1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,960
{\an2}This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,280
{\an2}GREG SIGHS: Ah.
3
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:08,360
{\an2}Oh!
4
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:09,480
{\an2}SCREAMS: Whoa!
5
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,240
{\an1}SCREAMS
6
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:16,440
{\an2}SQUEAKING: Mim, nim, nim, nim.
7
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,640
{\an2}Oh, you're useless at this.
8
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,320
{\an2}SCREAMS: Ah!
9
00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:21,360
{\an2}Prrp.
10
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:22,400
{\an2}Ooh!
11
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:23,440
{\an2}Urgh!
12
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,320
{\an2}Hello!
13
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:36,440
{\an2}Thank you.
14
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,200
{\an8}Welcome to Taskmaster.
15
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,840
{\an8}The buckshot in the blunderbuss of
entertainment.
16
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,920
{\an2}Let's see if we can't fire our
contestants into
17
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,920
{\an2}the farmer's bottom of laughs.
18
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:46,960
{\an2}Here they are.
19
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,800
{\an2}They're Andy Zaltzman...
20
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,680
{\an2}..Babatunde Aleshe...
21
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,000
{\an2}..Emma Sidi...
22
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,160
{\an2}..Jack Dee...
23
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,680
{\an2}..and Rosie Jones.
24
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:05,120
{\an2}And next to me a man who believes
that anyone over
25
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,680
{\an2}the age of 70 should have their
driving licences revoked.
26
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:12,080
{\an2}As he puts it, if you can't get a bit
of shortbread into your gob
27
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,240
{\an2}you shouldn't be reverse parking.
28
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,520
{\an2}OLD LADY-STYLE VOICE: It's Little
Alex Horne.
29
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:19,960
{\an2}Hello, Greg.
30
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,000
{\an2}Hi!
31
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:25,960
{\an2}Greg. I'm so sorry to do this.
What's happened?
32
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,760
{\an2}Nothing's happened I just need to
verify you're not a robot. Mm-hm.
33
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,400
{\an2}There's a lot of it about. Hmm.
So here are some ticks.
34
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,880
{\an2}There we go. Just put that into a
square
35
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,320
{\an2}wherever you see a motorbike.
36
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,480
{\an2}So, er, there's the image.
37
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,080
{\an2}Just if you see a motorbike pop a,
38
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,200
{\an8}pop a tick on any square with a
motorbike.
39
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:44,880
{\an2}Then I'm obviously a robot cos there
are no motorbikes.
40
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,480
{\an8}Well, well, robots would be able to
41
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:47,960
{\an8}spot if there was a motorbike.
42
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,360
{\an2}I'd love to have a fight with you.
43
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,360
{\an2}I'd love to have an actual fight
with you.
44
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,640
{\an2}Right.
45
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,480
{\an2}On with the prize task.
46
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,400
{\an2}What have they been asked to bring in
this week?
47
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,720
{\an2}Well, this one is tantalising for
me, Greg,
48
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,360
{\an2}because they've been asked to
bring in
49
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,600
{\an2}the most fun thing to put
in Alex's pocket
50
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:15,760
{\an2}without him knowing.
51
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:16,880
{\an2}Ooh!
52
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,880
{\an2}So some things have been put in my
admin jacket without me knowing.
53
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,600
{\an2}It's up to Greg to decide which is
the most fun thing
54
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,880
{\an2}and the person responsible will
pocket five points.
55
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,760
{\an2}The winner of the episode will take
home all the things that
56
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:27,960
{\an2}have been in my pockets.
57
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,400
{\an2}OK, Andy, what do you think's the
most fun thing
58
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:31,680
{\an2}to put in Alex's pocket?
59
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,560
{\an2}Er, Alex it's in your top left
arm pocket.
60
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,440
{\an2}Here she comes.
61
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,720
{\an2}Ah, it's the elixir of eternal life.
Yeah.
62
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,920
{\an2}Wow.
63
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,800
{\an2}Yeah, I thought it might be
quite fun.
64
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:47,440
{\an2}Inside it's got egg, batshitium,
dolphin spludge...
65
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:48,480
{\an2}Ah. Wow.
66
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:49,520
{\an2}Should I?
67
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,640
{\an2}I think the real test of the fun is
you drinking it.
68
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,000
{\an2}That's the dolphin I suppose. That's,
that's...
69
00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,040
{\an2}Mm-mm. It smells dirty.
70
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,360
{\an2}Right how much, what's the. Well, it
depends...
71
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,760
{\an2}Er, for eternal life you have to do
the whole bottle, don't you?
72
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,360
{\an2}You don't mind smelling it before?
73
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,080
{\an2}Yeah. Just...
74
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,960
{\an2}Oh, yeah it's definitely the whole
bottle.
75
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,840
{\an2}Hm-mm.
76
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:21,880
{\an2}Oh, there he is!
77
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,320
{\an2}Well, I've gotta say, Andy, I had a
lot of fun... Good. Yeah, I thought,
78
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:29,960
{\an2}I thought... That was a very strong
opener. Thank you.
79
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,160
{\an2}Baba, can you beat eternal life?
80
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,200
{\an2}I hope so.
81
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,160
{\an2}Er, check your, uh, bottom left
pocket.
82
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,320
{\an2}Pop it out! Here it comes.
83
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,920
{\an2}Read it. Read it.
84
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,600
{\an2}It's a key ring, which you know I
like.
85
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:42,920
{\an2}Yeah, but what is it?
86
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,840
{\an2}So, so far, so disappointing.
87
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:50,960
{\an2}Listen I'm gonna tell you right now
I don't care for what you wanna do.
88
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,720
{\an2}I know. I know.
89
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,320
{\an2}This is for me and my brethren
right here.
90
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,400
{\an2}Me and him. We made friends.
91
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,480
{\an2}We made a tight bond and this is for
him
92
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,240
{\an2}and this is something we found fun.
93
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,920
{\an2}It says big up yourself, all day
every day.
94
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,400
{\an2}Every single day. Every single day.
95
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,920
{\an2}Big up yourself, all day, everyday.
96
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,040
{\an2}I love that.
97
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,880
{\an2}So now when you look at your keys...
Mm-hm.
98
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,800
{\an2}..are you gonna read that and are you
gonna big yourself up?
99
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:19,960
{\an2}I, I will say to myself big up
yourself all day every day.
100
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,160
{\an2}My guy.
101
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,720
{\an2}And also you, he's got a lot of days
now that you've just drunk that.
102
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,600
{\an2}It's quite a fun thing to put in
Alex's pocket.
103
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:28,640
{\an2}OK. Yeah.
104
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,240
{\an2}Jack? Yeah. Did you put a fun thing
in Alex's pocket?
105
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,880
{\an2}Yes, I think it's in your...the-the
right-hand pocket down below, yeah?
106
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:35,920
{\an2}Ah.
107
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:39,240
{\an2}So in the world of sport, which I
know a lot about,
108
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,200
{\an2}the injuries are all too common and
I thought... All too common.
109
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,760
{\an2}..why not dev why not make an
invention that will warn you
110
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,000
{\an2}if you're over-exercising.
111
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:49,800
{\an2}OK, if you would stand up for
a second.
112
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:50,840
{\an2}Of course.
113
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,440
{\an2}So, can I just ask you to raise your
right leg up,
114
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:54,840
{\an2}your right knee up.
115
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,880
{\an2}Good, so no, no, no, problems
there.
116
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,040
{\an2}Absolutely fine.
117
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,480
{\an2}Can you, yeah bend, bend over and
touch your toes?
