SHE GIGGLES
SHE BURBLES LOUDLY
RADIO STATIC
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, I'm Greg Davies, and I wish you a warm welcome
to the Taskmaster grand final!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
When Edmund Hillary was asked why he felt the need to conquer Everest,
he reportedly replied, "Because it's there."
We like to think that if he'd been asked to catapult a shoe
into a bath using his feet,
or chuck himself through a Christmas-tree-bagging machine,
he would've said the same.
We repeatedly contacted his surviving family for comment,
and they have threatened a multilayered legal action.
Proof, if it was needed, that winning Taskmaster
is better than climbing Mount Everest.
Who are the bold adventurers vying to erase Hillary's legacy?
Why, it's Daisy May Cooper! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Johnny Vegas!
Katherine Parkinson!
Mawaan Rizwan!
And Richard Herring! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And next to me, my very own Sherpa Tenzing.
A loyal and honest companion, except when it comes to his taxes,
which, he admitted to me over a few drinks recently,
he's been fiddling for a decade.
It's little Alex Horne! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, Greg. All right, hello. Oh, I'm so excited.
You must be, it's the grand final.
And I've got my new suit on. Yeah.
I've had it adapted. You'll notice I've got zips here,
and here and here and here. It's a hiking suit.
OK. I can't display it all now, because I'm not hiking.
But later on I might hike and then I will display
the full range of the suit.
All right, then. Something to look forward to.
What have we got for the final prize task category, Alex?
Well, I'm going to tell you now in my best grand final voice.
NORMAL VOICE: It's the greatest collection.
LAUGHTER You know collections?
Like the ones I had from my childhood
which you made me throw away? Those things.
But our cast still have theirs and they've brought them in.
The greatest, as judged by you, will get five massive points, Greg.
And at the end of the show, the overall winner
will have to find space for five great collections.
Katherine? My great collection — for the last, I would say, six months,
I've been making, almost compulsively, clay masks.
I can't stop. Specifically for this show?
No! God, no. LAUGHTER
Just, erm... I just had this urge to work with clay.
Yep. Quite often male faces. Right.
Everything cool at home? I think it might be a breakdown.
There's Katherine's collection. It's interesting.
I expected them to be better than they are.
LAUGHTER That's the truth.
I know what you mean. LAUGHING: I know what you mean.
I can't really...
Did you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Is it egotistical that I've already found myself in that collection,
and it looks like I've got a head cold.
Second one? LAUGHTER
I mean, honestly... It's more a mood...
I've grown very fond of you, but they're rubbish.
They're rubbish. KATHERINE CHORTLES
Mawaan? This is one of my hobbies, yeah?
Basically, I paint emojis onto jars.
I call them emo-jars. Emo-jars.
This is what they look like. Here we go.
Oh! Look at that.
Oh, bully for you. Yeah. LAUGHTER
I mean, to my untrained artistic eye,
you know, they're...they're actually good.
Also, I made one special for this show as well. Here it is.
Oh, you... ALL: Aww!
You smooth bastard.
I mean, I absolutely love it. Yeah?
Have you ever thought about collaborating with another artist?
Johnny, what collection have you brought in?
Recently, I've started to collect pub signs.
Here are the pub signs. Right.
Oh. They're quite nice.
I've got a particularly difficult garden wall
and the plaster won't stick to it. So I'm gonna do it in pub signs.
And do what every alcoholic ultimately does —
create a pub at home.
Well, I think they're nice and I'd sort of like to own them.
Have you thought about mounting them on the wall
and maybe mix some original art with them?
Well, I've considered masks. LAUGHTER
I like your pub signs. They're really nice. Richard?
Now, this, to give it some context,
is something that, as a child, I collected unironically...
Uh-oh. But it is the best collection of worthless things.
I mean, it's heartbreaking already.
Coins, and a couple of badges, from Richard. Couple of badges as well.
I mean, what strikes me about it, Richard,
is there's not that many coins there. I know, it's not very many.
It's pathetic! It's a tiny collection.
That's why I said it's the best collection of worthless things.
I would rather have my entire house lined with Katherine's masks
than take that home.
Whoa. OK. I mean, well done, Richard.
It's one of the worst prizes brought in all series. Thank you.
Fantastic. One left. Daisy?
A collection of electronic voice phenon...phenonemons...
ph-phenonemon, er...
