Ha-ha!
No way!
Erm... Gosh!
Where's the hole?
Blah! Urgh!
Uhh. Are you having a laugh?
GASPING
APPLAUSE
Welcome, one and all, to Taskmaster.
This is the new Olympics
and I am the flaming torch running through your cities
and igniting your passion for tasks.
But who are these taskletes throwing themselves into
the competition at the direct expense of their dignity,
I hear you cry?
Well, pipe down! I'll tell you.
Wow.
LAUGHTER
They are Ardal O'Hanlon...
..Bridget Christie...
..Chris Ramsey,
Judi Love
and Sophie Duker.
And next to me - he's my assistant, he's consistent,
persistent and his bed has to be water resistant.
It's little Alex Horne.
APPLAUSE
I'll take that.
All right, then.
Oh, no, what a week it's been.
Oh, has it?
A nightmare. Awful. Oh, gosh, what's happened in your week?
Well, I was shopping on the internet, as you know I love to do.
I know you do.
Oh, and I accidentally clicked "select all" on Amazon.
I've got everything. Bought everything.
Disaster. I've got most of it here.
I've got like a meat thermometer.
Got lots of stuff, do you want to see? Yeah, I do want to see.
I've got like a Bunsen burner.
Uh, got, uh, got a one-egg... One-egg frying pan.
Lots of stuff.
What terrifies me about this is you'll have thought
of this hilarious joke. Hmm?
And then you will have brought in actual things from your home.
For want of a more sophisticated response,
the guy's a prick.
Right, Prize Task time. Let's crack on.
Yes, I suppose so,
and I suppose the category for episode three is
the item that sounds funniest when you say its name over
and over again.
OK? So we're going to hear some words said quite a lot
and I, for one, am laughing already.
The one that tickles the Taskmaster the most will get five points.
Now, at the end of the show, some lucky,
lucky person will take home five items that are funny
to say their names of lots of times.
Right. Hello, Sophie. Hello.
Have you brought in a funny word?
I've brought in some perfectly ordinary tweezers.
Here they are. Here are the tweezers here. There they are.
They're tweezers for the tweezing of a specific avian creature -
the pheasant. Ah. Here's the pheasant.
She's brought that in as well. Here's a real pheasant.
God, they're not how I've imagined them. Yeah.
So they're not actually tweezers,
they're actually pheasant pluckers.
And there are the pheasant pluckers.
GROANING
Yeah, the groan is the correct response.
Let's go. What, oh, you want me to...
You want me to say it? The purpose of this task is
you've brought in your funny word, now I want to see if....
Oh, I thought you were going to say it. No.
Pheasant plucker, pheasant plucker, pheasant plucker! Pheasant plucker.
HE BEATBOXES He's not a pheasant plucker!
I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it far more than I thought I was going to.
Chris. What's your, uh, word?
Wow. Um, I have brought in this.
IN NORTHERN ACCENT: And this is a cook book.
This is a regional response.
Cook book.
LAUGHTER
It is quite good.
I... I would argue he could bring in most things.
LAUGHTER
Let's go, Chris.
Cook book. Cook book? Cook book. Cook book. Cook book?
Cook book. Cook book! Cook book.
I don't know whether it's cook... It's not bad.
Cook book or whether it's his cheeky Geordie smile that's there.
Right, Ardal, what have you brought in?
I've brought in bubbles!
GREG GASPS Yes, here they are.
MUMBLING
Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles.
If you're angry, even you go, "Bubbles!"
Like, it's still funny and kind of makes you less angry,
or if you're... If you're sad and you go, "Bubbles."
Would you mind going through
the full range of emotions while you repeat the word bubbles?
Perhaps you could start on angry and work towards joyful.
Let's say you can't find any crisps or something and you go, "Bubbles!"
Yeah. OK.
And then you get morose and your blood sugars go down and...
SADLY: "Bubbles."
LAUGHTER
But it... It's what it conjures up!
I mean, it conjures up children's parties and champagne and hot tubs.
Yeah! And, you know, sipping champagne in the hot tub. Yes!
And farting in the hot tub. "More bubbles!" Yeah. Wow.
ARDAL AND GREG: Bubbles on bubbles!
Uh, Judi.
Yes.
What thing have you brought in?
I've brought in pickles.
Yes, a jar of pickles.
LAUGHTER There we go.
So it's not a bad prize haul so far. It's not bad.
