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This program me contains
strong language and adult humour.
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Ha-haa!
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No way!
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Er... Gosh!
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Where's the hole?
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Urghh! Ahh! Uhhh...
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Are you having a laugh?
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SHE GASPS
Ooh! Aghh!
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APPLAUSE
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Hello! Hello, everybody, I'm
Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster.
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There are those that think that
this series — series 13 — is cursed.
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There are those that say
I have the legs of a goat
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and can be seen on the moors
devouring pork by moonlight.
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There are those that think
all of the losers of Taskmaster
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are done away with and replaced by
robots that I use to do my bidding.
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There are those that think
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I shouldn't write introductions
to the show when I'm tired.
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And here are five of them.
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Ardal O'Hanlon!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Bridget Christie!
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Chris Ramsey!
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Judi Love!
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And Sophie Duker!
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And next to me
the answer to the question
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what would happen if you forced
a yak through a sausage machine?
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It's...
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FALSETTO: ..little Alex Horne!
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CHEERING
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Thank you.
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All right, then, love? How are you?
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I'm excited because
I'm just about to say
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my millionth word of the year.
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I'm now 14 short
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and I want you to choose
my millionth.
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All right.
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There you are.
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Biff ins!
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That bit between your front
and your back.
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That's your millionth word.
That's my millionth this year. Yep.
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There's always next year,
isn't there?
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Right. What's the prize-task
category, please, Alex?
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Well, this one's safely up there
in our top 109 prize tasks.
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We asked them to bring in
the best night-time thing.
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Ooh. Five points for whomever has
brought in the best night-time thing
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and at the end of the show, the winner
will take home five night-time things
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and guarantee themselves
a thoroughly good Monday to Friday.
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Very good. judi Love.
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I said, erm,
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a lovely duvet.
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Look at it.
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This is practical, it keeps you warm
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and when you're hot,
you can put your foot out of it...
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I didn't realise you could
put your feet out. Yeah.
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I thought they had to stay within
the confines... No, no, no. No.
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Only special people know this.
But you...
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...can also use it for camping.
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Why are you saying this
like...like it's the first time
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anyone's ever thought of it?
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What do you expect from me for that?
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"What? You can take it
out of the house?!"
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There's so much stuff you can do
with a duvet at night-time.
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You can make a tent,
you can sleep downstairs with it.
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Do you know what I mean?
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You can play ghost.
It would be a big, fat ghost,
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but you can play. I mean,
the person that doesn't beat duvet,
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hang your heads in shame.
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Genius. Ardal.
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Ah, well, obviously, er,
night—vision goggles.
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Ooh! Are they night-vision goggles?
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Well, they're swimming goggles,
but, er...
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They are the best night—time thing
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because when you wake up at night,
uh, you can see.
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Uh, and I...|...|...
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Do you wear them in bed?
Of course I wear them in bed!
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So when I wake up and if there's
someone in the room, I can see them.
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So what are the practical applications
of night-vision goggles for you? Right.
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I don't sleep well.
And my wife does sleep well,
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but she doesn't like me turning the light on
at night, so if there's an intruder comes in,
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I've got a little advantage.
Over your wife?
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Over my wife.
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Um, Sophie, can you beat
night-vision goggles?
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Uh, I think the best
night—time thing
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is an owl. But... I mean...
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It's... Yeah.
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I think... Do you know what?
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Already I think she's right!
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Already!
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I think owls are creatures
of the night,
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they can... Not only do they have
night vision,
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but they can see all around.
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But, um, owls and people
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don't make great bedfellows.
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Oh, it's not a live owl.
It's an owl hot-water bottle.
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And here it is.
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So the thing is
it might keep you warm,
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but when you're cold,
can you put your foot out of it?
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Uh, that's how they catch
their prey, isn't it, on heat.
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On heat? I think...
Their eyesight is actually, um...
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Their eyes are actually bigger
than their brains. Oh, right.
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Which means sometimes it looks at a crossword
and thinks, "I can do that", but it can't.
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It's not as clever
as it thinks it is.
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It's a hot-water bottle,
but it's a cute one.
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Might get you two points, let's see.
Chris.
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A bed. A bed. He's brought a bed in.
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Oh, Chris. I mean, honestly,
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that is so basic. Shall we list
things you can do on a bed?
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Yeah. Yeah... Every single thing
you said plus it's a trampoline.
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Any special features?
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Er, memory—foam mattress.
BRIDGET: That's the mattress though.
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They don't work. I got one of them.
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It doesn't remember me.
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It rejects me!
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All right, Chris. Bridget, hello.
Hi. What have you brought in?
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A fox.
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ALL: Aww!
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SOPHIE: You brought in
the natural predator of the owl.
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Why's it the best night-time thing?
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I think they're magical and, er,
they're all around us all the time
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and we don't notice them.
The amount of films
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and in literature
and in Japanese folklore...
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You have convinced me that
the fox means a lot to you.
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They're in... They skulk around the
suburbs in the middle of the night
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like a jazz drummer trying to score
heroin. They don't skulk...
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Right, score some points. Yes,
what is the best night-time thing?
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Shall we start with the worst?
OK, what's the worst?
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Judi Love. And unfortunately, Chris,
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I'm sure your bed's absolutely
lovely, but I must only give it two points.
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Sophie's coy owl will take
three points.
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Coy owl. So it is night-time goggles
versus fox.
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The idea of him
in night-vision goggles,
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it delights me that one point more.
That is my judgement.
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There we go, Ardal O'Hanlon
gets five points!
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Let's have a task proper. OK, then.
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Well, I have a big task for you
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set in a little church.
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FOOTSTEPS
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Ohh.
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It's like a sample sale.
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This is like a nightmare.
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It's like Blair Witch or something.
Sponsored by JD Sports.
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"Display the shoe
Alex is thinking of."
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"All the other shoes must be out of
sight at the end of your attempt."
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"You may only ask yes or no
questions and you must say,
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"'| have to find the shoe'
after every answer."
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"You must shout,
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"'No way! after every answer."
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I must say "OK, just one more thing"
after every answer.
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I must laugh with disbelief
after every answer.
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I must get increasingly exasperated
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after every answer.
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"Fewest questions wins. "
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"Your time starts now."
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So this is like Guess Who
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with shoes. So what's it called?
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Shoe Who. OK.
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Guess Shoe. Yeah. OK.
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If you think I'm not thinking
of a particular shoe,
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please pop it out of that window. I
will be counting any questions you ask.
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Maybe I don't have to ask
any questions.
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It's one tactic. Mmm.
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Do you like shoes? Yes.
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No way! So that's...
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That's what we've got to do.
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No way.
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APPLAUSE
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That's the opener you went with,
is it? "Do you like shoes?"
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Yeah. Bit annoyed that
that got counted.
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I counted every question.
Every question.
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Right, let's crack on. Yes. As this
task is taking place in a church,
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who better to start with
than a bit of "Christie 'n' Love"?
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Bridget Christie 'n' Judi Love.
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Can I have some gloves, please?
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You cold? No, I don't like
touching shoes. Oh.
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Is the shoe you're thinking of...
Is that how we do it?
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Oh, that's a question, isn't it?
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Trainers? No.
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Ha-haa!
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Is it a baby's shoe?
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No. Is it an adult... Please say...
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Just one more thing. OK, just one
more thing. OK, just one more thing.
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Is it an adult's shoe? Yes.
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OK, just one more thing.
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Football boots? No. A-ha-haa!
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Is it a man's shoe? No.
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Is... Is it these? No.
186
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Is it these? No.
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So it's not those. Is it these? No.
188
00:10:05,966 --> 00:10:08,541
Off you pop. Is it these? No.
189
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Is it these? You haven't said,
"OK, just one more thing."
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OK, just one more thing.
Is it these? No.
191
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Does your toe show? Yes, it does.
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Ha-ha a ah!
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It's not those. Is it?
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Oh, you still asked a question.
What? No.
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00:10:23,716 --> 00:10:27,511
Alex? Hello, Judi. I think
you should take those down for me.
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00:10:27,536 --> 00:10:29,980
Oh, right, OK. And these.
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00:10:31,566 --> 00:10:34,980
Out the window, is it?
Yes, Alex, out the window.
198
00:10:37,896 --> 00:10:40,461
Thank you, Judi.
199
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OK, just one more thing.
Is it the bowling shoes?
200
00:10:44,486 --> 00:10:48,230
No. So I have to get those down now?
That's another question.
201
00:10:48,255 --> 00:10:51,150
Is it any of those? No.
Is it on the back row? No.
