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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.
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Taskmaster was recorded
in accordance with all social
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distancing guidelines in place
at the time of filming.
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Yow! I just need to read that again.
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Oh.
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APPLAUSE
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Hello! I'm Greg Davies.
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Welcome to the Taskmaster Academy.
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At this educational establishment,
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we teach our pupils problem-solving,
cunning, and how to endure ridicule.
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At the end of the course,
four of them will have destroyed
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their careers and will never work
in television again.
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And one lucky winner will
have my golden trophy.
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And also will have destroyed
their career,
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and will never work in
television again.
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It's like life -
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cruel and without meaning.
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We have an audience watching this
in the cinema down the road,
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so let's crack on and
meet our five contestants.
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They are Charlotte Ritchie...
CHEERING
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...Jamali Maddix...
CHEERING
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...Lee Mack, Mike Wozniak...
CHEERING
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...and Sarah Kendall.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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And next to me, a man who,
like an obedient pup,
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responds instantly and
affectionately to all my commands.
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And, like an obedient pup,
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enjoys lapping away at his own mess.
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It's little Alex Horne!
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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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Hey, guys. All right, you dirty boy?
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Riddle me this. Ooh.
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What, am I?
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I'm small,
and yet I can fly, and you...
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Are you a fly?
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LAUGHTER
Quite a bit more.
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My first is in flock,
but not in pizza.
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Are you a fly? My second I've...
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The wetter I get,
the more I weigh.
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I'm a small inse... I'm a fly.
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Yeah.
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Let's crack on. Prize Task time.
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You know it.
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And this week, the category
is the best drinking vessel.
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You know it.
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You'lljudge the best drinking
vessel, Greg, and that person
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will start the show with
five healthy points.
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At the end of the show,
the person with the most points
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will take home all five drinking
vessels and finally be able to have
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a few people over for some drinks.
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All right, then.
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Michael Wozniak.
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I made a cup. What?
ALEX GASPS
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It was my first try at
w-wood w-whittling.
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Wood whittling? Wood whittling.
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Not all of the wound
are healed fully.
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The intention was a, sort of,
kind of, oriental soup thing.
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It ended up somewhere between
that and a...love spoon.
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There's the love spoon. Wow.
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Erm, the face,
as you can clearly see,
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is your face.
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Erm, the blood has been sanded off.
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You should've been wearing
a little leather thimble.
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LAUGHTER
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I've not got children, as you know.
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But if I had a seven-year-old
and they brought that back,
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I'd probably look to give
them support.
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LAUGHTER
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I'd probably...
And a 40-year-old man?
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LAUGHTER CONTINUES
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Are you counting it as a
drinking vessel, Greg?
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I suppose you can drink
out of anything, can't you?
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Oh, so they could've brought
in anything?
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Eh? Yeah, you can
probably get the meniscus around
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the edge of the sieve.
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If you're quick, yeah.
LAUGHTER
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Erm, Sarah. Can you beat that?
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F
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F
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é
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£
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There it is. Wow.
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LAUGHTER
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So remember, the category is
the best drinking vessel.
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É
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é
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Listen. After the last episode,
you were right to up the showbiz.
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You've really brought Broadway
to the show.
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Ancl Jamali,
can you beat either of those?
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Yeah, I mean, I just went by
the rules of the show, and...
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Can I say something?
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Your tone suggests
this is going to be rubbish.
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I don't think it's rubbish,
I just brought a plastic cup.
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Yup, you just brought a plastic cup.
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Yeah! Non-biodegradable,
non-recyclable,
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just good old-fashioned plastic.
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SNICKERING
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You saw what happened last episode
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when Sarah was riding around really
slowly, right? Yeah. Yeah, OK.
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But she won the last episode.
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Ahh. Like, Ijust decided
I want to win now.
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I'm sick of trying to be like,
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"Oh, I'll bring in a shoe
that sings."
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I'm not doing that shit no more.
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I know what show you're doing,
it's that whimsy, and ahh,
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it's, "Oh, look, it's a vessel,"
and all this shit.
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I ain't doing it no more, all right?
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Plastic cup, non-recyclable,
that's what you're getting.
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OK, so you're going to play this
absolutely down to that?
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Just right down the barrel now.
OK. I'm done.
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If you win the series
based on this technique,
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it's going to be a hollow crown.
LAUGHTER
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Lee.
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F
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F
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Here it is. Mm. Simon.
Mm.
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F
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é
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Yeah.
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F
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é
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Just let Simon have it.
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How often do you need
a tree surgeon?
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F
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é
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Pollarded?
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You're not going to be
allowed back up north.
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LAUGHTER
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OK, Charlotte. OK.
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So, I've got a tankard, basically.
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I do believe that it's the best
thing you can drink out of.
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It's my grandad's.
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And underneath, it's glass.
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I can show you the glass bottom.
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Ooh. And what's cool about that is
that the reason it had glass bottoms
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is because, in the 18th century,
the Navy used to drop a king
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shilling into people's pints so that
when they drank it and picked it up,
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they'd be like, "What's this?"
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And they'd be conscripted into
the Navy - so they designed glass
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underneath so people could check
their pints to check that they
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weren't going to be conscripted
to the Navy for, like, years.
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It's a good prize.
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# It's a good prize... #
You'd want it. You'd want it.
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ALL:
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F
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# Actually added historical
information... #
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LAUGHTER
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Points, then, Greg, please?
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Sorry, Jamali.
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One point. It's a plastic cup.
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Second-worst, you know, at the
end of the day,
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I have to give you my reaction
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as to the mug that I want least in
my house. OK. Yeah.
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Well, it's Simon Cowell's mug.
Two points. Erm...
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Just because I'm presuming that in
three years,
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there's been a dramatic
improvement in her talent,
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I'll give your daughter three
points.
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Unbelievably, for one of the worst
things I've ever seen in my life,
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I'm giving you 4 points.
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I think cos I feel sorry for you.
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Ancl, er... Thank you.
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...the beautiful grandad tankard
takes it. Comfortably.
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5 points.
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5 points to Charlotte Ritchie.
I have judged!
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APPLAUSE
OK, task proper, please, Alex.
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HIGH-PITCHED: Certainly. Here we go.
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Hello, Alex. Hello, Mike!
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It is, isn't it?
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LEE SIGHS
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Good day. Yeah.
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Were you just saying "good day"?
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I was trying it out, yeah. Yeah?
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Didn't feel great.
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F
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"Make that balloon hover
untethered for 20 seconds."
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What balloon?
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F
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F
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"And the bottom of the balloon
must not be lower than your waist."
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MIKE:
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"Fastest wins.
Your time starts now."
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All right.
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LEE:
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I reckon you can almost hear it.
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F
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I think if you listen carefully.
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Eee... ba, ba, ba, ba, ba... eee!
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Right.
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F
189
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Q
190
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Make that balloon...
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Oh, it's there!
192
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I genuinely - has that been
there the whole time,
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or did someone just do that?
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That's been a foot away
from your head throughout.
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That's incredible.
It nearly hit you twice.
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É
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Right.
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F
199
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It's up to you.
200
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There are scissors inside.
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Right. I want to establish
two things.
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One, Charlotte Ritchie can't get
a balloon off a clothesline.
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No, she can't. Two, Lee Mack
hasn't got peripheral vision.
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He has not. Right, let's crack on.
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OK, so they had to make
the balloon hover,
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and they had to sneer throughout.
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The most famous sneer of all time
is, of course, Cyril Sneer,
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00:08:49,589 --> 00:08:51,075
who is a pink aardvark.
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We're going to see Charlotte,
Ritchie, Lee, and Mack first of all.
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Good luck!
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Right, so...
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Oh, OK.
213
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It's helium. It's helium.
214
00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:03,715
Q
215
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:07,955
F
216
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:11,005
What I need to do is find
a weight that is perfect.
217
00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:12,925
Not too heavy, not too light.
218
00:09:23,339 --> 00:09:24,795
No, that's too heavy.
219
00:09:28,339 --> 00:09:29,955
£
220
00:09:32,209 --> 00:09:34,475
Is that untethered?
221
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:37,075
É
222
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:38,515
I'll try this sponge.
223
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That sponge might be just
about the right...
224
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Not bad. It's close, that, innit?
225
00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:47,364
F
226
00:09:47,389 --> 00:09:49,645
Is it hovering?
227
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:50,955
Is it?
228
00:09:50,980 --> 00:09:52,515
Is it? OK.
229
00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:55,875
Right. Ohh.
230
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:58,155
F
231
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,395
I can see that.
