1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,000 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,800 Taskmaster was recorded in accordance with all social 3 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,600 distancing guidelines in place at the time of filming. 4 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,480 Yow! I just need to read that again. 5 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:16,920 Oh. 6 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,040 APPLAUSE 7 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:35,080 Hello! I'm Greg Davies. 8 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,280 Welcome to the Taskmaster Academy. 9 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,520 At this educational establishment, 10 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,400 we teach our pupils problem-solving, cunning, and how to endure ridicule. 11 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,240 At the end of the course, four of them will have destroyed 12 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,040 their careers and will never work in television again. 13 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:52,520 And one lucky winner will have my golden trophy. 14 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,880 And also will have destroyed their career, 15 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,760 and will never work in television again. 16 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,000 It's like life - 17 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,000 cruel and without meaning. 18 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,080 We have an audience watching this in the cinema down the road, 19 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,560 so let's crack on and meet our five contestants. 20 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:10,040 They are Charlotte Ritchie... CHEERING 21 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,080 ..Jamali Maddix... CHEERING 22 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,960 ..Lee Mack, Mike Wozniak... CHEERING 23 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,640 ..and Sarah Kendall. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 24 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,800 And next to me, a man who, like an obedient pup, 25 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,840 responds instantly and affectionately to all my commands. 26 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,400 And, like an obedient pup, 27 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,720 enjoys lapping away at his own mess. 28 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:29,400 It's little Alex Horne! 29 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,160 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 30 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,640 Hey, guys. All right, you dirty boy? 31 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,520 Riddle me this. Ooh. 32 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:36,920 What, am I? 33 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,360 I'm small, and yet I can fly, and you... 34 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,960 Are you a fly? 35 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,560 LAUGHTER Quite a bit more. 36 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,120 My first is in flock, but not in pizza. 37 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,240 Are you a fly? My second I've... 38 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,280 The wetter I get, the more I weigh. 39 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,080 I'm a small inse... I'm a fly. 40 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:52,800 Yeah. 41 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:54,880 Let's crack on. Prize Task time. 42 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:56,120 You know it. 43 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,040 And this week, the category is the best drinking vessel. 44 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:00,720 You know it. 45 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,400 You'll judge the best drinking vessel, Greg, and that person 46 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,440 will start the show with five healthy points. 47 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,680 At the end of the show, the person with the most points 48 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,480 will take home all five drinking vessels and finally be able to have 49 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,120 a few people over for some drinks. 50 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,960 All right, then. 51 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,840 Michael Wozniak. 52 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,840 I made a cup. What? ALEX GASPS 53 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,280 It was my first try at w-wood w-whittling. 54 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,080 Wood whittling? Wood whittling. 55 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,440 Not all of the wound are healed fully. 56 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,680 The intention was a, sort of, kind of, oriental soup thing. 57 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,480 It ended up somewhere between that and a...love spoon. 58 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:32,760 There's the love spoon. Wow. 59 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,880 Oh, wow. Erm, the face, as you can clearly see, 60 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,200 is your face. 61 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:41,080 Erm, the blood has been sanded off. 62 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,800 You should've been wearing a little leather thimble. 63 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,120 LAUGHTER 64 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,880 I've not got children, as you know. 65 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,280 But if I had a seven-year-old and they brought that back, 66 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,280 I'd probably look to give them support. 67 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,320 LAUGHTER 68 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,320 I'd probably... And a 40-year-old man? 69 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,160 LAUGHTER CONTINUES 70 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,160 Are you counting it as a drinking vessel, Greg? 71 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,240 I suppose you can drink out of anything, can't you? 72 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,480 Oh, so they could've brought in anything? Not a sieve. 73 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,280 Eh? Not a sieve. Yeah, you can probably get the meniscus around 74 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,400 the edge of the sieve. 75 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,840 If you're quick, yeah. LAUGHTER 76 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,320 Erm, Sarah. Yes. Can you beat that? 77 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,400 I...well, I mean, when you said, 78 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:19,240 "If I had a seven-year-old who had brought home something like" - 79 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:23,360 which is really a good springboard into, er, my daughter had done 80 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,480 pottery at school, and it was a cup. 81 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:27,840 There it is. Wow. 82 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,320 Erm, not... LAUGHTER 83 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,040 So remember, the category is the best drinking vessel. 84 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,520 I mean, the thing is, it doesn't fulfil any of the functions 85 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:39,160 of a cup, but I've just gone for razzle-dazzle here. 86 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:43,160 Listen. After the last episode, you were right to up the showbiz. 87 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,280 You've really brought Broadway to the show. Thank you. 88 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,840 And Jamali, can you beat either of those? 89 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,520 Yeah, I mean, I just went by the rules of the show, and... 90 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,000 Can I say something? 91 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,280 Your tone suggests this is going to be rubbish. 92 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,640 I don't think it's rubbish, I just brought a plastic cup. 93 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,200 Yup, you just brought a plastic cup. 94 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,680 Yeah! Non-biodegradable, non-recyclable, 95 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,440 just good old-fashioned plastic. 96 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,320 SNICKERING 97 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,160 You saw what happened last episode 98 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,640 when Sarah was riding around really slowly, right? Yeah. Yeah, OK. 99 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,120 But she won the last episode. 100 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,080 Ahh. Like, I just decided I want to win now. 101 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,560 I'm sick of trying to be like, 102 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,440 "Oh, I'll bring in a shoe that sings." 103 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,040 I'm not doing that shit no more. 104 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,640 I know what show you're doing, it's that whimsy, and ahh, 105 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,720 it's, "Oh, look, it's a vessel," and all this shit. 106 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,240 I ain't doing it no more, all right? 107 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,680 Plastic cup, non-recyclable, that's what you're getting. 108 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,000 OK, so you're going to play this absolutely down to that? 109 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,000 Just right down the barrel now. OK. I'm done. 110 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,240 If you win the series based on this technique, 111 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,240 it's going to be a hollow crown. LAUGHTER 112 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:39,520 Lee. 113 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:44,200 Erm, I went for a "money can't buy" bit of razzmatazz. 114 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,680 It's Simon Cowell's mug. 115 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,520 Here it is. Mm. Simon. A mug off his table... Mm. 116 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:50,720 ..of Britain's Got Talent. 117 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:53,320 And it's unfortunate, cos we keep giving it to the tree surgeon 118 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,480 who's called Simon. Yeah. 119 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,360 I think he thinks it's a nice touch. 120 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,640 And we keep, "Oh, I forgot to say that it's not for him," 121 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:01,880 and it's happened two or three times. Just let Simon have it. 122 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,280 I know. How often do you need a tree surgeon? 123 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,600 You know, I mean, annually. 