Who doesn't like a lovely pickle? Exactly.
Ah, well, I look forward to you repeatedly saying the word pickle.
SING-SONG: Pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle,
pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle! Hmm.
Pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle,
pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle.
Would you mind slowing... Me said pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle,
pickle, pickle, pickle.
Me said pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle,
pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle.
Me said I want the pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle.
Surely that gets a damn point or something.
It's got something. It's got something!
Bridget, you've got your work cut out.
Stopcock.
Yes, she's brought, I think for the first time in TV quiz history,
the winner will win a stopcock. Right.
There it is.
I put it to you, Bridget, that
you've deliberately chosen a stopcock
because it's got the word cock in it.
And, therefore, you've lowered yourself to my level.
LAUGHTER I want to hear stopcock repeatedly.
Stopcock, st-stopcock, stop COCK, stop, stopcock, stop...
Babes, don't go on your knees. Stopcock, stop...
SOPHIE: No, no, no, no.
Stopcock... LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
Stop, stopcock! Stop, stopcock, stop, stopcock.
Stopcock! Stopcock! LAUGHTER
Stopcock.
Stopcock! Stop, stopcock!
STOPCOCK!
Get back. Get back!
Get the fire marshall in! Stop!
Shut the show down!
Stopcock. ARDAL: And now...
And now, sorry, just to defuse the tension in the room,
could we all just say, "Bubbles."
Yeah, ha-ha, ha-ha.Bubbles! LAUGHTER
Right, Greg. Points?
I'm sorry, pleasant fucker didn't do it for me.
Pleasant fucker? Come on.
LAUGHTER Ah!
Oh! Yes!
She's got you. She got you.
She got me. She got me good.
I'm going to have to take her up from bottom place.
Ah. What? Wow.
I'm going to give Sophie two points. Yes, yes.
I'm going to give cook book and bubbles three points each.
OK, so joint third, we have Ardal and Chris.
Pickles got me straight away. Mmm.
But now I feel I was battered down by stopcock.
Well...
Um, four points to stopcock.
Pickles was a pure attempt. She takes the five.
Five points to Judi Love.
Right, we're off.
Right. What's first, Alex?
Well, the cast are going to teach you a lesson, Greg.
A history lesson. Ooh.
Hello.
Oh, hello, Judi. Hello, Sophie.
Hello, Alex.
You look nice. Pardon?
You look nice. SHE MUMBLES
You've never said that before. Thank you.
I've never thought it before.
I'm very good at finding the actual task.
"Accurately and emotionally recreate a great moment from history."
"Using these two traffic cones."
"Most accurate and emotional recreation wins."
"You've got 30 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
Oh, my God.
You know your history?
It's just everything that's not now, isn't it?
Ahh. Something from history.
Joan of Arc.
Martin Luther King or...
I'm free.
I was thinking about doing the moment from the VMAs.
Maybe you be Janet Jackson and I'll be Justin Timberlake.
With the malfunction? Yeah.
That was a big moment. That was a big moment.
Oh, I've got it. Ah.
I'm going to need some props.
Oh, I see what you mean.
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
History by your definition is everything that's not now.
But that... That's history now. What you just said is as well, now.
I mean... I mean... Is it everything that's not now?
It's... It's not, no. History is recorded past.
History is recorded past?
Yeah. OK.
You get prehistory, which is before that.
Prehistoric.
Hmm. That's why it's called that.
LAUGHTER
It's... You just learn. You're always learning.
Shall we crack on and see which emotional parts
of history they've decided to represent?
Yeah, I should say, it's not...
The part of history didn't need to be emotional,
it's the recreation had to be emotional. Oh.
And accurate, just so we know.
All right, well, we're going to start with
the oldest person here by quite a bit,
so he has a clear advantage from the off.
It's Ardal O'Hanlon's recreation. Here we go.
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
IMITATION GUNFIRE
WHOOSHING NOISES
HE IMITATES AIRCRAFT
IMITATION EXPLOSIONS
We must fight back!
IMITATION GUNFIRE
Yes! The Germans, they're turning around!
HE ROARS
HE CHEERS
Let's see what's on the radio.
HE GURGLES
HE RANTS INDISTINCTLY
# It's a long way to Tipperary
# It's a long way to go! #
HE SIGHS
Thank you, Ardal, I've learnt a lot.
Thank you.
