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_
2
00:00:06,322 --> 00:00:08,456
Eleanor, come on in.
3
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Well, not often you get to confront
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your greatest failure face-to-face.
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Good to see you, too, bud.
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I am just dumbfounded
as to how this happened.
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Our system has never
made a mistake before...
8
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It's just not possible.
9
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And yet, here we are.
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First things first,
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who are you?
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Well, my name is Eleanor Shellstrop,
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and some of the info you had was right.
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I mean, "flattened by boner pill truck
15
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after dropping margarita mix
in grocery store parking lot,"
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that's a very me way to die.
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But all the other info was wrong.
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In my defense, when I first
arrived, and you said,
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"You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead,
20
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and you're in the Good Place,"
I had no reason to think
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that was a mistake.
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Location and date of birth, please.
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Phoenix, Arizona, October 14, 1986.
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So sorry, that's what
I used to tell people
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when I lied about my age.
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I was born in 1982.
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You lied so much,
you forgot your own birthday.
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Not a great start,
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but it should be enough
for Janet to locate your file.
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Janet?
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- Janet...
- What's that?
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What's that?
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What's this?
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Her memory's still being
rebooted because,
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oh, you know, someone murdered her.
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Janet, could you please
locate the file for
37
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an Eleanor Shellstrop, born in...
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- 1982?
- Yes.
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Phoenix, Arizona, USA.
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Sure.
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Anything else?
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No, Janet, this is actually a cactus.
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This might take a while.
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Whee!
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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_
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Since Janet can't retrieve your file,
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I need to find another way
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to determine what kind
of person you were.
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This is a quick litmus test.
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Handful of questions designed to tell
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whether you are
fundamentally good or bad.
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Question number one: Did you ever commit
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a serious crime, such as murder,
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sexual harassment, arson, or otherwise?
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No.
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Did you ever have
a vanity license plate,
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like "MAMASBMW,"
"LEXUS4LIZ," or "BOOBGUY"?
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No.
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Did you ever reheat fish
in an office microwave?
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Ew, no.
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Have you ever paid money
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to hear music performed by
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California funk rock band
"The Red Hot Chili Peppers"?
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No.
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Did you ever take off
your shoes and socks
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on a commercial airline?
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And socks?
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Ew, who would do that?
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People who go to the Bad Place,
Eleanor, that's the point.
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And unless I can figure out
a compelling reason
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to keep you here,
you will spend eternity
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with murderers, and arsonists,
and people who take off
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their shoes and socks
on commercial airlines.
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Mm, Janet, can I have
a glass of water, please?
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Here you go.
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Oh, gosh, you said "water"?
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- Yeah.
- I'm so sorry.
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There you go.
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Ahh.
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I really do have sympathy
for your situation.
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I mean, you thought your soul
mate was a good person,
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and then you learned that
she's just an immoral grifter.
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- Tahani, please.
- Am I wrong?
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She lied to everyone.
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She caused a giant sinkhole
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into which poor Glenn fell.
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She caused a trash storm.
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She... well, she pretended
to be my friend
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when I really needed one.
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And, lest we forget, she murdered Janet.
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As far as I'm concerned,
the sooner she's gone,
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the better off we'll all be.
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I... I understand that
Eleanor violated our trust,
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but please,
when you're talking to Michael,
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try to think about
what she's had to go through.
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All right.
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I will, for you.
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But we've been through a lot as well.
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You know, I haven't been this
upset since my good friend
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Taylor was rudely upstaged
by my other friend, Kanye,
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who was defending
my best friend, Beyoncé.
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And finally, a multi-part question:
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Did you ever appear on the
American television program
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"The Bachelor" or its companion
shows "The Bachelorette"
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and "Bachelor in Paradise,"
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or post on any social media site
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that you were emotionally invested
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in any of the relationships
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the contestants were pursuing?
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No.
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Okay.
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You did very well
on the questionnaire, Eleanor.
