This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
HE GRUNTS
SHE GASPS
VARIOUS GASPS
Shut up!
Oh, be care... Oh.
ALEX GROWLS
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello!
Hello! Here we go, then.
Welcome to the Series 14 Taskmaster grand final!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm Greg Davies, and right now, I'm so high on adrenaline
I could jump over a car!
What a series we've had, what a cast, what memories.
In many ways, I'm sad to see them go.
But if this being over means there's half a chance that
I'll stop singing
# Me Fern Brady, Me Fern Brady #
in my head all day, every day,
then good riddance to all of them!
LAUGHTER
Very soon, one of them will lift aloft this golden effigy
of my delicious head, and become Taskmaster champion -
and realise in that moment that, like the trophy they hold,
the victory is truly hollow.
So, let us meet the legends for the last time.
Please welcome Dara O Briain... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
..Fern Brady... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
..John Kearns... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
..Munya Chawawa... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
..and Sarah Millican! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And next to me, a man I'm proud to call my best friend...
..if all my other friends go down in an awful maritime disaster.
I include peripheral friends, like friends of friends, even.
"What, perished? All gone? Who's left?"
It's my best friend...
HIGH-PITCHED: ..little Alex Horne!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you, Greg.
Prize task time, you fleshy little giblet. Hm.
Nice one, you big manatee in a suit, or something.
LAUGHTER
It's the last prize task of the series, and you've asked them
to bring in the thing of yours that the Taskmaster
would most like to own. Hm.
Oh, so very personal choice for me.
It is. The person that has brought in the thing that Greg would most
like to own will get five big points to kick off their final and,
at the end of the episode, the winner will probably have
to hand over all the things to Greg, cos he'll want to own them -
and let's face it, who's going to argue with this thing?
LAUGHTER
Hi, Sarah, what have you brought in that you think I might like to own?
Erm, so, I was thinking about you, er,
and thinking about what you have, and what you may lack,
er, in, in your life.
Er, so I think you have power.
You have money.
But what you don't have that I do have is likability.
What?! LAUGHTER
I've brought in, er, a book to represent it.
The Science of Likability.
Do you think, in my role as the Taskmaster, likability would help?
No, but maybe in your personal life. Ahh.
WHISPERS: It's like she wants to lose.
Hi, Fern. Hello!
I've brought you magical tarot cards.
Here are the tarot cards.
So, this wasn't even what I was going to bring in.
I was going to bring you in this spray that turns
your hair brown. Then I didn't.
LAUGHTER
I mean, so far, it's been a very unsettling round.
And then, I did a reading.
You're not going to believe what came up in the reading.
And I didn't make this up.
The first picture - five people battling it out with sticks.
That's us.
The middle one - that card means child-like joy
and a sense of freedom.
The final card, I mean, do I even need to say anything?
Who do you think that is in the final card?
What, the disgusting, big, fat demon on top of the box?
Greg, I'm not making it up, this came up when I did a reading
asking about Taskmaster. Yes, Fern I just don't know what
the significance of it is!
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Munya? I have brought in a mould of my face.
OK. Er, no, no, no...
Yeah, no, I don't think I need to hear much more, Munya.
LAUGHTER
I mean, good luck, Munya.
So, Munya means "comforter," OK, in Shona,
which is a Zimbabwean language, so you wear this round your neck,
feel instantly calmer.
I'm sorry, I'm wearing that round my neck?
LAUGHTER
Er, Munya I don't want it.
Dara. Your loss.
Can you beat any of those?
Oh, God, I'd like to hope so.
Er, cos I've brought you what I think is the coolest thing
I have in my name, to offer to you,
and it is an actual asteroid.
Ooh. AUDIENCE OOHS
Now I'm interested. Yeah.
It's called "4901 O Briain,"
and it orbits outside of Mars, but before Jupiter -
and it's on the NASA register of names of asteroids.
And to represent it, I've brought in meteorite cufflinks.
So, that is real meteorite? That's real meteorite, yeah.
Oh, that is quite good. Yeah?