232
00:10:01,389 --> 00:10:02,645
Oh, you bugger!
233
00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:08,515
Oh, you... bastard!
234
00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:19,875
É
235
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,444
There must be another one.
236
00:10:21,469 --> 00:10:23,194
Don't tell me that's it.
237
00:10:23,219 --> 00:10:25,515
That's it, Lee. Oh, come on!
238
00:10:25,540 --> 00:10:27,314
Is it definitely gone?
Yeah, that's gone.
239
00:10:27,339 --> 00:10:29,364
What do you mean, "Is it gone?"
240
00:10:29,389 --> 00:10:32,194
What, you mean that balloon full
of helium that flew to the sky?
241
00:10:32,219 --> 00:10:35,155
Yeah, don't think
I'm getting that back.
242
00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:37,725
Think that's gone. OK.
243
00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:39,114
Thank you, Charlotte.
244
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,755
Gutted. Absolutely gutted.
245
00:10:46,420 --> 00:10:49,555
Ah. Bewildered old man.
246
00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:51,444
LAUGHTER
247
00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:53,805
His logic was great, though.
The weight logic. Yeah.
248
00:10:53,830 --> 00:10:55,364
Would've worked a treat,
wouldn't it?
249
00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:56,835
£
250
00:10:56,860 --> 00:10:59,194
é
251
00:10:59,219 --> 00:11:02,005
F
252
00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:03,805
You thought the point of the task
was to fail?
253
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,364
F
254
00:11:05,389 --> 00:11:07,085
Oh.
255
00:11:07,110 --> 00:11:09,475
Of course it is.
256
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:10,755
I was a bit intrigued.
257
00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:14,515
You decided on the old static
electricity trick from school.
258
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,875
And then, you realised
it was helium.
259
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:19,805
And then, you knew you had to
come up with a new system.
260
00:11:19,830 --> 00:11:22,114
And you went straight back
to the old system.
261
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,234
LAUGHTER
262
00:11:23,259 --> 00:11:25,275
OK. It's the end of part one.
263
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,755
Snack time!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
264
00:11:35,036 --> 00:11:37,372
Hello, everyone. Welcome back
to the second part
265
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,211
of tonight's Taskmaster
presentation.
266
00:11:39,236 --> 00:11:42,341
Wasn't there some form of balloon
buffoonery going on, young Alex?
267
00:11:42,366 --> 00:11:43,732
God, yeah.
268
00:11:43,757 --> 00:11:48,141
Charlotte and Lee's helium-filled
balloons have sadly gone AWOL,
269
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:52,011
so now it's over to Jamali and Sarah
to try and make their balloons
270
00:11:52,036 --> 00:11:55,062
hover untethered for 20 seconds
while sneering.
271
00:11:55,087 --> 00:11:56,372
F
272
00:11:57,447 --> 00:11:59,372
Is it tethered?
273
00:11:59,397 --> 00:12:02,091
What's... what's holding it down?
274
00:12:04,927 --> 00:12:06,341
That's not going to work.
275
00:12:06,366 --> 00:12:07,542
Just letting go of it.
276
00:12:08,647 --> 00:12:10,902
CRANKING
277
00:12:12,087 --> 00:12:13,862
SAWING
278
00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:17,932
If I go into, like, an airless area.
279
00:12:21,087 --> 00:12:22,572
Oh, I touched it. I touched it.
280
00:12:22,597 --> 00:12:24,902
VIGOROUS RUBBING
281
00:12:24,927 --> 00:12:27,261
You all right in there, Jama...
Oh. Hello.
282
00:12:27,286 --> 00:12:29,862
É
283
00:12:29,887 --> 00:12:31,861
Static? Yeah, I tend to rub it.
284
00:12:31,886 --> 00:12:33,190
You need the right material.
285
00:12:33,215 --> 00:12:34,286
F
286
00:12:34,311 --> 00:12:36,806
Like a woolly jumper.
287
00:12:36,831 --> 00:12:39,536
I can get you a woolly jumper.
288
00:12:39,561 --> 00:12:44,215
Who's timing this?
Who do you want to time it? You.
289
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,526
Ah, no, no. I'm going to start
again. That was three seconds.
290
00:12:47,551 --> 00:12:49,286
That was three? Yeah.
291
00:12:49,311 --> 00:12:51,085
Got you a woolly jumper.
292
00:12:51,110 --> 00:12:54,856
F
293
00:12:54,881 --> 00:12:57,616
Is it hovering?
294
00:12:57,641 --> 00:12:59,566
É
295
00:12:59,591 --> 00:13:01,885
That's hovering, is it?
296
00:13:04,030 --> 00:13:06,286
Is that going to be...?
No, it's...
297
00:13:07,441 --> 00:13:08,416
Oh!
298
00:13:12,551 --> 00:13:15,646
Yes.
299
00:13:15,671 --> 00:13:20,056
Yeah. They were warm.
300
00:13:20,081 --> 00:13:22,335
Right, why don't we go inside?
301
00:13:23,881 --> 00:13:26,616
This is better. It's already better.
302
00:13:26,641 --> 00:13:28,366
I just had a thought.
Uh-huh?
303
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,496
What about static electricity?
Is that hovering?
304
00:13:31,521 --> 00:13:34,416
It's going to be up to you to
argue it in the studio. I can't...
305
00:13:34,441 --> 00:13:37,215
Oh, I won't be able to take on Greg.
He's awful.
306
00:13:42,751 --> 00:13:44,696
Oh, so I should start now?
307
00:13:44,721 --> 00:13:46,005
OK, uh...one, yeah?
308
00:13:49,311 --> 00:13:52,696
Are you sneering at the camera?
309
00:13:52,721 --> 00:13:54,135
You keep sneering.
310
00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:01,335
É
311
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,776
You reckon that was hovering?
Yeah?
312
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:06,576
It's not important what I think.
313
00:14:06,601 --> 00:14:08,366
É
314
00:14:08,391 --> 00:14:11,576
I'm
the Task... Taskmaster's assistant.
315
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:14,496
F
316
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,806
Yeah. I'm not allowed
to have an opinion.
317
00:14:16,831 --> 00:14:18,135
É
318
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,446
I measure things.
319
00:14:20,471 --> 00:14:21,416
Is that 20 seconds?
320
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,335
Alex? Are you going to call it?
321
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,005
Oh, sorry, I thought you were going
to call it. That's 45 seconds.
322
00:14:31,551 --> 00:14:33,135
It just seems to me, as we go on,
323
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:36,806
when you get set unusual tasks to
do, you're sort of baffled.
324
00:14:36,831 --> 00:14:39,166
You were quite confused by what
I was doing there.
325
00:14:39,191 --> 00:14:41,496
F
326
00:14:41,521 --> 00:14:42,885
F
327
00:14:42,910 --> 00:14:44,335
Yeah.
328
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,656
I'm to help him, not to help you.
329
00:14:46,681 --> 00:14:48,135
£
330
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,215
I feel more confident.
331
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,526
Um, so your tactic was to go into an
airless,
332
00:14:53,551 --> 00:14:56,085
I quote, airless environment.
333
00:14:56,110 --> 00:14:58,496
It's the famous
airlock that is the shed.
334
00:14:58,521 --> 00:15:02,446
Honestly, this? Yeah?
This movement. Yeah?
335
00:15:02,471 --> 00:15:04,885
It made your daughter's
pottery look competent.
336
00:15:04,910 --> 00:15:07,246
Well, now it's explained.
337
00:15:07,271 --> 00:15:10,015
Yeah.
338
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,416
F
339
00:15:13,441 --> 00:15:15,056
Well, I tried that with the leaf
blower,
340
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,976
but I couldn't go at the same pace
as a leaf blower. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
341
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,296
That's too much waft.
342
00:15:19,321 --> 00:15:22,576
Sarah did it in 21 minutes
and 18 seconds...
343
00:15:22,601 --> 00:15:24,965
Yeah? Sounds like me. ..whereas
Jamali did it
344
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:26,976
in four minutes and 50 seconds.
Nice.
345
00:15:27,001 --> 00:15:30,376
And technically, as he kept saying,
it hovered.
346
00:15:30,401 --> 00:15:31,856
Well done. Right, what's next?
347
00:15:31,881 --> 00:15:35,085
Finally, he's lithe, he's blithe,
and he looks good in ties.
348
00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:36,856
It's Mike Wozniak.