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So far, so good.
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Michael, good news.
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I was able to obtain
Eleanor Shellstrop's file.
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Is it actually a cactus?
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- I don't understand.
- I want to see the file
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for Eleanor Shellstrop.
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Is that what you have,
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or do you have a cactus?
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- I have the file.
- You're sure?
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You have the file and not a cactus?
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That is correct.
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I have Eleanor Shellstrop's file.
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I do not have a cactus.
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Excellent. Please, give me the file.
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Here you go.
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Thank you, Janet.
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You're welcome.
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Well, I say we call it a day.
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I mean, I nailed the questionnaire,
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and you're swimming in cacti.
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Can't we just chalk this up
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to a hilarious mistake and move on?
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No, we can't, Eleanor.
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There's no such thing
as a mistake in this realm.
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And yet, you are, somehow, a mistake.
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I mean, you're a giant chunk of spinach
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in the teeth of the universe.
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I need to understand every
facet of this disaster.
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Tell me a lie about yourself.
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- Any lie.
- I love the opera.
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And now a truth.
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I love Women's MMA.
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We don't like to use this.
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We've never really
had a call for it before you,
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but in the interest of time.
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Eleanor,
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did you murder Janet?
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No, I did not.
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Do you know who did?
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Yes.
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Will you tell me who it was?
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No.
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I assume it was one of your friends,
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and I admire you
for protecting him or her.
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But Eleanor, in the Good Place,
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there's no room for bad people
or bad actions,
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so anyone involved
in the murder of Janet
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will be reviewed and judged,
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and there will be consequences.
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Tahani, come on in.
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Chidi.
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Imposter who soiled our paradise
with her moral turpitude.
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'Sup?
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Thank you for confessing,
I don't know what I would
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- have done if you hadn't...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm amazing.
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Bad news.
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Michael knows I didn't kill Janet
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which means it's only a matter of time
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before he finds out that you did
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and that you did it because you were
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trying to stop Bonehead Jones over here.
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Hey, homies!
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Then he'll figure out
that Jianyu's also a phony,
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and, here's the real dong-buster,
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Michael said anybody
who did anything bad
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might have to go...
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- Ohh...
- Which means Jianyu's gone,
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00:07:08,911 --> 00:07:10,111
you might be gone,
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00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:12,503
and all three of us
are royally forking forked!
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00:07:12,528 --> 00:07:14,464
This is terrible. What am I supposed
to do if he asks me?
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I don't know. Kant would say
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00:07:17,686 --> 00:07:19,921
that lying in any scenario is wrong,
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so if Michael asks you
if you killed Janet,
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you should say yes.
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On the other hand,
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snitches do get stitches.
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That is true. I read that once
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on the back of my boy Peanut's tricep.
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You just casually cited Immanuel Kant.
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Yeah, I know we're
in a miserable bind here,
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but this might be
the proudest day of my life.
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No offense, but that's
a real bummer of a life.
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00:07:42,216 --> 00:07:45,325
Tahani, I'll get right
to the crux of the matter.
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00:07:45,468 --> 00:07:46,768
Did you murder Janet?
198
00:07:46,802 --> 00:07:48,336
Absolutely not.
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00:07:50,673 --> 00:07:53,341
Now, you spent a lot
of time with Eleanor.
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Why do you think that is?
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00:07:54,643 --> 00:07:56,678
Well, people are just drawn to me.
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00:07:56,712 --> 00:07:59,013
You know, one of my shyest
friends, I won't say his name
203
00:07:59,048 --> 00:08:01,516
to preserve his privacy,
but he found my presence
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00:08:01,550 --> 00:08:03,718
so comforting that he asked me
to co-host his TV show
205
00:08:03,786 --> 00:08:05,353
"Anderson Cooper 360."
206
00:08:06,522 --> 00:08:09,023
Given what you learned about Eleanor,
207
00:08:09,058 --> 00:08:11,292
do you think she deserves to be here?
