLEEP... 436 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,760 {\an8}"..don aBLEEPsock on anBLEEPappendage. 437 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,920 {\an8}"Then BLEEP don a BLEEP sock 438 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,200 {\an8}"on a BLEEP appendage." 439 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,600 {\an2}Peg, bin, don. 440 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,200 {\an2}Peg, bin, don, is it? 441 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,520 {\an2}SOPHIE: So, OK so I get that. 442 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:59,040 {\an2}Throw one, one on the peg, put one on my body. 443 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:04,960 {\an2}"Each single BLEEP action must take place between BLEEP bleeps." 444 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,960 {\an2}"Most BLEEP bleeps damn wins." 445 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,160 {\an2}Sounds like my mother. 446 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,320 {\an2}"Your BLEEP time BLEEP well starts when the BLEEP bleeps start 447 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:17,520 {\an2}"and BLEEP ends when you miss a BLEEP bleep." 448 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,480 {\an2}It's really fun to do that, in't it? 449 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,080 {\an2}To warn you, the bleeps will start far apart, but they'll get closer. 450 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,680 {\an2}Oh, like the bleep test at school? 451 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:24,880 {\an2}It's like the bleep test at school. 452 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,360 {\an2}"Your time starts when the bleeps start, 453 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,280 {\an2}"and ends when you miss a bleep." 454 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,360 {\an2}Peg. Bin. 455 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,680 {\an2}And then, don. 456 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:36,960 {\an2}Does that make sense? 457 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,760 {\an2}Er, not really. 458 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,640 {\an2}Let the bleeps commence! Oh, God. 459 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,440 {\an1}APPLAUSE 460 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,280 {\an2}Tell me about the bleep test at school, Nick, what was that? 461 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,600 {\an2}When you all sat down at the - one end of the sports hall, 462 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,880 {\an2}and they do a bleep, and then, you run to the other end. 463 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,960 {\an2}Then you've gotta run back before the sound of the next bleep. 464 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,840 {\an2}Am I the only one who hasn't done the bleep test? 465 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,760 {\an2}Then they speed up, then they do... You've all done the bleep test. 466 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,120 {\an2}CROWD: Yes. Sorry. Right. 467 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,600 {\an2}I haven't done a bleep test, Greg. Ah, I see. Yeah. 468 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 469 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,400 {\an2}I-I see what's happening here, yes. 470 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,160 {\an2}Of course, our version of that was we used to ride 471 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:13,720 {\an2}a penny farthing to school. 472 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,840 {\an2}There is one more thing I want to say. 473 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,440 {\an2}IN FRENCH PRONUNCIATION: Appendage. 474 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,480 {\an2}IN FRENCH PRONUNCIATION: Appendage. Appendage. 475 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:23,800 {\an2}I'm appalled at myself. 476 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,040 {\an2}I've a degree in English, how embarrassing. 477 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,480 {\an2}First up, it's John and Nick. 478 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,880 {\an2}IN FRENCH PRONUNCIATION: Appendage! 479 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,360 {\an2}Peg, bin, don. 480 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,480 {\an2}May the bleeps commence. 481 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,680 {\an8}Will they be...? BLEEP 482 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,000 {\an8}Oh, that's a bleep. OK. So, peg a bleep. 483 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,480 {\an8}Don't peg a bleep. 484 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,120 {\an8}No, I won't. 485 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,040 {\an8}Ah! 486 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,680 {\an8}Oh, you've tied it to the sodding thing! 487 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,160 {\an8}Is there a key for that? 488 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:55,880 {\an8}You've done one, peg. 489 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,360 {\an8}I'm going to take off the cloak. 490 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,400 {\an8}BLEEP Oh, that was a bleep. 491 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,200 {\an8}There's gotta be a key for that bin somewhere. 492 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:09,480 {\an8}I expect so, yeah. 493 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,640 {\an8}Over the shoe. Lovely. 494 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:20,080 {\an8}What's your system here, Nick? 495 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,480 {\an2}There and back, there and back. Yeah, lovely. 496 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:25,160 {\an8}You've pegged and you've binned, and you've donned. 497 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,360 {\an8}Peg, bin, don. 498 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:32,280 {\an8}Now what I'm thinking is... just move everything a bit closer. 499 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:33,320 {\an8}Oh. 500 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,600 {\an8}Oh, yeah, I see. 501 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,000 {\an7}BLEEP 502 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,200 {\an7}BLEEP 503 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,600 {\an8}Have you found the key? Yeah, I've found the key. 504 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,280 {\an8}Must be before the next bleep. 