118
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:02,520
{\an2}Yeah. Yeah.
119
00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,680
{\an1}FLATULENCE
120
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,960
{\an2}If you, if you would try again,
please.
121
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,240
{\an1}FLATULENCE
122
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,200
{\an2}WHOOPY CUSHION
Ah, there we go!
123
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,040
{\an2}Oh, I can taste that one.
124
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,200
{\an2}That's very good, Jack.
125
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,520
{\an2}Emma, what have you put in
Alex's pocket?
126
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:28,000
{\an2}OK, top right arm pocket.
127
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,360
{\an2}Here it is. Ooh!
128
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,400
{\an2}This is a QR code.
129
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,440
{\an2}I love them.
130
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:36,120
{\an2}Fine. If you were to scan this QR
code you get two tickets
131
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,760
{\an2}to see Bon Jovi tribute band
Wrong Jovi play on
132
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,840
{\an2}the 19th of October in Basildon.
133
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,040
{\an2}Are you serious? Yeah.
134
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,680
{\an2}These guys rock. All right
135
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,720
{\an2}I've seen them three times if you
include my wedding.
136
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,600
{\an2}I've got an e-ticket, sorry.
Yeah, yeah. It worked.
137
00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,480
{\an2}It's not Alex that's going it's
the person who wins...
138
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,520
{\an2}Yeah, and it...
139
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,720
{\an2}..so it could be one of you guys.
140
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,400
{\an2}It's... But there, there's two
tickets, I can...
141
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,280
{\an2}Yeah, you can come as well, yeah.
142
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,760
{\an2}Maybe they're on my, er, iPad.
143
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,440
{\an2}and, I mean, tonight...
144
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,120
{\an2}I mean I think it does sound fun.
145
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,320
{\an2}I just don't think anyone else in
the room does.
146
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,680
{\an2}Rosie Jones, what have you brought
in and put in Alex's pocket?
147
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:25,200
{\an2}I brought, very simple, an ice cube.
148
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,720
{\an2}It was an ice cube
149
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,960
{\an2}but this has taken quite a while
so it's now quite a few ice cubes...
150
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,000
{\an2}Yeah.
151
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,880
{\an2}..and my, leg's quite wet.
152
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:43,720
{\an2}Eventually, he will look like he
pissed himself.
153
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:49,120
{\an2}It's multiple layer bullying...
154
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:50,160
{\an2}Yeah.
155
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,200
{\an2}..and you'll get nothing but praise
from me.
156
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,440
{\an2}Here's my thinking.
157
00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,640
{\an2}Ice, fart machine, very funny. Quite
route one.
158
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:05,400
{\an2}Why mess with perfection?
159
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,280
{\an2}She's right they're classics but I'm
gonna give them three points each.
160
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,040
{\an2}I'm, I'm taking a bet on Wrong Jovi,
161
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,560
{\an2}because they might be dog shit,
162
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,960
{\an2}and, honestly, if they are shit I
still think whoever goes
163
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,000
{\an2}will find that funny...
164
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,040
{\an2}Great.
165
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:22,480
{\an2}..but I'm gonna match that... Right.
166
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:25,960
{\an2}..because I really found it fun you
bigging yourself up.
167
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,280
{\an2}Then I don't think you do big
yourself up enough.
168
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,440
{\an2}Really? You know why? Mm-hm.
169
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,000
{\an2}Cos I think you're a penis.
170
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,560
{\an2}I'm gonna give that four points
and the truth is
171
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:40,120
{\an2}I had the most fun watching you drink
Andy's elixir
172
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,800
{\an2}and I don't even know what's in it,
173
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,560
{\an2}but that's what gets the five points.
There you go.
174
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,680
{\an2}Four to Baba and Emma, five to Andy
Zaltzman.
175
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,000
{\an2}There you go.
176
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,520
{\an2}Right, let's get stuck in and on with
the task.
177
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,680
{\an2}Oh, you don't beat around
the bush, do you, Greg?
178
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,720
{\an2}Blimey. Calm down.
179
00:07:54,760 --> 00:08:00,840
{\an2}First up, then, a spot of indoor
train track fishing.
180
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,520
{\an2}Emma. Hello.
181
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,000
{\an2}Yeah.
182
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,080
{\an2}Oh, my gosh!
183
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,000
{\an2}Yeah, do you just wanna hop over
and get that.
184
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,360
{\an2}Oh!
185
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:34,440
{\an2}There we go.
186
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:35,480
{\an2}That will do it.
187
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:36,720
{\an2}I could probably reach that.
188
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,080
{\an2}Must be a quicker way.
189
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,920
{\an2}There would've been if you'd just
put it on the table,
190
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,200
{\an2}that would've been quicker.
191
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,400
{\an2}Right.
192
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,960
{\an2}Hook one fish in the frying pan.
193
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,040
{\an2}Dottiest fish wins.
194
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,640
{\an2}What's a dotty fish?
195
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,240
{\an2}Your task ends when you put
a fish in the frying pan.
196
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:05,600
{\an2}You have 15 minutes.
197
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,040
{\an2}Your time starts now.
198
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,360
{\an2}Dottiest fish?
199
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,600
{\an2}That's what he wants. He loves his
dotty fish.
200
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,720
{\an2}I apologise cos I, I thought that
that was just a device to,
201
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,880
{\an2}for this thing and, uh, there's
more to it. Yeah.
202
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,640
{\an2}I will never tire of Jack's boredom
of this.
203
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,360
{\an2}Why does something have
to be difficult?
204
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,680
{\an2}Erm, I just wanna get stuck into it
that's what I want.
205
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,760
{\an2}OK, we're gonna start with two
people who each have two vowels
206
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,440
{\an2}and two consonants but no dots...
207
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,480
{\an2}..yet.
208
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,640
{\an2}It's Baba and Emma, here we go.
209
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,960
{\an2}All right, time to go fishing.
210
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,720
{\an2}Swing, bruv, swing.
211
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,240
{\an2}Yeah, go on, get it.
212
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,360
{\an2}You caught a fish.
213
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,440
{\an2}Yeah, I have.
214
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:00,560
{\an2}But the thing is, yeah...
215
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,600
{\an2}SCREAMS: No!
216
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,560
{\an2}Dottiest, dottiest fish.
217
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:11,640
{\an2}Dottiest fish.
218
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,560
{\an2}So that's a bin.
219
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,320
{\an2}Come here, come on. That's right.
220
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,640
{\an2}Oh, no! You little punk.
221
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,200
{\an2}Oh.
222
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,240
{\an2}Your mum!
223
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,840
{\an2}Come on, bro. Come here.
224
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,840
{\an2}Three?
225
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:36,760
{\an2}Dottiest fish? Mm-hm.
226
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:37,840
{\an2}Do you...?
227
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,840
{\an2}That one's so dotty?
228
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,320
{\an2}Ah, well that's the end of
the task.
229
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,320
{\an2}Oh, I'm gutted.
230
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,480
{\an2}There could be one down there that's
even dottier? Yeah.
231
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,120
{\an2}All right.
232
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,560
{\an2}Ah, Baba your technique.
233
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,160
{\an2}Careful.
234
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,440
{\an2}Yes! Oh, my days! Yes!
235
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:06,880
{\an2}Look at me! I am the man.
236
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,240
{\an2}I am the man. I am
the frigging man.
237
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,360
{\an2}Look at that, bro. Look at that.
238
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,600
{\an2}Bow, in your face.