124 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,000 You get them pollarded annually, yeah? Not just me, is it? 125 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,400 Pollarded? Pollarded, yeah. 126 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,640 You're not going to be allowed back up north. 127 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:12,680 LAUGHTER 128 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,280 OK, Charlotte. OK. 129 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,440 So, I've got a tankard, basically. 130 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:19,080 I do believe that it's the best thing you can drink out of. Ooh. 131 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,560 It's my grandad's. 132 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,280 And underneath, it's glass. 133 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,320 I can show you the glass bottom. 134 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,840 Ooh. And what's cool about that is that the reason it had glass bottoms 135 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,800 is because, in the 18th century, the Navy used to drop a king 136 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:33,920 shilling into people's pints so that when they drank it and picked it up, 137 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,280 they'd be like, "What's this?" 138 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,080 And they'd be conscripted into the Navy - so they designed glass 139 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,800 underneath so people could check their pints to check that they 140 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,360 weren't going to be conscripted to the Navy for, like, years. 141 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,680 Huh. It's a good prize. 142 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,200 ♪ It's a good prize... # You'd want it. You'd want it. 143 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,640 ALL: # It's a good prize, It's a good prize 144 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,120 ♪ It's a good prize... 145 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:54,480 ♪ Actually added historical information... ♪ 146 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,720 LAUGHTER 147 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,160 Points, then, Greg, please? 148 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,320 Sorry, Jamali. 149 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,000 One point. It's a plastic cup. 150 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,400 Second-worst, you know, at the end of the day, 151 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,080 I have to give you my reaction 152 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:07,040 as to the mug that I want least in my house. OK. Yeah. 153 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:10,280 Well, it's Simon Cowell's mug. Two points. Erm... 154 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,400 Just because I'm presuming that in three years, 155 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,640 there's been a dramatic improvement in her talent, 156 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,440 I'll give your daughter three points. Fantastic. 157 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,200 Unbelievably, for one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life, 158 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,240 I'm giving you 4 points. 159 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,160 I think cos I feel sorry for you. 160 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,520 And, er... Thank you. 161 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,480 ..the beautiful grandad tankard takes it. Yeah. Comfortably. 162 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,000 I'm so chuffed with that. 5 points. 163 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,080 5 points to Charlotte Ritchie. I have judged! 164 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,680 APPLAUSE OK, task proper, please, Alex. 165 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,800 HIGH-PITCHED: Certainly. Here we go. 166 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,040 Hello, Alex. Hello, Mike! 167 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,520 Lovely day. It is, isn't it? 168 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:58,560 LEE SIGHS 169 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,440 Good day. Yeah. 170 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,360 Were you just saying "good day"? 171 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:05,720 I was trying it out, yeah. Yeah? 172 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,040 Didn't feel great. 173 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:18,680 "Make that balloon hover untethered for 20 seconds." 174 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,360 What balloon? 175 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,080 "During the hovering, 176 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,480 "the top of the balloon must not be higher than your chin." 177 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:31,120 "And the bottom of the balloon must not be lower than your waist." 178 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,440 MIKE: "Also, you must sneer throughout the 20 seconds." 179 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,160 "Fastest wins. Your time starts now." 180 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,440 All right. 181 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,200 LEE: First question is... where's this balloon? 182 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:42,800 I reckon you can almost hear it. 183 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,640 I can almost hear the balloon? 184 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,280 I think if you listen carefully. 185 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,400 Eee... ba, ba, ba, ba, ba... eee! 186 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,440 Right. 187 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,200 How do I get it down? 188 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,320 Right. 189 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,720 Make that balloon.... 190 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,120 Oh, it's there! 191 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,840 I genuinely - has that been there the whole time, 192 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,200 or did someone just do that? 193 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,280 That's been a foot away from your head throughout. 194 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,520 That's incredible. It nearly hit you twice. 195 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,400 I can't... 196 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:22,840 Right. 197 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,520 Well, do I untie it? 198 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,040 It's up to you. Mm. 199 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,720 There are scissors inside. Yeah! That's a good idea. 200 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,920 Right. I want to establish two things. 201 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,760 One, Charlotte Ritchie can't get a balloon off a clothesline. 202 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,720 No, she can't. Two, Lee Mack hasn't got peripheral vision. 203 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,440 He has not. Right, let's crack on. 204 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,520 OK, so they had to make the balloon hover, 205 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,240 and they had to sneer throughout. 206 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,560 The most famous sneer of all time is, of course, Cyril Sneer, 207 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,040 who is a pink aardvark. 208 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,120 We're going to see Charlotte, Ritchie, Lee, and Mack first of all. 209 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,160 Good luck! 210 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,960 Right, so... 211 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,240 Oh, OK. 212 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,600 It's helium. It's helium. 213 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:03,760 Right. 214 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,920 Oh! It's helium. 215 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,000 What I need to do is find a weight that is perfect. 216 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,960 Not too heavy, not too light. 217 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,840 No, that's too heavy. 218 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,000 I'm not sure this is doing anything. 219 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,360 Is that untethered? Yeah. 220 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,080 Oh. Geez. 221 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,480 I'll try this sponge. 222 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,720 That sponge might be just about the right... 223 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,200 Not bad. It's close, that, innit? 224 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,360 Is that untethered? 225 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,440 Is it hovering? Yeah. 226 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:50,960 Is it? Yeah. 227 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,560 Is it? OK. 228 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,680 Right. Ohh. 229 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,160 I don't know how to do this. 230 00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,440 I can see that. 231 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,680 Oh, you bugger! 232 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,560 Oh, you... bastard! 233 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,880 Oh-ho-ho, God! 234 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,440 There must be another one. 235 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,200 Don't tell me that's it. 236 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,360 That's it, Lee. Oh, come on! 237 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,320 Is it definitely gone? Yeah, that's gone. 238 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,320 What do you mean, "Is it gone?" 239 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,160 What, you mean that balloon full of helium that flew to the sky? 240 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,160 Yeah, don't think I'm getting that back. 241 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,720 Think that's gone. OK. OK. 242 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,120 Thank you, Charlotte. 243 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,800 Gutted. Absolutely gutted. 244 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,560 Ah. Bewildered old man. 245 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,400 LAUGHTER 246 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,720 His logic was great, though. The weight logic. Yeah. 247 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,360 Would've worked a treat, wouldn't it? 248 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,800 That blew my mind, when I saw that. 249 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,160 I genuinely thought, "There's no way that's possible." 250 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,960 That must've been the whole point of it, was for it to fly up in the air. 251 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,800 You thought the point of the task was to fail? 252 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,360 Well, it just wasn't possible, yeah. 253 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,040 Oh. Of course it's possible! 