1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:06,960 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,680 Hello. Good evening to you and a warm welcome to 3 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,960 Taskmaster or, as my nan calls it, 4 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,040 "What, that silly thing you do where you pretend you're cross 5 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,000 "because a comedian hasn't counted some ducks properly or something?" 6 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:48,800 "Get lost, Nan, you haven't even seen it! 7 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,240 "You've been dead for 15 years! 8 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:54,840 "You're such a chopsy nan. Why can't you just say, 'Ooh!?'" 9 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,320 Have they not got a ghost knitting club?! 10 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,280 Back in this dimension, things are going well for some 11 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,160 and really badly for others. 12 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,080 Please welcome our earthly five 13 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,840 who are still alive - they are 14 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,640 Dara O Briain, 15 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:13,640 Fern Brady, 16 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:15,760 John Kearns, 17 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,720 Munya Chawawa 18 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,640 and Sarah Millican. 19 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:20,680 CHEERING 20 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,400 And next to me a man who dots the I's 21 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,280 and crosses the T's, he wets the bed, he likes to please, 22 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:30,720 he cries a lot, his winkle smells, 23 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:34,520 and he still shoplifts to get attention. 24 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:38,960 It's horrible Alex Horne! 25 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,840 Hi. 26 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,960 Hi! Hi. How have you been since the last show? 27 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,240 Terrific, thank you. I've joined a cult. 28 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,440 Oh, have you? Love it, love it. Love the cult. 29 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,080 Yeah. Just a small one, just the three of us. 30 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:52,840 Me, my wife, Alan. 31 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,120 That's it, just the three of us in Alan's vehicle. 32 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,280 Right, and what do you do in there? 33 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,640 Never you mind, Greg! 34 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,920 Right, then, on with the show proper. 35 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,480 What's the old prize task then? 36 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,160 Hmm. Great question, Greg. 37 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,040 I'm on it, Papa GD, 38 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,000 and today you have asked them to bring in the best thing 39 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:14,440 you've ever received in the post. 40 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:15,800 Ooh! 41 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:16,920 Hey, guys, remember post? 42 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,040 They shove stuff through a hole in your door. 43 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,480 Greg here will give five points to the person he thinks has brought in 44 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,000 the best thing they've received in the post 45 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,040 and then at the end of the show the overall winner will take home 46 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,720 all five things to start a new life in a new home. 47 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,480 It's very post- uh, modern. 48 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,040 LAUGHTER 49 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,240 Munya! 50 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,960 So I have bought in the Suckertron 3000. 51 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,960 Here it is. This isn't the official name, so don't Google it cos I, 52 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,080 I don't know what's gonna come up. 53 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:46,840 Greg, have you ever been sat there on your laptop devouring a bag 54 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,640 of crisps and you look down at the keyboard 55 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,760 and there's enough crumbs to feed a small family? Yeah. 56 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,240 That ever happen to you? Of course it has. 57 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:54,960 OK, now. Have a look! 58 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,920 This thing here sucks those crumbs. 59 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,200 Although I have googled Suckertron 3000. 60 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,560 Yeah? Ooh! 61 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,560 God! 62 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,080 It comes up some... 63 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,040 That looks like it smells! 64 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,880 Sarah, can you beat a mini vacuum? 65 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:20,000 So, from the age of about ten or 12, I've loved Phillip Schofield 66 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:24,120 and I had a lot of posters of him 67 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:28,360 and I took a photo of myself, of me in my bedroom, 68 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,720 with my perm and all of my posters of Phillip Schofield 69 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:36,720 and I sent it to him, presumably for him to keep. 70 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:37,920 He sent it back. 71 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,000 This came through the post to Sarah. 72 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,240 Aww! 73 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,120 Whoa. 74 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,120 Shit's weird. 75 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,560 Look how pleased I am! 76 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,200 He's not on the, uh, crucifix, is he? 77 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:53,240 LAUGHTER 78 00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,800 A true fan! 79 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,480 It's sort of so on the line between being quite sweet 80 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,320 and being terrifying. 81 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,000 This is very strong so far. 82 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,800 So far. Who's next? Fern. 83 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,160 I don't know if this is the best thing or the worst thing 84 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,120 but for years now my mum has been sending me 85 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,760 the most unbelievably ugly pants, uh, that I've ever seen. 86 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,480 Here are Fern's mum's pants. 87 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,960 My mum I believe was sending me these as some sort 88 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,360 of ch-chastity belt type thing. 89 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,800 Uh, and was there a note with them? 90 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:35,720 Uh, just, "This is a little present for you." 91 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:36,920 "Love, Mum." 92 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,520 Yeah. 93 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,320 John can you beat some, erm, special pants? 94 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,320 I've gone down the same route Sarah has. 95 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:45,680 OK. Nostalgia. 96 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,680 Yeah. My, uh, Dennis the Menace Fan Club 97 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,520 membership and badges. 98 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,480 Here it is. Sweet. 99 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:54,840 I'm surprised, John, 100 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,800 because I was a member of that as well. 101 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,200 But surely there's a significant gulf in our ages. 102 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,400 Yeah, two generations I had down. All right! 103 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,800 You know if you met a, uh, another member... 104 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:07,840 Which you just have. 105 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,720 ..Yeah, so I say, "Ding," you say... 106 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:10,920 Dong! 107 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,800 Dong stood for Dennis Owns Naughty Gnasher. 