239
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,040
{\an2}I dare anyone to find a fish with
more dots than me.
240
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:25,040
{\an2}Quite a contrast in styles there.
241
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,080
{\an2}I don't know anyone who could bring
that sort of energy
242
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,280
{\an2}to fishing for dotty fish.
243
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,240
{\an2}Yeah, but man sometimes when you
win you've just gotta yell brap,
244
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,720
{\an2}you know what I'm saying?
245
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,120
{\an2}You've gotta big up yourself.
All day every day.
246
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,240
{\an2}Exactly. Big up yourself.
Do it again.
247
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,920
{\an2}Big up yourself. Yes.
248
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,560
{\an2}Quite a contrast with you.
249
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:49,400
{\an2}You spent a lot of time debating
what dotty meant,
250
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,280
{\an2}and then when you found a dotty fish
under the pan,
251
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,720
{\an2}your instinct was to pop it in the
pan like a 1950s TV cook.
252
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,240
{\an2}I was, I was furious at myself.
253
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,840
{\an2}It was an instinct cos it was
fastest, right, so it was...
254
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,840
{\an2}No, it was not fastest. It was most
dots.
255
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,400
{\an2}You had 15 minutes.
256
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:07,880
{\an2}So Baba got 30 dots on his fish.
257
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,320
{\an2}Emma got ten.
258
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,480
{\an2}Break time now.
259
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,200
{\an8}Go. Come back soon.
260
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:16,600
{\an8}It's simple. Bye.
261
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,600
{\an8}Hello! You've joined us for the start
of part two
262
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,600
{\an2}and the continuation of a fishing
task.
263
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,280
{\an2}A dotty fishing task, Greg, come on,
man.
264
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,920
{\an2}They can place one fish in the pan
265
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,200
{\an2}and the fish with the most dots will
gain the most points.
266
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,440
{\an2}Next up it's Andy and Rosie.
267
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,640
{\an2}Down.
268
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,760
{\an2}It's quite impressive technology
this, Alex,
269
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,200
{\an2}just voice activated? Yeah, that's
all it is, yeah. Right.
270
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,080
{\an2}Down. Down.
271
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,560
{\an2}Keep going down, mate.
272
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,000
{\an2}Do you want me to open that
for you?
273
00:12:56,040 --> 00:13:00,880
{\an2}No. I'm an independent lady.
274
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,440
{\an2}Three minutes gone.
275
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,640
{\an2}Could you open it?
276
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,120
{\an2}Cos I'm also an independent lady.
277
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,600
{\an2}It's empty.
278
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,040
{\an2}How dotty, is it? Well, it's not
dotty at all.
279
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:26,440
{\an2}You go down quicker, quicker.
280
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,520
{\an2}Is there a pen? Is that a pen down
there?
281
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,440
{\an2}There's something else on the track
next to the fish.
282
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,120
{\an2}Down.
283
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,200
{\an2}Up.
284
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,720
{\an2}It comes off.
285
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,560
{\an2}Are you gonna remove that dot?
Yeah.
286
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:41,640
{\an2}I see.
287
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:42,840
{\an2}Right.
288
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,200
{\an2}We're gonna try and get whatever
that red thing is down there.
289
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,840
{\an2}Oh, look at that.
290
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,800
{\an2}This is one of the most intrepid
rescue missions
291
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,080
{\an2}I've ever been involved in.
292
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,280
{\an2}You've got four dots on your fish
and you've got four minutes.
293
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,800
{\an2}Right we've got ages,
we're doing this.
294
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:01,840
{\an2}OK.
295
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,120
{\an2}What have you caught? Pen.
296
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:07,000
{\an2}Oh. That could be quite useful.
Right.
297
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,360
{\an2}And that fish had how many dots?
298
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,760
{\an2}Three. Right.
299
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:20,120
{\an2}..six, seven...
300
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,480
{\an2}Mm-hm. You've got 20 seconds.
301
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,080
{\an2}Oh, you've put a fish in the frying
pan.
302
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,400
{\an2}Task over, congratulations.
303
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,320
{\an2}I reckon, er, bit of white wine
sauce, lovely.
304
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,720
{\an2}I mean, obviously, very effective
over there. Yes. Sure.
305
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,080
{\an2}You must be, you must be thrilled
Andy.
306
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:52,560
{\an2}Well, I spent 20 years as a
commercial fisherman, er, and also.
307
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,400
{\an2}Christ, I almost believed you!
I think...
308
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,800
{\an2}Look at me! Look at me!
309
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,960
{\an2}I've never done anything practical
in my life.
310
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:07,160
{\an2}I spent half the time looking in
311
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:11,880
{\an2}them fucking useless bags.
312
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,680
{\an2}But you know who's to blame
for that, don't you? Him!
313
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,680
{\an2}Him. Of course.
314
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,120
{\an2}So Rosie managed to get a total of
seven dots,
315
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:24,480
{\an2}Andy 657 because they were on both
sides,
316
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,120
{\an2}they were also on the rim of
the fish.
317
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,160
{\an2}Wow.
318
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,360
{\an2}You dotted the rim?
319
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,960
{\an2}The man's a professional.
320
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000
{\an2}Who's next?
321
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,480
{\an2}Finally here's a quick film about
Jack having a great time.
322
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,040
{\an2}OK so I'm lifting this round.
Mm-hm.
323
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,280
{\an2}Lower it down, please.
324
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,000
{\an2}Yes.
325
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,040
{\an2}Keep going.
326
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,880
{\an2}Are any of these things magnetic?
327
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,120
{\an2}Said so on the packet.
328
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,520
{\an2}OK, oh, OK lift it up, please,
bring it up.
329
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,480
{\an2}Little bit up and then, uh, down.
330
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,280
{\an2}Oh, stop, stop. No, stop.
331
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,000
{\an2}Stop.
332
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,720
{\an2}Ah, no. Up. Down. Stop.
Forward a bit.
333
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,400
{\an2}Stop. Dow, down.
334
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,440
{\an2}Down.
335
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,480
{\an2}Up, please.
336
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,320
{\an2}Nah... I see what you're trying to
do.
337
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,160
{\an2}Yeah, well, yeah, I'm trying to get
a fish in the...
338
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,200
{\an2}Hmm. ..frying pan.
339
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,240
{\an2}Yeah, great.
340
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,560
{\an2}Erm, erm... Yeah.
341
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,080
{\an2}Down a bit.
342
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,520
{\an2}OK try bringing that up.
343
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,360
{\an2}Up it comes, Jack. Yeah.
344
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,920
{\an2}Keep going.
345
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,480
{\an2}Right, bring it back.
346
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,440
{\an2}Bring it, bring it down.
347
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,320
{\an2}So the task ends when the fish goes
in the pan.
348
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,240
{\an2}Right OK the task is over.
349
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:43,280
{\an2}There you are.
350
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,920
{\an2}How dotty is your fish, Jack?
351
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,160
{\an2}SIGHS: Oh!
352
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,360
{\an2}One dot.
353
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:52,600
{\an2}One dot?
354
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:56,680
{\an2}What a waste of time!
355
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,720
{\an2}I mean, as you know Jack I try not to
make ageist remarks to you
356
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,240
{\an2}but I just wrote down a generic
summary of my view of
357
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,200
{\an2}the attempt and it's this,
358
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,720
{\an2}do you think it's time we got
grandad some special cutlery?
359
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,600
{\an2}If the challenge had been
the fewest dots...
360
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,240
{\an2}Oh, yeah, you'd smash it. ..you'd be
looking at a champ.
