1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,960 {\an2}This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,280 {\an2}GREG SIGHS: Ah. 3 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:08,360 {\an2}Oh! 4 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:09,480 {\an2}SCREAMS: Whoa! 5 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,240 {\an1}SCREAMS 6 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:16,440 {\an2}SQUEAKING: Mim, nim, nim, nim. 7 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,640 {\an2}Oh, you're useless at this. 8 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,320 {\an2}SCREAMS: Ah! 9 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:21,360 {\an2}Prrp. 10 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:22,400 {\an2}Ooh! 11 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:23,440 {\an2}Urgh! 12 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,320 {\an2}Hello! 13 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:36,440 {\an2}Thank you. 14 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,200 {\an8}Welcome to Taskmaster. 15 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,840 {\an8}The buckshot in the blunderbuss of entertainment. 16 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,920 {\an2}Let's see if we can't fire our contestants into 17 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,920 {\an2}the farmer's bottom of laughs. 18 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:46,960 {\an2}Here they are. 19 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,800 {\an2}They're Andy Zaltzman... 20 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,680 {\an2}..Babatunde Aleshe... 21 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,000 {\an2}..Emma Sidi... 22 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,160 {\an2}..Jack Dee... 23 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,680 {\an2}..and Rosie Jones. 24 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:05,120 {\an2}And next to me a man who believes that anyone over 25 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,680 {\an2}the age of 70 should have their driving licences revoked. 26 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:12,080 {\an2}As he puts it, if you can't get a bit of shortbread into your gob 27 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,240 {\an2}you shouldn't be reverse parking. 28 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,520 {\an2}OLD LADY-STYLE VOICE: It's Little Alex Horne. 29 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:19,960 {\an2}Hello, Greg. 30 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,000 {\an2}Hi! 31 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:25,960 {\an2}Greg. I'm so sorry to do this. What's happened? 32 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,760 {\an2}Nothing's happened I just need to verify you're not a robot. Mm-hm. 33 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,400 {\an2}There's a lot of it about. Hmm. So here are some ticks. 34 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,880 {\an2}There we go. Just put that into a square 35 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,320 {\an2}wherever you see a motorbike. 36 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,480 {\an2}So, er, there's the image. 37 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,080 {\an2}Just if you see a motorbike pop a, 38 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,200 {\an8}pop a tick on any square with a motorbike. 39 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:44,880 {\an2}Then I'm obviously a robot cos there are no motorbikes. 40 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,480 {\an8}Well, well, robots would be able to 41 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:47,960 {\an8}spot if there was a motorbike. 42 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,360 {\an2}I'd love to have a fight with you. 43 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,360 {\an2}I'd love to have an actual fight with you. 44 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,640 {\an2}Right. 45 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,480 {\an2}On with the prize task. 46 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,400 {\an2}What have they been asked to bring in this week? 47 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,720 {\an2}Well, this one is tantalising for me, Greg, 48 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,360 {\an2}because they've been asked to bring in 49 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,600 {\an2}the most fun thing to put in Alex's pocket 50 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:15,760 {\an2}without him knowing. 51 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:16,880 {\an2}Ooh! 52 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,880 {\an2}So some things have been put in my admin jacket without me knowing. 53 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,600 {\an2}It's up to Greg to decide which is the most fun thing 54 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,880 {\an2}and the person responsible will pocket five points. 55 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,760 {\an2}The winner of the episode will take home all the things that 56 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:27,960 {\an2}have been in my pockets. 57 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,400 {\an2}OK, Andy, what do you think's the most fun thing 58 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:31,680 {\an2}to put in Alex's pocket? 59 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,560 {\an2}Er, Alex it's in your top left arm pocket. 60 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,440 {\an2}Here she comes. 61 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,720 {\an2}Ah, it's the elixir of eternal life. Yeah. 62 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,920 {\an2}Wow. 63 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,800 {\an2}Yeah, I thought it might be quite fun. 64 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:47,440 {\an2}Inside it's got egg, batshitium, dolphin spludge... 65 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:48,480 {\an2}Ah. Wow. 66 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:49,520 {\an2}Should I? 67 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,640 {\an2}I think the real test of the fun is you drinking it. 68 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,000 {\an2}That's the dolphin I suppose. That's, that's... 69 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,040 {\an2}Mm-mm. It smells dirty. 70 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,360 {\an2}Right how much, what's the. Well, it depends... 71 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,760 {\an2}Er, for eternal life you have to do the whole bottle, don't you? 72 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,360 {\an2}You don't mind smelling it before? 73 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,080 {\an2}Yeah. Just... 74 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,960 {\an2}Oh, yeah it's definitely the whole bottle. 75 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,840 {\an2}Hm-mm. 76 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:21,880 {\an2}Oh, there he is! 77 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,320 {\an2}Well, I've gotta say, Andy, I had a lot of fun... Good. Yeah, I thought, 78 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:29,960 {\an2}I thought... That was a very strong opener. Thank you. 79 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,160 {\an2}Baba, can you beat eternal life? 80 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,200 {\an2}I hope so. 81 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,160 {\an2}Er, check your, uh, bottom left pocket. 82 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,320 {\an2}Pop it out! Here it comes. 83 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,920 {\an2}Read it. Read it. 84 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,600 {\an2}It's a key ring, which you know I like. 85 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:42,920 {\an2}Yeah, but what is it? 86 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,840 {\an2}So, so far, so disappointing. 87 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:50,960 {\an2}Listen I'm gonna tell you right now I don't care for what you wanna do. 88 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,720 {\an2}I know. I know. 89 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,320 {\an2}This is for me and my brethren right here. 90 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,400 {\an2}Me and him. We made friends. 91 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,480 {\an2}We made a tight bond and this is for him 92 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,240 {\an2}and this is something we found fun. 93 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,920 {\an2}It says big up yourself, all day every day. 94 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,400 {\an2}Every single day. Every single day. 95 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,920 {\an2}Big up yourself, all day, everyday. 96 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,040 {\an2}I love that. 97 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,880 {\an2}So now when you look at your keys... Mm-hm. 98 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,800 {\an2}..are you gonna read that and are you gonna big yourself up? 99 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:19,960 {\an2}I, I will say to myself big up yourself all day every day. 100 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,160 {\an2}My guy. 101 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,720 {\an2}And also you, he's got a lot of days now that you've just drunk that. 102 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,600 {\an2}It's quite a fun thing to put in Alex's pocket. 103 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:28,640 {\an2}OK. Yeah. 104 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,240 {\an2}Jack? Yeah. Did you put a fun thing in Alex's pocket? 105 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,880 {\an2}Yes, I think it's in your...the-the right-hand pocket down below, yeah? 106 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:35,920 {\an2}Ah. 107 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:39,240 {\an2}So in the world of sport, which I know a lot about, 108 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,200 {\an2}the injuries are all too common and I thought... All too common. 109 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,760 {\an2}..why not dev why not make an invention that will warn you 110 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,000 {\an2}if you're over-exercising. 111 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:49,800 {\an2}OK, if you would stand up for a second. 112 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:50,840 {\an2}Of course. 113 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,440 {\an2}So, can I just ask you to raise your right leg up, 114 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:54,840 {\an2}your right knee up. 115 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,880 {\an2}Good, so no, no, no, problems there. 