349
00:15:36,881 --> 00:15:38,166
F
350
00:15:45,081 --> 00:15:46,416
F
351
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,246
g
352
00:15:49,271 --> 00:15:53,606
F
353
00:15:53,631 --> 00:15:54,776
é
354
00:15:54,801 --> 00:15:56,576
é
355
00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:59,856
é
356
00:16:04,471 --> 00:16:06,015
é
357
00:16:07,191 --> 00:16:09,965
I don't think that was 20 seconds.
358
00:16:09,990 --> 00:16:12,965
F
359
00:16:12,990 --> 00:16:13,965
é
360
00:16:17,681 --> 00:16:20,015
é
361
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,296
All right, then.
362
00:16:21,321 --> 00:16:22,806
É
363
00:16:26,801 --> 00:16:29,166
HE GRUNTS
364
00:16:29,191 --> 00:16:30,606
HE THUDS
365
00:16:33,681 --> 00:16:34,965
Q
366
00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:36,856
é
367
00:16:39,521 --> 00:16:40,606
Got your balloon back?
368
00:16:43,441 --> 00:16:45,885
É
369
00:16:45,910 --> 00:16:48,656
F
370
00:16:55,271 --> 00:16:56,416
F
371
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,576
Well, thank you.
372
00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:03,496
F
373
00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:05,526
F
374
00:17:05,551 --> 00:17:07,526
F
375
00:17:07,551 --> 00:17:09,816
Thank you, Mike.
376
00:17:12,321 --> 00:17:16,095
I mean, even in victory, when you
stepped out of that phone booth,
377
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:19,176
you looked like a head of department
from a local council
378
00:17:19,201 --> 00:17:20,526
who'd just been fired.
379
00:17:20,551 --> 00:17:23,816
Talk us through the initial
sort of Greek dance.
380
00:17:23,841 --> 00:17:25,095
The...
381
00:17:26,631 --> 00:17:28,965
F
382
00:17:28,990 --> 00:17:32,936
Yeah.
383
00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:36,246
É
384
00:17:36,271 --> 00:17:37,940
F
385
00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:40,192
I enjoyed your balloon dance.
386
00:17:40,217 --> 00:17:41,192
And then up it went.
387
00:17:41,217 --> 00:17:44,793
And then up it went, and this is
where it gets interesting, because
388
00:17:44,818 --> 00:17:47,992
the two other contestants whose
balloon flew away just let them go.
389
00:17:48,017 --> 00:17:49,793
But not Mike Wozniak.
390
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:52,223
That spirit of the Blitz mentality.
391
00:17:52,248 --> 00:17:54,192
No-one has ever hopped over
that fence before.
392
00:17:54,217 --> 00:17:56,513
Never looked over it. We've never
had a fence hop.
393
00:17:56,538 --> 00:17:57,403
How do you feel about that?
394
00:17:57,428 --> 00:17:59,713
F
395
00:17:59,738 --> 00:18:00,633
F
396
00:18:00,658 --> 00:18:02,992
F
397
00:18:03,017 --> 00:18:04,763
é
398
00:18:04,788 --> 00:18:07,663
It could have been a mine shaft.
399
00:18:07,688 --> 00:18:09,942
That would be one
hell of an ending to a dance.
400
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:13,913
Incredible. So he's got to have
rocked it.
401
00:18:13,938 --> 00:18:16,273
He wasn't as quick as Jamali.
He did spend quite a long time
402
00:18:16,298 --> 00:18:17,913
chasing a balloon across a golf
course.
403
00:18:17,938 --> 00:18:20,273
Oh, yeah, he jumped over the fence.
Yeah. Yeah.
404
00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:23,833
So Jamali took four minutes 50,
Mike eight minutes.
405
00:18:23,858 --> 00:18:26,192
So just to recap,
it's zero points to Lee
406
00:18:26,217 --> 00:18:28,793
and Charlotte, Sarah gets three,
then we've got Mike gets
407
00:18:28,818 --> 00:18:31,513
four points, but the winner with
five points is Jamali.
408
00:18:31,538 --> 00:18:32,793
Hey!
409
00:18:34,688 --> 00:18:37,072
Can we have a look at a scoreboard?
I have you a scoreboard.
410
00:18:37,097 --> 00:18:40,513
Lee is in last place with two, Mike
is in first place with eight points.
411
00:18:42,818 --> 00:18:45,713
Another one, then. Come on, chop,
chop. OK.
412
00:18:45,738 --> 00:18:48,072
Well, guess what? It's team task
time,
413
00:18:48,097 --> 00:18:53,553
and what better way to begin
the bonding than with a lovely spat?
414
00:19:05,217 --> 00:19:07,483
Hello, Jamali.
I'm good.
415
00:19:08,508 --> 00:19:09,713
Hello, Alex. Hi, Mike.
416
00:19:10,897 --> 00:19:13,353
Are you OK with heights?
This sort of height? Yes.
417
00:19:13,378 --> 00:19:15,843
Yeah, this sort of height's OK.
Yeah.
418
00:19:15,868 --> 00:19:18,553
You have any phobias?
419
00:19:18,578 --> 00:19:19,992
Foam?
420
00:19:20,017 --> 00:19:21,383
F
421
00:19:21,408 --> 00:19:23,992
F
422
00:19:24,017 --> 00:19:27,233
So cross out foam?
423
00:19:27,258 --> 00:19:30,836
É
424
00:19:30,861 --> 00:19:33,381
And you're fine with flannels?
425
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:34,551
F
426
00:19:34,576 --> 00:19:36,911
No, you can't.
You're not allowed off the box.
427
00:19:36,936 --> 00:19:38,381
Not yet.
428
00:19:38,406 --> 00:19:39,711
Hey!
429
00:19:39,736 --> 00:19:44,740
How are
you?
430
00:19:44,765 --> 00:19:46,990
Oh! Hello. Oh, hello.
431
00:19:48,456 --> 00:19:51,021
Lee, please open the task.
There's the task.
432
00:19:51,046 --> 00:19:53,351
You're not allowed off your box.
433
00:19:53,376 --> 00:19:55,661
É
434
00:19:55,686 --> 00:19:57,711
I have my coat.
435
00:19:57,736 --> 00:20:00,791
And then, uh, shoes and laces.
436
00:20:00,816 --> 00:20:03,200
That's going to give us a bit of.
Distance.
437
00:20:03,225 --> 00:20:06,381
F
438
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,271
Nice.
439
00:20:08,296 --> 00:20:14,311
And there's... You don't think
there's an easier way?
440
00:20:14,336 --> 00:20:16,631
Hiya. Hi. Oh.
441
00:20:16,656 --> 00:20:20,561
Hi.
I'm Charlotte. I'm Sarah.
442
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,271
£
443
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:28,791
Have an argument. You must take it
in terms to angrily make a point
444
00:20:28,816 --> 00:20:31,431
using no more than ten words,
445
00:20:31,456 --> 00:20:34,950
and you must always end your point
with a different four-letter word.
446
00:20:34,975 --> 00:20:37,870
You must look at each
other throughout the argument and
447
00:20:37,895 --> 00:20:41,031
the person speaking must angrily wag
their finger during their speech.
448
00:20:41,056 --> 00:20:44,820
The argument is over when there
is ten seconds of silence,
449
00:20:44,845 --> 00:20:47,711
or when one of you looks away.
450
00:20:47,736 --> 00:20:49,351
Longest argument wins.
451
00:20:49,376 --> 00:20:51,711
Your argument must begin three
minutes from now.
452
00:20:51,736 --> 00:20:54,200
Is there anything in particular
you'd like to argue about?
453
00:20:54,225 --> 00:20:55,820
Because you look
so amenable and nice.
454
00:20:55,845 --> 00:20:58,990
É
455
00:20:59,015 --> 00:21:00,921
Yeah.
456
00:21:00,946 --> 00:21:02,591
Yes.
457
00:21:02,616 --> 00:21:05,990
But the last word has got to
be four letters. Yeah.
458
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,311
I can think of a few of those.
Hand.
459
00:21:08,336 --> 00:21:11,461
H-A-N-D. Yeah. OK.
460
00:21:11,486 --> 00:21:14,740
É
461
00:21:14,765 --> 00:21:19,151
é
462
00:21:19,176 --> 00:21:22,641
Who refreshes their mind?!
Strange language you use.
463
00:21:22,666 --> 00:21:25,000
É
464
00:21:25,025 --> 00:21:27,351
é
465
00:21:27,376 --> 00:21:30,000
But internally, you were going
"refresh."
466
00:21:30,025 --> 00:21:33,431
" Duck, refresh, duck."
467
00:21:33,456 --> 00:21:35,431
So weird.