208
00:08:13,729 --> 00:08:15,663
Well...
209
00:08:15,698 --> 00:08:17,399
You know, if it were up to me,
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00:08:17,466 --> 00:08:20,735
I might find a way
to look past her, um...
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00:08:20,803 --> 00:08:22,370
deficiencies,
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00:08:22,405 --> 00:08:23,805
but it's not up to me, is it?
213
00:08:23,839 --> 00:08:26,207
There are some criteria
that she unfortunately
214
00:08:26,242 --> 00:08:27,842
just didn't meet in her time on Earth.
215
00:08:27,877 --> 00:08:30,078
So you think that I should
send her to the Bad Place?
216
00:08:30,146 --> 00:08:31,813
Well, I didn't say that,
217
00:08:31,847 --> 00:08:35,750
but is her staying here unfair
to those who earned their place?
218
00:08:35,818 --> 00:08:38,086
It sounds like you want her to leave.
219
00:08:38,154 --> 00:08:40,688
Well, is it not she
220
00:08:40,723 --> 00:08:44,692
who wants us to leave her?
221
00:08:44,727 --> 00:08:46,561
Thank you, Tahani.
You've been a big help.
222
00:08:49,432 --> 00:08:50,565
Listen up, genius.
223
00:08:50,599 --> 00:08:52,100
He's gonna call you
in there in a second.
224
00:08:52,168 --> 00:08:54,235
Don't worry, I got you.
I'll just tell Michael
225
00:08:54,270 --> 00:08:56,771
you're the bomb and that you got
a dope soul and hella ethics.
226
00:08:56,839 --> 00:08:59,574
Oh, boy. No, don't say any of that.
227
00:08:59,608 --> 00:09:01,409
Michael has a lie detector in there.
228
00:09:01,444 --> 00:09:02,844
It's a... it's a glowing cube.
229
00:09:02,878 --> 00:09:05,513
Like the AllSpark? From "Transformers"?
230
00:09:05,548 --> 00:09:08,249
Sure, uh, just like the
AllSpark from "Transformers,"
231
00:09:08,284 --> 00:09:10,724
and... and he'll know instantly
if you're lying about anything
232
00:09:10,753 --> 00:09:13,788
so only smiles and nods, got it?
233
00:09:15,624 --> 00:09:18,259
Wise sage,
234
00:09:18,294 --> 00:09:21,262
centered Jianyu.
235
00:09:21,297 --> 00:09:25,266
I seek your wisdom
in this moment of crisis.
236
00:09:25,301 --> 00:09:26,801
What to do with Eleanor?
237
00:09:26,869 --> 00:09:28,903
Should I let her stay?
238
00:09:28,938 --> 00:09:30,872
Should I send her away?
239
00:09:31,807 --> 00:09:34,576
You think I should send her away?
240
00:09:35,644 --> 00:09:39,113
No, I should let her stay?
241
00:09:39,148 --> 00:09:43,418
Or no, I shouldn't let her stay
because she doesn't belong here?
242
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,919
Or no, I shouldn't let her stay
243
00:09:44,954 --> 00:09:47,155
even though she does belong here?
244
00:09:48,324 --> 00:09:52,126
Oh, Jianyu, I wish I had your wisdom.
245
00:09:52,161 --> 00:09:54,729
Your devotion to the noble
truths has given you something
246
00:09:54,763 --> 00:09:57,632
that I don't have: clarity.
247
00:09:57,666 --> 00:09:59,901
It was Buddha who said,
248
00:09:59,935 --> 00:10:02,604
"The man lives a pure life.
249
00:10:02,638 --> 00:10:04,472
Nothing can destroy him."
250
00:10:04,507 --> 00:10:08,343
I'm not a man, and I've lived no life,
251
00:10:08,410 --> 00:10:10,778
so will this destroy me?
252
00:10:10,813 --> 00:10:11,846
Ouch.