254 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,480 Lee showed an example of how it's possible. Of course it is. 255 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:10,720 I was a bit intrigued. 256 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,480 You decided on the old static electricity trick from school. Yeah. 257 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,680 And then, you realised it was helium. Yeah. 258 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,760 And then, you knew you had to come up with a new system. Yeah. 259 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,000 And you went straight back to the old system. 260 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,240 LAUGHTER 261 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,240 OK. It's the end of part one. 262 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,800 Snack time! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 263 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,240 Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the second part 264 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,160 of tonight's Taskmaster presentation. 265 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,320 Wasn't there some form of balloon buffoonery going on, young Alex? 266 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:43,680 God, yeah. 267 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:48,000 Charlotte and Lee's helium-filled balloons have sadly gone AWOL, 268 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,960 so now it's over to Jamali and Sarah to try and make their balloons 269 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,040 hover untethered for 20 seconds while sneering. 270 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,400 See? It's above my... 271 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,320 Is it tethered? No. 272 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,120 What's... what's holding it down? Me. 273 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,320 That's not going to work. 274 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:07,560 Just letting go of it. 275 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,920 CRANKING 276 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:13,880 SAWING 277 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,960 If I go into, like, an airless area. 278 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,560 Oh, I touched it. I touched it. 279 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,840 VIGOROUS RUBBING 280 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,040 You all right in there, Jama... Oh. Yeah? Hello. 281 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,840 How do you create static on the balloon? Is it rubbing it? 282 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,800 Static? Yeah, I tend to rub it. 283 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:33,120 You need the right material. 284 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:34,240 What material is it? 285 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,760 Like a woolly jumper. You got a woolly jumper? 286 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,480 I can get you a woolly jumper. Can you get me a woolly jumper, please? 287 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:44,160 Who's timing this? Who do you want to time it? You. 288 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,520 Ah, no, no. I'm going to start again. That was three seconds. 289 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,280 That was three? Yeah. 290 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,040 Got you a woolly jumper. Thank you. 291 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:54,840 Now, does this count? Because it's not tethered, it's lodged. 292 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,560 Is it hovering? Yeah. 293 00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,520 If we're being technical, that's hovering. 294 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,920 That's hovering, is it? Technically. 295 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,200 Is that going to be...? No, it's... 296 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,440 Oh! 297 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:15,600 It's still warm. Did you take it off someone's back? Yes. OK. 298 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:20,040 It's still, like, warm. Yeah. They were warm. 299 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,360 Right, why don't we go inside? 300 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,560 This is better. It's already better. 301 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,320 I just had a thought. Uh-huh? 302 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,440 What about static electricity? Is that hovering? 303 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,360 It's going to be up to you to argue it in the studio. I can't... 304 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,240 Oh, I won't be able to take on Greg. He's awful. 305 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,680 Oh, so I should start now? 306 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,040 OK, uh...one, yeah? 307 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,680 Are you sneering at the camera? 308 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,160 You keep sneering. 309 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,280 There you go. 310 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,720 You reckon that was hovering? That was hovering. Yeah? 311 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,520 Do you not think that was hovering? It's not important what I think. 312 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,320 So what's your job? What's your job, then? 313 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,520 I don't understand. I thought. I'm the Task... Taskmaster's assistant. 314 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,440 Yeah, but as the assistant, you would know what the thing would... 315 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,680 Yeah. I'm not allowed to have an opinion. 316 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,080 All right. 317 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,160 I measure things. It's not a bad gig. 318 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,440 Is that 20 seconds? 319 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,280 Alex? Are you going to call it? 320 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,040 Oh, sorry, I thought you were going to call it. That's 45 seconds. 321 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,080 It just seems to me, as we go on, 322 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,760 when you get set unusual tasks to do, you're sort of baffled. 323 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,040 You were quite confused by what I was doing there. 324 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,400 You sort of ask him a simple question, he goes, 325 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:42,880 "Well, look, I don't know." 326 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,280 It's your job, mate. Yeah. 327 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,600 What's your job, then? I'm to help him, not to help you. 328 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,080 You've got a bit more aggressive 329 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,160 now you're sitting next to Greg, innit? I feel more confident. OK. 330 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,240 Um, so your tactic was to go into an airless, 331 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,040 I quote, airless environment. 332 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,440 It's the famous airlock that is the shed. 333 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,400 Honestly, this? Yeah? This movement. Yeah? 334 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,840 It made your daughter's pottery look competent. 335 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,120 Well, now it's explained. I have to say, I think 336 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,960 you're being harsh, cos that seemed to work for a second. Yeah. 337 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,360 The helium against the waft. You just have to have a lot of waft. 338 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,000 Well, I tried that with the leaf blower, 339 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,960 but I couldn't go at the same pace as a leaf blower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 340 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,240 That's too much waft. 341 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,520 Sarah did it in 21 minutes and 18 seconds... 342 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,920 Yeah? Sounds like me. ..whereas Jamali did it 343 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,920 in four minutes and 50 seconds. Nice. 344 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,360 And technically, as he kept saying, it hovered. 345 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,800 Well done. Right, what's next? 346 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,080 Finally, he's lithe, he's blithe, and he looks good in ties. 347 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,840 It's Mike Wozniak. 348 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,200 Will you excuse me a minute? 349 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,440 Far too many. Crazy choice. 350 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,200 Hiya. 351 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:53,320 So I'm just trying to make it sort of a little weight. 352 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:54,760 It's not tethered. 353 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,560 OK, let's go. 354 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,880 Sneering. 355 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,040 Oh, you little... 356 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,920 I don't think that was 20 seconds. 357 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,960 Uh, one of your little laundry pegs is on that. 358 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,000 I'm still sneering. 359 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,000 I think arguably that's a lost cause. 360 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,280 All right, then. 361 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,840 Oh! Oh... 362 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,160 HE GRUNTS 363 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:30,640 HE THUDS 364 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:34,960 Ah! 365 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,880 There you are. 366 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:40,640 Got your balloon back? 367 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,840 One sneery-sneery, two sneery-sneery, 368 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,680 three sneery-sneery, four sneery-sneery, five sneery-sneery... 369 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,440 ..20 sneery-sneery. 370 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,520 Well, thank you. 371 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,480 I'm very happy I got your balloon back, Alex. 372 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,520 Wouldn't want you to lose that. 373 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,480 In case you need it. 374 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,640 Thanks. Thank you, Mike. 375 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:16,040 I mean, even in victory, when you stepped out of that phone booth, 376 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,160 you looked like a head of department from a local council 377 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,480 who'd just been fired. 