468
00:21:35,456 --> 00:21:36,750
Absolutely weird.
469
00:21:36,775 --> 00:21:40,231
I enjoyed people making up new
tasks with the laces.
470
00:21:40,256 --> 00:21:43,870
And I enjoyed his off-camera
smuggery again. Mm-hm.
471
00:21:43,895 --> 00:21:46,711
"They don't know that Charlotte's
coming!" There's another person.
472
00:21:46,736 --> 00:21:49,431
F
473
00:21:49,456 --> 00:21:51,000
é
474
00:21:51,025 --> 00:21:52,870
I've got feelings.
I've got feelings.
475
00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:55,791
Let's have a look.
50 it's the usual arguing rules.
476
00:21:55,816 --> 00:21:58,791
No more than ten words per argument,
477
00:21:58,816 --> 00:22:01,431
and the last word has to be
four letters long.
478
00:22:01,456 --> 00:22:04,541
First up, we're going to see the
film and theatre director, Mike Lee.
479
00:22:04,566 --> 00:22:06,181
Thank you.
480
00:22:07,386 --> 00:22:11,281
I have to tell you, bad tash.
481
00:22:11,306 --> 00:22:12,641
F
482
00:22:13,946 --> 00:22:17,281
It might be, but not good.
483
00:22:18,746 --> 00:22:21,031
F
484
00:22:21,056 --> 00:22:24,721
I will insult yous.
485
00:22:24,746 --> 00:22:28,151
É
486
00:22:28,176 --> 00:22:33,151
Fool? Me? I'll give you, you twat.
487
00:22:33,176 --> 00:22:35,000
F
488
00:22:35,025 --> 00:22:36,031
Q
489
00:22:41,496 --> 00:22:44,361
Don't call me that, Mike.
490
00:22:47,206 --> 00:22:49,541
F
491
00:22:50,566 --> 00:22:53,721
What are you...
492
00:22:53,746 --> 00:22:57,441
...on about, pray...
493
00:22:57,466 --> 00:23:00,361
...tell?
494
00:23:00,386 --> 00:23:02,671
É
495
00:23:02,696 --> 00:23:03,750
Below my belt is also.
496
00:23:05,105 --> 00:23:09,870
É
497
00:23:10,926 --> 00:23:12,541
It's what I mean.
498
00:23:12,566 --> 00:23:14,830
F
499
00:23:14,855 --> 00:23:16,151
I'll show you my cock.
500
00:23:16,176 --> 00:23:17,950
F
501
00:23:17,975 --> 00:23:21,231
It is meant to be an argument.
502
00:23:21,256 --> 00:23:23,191
Right! Well, here goes.
503
00:23:24,975 --> 00:23:26,721
F
504
00:23:28,056 --> 00:23:30,361
Come and put it away,
it's heavy, it's huge.
505
00:23:30,386 --> 00:23:31,361
Oh, sorry.
506
00:23:31,386 --> 00:23:33,721
I'm going to have to blow
the whistle there. Aw, I'm sorry.
507
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:37,111
It was a lovely argument, but... But
he said subject and I lunged in.
508
00:23:37,136 --> 00:23:38,361
F
509
00:23:41,025 --> 00:23:44,950
Can I say that that is better than
some plays that I've seen
510
00:23:44,975 --> 00:23:46,471
at The National Theatre?
511
00:23:46,496 --> 00:23:49,161
It was absolute poetry
and I'm intrigued, the thing that
512
00:23:49,186 --> 00:23:53,111
brought it to the end was Lee
offering to show you his genitals.
513
00:23:53,136 --> 00:23:56,620
And you visibly wanting that.
514
00:23:57,875 --> 00:24:00,491
F
515
00:24:00,516 --> 00:24:02,381
You offered to
expose your penis to Mike,
516
00:24:02,406 --> 00:24:05,821
and then you announced that it was,
and I quote, "Huge and heavy."
517
00:24:05,846 --> 00:24:08,331
Did I not say heavy and huge, end
with a four-letter word?
518
00:24:08,356 --> 00:24:10,801
Yeah, you said, "Can I put it away,
it's heavy and huge?"
519
00:24:10,826 --> 00:24:12,591
It's heavy and huge. Thank you.
520
00:24:12,616 --> 00:24:16,331
I mean, I might be crass,
but I know the rules.
521
00:24:16,356 --> 00:24:17,850
The wheels have come off part two
522
00:24:17,875 --> 00:24:20,211
and we've veered
into an advertising ditch.
523
00:24:20,236 --> 00:24:22,890
You'll have to wheel-spin
in the mud for a few minutes
524
00:24:22,915 --> 00:24:25,291
before part three comes back
to pull you from the bog
525
00:24:25,316 --> 00:24:28,181
and save you from the quicksand
of consumerism.
526
00:24:28,206 --> 00:24:30,181
You don't need another
kitchen gadget!
527
00:24:30,206 --> 00:24:31,640
You don't cook!
528
00:24:40,540 --> 00:24:42,874
Hello, welcome back
to the start of part three.
529
00:24:42,899 --> 00:24:45,475
I'm feeling so angry, Alex.
Yes, and so am I,
530
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:48,874
and that's because there
are arguments happening.
531
00:24:48,899 --> 00:24:53,425
It's time for the team of three now,
Jamali, Charlotte, and Sarah.
532
00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:55,704
É
533
00:24:55,729 --> 00:24:58,065
é
534
00:24:58,090 --> 00:25:01,754
F
535
00:25:04,010 --> 00:25:09,065
I disagree. I... hate it. Fuck.
536
00:25:09,090 --> 00:25:13,035
You have no idea
537
00:25:13,060 --> 00:25:16,704
how Jamali behaves.
538
00:25:16,729 --> 00:25:18,675
What luck!
539
00:25:18,700 --> 00:25:23,065
É
540
00:25:23,090 --> 00:25:24,595
é
541
00:25:25,620 --> 00:25:26,954
Don't.
542
00:25:28,700 --> 00:25:30,675
Oh!
543
00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:33,504
That's...
544
00:25:33,529 --> 00:25:35,785
...just...
545
00:25:35,810 --> 00:25:37,595
...not...
546
00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:38,834
...a
547
00:25:38,859 --> 00:25:40,754
...thing.
548
00:25:40,779 --> 00:25:44,545
I... can't... even.
549
00:25:45,886 --> 00:25:48,910
É
550
00:25:48,935 --> 00:25:50,341
Angry, please.
551
00:25:50,366 --> 00:25:53,285
F
552
00:25:54,310 --> 00:25:55,774
Never!
553
00:25:55,799 --> 00:25:57,805
N-E-V...
554
00:25:57,830 --> 00:26:01,135
...will I stop that.
555
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,885
Can't.
556
00:26:02,910 --> 00:26:06,085
Oh, haha!
557
00:26:06,110 --> 00:26:08,335
How are you spelling that? H-A-H-A.
558
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,695
É
559
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,724
Till what...
560
00:26:15,749 --> 00:26:20,524
am I going to wait for...
561
00:26:20,549 --> 00:26:21,724
...town?
562
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,724
Give it a rest!
563
00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:28,055
F
564
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,445
Go to bank.
565
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,285
You're going to end on that word?
566
00:26:33,310 --> 00:26:35,575
F
567
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,615
é
568
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,295
F
569
00:26:41,999 --> 00:26:43,135
é
570
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,445
WHISTLE BLOWS
571
00:26:44,470 --> 00:26:45,935
I think that's more than ten words,
572
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,495
if you count them up.
573
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,005
Why did you say "town" suddenly?
574
00:26:50,030 --> 00:26:53,165
Cos town's like a slang word
we use for... you know.
575
00:26:53,190 --> 00:26:56,165
Oh, is that a bad word?
Are we allowed to broadcast town?
576
00:26:56,190 --> 00:26:58,974
I mean, you know. It's Channel 4,
man, so, you know. Risky.
577
00:26:58,999 --> 00:26:59,974
APPLAUSE
578
00:27:03,270 --> 00:27:04,805
It just seemed to me to be three
people
579
00:27:04,830 --> 00:27:07,245
who perhaps have discovered
language for the first time.
580
00:27:07,270 --> 00:27:08,335
All it said was,
581
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:11,365
"Wag your finger, argue, and
end on four words under ten..."
582
00:27:11,390 --> 00:27:13,854
It didn't say nothing like,
"It has to be on topic".
583
00:27:13,879 --> 00:27:15,495
"You have to pick a subject".
584
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,885
No, I just think it's common sense.