But the danger with having an asteroid is that it could get
bounced out of its orbit, come into our orbit,
and kill us all. That's just, like, the vague downside.
But, man the press in the build-up to that would be amazing. Er...
And if you had your Munya necklace on, you wouldn't feel any panic.
I'd feel a different kind of panic.
SARAH: Imagine if you were likeable at the time.
People wouldn't mind dying.
FERN: If you had your tarot cards, you would know it was coming.
JOHN: You haven't seen mine yet.
LAUGHTER
Dara, are you prepared to lobby the scientists have
the name of the asteroid changed?
Yes, I am. I'm totally going to do that.
I'm totally going to do that, yeah. Maybe I do like it.
Er, John? Do you own a fridge?
LAUGHTER
I'm not being arrogant.
I have three fridges.
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
What magnets have you got?
That's a good question.
Go on, John, I haven't got any fridge magnets.
Oh!
I've brought in, er, a fridge magnet
of Jet, from Gladiators.
Yes, he has. Here's Jet... Oh, now. ..in a fridge magnet. Hang on.
Now...
..that is very clever, actually, John.
LAUGHTER
Like all men of a certain age...
..I am a big fan of Jet. If you're watching, all the best.
It's a low-scoring round for me.
I'm perfectly likeable, I don't want that mask, that's nonsense -
one point for those three people.
Right, so it's one point to Sarah, one point to Munya,
one point to Fern. Correct.
Dara, two points. Ooh!
Because I don't want those cufflinks, but I like the idea.
And three points... Oh.
Well, I'm not going to give him five points
for a fridge magnet, am I?!
John Kearns sort of wins, with three points. There it is!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right! We are off, what's first?
Well, we're going to travel back in time to a task we gave them on
their very first day in the house.
Hello, John. The man himself.
This is nice. Thank you.
Where's my...?
Ha-ha.
SARAH: No. Here it is, though.
What, why am I... what am I looking for here?
I know you've hidden a message in here somewhere.
"Look at the front of the table."
What's the task, Alex? I don't know.
Do you have any favourite dates? Oh, my birthday!
Yes! God, all that just for that little thing.
That's a really long pay-off, Alex, I will say that.
"Order three things for your final task."
"You may spend up to £50."
"You have five minutes, your t..."
What, what, what?
"Your time" - we're not going to say that bit yet.
"Your time starts now."
The thing is, can order something that could be completely useless.
Yeah, so don't order that.
I need, like, a...
I need a Swiss army knife.
Scissors, please. Pens.
Er, ooh, er, ee...shit!
Er...!
Some sort of taxidermy.
OK. Not a teddy, like, an animal that used to be alive
and now, it's...
..that.
A double cheeseburger.
A big bag of potatoes.
Chocolate. What size of chocolate?
I don't know what the special - like, A4, is that...?
SHE LAUGHS
I mean, £50'd cover how much labour, I mean, cheap labour?
You want me to rent a person?
Do you mind giving me a rough description of them?
You know, nice, somebody nice.
I want roller blades.
No, no, no, no, I want moon shoes.
A mirror.
So, a pint of Irish cider.
Or maybe just get two pints, then we have a pint each.
That'd be lovely! Why don't we do that?
I know that you're going to try and make me wet somehow,
and the thing about me is my skin, as a Brown man,
gets dry very quickly.
So, I'm willing to do that for you, Alex,
but I'll need some Vaseline on there.
JOHN: Er, get me... 25 seconds.
Get me a baseball cap!
Genie, genie, three wishes! Oh, no, no, er, Aladdin,
a lamp, a lamp, a lamp, magic lamp!
WHISTLE BLOWS OK.
I think it's quite a terrifying, er, look into all of your minds.
I don't even know what moon shoes are, what are moon shoes?
Er, moon shoes is a shoe with a trampoline on it.
Oh, yeah. Quite a small trampoline, worth saying.
Not a full-size trampoline.
OK, shall we move on?
It was the first thing they did in the series,
and it will be the last thing they do in the series, too,
so keep that in the back of your minds, but for now,
let's lock them all in the caravan!