378 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,800 Talk us through the initial sort of Greek dance. 379 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,120 Greek dance? The... 380 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,840 It was hovering over a certain area, so I'm trying to 381 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,960 sort of keep the ascribed area in the right sort of zone. Yeah. 382 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,040 And I... It wasn't an intent... This just... 383 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,840 It's not a real plan, it's just... 384 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,080 I enjoyed your balloon dance. Thank you. 385 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,160 And then up it went. 386 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,760 And then up it went, and this is where it gets interesting, because 387 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,960 the two other contestants whose balloon flew away just let them go. 388 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,760 But not Mike Wozniak. Never let it go. 389 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,200 That spirit of the Blitz mentality. That's right. 390 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,160 No-one has ever hopped over that fence before. 391 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,240 Never looked over it. We've never had a fence hop. 392 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,360 How do you feel about that? 393 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,560 I felt good, and I was thrilled when I got over the side, 394 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:00,600 that it was just earth. 395 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,680 It was really sort of about halfway through the job 396 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,720 that I didn't really know what was on the bottom. 397 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,640 It could have been a mine shaft. It could have been. 398 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,880 That would be one hell of an ending to a dance. 399 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,880 Incredible. So he's got to have rocked it. 400 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,240 He wasn't as quick as Jamali. He did spend quite a long time 401 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,880 chasing a balloon across a golf course. 402 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,160 Oh, yeah, he jumped over the fence. Yeah. Yeah. 403 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,800 So Jamali took four minutes 50, Mike eight minutes. 404 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,920 So just to recap, it's zero points to Lee 405 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,760 and Charlotte, Sarah gets three, then we've got Mike gets 406 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,520 four points, but the winner with five points is Jamali. 407 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:32,840 Hey! 408 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,040 Can we have a look at a scoreboard? I have you a scoreboard. 409 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,560 Lee is in last place with two, Mike is in first place with eight points. 410 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,680 Another one, then. Come on, chop, chop. OK. 411 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,800 Well, guess what? It's team task time, 412 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:53,600 and what better way to begin the bonding than with a lovely spat? 413 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,320 Hello, Jamali. How are you doing? I'm good. 414 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:09,760 Hello, Alex. Hi, Mike. 415 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,320 Are you OK with heights? This sort of height? Yes. 416 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,800 Yeah, this sort of height's OK. Yeah. 417 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,560 You have any phobias? Rats. 418 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,000 And foam. Foam? 419 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,360 Yeah, like dry foam. 420 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,960 You know like when you're washing dishes, you know the sponge? 421 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,200 No, sponge. Not foam, like, sponge. So cross out foam? 422 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,760 Yeah, so cross out foam. Write sponge. Like, dry sponge. 423 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,400 And you're fine with flannels? Good with flannels. 424 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,520 Um, can I get the task? 425 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,680 No, you can't. You're not allowed off the box. 426 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,400 Can you pass it to me, then? Not yet. OK. 427 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:39,680 Hey! 428 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:44,760 Hey, what's up? Long time. How are you? I'm good, how you been? 429 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,920 Oh! Hello. Oh, hello. 430 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,040 Lee, please open the task. There's the task. 431 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,160 You're not allowed off your box. 432 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,520 Do you have a belt? No, you don't have a belt. 433 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,720 I have my coat. 434 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,760 And then, uh, shoes and laces. 435 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,160 That's going to give us a bit of. Oh, damn. Distance. 436 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,400 I've tied it in this type of knot so you can tie something easier to it. 437 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,240 Nice. 438 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:14,320 And there's... You don't think there's an easier way? 439 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:16,400 Hiya. Hey, what's up? Hi. Oh. 440 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:20,560 Hi. Nice to meet you, I'm Jamali. I'm Charlotte. I'm Sarah. 441 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,320 My shoe don't have no laces no more. 442 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:28,800 Have an argument. You must take it in terms to angrily make a point 443 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,400 using no more than ten words, 444 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,920 and you must always end your point with a different four-letter word. 445 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,840 You must look at each other throughout the argument and 446 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,000 the person speaking must angrily wag their finger during their speech. 447 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,840 The argument is over when there is ten seconds of silence, 448 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,720 or when one of you looks away. 449 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,320 Longest argument wins. 450 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,520 Your argument must begin three minutes from now. 451 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,160 Is there anything in particular you'd like to argue about? 452 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,800 Because you look so amenable and nice. 453 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,960 Well, let's... I don't know. That's the sort of image I try to project. 454 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,880 You know? Yeah. I mean, underneath it all, 455 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,560 I might be a nasty piece of work. Yes. 456 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,960 But the last word has got to be four letters. Yeah. 457 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,160 I can think of a few of those. Hand. 458 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,440 H-A-N-D. Yeah. OK. 459 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,720 My head is filled with the word duck, and there's no other word. 460 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:19,120 I keep refreshing it and it's just the word duck keeps coming up. 461 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:22,600 Who refreshes their mind?! Strange language you use. 462 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,680 It was literally just, "Duck, duck, duck," 463 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,320 and I was just trying to tell myself just, you know...? 464 00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:29,960 But internally, you were going "refresh." Yeah. 465 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,400 "Duck, refresh, duck." And then it went off again, see what happens. 466 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,440 The same thing kept coming up. So weird. 467 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:36,720 Absolutely weird. 468 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:40,200 I enjoyed people making up new tasks with the laces. 469 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,840 And I enjoyed his off-camera smuggery again. Mm-hm. 470 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,680 "They don't know that Charlotte's coming!" There's another person. 471 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,440 And then when he goes like, "Are you sure there's not a better way?" 472 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,960 Yeah, yeah. 473 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,840 I've got feelings. I've got feelings. 474 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,800 Let's have a look. So it's the usual arguing rules. 475 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,760 No more than ten words per argument, 476 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,400 and the last word has to be four letters long. 477 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,560 First up, we're going to see the film and theatre director, Mike Lee. 478 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,240 Nice. Thank you. 479 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:11,280 I have to tell you, bad tash. 480 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:12,680 This is precious hair. 481 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,320 It might be, but not good. 482 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,040 Don't you dare insult my look. 483 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,680 I will insult yous. 484 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:28,160 You're going to get your comeuppance, you fool. 485 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:33,160 Fool? Me? I'll give you, you twat. 486 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,000 You're jealous... 