585
00:27:17,910 --> 00:27:20,805
We could have done a big
list of rules like,
586
00:27:20,830 --> 00:27:23,415
"Don't just say the word
town for no reason".
587
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:26,215
You know language is just a thing
that someone made up. You know that?
588
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:28,575
I did look it up on Urban Dictionary
afterwards,
589
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,415
and it seems no one there has heard
of it either.
590
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:31,805
F
591
00:27:31,830 --> 00:27:34,165
I mean, Urban Dictionary
doesn't know culture, innit?
592
00:27:34,190 --> 00:27:36,165
F
593
00:27:36,190 --> 00:27:37,295
F
594
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,724
Well, your first argument was,
"You drive quite well".
595
00:27:40,749 --> 00:27:42,335
£
596
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:45,245
Yeah. You need to go to the bank,
mate. That's what you need to do.
597
00:27:45,270 --> 00:27:46,445
F
598
00:27:46,470 --> 00:27:48,415
You need to go to the bank
and sort yourself out.
599
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,245
Do you want me to tell you
some times? I'm ready.
600
00:27:51,270 --> 00:27:53,805
The team of three lasted three
minutes and eight seconds,
601
00:27:53,830 --> 00:27:56,165
whereas these guys argued
for five minutes, 35 seconds
602
00:27:56,190 --> 00:27:57,524
with no blunders at all.
603
00:27:57,549 --> 00:28:00,085
I want these two absolute
arguing legends
604
00:28:00,110 --> 00:28:03,135
to get five full points each.
605
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:04,524
Whoa. What about the town team?
606
00:28:04,549 --> 00:28:06,335
I'm going to give them two points.
607
00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:09,654
Two points each, OK, but Mike
and Lee are the winners of the task.
608
00:28:09,679 --> 00:28:12,165
What's lined up next?
609
00:28:12,190 --> 00:28:15,295
Just a regular task
down at the old haunt.
610
00:28:31,990 --> 00:28:35,295
Hi, Jamali. How are you doing?
611
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,575
Yes, please.
612
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,215
OK.
613
00:28:44,710 --> 00:28:47,295
"Make the house haunted".
614
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,935
F
615
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,415
"You have an hour".
616
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,325
"Your time starts now".
617
00:28:56,759 --> 00:29:00,495
F
618
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,015
A rummage? OK.
619
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,245
Yeah, any initial thoughts?
620
00:29:06,759 --> 00:29:08,295
Rummaging.
621
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:09,685
Thank you.
622
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:16,015
É
623
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:17,295
I mean, what's haunted?
624
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,135
You've got sort of, uh,
ghost or poltergeist activity,
625
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,685
sort of objects moving.
626
00:29:22,710 --> 00:29:27,135
F
627
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,825
F
628
00:29:29,850 --> 00:29:34,155
I need, uh, a lot of big string.
629
00:29:34,180 --> 00:29:37,674
Rope? String. But big string?
630
00:29:37,699 --> 00:29:39,705
Big, long string.
A lot of big string?
631
00:29:39,730 --> 00:29:42,235
You see the amount of string
that you was going to get? Mm-hm.
632
00:29:42,260 --> 00:29:44,705
More string. Times it by two?
633
00:29:44,730 --> 00:29:46,705
Three. Wow.
634
00:29:46,730 --> 00:29:49,235
That's a lot of string.
Tell me when you've got the string.
635
00:29:49,260 --> 00:29:52,955
I'll give you a knock. Get the
string. OK, bye. All right, mate.
636
00:29:52,980 --> 00:29:53,955
APPLAUSE
637
00:29:56,010 --> 00:29:57,754
Ooh.
638
00:29:57,779 --> 00:30:01,345
So there were lots of classic
spooky phrases in there.
639
00:30:01,370 --> 00:30:05,705
White sheet was requested for the
classic ghost by Lee, corpse,
640
00:30:05,730 --> 00:30:07,236
and then, of course,
641
00:30:07,261 --> 00:30:10,772
out on the biggest spookiest request
of them all:
642
00:30:10,797 --> 00:30:12,652
some big, scary string.
643
00:30:12,677 --> 00:30:14,243
Yeah.
644
00:30:14,268 --> 00:30:16,883
So big. Yeah, yeah. My thing was to
buy out all the string,
645
00:30:16,908 --> 00:30:19,453
cos there's nothing more scary than
when you need string
646
00:30:19,478 --> 00:30:20,522
and there ain't none.
647
00:30:20,547 --> 00:30:23,602
You'd be like, "I'm Greg Davies,
I need some string".
648
00:30:23,627 --> 00:30:25,453
Jamali's bought it all.
649
00:30:25,478 --> 00:30:26,883
All your thoughts start with,
650
00:30:26,908 --> 00:30:29,883
"I'm Greg Davies", and then you have
the thought. Always. Good.
651
00:30:29,908 --> 00:30:32,933
OK, she's in a programme called
Ghosts, but can she make ghosts?
652
00:30:32,958 --> 00:30:35,213
Let's see.
It's Charlotte Ritchie first.
653
00:30:37,518 --> 00:30:39,732
WIND HOWLS
654
00:30:41,988 --> 00:30:47,602
LOUD FAKE CREAKI NG
655
00:30:51,918 --> 00:30:54,143
RAPID THUDDING
656
00:31:01,168 --> 00:31:03,732
PIERCING SCREAM
657
00:31:07,168 --> 00:31:08,763
A
658
00:31:10,168 --> 00:31:11,573
é
659
00:31:11,598 --> 00:31:13,933
APPLAUSE
660
00:31:15,838 --> 00:31:18,763
I was quite freaked out, because
I thought that was you in the chair.
661
00:31:18,788 --> 00:31:21,293
I did as well. Yeah.
662
00:31:21,318 --> 00:31:23,732
So I think if you ever go ahead
and make your own horror film,
663
00:31:23,757 --> 00:31:25,503
you shouldn't feature,
664
00:31:25,528 --> 00:31:28,013
after the horrific reveal at the end
of your film,
665
00:31:28,038 --> 00:31:30,373
you shouldn't pop on and go,
"Hello!"
666
00:31:30,398 --> 00:31:33,213
é
667
00:31:33,238 --> 00:31:35,602
The worst thing was when I realised
668
00:31:35,627 --> 00:31:40,123
that that book hadn't flown out
by itself, that she'd used string.
669
00:31:40,148 --> 00:31:42,503
It's scarier than that.
She tried to get string.
670
00:31:42,528 --> 00:31:45,893
Went to the shop.
There wasn't any string left.
671
00:31:45,918 --> 00:31:48,123
What? But why? I'm Greg Davies!
672
00:31:49,557 --> 00:31:52,173
Who's next? Well, do you want to see
the big string guy? Do I?
673
00:31:52,198 --> 00:31:54,683
Here he comes.
It's the one and only Jamali Maddix.
674
00:32:03,118 --> 00:32:05,503
LOUD RATTLE
675
00:32:37,958 --> 00:32:39,373
Ghost?
676
00:32:46,358 --> 00:32:48,813
HE CHUCKLES DARKLY
677
00:32:50,788 --> 00:32:52,532
APPLAUSE
678
00:32:55,427 --> 00:32:58,373
You didn't know how that shit
was moving, did you?
679
00:32:58,398 --> 00:33:00,732
Guess what it was? String.
Yeah, yeah.
680
00:33:00,757 --> 00:33:02,732
It was just so terrifying,
I forgot about the string.
681
00:33:02,757 --> 00:33:03,973
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
682
00:33:03,998 --> 00:33:07,333
I was creeped out already with
things flying off the wall,
683
00:33:07,358 --> 00:33:09,293
but when those two cabbages
flew off that desk,
684
00:33:09,318 --> 00:33:12,093
that is classic horror.
685
00:33:12,118 --> 00:33:14,763
Let's see another horror film,
please.
686
00:33:14,788 --> 00:33:16,732
OK, would you like to see
Sarah Kendall
687
00:33:16,757 --> 00:33:19,612
making the house look haunted?
More than anything. Here we go.
688
00:33:36,278 --> 00:33:38,203
OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS
689
00:33:48,637 --> 00:33:50,412
BOTH:
690
00:33:51,637 --> 00:33:53,532
F
691
00:33:54,718 --> 00:33:56,973
F
692
00:33:56,998 --> 00:33:59,893
F
693
00:34:02,718 --> 00:34:03,763
APPLAUSE
694
00:34:05,398 --> 00:34:07,843
Genuinely creepy, Sarah. Thanks.