OK, so basically, ghosts I've recorded on camera.
OK, let's stick with the word for a bit.
Phenonemons... Nope. Electronic voice phemonemons... No.
LAUGHTER
VOICE BREAKING: Electronic voice phemonemons.
Nope. Closest, though, I think. Yeah, that was not bad.
Electronic voice phenonemons. No!
Electronic voice phenomenons! Yes!
APPLAUSE
And here are her electronic voice phenomenons.
I really want to have a listen.
Well, open your mind and listen to this. Close my eyes, open my mind.
MUFFLED STATIC DAISY: 'If there's anybody in here,'
'can you whisper or talk into the microphone which is here.'
ETHEREAL VOICE ON TAPE Did you hear that?
It says, "Don't be afraid." And it's an ethereal woman's voice.
I definitely heard that. And I find that...
That makes me know 1,000% that spirits exist.
Where were you for the first one? In hospital.
The second one, the ghost doesn't say,
"I'm just gonna take your temperature"?
LAUGHTER
Here's another one.
'Is there anybody here that has a message for me?'
ETHEREAL VOICE ON TAPE
What did the ghost say? "In the light." "In the light."
I just think that that's extraordinary.
MAWAAN: Yeah, that's some freaky shit, come on.
If you ridicule this, I'll be extremely upset.
I'm not that kind of guy.
LAUGHTER
I mean, the first one was pretty creepy.
Well, it's time to decide - first task of the final.
Obviously, that collection of coins is heartbreakingly the worst.
Ah. One point for Richard Herring. Which is coming in fourth place?
Katherine, sorry. Katherine Parkinson gets two points.
I am winded. Next, Johnny's pub signs, three points.
Three points for three pub signs. Erm... Four points to Daisy.
Four points to Daisy. And, erm, Mawaan...
basically because he flattered me, I guess,
for his glittery jars gets the five points.
Five points to Mawaan Rizwan! We're off!
Right, let's keep this thing off big time!
Yes, a big start for our final with an eensy-weensy task.
I don't like this room. Bad things happen in this room.
Hello. ALEX: You seem a bit surprised.
I am a bit surprised.
"Put these wellies on the spider's feet."
"You must carry a welly at all times,
"but you must never carry more than three wellies."
"You must not cut, untie or snap the twine." Obviously!
I want to locate the spider first.
You must read the whole task.
"Fastest wins. Your time starts now."
Well, first of all, where's the spider?
No, first of all, please carry a welly. Oh. Thank you, Katherine.
Good. That's an unusual way of picking something up.
Well, I was trying to think outside the box. Yep.
Put your fist in it, why not?
Why not? KATHERINE CHORTLES
RICHARD CHUCKLES Good, let's crack on.
Complicated string contraption, they've got to get
each of the eight wellies on each of the spider's eight legs.
They have to carry one welly at all times.
It takes two to tangle, so those two are Daisy and Richard,
first of all. Yes, please. Two leaders.
So, I've got to find a spider. Where's the spider?
Aha! OK, I found the spider.
SCREAMING
Oh, I see! DAISY LAUGHS
OK, first one.
Oh, I've got to be carrying a welly at all times. Oh, for God's sake.
I'm just trying to think logistically before I go nuts.
WHISPERING: That's fine.
I've run out of len...stuff. I can move the spider, right?
Oh, God!
Here we go. Take two.
Some of the spider's legs have come off.
Yes! First one!
Two wellies!
You just got to get on with the job, whatever your talents are.
This isn't one of my talents.
I-I'll take another welly, I think, cos that might speed things up.
WHISPERING: Oh, for Go...
Oh, this is great. I should've been doing this from the start.
This is great!
So, now I've got to put a spider's leg back on.
SIGHING: Oh! That has actually worked out really well.
Do you want me to stop the clock?
WHISTLE BLOWS, RICHARD CHUCKLES
APPLAUSE
"This is great." Twice. Yeah, "This is great."
"This is great." "This has actually gone really well."
When it comes to sticking wellies on a giant spider,
you two guys pretty much nailed it.
I mean, this is why the two are currently in the lead.
They're very good at this sort of thing.
And Richard even took two wellies out straightaway, I noticed.
It's this new-found confidence since his big acting break.
LAUGHTER
You wear it well. Thank you.
Daisy put all the wellies on the feet
in eight minutes and eight seconds.