202
00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:54,181
OK, just one more thing. Is it these?
No. OK, just one more thing. Is it these?
203
00:10:54,206 --> 00:10:57,511
OK, just one more thing... One
more... One more... Is it a pair of shoes?
204
00:10:57,536 --> 00:11:00,381
Mm, no.
205
00:11:00,406 --> 00:11:03,951
I've got one.
That's not good enough.
206
00:11:03,976 --> 00:11:06,261
Is it a bright shoe, Alex?
207
00:11:06,286 --> 00:11:09,780
Is it a bright colour?
Is it a bright colour, Alex?
208
00:11:09,805 --> 00:11:12,821
Yes. You did ask me that question
five times.
209
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:16,061
No, no, don't take the piss. Right.
210
00:11:16,086 --> 00:11:19,061
Is it those? You've just asked me
about those. Oh, yeah.
211
00:11:19,086 --> 00:11:22,741
Alex, are these your dutty shoes?
212
00:11:24,805 --> 00:11:26,660
Sort of.
213
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:29,270
There must've been a pair
that I missed.
214
00:11:29,295 --> 00:11:31,910
Right, I'll have to go through them
individually again though.
215
00:11:34,165 --> 00:11:35,660
Is this the shoe?
216
00:11:35,685 --> 00:11:36,989
Yes.
217
00:11:37,014 --> 00:11:40,020
It's not these either. No.
It isn't these? No.
218
00:11:40,045 --> 00:11:42,350
And you also said no for these.
Yeah.
219
00:11:42,375 --> 00:11:44,350
I'm having a deja vu.
220
00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:46,630
How would you like to display it?
221
00:11:48,655 --> 00:11:51,630
Thank God we're in a church because
I would tell you some words.
222
00:11:51,655 --> 00:11:53,939
Bye, Alex. Bye, Judi.
223
00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:56,270
OK, just one more thing.
None of these shoes?
224
00:11:56,295 --> 00:11:59,069
Yes.
225
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:01,830
OK, just one more thing.
Is it one of these? Yes.
226
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:04,300
OK, just one more thing.
Is it that shoe? Yes.
227
00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:07,189
Oh, my God.
228
00:12:07,214 --> 00:12:09,710
And then if you could turn round.
229
00:12:09,735 --> 00:12:11,739
Right, I can't see any shoes.
230
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:14,500
OK, thanks, bye. Bye-bye.
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APPLAUSE
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Bridget, you and I have sort of known
each other on and off for a few years now.
233
00:12:23,405 --> 00:12:25,939
Yeah. And it's only after
watching that VT
234
00:12:25,964 --> 00:12:29,790
for the first time did I question
your intelligence.
235
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:32,430
I was cursed by something
in the church.
236
00:12:34,455 --> 00:12:36,510
It had been deconsecrated,
the church.
237
00:12:36,535 --> 00:12:39,380
But it does make some sense because
you did say quite a lot more questions
238
00:12:39,405 --> 00:12:43,739
than there were shoes. Wow.
How many questions did she ask?
239
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:46,270
161 questions. JUDI: No!
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00:12:46,295 --> 00:12:49,189
That's quite something.
And I'll tell you something else —
241
00:12:49,214 --> 00:12:51,660
it's the first time in 13 series
242
00:12:51,685 --> 00:12:54,580
that I've seen Alex Horne
genuinely irritated. Yeah.
243
00:12:54,605 --> 00:12:57,710
Let's have a look at Alex Horne
244
00:12:57,735 --> 00:13:00,069
genuinely annoyed.
245
00:13:00,094 --> 00:13:01,939
It's not those, is it?
246
00:13:01,964 --> 00:13:04,270
Oh, you still asked a question.
What?
247
00:13:04,295 --> 00:13:05,910
No!
248
00:13:08,575 --> 00:13:11,270
Yeah, I don't like that.
I don't like seeing that.
249
00:13:11,295 --> 00:13:14,739
Please can I say something about that?
Yeah. I could see how annoyed he was.
250
00:13:14,764 --> 00:13:17,100
And that wasn't very supportive.
251
00:13:21,014 --> 00:13:25,020
I thoughtjudi seemed
pretty efficient to me.
252
00:13:25,045 --> 00:13:28,230
Yes. 24 questions. Yeah, you tricked
me on some of those questions.
253
00:13:28,255 --> 00:13:30,910
You say 23, let's take off
three of them so we got 21, yeah?
254
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,920
20. Or 20. 20 or 24 questions
from Judi.
255
00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:37,150
Yep. Right. We're stopping
to catch our breath.
256
00:13:37,175 --> 00:13:40,310
There will be more shoes
after the break. Shoo! You!
257
00:13:40,335 --> 00:13:43,150
Then come back for shoe!
New shoe, for you!
258
00:13:48,505 --> 00:13:50,730
APPLAUSE
259
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:55,240
Hello again and welcome back to
the second part of tonight's show.
260
00:13:55,265 --> 00:13:57,810
Quick reminder of the task in play,
please, Alex.
261
00:13:57,835 --> 00:14:00,160
Everyone is trying to guess
my shoe, Greg.
262
00:14:00,185 --> 00:14:02,480
Fewest questions wins.
Next up, it's Sophie Duker
263
00:14:02,505 --> 00:14:04,400
and Chris Ramsey!
264
00:14:04,425 --> 00:14:07,480
AS GEORDIES: No way!
265
00:14:07,505 --> 00:14:09,400
Is it a sporting shoe? No.
266
00:14:09,425 --> 00:14:11,120
No way!
267
00:14:13,585 --> 00:14:15,560
Does the shoe
268
00:14:15,585 --> 00:14:17,839
have laces?
269
00:14:17,864 --> 00:14:19,320
No.
270
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:24,240
Would you class this as a sport? No.
271
00:14:24,265 --> 00:14:26,560
No way!
272
00:14:26,585 --> 00:14:29,290
Can I have these ones?
Now, then, is that a question?
273
00:14:29,315 --> 00:14:31,200
No!
274
00:14:31,225 --> 00:14:33,530
You were quite exasperated then.
275
00:14:33,555 --> 00:14:36,600
So I'm just not allowed to ask
questions? Now, is that a question?
276
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,280
Oh, my God!
277
00:14:38,305 --> 00:14:42,280
I should've said "sporty".
Because there's a grey area here.
278
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:46,450
Ah. You're putting on
the fish shoes. Yeah.
279
00:14:46,475 --> 00:14:49,120
Does the shoe you're thinking of
280
00:14:49,145 --> 00:14:51,400
have laces? No.
281
00:14:51,425 --> 00:14:52,610
No way!
282
00:14:54,195 --> 00:14:56,959
No grey area here, Chris.
The grey area has gone.
283
00:14:59,225 --> 00:15:01,610
Does it have, like, a heel
284
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:03,610
with height?
285
00:15:03,635 --> 00:15:06,089
Do you understand the question?
Now, was that a question,
286
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:08,370
whether I understood the question?
287
00:15:08,395 --> 00:15:10,280
Does it have a heel?
288
00:15:10,305 --> 00:15:12,120
No. No.
289
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:15,089
Not really. What do you mean, "Not
really"? It's a yes or no question.
290
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:17,660
I think all shoes have heels.
No, they don't.
291
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:19,710
Does this have a heel of height?
292
00:15:19,735 --> 00:15:22,540
So there's another question.
293
00:15:22,565 --> 00:15:24,540
Are you getting exasperated?
294
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:29,949
Does the shoe you're thinking of
have a closed toe? No.
295
00:15:29,974 --> 00:15:31,260
No way!
296
00:15:31,285 --> 00:15:33,619
Right. Can you tell me
how many questions I've asked?
297
00:15:33,644 --> 00:15:36,430
So with that one, seven. No!
298
00:15:36,455 --> 00:15:39,739
No! Well, at least
you're getting exasperated.
299
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:42,310
Is the shoe you're thinking of
300
00:15:42,335 --> 00:15:44,739
on my right? No.
301
00:15:44,764 --> 00:15:46,989
No way!
302
00:15:48,335 --> 00:15:51,460
Is the shoe you're thinking of
on that side of the room?
303
00:15:51,485 --> 00:15:53,869
No.
304
00:15:55,485 --> 00:15:58,510
Is the shoe you're thinking of
on my right? Yes.
305
00:15:58,535 --> 00:15:59,900
No way!
306
00:16:02,644 --> 00:16:05,310
Which one do you want? Both.
Both my shoes.
307
00:16:05,335 --> 00:16:07,180
Hm.
308
00:16:07,205 --> 00:16:09,460
You threw them further
than the others. Yeah.
