1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,480 {\an2}This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,040 {\an2}SIGHS: Ah. Urgh! 3 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:08,320 {\an2}Oh! 4 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:09,560 {\an2}Whoa! 5 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:12,840 {\an1}SHE GIGGLES 6 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,040 {\an1}SHE SCREAMS 7 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,560 {\an2}SQUEAKING: Mim, nim, mim, nim... 8 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:17,760 {\an2}Oh, you're useless at this! 9 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,640 {\an2}SCREAMS: Ah! 10 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:21,680 {\an2}Prrp. 11 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:22,720 {\an2}Urgh! 12 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:33,480 {\an2}Welcome! 13 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,400 {\an2}Welcome to Taskmaster. 14 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,120 {\an2}I'm Greg Davies and my job is simple, 15 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:42,680 {\an2}objectively judge the performative attempts of five comedians. 16 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:45,760 {\an2}The complication is I don't have a rational mind being as 17 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,160 {\an2}I am drunk on testosterone 18 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,280 {\an2}and out of my mind on cake. 19 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,880 {\an2}Combine this with the undeniable fact that some of our contestants 20 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:58,320 {\an2}are incompetent and we've got ourselves a recipe 21 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,400 {\an2}for one hell of a car park fight. 22 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:01,800 {\an2}Let us meet them again now, 23 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,240 {\an2}they are Andy Zaltzman... 24 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,240 {\an2}..Babatunde Aleshe... 25 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,600 {\an2}..Emma Sidi... 26 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,600 {\an2}..Jack Dee... 27 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,880 {\an2}..and Rosie Jones... 28 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,200 {\an2}..and sitting next to me, a man who looks like 29 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:24,520 {\an2}a haunted lighthouse keeper drawn by a friendless child. 30 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,040 {\an2}It's... 31 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,240 {\an2}IN HIGH-PITCHED TONE: ..Little Alex Horne. 32 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,240 {\an2}Thanks, Greg. Thank you. Whoa! 33 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,240 {\an2}Let's get started. What is the prize task, young fellow m'lad? 34 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:41,520 {\an2}Yes, show time and for this episode's prize task they've been asked 35 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:45,120 {\an2}to bring in the object that is bigger than your head 36 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,920 {\an2}that you would most like to carry with you for the rest of your life 37 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,840 {\an2}if you had to carry an object with you for the rest of your life. 38 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:52,920 {\an2}Five points for the one Greg thinks is best 39 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,120 {\an2}and all five will be carried home by the episode winner. 40 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:56,680 {\an2}J'ai finis. Merci. 41 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,640 {\an2}Rosie Jones, what object have you brought in that you would most 42 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,800 {\an2}like to carry around with you for the rest of your life? 43 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:09,000 {\an2}OK, I'm very happy with this. Yeah. 44 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:12,440 {\an2}It is your head. 45 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,080 {\an2}Here it is. 46 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:28,320 {\an2}So here's how I would carry it. 47 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:33,720 {\an2}For the rest of her life. 48 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:42,360 {\an2}I just really think it'll open doors for me. 49 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,760 {\an2}Do you Rosie? 50 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:50,560 {\an2}Er, people would see me coming and be, like, "Greg!" 51 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,880 {\an2}Well, that implies I look visually like 52 00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,520 {\an2}a relatively small woman with 53 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,280 {\an2}a massive papier mache head. 54 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,760 {\an2}I mean it's absolutely incredible. Who's next? Baba. 55 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:05,920 {\an2}Oh, no. 56 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,280 {\an2}Oh, yeah. 57 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,840 {\an2}After that like mine's genuinely boring, like, 58 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,080 {\an2}it is practical, though. 59 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,600 {\an2}I, I bought speakers, Subwoofer speakers. 60 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:15,280 {\an2}Yes, Baba brought in this. 61 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,640 {\an2}Boring innit? 62 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,520 {\an2}But I'm a lover of music and, and I that's 63 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,880 {\an2}the only thing I could find that was bigger than my head that 64 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,640 {\an2}I would genuinely love to carry around for the rest of my life. 65 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,080 {\an2}You give me Bob Marley's greatest hits and that I'm sorted. 66 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,760 {\an2}You're not one of those blokes in my local park who carries one 67 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,040 {\an2}of those around? Hell yes I am! You're that guy. 68 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,400 {\an2}I am that guy. Mr Middle Class. Yes, I am. 69 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,960 {\an2}No I don't, I think you're more, 70 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,800 {\an2}you're too considerate to be the speaker guy. 71 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,800 {\an2}For who? I don't give a shit about anybody. 72 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,280 {\an2}What I like about it, Baba... Yes. 73 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,240 {\an2}..is that you genuinely would like to have a speaker... 100 per cent. 74 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,760 {\an2}..and it speaks, very sweetly, of your love of music. Yes. 75 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:55,800 {\an2}Emma. 76 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,440 {\an2}OK. I wanted something that looked good... Yeah. 77 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,480 {\an2}..and was lightweight and useful to me. Tick. 78 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,760 {\an2}OK so I brought in a hat. 79 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:07,400 {\an2}This is a hat. OK. Yes. I like it. 80 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,560 {\an2}Now... To be fair it is a good hat. 81 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,840 {\an2}..but obviously I wanted it to be of some use to me, OK? 82 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:16,160 {\an2}So within the hat is in-built moisturiser. 83 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:26,920 {\an2}Is moisturising very important to you? 84 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:33,440 {\an2}Absolutely. I'm proudly, er, no I'm proud to say that I suffer with... 85 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,200 {\an2}I know. You say it, you're proudly what? 86 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:36,760 {\an2}I'm proudly dry. 87 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,680 {\an2}I'm a dry woman and I like to be moist. 88 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:45,240 {\an2}So much better. That's it. Come on. 89 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,400 {\an2}Jack. 90 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,720 {\an2}As you know I'm a, I'm a singer-songwriter. 91 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:49,840 {\an2}Oh, I didn't know that. 92 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,120 {\an2}Well, get over it. 93 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,200 {\an2}If I had to carry around an item for the rest of my life 94 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,760 {\an2}that's bigger than my head. Yeah. 95 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,480 {\an2}It would be this. I, I wrote a ditty because I, 96 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,160 {\an2}as I said I am a singer-songwriter and it explains the, 97 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,640 {\an2}it explains the prize a bit more, so here you go. 98 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:14,160 {\an2}# This is my prize, it's bigger than my head 99 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:19,320 {\an2}# This is my prize, I brought in for Greg 100 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:24,960 {\an2}# It's not for Alex, nothing rhymes with his name 101 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,080 {\an2}# And that's not his fault. He's got his parents to blame. # 102 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,800 {\an2}This is the good bit, right. 103 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:35,320 {\an2}# Ooh, can you believe your eyes? 104 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:41,080 {\an2}# It's my Taskmaster prize. # 105 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,800 {\an2}There you go, how about that? 106 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,320 {\an2}Thank you. 107 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,560 {\an2}Really sweet, Jack. 108 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,080 {\an2}There's only one left. 109 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,120 {\an2}Andy Zaltzman, you look fabulous. Thanks, mate. You're welcome. 110 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,160 {\an2}Eyes up. 111 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,040 {\an2}The object I've brought in that's bigger than my head that I'd like 112 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,040 {\an2}to carry with me for the rest of my life is 113 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:04,640 {\an2}a rhinoceros' head that fires cricket balls out of its mouth. 