695
00:34:07,868 --> 00:34:10,203
Classic horror film
called The Shining.
696
00:34:10,228 --> 00:34:13,973
The Shining took five years to make
and 900 tonnes of salt,
697
00:34:13,998 --> 00:34:15,482
so similar to this show.
698
00:34:15,507 --> 00:34:17,412
£
699
00:34:17,437 --> 00:34:20,123
Because there's a scene
where there's snow near the end
700
00:34:20,148 --> 00:34:22,943
and they did it with salt.
Did they? Really? Mm-hm.
701
00:34:22,968 --> 00:34:24,843
Ah, Kubrick.
702
00:34:24,868 --> 00:34:26,693
I thought your film was excellent.
703
00:34:26,718 --> 00:34:28,173
Thank you very much, Greg.
704
00:34:28,198 --> 00:34:31,023
It was - spoiler alert - it creeped
me out more than two cabbages.
705
00:34:31,048 --> 00:34:34,023
Wow. Thank you, that's
the kindest review I've ever had.
706
00:34:34,048 --> 00:34:37,532
Wow. You're making big
statements for no reason at him.
707
00:34:37,557 --> 00:34:40,612
I'm just so wanged up about the lack
of string in the country.
708
00:34:40,637 --> 00:34:42,203
Right, nearly there.
709
00:34:42,228 --> 00:34:43,843
One part left to go,
710
00:34:43,868 --> 00:34:47,773
and then someone wins Mike Wozniak's
blood-soaked whittled spoon.
711
00:34:57,958 --> 00:35:00,292
Hey.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
712
00:35:00,317 --> 00:35:03,183
You've made it just in time
for the final part of the show.
713
00:35:03,208 --> 00:35:04,853
WHISTLE BLOWS
Yes.
714
00:35:04,878 --> 00:35:06,292
That was tight.
715
00:35:06,317 --> 00:35:08,622
Before the break, there was
a spooky task taking place
716
00:35:08,647 --> 00:35:10,093
where the contestants were trying
717
00:35:10,118 --> 00:35:12,093
to make the Taskmaster house
appear haunted.
718
00:35:12,118 --> 00:35:14,773
Next,
it's the ethereal Mike Wozniak.
719
00:35:14,798 --> 00:35:17,133
BELL TOLLS
720
00:35:18,678 --> 00:35:21,733
GROWLING VOICE:
721
00:35:21,758 --> 00:35:25,343
SINISTER VOICE: Little Alex Horne.
722
00:35:28,598 --> 00:35:30,133
É
723
00:35:31,758 --> 00:35:35,053
é
724
00:35:37,437 --> 00:35:40,412
é
725
00:35:43,317 --> 00:35:44,703
Q
726
00:35:45,848 --> 00:35:47,703
VOICE SIGHS
727
00:35:47,728 --> 00:35:49,263
GROWL
728
00:35:52,238 --> 00:35:54,013
GROWL
729
00:35:54,038 --> 00:35:55,853
BURP
730
00:35:57,088 --> 00:35:59,343
APPLAUSE
Wow.
731
00:36:00,288 --> 00:36:01,703
That was horrifying.
732
00:36:01,728 --> 00:36:04,492
A nice temptation to
bring the victims in,
733
00:36:04,517 --> 00:36:07,412
puppies covered in treacle, no?
734
00:36:07,437 --> 00:36:09,983
Yeah, but...
735
00:36:10,008 --> 00:36:12,492
...put two nice things
together, it doesn't necessarily...
736
00:36:12,517 --> 00:36:14,983
...make a big, nice thing. I don't
think there is two things, though.
737
00:36:15,008 --> 00:36:16,773
People famously say,
"Come and see some puppies."
738
00:36:16,798 --> 00:36:19,133
I don't think they say,
"Come and see some treacle!"
739
00:36:19,158 --> 00:36:21,622
Yeah. Mike was determined, by the
way, that I would be cut in two,
740
00:36:21,647 --> 00:36:24,213
like he was cut in two,
and he called it being hemisected.
741
00:36:24,238 --> 00:36:26,542
É
742
00:36:26,567 --> 00:36:27,453
Just before we move on,
743
00:36:27,478 --> 00:36:29,813
can we just drill
down to the narrative of your story?
744
00:36:29,838 --> 00:36:31,372
So, the whole house is haunted...
745
00:36:31,397 --> 00:36:33,773
F
746
00:36:33,798 --> 00:36:36,453
This guy.
747
00:36:36,478 --> 00:36:38,453
Yeah.
748
00:36:38,478 --> 00:36:40,983
Why didn't, er, little
Alex Horne's...
749
00:36:41,008 --> 00:36:43,292
...character, the lovely assistant,
750
00:36:43,317 --> 00:36:46,492
why didn't it spot the already
hemisected body outside the thing?
751
00:36:46,517 --> 00:36:49,372
É
752
00:36:49,397 --> 00:36:52,983
Lure of the treacle pup.
753
00:36:53,008 --> 00:36:54,653
Who's next?
754
00:36:54,678 --> 00:36:57,013
Finally... it's "Final Lee".
755
00:37:01,478 --> 00:37:04,063
Hello, Lee.
Are you easily frightened?
756
00:37:04,088 --> 00:37:06,372
I don't think so.
Good. What I'm ab...
757
00:37:06,397 --> 00:37:07,653
Agh! Just checking to see.
758
00:37:07,678 --> 00:37:10,013
You say you're not,
but you did flinch a bit there.
759
00:37:10,038 --> 00:37:11,653
Do you know the history
of the caravan?
760
00:37:11,678 --> 00:37:14,063
I've always wondered
about the history of the caravan.
761
00:37:14,088 --> 00:37:16,903
Many years ago, there was
a lady by the name of Amy.
762
00:37:16,928 --> 00:37:21,292
Typical 21-year-old,
she liked music, parties...
763
00:37:21,317 --> 00:37:24,533
But most of all,
she only wanted her own caravan.
764
00:37:24,558 --> 00:37:26,292
She got her caravan.
765
00:37:26,317 --> 00:37:29,172
This is said caravan.
766
00:37:29,197 --> 00:37:30,703
Four days later...
767
00:37:30,728 --> 00:37:32,343
...she wasn't alive.
768
00:37:32,368 --> 00:37:35,372
She was... not alive.
769
00:37:35,397 --> 00:37:39,733
I'm going to find out now,
with the aid of my Ouija board,
770
00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:41,143
exactly what happened that night.
771
00:37:41,168 --> 00:37:44,903
Amy? Are you there, Amy?
Amy, are you there?
772
00:37:44,928 --> 00:37:47,372
Give us a sign if you are there.
773
00:37:52,838 --> 00:37:54,093
She's talking to me.
774
00:37:54,118 --> 00:37:56,422
Have you got any questions
you'd like to ask Amy?
775
00:37:56,447 --> 00:37:57,933
Are you in heaven, Amy?
776
00:37:57,958 --> 00:38:00,343
Lovely. Alex...
777
00:38:00,368 --> 00:38:02,063
Yes? Can I be honest? OK.
778
00:38:02,088 --> 00:38:04,422
That was me.
I thought it was you.
779
00:38:04,447 --> 00:38:05,983
I was pulling that.
I did see your hand.
780
00:38:06,008 --> 00:38:08,292
I've let you down.
And I wish I hadn't.
781
00:38:08,317 --> 00:38:09,983
And I apologise about this.
782
00:38:10,008 --> 00:38:13,453
I'm no more of a psychic than,
than you,
783
00:38:13,478 --> 00:38:15,783
so would you,
would you accept my apology?
784
00:38:15,808 --> 00:38:18,093
There's a lot of smoke.
785
00:38:18,118 --> 00:38:19,983
Is that Am... Are you Amy?
Who are you talking to?
786
00:38:20,008 --> 00:38:21,983
You can't see?
No, it was just, just me.
787
00:38:22,008 --> 00:38:24,343
That was me. I
was doing that and pulling the...
788
00:38:24,368 --> 00:38:25,733
I don't like this.
It's a nice cupboard.
789
00:38:25,758 --> 00:38:28,093
Can we go now, Lee?
Well, where are you going?
790
00:38:28,118 --> 00:38:29,933
To be honest,
there's too much smoke to breathe.
791
00:38:29,958 --> 00:38:32,292
But also, there's a dead
lady there. I can't see her.
792
00:38:32,317 --> 00:38:33,893
All right. Bye-bye, Lee.
It's not real.
793
00:38:33,918 --> 00:38:36,422
What are you doing? It's not me,
I've set it up. Bye, Lee.