487 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,080 ..you... 488 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,400 ..plum. Don't call me that, Mike. 489 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,600 You've got a face like a duck. 490 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,720 What are you... 491 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,440 ..on about, pray... 492 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,320 ..tell? 493 00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:02,440 Right above your teeth, it's too bare. 494 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,800 Below my belt is also. 495 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:09,920 Below your belt should look like a bear. 496 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,560 It's what I mean. 497 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,840 You're talking tosh. 498 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,160 I'll show you my cock. 499 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:17,960 I would like to see your wang. 500 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,240 It is meant to be an argument. 501 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,240 Right! Well, here goes. 502 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,760 You're changing the subject. 503 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,160 Come and put it away, it's heavy, it's huge. 504 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,320 Oh, no. Oh, sorry. OK. 505 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,680 I'm going to have to blow the whistle there. Aw, I'm sorry. 506 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,120 It was a lovely argument, but... But he said subject and I lunged in. 507 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:38,400 I was shilly-shallying. 508 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,960 Can I say that that is better than some plays that I've seen 509 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,440 at The National Theatre? 510 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,120 It was absolute poetry and I'm intrigued, the thing that 511 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:53,120 brought it to the end was Lee offering to show you his genitals. 512 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,680 And you visibly wanting that. 513 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,440 The argument ceased and we found common ground and then...yeah. 514 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,320 You offered to expose your penis to Mike, 515 00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:05,760 and then you announced that it was, and I quote, "Huge and heavy." 516 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,280 Did I not say heavy and huge, end with a four-letter word? 517 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,800 Yeah, you said, "Can I put it away, it's heavy and huge?" 518 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,560 It's heavy and huge. Thank you. 519 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:16,320 I mean, I might be crass, but I know the rules. 520 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,800 The wheels have come off part two 521 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,000 and we've veered into an advertising ditch. 522 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,840 You'll have to wheel-spin in the mud for a few minutes 523 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,240 before part three comes back to pull you from the bog 524 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,120 and save you from the quicksand of consumerism. 525 00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,160 You don't need another kitchen gadget! 526 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,680 You don't cook! 527 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,600 Hello, welcome back to the start of part three. 528 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,440 I'm feeling so angry, Alex. Yes, and so am I, 529 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,840 and that's because there are arguments happening. 530 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:53,440 It's time for the team of three now, Jamali, Charlotte, and Sarah. 531 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,560 The thing is, 532 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,080 right, Jamali, 533 00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:01,800 is that you drive well. 534 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:09,080 I disagree. I... hate it. Fuck. 535 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:13,040 You have no idea 536 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,720 how Jamali behaves. 537 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,640 What luck! 538 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:23,080 Thank you for pointing that out, but I'm angry. 539 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:24,640 Nice ring. 540 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,000 Don't. 541 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,680 Oh! 542 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,520 That's... 543 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,720 ..just... 544 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,600 ..not... 545 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:38,840 ..a... 546 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,760 ..thing. 547 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:44,600 I... can't... even. 548 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,840 When... are you... 549 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,280 Sorry! Angry, please. 550 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:53,320 ..Going... to... stop? 551 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:55,760 Never! 552 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,800 N-E-V... 553 00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:01,120 ..will I stop that. 554 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,880 Can't. 555 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,080 Oh, haha! 556 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:08,320 How are you spelling that? H-A-H-A. 557 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,680 Just... wait. 558 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,720 Till what... 559 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:20,520 am I going to wait for... 560 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:21,760 ..town? 561 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,680 Give it a rest! 562 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:28,040 You aren't making any sense, and that's that. 563 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,480 Go to bank. 564 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,280 You're going to end on that word? 565 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,480 You'd better watch out 566 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,600 because... careful. 567 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,320 Where there's a will... 568 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,120 ..there's a will. 569 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,440 WHISTLE BLOWS 570 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:45,920 I think that's more than ten words, 571 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,480 if you count them up. 572 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,960 Why did you say "town" suddenly? 573 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,120 Cos town's like a slang word we use for... you know. 574 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:56,120 Oh, is that a bad word? Are we allowed to broadcast town? 575 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,960 I mean, you know. It's Channel 4, man, so, you know. Risky. 576 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,000 APPLAUSE 577 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:04,760 It just seemed to me to be three people 578 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,240 who perhaps have discovered language for the first time. 579 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:08,280 All it said was, 580 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,320 "Wag your finger, argue, and end on four words under ten..." 581 00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:13,840 It didn't say nothing like, "It has to be on topic". 582 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,480 Yeah. "You have to pick a subject". 583 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,840 No, I just think it's common sense. 584 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,760 We could have done a big list of rules like, 585 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,360 "Don't just say the word town for no reason". 586 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,160 You know language is just a thing that someone made up. You know that? 587 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,280 I did look it up on Urban Dictionary afterwards, 588 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,400 and it seems no one there has heard of it either. 589 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:31,760 Well, it meant something to us. 590 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,080 I mean, Urban Dictionary doesn't know culture, innit? 591 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,160 People lose it when they have an argument as well. 592 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:37,240 You don't make sense. 593 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,720 Well, your first argument was, "You drive quite well". Exactly. 594 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,280 Yeah, and drive me around the bend. 595 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,240 Yeah. You need to go to the bank, mate. That's what you need to do. 596 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,400 You've got to go to the bank. 597 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,360 You need to go to the bank and sort yourself out. 598 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,200 Do you want me to tell you some times? I'm ready. 599 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,760 The team of three lasted three minutes and eight seconds, 600 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,160 whereas these guys argued for five minutes, 35 seconds 601 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,480 with no blunders at all. 602 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,080 I want these two absolute arguing legends 603 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:03,120 to get five full points each. 604 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:04,520 Whoa. What about the town team? 605 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:06,280 I'm going to give them two points. 606 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,600 Two points each, OK, but Mike and Lee are the winners of the task. 607 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,120 There you go. What's lined up next? 608 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,320 Just a regular task down at the old haunt. 609 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,280 Hi, Jamali. How are you doing? 610 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,520 May I? Yes, please. 611 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,240 I'll open this, then. OK. 612 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,280 "Make the house haunted". 613 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,920 "Most haunted house wins". 614 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,400 "You have an hour". 615 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,360 "Your time starts now". 616 00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:00,480 Excuse me. Just going to go and have a little rummage. 617 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,000 A rummage? A rummage. OK. 618 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,280 Yeah, any initial thoughts? 619 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,280 Rummaging. Rummaging. 620 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:09,720 Thank you. 621 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:16,000 I need a, uh, white sheet and a dead person. 622 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:17,240 I mean, what's haunted? 