114 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:05,960 {\an2}Oh, God! 115 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,560 {\an2}Yeah, here we go. Action. 116 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,920 {\an2}I guarantee you carry that with you for the rest of your life, 117 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,720 {\an2}you'll have a lot of interesting chats with strangers. 118 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:20,800 {\an2}Is that something that, 119 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,360 {\an2}uh, the rest of you would like to win? 120 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:23,960 {\an2}If that was on my street, 121 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:27,160 {\an2}that going on I would go, "Well look, I'm not safe, 122 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,600 {\an2}"I have to move boroughs." 123 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:30,920 {\an2}She is right. 124 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,320 {\an2}As soon as you finish that sentence, 125 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:35,480 {\an2}off comes the lid. 126 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,640 {\an2}All right, let's give some points out. 127 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:41,760 {\an2}Yes, please. Right. 128 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,480 {\an2}Right, I'm gonna give five points to Emma. 129 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:44,520 {\an2}Oh, thank you. 130 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:45,640 {\an2}I can't really distinguish between 131 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,880 {\an2}a papier mache rhinoceros that fires balls 132 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,320 {\an2}and a papier mache me with breasts 133 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,920 {\an2}so I'll give those two four points, 134 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,320 {\an2}and I'll give Jack three points, 135 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:55,520 {\an2}and I'm giving Baba two 136 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,240 {\an2}just because I like the fact that he loves music 137 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:58,920 {\an2}and why not reward sweetness there. 138 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,040 {\an2}There we go. Five points to Emma Sidi. 139 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:07,080 {\an2}Task time then. What's in store for us, first? 140 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,760 {\an2}Well, first of all we're going to see how the cast copes 141 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:10,800 {\an2}with ropes. 142 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:27,480 {\an2}Good morning, Andy. 143 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:28,760 {\an2}Morning! Morning, Alex. 144 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,720 {\an2}So what's happening? 145 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,640 {\an2}Well, I don't want you to look up. 146 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:34,760 {\an2}You don't want me to look up. 147 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:35,960 {\an2}No, thank you. 148 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,680 {\an2}OK. 149 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,080 {\an2}Don't look up please, Rosie. 150 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:43,600 {\an2}Right. Is that why I'm wearing the hat? 151 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,560 {\an2}That's exactly why you're wearing the visor. 152 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,880 {\an2}Ring the bell. 153 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,880 {\an2}You may not look up. 154 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:56,160 {\an2}Fewest ropes pulled wins. 155 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,960 {\an2}You have a maximum of ten minutes. 156 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,400 {\an2}Your time starts now. 157 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,600 {\an2}The S of starts is with a five. 158 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:08,440 {\an2}I think someone was supposed to put an S but they put a five... 159 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,480 {\an2}Right? 160 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,160 {\an2}..so it's time start five now. 161 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,920 {\an2}You don't think that was deliberate? 162 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,320 {\an2}It m... oh, so, what? I've only got five minutes? 163 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,400 {\an2}No you've got ten minutes. 164 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,600 {\an2}So the five font thing is causing consternation. 165 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,080 {\an2}Oh, it got in their heads, Greg. 166 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,280 {\an2}Got into their heads. Let's go. 167 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,920 {\an2}We're gonna see Andy first. 168 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,480 {\an2}Let's see if this rings a bell. 169 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,680 {\an2}So I'll assume there's a bell above me. 170 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:43,320 {\an2}OK right. I feel I'm missing a clue somewhere. 171 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:45,680 {\an2}No there's nothing in there. 172 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:48,280 {\an2}Could be B11 rather than bell? 173 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:49,920 {\an2}Well maybe I'll try number one. 174 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:54,920 {\an2}Lot of balls. 175 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,640 {\an2}No bells. 176 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:57,680 {\an2}Oh, hang on. 177 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:03,080 {\an2}Have you pulled rope number eight yet? Well, no I haven't. 178 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,360 {\an2}Right? 179 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,320 {\an2}Does that mean I should pull it? I mean... 180 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,920 {\an2}Again I... Is there any other messages in there? 181 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,800 {\an2}That's half your time gone, Andy. Right, OK. 182 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,920 {\an2}I can't, like, call Ian Bell, the cricketer, on my phone? 183 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:15,960 {\an2}That doesn't count? 184 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,000 {\an2}Do you have his number? 185 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,520 {\an2}No, I don't. 186 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:19,880 {\an2}Right, OK, right. 187 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,920 {\an2}I, I think I've pulled eight. 188 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,240 {\an2}Yeah, it's just a long rope. 189 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,440 {\an2}I feel like this is nothing to do with the ropes. 190 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:38,880 {\an2}That's not a bell, by the looks of it. 191 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,000 {\an2}Well, it looks like a number seven. 192 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,200 {\an2}Might as well. 193 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,320 {\an2}Why not four? 194 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,640 {\an2}Oh, that's the cat, obviously. 195 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:57,680 {\an2}Doesn't appear to have a bell in? 196 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,240 {\an2}No bell, no. You never know. Some breeds of cat do. 197 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:01,280 {\an2}Right. 198 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,160 {\an2}There's no real way of emerging from this with any form of, er... 199 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,000 {\an2}A VOICE BELLOWS: No. ..dignity. 200 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,040 {\an2}A VOICE BELLOWS: No! 201 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,840 {\an2}Is that Ian Bell up there? Did I just ring Ian Bell? 202 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,280 {\an2}Right there's two ropes left. 203 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,040 {\an2}OK. 204 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,720 {\an2}That's the end of the time. 205 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,200 {\an2}I didn't ring a bell particularly there. 206 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,120 {\an2}No, I didn't hear any bells. Right. No. 207 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:25,160 {\an2}That's a shame. 208 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,400 {\an2}Quite a mess as well. 209 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,080 {\an2}Something that's taken me a long time to work out about you is... 210 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,760 {\an2}Yeah. ..you, sort of, have the countenance 211 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,120 {\an2}and employ the vernacular of a scientist... Yes. 212 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,800 {\an2}..but I wrote down what you actually did there... Yeah. 213 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,440 {\an2}..which was to randomly pull all the ropes... Yes. 214 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:48,360 {\an2}..fail the tasks whilst occasionally banging on about cricket again. 215 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,640 {\an2}Yeah, yeah, but then you look back through 216 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:54,080 {\an2}the history of science, Greg, what did Isaac Newton do? 217 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,760 {\an2}He just sat under trees till something fell on his head. 218 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,120 {\an2}So is it really that different? 219 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,320 {\an2}Then said something about googlies. Yeah, yeah. 220 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,400 {\an2}Basically, Andy did very badly. 221 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:04,440 {\an2}He pulled all the ropes. 222 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:05,960 {\an2}There were lots of numbers hidden around the ropes 223 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,560 {\an2}but they didn't mean anything at all. Next? 224 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:12,000 {\an2}OK, right next it's the Dee family, Jack Dee and Babatun-Dee. 225 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:13,840 {\an2}Here we go. 226 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,400 {\an2}Not all of them are connected to a bell. 227 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:16,520 {\an2}OK. 228 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,400 {\an2}It's a game of luck. 229 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:21,440 {\an2}You know so I've slightly lost interest already... Right. 