309
00:16:12,385 --> 00:16:14,749
AUDIENCE CRIES OUT IN SHOCK
310
00:16:17,615 --> 00:16:19,900
No, that was wrong, that was wrong.
The closed-toe thing,
311
00:16:19,925 --> 00:16:22,260
I've confused me self.
312
00:16:24,844 --> 00:16:27,949
Didn't seem very exasperated.
313
00:16:29,695 --> 00:16:32,260
OK, it does, it does.
314
00:16:32,285 --> 00:16:34,590
Ooh. Does the shoe
you're thinking of
315
00:16:34,615 --> 00:16:36,869
have a buckle on it? No.
316
00:16:36,894 --> 00:16:39,110
No way!
317
00:16:41,415 --> 00:16:45,260
Would the shoe that you're thinking
of make you feel bold
318
00:16:45,285 --> 00:16:47,030
and ballerinas?
319
00:16:47,055 --> 00:16:48,510
Yes.
320
00:16:49,695 --> 00:16:51,590
Are you thinking of the right shoe?
321
00:16:51,615 --> 00:16:53,030
No.
322
00:17:03,774 --> 00:17:06,310
Thank you, Chris. Thanks, Alex.
323
00:17:06,335 --> 00:17:09,079
Weirdly fun. Weirdly fun.
324
00:17:09,104 --> 00:17:10,470
APPLAUSE
325
00:17:13,005 --> 00:17:16,949
Chris Ramsey enters all tasks
like a bouncy, happy puppy.
326
00:17:16,974 --> 00:17:19,910
Yes. And he was the only person
not to leave that room hating you.
327
00:17:19,935 --> 00:17:22,440
Yes. As evidenced
by Sophie's face...
328
00:17:22,465 --> 00:17:24,749
Yep.
329
00:17:24,774 --> 00:17:27,720
By the end of it, I just thought
you wanted to murder him.
330
00:17:27,745 --> 00:17:29,160
Yes.
331
00:17:29,185 --> 00:17:31,190
I think I was getting
increasingly exasperated
332
00:17:31,215 --> 00:17:34,910
but forgetting that was what
you'd asked me to do.
333
00:17:34,935 --> 00:17:38,190
Both similar systems. The geography
system is the way to do it.
334
00:17:38,215 --> 00:17:41,749
If you just divided them in half each time,
you'd get the shoe in seven questions.
335
00:17:41,774 --> 00:17:43,720
What Chris did well,
he barely wasted a question.
336
00:17:43,745 --> 00:17:46,910
13 in total. Pretty impressive.
WHOOPING AND WHISTLING
337
00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:49,340
But the woman who'd like to
squeeze the life out of you...
338
00:17:49,365 --> 00:17:51,749
Yes. Er, 30 in total.
339
00:17:51,774 --> 00:17:55,110
It just leaves Ardal to go.
He threatened to complete the task
340
00:17:55,135 --> 00:17:58,190
without asking any questions at all.
High hopes here.
341
00:17:58,215 --> 00:18:00,600
Let's see how he got on.
342
00:18:00,625 --> 00:18:02,160
Um,
343
00:18:02,185 --> 00:18:04,470
is it a blue shoe? No.
344
00:18:04,495 --> 00:18:07,720
It's not a blue shoe? Was that...
No, no, no, that's one question!
345
00:18:08,825 --> 00:18:11,670
I have to find the shoe.
346
00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:17,990
Is it a shoe that you would
mainly use for sports?
347
00:18:18,015 --> 00:18:21,749
No. I have to find the shoe.
Basketball.
348
00:18:21,774 --> 00:18:24,030
Bowling.
349
00:18:24,055 --> 00:18:25,990
Walking is a sport. OK.
350
00:18:26,015 --> 00:18:28,320
I would argue most shoes are
for walking.
351
00:18:28,345 --> 00:18:30,550
Well, that's where we differ, Alex.
352
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:35,520
Would you wear this particular shoe
353
00:18:35,545 --> 00:18:38,079
to a funeral?
354
00:18:38,104 --> 00:18:40,550
No. You wouldn't wear it
to a funeral?
355
00:18:40,575 --> 00:18:42,879
Well, I certainly wouldn't, no. No.
356
00:18:42,904 --> 00:18:45,240
You wouldn't wear these
unless you were...
357
00:18:45,265 --> 00:18:47,550
...going to Elvis's funeral
or something.
358
00:18:49,135 --> 00:18:51,879
No, you wouldn't wear
your white ones to a funeral.
359
00:18:51,904 --> 00:18:55,680
Well, I did say I wouldn't wear
my shoe to a funeral.
360
00:19:02,784 --> 00:19:04,629
HE MOUTHS SI LENTLY
361
00:19:07,705 --> 00:19:10,720
You wouldn't wear the shoe
to a funeral.
362
00:19:10,745 --> 00:19:12,680
Oh, you wouldn't wear it, OK.
363
00:19:15,465 --> 00:19:17,320
Is it a...
364
00:19:17,345 --> 00:19:19,600
Is it a left shoe?
365
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:20,990
Yes.
366
00:19:21,015 --> 00:19:22,910
It is a left shoe.
367
00:19:22,935 --> 00:19:25,879
OK... I need to...find
its counterpart.
368
00:19:27,545 --> 00:19:29,270
I have to find the shoe.
369
00:19:29,295 --> 00:19:31,600
You would wear those to a funeral.
Of course you would.
370
00:19:31,625 --> 00:19:33,910
These you would. Oh, yeah.
371
00:19:33,935 --> 00:19:36,680
Course you would!
ALEX LAUGHS
372
00:19:37,935 --> 00:19:41,959
Not going to wear sandals to a funeral.
I suppose kids get away with murder.
373
00:19:41,984 --> 00:19:44,550
They could wear whatever they want.
Not going to wear them.
374
00:19:44,575 --> 00:19:47,350
Wouldn't wear those.
375
00:19:51,935 --> 00:19:54,550
SLOWED DOWN: I have to find
the shoe...
376
00:19:56,545 --> 00:19:59,450
But not these two. So...
377
00:19:59,475 --> 00:20:01,680
...I'm going to go with...
378
00:20:03,225 --> 00:20:05,480
Is that the shoe
you were thinking of? No.
379
00:20:08,265 --> 00:20:10,270
What do you have to do?
380
00:20:10,295 --> 00:20:12,520
I have to find the shoe.
381
00:20:24,425 --> 00:20:26,629
Is it a red shoe?
382
00:20:27,904 --> 00:20:30,480
Is it reddish? Yes.
383
00:20:30,505 --> 00:20:32,990
I have to find the shoe.
384
00:20:33,015 --> 00:20:35,839
Could you pass that sandaly one
there?
385
00:20:35,864 --> 00:20:37,839
This? Yeah, that one.
386
00:20:37,864 --> 00:20:40,839
OK, I want to display this.
Is this the shoe?
387
00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:42,839
Yes. Is it?!
388
00:20:42,864 --> 00:20:44,600
Yeah.
389
00:20:44,625 --> 00:20:46,400
APPLAUSE
390
00:20:48,475 --> 00:20:50,170
WQW!
391
00:20:52,275 --> 00:20:54,639
BRIDGET: Oh, my God.
CHRIS: Wow.
392
00:20:54,664 --> 00:20:57,250
Before that, uh, lucky twist of fate
at the end,
393
00:20:57,275 --> 00:20:59,610
I would say
a more heart—breaking image
394
00:20:59,635 --> 00:21:01,920
than Ardal sitting on
a cage of shoes
395
00:21:01,945 --> 00:21:04,810
you'll struggle to see...
396
00:21:04,835 --> 00:21:08,000
I can read you out his last two questions.
They're quite heart-breaking. Please.
397
00:21:08,025 --> 00:21:09,969
The last two were
"Will Taskmaster be happy?"
398
00:21:09,994 --> 00:21:12,200
And "Can you help me get back in?"
399
00:21:17,835 --> 00:21:20,089
Taskmaster's very happy!
400
00:21:20,114 --> 00:21:22,080
With the wisdom of hindsight,
401
00:21:22,105 --> 00:21:24,360
was your funeral system
the best system?
402
00:21:25,664 --> 00:21:30,040
In theory, it was,
but I do blame Alex. Ah.
403
00:21:30,065 --> 00:21:33,400
Er, I asked a simple question —
"Would you wear it to a funeral?"
404
00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:35,889
And he said something like,
"I wouldn't not wear it..."
405
00:21:35,914 --> 00:21:39,000
I think I said, "No." Did you?!