361
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,560
{\an2}You're the people's champion.
362
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:24,880
{\an2}Hmm, yeah.
363
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,760
{\an2}He still had eight minutes to go, at
that point...
364
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,600
{\an2}..if he'd wanted to carry on.
365
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:30,920
{\an2}Points wise, one point to Jack,
366
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,640
{\an2}it's two to Rosie with her seven,
Emma three points,
367
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,280
{\an2}Baba four points with 30 dots.
368
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,880
{\an2}Andy, your 657 dots transfers into
five points.
369
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,480
{\an2}Andy Zaltzman everyone, well done.
370
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,520
{\an2}Can I see a scoreboard, please,
young fellow m'lad?
371
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:47,760
{\an2}Jack is at the bottom of
the leaderboard
372
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,960
{\an2}but at the top it's Andy Zaltzman
with a full ten points.
373
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,200
{\an2}Wow.
374
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,440
{\an2}Have you got something good
lined up for me, Alex?
375
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,480
{\an2}Always Greg and this one has doubled
our cast with
376
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:03,120
{\an2}a whole host of wonderful new
characters.
377
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:24,600
{\an2}Well played.
378
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:25,680
{\an2}Thanks.
379
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,080
{\an2}Good luck with it.
380
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:30,760
{\an2}Thank you. I shall do my best.
381
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,160
{\an2}You know me.
382
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,600
{\an2}Create, handle and voice
383
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:42,000
{\an2}the most charismatic new children's
television puppet sidekick for Alex.
384
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,680
{\an2}Who the hell is Alex?
385
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,040
{\an2}Oh!
386
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:49,040
{\an2}I thought you meant a character,
like, a cartoon character.
387
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,240
{\an2}Sorry.
388
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,120
{\an2}You have 30 minutes.
389
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,920
{\an2}Your time starts now.
390
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:02,000
{\an2}Create, handle, hmm, OK so it's,
it's puppeteering really.
391
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:09,640
{\an2}OK this is good for me cos I
write children's books.
392
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,920
{\an2}Do you? Buy them. That'll do,
that's enough, that's enough.
393
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,720
{\an2}Buy them now.
394
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:16,960
{\an2}Erm...
395
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,320
{\an2}Have you handled puppets much?
396
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,360
{\an2}Er... I haven't done no.
397
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:26,480
{\an2}Er, I, er, I've, er, I've not, er,
398
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:30,000
{\an2}I've not done one ever so...
399
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,400
{\an2}OK. So it's a no.
400
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,600
{\an2}That's a no, yeah, yeah.
401
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,120
{\an2}Yeah, take a while to...
Yeah. ..come out.
402
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:39,000
{\an2}OK. I'll, erm, I'll, I'll be back on
that then.
403
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,640
{\an2}Right, right, OK then.
404
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,760
{\an2}Was it just me that was thinking
that Jack was possibly leaving
405
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,320
{\an2}the show at that point?
406
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:58,320
{\an2}It was just one of those days when
you didn't wanna do anything and,
407
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,040
{\an2}er, and that's not a good approach
to Taskmaster.
408
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,760
{\an2}Baba provided me with one of my
favourite moments this series with
409
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,960
{\an2}the genuine question, who
the hell is Alex?
410
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,080
{\an2}Rosie, you, er, used it as an
opportunity
411
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:15,320
{\an2}to shamelessly plug your side
hustle I see.
412
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,920
{\an2}Yeah. Erm, I write...
413
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:18,960
{\an2}No, no, no, no...
414
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,640
{\an2}Uh, uh... We don't do it now.
415
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,400
{\an2}If anyone's gonna plug their side
hustle on this show,
416
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,000
{\an2}it's gonna be this guy.
417
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,360
{\an2}Only Fans.
418
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,200
{\an2}All thongs no hair.
419
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,320
{\an2}Genuinely don't know where that
came from.
420
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,400
{\an2}Well, it's time to meet our first
charismatic puppet from the mind
421
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,280
{\an2}and voice of Jack Dee.
422
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,960
{\an2}Hello, children, and welcome to
another episode of
423
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,560
{\an2}Horney and Horsey.
424
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:54,720
{\an8}Do you know what we've been doing
in the barn?
425
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,200
{\an2}I was teaching Horsey the alphabet.
426
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:02,080
{\an2}Yeah, and I'm remembering it by
thinking of words that begin
427
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,920
{\an8}with each letter.
428
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,000
{\an2}A is for apple.
429
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,440
{\an8}And B is for best friend.
430
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,360
{\an2}Horney is my best friend.
431
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:19,520
{\an2}Now you have to come up with a word
beginning with C that describes me.
432
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,560
{\an2}Oh, I know...
433
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,480
{\an2}Charismatic. That's me.
434
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:34,000
{\an8}Well, that's all we've got time
for, Horney.
435
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,120
{\an2}Say goodbye to my little friends.
436
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:38,280
{\an2}OK, goodbye.
437
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,560
{\an2}Horsey was quite charismatic.
438
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,680
{\an2}In the end, yeah.
439
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,040
{\an2}Well, it turned out to be, yeah.
440
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:55,960
{\an2}And it turns out your equine American
counterpart's
441
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,760
{\an2}quite full of life and energetic.
442
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,760
{\an2}Yes, funny that as I was having
a lie down, you see.
443
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,320
{\an2}But credit also to Alex who really
got into
444
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:06,800
{\an2}the character of a...of a twat.
445
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,760
{\an2}You didn't like even eluding to
the C word, did you?
446
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,720
{\an2}I was thinking it but I wouldn't
say it.
447
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:17,000
{\an2}I don't think you ever have said it,
actually, which I find fascinating.
448
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,400
{\an2}Well, I will also advise...
449
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,000
{\an2}Say it. No.
450
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,240
{\an2}I'm saying it's g...
451
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,440
{\an2}We're all adults here. Say it. It's
going round and round up here.
452
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,520
{\an2}Whisper it to me.
453
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,600
{\an8}Whisper it to me and then I'll let
us move on.
454
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:29,720
{\an2}Say the words.
455
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,320
{\an2}Put that down. Whisper it.
456
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:42,440
{\an2}Right, who's next?
457
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:47,320
{\an2}Right, well, next up it's Andy
and his creation, Pigeor.
458
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:51,920
{\an2}Hello, children, and welcome to the
Horney hour with me, Alex Horne.
459
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,120
{\an2}We're meeting my new friend today.
460
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,640
{\an2}Why don't you introduce yourself
to the children?
461
00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:01,440
{\an2}Hello, children, I am Pigeor,
the merciless one,
462
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:06,880
{\an2}from my beak of bleakness flows a
bitter cascade of eternal despair.
463
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,960
{\an2}OK can you try to lighten it up a
bit for the kids please, Pigeor?
464
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,640
{\an2}Go fuck yourself, Alex Horne.
I don't like children.
465
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:19,200
{\an2}They often grow up to be adults,
who are mostly awful.
466
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,760
{\an2}No offence Alex, well, some offence.
467
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,320
{\an2}It is a kids' TV show so can you do
something the kids might like?
468
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,440
{\an2}I can do my pigeon song.
469
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,320
{\an2}Ooh, good idea, Pigeor, and what's
your song called?
470
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:33,320
{\an2}You Can't Eat An Ice Cream When
You're Burning In Hell.
471
00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:34,480
{\an2}OK let's not do the song.
472
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:35,600
{\an2}I wanna do my song.
473
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:36,720
{\an2}You cannot do the song.