APPLAUSE
It looked to me like a seven-year-old boy shouting
and playing army by himself.
LAUGHTER
Oh!
I mean, I... You're usually very fair, but on this occasion...
THEY LAUGH
Next, we're going a bit further back in time,
with Sophie Duker showing off one of her many voices. Here we go.
CROAKING AND RUMBLING
Daddy, what's that sound?
It sounds like the Earth is hungry. GRUMBLING
I can't hear anything.
Achoo! Everything smells like eggs, Daddy. What's going on?
Nothing to worry about.
You told me yesterday that the dinosaurs would live forever
and ever and ever and never go extinct. Is that true?
That's true.
RUMBLING
DEEP GURGLING
Argh!
Daddy!
You're on fire!
Ahh.
What's happening, Daddy?
You look like you're in unimaginable amounts of pain.
Ahhh.
Don't leave me, Daddy. No. No!
Ahhh. Oh, God!
No!
APPLAUSE
A very... A very ambitious application of the use of the cones.
Yeah. A lot of digital stuff, though.
I don't know about the use of the cones. Just had to get that in.
Yep. Wow.
But can I just say, can I... can I just add I think that is
a fantastic moment, Sophie, from prehistory. I think it's wonderful.
What! OK. All right.
I just... LAUGHTER
No.
The man makes a good point and I... This, no...
And I've only learnt this today.
We only learnt this today.
Well, we-we-we could debate whether it's history or not for a long time.
I'll make a snap decision, fair or not, within minutes.
THEY LAUGH
But now let's drill down into the narrative.
I enjoyed the SFX. I enjoyed the bubbling lava. Mm.
The only thing I question is the characters within the piece.
Yeah. I wonder why your character was, dare I say it,
a little irritating.
SHE LAUGHS
I just... I didn't want it to be too, too sad.
Tick. Cos it's, yeah, OK. No, it was, it was very sad.
But, I mean, like, I think everyone here,
whether they're a dinosaur or not, has a fear of going extinct.
I just found with that character, I sort of was glad
she was getting made extinct.
DRUMMING
You heard the drums! It's the end of part one.
APPLAUSE
Hello, again.
Welcome back to Taskmaster, where we are time travelling.
Ooh, we certainly are.
Our five comics have been busy
recreating moments in history using two traffic cones.
Now it's time for a bit of unnatural history with Dr Chris Ramsey.
Hmm. Good day.
You join me on a historic day for myself and everyone in my field.
I am a scientist from Edinburgh University and today,
we finally did it.
The first time we've cloned from an adult somatic cell
using nuclear transfer,
we've cloned a sheep.
This is Dolly the Sheep.
Didn't name that one. No-one gives a shit.
This is Dolly the Sheep that we've cloned.
Have we gone too far?
SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYS
Has science gone too far?
Should I be playing god?
I don't know.
HE SOBS
APPLAUSE
Nice.
The cloning of Dolly the Sheep.
Because the cones were the same.
Oh, I see. Identical, them.
Yeah, yeah, they were. Stuck some cotton wool on 'em,
job's a good 'un. Um...
But I... I seem to remember that Dolly had a head.
LAUGHTER
Sorry, sorry, are you claiming that your cone looked more like
a tank than mine looked like a sheep?
I've never seen a cylindrical sheep, I just...
Right. So it was...
It was inaccurate, but it was emotional -
is that what we're saying? He definitely was emotional.
Mm-hm. Yeah.
I just don't remember on the task where it said about emotional.
What... That statement makes me look forward to yours
more than you can imagine. Who's next?
Uh, it's time for a bit of Bridget Chr-istory.
SHE SNIGGERS
LO-FI MUSIC PLAYS
IN RUSSIAN ACCENT:It is Day Three in the capsule.
It's quite lonely here but trying to keep my nerve
because if I panic, I don't have really have anywhere to go.
My heart is beating, but you know however frightened I get,
I keep telling myself that I have just orbited the Earth
and, you know, not many people from my socio-economic background
get to orbit a nice ball, let alone Earth.
I just need to be brave.
I would think of my mother, but I'm a stray, so I don't have mother.
My name is Laika, and, now, I'm ready to die.
APPLAUSE
Yeah? Yeah, a little one. Wow! Just a...
LAUGHTER
Street dog, no mother, and sent up to burn.
SIGHING
Was that why you put a pot lid...