What about Laurence Olivier, how did he do?
11 minutes 48. DAISY EXCLAIMS
We have only three parts of precious time left together.
Let's take the edge off this sadness
by buying some things from the nice advertising people.
Thanks, capitalism! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, and welcome back to the second part of tonight's final.
Wh... So sorry.
Where the hell have you been? I was just doing a little...
And what happens when you're late?
Do I have to do it now? You have to sing your late song.
LAUGHTER
GREG TAPPING RHYTHMICALLY # Sorry, sorry, sorry
♪ I'm a naughty boy
♪ Sorry, sorry, sorry I don't deserve a toy
♪ I need my milk, I need my milk
♪ I'm not allowed the milk today ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Before the break, we saw Richard and Daisy discover a giant spider
in the Taskmaster bath and successfully boot it up.
Next, we are going to see Johnny and Mawaan giving it some welly.
Where's the spider? I'm guessing I've got to find it.
Spider, spider, spider, spider!
BOTH: Oh! MAWAAN: Shit. You m... Right.
Can I move the spi..? Come on, you.
I told the dole I couldn't climb ladders and look at me now.
You can't use this footage!
Three. I'll take a shorter route. OK.
Can you help, Alex? No. MAWAAN LAUGHS
It's always worth asking, though, innit?
No more than three.
JOHNNY SIGHS I've got four wellies on.
You know the legs come off?
The legs come off.
And I swear to God, if you sent a picture of this to my agent,
she'd put him up for a casting partner for me.
Woo-hoo!
Do they look like my legs? Come get me, boys!
I don't fancy this. Stop distracting me, Alex.
Have you figured something out? Where are you going? Out.
Are all the wellies on the spider? Oh, God, all of them?!
Why are you letting me make idle chitchat?
Come on, spider. Oh, oh, shit, I'm missing a leg.
What? What?
Has anyone seen a leg? Oh, shit. OK.
So, where's this other welly, then? Where's my other welly?!
Did I lose a welly? Shit, I dropped it on the way.
I didn't lose a welly! You didn't lose a welly?
Just a leg off a giant spider.
Right, stop the clock. There we go.
I'm getting proper stressed now. The string broke.
HE SHOUTS Damn spider!
Where have you hid your other leg?!
Oh, there it is. Sorry.
Right. Stop the clock? Thank you, Johnny.
APPLAUSE
I have good days and bad days.
A lot of bad. And I bet there's gonna be summat about
the welly's come unattached.
Did it break? Yeah, he shouted, "The string broke,"
at the top of his voice. Oh, yeah.
But, Taskmaster, if it wasn't that well attached in the first place,
should I be punished for the fact that you're not good at knots?
OK, was it tied on well? I suppose all I can say
is it was tied on the same for everyone. Right, fine.
I thought Mawaan was the consummate professional,
because he worked out that the spider's legs came off,
which is a bit of lateral thinking.
And he stopped for a lovely cabaret halfway through.
Well, if he'd completely stopped, then, he would've been very fast.
But he insisted on putting them all back on the spider.
It didn't say the spider had to be complete at the end.
Oh, but you could've said then, instead of now.
You wouldn't let me. Oh.
All right, finally, it's Katherine Parkinson's turn.
Let's watch it and then find out what everyone thinks about it.
"Put these wellies on the spider's feet."
OK. Where's the spider?
I think that's a question you're gonna have to answer yourself. OK.
Oh, OK. There isn't a spider.
Is that the spider? I don't... No, it's not.
SHE LAUGHS
"Put these wellies on THE spider's feet." Hmm.
"Put these wellies on the spider's feet."
You OK? Yeah. Are you OK?
Yes, yes. Am I the spider?
Do you think you're the spider? No.
But I could be if that's what you want me to be.
I'll be anything you want me to be if it means I win.
Well, it's all up to you. All the information's on the task.
Well, it's not, though, is it? SHE LAUGHS
"Put these wellies on the spider's feet." What fucking spider?
Spider's feet... "Put these wellies on the spider's feet."
So I can't be the spider, because the spider would have...
eight...
Oh, my God.
Ah!
Yeah. I know exactly what's going on.
Right. OK.
Yep.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. So, that's the spider.
It feels like I'm missing something here, but...
I feel like...
Then...
I've stopped the clock.
