- سی ثانیه مونده. - یالا!
پروانه!
نگاه، این اون پروانه‌ایه که روی کمر ماریا کری تاتو شده.
آره!
کارت خوب بود، جان!
و چون درست حدس زدی
نگاه کن چی میشه.
اینو باید زودتر می‌فهمیدم.
تز دانشگاه من در مورد اون تاتو بود.
آره برای این که امشب همه چیز
یه ربطی به زندگیت روی زمین داره.
برای این که یه کم بهتر با هم آشنا بشید.
خیله خب، تیم آبی،‌ نوبت شماست.
موفق باشی چیپی.
چیدی، نوبت توست.
خب من هنرمند بدی نیستم
ولی زیر فشار کارم خیلی خوب نیست.
وقتت از الان شروع میشه.
ای وای. باشه.
- فهمیدی چیدی؟ - عذر می‌خوام.
من فقط دارم سعی می‌کنم بفهمم چه طور باید شروع کنم.
یالا دیگه. شروع کن به کشیدن داداش.
وای نه.
نه، نه، نه، نه. نه،‌ نه، نه.
نه.
- سی ثانیه. - آها. باشه. شروع کنیم.
نگاه، زیردریاییه.
بیشتر شبیه کلم بروکلیه با دندون.
نه اسبه با یه پاپیون دور گردنش
اسبچه دوره بچگیمه. دیزی.
آره!
وای نه.
نه!
چه غلطی کردم.
تو یه فرانکشتاین درست کردی، مرد!
باشه،‌باشه، باشه. اصلاً میدونی چیه.
پیکشنری جادویی دیگه بسه.
بریم خونه یه کم بخوابیم.
می‌خواین بکشمش؟ من کلی اسب مسابقه کشته‌ام.
باشه.
_
چه فاجعه‌ای بود.
چه طور این قدر گند زده شد.
خب یه دلیلش این بود که برنت شدیداً مست کرد.
باید کارش رو قطع می‌کردیم.
توی جای خوب کار هیچ کسی قطع نمیشه.
اگه آبجو بخواد، بهش یه آبجو میدیم.
حداقل خوشحالم که دیگه ازم نخواست
بریم با هم شام بخوریم و در مورد شغل من با هم صحبت کنیم.
ببین شاید حدود سه هفته باشه که
نتونستیم هیچ فعالیت موفقیت آمیزی داشته باشیم.
بچه‌ها این قدر به خودتون سخت نگیرین. اونا دارن بهتر میشن.
مثلاً برنت دیگه هی نمیگه «بابا دوست داره...»
این خودش بالاخره یه چیزیه.
یه جای کار ایراد داره.
خیله خب، یه سری ایده جدید نیاز داریم.
من میگم امشب اینجا دور هم جمع بمونیم و
- ایده‌هامون رو روی هم بریزیم. - یه لحظه صبر کن.
ما خیلی داریم کار می‌کنیم
باید گاهی استراحت هم بکنیم.
وگرنه یهو می‌بریم دیگه.
می‌تونیم با همدیگه
فکرمون رو استراحت بدیم. یه فیلمی چیزی ببینیم، یا...آها!
مهمونی بالشت و پتو بگیریم.
_
جانم؟
هرکی هستی خودتو نشون بده.
آخ، صبر کن یه لحظه.
کلاه توی عینکم گیر کرده.
سلام.
من گلن هستم، از جای بد.
اینجا چی کار می‌کنی؟
Yeah, what do you want, creep?
No one knows I'm here,
and I have some important information.
Eleanor, I need to speak with you alone.
Whatever you need to say to me,
you can say right here.
I don't think I should.
It would lead to a very uncomfortable social situation.
Say it.
That's not Michael.
That's Vicky the Demon in a Michael suit.
And she's sabotaging your experiment.
You see? It's uncomfortable.
All right, just sit there quietly
until we sort all this out.
If it's not too much trouble,
could I get a hot glass of pig urine?