505 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:56,880 {\an8}That's on. BLEEP 506 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,880 {\an8}Just in time there, Nick. It was on. 507 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,880 {\an8}BLEEP Fuck. 508 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,680 {\an8}Peg, bin, don. 509 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,600 {\an8}Oh, there's a key on it! 510 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:30,920 {\an8}Don. 511 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,000 {\an8}Peg, bin, don. 512 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,400 {\an8}Peg is next. 513 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,600 {\an8}Pegs. 514 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,160 {\an7}LAUGHTER 515 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,840 {\an8}BUZZER Oh! 516 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,080 {\an8}Oh, did you miss one? Oh. 517 00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:46,840 {\an2}You covered a lot of ground there. Whoo! Whoo! 518 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,640 {\an8}Peg. 519 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,200 {\an8}Bin. 520 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:52,240 {\an8}Don. 521 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,480 {\an8}Peg. Bin. 522 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,440 {\an8}Don. 523 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,760 {\an8}BUZZER Ah, I missed the beep.Oh. 524 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,120 {\an2}Bye John. 525 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,680 {\an1}APPLAUSE 526 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,320 {\an2}It's quite incredible how seriously you take some things. 527 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:09,760 {\an2}Even I started to think it was a fucking sport. Oh, hello. 528 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:14,120 {\an2}Well, when you've been playing peg, bin, don as long I have... Yeah. 529 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,960 {\an2}..you just want to try it in different terrains, different, er, 530 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,400 {\an2}weather conditions and stuff. It was a nice day. 531 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,480 {\an2}The wind was in a good place for me. 532 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,000 {\an2}LAUGHTER Erm...sun was shining. 533 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,920 {\an2}This is a great post-match interview, I'm really enjoying it. 534 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,360 {\an2}Nick, I did write down that you take defeat well. 535 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,560 {\an2}Oh, thank you. Something, innit? 536 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,640 {\an2}I genuinely believe that you learn a lot more 537 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,840 {\an2}from failure than success. Yeah. But which do you prefer? 538 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER 539 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,600 {\an1}LOUDLY SMACKS LIPS 540 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:44,720 {\an2}What's that? 541 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,160 {\an2}That's me savouring success. 542 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,560 {\an2}Oh. Just how I do it. 543 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,520 {\an2}What about when you fail? 544 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,160 {\an2}Pbbbbt! Er... 545 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,480 {\an2}Don't know why I did that. Is that me shitting? 546 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:56,680 {\an1}LAUGHTER 547 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,320 {\an2}Is that me pooing myself? I just had a real out-of-body 548 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:01,880 {\an2}experience where I just realised I was doing that, 549 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,640 {\an2}and it was being filmed. LAUGHTER CONTINUES 550 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,560 {\an2}I think, maybe all the sarcastic things I've said to you 551 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:10,080 {\an2}have built up, and that was the release. Yeah. Came out. 552 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,840 {\an2}Right, that's the end of part two. 553 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,880 {\an2}Alex, please, would you perform a haiku for everybody? 554 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,560 {\an2}Coo! 555 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:19,800 {\an2}Comedy! Comedy! 556 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:30,120 {\an2}Hello there! 557 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,680 {\an2}Welcome to the third part of the show, where there's 558 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,200 {\an2}an old-school bleep test under way. 559 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,200 {\an2}Big time. Yes, they've got to peg a sock, bin a sock, 560 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,640 {\an2}then don a sock on an appendage. 561 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,040 {\an2}Each action taking place between the bleeps. 562 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,800 {\an2}So, let's see how Sophie and Joanne got on. 563 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,160 {\an2}So, it's peg first. Good. 564 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,200 {\an8}Peg a sock. Yeah. 565 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,560 {\an8}It doesn't say peg to the line. Sure it doesn't. 566 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,280 {\an8}Oh! Thinking outside the box. 567 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,400 {\an8}Oh, so you've just pegged it, OK. 568 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,320 {\an8}Do you think binning means putting it in a bin, 569 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:01,480 {\an8}or are you just going to bin? 570 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,440 {\an2}I thought "bin it" as in "get rid of it". Fine. 571 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,760 {\an2}Is that...? It's up to you. 572 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,360 {\an2}Oh, I have it! 573 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,520 {\an8}I'm bringing them all to the same place. 574 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:09,800 {\an8}Right. 575 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,000 {\an2}An ear's an appendage, isn't it? 576 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,800 {\an2}That's an appendage. Yeah, lovely. Lovely appendage. 577 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,080 {\an8}Oh, no! Oh. You... 578 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,040 {\an8}What have you done to my basket? Sorry. 579 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,440 {\an2}Cool. Are you happy with your technique? 580 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:25,840 {\an2}Oh. Lovely. 581 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:29,440 {\an8}Right. 