406
00:21:39,025 --> 00:21:41,560
How many questions? 40.
407
00:21:41,585 --> 00:21:44,250
Oh! I mean, second last,
but not last
408
00:21:44,275 --> 00:21:46,639
by 121 questions.
409
00:21:48,505 --> 00:21:51,759
Well, look, Bridget one point
for 161 questions
410
00:21:51,784 --> 00:21:53,839
then it's Ardal, Sophie, Judi.
411
00:21:53,864 --> 00:21:55,839
Chris, just 13 questions,
five points!
412
00:21:55,864 --> 00:21:58,330
There it is!
413
00:21:58,355 --> 00:22:02,889
Scoreboard, please. It's the closest
episode of the series so far.
414
00:22:02,914 --> 00:22:05,330
There's just two separating
all five of them.
415
00:22:05,355 --> 00:22:08,080
We have joint leaders —
Ardal and Chris — on seven points.
416
00:22:08,105 --> 00:22:10,480
APPLAUSE
417
00:22:10,505 --> 00:22:12,810
Pretty close. Pretty close.
418
00:22:12,835 --> 00:22:15,480
Have you got another one ready?
Ooh, yes. Ooh!
419
00:22:15,505 --> 00:22:18,000
Yes, and I've got some lovely news —
unless you're my wife —
420
00:22:18,025 --> 00:22:20,250
I'm getting married again!
421
00:22:34,465 --> 00:22:37,170
HE SIGHS
After you, Chris.
422
00:22:37,195 --> 00:22:39,969
Oh, thank you very much.
Braver than me. Kind of you.
423
00:22:39,994 --> 00:22:42,280
Hello, Bridget. Ah.
424
00:22:42,305 --> 00:22:45,170
Hello. Oh, you've brought Sophie.
425
00:22:45,195 --> 00:22:47,170
I did, yes. Oh, and Judi.
Judi's here as well.
426
00:22:47,195 --> 00:22:49,920
Yeah. Yeah. That's nice.
427
00:22:49,945 --> 00:22:52,280
So, shall we?
428
00:22:52,305 --> 00:22:54,810
Go on, you can. OK.
429
00:22:54,835 --> 00:22:57,849
"Give Alex the best stag minute."
430
00:23:01,195 --> 00:23:03,440
"By the end of the stag minute,
431
00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:05,769
"Alex must be ready to get married."
432
00:23:05,794 --> 00:23:09,130
"You have 29 minutes to prepare
for the stag minute."
433
00:23:09,155 --> 00:23:11,530
"Your time starts now."
434
00:23:11,555 --> 00:23:14,570
So the obvious thing is to...
435
00:23:14,595 --> 00:23:16,930
...pour flour on him. Yeah.
436
00:23:16,955 --> 00:23:20,690
Like a stag do but in a minute.
Who's going to be... Who's going to be...
437
00:23:20,715 --> 00:23:23,000
...the twerkin'...
438
00:23:23,025 --> 00:23:27,410
Twerk, twerk, twerk, twerk. Do all
men have stag dos like that now?
439
00:23:27,435 --> 00:23:29,769
I thought that was quite
an old—fashioned thing, wasn't it?
440
00:23:29,794 --> 00:23:33,210
I think they do things like book
readings and things now, don't they?
441
00:23:33,235 --> 00:23:34,610
Really?
442
00:23:34,635 --> 00:23:38,440
I mean, humiliation is the main part
of this. OK.
443
00:23:38,465 --> 00:23:40,769
Because I think... I think
TM would like to see
444
00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:43,080
Alex be utterly humiliated.
445
00:23:43,105 --> 00:23:46,649
Erm, it's my stag minute, so I...
It's going to be a surprise for me,
446
00:23:46,674 --> 00:23:49,410
so I'm going to leave you to it. Oh,
it's going to be a surprise. OK. Oh.
447
00:23:49,435 --> 00:23:51,410
JUDl LAUGHS
448
00:23:51,435 --> 00:23:54,570
OK, we've got to make him
have a nice time.
449
00:23:54,595 --> 00:23:57,010
I think he likes birds.
450
00:23:57,035 --> 00:24:00,330
Birds? And then we could watch him
through binoculars or...
451
00:24:00,355 --> 00:24:03,080
He'd probably like that.
Serve him worms.
452
00:24:03,105 --> 00:24:05,540
Can the bird be wearing a thong?
453
00:24:07,185 --> 00:24:09,160
HE PUFFS OUT AIR
454
00:24:10,874 --> 00:24:14,160
If you're about to show me
an actual bird twerking,
455
00:24:14,185 --> 00:24:16,899
you might have this in the bag.
456
00:24:16,924 --> 00:24:19,620
Who are we going to see first,
please?
457
00:24:19,645 --> 00:24:21,979
Let's see how the bloody lads
got on.
458
00:24:26,035 --> 00:24:27,800
Hey! Hey!
459
00:24:27,825 --> 00:24:30,370
Come on, Horne dog! Hey-hey!
460
00:24:30,395 --> 00:24:32,729
Hi, guys. Are you ready
for your stag do?
461
00:24:32,754 --> 00:24:35,090
Yeah, it's going to be the best
minute of your life! Hey!
462
00:24:35,115 --> 00:24:38,130
Hey, grab your parachute!
Hey, Horne dog! Lads, lads, lads!
463
00:24:38,155 --> 00:24:40,490
Horne dog! OK, on the count
of three!
464
00:24:40,515 --> 00:24:43,290
Three, two, one...
THEY ALL CHEER
465
00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:46,700
THEY CHANT: Horne dog! Horne dog!
Porn mag! Porn mag!
466
00:24:46,725 --> 00:24:49,060
Come on, Homey'.
Homey, get your mask on.
467
00:24:49,085 --> 00:24:51,370
This is dangerous now, I'm serious.
468
00:24:51,395 --> 00:24:54,130
We're doing milk-balling.
Milk—balling! We're doing what?
469
00:24:54,155 --> 00:24:57,060
Milk-balling! What do I do?
THEY CHEER
470
00:24:57,085 --> 00:24:59,060
THEY SHOUT AND jEER
471
00:25:01,085 --> 00:25:04,340
Come on! Beer and curry!
Beer and curry with the lads!
472
00:25:04,365 --> 00:25:06,570
Cheers, lads. Cheers.
473
00:25:07,725 --> 00:25:09,700
Lads, lads...
474
00:25:09,725 --> 00:25:12,130
THEY TALK WITH MOUTHS FULL
475
00:25:12,155 --> 00:25:14,420
Oh, no. Oh, we've got him!
476
00:25:14,445 --> 00:25:16,729
What are you going to do?
477
00:25:16,754 --> 00:25:19,340
What you going to do?
What you going to do?
478
00:25:19,365 --> 00:25:21,700
I can't get it on!
What you going to do?
479
00:25:21,725 --> 00:25:23,700
Eat the key, eat the key.
Eat the keys?
480
00:25:23,725 --> 00:25:25,979
Not you. Come on!
481
00:25:26,004 --> 00:25:28,210
THEY CHEER
482
00:25:30,804 --> 00:25:32,620
APPLAUSE
483
00:25:32,645 --> 00:25:34,849
They've gone.
484
00:25:36,195 --> 00:25:38,620
It looked like you had
the time of your life.
485
00:25:38,645 --> 00:25:41,979
I genuinely got an adrenalin rush
watching it back.
486
00:25:42,004 --> 00:25:43,899
It was so exciting!
487
00:25:43,924 --> 00:25:45,930
There was one little bit
I was confused by
488
00:25:45,955 --> 00:25:48,810
and that was when you put my face
over your heads
489
00:25:48,835 --> 00:25:51,899
and then you appeared to throw milk
at each other with a teaspoon.
490
00:25:51,924 --> 00:25:54,220
Let us explain. Erm...
491
00:25:54,245 --> 00:25:56,570
It was supposed to be paint balling.
It was paint balling,
492
00:25:56,595 --> 00:25:59,010
so we wore masks
of Alex's favourite person.
493
00:25:59,035 --> 00:26:01,890
Yeah, yeah.
And the game was renamed...
494
00:26:01,915 --> 00:26:04,220
Milk-balling. Milk-balling.
495
00:26:04,245 --> 00:26:07,450
And the little drink
and the tiny snack was...
496
00:26:07,475 --> 00:26:09,940
Curry. A shot of beer
and a bite of curry.
497
00:26:09,965 --> 00:26:12,700
And we did the traditional thing
of tying him to a lamp post.
498
00:26:12,725 --> 00:26:14,990
To a lamp post. Right.