253
00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:17,485
Oh, of course.
254
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,655
A cactus on its own intends no harm.
255
00:10:20,689 --> 00:10:24,425
It's only when we interfere
that it becomes dangerous.
256
00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:27,295
I need to remember my own agency here.
257
00:10:27,329 --> 00:10:30,598
Oh, thank you, Jianyu.
258
00:10:30,633 --> 00:10:33,501
You're free to go.
259
00:10:33,536 --> 00:10:35,837
Oh, yes, of course. Help yourself.
260
00:10:35,871 --> 00:10:37,839
I've got plenty of those.
261
00:10:41,844 --> 00:10:43,444
Chidi, come on in.
262
00:10:43,479 --> 00:10:44,519
Hi there.
263
00:10:44,547 --> 00:10:45,713
I have Eleanor's file.
264
00:10:45,781 --> 00:10:47,815
Janet, if you hand me a cactus,
265
00:10:47,850 --> 00:10:49,717
I swear I will lose my mind.
266
00:10:51,554 --> 00:10:52,787
Oh, yes!
267
00:10:52,821 --> 00:10:55,223
All right, here we go.
Eleanor, come back in.
268
00:10:55,291 --> 00:10:56,457
Chidi, you stay here.
269
00:10:58,494 --> 00:11:01,863
This file contains a compendium
270
00:11:01,897 --> 00:11:04,799
of all of the highest impact
events from your life,
271
00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:05,900
that's the, uh,
272
00:11:05,968 --> 00:11:08,469
biggest positive
and negative point swings.
273
00:11:08,504 --> 00:11:10,872
So "Little Julie," who's that?
274
00:11:10,906 --> 00:11:12,574
Julie is my cousin's daughter.
275
00:11:12,641 --> 00:11:15,643
Her mom is kind of a mess,
so I used to take her
276
00:11:15,678 --> 00:11:19,247
to the mall sometimes
and bought her churro dogs.
277
00:11:19,315 --> 00:11:22,984
It's a hot dog,
but the bun is two churros.
278
00:11:23,018 --> 00:11:26,521
And it's tied together with a Slim Jim.
279
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:27,722
It's an Arizona delicacy.
280
00:11:27,756 --> 00:11:29,991
Oh, sounds awful, but it's very nice
281
00:11:30,025 --> 00:11:31,759
that you made that girl happy.
282
00:11:32,761 --> 00:11:35,396
So what's this: "Kool Threadz,
283
00:11:35,431 --> 00:11:38,600
"Glendale, Arizona's
Premiere T-Shirt Emporium"?
284
00:11:38,667 --> 00:11:41,603
Uh, can we skip around
and... and circle back?
285
00:11:41,670 --> 00:11:43,771
How about I tell you more
about those churro dogs.
286
00:11:43,839 --> 00:11:45,672
They came with unlimited ranch dressing.
287
00:11:45,697 --> 00:11:47,651
Let's hear about the t-shirts, please.
288
00:11:47,676 --> 00:11:49,744
Eeeh, okay.
289
00:11:49,778 --> 00:11:50,878
I'll tell you,
290
00:11:50,913 --> 00:11:54,048
but it doesn't make me look great,
291
00:11:54,083 --> 00:11:55,717
so don't judge me.
292
00:11:55,751 --> 00:11:59,694
That's literally the purpose
of this entire exercise.
293
00:12:02,818 --> 00:12:05,865
Okay, to understand this,
you have to know
294
00:12:05,890 --> 00:12:07,858
about my roommate, Madison.
295
00:12:07,892 --> 00:12:09,059
She was terrible.
296
00:12:09,093 --> 00:12:11,728
Hey, Mads, um,
I have to go to this stupid
297
00:12:11,762 --> 00:12:14,364
work party tonight.
Can I borrow your peach dress?
298
00:12:14,398 --> 00:12:17,067
Aww, that's a hard no, babe.