LAUGHTER
It's all I had.
What was the name of the dog, Laiko? Laika. Laika.
What did happen to Laika?
It's exactly that.
One orbit and then died from the heat.
Oh, no. Poor Laika! I did like her.
LAUGHTER
A fitting tribute.
I'm just a bit, like, overwhelmed with, like, like,
how much props and digital stuff everybody else...
CHRIS GUFFAWS
Judi, I cannot wait to see yours.
Well, here we go, then. It's the return of the Ju-di.
The J-J... The... The Judi.
EPIC ENTRANCE MUSIC PLAYS
BIRDS SQUAWK
MYSTERIOUS ADVENTURE MUSIC PLAYS
That's how they did it.
EPIC CRESCENDO
What is it?
It's the pyramids.
I'm an Egyptian queen and I've built pyramids.
Thanks, Judi. Oh, what's your name?
Nefertiti.
Yeah? Yeah.
Thanks.
APPLAUSE
Yeah, I can see why you were so vocal during the others.
Well, it's just...it's an emotional thing for me, you know?
If you say to me, as a black woman, tell us about your history,
I mean, hmm! Dark road, isn't it?
Do you know who built... built the pyramids?
Wait, they didn't ask about it. They just...
I'm just saying you sort of glamorised slavery there.
That's what you...
You wanted emotion, right?
Yeah.
WAVERINGLY: And that... Those two cones up there...
There we go.
..really demonstrated heartache -
like Sophie's just said.
And the fact that my art draws the emotion after I've done it,
with just simple sand,
and a fucking crown...
What else do you need? GREG CHUCKLES
I tell you what you need, one point.
LAUGHTER
And you can thank me for it.
Fucking rubbish!
LAUGHTER
One to Judi. Two...
I'm sorry.
I wasn't moved by Dolly the Sheep.
I'm sorry, Chris, I've given you two.
Even though it was prehistory and the dinosaur was annoying,
I'm giving Sophie three points because of the ambition of it.
Because playing army by himself brought about
such an emotional reaction in Ardal...
I cried for you! ..I'm giving him four points.
Four points to Ardal O'Hanlon. And I'm standing by it.
Can't believe it. I don't think anyone will argue with me -
five sweet, sweet points go to the emotional recreation of
the loss of Laika the Dog. And that's an end to it!
Bridget Christie gets all five.
Right, let's have a look at the controversial scoreboard.
Bridget is in the lead with nine points!
APPLAUSE
Let's have another one.
And it's good news - it's an annoying task!
Ooh! Gosh.
Hi, Alex.
Toys.
You like toys? I do like toys.
Can I?
Anything you want to say to me about this task?
No.
"Make a..." Oh, God. Oh, God. OK.
"Make all of these things happen at the same time."
"The monsters must be squatting."
"The robot must be walking."
ALL, OVERLAPPING: The marble must be rolling.
CHRIS & JUDI: The cradle must be clicking.
ALL: The sand must be falling.
CHRIS & ARDAL: The fidget spinner must be spinning.
SOPHIE: The candles must be... ALL: ..out.
BOTH: You must applaud when you think you've finished.
ALL: Fastest wins.
Time starts now.
APPLAUSE
And I found just the task itself to be irritating.
Yes, yes. Um...
Let's crack on, I say. Off we go.
OK. We're going to start with three of them, A, B, C -
Ardal, Bridget and Sophie with a C. Here we go.
SING-SONG: OK, so, how do you make this guy walk?
How do you make him walk?
OK, I'm going to start with this guy. Wait, where's, where's the...
Where's the, where's the hole?!
OK, what is it... OK. OK!
Oh, great.
OK, stop.
HE LAUGHS
Why were you saying stop?
Because everything was happening that was supposed to.
Have you read the task properly?
I don't know.
OK, I'm going to sit on these. Right.
Squatting.
We have three squatters.
Three squatters. Two squatters.
You stay, or I'll smash you to pieces!
I've not got long left on the candles.
Out, clicking, spinning, rolling.
I've stopped the clock.
SHE SIGHS
AUDIENCE OOHS
He's still going. Yeah!
Argh.
Just imagine that if you don't do this, someone will take my cat.
It's these, it's these. I hate these!
It's OK. It's all OK.
APPLAUSE
Well, it seemed to me that the only person who had
any kind of system was Sophie.
She at least tried to stand on the jumpy-up things.