108 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:20,560 Can't, I can't remember what Ding stood for! 109 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:24,040 "Dennis Is Never Good," is the ding one. Ah. 110 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,600 Yeah. That's really sweet, John, 111 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,360 and very clever cos you've tapped into my childhood as well. 112 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,840 Um, Dara. 113 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,840 I brought a thing that shouldn't be sent in the post, 114 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,200 uh, which is an entire turkey. 115 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,520 Here it is. 116 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:36,840 LAUGHTER 117 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,080 Wow! 118 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,720 My mother's cousins lived in County Mayo, they had a farm, 119 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,000 uh, and every Christmas they would send us 120 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,400 the turkey we ate at Christmas. 121 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,320 This was full turkey, 122 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,360 head squeezed in, box just wrapped around it, 123 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,080 misshapen. You'd pop it up, like, whatever, "Bwark!" 124 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,080 Uh, and it would appear. 125 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,720 Proper pre-butcher turkey in the post. 126 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,000 And we had to collect it from the post depot 127 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:04,600 every year round about mid-December. 128 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,160 Yeah, someone's gonna win that tonight. 129 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:11,680 It's best thing to receive through the post, Greg. 130 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,560 What's the worst thing to receive through the post? 131 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,040 I mean probably the worst thing to receive, 132 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:18,640 and I think she'd agree with me, is Fern's mum's pants. 133 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,480 Don't, but don't keep saying "Mum's pants" cos she might be upset 134 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:23,680 when this goes out! 135 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:27,120 You're only getting one point and she's gonna be angry anyway. 136 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,000 What?! I'm only getting one? It's the best thing. 137 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:34,680 Oh, yeah. I see. The competition was the best thing. 138 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,120 Yeah, yeah. Right so one point to Fern Brady. 139 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,280 I mean in many ways it's the thing that makes my heart sing the most. 140 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,840 But I also think it's awful to get a turkey through the post. 141 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,200 It's not the best thing. 142 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,040 It was at Christmas. I'm not suggesting for a second 143 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:51,480 that your Christmases weren't heartbreaking, Dara. 144 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,120 OK, so two points to Dara O Briain. 145 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,520 He tapped into my childhood. 146 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,760 We crossed the generations like the true Ding-Dongers we are. 147 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,880 I'll give him three points. OK, three points to John Kearns. 148 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,480 Yeah, yeah. Well done. So, it's the top two now. Munya or Sarah. 149 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,760 Let me tell you - my keyboard looks like a war zone. 150 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,680 But I'm only gonna give it four points. Oh. 151 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,160 Obviously the best thing to get through the post is 152 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,880 a picture of Sarah Millican surrounded by Philip Schofields. 153 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,400 Everyone knows that. There it is, five points. 154 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:19,000 Five points. Well done, Sarah Millican. 155 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,680 What's first, please? 156 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,760 Mmm-mmm...mmmilk! 157 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,000 Hello. Hello, Munya. 158 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,840 Oh. I love milk! 159 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,680 Microwaves on plinths. 160 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,400 Milk on microwaves. 161 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,520 Oh, what we having for tea? 162 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,280 Bread. 163 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,320 Peas. 164 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,120 Yes, there's five minutes to go on that. 165 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,160 And there is just a minute 166 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,920 to go on what appears to be just bread. 167 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,200 Is this just your lunch? There's a lot of peas 168 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,440 for one person. I would worry about your guts. 169 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:14,720 Do you like peas? 170 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,120 Erm, I don't like milky peas. 171 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,880 And there's a little bowl there as well. Yeah. 172 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,440 So stuff's gotta get mixed. Stuff's gotta get mixed. 173 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:26,640 Shall I open my task? 174 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,080 I wouldn't open it yet. 175 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,400 OK. Mm-hm. 176 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,200 I wouldn't open it yet. 177 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,680 I wouldn't open it yet if I were you. No? 178 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,360 I wouldn't open it just yet. 179 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,440 Why? I'm just saying I wouldn't open it yet. 180 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,960 I should open this because, you know, this thing's counting down. 181 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:52,120 Yeah. And you just said, "Well, I wouldn't if I were you," kind of... 182 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,480 I wouldn't if I were you. But that's the kind of thing where it'll get 183 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,560 to two minutes and you go, "Why didn't you open it?" Mm-hm. 184 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,960 So I'm not allowed to look at this yet? 185 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,680 You're allowed to look at that whenever you want. 186 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,120 You said no, though. You're allowed to. 187 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:02,880 I just said I wouldn't if I were you. 188 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:04,120 Why? I know what's in it. 189 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,160 Let me ask you, er, Sarah, uh, all of you, 190 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,040 how does it make you feel when Alex does something like that? 191 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,640 What emotional response? 192 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,000 No, no, I'm, I'm sorry are we doing therapy now? Uh... 193 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,680 Just wondering how it makes you feel about Alex, that's all. 194 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,120 I feel powerless. Uh, I feel... 195 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,200 SARAH HONKS WITH LAUGHTER 196 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,480 Come on, milky peas. 197 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:28,560 Ooh, I've got a nickname. 198 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,880 Well, we're gonna begin by standing firm with John and Fern. 199 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:36,960 Well, when do I open it? 200 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,520 Whenever you want. 201 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:43,000 Wouldn't open it yet if I were you. Yeah, but you're not me. 202 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,080 What's your name? John. 203 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:46,200 Star sign? Kearns. 204 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,840 Really? What did you ask me? 205 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,080 Star sign. 206 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:54,520 Oh! Well, people usually go "First name... 207 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:55,560 Right. 208 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,000 ..then they go, "last name". 209 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,600 Right. Aries. 210 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:00,760 Hmm. 211 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,400 28 minutes. 212 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:03,840 Place of birth? 213 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,520 St Thomas' Hospital. 214 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,320 Are you opening it? Do you want me to open it? 215 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,520 I wouldn't open it. But why are you saying that?! 216 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:10,720 What's your star sign? 217 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,120 Gemini. 