499
00:26:15,015 --> 00:26:17,649
It's time for us all to have
a lovely, well-deserved break.
500
00:26:17,674 --> 00:26:20,170
Not you, Alex! See you soon.
501
00:26:25,395 --> 00:26:28,370
APPLAUSE
502
00:26:28,395 --> 00:26:32,410
Hello! Come in, settle down,
pop your feet up.
503
00:26:32,435 --> 00:26:34,769
Yes, hi, guys,
welcome to our little home.
504
00:26:34,794 --> 00:26:36,570
We're very happy together,
aren't we, Greg?
505
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:39,320
Get your fucking hand off me.
Before the...
506
00:26:41,905 --> 00:26:43,320
Sorry...
507
00:26:48,265 --> 00:26:51,010
Before the break...
508
00:26:51,035 --> 00:26:53,370
...| announced my upcoming marriage
and during the break,
509
00:26:53,395 --> 00:26:55,420
I received quite a cross message
from my wife.
510
00:26:55,445 --> 00:26:58,880
The task was to give me
the best stag minute.
511
00:26:58,905 --> 00:27:02,290
Next up, it's time for the girls.
512
00:27:02,315 --> 00:27:03,960
Alex!
513
00:27:03,985 --> 00:27:07,130
Yes? Come with me.
514
00:27:07,155 --> 00:27:10,420
OK, there's a step.
Yes, I know there's a step here. OK.
515
00:27:10,445 --> 00:27:13,290
You're going to have the best
stag do of your bloody life.
516
00:27:13,315 --> 00:27:15,930
Sit down on the stool in front
of you. Open your legs.
517
00:27:15,955 --> 00:27:18,250
Open your legs.
How many hands are on me?
518
00:27:18,275 --> 00:27:20,529
Keep going. In, in. In?
519
00:27:20,554 --> 00:27:21,779
In.
520
00:27:21,804 --> 00:27:25,729
Left leg. Just keep leaning forward.
Why?
521
00:27:25,754 --> 00:27:28,529
Three, two,
522
00:27:28,554 --> 00:27:30,960
one... Good, OK!
523
00:27:30,985 --> 00:27:33,320
Here you go. Put your arm through.
524
00:27:33,345 --> 00:27:35,570
Through there. Lovely. Shot.
525
00:27:37,634 --> 00:27:39,320
Shot.
526
00:27:39,345 --> 00:27:41,810
Shot...
527
00:27:41,835 --> 00:27:44,060
Eat your fucking worm!
528
00:27:46,085 --> 00:27:47,859
0W! Ow!
529
00:27:47,884 --> 00:27:49,290
Why?
530
00:27:51,634 --> 00:27:54,370
What are you...
just keep your head still!
531
00:27:54,395 --> 00:27:56,779
I'm trying to eat a worm!
Tweet, tweet, tweet.
532
00:27:56,804 --> 00:27:59,090
Meow! Meow...
533
00:27:59,115 --> 00:28:00,859
jUDl HISSES
Meow.
534
00:28:00,884 --> 00:28:03,140
Meow?
535
00:28:03,165 --> 00:28:05,060
Meow.
536
00:28:05,085 --> 00:28:07,500
Whistle like a bird.
I'm making... H00!
537
00:28:07,525 --> 00:28:09,729
That's an owl! Whistle!
538
00:28:14,835 --> 00:28:17,500
Blimey.
539
00:28:17,525 --> 00:28:19,300
Meow.
540
00:28:19,325 --> 00:28:21,140
Meow...
541
00:28:22,475 --> 00:28:24,300
Meow.
542
00:28:26,165 --> 00:28:28,170
HE COUGHS
543
00:28:28,195 --> 00:28:30,450
Right. Thank you, everyone.
544
00:28:30,475 --> 00:28:32,330
I'm ready to get married.
545
00:28:33,754 --> 00:28:36,370
APPLAUSE
546
00:28:36,395 --> 00:28:38,220
CHRIS: Wow.
547
00:28:40,725 --> 00:28:43,940
If I didn't know it was a stag do,
I'd think it was some awful...
548
00:28:43,965 --> 00:28:47,779
...captured video from
Guantanamo Bay, to be honest.
549
00:28:47,804 --> 00:28:49,529
Bird bath. We had a bath.
550
00:28:49,554 --> 00:28:52,940
We caught him. All things that have
got nothing to do with a stag do.
551
00:28:52,965 --> 00:28:55,500
No, but it was personal, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was personal to him.
552
00:28:55,525 --> 00:28:57,890
He likes birds, it was
something blue for his wedding.
553
00:28:57,915 --> 00:29:01,380
Can I just make it clear,
my dad loves birds.
554
00:29:01,405 --> 00:29:03,300
That's it.
You was enjoying yourself.
555
00:29:03,325 --> 00:29:06,450
I was stimulated, yes. Did you hear
that? I heard that he was stimulated.
556
00:29:06,475 --> 00:29:09,810
He was stimulated because
people were throwing birdseed
557
00:29:09,835 --> 00:29:12,140
in the man...in the man's face!
558
00:29:12,165 --> 00:29:15,890
We fed him... While a twerking cat
waxed his arm!
559
00:29:17,554 --> 00:29:20,330
Yes, I know what you're going to
say, you were feeding him worms...
560
00:29:20,355 --> 00:29:22,330
From my mouth!
Because we all heard you say,
561
00:29:22,355 --> 00:29:25,060
"just eat your fucking worm!"
562
00:29:27,195 --> 00:29:29,659
Can we say...
We stuck to the tradition,
563
00:29:29,684 --> 00:29:31,970
right? You did not.
564
00:29:31,995 --> 00:29:33,940
Well, look, they've said
their pieces.
565
00:29:33,965 --> 00:29:36,970
As an outside observer,
my observation is
566
00:29:36,995 --> 00:29:38,890
that Alex might've marginally
567
00:29:38,915 --> 00:29:41,940
enjoyed the more traditional stag do
a little more
568
00:29:41,965 --> 00:29:45,659
in that he wasn't having alcohol
and birdseed thrown in his face
569
00:29:45,684 --> 00:29:48,580
while a mad twerking cat
waxed his arm.
570
00:29:48,605 --> 00:29:50,460
That's all I'm saying.
571
00:29:50,485 --> 00:29:53,180
I'm going to give four points
to the ladies...
572
00:29:53,205 --> 00:29:55,180
Mm-hm. ..and five points
to the gentlemen.
573
00:29:55,205 --> 00:29:57,739
There we go,
five to Ardal and Chris!
574
00:29:57,764 --> 00:29:59,659
Come on! Wonderful!
575
00:29:59,684 --> 00:30:01,970
JUDI: Girls, we done great,
we done great.
576
00:30:01,995 --> 00:30:03,859
And yours was great. Thank you.
577
00:30:03,884 --> 00:30:07,140
I'm going to find that puss-face
and I'm coming for you.
578
00:30:08,684 --> 00:30:13,020
Onward, please. Yes, onwards and
what's the best thing in the world?
579
00:30:13,045 --> 00:30:15,250
Bunting! Off we go.
580
00:30:17,564 --> 00:30:21,150
ECHOING: My name's Greg Davies...
581
00:30:21,175 --> 00:30:24,539
I am the Taskmaster...
the Taskmaster...
582
00:30:24,564 --> 00:30:26,820
...the Taskmaster...
583
00:30:31,434 --> 00:30:33,460
Hi. Is that Bridget?
584
00:30:33,485 --> 00:30:35,460
Hi. Yes. Hello.
585
00:30:35,485 --> 00:30:37,260
Hi, Ardal. Hi, Alex.
586
00:30:37,285 --> 00:30:39,260
Ah... Oh, what does that say?
587
00:30:39,285 --> 00:30:41,380
Ooh. Ooh.
588
00:30:41,405 --> 00:30:45,230
Feel like I'm running through gardens again
when I was a kid, dodging washing lines.
589
00:30:45,255 --> 00:30:47,150
Do you like what you see?
590
00:30:47,175 --> 00:30:49,739
Letters. Mm. Yeah.
591
00:30:49,764 --> 00:30:52,260
I'm good at letters.
592
00:30:52,285 --> 00:30:55,900
"Make a stirring speech
for the Taskmaster
593
00:30:55,925 --> 00:30:57,900
"out of this bunting."
594
00:30:57,925 --> 00:30:59,980
"Longest speech
595
00:31:00,005 --> 00:31:04,380
"that is deemed to be stirring
by the Taskmaster wins."
596
00:31:04,405 --> 00:31:07,789
CHRIS: "You may only use the letters
currently on the bunting."