623 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:20,120 You've got sort of, uh, ghost or poltergeist activity, 624 00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,640 sort of objects moving. 625 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:27,080 Poltergeist, I'm thinking. I'm thinking lights on and off. 626 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,800 I guess general sort of spooky stuff happening. 627 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:34,000 I need, uh, a lot of big string. 628 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:37,600 Rope? String. But big string? 629 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,640 Big, long string. A lot of big string? 630 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:42,200 You see the amount of string that you was going to get? Mm-hm. 631 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,680 More string. Times it by two? 632 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,640 Three. Wow. 633 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,160 That's a lot of string. Tell me when you've got the string. 634 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,920 I'll give you a knock. Get the string. OK, bye. All right, mate. 635 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:53,960 APPLAUSE 636 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,680 Ooh. 637 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:01,280 So there were lots of classic spooky phrases in there. 638 00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:05,640 White sheet was requested for the classic ghost by Lee, corpse, 639 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,120 and then, of course, 640 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:10,760 out on the biggest spookiest request of them all: 641 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,640 some big, scary string. 642 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,200 Yeah. 643 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,840 So big. Yeah, yeah. My thing was to buy out all the string, 644 00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,440 cos there's nothing more scary than when you need string 645 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:20,480 and there ain't none. 646 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,600 You'd be like, "I'm Greg Davies, I need some string". 647 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,440 Jamali's bought it all. 648 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:26,840 All your thoughts start with, 649 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,840 "I'm Greg Davies", and then you have the thought. Always. Good. 650 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,880 OK, she's in a programme called Ghosts, but can she make ghosts? 651 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,120 Let's see. It's Charlotte Ritchie first. 652 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,720 WIND HOWLS 653 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:47,640 LOUD FAKE CREAKING 654 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,160 RAPID THUDDING 655 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,760 PIERCING SCREAM 656 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:08,800 Boo! 657 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,560 That's not me. 658 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,960 APPLAUSE 659 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,720 I was quite freaked out, because I thought that was you in the chair. 660 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,240 I did as well. Did you? Yeah. Oh, good. That's good, then. 661 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,720 So I think if you ever go ahead and make your own horror film, 662 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,440 you shouldn't feature, 663 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,960 after the horrific reveal at the end of your film, 664 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,120 you shouldn't pop on and go, "Hello!" Yeah. 665 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,200 It sort of dampens it down a bit, doesn't it? Yeah. 666 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,560 The worst thing was when I realised 667 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:40,080 that that book hadn't flown out by itself, that she'd used string. 668 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,320 It's scarier than that. She tried to get string. 669 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,880 Went to the shop. Couldn't get it? There wasn't any string left. 670 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,120 What? But why? I'm Greg Davies! 671 00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,120 Who's next? Well, do you want to see the big string guy? Do I? 672 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,720 Here he comes. Yeah. It's the one and only Jamali Maddix. 673 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,520 LOUD RATTLE 674 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,400 Ghost? 675 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,840 HE CHUCKLES DARKLY 676 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,560 APPLAUSE 677 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,320 You didn't know how that shit was moving, did you? 678 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,400 Guess what it was? String. Yeah, yeah. 679 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,720 It was just so terrifying, I forgot about the string. 680 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:03,920 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 681 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:07,280 I was creeped out already with things flying off the wall, 682 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:09,280 but when those two cabbages flew off that desk, 683 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,040 that is classic horror. 684 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,720 Let's see another horror film, please. 685 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,680 OK, would you like to see Sarah Kendall 686 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,640 making the house look haunted? More than anything. Here we go. 687 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,240 OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS 688 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,440 BOTH: Hello, Alex. 689 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:53,560 Come play with us. 690 00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:56,920 Come play with us, Alex. 691 00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,920 Forever and ever and ever. 692 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:03,800 APPLAUSE 693 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:07,800 Genuinely creepy, Sarah. Thanks. 694 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,120 Classic horror film called The Shining. 695 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,960 The Shining took five years to make and 900 tonnes of salt, 696 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:15,480 so similar to this show. 697 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,360 Why did it take 900 tonnes of salt? 698 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,080 Because there's a scene where there's snow near the end 699 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,920 and they did it with salt. Wow. Did they? Really? Mm-hm. 700 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:24,840 Ooh. Ah, Kubrick. 701 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,680 I thought your film was excellent. 702 00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:28,120 Thank you very much, Greg. 703 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,960 It was - spoiler alert - it creeped me out more than two cabbages. 704 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,960 Wow. Thank you, that's the kindest review I've ever had. 705 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,480 Wow. That's fair. You're making big statements for no reason at him. 706 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,600 I'm just so wanged up about the lack of string in the country. 707 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,200 Right, nearly there. 708 00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:43,800 One part left to go, 709 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:47,800 and then someone wins Mike Wozniak's blood-soaked whittled spoon. 710 00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,960 Hey. Welcome back to Taskmaster. 711 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,120 You've made it just in time for the final part of the show. 712 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,840 WHISTLE BLOWS Yes. 713 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:06,240 That was tight. 714 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:08,520 Before the break, there was a spooky task taking place 715 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:10,040 where the contestants were trying 716 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,040 to make the Taskmaster house appear haunted. 717 00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:14,760 Next, it's the ethereal Mike Wozniak. 718 00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,160 BELL TOLLS 719 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,720 GROWLING VOICE: Little Alex Horne. 720 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:25,360 SINISTER VOICE: Little Alex Horne. 721 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,160 Come in. 722 00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:35,080 There's nothing to worry about, little Alex Horne. 723 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,440 I've got some puppies covered in treacle. 724 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:44,720 Good. 725 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:47,680 VOICE SIGHS 726 00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:49,280 GROWL 727 00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:54,000 GROWL 728 00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:55,880 BURP 729 00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,120 APPLAUSE Wow. 730 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:01,640 That was horrifying. 731 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,440 A nice temptation to bring the victims in, 732 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,360 puppies covered in treacle, no? I was trying to take two things 733 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,920 and make them greater than the sum of their parts. Yeah, but... 734 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,440 ..put two nice things together, it doesn't necessarily... 735 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,920 ..make a big, nice thing. I don't think there is two things, though. 736 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:16,720 People famously say, "Come and see some puppies." 737 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,880 I don't think they say, "Come and see some treacle!" 738 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,560 Yeah. Mike was determined, by the way, that I would be cut in two, 739 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,160 like he was cut in two, and he called it being hemisected. 740 00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,320 Hemisect. It's a word. It's a real word. 741 00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:27,400 Just before we move on, 742 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,600 can we just drill down to the narrative of your story? 743 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:31,320 So, the whole house is haunted... Right. 744 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,720 Along comes an innocent, lovely Taskmaster assistant. 