218 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,280 How high can you jump? 219 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,440 Ooh. 220 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:17,960 A foot? 221 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,400 PING! 222 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,720 Ah, bread's ready. 223 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,000 What's with all the questions? 224 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,240 Who's your favourite singer, John? Uh, Rufus Wainwright. 225 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:28,440 Yuk. 226 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:30,960 Ah. 227 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,240 Got more questions if you want them. Yeah, go on, then. 228 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:37,520 Phobias? No, nothing. 229 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,840 Biggest regret? I'm not gonna say 230 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,400 I live my life without regrets but I tend not to dwell on them. 231 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:44,960 Just give me a regret. 232 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,280 I don't really have any but I'm not one of these kind 233 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,800 of people that doesn't have regrets. 234 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,600 So you do have regrets. I've got regrets, yeah. 235 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:51,920 Right, what's your biggest one? 236 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,720 Fuck this. You been to Greece? No, no, you're mad. Huh? 237 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,840 Have you been to Greece? No. All right. 238 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,080 Within 30 seconds of opening this task... 239 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,320 You must pick up both milk bottles 240 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,160 and hold them directly above the microwaves. 241 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,720 The clock stops when a milk bottle, hand... 242 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,200 Or arm... BOTH: Touches the microwave. 243 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,840 Or is no longer directly above a microwave. 244 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,800 Lowest number on the clock wins 245 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:21,160 but if the clock reaches zero you're disqualified. 246 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,680 I'm a strong boy. 247 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,000 I'm not joking. I've had a shoulder injury recently that, 248 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,480 er, and I cannae... Mm. 249 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,800 You can put...there we go. Thank you. 250 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,360 Few regrets now. Mm-hm. 251 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,080 Well, I tried to warn you. 252 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,680 Um... 253 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,800 It's just struck the microwave there so I'll stop the clock. 254 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,000 That's why I didn't want you to open the task. 255 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,160 Why? 256 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,800 Well, so the clock would go down more. 257 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:59,160 Oh, so it's OK, so I'm... Someone might do worse. 258 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,400 Yeah, someone might do worse. OK. OK, bye! 259 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,360 I quote John during the actual task - "Fuck this!" 260 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,600 Cos he kept asking me my biggest regret. 261 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,240 You don't have regrets. 262 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:21,920 Although you're not someone who DOESN'T have regrets. 263 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,600 I've got regrets, we've all got regrets. 264 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,640 We've all got regrets. But I don't live with them. 265 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,040 So where are they? 266 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,720 Oh, they're up there. 267 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:32,760 But I don't go there. 268 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:37,440 You shut the door. Oh, they're high, they're top shelf. 269 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,760 They're top shelf. You can't reach them. 270 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,400 Oh, they're too... You can't get to them! 271 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,840 Uh... I, I can't get to my regrets! 272 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,000 Fern, enjoy that task? 273 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,120 No, like, I did have a shoulder injury. 274 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:48,280 How'd you injure your shoulder? 275 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,480 I went to the gym 276 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,920 and then I was trying to compete with the man next to me. 277 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,880 Do you regret the whole thing down the gym or not? 278 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,080 Yeah, uh, I, I do really regret it! 279 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,640 It really messed me up for ages 280 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:00,200 and then meant I messed up that task. 281 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,240 Well, maybe take that regret and pop it in John's mind shelf! 282 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,880 All right, it's the end of part one. 283 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,640 We're gonna have a break while you have 284 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:12,400 a conversation about doing an online food shop. 285 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,840 You used to make love, so make love, now! 286 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,600 He'll time you! Go! 287 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,640 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 288 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,960 Hello, again! welcome back to Taskmaster. 289 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,960 It's part two and there's a lab-based task in play. 290 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,400 Yes, and it's a fiendish one. 291 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,480 Next up it's Dairy Dara, 292 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,360 Sarah Milkycan and Milkman Munya. here we go. 293 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,160 What's your star sign? 294 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,960 Uh... Aquarius. 295 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,680 I've got more questions. I bet you do. 296 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,400 What's your name? Sarah. 297 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,920 Sarah...? Millican. 298 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,960 How high can you jump, or what's the highest you've ever jumped? 299 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,840 Just little. Like, the size of a mouse. 300 00:13:58,880 --> 00:13:59,880 What's your name? 301 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,600 no, I'm not playing. Let, let me, let me check this. 302 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,440 Within 30 seconds of opening this task you must... 303 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,160 "Pick up both milk bottles and hold them directly above the microwaves." 304 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,360 Any opinions on milk? 305 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,440 Gives me the shits. 306 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,760 How much do you need to have? 307 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,320 I wouldn't want THAT amount. 308 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:13,400 That's six pints. 309 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,480 Might as well just pour it straight through. Um... 310 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:22,600 Well, Jesus, "but as the clock reaches zero you are disqualified." 311 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,320 Oh, well, you've... 312 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,960 Wait, what? 313 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,560 Hang on, what? Wait. Wait, what? 314 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,920 Lift them above the microwaves, ready? 315 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,600 Right, OK. 316 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,520 BREATHES DEEPLY 317 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,840 MICROWAVE DINGS Yes. 318 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,560 Well done. You see that? Yeah. 319 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,560 Gotta keep my biceps contracted. 320 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,600 Like a constipated eagle. 321 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,640 MICROWAVE DINGS Oh. 322 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,000 It's exciting, isn't it, even after all these years? 323 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:58,160 Isn't it exciting when a microwave pings? 324 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,320 Wait, what, what, what clock? 