582 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:33,760 {\an8}Very casual. 583 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,160 {\an8}It's very casual, isn't it? 584 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,520 {\an8}We could have brunch. 585 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,640 {\an8}Lovely. Thank you. Peg. 586 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,840 {\an2}So, you're saying the head is an appendage. 587 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,080 {\an2}Yeah, it's a head, in't it? Yeah. 588 00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:53,480 {\an7}LAUGHTER 589 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,560 {\an2}An appendage is just something that you might stick 590 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,120 {\an2}a plaster on, in't it? 591 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,520 {\an8}Which is a head. 592 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,720 {\an8}In my case. 593 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:11,440 {\an8}Oh, fuck. 594 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,520 {\an8}This is the sportiest thing I've ever done, so... 595 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,400 {\an8}Oh, Jesus. 596 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:17,520 {\an1}BLEEP 597 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:18,840 {\an2}BUZZER Uh-oh! 598 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,160 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 599 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,200 {\an2}Appendage. 600 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,360 {\an2}God, it's really complicated. 601 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,200 {\an8}Peg. Yeah, you've gotta be quick now. Right, sh. 602 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,880 {\an2}Sorry. Sorry. Oh, no. 603 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,080 {\an2}BUZZER Peg. Ah no, I lost my peg! 604 00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:33,240 {\an2}Oh, no. Ah. 605 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,480 {\an2}It's intense, that, weren't it? Yeah. 606 00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,240 {\an1}APPLAUSE 607 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,240 {\an2}Joanne's having a blinder today, in't she? Oh, yeah. 608 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,120 {\an2}It's the first task that I've kind of read between 609 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:45,480 {\an2}the lines of the task. 610 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,000 {\an2}Yeah. Now let's talk about the definition of binning something. 611 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,680 {\an1}LAUGHTER 612 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,480 {\an2}Bin it off. You're the sort of person who chucks crisp bags 613 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,840 {\an2}out of your car, aren't you? 614 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,520 {\an2}Yeah, I mean, binning can mean get rid of. 615 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,960 {\an2}Thank you. I got rid of 'em... 616 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,520 {\an2}It can. Is the dictionary definition "get rid of"? 617 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:05,560 {\an2}Bin. To bin it off. 618 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,320 {\an2}Get rid of? They're still existing. 619 00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:08,960 {\an2}Bin it! They're just behind her. 620 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,880 {\an2}Bin it. I-I'm aware of the casual use of "bin it". 621 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,200 {\an2}I just don't whether I approve. 622 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,120 {\an2}I think it's people like you who are bringing our country down. 623 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,200 {\an2}LAUGHTER Who's next? 624 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,800 {\an2}OK, finally, it's time to see the multi-award-winning actor 625 00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,800 {\an2}and writer Steve Pemberton in a different sort of light. 626 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:26,840 {\an8}OK, come on. 627 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:28,800 {\an8}Ohh, BLEEP! 628 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,240 {\an8}Oh, orange peg for an orange sock. 629 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:34,440 {\an2}Bonus point. 630 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:38,680 {\an8}"Most bleeps wins" - now I've got to bin a sock 631 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,320 {\an2}before the next bleep. 632 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,320 {\an2}After the next bleep! 633 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,000 {\an2}So I, er, where's the bin? 634 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,600 {\an8}There's a bin here. You ready for your sock? 635 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:48,800 {\an2}GRUFF VOICE: "Yes." 636 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:50,800 {\an2}You hungry? "I'm starving!" 637 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:51,920 {\an2}You want a BLEEP sock? 638 00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:53,640 {\an2}"Yeah, gimme a BLEEP sock!" 639 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,280 {\an2}You sure? "Yeah! Gimme a BLEEP sock now!" 640 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:57,920 {\an2}All right, you BLEEP, calm down! 641 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,240 {\an2}"Stop being a BLEEP and gimme a sock!" 642 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,440 {\an2}Jesus. There's your sock. 643 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,560 {\an8}Very rude bin. 644 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:09,480 {\an8}OK, "Don a sock on an appendage." 645 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:12,720 {\an8}So, I've already got one in my hand. 646 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,320 {\an2}There we go. 647 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,840 {\an2}GRUFF VOICE: "Mother BLEEP." 648 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:18,240 {\an2}I hope I've done that right. 649 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,040 {\an2}Have you finished? 650 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:29,800 {\an8}BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP... 651 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,920 {\an2}..er, nipples... BLEEP 652 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:33,360 {\an2}Yes, finished. 653 00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,800 {\an2}I don't know what I'm meant to do! 654 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:40,760 {\an2}Well, all the information's on the task, Steve. 