230 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,440 {\an2}..but we, we'll go for it. 231 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:24,960 {\an2}Oh! 232 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,520 {\an2}SCREAMS: Ah I don't wanna pull anything. 233 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,520 {\an2}Oh, like that. Yeah. Oh, OK! 234 00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,240 {\an2}You know what this one's furthest away. 235 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:38,440 {\an2}No bell. 236 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,880 {\an2}Oh, I'm just gonna go through them there's no skill in this. 237 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:43,240 {\an2}There's... 238 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,280 {\an2}Right. 239 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,880 {\an2}No I, I see. Yeah. 240 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,160 {\an2}See what I mean? Er, well I, I, yeah, I guess so, yeah. 241 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,520 {\an2}What am I supposed to do, react? 242 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,400 {\an2}SCREAMS: Ah! 243 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:54,960 {\an2}A VOICE BELLOWS: No! 244 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,840 {\an2}A VOICE BELLOWS: No! 245 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,560 {\an2}There's a watermelon. 246 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,960 {\an2}Uh, umbrellas. 247 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:08,120 {\an2}I'm tempted to do this one but I don't want to 248 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,560 {\an2}because I just don't want nothing weird falling on me. 249 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,960 {\an2}Oh, that's not traumatising. 250 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,360 {\an2}A VOICE BELLOWS: No! 251 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,640 {\an2}All right, man let's just pull bro. 252 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:18,960 {\an2}At the end of the day it is what it is. 253 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,040 {\an2}Bang! 254 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:21,080 {\an2}Bang! 255 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,120 {\an2}Bow! 256 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,160 {\an2}Not a bell. 257 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,480 {\an2}Yeah, it's fewest ropes wins. 258 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,920 {\an2}Life is about the now. 259 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,000 {\an2}Boom! 260 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,520 {\an2}There's no bell. There's no bell. 261 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,240 {\an2}There's no bell? 262 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,200 {\an2}Wait, what? 263 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,480 {\an2}You've got seven minutes left. 264 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,040 {\an2}Oh! 265 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:44,880 {\an1}BELL RINGS TASKMASTER TUNE 266 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,400 {\an2}Oh, there might be a bell in the, er, in the music thing. 267 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:49,680 {\an2}Yeah. 268 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,400 {\an1}BELL RINGS 269 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,280 {\an2}Great, er, yeah. Happy? 270 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,560 {\an2}Yeah, I've stopped the clock, yeah. Are you happy? 271 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,920 {\an2}Yeah, I found the bell. Yeah. I found the bell. 272 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:03,200 {\an2}Er, I'll go and get dry now, I've, erm, I'll just, er, yeah. 273 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,440 {\an2}Yeah. Hmm. 274 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:05,480 {\an2}It's great fun. 275 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,320 {\an2}Isn't it? 276 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:15,040 {\an1}BELLS RINGING 277 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,440 {\an2}Baba you looked like you were having 278 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,160 {\an2}the time of your life pulling those ropes. 279 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,520 {\an2}No I was a bit traumatised to be fair. 280 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:25,560 {\an2}Were you? 281 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:26,960 {\an2}Yes, cos I don't like these, 282 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,560 {\an2}I don't like doing things where I don't know what's on the other end. 283 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,720 {\an2}Yeah. You came to the wrong show. 284 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:37,960 {\an2}Two more contrasting catchphrases you couldn't hear. 285 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,160 {\an2}Baba shouting, "Life is about the now!" 286 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,640 {\an2}and Jack saying, "It's entirely random so I've lost interest." 287 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,120 {\an2}That was like day 34 of these tasks 288 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,960 {\an2}and it was beginning to wear thin on me and, er... 289 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,800 {\an2}No way. Yeah, I know I, I put all my energy into concealing that 290 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,160 {\an2}cos I know it's a fun show. 291 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,760 {\an2}I mean they both did eventually ring 292 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,680 {\an2}a bell after pulling ten ropes. 293 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,120 {\an2}So they got exactly the same result. 294 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,400 {\an2}Break time now and a chance to continue the housework. 295 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,480 {\an2}Maybe make the kids' packed lunches, 296 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:14,920 {\an2}load the dishwasher or chuck that lump you married into the street. 297 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,840 {\an2}Imagine having the bed to yourself? 298 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,880 {\an8}It's not like it's being used for anything else. 299 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,360 {\an2}We'll see you in a minute. 300 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:34,800 {\an8}Hello, again! 301 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:36,400 {\an8}Welcome back into the fold. 302 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:40,600 {\an8}It's Part Two and there's a rope pulling, bell ringing task in play. 303 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,600 {\an2}We've only got two prospective campanologists to go. 304 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,720 {\an2}It's Rosie and Emma. 305 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,480 {\an2}What you doing, Emma? 306 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:58,600 {\an2}I'm just, erm... 307 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,360 {\an2}..I'm walking backwards. 308 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,680 {\an2}Right. 309 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:08,000 {\an2}It says you pull the rope. 310 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,520 {\an2}Can I shake it? 311 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,880 {\an2}When you use something you can zoom in 312 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,200 {\an2}but in real life you have to do it with your body, 313 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:16,400 {\an2}so if you wanna see something close up... 314 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:17,440 {\an2}You're zooming out. 315 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,080 {\an2}Yeah, I'm zooming out. Right. 316 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,760 {\an2}I'm not pulling it. 317 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,080 {\an2}I'm not pulling it. 318 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,680 {\an2}That didn't help actually quite as much as I wanted. 319 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,440 {\an2}Fuck. 320 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:47,680 {\an2}They all feel quite light. 321 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,960 {\an2}Is it up there? 322 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,920 {\an2}I'll be honest with you, it's not going well at all. 323 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,120 {\an2}Look. Hm-mm. 324 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,440 {\an2}Fuck me! 325 00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:59,480 {\an2}No bell. 326 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,320 {\an2}That's a bell! 327 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,520 {\an2}Oh, my God! 328 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,600 {\an2}I think I've done it. 329 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,920 {\an2}Zero ropes pulled. 330 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,600 {\an2}Ah, I'm just zooming out again. 331 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,040 {\an2}Yeah, yeah. Don't fall off the chair. 332 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,600 {\an2}I rang it once. 333 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:27,680 {\an2}OK. 334 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,840 {\an2}I'm good at this. 335 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:30,880 {\an2}See you later. 336 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,400 {\an2}I'm very good. 337 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:41,000 {\an2}Yet again another example of your crushingly low self-esteem. 338 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,560 {\an2}The last thing you said as you leave, "I'm good at this." 339 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,760 {\an2}Beat. "I'm very good." 340 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,720 {\an2}Can you argue with me, though? 341 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,360 {\an2}Yeah, sure, why did you spend ages shaking the ropes? 342 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:59,240 {\an2}You need to get some footage. 343 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:06,960 {\an2}How have you got away with that? 344 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,320 {\an2}You just shook the ropes for ages. 345 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,400 {\an2}Yeah. 346 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,320 {\an2}That is a good idea though, isn't it? Yeah. 347 00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,920 {\an2}That's how she knew the answer. I could feel it. 348 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,040 {\an2}Yeah. 349 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,400 {\an2}What you can feel what? 350 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,840 {\an2}Nothing. Nothing. 