325 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,400 Have I, have I stopped? Yeah, you stopped. 326 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,480 Yeah, you put the milk bottles on the microwave. Oh, no! 327 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,600 Arse. 328 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,720 Oh, you know what? We're gonna do it. 329 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:19,440 Uh, hold them up. 330 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:24,160 Ooh, I need to lift them up like that. This is heavy. 331 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,680 Yeah. 332 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,880 Shoulders are starting to hurt a bit. 333 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,880 Could technically raise my arms. 334 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,720 Yes, you must be over the, directly over the microwaves still. 335 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,480 I don't know if this is more difficult or easier. 336 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,520 It's impressive. 337 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:42,600 Ah. 338 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,680 How long have I been doing this? 339 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,000 Three minutes. 340 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,680 At no point did you say they had to be full though, did you? 341 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,960 Take that off. Right. 342 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,520 Yeah. 343 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,000 Yeah, I was tempted to throw it on you. 344 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,560 AUDIENCE WHOOPS, APPLAUSE 345 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,240 Sorry, everybody. 346 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,320 Ah, like a milky torture. 347 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,320 Ooh. 348 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,600 That's it, milk just got the microwave. 349 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,600 Yeah. 350 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,280 Well, now that's just touched there I'm afraid. Oh, has it? 351 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,800 Yeah, so that's enough. 352 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,720 Oh, no. Look at my boots. 353 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,720 No, look at the floor, Sarah. 354 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,880 Oh, I should've tipped them out before. 355 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,720 I could've brought that to you. 356 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,800 Sorry, everybody. 357 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,400 APPLAUSE 358 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,520 To drain the milky vessels. 359 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,200 Mm. Very clever. Very clever. 360 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,000 I felt, I didn't wanna make a mess 361 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:43,800 and I felt really bad I made such a mess. 362 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,440 Throughout the series whenever, 363 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,680 when Munya, when you came into the lab, every time he went, 364 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,560 "It stinks in here". Oh. 365 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:53,440 Throughout the series. That's her. 366 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,120 Uh, and if you, 367 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,440 if you think that's bad you should go round to Dara's at Christmas. 368 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,960 So they cleaned and there was a pocket they couldn't find 369 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,080 cos it still stank and then eventually it was found. 370 00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:06,480 It...it was under the flooring. 371 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,040 Millican's milky pocket. 372 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,160 Now stark contrast, 373 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:13,880 get a bit confused, old man? 374 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:20,080 That has haunted me, that task. 375 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:24,880 And it is on a low rung of the regret shelves. Uh... 376 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,960 Oh, one you can easily access. 377 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,480 Oh, it's eye level. It is absolutely eye level. 378 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,280 But much like on a summer's day if you wandering through a meadow 379 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,040 and you might just catch a beautiful butterfly. 380 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,800 We've caught the moment where Dara realised 381 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,560 that he's totally fucked this. 382 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:42,680 Wait, what? 383 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,720 Hang on, what? Wait. 384 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,360 Wait, what? 385 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:49,920 Yes. 386 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:54,400 So it's "wait, what?" Yes. "What? Wait. Wait, what?" "Wait, what?" 387 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,840 Uh, yeah. 388 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,160 Munya does everything with absolute commitment. 389 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,320 It's incredible. 390 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:04,600 I imagine you clean your teeth like let's do, let's do this. 391 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,840 In my mind I felt like Moses and the Red Sea. 392 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,280 Know what I mean, just holding the milk. 393 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,840 Fricking, the microwave is blowing that's Jesus whispering to me. 394 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,640 Honestly it, it, I had a vision. 395 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,440 Well, yeah, I mean, Sarah did it well in every single way. 396 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,720 She, she delayed the most with the questions 397 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,760 and then she found a technique so she did well. 398 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,760 Lowest number wins. Dara, unfortunately, comes last. 399 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,040 26 minutes 55. 400 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,840 Fern gets two points with 26 minutes and four seconds. 401 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,760 Then Munya who held them up for over four minutes, which is amazing. 402 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,960 They're, each one is the weight of a chihuahua, genuinely. 403 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,760 Uh, 25 minutes and four seconds. 404 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,840 John held out longer than you, though. 405 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,240 23 minutes and 30 seconds. Sarah wins it, though, 406 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,280 with 16 minutes and 58 seconds and five points. 407 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,640 Wow. 408 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:50,960 CHEERING, APPLAUSE 409 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,800 Right, scoreboard, please. 410 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,520 Well, I can tell you Dara and Fern are in joint last, 411 00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,360 John and Munya in joint second. 412 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,560 Sarah, though, is in the lead with ten points. 413 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,680 Well, I, for one, am ready for another. 414 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,560 Oh, well, I'm ready for a holiday. 415 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:33,840 Hello. What's on your iPad? 416 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,920 Oh, Fern Brady. 417 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,040 Is that you? 418 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,520 Uh, that's me, yeah. 419 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,080 Dara O Briain? 420 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,360 Yes, that's me. 421 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,680 I'm waiting for Munya Chawawa. 422 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,680 Yes, that's me, you even spelt my name right. Sick. 423 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,440 Hello. Welcome home. Is this your suitcase? 424 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,680 No, that's your suitcase. 425 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:54,880 Oh, no. 426 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,520 Where are we off to today? 427 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:02,840 "Get to the end of the lanes in exactly the same amount of time." 428 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,680 One lane, two lanes. 429 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,520 "That time must be under one minute." 430 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,880 "Closest two times wins." 431 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,840 "Also, you must mirror yourself during your attempts." 432 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:17,000 "There are two bonus points for the most stylish mirroring." 433 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,920 Mirroring. 