Yeah, that was clever.
I sensed blind panic in you two. You may disagree...
Not at all. I was glad I couldn't do it.
LAUGHTER
You generated some nice quotes for the Taskmaster quote book.
"You stay or I'll smash you to pieces."
"Just imagine, if you don't do this, someone will take my cat."
Alex asked Ardal why he'd stopped and he said,
and I think I'm quoting here,
"Because everything was happening like it was supposed to."
THEY LAUGH
And then within minutes of that, he and the robot were both lying
on the floor kicking their legs.
GREG CHUCKLES
Obviously, we all...
There was at least one thing that we didn't manage to get.
Well, there was definitely for you, yes. Hmm.
Bridget seemed to find her groove towards the end, though.
It's worth having another look at Bridget cos it...
She was so close, we had to look at it frame by frame at the end.
Wow. It's whether or not the monster is squatting
when everything else is happening.
Click. It does click.
Click. Yeah.
CHRIS: It's a blur, innit?
SOPHIE: But it's up, it's up.
JUDI: Yeah, it clicked.
BRIDGET: Look, it's clicking. I thought it was the...
It's that blur when it first clicks.
It blurs like it's about... GREG: God, that blur is so...
But, Bridget, she didn't lie down on the ground at the end.
The blur is weighing so heavy on my mind.
OVERLAPPING SPEECH It was so mean.
No, but it's up to him. Oh!
God, the blur!
I'm going to allow it.
She's done it! She's done it.
ROARING APPLAUSE
Right, let's have a break!
You're suffocating me.
I need to try and work out who I am.
There can't be an us until I find me. Surely you understand that!
Yes. See you in a bit.
APPLAUSE
Hello!
We're back again and so is he!
Coo-ee! Before the break, a plate-spinning task had begun.
The object is to get seven things happening at the same time.
Monsters squatting, robot walking,
marble rolling, cradle clicking, sand falling,
fidget spinner spinning and candles snuffed.
Bridget is the only one who's done it so far.
Now there are only two people left that can do it.
It's time for Judi and Chris to look silly with some toys. Here we go.
The candles must be out.
So what happens if I blow them out now?
They'll be out.
So that's one bit done.
How are the marbles supposed to roll?
How's a marble supposed to roll? How's a marble supposed to roll?
How long will that go for?
OK. OK. OK!
You bastards are going last.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous.
This I can do for quite a while cos I've got one in the house.
OK, I think I've got this. Yeah.
Right, I think I've got this.
Ah! I think I've got this. Yep.
OK, OK.
OK, OK, OK.
Hold on, hold on.
I've got this, hold on,
Hold on. I think I've got this. Hold on.
Oh, God.
Have you got this? I think so. Hold on.
OK.
I've stopped the clock.
APPLAUSE
It's looking good.
I think I had that. I think I had that.
I think I've smashed that task, to be honest with you.
LAUGHTER
Thanks, bye. Bye, Judi.
I'm not sure what the face was that you looked up
to Alex with at the end, but it was one of great satisfaction, I think.
JUDI GIGGLES
Daddy?
I think it was a daddy look.
Did I do good, Daddy?
He had to check in...
JUDI: The little boy... The little boy had to check in twice -
after he'd blown the candles out,
and then after he completed everything. I... Well...
Cos I was expecting Captain Dickhead here
to just keep lighting 'em again.
That is my full title. Thank you, Chris.
How come Chris' candles didn't relight? Yeah, yeah.
Did he just blow them out with his super strong lungs?
No, he got there quick, that's what you've got to do with those candles.
If you blow them quick enough, they don't get down
to the ignition stage. Oh, really! He seemed pretty efficient.
Yeah, he did succeed, there's no doubt, in 2:57. Wow!
By stark contrast...
Judi, are you working on some new catchphrases?
She was really trying.
I think I've got this... LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
Don't forget, "How's a marble supposed to roll?
"How's a marble supposed to roll?"
You're in that moment of that pressure,
you're in a room, it's all plastic,
you think you're going to get chopped up.
Like, it's... I think I kind of went into, like, the mum role.
Like, do you know what I mean?
Cooking, breast-feeding at the same time.
Say... Say... Saying.... Drinking a glass of wine.
Saying sentences repeatedly. Yes, that's what you say to the kids!
Sit down. Sit down. Sit down. Sit down!