Have I missed something? LAUGHTER
Is there a massive spider out here or something?
Have I missed something?
APPLAUSE
Well... KATHERINE CHORTLES
Interesting. Mm. My instinct was to think,
"Has the celebrated actress, Katherine Parkinson,"
"just put a load of wellies on some table legs?"
LAUGHTER
"Not even for a second considered there might be a spider"
"outside of the room. Not even for a second."
"Even though the wellies were clearly tied to"
"lengthy pieces of cord."
"Not for a second considered that the spider might be elsewhere"
"other than in the one room that she's in." That was my instinct.
And then I remembered Katherine's an artist.
ALEX LAUGHS
And maybe, and it's up for debate, she just created a spider.
What is a spider?
A spider. Not table legs.
Well... Well, it's not a massive stuffed toy either. Ooh.
MAWAAN: Look, a cat! It's a cat!
LAUGHTER
I don't think it was a spider.
But I do admire the thinking and I'm going to give away
one of my golden bonus points to Katherine.
And the others? The actual quickest person was Daisy
with her eight minutes, eight seconds. Great.
Johnny was the next quickest, nine minutes, ten.
But he did snap the twine.
How many points are you giving to Johnny Vegas?
None! Oh, my God.
And in the long run, it's good for him!
So, just to sum up, it's nought points to Johnny Vegas.
One point to Katherine, three to Richard,
four to Mawaan, and the winner with five to Daisy May Cooper.
APPLAUSE She's running away with it.
Would you like to see the series scoreboard, Greg? Oh, God. Would I?
We've got Katherine on 111, then it goes up to Johnny on 133,
Mawaan 143, Richard 149,
and just three ahead with three tasks to go, Daisy at 152.
Whoa! What's the score in the episode?
In the episode, we've got joint leaders,
Daisy and Mawaan on nine points.
APPLAUSE
Hey, what have we got next?
Sadly, it's the last team task of the series, Greg. Oh.
But it's one that, in theory, should involve a lot of harmony.
Hello, Mawaan. Hi. Hello, Johnny.
Hi, Alex. Hello, Katherine.
Hello. Hello, Richard. Hello, Daisy.
Right, I'm the shorter one, so I'll stand by this microphone, shall I?
Oh, my goodness. Is this karaoke? I have a feeling it might be.
I really hope we're going to get to sing.
Right, here we go.
"Perform this song."
"You have 20 minutes to prepare for your performance.
"You have 20 minutes." Oh, we don't need that.
"Best all-round performance wins. Your time starts now."
I've never heard of this song. I've not heard of it, so...
Would you like to hear it? Yeah. Yes, please.
MUSIC PLAYS
♪ Oooh...
MAWAAN: What the hell? KATHERINE: I don't know this song.
What's this song?
KATHERINE SINGS ALONG SOFTLY
Oh, God!
So, you're going to be blue, then? Green together.
KATHERINE SINGS ALONG
Who wants to go high? Oh, I'll go high.
JOHNNY SINGS ALONG
Great. Lovely. Well, seeing it's a song about trust...
I mean, I feel the choreography should be a lot of trust exercises.
Yeah, we could do that, yeah.
KATHERINE: I think we should get some moves as well.
Yeah. I want to bring some, like, sex appeal to it. Oh, my gosh.
It'll be like Sugababes.
That's a horse bridle, is it? Oh, yeah, yeah, that's quite good.
I could ride you like a horse, or vice versa.
Oh, my God. LAUGHTER
I mean, it's funny, though, isn't it?
How, when a couple...
start to make sense.
Who would've thought that in just a couple of short episodes,
we'd go from hippo-gate
to you suggesting that you put a bridle on her.
I mean, Katherine just started doing the task immediately
without even knowing what the task is,
such is the power of her will to perform.
Let's see the songs, I can't wait.
OK, well, we'll start with the happy couple, if that's all right?
And they did take it seriously. Daisy asked,
"Are we sure it's in 4/4?" LAUGHTER
So, here we go. With some great choreography, it's Richard and Judy.
♪ Oooh, oooh
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
BOTH: # Yeah, yeah, yeah!