434 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,600 Mirror-ing. 435 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:25,320 "Both attempts must take place within the next ten minutes." 436 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,200 This is lane one, there... Yeah. 437 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,720 ..on the flat. Yeah. 438 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,200 This is lane two, it's a travelator. Yeah. 439 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,760 And you wanna reach to the ends of them at exactly the same time. 440 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,000 I can tell you, if you were stationary on that... Yes. 441 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,720 ..takes about one minute 25. 442 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,680 The time I do it in must be under a minute, 443 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,600 so I cannot be stationary on it. 444 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,000 Hmm, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. 445 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,840 Well, there's no, there's no point going quick on here 446 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,240 because that'll mean I have to go double quick there. 447 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,400 Can you go double quick? 448 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,800 Greg will give style points to the most stylish people. 449 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,080 From Greg? 450 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,280 Style points from Greg. 451 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,280 APPLAUSE 452 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,280 Right, it's a pretty straightforward thing. 453 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,720 just a personal note, I absolutely love those things. 454 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,040 I genuinely could ride one of those all day. 455 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,000 It's not that interesting, but I'm, I'm never more at peace. 456 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,600 Shall I show them what they did? 457 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,800 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, have a look at them, yeah. 458 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,080 First up it's Sarah and Sarah. 459 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:27,160 Good luck. Thank you. 460 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,520 Good luck. Thank you. 461 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,160 WHISTLE BLOWS 462 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,280 CHEERING, APPLAUSE 463 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,320 Well, it was very accurate. 464 00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:12,880 Thank you. It says do it stylishly. 465 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,000 I had a nice coat on. 466 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,480 She had a nice coat. 467 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,800 APPLAUSE 468 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:23,960 Who's next? Next, here's what the Daras did. 469 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,120 CHEERING, APPLAUSE 470 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,280 Quite a 70's Soviet vibe you went for. 471 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:12,560 Really wasn't that image that was in my head for that. 472 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,640 Uh, that was applied retrospectively. Uh... 473 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,560 LAUGHS 474 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,360 Now it's time for Kearns' turn. 475 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,080 APPLAUSE 476 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,000 I mean, pretty impressive, John. 477 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,960 I don't think you'd expect me to skip like that. 478 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,800 C...correct. 479 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,800 That's quite Willy Wonka vibe you had going on, I thought. 480 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,520 Yeah, I'm, I'm faster than I look. 481 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,600 I'll make a note, I'll make a note. Yeah. 482 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,520 You make a note. "John is faster than he looks." 483 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,360 Oh, well, I'll have to go into notes. 484 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,200 We're at the halfway point of this episode. 485 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,840 We've reached the top of the hill. It's all downhill from here. 486 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,640 Whee! 487 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:25,760 Uh... 488 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,200 APPLAUSE, CHEERING 489 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,160 Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Taskmaster. 490 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,360 Can you remind us where we were please, Alex? 491 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,800 Yes, we were at Gatwick airport, Greg. 492 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,920 The current task involves having two walks down two different lanes 493 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,520 and trying to get to the finish line at the same time, 494 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,680 mirroring your movement on each attempt. 495 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,080 The only problem is one of the walks is on a moving travelator. 496 00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:57,840 Also,there are two bonus points for 497 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:01,880 the most stylish mirroring, mirroring, mirror-ing. 498 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:06,800 Talking of mirrors and styling, here is Munya. 499 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,760 Right, here we go, here we go. 500 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:13,880 So one, two, three, turn. 501 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:17,880 Wow. 502 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:22,680 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21. 503 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,640 Oh. 22. 504 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,320 Spin that round. 505 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:41,560 Drop it low. 506 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:45,640 Ah... 507 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:48,200 Ah. 508 00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:55,440 What do you think? 509 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,040 Have you finished? 510 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:58,360 Yeah, yeah. 511 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:06,160 Quite a thing of beauty to watch, I thought. I was in awe. Yeah. 512 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,840 Dara. Um, did he ever cross the line? 513 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:10,600 Oh, we're like that, is it? 514 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,080 Oh, Dara, is this the man who held milk for a microsecond? 515 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:15,400 Microsecond. 516 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,560 Talking to me Mr Wait What Who What What What. 517 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,000 And you all had a big fucking party about that. 518 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,480 Hold me back, John, hold me back, hold me back. 519 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:26,800 It would seem monstrous to strip him of his points, 520 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,360 but I guess if that's what Dara wants. 521 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,720 Would you count that as the end of the walk, Greg, 522 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,280 I suppose is the question? 523 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,080 Yeah, that's, that's the big question, isn't it? 524 00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:47,160 I think enough of that case is over the line, that's what I think. 525 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:48,240 Yeah... Yeah, Dara. 526 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:51,440 Who's left? 527 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,560 Well, finally it's Fern. 528 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:54,840 Ready... 529 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:56,280 Ready. 530 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,600 APPLAUSE, CHEERING 531 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,520 Sounds like you're a people's champion anyway. 532 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,440 You talk us through your performance, uh, Fern I, uh... 533 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,120 From my point of view, I've written down, 534 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,200 uh, "lacklustre and wildly inaccurate". 535 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,320 SOBBBING: I...I tried really hard. 536 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,280 I feel like I don't know what's real any more because... 537 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:08,840 ..because, because at the time, 538 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,520 I kind of thought that there was some airport staff 539 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:13,760 and they were looking at me funny. 540 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:18,040 But I thought, "Oh, they're just really jealous of my costume". 