Oh, hello.
Hello, Fern.
SARAH: Hello!
You're going in my caravan, I'm staying outside my caravan.
Oh. I know.
It doesn't make either of us happy. No!
That's...a safety measure.
OK. Probably wise. You CAN run with them.
I actually still think you can't, just as a general message, no,
don't run with that.
"Don't run with them." Shall I...? Yes, please.
"Eat the grape."
"Eat the grape." Erm...
"You must not damage the caravan or climb out the window."
"Fastest wins."
FERN: "Your time starts now."
"Your time starts now."
MUNYA: Now.
FERN: Where is the grape?
Er... CROW CAWS
Shut up, shut up!
Oh, there's grapes over there!
Oh, yeah. You could go and eat one of them.
But how?
APPLAUSE
"Eat the grape" - that's it, innit? It's "eat the grape." Yeah.
It's an escape room with grapes - or an "es-grape" room.
First two we're going to see are - say your names, please.
John. And...
Munya.
Wh-Where is the grape?
OK, so I'm not allowed to climb out the window.
No, thank you. But I can walk out the door.
You can try.
Oh, you've locked it, haven't you? You horrible man.
You found a grape? Er, no.
I've got a chest. Yes.
That's one locked, as well. So, I need two keys.
Oh, yeah scissors.
Argh! Why are you being so annoying?
It's sort of my job.
Right, I need keys, I need keys.
What, have you locked that? Yeah, well, no, but...
Oh, ah, sorry.
ALEX SIGHS
Did you just sigh?
Like it's my problem.
Yes. Rocky, rock-key!
Scissors, scissors.
Boom. Ah!
Too weak?
Regret calling me weak. AUDIENCE LAUGHS
Right, we're in!
"Score 50 for a prize."
You good at darts? Not vertically, but...
Double-20.
12.
Are we playing English darts, or Zimbabwean darts?
Let's put Zimbabwean darts on the map and play my way, yeah?
All right.
Yes! 50, I'll go and get your prize.
Yes!
Oh, that's treble-18, you win a prize.
Yes, a claw!
Thank you, Alex.
They're not real.
"Alex Horne, grapes of wrath."
So I need to find a book.
Grapes of Wrath. Ah.
It's a key.
Fucking Christ. HE LAUGHS
Can of beans, chickpeas?
Some scissors. Not any old scissors.
I swear these are the things they cut piles out with, no?
No, well, sort of, they're grape scissors. Grape scissors, OK.
Chick, chick-key, chick-key.
Oh!
Yes! Yes!
Hello, Munya.
John, have you eaten a grape?
No.
What the hell? They're fake!
Is that - oh, yes!
I've stopped the clock. Mm!
Are they in there? Do you think it's mislabelled?
So, just tell me what you're hoping for? Grapes.
Fingers crossed.
Oh, it's, yeah.
"Eat the grape!" Where's the grape?
Is that like a ladder to something?
The TV aerial?
"Eat the grape."
Oh, fuck.
There's no way that was there earlier. No? No.
APPLAUSE
You're quite different men.
BOTH LAUGH
Munya is, sort of, alive with energy. Keen.
Like a newt. Oh, he's very much like a newt.
Solving problems and, you know, and if he doesn't manage
to solve them through logic,
he'll make something up like Zimbabwean darts.
Obviously absolute horseshit.
Yes, but the use of the string was clever, wasn't it?
Of course, very clever! You know, sometimes I don't know whether
he's the best ambassador for Zimbabwe, but...
John, did we just witness you looking for a grape
in a can of chickpeas?
LAUGHTER
Never trust a label on Taskmaster.
No, that's true. That's a very good point.
One quarter of the final is complete.
Rest your nerves a while,
and we'll see you soon for part two.
Have a poo. Look at his face, he needs a poo!
See you in a bit.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello!
Welcome back to the Taskmaster grand final!
Yes, the atmosphere is electric, Greg, and so is my toothbrush.
It just does a better job on all but one of my teeth.
LAUGHTER
The current task involves the five finalists stuck in the caravan
trying to work out how to eat a grape in the fastest time.