116 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,040 {\an2}Absolutely fine. 117 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,480 {\an2}Can you, yeah bend, bend over and touch your toes? 118 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:02,520 {\an2}Yeah. Yeah. 119 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,680 {\an1}FLATULENCE 120 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,960 {\an2}If you, if you would try again, please. 121 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,240 {\an1}FLATULENCE 122 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,200 {\an2}WHOOPY CUSHION Ah, there we go! 123 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,040 {\an2}Oh, I can taste that one. 124 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,200 {\an2}That's very good, Jack. 125 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,520 {\an2}Emma, what have you put in Alex's pocket? 126 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:28,000 {\an2}OK, top right arm pocket. 127 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,360 {\an2}Here it is. Ooh! 128 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,400 {\an2}This is a QR code. 129 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,440 {\an2}I love them. 130 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:36,120 {\an2}Fine. If you were to scan this QR code you get two tickets 131 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,760 {\an2}to see Bon Jovi tribute band Wrong Jovi play on 132 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,840 {\an2}the 19th of October in Basildon. 133 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,040 {\an2}Are you serious? Yeah. 134 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,680 {\an2}These guys rock. All right 135 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,720 {\an2}I've seen them three times if you include my wedding. 136 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,600 {\an2}I've got an e-ticket, sorry. Yeah, yeah. It worked. 137 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,480 {\an2}It's not Alex that's going it's the person who wins... 138 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,520 {\an2}Yeah, and it... 139 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,720 {\an2}..so it could be one of you guys. 140 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,400 {\an2}It's... But there, there's two tickets, I can... 141 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,280 {\an2}Yeah, you can come as well, yeah. 142 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,760 {\an2}Maybe they're on my, er, iPad. 143 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,440 {\an2}and, I mean, tonight... 144 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,120 {\an2}I mean I think it does sound fun. 145 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,320 {\an2}I just don't think anyone else in the room does. 146 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,680 {\an2}Rosie Jones, what have you brought in and put in Alex's pocket? 147 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:25,200 {\an2}I brought, very simple, an ice cube. 148 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,720 {\an2}It was an ice cube 149 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,960 {\an2}but this has taken quite a while so it's now quite a few ice cubes... 150 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,000 {\an2}Yeah. 151 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,880 {\an2}..and my, leg's quite wet. 152 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:43,720 {\an2}Eventually, he will look like he pissed himself. 153 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:49,120 {\an2}It's multiple layer bullying... 154 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:50,160 {\an2}Yeah. 155 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,200 {\an2}..and you'll get nothing but praise from me. 156 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,440 {\an2}Here's my thinking. 157 00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,640 {\an2}Ice, fart machine, very funny. Quite route one. 158 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:05,400 {\an2}Why mess with perfection? 159 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,280 {\an2}She's right they're classics but I'm gonna give them three points each. 160 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,040 {\an2}I'm, I'm taking a bet on Wrong Jovi, 161 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,560 {\an2}because they might be dog shit, 162 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,960 {\an2}and, honestly, if they are shit I still think whoever goes 163 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,000 {\an2}will find that funny... 164 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,040 {\an2}Great. 165 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:22,480 {\an2}..but I'm gonna match that... Right. 166 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:25,960 {\an2}..because I really found it fun you bigging yourself up. 167 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,280 {\an2}Then I don't think you do big yourself up enough. 168 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,440 {\an2}Really? You know why? Mm-hm. 169 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,000 {\an2}Cos I think you're a penis. 170 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,560 {\an2}I'm gonna give that four points and the truth is 171 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:40,120 {\an2}I had the most fun watching you drink Andy's elixir 172 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,800 {\an2}and I don't even know what's in it, 173 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,560 {\an2}but that's what gets the five points. There you go. 174 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,680 {\an2}Four to Baba and Emma, five to Andy Zaltzman. 175 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,000 {\an2}There you go. 176 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,520 {\an2}Right, let's get stuck in and on with the task. 177 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,680 {\an2}Oh, you don't beat around the bush, do you, Greg? 178 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,720 {\an2}Blimey. Calm down. 179 00:07:54,760 --> 00:08:00,840 {\an2}First up, then, a spot of indoor train track fishing. 180 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,520 {\an2}Emma. Hello. 181 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,000 {\an2}Yeah. 182 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,080 {\an2}Oh, my gosh! 183 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,000 {\an2}Yeah, do you just wanna hop over and get that. 184 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,360 {\an2}Oh! 185 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:34,440 {\an2}There we go. 186 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:35,480 {\an2}That will do it. 187 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:36,720 {\an2}I could probably reach that. 188 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,080 {\an2}Must be a quicker way. 189 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,920 {\an2}There would've been if you'd just put it on the table, 190 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,200 {\an2}that would've been quicker. 191 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,400 {\an2}Right. 192 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,960 {\an2}Hook one fish in the frying pan. 193 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,040 {\an2}Dottiest fish wins. 194 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,640 {\an2}What's a dotty fish? 195 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,240 {\an2}Your task ends when you put a fish in the frying pan. 196 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:05,600 {\an2}You have 15 minutes. 197 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,040 {\an2}Your time starts now. 198 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,360 {\an2}Dottiest fish? 199 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,600 {\an2}That's what he wants. He loves his dotty fish. 200 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,720 {\an2}I apologise cos I, I thought that that was just a device to, 201 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,880 {\an2}for this thing and, uh, there's more to it. Yeah. 202 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,640 {\an2}I will never tire of Jack's boredom of this. 203 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,360 {\an2}Why does something have to be difficult? 204 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,680 {\an2}Erm, I just wanna get stuck into it that's what I want. 205 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,760 {\an2}OK, we're gonna start with two people who each have two vowels 206 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,440 {\an2}and two consonants but no dots... 207 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,480 {\an2}..yet. 208 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,640 {\an2}It's Baba and Emma, here we go. 209 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,960 {\an2}All right, time to go fishing. 210 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,720 {\an2}Swing, bruv, swing. 211 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,240 {\an2}Yeah, go on, get it. 212 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,360 {\an2}You caught a fish. 213 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,440 {\an2}Yeah, I have. 214 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:00,560 {\an2}But the thing is, yeah... 215 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,600 {\an2}SCREAMS: No! 216 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,560 {\an2}Dottiest, dottiest fish. 217 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:11,640 {\an2}Dottiest fish. 218 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,560 {\an2}So that's a bin. 219 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,320 {\an2}Come here, come on. That's right. 220 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,640 {\an2}Oh, no! You little punk. 221 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,200 {\an2}Oh. 222 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,240 {\an2}Your mum! 223 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,840 {\an2}Come on, bro. Come here. 224 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,840 {\an2}Three? 225 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:36,760 {\an2}Dottiest fish? Mm-hm. 226 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:37,840 {\an2}Do you...? 227 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,840 {\an2}That one's so dotty? 228 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,320 {\an2}Ah, well that's the end of the task. 229 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,320 {\an2}Oh, I'm gutted. 230 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,480 {\an2}There could be one down there that's even dottier? Yeah. 231 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,120 {\an2}All right. 232 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,560 {\an2}Ah, Baba your technique. 233 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,160 {\an2}Careful. 