541 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,560 I didn't know it was that bad. 542 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,120 Unfortunately, Fern, on one side of 543 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,360 the path she did it in 29 seconds, 544 00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,480 the other in 45 seconds, so there was a 16-second difference. 545 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,120 In comparison, the two Daras had a four-second difference, 546 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,880 the two Munyas a three-second difference, 547 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,160 the two Johns half a second difference. 548 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:50,960 Sarah negligible difference at all. 549 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,120 Wow. So Sarah definitely gets the five points. 550 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:54,440 Oh. 551 00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:01,000 Between Munya and John for the style points. 552 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,120 It's most stylish mirroring. 553 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:04,640 I think one style point is fair. 554 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,960 One bonus style point to Munya and one to John. 555 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,240 OK. 556 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,080 I'd like another little task, please. 557 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:13,960 Good, well, here's a lovely little task 558 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,320 where they wear some lovely little messy hats. 559 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,040 Hello. Oh, hi there. 560 00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:36,520 Chri... 561 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,200 Hello, Dara. 562 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,400 FERN: Hello, do you like this? 563 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:42,440 I think so. 564 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,000 And, actually, before you open it, I just need to do something. 565 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,240 Wait one second. 566 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:49,640 What you doing? 567 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,000 Nothing. What you doing? Nothing. 568 00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,480 What you doing? Nothing. Oh, no. 569 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,000 Here it comes. 570 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,240 DARA: What are you doing? FERN: What are you doing? 571 00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,280 PAINT SQUIRTS Nothing.MUNYA:That's just rude. 572 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,640 You're really pushing me today, Alex, you know this? 573 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,200 Did you just pour paint in my hat? 574 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,360 Yes. 575 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:07,400 Oh. 576 00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:10,680 May I ask what you're doing? 577 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:12,200 No. Oh, right. 578 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,040 Thanks, buddy. 579 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,280 You haven't made me... Wow. 580 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:18,880 Yeah. 581 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:24,880 DARA: "Strike the bullseye with your paint." 582 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,840 SARAH: The bullseye must be round there, then. OK. 583 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,080 MUNYA: "You must only step on the stepping stones 584 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,840 "and you must step on all the stepping stones." 585 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:36,120 You're, wait, what? No. Oh, Jesus. 586 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,960 "Also, your hands must be below your waist at all times." 587 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,360 "Fastest wins. Your time starts now." 588 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,560 APPLAUSE 589 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:50,640 Interesting, um, reaction from Dara after he'd spilt 590 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:52,960 a little paint down his front when he was trying 591 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,120 to get his head 'round the task. Oh, do you wanna hear it? Yeah. 592 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:57,600 You're, wait, what? No. 593 00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,120 LAUGHTER 594 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:03,560 Good, let's go. Yeah, so you've gotta hit the target with your paint. 595 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,200 You can only step on the stepping stones. 596 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:06,960 You must step on all the stepping stones. 597 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:10,200 Hands below the waist, off we go. First up it's Mun and Fun. 598 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,280 Munya and Fern. 599 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,960 Your time starts now. 600 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,440 OK, Alex, can you talk whilst I walk, yeah? 601 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:18,680 I think so. 602 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,280 What the hell? Alex. Yes? 603 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:30,680 Shit. OK, I need to go back. I need to get some more. Ah, sh... 604 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:33,680 You've put paint on the flag. 605 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:37,680 Oh... 606 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,240 Oh, no. 607 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,240 Right, we're back in this. 608 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:48,920 Argh! 609 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,080 Is there paint in my hair? 610 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,280 Would you like a shower cap? Yeah. Yeah. 611 00:31:58,600 --> 00:31:59,600 Right, I'm in. 612 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:07,520 This is something I learnt... being a shot girl at uni. 613 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,440 I've done it! Yeah, I've stopped the clock. 614 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:25,160 I don't think of the other people I'm competing against often enough 615 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:29,160 so I'm thinking of them now, trying to think how I hate them. 616 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:32,640 Be careful on this bit. 617 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,080 Oops. Did you see that? 618 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,280 No. 619 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:38,120 Fuck's sake! 620 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:40,640 Ugh. 621 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:43,920 No, it's a bit further than that. 622 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,000 You're nearly there. 623 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,040 Ugh. 624 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:04,760 APPLAUSE 625 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,080 A bigger contrast between the two approaches 626 00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,480 you couldn't possibly see. 627 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,240 No, I was trying very hard during that one, 628 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,920 but I'm not all, like, Munya, leaping about and stuff. 629 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:21,560 No, I wrote down, "Munya is an unnecessary action hero." 630 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,080 LAUGHTER 631 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:27,880 He does action hero moves when he could just step over something. 632 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:31,240 When I was at uni, I used to be in an American football team. Yeah? 633 00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,480 And our motto was "speed and violence", 634 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:37,720 so basically what that means is everything you do in life, 635 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:38,840 speed and violence. 636 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,480 What about, like, knitting? 637 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:42,840 Speed and violence! 638 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:44,760 I have a motto, er... 639 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:46,240 Oh, yeah. 640 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,000 It's in Latin, it's, er, "waitus, whatus?" 641 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:54,320 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 642 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,640 Hmm, I mean, Munya was breathtaking to watch. 643 00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,760 There was a tiny little speck of paint in the bull's-eye. 644 00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,840 He did it in 1 minute 30. It was unbelievably quick. 645 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,760 Yeah, but I thought that Fern was breathtaking to watch as well. 646 00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:04,880 Yes, yes. 647 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:06,200 What did she do it in? 648 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,800 Uh, five-and-a-half minutes. 