LAUGHTER
She applauded after 2:32 and we have had to slow down the footage again -
so it's looking at the candle and, again, the squatting monster.
It's looking good.
Yeah, I got it!
No way!
Ah... No!
No way.
They are not out. They're not out.
And that is not a squat.
But I... But, but, but... Ah.
I was the fastest to lose.
LAUGHTER
Yeah, you can take that home with you.
Good. Let's award some points.
OK, well, Chris and Bridget definitely get points.
Four points to Bridget, five to Chris Ramsey.
APPLAUSE
The other three just didn't, didn't do the task so...
So they get zero. Yes, but we preserved our dignity.
Let's have one more task, then, please!
Here we go, it's time to tick something off my bucket list.
Oh, no.
Ha-ha, ha! What're you doing?
Something's different. You cut your hair?
Is it your suit?
Oh, yeah. It's my special outfit.
I like seeing you in that position, actually.
"Enable Alex to bite his duck."
"You may not encroach upon the decking."
"Fastest wins."
"Also the person who gets Alex the least wet gets a bonus point.
"Your time starts now."
So you have to be able to bite the duck?
I just want to bite the duck.
Can you tell me how far the duck is in?
Uh, the duck's at the bottom of the bucket.
This is like a really filthy task.
APPLAUSE
You came up with this task, didn't you?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
So you dressed yourself in pink. I don't... Yep.
You tied yourself up. Yeah.
And you said that the challenge is to help you to bite your duck.
Enable, I went for enable. What's going on with you?
Well... I think you're going through some difficult years.
LAUGHTER
It is creepy when someone ties theirself up. I...
Or acts like they're so tied up. Mm. Yeah.
But really they could set yourself free. You did tie yourself up.
There were other people. There was the camera crew...
You asked them to tie you up. Yes. It's really weird, mate.
I think we're going to have to have a little chat afterwards.
Yes. Anyway, the challenge is there for these poor people to attempt.
Mm-hm. Who's first?
Well, sometimes they're a team,
sometimes they all just do the same silly things.
It's Judi, it's Sophie and it's Bridget
all at the same time, here we go.
Um, is your duck in there?
Yeah, I can see it.
Is it floating?
Not at the moment. Right, can I use something, then?
It doesn't say I can't.
How big's your duck?
Below average.
LAUGHTER
It's fine. It's fine, Alex. We've got this, babe.
All right. I'm quite keen to bite my duck.
Can you bite the duck now?
No, you can't. Mm.
Come forward, Al...
AUDIENCE OOHS
I think he's eating it, isn't he?
APPLAUSE Oh.
This is so good.
Like, it feels good, doesn't it?
Yeah.
OK.
This is amazing. I'm so happy and proud of you.
Alex, you've got to work with me.
What do you want me to...
Bite it here.
Hold on.
Yes!
APPLAUSE
I should've thought of that much quicker.
I'm disappointed in myself. I really am.
Did you see how... Look, he was really fighting against me.
Everybody else, you opened your mouth WIDE enough!
And if you think of it on a scientific level, right...
Ah, good. At last. Right?
..me and Sophie - look at the height difference.
How did she reach so far in for him to bite straight away?
Be... Because... That shows he wasn't biting for me.
He should be leaning... Listen, isn't it!
Look at the length. Put your arm out. Put your arm out, girl!
Look at that! So that's a scientific thing, you see.
Very similar techniques from all three.
They were all very logical.
All the women, they weren't lured by this, just a mention of water.
Uh... But let's... Let's...
And the bucket and the wellies!
Come on. Bridget, you've fulfilled,
unknowingly, one of Alex's sexual fantasies
by turning him into a beekeeper.
LAUGHTER
He enjoyed... He bit very hard on that duck.
He did. Yep. He did.
Bridget enjoyed it as well. You had a big smile on your face
while feeding the duck in one minute and one second.
ALL:Wow. APPLAUSE
Sophie was 2:13. Judi, 3:15. Oh, yeah.
So all sub, like, ten or four.
Yep. We've had three good attempts.
Right, that's the end of that part. Bye!
APPLAUSE
Hello, again.
We have made it to the final part of the show. What's left, Alex?
Well, I still want to bite my duck, Greg.
So far, Judi, Bridget and Sophie kindly enabled me to do so.
But will the boys also help me out, and can they do it faster?
And let's not forget there's a bonus point for
the person that gets me the least wet.