Next up, it's Fern and Sarah.
I've done these sorts of games before, and sometimes I just
chat with my friends... and don't bother doing them.
What if I gnaw through the string?
A swear jar - just got money in it. Or has it?
A swear jar.
Oh, buggeration! That would've been really good.
You've just said "buggeration" as well, so it'd be good... Sorry.
..if you put another coin back in it.
SARAH LAUGHS
Erm, do you know where the key is?
Yes, absolutely.
Where is it? What?
The key, where is the key? I can't tell you that.
Where do people sometimes hide?
Under the duck?
No.
Behind there, are you?
What about this baby's foot?
Just a baby's foot, I'm afraid.
In the sink?
JINGLING Ah!
There is darts.
It's not like you haven't put it in my pocket, have you? No.
You're on 52, well done. Thank you.
Here's your prize.
They're not real grapes. Ah.
Erm...no.
Is there like a book with a secret compartment?
"Alex Horne's children's card?"
Yeah, that's my library ticket.
Oh, find the book.
Oy.
Oh, look I've found a key.
Er, it is - ooh, and there's a grape! Ohh.
Done. I've stopped the clock.
Ah, another key. Ah, good.
I've stopped the clock. Thanks.
APPLAUSE
You all right, John?
LAUGHTER
I'm opening chickpeas. LAUGHTER CONTINUES
Yeah, slightly more straightforward here, wasn't it?
Erm, Alex said he felt that you didn't enjoy this very much, Sarah.
I don't really like escape rooms.
Usually I haven't seen the people I'm in the escape room with
for a while, so we just chat for a while, and then, they let us out.
I don't know what an escape room is.
Oh, it's one of them.
Oh, that - and people do that for fun? Yeah.
Right.
But they both found one of several secret grapes
that were hidden in the caravan.
Er, Sarah's the quickest so far, 6 minutes, 10.
Fern, 10.44. Munya, 11.05. John...
..20 minutes, 20 seconds.
One more person to see. One more person. We know who.
Well, the last person to try and eat Mr Gilbert's grape is Dara O Briain.
I can't climb out the window, so I have to try to get into that.
Which means I must be trying to get a key for that.
Or a key for that.
Grapes of Wrath.
What have you found there?
Great, there's a key in the Grapes of Wrath. Ah.
Right, OK. Small blue key, small blue lock.
OK.
That's not that lock.
Oh, hang on.
Hi, Dara. Hiya.
There's a grape over there.
But they're inedible grapes. Ah.
That's not inedible.
Finished? I've eaten a grape.
Thanks, Dara. Bye-bye.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I don't understand. You didn't want to stop and open a can of chickpeas?
What happened? I mean, I felt like I've just witnessed
a Special Forces mission. Yeah.
I felt like he was in, he pulled my trousers down,
he's out - I'm like, "Who pulled my trousers down?"
Yeah, he just missed out a lot of it by sensing that
the books might be part of it, so he didn't need to do any of
the nonsense with the darts. Yeah. Just a very clever man.
Well, the book had the word "grapes" on the side, er...
Little clues, yeah. LAUGHTER
So, timings-wise... Mm-hm. ..what does that mean?
Well, John, obviously the only person over 20 minutes -
he gets 1 point.
2 points to Munya, with 11 minutes.
3 to Fern, ten minutes, 44.
4 to Sarah, with six minutes, ten.
But Dara wins - four minutes, 36, and 5 points!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well done.
May I see a scoreboard please? Yes, well, the two people who
are leading the series are also leading the episode.
Sarah's on 5, Dara's on 7!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I can sense it might be time for our final team task.
I'm afraid it is, Greg. But on the plus side,
this one sees the teams doing a spot of modelling.
Hello. Hello. Oh-ho, no!
Oh, wow.
Hi, John. Oh, hello, Fern.
And Dara. Oh, Alex.
The team of three.
"Sculpt your team."
"Best sculpture wins."
"Only one person may look at the clay,
"and that person may not touch the clay."
"You have a maximum of 15 minutes.
"Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle."