649 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:09,920 Come on let's crack on. 650 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:11,840 All right, well there's two more people now 651 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,080 and I've fudged their names together to make Sarah MilliKearns. 652 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,360 Sarah and John. 653 00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:17,800 So hands below your waist. 654 00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:19,720 Hands. Can that not do for balance? 655 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,880 Yeah, that's perfect. That's a bit unfair. 656 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,120 Did you wanna check the task? Yeah. 657 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,320 Well, you can only step on stepping stones. 658 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:34,960 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 659 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:36,000 Oh, no. 660 00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:41,960 Oh, you're kidding me! 661 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:50,680 Yeah, right. 662 00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:51,960 I mean, yeah, I knew it. 663 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:56,360 Ooh, bugger. 664 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,920 I mean, I've gone from there to there! 665 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:07,520 I mean, it's madness, how far I've gone. 666 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:08,840 Hold on. 667 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,000 Ah, you're reversing. 668 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,800 Right, you've just got to stretch, ain't you? 669 00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:21,680 Ah, well done, John. 670 00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:22,920 Yeah. 671 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:24,320 How high is my camera? 672 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,040 Oh, I've got paint on my..! 673 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:29,880 You're through. Oh. 674 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:44,120 Ah... 675 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:52,480 HE EXHALES 676 00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:53,520 Right. 677 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:19,200 Bull's-eye. 678 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:32,680 Is there one on the bull's-eye? 679 00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:34,240 Yeah. Yeah. 680 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:35,520 Whoa. Yeah. 681 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:44,840 The contrast with John was sensational. 682 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:48,000 It's literally like watching an alien pretend to be human. 683 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,760 Significantly worse than Fern. 684 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,840 Yes, eight minutes and three seconds. 685 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,040 Eight minutes? 686 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,400 Eight minutes and three seconds, yes. Christ, what was I doing? 687 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:03,520 Fern's now looking pretty good, 688 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:06,400 especially because we can see a picture of Sarah's hands, 689 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,520 er, just slightly above her waist. 690 00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:09,960 Oh, yes. 691 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:11,760 Yeah, yeah, fair enough, they are a little bit... 692 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,880 I had very high-waisted trousers on there. 693 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:19,240 And sadly I do have to show you this photo as well, Greg, this one here. 694 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:20,280 Yeah. 695 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,200 I do have to show you one other thing as well, which is this. 696 00:37:25,240 --> 00:37:26,640 Oh, no. 697 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,240 Step on all the stepping stones. 698 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:29,400 Yeah. 699 00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:32,880 Got to speed this up. 700 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:36,440 Shall I go in here? 701 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,040 All the information's on the task, Munya. 702 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,200 You must step on all the stepping stones. 703 00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:42,680 You're labouring that a bit. 704 00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:44,520 You put paint on the flag. 705 00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,480 Yeah, OK. 706 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:47,880 I need this. 707 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,200 Right, OK. 708 00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:52,640 Right, we're back in this. 709 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:53,800 We're back in. 710 00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,240 APPLAUSE 711 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,640 They're dropping like flies! 712 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,920 I tried to warn them. I tried to help. 713 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:05,640 Just sounded like you were being really monotonous. 714 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,640 And I just sort of tuned you out. 715 00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,920 Sorry, Alex. "All of them, please, all of them, please." 716 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,680 It's like a bored bloke operating a funfair ride. 717 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:16,240 It's the end of part three 718 00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:19,760 and we're another step closer to someone being poisoned 719 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,680 by Dara O Briain's raw turkey. 720 00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:23,360 APPLAUSE 721 00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:36,200 Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster. 722 00:38:36,240 --> 00:38:37,600 It's part four of four. 723 00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,440 Yes, and there are four losers over there who failed in obeying 724 00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,640 the simple instructions to step on all the stepping stones. 725 00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:46,440 Hands below their waists before striking the target with the paint. 726 00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:47,520 It's such a shame. 727 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,840 Thankfully, there is still one ray of hope, 728 00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:53,520 but his name isn't Ray O Hope - it's Dara O Briain. 729 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:55,120 Ray O Hope! 730 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:56,640 Only stepping stones. 731 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:06,760 OK. 732 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:13,440 Lovely. 733 00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:29,320 Wait, what? 734 00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:30,880 Jesus. 735 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:32,040 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 736 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,160 All right, that should be enough for now. 737 00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:39,760 Ah, right. 738 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,760 Oh, bull's-eye! 739 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,120 I've stopped the clock. 740 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:04,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 741 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:13,920 That's got to make up for some of the 742 00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:15,560 other things in this episode, hasn't it? 743 00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,320 Wait, what? 744 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,760 "Wait, what?" aside, exemplary work. 745 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:23,760 Thank you. How are you feeling now, though? 746 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,440 Ah, there's this faint chink of light. 747 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,440 Er... I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop. 748 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,600 Waiting for you to go, "But then..." 749 00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,040 Come on, stop waiting for the shoe to drop. 750 00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,440 No, it was great. Yeah, it was great. 751 00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:38,960 Do you wanna see his best bits cos he was so graceful? 752 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:40,240 Oh, yeah, that'd be nice. 753 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,520 OK. Here's Dara's best bits. Yeah. 754 00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:45,600 How much paint do I have now? 755 00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:50,160 Shoe. 756 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:00,680 That seems a little harsh. 757 00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:02,080 I think it's awful, Dara. 758 00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:05,600 It's an awful way to end, but that's Taskmaster. 759 00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:08,520 Mm-hm. He would've been quick. 