234 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,440 {\an2}Yes! Oh, my days! Yes! 235 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:06,880 {\an2}Look at me! I am the man. 236 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,240 {\an2}I am the man. I am the frigging man. 237 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,360 {\an2}Look at that, bro. Look at that. 238 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,600 {\an2}Bow, in your face. 239 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,040 {\an2}I dare anyone to find a fish with more dots than me. 240 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:25,040 {\an2}Quite a contrast in styles there. 241 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,080 {\an2}I don't know anyone who could bring that sort of energy 242 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,280 {\an2}to fishing for dotty fish. 243 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,240 {\an2}Yeah, but man sometimes when you win you've just gotta yell brap, 244 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,720 {\an2}you know what I'm saying? 245 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,120 {\an2}You've gotta big up yourself. All day every day. 246 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,240 {\an2}Exactly. Big up yourself. Do it again. 247 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,920 {\an2}Big up yourself. Yes. 248 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,560 {\an2}Quite a contrast with you. 249 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:49,400 {\an2}You spent a lot of time debating what dotty meant, 250 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,280 {\an2}and then when you found a dotty fish under the pan, 251 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,720 {\an2}your instinct was to pop it in the pan like a 1950s TV cook. 252 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,240 {\an2}I was, I was furious at myself. 253 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,840 {\an2}It was an instinct cos it was fastest, right, so it was... 254 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,840 {\an2}No, it was not fastest. It was most dots. 255 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,400 {\an2}You had 15 minutes. 256 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:07,880 {\an2}So Baba got 30 dots on his fish. 257 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,320 {\an2}Emma got ten. 258 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,480 {\an2}Break time now. 259 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,200 {\an8}Go. Come back soon. 260 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:16,600 {\an8}It's simple. Bye. 261 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,600 {\an8}Hello! You've joined us for the start of part two 262 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,600 {\an2}and the continuation of a fishing task. 263 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,280 {\an2}A dotty fishing task, Greg, come on, man. 264 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,920 {\an2}They can place one fish in the pan 265 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,200 {\an2}and the fish with the most dots will gain the most points. 266 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,440 {\an2}Next up it's Andy and Rosie. 267 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,640 {\an2}Down. 268 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,760 {\an2}It's quite impressive technology this, Alex, 269 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,200 {\an2}just voice activated? Yeah, that's all it is, yeah. Right. 270 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,080 {\an2}Down. Down. 271 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,560 {\an2}Keep going down, mate. 272 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,000 {\an2}Do you want me to open that for you? 273 00:12:56,040 --> 00:13:00,880 {\an2}No. I'm an independent lady. 274 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,440 {\an2}Three minutes gone. 275 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,640 {\an2}Could you open it? 276 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,120 {\an2}Cos I'm also an independent lady. 277 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,600 {\an2}It's empty. 278 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,040 {\an2}How dotty, is it? Well, it's not dotty at all. 279 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:26,440 {\an2}You go down quicker, quicker. 280 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,520 {\an2}Is there a pen? Is that a pen down there? 281 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,440 {\an2}There's something else on the track next to the fish. 282 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,120 {\an2}Down. 283 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,200 {\an2}Up. 284 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,720 {\an2}It comes off. 285 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,560 {\an2}Are you gonna remove that dot? Yeah. 286 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:41,640 {\an2}I see. 287 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:42,840 {\an2}Right. 288 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,200 {\an2}We're gonna try and get whatever that red thing is down there. 289 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,840 {\an2}Oh, look at that. 290 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,800 {\an2}This is one of the most intrepid rescue missions 291 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,080 {\an2}I've ever been involved in. 292 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,280 {\an2}You've got four dots on your fish and you've got four minutes. 293 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,800 {\an2}Right we've got ages, we're doing this. 294 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:01,840 {\an2}OK. 295 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,120 {\an2}What have you caught? Pen. 296 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:07,000 {\an2}Oh. That could be quite useful. Right. 297 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,360 {\an2}And that fish had how many dots? 298 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,760 {\an2}Three. Right. 299 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:20,120 {\an2}..six, seven... 300 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,480 {\an2}Mm-hm. You've got 20 seconds. 301 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,080 {\an2}Oh, you've put a fish in the frying pan. 302 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,400 {\an2}Task over, congratulations. 303 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,320 {\an2}I reckon, er, bit of white wine sauce, lovely. 304 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,720 {\an2}I mean, obviously, very effective over there. Yes. Sure. 305 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,080 {\an2}You must be, you must be thrilled Andy. 306 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:52,560 {\an2}Well, I spent 20 years as a commercial fisherman, er, and also. 307 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,400 {\an2}Christ, I almost believed you! I think... 308 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,800 {\an2}Look at me! Look at me! 309 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,960 {\an2}I've never done anything practical in my life. 310 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:07,160 {\an2}I spent half the time looking in 311 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:11,880 {\an2}them fucking useless bags. 312 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,680 {\an2}But you know who's to blame for that, don't you? Him! 313 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,680 {\an2}Him. Of course. 314 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,120 {\an2}So Rosie managed to get a total of seven dots, 315 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:24,480 {\an2}Andy 657 because they were on both sides, 316 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,120 {\an2}they were also on the rim of the fish. 317 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,160 {\an2}Wow. 318 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,360 {\an2}You dotted the rim? 319 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,960 {\an2}The man's a professional. 320 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000 {\an2}Who's next? 321 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,480 {\an2}Finally here's a quick film about Jack having a great time. 322 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,040 {\an2}OK so I'm lifting this round. Mm-hm. 323 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,280 {\an2}Lower it down, please. 324 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,000 {\an2}Yes. 325 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,040 {\an2}Keep going. 326 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,880 {\an2}Are any of these things magnetic? 327 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,120 {\an2}Said so on the packet. 328 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,520 {\an2}OK, oh, OK lift it up, please, bring it up. 329 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,480 {\an2}Little bit up and then, uh, down. 330 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,280 {\an2}Oh, stop, stop. No, stop. 331 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,000 {\an2}Stop. 332 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,720 {\an2}Ah, no. Up. Down. Stop. Forward a bit. 333 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,400 {\an2}Stop. Dow, down. 334 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,440 {\an2}Down. 335 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,480 {\an2}Up, please. 336 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,320 {\an2}Nah... I see what you're trying to do. 337 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,160 {\an2}Yeah, well, yeah, I'm trying to get a fish in the... 338 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,200 {\an2}Hmm. ..frying pan. 339 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,240 {\an2}Yeah, great. 340 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,560 {\an2}Erm, erm... Yeah. 341 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,080 {\an2}Down a bit. 342 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,520 {\an2}OK try bringing that up. 343 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,360 {\an2}Up it comes, Jack. Yeah. 344 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,920 {\an2}Keep going. 345 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,480 {\an2}Right, bring it back. 346 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,440 {\an2}Bring it, bring it down. 347 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,320 {\an2}So the task ends when the fish goes in the pan. 348 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,240 {\an2}Right OK the task is over. 349 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:43,280 {\an2}There you are. 350 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,920 {\an2}How dotty is your fish, Jack? 351 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,160 {\an2}SIGHS: Oh! 352 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,360 {\an2}One dot. 353 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:52,600 {\an2}One dot? 354 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:56,680 {\an2}What a waste of time! 355 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,720 {\an2}I mean, as you know Jack I try not to make ageist remarks to you 356 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,240 {\an2}but I just wrote down a generic summary of my view of 357 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,200 {\an2}the attempt and it's this, 358 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,720 {\an2}do you think it's time we got grandad some special cutlery? 