745 00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,400 This guy. He's got a bloodlust. All he wants to do is gobble you up. 746 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,400 Hemisect you. Yeah. And spit you out again. 747 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,960 Why didn't, er, little Alex Horne's... The lovely... 748 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,200 ..character, the lovely assistant, 749 00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:46,440 why didn't it spot the already hemisected body outside the thing? 750 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,320 He may well have done, but that was overridden by the... 751 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,960 Lure of the treacle pup. ..the lure of the treacle-covered puppies. 752 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,640 Who's next? 753 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,040 Finally... it's "Final Lee". 754 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,000 Hello, Lee. Are you easily frightened? 755 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,280 I don't think so. Good. What I'm ab... 756 00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:07,600 Agh! Just checking to see. 757 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,960 You say you're not, but you did flinch a bit there. 758 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:11,600 Do you know the history of the caravan? 759 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,000 I've always wondered about the history of the caravan. 760 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,840 Many years ago, there was a lady by the name of Amy. 761 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,000 Typical 21-year-old, she liked music, parties... 762 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,520 But most of all, she only wanted her own caravan. 763 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,280 She got her caravan. 764 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,160 This is said caravan. 765 00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:30,680 Four days later... 766 00:37:30,720 --> 00:37:32,320 ..she wasn't alive. 767 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,320 She was... not alive. 768 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:39,560 I'm going to find out now, with the aid of my Ouija board, 769 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,080 exactly what happened that night. 770 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,880 Amy? Are you there, Amy? Amy, are you there? 771 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,400 Give us a sign if you are there. 772 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,040 She's talking to me. 773 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,280 Have you got any questions you'd like to ask Amy? 774 00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:57,920 Are you in heaven, Amy? 775 00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,320 Lovely. Alex... 776 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,000 Yes? Can I be honest? OK. 777 00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,280 That was me. I thought it was you. 778 00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:05,920 I was pulling that. I did see your hand. 779 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:08,080 I've let you down. And I wish I hadn't. 780 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,920 And I apologise about this. 781 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:13,400 I'm no more of a psychic than, than you, 782 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,600 so would you, would you accept my apology? 783 00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,880 There's a lot of smoke. 784 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,920 Is that Am... Are you Amy? Who are you talking to? 785 00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:21,920 You can't see? No, it was just, just me. 786 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,000 That was me. I was doing that and pulling the... 787 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,680 I don't like this. It's a nice cupboard. 788 00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:27,880 Can we go now, Lee? Well, where are you going? 789 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:29,880 To be honest, there's too much smoke to breathe. 790 00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,040 But also, there's a dead lady there. I can't see her. 791 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:33,840 All right. Bye-bye, Lee. It's not real. 792 00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:36,440 What are you doing? It's not me, I've set it up. Bye, Lee. 793 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:39,480 Think we got away with it. 794 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:42,160 APPLAUSE 795 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,520 See, that's what you need in a film. You need a twist. 796 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,080 You did look freaked out. 797 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,000 Well, I... I wasn't warned about it. 798 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,080 It would have been a bit odd to warn you about it. 799 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,280 But I think in horror films, 800 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,600 they do warn the actors what's going to happen. Yeah. 801 00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:55,720 Oh, you consider yourself an actor in that? 802 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,040 I very much enjoyed your film. 803 00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,360 Shall I hand out some points? Some spooky points. 804 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,760 I thought they were all really good, 805 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,120 so no-one is going to get one spooky point. OK. 806 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,320 No-one's going to get two spooky points. 807 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,720 Is anyone going to get any points? Three spooky points... Oh. 808 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,720 ..go to Jamali and Charlotte's films. 809 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:17,200 In second place, with four points, I'm going to give it to the 810 00:39:17,240 --> 00:39:20,000 Treacle Puppy King and I'm going to give it... 811 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:23,880 to the jocular Awful Twist film. 812 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,120 Four points to Lee Mack and Mike Wozniak. Right. 813 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:30,120 But by far the most atmospheric and spooky, five points, Sarah. 814 00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:31,960 Well done, Sarah Kendall. Thanks. 815 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,000 APPLAUSE 816 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,960 Quick look at the scores, please, Alex. 817 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:38,920 Charlotte is on the bottom with ten, Mike is on the top with 17 again. 818 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:40,680 APPLAUSE 819 00:39:40,720 --> 00:39:43,640 Runaway Wozniak and his tin of treacle. 820 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:46,080 OK, everyone, 821 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:49,560 please head to the stage for the final task of the show. 822 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,160 Hello. 823 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,040 Hello, Greg. Hello, Greg. Hi. Hello. Hiya. 824 00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:55,560 Who's going to read it out, Alex? 825 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,720 I'd like Jamali Maddix to read out the task, please, Greg. 826 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,520 Correctly guess your standing in the group. 827 00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:06,160 The Taskmaster will read out a category. 828 00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:10,840 Then you must hold the number that reflects your standing in the group. 829 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:12,200 Most correct answer wins. 830 00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:15,400 The way it's going to work is that Greg will read out a category, 831 00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:17,160 for example, oldest contestant. 832 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,640 If that was the category, obviously Lee would put up one, 833 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,560 and then the rest of you would guess your ages in the group as well. 834 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,080 Obviously, yeah? Once you've heard the category, 835 00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,640 you must hold up your number within 20 seconds. 836 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,280 And once it's up, you can't change your mind. 837 00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,120 You're going to have five categories, 838 00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:32,360 most correct answers wins. 839 00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,880 Are you ready to hear the first category? Yes. Yes, please. 840 00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:36,240 Category one. 841 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,560 Most Northerly Birthplace. 842 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,160 Ooh. If you think you're the most northerly, hold up number one. 843 00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,600 If you think you're the most southerly, hold up number five. 844 00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:46,000 Which way is Australia? 845 00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,520 It is south. It's not called Down Over, is it? 846 00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:50,360 It's really south. OK. 847 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:53,880 OK. Lee thinks he is the most northerly, 848 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:55,800 Sarah thinks she's the most southerly. 849 00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,520 They're both correct. One point each. 850 00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,600 It goes - Lee, Southport, then Mike, Oxford. 851 00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,960 Should be holding a number two. Then Jamali, East London. 852 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,360 Should be holding a number three. 853 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:08,080 Then Charlotte, Clapham South, should be holding number four. 854 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,800 Then Sarah, who is holding number five. Newcastle. 855 00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:12,440 Second category, Greg. 856 00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,720 Most pints of milk drunk per month. 857 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:19,000 We asked all of you before the show to state how many 858 00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:20,160 pints of milk a month you drink. 859 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,880 If you think that you drink the most, hold up number one. 860 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:24,800 I don't know this about you, Mike, 861 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,480 but gut instinct tells me you guzzle the stuff. 862 00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:29,920 I'm an absolute bloody milk guzzler. 