597
00:31:07,814 --> 00:31:09,789
"You have 15 minutes."
598
00:31:09,814 --> 00:31:12,230
"Your time starts now."
599
00:31:12,255 --> 00:31:15,020
Yes. Are you serious? Yes.
600
00:31:15,045 --> 00:31:16,869
OK.
601
00:31:16,894 --> 00:31:20,230
OK. Do you know what I'm going to
do? I'm going to make words. Mm-hm.
602
00:31:20,255 --> 00:31:24,590
And then I'm going to make
a sentence out of the words.
603
00:31:24,615 --> 00:31:26,020
OK...
604
00:31:27,975 --> 00:31:30,180
One, two, three.
605
00:31:31,535 --> 00:31:34,619
How can there be no Bs?
What kind of alphabet is this?
606
00:31:34,644 --> 00:31:37,510
Why are they all...
Are they all weird letters?
607
00:31:37,535 --> 00:31:39,539
There must be one B. Why?
608
00:31:39,564 --> 00:31:43,380
But why would there be no B?
Why would there be no B?!
609
00:31:43,405 --> 00:31:46,900
And the colour coordination's
not vital either.
610
00:31:46,925 --> 00:31:48,180
OK.
611
00:31:48,205 --> 00:31:50,539
Is this supposed to say
a particular thing?
612
00:31:50,564 --> 00:31:53,789
How long have I got left?
12 and a half. Oh, my God!
613
00:31:53,814 --> 00:31:55,510
Aghh! Come on!
614
00:31:55,535 --> 00:31:58,030
Have you made a stirring speech
before, Bridget?
615
00:31:58,055 --> 00:32:02,100
I'm no Malcolm X! Oh, right...
Treat...
616
00:32:02,125 --> 00:32:04,060
— Why are there so many letters?
— Erm...
617
00:32:04,085 --> 00:32:06,030
Aghh! This is horrible!
618
00:32:06,055 --> 00:32:09,150
Sake. This is why I've got a dryer.
619
00:32:09,175 --> 00:32:10,590
Whoo!
620
00:32:10,615 --> 00:32:13,460
Let me... Nice.
621
00:32:13,485 --> 00:32:16,820
I don't like the first bit.
Well, maybe I should change that.
622
00:32:18,485 --> 00:32:21,060
Don't need that. Doesn't scan.
623
00:32:21,085 --> 00:32:23,780
We'll just have to use that.
Oh, that's quite powerful.
624
00:32:23,805 --> 00:32:26,590
OK, I'm done.
HE BLOWS WHISTLE
625
00:32:26,615 --> 00:32:28,470
SHE SIGHS
626
00:32:28,495 --> 00:32:30,780
Do you think other people, Alex,
will...
627
00:32:30,805 --> 00:32:33,110
...will come up with the same speech?
628
00:32:33,135 --> 00:32:35,539
No, I would be very surprised.
Mm. Mm.
629
00:32:35,564 --> 00:32:37,510
APPLAUSE
630
00:32:39,335 --> 00:32:41,980
They all found it very stressful.
631
00:32:42,005 --> 00:32:44,310
Very stressful. Oh, it was horrible.
632
00:32:44,335 --> 00:32:48,060
But you, initially, were full of
memories of your northern childhood,
633
00:32:48,085 --> 00:32:52,619
running through gardens... Yeah,
until you told us spelling was involved!
634
00:32:52,644 --> 00:32:56,390
Well, we're looking for the longest
speech that you deem to be stirring.
635
00:32:56,415 --> 00:32:59,668
Stirring.
Here is Chris Ramsey's speech.
636
00:32:59,693 --> 00:33:00,998
Oh, God.
637
00:33:04,893 --> 00:33:06,668
Sir,
638
00:33:06,693 --> 00:33:09,228
on my knee,
639
00:33:09,253 --> 00:33:13,158
I implore you, please,
640
00:33:13,183 --> 00:33:15,438
let me win
641
00:33:15,463 --> 00:33:17,308
this task.
642
00:33:18,612 --> 00:33:20,198
IVL
643
00:33:20,223 --> 00:33:23,387
good, raa-aaa,
644
00:33:23,412 --> 00:33:25,158
Dad.
645
00:33:25,183 --> 00:33:26,948
APPLAUSE
646
00:33:30,412 --> 00:33:33,278
Dad? Called you Dad.
Called you Dad at the end.
647
00:33:33,303 --> 00:33:35,238
I did like it. Did that stir you?
648
00:33:35,263 --> 00:33:37,637
It did stir me. I thought...
Probably not in the right way.
649
00:33:37,662 --> 00:33:40,158
I didn't know we could do it
on the floor.
650
00:33:40,183 --> 00:33:43,278
No-one said we could do it on the
floor. All the information was on the task.
651
00:33:47,412 --> 00:33:51,798
It was stirring stuff. Mm-hm.
What about the "Please let me win"?
652
00:33:51,823 --> 00:33:54,878
What's stirring about that?
That appeals to my grotesque ego.
653
00:33:54,903 --> 00:33:57,488
I think the boy played a blinder,
to be honest. Hohh...
654
00:33:57,513 --> 00:34:01,028
Well, then, it's very simple, isn't
it? Suck up to you and you win.
655
00:34:01,053 --> 00:34:02,878
Yeah.
656
00:34:02,903 --> 00:34:04,878
It's not rocket science.
657
00:34:07,662 --> 00:34:10,158
Christopher, I thought it was
a very good start. Who's next?
658
00:34:10,183 --> 00:34:13,158
Here is what Sophie Duker did.
659
00:34:15,133 --> 00:34:16,717
God damn,
660
00:34:16,742 --> 00:34:19,717
if Sophie Duker wins Taskmaster,
661
00:34:19,742 --> 00:34:22,878
we all win her papa!
662
00:34:24,662 --> 00:34:26,678
APPLAUSE
663
00:34:26,703 --> 00:34:30,717
I also called him Dad. Yeah.
Very good.
664
00:34:30,742 --> 00:34:33,318
Papa or Pa-pa,
665
00:34:33,343 --> 00:34:36,397
as some people pronounce it,
is a more reverential...
666
00:34:36,422 --> 00:34:39,208
Oh, was that directed at me, "Papa"?
667
00:34:39,233 --> 00:34:41,208
If you like it.
668
00:34:44,033 --> 00:34:47,108
I thought it was stirring. Yeah,
I mean, it started with "God damn."
669
00:34:47,133 --> 00:34:49,517
Yes, but it was similar
grovelling sentiments to...
670
00:34:49,542 --> 00:34:52,467
It wasn't grovelling,
it was self—sacrificing.
671
00:34:52,492 --> 00:34:55,078
I would say also this has happened
in shows before this series
672
00:34:55,103 --> 00:34:58,438
where Ardal has criticised
a lot of people's attempts,
673
00:34:58,463 --> 00:35:01,078
partly building up
to what I know he's done.
674
00:35:05,033 --> 00:35:07,368
If you just bear this...bear this
in mind.
675
00:35:07,393 --> 00:35:10,647
Good. Let's crack on.
OK. Here is writer, stand-up
676
00:35:10,672 --> 00:35:13,758
and all-round wordsmith
Bridget Christie's attempt.
677
00:35:15,063 --> 00:35:17,758
Treat others carelessly, oik...
678
00:35:19,422 --> 00:35:21,288
...wind...
679
00:35:22,783 --> 00:35:24,448
Wind
680
00:35:24,473 --> 00:35:26,288
is God.
681
00:35:26,313 --> 00:35:27,727
Wait!
682
00:35:27,752 --> 00:35:31,038
That's the end of the speech.
Thank you, Bridget.
683
00:35:32,502 --> 00:35:34,448
APPLAUSE
684
00:35:38,502 --> 00:35:41,208
You see? You saying that
you didn't have the speech skills
685
00:35:41,233 --> 00:35:43,517
of Malcolm X was folly
686
00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:47,088
because that speech would drop into
some of the all-time classics.
687
00:35:47,113 --> 00:35:48,928
Ich bin ein Berliner,
688
00:35:48,953 --> 00:35:50,397
oik.
689
00:35:52,343 --> 00:35:54,647
I think, if you actually
break it down —
690
00:35:54,672 --> 00:35:56,678
"Treat others carelessly, oik" —
691
00:35:56,703 --> 00:35:59,397
I think she's referring to you
as "oik".
692
00:35:59,422 --> 00:36:02,397
SOPHIE: I think it's an insult.
ARDAL: I think it's an insult.
693
00:36:05,263 --> 00:36:09,168
She definitely doesn't think you're God
because she thinks wind is God. Wind is God.