It's like a Lionel Ritchie thing, innit? Basically?
He comes up with a lot of the tasks.
Who's going to give the instructions?
And who's good at doing?
Is it the brain, or is it the hands that makes the artist?
Well, now we do a whole debate.
SARAH: You're going to get my tits on your shoulders.
LAUGHTER We're going to reveal the clay.
JOHN: He's revealing the clay. There'll be some twist in the clay.
Yeah, yeah. It's not just going to be clay, is it?
Is it clay? Yeah, it's just clay.
LAUGHTER
FERN: Is this clay? Jesus Christ.
Stop, stop, stop. Er, just don't touch anything.
I'm looking at about 20 balls, and they're all different colours.
Oh. Ooh.
Yeah, like, all, you know, different colours.
MUNYA: There you go that's Navy blue, is that Navy blue?
No, no, it is... OK. ..from this angle.
If you pick up that ball, please. This one here? I reckon that's you.
That's your head, yeah.
Oh, OK, well, that's done.
Squeeze it into a sausage.
Bang. Already it looks like us.
Fern, do you have green hair?
What do you mean, do I have green hair? You've been with me all day!
What colour's your hair? Sort of, balayage.
What the frick, balayage?
Right, so this is your hair.
You want me to start making hair? Yeah. Yeah, your hair.
MUNYA: There you go, that's your balay-bun. This one?
Yeah. What colour is that? That's balay, that's bal...
Balayage. Balayage.
DARA: Is this the top of the head here, then? Where my thumb is?
You know where you've put the other one? Yeah.
You put the other one where eyes go.
Cor, this is tough!
MUNYA: Get that black little dribble off your finger.
I don't know what I've got on my finger.
I can't see anything! Shake your hands.
What colour are your eyes, Dara?
They're blue. Is that Sinatra blue?
Oh, shut up.
Grab your face. On the left, on the left. Down, down, down.
I don't know what that is. That's not me.
You know what, you took great care with you. OK.
Put that down! I've got an eye for you.
I've got an eye for you. No! Shit!
Lean it forwards, bang. How we doing?
Yeah, we're done, we're done. Ta-da!
WHISTLE BLOWS
Down, down. There's one there, yeah, just put it wherever.
OK. Well, that's you, me, and...
Dara. Dara, yeah.
WHISTLE BLOWS
APPLAUSE
If there was ever a short conversation that summed up
the dynamic within a group, it's John saying,
"What colour are your eyes? Is that Sinatra blue?"
And Dara goes, "Shut up."
I have to say, I think the team of three are a bit of
a disadvantage here.
No, it's fair. Oh. Oh.
LAUGHTER
You seemed to be quite efficient.
We're quite a good team, weren't we?
Yeah. I mean, I think we could've been faster,
because we were picking stuff, and then, you was throwing out
these balay-wagwan colours and whatnot, and I was thinking,
"what on earth is this?"
Well, you could've just looked with your eyes at me hair.
OK, yeah, that's true. LAUGHTER
Right, this part is over. Run along now, but do come back.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello! Welcome back to part three of our final.
Before the break, we saw the teams
try their hand at sculpting.
Yes, the teams are sculpting,
but the hands are being controlled by different heads.
It's time to see the fruits of their labour.
So, here's what Sarah modelled through Munya's eyes.
It's a team of two.
It's not bad.
But the first thing I want to know is...why is Munya so sad?
Presumably you've just been knocked out of a Zimbabwe darts final.
"Oh, no!"
Sarah, they've captured your scowl.
LAUGHTER
Well, do you want to compare that to something? Oh, here we go.
Here's what John directed Dara and Fern to create.
LAUGHTER
Do you know who's who?
LAUGHTER CONTINUES I know...I know who Dara is!
Is that because it's Sinatra blue, is it?
I mean John is - it's very accurate if the real John
had run into a wall beforehand.
But didn't we get the same amount of time as them? Yes.
And we just had to do John at the end. Yeah.
Oh, no way, John's rushed, is he? LAUGHTER
Dara famously has no eyebrows,
whereas you just have the one big...
