1
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:12,012
Not in this Janet. Next!

2
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:18,893
What are you waiting for? Do it.

3
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,478
It's not that easy.

4
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:23,815
He lived a whole life,
and then 802 afterlives,

5
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:26,151
then a second life,
then a second afterlife,

6
00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:27,986
then a third first afterlife...

7
00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,073
His psyche's like
a giant bowl of M&M Peep chili.

8
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:35,076
I gotta make sure all the memories go
in the right place, in the right order.

9
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:38,038
Maybe I just start him at the beginning.
A full factory reset.

10
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,999
Man. Janet, can I please have a drink
with a lot of alcohol in it?

11
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:43,918
Here, I saved this from my funeral.
It's called a Duval Ditchwater.

12
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,129
It's Midori, Coffee-Mate and ditch water!

13
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,964
- I'll get you a margarita.
- Yeah, that sounds better.

14
00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:49,632
It's not! Seriously, try this.

15
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,593
- Okay, here we go.
- Whoa...

16
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:09,736
Ooh.

17
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:11,237
He has your eyes.

18
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,906
And your smile.

19
00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:15,408
- Now, he just needs a name.
- Big decision.

20
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:18,745
- How about Chidi?
- Oh, I like that.

21
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:22,415
Do you like it, Chidi?
Or would you like a different name?

22
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,542
Oh.

23
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,169
Looks like he has a tummyache.

24
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,087
Oh.

25
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,046
Chidi.

26
00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:37,430
You're not listening to me.
Everything always has to be your way.

27
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,057
And what is
the one right way then?

28
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:41,392
I mean, how many times
have I told you this?

29
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:42,811
I thought
this is what you wanted.

30
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,521
No!
It's obviously what you want.

31
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,898
You're just angry
that your book was rejected.

32
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,191
How dare
you bring that up again?

33
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,109
You're always
at the university.

34
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:54,197
How about you show some interest
in someone who didn't die 200 years ago?

35
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,657
I don't know how much longer
I can keep this up.

36
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:56,825
We need to go back to Nigeria.

37
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,701
No, we are not going back.

38
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,538
My family is here
and we did this for your career.

39
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,039
Oh.

40
00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:07,585
- Good morning, Chidi.
- Would you like some breakfast?

41
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,087
I have a presentation.

42
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:12,132
Here's the syllabus.
Take one and pass them on.

43
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:15,301
My lecture will take
approximately 55 minutes.

44
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,595
Let's begin, shall we?

45
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:21,975
In conclusion, there is one clear answer,

46
00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:24,769
and it's that the two of you
should stay married.

47
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,104
Questions?

48
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:31,359
That was clear... and persuasive.

49
00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,444
And you have made a strong case.

50
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:36,865
Yes, well-argued. Better than
some of my grad students.

51
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,950
You should get ready for school.
I'll take you.

52
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,702
We'll both take you.

53
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,123
- It worked?
- Perfectly.

54
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,499
They're happy again, Uzo.

55
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,418
They're even talking
about getting me a puppy.

56
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:51,671
But more importantly,
I proved once and for all

57
00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:53,923
that you can always find the answer.

58
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:58,469
- The answer to what?
- To anything. Every problem has an answer.

59
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,847
If you just read enough books
and think hard enough,

60
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,182
you can figure out
the answer to any question.

61
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:06,060
I know you're really smart,
but that sounds wrong.

62
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,104
Children? Please take your seats.

63
00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:11,900
Here's a perfect example.
Where to sit? What's the answer?

64
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:15,236
Obviously, we want to be back
by the pencil sharpener,

65
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,739
but in the front,
I can see the blackboard better,

66
00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:21,200
or by the door to get a nice breeze?

67
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,702
- Chidi?
- Just hang on.

68
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,412
Sorry.

69
00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:26,497
Oh, no.

70
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,883
I still say Professor Lindeman
was a fool to abandon Chidi.

71
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:39,010
He has a brilliant mind.

72
00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:41,930
One day, he will use it to solve
the world's biggest problems.

73
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:44,015
Is this enough cheese?
I hope this is enough cheese.

74
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,934
There's sheep, goat and cow's milk.

75
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:48,978
- I can run and get more.
- No, this is plenty of cheese.

76
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:53,024
I have to ask,
has Chidi always been so thoughtful?

77
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,817
Ever since he was a child.

78
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,362
I'm sure you've heard about
his first great lecture?

79
00:03:57,445 --> 00:04:00,782
Oh, no, not that old story
again. It's so embarrassing.

80
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,742
Oh. Go ahead.

81
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:06,663
A long time ago, Emeka and I were
going through a rough patch.

82
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:11,459
And our little Chidi, at eight years old,
comes in with a one-hour lecture.

83
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,795
All about why
we should stay married.

84
00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:17,590
And all these years later,
here we still are.

85
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,759
- It's the reason I got into philosophy.
- Hmm.

86
00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:23,054
The biggest questions and the
biggest answers. You just gotta find them.

87
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,640
I mean, I love philosophy, too.

88
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:26,975
But I'd argue that, say,

89
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,811
theoretical physics presents
bigger questions than philosophy.

90
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:34,732
Do you really think that?

91
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:36,609
Should I switch to physics?

92
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:42,282
So, obviously, my parents loved you.

93
00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,450
I'm so glad. They're great.

94
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:45,910
We have to break up.

95
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,413
Uh...

96
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,664
What? Why?

97
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:51,666
I've been feeling this way
for a while now.

98
00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:54,335
It's just... why are we together?

99
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:58,006
Because it makes sense.
I mean, you like Kant, I like Kant...

100
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:02,176
- We're not a book group.
- Well, we're not... not a book group.

101
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,972
Okay, if there's a problem
with our relationship,

102
00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:08,141
there is an answer that will solve it.

103
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,559
So, let's hit the library.

104
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,769
You wanna use philosophy?
How about David Hume?

105
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:15,732
"Reason is and ought only to be
a slave to the passions."

106
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:19,402
You know, emotions, desires, feelings.

107
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,864
- Do you have any of those?
- Of course I have feelings.

108
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:26,659
I have strong feelings for you
and what we have.

109
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:31,205
And right now, I will show you...

110
00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:38,171
how Kant refuted
most of Hume's central theses.

111
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,422
Oh, my God.

112
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:54,437
- So, what do you think?
- I think it's 3,600 pages.

113
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,023
I have a job, Chidi. I have a family.

114
00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:59,692
Until I had to read this,
I had a will to live.

115
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:04,947
This work is an insane,
tangled web of inscrutability.

116
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:09,327
In the fun, "grad students
will analyze this for centuries" way?

117
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:10,828
No, in the Unabomber way.

118
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:14,290
Okay. Well, um,
I'll write my way out of the maze.

119
00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:16,250
I'll re-outline the middle chapters,
do more research...

120
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,168
No, Chidi!

121
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:21,214
You can't answer every question
every philosopher has ever asked.

122
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,675
So, what in these pages do you care about?

123
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,553
- All of it. Equally.
- Shut up!

124
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:30,932
- But... Should I...
- Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

125
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:35,853
The greatest works
of moral philosophy are emotional.

126
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:40,566
They make an argument
about how the world is and ought to be.

127
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:46,447
There is a great mind at work in here,
but where is the heart?

128
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:47,865
Where are the guts?

129
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,160
I understand. I do.

130
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:56,207
So, I'm going to go home,
and compose a short paper for you,

131
00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:59,502
arguing that I should continue
working on this longer paper.

132
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:00,837
Shut up!

133
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:07,343
Wow. Tough week. Sorry, pal.

134
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:12,598
Honestly, I don't know what hurts more,
my thesis meeting or Allesandra.

135
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,893
She was brilliant, and funny...

136
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:19,897
I thought that maybe she was the answer.

137
00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:23,151
Some things in life don't have an answer.

138
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,361
Isn't that what Allesandra was saying?

139
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,322
Isn't that
what your advisor said, too?

140
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:30,241
Isn't that what everyone
who knows you has said to you

141
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:31,784
at every waking moment of your life?

142
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,077
Okay, I can figure this out.

143
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:36,581
I just need to find the answer
for how to impress Allesandra,

144
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:39,041
a separate answer
for how to impress my advisor

145
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,420
or, ideally, one answer
for how to impress them both.

146
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,505
- Oh, you know what this calls for?
- Don't say it.

147
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,841
- A Venn diagram. Yeah.
- No Venn diagram.

148
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:50,845
If you won't listen to other people,
do you at least hear what you're saying?

149
00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:53,389
I swear, sometimes it is literally...

150
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,515
...impossible to be your friend.

151
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,517
You're incapable
of making a single decision.

152
00:07:56,601 --> 00:08:00,021
Look, what's the harm in taking
a few extra minutes to find the perfect...

153
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,529
Chidi? Come on in.

154
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,449
Unless you'd be more comfortable out here?

155
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:12,366
Oh.

156
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,578
Well, I feel like you want me to...

157
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,955
I'll tell you what, I'll decide for you.
Come on in.

158
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:18,956
Great.

159
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:26,797
<i>Watch this.</i>

160
00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:29,842
Your fridge chooses
your breakfast for you.

161
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,261
Oatmeal and almond milk.

162
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,930
Extra filmy.
You don't even have to decide.

163
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,556
It just knows what you want.

164
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,725
And for all your other requests...

165
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:39,519
Janet?

166
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:40,436
Hi, there.

167
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:45,525
Janet knows the answers
to all the questions in the universe.

168
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:46,609
Ask her anything.

169
00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:49,362
Which answer do I want?

170
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:53,824
Something profound, obviously.
Shouldn't be trivial or salacious.

171
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:57,245
Or maybe I should start small,
maybe ramp up.

172
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,413
I... or... I can't...

173
00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:02,625
- What's the biggest fish?
- The whale shark.

174
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:04,544
Cool.

175
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,921
I'm sorry.
I'll have better questions later.

176
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:11,217
You don't need to apologize, Chidi.
All questions are equally important to me.

177
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,094
Oh, well, then,
you and I are gonna get along great.

178
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,473
I need to go welcome some more residents.

179
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,851
Are there any other questions
I can answer for you before I go?

180
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:25,690
Well, yes. Is there a relationship
equivalent to the oatmeal?

181
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:26,607
Uh...

182
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,235
- Is there a, sort of...
- Soulmate?

183
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,195
Yes.

184
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:35,700
Every person in the Good Place
has one perfect match.

185
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:39,161
In an hour, come on by the little house
that looks like a face,

186
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,290
and get the answer
to your ultimate question.

187
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,208
Her name's Eleanor.

188
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:56,637
Oh, man. Remember this?

189
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,056
Yeah! Yeah, that was eight minutes ago.

190
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,057
Mmm-hmm.

191
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:02,226
So, you just proposed to Janet,

192
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,812
- and you said yes, and now you're married.
- Mmm-hmm.

193
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:05,730
Mmm-hmm.

194
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:09,734
You know, I thought saying that out loud
would make it less insane, but it did not.

195
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:10,901
Thanks, homie.

196
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:14,447
If you'd like to get us a present,
we're registered at me.

197
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,159
Jason, I think I need your help.
Can I ask you something?

198
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:20,411
Whoa. No one's ever
asked me for advice before.

199
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:21,787
And you're a high school principal.

200
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,122
College professor.

201
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,207
Who told you how to do this?

202
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,294
How can you
just make a decision this big?

203
00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:31,797
Chidi, here's the thing with stuff.

204
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:35,343
You can look at a problem from
every angle and drive yourself crazy,

205
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:38,804
but sometimes you just gotta huck
a Molotov cocktail at a drone

206
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,598
and see what happens.

207
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,391
Is what happens that the drone blows up?

208
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,392
Usually.

209
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,895
I mean, where I'm from,
most things blow up eventually.

210
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:49,815
So I learned that when something
dope comes along, you gotta lock it down.

211
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,484
If you're always frozen in fear,

212
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,819
and taking too long
to think about what to do,

213
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,071
you'll miss your opportunity,

214
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,573
and maybe get sucked
into the propeller of a swamp boat.

215
00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:02,453
I just don't think I'll ever be
the kind of person who just... acts.

216
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:06,499
I mean, I can't just open a door
and walk through

217
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:08,584
without knowing what's on the other side.

218
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:13,214
Even with eternity to try,
I just don't think that can happen.

219
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:15,758
Well, I never thought
I'd ever be able to get married.

220
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,051
I thought I was too old.

221
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:22,264
I'm infinity, but strange things
happen in the afterlife.

222
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,146
We figured it out once.
We can do it again.

223
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,940
Because you know what, Michael?

224
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,191
Ya basic...

225
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:35,319
<i>This is
your soulmate, Salamasina.</i>

226
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,154
<i>Meet your soulmate, Guan-yin.</i>

227
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,614
<i>Tahani. Karen.</i>

228
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:42,076
Esmerelda, you don't bring knives
to a friendly game night.

229
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:42,993
I mean, who does that?

230
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,453
The prepared.

231
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,915
Chidi, Esmerelda, it's your turn!

232
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,462
Blood. Seas of blood.

233
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,839
Enemies.

234
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:55,881
Uh...

235
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:57,133
A thousand years of darkness.

236
00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:00,344
- Uh... Nightmares.
- Blood. Ennui?

237
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:04,682
- Lamenting the inexorable passage of time.
- Fire and blood.

238
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:07,518
Ugh! You fool.

239
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:08,727
It was "birthday parties."

240
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,312
"Birthday parties"?

241
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:14,108
These trivialities demean me.
I must away and tend to my ravens.

242
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,447
Well, you never know
what'll happen at game night.

243
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,073
Let's continue.

244
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,951
I think I can find you
another partner.

245
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:29,832
Tahani, thank you so much.

246
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:33,085
That ended up being one of the best nights
I've had since we got here.

247
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,336
You and Eleanor made a good pair.

248
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,714
You two really tore through
that round of charades.

249
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:40,342
Oh, I'm pretty sure she was reading the
cards off the reflection in my glasses,

250
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,720
but, yeah, that was amazing.

251
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:44,722
Um...

252
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,058
- Can I ask you something?
- Hmm.

253
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,351
Tonight could've been a real disaster.

254
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,396
How do you have
the confidence to just swoop in

255
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,817
and so elegantly take charge
of a whole group of strangers?

256
00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:00,446
Honestly, the confidence
comes from failure.

257
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:04,325
I've thrown my fair share
of disastrous gatherings.

258
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:07,411
Remind me to tell you someday
about Timothée Chalamet's bar mitzvah.

259
00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:11,290
But you live through the failure
and you learn from it.

260
00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:13,959
Yeah, I just can't operate that way.

261
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:17,588
I can't make a decision
unless I'm sure I'm right.

262
00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:20,424
Hey, Chidi.
You're a philosophy professor, right?

263
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,761
Any chance you'd want to grab a drink
and talk about ethics?

264
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:27,598
It's a subject I've recently
needed to learn about, immediately.

265
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:30,351
- Sounds great. Uh, let me get my coat.
- Awesome.

266
00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:34,605
By the way, I wasn't cheating before...
or eavesdropping just now.

267
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:37,525
<i>Whoo!</i>

268
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,276
When we started three months ago,

269
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:43,197
I never thought I'd get so into philosophy
that we'd study past midnight.

270
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,992
Esmerelda must be wondering
where her soulmate is.

271
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,911
- Ah. She's off in her aviary.
- Oh.

272
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,038
Sometimes, I think her ravens
are her real soulmate.

273
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,749
I'm not kidding, actually.

274
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:55,459
You should see her with them.
It's intense.

275
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,586
And if I'm being honest, sexually charged.

276
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:01,799
Anyways. Um...
This has been fun as always...

277
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,219
Uh...

278
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:08,722
What was... Why did you...

279
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,182
Who was it?

280
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:14,853
Okay, I'll take those one at a time,
I guess. Um...

281
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:16,772
It was a kiss.

282
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,109
I did it because I wanted to.

283
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:23,445
And as far as who it was,
it was me, weirdo.

284
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:26,240
Eleanor, I have a soulmate.

285
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:29,118
Yeah, and you're not into her at all.

286
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:33,622
I mean, come on. There is no way
you're supposed to spend eternity

287
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,749
with a woman who sleeps in a giant nest.

288
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:39,295
I know she and I are in a rough patch,

289
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,047
but we just have to find the answer
for how to get out of it.

290
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,090
Like my parents.

291
00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:44,675
You remember that story
I told you about my parents?

292
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:47,928
Yeah, I don't think that story is
as cute as you think it is, man.

293
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:55,019
I mean, I'm sure you were cute, you know,
big melon head and a little necktie.

294
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:59,231
But that moment? Woof, that's too much
to put on an eight-year-old.

295
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:03,068
I kinda wish
cute little Chidi just got to be a kid,

296
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,947
rather than a miniature professor
trying to solve all the world's problems.

297
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:11,702
Well, but...
living that way led me to philosophy.

298
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,914
And, sure, I was written up
in a medical journal

299
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:17,416
as the youngest person ever
with a stress-induced ulcer,

300
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,251
but I got into the Good Place.

301
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,794
So, if you don't mind,

302
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:26,133
I'm gonna take a second to think about
what I owe my universe-approved soulmate,

303
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:30,262
and not just, uh, make out with you.

304
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,599
Okay, man. Kiss rescinded.

305
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:39,063
We'll just study, like two platonic nerds,
until Michael discovers me,

306
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:42,816
or until Esmerelda turns me into a toad
with her magic amulet,

307
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,654
because she can see
that we're obviously into each other.

308
00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:51,742
Oh. Sorry you got an actual human being
instead of your true soulmate...

309
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:54,495
a library cart full of damp saltines.

310
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:55,913
You are unbelievable.

311
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,165
I don't know what I did...

312
00:15:58,248 --> 00:15:59,833
...to deserve you.

313
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,878
Believe it, baby. I'm all yours.

314
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,130
At least until
something better comes along.

315
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,634
For me. You've pretty much topped out.

316
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:10,594
- You okay?
- No!

317
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:13,847
I have to give Michael a new draft
of my thesis and I'm a mess.

318
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:14,890
Will you help me?

319
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:19,144
Woof! You want my help with philosophy?
You must be in rough shape.

320
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,021
I mean, yes, of course.

321
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,148
I'm here for you. What do you need?

322
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:27,695
I need someone to help guide me,
morally speaking.

323
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:31,115
And I think I need it to be you.

324
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,994
There's a real possibility
that I'm in love with you again,

325
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:39,915
here, on this plane of existence,
uh, today, now.

326
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,337
<i>We found each other before,
hundreds of times.</i>

327
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,172
We can do it again.

328
00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:54,346
Bye, Chidi.

329
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:58,892
<i>You sure you want to do this?</i>

330
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,228
I finally make up my mind
about one damn thing

331
00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:02,396
and you try to talk me out of it?

332
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:05,649
I'm sure.

333
00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:08,652
Can I ask you a question?

334
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:14,199
Soulmates aren't real, are they?

335
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:18,203
Chidi, in all honesty, I don't know.
But I don't think so.

336
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:23,459
I knew what you expected to find
when you got here: answers.

337
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:28,047
Also, if I recall from your file,
a magic blackboard?

338
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,966
One that anticipates your lesson flow.
That is the dream.

339
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,761
But mostly you wanted answers.

340
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:37,514
The "soulmate" one in particular.

341
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:41,143
So, I used it to torture you.

342
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,645
Which, again, sorry.

343
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:50,277
If soulmates do exist,
they're not found, they're made.

344
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:53,197
People meet, they get a good feeling

345
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,991
and then they get to work,
building a relationship.

346
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:57,743
Like your parents.

347
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:03,082
They didn't magically stay together
because you proved they should.

348
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:08,629
It wasn't my logic or my presentation.

349
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:12,758
It was the feeling they got watching me,

350
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:17,846
this scared little kid,
telling them that he needed them.

351
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,807
And it was also
what you made them remember.

352
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,225
They loved each other.

353
00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:23,268
Sometimes, people forget.

354
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,854
You reminded them
of what they already had.

355
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,232
It convinced them to go to counseling.

356
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:29,942
I never knew they went to counseling.

357
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:31,485
Yeah, kids are idiots.

358
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:34,988
If they knew half the stuff their folks
were up to, they'd lose their minds.

359
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:43,372
Turns out, life isn't a puzzle that can
just be solved one time and it's done.

360
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:48,418
You wake up every day
and you solve it again.

361
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,629
Terribly inefficient.

362
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,093
Ah, what a time to learn.

363
00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:01,098
Can you give me a second?

364
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:14,403
- Janet?
- Hi, there.

365
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:15,362
Hi.

366
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,782
Uh, can I have a pen and some paper?

367
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:30,460
I don't know if I'll see you again,
or what I'll remember if I do,

368
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:36,049
but if we do cross paths again,
sometime, somewhere...

369
00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:39,803
can you get this back to me?

370
00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:41,221
Of course.

371
00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:52,149
I'm ready.

372
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:02,993
Hi, there, Chidi.

373
00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:06,330
Welcome back.

374
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,208
Is he all right? Did you break him?

375
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:12,294
Hey, buddy. How you doing?

376
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,714
Man, I'm doin' great.

377
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:22,137
Hey, so, for the past 300 years,
have I been super annoying?

378
00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:23,680
Oh, no...

379
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,891
- No, I wouldn't say... No, no.
- Well, not extremely...

380
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:27,434
- Yes.
- Well, thank you,

381
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:30,229
all of you,
for everything you've done for me.

382
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,022
You are wonderful people.

383
00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:36,109
Yeah, man, that's great, but, um, listen,
we have one hour to create

384
00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:39,780
an entirely new afterlife
and, uh, also save all of humanity,

385
00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:45,160
and we were wondering if you could do
your Chidi thing and find us the answer?

386
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:49,414
Oh, well, Eleanor, this kind of thing
doesn't have just one answer.

387
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:51,541
There might be 800.

388
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,752
There could be zero. Who knows?

389
00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:56,421
The journey is the destination, right?

390
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,173
Let's get to work.
Can you give me one second?

391
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:02,261
Hey, uh, Janet?
Can I have my note, please?

392
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:06,640
If you know that you wrote a note
then you know what it says.

393
00:21:06,723 --> 00:21:11,687
I do, uh, but I'd still
like to see it again, please.

394
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:14,106
I think it might be
some of the best writing I've ever done.