694
00:36:09,193 --> 00:36:11,647
You think I haven't got wind?
695
00:36:11,672 --> 00:36:14,597
I could go off like a tugboat
right now!
696
00:36:14,622 --> 00:36:18,208
But she hasn't necessarily finished because
she does end intriguingly with "Wait"
697
00:36:18,233 --> 00:36:20,808
and then we don't find out
what...what happens next.
698
00:36:20,833 --> 00:36:24,568
Wait. Everyone, slow down,
we're all in such a rush.
699
00:36:24,593 --> 00:36:27,038
You know? Wait. Think about things.
700
00:36:27,063 --> 00:36:30,808
Right, oik, it's break time.
Time for you to take your bins out
701
00:36:30,833 --> 00:36:32,838
and resentfully stare at
your partner
702
00:36:32,863 --> 00:36:35,377
while they just sit there, again.
Your mum was right about them,
703
00:36:35,402 --> 00:36:37,658
wasn't she?! See you in a bit!
704
00:36:37,683 --> 00:36:39,298
APPLAUSE
705
00:36:46,183 --> 00:36:49,118
Hello! You join us for
the final part of tonight's show
706
00:36:49,143 --> 00:36:51,158
where we still have a task
to finish off.
707
00:36:51,183 --> 00:36:54,368
Before the break, the comedians were
writing the most stirring speeches
708
00:36:54,393 --> 00:36:57,238
for the Taskmaster using the letters
provided on the bunting.
709
00:36:57,263 --> 00:37:00,008
Next up, it's Judi Love!
710
00:37:04,103 --> 00:37:05,628
A,
711
00:37:05,653 --> 00:37:09,267
hi, Taskmaster,
712
00:37:09,292 --> 00:37:12,477
I don't like you looking happy.
713
00:37:13,783 --> 00:37:16,038
Rass man.
714
00:37:16,063 --> 00:37:18,548
I dare,
715
00:37:18,573 --> 00:37:20,368
don't vex me.
716
00:37:20,393 --> 00:37:21,727
End.
717
00:37:23,502 --> 00:37:25,397
APPLAUSE
Wow.
718
00:37:28,983 --> 00:37:31,267
Are you calling me a rass man?
Well, you know,
719
00:37:31,292 --> 00:37:33,647
I added a little culture in there,
720
00:37:33,672 --> 00:37:37,008
Jamaican culture, and called you a rass...
Could you interpret "Rass man" for me?
721
00:37:37,033 --> 00:37:39,368
A rass is like...
722
00:37:39,393 --> 00:37:41,368
...an BFSG.
723
00:37:41,393 --> 00:37:45,198
And you warned me not to vex you.
724
00:37:45,223 --> 00:37:47,988
Not to vex you... Well, maybe
I'll vex you plenty, my friend.
725
00:37:51,263 --> 00:37:53,628
So shall we see Ardal's rubbish one?
726
00:37:53,653 --> 00:37:56,118
Yes...
727
00:37:56,143 --> 00:37:58,448
Any last words, Ardal,
before we see it?
728
00:37:58,473 --> 00:38:00,198
Uh, no, I think all my words...
729
00:38:00,223 --> 00:38:02,888
All the words I know I think I used.
730
00:38:04,983 --> 00:38:09,277
OK. Finally, here he is.
It's Ardal O'Ardal. Here we go.
731
00:38:11,143 --> 00:38:13,678
I am seven
732
00:38:13,703 --> 00:38:15,958
types of rank
733
00:38:15,983 --> 00:38:17,477
tit.
734
00:38:17,502 --> 00:38:20,638
U R swel, man.
735
00:38:20,663 --> 00:38:23,638
Hail TM!
736
00:38:24,983 --> 00:38:27,248
APPLAUSE
737
00:38:30,302 --> 00:38:34,008
Obviously I was drunk with ego
with "Hail TM."
738
00:38:34,033 --> 00:38:36,678
Erm, but you're doing yourself down
a little bit
739
00:38:36,703 --> 00:38:39,318
with, erm, "rank tit".
Seven types. Seven types.
740
00:38:39,343 --> 00:38:42,527
"Seven types of rank tit." They were
the only letters available to me.
741
00:38:44,193 --> 00:38:48,558
That's definitely not true. You used
the fewest letters by quite some margin.
742
00:38:48,583 --> 00:38:51,038
Some of them were damaged.
743
00:38:53,113 --> 00:38:55,998
Well, Ardal's was the shortest —
36 characters —
744
00:38:56,023 --> 00:38:59,277
then Bridget 39, Sophie 51,
Chris 57.
745
00:38:59,302 --> 00:39:01,688
Judi's was the longest
at 61 characters.
746
00:39:01,713 --> 00:39:04,118
It's impressive stuff.
Are we deeming them all...
747
00:39:04,143 --> 00:39:06,838
Go on, let's say there's an element
of stir in all of them.
748
00:39:06,863 --> 00:39:09,198
Well, in that case,
it's one to Ardal, two to Bridget,
749
00:39:09,223 --> 00:39:11,527
three to Sophie, four to Chris,
but five to Judi Love!
750
00:39:11,552 --> 00:39:12,808
0h!
751
00:39:12,833 --> 00:39:15,477
CHEERING
752
00:39:15,502 --> 00:39:19,368
There is one other thing. Everyone struggled
a little bit with the letters provided.
753
00:39:19,393 --> 00:39:21,328
People questioned the lack of Bs.
754
00:39:21,353 --> 00:39:23,357
Er, these were obviously
the letters here.
755
00:39:23,382 --> 00:39:26,838
Nobody worked out why those letters
were provided.
756
00:39:26,863 --> 00:39:29,198
Any thoughts, Greg? The red flags?
757
00:39:29,223 --> 00:39:31,768
Exactly, if they looked at
the red flags, you see it says,
758
00:39:31,793 --> 00:39:33,998
"Look under the desk!"
759
00:39:36,432 --> 00:39:39,998
Hello! Welcome at last
to Taskmaster.
760
00:39:40,023 --> 00:39:42,918
I'm Greg Davies
and I am the Taskmaster.
761
00:39:42,943 --> 00:39:45,727
I'm powerful and in peak
physical condition.
762
00:39:48,023 --> 00:39:51,328
That is of course the most stirring
speech in all Taskmaster history
763
00:39:51,353 --> 00:39:53,688
and we did provide all the letters
for that
764
00:39:53,713 --> 00:39:56,048
and an extra K because
we got it slightly wrong.
765
00:40:03,632 --> 00:40:05,968
Incredible that we would
get something wrong.
766
00:40:05,993 --> 00:40:07,848
Right, one more look at the scores,
I think.
767
00:40:07,873 --> 00:40:11,248
All right. We have Sophie and Ardal
in joint third on 13,
768
00:40:11,273 --> 00:40:13,737
Judi on 14, Chris in the lead
with 16 points!
769
00:40:13,762 --> 00:40:15,737
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
770
00:40:17,793 --> 00:40:20,098
Right. Please vacate the area
771
00:40:20,123 --> 00:40:24,808
and head to the stage
for the final task of the show!
772
00:40:24,833 --> 00:40:26,688
APPLAUSE
773
00:40:33,483 --> 00:40:37,848
ARDAL: Wow. That's the slimmest
I've ever looked in my life.
774
00:40:37,873 --> 00:40:41,407
Who will read the task out,
little Alex Horne?
775
00:40:41,432 --> 00:40:43,848
Ardal O'Hanlon will read
the task out.
776
00:40:43,873 --> 00:40:46,208
Please, Ardal.
OK. "Taking it in turns,
777
00:40:46,233 --> 00:40:48,487
"roll a tyre down the nap pet."
778
00:40:48,512 --> 00:40:50,818
"You must roll from on the stage."
779
00:40:50,843 --> 00:40:53,287
"If your tyre does not pass
the line,
780
00:40:53,312 --> 00:40:55,638
"you may not roll
any further tyres."
781
00:40:55,663 --> 00:40:58,768
"If both your dolls topple, you may
not roll any further tyres..."
782
00:40:58,793 --> 00:41:01,328
So you're trying to avoid toppling
your own doll. Exactly.
783
00:41:01,353 --> 00:41:04,537
OK. "Last doll standing wins."
784
00:41:04,562 --> 00:41:09,098
So your tactics are to try to knock
everyone else's dolls over,
785
00:41:09,123 --> 00:41:12,458
but not yours. OK. As soon as both
your dolls are toppled, you're out.
786
00:41:12,483 --> 00:41:15,688
You'll be going one at a time
from last place to first place.