794
00:38:37,918 --> 00:38:39,453
Think we got away with it.
795
00:38:40,678 --> 00:38:42,223
APPLAUSE
796
00:38:42,248 --> 00:38:44,533
See, that's what you need in a film.
You need a twist.
797
00:38:44,558 --> 00:38:46,093
You did look freaked out.
798
00:38:46,118 --> 00:38:48,063
Well, I... I wasn't warned about it.
799
00:38:48,088 --> 00:38:50,372
It would have been a bit
odd to warn you about it.
800
00:38:50,397 --> 00:38:51,343
But I think in horror films,
801
00:38:51,368 --> 00:38:53,703
they do warn the actors
what's going to happen.
802
00:38:53,728 --> 00:38:56,013
Oh, you consider yourself an actor
in that?
803
00:38:56,038 --> 00:38:58,093
I very much enjoyed your film.
804
00:38:58,118 --> 00:39:00,422
Shall I hand out some points?
Some spooky points.
805
00:39:00,447 --> 00:39:02,813
I thought they were all really good,
806
00:39:02,838 --> 00:39:05,172
so no-one is going to get
one spooky point. OK.
807
00:39:05,197 --> 00:39:07,533
No-one's going to get
two spooky points.
808
00:39:07,558 --> 00:39:10,783
Is anyone going to get any points?
Three spooky points... Oh.
809
00:39:10,808 --> 00:39:13,783
...go to Jamali and
Charlotte's films.
810
00:39:13,808 --> 00:39:17,252
In second place, with four points,
I'm going to give it to the
811
00:39:17,277 --> 00:39:20,013
Treacle Puppy King
and I'm going to give it...
812
00:39:20,038 --> 00:39:23,943
to the jocular Awful Twist film.
813
00:39:23,968 --> 00:39:26,292
Four points to Lee Mack
and Mike Wozniak. Right.
814
00:39:26,317 --> 00:39:30,143
But by far the most atmospheric
and spooky, five points, Sarah.
815
00:39:30,168 --> 00:39:31,983
Well done, Sarah Kendall.
816
00:39:32,008 --> 00:39:33,063
APPLAUSE
817
00:39:33,088 --> 00:39:35,013
Quick look at the scores,
please, Alex.
818
00:39:35,038 --> 00:39:38,943
Charlotte is on the bottom with ten,
Mike is on the top with 17 again.
819
00:39:38,968 --> 00:39:40,733
APPLAUSE
820
00:39:40,758 --> 00:39:43,613
Runaway Wozniak
and his tin of treacle.
821
00:39:44,968 --> 00:39:46,143
OK, everyone,
822
00:39:46,168 --> 00:39:49,583
please head to the stage
for the final task of the show.
823
00:39:49,608 --> 00:39:51,223
Hello.
824
00:39:51,248 --> 00:39:54,063
Hello, Greg.
Hi. Hello. Hiya.
825
00:39:54,088 --> 00:39:55,613
Who's going to read it out, Alex?
826
00:39:55,638 --> 00:39:58,703
I'd like Jamali Maddix to read
out the task, please, Greg.
827
00:40:00,327 --> 00:40:03,583
Correctly guess
your standing in the group.
828
00:40:03,608 --> 00:40:06,223
The Taskmaster will read out
a category.
829
00:40:06,248 --> 00:40:10,863
Then you must hold the number that
reflects your standing in the group.
830
00:40:10,888 --> 00:40:12,252
Most correct answer wins.
831
00:40:12,277 --> 00:40:15,422
The way it's going to work is that
Greg will read out a category,
832
00:40:15,447 --> 00:40:17,223
for example, oldest contestant.
833
00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:19,703
If that was the category,
obviously Lee would put up one,
834
00:40:19,728 --> 00:40:22,613
and then the rest of you would guess
your ages in the group as well.
835
00:40:22,638 --> 00:40:25,143
Obviously, yeah?
Once you've heard the category,
836
00:40:25,168 --> 00:40:27,703
you must hold up your
number within 20 seconds.
837
00:40:27,728 --> 00:40:29,343
And once it's up,
you can't change your mind.
838
00:40:29,368 --> 00:40:31,143
You're going to have five
categories,
839
00:40:31,168 --> 00:40:32,422
most correct answers wins.
840
00:40:32,447 --> 00:40:34,893
Are you ready to hear the first
category? Yes, please.
841
00:40:34,918 --> 00:40:36,252
Category one.
842
00:40:36,277 --> 00:40:38,533
Most Northerly Birthplace.
843
00:40:39,638 --> 00:40:42,223
Ooh. If you think you're the most
northerly, hold up number one.
844
00:40:42,248 --> 00:40:44,613
If you think you're the most
southerly, hold up number five.
845
00:40:44,638 --> 00:40:46,063
Which way is Australia?
846
00:40:46,088 --> 00:40:48,533
It's not called Down Over, is it?
847
00:40:48,558 --> 00:40:50,333
It's really south. OK.
848
00:40:52,048 --> 00:40:53,943
OK. Lee thinks he
is the most northerly,
849
00:40:53,968 --> 00:40:55,863
Sarah thinks she's the most
southerly.
850
00:40:55,888 --> 00:40:58,583
They're both correct.
One point each.
851
00:40:58,608 --> 00:41:01,663
It goes - Lee, Southport,
then Mike, Oxford.
852
00:41:01,688 --> 00:41:03,973
Should be holding a number two.
Then Jamali, East London.
853
00:41:03,998 --> 00:41:05,422
Should be holding a number three.
854
00:41:05,447 --> 00:41:08,143
Then Charlotte, Clapham South,
should be holding number four.
855
00:41:08,168 --> 00:41:10,813
Then Sarah, who is holding number
five. Newcastle.
856
00:41:10,838 --> 00:41:12,453
Second category, Greg.
857
00:41:12,478 --> 00:41:15,783
Most pints of milk drunk per month.
858
00:41:15,808 --> 00:41:19,023
We asked all of you before
the show to state how many
859
00:41:19,048 --> 00:41:20,223
pints of milk a month you drink.
860
00:41:20,248 --> 00:41:22,893
If you think that you drink
the most, hold up number one.
861
00:41:22,918 --> 00:41:24,863
I don't know this about you, Mike,
862
00:41:24,888 --> 00:41:27,502
but gut instinct tells me
you guzzle the stuff.
863
00:41:27,527 --> 00:41:29,943
I'm an absolute bloody milk guzzler.
864
00:41:29,968 --> 00:41:31,785
They're all up. Charlotte and Jamali
865
00:41:31,810 --> 00:41:34,053
both think they drink the middle
amount of milk.
866
00:41:34,078 --> 00:41:36,372
Mike Wozniak guzzles a lot of milk.
867
00:41:36,397 --> 00:41:38,773
He guzzles 37 pints of milk
per month.
868
00:41:38,798 --> 00:41:41,573
What? Are you serious?
You, you're having a pint a clay?
869
00:41:41,598 --> 00:41:43,573
É
870
00:41:43,598 --> 00:41:47,013
What are you, a calf?
Is it fancy in a big bottle?
871
00:41:47,038 --> 00:41:49,372
É
872
00:41:49,397 --> 00:41:52,683
OK.
Neat?
873
00:41:52,708 --> 00:41:55,053
50, Mike is correct.
Lee is also correct.
874
00:41:55,078 --> 00:41:57,573
He's a vegan,
he has zero pints per month.
875
00:41:57,598 --> 00:41:59,933
So, it goes Mike the most with 37,
876
00:41:59,958 --> 00:42:02,963
Sarah second with eight
pints per month.
877
00:42:02,988 --> 00:42:05,292
Ooh.
Then it goes Jamali third with five.
878
00:42:05,317 --> 00:42:06,323
He gets the point here.
879
00:42:06,348 --> 00:42:09,453
Charlotte fourth with three,
Lee fifth with zero.
880
00:42:09,478 --> 00:42:12,042
The quickest category thus
far coming up.
881
00:42:12,067 --> 00:42:14,372
Fewest phone contacts.
882
00:42:14,397 --> 00:42:17,573
Yeah, fewest friends, number one.
I'm the oldest.
883
00:42:17,598 --> 00:42:20,603
But do you not, have you not found
that over the last ten years
884
00:42:20,628 --> 00:42:22,133
you've started to thin the herd?
885
00:42:22,158 --> 00:42:25,042
Are you suggesting I'm so old,
they've started to die off? No...
886
00:42:25,067 --> 00:42:28,242
OK, all the numbers are up.
Four, four, three, two, two.