351 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,480 {\an2}So you were shaking to see if there was a bell? Yeah. OK. 352 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,040 {\an2}You need to wake up, mate. 353 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,320 {\an2}And this, this coming from a woman who appears to have 354 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,640 {\an2}a zoom lens system. 355 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,280 {\an2}As it went on I was, like, "This is actually, 356 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,680 {\an2}"there's something in this." 357 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,400 {\an2}There's something in zooming in and out of things? 358 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,520 {\an2}With your body, you... With your body and, and head. 359 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,400 {\an2}People did that for thousands and thousands of years. 360 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,080 {\an2}Did they? The original zoom. Yeah, yeah. And you would know, yeah. 361 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:53,040 {\an2}The original zoom. 362 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,480 {\an2}No. The outfit. Oh, she's turned on you, Andy. 363 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,520 {\an2}The out... She's turned on you. 364 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,000 {\an2}Et tu, Emma. 365 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,320 {\an2}She rang the bell, though. 366 00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,720 {\an2}Yeah, she rang the bell. She only pulled one rope... OK. 367 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,000 {\an2}..and so it's pretty clear. 368 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,360 {\an2}It's Andy doesn't get any points, he didn't do the task. 369 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,400 {\an2}Joint third, Baba and Jack, both get three points. 370 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,840 {\an2}Emma gets four points. 371 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,600 {\an2}Rosie didn't pull any she gets five points. 372 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,280 {\an2}That's it. 373 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,680 {\an2}Can we look at the scoreboard then? We can. 374 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,360 {\an2}Both at the top of the leader board with nine points 375 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,200 {\an2}Emma and Rosie, joint first. 376 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,960 {\an2}I'd like another task, please. 377 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,720 {\an2}I don't believe you but here you go anyway. 378 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,080 {\an2}I'm ready. 379 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,800 {\an2}Oh, I see. Yeah. 380 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:55,840 {\an2}Hello. 381 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,240 {\an2}You're dressed as a hot dog, Rosie. 382 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:03,800 {\an2}Yeah. I'm feeling confident. 383 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,200 {\an2}Andy, you're in this chair so would you mind just popping this 384 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,840 {\an2}on your lap and then poking your head through the hole. 385 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,880 {\an2}If you pop your head through there. It should go. 386 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:14,720 {\an2}Oh, that's perfect. 387 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,600 {\an2}That's dope. Suits you, bro. Yeah. 388 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,560 {\an2}You look lovely, Jackie. 389 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,840 {\an2}Thank you. Thank you, erm... 390 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,880 {\an2}IN A SING-SONG VOICE: Captain Jackie and a hot dog. 391 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,960 {\an1}HE SIGHS 392 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,000 {\an2}OK. 393 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,040 {\an1}HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 394 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,240 {\an2}Work out what is in the box. 395 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:37,480 {\an2}You must not look, feel or inspect the box in any way. 396 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:45,520 {\an2}Your team mate must not show you the contents of the box. 397 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:50,240 {\an2}They may only make silent facial expressions, 398 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,880 {\an2}unless answering Alex's questions. 399 00:19:54,080 --> 00:20:01,960 {\an2}Your team mate must not nod or shake their head. 400 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,280 {\an2}Fastest to work out what's in the box wins. 401 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,240 {\an2}Your time starts and ends on Alex's whistle. 402 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:08,400 {\an2}Here I come. 403 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,680 {\an2}Mm-hm. OK, yeah. 404 00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,920 {\an2}Can you get your bum out our face man? 405 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,960 {\an2}Got some, something just for you there. 406 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,000 {\an2}Oh, right OK. 407 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,040 {\an2}You must lie throughout the next task. 408 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:40,520 {\an2}Born to do it. 409 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,080 {\an2}Every time you tell the truth everyone in your team 410 00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:46,160 {\an2}will lose an actual Taskmaster point. 411 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,920 {\an2}Your time starts when you walk into the task room 412 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,440 {\an2}and ends when you leave after the task is complete. 413 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,040 {\an2}Stick out your tongue if it was a food. 414 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,680 {\an2}Did you not realise that this little weasel had implemented 415 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,120 {\an2}the opposite system? 416 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:14,000 {\an2}I feel quite sad. 417 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,880 {\an2}I've been let down by Jackie. 418 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:22,520 {\an2}I was doing it for your best interests, Rosie. 419 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:26,000 {\an2}I was, obviously... But. ..I would never let you down ordinarily 420 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:29,040 {\an2}but there were points to play for here. 421 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,840 {\an2}It's, it's really sweet to see that there's such sadness 422 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,880 {\an2}between two very tight team mates... Yeah. 423 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,200 {\an2}..and I think implementing the joker on a team task shows 424 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,400 {\an2}a great deal of faith in your team mate. 425 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,880 {\an2}Because as soon as I found out that 426 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,800 {\an2}I was on a team with Jackie, 427 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:55,480 {\an2}I was like, "He's my comedy hero." 428 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,520 {\an2}AUDIENCE: Aw. 429 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,360 {\an2}S... 430 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,480 {\an2}"..and he won't let me down." 431 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:06,640 {\an2}He won't let you down. 432 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:12,520 {\an2}Do you think that the faith that you have in Jackie, your comedy hero, 433 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,080 {\an2}is reciprocated the other way? 434 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,360 {\an2}Let's have a look at this clip. Erm, hm-mm. 435 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:21,320 {\an2}IN A SING-SONG VOICE: Captain Jackie and the hot dog. 436 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:22,440 {\an2}SIGHS: Huh! 437 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,960 {\an2}There are loyalty's about to be stretched. 438 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,400 {\an2}There are friendships at risk. 439 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,760 {\an2}Well, first we're gonna see the team of three 440 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,400 {\an2}and Andy's little face doing its best to convey what's in the box 441 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,800 {\an2}to Baba and Emma, whilst lying. 442 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,920 {\an2}Stick out your tongue if it was a food. 443 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:47,480 {\an2}It wasn't a.. It wasn't food. 444 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:53,160 {\an2}Andy stick out your tongue if it's related to one of us. 445 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:56,880 {\an2}There you go. 446 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,680 {\an2}Stick out your tongue if it's figurines of us. 447 00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:03,440 {\an2}Figurines of us. 448 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:04,920 {\an2}Have they worked out what's in the box yet, Andy? 449 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,480 {\an2}Er, yes. 450 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:07,920 {\an2}Well, I don't think you have so. 451 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:12,480 {\an2}Well, you two have gotta have it out now because he thinks it is. 452 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:16,960 {\an2}OK. Is the lining plush like velvet? 453 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:19,320 {\an2}Velvet lining. 454 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:21,120 {\an2}Andy, do you actually know what velvet is? 455 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,040 {\an2}Ooh. No. 456 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:27,480 {\an2}Andy's lying. Everything that Andy says is a lie. 457 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,080 {\an2}Are you lying Andy? 458 00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:30,160 {\an2}No. 459 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,720 {\an2}This man doesn't know what velvet is, 460 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,280 {\an2}look at him he's Andy Zaltzman he knows what velvet is. 461 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,280 {\an2}Right is it something you can eat? Stick out your tongue. 