655 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,600 {\an2}I hope I've not made a fool of myself. 656 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 657 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,840 {\an2}I just heard "most bleeps wins". 658 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,520 {\an2}There were loads of bleeps! 659 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:55,840 {\an1}LAUGHTER 660 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,360 {\an2}I think I should win. 661 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:58,560 {\an2}S... 662 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:00,320 {\an2}"Most bleeps wins." 663 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:05,640 {\an2}So, your understanding of that task was person who swears the most... 664 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,520 {\an2}Yeah. I thought the socks were a total irrelevance. 665 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:09,720 {\an2}Right. 666 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 667 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,920 {\an2}I mean, I'm happy to count the swearing bleeps as bleeps. 668 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:19,760 {\an2}Because it won't affect the scores. 669 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 670 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:22,840 {\an2}What was your favourite swear word you used? 671 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:24,080 {\an2}Erm... 672 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:29,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 673 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,640 {\an2}It's just a bit of fun, what's your favourite swear word? 674 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:32,960 {\an2}Jizz. 675 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,560 {\an2}Lovely. Can I have some scores, please? 676 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,480 {\an2}Steve managed to generate a total of 15 bleeps. 677 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,160 {\an2}Nick, 22, Sophie, 30, 678 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,680 {\an2}Joanne, 42 bleeps, 679 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:49,440 {\an2}John, 43, so he gets the 5 points. Ooh! 680 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,000 {\an2}There we go, well done, John. APPLAUSE 681 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,400 {\an2}OK, and do you think we can have one more task, Alex, please? 682 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:01,480 {\an2}Mm-hm, it's time to go back of head to the lab. 683 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:02,760 {\an2}Huh? 684 00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:19,880 {\an2}Hello. Hello, Sophie. 685 00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,760 {\an2}Ha-ha! Short back and sides, please. 686 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,760 {\an1}LOUDLY CLEARS HIS THROAT 687 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,880 {\an2}Yes? HE LAUGHS 688 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,040 {\an2}That's how I enter. That's how I usually enter a room. 689 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,160 {\an2}Ah, I can see myself and the back of my head. 690 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,400 {\an2}Very rarely you get to see that. 691 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,160 {\an2}Ah, yeah. The old task. 692 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:39,520 {\an2}Yeah, I'm afraid so. 693 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,280 {\an2}"Make" - it's written backwards. 694 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,680 {\an2}Oh, no. God, that's hard, in't it? 695 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:51,000 {\an2}"Heen, hoob...heeb." 696 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:52,120 {\an2}That's an S, isn't it? 697 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,640 {\an2}They look like As backwards on this typewriter. They do. 698 00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,520 {\an2}"Need" - ooh. Oh, yeah. 699 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,280 {\an2}"Bermar"... 700 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,040 {\an2}Hold on a second here. 701 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,960 {\an2}"Be ambumbur." 702 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,480 {\an2}Something going on, in't there? 703 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,160 {\an2}Oh, for Christ's sake. 704 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:17,400 {\an2}Right, er, "Make the back of your head look like the front of a head." 705 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:18,600 {\an2}"Make the na... 706 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:22,560 {\an2}"Make the back of your neeb..." 707 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:23,800 {\an2}What's a neeb? 708 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:25,080 {\an1}NICK LAUGHS 709 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,680 {\an2}"Make the back of your head look like the front of your head. 710 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,960 {\an2}"You may not just make a mask." 711 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,480 {\an2}"You must demonstrate your new front of head in action. 712 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:38,520 {\an2}"Most characterful back/front head wins." 713 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,120 {\an2}Is there anything else in the room 714 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,840 {\an2}that could help you read that, do you think? Oh, my f... 715 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:50,080 {\an2}That is a really good trick, I have to say. 716 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:51,560 {\an2}"You have 15 minutes. 717 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,080 {\an2}"Your time starts...won." 718 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,560 {\an2}Typo. Finally. 719 00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,800 {\an2}"Your time starts won." 720 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:01,080 {\an2}It's "now" backwards. 721 00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:07,840 {\an2}"Most characterful back/front head wins." All right. 722 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:12,680 {\an2}So...I would imagine it's a bit of yellow. 723 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:17,880 {\an2}Oh, no, that's my precious. 724 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:20,560 {\an2}Can you see my nostrils? 725 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:21,920 {\an2}Biggest I've ever seen. 726 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:28,040 {\an2}So, I - that's what the ketchup's for, obviously. Uh-huh. 727 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,120 {\an2}She's the kind of person who listens to Gloria Gaynor. 