♪ If you find that you trust someone when they give you advice
♪ If you believe their expertise
♪ They don't need to tell you twice
♪ Tell that person
♪ That they're the one who makes you feel good
♪ Tell that person
♪ That they're the one who makes you feel good
BOTH: # Find somebody Somebody you trust
♪ Because they're the person that makes you feel good
♪ Find somebody Somebody you trust
♪ Because they're the person who makes you feel good ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
RICHARD: Ended with a trust fall.
There was a trust fall. There was perfect choreography.
Richard brilliantly reprised the character from the bush.
LAUGHTER
Of course he did. So much range.
It's amazing. Genuinely was brilliant.
And I know this is weird. I've written down,
"I am inexplicably moved."
Do you know what was lovely about it?
Is he really took charge in this one,
and suddenly I had a respect for him that I'd never had before or after.
For the first time.
It's almost like, through the power of song, you made Richard a man.
Richard's voice was so muscular and Daisy's was two octaves higher
than we thought anyone was going to go. Yeah.
It was almost... I mean, you almost sounded like a ghost.
LAUGHTER
For God's sake!
OK, stop! Stop! Stop what you're doing and listen.
Someone's going to win some awful collections soon,
and then we're going to crown a new Taskmaster champion.
If that's not enough to get you off the toilet
after your biscuit-driven plop, then I don't know what is.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello! Here we are again. It's Taskmaster, it's part three,
it's the final, and on top of that,
there was a karaoke contest going on.
Before the break, Richard and Daisy line-danced
a spectacular performance to Will Collier's Somebody You Trust,
a brand-new song neither team had heard before.
Now it's the other team's turn, and bravely,
they attempted to sing it without ever having listened to it
all the way through. Good luck!
MAWAAN: Ha ha! KATHERINE: # Oooh, oooh, oooh
Let's get crazy with this one! # Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is for all the people out there who need someone to trust.
Speak your truth, Katherine. # Yeah, yeah # Yeah, yeah
♪ If you find that you trust someone # Who do you trust?
♪ Then give you advice # The advice you're giving me
♪ If you believe their expertise
♪ They don't need to tell you twice
♪ Ain't gonna tell you twice
♪ Tell the person they're the one # Tell the person
Sing it, Johnny! # Who makes you feel good!
Speak your truth. # Tell that person
♪ You're the one Yeah.
♪ They're the one who makes you feel good
♪ They make you feel good
♪ Find somebody Somebody you trust
♪ Trust! # Because they're the person
♪ Who makes you feel good HORN TOOTS
♪ Find somebody, somebody you trust
ALL: # Because they're the person who makes you feel good
HORN TOOTS
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Katherine, you should be really proud of that.
It felt better when we were doing it. On the day.
You know that bit on The X Factor, in the early rounds,
when they bring out the vulnerable, bewildered people
to sing in front of the millionaires?
I know that bit. Yeah.
This is how I felt it went.
Individually, I thought there were some smoking performances going on.
Katherine, you went through a lot of genres.
And you were so genuinely into it,
that I suspect a lot of your friends were at home rolling their eyes
because they've seen that before.
Mawaan brought a really authentic Compton vibe to the song.
I'd never thought I'd hear the phrase,
"You're crazy for this one" used in a more relevant way
than in Jay-Z's seminal classic 99 Problems.
But it really did work in context.
"You're crazy for this one, Katherine," it's got, like,
a ring to it, alliteration. Yeah, yeah. It's all there.
And you know in X Factor when they do the thing
where they're, like, split up the group and they're like,
"Not so strong as a group, but you could be really good solo"?
Yeah. I'm happy if you want to do that with me.
Yeah, certainly, if I was a record producer,
I would be aiming to split you up.
LAUGHTER Johnny, I wrote down, was...
"simultaneously channelling Pavarotti, Joe Cocker
"and that man that stands outside the off-licence
"trying to fight a bin."
And you did a very good job of it.
Individually, three incredible performances.
Bring them together, really...
HE LAUGHS
If it was food, it would be like a dog meat trifle.
Separate them, the dog's happy...
Human's are happy with there being cream, lovely.
Put it together... Oh.
They did call themselves Dog Meat Trifle. Dog Meat Trifle?
If they were a band - Dog Meat Trifle. Not a bad name.
OK, are you going to score these teams?
GREG SIGHS Dog Meat Trifle, how many points?
I'm going to give them two points each.
That's not bad. That's not bad. And what about...
Have they got a name? MAWAAN: Hippo? LAUGHTER
Hippo Lovers - five full points each.