299
00:12:17,101 --> 00:12:19,069
That dress is like twice your salary.
300
00:12:19,103 --> 00:12:21,771
All right, I gotta go to the DMV
and pick up my vanity plates.
301
00:12:21,839 --> 00:12:24,774
Ciao, bitches.
302
00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:47,197
Well, that's... that's not great,
303
00:12:47,231 --> 00:12:49,933
but I assume you confessed
and paid to fix it.
304
00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:51,101
Not exactly.
305
00:12:51,135 --> 00:12:53,103
Hey, losers, I'm going out.
306
00:12:53,137 --> 00:12:54,638
Can you zip me?
307
00:12:54,705 --> 00:12:56,806
Dude, that dress is hella ripped.
308
00:12:56,874 --> 00:12:58,942
What?
309
00:12:58,976 --> 00:13:01,311
Oh, that stupid dry cleaner!
310
00:13:01,379 --> 00:13:03,280
Well, that's the risk
you take when you keep
311
00:13:03,314 --> 00:13:05,649
- your clothes clean.
- My mom's a lawyer.
312
00:13:05,716 --> 00:13:07,651
Those asswipes are gonna pay.
313
00:13:07,718 --> 00:13:10,086
She sued for $900 for the dress
314
00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:13,123
and $80 million in emotional distress.
315
00:13:13,157 --> 00:13:15,625
The legal fees drove the dry
cleaner out of business.
316
00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:16,760
Oh, boy.
317
00:13:17,828 --> 00:13:21,898
Wait, this story's about t-shirts.
318
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:24,100
There's more, isn't there?
319
00:13:24,135 --> 00:13:25,135
A little.
320
00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:26,670
Check this out.
321
00:13:26,737 --> 00:13:29,940
Somebody put the dry cleaners'
story online, and it went viral.
322
00:13:29,974 --> 00:13:31,975
Madison's famous.
323
00:13:32,009 --> 00:13:34,277
The "Dress Bitch"? Yikes.
324
00:13:34,312 --> 00:13:35,645
Serves her right.
325
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:38,281
Madison is psycho.
She totally overreacted.
326
00:13:38,316 --> 00:13:39,316
This is her fault.
327
00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:42,185
Yeah, her fault. That works.
328
00:13:43,287 --> 00:13:46,323
You guys, what is happening?
329
00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:47,991
Someone egged my Lexus,
330
00:13:48,025 --> 00:13:51,194
and I have like 40,000 tweets
calling me the "Dress Bitch"?
331
00:13:51,262 --> 00:13:53,663
Over a loser dry cleaner man?
332
00:13:53,698 --> 00:13:56,199
Why is everyone so jealous of me?
333
00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:59,302
This is a trash city full of idiots.
334
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:04,341
The "Dress Bitch" is so catchy.
335
00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:05,709
- Yeah.
- I mean, someone could
336
00:14:05,776 --> 00:14:07,844
totally make t-shirts.
337
00:14:07,878 --> 00:14:09,112
Ooh...
338
00:14:09,146 --> 00:14:11,448
No, no. No. No.
339
00:14:11,482 --> 00:14:14,818
Do not tell me that you made
t-shirts that said...
340
00:14:14,852 --> 00:14:17,487
that and then sold them for a profit?
341
00:14:17,521 --> 00:14:19,823
Wish I could tell you that, bud.
342
00:14:19,857 --> 00:14:21,358
I really do.
343
00:14:21,392 --> 00:14:23,360
Guuurl, check it out!
344
00:14:23,394 --> 00:14:24,394
They're here.
345
00:14:26,197 --> 00:14:27,197
Wait a second.
346
00:14:27,231 --> 00:14:28,465
Is this insane?
347
00:14:28,499 --> 00:14:29,666
I mean, should we be doing this?
348
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,968
Dude, Madison brought
this on herself, okay?
349
00:14:32,003 --> 00:14:35,338
She's a nightmare
of a person to everybody.