We need to talk.
Or... I'm not picky.
Whatever urine you have is fine.
Eleanor, you have to believe me.
I'm Michael. He's lying.
Calm down, dude.
I trust you.
But I'm gonna make Glenn think I don't trust you.
Somehow this has to be related
to the problems we've been having here.
And we need to figure out what game they're playing.
Ooh, that's good.
I like the way you think, Shellstrop.
I mean,
I hate the way you think, Shellstrop!
Is he buying it?
He's not looking.
I'll tell you whatever you want to know,
but shouldn't we call The Judge?
We're not calling anyone
until we figure some things out.
- We have questions. - Yeah, for example,
if you're a devil, how come you're not wearing Prada?
Caramel!
Why would you help us?
One day, you're flattening penises,
and the next, you just decide to defect?
Actually, one of my jobs was to reinflate the penises
so they could get flattened again.
It doesn't matter.
Listen, I loved torturing humans
because I thought they deserved it.
They said everyone in the Bad Place
was evil and beyond repair.
I don't know if I believe that anymore.
Also, Shawn is so mean, you guys.
He yells at me all the time.
It's, like, unnecessary.
I feel you, dog. I was yelled at my whole life.
People were always like,
"You didn't pay for that!" "How do you plead?"
"He's flatlining!" "Clear!"
Okay, well, if that's Vicky,
what's the Bad Place's plan?
To sow chaos... turn you guys against each other,
ruin the experiment.
Also, I have proof that's not Michael.
Here are pictures of Vicky wearing the Michael suit.
This doesn't prove anything.
These could just be pictures
- of the real Michael. - They're real.
I know because I helped make the suit.
I couldn't figure out how to make it
contain your demon essence,
so you'll have to wear it over the Vicky suit.
Ugh, really? You're the worst, Glenn.
Let's do it. Zip her up.
Okay, but if I melt,
I am gonna be, like, so annoyed.
Huh. Pretty well-made.
I can really feel all the musty skin folds, and...
and the dangly bits.
The voice is perfect.
You sound so much like him, I want to punch you.
Are we sure it's okay that we made this?
I mean, what are you gonna use it for?
What are you gonna use it... shut up, Glenn.
The experiment is about to begin.
Let's call the real Michael and send him spiraling
down the toilet bowl like the pinched turd he is.
Well, now, we know you're lying
because Michael would've definitely told us
if the Bad Place had called him and showed him
some freakin' Michael suit.
Absolutely. Of course I would've.
I mean, Janet would have phone records.
You could just ask her to pull them up.
باشه، باشه. دروغ گفتم.
- اونا باهام تماس گرفتن. - چی؟
دروغ گفتم. عذر می‌خوام.
تو ماجرا رو میدونستی؟
آره، آره، ولی یه توضیح خوب دارم برای قضیه.
آره توضیحم اینه که اون ویکیه
و در مورد همه چیز داره بهت دروغ میگه.
قاضی رو صدا کن تا این قضیه رو درست و حسابی حل و فصل کنیم.
یا نکنه می‌خواستی ما همین کارو بکنیم؟
می‌خوام دقیقاً همین کار رو بکنی.
دقیقاً!
النور، شاید بهتر باشه قاضی رو صدا کنیم.
گلن داشت حقیقت رو می‌گفت.
نه، قاضی گفت اگه مشکلی پیش بیاد
کل آزمایش رو ریست می‌کنه.
تا وقتی هیچ گزینه‌ای باقی نمونده نباید صداش کنیم
من شما دو تا احمق رو توی اتاق‌های جداگانه میندازم
تا وقتی ته و توی قضیه رو در بیارم.
اه!
من خیلی از این ماجرا ناراحت شدم.
جدی میگم مرد. واقعاً این اتفاق داره میفته.
واقعاً بابت این ماجرا متأسفم.
خیله خب، کله کیریا. حالا چی کار کنیم؟
من میگم به مایکل اعتماد کنیم. اون دوست ماست.