474
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:41,040
{\an2}Then, Alexeidaniovitch, I will peck
you to death.
475
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:42,240
{\an2}Clear the area.
476
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,320
{\an2}Can you please come a bit closer
for your fatal pecking?
477
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,040
{\an2}That's what I'm talking about. Ow!
478
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,760
{\an2}Yeah, get in there.
479
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,440
{\an2}Ow! OK, bye-bye children.
480
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,800
{\an2}See you next time on the Horney
hour.
481
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:05,960
{\an2}Very disturbing.
482
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,840
{\an2}I mean, who hurt you Andy?
483
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,640
{\an2}You've just got to go with your
first instinct on this show,
484
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:11,720
{\an2}haven't you, really?
485
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,520
{\an2}Yeah, he's got some lovely
catchphrases for the kids, hasn't he?
486
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,240
{\an2}You can't eat an ice cream when
you're burning in hell.
487
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,160
{\an2}Well, that's just physics.
488
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,360
{\an2}I mean can I say that's a charismatic
children's character?
489
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,520
{\an2}Do I want a satanic pigeon pecking
my head off?
490
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,960
{\an2}Children don't know what's best for
them, though, do they, don't they?
491
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,720
{\an2}What's wrong with you?
492
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,040
{\an2}Absolutely terrifying, Andy.
493
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:38,640
{\an2}Quite a creation. Who's next?
494
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:42,680
{\an2}Yes, now it's time for Emma and her
cheeky Little Banana Boy.
495
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,800
{\an2}Oh, God!
496
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,080
{\an2}Hey, kids!
497
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,720
{\an8}Hi, everybody! My name's Little
Cheeky Banana Boy
498
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,320
{\an2}and this is my sidekick, Alex
Horne...
499
00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:53,920
{\an2}Hi, I'm Alex Horne.
500
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,680
{\an2}..and we're here to tell you guys
to eat your bananas.
501
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,240
{\an2}That was really good.
502
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:09,520
{\an2}Thank you.
503
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:13,000
{\an2}Oy, Alex. I, er...
504
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,000
{\an8}..I think I've developed feelings
for you.
505
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,160
{\an2}I sort of wanna, I dunno...
506
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,200
{\an2}..kiss you.
507
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,120
{\an2}OK.
508
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,120
{\an2}Alex... Hm-mm.
509
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,160
{\an2}..eat me.
510
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:28,280
{\an2}Shut up.
511
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,480
{\an2}Just one banana.
512
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:31,560
{\an2}I don't want to.
513
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,800
{\an2}I feel devastated.
514
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,040
{\an2}I'm... I'm gonna die now.
515
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,160
{\an2}Right, OK.
516
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,840
{\an2}OK cut now. Cut.
517
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,040
{\an2}Great.
518
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,400
{\an2}It strikes me that it was quite a
wholesome and sweet character.
519
00:25:58,440 --> 00:25:59,440
{\an2}Yeah.
520
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,000
{\an2}It, sort of, the wheels came off for
me when Banana Boy tried
521
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,040
{\an2}to get off with Alex.
522
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:07,080
{\an2}Yeah, I know I really don't remember
that either.
523
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,480
{\an2}This is a charismatic children's
character, OK?
524
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:10,760
{\an2}Yeah, I'm so sorry.
525
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,400
{\an2}We've had a mutant pigeon
526
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,240
{\an2}and now we've got a banana hybrid
trying to get off with a man...
527
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,280
{\an2}I know.
528
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:20,160
{\an2}..and then being so depressed that
the man wouldn't get off with him
529
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,200
{\an2}that he spontaneously died.
530
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,320
{\an2}Yeah, I know.
531
00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:27,960
{\an2}When it comes to making up
children's characters
532
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,880
{\an2}we really have tonally nailed it,
haven't we?
533
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,320
{\an2}Right let's stop and have a break...
534
00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,040
{\an2}..a break dance.
535
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:51,200
{\an8}Hello, hello and welcome back to
Taskmaster.
536
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:52,440
{\an8}What's been going on, Alex?
537
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,560
{\an2}They've all been trying to create
the most charismatic
538
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:55,960
{\an2}new children's puppet.
539
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,360
{\an2}Next it's Babatunde and Man Like
Tyrone.
540
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:03,720
{\an2}Oh, hello, boys and girls.
541
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,520
{\an2}Welcome to this world where you're
never on your own
542
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,160
{\an2}because you're here with me Alex...
543
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,440
{\an2}..and me, Man Like Tyrone.
544
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,600
{\an2}So what's today's lesson on?
545
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,400
{\an2}Today's lesson is about saying no
to drugs.
546
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,600
{\an2}Oh, yes. Drugs.
547
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:21,840
{\an2}Yo, Alex?
548
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,600
{\an2}Yes, Man Like Tyrone.
549
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,520
{\an2}Why did Humpty Dumpty fall off the
wall?
550
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,760
{\an2}Hmm-mm, I don't know.
551
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,800
{\an2}Because he was a crack head.
552
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:34,440
{\an1}PUPPET LAUGHS
553
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:35,960
{\an2}Oh, it kills me.
554
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,760
{\an2}Now children, there's gonna come a
time in your life
555
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,640
{\an2}when you might wanna get high
and I'm here to tell you,
556
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:42,680
{\an2}don't do it.
557
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,800
{\an2}Hmm, yes, don't do it.
558
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,000
{\an2}You could lose
559
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,080
{\an2}everything.
560
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:48,720
{\an2}Everything?
561
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:49,840
{\an2}Yes, bro.
562
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,080
{\an2}What should they do instead?
563
00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:53,520
{\an2}Sell it.
564
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,040
{\an2}What?
565
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,360
{\an2}Hell, yeah! You can make a lot more
money selling instead of using.
566
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,360
{\an2}Remember what I always tell you,
bro,
567
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:05,760
{\an2}And that's all from me, Alex,...
568
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,440
{\an2}..and me, Man Like Tyrone.
569
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,240
{\an2}Bye kids. Bye kids.
570
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,440
{\an2}I mean, I'm gonna have to,
essentially, just forget
571
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,000
{\an2}about children, aren't I?
572
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,440
{\an2}Man like Tyrone, quite the charmer
though.
573
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,240
{\an2}He was very charismatic.
574
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,360
{\an2}That's what we're... He was.
..basing this on, right?
575
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:31,400
{\an2}Is he a rat?
576
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,600
{\an2}He's an otter. He's an otter? Otter,
yeah. Oh!
577
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:34,640
{\an2}He was from Brixton.
578
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,480
{\an2}Oh, sorry I didn't realise there
was quite, such a backstory.
579
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,600
{\an2}Er, he was 34... Otter from the
inner city.
580
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:41,880
{\an2}..34, he's a Pisces.
581
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,240
{\an2}There's quite a lot, a lot of
backstory.
582
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,560
{\an2}I mean I did like it, I did like
hanging out with him until
583
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,920
{\an2}he tried to sell drugs to kids.
584
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,880
{\an2}but I'm gonna have to suspend
the whole kids thing.
585
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:56,480
{\an2}I'm just gonna have to choose the
most charismatic awful character.
586
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,000
{\an2}Well, brace yourselves.
587
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,400
{\an2}Here's Rosie Jones with her
creation.
588
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,160
{\an8}Hello, kiddie winks! It's me, Little
Alex,
589
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,320
{\an8}and my bestest friend in the whole
wide world, Mr Poo.
590
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:23,760
{\an2}Hello, to you. I am Mr Poo.