462 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,320 {\an2}So it is something you can eat. 463 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:43,880 {\an2}Is it cheese? 464 00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:49,960 {\an2}Is it canned fish? Is it fish? Is it baked beans? 465 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,360 {\an2}Is it old bread? 466 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:52,560 {\an2}Is it something that 467 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,720 {\an2}a prepper would have in their house? 468 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,040 {\an2}What's a prepper? 469 00:23:56,080 --> 00:24:00,040 {\an2}You know so the end of the world is coming, you stock up all your cans. 470 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:01,240 {\an2}The end of the world isn't coming. 471 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,400 {\an2}Alex. Yes, Emma. 472 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:05,600 {\an2}What do we do? 473 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,640 {\an2}Andy, is it peas? 474 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,200 {\an2}Is it Brussels sprouts? Is it kale? 475 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,320 {\an2}Andy, Andy, Andy is it boiled? Did it smell? 476 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:16,680 {\an2}Could you pickle it? Was it an onion? 477 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:20,280 {\an2}Is it a cucumber? Is it an orange? Is it a mango? 478 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:21,920 {\an2}Is it strawberries? Cherries? 479 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,840 {\an2}Was it an egg? Oh, my God! 480 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,600 {\an2}Blueberries. Er, kiwi, lime, lemon. 481 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,040 {\an2}Lemon? 482 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,720 {\an2}It's lemons. Think it's lemons, you know. 483 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,640 {\an8}Andy, is it like lemons and bible or something? 484 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:42,320 {\an2}Interesting. 485 00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,880 {\an2}Lemons and the dictionary. 486 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,920 {\an2}Is it written text? Could you read it? 487 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,960 {\an2}Could you read it and enjoy it? 488 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,320 {\an2}No. It's boring, it's, like, numbers. 489 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:57,480 {\an2}It's lemons and reams of data. 490 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,080 {\an2}Are there any numbers in there, Andy? 491 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:01,800 {\an2}No. 492 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,480 {\an2}Money. It's lemons and money. 493 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,400 {\an2}It's lemons and ten quid. 494 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,000 {\an2}It's lemons and a £5 note. 495 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:13,440 {\an2}I don't think you should stop the clock. 496 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:14,520 {\an2}You're half right. 497 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,600 {\an2}It's lemons and... £2.50. 498 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,600 {\an2}There's one lemon. 499 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:19,640 {\an2}There's one lemon. 500 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,000 {\an2}One lemon and a £5 note. And a £5 note. 501 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,080 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 502 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:24,720 {\an2}Oh! My God! You've gotta be kidding me, man. 503 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,320 {\an2}Oh, my God. Are you joking? 504 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,160 {\an2}I mean it's just genuinely impressive, wasn't it? 505 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,200 {\an2}Yes, it is. 506 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,760 {\an2}The turning point when you realised the system based on 507 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,760 {\an2}the fact that it was preposterous that 508 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,760 {\an2}Andy Zaltzman wouldn't know what velvet was. 509 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:46,800 {\an2}Yeah. 510 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:50,080 {\an2}You, you think that Zaltzman doesn't know what velvet is. 511 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,600 {\an2}He sleeps atop a velvet bed. 512 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,000 {\an2}It's our little secret, Greg. 513 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,680 {\an2}So Emma worked out the, the opposite system. 514 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,000 {\an2}She worked out there were opposites fairly early within about 515 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:01,240 {\an2}eight minutes... Yeah. 516 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,040 {\an2}..but then there was another half an hour before... Oh. Ah! 517 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,080 {\an2}..before they got it. 518 00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:07,000 {\an2}116 guesses all together. 519 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,880 {\an2}I can tell you that Andy did not tell the truth at any point, 520 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,760 {\an2}so there's no points docked. Yes, Andy. Right. That's good. 521 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,080 {\an2}Good on you. That's good. 522 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:16,120 {\an2}Right time to watch some adverts 523 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,000 {\an2}and wipe those crumbs off your chest. 524 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,840 {\an2}Yeah, they've been there the whole time. 525 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:35,560 {\an8}Hi! Welcome back! 526 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,000 {\an8}It's Part Three of Taskmaster 527 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:39,720 {\an2}and a tricky team task is in the final throes. 528 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,920 {\an2}Yes, there's only Jack and Rosie to go 529 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:45,120 {\an2}and Rosie's dressed as a hot dog so double points for her 530 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,320 {\an2}at the end of the task 531 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:49,480 {\an2}but actual points can be lost if Jack tells the truth to her 532 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,040 {\an2}so, maybe, potentially double negative points for Rosie? 533 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,360 {\an2}We don't know. It's all very exciting. 534 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,400 {\an2}And here we go. 535 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,040 {\an2}Is it food? 536 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,160 {\an2}IN A GIGGLY VOICE: Hm-hm-hm. 537 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,240 {\an2}Is it a fruit? 538 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:03,600 {\an2}IN A GIGGLY VOICE: Hm-hm-hm. 539 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,400 {\an2}A banana? 540 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:06,440 {\an2}Hmm. 541 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,400 {\an2}Apple? Grapes? 542 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:13,720 {\an2}Ah! 543 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,080 {\an2}Ah. 544 00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:16,960 {\an2}Ah. 545 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,640 {\an2}Erm, is it a citrus? 546 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,920 {\an1}HE LAUGHS 547 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,040 {\an2}Lemon. 548 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,040 {\an1}HE GUFFAWS 549 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:31,600 {\an2}Lemon bleach. 550 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,520 {\an1}HE SIGHS 551 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,520 {\an2}Ah! 552 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,360 {\an2}Jack, is she along the right lines? 553 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:42,200 {\an2}Definitely I think it's only a matter of seconds... 554 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:46,200 {\an2}..before she guesses all the items... Right. ..in the box. OK. 555 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:53,480 {\an2}Oh, is there more than one thing in there? 556 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:56,800 {\an2}Two. 557 00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:02,080 {\an2}Is the other one another fruit? 558 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,480 {\an2}Uh, ah. Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh... 559 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:05,520 {\an2}Is it food? 560 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:06,720 {\an2}This is bordering on communication. 561 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,200 {\an2}Er, I don't think it is. 562 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:15,960 {\an2}Is it a book? A living creature? A tool? A rubber duck? 563 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:21,440 {\an2}A flag? A balloon? 564 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,200 {\an2}Jack do you think Rosie should ask much, much more specific questions? 565 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:29,760 {\an2}I think her approach of just scatter-gun guesses is, 566 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,720 {\an2}is eventually gonna do it. Oh, right. 567 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,160 {\an2}Yeah, it could take a few months. 568 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,560 {\an2}Is it made of glass? Hmm. 569 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,680 {\an2}Metal? Hm-mm. 570 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,720 {\an2}Is it made of paper? 571 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,200 {\an2}Ah-ha. Ah. Ha ha. 572 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:52,680 {\an2}Ooh. 573 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,640 {\an2}Ooh. Yeah. 574 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,480 {\an2}Ooh, money. 575 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,720 {\an2}Oh. 576 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,600 {\an2}Ah. Is it £5? 