863 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:31,680 They're all up. Charlotte and Jamali 864 00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:34,000 both think they drink the middle amount of milk. 865 00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,280 Mike Wozniak guzzles a lot of milk. 866 00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,720 He guzzles 37 pints of milk per month. 867 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,520 What? Are you serious? You, you're having a pint a day? 868 00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:43,520 I have more than a pint a day, I'm sure of it, yeah. 869 00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,960 What are you, a calf? Is it fancy in a big bottle? 870 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,120 It's on cereal. A lot of tea and coffee. 871 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,640 OK. And it's also drunk neat. Neat? Neat? Every day? Milk? 872 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:54,800 So, Mike is correct. Lee is also correct. 873 00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,520 He's a vegan, he has zero pints per month. 874 00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:59,640 Ah. So, it goes Mike the most with 37, 875 00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,920 Sarah second with eight pints per month. 876 00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,080 Ooh. Then it goes Jamali third with five. 877 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:06,280 He gets the point here. 878 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,400 Charlotte fourth with three, Lee fifth with zero. 879 00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:12,040 The quickest category thus far coming up. 880 00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,200 Fewest phone contacts. 881 00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:17,520 Yeah, fewest friends, number one. I'm the oldest. 882 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,600 But do you not, have you not found that over the last ten years 883 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,080 you've started to thin the herd? 884 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,000 Are you suggesting I'm so old, they've started to die off? No... 885 00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:28,200 OK, all the numbers are up. Four, four, three, two, two. 886 00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:30,080 No-one thinks you're the fewest or the most. 887 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:33,840 The person with the fewest friends is Jamali, with 150. 888 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:35,320 Sarah, you're correct. 889 00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,200 You are the second least popular, with 315 contacts. 890 00:42:38,240 --> 00:42:42,160 Feels about right. Charlotte is third with 1,065. 891 00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:44,880 Mike, fourth, no points, 892 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:49,000 with 1,144, Lee has the most contacts with 3,065 in his phone. 893 00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:51,040 You don't have...! Yeah, but the problem is, 894 00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,840 my phone sort of.. I'm trying to... 895 00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,040 I'm very popular. 896 00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,440 I'll be honest with you, if someone asks for a selfie, 897 00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:01,280 I ask for their number. 898 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,840 I'm shameless. All right. 899 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:05,400 Fourth category, please. Category four. 900 00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,600 An interesting revelation of personal hygiene. 901 00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,000 Most frequent washing of towels per month. 902 00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:12,800 Hmm. After the cleanest person 903 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:14,840 holding up number one, there you go, Charlotte. 904 00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:17,240 Straight away. We almost had one, two, three four, five. 905 00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,240 Yeah. Do you know what's difficult about this, 906 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,480 is the fact that I don't know what's a lot, 907 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:25,280 because I have a bunch of towels. Yeah. No need to get flash, mate. 908 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,880 We've all got a lot of towels. 909 00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:30,560 I've got a towel for each of my phone contacts. 910 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:33,520 Charlotte thinks she cleans her towels the most. 911 00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,400 12 times per month, almost every third day she's cleaning her towel. 912 00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:37,680 Yeah. 913 00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:40,680 Next cleanest is Jamali. You miss it again, unfortunately, Jamali. 914 00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:41,920 Then Lee, six times per month, 915 00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:43,640 and then we're really getting desperate, 916 00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,240 Sarah only washes hers twice a month. 917 00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:47,880 Mike, you do get a point because you only wash them once a month. 918 00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:52,000 Yes. Absolute scum. Absolute scumbag. Filthy, man. 919 00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,040 Final category, Greg. 920 00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:55,560 Most eggs in one hand. 921 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,040 Yes, we asked them how many eggs they think 922 00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:01,040 they can hold in one hand. I can also confirm we tested this. 923 00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:02,320 Straight up there, Jamali. 924 00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,040 Mm. I think I've got the biggest hands. 925 00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:06,800 Whoa. Two guys think they can hold a lot of eggs. 926 00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:09,600 I think I've got bigger hands than you. Big balls time, isn't it? 927 00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,080 Yes, it is. 928 00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:13,360 No-one thinks they can clutch the fewest eggs. 929 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:15,800 Who do you think hold fewer eggs than you? 930 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:17,000 You don't have to answer that. 931 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,280 As your attorney, you don't have to answer that. 932 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,400 I'd like to find out, it's part of the game. 933 00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,360 You think someone's got smaller hands than you? 934 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:26,280 I don't know if it's about size. It's absolutely about size. 935 00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:27,720 Cool. 936 00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,000 Technique as well. Well, Charlotte has the tiniest hands. 937 00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,800 She can only hold seven eggs, so she should've held up the number five. 938 00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,800 She should. Sarah can only hold eight eggs. 939 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,640 She should be holding up the number four. Mm. 940 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,920 In third place, it's Mike with 11 eggs. 941 00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:44,360 So which of the men can hold the most eggs? 942 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:46,760 I don't know why, I think Lee Mack can hold the most eggs. 943 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:50,000 Well, I'll tell you that Jamali can hold 12 eggs in his hands. 944 00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:51,960 Lee Mack can hold 17 eggs in his hands. 945 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,560 I just knew it. 946 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,600 And Lee is correctly holding number one. 947 00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:58,720 I'm known as the egg holder. And with that, Greg, the task is over. 948 00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:02,680 Come back down and we'll add those points, and we'll decide who's won. 949 00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:04,320 APPLAUSE 950 00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:07,360 Hello, again, Greg. Very good. Hello, there. 951 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,840 That must've had quite some impact on the scores. 952 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,360 So, not only can he hold 17 eggs, he can also guess where 953 00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:16,280 he fits in the standings, cos he got four questions right, Lee. 954 00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:17,960 Wow. So Lee does get the five points. 955 00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,200 After that, Mike and Sarah came in second, they got two things 956 00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:24,200 right each, and joint fourth, Charlotte and Jamali got one each. 957 00:45:24,240 --> 00:45:27,480 So, the points go two each to Charlotte and Jamali, 958 00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,080 four to Mike and Sarah, but Lee Mack gets five points. 959 00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:31,720 There it is. He knows himself. 960 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:36,000 And so the final scoreboard, Sarah came in second place with 17, 961 00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:38,920 but Mike won the episode, is also winning the series, 962 00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:40,920 he won it with 21 points. 963 00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,760 APPLAUSE 964 00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:47,560 Mike Wozniak wins! Go and gather your victorious vessels! 965 00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,120 Thank you. Thank you. 966 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,320 So, what have we learned today? 967 00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:53,640 We've known for some time 968 00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:55,720 that climate change is the gravest threat 969 00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:58,520 that humanity has ever faced, and we also know that cows 970 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,720 are some of the greatest contributors to the global crisis. 971 00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:07,000 And 50% of those cows are feeding Mike Wozniak's milk habit. 972 00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:08,400 So, what we've learned today 973 00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,960 is that Mike Wozniak is destroying the planet. 974 00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,680 We've also learned that he's won tonight's show, 975 00:46:13,720 --> 00:46:17,680 and now has more vessels to fill with milky goodness. 976 00:46:17,720 --> 00:46:19,600 Mike Wozniak! 977 00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:22,080 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 978 00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,080 Subtitles by Red Bee Media