You've got to score them, Greg, so here they are, all five of them.
So, the team of two get 5 points straight away.
The team of two get 5 points each! Well done.
Now, though, sort of see Fern in there somewhere.
If I'm looking at it as a work of art, it's 2 points.
But I do think there's a disadvantage to having two hands.
So, it's whether we give them an extra one to be nice.
Well, you're a very likeable guy.
All right, 3 points for the team of three.
3 points for the team of three!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right! Here we go, then, what's the final task, Alex?
Well, a long time ago, they all chose three items
for this final task.
So, let's see what they're for.
LAUGHTER
Hey, champ how are you? How's it going?
Yeah. Where are you from?
Kerry, originally. Oh, really? Yeah.
Oh, good man yourself, yeah. Very good.
MUNYA: Hey, look who it is.
It's Munya. Yes.
Welcome to your final task.
JOHN: Ah!
You remember the items.
Yeah, I remember these items.
Hello, Fern. Hiya.
Do you remember these things?
Wait, did I meet these potatoes before?
MUNYA: Oh, yeah! What the hell?
Did I order Vaseline? Oh...God.
Oh, it's just loose, just on the top!
Oh, I'm not allowed to eat it, am I? Oh.
"Throw one of your objects over the caravan."
SARAH: From here? No, from anywhere, like, OK.
"Then put the covered item on the wooden barrel
"without touching that item with your hands."
Wooden barrel. There.
"Fastest wins. Your time starts now."
Oh! Did I ask for these potatoes?
Did I ask for these pens?
Oh-ho, hello!
APPLAUSE
They've found out what their objects are for. Yeah.
I want you to know, I will be very disappointed if Munya doesn't
attempt to bounce over the caravan with those shoes on.
OK, first, let's see how Munya and John fared with their items.
So, I'm just going to launch this. OK.
Ahh!
Oh!
Right, boom.
Right.
"Cover one of your items with one of your other items."
I'm going to put that in there.
When? When.
So you just want me to lube up a penknife, then?
Yeah, and once it's lubed, you can't touch it with your hands.
Yeah, well, I've heard that before.
I'll tell you what I'll do for you. Boom.
Complete immersion.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
So, now I have to get it hi... put it on the barrel?
And I can use my teeth? OK.
I'm like Paddington Bear.
But instead of a marmalade sandwich, it's a burger.
Yes! I've stopped the clock.
APPLAUSE
Munya was absolute textbook, wasn't he? Oh, yeah.
It wasn't what we were expecting him to do, but, yeah.
He stuck a knife in Vaseline, then he took it over with his mouth.
With his mouth. Tick.
I mean, he could've held that with his hands.
It was only the knife that he couldn't touch. Oh!
LAUGHTER
Now, John, a little more complicated.
Didn't touch the object, and he did cover it,
and he managed to get it over to the barrel. Yes.
But... However. ..he consumed some of the object,
because he's a greedy little boy.
So, you're saying some of the burger was under the cap,
but the burger in his digestional tract didn't ever get on the barrel?
Er, yeah, of course that's what I'm saying.
John just gobbled some of the thing that he was supposed
to get on top of a barrel. He gobbled it. Right.
Yeah, I did. LAUGHTER
Do you want to see some more people? Yeah.
OK, it's now time for Sarah and Dara,
and the bloke dressed like Dara.
"Fastest wins, your time starts now."
"Your time starts now." Excuse me for a second.
Be careful.
Right, you can move.
To the barrel. Lovely.
Now, is that completely covered?
Oh...so demanding.
Can you hide that... inside yourself, in some way?
Without touching the item with your hands.
I haven't touched you at all.
I can confirm he hasn't touched me. Yeah, absolutely right.
Done! I've stopped the clock.
Done!
You think I won't eat that.
Bye-bye. Bye.
AUDIENCE OOHS
APPLAUSE
Both incredibly efficient... Hm.
..basically. I didn't doubt for a second you'd eat the chocolate,
by the way, I would've, too. I did ask if the task had finished.
Alex said "yes," and then, I pocketed some of the chocolate.