887
00:42:28,267 --> 00:42:30,133
No-one thinks you're
the fewest or the most.
888
00:42:30,158 --> 00:42:33,853
The person with the fewest friends
is Jamali, with 150.
889
00:42:33,878 --> 00:42:35,372
Sarah, you're correct.
890
00:42:35,397 --> 00:42:38,242
You are the second least popular,
with 315 contacts.
891
00:42:38,267 --> 00:42:42,133
Charlotte is third with 1,065.
892
00:42:43,317 --> 00:42:44,933
Mike, fourth, no points,
893
00:42:44,958 --> 00:42:49,323
with 1,144, Lee has the most
contacts with 3,065 in his phone.
894
00:42:49,348 --> 00:42:51,093
Yeah, but the problem is,
895
00:42:51,118 --> 00:42:53,853
my phone sort of..
I'm trying to...
896
00:42:53,878 --> 00:42:56,093
I'm very popular.
897
00:42:57,267 --> 00:42:59,573
I'll be honest with you,
if someone asks for a selfie,
898
00:42:59,598 --> 00:43:01,292
I ask for their number.
899
00:43:01,317 --> 00:43:02,883
I'm shameless. All right.
900
00:43:02,908 --> 00:43:05,453
Fourth category, please.
Category four.
901
00:43:05,478 --> 00:43:08,653
An interesting revelation
of personal hygiene.
902
00:43:08,678 --> 00:43:11,013
Most frequent
washing of towels per month.
903
00:43:11,038 --> 00:43:12,853
Hmm. After the cleanest person
904
00:43:12,878 --> 00:43:14,883
holding up number one,
there you go, Charlotte.
905
00:43:14,908 --> 00:43:17,292
Straight away. We almost had
one, two, three four, five.
906
00:43:17,317 --> 00:43:19,292
Yeah.
907
00:43:19,317 --> 00:43:21,653
É
908
00:43:21,678 --> 00:43:25,292
Yeah. No need to get flash, mate.
909
00:43:25,317 --> 00:43:27,933
We've all got a lot of towels.
910
00:43:27,958 --> 00:43:30,603
I've got a towel for each
of my phone contacts.
911
00:43:30,628 --> 00:43:33,573
Charlotte thinks
she cleans her towels the most.
912
00:43:33,598 --> 00:43:36,403
12 times per month, almost every
third day she's cleaning her towel.
913
00:43:36,428 --> 00:43:37,733
Yeah.
914
00:43:37,758 --> 00:43:40,683
Next cleanest is Jamali. You miss
it again, unfortunately, Jamali.
915
00:43:40,708 --> 00:43:41,963
Then Lee, six times per month,
916
00:43:41,988 --> 00:43:43,683
and then we're really getting
desperate,
917
00:43:43,708 --> 00:43:45,292
Sarah only washes hers
twice a month.
918
00:43:45,317 --> 00:43:47,933
Mike, you do get a point because
you only wash them once a month.
919
00:43:47,958 --> 00:43:52,292
Yes. Absolute scum.
Absolute scumbag.
920
00:43:52,317 --> 00:43:54,042
Final category, Greg.
921
00:43:54,067 --> 00:43:55,603
Most eggs in one hand.
922
00:43:55,628 --> 00:43:58,093
Yes, we asked them
how many eggs they think
923
00:43:58,118 --> 00:44:01,042
they can hold in one hand. I
can also confirm we tested this.
924
00:44:01,067 --> 00:44:02,372
Straight up there, Jamali.
925
00:44:02,397 --> 00:44:05,093
É
926
00:44:05,118 --> 00:44:06,853
Whoa. Two guys think
they can hold a lot of eggs.
927
00:44:06,878 --> 00:44:09,603
Big balls time, isn't it?
928
00:44:09,628 --> 00:44:11,143
Yes, it is.
929
00:44:11,168 --> 00:44:13,483
No-one thinks they can
clutch the fewest eggs.
930
00:44:13,508 --> 00:44:15,813
Who do you think hold fewer
eggs than you?
931
00:44:15,838 --> 00:44:17,042
You don't have to answer that.
932
00:44:17,067 --> 00:44:19,403
As your attorney, you don't
have to answer that.
933
00:44:19,428 --> 00:44:21,453
É
934
00:44:21,478 --> 00:44:23,403
You think someone's got smaller
hands than you?
935
00:44:23,428 --> 00:44:26,292
It's absolutely about size.
936
00:44:26,317 --> 00:44:27,763
4
937
00:44:27,788 --> 00:44:30,122
Technique as well. Well,
Charlotte has the tiniest hands.
938
00:44:30,147 --> 00:44:32,863
She can only hold seven eggs, so she
should've held up the number five.
939
00:44:32,888 --> 00:44:35,863
She should.
Sarah can only hold eight eggs.
940
00:44:35,888 --> 00:44:37,683
She should be holding up
the number four. Mm.
941
00:44:37,708 --> 00:44:40,963
In third place,
it's Mike with 11 eggs.
942
00:44:40,988 --> 00:44:44,403
So which of the men can hold
the most eggs?
943
00:44:44,428 --> 00:44:46,813
I don't know why, I think
Lee Mack can hold the most eggs.
944
00:44:46,838 --> 00:44:50,042
Well, I'll tell you that Jamali
can hold 12 eggs in his hands.
945
00:44:50,067 --> 00:44:51,973
Lee Mack can
hold 17 eggs in his hands.
946
00:44:51,998 --> 00:44:53,613
I just knew it.
947
00:44:53,638 --> 00:44:55,653
And Lee is correctly
holding number one.
948
00:44:55,678 --> 00:44:58,763
I'm known as the egg holder. And
with that, Greg, the task is over.
949
00:44:58,788 --> 00:45:02,683
Come back down and we'll add those
points, and we'll decide who's won.
950
00:45:02,708 --> 00:45:04,372
APPLAUSE
951
00:45:04,397 --> 00:45:07,403
Hello, again, Greg.
Very good. Hello, there.
952
00:45:07,428 --> 00:45:09,893
That must've had quite some
impact on the scores.
953
00:45:09,918 --> 00:45:13,403
So, not only can he hold 17 eggs,
he can also guess where
954
00:45:13,428 --> 00:45:16,333
he fits in the standings, cos
he got four questions right, Lee.
955
00:45:16,358 --> 00:45:18,013
Wow.
50 Lee does get the five points.
956
00:45:18,038 --> 00:45:21,252
After that, Mike and Sarah
came in second, they got two things
957
00:45:21,277 --> 00:45:24,252
right each, and joint fourth,
Charlotte and Jamali got one each.
958
00:45:24,277 --> 00:45:27,533
So, the points go two each to
Charlotte and Jamali,
959
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:30,093
four to Mike and Sarah,
but Lee Mack gets five points.
960
00:45:30,118 --> 00:45:31,763
There it is. He knows himself.
961
00:45:31,788 --> 00:45:36,172
And so the final scoreboard,
Sarah came in second place with 17,
962
00:45:36,197 --> 00:45:38,943
but Mike won the episode,
is also winning the series,
963
00:45:38,968 --> 00:45:40,943
he won it with 21 points.
964
00:45:40,968 --> 00:45:43,813
APPLAUSE
965
00:45:43,838 --> 00:45:47,583
Mike Wozniak wins! Go and gather
your victorious vessels!
966
00:45:47,608 --> 00:45:50,122
Thank you. Thank you.
967
00:45:50,147 --> 00:45:52,403
So, what have we learned today?
968
00:45:52,428 --> 00:45:53,693
We've known for some time
969
00:45:53,718 --> 00:45:56,042
that climate change is the gravest
threat
970
00:45:56,067 --> 00:45:58,583
that humanity has ever faced,
and we also know that cows
971
00:45:58,608 --> 00:46:01,763
are some of the greatest
contributors to the global crisis.
972
00:46:01,788 --> 00:46:07,013
And 50% of those cows are
feeding Mike Wozniak's milk habit.
973
00:46:07,038 --> 00:46:08,453
So, what we've learned today
974
00:46:08,478 --> 00:46:11,013
is that Mike Wozniak is destroying
the planet.
975
00:46:11,038 --> 00:46:13,733
We've also learned
that he's won tonight's show,
976
00:46:13,758 --> 00:46:17,693
and now has more vessels
to fill with milky goodness.
977
00:46:17,718 --> 00:46:19,613
Mike Wozniak!
978
00:46:19,638 --> 00:46:22,052
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
979
00:46:25,077 --> 00:46:27,052
Subtitles by Red Bee Media