359 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,600 {\an2}If the challenge had been the fewest dots... 360 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,240 {\an2}Oh, yeah, you'd smash it. ..you'd be looking at a champ. 361 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,560 {\an2}You're the people's champion. 362 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:24,880 {\an2}Hmm, yeah. 363 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,760 {\an2}He still had eight minutes to go, at that point... 364 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,600 {\an2}..if he'd wanted to carry on. 365 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:30,920 {\an2}Points wise, one point to Jack, 366 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,640 {\an2}it's two to Rosie with her seven, Emma three points, 367 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,280 {\an2}Baba four points with 30 dots. 368 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,880 {\an2}Andy, your 657 dots transfers into five points. 369 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,480 {\an2}Andy Zaltzman everyone, well done. 370 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,520 {\an2}Can I see a scoreboard, please, young fellow m'lad? 371 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:47,760 {\an2}Jack is at the bottom of the leaderboard 372 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,960 {\an2}but at the top it's Andy Zaltzman with a full ten points. 373 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,200 {\an2}Wow. 374 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,440 {\an2}Have you got something good lined up for me, Alex? 375 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,480 {\an2}Always Greg and this one has doubled our cast with 376 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:03,120 {\an2}a whole host of wonderful new characters. 377 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:24,600 {\an2}Well played. 378 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:25,680 {\an2}Thanks. 379 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,080 {\an2}Good luck with it. 380 00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:30,760 {\an2}Thank you. I shall do my best. 381 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,160 {\an2}You know me. 382 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,600 {\an2}Create, handle and voice 383 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:42,000 {\an2}the most charismatic new children's television puppet sidekick for Alex. 384 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,680 {\an2}Who the hell is Alex? 385 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,040 {\an2}Oh! 386 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:49,040 {\an2}I thought you meant a character, like, a cartoon character. 387 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,240 {\an2}Sorry. 388 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,120 {\an2}You have 30 minutes. 389 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,920 {\an2}Your time starts now. 390 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:02,000 {\an2}Create, handle, hmm, OK so it's, it's puppeteering really. 391 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:09,640 {\an2}OK this is good for me cos I write children's books. 392 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,920 {\an2}Do you? Buy them. That'll do, that's enough, that's enough. 393 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,720 {\an2}Buy them now. 394 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:16,960 {\an2}Erm... 395 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,320 {\an2}Have you handled puppets much? 396 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,360 {\an2}Er... I haven't done no. 397 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:26,480 {\an2}Er, I, er, I've, er, I've not, er, 398 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:30,000 {\an2}I've not done one ever so... 399 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,400 {\an2}OK. So it's a no. 400 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,600 {\an2}That's a no, yeah, yeah. 401 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,120 {\an2}Yeah, take a while to... Yeah. ..come out. 402 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:39,000 {\an2}OK. I'll, erm, I'll, I'll be back on that then. 403 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,640 {\an2}Right, right, OK then. 404 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,760 {\an2}Was it just me that was thinking that Jack was possibly leaving 405 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,320 {\an2}the show at that point? 406 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:58,320 {\an2}It was just one of those days when you didn't wanna do anything and, 407 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,040 {\an2}er, and that's not a good approach to Taskmaster. 408 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,760 {\an2}Baba provided me with one of my favourite moments this series with 409 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,960 {\an2}the genuine question, who the hell is Alex? 410 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,080 {\an2}Rosie, you, er, used it as an opportunity 411 00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:15,320 {\an2}to shamelessly plug your side hustle I see. 412 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,920 {\an2}Yeah. Erm, I write... 413 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:18,960 {\an2}No, no, no, no... 414 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,640 {\an2}Uh, uh... We don't do it now. 415 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,400 {\an2}If anyone's gonna plug their side hustle on this show, 416 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,000 {\an2}it's gonna be this guy. 417 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,360 {\an2}Only Fans. 418 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,200 {\an2}All thongs no hair. 419 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,320 {\an2}Genuinely don't know where that came from. 420 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,400 {\an2}Well, it's time to meet our first charismatic puppet from the mind 421 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,280 {\an2}and voice of Jack Dee. 422 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,960 {\an2}Hello, children, and welcome to another episode of 423 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,560 {\an2}Horney and Horsey. 424 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:54,720 {\an8}Do you know what we've been doing in the barn? 425 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,200 {\an2}I was teaching Horsey the alphabet. 426 00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:02,080 {\an2}Yeah, and I'm remembering it by thinking of words that begin 427 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,920 {\an8}with each letter. 428 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,000 {\an2}A is for apple. 429 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,440 {\an8}And B is for best friend. 430 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,360 {\an2}Horney is my best friend. 431 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:19,520 {\an2}Now you have to come up with a word beginning with C that describes me. 432 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,560 {\an2}Oh, I know... 433 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,480 {\an2}Charismatic. That's me. 434 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:34,000 {\an8}Well, that's all we've got time for, Horney. 435 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,120 {\an2}Say goodbye to my little friends. 436 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:38,280 {\an2}OK, goodbye. 437 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,560 {\an2}Horsey was quite charismatic. 438 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,680 {\an2}In the end, yeah. 439 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,040 {\an2}Well, it turned out to be, yeah. 440 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:55,960 {\an2}And it turns out your equine American counterpart's 441 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,760 {\an2}quite full of life and energetic. 442 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,760 {\an2}Yes, funny that as I was having a lie down, you see. 443 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,320 {\an2}But credit also to Alex who really got into 444 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:06,800 {\an2}the character of a...of a twat. 445 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,760 {\an2}You didn't like even eluding to the C word, did you? 446 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,720 {\an2}I was thinking it but I wouldn't say it. 447 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:17,000 {\an2}I don't think you ever have said it, actually, which I find fascinating. 448 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,400 {\an2}Well, I will also advise... 449 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,000 {\an2}Say it. No. 450 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,240 {\an2}I'm saying it's g... 451 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,440 {\an2}We're all adults here. Say it. It's going round and round up here. 452 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,520 {\an2}Whisper it to me. 453 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,600 {\an8}Whisper it to me and then I'll let us move on. 454 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:29,720 {\an2}Say the words. 455 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,320 {\an2}Put that down. Whisper it. 456 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:42,440 {\an2}Right, who's next? 457 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:47,320 {\an2}Right, well, next up it's Andy and his creation, Pigeor. 458 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:51,920 {\an2}Hello, children, and welcome to the Horney hour with me, Alex Horne. 459 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,120 {\an2}We're meeting my new friend today. 460 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,640 {\an2}Why don't you introduce yourself to the children? 461 00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:01,440 {\an2}Hello, children, I am Pigeor, the merciless one, 462 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:06,880 {\an2}from my beak of bleakness flows a bitter cascade of eternal despair. 463 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,960 {\an2}OK can you try to lighten it up a bit for the kids please, Pigeor? 464 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,640 {\an2}Go fuck yourself, Alex Horne. I don't like children. 465 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:19,200 {\an2}They often grow up to be adults, who are mostly awful. 466 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,760 {\an2}No offence Alex, well, some offence. 