728 00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,680 {\an2}Let's dive in. 729 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,840 {\an2}What you thinking? Hello. 730 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,560 {\an2}This is very...Blue Peter back in the day, isn't it? 731 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,880 {\an2}How old is she? She's about 50, 732 00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:43,680 {\an2}and been through the menopause. 733 00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,200 {\an2}She's on HRT. 734 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,000 {\an2}Oh, God. I hate you for this. 735 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,480 {\an2}Well, I'm very much looking forward to meeting the lady who's into 736 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,960 {\an2}Gloria Gaynor and is...menopausal. LAUGHTER 737 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,800 {\an2}You know that I am what I am, she's had to accept herself. 738 00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:03,920 {\an2}Yeah, you've got to, haven't you? Yeah. 739 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,400 {\an2}Good, so we're doing some back-of-the-head characters. 740 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,440 {\an2}Yes, most characterful back of head wins. 741 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,960 {\an2}Let's start with Sophie and Nick's characterful creations. 742 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,840 {\an2}Hello, where's the party at? 743 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,480 {\an2}Oh, hello, what - oh, hello welcome to the party. 744 00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:23,160 {\an2}Yeah, I'm having a great time. 745 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,360 {\an2}Don't know what your name is. Er, Death. 746 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,640 {\an2}Death, right. Hello, Death. 747 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER 748 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,720 {\an2}LIGHT, AIRY VOICE: Hello. 749 00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,880 {\an2}My name's Lesley, 750 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:40,720 {\an2}and I'm ready for my song. 751 00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:42,440 {\an2}Hello, Lesley. 752 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,760 {\an2}SOMBER PIANO PLAYS # Ooh 753 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,880 {\an2}# Ooh, ooh 754 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,440 {\an2}# Ooh! Ooh... # 755 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,320 {\an2}Ah, did you write that yourself, Lesley? 756 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:54,640 {\an2}It's about my divorce. 757 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,360 {\an2}Oh, sorry to hear that. Yeah. 758 00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,240 {\an2}Did he leave you, or did you leave...? 759 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:00,960 {\an2}He left. He left. 760 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,480 {\an2}It was hard. But I'm back. 761 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,120 {\an2}I'm back. 762 00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:07,960 {\an2}Thanks for inviting me. 763 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,080 {\an2}Pleasure, Death. 764 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,680 {\an2}Oh, hang on my... my straw's come out my mouth. 765 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:15,440 {\an2}There we go. 766 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,040 {\an2}There you go, that's all right! 767 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,680 {\an2}Go, Lesley! You know? 768 00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:24,400 {\an2}Whoo! Whoo! 769 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,240 {\an1}APPLAUSE 770 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,480 {\an2}Did you feel there was some doubt in your eyes when you said, 771 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:35,760 {\an2}"That was all right"? 772 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,040 {\an2}There was a touch of doubt. 773 00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,400 {\an2}I think I got really fixated on the party blower thing. 774 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,000 {\an2}But I loved the party blower thing. 775 00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,360 {\an2}So did I, but then, that's the only thing it could do. 776 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,720 {\an2}Not so. The monocle swivelled into place. 777 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,960 {\an2}That's true. There was a lot of moving parts to that face. 778 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,080 {\an2}I think I'm too into it. Yeah. 779 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,920 {\an2}LAUGHTER I'm all right with that. 780 00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,080 {\an2}Erm, is Lesley the middle-aged lady, 781 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,800 {\an2}she was from Sesame Street? 782 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,480 {\an2}I was just expecting something a little bit more realistic. 783 00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:12,160 {\an2}I thought, "I'm going to get drawn into a woman's struggle here." 784 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,200 {\an2}You know, someone who's been through something. 785 00:36:14,240 --> 00:36:19,440 {\an2}Yes. And then, there was just some goon with a sheet and two big... 786 00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,880 {\an2}Two big boggle eyes cellotaped to the back of her head. 787 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,200 {\an2}I think you saw her, though, didn't you? I saw her all right. 788 00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:27,920 {\an2}Lesley, she was there, she was with you. She was there. 789 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,680 {\an2}I enjoyed it, albeit low-scoring. 