Here, then, is how Ardal and Chris got on.
Sorry, Alex.
Nothing went in the bucket.
This has worked quite well.
Yeah.
Is it biteable yet?
Not yet, no, Chris.
I don't want to get you wet, Alex.
So... Try something like this.
Mm-hm.
Anywhere?
Not yet. No.
I'm enjoying myself.
You can go fuck yourself, you can.
Pardon?
That's never going to fill up, is it?
There's a hole in that bucket.
The question is - is it coming out faster than it's going in?
I'd say it is going up. But very slowly.
Are you getting close to that duck yet?
I can't see the duck. There's a pipe in the way.
Oh, my God, it's not even on full power, you shit.
Here it comes.
Why is the shed getting wet?
Is it going out the end of the shed? This is a good hose!
Oh, God.
I think plan A again, Alex. I'm really sorry.
What if I tip the bucket?
Sorry, Alex.
Can you see the duck yet, Chris?
Can't see the duck.
He's having a nice time. Is he? Yeah.
OK, that's just going to take too long so,
just going to knock the bucket over. Mm-hm.
Now you've got the duck.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Hey! I've stopped the clock.
Told you we'd get there, Alex.
Uh-huh.
OK. See you. Thank you.
Doing some disgusting things to that duck.
SLURPING
Yes. Yes!
Wow. Thank you, Chris.
It's OK, and just cos I think the Taskmaster would respect it,
Ahhh!
ALEX YELLS
I don't even care about the points, this is fucking great.
This is therapy.
Chris? Yeah?
You can go now. Thanks, mate.
OK.
Stick your duck up your arse.
GREG LAUGHS
Oh, Christopher, I've...
I've stopped giving bonus points,
but I can't tell you what an absolute...
How right you were.
And how long that jet was.
And, you know, you've got to share that glory
with Ardal, who immediately threw a pan of water at Alex's face.
Chris was the last person to do the task and he was the only one
who discovered the elaborate hole in the bucket,
which went down through a pipe into my wellies.
There we are.
So do you want to hear some times?
Yes.
LAUGHTER
OK, well, we know that the fastest person was Bridget,
so it's five points to Bridget, four to Sophie, three to Judi.
Ardal did it in 14:37.
Chris in 15:38.
Wow. So just the one point.
But there is a bonus point for whoever kept me the driest.
I would say all three ladies didn't wet me.
So all three ladies get a bonus point.
I think so.
Perfectly acceptable.
All right, so, six to Bridget, five to Sophie, four to Judi,
two to Ardal and one to Chris. And we're done! We're done!
Right, please make your way to the stage
for the final task of the show.
APPLAUSE
Who's going to read it out?
Please can you read it out, Judi? Girls.
"As a team, put one of your faces
"and one of your legs through the hole."
I'm not doing that shit.
"The Taskmaster will guess whether the leg belongs to
"the face or the other contestant.
"Most wrong guesses after three rounds wins."
One at a time.
One of the teams... JUDI CHORTLES
..will, uh... POP!
..a face.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
So it's three rounds each. The boys are going to go first.
I want the men in the booth.
Men, please, go into the booth. All right.
They're making their way into the booth now.
OK. So they're now in.
And if you just scream, "I'm ready," when you're ready, please.
Quite tricky cos they're quite of similar size, these two.
Well, I should make it clear they are all wearing
the same size boot and the same size boiler suit.
They are deliberately baggy. They're all size nine boots.
So you can't be looking at that detail.
Thank you.
ARDAL: Ready for the first one.
OK. I'm going to... Watch out, hold on.
You sure you're ready? CHRIS: Yeah.
OK, well, I'm going to show you the face.
Of course, there's the little face.
Little Ardal's face.
And a boot, there it is.
It's going to be really hard.
I think that's Ardal's face.
GREG LAUGHS
But I think it's Chris Ramsey's leg.
I'm now going to ask Chris Ramsey to leave the booth.
Ah!
APPLAUSE
Lovely.
OK, please return to your spots. Thank you.
And it's time for the... Great work.
..ladies to enter the booth.
Where is he?
We don't know.
Oh, sorry! GREG CHORTLES
Sorry.
Waiting in the booth for the ladies.
Goodness me, Ardal!
GIRLS: Sh! We're ready.
You hear? Oh, they're ready. They're ready, Greg. Ready.