Five points to Daisy, five points to Richard!
Whoa. OK, then...
It is the last pre-recorded task of the series, isn't it?
I'm afraid so, Greg. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll like it,
because it is horribly violent.
RICHARD: Oh, that's a bit spooky.
I thought it was a real person for a second.
Right...
Do I..? I was going to sit on his lap. You can if you want. OK.
It's all yours. I just wouldn't mind sitting down.
Oh! Right.
"Neatly hang all of Bernard's clothes on that coat rail."
"You must stay behind the line at all times. Fastest wins."
Wait, wait...
Without stepping over the thing? Yes, please.
"Your time starts now."
Well, that's crazy.
Final task, Greg. All right. Exciting times.
Not much to say before we crack on and see them.
I will just welcome back Richard's other character -
the wacky vicar. LAUGHTER
Judging the big-fruit competition at the harvest festival again. Crazy!
Shall we? Yes, first to hang up Bernard's clothes are two men.
Richard and Mawaan!
RICHARD LAUGHS Right, what have we got?
We got a chair, we've got some... Oh, I see, so we could...
That's not going to work.
I don't... There's no hangers.
I'm just going to use his shoes to try and...
Oh, hangers!
OK.
Oh, fuck's sake. They're weak hangers, man.
RICHARD STRAINS
OK.
Oh! Sorry about this, Bernard.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Oh, shit!
I bet no-one else is going to think of that.
I wish I'd just taken his shoe off.
Working.
OK.
Do you hang up your pants, Mawaan? Yeah, always. Me too.
A clean room is a clean mind.
Excuse me.
It's a little handkerchief in his pocket. Very smart.
I'm going to run out of hangers.
I'm happy with that. WHISTLE BLOWS
Thank you, Richard. Is there anything you want to say to Bernard?
I apologise for any transgressions.
Also, using you as a hook.
He's a piece of shit, isn't he, Bernard?
HE EXHALES SHARPLY
Thank you, Mawaan. All right. It's lovely, isn't it?
Yeah, that's how I hang mine up.
Watching that, it didn't feel to me that that was the first time
that Richard had thrown a lifeless body of a man across a room.
Gut instincts. He did apologise afterwards for using him as a hook.
It's too late, Richard, he's dead now, isn't he?
So, Richard said, "If I lose a shoe, I'm in trouble."
And then two seconds later he lost a shoe. He lost a shoe.
I was in trouble. He was in trouble, yeah.
But he still took just eight minutes ten seconds,
which is about ten minutes.
All right. Mawaan — nine minutes thirty-five seconds,
which is about ten minutes. So, it's all the same.
Both very neat boys. Very neat.
Yeah, I don't know what to say. You both did the job perfectly well.
You even hung up his shoes. "A clean room is a clean mind." Well done.
I wonder if it's going to go as well as we move on.
Well, would you like to see the good old observant Katherine?
Yes, please.
Yeah, erm...
OK.
SHE STRAINS
That was all right. OK.
OK. Let's try and be quick, Bernard,
because I'm not very good on the speed element.
Sorry. My bosom, your head.
Actually, I don't have to be careful with Bernard, do I? Screw Bernard.
Neatly.
Have you got children? Yes, I have.
Is this how you do it? No. I love him a bit less.
These are on back to front.
Oh, no, he is.
Do we include the shoes in clothes? No.
Come on, Bernard. Sorry, Bernard.
There we are. Ooh!
Socks. Socks and shoes, neatly.
And I'd like you to stop the clock...
..now.
Lovely.
Great. Great. Oh, my gosh! There's hangers.
LAUGHING: There's hangers!
Oh. What a...
Well, it was quick. OK.
Bye, Bernard. Thanks.
Well, Greg. Just a couple of questions from me.
Did you smell his pants?
I think I did, yeah. Yeah.
OK, cool.
She didn't use the hangers, but I did think the clothes
were neatly hung up anyway, so I think that's all good.
They were neatly hung up. No doubt about that.
I did a brief calculation, and if Bernard had been a real person,
Katherine would have broken his spine five times.
Other than that, flawless. Well, is it flawless, though?
I mean, so far in the series, she has never left the room
when you could leave the room. Arguably, she left the square.
Do you think she left the square?
Erm, I-I do think she left the square. But her feet were still in.
Did it say "cross over" or "step out"?