صبر کن. شاید دوستمون باشه.
شاید هم یه حقه باز دروغگو باشه.
who just looks like our friend...
the classic Mary-Kate Olsen.
I have to say,
we've had a lot of misfires recently,
and Michael has been acting suspiciously.
Like tonight, when I wanted to work,
and he just wanted to have a slumber party instead?
To be fair to Mike, slumber parties rule.
And why would we trust Glenn?
- He's a demon. - So is Michael.
- Demons can be good. - Right.
Okay. So it's decided.
We trust both of them.
Okay.
Predictably, this was unhelpful.
Get in there.
What is all this stuff?
Are these weapons?
Ooh, don't touch those.
Those are my special magnet handcuffs.
They make me feel silly when Mindy and I
are playing Upstairs-downstairs Derek.
Oh, they're sex toys.
Ugh, they're sex toys.
Dude, get out of here. We have enough problems.
My good man, allow me to bury the hatchet.
Being rebooted again has evolved me
past any feelings of jealousy.
Oh, I know that sound.
Looks like someone found my sex diaper.
I'll leave you guys alone to live that dipe life.
- Ugh. - Eugh!
Okay, explain yourself...
if yourself even is yourself.
I am Michael.
Shawn did call me, and I saw the Michael suit.
He said if the experiment failed,
he was gonna use it to make you think I was torturing you.
Why didn't you tell us?
Because he said he would just erase your memories
of me telling you, so it wouldn't matter anyway.
He thought that I would crumble under the pressure.
But a month ago, you told me you only pretended
to freak out in order to get me to step up and become a leader.
Yes, that also was a lie,
but it was an inspirational one.
Like, "So great running into you.
We should get coffee some time,"
or all of Instagram.
So to recap, you found out the Bad Place
made a Michael suit, freaked out,
didn't tell us why, and then later,
you lied to me about why you freaked out?
And then you lied again just a few minutes ago
when you said that you never got a call from Shawn.
Yes, but that lie was only to cover my two earlier lies.
I mean, that's gotta be okay, right?
What?
Eleanor, don't you see what they're doing?
Shawn sent Glenn to undermine our trust in each other
so you'll call The Judge and restart the experiment.
Well, I have no reason not to believe you,
other than the three very recent examples
we just laid out.
Huddle. Now.
Oh, hey, sorry.
I just needed to grab this. You know, it's chime time.
باید به راهی باشه که بفمیم
اون مایکل واقعیه یا نه.
راهی نیست یه جور دروغ‌سنج شیطانی
درست کنی؟
نمیدونم.
The Janet babies are still draining me,
and I just had to put down Daisy the horse blob,
which was exhausting... emotionally and physically.
She fought back. I won't get into details.
I had to twist her head off. Sorry.
No more details.
She did thrash. She thrashed.
- Sorry. - Okay,
why don't we just get him drunk so he starts blabbing?
I mean, what goes best with pig urine?
- Coconut rum. - That won't work on a demon.
I'll try and make a lie detector.
Oh, no. Damn it.
What's going on in there?
I touched the dang diaper.
Get back in that room.
So Michael saw the suit. Big deal.
I still think you're forking with us.
I think this is just like when the Bad Place sent us Linda,
who turned out to be some super-jacked punching guy,
and just like him, you got busted.
That's the thing. The puncher didn't get busted.
It worked exactly as planned.
The whole thing was a diversion
to get real Michael out,
and sneak the imposter in on a train.
It must've happened during the handoff.
While Janet was handcuffing Chris,
a bunch of demons must've grabbed Michael,
yanked him away, and then Vicky,
in the Michael suit, walked back out.
You never would've known the difference.
Also, when Chris got back,
I saw Shawn and him celebrating.
Why would they be happy
if he wasn't supposed to get caught?
Man, I love a good sabotage.
Or is that exactly what you want us to think?
Motherforker.