Are you ready to see the face? Oh, God, am I?
That's Judi Love. Yeah.
Is this Judi Love's leg?
Right, I believe it...
That it's Judi Love's face. Sure.
SCATTERED LAUGHTER
But I do not believe it is Judi Love's leg.
OK, so one at a time.
There's one lady not doing anything - definitely.
Might be two, but if the definite lady could leave the booth, please,
and return to your circle.
There they go. Ha-ha! Right.
I would now ask anyone who's not Judi Love to leave the booth.
AUDIENCE OOHS
Ooh, ho-ho!
APPLAUSE
I'm having an absolute shocker.
I can't...
LAUGHTER
It's like they're pulling a dead body out of there.
JUDI: Oh!
Oh, so it's one-one.
Well, I mean, it's electric.
We got to do this again?
Twice more.
Pop the boys in the booth. Boys in the booth.
Pull the curtain!
Hmm.
You disappointed with yourself, Greg?
No, it was a sort of pleasurable "hmm."
CHRIS, MUFFLED: Ready.
OK, they're ready, Greg.
Here's Chris' face, presumably.
Yeah. OK, but is this part of Chris Ramsey?
Ooh, what an angle.
I mean, it's very clever.
Does that leg belong to that face?
Against my instinct, I'm going to say that leg
does belong to that face.
I'm going to ask Ardal O'Hanlon to leave the booth, please.
Fuck!
AUDIENCE OOHS
Greg, you got it right. You were right.
I was right!
The door has opened for the women.
Right, so now I know,
I must do the opposite to what I actually think.
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
OK, women, please, go back into the booth. Would you mind?
MUFFLED SPEECH
Course not.
Whose face do you think you're going to see, Greg?
FEMALE VOICE: Ready.
Oh, now... Now that the voice has been disguised, I don't know.
It's Bridget. Ooh.
Yes. But is that Bridget? Oh.
I don't believe that's Bridget's leg.
OK, could the spare part please leave?
GRUNTING
I still feel confident. I knew it wasn't Sophie's little leg.
OK, if you're not Bridget Christie, please leave the booth.
AUDIENCE OOHS
They've done it again!
APPLAUSE I should've known,
with all the ooh, ah, ah. I should've known.
The women can't lose now.
But can the men at least get a draw? The final time.
So, basically, we've won?
SOPHIE: Yep.
Well, you might draw if they do it and you don't on the last one.
Sorry, Judi. Yes, you've won.
LAUGHTER
ARDAL: We're ready.
Oh, quite quick, this one.
SHE SQUEAKS
Oh, I just trod on something.
MUFFLED: Oh!
I think that's Ardal's foot.
Well, let's see.
It's Chris' face.
Is that Chris' leg?
Make some noises, make some weird noises, Ardal.
Ooh!
BRIDGET & SOPHIE: # It's a long way to Tipperary... #
LAUGHTER
It's Ardal's leg.
Well, if you're not Chris Ramsey, please leave the booth.
BRIDGET: Oh.
Bugger!
It was Ardal's leg.
See if you can do three for three.
Oh, for fuck's sake, hun.
LAUGHTER
They've beaten you twice, though, Greg.
Yeah, they won't beat me a third time.
FEMALE VOICE: We're ready.
Right. Yeah.
It's Judi again. OK.
And there it is, dangling.
I think that is not Judi Love's leg.
As always, I'll ask one of you to leave the booth.
Is it your leg again?
It's... It's my leg, babes.
Send Sophie out, then.
There it is, three for three.
It was.
Right, come back down here
and we'll see how that's affected the final scores!
APPLAUSE
Welcome back. Thank you, Greg.
Ladies, you did very well.
Mm-hm. We tricked you. The boys deceived me once.
I am dictating.
The points will be scored thus.
Two points per person per deception.
AUDIENCE OOHS
OK, which means the men get two points each.
Correct. Yeah.
The women get six points each.
In terms of the series, Chris is no longer in the lead.
Bridget has stolen that from him.
What? Because in this episode, she has won by a landslide nine points.
She has 25 in total. Wow.
Bridget Christie. Wow!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm shocked!
Ooh!
Bridget Christie wins Episode Three!
Please go and gather and giggle at your unusually named artefacts.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right, we'll do this again soon,
but in the meantime, let's celebrate tonight's big winner.
It's Bridget Christie!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Subtitles by Red Bee Media