591
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:30,080
{\an8}Alex, can I ask you a question?
592
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,560
{\an8}Where did I come from?
593
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,160
{\an8}Well, I made you.
594
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,680
{\an2}You made me?
595
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:41,240
{\an8}Yes, Mr Poo, I squeezed out of
my bumhole
596
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:45,160
{\an8}and I kept you because before you
I had no friends
597
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,000
{\an8}and I was lonely, very, very lonely,
598
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,880
{\an8}but now I have you, Mr Poo, who I
love with all my heart.
599
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,760
{\an2}Ah, I love you.
600
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,000
{\an2}Kissy?
601
00:29:58,040 --> 00:29:59,600
{\an2}Kissy?
602
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:02,400
{\an2}Kissy... OK.
603
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,520
{\an2}..on my mouth.
604
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,360
{\an2}On your mouth? Yes.
605
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,040
{\an2}OK we'll see you after the break.
606
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:16,480
{\an2}Mr Poo.
607
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,480
{\an2}Oh, Alex.
608
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:30,320
{\an2}Sorry Alex and sorry Rosie,
609
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,560
{\an2}you kissed a shit
610
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,520
{\an2}but you wouldn't kiss little
banana boy?
611
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,400
{\an2}Exactly boy, Mr Poo.
612
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,800
{\an2}Totally fair.
613
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,080
{\an2}When you said, "Where do
I come from?",
614
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,200
{\an2}I actually found myself going, "Ah,
that's quite sweet,"
615
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:51,760
{\an2}but it was when all the sticky brown
stuff got on
616
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,920
{\an2}Alex's face that you lost me,
617
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:55,320
{\an2}Charisma-wise.
618
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,040
{\an2}OK look it's most charismatic
puppet wins.
619
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:00,080
{\an2}Yeah, all right.
620
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,560
{\an2}I found banana boy a bit depressive.
621
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:03,600
{\an2}Yeah.
622
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:04,840
{\an2}I can only give him one point.
623
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:06,960
{\an2}OK where are we going from
banana boy?
624
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,480
{\an2}It's between a talking shit and a
murderous pigeon.
625
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,520
{\an2}A dance as old as time itself.
626
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,200
{\an2}That old chestnut again.
627
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,040
{\an2}Two for the poo, three for the
murderous pigeon.
628
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:22,080
{\an2}Got it.
629
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,600
{\an2}If it was points for who do I wanna
hang out with
630
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,040
{\an2}and have a good time with I'm not
going out with a horse...
631
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,080
{\an2}Exactly.
632
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,640
{\an2}..I'm coming to Brixton with
the otter.
633
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:31,960
{\an2}Thank you very much.
634
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:33,600
{\an2}Four points to Jack, five points to
Baba.
635
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:34,720
{\an2}There we go, well done, Baba.
636
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:39,800
{\an2}Shall we have another task?
637
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:44,240
{\an2}I think we should but please let's
proceed with extreme caution.
638
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,280
{\an2}Ooh!
639
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,520
{\an2}Emma... Hiya. ..in you go.
640
00:31:58,560 --> 00:31:59,600
{\an2}Oh, my God.
641
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:02,360
{\an2}What's going on Alex?
642
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,120
{\an2}What's going on? Yeah.
643
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,200
{\an2}Just a robot. Yeah?
644
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:07,280
{\an2}Yeah.
645
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:08,320
{\an2}Right.
646
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:10,960
{\an2}Oh, that's a bit worrying.
647
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,520
{\an2}Defuse the robot.
648
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,960
{\an2}You must cut all the wires but one.
649
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,120
{\an2}If you cut the danger wire the robot
will spew
650
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,560
{\an2}and you will be disqualified.
651
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:34,280
{\an2}You must keep your goggles on at
all times.
652
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,040
{\an2}Fastest to defuse the robot wins.
653
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,920
{\an2}You have a maximum of ten minutes.
Your time starts now.
654
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:41,440
{\an2}Please press the red button.
655
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:42,640
{\an2}Here? Yeah.
656
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,360
{\an2}Press it? Mm-hm.
657
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:45,920
{\an2}I have to press the red button?
Uh-huh.
658
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:48,960
{\an2}We're off.
659
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,000
{\an2}Oh, j... Wow! Wow! Wow, wow, wow.
OK.
660
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,680
{\an2}And if you've got any questions
I'm always here for you, Jack.
661
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:56,240
{\an2}OK, thank you.
662
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:57,840
{\an2}Which one is the danger wire?
663
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:06,760
{\an2}Let's get stuck into it.
664
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,560
{\an2}Yes, so they had to cut all the
wires but one,
665
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,280
{\an2}leaving just the danger wire.
666
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,360
{\an2}Fastest to successfully do
that wins.
667
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,880
{\an2}First to try and defuse the
situation, it's Baba and Emma.
668
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,160
{\an2}How am I supposed to know which one
it is?
669
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:22,680
{\an2}That's a good question.
670
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:23,720
{\an2}Which one are you gonna cut?
671
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:24,760
{\an2}I don't know...
672
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:27,440
{\an2}GIGGLING: ...but I'm a bit scared.
673
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,200
{\an2}Wait what's around me?
674
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,240
{\an2}Wait, what's this?
675
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:33,480
{\an2}Ooh!
676
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,120
{\an2}Ah!
677
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:36,920
{\an2}Wow.
678
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,400
{\an2}I didn't see any... OK cool.
679
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:42,960
{\an2}No. Doesn't help that.
680
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,840
{\an2}The safe list. What's all this?
681
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,320
{\an2}James...
682
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:48,520
{\an2}..Dan...
683
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,080
{\an2}What are these people that
have done it?
684
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,200
{\an2}Um, green that's interesting that's
like Gordon.
685
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:56,240
{\an2}I don't really know about that.
686
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:57,400
{\an2}All right, I'll think about that.
687
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,520
{\an2}And then there's a dude here.
HMS Danger.
688
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:01,640
{\an2}HMS Danger.
689
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,720
{\an2}Oh, blood! Man don't
know what none of this means.
690
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,160
{\an2}Oh, my days!
691
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:13,240
{\an2}I'm gonna cut the green wire. Why?
Cos it says Gordon on the safe list.
692
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:14,440
{\an2}OK.
693
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,280
{\an2}The fan's spinning round at
the back. He's not spewed.
694
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:20,320
{\an2}Brilliant.
695
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:21,840
{\an2}Why is there a bottle of wine?
696
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:26,800
{\an2}Might as well.
697
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:31,800
{\an2}Oh, it's awful!
698
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:38,440
{\an2}So red wine, so red is safe... OK.
..cos it's wine.
699
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:39,640
{\an2}Wait.
700
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,800
{\an2}Yellow ain't safe cos yellow is not
on the chart...
701
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:44,000
{\an8}..but red is.
702
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,120
{\an8}Red, green and blue.
703
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:49,360
{\an2}All right, well, we'll cut blue.
704
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,680
{\an1}HE GIGGLES
705
00:34:51,720 --> 00:34:53,080
{\an2}I don't wanna cut it.
706
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:54,440
{\an2}Dan.
707
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,600
{\an2}So there's three letters in Dan so
I'm gonna do three wires down.
708
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:58,960
{\an2}One two, three, down.
709
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,960
{\an8}Let's cut blue, see how we go.
710
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,080
{\an8}I'm trying to cut it.
711
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,040
{\an1}SHE SCREAMS
712
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:10,400
{\an2}Whoa!
713
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,240
{\an2}You've managed to only cut the
danger wire.