790 00:36:30,720 --> 00:36:32,520 {\an2}OK, I'll bear that in mind. OK. 791 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,880 {\an2}That's three quarters of this fine episode gone. 792 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,680 {\an2}There's a massive chocolate ball and a mooning moon up for grabs, 793 00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:39,400 {\an2}so hurry back. We'll see you soon! 794 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:40,880 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 795 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,040 {\an2}Hello! It's the final part of the show, 796 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,480 {\an2}and there's still a task to complete in the lab. 797 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:55,640 {\an2}Yes, that's right, our cast are trying to make 798 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,200 {\an2}the back of their head look like the front of a head. 799 00:36:58,240 --> 00:37:00,520 {\an2}Most characterful back/front head wins. 800 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:03,080 {\an2}Steve Pemberton and Joanne McNally are next. 801 00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,600 {\an2}Oh, and here they come right now. 802 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,400 {\an2}BOXING BELL DINGS Put 'em up! 803 00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,600 {\an2}Put 'em up. Eh... 804 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:14,960 {\an2}I'm undefeated in 18 fights, eh? 805 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,440 {\an2}Floats like a battleship, sings like a wasp! 806 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,080 {\an2}So, go on, he fell asleep on the plane. 807 00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,160 {\an2}You took his phone, pointed to his face, 808 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,480 {\an2}opened it, and went into his DMs. 809 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,360 {\an2}IN ESSEX ACCENT: "I went into his DMs. 810 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,960 {\an2}"He's fuckin' cheating, in't he? Some slag called Barbara, 811 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,520 {\an2}"fucking all over him! 812 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,520 {\an2}"Sending naked photos and everything, 813 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:37,920 {\an2}"and he's asking for it!" 814 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,800 {\an2}Come on, Alex. I'm going to take you out. 815 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:43,400 {\an2}Come on! Are you a man or a mouse? Come on! 816 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:44,880 {\an2}Oh, you want me to come and fight you? 817 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:46,800 {\an2}I want you to come and fight me! Oh, I'd love to. 818 00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,400 {\an2}I can take you. Jab. 819 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,720 {\an2}Are you a south paw? Er... 820 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:52,760 {\an1}BLOW LANDS 821 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,400 {\an2}Oh, yeah, oh, you got me really good. 822 00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:58,120 {\an2}Ah! Yeah! I love you, Adrienne! 823 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:02,200 {\an2}You're joking. "Fuckin' knew he was cheating." 824 00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,840 {\an2}Fucking knew it. When the phone's face-down during dinner, 825 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,360 {\an2}when they bring it to the toilet. "That's it, innit? 826 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:11,000 {\an2}"That's when I knew he was mugging me off, didn't I? 827 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,080 {\an2}"Eh? I'm ragin'!" 828 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,480 {\an2}Oh! 829 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:19,480 {\an1}APPLAUSE 830 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,440 {\an2}When I first saw it, Steve, and you going, "Urgh," I thought, 831 00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,480 {\an2}"He's lost his fucking mind." LAUGHTER 832 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,760 {\an2}And then, I went, "Cauliflower ears." Clever. Hmm. 833 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,160 {\an2}It was all edible. Orange peel tooth, banana nose. 834 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,080 {\an2}Coffee pod eyes. Coffee pod eyes. Ketchup. 835 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:36,640 {\an2}Yeah, and that cauliflower stain, 836 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,120 {\an2}that was turmeric cauliflower which stained my hair for about 837 00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,440 {\an2}a fortnight afterwards. 838 00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,920 {\an2}And those elastic bands left welts in my face, 839 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,480 {\an2}that meant we had to delay filming by quite some time 840 00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,080 {\an2}before they calmed down again. 841 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:52,040 {\an2}Wow. Joanne, I mean I... I hated that woman. 842 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,960 {\an2}Yeah. I - so, I'm sorry to the people of Essex. 843 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,960 {\an2}I can't do accents. Do. Oh. She was from Essex? 844 00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,320 {\an2}Yeah! Did you not hear? I thought she was Welsh. 845 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:02,840 {\an2}It was kind of - it was a Gemma Collins character. 846 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,680 {\an2}Yeah. Were there any rules that Joanne broke? 847 00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:09,880 {\an2}No, the one rule was you can't just make a mask. 848 00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:13,000 {\an2}But she didn't just make a mask. It was far more creative. 849 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:14,800 {\an2}OK, she wore it - oh, it was very creative. 850 00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:18,000 {\an2}I loved the duality of flipping between the two characters. 851 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:20,080 {\an2}Felt quite serious all of a sudden, doesn't it? Yeah. 852 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:21,240 {\an2}Yeah, she did also say, 853 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,640 {\an2}"Oh, so it's just sticking shit to the back of my head, is it?" 854 00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:25,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 855 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,080 {\an2}That's more like it, we're back in the game! 856 00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,120 {\an2}Well, just John left, and that means this is either very good 857 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,640 {\an2}or absolute horse shit. 858 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,840 {\an2}All right, then, well, finally, it's our resident reanimator - 859 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:37,880 {\an2}it's John Robins. 860 00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,200 {\an2}Hello. 