577 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:02,800 {\an2}Woo-hoo. 578 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:06,120 {\an2}£5 and a lemon. 579 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,160 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS 580 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:09,240 {\an2}I've stopped the clock. 581 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,960 {\an2}I put it to you that Rosie's guesses were entirely arbitrary 582 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:18,960 {\an2}and that wasn't helped by Jack who was openly talking at times 583 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,160 {\an2}and never, at any point as far as I could work out, 584 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,360 {\an2}doing what he was told and doing the opposite. 585 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,200 {\an2}Ah, that's not fair. 586 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,800 {\an2}You can't tell a lie with a facial expression. 587 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:31,920 {\an2}Yes, you can, Jack. 588 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,200 {\an2}No, no, no, you can't. I, I... 589 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,920 {\an2}Otherwise my wife has been lying to me for a long time... 590 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,240 {\an2}..and that I do not accept. 591 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,000 {\an2}I w will repeat two of the rules. 592 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:45,080 {\an2}They may only make silent facial expressions. 593 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,680 {\an2}They must not nod or shake their head. Yes. 594 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,520 {\an2}OK, OK, so that part of the task was told to me 595 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,360 {\an2}at least 20 minutes before that happened. Yeah. 596 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:58,160 {\an2}I can't remember stuff for that long and just make it work. 597 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:02,360 {\an2}Oh, oh, well then, full points to Captain Jackie and the hot dog. 598 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,360 {\an2}How are you feeling in all this Rosie? 599 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:08,840 {\an2}Why did you put me with granddad? 600 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,920 {\an2}So the rules for the liars were a point docked 601 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,240 {\an2}for their team every time they told the truth. 602 00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:19,280 {\an2}Yes. 603 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,480 {\an2}I would say there was genuinely only three occasions where she asked 604 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:25,040 {\an2}a question and he openly nodded or shook his head. 605 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:26,720 {\an2}So we're docking three points. 606 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,360 {\an2}I guess the question is do you want to dock the hot dog six points. 607 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,280 {\an2}Dock six, dock six. Dock six, bro. 608 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,960 {\an2}My understanding if you play your joker you get double points. 609 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,440 {\an2}Correct. That's all we said, yeah. 610 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,440 {\an2}Right. There's no suggestion that in the event of 611 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:46,000 {\an2}an abject failure that you should be docked double points. 612 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,480 {\an2}But I also think that they had to stick to the rules 613 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:49,560 {\an2}and they didn't stick to the rules. 614 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,760 {\an2}So this team won the task so they get five points each. Correct. 615 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:52,800 {\an2}Oh. 616 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,360 {\an2}Minus three to the team of two. Oh! 617 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,040 {\an2}No it's OK. 618 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:00,960 {\an2}OK let's crack on. What's next, Alex? 619 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,920 {\an2}OK, well Greg, all the information is in the snacks. 620 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:16,280 {\an2}Hello. 621 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,040 {\an2}Emma. Great to see you. 622 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:19,520 {\an2}Great to see you. 623 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:20,640 {\an2}That's what I said. 624 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:23,080 {\an2}OK. 625 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:28,120 {\an2}I love fortune cookies. 626 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,560 {\an2}Eat and obey five fortune cookies. 627 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,600 {\an2}Fastest wins. Your time starts now. OK. 628 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,960 {\an2}Ah, man. 629 00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,640 {\an2}I don't wanna do like some weird stuff bro. 630 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:46,360 {\an2}So I could get pedantic about what obey means. 631 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,160 {\an2}I mean to obey a fortune cookie 632 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,440 {\an2}you know. Jump up and down. You know. 633 00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,080 {\an2}Frequently on this show Baba has announced that he doesn't want to do 634 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:02,000 {\an2}something weird and he's just come to the wrong show. 635 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:07,840 {\an2}So we begin with two people who I think genuinely loved this one. 636 00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:09,200 {\an2}It's Rosie and Baba. 637 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,040 {\an2}We're off. Erm... 638 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,880 {\an2}Are you looking for the fortune? Yeah. Hmm. 639 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:23,760 {\an2}Retrieve the pineapple from the kitchen. 640 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:24,800 {\an2}All right. 641 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:31,800 {\an2}That's a pineapple. Oh. 642 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:32,880 {\an2}Hey... Hey, hey! 643 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,800 {\an2}Where did you get that fortune cookie from? 644 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:37,200 {\an2}The kitchen. Oh. Was I not supposed to get it? 645 00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:38,400 {\an2}No, that's OK. 646 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:43,280 {\an2}Oh. If you have opened this fortune cookie you must oh, 647 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:45,120 {\an2}for flip's sake. 648 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:46,360 {\an2}Start all over again. 649 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,360 {\an2}OK so you haven't eaten any fortune cookies, yet. 650 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:53,800 {\an2}Put all of the fortune cookies in a bowl 651 00:32:54,920 --> 00:33:00,920 {\an2}of hot salty water. 652 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,480 {\an2}In a bowl of vinegar. 653 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,080 {\an2}That's disgusting. 654 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:07,280 {\an2}Shit. 655 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:11,560 {\an2}I don't think about it, bruv. 656 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:16,600 {\an2}Oh. That is nasty. 657 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:20,040 {\an2}Urgh! Urgh! 658 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,000 {\an2}Aargh!. 659 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,400 {\an2}Put all of the fortune cookies. 660 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:31,920 {\an2}In a bowl of hot sauce. 661 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:35,040 {\an2}I swear just this gets worse and worse and worse. 662 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:36,800 {\an2}Oh! 663 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,080 {\an2}Fuck! 664 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,200 {\an2}Yo. 665 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,320 {\an2}You like it? 666 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:46,560 {\an2}You're taking the piss. 667 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,040 {\an2}Oh! Oh! 668 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:50,800 {\an2}Three to go Rosie. You OK? 669 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:52,920 {\an2}No. 670 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:55,640 {\an2}I'm about to ruin the toilet. 671 00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:01,200 {\an2}What the fuck does that say? 672 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,280 {\an2}Shut one eye for the rest of the task. That's it. 673 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:05,320 {\an2}Yeah. 674 00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:06,760 {\an2}It's breaking apart because of all the spice. 675 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,080 {\an2}It says keep your mouth open for the rest of the task. 676 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:10,160 {\an2}Ah. 677 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,040 {\an2}I can't see. 678 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:15,960 {\an2}No, you've got one eye shut and... Yeah. 679 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:17,240 {\an2}..and you're crying a lot. Right. 680 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:21,160 {\an2}Retrieve the medallion from the table in the living room. 681 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:26,320 {\an2}No. Oh, it's hot. 682 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:29,720 {\an2}Ah, shout the word yes for 30 seconds. 683 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,960 {\an2}Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 684 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,000 {\an2}Yeah, that's 40. 685 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:35,200 {\an2}Ah. 686 00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:37,000 {\an2}Ah. 687 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,080 {\an2}Ah! Aargh!! 688 00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:42,320 {\an2}Ah, just stop doing it. Oh. 689 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,120 {\an2}What does that say? 690 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:47,360 {\an2}You can probably read that. 691 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:48,400 {\an2}Laugh. 