714
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:15,600
{\an2}How rubbish is that?
715
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:21,200
{\an1}SHE GIGGLES
716
00:35:21,240 --> 00:35:24,920
{\an2}Everything spews once in a while, my
guy. You know what I mean?
717
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:26,000
{\an2}So have I won?
718
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:37,840
{\an2}Erm, I think in military terms you're
both what's known as cannon fodder.
719
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:42,240
{\an2}I had no idea, none of the clues
made sense to me.
720
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:46,720
{\an2}It was quite, quite impressive after
you've cut one wire
721
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:50,800
{\an2}and the robot's gone off and you're
covered in stuff
722
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,880
{\an2}to look down the camera and
say, "Have I won?"
723
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,680
{\an2}I put it to you that throughout the
task neither of you understood it.
724
00:35:57,720 --> 00:36:01,080
{\an2}I think I was just role playing...
Hmm.
725
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:06,400
{\an2}...being a woman drinking wine
cutting wires does that make sense?
726
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:07,720
{\an2}No, that's what you were doing.
727
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:14,280
{\an2}Well it's now time for Andy and
Rosie and robot.
728
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:17,000
{\an2}OK, all right.
729
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,840
{\an2}So right, right.
730
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,920
{\an2}I've got James.
731
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:21,960
{\an8}Charlie.
732
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,000
{\an8}Dan.
733
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:24,040
{\an2}Gordon.
734
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:25,440
{\an2}BOTH: Derren.
735
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:26,480
{\an8}All Browns.
736
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,720
{\an8}Brown!
737
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:31,600
{\an2}So I'm feeling that Brown is safe.
738
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,760
{\an2}Cut the brown.
739
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,400
{\an8}You sure? Yes.
740
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,840
{\an2}He's made a mess but he hasn't
spewed.
741
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,360
{\an2}OK, so bottle of Chateau Taskmaster.
742
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,040
{\an2}Did you make this yourself?
743
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,880
{\an2}Red? Red wine.
744
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:56,760
{\an2}Cut the red.
745
00:36:57,720 --> 00:37:00,640
{\an8}One, nine, one, six, five...
746
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,360
{\an8}That felt safe. I'm gonna go red is
safe.
747
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:06,480
{\an2}You think red is safe? OK.
748
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:07,640
{\an8}I think red is safe, cos red is not,
749
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,600
{\an2}I'm not saying red is nice, I'm
saying red is safe.
750
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,800
{\an2}Yeah, his eyes have lit up. He's not
spewed.
751
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:13,840
{\an2}Right.
752
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:17,640
{\an8}What's between green and orange?
753
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:18,920
{\an8}Yellow!
754
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:20,160
{\an8}Yellow!
755
00:37:25,240 --> 00:37:26,800
{\an2}You're safe. Three minutes 30 left.
756
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:27,840
{\an2}OK.
757
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,120
{\an2}Are there any more clues?
758
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,080
{\an2}Moon with a danger sign on it.
759
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:33,200
{\an2}It could mean blue?
760
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,240
{\an2}Blue? Is it saying blue?
Is that a blue moon?
761
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,520
{\an2}What's that?
762
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:44,920
{\an2}Do you want me to get it for you?
763
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,400
{\an2}Call. Ooh!
764
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:52,320
{\an2}Zero, zero, zero, zero.
765
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:59,040
{\an2}Kiwi, New Zealand, All Blacks.
766
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:00,440
{\an2}Black? Yeah.
767
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:02,440
{\an2}That's bleeped.
768
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,320
{\an2}Yeah, black is safe.
769
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,760
{\an2}Right so you've got three minutes
and how many wires left?
770
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:07,800
{\an2}Two.
771
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:08,840
{\an2}Yellow or blue?
772
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:13,040
{\an2}Yeah, well, I think, blue moon, I
think blue moon is the danger one.
773
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:14,080
{\an2}Yellow's going.
774
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:19,840
{\an2}You have succeeded in the task.
775
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,760
{\an2}Oh, I have? You have. Oh, right.
776
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:29,920
{\an2}Green. Cos it says green safe.
777
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:33,520
{\an2}You've got 20 seconds to cut one
more wire.
778
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:34,640
{\an2}Grey or blue?
779
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,320
{\an2}Oh!
780
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:39,960
{\an2}You've got ten seconds. It's gonna
go in ten seconds.
781
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,080
{\an2}Oh, cut the grey.
782
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:45,280
{\an2}Three seconds.
783
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:48,320
{\an2}Here we go.
784
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,040
{\an2}Was that wrong?
785
00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:01,480
{\an2}It was right but I was a bit slow
with the, er, with the cutters.
786
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:06,000
{\an2}So I would've done it
787
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:13,480
{\an2}if you had done your fucking job.
788
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:14,520
{\an2}Sorry Rosie.
789
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,080
{\an2}Erm, you two must feel
fairly ashamed.
790
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,480
{\an2}They, they were impressive
logic-wise. Yeah.
791
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:26,520
{\an2}Zaltzman...
792
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,000
{\an2}Yeah. ..like a professional.
793
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,480
{\an2}Yeah, well, I worked for 20 years in
bomb disposal.
794
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,760
{\an2}Rosie, what was the quote?
795
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:37,880
{\an2}"So I would've done it if you'd done
your fucking job."
796
00:39:40,720 --> 00:39:44,760
{\an2}Right, cos I'm disabled
797
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:48,720
{\an2}I had to work with that dickhead.
798
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:51,480
{\an2}That's me.
799
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:52,520
{\an2}Yeah.
800
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:54,680
{\an2}I think Alex finds that fairly
offensive actually, Rosie.
801
00:39:54,720 --> 00:39:56,240
{\an2}Oh, yeah.
802
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:57,920
{\an2}OK it's the end of part three.
803
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:01,400
{\an2}Today's prizes might be our worst
yet as the winner will have to
804
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:02,920
{\an8}take home things which have
805
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:04,520
{\an8}joined the moist, smelly tissues
806
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:06,920
{\an2}that were already in Alex's dirty
little pockets.
807
00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:19,880
{\an8}Hello, here we are again for the last
time this episode.
808
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:21,760
{\an2}Yes, totes babes!
809
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:26,320
{\an2}No. I will not have totes babes.
810
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,240
{\an2}But it says it on the... I won't
have it.
811
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:33,360
{\an2}Contestants are in a spot of bother.
812
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:37,320
{\an2}There's a spewing robot which needs
defusing before it starts defusing.
813
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,800
{\an2}To stop it they've gotta cut all
but the danger wire
814
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,560
{\an2}and so, at last, here is Jack to
save the Dee.
815
00:40:46,240 --> 00:40:47,560
{\an2}The safe list.
816
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:48,680
{\an2}James,
817
00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:51,520
{\an2}Charlie, Dan, Derren...
818
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:52,800
{\an2}..Brown...
819
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,080
{\an2}Brown is safe.
820
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:55,400
{\an2}OK.
821
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:56,720
{\an2}Safe one, OK.
822
00:40:58,400 --> 00:40:59,840
{\an2}There's a phone up there.
823
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:02,800
{\an2}Quite expensive.
824
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,440
{\an2}Yeah. Calling Taskmaster.
825
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,680
{\an2}GREG DAVIES: Whatever you do, do not
make the danger wire
826
00:41:10,720 --> 00:41:12,040
{\an2}sound like my name.
827
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,920
{\an2}Red or grey or green.
828
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:18,920
{\an2}That's a pretty poor clue.