I knew there was something weird about that puncher.
I said that to Michael...
and he dismissed it.
Yeah. See what I mean?
Don't go anywhere. Come on.
If Michael is just Vicky in a Michael suit,
let's just take the suit off.
Yeah. Maybe we could sneak up behind him,
and try and pants him from forehead.
That won't work.
A demon can take his own skin suit off,
but no one else can.
It's like a very complicated bra.
Well, so be it.
Take off your skin suit.
- I can't. - Sure, you can.
You're either a demon wearing a Michael suit,
or you're a demon wearing a Vicky suit
who's wearing a Michael suit over that.
Just take off your Michael suit,
and show us what you're working with.
I'm sorry. I won't.
- That's very suspicious. - I know, but I'm not Vicky.
I just don't want to show you what's underneath here.
I've seen a lot of weird hogs in my life, dude.
- Get over yourself. - That's not it.
I'm a fire squid.
Dope.
No.
Not dope.
I'm a 6,000-foot tall fire squid.
I have tentacles.
There's teeth everywhere.
I'm on fire, and my neck is long.
And there's a smell,
and lots of juice.
There's so much juice, El.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say
I really have to see this.
So you're not gonna take off your demon Spanx
because you're shy?
Well, that's convenient.
Eleanor, if I take off this suit,
I will crash through the roof
and the entire Neighborhood will see me
and the experiment will be blown.
But it's more than that.
You guys will never look at me the same way again.
I won't just be Michael.
I'll be...
some disgusting mass of burning tentacles.
Do you really want to be friends with something like that?
Yes. I keep saying.
Eleanor.
Now I don't know if this will work, but theoretically,
if you point it at a demon and he's lying,
it'll turn red.
If he's telling the truth, it'll turn green.
Okay. Glenn.
This is a lie detector.
Let us show you how it works.
What's your name?
Well, everyone calls me Glenn,
but the name on my demon certificate is actually
Snakes Pour Forth From His Anu...
Glenn blew up. Glenn blew up.
Or is that exactly what he wants us to think?
So does blowing up mean
he was telling the truth or lying?
Neither. That was not supposed to happen.
I've never killed anybody before.
No, don't worry. Demons can't die.
He'll slowly reform himself over a few months,
passing through all the stages of demon growth...
larva, slug monster, spooky little girl,
teenage boy, giant ball of tongues,
social media CEO, and then finally demon, so...
Look at the bright side. This worked out perfectly.
I mean, not for Glenn, obviously,
but for us.
Lying demon's gone.
We're still here. All good.
No.
We're not all good, man.
You're either Michael and you lied,
or you're Vicky in a Michael suit.
Okay, I'm gonna go for a walk.
Nobody go anywhere.
- Chidi? - Hey.
Hey, I didn't think anyone would still be up.
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah, I'm just
practicing drawing viable horses...
ones that aren't crimes,
you know, against nature.
Okay, I know this mood of yours
from reading your file and whatnot.
Why don't you take a break, and we'll get some food in you?
Well, I'm done.
I scooped it all up into one steaming pile of Glenn.
Maybe I can put him back together.
I'm hella good at puzzles.
I finished this word search in, like, 30 seconds.
Jason, I feel terrible.
I know he was a demon and he may have lied to us,
but he didn't deserve that.
You were only trying to help us.
Look, I know this is a weird time,
but if you ever want to talk,
just know that I'm here for you, girl.
Thanks, Jason.
That means a lot.
Mmm. I gotta say.
Out of all the human stuff I've been able to experience
in this neighborhood, nachos... number one.
- Easy. - Really?
Yeah.
I mean, salty, crunchy,
cheesy, little bit of a kick?
Name one better thing humans have created.
The Sistine Chapel?
Pfft. Paint on a ceiling.
I mean, it's fine, but can you eat it at the movies?
Touché.
Listen, don't stay up all night drawing horses.
It's really fine.