4 minutes 45. I mean, not... 760 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:09,560 Oh, it's quick as well. 761 00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:11,400 Yeah, not as quick as Munya, of course, 1 minute 30, 762 00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:13,520 but nobody completed the task. 763 00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,360 So nobody gets a point. 764 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:17,400 GROANING 765 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,800 Is there any point in looking at the scores after that? 766 00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:21,280 Probably not, but let's do it anyway. 767 00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,120 She's in the lead with 15 points, it's Sarah Millican. 768 00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:25,160 Hey! 769 00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,280 APPLAUSE 770 00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:31,040 OK, everyone, before you head up to the stage, Alex has 771 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,240 a very important question for you. 772 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,280 Yes, I do. 773 00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,880 I'll start with you, Dara. Inches or feet? 774 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:40,480 Inches. 775 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:42,640 Fern, inches or feet? 776 00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:44,800 Feet. 777 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:47,240 John. Feet. 778 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:48,360 Munya. Feet. 779 00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,120 And then, finally, Sarah Millican. 780 00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:52,040 Inches. Thank you. 781 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,680 Curiouser and curiouser. 782 00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:56,840 Good. Please make your way to the stage 783 00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:58,320 for the final task of the show! 784 00:41:58,360 --> 00:41:59,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 785 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:07,840 They got what they wanted. 786 00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:14,920 I don't know what's more heartbreaking, short or long. 787 00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:16,680 Who's going to read the task, Alex? 788 00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:18,120 John is going to read the task. 789 00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:20,440 All right, John. 790 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:26,960 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 791 00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:34,920 "Paint a picture of a unicorn using your head brush. 792 00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:40,600 "You may not handle your head brush at any point. 793 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,200 "You have two minutes." 794 00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:44,040 That's it - paint a picture of a unicorn. 795 00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,000 Would you like them to paint a specific unicorn? 796 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:48,320 I'd like him to be prancing. 797 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:49,760 You have two minutes starting... 798 00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:52,640 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 799 00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:21,080 AUDIENCE: Five, four, three, two, one! 800 00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:22,560 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 801 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:23,600 WHISTLE BLOWS 802 00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,800 OK, please step back on your circles. 803 00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:29,400 Show me them prancers. 804 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,520 We're going to start with Dara O Briain. 805 00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:35,120 The short brush has got to be an advantage, surely? 806 00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:36,320 Is it, though? Is it? 807 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:37,680 Oh... 808 00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:39,120 Oh! 809 00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:40,160 APPLAUSE 810 00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,320 That is one jaunty prancer. 811 00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:49,640 Hello, Fern. Hello. 812 00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,200 Here we go! 813 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:55,040 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 814 00:43:57,640 --> 00:43:59,040 Which end's which? 815 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,320 Well! Well, it's got a horn coming out with some green 816 00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,040 and different colours and... Oh, yeah. 817 00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:08,360 What I see is two fences, a big orange and a pepper. 818 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,000 Hello, John. Hi, hi. 819 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:12,120 Going to regret this? 820 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:13,160 Yeah, cool. 821 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:15,960 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 822 00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,160 You know where the horn is, though, at least. 823 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,440 I know where the big red line is. 824 00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,760 It's next to the four green lines. 825 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:30,800 Not bad, not bad. 826 00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:32,840 APPLAUSE 827 00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:35,760 "Not bad"? It looks like a long-legged lobster. 828 00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,320 But at least it looks like a creature. 829 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:43,680 And, finally, hello, Sarah. Hi. 830 00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:46,600 Oh. 831 00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:47,880 Oh. 832 00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:49,200 APPLAUSE 833 00:44:49,240 --> 00:44:50,480 Lovely. 834 00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:54,760 I tried to show movement, but that just ended up as flowers. 835 00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:58,560 It looks like Troy's horse. 836 00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,400 It's a powerful beast. Thanks. 837 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,200 Oh! So you lot chose inches. 838 00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:10,560 Greg, you need to judge these right now. 839 00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,200 OK, well, I'm giving John Kearns 840 00:45:12,240 --> 00:45:14,800 one point because he's done a series of lines. 841 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,040 One point to John. 842 00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,400 I'm giving two points to a woman who's drawn two fences, 843 00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,480 a pepper and an orange. Fern Brady. 844 00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:22,560 I'm giving three points to the long-legged lobster. 845 00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:23,840 Congratulations, Munya. 846 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:27,720 I'm giving four points to the majestic horse of Troy, being as it 847 00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:31,000 is standing in twilight, waiting, 848 00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:34,280 but there's only one unicorn prancing in that row. 849 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:37,160 Bam - Dara O Briain takes the five points. Well done, Dara. 850 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:39,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 851 00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:45,200 Come down, let's see how that's affected the final scores. 852 00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:53,320 Well, well, well. Exactly. 853 00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:55,560 Yeah. Yeah, I think we've learnt a lot there. 854 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:56,680 Oh, God, we have. 855 00:45:56,720 --> 00:45:58,600 Much easier to have a six-inch paintbrush 856 00:45:58,640 --> 00:45:59,920 than a six foot paintbrush. 857 00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:01,520 Strapped to your head. Yeah. Yeah. 858 00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:03,880 And I guess that's why that's what size they normally are. 859 00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,200 LAUGHTER 860 00:46:06,240 --> 00:46:07,920 Well, it has been a... 861 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:09,280 ..a one-unicorn race. 862 00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:11,720 With 19 points, the winner is Sarah Millican! 863 00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:14,680 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 864 00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:17,960 Sarah wins! Please pop up to pocket your post. 865 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:22,040 Bye, everyone. 866 00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,560 Before we go, please cheer one more time for today's winner, 867 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,320 Sarah Millican! 868 00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:27,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 869 00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:51,480 Subtitles by Red Bee Media