787
00:41:15,713 --> 00:41:18,098
There's a chance some people
won't get to roll at all.
788
00:41:18,123 --> 00:41:20,737
And I would like to point out
every time your roll your tyre,
789
00:41:20,762 --> 00:41:22,768
it must cross the red line.
790
00:41:22,793 --> 00:41:25,328
So first of all, Bridget will roll.
791
00:41:25,353 --> 00:41:27,648
OK.
CHRIS: Wow.
792
00:41:27,673 --> 00:41:29,617
Let's roll. Right. Exactly.
793
00:41:29,642 --> 00:41:31,928
Let's roll. So good luck, Bridget,
794
00:41:31,953 --> 00:41:34,458
you're trying to avoid yourself.
Yes.
795
00:41:37,353 --> 00:41:39,208
It's a great roll.
796
00:41:39,233 --> 00:41:41,728
ALL: Aww!
That's OK. That's OK.
797
00:41:41,753 --> 00:41:43,978
APPLAUSE
798
00:41:47,873 --> 00:41:50,407
Next to roll, Ardal O'Hanlon.
799
00:41:50,432 --> 00:41:52,648
Left-handed, is it?
800
00:41:55,793 --> 00:41:58,928
Ooh!
ALL: Ohh!
801
00:41:58,953 --> 00:42:01,487
CHEERING
802
00:42:07,843 --> 00:42:10,258
BUZZER
803
00:42:10,283 --> 00:42:12,611
Chris Ramsey is out!
804
00:42:12,636 --> 00:42:15,282
We've lost Chris Ramsey.
He will not get to roll.
805
00:42:15,307 --> 00:42:17,693
I guess that's just the way
the tyre rolls.
806
00:42:17,718 --> 00:42:19,482
Who's next?
807
00:42:19,507 --> 00:42:21,813
Sophie Duker is next.
808
00:42:25,437 --> 00:42:27,643
Sister queen, don't do it!
809
00:42:40,108 --> 00:42:42,773
Ooh. Ohh... It went past the line.
810
00:42:42,798 --> 00:42:45,843
It did go past the line.
Next to roll, Judi Love.
811
00:42:45,868 --> 00:42:48,412
Let's see if the same loyalty
applies! Sister queen...
812
00:42:58,158 --> 00:43:00,362
CRIES OF DISAPPOINTMENT
813
00:43:01,387 --> 00:43:03,973
Get! Judi... No, Judi.
814
00:43:03,998 --> 00:43:06,973
No, judi. No, judi. No, judi.
815
00:43:06,998 --> 00:43:08,893
Look at this shit! Look at this!
816
00:43:08,918 --> 00:43:11,133
My nail has fucking popped off!
817
00:43:12,517 --> 00:43:15,853
I deserve another point!
818
00:43:15,878 --> 00:43:19,813
Judi... Judi, there's good news
and bad news.
819
00:43:19,838 --> 00:43:22,213
The good news is you are still
in the game, you can still win,
820
00:43:22,238 --> 00:43:24,723
but you can't take part in the game.
I mean, that was not fair.
821
00:43:24,748 --> 00:43:26,773
It was fair, you've still got
a chance,
822
00:43:26,798 --> 00:43:30,253
but, I mean, what are the chances
of people not targeting you now?
823
00:43:30,278 --> 00:43:33,923
OK, so we're back to the beginning.
It's back to Bridget Christie again.
824
00:43:33,948 --> 00:43:36,282
Yes. Right.
Been eventful, hasn't it?
825
00:43:36,307 --> 00:43:38,612
Only one person struck so far.
Chris is out.
826
00:43:38,637 --> 00:43:41,823
Mind my nail, Bridget. My nail.
827
00:43:43,918 --> 00:43:45,693
Ah! Ahh!
828
00:43:45,718 --> 00:43:48,003
CHEERING
829
00:43:50,598 --> 00:43:52,412
BUZZER
830
00:43:52,437 --> 00:43:55,003
Three left in.
Yes, we've lost Judi Love.
831
00:43:55,028 --> 00:43:58,333
Now, we know who's up next.
It's the deadly Ardal O'Hanlon.
832
00:43:58,358 --> 00:44:00,133
It's tense.
833
00:44:00,158 --> 00:44:02,083
Ooh, who will I aim for?
834
00:44:02,108 --> 00:44:04,362
SOPHIE: Ohh, no.
835
00:44:04,387 --> 00:44:05,653
Ooh.
836
00:44:05,678 --> 00:44:08,292
Ooh, straight in!
837
00:44:08,317 --> 00:44:09,653
APPLAUSE
838
00:44:09,678 --> 00:44:11,933
BRIDGET: Oh, my God.
839
00:44:11,958 --> 00:44:14,263
We've lost Sophie.
840
00:44:14,288 --> 00:44:16,183
It's the final.
It's Bridget versus Ardal
841
00:44:16,208 --> 00:44:18,542
and it's Bridget to roll.
JUDI: Come on, Bridget.
842
00:44:18,567 --> 00:44:21,013
SOPHIE: You can do it, Bridget.
Go on, girl.
843
00:44:23,828 --> 00:44:26,292
Yes!
844
00:44:26,317 --> 00:44:28,653
APPLAUSE
845
00:44:36,758 --> 00:44:40,083
Let's see how that's affected
the final score. Come and join me!
846
00:44:40,108 --> 00:44:42,333
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
847
00:44:47,317 --> 00:44:50,093
Pretty exciting stuff. Yes, yes.
848
00:44:50,118 --> 00:44:53,983
Three people in joint third,
two people in joint first.
849
00:44:54,008 --> 00:44:57,443
What? Wow. And the scoreboard
looks like this.
850
00:44:57,468 --> 00:45:01,903
CRIES OF SHOCK So it's a tie
between Ardal and Chris Ramsey!
851
00:45:01,928 --> 00:45:03,803
APPLAUSE
Ooh!
852
00:45:03,828 --> 00:45:06,853
How will we sort
this awful mess out?
853
00:45:07,928 --> 00:45:10,162
With the only way known to man.
854
00:45:10,187 --> 00:45:12,453
With a beer-mat-flipping tiebreak!
855
00:45:12,478 --> 00:45:13,622
Ohh...
856
00:45:13,647 --> 00:45:16,492
All they had to do was turn over
the most beer mats out of 91
857
00:45:16,517 --> 00:45:19,183
in 30 seconds. Simple.
858
00:45:19,208 --> 00:45:21,213
Here is how they got on.
859
00:45:21,238 --> 00:45:23,733
"Your time starts now."
860
00:45:27,317 --> 00:45:29,573
Quick as you can, Ardal.
861
00:45:29,598 --> 00:45:31,372
How's it going? Shut up.
862
00:45:31,397 --> 00:45:33,622
Five seconds.
863
00:45:35,288 --> 00:45:37,573
WHISTLE
864
00:45:37,598 --> 00:45:40,372
That was a quick 30 seconds, that.
Thank you.
865
00:45:40,397 --> 00:45:42,263
APPLAUSE
866
00:45:47,118 --> 00:45:50,703
So we only counted the beer mats that
were still on the table after the task.
867
00:45:50,728 --> 00:45:52,143
Out of 91,
868
00:45:52,168 --> 00:45:55,213
Chris flipped 59 beers mats.
869
00:45:55,238 --> 00:45:57,172
Ardal —
870
00:45:57,197 --> 00:45:59,703
64. Nice one!
871
00:45:59,728 --> 00:46:02,933
Congratulations, Ardal O'Hanlon!
872
00:46:02,958 --> 00:46:05,263
Ardal O'Hanlon wins!
873
00:46:05,288 --> 00:46:09,292
Please go and collect
those nice night-time knick-knacks!
874
00:46:09,317 --> 00:46:11,573
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
875
00:46:11,598 --> 00:46:13,542
Very good. Really good.
876
00:46:13,567 --> 00:46:15,933
So what have we learned today?
Well, we've learned
877
00:46:15,958 --> 00:46:18,292
if you're off on a stag or a hen do
this weekend,
878
00:46:18,317 --> 00:46:20,292
you've got to look out
for the twerking cat
879
00:46:20,317 --> 00:46:22,933
because you don't want it
to spoil your game of milk—ball!
880
00:46:22,958 --> 00:46:25,783
Four out of ten complete.
See you again soon.
881
00:46:25,808 --> 00:46:29,172
But for now, let's hear it
for Ardal O'Hanlon!
882
00:46:29,197 --> 00:46:31,653
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
883
00:46:53,608 --> 00:46:55,983
Subtitles by Red Bee Media