692 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,840 {\an1}SHE LAUGHS 693 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:53,840 {\an2}I've stopped the clock. Ooh. 694 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:55,120 {\an2}I like that one. 695 00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:56,400 {\an2}Is that it? 696 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:57,440 {\an2}Yeah, that's five. 697 00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,360 {\an2}You're a dickhead. 698 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,880 {\an2}I hate you all. 699 00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:03,920 {\an2}Bye. 700 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,520 {\an2}Are you ashamed of yourself turning on the crew like that? 701 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:14,360 {\an2}No. 702 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:18,040 {\an2}I was gonna say that that was 703 00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:22,000 {\an2}the worst moment of my life 704 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:27,040 {\an2}But that has been replaced by him. 705 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:35,000 {\an2}The reaction from Rosie and Baba even before we got to the hot sauce, 706 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,320 {\an2}was it that bad? Yes, it was that bad. Have you tried it? 707 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:39,760 {\an2}What eating vinegar? 708 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,920 {\an2}No. Eating a fortune cookie which is lovely and delicious 709 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,360 {\an2}and then dunking it into a bowl of vinegar for like ten seconds. 710 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:47,400 {\an2}Have you done that, Greg? 711 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,520 {\an2}Baba's talking to me like an angry teacher. 712 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:52,560 {\an2}I would say the hot sauce was, 713 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,440 {\an2}it's called Scotch Bonnet Hot Sauce. 714 00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:56,160 {\an2}Oh, so that is really vicious. Oh! 715 00:35:56,200 --> 00:36:00,640 {\an2}Rosie, there were actual tears and discomfort for 11 minutes 24. 716 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:03,600 {\an2}Baba, felt like an hour, 20 minutes 35. 717 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:04,720 {\an2}Goddamn. 718 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:06,000 {\an2}So Rosie you're in the lead. 719 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:10,280 {\an2}Not so bad. 720 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,960 {\an2}OK next up it's Emma Sidi and Jack Si-Dee. 721 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:18,600 {\an2}Oh. 722 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:21,560 {\an2}What you doing? 723 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:26,560 {\an2}Don the medallion that's on the table in the living room. 724 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:28,280 {\an2}I'm going to have to go and get that now, aren't I? 725 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:34,560 {\an2}BOTH: Laugh for 30 seconds. 726 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:41,520 {\an2}I think that's 30. Mm-hmm. 727 00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:45,400 {\an2}Say the word yes for 30 seconds. Ha! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 728 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:47,640 {\an2}Yes, yes yes yes yes yes. 729 00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,520 {\an2}BOTH: Yes, yes yes yes yes yes. 730 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:53,920 {\an2}Put all of the fortune cookies in a bowl of hot sauce... 731 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,960 {\an2}..and leave them for 30 seconds. 732 00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,040 {\an2}There you go, Jack. Oh, man! 733 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,000 {\an2}Then I've gotta eat two more. Mm-hmm. 734 00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,320 {\an2}So I don't have to do that until I've done the next two. 735 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:04,520 {\an2}Really? 736 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,560 {\an2}I don't wanna eat them with the sauce on. 737 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,800 {\an2}Keep one eye shut for the rest of the task. 738 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,400 {\an2}Can I see your eyes? 739 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:13,840 {\an2}Hmm that's better. 740 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:15,120 {\an2}Did you forget? 741 00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:17,760 {\an2}Oh, these are horrible. 742 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,240 {\an2}Maybe they could do with a bit of hot sauce. 743 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:20,600 {\an2}I don't think so. 744 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:22,240 {\an2}Keep your mouth open for the rest of the task. 745 00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:24,000 {\an2}I've been brought up not to do that, 746 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,160 {\an2}to eat with your mouth open it's disgusting. 747 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:29,200 {\an2}Hmm. Still. You can look at me. 748 00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:34,400 {\an2}Put all of the fortune cookies in 749 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,560 {\an2}a bowl of hot salty water and leave them for 30 seconds. 750 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:39,240 {\an2}That's five fortune cookies. 751 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:46,120 {\an2}Oh, they're really slimy now. Oh! 752 00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:52,920 {\an8}Put all of the fortune cookies in a bowl of, in a bowl of vinegar. 753 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:56,320 {\an2}So, 30 seconds. You put 30 seconds on the clock, yeah, here we go. 754 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:57,440 {\an2}Can I have the bill, please? 755 00:37:58,520 --> 00:37:59,680 {\an2}They're complementary. 756 00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:03,000 {\an2}Stop the clock. 757 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:11,640 {\an2}Very clever with the hot sauce avoidance, though. 758 00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:12,760 {\an2}Yeah. 759 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,480 {\an2}He was delighted by it. Yeah. 760 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,600 {\an2}Yeah, clever when you want to be. 761 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,960 {\an2}Emma, just a little observation. 762 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:29,160 {\an2}You became a weird South African character. 763 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:30,520 {\an2}Did I? Yeah. Hmm. You said, 764 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,520 {\an2}IN A SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT: "Stop the clock." 765 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:34,120 {\an2}You got that? Yeah. Here we go. 766 00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:36,720 {\an2}IN A SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT: Stop the clock. 767 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:44,640 {\an2}That's Part Three done. 768 00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:46,960 {\an8}Join us back here for the final part of the show. 769 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:48,000 {\an2}We'll see you in a bit. 770 00:38:58,040 --> 00:38:59,480 {\an2}Hello! 771 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,840 {\an2}We're back for the final part of the show 772 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:04,560 {\an2}but there's still a task left to complete. 773 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,720 {\an2}Correctamundo Gregalicious. Oh. 774 00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,000 {\an2}Fortune cookies is the name of the game 775 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:10,480 {\an2}and there's just one man left to eat 776 00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,120 {\an2}and obey five fortune cookies as fast as possible. 777 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,720 {\an2}So let's go from A to Z with Andy Zaltzman. 778 00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,720 {\an2}OK I don't have to do it in order, do I? What does it say? 779 00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:22,520 {\an2}Well, it says, "Keep your mouth open for the rest of the task." 780 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:23,760 {\an2}I think I'll do that one last. 781 00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:25,520 {\an2}I think you have to do them in the order you open them. 782 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:28,480 {\an2}No, you do not. 783 00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:35,440 {\an2}Phone a friend and tell them that you're in the bath. 784 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,480 {\an2}You must not explain yourself. 785 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:39,680 {\an2}All right. 786 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:42,080 {\an2}Hi. 787 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:43,200 {\an2}Hi, I'm in the bath. 788 00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:44,800 {\an2}Who phoned who? I didn't phone you, did I? 789 00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:46,040 {\an2}I don't know that, mate. 790 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:47,640 {\an2}Anyway I'm in the... I think you phoned me. 791 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:48,680 {\an2}OK. 792 00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:50,320 {\an2}Sorry, well, I'm in the bath so I can't talk. 793 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:51,440 {\an2}All right, bud. Yeah, all right, bud. 794 00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,280 {\an2}Lovely talking to you. 795 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:55,360 {\an2}That was, er, that was Daniel Kitson. 796 00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,240 {\an2}Retrieve the pineapple from the kitchen. 797 00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:58,280 {\an2}Right. 798 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,080 {\an2}HE LAUGHS Oh, it's laugh for 30 seconds. 799 00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:05,600 {\an1}CONTINUES LAUGHING 800 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:06,960 {\an2}Oh, bollocks! 801 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,000 {\an2}If you get this fortune cookie you must start all over again. 802 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:10,240 {\an2}That is a real shame. 803 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,800 {\an8}Put all of the fortune cookies in a bowl of hot sauce 804 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:13,920 {\an2}and leave them for 30 seconds. 