350
00:14:35,373 --> 00:14:37,719
Plus, we already have
a ton of pre-orders.
351
00:14:37,775 --> 00:14:40,143
Here is your first cut of the profits.
352
00:14:40,211 --> 00:14:41,844
Holy mama.
353
00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:45,749
I can't believe you sold the t-shirts.
354
00:14:45,783 --> 00:14:48,118
Does it help if they
basically sold themselves?
355
00:14:48,152 --> 00:14:49,986
I think you know it does not.
356
00:14:51,055 --> 00:14:52,422
What did you do with the money?
357
00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:55,225
Gah, I was hoping you
wouldn't ask me that.
358
00:15:00,164 --> 00:15:01,665
Thanks, babe.
359
00:15:05,836 --> 00:15:07,837
Next question.
360
00:15:07,905 --> 00:15:10,140
Eleanor.
361
00:15:10,174 --> 00:15:14,344
Given what you know about the
people who've been brought here,
362
00:15:14,412 --> 00:15:17,113
the lives they've led,
363
00:15:17,148 --> 00:15:19,249
do you think you belong
in the Good Place?
364
00:15:20,451 --> 00:15:22,319
No, I don't.
365
00:15:30,361 --> 00:15:32,762
Yello, Bad Place.
366
00:15:32,797 --> 00:15:34,264
What's up, dummy?
367
00:15:34,298 --> 00:15:36,032
This is Michael, the architect from
368
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:40,003
Good Place Neighborhood 12358W.
369
00:15:40,037 --> 00:15:42,272
I'm guessing you've been looking
for someone
370
00:15:42,306 --> 00:15:45,775
called Eleanor Shellstrop.
371
00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:47,829
She's here. Come and get her.
372
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,227
What is this?
373
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,063
What is that smell?
374
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,967
Get out of here!
375
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,007
Hello, Trevor.
376
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,174
Hey, there he is.
377
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:17,342
Good to see you again, Mikey.
378
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,144
Hey, think fast,
I brought you something.
379
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:23,181
Oh, nuts, thank you. Oh!
380
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:28,120
Oh, flaming snake ate
all the nuts you brought me.
381
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,322
You're too nice to humiliate.
382
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:32,991
Oh, hello.
383
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:35,127
Hi, you look like a piece of crap,
384
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,129
are... are you Eleanor?
385
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,831
Dude, you're like
a legend in the Bad Place.
386
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:41,133
You're... Check this out.
387
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,869
- Huh?
- "Dress Bitch"!
388
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:45,037
It's pretty great, right?
389
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:46,171
Trevor...
390
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:47,506
Do you know what caused this mistake?
391
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,074
'Cause I cannot figure it out.
392
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,376
No, we're stumped, but,
uh, don't sweat it, champ.
393
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,045
She's definitely one of ours.
394
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:55,514
So we'll just roll on out,
and you can get back to, uh,
395
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:59,384
putting rainbows up your butt
or whatever you do here. Okay?
396
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:01,386
Let's hit it, sweetheart.
We got a long ride.
397
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,988
What? Right now?
398
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,057
Trevor, for decency's sake,
399
00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:06,391
let her have some good-byes.
400
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,994
God, good people are the worst.
401
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,196
Okay, uh, 30 minutes.
402
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:12,898
We gotta get back for "The Bachelor."
403
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:16,068
I'm gonna be pissed
if I miss the Rose Ceremony.
404
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:18,904
I just want to say,
once more, for the record,
405
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:22,274
that this whole good/bad
system is bullshirt.
406
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,878
There should be a medium place
for people like me
407
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:30,349
who kind of sucked,
but in, like, a fun, chill way.
408
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,217
I agree.
409
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:34,086
I'm sorry I dragged you into this.
410
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:37,422
And that I never did laundry.
411
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:38,924
And that I waited until you were
412
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,193
about to do yours
then secretly tossed mine
413
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,362
into the basket
to trick you into doing it.