861 00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:45,160 {\an2}How are you doing Wembley, you OK? 862 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,520 {\an2}# Ey-oh! 863 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,680 {\an2}# Ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-oh! 864 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:51,640 {\an2}# Ey-oh! Ey-oh! 865 00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,640 {\an2}# Ey-oh! 866 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,480 {\an2}# Toodle-ey-ey-oh! # 867 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:00,920 {\an2}Toodle-oo! 868 00:40:03,240 --> 00:40:05,160 {\an1}APPLAUSE 869 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:10,800 {\an2}Incredible, some of your finest work, I would say. 870 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:12,560 {\an2}Look how pleased he is with himself. 871 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,880 {\an2}Well, do you know the reason I'm pleased is cos 872 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,240 {\an2}I'm so bad at painting and colouring in and - 873 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,880 {\an2}not that I do colouring in any more. 874 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,920 {\an2}I was painting in the mirror, and I thought, 875 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:24,480 {\an2}"Don't let Freddie down." 876 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,640 {\an1}LAUGHTER 877 00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:28,720 {\an2}Right, are you ready to score these backs of heads? 878 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,880 {\an2}Yeah, it's quite tricky, really, cos, you know there's a lot of 879 00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,000 {\an2}people jostling at the bottom of the pile. 880 00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:36,960 {\an2}I'll put all five up here, OK, and then, that might help you. 881 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,360 {\an2}That might help me. There they are. 882 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:40,960 {\an2}There are the five characters. 883 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER 884 00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:45,800 {\an2}You won't like this, can I go from the top down? 885 00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:47,520 {\an2}I'm fine with that, I'm a pretty relaxed guy. 886 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,440 {\an2}Right, cos obviously, Freddie Mercury is the best. 887 00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,280 {\an2}Right. So, we'll give John 5 points. 888 00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:54,200 {\an2}There we go, round of applause for John Robins. Well done. 889 00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:56,200 {\an1}APPLAUSE 890 00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:58,400 {\an2}If we're talking about character from faces, 891 00:40:58,440 --> 00:40:59,960 {\an2}I'll give Steve 4 points. 892 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,920 {\an2}I rather liked Joanne's, the duality - 893 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,440 {\an2}I'm sure the Internet'll go fucking mad... Yeah. 894 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,720 {\an2}..that she just used a mask, so 3 points. 895 00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:08,760 {\an2}Back again. I know, here we are. 896 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:10,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 897 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:13,520 {\an2}Getting 2 points is like Christmas Day. 898 00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:14,840 {\an2}2 points each. 899 00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,160 {\an2}THEY GASP There we go, 2 points each. 900 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:21,120 {\an2}What are the scores? 901 00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,400 {\an2}The scores, well, yes, Sophie and Nick are at the bottom, 902 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:25,760 {\an2}Joanne, you're second 903 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,600 {\an2}but John's in the lead again with 17! 904 00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:30,360 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 905 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,800 {\an2}Please, can you all make your way to the stage for 906 00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,360 {\an2}the final task of the show! 907 00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:44,120 {\an2}Hi, baby boy. 908 00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:45,720 {\an2}Oh, hi, Dad. 909 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 910 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,440 {\an2}Who's going to read the task out? 911 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,040 {\an2}Joanne McNally, please. 912 00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,520 {\an2}McNally. It's with you. 913 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,480 {\an2}"Bounce a ball on the bar. 914 00:41:56,520 --> 00:42:00,800 {\an2}"In round one, your ball must bounce once before falling off the bar. 915 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:04,920 {\an2}"In round two, your ball must bounce twice before falling off the bar, 916 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:05,960 {\an2}"and so on. 917 00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:09,480 {\an2}"Each player has one life, most correct bounces wins." 918 00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:10,840 {\an2}They can make one mistake. 919 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:12,760 {\an2}One mistake in total in the whole game. Got it. 920 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,200 {\an2}OK, and as... Can you choose when to use that life? 921 00:42:15,240 --> 00:42:17,720 {\an1}LAUGHTER 922 00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:20,360 {\an2}Do you want to use it in a pr-previous task? 923 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER CONTINUES 924 00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,080 {\an2}Oh, right, no, I get it now, I get it. 925 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 926 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,880 {\an2}So, John is up first. Let's play ball. 927 00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,920 {\an2}John, grab a ball, bounce it once on the bar. 928 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,640 {\an2}Oh. He has made it through. 929 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:38,840 {\an2}It was a classic side bounce. 930 00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:41,240 {\an2}It was a side bounce. Following suit. 931 00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,080 {\an2}Well done, lovely stuff. APPLAUSE 932 00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,280 {\an2}Next up, it's Steve Pemberton. 933 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,600 {\an2}ALL: Ooh! 934 00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:51,800 {\an2}I meant it! 935 00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:54,640 {\an2}OK, next up, it's Nick Mohammed. 