467 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,320 {\an2}It is a kids' TV show so can you do something the kids might like? 468 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,440 {\an2}I can do my pigeon song. 469 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,320 {\an2}Ooh, good idea, Pigeor, and what's your song called? 470 00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:33,320 {\an2}You Can't Eat An Ice Cream When You're Burning In Hell. 471 00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:34,480 {\an2}OK let's not do the song. 472 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:35,600 {\an2}I wanna do my song. 473 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:36,720 {\an2}You cannot do the song. 474 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:41,040 {\an2}Then, Alexeidaniovitch, I will peck you to death. 475 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:42,240 {\an2}Clear the area. 476 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,320 {\an2}Can you please come a bit closer for your fatal pecking? 477 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,040 {\an2}That's what I'm talking about. Ow! 478 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,760 {\an2}Yeah, get in there. 479 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,440 {\an2}Ow! OK, bye-bye children. 480 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,800 {\an2}See you next time on the Horney hour. 481 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:05,960 {\an2}Very disturbing. 482 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,840 {\an2}I mean, who hurt you Andy? 483 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,640 {\an2}You've just got to go with your first instinct on this show, 484 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:11,720 {\an2}haven't you, really? 485 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,520 {\an2}Yeah, he's got some lovely catchphrases for the kids, hasn't he? 486 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,240 {\an2}You can't eat an ice cream when you're burning in hell. 487 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,160 {\an2}Well, that's just physics. 488 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,360 {\an2}I mean can I say that's a charismatic children's character? 489 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,520 {\an2}Do I want a satanic pigeon pecking my head off? 490 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,960 {\an2}Children don't know what's best for them, though, do they, don't they? 491 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,720 {\an2}What's wrong with you? 492 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,040 {\an2}Absolutely terrifying, Andy. 493 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:38,640 {\an2}Quite a creation. Who's next? 494 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:42,680 {\an2}Yes, now it's time for Emma and her cheeky Little Banana Boy. 495 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,800 {\an2}Oh, God! 496 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,080 {\an2}Hey, kids! 497 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,720 {\an8}Hi, everybody! My name's Little Cheeky Banana Boy 498 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,320 {\an2}and this is my sidekick, Alex Horne... 499 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:53,920 {\an2}Hi, I'm Alex Horne. 500 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,680 {\an2}..and we're here to tell you guys to eat your bananas. 501 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,240 {\an2}That was really good. 502 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:09,520 {\an2}Thank you. 503 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:13,000 {\an2}Oy, Alex. I, er... 504 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,000 {\an8}..I think I've developed feelings for you. 505 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,160 {\an2}I sort of wanna, I dunno... 506 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,200 {\an2}..kiss you. 507 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,120 {\an2}OK. 508 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,120 {\an2}Alex... Hm-mm. 509 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,160 {\an2}..eat me. 510 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:28,280 {\an2}Shut up. 511 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,480 {\an2}Just one banana. 512 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:31,560 {\an2}I don't want to. 513 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,800 {\an2}I feel devastated. 514 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,040 {\an2}I'm... I'm gonna die now. 515 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,160 {\an2}Right, OK. 516 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,840 {\an2}OK cut now. Cut. 517 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,040 {\an2}Great. 518 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,400 {\an2}It strikes me that it was quite a wholesome and sweet character. 519 00:25:58,440 --> 00:25:59,440 {\an2}Yeah. 520 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,000 {\an2}It, sort of, the wheels came off for me when Banana Boy tried 521 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,040 {\an2}to get off with Alex. 522 00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:07,080 {\an2}Yeah, I know I really don't remember that either. 523 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,480 {\an2}This is a charismatic children's character, OK? 524 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:10,760 {\an2}Yeah, I'm so sorry. 525 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,400 {\an2}We've had a mutant pigeon 526 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,240 {\an2}and now we've got a banana hybrid trying to get off with a man... 527 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,280 {\an2}I know. 528 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:20,160 {\an2}..and then being so depressed that the man wouldn't get off with him 529 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,200 {\an2}that he spontaneously died. 530 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,320 {\an2}Yeah, I know. 531 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:27,960 {\an2}When it comes to making up children's characters 532 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,880 {\an2}we really have tonally nailed it, haven't we? 533 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,320 {\an2}Right let's stop and have a break... 534 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,040 {\an2}..a break dance. 535 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:51,200 {\an8}Hello, hello and welcome back to Taskmaster. 536 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:52,440 {\an8}What's been going on, Alex? 537 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,560 {\an2}They've all been trying to create the most charismatic 538 00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:55,960 {\an2}new children's puppet. 539 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,360 {\an2}Next it's Babatunde and Man Like Tyrone. 540 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:03,720 {\an2}Oh, hello, boys and girls. 541 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,520 {\an2}Welcome to this world where you're never on your own 542 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,160 {\an2}because you're here with me Alex... 543 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,440 {\an2}..and me, Man Like Tyrone. 544 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,600 {\an2}So what's today's lesson on? 545 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,400 {\an2}Today's lesson is about saying no to drugs. 546 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,600 {\an2}Oh, yes. Drugs. 547 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:21,840 {\an2}Yo, Alex? 548 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,600 {\an2}Yes, Man Like Tyrone. 549 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,520 {\an2}Why did Humpty Dumpty fall off the wall? 550 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,760 {\an2}Hmm-mm, I don't know. 551 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,800 {\an2}Because he was a crack head. 552 00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:34,440 {\an1}PUPPET LAUGHS 553 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:35,960 {\an2}Oh, it kills me. 554 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,760 {\an2}Now children, there's gonna come a time in your life 555 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,640 {\an2}when you might wanna get high and I'm here to tell you, 556 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:42,680 {\an2}don't do it. 557 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,800 {\an2}Hmm, yes, don't do it. 558 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,000 {\an2}You could lose 559 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,080 {\an2}everything. 560 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:48,720 {\an2}Everything? 561 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:49,840 {\an2}Yes, bro. 562 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,080 {\an2}What should they do instead? 563 00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:53,520 {\an2}Sell it. 564 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,040 {\an2}What? 565 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,360 {\an2}Hell, yeah! You can make a lot more money selling instead of using. 566 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,360 {\an2}Remember what I always tell you, bro, 567 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:05,760 {\an2}And that's all from me, Alex,... 568 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,440 {\an2}..and me, Man Like Tyrone. 569 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,240 {\an2}Bye kids. Bye kids. 570 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,440 {\an2}I mean, I'm gonna have to, essentially, just forget 571 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,000 {\an2}about children, aren't I? 572 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,440 {\an2}Man like Tyrone, quite the charmer though. 573 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,240 {\an2}He was very charismatic. 574 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,360 {\an2}That's what we're... He was. ..basing this on, right? 575 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:31,400 {\an2}Is he a rat? 576 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,600 {\an2}He's an otter. He's an otter? Otter, yeah. Oh! 577 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:34,640 {\an2}He was from Brixton. 578 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,480 {\an2}Oh, sorry I didn't realise there was quite, such a backstory. 579 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,600 {\an2}Er, he was 34... Otter from the inner city. 580 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:41,880 {\an2}..34, he's a Pisces. 581 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,240 {\an2}There's quite a lot, a lot of backstory. 582 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,560 {\an2}I mean I did like it, I did like hanging out with him until 583 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,920 {\an2}he tried to sell drugs to kids. 584 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,880 {\an2}but I'm gonna have to suspend the whole kids thing. 