414
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,797
You didn't trick me.
I repeatedly asked you to stop.
415
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:49,368
Just know you did everything
you could to help me.
416
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,649
You're a really good fake soul mate.
417
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:04,683
What are you guys doing here?
418
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:07,019
Well, we only thought
it was proper to see you off.
419
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,787
It's the neighborly thing to do.
420
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,226
You guys came to say good-bye
because you're my friends.
421
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:18,363
Well, I... suppose some part of me
422
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:23,168
possibly has a sense
of casual kinship with you.
423
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,037
Much as one might be
fond of a street cat.
424
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,907
Thanks, Tahani.
425
00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:30,409
Sorry about everything.
426
00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:34,413
I'm really glad we're friends.
427
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:41,320
Oh, hey, dum-dum. You ready to go?
428
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,322
Oh, you must be Chidi.
429
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,057
Trying to improve her.
430
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:46,325
Bold plan, bro.
431
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,226
Well, actually,
she learned a great deal in
432
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,062
- a very short amount of time...
- Oh, really? Really?
433
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:52,164
I don't care. All right, let's hit it.
434
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:55,400
Oh, also, you should smile more.
You have such a pretty smile.
435
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,903
Love you, babe.
Can't wait to torture you.
436
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:04,276
This is the 3:18 to the Bad Place,
437
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:08,413
making thousands of stops
for literally no reason.
438
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,382
Now, you'll notice
it's very hot in here,
439
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:12,417
and it will get one degree hotter
440
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:14,753
every time you think about
how hot it is.
441
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,288
Oops.
442
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,822
You just thought about it.
443
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,393
- Michael...
- Oh, hi, Chidi.
444
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:22,861
Want some pizza?
445
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:26,264
Bad Place crew delivered
a hundred of these to my office.
446
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:28,867
All Hawaiian, the worst pizza.
447
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,902
Michael, I murdered Janet.
448
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,794
I knew about Eleanor from the beginning.
449
00:19:33,819 --> 00:19:35,903
I've been trying to help her
become a better person,
450
00:19:35,928 --> 00:19:37,833
and when she found out
that your retirement meant
451
00:19:37,858 --> 00:19:39,544
that you would be tortured,
she immediately tried
452
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:40,645
to find a way to prevent it.
453
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,014
Eleanor is learning.
454
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,584
She's just doing it after she died.
455
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,803
I did enjoy her company.
456
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:53,558
But, this is not Little League.
457
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:56,661
There is no award for Most
Improved Player, Chidi.
458
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,931
Well, maybe there should be.
459
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:04,102
One final note: the dining car
460
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:06,404
is at the very back of the train.
461
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:10,408
It serves only room-temperature
Manhattan clam chowder,
462
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:13,245
and also, it's closed.
463
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:15,113
Okay, here we go.
464
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:23,121
Stop this train!
465
00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:29,594
Dude, what the fork?
466
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:32,564
You're not leaving. Not with her.
467
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:35,467
Not yet. Come on.
468
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:40,238
Wait, you want to keep her?
469
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:43,141
Bro, that's our girl. We agreed on this.
470
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:46,278
No, what we agreed on
was that this was a mistake.
471
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,980
Trevor, we're in
unchartered territory here.
472
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:51,383
Until we can sort this out,
she stays with us.
473
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:54,619
Pff, all right, fine,
but until this is resolved,
474
00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:56,254
we're keeping the other Eleanor.
475
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,989
Fine. What? I'm sorry...
476
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:00,258
- The other Eleanor?
- Yeah, the real Eleanor.
477
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,127
The one that was supposed
to be here but got sent
478
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,996
down to us instead? She's on the train.
479
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:06,331
Eleanor, come on out.
480
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:15,774
Hi, everyone, I'm Eleanor Shellstrop.
481
00:21:19,802 --> 00:21:24,802
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com