Correct, it's correct behaviour. Can I ask a question, though?
So, I know my scissors landed on top of the caravan? Yeah.
Did all - every single drop of Dara's pint definitely go over
the top of the caravan?
Or was some of it maybe on top of the caravan?
Feels.
This sort of thing sometimes happens at this stage of the series.
I do think that if I went the other side of that caravan and picked up
that glass, and found cider in it, I'd say, "Someone's attempted
"to throw a pint of cider over this caravan."
But if I saw your scissors, I'd go,
"Those scissors have not successfully been thrown
"over this caravan."
To be honest, I knew there was people behind the caravan,
and I was scared about maiming somebody.
LAUGHTER
Well, if you want to be the best, you've got to risk maiming people.
Right! Break time.
And there's only one part left in this series.
It's been good, hasn't it, mate?
It's been great.
You've been great.
We've been great.
SOFTLY: We'll see you soon for the final part of the series.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello!
Yes, hello for the last time this series.
We're mere minutes away from finding out our new champion -
but none of that can happen until the tasks have been completed.
Too bloody right, let's close this mother down.
LAUGHTER Fern-ally, it's fine.
Oh, no.
You can have another go, if you want, or even get closer.
Oh! I'm sorry.
Oh, no!
What do you have to do now?
Put potatoes on the pens.
Is it?
So, put potatoes on the pens...
..and get the pens onto the wooden barrel.
Well, yeah.
That's mad!
Well, you chose them.
What if I brought the wooden barrel over here?
How much do you deadlift?
100? 102.5 yesterday.
Oh.
Get the pens onto the wooden barrel without touching.
Oh! Like this?
Yeah, I suppose so.
I feel like I understand this task, and I'm just getting on with it.
Any regrets about throwing the robin over and...?
No, what use would he have been? Are you joking?
You could cover the robin in the potato.
Oh, right, yeah!
That could work, as well.
I'm a bit tired now. Yeah, yeah.
There's actually, like, loads left.
Be brave. Argh!
Oh.Hm. AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
Like a spade.
Oh, that worked. Yeah.
Ohh.
I think the robin went on top of the caravan, does it matter?
He didn't go over it. Well, you can check the wording.
"Throw one of your objects over the caravan."
Oh, yeah.
There. Oh, I've stopped the clock.
APPLAUSE
Jesus Christ. THEY CHUCKLE
Well, I don't know where to start. Hm.
Look, it's been pointed out to me that I think in
an unusual way before.
And I told a few people in my life, "This is how I solved the task -
"how would you solve the task?"
Everyone said, like, throwing the potatoes over the caravan.
But to me, the obvious thing was to let the bird fly.
Did Fern come close to completing this task?
I don't know if she completed it or not.
I think the rule she might've broken was, did she completely cover
the pens with the potatoes?
Cos after that, she just had to get pens on the barrel without
touching them with her hands, which she did do.
Were the pens at any point covered by potatoes?
We've got a picture of the pens at their most-covered by potatoes.
LAUGHTER
I mean, that's as covered as they could be.
It is not. They are covered.
They are covered!
If someone went, "Oh, er, can you get me a green felt-tip pen?"
You'd go "I cannae, they're covered in potatoes!"
That is the only rule she might've broken. OK.
OK, so this is just what happened, in terms of fastest wins.
Please. Fern, clearly the slowest, 13 minutes, 40.
Yes. Then we have John,
four minutes, 48.
Munya, two minutes, 18.
Sarah, 36 seconds.
Dara, 34.1 seconds.
These guys, fast. Oh, yeah. AUDIENCE OOHS
I can't give Fern any more than 1 point,
because I could see those pens.
But also, she was by far the slowest, so the maximum
she can get is 1 point. Yes.
So, she's had a right result. LAUGHTER
1 point to Fern. Correct.
I think Sarah should get 2 points. I think that's fair.
Because the scissors didn't go over the caravan,
the task wasn't complete.
I still got chocolate in my pocket, ha-ha!
OK, so to summarise - it's 1 point to Fern, 2 to Sarah.