It said, "You may not step over the line."
She didn't do that. She didn't. That's the end of part three, then.
Somebody's dreams are going to come very true soon, right here.
It's exciting, I'm excited.
Are you excited?
WHISPERING: Poor little thing. He's worn himself out.
Sleep tight, my angel. My beautiful lad.
Hello! Here we are, then. The last part of the show.
Strap yourselves in and get ready to ride the emotional roller-coaster.
Oh, I just had a lovely power nap and I'm now raring to go.
To end the video part of this series on a real high,
here are Daisy May Cooper and Johnny Vegas
hanging up some clothes!
Right, I'll start with this.
SHE STRAINS
If there's any way you can help me, Bernard...
I just pushed it further away.
Let's get you undressed.
No matter how you do it, it looks wrong.
Come on, just hook around.
Yes!
Now you've got the rail, but now you don't have the clothes.
Oh, fuck...
It's going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
His scalp...
Get your sock! Get your sock!
DAISY STRAINS
Why did you hide the hangers under the chair?!
Trousers.
SOBBING: Oh, my God. Oh, my boy. My beautiful boy.
You're absolutely fine. That's it.
Just sleep on the rail.
Ah, finished. WHISTLE BLOWS
OK.
Right, we're going to go fishing for hats.
Go, go!
SHE GASPS RAPIDLY
SHE GROANS
Are you using Bernard as bait? Yes.
Yes, yes, yes!
Yes. Ah! SHE SIGHS
ALEX SIGHS
Thank you, Daisy. Thanks. Extraordinary.
Well, I thought the wheels might come off.
THEY LAUGH
I mean, there were some things I expected.
Johnny initially did something, you know, quite clever,
using his pocket watch to... JOHNNY CHORTLES
..lasso the railing.
And yet I knew we were heading to, "My boy, my beautiful boy."
Both of their beautiful boys ended up with their brains smashed out.
Yeah, we had to replace one, then immediately he smashed the next one.
Daisy's instinct, at the beginning,
was to neatly fold the clothes
by throwing them across an eight-foot void.
OK, well, they're the worst. I'm not sure if they are the worst.
What?! Johnny actually completed it in six minutes fifty seconds.
DAISY GASPS Oh, my boy.
We then had Richard with eight minutes ten,
Mawaan with nine minutes thirty-five,
and then Daisy was slower - 17 minutes and nine seconds.
What was my time? Well, you were the quickest with five minutes 14.
So if he's allowing... KATHERINE GASPS NERVOUSLY
..Katherine to be within that square, she gets five points.
Oh, please. I'm last. We know I'm last. I am actually going to cry.
JOHHNY: Don't ask him for it. Don't.
Because it's right, because her feet were in,
and a little bit because of the shame I feel
for the treatment of her masks, I'm going to allow it.
OK, so it's one point to Daisy two to Mawaan,
three for Richard, four for Johnny, but five for Katherine Parkinson!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE There it is.
So, er... You and me are cool now? Apology accepted.
Quick look at the scores before, you know... The end is nigh. Yep.
Series scores-wise, there is just one point separating
the couple at the top of the leaderboard.
INHALES SHARPLY Oh, my God.
And in terms of this episode, Daisy is in the lead with 15 points.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
All right, everyone. Please make your way to the stage
for the final task of the series!
KATHERINE SIGHS, LAUGHTER
RICHARD: Wow. Whoa! It paid off. It paid off big time.
Oh... Not at all constricted. My beautiful boy.
Who's going to read it out? Mawaan Rizwan. Yes!
Yes, sir.
"Wearing mittens at all times, balance either all the mints
"or all the biscuits on a spaghetti bridge."
Oh, between these... "The mints or biscuits must only touch spaghetti.
"The spaghetti must be balanced on the coconuts.
"The coconuts must remain on their stands. Fastest wins."
You must wear your mittens at all times.
You can touch the biscuits or the mints,
whichever you choose, as you're building your bridge,
but when your bridge is complete,
they must be only touching the spaghetti,
and the spaghetti must only be touching coconuts.
When you've finished, please put your hands proudly on your hips.
Greg, are you ready? I'm so ready.
Contestants ready? Yep.
WHISTLE BLOWS Building has commenced.
Biscuits or mints, Greg? Biscuits, I'd go for, but what do I know?