936 00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,320 {\an2}Feeling all right, Nick? I'm all right. 937 00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:58,600 {\an2}There we go. 938 00:42:58,640 --> 00:42:59,960 {\an1}APPLAUSE 939 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,040 {\an2}If anyone can mess this up. 940 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:03,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 941 00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:07,520 {\an2}Oh! Slightly aggressive. Incoming! 942 00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:10,040 {\an2}It's now round two, two bounces on the bar, please. 943 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,720 {\an2}APPLAUSE Lovely. 944 00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,400 {\an2}Ah... 945 00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:25,920 {\an2}CHEERING She's through. 946 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,520 {\an2}No-one's using the full length of the bar yet. 947 00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:30,280 {\an2}It's quite expensive. 948 00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,600 {\an1}LAUGHTER 949 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,520 {\an2}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS Oh! 950 00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,880 {\an2}I'm holding it, because you're now on a life. 951 00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:45,520 {\an2}Oh! 952 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,760 {\an2}Steve, please sit on the Elimination Bench. 953 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,520 {\an2}Steve Pemberton, everyone. APPLAUSE 954 00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,080 {\an2}Heartbreaking. 955 00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:57,800 {\an7}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS 956 00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,360 {\an2}OK. It's all right, you're still in the game, Nick. 957 00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:01,640 {\an2}Try and do it twice. 958 00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:03,440 {\an1}LAUGHTER 959 00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,000 {\an2}Ah, the voice of experience. 960 00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:10,800 {\an2}Lovely. APPLAUSE 961 00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,920 {\an2}Let's just put it there. just to remember. Yes. 962 00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,240 {\an2}LAUGHTER Do we all sit? 963 00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:25,680 {\an2}Go on, Sophie, come on. OK, right. 964 00:44:25,720 --> 00:44:28,200 {\an2}Come on, number two. Two. 965 00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:29,600 {\an2}Dur-dur. 966 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:32,200 {\an1}APPLAUSE 967 00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:35,000 {\an2}Sophie, please make your way to the bench. 968 00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:37,560 {\an2}So, John, you're up. Three bounces, please. 969 00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:47,640 {\an2}Ohh! 970 00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,560 {\an2}Well, be useful in round five. 971 00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,600 {\an1}LAUGHTER 972 00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:58,360 {\an2}Oh! Ohh! 973 00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,520 {\an2}On the bench, you may still make it through if the others don't. 974 00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:06,240 {\an2}Hmm...hmm... 975 00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:11,640 {\an2}Yes, yes. 976 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:13,200 {\an2}Oh! 977 00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:14,600 {\an2}Oh, it was close. 978 00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,600 {\an2}That was four - so just one fewer, and you'll be through. OK. 979 00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:24,600 {\an2}I don't have the time to have a strategy. I don't know 980 00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,240 {\an2}if it's a fucking strategy, just... 981 00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,920 {\an8}Yes...yes! CHEERING 982 00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:34,320 {\an2}Thank God! So, if Nick fails here, Joanne is the winner. 983 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:35,840 {\an2}It's three, isn't it? One, two. 984 00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:37,760 {\an2}Three, and you have no lives - so this is it, 985 00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:40,040 {\an2}this is potentially the endgame. 986 00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,800 {\an2}LAUGHTER Oh!Oh, hello. 987 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,960 {\an2}Just one trick shot too far, wasn't it? 988 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,560 {\an2}Oi-oi-oi! 989 00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,680 {\an2}Ladies and gentlemen the winner is Joanne McNally! 990 00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:02,640 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 991 00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:06,320 {\an2}Come down and join me, we'll add that to the final scores! 992 00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,360 {\an2}So, Sophie and Steve came joint fourth. 993 00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:15,600 {\an2}You get 2 points each. 994 00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:17,600 {\an2}Nick and John joint second, 4 points each 995 00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:19,680 {\an2}but the best bouncer was Joanne McNally! 996 00:46:19,720 --> 00:46:22,640 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 5 points. 997 00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:26,800 {\an2}So, it means that Nick has had a solid episode. 998 00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:29,040 {\an2}You're joint third with Steve. 999 00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:30,840 {\an2}Joanne a strong finish on 19, 1000 00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:33,240 {\an2}but John is the winner again, with 21 points! 1001 00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,920 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1002 00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:41,640 {\an2}John Robins wins! Please go and scoop up your splendid spheres! 1003 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,880 {\an2}See you next time for the final, 1004 00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,840 {\an2}but now, please applaud tonight's worthy winner once more - 1005 00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:52,200 {\an2}it's John Robins! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1006 00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:19,200 {\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media