585 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:56,480 {\an2}I'm just gonna have to choose the most charismatic awful character. 586 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,000 {\an2}Well, brace yourselves. 587 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,400 {\an2}Here's Rosie Jones with her creation. 588 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,160 {\an8}Hello, kiddie winks! It's me, Little Alex, 589 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,320 {\an8}and my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Mr Poo. 590 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:23,760 {\an2}Hello, to you. I am Mr Poo. 591 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:30,080 {\an8}Alex, can I ask you a question? 592 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,560 {\an8}Where did I come from? 593 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,160 {\an8}Well, I made you. 594 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,680 {\an2}You made me? 595 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:41,240 {\an8}Yes, Mr Poo, I squeezed out of my bumhole 596 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:45,160 {\an8}and I kept you because before you I had no friends 597 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,000 {\an8}and I was lonely, very, very lonely, 598 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,880 {\an8}but now I have you, Mr Poo, who I love with all my heart. 599 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,760 {\an2}Ah, I love you. 600 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,000 {\an2}Kissy? 601 00:29:58,040 --> 00:29:59,600 {\an2}Kissy? 602 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:02,400 {\an2}Kissy... OK. 603 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,520 {\an2}..on my mouth. 604 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,360 {\an2}On your mouth? Yes. 605 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,040 {\an2}OK we'll see you after the break. 606 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:16,480 {\an2}Mr Poo. 607 00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,480 {\an2}Oh, Alex. 608 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:30,320 {\an2}Sorry Alex and sorry Rosie, 609 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,560 {\an2}you kissed a shit 610 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,520 {\an2}but you wouldn't kiss little banana boy? 611 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,400 {\an2}Exactly boy, Mr Poo. 612 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,800 {\an2}Totally fair. 613 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,080 {\an2}When you said, "Where do I come from?", 614 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,200 {\an2}I actually found myself going, "Ah, that's quite sweet," 615 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:51,760 {\an2}but it was when all the sticky brown stuff got on 616 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,920 {\an2}Alex's face that you lost me, 617 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:55,320 {\an2}Charisma-wise. 618 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,040 {\an2}OK look it's most charismatic puppet wins. 619 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:00,080 {\an2}Yeah, all right. 620 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,560 {\an2}I found banana boy a bit depressive. 621 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:03,600 {\an2}Yeah. 622 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:04,840 {\an2}I can only give him one point. 623 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:06,960 {\an2}OK where are we going from banana boy? 624 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,480 {\an2}It's between a talking shit and a murderous pigeon. 625 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,520 {\an2}A dance as old as time itself. 626 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,200 {\an2}That old chestnut again. 627 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,040 {\an2}Two for the poo, three for the murderous pigeon. 628 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:22,080 {\an2}Got it. 629 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,600 {\an2}If it was points for who do I wanna hang out with 630 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,040 {\an2}and have a good time with I'm not going out with a horse... 631 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,080 {\an2}Exactly. 632 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,640 {\an2}..I'm coming to Brixton with the otter. 633 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:31,960 {\an2}Thank you very much. 634 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:33,600 {\an2}Four points to Jack, five points to Baba. 635 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:34,720 {\an2}There we go, well done, Baba. 636 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:39,800 {\an2}Shall we have another task? 637 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:44,240 {\an2}I think we should but please let's proceed with extreme caution. 638 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,280 {\an2}Ooh! 639 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,520 {\an2}Emma... Hiya. ..in you go. 640 00:31:58,560 --> 00:31:59,600 {\an2}Oh, my God. 641 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:02,360 {\an2}What's going on Alex? 642 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,120 {\an2}What's going on? Yeah. 643 00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,200 {\an2}Just a robot. Yeah? 644 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:07,280 {\an2}Yeah. 645 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:08,320 {\an2}Right. 646 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:10,960 {\an2}Oh, that's a bit worrying. 647 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,520 {\an2}Defuse the robot. 648 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,960 {\an2}You must cut all the wires but one. 649 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,120 {\an2}If you cut the danger wire the robot will spew 650 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,560 {\an2}and you will be disqualified. 651 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:34,280 {\an2}You must keep your goggles on at all times. 652 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,040 {\an2}Fastest to defuse the robot wins. 653 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,920 {\an2}You have a maximum of ten minutes. Your time starts now. 654 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:41,440 {\an2}Please press the red button. 655 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:42,640 {\an2}Here? Yeah. 656 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,360 {\an2}Press it? Mm-hm. 657 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:45,920 {\an2}I have to press the red button? Uh-huh. 658 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:48,960 {\an2}We're off. 659 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,000 {\an2}Oh, j... Wow! Wow! Wow, wow, wow. OK. 660 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,680 {\an2}And if you've got any questions I'm always here for you, Jack. 661 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:56,240 {\an2}OK, thank you. 662 00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:57,840 {\an2}Which one is the danger wire? 663 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:06,760 {\an2}Let's get stuck into it. 664 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,560 {\an2}Yes, so they had to cut all the wires but one, 665 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,280 {\an2}leaving just the danger wire. 666 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,360 {\an2}Fastest to successfully do that wins. 667 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,880 {\an2}First to try and defuse the situation, it's Baba and Emma. 668 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,160 {\an2}How am I supposed to know which one it is? 669 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:22,680 {\an2}That's a good question. 670 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:23,720 {\an2}Which one are you gonna cut? 671 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:24,760 {\an2}I don't know... 672 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:27,440 {\an2}GIGGLING: ...but I'm a bit scared. 673 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,200 {\an2}Wait what's around me? 674 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,240 {\an2}Wait, what's this? 675 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:33,480 {\an2}Ooh! 676 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,120 {\an2}Ah! 677 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:36,920 {\an2}Wow. 678 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,400 {\an2}I didn't see any... OK cool. 679 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:42,960 {\an2}No. Doesn't help that. 680 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,840 {\an2}The safe list. What's all this? 681 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,320 {\an2}James... 682 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:48,520 {\an2}..Dan... 683 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,080 {\an2}What are these people that have done it? 684 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,200 {\an2}Um, green that's interesting that's like Gordon. 685 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:56,240 {\an2}I don't really know about that. 686 00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:57,400 {\an2}All right, I'll think about that. 687 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,520 {\an2}And then there's a dude here. HMS Danger. 688 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:01,640 {\an2}HMS Danger. 689 00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,720 {\an2}Oh, blood! Man don't know what none of this means. 690 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,160 {\an2}Oh, my days! 691 00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:13,240 {\an2}I'm gonna cut the green wire. Why? Cos it says Gordon on the safe list. 692 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:14,440 {\an2}OK. 693 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,280 {\an2}The fan's spinning round at the back. He's not spewed. 694 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:20,320 {\an2}Brilliant. 695 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:21,840 {\an2}Why is there a bottle of wine? 696 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:26,800 {\an2}Might as well. 697 00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:31,800 {\an2}Oh, it's awful! 698 00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:38,440 {\an2}So red wine, so red is safe... OK. ..cos it's wine. 699 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:39,640 {\an2}Wait. 700 00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,800 {\an2}Yellow ain't safe cos yellow is not on the chart... 