805 00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:16,960 {\an2}Put all of the fortune cookies in a bowl of hot salty water 806 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:18,240 {\an2}and leave them for 30 seconds. 807 00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:19,880 {\an2}If I do the hot sauce first then that'll be washed off by 808 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:21,880 {\an2}the salty water. 809 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:26,120 {\an2}OK shout the word yes for 30 seconds. 810 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:33,000 {\an2}Yeeeeeees! 811 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:34,520 {\an2}Yes! 812 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:35,720 {\an2}Yes! 813 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:40,160 {\an2}I'm gonna need some milk. 814 00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:47,000 {\an2}Don the medallion. 815 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:51,040 {\an2}Oy, you'll never guess what was er, with the medallion. 816 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:52,680 {\an2}There was a, a, load more fortune cookies. 817 00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:00,080 {\an2}Hmm, I like that one. Yeah, five. 818 00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:01,120 {\an2}What does it say? 819 00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:02,960 {\an2}Clap. Let me just finish my milk. OK. 820 00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:06,040 {\an2}Stop the clock. 821 00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:11,680 {\an2}Incredible. 822 00:41:11,720 --> 00:41:13,440 {\an2}That Jedi mind trick at the top. 823 00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,880 {\an2}I've never seen Alex silent so quickly. 824 00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:22,280 {\an2}The key I found with Alex is that if he's like whimpering 825 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:24,440 {\an2}and crying in the night you've just gotta leave him till the morning. 826 00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:27,360 {\an2}Let him cry. I've said it before. 827 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:30,200 {\an2}I've said that to his wife. Yeah, yeah. Let him cry. 828 00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:33,440 {\an2}I wish that was a joke. 829 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:38,000 {\an2}I want to celebrate the fact that he was the only person, 830 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,320 {\an2}when told to shout yes for 30 seconds, 831 00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,720 {\an2}decided to do it in one yes. 832 00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,400 {\an2}Yes. 833 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:46,440 {\an2}How did he do? 834 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,120 {\an2}Emma was four minutes 23, Jack five minutes 33, 835 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:53,040 {\an2}Rosie 11 minutes 24, Andy 13 minutes 44 836 00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,680 {\an2}and then Baba was last with 20 minutes 15. 837 00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:57,440 {\an2}So Emma gets the full five points. Oh. 838 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:01,360 {\an2}One last look at the scores, then. 839 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:03,960 {\an2}I'm gonna tell you the series scores, if that's all right. 840 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,000 {\an2}Yes, please. 841 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:06,520 {\an2}It's getting tighter and tighter. 842 00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:09,360 {\an2}Rosie you're on 90 points, Baba 101, 843 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,800 {\an2}Emma 102, Andy 102, Jack 108. 844 00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:14,280 {\an2}So well done, Jack. 845 00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:17,360 {\an2}Guess what? What? 846 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:20,440 {\an2}Hey. You're not gonna believe this. 847 00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:22,040 {\an2}It's time for them to head to 848 00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:24,280 {\an2}the stage for the final task of the show. 849 00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:31,560 {\an2}Hello, there! 850 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:32,920 {\an2}Who's gonna read the task out? 851 00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:34,720 {\an2}I'd like Rosie to read the task, please. 852 00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:35,760 {\an2}Rosie Jones. 853 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:43,240 {\an2}Throw a beanbag onto the island. 854 00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:50,560 {\an2}If you knock over a can, you are disqualified. 855 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:52,680 {\an2}Wow. 856 00:42:52,720 --> 00:43:00,720 {\an2}If you miss the island, you are disqualified. 857 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:08,960 {\an2}Last player standing wins. 858 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:12,280 {\an2}Emma's in first place, please make your way to the throwing tower. 859 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,040 {\an2}Take one beanbag with you. 860 00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:19,560 {\an2}Can I see it from... Oh, yeah, fair enough. 861 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,640 {\an2}Could you not see it from oh, you hadn't zoomed out? 862 00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:24,680 {\an2}Er, yeah... 863 00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:29,680 {\an2}Emma Sidi let's play Don't Knock A Can Down Beanbag Island. 864 00:43:29,720 --> 00:43:31,240 {\an2}Oh, God! 865 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:33,520 {\an2}Aargh!! 866 00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,560 {\an1}AUDIENCE GROANS 867 00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:37,520 {\an2}She has missed the island and is disqualified. 868 00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:38,600 {\an2}Bye-bye, Emma. 869 00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:39,720 {\an2}No! No! 870 00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:40,960 {\an2}Emma, oh, Emma. 871 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,120 {\an2}Next up, it's Andy. 872 00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:45,800 {\an2}The awesome warrior. 873 00:43:49,240 --> 00:43:50,560 {\an2}Lovely. 874 00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,200 {\an2}Safely through to Round Two. 875 00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:58,520 {\an2}Next up, it's Baba. 876 00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:03,240 {\an2}He's through. 877 00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:04,400 {\an2}Lovely. 878 00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:05,440 {\an2}Lovely. 879 00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,000 {\an2}It's Rosie Jones to throw. 880 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:08,120 {\an2}Rosie Jones. 881 00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:14,160 {\an2}This doesn't look good. 882 00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,080 {\an1}AUDIENCE GROANS 883 00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:21,680 {\an2}She's out. We've lost her. 884 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,520 {\an2}Finally in Round One it's Jack Dee. 885 00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:30,160 {\an2}Do you understand it, Jack? 886 00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:38,320 {\an2}Seriously? Ah. 887 00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,640 {\an2}We've lost Jack. Jack is out. 888 00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,440 {\an2}So we return to Andy Zaltzman. 889 00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:51,280 {\an2}You have to throw two beanbags in Round Two. 890 00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:52,600 {\an2}Ooh. Three in Round Three. 891 00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:53,760 {\an2}The heat is on. 892 00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:02,400 {\an2}Round Two. 893 00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,600 {\an2}Lovely. 894 00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:13,640 {\an2}Lovely. 895 00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:16,840 {\an2}There's one more to go. 896 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:17,920 {\an2}Can he repeat that? 897 00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:23,440 {\an2}He lobs. 898 00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:24,800 {\an2}Hey. 899 00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:30,800 {\an2}Incredible. 900 00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:32,680 {\an2}Ah, this ain't fair. 901 00:45:32,720 --> 00:45:33,760 {\an2}Hello, Baba. 902 00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:34,880 {\an2}This ain't fair, is it? 903 00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,520 {\an2}We have provided a little hole, Baba, if you want it. 904 00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:38,560 {\an2}What? 905 00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:39,680 {\an2}There's a peep hole, Baba. 906 00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:42,280 {\an2}What am I gonna do with that? 907 00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:49,920 {\an2}Safe. Lovely. Yes! 908 00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:51,120 {\an2}Lovely. 909 00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:57,440 {\an2}Oh! 910 00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:04,560 {\an2}Baba. 911 00:46:05,720 --> 00:46:07,960 {\an2}Well done, Andy Zaltzman. 912 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,920 {\an2}Let's see how those points have affected the total scores. 913 00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:12,320 {\an2}Come down here and join me. 914 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:21,560 {\an2}Pretty thrilling stuff. It was. 915 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,360 {\an2}Because three people went out immediately they share joint third. 916 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,080 {\an2}That was Emma, Jack and Rosie. 917 00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:28,840 {\an2}Baba gets four points for coming second 918 00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,080 {\an2}but the winner is, of course, Mr Andy Zaltzman. He gets five points. 919 00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:36,360 {\an2}But the winner of this episode was Emma Sidi with 22 points. 920 00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:39,880 {\an2}Whoa! Emma Sidi wins. 921 00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:40,920 {\an2}Ah. 922 00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:45,760 {\an2}Please head up to hold up your holdable prizes. 923 00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:11,680 {\an8}Subtitles by Red Bee Media