Yes. 3 to John, 4 to Munya,
and 5 to Dara O Briain! There it is!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK, everyone, for the last time, please make your way to the stage
for the final task of the series!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome to the final task of the show.
Raise the curtain and rotate me!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, enchanting hula ladies.
LAUGHTER
Who will read the task out?
Fern Brady, please.
"Land a balloon nearest the Taskmaster.
"You must stay on your spots at all times.
"The closest balloon to the Taskmaster wins.
"But if you strike the Taskmaster with a balloon,
"you're disqualified." AUDIENCE OOHS
The way it'll work is you'll select a balloon, aim it at Greg -
but if you hit him, you're out.
Sarah, you're up first. Yeah.
Please select a balloon.
BALLOON HISSES Ooh.Yeah.We're on.
It's not bad! It's on the island.
Munya up next.
Oh, no, he's a Zimbabwean balloon champion.
LAUGHTER
Ooh!
Ooh. Three foot from the Taskmaster.
John Kearns - he's also going long and straight.
That's an interesting technique I'm over here.
Hanging off the plinth. It's hanging off the set.
Fern.
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
Ooh!
Genuinely exhilarating.
We have a new leader, it's Fern Brady. Hello, Dara.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Enjoy the spectacle.
Sarah, let's balloon.
Very stylish. Thanks.
This game's a lot better than I thought it was going to be.
Take it low. "Say hello to my little friend."
LAUGHTER
AUDIENCE OOHS
Ooh, fuck it!
I would say that's definitely in second place. It's just behind.
OK, well done. John - oh, oh...
LAUGHTER
Come on, put some vim into it.
What do you mean "put some vim"? I'm letting go of a balloon.
Ooh, it's... Oh, oh. Hello, hello. Ahh!
It didn't touch you!
GREG SCREAMS It didn't touch you!
We've lost Fern Brady. We have lost...
It didn't even...he's pretending.
He's not pretending. That is a wounded man.
LAUGHTER
It's gone further now.
OK, so it's the final, Greg.
We have lost Fern Brady.
In this, round you have to release two at the same time -
double the fun.
Ah. No.
As I've said, double the fun.
LAUGHTER
Munya's in the lead.
OK, then, John, this is your last act in Taskmaster.
HE LAUGHS
HE WHISPERS: Fuck it.
OK, then, Dara.
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
APPLAUSE Dara O Briain wins the task!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right. We'll add that up, and we'll see how it's affected
the final scores. Come and join me!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well, well, well, then. Hm, how's it feeling?
Oh, yeah, it's OK, it was this one, actually...argh!
You were only struck once.
Quite cruel, wasn't it, Fern?
I didn't mean to, I'm sorry.
No, no, I don't mean it, it was cruel for you -
cos you didn't get the points. Oh, right. Sorry.
Yes, that final fling of the balloon from Dara means that
the episode scores look like this -
Fern in last place with 8 points,
but in first place with 20,
it's Dara O Briain! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Dara O Briain wins the episode!
Please go and grab all the things you think I want to have!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Here we are, then, the time has come to announce
the Series 14 champion.
One of the five competitors has finally done enough
to be allowed near me for a few sweet seconds -
just time enough to receive this trophy.
I can only imagine how good that's going to feel.
So, let's do it.
I call upon my assistant, little Alex Horne...
..to reveal the final scores.
Hello, everyone. I have news.
LAUGHTER
For the first time ever in Taskmaster history,
we do not have a loser.
AUDIENCE GASPS
In joint fourth -
so in a way, we have two losers...
LAUGHTER ..with 144 points,
it's Fern Brady and John Kearns!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And then, just 6 points ahead of them with 150, a very round number,
it's Munya Chawawa! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And they've been neck-and-neck throughout the series,
but in second place with 174 points, it's the formidable,
the brilliant Sarah Millican!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I can tell you that he got a magnificent 184 points in the end.
AUDIENCE OOHS
Our new Taskmaster champion is...
..Dara O Briain!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
See you next time! Bye for now!
Subtitles by Red Bee Media