JOHNNY GROWLS You look really lovely.
Oh, this is genuinely exciting.
Yeah, no-one was expecting the tactic from Vegas. Or were they?
From Vegas? What's he doing, smashing stuff and shouting?
He's eating the grapefruit. OK. MUFFLED SPEECH FROM JOHNNY
Sorry, he's peeling the grapefruit.
Oh, my God. It's so tense between the two at the top.
JOHNNY: I'm creating something... The two at the top!
I'm creating something to construct my pasta bridge with.
Oh, my God. JOHNNY GRUNTS
Oh, my God. I... I am actually tense.
Well, the two leaders, Greg, have been silent throughout. I know.
I'm actually really nervous.
Except for some fairly heavy breathing.
One's gone biscuits, one's gone mints.
Who will be fastest? Oh, my God.
What's Richard doing?
He's making a mint necklace.
Katherine, meanwhile, quietly, has hung up three biscuits.
Finished. No!
Hands on your hips if you're finished, please. Richard!
Fuck. Right, right, right. He's done this all series.
Oh! You mother... Feeling good. Oh, come on back, come on.
KATHERINE: Daisy, I want you to win.
Fuck!
DAISY GROANS Oh, God, oh, God.
MAWAAN: I'm scared. Oh, no. Look, she's tigered the grapefruit.
Oh, God, is she all right? I'm scared!
Taskmaster, I'm scared. Oh, God!
Oh, dear. She's going for glory points.
JOHNNY: Daisy, do you need some pasta? Daisy...
OK. And we have another finisher over there. Lovely. Oh, God.
And look. Aesthetically, it's so pleasing. It's very pleasing.
Explore other options. Can you put your hands on your hips, Daisy?
Daisy has finished in her own way.
I mean, she's the people's champion.
Katherine has dropped another biscuit.
Well, there's no point me carrying on, is th..?
Not now.
I'm calling time. WHISTLE BLOWS
That was a climax.
Come back down and we'll see how that has affected
the series' scores.
Welcome.
The only way I could climb down after that
was to zip my limbs back on. Yeah, I'm not surprised.
The two winners of that task were, of course, Mawaan and Richard.
And because Richard got five and Mawaan got four,
the final scores in this particular episode look like this.
Mawaan has 17, Richard also has 17! Oooh!
ALEX EXHALES SHARPLY A tie-break.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any more tense.
I'm sorry to say it can, because now they have to guess
how many green eggs are under the Taskmaster's chair.
Wow! It's Greg's "greggs." Greg's green eggs.
You put eggs under my chair? There's eggs under your chair.
There's a pen and a card underneath your chairs.
So, on your pen and paper, I want you to write down a number.
How many green eggs do you think are under Greg's chair?
Closest to the correct answer wins. How many "greggs?"
Who's somebody you want to hear first, Greg?
I want to hear Mawaan's number first.
OK, well, I've used all the skill I could possibly conjure up,
and I'd say eight. Eight. Eight. I hope it's not going to be seven!
Because I put six. This is the best task ever.
MAWAAN AND JOHNNY LAUGH
Woo-hoo!
GREG GASPS
Two green eggs. One for me, one for Greg.
Richard Herring is the winner! Richard wins the episode.
Please go and collect your collections!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Oh, wow. Those pub signs really are good.
Oh, yeah! Look, there's money, it's worth £4.50.
These are beautiful. They're great. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you. Oh.
Thanks very much. Well done.
Hello, for the last time.
You join us for the Taskmaster end-of-series trophy ceremony.
It's been a different series, but a brilliant series,
and one I shall cherish forever.
As always, I can't be bothered with the detail,
so little Alex Horne, please can you reveal the final series' scores?
As always, I enjoy the detail. Here we go.
In fifth place, she's been there for a while, she's been wonderful,
Katherine got 118 points.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you.
I've had a really nice time.
Just above her with 139 points, the enigmatic Mr Johnny Vegas.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
With 151, Mawaan Rizwan!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And then the special moment, she was leading for so many episodes,
going into the final task she was leading.
She was leading as the final biscuit fell to the floor.
But then no longer. Daisy May Cooper - 158 points.
Well done. Second place. Heartbreaking.
The winner got 162 points.
The Taskmaster series champion
is Richard Herring!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Please collect your trophy!
FANFARE PLAYS
Subtitles by Red Bee Media