I know. I just...
feel like I made the world a little bit worse,
and I won't be okay until I make it better again.
Making yourself miserable
to ease the suffering of others...
about the most Chidi thing you can do.
I'll see you later.
Do you want to take the rest of the those nachos?
Yeah, I do. Thank you.
Okay, here's where I'm at.
I just don't know if I can ever trust you.
I'm gonna call The Judge. We'll start over.
We won't have Chidi in the mix,
but he'll be on our side again, which is almost as good.
But we know the humans now.
Starting over sounds exhausting.
I know, but if that's not Michael,
he could sabotage us in ways we can't even perceive,
and even if it is, I can't fully trust him,
so every time something goes wrong,
a little part of me is gonna wonder.
We have to start over.
I have a better idea.
I'm gonna blow myself up.
- What? - I'll blow myself up.
That way, you can continue the experiment
with Chidi as one of the people,
which is our best chance to ever be successful.
Why not just lock you in a room
or in Janet's void or something?
But then you might worry that I'd escape.
I blow myself up, I'm out of your hair for good.
Well, parts of me will be in your actual hair,
- but you get it. - Michael, wait.
Tahani, this is the only way.
There's literally noting I can say
that will make you realize that I'm really me.
Oh, boy. This is gonna suck.
Hopefully, I will see you all in a few months. Good luck.
Oh, and make sure that you, uh,
get all of me into the container,
or I might come back way shorter.
And that would bum me out.
I wish I were saying this in different circumstances but...
Take it sleazy.
Michael, wait!
Oh, crud nuts.
Jason, how did you know that was bad Janet?
Michael said there's nothing he could say
that would make you realize he's really him,
but Janet does have a thing she can say
that does make me realize she is really not her.
What?
I called Janet "girl,"
but she didn't say, "Not a girl."
The real Janet always says,
"Not a girl."
Oh, wow.
That realization is the only thing that stopped me
from becoming a pile of goo.
Oh.
Wait, how did you pull it off?
You were outside on the platform with me the whole time.
We brought two bad Janets on the train,
you dumb, dumb idiot.
The other one distracted you on the platform
while good Janet brought Chris onto the train.
I snuck out, marbelized Janet,
and then I took over, baby.
Stupid Michael never knew.
I had you fartknockers fooled for weeks,
until Glenn the traitor ruined everything.
That guy sucks, right?
Shut up, Glenn.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Bad Janets can't impersonate Good Janets.
I've seen them try. Their heads melt, so...
Oh. Oh, you're so smart, sir.
Well, listen, here's the thing.
Shawn rebooted me, like, 40 million tines.
Wait, tine-him-is.
Time-ses. These things rule.
Oh, dip. This means Janet didn't dump me.
Her weird sister did.
Everything makes so much more sense.
All of Janet's ideas were so counterproductive.
She brought the horse monster to life.
She forced me to antagonize John.
She got us to doubt Eleanor's leadership skills.
Oh, I was just about to launch an idea
where Tahani was gonna give herself
an asymmetrical haircut.
You monster.
Thank you!
Guys, we still have a problem here.
You still don't have evidence that I'm actually me.
Sure, we do.
You offered to sacrifice yourself
to help a bunch of cockroaches.
That's about the most Michael thing you could do.
Then where's real Janet?
Oh, she's in the Bad Place.
She's probably wiping her butt with her own butt.
I can't bear the idea of poor Janet down there all alone.
What should we do?
I know what to do.
It's like what that guy who blew up said.
Shawn's a bully,
and sometimes, the only thing a bully understands
is punch in the mouth.
I'm gonna go down there,
I'm gonna punch him in the mouth,
and I'm gonna get Janet back!
Oh, sounds like somebody has a plan.
Dope. Where is he?
- What's the plan? - It's okay.
_
You sure you can hold down the fort?
Not at all.
You sure you can do your thing?
Nope.
We'll just try our best. Right?
Okay, let's go get our girl.
Not a girl.
- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --