1
00:00:03,339 --> 00:00:04,939
What are you doing?
2
00:00:05,007 --> 00:00:07,375
Dude, I'm freaked out about
my meeting with Michael,
3
00:00:07,410 --> 00:00:09,710
and if I spend one more second
staring at Creepo the Clown,
4
00:00:09,745 --> 00:00:10,711
I'm gonna lose it.
5
00:00:10,746 --> 00:00:12,079
You named the clowns?
6
00:00:12,114 --> 00:00:15,348
Psycho, Creepo, Crazy Head,
Stupid Juggling Weirdo,
7
00:00:15,384 --> 00:00:18,418
Freaky Feet, and Nightmare
George Washington.
8
00:00:18,454 --> 00:00:20,721
One of them has to go.
9
00:00:22,592 --> 00:00:25,559
Oh, sexy mailman. Much better.
10
00:00:25,595 --> 00:00:27,860
In five minutes, Michael
wants my help investigating
11
00:00:27,896 --> 00:00:29,563
what's making the neighborhood go nuts,
12
00:00:29,598 --> 00:00:31,064
which is obviously me.
13
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,566
I mean, I did promise I would help.
14
00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:33,733
What do I do here?
15
00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:37,070
Actually, the answer is...
16
00:00:37,106 --> 00:00:39,739
Right here in this easily
understandable comic strip.
17
00:00:39,774 --> 00:00:42,309
Nope, in this book about
the theory of contractualism.
18
00:00:42,377 --> 00:00:43,577
"What We Owe to Each Other."
19
00:00:43,612 --> 00:00:44,944
I saw this movie.
20
00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:46,545
Laura Linney cries in a lake house
21
00:00:46,581 --> 00:00:48,948
because Jude Law left her
for his ex-wife's ghost.
22
00:00:48,984 --> 00:00:49,949
No.
23
00:00:49,985 --> 00:00:52,585
Quick summary of contractualism.
24
00:00:52,621 --> 00:00:56,089
Uh, imagine a group of reasonable people
25
00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:58,791
are coming up with the
rules for a new society.
26
00:00:58,827 --> 00:01:00,726
Like if your Uber driver talks to you,
27
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,294
the ride should be free?
28
00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:06,565
Sure, but anyone can veto any
rule that they think is unfair.
29
00:01:06,601 --> 00:01:09,835
So if you said, "We should
be able to break our promises
30
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:14,440
without any repercussions,"
someone would veto that rule.
31
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:17,442
Well, my first rule would be
that no one can veto my rules.
32
00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:18,610
Well, that's called tyranny.
33
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,079
And it's generally frowned upon.
34
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,915
If you make a promise to
someone, you should do it.
35
00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:26,985
Just like I promised to
help you and still am,
36
00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:29,354
despite your constant mockery.
37
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:31,589
"Despite your constant mockery."
38
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:32,990
Whatever, you love it.
39
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:37,462
So either I help him find
the problem, which is me,
40
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:38,863
and I'm doomed,
41
00:01:38,931 --> 00:01:41,866
or I don't help him, and then I'm
42
00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:44,702
behaving unethically and
the whole world goes crazy
43
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,937
and I'm caught anyway.
44
00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:49,606
I need to figure out a way both help him
45
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:51,709
and not help him at the same time.
46
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,377
That's literally not possible.
47
00:01:53,445 --> 00:01:54,679
Oh, really?
48
00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:57,514
I once posed as a hot
prom date for my cousin,
49
00:01:57,550 --> 00:02:01,152
both helping him and later,
according to his therapist,
50
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,821
not helping him.
51
00:02:03,329 --> 00:02:08,324
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
52
00:02:08,348 --> 00:02:11,991
_
53
00:02:16,134 --> 00:02:18,368
Oh, hey, Eleanor, thanks for coming in.
54
00:02:19,738 --> 00:02:20,804
Sorry about the mess.
55
00:02:22,074 --> 00:02:25,408
Oh, I forgot, you don't
see in nine dimensions.
56
00:02:25,476 --> 00:02:27,643
There's just a lot of...
there's a lot of tension
57
00:02:27,679 --> 00:02:29,746
in the air right now.
58
00:02:29,815 --> 00:02:31,147
Are you okay, buddy?
59
00:02:31,183 --> 00:02:33,850
- You seem kind of stressed.
- No, no, no, I'm fine.
60
00:02:33,885 --> 00:02:35,051
Top of my game, actually.
61
00:02:35,087 --> 00:02:37,687
Uh, here, let me just, uh...
62
00:02:37,723 --> 00:02:39,422
Have a seat.
63
00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:40,756
There you go.
64
00:02:40,825 --> 00:02:44,860
So to prepare to meet all of you,
65
00:02:44,895 --> 00:02:48,698
I studied the human concept of friends.
66
00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:52,034
I even watched all ten
seasons of the show "Friends."
67
00:02:52,069 --> 00:02:55,704
Boy, those friends really
were "friends," weren't they?
68
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:58,707
Although... and I realize
this is the kind of observation
69
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:02,110
that would only occur to the
mind of an eternal being...
70
00:03:03,047 --> 00:03:06,048
How did they afford that apartment?
71
00:03:06,083 --> 00:03:10,719
A waitress and a chef with those
Manhattan real estate prices.
72
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:12,721
Yeah, we were all
confused about that too.
73
00:03:12,756 --> 00:03:15,624
Anyway, it's been a
tough couple of days.
74
00:03:15,692 --> 00:03:19,628
Right now, I could really use a friend
75
00:03:19,696 --> 00:03:20,928
by my side.
76
00:03:20,964 --> 00:03:23,064
Well, you know me.
77
00:03:23,099 --> 00:03:27,802
The person who has audibly
promised to help you.
78
00:03:27,871 --> 00:03:30,905
So you need me to house-sit
the whole week?
79
00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:33,207
Sounds like somebody's
gonna have a sweet vay-cay.
80
00:03:33,243 --> 00:03:35,910
As I told you before,
my mom is very sick.
81
00:03:35,945 --> 00:03:38,880
I'm gonna help her move
into assisted living.
82
00:03:38,915 --> 00:03:40,581
Well, I'm here for you.
83
00:03:40,616 --> 00:03:43,117
And your Wi-Fi is way better
than my neighbor's, so I'm in.
84
00:03:43,153 --> 00:03:45,452
It's gonna mean taking
care of Lester too.
85
00:03:45,488 --> 00:03:46,953
Walk and feed him twice a day.
86
00:03:46,989 --> 00:03:48,155
Give him his kidney medicine.
87
00:03:48,223 --> 00:03:49,623
Yup, got it... feed his kidneys.
88
00:03:49,659 --> 00:03:50,957
- Eleanor?
- Yeah?
89
00:03:50,993 --> 00:03:52,926
This is gonna be a very
stressful week for me.
90
00:03:52,961 --> 00:03:54,521
I need to know that I can count on you.
91
00:03:54,563 --> 00:03:56,263
I won't let you down.
92
00:03:56,299 --> 00:03:57,665
I promise.
93
00:04:02,637 --> 00:04:04,104
Jianyu, my love.
94
00:04:04,139 --> 00:04:06,606
How are you?
95
00:04:06,641 --> 00:04:10,777
- I am decidedly so.
- That's very profound.
96
00:04:10,813 --> 00:04:12,112
Um, soul mate...
97
00:04:12,147 --> 00:04:13,180
an idea.
98
00:04:13,248 --> 00:04:15,081
Our neighborhood now features a spa,
99
00:04:15,117 --> 00:04:16,516
and it offers couples packages.
100
00:04:16,584 --> 00:04:18,751
And I thought maybe we could get facials
101
00:04:18,787 --> 00:04:20,920
and do yoga and talk
102
00:04:20,955 --> 00:04:24,924
in long, discursive sentences.
103
00:04:24,959 --> 00:04:27,126
What do you say?
104
00:04:27,161 --> 00:04:30,196
- Signs point to yes.
- Oh!
105
00:04:30,264 --> 00:04:32,665
Marvelous. We'll go today.
106
00:04:35,937 --> 00:04:38,137
Dude, you got to come
with us to the spa.
107
00:04:38,172 --> 00:04:39,305
No way.
108
00:04:39,340 --> 00:04:40,772
No, that's really weird.
109
00:04:40,808 --> 00:04:42,608
You can't make small
talk with her for one day
110
00:04:42,643 --> 00:04:43,643
without being caught?
111
00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:45,177
No, I can't, and she freaks me out.
112
00:04:45,213 --> 00:04:47,947
She's so pretty, like
Nala from "The Lion King."
113
00:04:47,982 --> 00:04:50,882
And she talks so smart, like, um...
114
00:04:50,951 --> 00:04:52,517
Nala from "The Lion King."
115
00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:53,652
You got to help me.
116
00:04:53,687 --> 00:04:56,187
Well, if I feel sympathy
for anyone, it's Tahani.
117
00:04:56,223 --> 00:04:57,856
She's going through the same thing I am,
118
00:04:57,891 --> 00:04:59,290
but she doesn't know it.
119
00:04:59,326 --> 00:05:02,160
Which means maybe I'm
obligated to tell her.
120
00:05:02,195 --> 00:05:04,128
Although maybe it's better not to know.
121
00:05:04,164 --> 00:05:07,031
Is ignorance bliss, or
will the painful truth
122
00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:08,299
actually be healing...
123
00:05:08,335 --> 00:05:09,901
You ready, Jianyu?
124
00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:13,872
Oh, I cannot wait to just
relax and talk and chat
125
00:05:13,907 --> 00:05:16,007
and just, you know...
126
00:05:16,042 --> 00:05:18,309
get to know each other.
127
00:05:18,345 --> 00:05:19,878
Hey!
128
00:05:19,913 --> 00:05:22,180
Maybe I'll come too.
129
00:05:22,215 --> 00:05:23,348
Oh.
130
00:05:23,383 --> 00:05:24,348
Well, Chidi...
131
00:05:24,384 --> 00:05:25,750
it's just that this is, um...
132
00:05:25,818 --> 00:05:29,720
this is really more of a couples thing.
133
00:05:29,756 --> 00:05:30,988
I know.
134
00:05:31,023 --> 00:05:32,857
But Eleanor's off with Michael,
135
00:05:32,892 --> 00:05:35,325
and Jianyu feels
comfortable when I'm around.
136
00:05:35,361 --> 00:05:37,094
Right?
137
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:40,264
- Made in Taiwan.
- Yes, you were.
138
00:05:40,332 --> 00:05:41,865
You were made in Taiwan.
139
00:05:41,901 --> 00:05:43,000
So...
140
00:05:43,035 --> 00:05:44,734
couples date!
141
00:05:44,770 --> 00:05:46,603
Let's go!
142
00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:51,041
I never really looked around
your office the first day.
143
00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:53,010
What is all this junk?
144
00:05:53,045 --> 00:05:55,045
Well, technically,
architects aren't allowed
145
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,680
to own any human objects, but...
146
00:05:57,716 --> 00:05:59,616
oh, I just love them so much.
147
00:05:59,684 --> 00:06:01,183
And over here, look at this.
148
00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:04,086
Aren't paper clips the most
amazing things in the world?
149
00:06:04,122 --> 00:06:05,955
Yeah. Sure.
150
00:06:06,024 --> 00:06:09,125
Anyway, my current
theory is that some object
151
00:06:09,193 --> 00:06:10,927
in the neighborhood is a design flaw
152
00:06:10,962 --> 00:06:12,962
which is causing
everything to go haywire.
153
00:06:13,031 --> 00:06:14,897
So we need to find that object.
154
00:06:14,933 --> 00:06:16,698
We're gonna start with the rocks.
155
00:06:16,734 --> 00:06:19,035
Now, I've investigated all of the rocks
156
00:06:19,070 --> 00:06:20,102
in the neighborhood.
157
00:06:20,138 --> 00:06:24,140
These 78 are the most suspicious.
158
00:06:24,208 --> 00:06:26,875
Maybe to an architect,
they might look suspicious,
159
00:06:26,911 --> 00:06:28,610
but to me, they just look like rocks,
160
00:06:28,646 --> 00:06:30,111
so I'm not sure how I can help.
161
00:06:30,147 --> 00:06:33,048
Do any of them look defective?
162
00:06:33,083 --> 00:06:34,049
Sinister?
163
00:06:34,084 --> 00:06:36,050
You know, like they're taunting you?
164
00:06:36,085 --> 00:06:38,886
Always one step ahead?
165
00:06:38,922 --> 00:06:40,922
You devious little monsters, you.
166
00:06:40,957 --> 00:06:43,825
Okay, let's take a
deep breath here, buddy.
167
00:06:43,893 --> 00:06:46,160
You need to chill a little.
168
00:06:46,228 --> 00:06:48,763
'Cause you have a very psycho,
169
00:06:48,798 --> 00:06:50,665
"burnout guy muttering to himself
170
00:06:50,733 --> 00:06:52,433
at a library computer" type vibe.
171
00:06:52,468 --> 00:06:55,102
It's my responsibility
to solve the problem.
172
00:06:55,137 --> 00:06:56,670
What else can I do
173
00:06:56,738 --> 00:07:00,140
except keep working?
174
00:07:00,176 --> 00:07:02,943
You could stop working.
175
00:07:02,979 --> 00:07:04,311
Look, I promised to help you,
176
00:07:04,347 --> 00:07:06,080
and honestly, the way I can help you
177
00:07:06,115 --> 00:07:07,781
is to force you to take a break.
178
00:07:07,816 --> 00:07:10,817
And not working will help me work?
179
00:07:10,853 --> 00:07:12,118
Yes!
180
00:07:12,153 --> 00:07:13,787
Recharge the old batteries.
181
00:07:13,822 --> 00:07:17,457
I promise this is gonna help both of us.
182
00:07:17,493 --> 00:07:19,125
Let's go.
183
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:20,961
Okay.
184
00:07:20,996 --> 00:07:24,030
Let's keep our eyes peeled
for twigs that may have
185
00:07:24,099 --> 00:07:25,475
a nefarious agenda.
186
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,299
- Okay, crazy, come on.
- Yeah.
187
00:07:29,474 --> 00:07:30,735
Hello, Janet.
188
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,907
Jianyu and I are here for
the couples package, please.
189
00:07:33,932 --> 00:07:36,235
And also I will be joining them.
190
00:07:36,450 --> 00:07:38,683
Great, and who is the
other half of your couple?
191
00:07:38,751 --> 00:07:40,018
Oh, no, no, it's just me.
192
00:07:40,087 --> 00:07:42,320
Couples are pairs of people.
193
00:07:42,356 --> 00:07:43,956
Yup, and, uh, there is a pair of people,
194
00:07:43,991 --> 00:07:45,423
Tahani and Jianyu.
195
00:07:45,459 --> 00:07:48,359
And then also I am here.
196
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,027
Great, and who will be joining you?
197
00:07:50,096 --> 00:07:51,028
No one.
198
00:07:51,097 --> 00:07:52,964
Um, it's really quite simple, Janet.
199
00:07:52,999 --> 00:07:56,801
They are a couple, and I am a third part
200
00:07:56,836 --> 00:07:57,869
of that couple.
201
00:07:57,937 --> 00:08:01,038
Uh, a helper part who is here for fun
202
00:08:01,107 --> 00:08:02,673
and excitement.
203
00:08:02,709 --> 00:08:04,774
It's a three-person couple.
204
00:08:04,810 --> 00:08:06,877
Does not compute.
205
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,979
Does not compute.
206
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,681
I'm just kidding.
207
00:08:11,717 --> 00:08:13,017
I mean, it doesn't compute,
208
00:08:13,052 --> 00:08:14,818
but I'm not gonna explode or anything.
209
00:08:14,853 --> 00:08:15,819
Right.
210
00:08:15,854 --> 00:08:18,489
Well, I'll see you inside, darling.
211
00:08:20,726 --> 00:08:22,526
Okay, you have to step up.
212
00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:24,794
Find a way to connect with her without,
213
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:25,795
you know, being you.
214
00:08:25,831 --> 00:08:27,664
What does that even mean?
215
00:08:27,699 --> 00:08:29,966
Do I talk or not talk?
216
00:08:30,002 --> 00:08:31,801
Do I be nice to Tahani, or do I throw
217
00:08:31,837 --> 00:08:33,537
all her jewelry in the toilet?
218
00:08:33,572 --> 00:08:35,839
That's the opposite of being nice?
219
00:08:35,874 --> 00:08:36,874
So no toilet?
220
00:08:38,076 --> 00:08:40,476
What is it with you and frozen yogurt?
221
00:08:40,512 --> 00:08:41,911
Have you not heard of ice cream?
222
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,647
Oh, sure, but I've come to
really like frozen yogurt.
223
00:08:44,682 --> 00:08:48,051
There's something so human
about taking something great
224
00:08:48,086 --> 00:08:50,853
and ruining it a little
so you can have more of it.
225
00:08:50,888 --> 00:08:53,522
That is very human.
226
00:08:53,558 --> 00:08:55,891
Why do you need a human
to be your assistant?
227
00:08:55,927 --> 00:08:59,662
I mean, aren't there more of...
228
00:08:59,697 --> 00:09:00,896
whatever you are?
229
00:09:00,932 --> 00:09:04,433
Well, since we're becoming friends,
230
00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:05,901
like Ross and Phoebe...
231
00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:07,670
Weird combo to pick, but okay.
232
00:09:07,705 --> 00:09:10,672
I'm gonna tell you a secret.
233
00:09:10,707 --> 00:09:14,709
Usually, architects don't
live in their neighborhoods.
234
00:09:14,744 --> 00:09:17,712
Usually, the people show
up, we play the movie,
235
00:09:17,747 --> 00:09:19,614
Janet is there to answer questions,
236
00:09:19,683 --> 00:09:20,848
and you're on your own.
237
00:09:20,884 --> 00:09:22,016
But I had this theory.
238
00:09:22,052 --> 00:09:24,686
I thought transition would be easier
239
00:09:24,721 --> 00:09:26,520
if the architect were on-site
240
00:09:26,556 --> 00:09:28,623
for at least the first
1,000 years or so.
241
00:09:28,692 --> 00:09:30,592
That's why you've been so freaked out.
242
00:09:30,627 --> 00:09:32,526
'Cause your butt is on the line.
243
00:09:32,562 --> 00:09:34,195
My boss thought I was nuts.
244
00:09:34,230 --> 00:09:36,130
And if this neighborhood doesn't work,
245
00:09:36,199 --> 00:09:38,700
I am in big trouble.
246
00:09:38,735 --> 00:09:41,903
But more importantly,
I promised all of you
247
00:09:41,938 --> 00:09:43,971
that you would be safe and happy.
248
00:09:44,039 --> 00:09:46,773
And you just don't break a promise.
249
00:09:46,809 --> 00:09:50,478
Unlike Ross when he promised
Emily not to talk to Rachel.
250
00:09:50,546 --> 00:09:52,546
Wow, you are really into that show.
251
00:09:52,582 --> 00:09:53,880
You know something?
252
00:09:53,916 --> 00:09:55,059
I feel better already.
253
00:09:55,084 --> 00:09:56,199
Should we get back to work?
254
00:09:56,224 --> 00:09:57,550
Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah.
255
00:09:57,575 --> 00:10:00,587
The whole point is to
stop thinking about work
256
00:10:00,623 --> 00:10:02,155
and start having fun.
257
00:10:02,224 --> 00:10:04,891
Now, what should we do first?
258
00:10:04,927 --> 00:10:07,560
♪ I'm going out ♪
259
00:10:07,596 --> 00:10:10,563
♪ In a blaze of glory ♪
260
00:10:10,599 --> 00:10:12,633
♪ Lord, I never drew first ♪
261
00:10:12,668 --> 00:10:14,735
♪ But I drew first blood ♪
262
00:10:14,770 --> 00:10:16,503
♪ And I'm no one's son ♪
263
00:10:16,571 --> 00:10:19,606
♪ So call me young gun ♪
264
00:10:19,641 --> 00:10:20,973
Whoo!
265
00:10:21,009 --> 00:10:22,942
This is so interesting!
266
00:10:22,977 --> 00:10:24,110
I mean, there's no point to it.
267
00:10:24,146 --> 00:10:27,514
The images on the
screen relate to nothing.
268
00:10:27,582 --> 00:10:29,516
Some time passed, and then it was over.
269
00:10:29,584 --> 00:10:31,451
That's karaoke!
270
00:10:31,486 --> 00:10:32,918
Oh, let's do it again.
271
00:10:32,954 --> 00:10:37,089
Okay, my hands are heated
to the ideal 105 degrees.
272
00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:38,524
Who would like to go first?
273
00:10:38,592 --> 00:10:40,026
Oh, well what if I go first,
274
00:10:40,094 --> 00:10:41,994
and then perhaps Jianyu
could stand near me
275
00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:45,998
and share some intimate
aspects of his life?
276
00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:49,834
Or what if...
277
00:10:49,870 --> 00:10:52,037
while Janet messages Tahani,
278
00:10:52,105 --> 00:10:55,641
I massage Jianyu?
279
00:10:59,813 --> 00:11:02,113
Jianyu, darling, let's discuss the arts.
280
00:11:03,850 --> 00:11:06,217
I adore the impressionists.
281
00:11:07,554 --> 00:11:08,953
Who's your favorite artist?
282
00:11:08,989 --> 00:11:13,024
I mean, Pitbull changed the game...
283
00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:17,796
Sorry, just working the
oft-neglected mandible area.
284
00:11:25,137 --> 00:11:26,537
Oh, man!
285
00:11:26,573 --> 00:11:27,871
I didn't even want that thing.
286
00:11:27,907 --> 00:11:29,207
Why am I trying to win it?
287
00:11:29,242 --> 00:11:32,543
Because the machine says it's a prize.
288
00:11:32,579 --> 00:11:33,977
- Oh!
- Boom!
289
00:11:34,013 --> 00:11:35,813
How many tickets do I get? Six?
290
00:11:35,848 --> 00:11:37,315
- Is that all?
- Well, watch this.
291
00:11:40,086 --> 00:11:41,651
- Is that allowed?
- Not really.
292
00:11:41,687 --> 00:11:43,653
But it is a time-honored tradition.
293
00:11:43,689 --> 00:11:46,056
Say no more. I got it. I got it.
294
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:49,593
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
295
00:11:50,715 --> 00:11:51,863
You know something?
296
00:11:51,864 --> 00:11:54,064
As much as I've always
wanted to be around humans,
297
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:57,934
I think I've missed a big part
of what makes them wonderful.
298
00:11:58,002 --> 00:11:59,736
Sometimes all you guys think about
299
00:11:59,771 --> 00:12:02,004
is how you can have the most fun.
300
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,173
Exactly!
301
00:12:04,209 --> 00:12:06,943
That was practically my mantra.
302
00:12:08,079 --> 00:12:09,613
What's up, dong bait?
303
00:12:09,681 --> 00:12:11,247
Drop everything you're doing.
304
00:12:11,282 --> 00:12:13,015
Rihanna is performing in Vegas.
305
00:12:13,051 --> 00:12:15,218
I got tickets. We are road-tripping.
306
00:12:15,253 --> 00:12:17,086
Oh, I can't!
307
00:12:17,122 --> 00:12:19,055
I promised I'd house-sit one more day,
308
00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:21,023
and I have to feed this stupid dog.
309
00:12:21,059 --> 00:12:22,925
I'm sorry, does this
dog smoke blunts topless
310
00:12:22,961 --> 00:12:24,693
on a yacht like a boss?
311
00:12:24,729 --> 00:12:26,796
- 'Cause that's how Ri-Ri do.
- That's a very good point.
312
00:12:26,865 --> 00:12:29,798
This is floor seats
in Vegas for Rihanna.
313
00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:31,233
The booze is free there.
314
00:12:31,269 --> 00:12:34,270
Do I really need to keep going?
315
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:39,608
Okay, this is dinner
tonight, breakfast tomorrow...
316
00:12:39,644 --> 00:12:40,976
I have an idea.
317
00:12:43,314 --> 00:12:44,946
This is in case of emergency.
318
00:12:44,982 --> 00:12:49,217
Do not eat this unless
it's an emergency.
319
00:12:49,253 --> 00:12:50,718
Wow.
320
00:12:50,754 --> 00:12:52,587
I'm ready to be a mom.
321
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:02,664
I'm having trouble
getting this mask to stick.
322
00:13:02,732 --> 00:13:06,000
Yes, it's 'cause my
pores are just so small.
323
00:13:06,068 --> 00:13:08,736
There's no way anything
could ever adhere to my skin.
324
00:13:08,772 --> 00:13:10,271
It's a curse, really.
325
00:13:10,307 --> 00:13:11,673
Jianyu?
326
00:13:11,741 --> 00:13:13,775
What are your pores like?
327
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:20,747
Janet, can you show me
to the sauna, please?
328
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,020
Dude, she's trying so hard,
329
00:13:26,088 --> 00:13:27,822
and you're giving her nothing!
330
00:13:27,857 --> 00:13:29,656
Just pick a fact that you know about her
331
00:13:29,692 --> 00:13:30,925
and just muddle through.
332
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:34,127
She said she likes
impressionist paintings.
333
00:13:34,162 --> 00:13:35,829
Impressionist paintings?
334
00:13:35,864 --> 00:13:37,331
Okay, say no more.
335
00:13:37,366 --> 00:13:40,032
No, no, no, I definitely
feel like I need to say more.
336
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:41,434
Jia...
337
00:13:42,804 --> 00:13:45,805
So would you say I helped you today?
338
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:47,272
Oh, so much.
339
00:13:47,308 --> 00:13:49,942
I had fun, I didn't
think about my problems,
340
00:13:49,977 --> 00:13:52,311
and I won this ugly yellow toddler,
341
00:13:52,347 --> 00:13:54,814
which is one of the most
beautiful things I've ever seen.
342
00:13:54,849 --> 00:13:56,114
Thank you so much.
343
00:13:56,150 --> 00:13:58,016
All right, I'll see
you tomorrow, friend.
344
00:14:09,163 --> 00:14:11,396
You sure this is where
you want to be right now?
345
00:14:11,465 --> 00:14:14,699
At the Tea for Two couples cafe?
346
00:14:14,735 --> 00:14:16,968
There's no use avoiding it, Chidi.
347
00:14:17,003 --> 00:14:18,703
I'm alone.
348
00:14:18,739 --> 00:14:21,205
Jianyu and I have nothing in common.
349
00:14:21,341 --> 00:14:23,074
I just want a soul mate.
350
00:14:23,109 --> 00:14:24,809
Someone I can share my passions with,
351
00:14:24,845 --> 00:14:27,779
someone who I can talk to about
the ethereal colors of a Degas.
352
00:14:27,814 --> 00:14:29,080
I love Degas.
353
00:14:29,115 --> 00:14:30,514
I took painting lessons as a kid,
354
00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:32,483
and Degas was always my inspiration.
355
00:14:32,518 --> 00:14:34,918
And do you like France as much as I do?
356
00:14:34,954 --> 00:14:37,989
Well, they enslaved my
country for 300 years.
357
00:14:38,024 --> 00:14:39,256
So no.
358
00:14:39,292 --> 00:14:42,460
- But they have great museums.
- Yes.
359
00:14:42,495 --> 00:14:44,495
Welcome to my cafe, you two.
360
00:14:44,530 --> 00:14:46,930
We have a special on soul mate muffins.
361
00:14:46,966 --> 00:14:48,198
Two for the price of zero.
362
00:14:48,266 --> 00:14:49,299
Everything is free.
363
00:14:49,334 --> 00:14:51,101
Oh, uh, we're not soul mates.
364
00:14:51,136 --> 00:14:52,435
- No.
- We're just, uh...
365
00:14:52,471 --> 00:14:54,872
- soul friends.
- Oh.
366
00:14:57,977 --> 00:14:59,142
Hey, buddy.
367
00:14:59,177 --> 00:15:01,378
I have all new fun
stuff for us to do today.
368
00:15:01,446 --> 00:15:03,513
Eleanor, I have huge news.
369
00:15:03,548 --> 00:15:06,449
Not working actually worked.
370
00:15:06,485 --> 00:15:07,617
It did what now?
371
00:15:07,652 --> 00:15:08,818
After our day off,
372
00:15:08,853 --> 00:15:10,887
with a completely clear head,
373
00:15:10,955 --> 00:15:13,323
I realized part of
what makes humans so fun
374
00:15:13,358 --> 00:15:16,026
is that they're unpredictable.
375
00:15:16,061 --> 00:15:18,194
The chaos we've been experiencing
376
00:15:18,230 --> 00:15:20,963
is exactly what would
happen if a resident
377
00:15:20,999 --> 00:15:22,865
behaved unpredictably.
378
00:15:22,901 --> 00:15:24,634
The problem in our neighborhood...
379
00:15:24,669 --> 00:15:27,469
it's not a rock or an object.
380
00:15:27,505 --> 00:15:29,238
It's one of the people.
381
00:15:29,306 --> 00:15:30,406
Oh!
382
00:15:30,474 --> 00:15:31,507
We need to celebrate!
383
00:15:31,543 --> 00:15:34,143
I know, okay...
384
00:15:34,178 --> 00:15:36,011
Paper clip shower!
385
00:15:38,465 --> 00:15:40,269
So do you think we're looking for a man,
386
00:15:40,294 --> 00:15:42,448
or do you think we're
looking for two men?
387
00:15:42,473 --> 00:15:43,872
Not sure.
388
00:15:43,941 --> 00:15:45,774
We don't know anything
about this person.
389
00:15:45,799 --> 00:15:48,766
I mean, does he or she even know
390
00:15:48,791 --> 00:15:51,325
that they caused all these problems?
391
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,659
No, that can't be.
392
00:15:52,694 --> 00:15:54,761
I mean, what kind of
monster would wreak havoc
393
00:15:54,796 --> 00:15:56,022
and then say nothing?
394
00:15:56,047 --> 00:15:58,465
So this is the main
place where the garbage
395
00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,699
fell from the sky.
396
00:15:59,768 --> 00:16:01,358
- Janet.
- Hi there.
397
00:16:01,383 --> 00:16:04,773
I need a list of everyone
that was here on garbage duty
398
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,797
during orientation.
399
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:09,300
Oh.
400
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:13,404
Eleanor, our criminal is
on this very short list.
401
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,905
People were flying that day too.
402
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,907
I'll add everybody who flew overhead.
403
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:18,276
Ugh.
404
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:21,946
Eleanor, our criminal is
on this much longer list.
405
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:27,285
Oh, hey, homey.
406
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,552
Thanks for your advice.
407
00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:30,487
I'm about to give Tahani
the best gift ever.
408
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:33,490
Check it.
409
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:34,658
What?
410
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,393
She likes impressionist
paintings, right?
411
00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:39,829
I got her a painting of the
best impressionist of all time,
412
00:16:39,898 --> 00:16:41,164
Frank Caliendo.
413
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:43,267
He can do it all... fat Al
Pacino, fat Jerry Seinfeld,
414
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:44,834
regular John Madden.
415
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:46,503
"Say hello to my little friend."
416
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,104
"Forget about it."
417
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:51,308
This is where the sinkhole opened up.
418
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:54,911
And the guest list
that night was limited.
419
00:16:54,946 --> 00:16:58,347
There were a total of 30
people here that night.
420
00:16:59,417 --> 00:17:02,118
Only 30, huh?
421
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:03,790
How do you pump your fists again?
422
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,092
Is this it?
423
00:17:06,117 --> 00:17:09,358
But 66 others passed through
to take a look before it opened,
424
00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:11,127
and everyone else in the neighborhood
425
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:12,461
was in a close radius.
426
00:17:12,497 --> 00:17:17,300
Oh, boy, that... doesn't
narrow it down at all.
427
00:17:17,335 --> 00:17:21,504
Feels like the end of the road.
428
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:24,307
"End of the Road," Boyz II Men, karaoke.
429
00:17:24,342 --> 00:17:26,442
Let's go... don't
think about it too much.
430
00:17:26,477 --> 00:17:28,143
Janet.
431
00:17:28,179 --> 00:17:30,045
My hoodie, please.
432
00:17:35,019 --> 00:17:38,120
- What's happening?
- I give up.
433
00:17:38,155 --> 00:17:41,290
I can't help the people I
promised that I would help.
434
00:17:43,493 --> 00:17:46,994
I feel like "Friends" in season eight,
435
00:17:47,030 --> 00:17:50,965
out of ideas and forcing
Joey and Rachel together,
436
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,404
even though it made no sense.
437
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:57,239
I hope the sinkhole opens up
again and swallows me whole.
438
00:18:03,446 --> 00:18:04,912
Paula!
439
00:18:04,948 --> 00:18:06,413
Hey, girl.
440
00:18:06,449 --> 00:18:07,949
How's the dog?
441
00:18:07,984 --> 00:18:09,583
Still fat, Eleanor.
442
00:18:09,619 --> 00:18:11,252
Still fat.
443
00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:13,921
The vet says his stomach
expanded to the size
444
00:18:13,957 --> 00:18:16,824
of a basketball and that
it will never shrink.
445
00:18:16,893 --> 00:18:18,992
Oh, well, that's not my fault.
446
00:18:19,061 --> 00:18:21,428
How was I supposed to
know he would literally eat
447
00:18:21,464 --> 00:18:22,596
all of the food?
448
00:18:22,632 --> 00:18:24,798
It shouldn't have been an issue.
449
00:18:24,833 --> 00:18:26,300
You were supposed to be there,
450
00:18:26,335 --> 00:18:27,901
but you broke your promise
451
00:18:27,936 --> 00:18:29,836
as soon as it wasn't convenient for you,
452
00:18:29,905 --> 00:18:33,307
and now I have a very bulbous dog.
453
00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:35,310
Well, you know what?
454
00:18:35,343 --> 00:18:36,843
You're rude.
455
00:18:36,912 --> 00:18:40,480
'Cause you didn't even ask me
how the Rihanna concert was.
456
00:18:40,515 --> 00:18:43,016
She was very late.
457
00:18:43,085 --> 00:18:44,575
And a little drunk.
458
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:54,193
I promised to help you, and I will,
459
00:18:54,262 --> 00:18:56,195
however I can.
460
00:18:56,264 --> 00:18:59,965
If you want to look at a
million rocks like a psychopath,
461
00:19:00,001 --> 00:19:01,367
I'll be there.
462
00:19:01,436 --> 00:19:04,270
If you want to just lay
here and cry in your hoodie,
463
00:19:04,306 --> 00:19:05,538
I'm cool with that.
464
00:19:05,607 --> 00:19:08,602
Honestly, I don't know
how I can help you,
465
00:19:09,110 --> 00:19:12,411
'cause I'm just a
person and you're, like,
466
00:19:12,446 --> 00:19:16,548
this super magical Orville
Redenbacher type guy
467
00:19:16,583 --> 00:19:19,385
who invented this entire universe,
468
00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:22,087
but I'll do my best.
469
00:19:23,391 --> 00:19:25,089
I'm right here.
470
00:19:25,125 --> 00:19:26,725
Oh, my gosh.
471
00:19:30,063 --> 00:19:32,397
Of course.
472
00:19:32,433 --> 00:19:34,265
How did I not see it?
473
00:19:34,301 --> 00:19:36,601
Janet...
474
00:19:36,637 --> 00:19:38,303
I found the answer to the problem.
475
00:19:38,338 --> 00:19:40,004
Call a neighborhood meeting.
476
00:19:40,073 --> 00:19:41,739
Should it be festive and casual
477
00:19:41,774 --> 00:19:43,607
or moribund and devastating?
478
00:19:43,643 --> 00:19:45,787
Moribund and devastating, please.
479
00:19:45,812 --> 00:19:46,878
Great!
480
00:19:52,428 --> 00:19:54,228
Hello, Jianyu, Chidi.
481
00:19:56,942 --> 00:19:58,407
What's this?
482
00:19:58,443 --> 00:20:00,476
I made you a art.
483
00:20:00,511 --> 00:20:03,579
It's three of me.
484
00:20:03,614 --> 00:20:05,315
It's ballerinas,
485
00:20:05,350 --> 00:20:07,583
painted in the style
of the impressionists.
486
00:20:07,618 --> 00:20:09,853
Of course.
487
00:20:09,921 --> 00:20:13,756
You don't say things, but you do things.
488
00:20:13,791 --> 00:20:16,859
And you feel things.
489
00:20:16,927 --> 00:20:19,495
Only my true soul
mate could ever give me
490
00:20:19,530 --> 00:20:21,263
such a perfect gift.
491
00:20:21,298 --> 00:20:22,765
Thank you.
492
00:20:30,808 --> 00:20:32,374
What's going on?
493
00:20:32,442 --> 00:20:33,641
Well, I did what you said.
494
00:20:33,677 --> 00:20:36,478
I honored my agreement to help Michael
495
00:20:36,513 --> 00:20:40,815
find the problem, and
he found the problem.
496
00:20:40,851 --> 00:20:42,484
Oh, I'm so sorry.
497
00:20:42,519 --> 00:20:45,620
After I'm gone, take down the
rest of those clown paintings.
498
00:20:45,655 --> 00:20:49,223
But leave up the sexy mailman.
499
00:20:49,292 --> 00:20:51,459
To remember me by.
500
00:20:51,495 --> 00:20:53,661
Thank you all for your
patience with the problems
501
00:20:53,697 --> 00:20:55,463
in our neighborhood.
502
00:20:55,499 --> 00:20:58,700
I have finally discovered the cause.
503
00:20:58,735 --> 00:21:02,804
There was one common
link among every incident.
504
00:21:02,839 --> 00:21:05,472
And when I figured it
out, it was a shock.
505
00:21:05,508 --> 00:21:08,542
But there's no escaping it.
506
00:21:08,577 --> 00:21:11,212
The problem...
507
00:21:11,247 --> 00:21:12,413
is me.
508
00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:15,216
And now...
509
00:21:15,251 --> 00:21:17,210
I have to leave you...
510
00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:18,352
forever.
511
00:21:20,711 --> 00:21:22,411
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com