701 00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:44,000 {\an8}..but red is. 702 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,120 {\an8}Red, green and blue. 703 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:49,360 {\an2}All right, well, we'll cut blue. 704 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,680 {\an1}HE GIGGLES 705 00:34:51,720 --> 00:34:53,080 {\an2}I don't wanna cut it. 706 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:54,440 {\an2}Dan. 707 00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,600 {\an2}So there's three letters in Dan so I'm gonna do three wires down. 708 00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:58,960 {\an2}One two, three, down. 709 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,960 {\an8}Let's cut blue, see how we go. 710 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,080 {\an8}I'm trying to cut it. 711 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,040 {\an1}SHE SCREAMS 712 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:10,400 {\an2}Whoa! 713 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,240 {\an2}You've managed to only cut the danger wire. 714 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:15,600 {\an2}How rubbish is that? 715 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:21,200 {\an1}SHE GIGGLES 716 00:35:21,240 --> 00:35:24,920 {\an2}Everything spews once in a while, my guy. You know what I mean? 717 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:26,000 {\an2}So have I won? 718 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:37,840 {\an2}Erm, I think in military terms you're both what's known as cannon fodder. 719 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:42,240 {\an2}I had no idea, none of the clues made sense to me. 720 00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:46,720 {\an2}It was quite, quite impressive after you've cut one wire 721 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:50,800 {\an2}and the robot's gone off and you're covered in stuff 722 00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,880 {\an2}to look down the camera and say, "Have I won?" 723 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,680 {\an2}I put it to you that throughout the task neither of you understood it. 724 00:35:57,720 --> 00:36:01,080 {\an2}I think I was just role playing... Hmm. 725 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:06,400 {\an2}...being a woman drinking wine cutting wires does that make sense? 726 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:07,720 {\an2}No, that's what you were doing. 727 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:14,280 {\an2}Well it's now time for Andy and Rosie and robot. 728 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:17,000 {\an2}OK, all right. 729 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,840 {\an2}So right, right. 730 00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,920 {\an2}I've got James. 731 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:21,960 {\an8}Charlie. 732 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,000 {\an8}Dan. 733 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:24,040 {\an2}Gordon. 734 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:25,440 {\an2}BOTH: Derren. 735 00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:26,480 {\an8}All Browns. 736 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,720 {\an8}Brown! 737 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:31,600 {\an2}So I'm feeling that Brown is safe. 738 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,760 {\an2}Cut the brown. 739 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,400 {\an8}You sure? Yes. 740 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,840 {\an2}He's made a mess but he hasn't spewed. 741 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,360 {\an2}OK, so bottle of Chateau Taskmaster. 742 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,040 {\an2}Did you make this yourself? 743 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,880 {\an2}Red? Red wine. 744 00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:56,760 {\an2}Cut the red. 745 00:36:57,720 --> 00:37:00,640 {\an8}One, nine, one, six, five... 746 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,360 {\an8}That felt safe. I'm gonna go red is safe. 747 00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:06,480 {\an2}You think red is safe? OK. 748 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:07,640 {\an8}I think red is safe, cos red is not, 749 00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,600 {\an2}I'm not saying red is nice, I'm saying red is safe. 750 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,800 {\an2}Yeah, his eyes have lit up. He's not spewed. 751 00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:13,840 {\an2}Right. 752 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:17,640 {\an8}What's between green and orange? 753 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:18,920 {\an8}Yellow! 754 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:20,160 {\an8}Yellow! 755 00:37:25,240 --> 00:37:26,800 {\an2}You're safe. Three minutes 30 left. 756 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:27,840 {\an2}OK. 757 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,120 {\an2}Are there any more clues? 758 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,080 {\an2}Moon with a danger sign on it. 759 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:33,200 {\an2}It could mean blue? 760 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,240 {\an2}Blue? Is it saying blue? Is that a blue moon? 761 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,520 {\an2}What's that? 762 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:44,920 {\an2}Do you want me to get it for you? 763 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,400 {\an2}Call. Ooh! 764 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:52,320 {\an2}Zero, zero, zero, zero. 765 00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:59,040 {\an2}Kiwi, New Zealand, All Blacks. 766 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:00,440 {\an2}Black? Yeah. 767 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:02,440 {\an2}That's bleeped. 768 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,320 {\an2}Yeah, black is safe. 769 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,760 {\an2}Right so you've got three minutes and how many wires left? 770 00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:07,800 {\an2}Two. 771 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:08,840 {\an2}Yellow or blue? 772 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:13,040 {\an2}Yeah, well, I think, blue moon, I think blue moon is the danger one. 773 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:14,080 {\an2}Yellow's going. 774 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:19,840 {\an2}You have succeeded in the task. 775 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,760 {\an2}Oh, I have? You have. Oh, right. 776 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:29,920 {\an2}Green. Cos it says green safe. 777 00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:33,520 {\an2}You've got 20 seconds to cut one more wire. 778 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:34,640 {\an2}Grey or blue? 779 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,320 {\an2}Oh! 780 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:39,960 {\an2}You've got ten seconds. It's gonna go in ten seconds. 781 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,080 {\an2}Oh, cut the grey. 782 00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:45,280 {\an2}Three seconds. 783 00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:48,320 {\an2}Here we go. 784 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,040 {\an2}Was that wrong? 785 00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:01,480 {\an2}It was right but I was a bit slow with the, er, with the cutters. 786 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:06,000 {\an2}So I would've done it 787 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:13,480 {\an2}if you had done your fucking job. 788 00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:14,520 {\an2}Sorry Rosie. 789 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,080 {\an2}Erm, you two must feel fairly ashamed. 790 00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,480 {\an2}They, they were impressive logic-wise. Yeah. 791 00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:26,520 {\an2}Zaltzman... 792 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,000 {\an2}Yeah. ..like a professional. 793 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,480 {\an2}Yeah, well, I worked for 20 years in bomb disposal. 794 00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,760 {\an2}Rosie, what was the quote? 795 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:37,880 {\an2}"So I would've done it if you'd done your fucking job." 796 00:39:40,720 --> 00:39:44,760 {\an2}Right, cos I'm disabled 797 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:48,720 {\an2}I had to work with that dickhead. 798 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:51,480 {\an2}That's me. 799 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:52,520 {\an2}Yeah. 800 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:54,680 {\an2}I think Alex finds that fairly offensive actually, Rosie. 801 00:39:54,720 --> 00:39:56,240 {\an2}Oh, yeah. 802 00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:57,920 {\an2}OK it's the end of part three. 803 00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:01,400 {\an2}Today's prizes might be our worst yet as the winner will have to 804 00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:02,920 {\an8}take home things which have 805 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:04,520 {\an8}joined the moist, smelly tissues 806 00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:06,920 {\an2}that were already in Alex's dirty little pockets. 807 00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:19,880 {\an8}Hello, here we are again for the last time this episode. 808 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:21,760 {\an2}Yes, totes babes! 809 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:26,320 {\an2}No. I will not have totes babes. 810 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,240 {\an2}But it says it on the... I won't have it. 811 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:33,360 {\an2}Contestants are in a spot of bother. 812 00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:37,320 {\an2}There's a spewing robot which needs defusing before it starts defusing. 813 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,800 {\an2}To stop it they've gotta cut all but the danger wire 814 00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,560 {\an2}and so, at last, here is Jack to save the Dee. 815 00:40:46,240 --> 00:40:47,560 {\an2}The safe list. 816 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:48,680 {\an2}James, 817 00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:51,520 {\an2}Charlie, Dan, Derren... 818 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:52,800 {\an2}..Brown... 819 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,080 {\an2}Brown is safe. 820 00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:55,400 {\an2}OK. 821 00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:56,720 {\an2}Safe one, OK. 822 00:40:58,400 --> 00:40:59,840 {\an2}There's a phone up there. 823 00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:02,800 {\an2}Quite expensive. 824 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,440 {\an2}Yeah. Calling Taskmaster. 825 00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,680 {\an2}GREG DAVIES: Whatever you do, do not make the danger wire 826 00:41:10,720 --> 00:41:12,040 {\an2}sound like my name. 827 00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,920 {\an2}Red or grey or green. 