829
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,560
{\an2}So I think...
830
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,680
{\an2}Actually maybe the danger wire
should sound like my name.
831
00:41:25,720 --> 00:41:27,640
{\an2}I'm a pretty dangerous guy after all.
832
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,480
{\an2}Now he's saying it should sound
like his name.
833
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:30,520
{\an2}Oh, right.
834
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:34,720
{\an2}That's just a new level of
unhelpful.
835
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:36,680
{\an2}How long have you got left on
the clock?
836
00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:38,960
{\an8}Er, about a minute and 32 seconds or
something.
837
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:40,600
{\an2}Right there's not a lot of urgency
Jack.
838
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:41,800
{\an2}That I don't understand.
839
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:43,840
{\an2}Yellow, I suppose, it's pure yellow.
840
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:45,560
{\an2}Yellow is safe I'm gonna say.
841
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,840
{\an2}Taskmaster does that mean red is
safe? Does.
842
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,640
{\an2}How long have we got left?
57 seconds.
843
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:54,000
{\an2}Right, OK.
844
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,880
{\an2}Well, it wouldn't be exciting if you
didn't take it down to the line.
845
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:01,600
{\an2}This has got written danger on it.
846
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:02,840
{\an2}Blue.
847
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:04,120
{\an2}So I'm gonna say blue is
the danger one.
848
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:05,160
{\an2}OK.
849
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:06,240
{\an2}I'm gonna go for it.
850
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:07,760
{\an2}Green...
851
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,600
{\an2}..now the red one...
852
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:11,160
{\an2}..and now the grey one.
853
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,000
{\an2}That's it I've finished.
854
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:17,800
{\an2}You've defused the robot, Jack.
855
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,360
{\an2}Thank you. I hope none of the others
get it.
856
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,280
{\an2}Ah!
857
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,640
{\an2}Erm, it was just like watching a
professional robot defuser in action.
858
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:34,800
{\an2}It really was. It really was.
859
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:36,400
{\an2}He was very frustrated by the phone
calls but, yeah,
860
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:37,440
{\an2}he spotted the blue.
861
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:39,840
{\an2}There was a blue light on the top,
everything danger was blue so...
862
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,520
{\an2}Yeah. It was, er, pretty
straightforward.
863
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:45,680
{\an2}He was not as quick as Andy.
864
00:42:45,720 --> 00:42:46,840
{\an2}We know Andy was the quickest.
865
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:50,920
{\an2}Jack was the second quickest, did it
with a few seconds left to spare,
866
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:52,360
{\an2}Rosie didn't do it, of course...
867
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,280
{\an2}Yes! And that's what we've got to
clear up now, isn't it?
868
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:55,320
{\an2}Hmm.
869
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:58,560
{\an2}Do we, er, allow Rosie to get some
points from this?
870
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:03,080
{\an2}I will say she did crack the code
with about eight seconds left
871
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,360
{\an2}so it's whether or not it's possible
to cut a wire in eight seconds,
872
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:06,400
{\an2}I don't think it is.
873
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:11,840
{\an2}Fortunately for you, er, Alex has no
authority here, erm,
874
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:14,760
{\an2}and I say it was his incompetence
that caused you to lose
875
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:18,240
{\an2}so you just about made it in time is
my final judgment.
876
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:19,480
{\an2}She gets three points for coming
third?
877
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:24,120
{\an2}Yes, stop hating people
with disability.
878
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:26,560
{\an2}I'll try, I'll try!
879
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:28,560
{\an2}OK three points to Rosie.
880
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:29,720
{\an2}Four to Jack.
881
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:31,080
{\an2}Five to Andy Zaltzman.
882
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:39,120
{\an2}OK, everyone, for a change please
stay in your chairs
883
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,080
{\an2}for the final task of the show.
884
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:42,200
{\an2}Ooh.
885
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,480
{\an2}Curtain rise.
886
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,040
{\an2}Rotate the human.
887
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,440
{\an2}What a mystery! Who's reading the
task?
888
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:04,800
{\an2}Jack Dee, please.
889
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:09,040
{\an2}OK, er, correctly guess this
person's job.
890
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:13,000
{\an2}You must ask a yes or no question
on your turn.
891
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:16,720
{\an2}If you take more than ten seconds to
ask your question you miss a go.
892
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:20,560
{\an2}The person who guesses correctly
wins five points.
893
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,000
{\an2}Whoa!
894
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:23,720
{\an2}So it's all or nothing in this one.
895
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:24,960
{\an2}Ready Greg?
896
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:26,000
{\an2}Ready.
897
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:27,040
{\an2}Andy?
898
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:33,040
{\an2}Erm, have you, er, drawn blood at
work?
899
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:36,000
{\an2}Yes.
900
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,000
{\an2}Do you chase people?
901
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,080
{\an2}No.
902
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,120
{\an2}We'll, we'll come back to ask about
that afterwards.
903
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,120
{\an2}Do you work in medicine?
904
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:48,720
{\an2}Yes.
905
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:50,120
{\an2}Are you a surgeon?
906
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:51,360
{\an2}Yes.
907
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,240
{\an2}You need to be more specific and
that is your question, Jack.
908
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:54,360
{\an2}Yes.
909
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,680
{\an2}Are you a brain surgeon?
910
00:44:57,720 --> 00:44:59,000
{\an2}No.
911
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:02,200
{\an2}Are you a veterinary surgeon?
912
00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:03,240
{\an2}No.
913
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:04,320
{\an2}Heart surgeon?
914
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:05,360
{\an2}No.
915
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:09,240
{\an2}A little clue, the job title doesn't
involve the word surgeon.
916
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,880
{\an2}Do you do lots of different things
in your job every day?
917
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:13,960
{\an2}Yes.
918
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:20,920
{\an2}Very pleased with that one,
weren't you?
919
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:22,560
{\an2}Are you a GP?
920
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:23,840
{\an2}No.
921
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:30,000
{\an2}Do you work with other humans?
922
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:31,040
{\an2}Yes.
923
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:34,520
{\an2}That narrows it down for us.
924
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:38,080
{\an2}Are you an anaesthetist?
925
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:39,120
{\an2}No.
926
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:41,920
{\an2}Are you sat down throughout
your shift?
927
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:42,960
{\an2}No.
928
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,200
{\an2}Are you an obstetrician?
929
00:45:45,240 --> 00:45:47,080
{\an2}No.
930
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:49,240
{\an2}Ooh.
931
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,200
{\an2}Are you a gynaecologist?
932
00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:52,240
{\an2}Yes.
933
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:53,440
{\an2}We have a winner!
934
00:45:55,240 --> 00:45:56,680
{\an2}Oh, God!
935
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,240
{\an2}Thank you to our guest, Quentin.
936
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,080
{\an2}Quentin, ladies and gentlemen.
937
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:07,600
{\an2}Let's reset the stage and find out
the final scores.
938
00:46:11,720 --> 00:46:16,280
{\an2}That has surely put the
gynaecological cat
939
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:18,200
{\an2}amongst the pigeons.
940
00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:20,920
{\an2}Well, it has in a way Jack has ended
up on 17 points
941
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:22,000
{\an2}and is in second place
942
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:23,200
{\an2}but the winner with 18 points is...
943
00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:24,520
{\an2}..Andy Zaltzman.
944
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,520
{\an2}Andy Zaltzman wins.
945
00:46:32,720 --> 00:46:35,640
{\an2}Please go and pocket your things
from a pocket.
946
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:07,000
{\an8}Subtitles by Red Bee Media