828 00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:18,920 {\an2}That's a pretty poor clue. 829 00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,560 {\an2}So I think... 830 00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,680 {\an2}Actually maybe the danger wire should sound like my name. 831 00:41:25,720 --> 00:41:27,640 {\an2}I'm a pretty dangerous guy after all. 832 00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,480 {\an2}Now he's saying it should sound like his name. 833 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:30,520 {\an2}Oh, right. 834 00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:34,720 {\an2}That's just a new level of unhelpful. 835 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:36,680 {\an2}How long have you got left on the clock? 836 00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:38,960 {\an8}Er, about a minute and 32 seconds or something. 837 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:40,600 {\an2}Right there's not a lot of urgency Jack. 838 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:41,800 {\an2}That I don't understand. 839 00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:43,840 {\an2}Yellow, I suppose, it's pure yellow. 840 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:45,560 {\an2}Yellow is safe I'm gonna say. 841 00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,840 {\an2}Taskmaster does that mean red is safe? Does. 842 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,640 {\an2}How long have we got left? 57 seconds. 843 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:54,000 {\an2}Right, OK. 844 00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,880 {\an2}Well, it wouldn't be exciting if you didn't take it down to the line. 845 00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:01,600 {\an2}This has got written danger on it. 846 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:02,840 {\an2}Blue. 847 00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:04,120 {\an2}So I'm gonna say blue is the danger one. 848 00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:05,160 {\an2}OK. 849 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:06,240 {\an2}I'm gonna go for it. 850 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:07,760 {\an2}Green... 851 00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,600 {\an2}..now the red one... 852 00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:11,160 {\an2}..and now the grey one. 853 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,000 {\an2}That's it I've finished. 854 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:17,800 {\an2}You've defused the robot, Jack. 855 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,360 {\an2}Thank you. I hope none of the others get it. 856 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,280 {\an2}Ah! 857 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,640 {\an2}Erm, it was just like watching a professional robot defuser in action. 858 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:34,800 {\an2}It really was. It really was. 859 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:36,400 {\an2}He was very frustrated by the phone calls but, yeah, 860 00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:37,440 {\an2}he spotted the blue. 861 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:39,840 {\an2}There was a blue light on the top, everything danger was blue so... 862 00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,520 {\an2}Yeah. It was, er, pretty straightforward. 863 00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:45,680 {\an2}He was not as quick as Andy. 864 00:42:45,720 --> 00:42:46,840 {\an2}We know Andy was the quickest. 865 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:50,920 {\an2}Jack was the second quickest, did it with a few seconds left to spare, 866 00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:52,360 {\an2}Rosie didn't do it, of course... 867 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,280 {\an2}Yes! And that's what we've got to clear up now, isn't it? 868 00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:55,320 {\an2}Hmm. 869 00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:58,560 {\an2}Do we, er, allow Rosie to get some points from this? 870 00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:03,080 {\an2}I will say she did crack the code with about eight seconds left 871 00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,360 {\an2}so it's whether or not it's possible to cut a wire in eight seconds, 872 00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:06,400 {\an2}I don't think it is. 873 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:11,840 {\an2}Fortunately for you, er, Alex has no authority here, erm, 874 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:14,760 {\an2}and I say it was his incompetence that caused you to lose 875 00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:18,240 {\an2}so you just about made it in time is my final judgment. 876 00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:19,480 {\an2}She gets three points for coming third? 877 00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:24,120 {\an2}Yes, stop hating people with disability. 878 00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:26,560 {\an2}I'll try, I'll try! 879 00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:28,560 {\an2}OK three points to Rosie. 880 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:29,720 {\an2}Four to Jack. 881 00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:31,080 {\an2}Five to Andy Zaltzman. 882 00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:39,120 {\an2}OK, everyone, for a change please stay in your chairs 883 00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,080 {\an2}for the final task of the show. 884 00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:42,200 {\an2}Ooh. 885 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,480 {\an2}Curtain rise. 886 00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,040 {\an2}Rotate the human. 887 00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,440 {\an2}What a mystery! Who's reading the task? 888 00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:04,800 {\an2}Jack Dee, please. 889 00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:09,040 {\an2}OK, er, correctly guess this person's job. 890 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:13,000 {\an2}You must ask a yes or no question on your turn. 891 00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:16,720 {\an2}If you take more than ten seconds to ask your question you miss a go. 892 00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:20,560 {\an2}The person who guesses correctly wins five points. 893 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,000 {\an2}Whoa! 894 00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:23,720 {\an2}So it's all or nothing in this one. 895 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:24,960 {\an2}Ready Greg? 896 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:26,000 {\an2}Ready. 897 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:27,040 {\an2}Andy? 898 00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:33,040 {\an2}Erm, have you, er, drawn blood at work? 899 00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:36,000 {\an2}Yes. 900 00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,000 {\an2}Do you chase people? 901 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,080 {\an2}No. 902 00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,120 {\an2}We'll, we'll come back to ask about that afterwards. 903 00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,120 {\an2}Do you work in medicine? 904 00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:48,720 {\an2}Yes. 905 00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:50,120 {\an2}Are you a surgeon? 906 00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:51,360 {\an2}Yes. 907 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,240 {\an2}You need to be more specific and that is your question, Jack. 908 00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:54,360 {\an2}Yes. 909 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,680 {\an2}Are you a brain surgeon? 910 00:44:57,720 --> 00:44:59,000 {\an2}No. 911 00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:02,200 {\an2}Are you a veterinary surgeon? 912 00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:03,240 {\an2}No. 913 00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:04,320 {\an2}Heart surgeon? 914 00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:05,360 {\an2}No. 915 00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:09,240 {\an2}A little clue, the job title doesn't involve the word surgeon. 916 00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,880 {\an2}Do you do lots of different things in your job every day? 917 00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:13,960 {\an2}Yes. 918 00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:20,920 {\an2}Very pleased with that one, weren't you? 919 00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:22,560 {\an2}Are you a GP? 920 00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:23,840 {\an2}No. 921 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:30,000 {\an2}Do you work with other humans? 922 00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:31,040 {\an2}Yes. 923 00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:34,520 {\an2}That narrows it down for us. 924 00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:38,080 {\an2}Are you an anaesthetist? 925 00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:39,120 {\an2}No. 926 00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:41,920 {\an2}Are you sat down throughout your shift? 927 00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:42,960 {\an2}No. 928 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,200 {\an2}Are you an obstetrician? 929 00:45:45,240 --> 00:45:47,080 {\an2}No. 930 00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:49,240 {\an2}Ooh. 931 00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,200 {\an2}Are you a gynaecologist? 932 00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:52,240 {\an2}Yes. 933 00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:53,440 {\an2}We have a winner! 934 00:45:55,240 --> 00:45:56,680 {\an2}Oh, God! 935 00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,240 {\an2}Thank you to our guest, Quentin. 936 00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,080 {\an2}Quentin, ladies and gentlemen. 937 00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:07,600 {\an2}Let's reset the stage and find out the final scores. 938 00:46:11,720 --> 00:46:16,280 {\an2}That has surely put the gynaecological cat 939 00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:18,200 {\an2}amongst the pigeons. 940 00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:20,920 {\an2}Well, it has in a way Jack has ended up on 17 points 941 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:22,000 {\an2}and is in second place 942 00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:23,200 {\an2}but the winner with 18 points is... 943 00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:24,520 {\an2}..Andy Zaltzman. 944 00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,520 {\an2}Andy Zaltzman wins. 945 00:46:32,720 --> 00:46:35,640 {\an2}Please go and pocket your things from a pocket. 946 00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:07,000 {\an8}Subtitles by Red Bee Media